September 25, 2024 • 42 mins
Access a FREE Troubled Teen Sort-Out Session with the Experts at The Competence Institute
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What would you do if your child's future was being dictated by a misdiagnosis? On this heartfelt episode of The Competence Institute podcast, we sit down with Barbie Rivera, author, educator and parent, who recounts her powerful journey advocating for her son Damon. Wrongly labeled as mentally handicapped for confusing letters, Damon was faced with a future of medication. Hear how Barbie's unwavering commitment led her to homeschool her children despite facing rejection and criticism, showcasing the crucial impact of parental advocacy.
In another segment, we uncover the remarkable transformation of Tony, a 16-year-old labeled as "learning disabled" and on the brink of academic failure. After enrolling at Help Miami, an alternative school, Tony's life changed dramatically through personalized education and intensive tutoring. You'll be amazed by his swift progress, jumping four grade levels in math in just ten hours. This story challenges the reliance on medication for academic issues and demonstrates the power of individualized teaching.
Finally, we confront the daily challenges parents face in today's educational landscape. With mounting pressures on children, the importance of instilling good habits and advocating for their needs cannot be overstated. We explore practical applications in education, particularly in math, and how traditional teaching methods can make learning more engaging. Learn how understanding foundational words and definitions can ignite a genuine excitement for learning, transforming the educational experience for students.
To contact Barbie and get her book, 'Enough is Enough!' go to her website:
https://barbierivera.com/
Access a FREE Troubled Teen Sort-Out Session with the Experts at The Competence Institute
Click here now for instant access.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ryan Kimball (00:00):
Hello and welcome to another episode of The
Competence Institute podcast.
Today we have a very specialepisode planned.
We have with us Barbie Rivera,author, educator and parent.
She has an amazing story, isdoing great things in the world
and I'm so excited to have heron.
Hi Barbie!
Barbie Rivera (00:19):
Hi! Thank you for having me!
Ryan Kimball (00:20):
Yeah, absolutely! So, today, as we went over, we
wanted to really talk about howyou found there was nothing
wrong with your child and whatyou went through on that and
that entire journey.
So, I'd like to start out withgoing over, at the beginning,
when everything started, whenyour child, Damon, he first went
(00:41):
into school.
What did you expect, and thenwhat actually happened?
Barbie Rivera (00:45):
Okay, all right.
First, I have four children andI'm not one of these parents
that coddle and if like, myson's baseball goes through your
window, I'm going to pay for itand he's going to pay me back
and he's going to apologize toyou and he's going to be raking
extra leaves, the whole thing,depending on the situation, but
we're going to takeresponsibility.
(01:06):
So I'm not somebody who is, oh,my son would never, or he
doesn't like math, so I'm notgoing to - I'm not that.
But Damon, my first child, whenhe was six - from the time he
was born he was very easygoing.
He never threw a fit in agrocery store.
(01:27):
Never.
He never threw a fit at thehouse - honestly, and he's told
his friends I don't think my momever raised her voice at me,
which is true, there was noreason to.
He was just an easy boy, verycreative, very adventurous, as
adventurous as a five or sixyear old can be.
He spoke two languages.
(01:48):
He was the first grandson tothe Cuban side of the family, so
he - fully fluent in Spanish bythe time he was five.
And I'm like - he's a cute boy,he's very respectful.
I'm like the school system isgoing to adore him.
(02:09):
His teacher is going to adorehim.
And that's not what happened.
And we go - so, school startsin August, and the first Friday
in September, so,we're going - he made made the
(02:30):
first week and by the secondFriday, with a labor day off in
between there, so eight or ninedays, the teacher pulls me aside
and tells me my son - and theseare her words - mentally
handicapped, and will mostlikely need a prescription for
some pharmaceutical for the restof his life.
(02:51):
I'm like, what are we eventalking about?
That to me, that's just insane.
And the reason that he wasdeemed mentally handicapped was
because he confused the B andthe D, the P and the G and I'm
like but they all look alike.
He's not confusing a cow and afence.
(03:15):
He knows the difference.
He knows the difference betweenbasketball and baseball.
He knows more about basketballand baseball than I do.
Right, he knows the rules.
So I'm not so concerned aboutthe B and the D.
I'm like, thinking back to mypublic school education in 1969,
(03:38):
1970, kindergarten, first grade, we would make the D and the B
in particular out of Play-Dohand make it giant and we
practiced it and we practiced itand we practiced it.
It wasn't nine days in, we hadto master it.
We had the whole ofkindergarten to master just the
letters.
We did not read in kindergartenwhen I went to school.
(04:00):
Anyway, so, I'm like, if welabel my son, we're doing - to
me,that's a crime against humanity,
and I know I'm elaboratingprobably too much.
It's also a crime againstparents who actually have a
(04:20):
child that is handicapped,because my son at age four, five
and six was going on sleepoverswith family friends.
He could go to Key West and goon a boat and he wouldn't throw
a fit.
He could bait his own hook, hecould go to the movies with the
(04:41):
neighbors.
People with handicappedchildren, they don't get to
enjoy that.
They don't have that experience.
Their experience is different.
So to say my son is the same is, to me, a slap in the face to a
person who really is strugglingor challenged.
Ryan Kimball (05:02):
Wow, okay.
Yeah, that makes a lot of senseactually.
So, I know from reading yourbook and what you went over it
in here that you, as you facethis with your son, there were a
lot of opinions thrown at youabout how things should be done,
what he should be put on - youknow - what, what needs to
(05:23):
happen next, and you maintainedyour position, were able to
persevere and really help him.
How did you do that?
Barbie Rivera (05:30):
I don't want to use bad language here, but I'm
like, n o one - no one hadconfidence in me! My own parents
, and I get it! I was - god,when Damon was six, I was 26,
pregnant with number four, 26years old, with four kids under
the age of six and under, andpregnant.
I get the visual, I get howthat presents.
(05:53):
And for me then to say, okay,I've never gone to college, I'm
going to just start schoolinghim.
The backlash I got was fast andswift and, like I remember my
mother, which they changed theirminds.
My parents - I'm in Miami,Florida.
My parents were in Cincinnati,Ohio, and I did very well in
public school.
(06:14):
I in fact loved it.
That's why I thought Damonwould do so well.
I'm going with my experience,which public school is nothing
like what I experienced anymore.
My mother was like, Barbara.
My mom calls me Barbara,everybody else calls me Barbie.
Barbara, you can't teach himanything.
You barely know anythingyourself.
(06:37):
I'm an artist.
She goes, they'll be eatingpaint when they're 30.
And I'm like, I'll make sureit's non-toxic.
I go, he's not going to school.
So just to end off on that, Itook the kids home.
I visit every now and then, andone of my visits home -
I think my young - I had two indiapers.
(06:58):
Damon was eight, nine, whatever.
And my parents were soimpressed with Damon's demeanor
and his confidence and how hewas honest.
If my dad was going to do somewoodworking or whatever, Damon
would say, Grandpa, I don't knowhow to do that.
(07:18):
Where the other grandkids werelike, yeah, I know how to do
that, and then they breaksomething or whatever.
But Damon was very honest.
I'm like, yeah, he's going totell you because I'm teaching
him, I'm not harassing him, I'mhelping him.
Anyway, after that visit, myparents were on telling
everybody they should homeschooltheir kids.
Ryan Kimball (07:40):
That's amazing! That's testimony in how
something is causing the resultwe all look for in children.
Barbie Rivera (08:01):
Yeah! And just to go on that, because in - two
points, and I hope I rememberboth points.
One - my parents - my motherwas one of 13.
When I grew up, there were 45first string grandchildren.
I'm first string.
When my grandmother passed away, there were 101 grandchildren -
five generations, big family.
My parents did not get matchingfurniture until all five of us
were out of the house, becausethat's how it was! You're
(08:22):
supposed to - the termhyperactive did not exist when I
was growing up.
You were active becausechildren are - by the laws of
nature, they have more energythan adults.
And in my generation that wasto be celebrated, not suppressed
(08:43):
with drugs.
My parents would have neverhave considered putting me on
drugs because I was vaultingover the dining room table.
Instead they enrolled me ingymnastics because they wanted
us worn out.
And when the house was quiet,that's when they got nervous.
Oh, what's going on?
So you have that mindset.
(09:05):
And then I have Damon.
They're like - why are wedrugging this boy?
Like, why is that the go-tosolution?
First of all, is that going toteach him?
Is the drug going to somehowmagically affect his visual, his
brain or whatever that drug isaffecting, to get him to know
(09:27):
the difference between the D andthe B?
No, and when I look into thedrugs - I know I'm not answering
your question completely, butwhen I look into the drugs
they're called CNS medication -central nervous system.
They actually alter the centralnervous system and I think my
son needs his central nervoussystem to learn how to read.
(09:50):
It does not make sense that I'mgoing to impair his central
nervous system or give him apharmaceutical, psychotropic
drug before his baby teeth, forGod's sake, fall out, before his
brain is developed.
I'm like, can't we just leavehim alone and teach him?
(10:14):
It breaks my heart.
Anyway, that was one of thereasons why I wrote the book,
because now I'm - my son - now,I'm going to cry.
He turns 40 in a few weeks, andis a very successful
businessman.
And I look back at what wouldhave happened if I would have
(10:38):
had money.
Oh, I'm going to hire - Ryan,you're a good tutor.
Let's tutor Damon on thenonsense that the school is
pushing, right?
Let's tutor him on Common Core.
Let's make sure he knows thathe's not adequate.
And I'm going to pump him withdrugs.
I guarantee you my son wouldnot be where he is, or my other
children.
This other point -now I remember my other point.
(10:59):
I have four children.
My parents had five.
Like I say, my mom was one of13.
All four of my kids arecompletely different.
They look similar, there aresimilarities because my DNA runs
through them all, but they allfour have different responses.
They have different interests.
(11:20):
They have different likes.
If they were born on the sameday, they are completely
different individuals.
So we cannot - what's thecriteria?
And I'm going to go back to theD and the B - if they don't
(11:50):
know it by the time they are sixyears and seven weeks, is there
a scientific test that showsthey will now be unable to drive
because he can't tell thedifference between a red light
and a green light?
Like, where do we draw the linehere?
Anyways, again I'm jumpingaround.
I found homeschooling and Ididn't know what the heck I was
doing when I started.
But that was my solution.
And again, that's anotherreason for writing the book,
because I feel like if I can doit and I stood up to not only my
(12:15):
family but to the school systemthat - they got nasty! - for
the sake of my son, then otherpeople can too and have a
similar outcome.
Again, I have - now I have fourvastly different adults, but
they're all educated and I amvery happy that I've never had a
(12:39):
drug issue.
I've never had an issue.
When they were teenagers, theydidn't go through the teenage
phase, they were all makingmoney early, even if it was just
raking leaves.
Hey, I need to buy a rake.
Okay, good, how are you goingdo that that?
That's 20 bucks, I'll pay half.
And then you got to pay me back.
Like, they were thinking!
Ryan Kimball (13:01):
Right.
Barbie Rivera (13:02):
Anyway.
.
.
Ryan Kimball (13:04):
I love it.
I agree with you completely!The wrong solution is the drugs
and the labels and all of that.
And your book is - it'sinspirational because it's a
story about overcoming theobstacles that you ran into, but
it's also so enlightening.
You learn so much by readingthe story and going through the
(13:25):
information.
The research you've done isamazing.
Barbie Rivera (13:28):
Thank you.
Ryan Kimball (13:28):
Yeah, no, it's really awesome Since we're
moving into this area about thelabels of learning disorders and
how this is treated in moderneducational systems.
What is your take on learningdisorders and all of that?
Barbie Rivera (13:43):
I flat- out refuse to acknowledge or endorse
.
Like - I'll tell you a story,and this one's not in my book.
I had a 16-year-old boy and I'mgoing to use his name, Tony,
who - I got a phone call fromhis aunt, uncle or grandmother,
some family member in Texas,that their nephew or their
(14:04):
grandson, I think it might havebeen nephew - had failed eighth
grade three years in a row andwas ready to drop out.
And they found me.
I'm alternative.
My website - I have a websitefor my school which is Help
Miami.
Would I interview him?
I'm like, absolutely! Comes in,super respectful, so cute! He
(14:28):
came in, in like a tie, you know, and I'm really late.
This is how I am at school, butvery respectful.
Him and his mother and it wasthe week before Christmas break
was when he enrolled.
Now, when I get a student thatenrolls mid-year, well, that's a
little bit of a problem for mebecause they're nowhere close to
what we're doing.
Plus, this kid had failedeighth grade, so I already know
(14:51):
we have a challenge.
So I had the aunt and uncle -I'm like, okay, he's going to
need tutoring, and as much asyou can buy, the better it is,
because we were out of time now.
We don't have the luxury oftime.
A third grader struggling withfirst grade - we can fix it.
A 16-year-old who is not up toa middle school level?
(15:15):
We are about to destroy hislife if we don't teach him some
skills.
So, no problem.
Over Christmas I tutored him onehour a day.
I think I gave him Sunday off.
One hour a day and the firstthing I had this math - I gave
(15:35):
him this problem and I'm goingto say it because people are
going to know this 1,000 minus781.
So we have to borrow and workwith the zeros.
He goes, Oh, I never learnedthat because I'm learning
disabled.
I'm like, okay, we're going tocancel that lie.
(15:58):
He goes, what do you mean?
I go, Did your mommy put yourshirt on for you today?
He's, of course not! I couldtalk to him that way.
Do you know the differencebetween your house and the
neighbor's house?
Yeah! I go, you speak twolanguages, right?
He goes, Of course! I go, so,there's nothing wrong with your
(16:19):
capacity to learn.
If you can't learn, you couldnot have done any of that.
And now you're in Driver's Ed -like, you're learning stuff all
the time! Every time you get anew phone, you got to learn
something.
He's OK.
I go, so now I'm going to showyou how to do this.
And we got about five minutesto solve this problem to where
(16:40):
you're going to know it for therest of your life.
So I got out play money, take athousand dollar, turn it into
ten hundreds, turn the hundredinto ten tens and blah, blah,
blah.
He was like - he - mind blown!And in 10 hours of tutoring I
got him through four gradelevels of math, no drugs.
(17:04):
But I had his willingness and Iconvinced him he wasn't
disabled, which sometimes Ican't convince the child.
Hey, this was all false.
No, but I can't learn withoutthe drugs.
I can't function without thedrugs.
And I'm like, whoo!And with this boy - he ended up
(17:27):
- it took him an extra year toget that diploma, but his math
skills are higher than mine, andnow I think he's got a
photography business that hestarted himself, which is what
we want.
I want to help him get to wherehe wants to go.
I know he needs to be able toread.
I know he needs to be able toexpress himself correctly.
(17:47):
I know he needs to understandthe definitions of words.
And he has - you're not goingto have a business successfully
if you don't have the basics ofaddition, subtraction,
multiplication and division.
So, those are easy to do.
What's happening in school ispain and unconsciousness and
suffering.
(18:07):
It's awful!
Ryan Kimball (18:10):
I agree completely and I know it's easy to do.
But there are those who havehad so many failures, been told
so many times like you said,they have a learning disability
that they've lost that concept.
And it's so refreshing to hearyour stories and how you apply
what you know.
And it is easy.
Yeah, it's really amazing.
Barbie Rivera (18:29):
Yeah, it is easy! It's much easier if the child
has never been drugged.
The long - to me, and this ismy opinion - it's going to get
me hate mail.
Warning you now! The longerthey're on the drugs, the harder
they are to reach.
Ryan Kimball (18:47):
I'll bet!
Barbie Rivera (18:48):
Because and some - again, I'm not a doctor, not
pretending to be - but you canlook at somebody and you could
say, yeah, I trust them to drivethe bus for the field trip.
I trust them to drive the busfor the field trip.
I know nothing about them, butI'm looking at them and I trust
them to drive the bus for thefield trip.
When I said hello, they sayhello, and then I get these kids
(19:11):
that come in and I'm like, whatcolor is this pen?
And they look at it and theylook at it, and they look at it
and I'm like, I don't trust themon the bus and they're drugged
because it takes them so muchtime and so much concentration
and they're so worried aboutbeing wrong and all of this
stress and the testing and this,that and the other - and I'm
(19:34):
like, wow! We did that to thatperson!
Ryan Kimball (19:38):
Yeah!
Barbie Rivera (19:38):
The school system did that to that person.
Ryan Kimball (19:50):
That's heartbreaking!
Barbie Rivera (19:51):
It is heartbreaking!
Ryan Kimball (19:51):
Yeah.
Wow! Okay, totally understood.
I was really impacted by prettymuch everything I've read from
you, but there were someconcepts in your book that I
just wanted to bring up that Iwrote down here and ask you to
talk about them a little bitmore.
One thing you went over thatmade a lot of sense was that
children need more practice.
They don't need medication, andit's not about how quickly we
get them to a certain point.
(20:12):
It's about mastering that pieceof information or that skill,
and that kind of, I think, seemsto resonate throughout most of
what you go over.
Can you speak to that a littlebit more?
Barbie Rivera (20:23):
I can, okay, but I'm going to start with a
non-academic example, okay, andI'll use my three boys as an
example.
So, as a parent - I don't knowif you have children or not -
but as a parent, how many timesa day do I have to say brush
(20:46):
your teeth or wash your hands?
Easily, three to four times aday.
Now, when do I not have to dothat?
When they're eight, I stillhave to do it.
For my boys - like I say, I'man on - I'm an on-parent.
There's a schedule.
Shower time - this one in, thatone out, this one in, that one
(21:10):
out.
Teeth - blah, blah, blah.
Pajamas, read a story,everybody in bed, everybody
asleep.
My boys - they're gonna kill mefor saying this - did not start
brushing their teeth on theirown until girls came into the
picture, so they were like 10,11 and 12.
(21:32):
So, for - now, you're not goingto tell a one-year-old to brush
their teeth.
That's up to you, right?
But let's say a four year old.
So for six years minimum, sixyears minimum, I had to tell my
children to brush their teeththree to four times a day,
(21:54):
depending on the day, beforethey pick that up as a habit.
I had to tell them to push thedining room chair in.
I had to tell them to put theseatbelt on.
I don't have to harass themabout it, I don't have to nag
them about it, but I do say,okay! And when I come in and I
(22:15):
see feet on the sofa with shoeson the feet, I'm like, hey! Feet
- off! I'm on it.
But it's a process.
The kid is not going to get iton the first try, on the first
run.
It doesn't work that way.
Even if you, trying to tell mehow to set up for this podcast -
(22:36):
I know nothing about computersand stuff.
You're going to have patience.
Now I'm a willing participant,I'll listen.
We're not going to be hours onit, because you were very
gracious and sent me exactlywhat I needed to do to get here.
So when you get to school, likewhen - again, comparing my
(22:57):
experience in 1969, 1970,kindergarten, first grade - one,
we didn't get any homework.
We didn't get homework untilfifth grade and that was writing
spelling words five times each,maybe making a sentence.
It was not what it is now.
My son, in the first grade, hadto - was expected to write book
(23:18):
reports before he could read.
He was given packets of workand I was being a good mom and I
sat at the table with him andhelped him through it all, and
his brothers and sisters - theyneeded me as a mom, also! They
wanted me to play Candyland.
I needed to fill up the bottles, I needed to be the mom.
But here I am being the goodmom and helping my son through
(23:40):
his homework, and every questionthat he asked was just like a
knife through the heart.
It was making him hate learning.
It was making him disconnectmore and more.
So again, comparing that - I wasgiven the luxury of, I wasn't
expected to know it on the firstgo around.
(24:03):
We were practicing sounds ofthe alphabet through the entire
kindergarten year.
We didn't start writing capitaland lowercase letters - we
didn't get that determinationuntil first grade.
There was no hurry or rush, andif you had it, then you could
(24:25):
help somebody else or you wereallowed to - for me, I was
allowed to sit at a table anddraw, which - I'm an artist, I
love doing that.
There was not the pressurecooker of, oh! - like again,
with my son, he - the otherthing, and I made a joke about
it, which again, it got mesemi-slaughtered.
I thought I was being funny.
(24:46):
The teacher says, he alsoconfuses the 6 and the 9, and
that was supposed to be thetipping point for me to drug my
son and I'm like, wow! Mysix-year-old confuses the 6 and
the 9! I'm going to take him offof all check writing
responsibilities and allfinancial decision making for my
family! This is outrageous! Andthere was like, again, the
(25:10):
teacher did not appreciate that,but I'm like, we're nine days
into school.
How accelerated is he supposedto be?
When is he good enough?
Does he need to learn fourlanguages to prove that he can
learn 'cuz learning two wasn'tenough?
(25:36):
! I only know one!
Ryan Kimball (25:36):
Yeah, same here! Wow! No, I get it! It's such a
story about what children haveto deal with these days.
Barbie Rivera (25:40):
Yeah, and I don't want to go too far off topic,
but it's attack on the family,because I have parents and
sometimes I'm like, I have toexert so much control! They come
to see me and they bring thechild, the child's sitting right
next to them and they're like,oh, he doesn't know anything
about math, he's really bad onspelling, he's this and that.
(26:01):
I go, Sir! How about I take youto some social gathering and
say, Oh, this is my husband.
He's a lousy provider.
Show some respect to your child!
Ryan Kimball (26:12):
Right.
Barbie Rivera (26:13):
If you don't have his back, he has nothing.
If you aren't in his corner, hehas nothing.
And again, that's aheartbreaking thing.
But the parent - and Iunderstand -they're being a good
parent.
They're going to punish himinto knowing more.
(26:34):
Doesn't work, never worked,never worked in history.
But yet that's what we're goingto do.
We're going to drug him.
Ryan Kimball (26:45):
Wow! You know, I notice when you are talking
about all of this, you give theparents the power and
responsibility of being thechild's advocate and making sure
that they are standing up fortheir children's needs and what
actually is best for that child.
(27:07):
You seemed to naturally - maybeyou didn't - but appears that
you just went into that role.
But I know I've met with someparents before and they find it
very intimidating to stand upthat way, especially against
authorities or people who knowbetter.
What would be your suggestionsfor those type of parents?
Barbie Rivera (27:29):
The alternative is more gruesome than standing
up.
Really.
(Ryan (27:34):
Yeah) I would rather be wrong.
I would rather be wrong than to10 years, 20 years or now I'm
about to celebrate my son's 40thbirthday, then be apologizing
to him or to look at, Oh yeah,he's been in and out of rehab.
f only I wouldn't have.
aybe it was the ADHD medicationI put him on.
(27:55):
Maybe he got addicted to thatby the time he was nine.
He was a drug addict, but hewas a socially accepted drug
addict because the drugs camefrom the school system.
It's so much better - yeah, andyou know what, if you lose
friends, they weren't yourfriends to begin with, and I
know that's, it's harsh, butthat's what it is.
(28:19):
If - I don't know, a bear wereto break into my house, that
bear broke into the wrong house.
The chances of me, 130 pounds,winning a fight against the bear
is slim to none.
But if my children, if I'm allthat stands between that bear
(28:40):
and my kids, that bear is goingto get hurt.
I'm not going to, Oh, I'm sorry, bear, and I know that's hard.
You can't really lecturesomebody into a better frame of
mind, so to speak.
But you really want to look at,be able to look at the future
(29:02):
and see what your decisions,what's the impact of your
decision.
Ryan Kimball (29:09):
Right.
Barbie Rivera (29:10):
Here.
What is the consequence?
And you're going to makemistakes.
And I think I even wrote in thebook, because when I start
suggesting homeschooling, I'mlike, I've been doing this for
32 years.
I'm still figuring it out!You're never going to get
parenting 100%.
I blamed child three for whatchild two did.
(29:34):
Okay, those things happen.
It does.
You're not going to be right100% of the time, so give
yourself a little bit of a break, but be right more than you're
wrong.
That you can manage.
Ryan Kimball (29:47):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, very powerful.
I think the passion that youbring to helping children and
being responsible and makingthings happen is a key part of
all these messages that you havethat you've been sharing now
and that are in your book, andI'm just - even just talking to
you after reading the book - I'mlike, yeah, I can see why this
(30:08):
happened.
You're a person who's there,having that passion and
willingness to make thingshappen for your children, other
children, yeah! (Barbie (30:14):
Thank you!) That's really awesome.
I'm inspired!
Barbie Rivera (30:18):
Thank you!
Ryan Kimball (30:19):
Yeah! I did - some of the things you brought up
made me think of another thingthat was in your book that I
wrote down here I wanted to askyou about.
So, my friend Mike Tyler and I,we have The Competence
Institute, which is the sponsorof this podcast.
We're helping people witheducation and in your book you
talk a lot about the lay of theland in the jungle that is the
(30:41):
American education system andhow navigating that is really a
challenge and you've got methodsin your book of starting to
handle that and be able to helpyour child with whatever they
need.
When somebody is starting thatjourney, what would be your
(31:01):
advice for them?
Barbie Rivera (31:04):
Okay.
So my advice is going to bevery harsh because there's
nowhere to deliver this nicely.
If it was published in theUnited States after 1940,
chances are it's garbage.
Right now, it's almost like ajoke.
Parents say, like the parents ofsix, seven and eight year olds
now, oh, they brought math home.
(31:25):
I didn't understand it.
I'm like, that is insane.
(Ryan (31:30):
Right) Because that does not change.
Math is a science and when it'staught as a science, even if -
like, I have my kids and I teachthe pre-algebra.
I'm the middle school teacherat my school and I'm very strong
on definitions of words andsome of the kids, rightfully,
(31:53):
they say, When am I going to usethis in life?
I go, I'm going to tell youwhen you're going to use this in
life, and it might not haveanything to do with math.
When you problem- solve.
When you're going to start abusiness.
It's not oh, let me grab thispaper.
Now I have a business.
That was it.
One step.
I go, That's like first grademathematics.
One plus one equals two.
(32:14):
That's easy.
But you're not going tonavigate contracts, you're not
going to navigate the economy,you're not going to be able to
purchase a home, you're notgoing to be able to predict the
future, which, when you'reeducated and I'm not talking
about mystic and crystal ballsor anything like that, I'm
(32:35):
talking about, if a person hasconfidence, they can read, write
extremely well.
They are productive.
We don't have to - versussomebody who has a degree, who
was given a calculator in thesecond grade but yet can't
define the basics of mathematics.
Right) Right, we can predict who's going to do better
(32:56):
.
Of course.
)Yeah, so that's that prediction.
And prediction again.
We're on planet Earth,hurricanes happen, things go
wrong.
We all went through COVID.
No one saw that.
So you have to navigate things.
But when you can problem- solveand you can stay with the math
problem, even though it has sixor seven steps, and you can be
(33:18):
methodical on how you approachit, that shows up in life.
Ryan Kimball (33:31):
Wow! That's - I've never heard somebody express it
that way, but it a makes mewant to go learn math more
thoroughly than I did in school!
Barbie Rivera (33:36):
It's what I tell my kids.
And again this goes back tothat learning disability.
Education, really - what itcomes down to, is a
communication process.
One of the things - I'm notbragging, but I am.
I make a really good blueberrypie and what I've done is I've
taken 1965 Betty Crockercookbook which has a ton of
(34:00):
sugar.
I cut that.
I barely dust my berries with asugar powder, sugar, flour,
cinnamon they're barely dusted,loaded with butter.
Anyway, my blueberry pies, allof my neighbors, anybody who
knows me, they get a blueberrypie at Thanksgiving or the
holidays.
They love it.
(34:20):
If I write down step-by-step,what to do, take pictures of
what the ingredients or whatkind of pan I use, etc.
And I publish that in such away that people can understand
it, then everyone's going to beable to make that blueberry pie.
No question.
(34:51):
Now, if somebody can't make it,I give the blueberry pie to you
and your blueberry pie comesout wrong.
Here's what the Americansociety does: we drug you.
Instead of finding out, whatword did you not understand,
what ingredient did you skimp on, what step did you miss?
And let you do it over and overand over and over again, to
(35:13):
where you add your own littlespin to it and now you have an
exclusive blueberry pie, that'sbetter than mine, because you
used your education to do so.
So you can take that sameconcept and you can apply it to
(35:35):
any topic of What's thedefinition of the word?
hat's the purpose?
Now, how do we apply this?
And what's fascinating -andI've purchased and wasted
thousands of dollars oncurriculum.
I'm talking thousands ofdollars on curriculum and one of
the things that I remember was- it was the United States of
(35:57):
America and it was like a littlechecklist of what to do and it
was like the first thing, tellthe students welcome to the
United States of America.
Now let's locate that on aglobe.
And I'm like, what is thisgarbage?
Garbage.
What does the word united mean?
(36:18):
We need to go with that.
So, united - when you'retogether in a passion or
together in agreement.
And I'm like, okay, when we'reall watching the Miami Heat
battle it out with the ChicagoBulls, that's united.
We might not agree on the sameplayer, our favorite player.
(36:39):
We may disagree with thereferees, but we're united in
the win and we're united in theloss.
That's united.
Now, in order to define state,you have to go over boundaries.
(37:01):
So you can compare that to ahouse.
Who here has siblings?
Oh, I do.
Are you all sharing the sameroom?
Nothing wrong with it.
Or do you have your ownboundary?
Oh, I have my own space.
Good, so those would be calledstates, because sometimes, like
in Florida, we don't have toworry about polar bears.
So there's laws in Alaska aboutpolar bears that don't apply to
us.
So by pulling it apart that way,the kids get to know, even
(37:27):
defining the word, o where F ispronounced like the letter V.
There is a meaning of that word.
And when you go over that andthe kids are then allowed to
create their own state, name it,name the capital, and after you
(37:49):
go through different steps ofokay, what's -re you a farming
state?
What do you produce?
What's your trade?
What's your exchange with theother states?
What's, what are you famous for?
And the kids can create that.
Oh, we have the highest rollercoaster.
It goes all the way up to themoon.
I'm like great, we've got to goto your state to go ride that
roller coaster.
Then it becomes thisfascinating adventure of
(38:13):
learning and at the end of itthey remember what the United
States of America is and theyhave that concept forever.
Ryan Kimball (38:32):
Yeah, exactly, and it's very real to them and they
can use it.
Awesome! You talked a littlebefore we were starting about
how much you want to get yourinformation out there because of
what it can do and the types ofthings - changes it will help
create in society.
And just talking to you,interacting with you on this and
seeing how you present thingsand make learning interesting
and make me want to go back tohigh school, which I never
thought I'd say that! it needsto be known.
(38:53):
It needs to be made known to theworld, and so how does somebody
reach out to you?
What are the methods of gettingin communication with you and
getting your book and all that?
Barbie Rivera (39:03):
Okay, when on the back of the book is a QR code
that's to a website.
Enough Is nough.
Now, realize I am not thesocial media queen or anything,
but there's a way you couldsubscribe and there's a way to
contact me through there.
I also have a school that's anonprofit, Help Miami, and you
(39:24):
can contact me through there.
Ryan Kimball (39:28):
Great, Okay, great , and I believe there is a
website.
Is it just your name, or,BarbieRivera.
com?
Barbie Rivera (39:37):
BarbieRivera.
com will take you to the EnoughIs Enough.
Ryan Kimball (39:42):
Okay, so BarbieRivera.
com you can buy Enough Is Enoughright on there.
Barbie Rivera (39:52):
Yeah, it's available on Amazon, so you
could also go on Amazon.
Enough Is Enough by BarbieRivera.
Ryan Kimball (39:54):
Perfect
Barbie Rivera (39:54):
And I think that there's even a link back to the
website.
Ryan Kimball (39:59):
Awesome, okay, great, and I know that all -
everything you've gone overtoday is really powerful, but I
can tell for anybody who'sreading, there's so much in the
book! We specifically tried tomake this very detailed on one
or two things, but there's somuch in this book.
It's a whole education initself.
It's inspiring.
So do make sure you go andcheck out and grab that for
(40:20):
yourself if you don't have it,the links will also be in the
show notes, and this is only thebeginning of what we're going
to be sharing here.
I'm really excited about Barbiebeing here today, but stay
tuned, because coming up we'regoing to have other topics that
are in the book and some thatI've been told aren't in the
(40:40):
book that we'll be covering infuture episodes.
So, thank you so much again,Barbie, for being here with us
today!
Barbie Rivera (40:47):
Thank you!
Ryan Kimball (40:48):
Absolutely.
All right.
Thank you everybody forlistening and, like I said, stay
tuned.
We'll see you in the nextepisode.
Hello and welcome to another episode of The
Competence Institute podcast.
Today we have a very specialepisode planned.
We have with us Barbie Rivera,author, educator and parent.
She has an amazing story, isdoing great things in the world
and I'm so excited to have heron.
Hi Barbie!
Barbie Rivera (00:19):
Hi! Thank you for having me!
Ryan Kimball (00:20):
Yeah, absolutely! So, today, as we went over, we
wanted to really talk about howyou found there was nothing
wrong with your child and whatyou went through on that and
that entire journey.
So, I'd like to start out withgoing over, at the beginning,
when everything started, whenyour child, Damon, he first went
(00:41):
into school.
What did you expect, and thenwhat actually happened?
Barbie Rivera (00:45):
Okay, all right.
First, I have four children andI'm not one of these parents
that coddle and if like, myson's baseball goes through your
window, I'm going to pay for itand he's going to pay me back
and he's going to apologize toyou and he's going to be raking
extra leaves, the whole thing,depending on the situation, but
we're going to takeresponsibility.
(01:06):
So I'm not somebody who is, oh,my son would never, or he
doesn't like math, so I'm notgoing to - I'm not that.
But Damon, my first child, whenhe was six - from the time he
was born he was very easygoing.
He never threw a fit in agrocery store.
(01:27):
Never.
He never threw a fit at thehouse - honestly, and he's told
his friends I don't think my momever raised her voice at me,
which is true, there was noreason to.
He was just an easy boy, verycreative, very adventurous, as
adventurous as a five or sixyear old can be.
He spoke two languages.
(01:48):
He was the first grandson tothe Cuban side of the family, so
he - fully fluent in Spanish bythe time he was five.
And I'm like - he's a cute boy,he's very respectful.
I'm like the school system isgoing to adore him.
(02:09):
His teacher is going to adorehim.
And that's not what happened.
And we go - so, school startsin August, and the first Friday
in September, so,we're going - he made made the
(02:30):
first week and by the secondFriday, with a labor day off in
between there, so eight or ninedays, the teacher pulls me aside
and tells me my son - and theseare her words - mentally
handicapped, and will mostlikely need a prescription for
some pharmaceutical for the restof his life.
(02:51):
I'm like, what are we eventalking about?
That to me, that's just insane.
And the reason that he wasdeemed mentally handicapped was
because he confused the B andthe D, the P and the G and I'm
like but they all look alike.
He's not confusing a cow and afence.
(03:15):
He knows the difference.
He knows the difference betweenbasketball and baseball.
He knows more about basketballand baseball than I do.
Right, he knows the rules.
So I'm not so concerned aboutthe B and the D.
I'm like, thinking back to mypublic school education in 1969,
(03:38):
1970, kindergarten, first grade, we would make the D and the B
in particular out of Play-Dohand make it giant and we
practiced it and we practiced itand we practiced it.
It wasn't nine days in, we hadto master it.
We had the whole ofkindergarten to master just the
letters.
We did not read in kindergartenwhen I went to school.
(04:00):
Anyway, so, I'm like, if welabel my son, we're doing - to
me,that's a crime against humanity,
and I know I'm elaboratingprobably too much.
It's also a crime againstparents who actually have a
(04:20):
child that is handicapped,because my son at age four, five
and six was going on sleepoverswith family friends.
He could go to Key West and goon a boat and he wouldn't throw
a fit.
He could bait his own hook, hecould go to the movies with the
(04:41):
neighbors.
People with handicappedchildren, they don't get to
enjoy that.
They don't have that experience.
Their experience is different.
So to say my son is the same is, to me, a slap in the face to a
person who really is strugglingor challenged.
Ryan Kimball (05:02):
Wow, okay.
Yeah, that makes a lot of senseactually.
So, I know from reading yourbook and what you went over it
in here that you, as you facethis with your son, there were a
lot of opinions thrown at youabout how things should be done,
what he should be put on - youknow - what, what needs to
(05:23):
happen next, and you maintainedyour position, were able to
persevere and really help him.
How did you do that?
Barbie Rivera (05:30):
I don't want to use bad language here, but I'm
like, n o one - no one hadconfidence in me! My own parents
, and I get it! I was - god,when Damon was six, I was 26,
pregnant with number four, 26years old, with four kids under
the age of six and under, andpregnant.
I get the visual, I get howthat presents.
(05:53):
And for me then to say, okay,I've never gone to college, I'm
going to just start schoolinghim.
The backlash I got was fast andswift and, like I remember my
mother, which they changed theirminds.
My parents - I'm in Miami,Florida.
My parents were in Cincinnati,Ohio, and I did very well in
public school.
(06:14):
I in fact loved it.
That's why I thought Damonwould do so well.
I'm going with my experience,which public school is nothing
like what I experienced anymore.
My mother was like, Barbara.
My mom calls me Barbara,everybody else calls me Barbie.
Barbara, you can't teach himanything.
You barely know anythingyourself.
(06:37):
I'm an artist.
She goes, they'll be eatingpaint when they're 30.
And I'm like, I'll make sureit's non-toxic.
I go, he's not going to school.
So just to end off on that, Itook the kids home.
I visit every now and then, andone of my visits home -
I think my young - I had two indiapers.
(06:58):
Damon was eight, nine, whatever.
And my parents were soimpressed with Damon's demeanor
and his confidence and how hewas honest.
If my dad was going to do somewoodworking or whatever, Damon
would say, Grandpa, I don't knowhow to do that.
(07:18):
Where the other grandkids werelike, yeah, I know how to do
that, and then they breaksomething or whatever.
But Damon was very honest.
I'm like, yeah, he's going totell you because I'm teaching
him, I'm not harassing him, I'mhelping him.
Anyway, after that visit, myparents were on telling
everybody they should homeschooltheir kids.
Ryan Kimball (07:40):
That's amazing! That's testimony in how
something is causing the resultwe all look for in children.
Barbie Rivera (08:01):
Yeah! And just to go on that, because in - two
points, and I hope I rememberboth points.
One - my parents - my motherwas one of 13.
When I grew up, there were 45first string grandchildren.
I'm first string.
When my grandmother passed away, there were 101 grandchildren -
five generations, big family.
My parents did not get matchingfurniture until all five of us
were out of the house, becausethat's how it was! You're
(08:22):
supposed to - the termhyperactive did not exist when I
was growing up.
You were active becausechildren are - by the laws of
nature, they have more energythan adults.
And in my generation that wasto be celebrated, not suppressed
(08:43):
with drugs.
My parents would have neverhave considered putting me on
drugs because I was vaultingover the dining room table.
Instead they enrolled me ingymnastics because they wanted
us worn out.
And when the house was quiet,that's when they got nervous.
Oh, what's going on?
So you have that mindset.
(09:05):
And then I have Damon.
They're like - why are wedrugging this boy?
Like, why is that the go-tosolution?
First of all, is that going toteach him?
Is the drug going to somehowmagically affect his visual, his
brain or whatever that drug isaffecting, to get him to know
(09:27):
the difference between the D andthe B?
No, and when I look into thedrugs - I know I'm not answering
your question completely, butwhen I look into the drugs
they're called CNS medication -central nervous system.
They actually alter the centralnervous system and I think my
son needs his central nervoussystem to learn how to read.
(09:50):
It does not make sense that I'mgoing to impair his central
nervous system or give him apharmaceutical, psychotropic
drug before his baby teeth, forGod's sake, fall out, before his
brain is developed.
I'm like, can't we just leavehim alone and teach him?
(10:14):
It breaks my heart.
Anyway, that was one of thereasons why I wrote the book,
because now I'm - my son - now,I'm going to cry.
He turns 40 in a few weeks, andis a very successful
businessman.
And I look back at what wouldhave happened if I would have
(10:38):
had money.
Oh, I'm going to hire - Ryan,you're a good tutor.
Let's tutor Damon on thenonsense that the school is
pushing, right?
Let's tutor him on Common Core.
Let's make sure he knows thathe's not adequate.
And I'm going to pump him withdrugs.
I guarantee you my son wouldnot be where he is, or my other
children.
This other point -now I remember my other point.
(10:59):
I have four children.
My parents had five.
Like I say, my mom was one of13.
All four of my kids arecompletely different.
They look similar, there aresimilarities because my DNA runs
through them all, but they allfour have different responses.
They have different interests.
(11:20):
They have different likes.
If they were born on the sameday, they are completely
different individuals.
So we cannot - what's thecriteria?
And I'm going to go back to theD and the B - if they don't
(11:50):
know it by the time they are sixyears and seven weeks, is there
a scientific test that showsthey will now be unable to drive
because he can't tell thedifference between a red light
and a green light?
Like, where do we draw the linehere?
Anyways, again I'm jumpingaround.
I found homeschooling and Ididn't know what the heck I was
doing when I started.
But that was my solution.
And again, that's anotherreason for writing the book,
because I feel like if I can doit and I stood up to not only my
(12:15):
family but to the school systemthat - they got nasty! - for
the sake of my son, then otherpeople can too and have a
similar outcome.
Again, I have - now I have fourvastly different adults, but
they're all educated and I amvery happy that I've never had a
(12:39):
drug issue.
I've never had an issue.
When they were teenagers, theydidn't go through the teenage
phase, they were all makingmoney early, even if it was just
raking leaves.
Hey, I need to buy a rake.
Okay, good, how are you goingdo that that?
That's 20 bucks, I'll pay half.
And then you got to pay me back.
Like, they were thinking!
Ryan Kimball (13:01):
Right.
Barbie Rivera (13:02):
Anyway.
.
.
Ryan Kimball (13:04):
I love it.
I agree with you completely!The wrong solution is the drugs
and the labels and all of that.
And your book is - it'sinspirational because it's a
story about overcoming theobstacles that you ran into, but
it's also so enlightening.
You learn so much by readingthe story and going through the
(13:25):
information.
The research you've done isamazing.
Barbie Rivera (13:28):
Thank you.
Ryan Kimball (13:28):
Yeah, no, it's really awesome Since we're
moving into this area about thelabels of learning disorders and
how this is treated in moderneducational systems.
What is your take on learningdisorders and all of that?
Barbie Rivera (13:43):
I flat- out refuse to acknowledge or endorse
.
Like - I'll tell you a story,and this one's not in my book.
I had a 16-year-old boy and I'mgoing to use his name, Tony,
who - I got a phone call fromhis aunt, uncle or grandmother,
some family member in Texas,that their nephew or their
(14:04):
grandson, I think it might havebeen nephew - had failed eighth
grade three years in a row andwas ready to drop out.
And they found me.
I'm alternative.
My website - I have a websitefor my school which is Help
Miami.
Would I interview him?
I'm like, absolutely! Comes in,super respectful, so cute! He
(14:28):
came in, in like a tie, you know, and I'm really late.
This is how I am at school, butvery respectful.
Him and his mother and it wasthe week before Christmas break
was when he enrolled.
Now, when I get a student thatenrolls mid-year, well, that's a
little bit of a problem for mebecause they're nowhere close to
what we're doing.
Plus, this kid had failedeighth grade, so I already know
(14:51):
we have a challenge.
So I had the aunt and uncle -I'm like, okay, he's going to
need tutoring, and as much asyou can buy, the better it is,
because we were out of time now.
We don't have the luxury oftime.
A third grader struggling withfirst grade - we can fix it.
A 16-year-old who is not up toa middle school level?
(15:15):
We are about to destroy hislife if we don't teach him some
skills.
So, no problem.
Over Christmas I tutored him onehour a day.
I think I gave him Sunday off.
One hour a day and the firstthing I had this math - I gave
(15:35):
him this problem and I'm goingto say it because people are
going to know this 1,000 minus781.
So we have to borrow and workwith the zeros.
He goes, Oh, I never learnedthat because I'm learning
disabled.
I'm like, okay, we're going tocancel that lie.
(15:58):
He goes, what do you mean?
I go, Did your mommy put yourshirt on for you today?
He's, of course not! I couldtalk to him that way.
Do you know the differencebetween your house and the
neighbor's house?
Yeah! I go, you speak twolanguages, right?
He goes, Of course! I go, so,there's nothing wrong with your
(16:19):
capacity to learn.
If you can't learn, you couldnot have done any of that.
And now you're in Driver's Ed -like, you're learning stuff all
the time! Every time you get anew phone, you got to learn
something.
He's OK.
I go, so now I'm going to showyou how to do this.
And we got about five minutesto solve this problem to where
(16:40):
you're going to know it for therest of your life.
So I got out play money, take athousand dollar, turn it into
ten hundreds, turn the hundredinto ten tens and blah, blah,
blah.
He was like - he - mind blown!And in 10 hours of tutoring I
got him through four gradelevels of math, no drugs.
(17:04):
But I had his willingness and Iconvinced him he wasn't
disabled, which sometimes Ican't convince the child.
Hey, this was all false.
No, but I can't learn withoutthe drugs.
I can't function without thedrugs.
And I'm like, whoo!And with this boy - he ended up
(17:27):
- it took him an extra year toget that diploma, but his math
skills are higher than mine, andnow I think he's got a
photography business that hestarted himself, which is what
we want.
I want to help him get to wherehe wants to go.
I know he needs to be able toread.
I know he needs to be able toexpress himself correctly.
(17:47):
I know he needs to understandthe definitions of words.
And he has - you're not goingto have a business successfully
if you don't have the basics ofaddition, subtraction,
multiplication and division.
So, those are easy to do.
What's happening in school ispain and unconsciousness and
suffering.
(18:07):
It's awful!
Ryan Kimball (18:10):
I agree completely and I know it's easy to do.
But there are those who havehad so many failures, been told
so many times like you said,they have a learning disability
that they've lost that concept.
And it's so refreshing to hearyour stories and how you apply
what you know.
And it is easy.
Yeah, it's really amazing.
Barbie Rivera (18:29):
Yeah, it is easy! It's much easier if the child
has never been drugged.
The long - to me, and this ismy opinion - it's going to get
me hate mail.
Warning you now! The longerthey're on the drugs, the harder
they are to reach.
Ryan Kimball (18:47):
I'll bet!
Barbie Rivera (18:48):
Because and some - again, I'm not a doctor, not
pretending to be - but you canlook at somebody and you could
say, yeah, I trust them to drivethe bus for the field trip.
I trust them to drive the busfor the field trip.
I know nothing about them, butI'm looking at them and I trust
them to drive the bus for thefield trip.
When I said hello, they sayhello, and then I get these kids
(19:11):
that come in and I'm like, whatcolor is this pen?
And they look at it and theylook at it, and they look at it
and I'm like, I don't trust themon the bus and they're drugged
because it takes them so muchtime and so much concentration
and they're so worried aboutbeing wrong and all of this
stress and the testing and this,that and the other - and I'm
(19:34):
like, wow! We did that to thatperson!
Ryan Kimball (19:38):
Yeah!
Barbie Rivera (19:38):
The school system did that to that person.
Ryan Kimball (19:50):
That's heartbreaking!
Barbie Rivera (19:51):
It is heartbreaking!
Ryan Kimball (19:51):
Yeah.
Wow! Okay, totally understood.
I was really impacted by prettymuch everything I've read from
you, but there were someconcepts in your book that I
just wanted to bring up that Iwrote down here and ask you to
talk about them a little bitmore.
One thing you went over thatmade a lot of sense was that
children need more practice.
They don't need medication, andit's not about how quickly we
get them to a certain point.
(20:12):
It's about mastering that pieceof information or that skill,
and that kind of, I think, seemsto resonate throughout most of
what you go over.
Can you speak to that a littlebit more?
Barbie Rivera (20:23):
I can, okay, but I'm going to start with a
non-academic example, okay, andI'll use my three boys as an
example.
So, as a parent - I don't knowif you have children or not -
but as a parent, how many timesa day do I have to say brush
(20:46):
your teeth or wash your hands?
Easily, three to four times aday.
Now, when do I not have to dothat?
When they're eight, I stillhave to do it.
For my boys - like I say, I'man on - I'm an on-parent.
There's a schedule.
Shower time - this one in, thatone out, this one in, that one
(21:10):
out.
Teeth - blah, blah, blah.
Pajamas, read a story,everybody in bed, everybody
asleep.
My boys - they're gonna kill mefor saying this - did not start
brushing their teeth on theirown until girls came into the
picture, so they were like 10,11 and 12.
(21:32):
So, for - now, you're not goingto tell a one-year-old to brush
their teeth.
That's up to you, right?
But let's say a four year old.
So for six years minimum, sixyears minimum, I had to tell my
children to brush their teeththree to four times a day,
(21:54):
depending on the day, beforethey pick that up as a habit.
I had to tell them to push thedining room chair in.
I had to tell them to put theseatbelt on.
I don't have to harass themabout it, I don't have to nag
them about it, but I do say,okay! And when I come in and I
(22:15):
see feet on the sofa with shoeson the feet, I'm like, hey! Feet
- off! I'm on it.
But it's a process.
The kid is not going to get iton the first try, on the first
run.
It doesn't work that way.
Even if you, trying to tell mehow to set up for this podcast -
(22:36):
I know nothing about computersand stuff.
You're going to have patience.
Now I'm a willing participant,I'll listen.
We're not going to be hours onit, because you were very
gracious and sent me exactlywhat I needed to do to get here.
So when you get to school, likewhen - again, comparing my
(22:57):
experience in 1969, 1970,kindergarten, first grade - one,
we didn't get any homework.
We didn't get homework untilfifth grade and that was writing
spelling words five times each,maybe making a sentence.
It was not what it is now.
My son, in the first grade, hadto - was expected to write book
(23:18):
reports before he could read.
He was given packets of workand I was being a good mom and I
sat at the table with him andhelped him through it all, and
his brothers and sisters - theyneeded me as a mom, also! They
wanted me to play Candyland.
I needed to fill up the bottles, I needed to be the mom.
But here I am being the goodmom and helping my son through
(23:40):
his homework, and every questionthat he asked was just like a
knife through the heart.
It was making him hate learning.
It was making him disconnectmore and more.
So again, comparing that - I wasgiven the luxury of, I wasn't
expected to know it on the firstgo around.
(24:03):
We were practicing sounds ofthe alphabet through the entire
kindergarten year.
We didn't start writing capitaland lowercase letters - we
didn't get that determinationuntil first grade.
There was no hurry or rush, andif you had it, then you could
(24:25):
help somebody else or you wereallowed to - for me, I was
allowed to sit at a table anddraw, which - I'm an artist, I
love doing that.
There was not the pressurecooker of, oh! - like again,
with my son, he - the otherthing, and I made a joke about
it, which again, it got mesemi-slaughtered.
I thought I was being funny.
(24:46):
The teacher says, he alsoconfuses the 6 and the 9, and
that was supposed to be thetipping point for me to drug my
son and I'm like, wow! Mysix-year-old confuses the 6 and
the 9! I'm going to take him offof all check writing
responsibilities and allfinancial decision making for my
family! This is outrageous! Andthere was like, again, the
(25:10):
teacher did not appreciate that,but I'm like, we're nine days
into school.
How accelerated is he supposedto be?
When is he good enough?
Does he need to learn fourlanguages to prove that he can
learn 'cuz learning two wasn'tenough?
(25:36):
! I only know one!
Ryan Kimball (25:36):
Yeah, same here! Wow! No, I get it! It's such a
story about what children haveto deal with these days.
Barbie Rivera (25:40):
Yeah, and I don't want to go too far off topic,
but it's attack on the family,because I have parents and
sometimes I'm like, I have toexert so much control! They come
to see me and they bring thechild, the child's sitting right
next to them and they're like,oh, he doesn't know anything
about math, he's really bad onspelling, he's this and that.
(26:01):
I go, Sir! How about I take youto some social gathering and
say, Oh, this is my husband.
He's a lousy provider.
Show some respect to your child!
Ryan Kimball (26:12):
Right.
Barbie Rivera (26:13):
If you don't have his back, he has nothing.
If you aren't in his corner, hehas nothing.
And again, that's aheartbreaking thing.
But the parent - and Iunderstand -they're being a good
parent.
They're going to punish himinto knowing more.
(26:34):
Doesn't work, never worked,never worked in history.
But yet that's what we're goingto do.
We're going to drug him.
Ryan Kimball (26:45):
Wow! You know, I notice when you are talking
about all of this, you give theparents the power and
responsibility of being thechild's advocate and making sure
that they are standing up fortheir children's needs and what
actually is best for that child.
(27:07):
You seemed to naturally - maybeyou didn't - but appears that
you just went into that role.
But I know I've met with someparents before and they find it
very intimidating to stand upthat way, especially against
authorities or people who knowbetter.
What would be your suggestionsfor those type of parents?
Barbie Rivera (27:29):
The alternative is more gruesome than standing
up.
Really.
(Ryan (27:34):
Yeah) I would rather be wrong.
I would rather be wrong than to10 years, 20 years or now I'm
about to celebrate my son's 40thbirthday, then be apologizing
to him or to look at, Oh yeah,he's been in and out of rehab.
f only I wouldn't have.
aybe it was the ADHD medicationI put him on.
(27:55):
Maybe he got addicted to thatby the time he was nine.
He was a drug addict, but hewas a socially accepted drug
addict because the drugs camefrom the school system.
It's so much better - yeah, andyou know what, if you lose
friends, they weren't yourfriends to begin with, and I
know that's, it's harsh, butthat's what it is.
(28:19):
If - I don't know, a bear wereto break into my house, that
bear broke into the wrong house.
The chances of me, 130 pounds,winning a fight against the bear
is slim to none.
But if my children, if I'm allthat stands between that bear
(28:40):
and my kids, that bear is goingto get hurt.
I'm not going to, Oh, I'm sorry, bear, and I know that's hard.
You can't really lecturesomebody into a better frame of
mind, so to speak.
But you really want to look at,be able to look at the future
(29:02):
and see what your decisions,what's the impact of your
decision.
Ryan Kimball (29:09):
Right.
Barbie Rivera (29:10):
Here.
What is the consequence?
And you're going to makemistakes.
And I think I even wrote in thebook, because when I start
suggesting homeschooling, I'mlike, I've been doing this for
32 years.
I'm still figuring it out!You're never going to get
parenting 100%.
I blamed child three for whatchild two did.
(29:34):
Okay, those things happen.
It does.
You're not going to be right100% of the time, so give
yourself a little bit of a break, but be right more than you're
wrong.
That you can manage.
Ryan Kimball (29:47):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, very powerful.
I think the passion that youbring to helping children and
being responsible and makingthings happen is a key part of
all these messages that you havethat you've been sharing now
and that are in your book, andI'm just - even just talking to
you after reading the book - I'mlike, yeah, I can see why this
(30:08):
happened.
You're a person who's there,having that passion and
willingness to make thingshappen for your children, other
children, yeah! (Barbie (30:14):
Thank you!) That's really awesome.
I'm inspired!
Barbie Rivera (30:18):
Thank you!
Ryan Kimball (30:19):
Yeah! I did - some of the things you brought up
made me think of another thingthat was in your book that I
wrote down here I wanted to askyou about.
So, my friend Mike Tyler and I,we have The Competence
Institute, which is the sponsorof this podcast.
We're helping people witheducation and in your book you
talk a lot about the lay of theland in the jungle that is the
(30:41):
American education system andhow navigating that is really a
challenge and you've got methodsin your book of starting to
handle that and be able to helpyour child with whatever they
need.
When somebody is starting thatjourney, what would be your
(31:01):
advice for them?
Barbie Rivera (31:04):
Okay.
So my advice is going to bevery harsh because there's
nowhere to deliver this nicely.
If it was published in theUnited States after 1940,
chances are it's garbage.
Right now, it's almost like ajoke.
Parents say, like the parents ofsix, seven and eight year olds
now, oh, they brought math home.
(31:25):
I didn't understand it.
I'm like, that is insane.
(Ryan (31:30):
Right) Because that does not change.
Math is a science and when it'staught as a science, even if -
like, I have my kids and I teachthe pre-algebra.
I'm the middle school teacherat my school and I'm very strong
on definitions of words andsome of the kids, rightfully,
(31:53):
they say, When am I going to usethis in life?
I go, I'm going to tell youwhen you're going to use this in
life, and it might not haveanything to do with math.
When you problem- solve.
When you're going to start abusiness.
It's not oh, let me grab thispaper.
Now I have a business.
That was it.
One step.
I go, That's like first grademathematics.
One plus one equals two.
(32:14):
That's easy.
But you're not going tonavigate contracts, you're not
going to navigate the economy,you're not going to be able to
purchase a home, you're notgoing to be able to predict the
future, which, when you'reeducated and I'm not talking
about mystic and crystal ballsor anything like that, I'm
(32:35):
talking about, if a person hasconfidence, they can read, write
extremely well.
They are productive.
We don't have to - versussomebody who has a degree, who
was given a calculator in thesecond grade but yet can't
define the basics of mathematics.
Right) Right, we can predict who's going to do better
(32:56):
.
Of course.
)Yeah, so that's that prediction.
And prediction again.
We're on planet Earth,hurricanes happen, things go
wrong.
We all went through COVID.
No one saw that.
So you have to navigate things.
But when you can problem- solveand you can stay with the math
problem, even though it has sixor seven steps, and you can be
(33:18):
methodical on how you approachit, that shows up in life.
Ryan Kimball (33:31):
Wow! That's - I've never heard somebody express it
that way, but it a makes mewant to go learn math more
thoroughly than I did in school!
Barbie Rivera (33:36):
It's what I tell my kids.
And again this goes back tothat learning disability.
Education, really - what itcomes down to, is a
communication process.
One of the things - I'm notbragging, but I am.
I make a really good blueberrypie and what I've done is I've
taken 1965 Betty Crockercookbook which has a ton of
(34:00):
sugar.
I cut that.
I barely dust my berries with asugar powder, sugar, flour,
cinnamon they're barely dusted,loaded with butter.
Anyway, my blueberry pies, allof my neighbors, anybody who
knows me, they get a blueberrypie at Thanksgiving or the
holidays.
They love it.
(34:20):
If I write down step-by-step,what to do, take pictures of
what the ingredients or whatkind of pan I use, etc.
And I publish that in such away that people can understand
it, then everyone's going to beable to make that blueberry pie.
No question.
(34:51):
Now, if somebody can't make it,I give the blueberry pie to you
and your blueberry pie comesout wrong.
Here's what the Americansociety does: we drug you.
Instead of finding out, whatword did you not understand,
what ingredient did you skimp on, what step did you miss?
And let you do it over and overand over and over again, to
(35:13):
where you add your own littlespin to it and now you have an
exclusive blueberry pie, that'sbetter than mine, because you
used your education to do so.
So you can take that sameconcept and you can apply it to
(35:35):
any topic of What's thedefinition of the word?
hat's the purpose?
Now, how do we apply this?
And what's fascinating -andI've purchased and wasted
thousands of dollars oncurriculum.
I'm talking thousands ofdollars on curriculum and one of
the things that I remember was- it was the United States of
(35:57):
America and it was like a littlechecklist of what to do and it
was like the first thing, tellthe students welcome to the
United States of America.
Now let's locate that on aglobe.
And I'm like, what is thisgarbage?
Garbage.
What does the word united mean?
(36:18):
We need to go with that.
So, united - when you'retogether in a passion or
together in agreement.
And I'm like, okay, when we'reall watching the Miami Heat
battle it out with the ChicagoBulls, that's united.
We might not agree on the sameplayer, our favorite player.
(36:39):
We may disagree with thereferees, but we're united in
the win and we're united in theloss.
That's united.
Now, in order to define state,you have to go over boundaries.
(37:01):
So you can compare that to ahouse.
Who here has siblings?
Oh, I do.
Are you all sharing the sameroom?
Nothing wrong with it.
Or do you have your ownboundary?
Oh, I have my own space.
Good, so those would be calledstates, because sometimes, like
in Florida, we don't have toworry about polar bears.
So there's laws in Alaska aboutpolar bears that don't apply to
us.
So by pulling it apart that way,the kids get to know, even
(37:27):
defining the word, o where F ispronounced like the letter V.
There is a meaning of that word.
And when you go over that andthe kids are then allowed to
create their own state, name it,name the capital, and after you
(37:49):
go through different steps ofokay, what's -re you a farming
state?
What do you produce?
What's your trade?
What's your exchange with theother states?
What's, what are you famous for?
And the kids can create that.
Oh, we have the highest rollercoaster.
It goes all the way up to themoon.
I'm like great, we've got to goto your state to go ride that
roller coaster.
Then it becomes thisfascinating adventure of
(38:13):
learning and at the end of itthey remember what the United
States of America is and theyhave that concept forever.
Ryan Kimball (38:32):
Yeah, exactly, and it's very real to them and they
can use it.
Awesome! You talked a littlebefore we were starting about
how much you want to get yourinformation out there because of
what it can do and the types ofthings - changes it will help
create in society.
And just talking to you,interacting with you on this and
seeing how you present thingsand make learning interesting
and make me want to go back tohigh school, which I never
thought I'd say that! it needsto be known.
(38:53):
It needs to be made known to theworld, and so how does somebody
reach out to you?
What are the methods of gettingin communication with you and
getting your book and all that?
Barbie Rivera (39:03):
Okay, when on the back of the book is a QR code
that's to a website.
Enough Is nough.
Now, realize I am not thesocial media queen or anything,
but there's a way you couldsubscribe and there's a way to
contact me through there.
I also have a school that's anonprofit, Help Miami, and you
(39:24):
can contact me through there.
Ryan Kimball (39:28):
Great, Okay, great , and I believe there is a
website.
Is it just your name, or,BarbieRivera.
com?
Barbie Rivera (39:37):
BarbieRivera.
com will take you to the EnoughIs Enough.
Ryan Kimball (39:42):
Okay, so BarbieRivera.
com you can buy Enough Is Enoughright on there.
Barbie Rivera (39:52):
Yeah, it's available on Amazon, so you
could also go on Amazon.
Enough Is Enough by BarbieRivera.
Ryan Kimball (39:54):
Perfect
Barbie Rivera (39:54):
And I think that there's even a link back to the
website.
Ryan Kimball (39:59):
Awesome, okay, great, and I know that all -
everything you've gone overtoday is really powerful, but I
can tell for anybody who'sreading, there's so much in the
book! We specifically tried tomake this very detailed on one
or two things, but there's somuch in this book.
It's a whole education initself.
It's inspiring.
So do make sure you go andcheck out and grab that for
(40:20):
yourself if you don't have it,the links will also be in the
show notes, and this is only thebeginning of what we're going
to be sharing here.
I'm really excited about Barbiebeing here today, but stay
tuned, because coming up we'regoing to have other topics that
are in the book and some thatI've been told aren't in the
(40:40):
book that we'll be covering infuture episodes.
So, thank you so much again,Barbie, for being here with us
today!
Barbie Rivera (40:47):
Thank you!
Ryan Kimball (40:48):
Absolutely.
All right.
Thank you everybody forlistening and, like I said, stay
tuned.
We'll see you in the nextepisode.
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