Q&A: How to Set Boundaries With Family Who Won't Listen

You set a boundary. They ignored it. You repeated yourself. They pushed again. And by the fourth time, you weren't calmly redirecting anymore, you were yelling, crying, or walking out. Now you're sitting with shame, wondering if all that therapy was pointless.

In this episode, I answer a listener question about what to do when family members repeatedly violate your boundaries during holiday gatherings. I talk about what's actually happening in your body when boundaries get crossed (spoiler: you're not choosing to lose your temper, you're in a survival response), why family systems resist your boundaries so hard, and the difference between a boundary and a request (this one's huge).

In this episode, we cover:

• What happens in your nervous system when boundaries get violated repeatedly
• Why your family pushes back so hard when you start setting limits
• The difference between boundaries and requests (and why this matters)
• How family roles (peacekeeper, scapegoat, parentified child) affect boundary violations
• Six practical strategies to protect yourself at Christmas gatherings
• What to do if you lose your temper again (because it might happen)
• Why losing your temper doesn't erase your healing work

Resources mentioned:

Free Dysregulation SOS Toolkit

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This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.