June 20, 2025 • 38 mins
Breaking through fear isn't about facing it head-on but looking past it to focus completely on your goals. Fears lose their power when we recognize them as False Experiences Appearing Real, giving us the courage to achieve what once seemed impossible.
• Fear is not the problem - letting fear stop you is
• Admiral Farragut's "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" mentality shows how to rise above chaos
• Fears are often "deer pretending to be wolves" - rarely as dangerous as we imagine
• Focus past the obstacle like martial artists breaking boards, not on the obstacle itself
• Common fears include criticism, poverty, failure, and even success
• Fear causes procrastination and paralysis, but we can choose not to let it control our future
• Success doesn't change who you fundamentally are, it amplifies your existing character
• Even worst-case scenarios like bankruptcy can become stepping stones to greater achievement
Your dream is more important than other people's opinions. Those affected by you reaching your goals matter more than those who criticize you. Head to terrielfosum.com to pick up your free gifts and learn more about breaking through your comfort zones.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
If you've been stuck in fear, self-doubt, your past
failures and you're ready tobreak through your comfort zones
to finally reach the pinnacleof success in every area of your
life, then this podcast is foryou.
Here's your host, Terry LFossum.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Bolt number one.
The first bolt that we're goingto blow is fear.
From now on, fear will nolonger hold you back from
accomplishing your goals anddreams ever again.
You'll learn not to face yourfears but to look past your
fears and focus on your goals,your dreams, your aspirations,
and that, in doing so, yourfears will melt away and never
have control over you again.
Let's get started.
(00:55):
The date was August 5th 1864,and the American Civil War was
raging on.
Admiral David G Farragut wastasked to attack a Confederate
stronghold at Mobile Bay, thefinal critical point on the Gulf
of Mexico.
This was considered a suicidemission by many, as though it
was guarded by a Confederatefleet Less than number.
(01:16):
It was also guarded by not onebut three great forts and the
massive guns that went with them.
Perhaps even worse, the bay waslittered with mines, known then
as torpedoes, that could sink aship with one tragic blast.
A weathered war veteran,admiral Farragut, ordered all of
his ships to tie themselves twoby two, a larger vessel with a
(01:39):
smaller vessel, so if one wereto hit a torpedo, the other one
had a hope of keeping it fromsinking.
And so the attack began and theworst possible scenario
happened immediately.
One of the first ships thatentered the bay, the Tecumseh,
hit a torpedo and sankimmediately.
The smoke from the fire and theguns filled the entire bay, so
(02:02):
much so that no one could see.
From one ship to the next.
Confusion, panic, screams ofmen filled the air.
All of the ships stopped wherethey were for fear of being the
next one to hit a torpedo andbeing sent to their watery
graves.
Below they were frozen in place, not taking any action at all,
and they were being ripped apartby the guns of the forts and
(02:24):
the iron-clad Tennessee pickingthem off like sitting ducks.
But Admiral Farragut did whatevery good leader would do he
rose above the confusion, themayhem, the dread that filled
the men around him.
In fact, literally he tiedhimself to the top of the mast
of his ship, where he could seeabove all the smoke.
(02:46):
And, seeing that his entirearmada was frozen in fear, he
set his mast at full and chargedinto the battle, yelling at the
top of his lungs damn thetorpedoes, full speed ahead.
The Armada followed his leadand charged into battle, taking
(03:11):
the victory and beating thefinal stronghold for the
Confederate Army.
Damn the torpedoes, full speedahead.
Look past the challenges, lookpast, the fears Rise above all
of the smoke and the mayhem.
See, having fear isn't theproblem.
We all have fears.
I have fears, you have fears.
Letting fear stop you is theproblem.
(03:33):
Now, fear can be debilitating.
It can stop you in your tracks,it can keep you from moving
forward on your goals and yourdreams.
It can control you, but only ifyou let it.
Now there's a joke about apirate captain that I love
(03:55):
because it exhibits the fear weall truly have, whether we show
it or not.
There once was a treasure shipfilled with gold, sailing
quickly as it could to its homeport.
But before it could reach it,it was spotted by a pirate ship,
which began a hot pursuit.
The first mate was franticCaptain.
Captain, what should we do?
The mighty captain gained hiscomposure, cleared his throat
(04:17):
and commanded run quickly to mycabin, my good man, and fetch me
my red shirt.
The first mate sprang away,standing tall on the upper deck,
his bright red shirt, waving inthe wind like a banner.
The good captain gave the crewthe courage to fight and fight.
They did so voraciously, infact, that the pirate ship
(04:38):
quickly turned tail and ran.
There was much rejoicing,huzzah, but a few days later
they returned, this time withanother pirate ship alongside of
them, ready for the fight.
Captain captain, now there aretwo ships.
There's no way we can withstandthat attack.
What shall we do?
And the captain composedhimself, cleared his throat and
(05:00):
barked the order First mate,fetch me my red shirt.
The battle ensued, and what abattle it was.
Our good captain's treasureship was boarded from both sides
and the fighting was ferocious,but the captain's bright red
shirt again stood out above all,and as his crew saw him
fighting confidently, theyfought on until both of the
(05:21):
pirate ships were defeated,limping off into the sunset.
The losses, however, were heavyand the crew forlorn.
That night, over awell-deserved mug of rum, the
first mate inquired of thecaptain Captain, why is it that,
in the face of battle, you sendme to fetch your red shirt?
Well, the men must see me as apillar of strength, he said.
(05:44):
If I'm injured and the bloodshows, they'll question that the
red shirt disguises my injuries.
Finally, the ship was mere daysfrom port and finally the
tension began to ease.
But the captain was awoken byhis trusty first mate, who was
frantic again with fear.
Captain captain, the sun rosethis morning to show an entire
armada, a pirate shipsurrounding us from every
(06:06):
directions.
What do we do?
What do we do?
Terror drained the blood fromour good captain's face, but he
attempted to gain his composureand swallow hard.
My good man, fetch me my brownpants.
You know, there's an old sayingin the military there's no such
thing as atheists in foxholes.
And why is that?
(06:27):
Because when people are tryingto kill you, you find God.
You can try to be as cavalieras you want, but the moment
bullets start flying past yourhead and people start dropping
around you, you start prayingthat you're not one of them.
You may not be sure if there'sa God or not, but just in case
you're about to meet him, you'dbest make your acquaintance
ahead of time.
(06:48):
If you've ever been in sales,you know that sales calls are
the same way.
I've never prayed so much asright before a sales call.
Oh God, please, don't let thembe mean to me, don't let them be
having a bad day, don't letthem hate me, please, please,
let me get a voicemail.
If you've ever had to makesales calls, you know exactly
(07:08):
what I'm talking about.
And why is that?
Whether you're in sales or not,we all have the same reaction
to things that we'retrepidatious about.
So why?
Because ahead of time, we runthrough all the worst case
scenarios in our heads before iteven starts.
We just know our prospect'sgoing to yell at us and say, no,
it costs too much.
Well, you know what we need todo.
(07:29):
We need to put on our brownpants before we even pick up the
phone.
In fact, fear of rejection isthe number one thing that takes
most people out of the salesworld and a lot of different
goals as well.
The number one thing fear ofrejection.
That fear, more than anything,keeps us from making our calls,
(07:50):
keeps us from taking the action,the lifeblood of our profession
.
That fear, more than anything,keeps us from following up.
We're afraid we'll be rejected.
That fear, more than anything,keeps us from reaching our goals
, keeps us from feeding ourfamily, from setting up our
retirement.
Now, I know you've heard thatbefore, but it's important to be
reminded, or it still wouldn'tbe holding back so many people.
(08:12):
It's not just in the salesworld, it's in all aspects of
our lives.
Fear keeps us from trying newthings, whether it's a new
opportunity, going for thatpromotion or simply a new way of
doing our jobs better.
It keeps us from speaking upwhen we know we should.
Sometimes we have fear offailing, sometimes we have fear
(08:34):
of succeeding.
It's okay, put on your brownpants if you need to, but keep
on fighting.
Damn the torpedoes and fullspeed ahead.
The torpedoes and full speedahead.
If we can conquer that fear, ifwe can blow that bolt, our odds
of success go greatly up.
So let me ask you this why doesfear have so much power over us
(08:56):
?
Why do we let fear keep us fromreaching our goals and
achieving our dreams?
Because we give it that power,we decide that it's going to
affect us and our entire future.
We go through all thesescenarios in our heads about how
bad it can be, how mean peopleare going to be, how they're
(09:17):
going to hate us, how they'regoing to look at us like a
lesser person because we triedto sell them something or make
fun of us or turn us down, thatwe see ourselves failing before
we even give ourselves a chanceto succeed.
Let me ask you this Be truthful, be honest.
Does any of this sound familiar?
(09:38):
It probably does, because itdoes for almost the entire
population on the face of theearth.
Great news is you're not alone.
You're in really good company.
But the question is how do weovercome this?
Well, to begin with, we need tosee fear for what it truly is.
(09:59):
Fear can be seen as an acronymFalse Experiences Appearing Real
, f-e-a-r.
False experiences appearingreal.
Now, what do I mean by that?
Again, we are masters atcreating scenarios in our heads.
The problem is, it's usuallythe negative scenarios that we
create, isn't it?
(10:20):
Before we even make the phonecall, we can hear the person
turning us down.
Before we attempt the ask, wepicture all of the other things
that'll stop us.
We think of all the things thatmight go wrong as all the
things that will go wrong, so westall.
Listen, see if you can relateto this.
We check our emails, we look atwhat's online, we check our
(10:43):
social media, we clean our desk,we talk to our co-workers or
any other activity that keeps usfrom doing what we really need
to do, and the truth is, most ofthe bad things we envisioned
will never happen.
False experiences appearingreal.
Let me tell you a story.
This is a 100% true story.
(11:04):
I was camping on the top of amountain in the middle of
absolutely nowhere, and it wasamazing.
I had about a 270 degree viewall around me, surrounded by
nothing but miles and miles ofsnow-covered mountain ranges.
After dark I was sitting by myfire and suddenly my two dogs
alerted.
Now I often take my dogs withme into the wilderness as an
(11:27):
early warning system.
See, I've been chased by a bear, I've been surrounded by wolves
, I've been stalked by mountainlions more times than well, more
times than I know.
So it's nice to have a littlewarning when something is
deciding if it wants to turn meinto supper.
And understand, these aren'ttiny little dogs, these aren't
little chihuahuas.
They're both rescue dogs, poundpuppies, and one of them is a
golden retriever and the otherone's a black lab pit bull mix.
(11:50):
So they alert that there'ssomething in the stand of trees
near me, and then they bothfight for the space underneath
my chair, cowering in fear.
Now these guys are supposed tobe my protection.
They're not right now.
So I get up to see what'sstalking me this time, but all I
have to see with is my tinylittle headlamp, my little
(12:12):
backpacking headlamp, and I'mpretty sure the batteries are
running low even on that.
So I go, stepping away from mysafety of my fire and into the
darkness, very slowly, step bystep, I move further out and
further out, away from the fire,and suddenly it happened I see
(12:32):
two yellow eyes looking directlyback at me.
Now you know, often when you'rein the wilderness you feel like
you're being watched, and manytimes you are, and you don't
even know it.
When you're in the wilderness,you feel like you're being
watched, and many times you are,and you don't even know it.
But to actually see those eyespeering hungrily at you, that's
a whole different feeling.
Now, because I can't alwaysdepend on my protection, I carry
(12:59):
with me a handgun.
In fact it's a .44 Magnumsix-shooter.
So I carry a .44 Magnumspecifically because it's one of
the most powerful handguns onthe face of the earth.
You may remember Dirty Harry'sgun, and I'd have a chance of it
doing a little damage against alarge predator such as a bear.
At least it'd be better thanmy fingernails.
And now I have eyes looking atme.
It's time to unsnap the holster.
I take another step forward andanother step.
(13:21):
I take another step forward andanother step, all the while
peering around just hoping Idon't see any more eyes looking
at me and really hoping thosethat are decide to run the other
way.
I was disappointed on bothcounts.
The first set of eyes watchingme move, but don't move away,
(13:42):
and they're joined by a secondset of eyes.
Time to pull my gun out of theholster just in case I take a
couple more steps forward.
And yet another set of eyes iswatching me to my left.
Time to pull the hammer back Afew more steps forward.
I have another set of eyes tomy right and another to my left.
Now it's really serious.
This is real.
(14:02):
There are five sets of eyeslooking at me and I only have
six bullets and I'm not thatgood of a shot.
I bring my gun up to firingposition, choosing one set of
eyes as my first target andhoping the others don't charge
me before I can swing around.
And at that time my gun decidesto malfunction.
For some reason unbeknownst tome, it begins vibrating or
(14:25):
shaking, as it were.
I'm quite certain it wasn't meshaking, I'm sure it was the gun
.
Now I can tell you that at thattime I was really tempted to
run back to the theoreticalsafety of my fire and fight the
dogs for room underthat chair.
But what happens when you runfrom a predator?
That's right.
You become prey.
If you back down from apredator, it gains power over
(14:48):
you.
You need to stand up to it andshow it that you have no fear.
It's the exact same thing withyour fear, whatever that fear
may be, whether it's the fear offailure, the fear of success,
the fear of being rejected oryelled at, or whatever it might
be.
If you back down from yourfears, they gain power over you.
You become more and more afraidof them.
(15:10):
You procrastinate from doingwhat you need to do,
rationalizing that it's thingsthat need to be done anyway, but
the truth is, you're not doingwhat you need to do because of
fear.
Fear makes you uncomfortableand we naturally shy away from
things that make usuncomfortable.
Does this make sense?
Can you relate to what I'mtalking about there?
(15:31):
And I may have wanted to runback to the theoretical safety
of that fire, but it's the worstthing you could possibly do to
run back to the safety of yourcomfort zone, because your
comfort zone is where people anddreams go to die.
So I took another step forward,slowly, trying to watch all the
eyes at once to see which wouldcharge me first, though still
(15:53):
not able to see clearly theanimal behind the eyes with that
tiny little headlamp and I tookanother step, and I took
another step and then ithappened.
I was finally close enough tosee my fearsome predator.
It wasn't wolves at all, it wasdeer.
That's right, it was a herd ofdeer.
What were they going to do tome?
(16:14):
Eatmy salad.
False experiences appearingreal.
False experiences appearingreal.
False experiences appearingreal.
I was afraid of those eyeslooking back at me in the
wilderness.
I visualized a wolf back,attacking me and killing me,
ripping me to shreds.
False experiences appearingreal.
Was it wolves surrounding me?
No, it's rarely wolvessurrounding us, even though it
(16:37):
feels like it much of the time.
It's usually just deer tryingto act
like wolves.
I want to say that againbecause I want to make sure that
you internalize that it'susually just deer trying to act
like wolves.
Did those deer have power overme?
Yes, they did.
(16:58):
They did have power over me.
That group of deer had powerover me at first and if I would
have stayed cowering by my firein my comfort zone, they would
have continued to have powerover me.
I would have never ventured out.
I was afraid of them until Iwent up against them and saw
them for what they werepowerless over me because I
(17:22):
chose to stand up against them.
Damn the torpedoes fullspeed ahead.
Hypothermia acts in the samemanner.
Cold lulls you into submission.
You finally reach a point whereyou're not cold anymore.
You don't feel it.
All you want to do is go tosleep.
(17:42):
And if you go to sleep, you die.
Be very careful.
Fear can wear you down in thesame way.
Don't be lulled into submission.
Don't cower in fear.
Get out of your comfort zoneand live.
I love the saying by John AShedd a ship in the harbor is
(18:05):
safe, but that's not what shipsare built for.
You're safe in your comfortzone, but that's not what you
were made to do.
You were made to conquer yourfears.
You were made to reach yourgoals and your dreams.
That's why they were put inyour heart to begin with.
You've been given the vision,whatever your vision is, and
(18:27):
you've also been given thestrength to fulfill that vision.
You've been given the resourcesor access to them.
It may take work.
It will take work, but you cando it.
You may have to put on yourbrown pants and you will have to
avoid some torpedoes and youwill hit some torpedoes that
will try to sink you and youhave to sail on anyway, out of
(18:53):
your harbor and into the great,unknown, open ocean of
possibilities, dreamsand aspirations.
Some people say to face yourfears.
I disagree.
I absolutely disagree.
(19:15):
I say to look past your fears.
Now here's what I mean by that.
If you face your fears, thatmeans you focus on them.
If you focus on them, theybecome larger, they become more
real.
Don't focus on your fears,focus
past them.
In martial arts, board breaking, we don't focus on the board
itself, we focus every ounce ofour being a few inches past the
(19:38):
board.
We don't focus on the obstacle,we focus past it.
Right, take a second tovisualize that.
Picture yourself about tokarate, chop, as they call it, a
board.
Okay, to begin with, focus onthe board itself.
Now, that board is constructednot to break.
It's hard and it is certainlyharder than your hand.
(19:59):
You could very easily breakbones on it.
At the very least, you're goingto get a really big bruise,
some scrapes and maybe somesplinters.
I've seen it happen.
I've had it happen.
Mentally.
What will happen is that ifyou're focused on the board,
you're going to automaticallystop at the board.
That's where your focus is.
(20:20):
You're actually giving theboard more power.
On the other hand, pictureyourself focusing about eight
inches pastthe board.
Focus on the goal.
The goal isn't the board itself.
The goal is somewhere past theboard.
The board is just somethingyou've got to get through, that
you've got to break through toget to your goal.
If you focus on the goalstrongly enough, the board loses
(20:43):
its power.
You actually blow past theboard and you barely feel it.
Damn the torpedoes full speedahead.
It's the same thing with ourown goals.
Too often we focus on our fears.
We focus on the rejection orthe disappointment or whatever
it might be that we're afraid of.
By focusing on those, we givethem power.
(21:05):
We need to focus insteadcompletely on the goal itself.
Focus on how important it isthat you reach your goal.
Build your passion about how itwill affect your life.
How will it affect others'lives?
How might it be bad if youdon't reach your goal?
(21:25):
Whose lives will be affected?
Then Feel that emotion and letit give you strength.
How good will it be when youreach your goal.
How will that affect your lifeand the lives of others?
Internalize that feeling.
If you focus on your fear lessand your goals more, your fears
will fade away.
Theyreally will.
(21:46):
Here's an exercise for you todo right now, unless you're
driving.
Pick an object across the roomfrom you Now, put your hand in
front of you at arm's length,close a fist and stick your
thumb up in the air in betweenyou and the object.
Basically, give it a thumbs up.
Got that?
Are you doing it?
(22:06):
If not, this whole exercisewon't do any good at all.
I don't care if you're in theairport listening to this or
some public place.
Get over your fear of beingembarrassed.
Those people aren't going tohave any decision on what your
future turns out to be, but younever know what one exercise
might, so you got todo it.
Okay, now, with the objectbehind your thumb, focus on your
(22:30):
thumb.
Can you see your thumb?
Of course you can.
It's crystal clear, big andbold.
Now, keep focusing on yourthumb.
But can you see the objectbehind it?
Keep focusing on your thumb.
Can you see the object?
Yeah, you can see it's there,but it's out of focus.
You can't really see it.
Now, keep your thumb where it'sat, but now stare past it and
(22:51):
focus on the object.
Can you see the object clearlynow?
Absolutely, it's as clear ascan be.
But wait a minute, your thumbis still in the way.
How can you possibly see theminute your thumb is still in
the way?
How can you possibly see theobject if your thumb is still in
the way?
Because you're not focused onyour thumb, you're focused on
the object.
I think you're already with meon
(23:13):
this one.
If we focus on the problems,our goal gets out of focus.
We can't see it well, it fadesaway.
If we focus exclusively on ourgoal, then all of the would-be
obstacles fade out of the way.
They still exist.
They just don't get in the wayanymore.
They just don't hold us backanymore.
(23:33):
If you look past your fears atyour goals and focus on how
important those are, your fearswill lessen, perhaps even fade
away completely.
I once worked with a man indirect sales who was a former US
Special Forces guy.
Us Special Forces you can'tcome up with a tougher group of
(23:54):
people and get this.
This man used to jump out ofperfectly good airplanes so he
could give the enemy a very badday, and he was a very big man,
very intimidating man.
Until it came time to pick upthe phone and make sales calls,
then he'd freeze completely.
He was so focused on his fearof rejection that he lost focus
(24:18):
on his goals.
He was so focused on his thumbthat he couldn't see what was
past it.
Come on, man, put on your brownpants.
Damn the torpedoes Fullspeed ahead.
I was on a jungle survivalreality television show and one
of the challenges you're goingto love this one.
One of the challenges was somereally really nasty things that
(24:40):
we had to eat.
Was some really really nastythings that we had to eat?
Now, my partner was a novicewho told me right away she
automatically threw up when sheate things she didn't like.
Now here's the problem If oneof us threw up or refused to eat
it, we were automaticallydisqualified from the challenge
and sent to an elimination round.
Now one of the delectabledelights that we had to eat was
(25:01):
about a two inch larva a twoinch live larva and it was fat
and it was juicy.
When you looked at this thingsquirming in front of you, it
made your stomach turn.
Knowing that when you put it inyour mouth and bit down, you're
going to kill this thing Inyour mouth and its guts were
(25:24):
going to squirt all over yourtongue.
That's enough to make anyonegag.
Now I watched my friend andfellow survivalist, a US Air
Force survival instructor,attempt it before me.
He began gagging, his facebecame flushed, his eyes were
(25:50):
watering, nearly to the point ofcrying.
He, a military survivalinstructor, barely got that
nasty thing down withoutthrowing it back
up eat.
She's going to talk about hownasty it is and try to get you
to look at it.
She's going to ask you how badit looks.
She's going to try to psych youout.
Whatever you do, don't let herFocus only on chewing and
(26:11):
swallowing and on winning aquarter of a million dollars.
Focus on the kids for thatcharity that you support
watching this episode andcheering you on.
Don't even be focused anywherearound here.
Be focused on those kids.
What she didn't know is that Iwas telling myself the same
(26:32):
thing.
Okay, I'd eaten larvae beforeand other nasty things, but
never as big as this one.
In fact, I told myself I'dnever go on a reality TV show
like this because I didn't wantto have to eat
nasty things.
When it was our turn, we bothquickly put our grubs in our
mouths.
When I chomped down on mine, itliterally squirted guts out of
my mouth and onto the table infront of me.
(26:54):
The host made some comment.
I just kept on chewing.
Things were going great until Irealized that I was
automatically not eating thehead.
I'd stuff that in my cheekwithout thinking of it, just
like you would gristle from meator any part of some food you
didn't want to eat and you wereplanning on spitting out later.
The problem was spitting it outwasn't an option
(27:14):
for me.
When I realized I was doingthis, I remembered what was in
my mouth.
I remembered seeing that headon, that two-inch-long fat larva
with all of those teeth-likethings and that round circular
mouth, and how disgusting it was.
The thought of it came crashingback in as I tried to swallow.
I gagged.
(27:35):
This might be it.
This one fear, no matter howlegitimate it was, may keep me
from winning.
Take back control.
I said to myself.
Don't focus on the head, focuson the goal, focus on being done
with this, feeling proud, focuson not losing the event.
That did the trick.
That made me mad enough to getback on track and focus on the
(27:58):
goal.
A couple more chews.
I was able to swallow it.
I even licked the juice thathad squirted out of my mouth
onto the table just to prove tomyself that I was back in charge
, my partner, the one who wasworried about throwing up.
She had done hers, and half thetime as me, and she was
cheering me on thewhole time.
Fear causes procrastination.
It can even cause completeparalysis.
(28:20):
We've all been governed by fearat some point in the past.
The difference is are we goingto let it control us in the
future?
Are we going to focus on fearand give it power, or focus past
our fears and put them behindus where they belong?
Listen, courage is not theabsence of fear.
It's acting in spiteof fear.
You've probably heard the storyof Bethany Hamilton, the
(28:44):
13-year-old surfer whose arm wasbitten off by a tiger shark.
Can you imagine the fear shemust have had even thinking
about going back in the water?
I can't speak for you, but Iwouldn't have had even thinking
about going back in the water.
I can't speak for you, but Iwouldn't have even gone near a
bathtub after that.
See, fear easily could havestopped her and everyone would
have understood right.
But she took control over thatfear.
(29:06):
She refused to let it defineher actions and hold her back
from her goals and her dreamsand the things she loves doing.
Get this she was back in thewater within 30 days after the
shark attack.
30 days, within two years, shewon first place in the Explorer
Women's Division of the NSSANational Championships.
So remind me again what are youafraid of?
(29:28):
What's been holding you back?
Is it as bad as a shark bitingoff your arm and almost killing
you?
No, then we really have noexcuse, do we?
Okay, it's final exercise time.
This is where the rubber meetsthe road.
This is the action step.
Grab a pen, and paper orelectronic device, go ahead.
(29:51):
If you pause this recording,I'll wait as long as you need.
Okay, now do you have it?
So what are some of the fearsyou have?
An article in Business Insiderdated February 27, 2016,
entitled the Seven Most CommonFears Business People Must
Overcome lists the followingNumber one fear of criticism.
(30:13):
Number two fear of poverty.
Number three fear of old ageand death.
Number four fear of failure.
Five fear of offending others.
Six looking foolish.
And seven success.
Let me say those again so youcan write those down Number one
(30:34):
fear of criticism.
Two fear of poverty.
Three fear of old age and death.
Four fear of failure.
Five fear of offending others.
Six fear of looking foolish.
And seven fear of success.
Now read back overthat list.
Have any of these or othersheld you back in the past?
(30:56):
Which ones Was it?
Fear of failure?
The fear of looking foolish?
Possibly the fear of poverty?
You know, if I go out on thislimb I might lose it all.
Take some time forself-reflection and really think
about this.
Be specific who are you afraidof looking foolish to?
(31:21):
Who are you afraid of offending?
Who are you afraid ofdisappointing?
Why were you afraid of failingso much?
Were you worried aboutdisappointing yourself or
someone else?
In what way did these fearshold you back?
To help you in yourself-examination, let's look at
(31:41):
a coupleof them.
The fear of failure is such abig one that I'm devoting an
entire section to failure.
And by the time you listen tothat one, you're going to love
failure.
You won't stop worrying aboutit.
You're going to love it when ithappens.
You really are.
We'll listen to that one.
You're going to love failure.
You won't stop worrying aboutit.
You're going to love it when ithappens.
You really are.
We'll get to thatsection later.
So let's look at the fear ofsuccess.
To some people, that one mightsound a little foolish, but to
(32:03):
others, it's enough to hold themback.
Now, what are they afraid of?
First of all, we have an innatedesire to maintain status quo,
to keep things as they are.
Often we're comfortable in ourcurrent situation and we're
afraid that if anything changes,we'll become uncomfortable.
(32:23):
We're afraid that success mightchange us, that money might
change us.
We're afraid of who we mightbecome if we
become successful.
After all, successful peopleare jerks, right?
Okay, listen closely.
Successful people are not jerks.
I know they're portrayed thatway in the movies often, but
that's just Hollywood talking.
(32:44):
It's not based on reality.
As my friend Jeff Max says, ifthey're a rich jerk, I guarantee
you they were a jerk beforethey made any money at all.
I guarantee you they were apoor jerk, and it's true.
I know a lot of very successfulpeople and most of them almost
all of them are the most kind,personable people you've ever
(33:05):
met.
That's how they got to wherethey're at.
So if you're worried aboutbecoming a jerk, if you're
worried about success, that itmight change you, it might
change your surroundings.
Don't worry about it, you'llgrow into it.
If you're a good person now,you'll be a good person then.
You'll just be a good personwith money.
(33:25):
Another concern for those withfear of success is that their
friends will become jealous andnot want to be their friends
anymore.
You know, I'm here to tell youright now.
If they're unhappy because youbecome successful, they were
never your friends anyway.
You knowthat one.
Next, let's look at the fear ofcriticism.
(33:46):
The question isn't are yougoing to be criticized?
The question is, which is worsegetting criticized or not
reaching your goal?
Are the people who criticizeyou going to put food on your
table?
Will they take care of you inyour old age?
Will they help your children goto school, feed those starving
children in the underdevelopedcountry that you care about, or
(34:08):
whatever will be affected by younot reaching your goal?
You need to focus past thatthumb that's sticking up that
criticism, and focus on the goal, because it's going to happen.
You're going to be criticized.
People aren't going to likewhat you're doing or how you're
doing it, or they'll be jealousor competitive or just feel like
they're empowered to sound offon the internet, because that's
(34:30):
what everybody does this day.
But if your goal is moreimportant, then develop the
attitude that your dream is moreimportant than their opinion.
The people who would beaffected by you reaching your
goal are more important to youthan those who would criticize
you.
Recognize that they can't holdyou back from achieving your
(34:51):
goal.
They have no power over you.
Their opinions don't.
How they view you doesn't,nothing does.
You're going to move on,whether they like it or not, and
they may not believe in you,but you do, and that's all
that matters.
Okay, now on to the next one,the fear of poverty.
(35:13):
Let's take this one right up tothe extreme, to the worst case
scenario.
You fail, you go bankrupt.
Wow, that's a heck of a worstcase scenario.
Hey, it happened to Gary Heavan, the CEO of Curves
International.
He was a millionaire by 25 and,due to bad business decisions,
(35:33):
declared bankruptcy five yearslater.
Wow, man, that's terrible.
What a horrible end to thisstory.
Except it wasn't the end to hisstory.
He could have quit, but insteadhe learned from his mistakes,
started over and is nowa billionaire.
But it also happened to a guyby the name of Bill Bartman.
(35:55):
See, he became a billionaire asfounder and CEO of the debt
collection firm CommercialFinancial Services.
A billionaire, that's greatright.
Except for due to some bad andallegedly illegal business
practices, he lost it all.
Wow, a billion dollars.
His greatest fear came true?
(36:16):
Well, not really See.
After he was acquitted of thecharges he pressed on, he wrote
books that became bestsellersand then opened a new debt
collection company that's highlysuccessful today.
Look, these sort of storiesare endless.
So for Gary Bill, so manyothers, the worst case scenario
(36:38):
actually became the best case.
It's in part because of thosefailures that they ultimately
became successful.
They didn't let their fear ofpoverty hold them back, and it
actually happened to them.
Is it going to happen to you?
I doubt it.
Be smart about how you developyour goals and how you go about
achieving them.
Be smart with your financesalong the way.
(37:00):
Develop a business plan, set upa safety net and just know in
the back of your mind that, evenif the worst did happen, that's
still not the final chapter inyour book.
It's just the one that peopleare going to be the most
impressed about inyour memoir.
So what are you going to doabout your fears?
(37:20):
I mean that as a real question.
What are you going to do aboutit?
Hopefully, by now you realizethere's no reason in the world
for you to let fear hold youback anymore.
You recognize your fears forwhat they are false experiences
appearing real.
They're not wolves, they'redeer.
(37:40):
You're not going to focus onyour fears anymore.
You're going to focus past them, with all eyes on your goal.
You're going to embrace yournew mantra damn the torpedoes,
full speed ahead, sail out ofthe theoretical safety of your
harbor, put on your brown pantsif you have to, and when it
comes to fear, you're going toblow that bolt.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
So that's it for today's episode of the Comeback
Chronicles.
Head on over to Apple Podcastsor wherever you listen, and
subscribe to the show.
If you're ready to get overyour fears, self-doubts and past
failures and break through yourcomfort zone to reach the
pinnacle of success in everyarea of your life, head over to
terrielfawesomecom to pick upyour free gifts and so much more
(38:27):
.
We'll see you next week on theComeback Chronicles podcast.
If you've been stuck in fear, self-doubt, your past
failures and you're ready tobreak through your comfort zones
to finally reach the pinnacleof success in every area of your
life, then this podcast is foryou.
Here's your host, Terry LFossum.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Bolt number one.
The first bolt that we're goingto blow is fear.
From now on, fear will nolonger hold you back from
accomplishing your goals anddreams ever again.
You'll learn not to face yourfears but to look past your
fears and focus on your goals,your dreams, your aspirations,
and that, in doing so, yourfears will melt away and never
have control over you again.
Let's get started.
(00:55):
The date was August 5th 1864,and the American Civil War was
raging on.
Admiral David G Farragut wastasked to attack a Confederate
stronghold at Mobile Bay, thefinal critical point on the Gulf
of Mexico.
This was considered a suicidemission by many, as though it
was guarded by a Confederatefleet Less than number.
(01:16):
It was also guarded by not onebut three great forts and the
massive guns that went with them.
Perhaps even worse, the bay waslittered with mines, known then
as torpedoes, that could sink aship with one tragic blast.
A weathered war veteran,admiral Farragut, ordered all of
his ships to tie themselves twoby two, a larger vessel with a
(01:39):
smaller vessel, so if one wereto hit a torpedo, the other one
had a hope of keeping it fromsinking.
And so the attack began and theworst possible scenario
happened immediately.
One of the first ships thatentered the bay, the Tecumseh,
hit a torpedo and sankimmediately.
The smoke from the fire and theguns filled the entire bay, so
(02:02):
much so that no one could see.
From one ship to the next.
Confusion, panic, screams ofmen filled the air.
All of the ships stopped wherethey were for fear of being the
next one to hit a torpedo andbeing sent to their watery
graves.
Below they were frozen in place, not taking any action at all,
and they were being ripped apartby the guns of the forts and
(02:24):
the iron-clad Tennessee pickingthem off like sitting ducks.
But Admiral Farragut did whatevery good leader would do he
rose above the confusion, themayhem, the dread that filled
the men around him.
In fact, literally he tiedhimself to the top of the mast
of his ship, where he could seeabove all the smoke.
(02:46):
And, seeing that his entirearmada was frozen in fear, he
set his mast at full and chargedinto the battle, yelling at the
top of his lungs damn thetorpedoes, full speed ahead.
The Armada followed his leadand charged into battle, taking
(03:11):
the victory and beating thefinal stronghold for the
Confederate Army.
Damn the torpedoes, full speedahead.
Look past the challenges, lookpast, the fears Rise above all
of the smoke and the mayhem.
See, having fear isn't theproblem.
We all have fears.
I have fears, you have fears.
Letting fear stop you is theproblem.
(03:33):
Now, fear can be debilitating.
It can stop you in your tracks,it can keep you from moving
forward on your goals and yourdreams.
It can control you, but only ifyou let it.
Now there's a joke about apirate captain that I love
(03:55):
because it exhibits the fear weall truly have, whether we show
it or not.
There once was a treasure shipfilled with gold, sailing
quickly as it could to its homeport.
But before it could reach it,it was spotted by a pirate ship,
which began a hot pursuit.
The first mate was franticCaptain.
Captain, what should we do?
The mighty captain gained hiscomposure, cleared his throat
(04:17):
and commanded run quickly to mycabin, my good man, and fetch me
my red shirt.
The first mate sprang away,standing tall on the upper deck,
his bright red shirt, waving inthe wind like a banner.
The good captain gave the crewthe courage to fight and fight.
They did so voraciously, infact, that the pirate ship
(04:38):
quickly turned tail and ran.
There was much rejoicing,huzzah, but a few days later
they returned, this time withanother pirate ship alongside of
them, ready for the fight.
Captain captain, now there aretwo ships.
There's no way we can withstandthat attack.
What shall we do?
And the captain composedhimself, cleared his throat and
(05:00):
barked the order First mate,fetch me my red shirt.
The battle ensued, and what abattle it was.
Our good captain's treasureship was boarded from both sides
and the fighting was ferocious,but the captain's bright red
shirt again stood out above all,and as his crew saw him
fighting confidently, theyfought on until both of the
(05:21):
pirate ships were defeated,limping off into the sunset.
The losses, however, were heavyand the crew forlorn.
That night, over awell-deserved mug of rum, the
first mate inquired of thecaptain Captain, why is it that,
in the face of battle, you sendme to fetch your red shirt?
Well, the men must see me as apillar of strength, he said.
(05:44):
If I'm injured and the bloodshows, they'll question that the
red shirt disguises my injuries.
Finally, the ship was mere daysfrom port and finally the
tension began to ease.
But the captain was awoken byhis trusty first mate, who was
frantic again with fear.
Captain captain, the sun rosethis morning to show an entire
armada, a pirate shipsurrounding us from every
(06:06):
directions.
What do we do?
What do we do?
Terror drained the blood fromour good captain's face, but he
attempted to gain his composureand swallow hard.
My good man, fetch me my brownpants.
You know, there's an old sayingin the military there's no such
thing as atheists in foxholes.
And why is that?
(06:27):
Because when people are tryingto kill you, you find God.
You can try to be as cavalieras you want, but the moment
bullets start flying past yourhead and people start dropping
around you, you start prayingthat you're not one of them.
You may not be sure if there'sa God or not, but just in case
you're about to meet him, you'dbest make your acquaintance
ahead of time.
(06:48):
If you've ever been in sales,you know that sales calls are
the same way.
I've never prayed so much asright before a sales call.
Oh God, please, don't let thembe mean to me, don't let them be
having a bad day, don't letthem hate me, please, please,
let me get a voicemail.
If you've ever had to makesales calls, you know exactly
(07:08):
what I'm talking about.
And why is that?
Whether you're in sales or not,we all have the same reaction
to things that we'retrepidatious about.
So why?
Because ahead of time, we runthrough all the worst case
scenarios in our heads before iteven starts.
We just know our prospect'sgoing to yell at us and say, no,
it costs too much.
Well, you know what we need todo.
(07:29):
We need to put on our brownpants before we even pick up the
phone.
In fact, fear of rejection isthe number one thing that takes
most people out of the salesworld and a lot of different
goals as well.
The number one thing fear ofrejection.
That fear, more than anything,keeps us from making our calls,
(07:50):
keeps us from taking the action,the lifeblood of our profession
.
That fear, more than anything,keeps us from following up.
We're afraid we'll be rejected.
That fear, more than anything,keeps us from reaching our goals
, keeps us from feeding ourfamily, from setting up our
retirement.
Now, I know you've heard thatbefore, but it's important to be
reminded, or it still wouldn'tbe holding back so many people.
(08:12):
It's not just in the salesworld, it's in all aspects of
our lives.
Fear keeps us from trying newthings, whether it's a new
opportunity, going for thatpromotion or simply a new way of
doing our jobs better.
It keeps us from speaking upwhen we know we should.
Sometimes we have fear offailing, sometimes we have fear
(08:34):
of succeeding.
It's okay, put on your brownpants if you need to, but keep
on fighting.
Damn the torpedoes and fullspeed ahead.
The torpedoes and full speedahead.
If we can conquer that fear, ifwe can blow that bolt, our odds
of success go greatly up.
So let me ask you this why doesfear have so much power over us
(08:56):
?
Why do we let fear keep us fromreaching our goals and
achieving our dreams?
Because we give it that power,we decide that it's going to
affect us and our entire future.
We go through all thesescenarios in our heads about how
bad it can be, how mean peopleare going to be, how they're
(09:17):
going to hate us, how they'regoing to look at us like a
lesser person because we triedto sell them something or make
fun of us or turn us down, thatwe see ourselves failing before
we even give ourselves a chanceto succeed.
Let me ask you this Be truthful, be honest.
Does any of this sound familiar?
(09:38):
It probably does, because itdoes for almost the entire
population on the face of theearth.
Great news is you're not alone.
You're in really good company.
But the question is how do weovercome this?
Well, to begin with, we need tosee fear for what it truly is.
(09:59):
Fear can be seen as an acronymFalse Experiences Appearing Real
, f-e-a-r.
False experiences appearingreal.
Now, what do I mean by that?
Again, we are masters atcreating scenarios in our heads.
The problem is, it's usuallythe negative scenarios that we
create, isn't it?
(10:20):
Before we even make the phonecall, we can hear the person
turning us down.
Before we attempt the ask, wepicture all of the other things
that'll stop us.
We think of all the things thatmight go wrong as all the
things that will go wrong, so westall.
Listen, see if you can relateto this.
We check our emails, we look atwhat's online, we check our
(10:43):
social media, we clean our desk,we talk to our co-workers or
any other activity that keeps usfrom doing what we really need
to do, and the truth is, most ofthe bad things we envisioned
will never happen.
False experiences appearingreal.
Let me tell you a story.
This is a 100% true story.
(11:04):
I was camping on the top of amountain in the middle of
absolutely nowhere, and it wasamazing.
I had about a 270 degree viewall around me, surrounded by
nothing but miles and miles ofsnow-covered mountain ranges.
After dark I was sitting by myfire and suddenly my two dogs
alerted.
Now I often take my dogs withme into the wilderness as an
(11:27):
early warning system.
See, I've been chased by a bear, I've been surrounded by wolves
, I've been stalked by mountainlions more times than well, more
times than I know.
So it's nice to have a littlewarning when something is
deciding if it wants to turn meinto supper.
And understand, these aren'ttiny little dogs, these aren't
little chihuahuas.
They're both rescue dogs, poundpuppies, and one of them is a
golden retriever and the otherone's a black lab pit bull mix.
(11:50):
So they alert that there'ssomething in the stand of trees
near me, and then they bothfight for the space underneath
my chair, cowering in fear.
Now these guys are supposed tobe my protection.
They're not right now.
So I get up to see what'sstalking me this time, but all I
have to see with is my tinylittle headlamp, my little
(12:12):
backpacking headlamp, and I'mpretty sure the batteries are
running low even on that.
So I go, stepping away from mysafety of my fire and into the
darkness, very slowly, step bystep, I move further out and
further out, away from the fire,and suddenly it happened I see
(12:32):
two yellow eyes looking directlyback at me.
Now you know, often when you'rein the wilderness you feel like
you're being watched, and manytimes you are, and you don't
even know it.
When you're in the wilderness,you feel like you're being
watched, and many times you are,and you don't even know it.
But to actually see those eyespeering hungrily at you, that's
a whole different feeling.
Now, because I can't alwaysdepend on my protection, I carry
(12:59):
with me a handgun.
In fact it's a .44 Magnumsix-shooter.
So I carry a .44 Magnumspecifically because it's one of
the most powerful handguns onthe face of the earth.
You may remember Dirty Harry'sgun, and I'd have a chance of it
doing a little damage against alarge predator such as a bear.
At least it'd be better thanmy fingernails.
And now I have eyes looking atme.
It's time to unsnap the holster.
I take another step forward andanother step.
(13:21):
I take another step forward andanother step, all the while
peering around just hoping Idon't see any more eyes looking
at me and really hoping thosethat are decide to run the other
way.
I was disappointed on bothcounts.
The first set of eyes watchingme move, but don't move away,
(13:42):
and they're joined by a secondset of eyes.
Time to pull my gun out of theholster just in case I take a
couple more steps forward.
And yet another set of eyes iswatching me to my left.
Time to pull the hammer back Afew more steps forward.
I have another set of eyes tomy right and another to my left.
Now it's really serious.
This is real.
(14:02):
There are five sets of eyeslooking at me and I only have
six bullets and I'm not thatgood of a shot.
I bring my gun up to firingposition, choosing one set of
eyes as my first target andhoping the others don't charge
me before I can swing around.
And at that time my gun decidesto malfunction.
For some reason unbeknownst tome, it begins vibrating or
(14:25):
shaking, as it were.
I'm quite certain it wasn't meshaking, I'm sure it was the gun
.
Now I can tell you that at thattime I was really tempted to
run back to the theoreticalsafety of my fire and fight the
dogs for room underthat chair.
But what happens when you runfrom a predator?
That's right.
You become prey.
If you back down from apredator, it gains power over
(14:48):
you.
You need to stand up to it andshow it that you have no fear.
It's the exact same thing withyour fear, whatever that fear
may be, whether it's the fear offailure, the fear of success,
the fear of being rejected oryelled at, or whatever it might
be.
If you back down from yourfears, they gain power over you.
You become more and more afraidof them.
(15:10):
You procrastinate from doingwhat you need to do,
rationalizing that it's thingsthat need to be done anyway, but
the truth is, you're not doingwhat you need to do because of
fear.
Fear makes you uncomfortableand we naturally shy away from
things that make usuncomfortable.
Does this make sense?
Can you relate to what I'mtalking about there?
(15:31):
And I may have wanted to runback to the theoretical safety
of that fire, but it's the worstthing you could possibly do to
run back to the safety of yourcomfort zone, because your
comfort zone is where people anddreams go to die.
So I took another step forward,slowly, trying to watch all the
eyes at once to see which wouldcharge me first, though still
(15:53):
not able to see clearly theanimal behind the eyes with that
tiny little headlamp and I tookanother step, and I took
another step and then ithappened.
I was finally close enough tosee my fearsome predator.
It wasn't wolves at all, it wasdeer.
That's right, it was a herd ofdeer.
What were they going to do tome?
(16:14):
Eatmy salad.
False experiences appearingreal.
False experiences appearingreal.
False experiences appearingreal.
I was afraid of those eyeslooking back at me in the
wilderness.
I visualized a wolf back,attacking me and killing me,
ripping me to shreds.
False experiences appearingreal.
Was it wolves surrounding me?
No, it's rarely wolvessurrounding us, even though it
(16:37):
feels like it much of the time.
It's usually just deer tryingto act
like wolves.
I want to say that againbecause I want to make sure that
you internalize that it'susually just deer trying to act
like wolves.
Did those deer have power overme?
Yes, they did.
(16:58):
They did have power over me.
That group of deer had powerover me at first and if I would
have stayed cowering by my firein my comfort zone, they would
have continued to have powerover me.
I would have never ventured out.
I was afraid of them until Iwent up against them and saw
them for what they werepowerless over me because I
(17:22):
chose to stand up against them.
Damn the torpedoes fullspeed ahead.
Hypothermia acts in the samemanner.
Cold lulls you into submission.
You finally reach a point whereyou're not cold anymore.
You don't feel it.
All you want to do is go tosleep.
(17:42):
And if you go to sleep, you die.
Be very careful.
Fear can wear you down in thesame way.
Don't be lulled into submission.
Don't cower in fear.
Get out of your comfort zoneand live.
I love the saying by John AShedd a ship in the harbor is
(18:05):
safe, but that's not what shipsare built for.
You're safe in your comfortzone, but that's not what you
were made to do.
You were made to conquer yourfears.
You were made to reach yourgoals and your dreams.
That's why they were put inyour heart to begin with.
You've been given the vision,whatever your vision is, and
(18:27):
you've also been given thestrength to fulfill that vision.
You've been given the resourcesor access to them.
It may take work.
It will take work, but you cando it.
You may have to put on yourbrown pants and you will have to
avoid some torpedoes and youwill hit some torpedoes that
will try to sink you and youhave to sail on anyway, out of
(18:53):
your harbor and into the great,unknown, open ocean of
possibilities, dreamsand aspirations.
Some people say to face yourfears.
I disagree.
I absolutely disagree.
(19:15):
I say to look past your fears.
Now here's what I mean by that.
If you face your fears, thatmeans you focus on them.
If you focus on them, theybecome larger, they become more
real.
Don't focus on your fears,focus
past them.
In martial arts, board breaking, we don't focus on the board
itself, we focus every ounce ofour being a few inches past the
(19:38):
board.
We don't focus on the obstacle,we focus past it.
Right, take a second tovisualize that.
Picture yourself about tokarate, chop, as they call it, a
board.
Okay, to begin with, focus onthe board itself.
Now, that board is constructednot to break.
It's hard and it is certainlyharder than your hand.
(19:59):
You could very easily breakbones on it.
At the very least, you're goingto get a really big bruise,
some scrapes and maybe somesplinters.
I've seen it happen.
I've had it happen.
Mentally.
What will happen is that ifyou're focused on the board,
you're going to automaticallystop at the board.
That's where your focus is.
(20:20):
You're actually giving theboard more power.
On the other hand, pictureyourself focusing about eight
inches pastthe board.
Focus on the goal.
The goal isn't the board itself.
The goal is somewhere past theboard.
The board is just somethingyou've got to get through, that
you've got to break through toget to your goal.
If you focus on the goalstrongly enough, the board loses
(20:43):
its power.
You actually blow past theboard and you barely feel it.
Damn the torpedoes full speedahead.
It's the same thing with ourown goals.
Too often we focus on our fears.
We focus on the rejection orthe disappointment or whatever
it might be that we're afraid of.
By focusing on those, we givethem power.
(21:05):
We need to focus insteadcompletely on the goal itself.
Focus on how important it isthat you reach your goal.
Build your passion about how itwill affect your life.
How will it affect others'lives?
How might it be bad if youdon't reach your goal?
(21:25):
Whose lives will be affected?
Then Feel that emotion and letit give you strength.
How good will it be when youreach your goal.
How will that affect your lifeand the lives of others?
Internalize that feeling.
If you focus on your fear lessand your goals more, your fears
will fade away.
Theyreally will.
(21:46):
Here's an exercise for you todo right now, unless you're
driving.
Pick an object across the roomfrom you Now, put your hand in
front of you at arm's length,close a fist and stick your
thumb up in the air in betweenyou and the object.
Basically, give it a thumbs up.
Got that?
Are you doing it?
(22:06):
If not, this whole exercisewon't do any good at all.
I don't care if you're in theairport listening to this or
some public place.
Get over your fear of beingembarrassed.
Those people aren't going tohave any decision on what your
future turns out to be, but younever know what one exercise
might, so you got todo it.
Okay, now, with the objectbehind your thumb, focus on your
(22:30):
thumb.
Can you see your thumb?
Of course you can.
It's crystal clear, big andbold.
Now, keep focusing on yourthumb.
But can you see the objectbehind it?
Keep focusing on your thumb.
Can you see the object?
Yeah, you can see it's there,but it's out of focus.
You can't really see it.
Now, keep your thumb where it'sat, but now stare past it and
(22:51):
focus on the object.
Can you see the object clearlynow?
Absolutely, it's as clear ascan be.
But wait a minute, your thumbis still in the way.
How can you possibly see theminute your thumb is still in
the way?
How can you possibly see theobject if your thumb is still in
the way?
Because you're not focused onyour thumb, you're focused on
the object.
I think you're already with meon
(23:13):
this one.
If we focus on the problems,our goal gets out of focus.
We can't see it well, it fadesaway.
If we focus exclusively on ourgoal, then all of the would-be
obstacles fade out of the way.
They still exist.
They just don't get in the wayanymore.
They just don't hold us backanymore.
(23:33):
If you look past your fears atyour goals and focus on how
important those are, your fearswill lessen, perhaps even fade
away completely.
I once worked with a man indirect sales who was a former US
Special Forces guy.
Us Special Forces you can'tcome up with a tougher group of
(23:54):
people and get this.
This man used to jump out ofperfectly good airplanes so he
could give the enemy a very badday, and he was a very big man,
very intimidating man.
Until it came time to pick upthe phone and make sales calls,
then he'd freeze completely.
He was so focused on his fearof rejection that he lost focus
(24:18):
on his goals.
He was so focused on his thumbthat he couldn't see what was
past it.
Come on, man, put on your brownpants.
Damn the torpedoes Fullspeed ahead.
I was on a jungle survivalreality television show and one
of the challenges you're goingto love this one.
One of the challenges was somereally really nasty things that
(24:40):
we had to eat.
Was some really really nastythings that we had to eat?
Now, my partner was a novicewho told me right away she
automatically threw up when sheate things she didn't like.
Now here's the problem If oneof us threw up or refused to eat
it, we were automaticallydisqualified from the challenge
and sent to an elimination round.
Now one of the delectabledelights that we had to eat was
(25:01):
about a two inch larva a twoinch live larva and it was fat
and it was juicy.
When you looked at this thingsquirming in front of you, it
made your stomach turn.
Knowing that when you put it inyour mouth and bit down, you're
going to kill this thing Inyour mouth and its guts were
(25:24):
going to squirt all over yourtongue.
That's enough to make anyonegag.
Now I watched my friend andfellow survivalist, a US Air
Force survival instructor,attempt it before me.
He began gagging, his facebecame flushed, his eyes were
(25:50):
watering, nearly to the point ofcrying.
He, a military survivalinstructor, barely got that
nasty thing down withoutthrowing it back
up eat.
She's going to talk about hownasty it is and try to get you
to look at it.
She's going to ask you how badit looks.
She's going to try to psych youout.
Whatever you do, don't let herFocus only on chewing and
(26:11):
swallowing and on winning aquarter of a million dollars.
Focus on the kids for thatcharity that you support
watching this episode andcheering you on.
Don't even be focused anywherearound here.
Be focused on those kids.
What she didn't know is that Iwas telling myself the same
(26:32):
thing.
Okay, I'd eaten larvae beforeand other nasty things, but
never as big as this one.
In fact, I told myself I'dnever go on a reality TV show
like this because I didn't wantto have to eat
nasty things.
When it was our turn, we bothquickly put our grubs in our
mouths.
When I chomped down on mine, itliterally squirted guts out of
my mouth and onto the table infront of me.
(26:54):
The host made some comment.
I just kept on chewing.
Things were going great until Irealized that I was
automatically not eating thehead.
I'd stuff that in my cheekwithout thinking of it, just
like you would gristle from meator any part of some food you
didn't want to eat and you wereplanning on spitting out later.
The problem was spitting it outwasn't an option
(27:14):
for me.
When I realized I was doingthis, I remembered what was in
my mouth.
I remembered seeing that headon, that two-inch-long fat larva
with all of those teeth-likethings and that round circular
mouth, and how disgusting it was.
The thought of it came crashingback in as I tried to swallow.
I gagged.
(27:35):
This might be it.
This one fear, no matter howlegitimate it was, may keep me
from winning.
Take back control.
I said to myself.
Don't focus on the head, focuson the goal, focus on being done
with this, feeling proud, focuson not losing the event.
That did the trick.
That made me mad enough to getback on track and focus on the
(27:58):
goal.
A couple more chews.
I was able to swallow it.
I even licked the juice thathad squirted out of my mouth
onto the table just to prove tomyself that I was back in charge
, my partner, the one who wasworried about throwing up.
She had done hers, and half thetime as me, and she was
cheering me on thewhole time.
Fear causes procrastination.
It can even cause completeparalysis.
(28:20):
We've all been governed by fearat some point in the past.
The difference is are we goingto let it control us in the
future?
Are we going to focus on fearand give it power, or focus past
our fears and put them behindus where they belong?
Listen, courage is not theabsence of fear.
It's acting in spiteof fear.
You've probably heard the storyof Bethany Hamilton, the
(28:44):
13-year-old surfer whose arm wasbitten off by a tiger shark.
Can you imagine the fear shemust have had even thinking
about going back in the water?
I can't speak for you, but Iwouldn't have had even thinking
about going back in the water.
I can't speak for you, but Iwouldn't have even gone near a
bathtub after that.
See, fear easily could havestopped her and everyone would
have understood right.
But she took control over thatfear.
(29:06):
She refused to let it defineher actions and hold her back
from her goals and her dreamsand the things she loves doing.
Get this she was back in thewater within 30 days after the
shark attack.
30 days, within two years, shewon first place in the Explorer
Women's Division of the NSSANational Championships.
So remind me again what are youafraid of?
(29:28):
What's been holding you back?
Is it as bad as a shark bitingoff your arm and almost killing
you?
No, then we really have noexcuse, do we?
Okay, it's final exercise time.
This is where the rubber meetsthe road.
This is the action step.
Grab a pen, and paper orelectronic device, go ahead.
(29:51):
If you pause this recording,I'll wait as long as you need.
Okay, now do you have it?
So what are some of the fearsyou have?
An article in Business Insiderdated February 27, 2016,
entitled the Seven Most CommonFears Business People Must
Overcome lists the followingNumber one fear of criticism.
(30:13):
Number two fear of poverty.
Number three fear of old ageand death.
Number four fear of failure.
Five fear of offending others.
Six looking foolish.
And seven success.
Let me say those again so youcan write those down Number one
(30:34):
fear of criticism.
Two fear of poverty.
Three fear of old age and death.
Four fear of failure.
Five fear of offending others.
Six fear of looking foolish.
And seven fear of success.
Now read back overthat list.
Have any of these or othersheld you back in the past?
(30:56):
Which ones Was it?
Fear of failure?
The fear of looking foolish?
Possibly the fear of poverty?
You know, if I go out on thislimb I might lose it all.
Take some time forself-reflection and really think
about this.
Be specific who are you afraidof looking foolish to?
(31:21):
Who are you afraid of offending?
Who are you afraid ofdisappointing?
Why were you afraid of failingso much?
Were you worried aboutdisappointing yourself or
someone else?
In what way did these fearshold you back?
To help you in yourself-examination, let's look at
(31:41):
a coupleof them.
The fear of failure is such abig one that I'm devoting an
entire section to failure.
And by the time you listen tothat one, you're going to love
failure.
You won't stop worrying aboutit.
You're going to love it when ithappens.
You really are.
We'll listen to that one.
You're going to love failure.
You won't stop worrying aboutit.
You're going to love it when ithappens.
You really are.
We'll get to thatsection later.
So let's look at the fear ofsuccess.
To some people, that one mightsound a little foolish, but to
(32:03):
others, it's enough to hold themback.
Now, what are they afraid of?
First of all, we have an innatedesire to maintain status quo,
to keep things as they are.
Often we're comfortable in ourcurrent situation and we're
afraid that if anything changes,we'll become uncomfortable.
(32:23):
We're afraid that success mightchange us, that money might
change us.
We're afraid of who we mightbecome if we
become successful.
After all, successful peopleare jerks, right?
Okay, listen closely.
Successful people are not jerks.
I know they're portrayed thatway in the movies often, but
that's just Hollywood talking.
(32:44):
It's not based on reality.
As my friend Jeff Max says, ifthey're a rich jerk, I guarantee
you they were a jerk beforethey made any money at all.
I guarantee you they were apoor jerk, and it's true.
I know a lot of very successfulpeople and most of them almost
all of them are the most kind,personable people you've ever
(33:05):
met.
That's how they got to wherethey're at.
So if you're worried aboutbecoming a jerk, if you're
worried about success, that itmight change you, it might
change your surroundings.
Don't worry about it, you'llgrow into it.
If you're a good person now,you'll be a good person then.
You'll just be a good personwith money.
(33:25):
Another concern for those withfear of success is that their
friends will become jealous andnot want to be their friends
anymore.
You know, I'm here to tell youright now.
If they're unhappy because youbecome successful, they were
never your friends anyway.
You knowthat one.
Next, let's look at the fear ofcriticism.
(33:46):
The question isn't are yougoing to be criticized?
The question is, which is worsegetting criticized or not
reaching your goal?
Are the people who criticizeyou going to put food on your
table?
Will they take care of you inyour old age?
Will they help your children goto school, feed those starving
children in the underdevelopedcountry that you care about, or
(34:08):
whatever will be affected by younot reaching your goal?
You need to focus past thatthumb that's sticking up that
criticism, and focus on the goal, because it's going to happen.
You're going to be criticized.
People aren't going to likewhat you're doing or how you're
doing it, or they'll be jealousor competitive or just feel like
they're empowered to sound offon the internet, because that's
(34:30):
what everybody does this day.
But if your goal is moreimportant, then develop the
attitude that your dream is moreimportant than their opinion.
The people who would beaffected by you reaching your
goal are more important to youthan those who would criticize
you.
Recognize that they can't holdyou back from achieving your
(34:51):
goal.
They have no power over you.
Their opinions don't.
How they view you doesn't,nothing does.
You're going to move on,whether they like it or not, and
they may not believe in you,but you do, and that's all
that matters.
Okay, now on to the next one,the fear of poverty.
(35:13):
Let's take this one right up tothe extreme, to the worst case
scenario.
You fail, you go bankrupt.
Wow, that's a heck of a worstcase scenario.
Hey, it happened to Gary Heavan, the CEO of Curves
International.
He was a millionaire by 25 and,due to bad business decisions,
(35:33):
declared bankruptcy five yearslater.
Wow, man, that's terrible.
What a horrible end to thisstory.
Except it wasn't the end to hisstory.
He could have quit, but insteadhe learned from his mistakes,
started over and is nowa billionaire.
But it also happened to a guyby the name of Bill Bartman.
(35:55):
See, he became a billionaire asfounder and CEO of the debt
collection firm CommercialFinancial Services.
A billionaire, that's greatright.
Except for due to some bad andallegedly illegal business
practices, he lost it all.
Wow, a billion dollars.
His greatest fear came true?
(36:16):
Well, not really See.
After he was acquitted of thecharges he pressed on, he wrote
books that became bestsellersand then opened a new debt
collection company that's highlysuccessful today.
Look, these sort of storiesare endless.
So for Gary Bill, so manyothers, the worst case scenario
(36:38):
actually became the best case.
It's in part because of thosefailures that they ultimately
became successful.
They didn't let their fear ofpoverty hold them back, and it
actually happened to them.
Is it going to happen to you?
I doubt it.
Be smart about how you developyour goals and how you go about
achieving them.
Be smart with your financesalong the way.
(37:00):
Develop a business plan, set upa safety net and just know in
the back of your mind that, evenif the worst did happen, that's
still not the final chapter inyour book.
It's just the one that peopleare going to be the most
impressed about inyour memoir.
So what are you going to doabout your fears?
(37:20):
I mean that as a real question.
What are you going to do aboutit?
Hopefully, by now you realizethere's no reason in the world
for you to let fear hold youback anymore.
You recognize your fears forwhat they are false experiences
appearing real.
They're not wolves, they'redeer.
(37:40):
You're not going to focus onyour fears anymore.
You're going to focus past them, with all eyes on your goal.
You're going to embrace yournew mantra damn the torpedoes,
full speed ahead, sail out ofthe theoretical safety of your
harbor, put on your brown pantsif you have to, and when it
comes to fear, you're going toblow that bolt.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
So that's it for today's episode of the Comeback
Chronicles.
Head on over to Apple Podcastsor wherever you listen, and
subscribe to the show.
If you're ready to get overyour fears, self-doubts and past
failures and break through yourcomfort zone to reach the
pinnacle of success in everyarea of your life, head over to
terrielfawesomecom to pick upyour free gifts and so much more
(38:27):
.
We'll see you next week on theComeback Chronicles podcast.
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