July 1, 2025 • 57 mins
Have you ever felt your energy drain away when caught in a spiral of overthinking? Ever wondered why some people seem to radiate power while others struggle to make decisions? The secret might lie in understanding power as energy transfer.
In this illuminating conversation with Tobi Kinsel, founder of The Radiant Key, we dive deep into the physics and metaphysics of personal power. Tobi shares her journey from growing up in an emotionally abusive home—where perfectionism became her shield—to discovering how energy healing and leadership coaching could transform her relationship with power. Her insight that "power is the rate at which energy is transferred" offers a revolutionary framework for understanding our interactions, thought patterns, and emotional states.
The connection between overthinking and power loss becomes crystal clear as Tobi explains how mental spiraling creates a low vibrational state that affects not just our decision-making but our physical well-being. She offers five practical techniques for breaking free from overthinking: changing your body temperature with ice, grounding practices like barefoot walking, physical movement to shift energy, journaling to externalize thoughts, and trusting your intuition over analysis.
What's particularly fascinating is how Tobi bridges two seemingly different worlds—leadership development and energy healing—to create a holistic approach to personal empowerment. She explains how leaders unknowingly transfer their energy to teams, how asking for help paradoxically builds rather than diminishes power, and why self-awareness is the foundation for all meaningful change.
Whether you're struggling with overthinking, trying to reclaim your personal power, or simply curious about the energetic dimensions of human experience, this episode offers profound insights and practical tools. As Tobi reminds us, "You are the radiant key" to unlocking your own potential. Join us to discover how to stop giving your power away and start channeling it toward what truly matters.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobi-kinsell/
IG: @the.radiantkey
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Sometimes I wish we could go back to a time when
things weren't so complicated.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome to the Complexity of Toilet Paper, the
podcast that dives into theeveryday moments where we
overthink, hesitate or just getstuck.
I'm overthinking, I'm over, I'moverthinking.
Let's hear it for the toiletpaper Through honest
conversations, unexpectedinsights and a whole lot of
(00:28):
humor.
Your hosts, phyllis Martin,mark Pollack and Al Emmerich,
are here to help you roll withit and make your life a little
less complicated.
One conversation at a time,that's right, dude.
The beauty of this is itssimplicity.
Speaking of which, it's time toenter the stall, put the lid
down or not, depending getcomfortable and roll with it.
(00:53):
Oh worry not, dear friend, it'sreally quite simple.
This is the complexity oftoilet paper, of toilet paper.
The complexity of toilet paperis in your ears.
We are here to unpack life'smysteries and before we unpack
(01:15):
the concept of power today,let's toss it around the horn.
Use a little bit of baseballreference.
I'll tell you why in a minute.
But Phyllis Martin or I guessyou've typed in the name
Virginia Blue- I have.
Is it just a random thing?
Speaker 4 (01:32):
No, Virginia Blue is my alter ego and she is bohemian
and wise and carefree and sayswhatever she wants to.
Very impactful, I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
So to set the stage, we don't rehearse our opens, we
don't know what like, we typeour own names in, just like when
you do a Zoom or whatever, andso we're early in the game here
and I have no freaking clue whatdamn name's going to pop up
with Phil Smart, because whatwere the other names?
Cookies, mcgee, cookies, mcgee,cookies, mcgee.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Puns galore.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Puns galore.
Oh wait a minute.
There was Dirk Flushworth orsomething like that.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
No, that was you I pulled it.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
That was me.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Mark, what was yours?
I don't remember.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yeah, all right, so I'll just tell you super quick
up this past weekend inpreparation for recording with
our guest today, who's talkingabout power, because I was back
umpiring.
I haven't done that in a while.
But a huge baseball fan lovedthe game, played it, coached it.
(02:36):
My kids played at a high levelcollege as well and, gosh, I
just I saw the beauty of theseboys and the joy of the game and
the laughter.
But I also, thanks to the twoof you in this show, was sucked
into this vacuum of oh my gosh,this is far too complex.
Coaches were giving theseinstructions and thoughts and
(03:00):
ideas like you've got toremember, man, keep your brain
focused on this and remember,tune out that and don't do this.
And it's like these are12-year-olds, my God, and I was
one of those coaches who thoughtI was going to cite war and
peace wisdom to these kids andtheir brains just became mush.
And so can we do a show on thecomplexity of coaching at some
(03:27):
point?
absolutely actually so you markyou 100.
You had an idea mark aboutdoing sports.
That's going to be a whole.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
We haven't even unpacked that oh, man, the, the,
the complications that arehappening in the sports, from
coaching to technology, to youname it.
It is not the sports that weplayed as kids, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Phil, what was that big expression we just saw?
Speaker 4 (03:53):
I want to tell you but I can't think of the name of
what it is that I want to tellyou has gotten complex.
So if, when I think about it,in 20 seconds, I'll, I'll rip it
out, jump in.
I'll just jump right in and sayit Well speaking of jumping
right in.
The transfer portal.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
The transfer.
Oh yes, oh yeah, and I know whoto do, I know who to invite,
I've got to.
Okay, all right, we'll savethat one for the future.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
You didn't even have to wait 20 seconds on that one,
no we didn't.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And Well, today it's about power and if you're just
listening for the first time ornot, each of us Mark, Phil and I
have all discussed differenttopics to bring to the stall,
and Idris will transgress theseat some point over time, but
Phil chose power for this show.
So, Phil, why power and who'sour guest?
Speaker 4 (04:44):
So I've always found power to be very interesting.
There's all kinds of power andI've been obviously on a journey
to to reclaim my own power andto use it for good.
And then I've always, like mostof us, have been in situations
where maybe we have been insituations where somebody has
(05:06):
taken our power or we've letsomebody take our power.
So I was very interested tojust bring somebody into the
stall that might be willing tohave that conversation with us.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Can I just tell you that when you brought forward
power, I really didn't put itinto this box.
I really didn't know where togo with it, and the more that I
was reading about our guest andthe more that I was actually
thinking about how this powerimpacts all of us and moves
through all of us, it just I'mcompletely intrigued about this
(05:45):
conversation and what our guestis going to talk about and the
tips and ways that we canreclaim our power.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Toby Kinsel is her name and Phil.
What's the connection and whyToby?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Toby and I worked together many years ago.
We've probably known each otherfor 20 years and when I first
met her, I just knew she wassomebody I needed and wanted to
be in my life.
And the truth of the matter isI sent out a Facebook post as we
(06:23):
were getting ready to launchthe podcast and after I hit post
I started sweating because Iwas nervous and it wasn't pretty
.
And about 30 seconds later shetexted and said I can't believe
you're doing this.
I just am getting ready tolaunch my own business, the
(06:43):
Radiant Key.
And here's the website.
And I immediately went to thewebsite and knew right away she
was the person we needed to comeon the show and talk about
power, what's her take?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Obviously, she's going to give us the lowdown,
but from your perspective, asone of the hosts of the show,
what's her take and why is shebehind the microphone and in the
stall with us?
Speaker 4 (07:11):
She has managed to bring together, I think, two
critical aspects that interplayoff of each other leadership and
power, and the other is energyand power and the transfer of
energy in and out of people, thethings we do, the way we act,
the messages that we send, andhow overcomplicating or
(07:36):
overthinking things actuallytakes away our power, and what
that transference of energyreally does to us on a physical
and emotional and social level.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
There's a lot to unpack there, but we're not
going to unpack it.
Instead, we're going to letToby unpack it as we step into
the stall.
You both ready to do this thing?
I'm ready.
That does not sound encouraging.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
I am so beyond ready.
I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
That's a Virginia blue ready.
I like that.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
All right, virginia blue is ready.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Like last week, this is the complexity of toilet
paper.
Let's stall it up, shall we?
The complexity of toilet paper.
Let's stall it up.
Shall we Welcome into the stallToby Kinsel?
This is the complexity oftoilet paper.
And did you ever figure a dayin your life where you would say
(08:40):
I'm going to be hanging withpeople talking about toilet
paper?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
No, and I'm not sure how I feel about the scent in
the stall.
Still trying to figure that oneout.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Hey, we just need to give a disclaimer here.
No stalls were harmed in therecording of this show and
everybody's scent is their ownbecause we're all over the world
.
So, toby, I hate to throw thisdown, but, man, you need to
check yourself.
Your home studio is not in goodshape, I mean, and if that is
(09:19):
your bathroom, that is the mostornate bathroom I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
It's got books, awards and plants.
This is my office and you mademe unplug my essential oils that
I had to bring the vibe in.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Could you imagine going into a?
That would be so funny.
You go into a public restroomand you bring in like essential
oils.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
You mean, you don't do that?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, no, mark, we don oils.
Yeah, you don't do that.
Yeah, no, mark, we don't.
We don't.
Well, traveling with mark newthings you didn't know, you know
needed to know.
Well, welcome to it.
Uh, phyllis has given us a awonderful background, if you
will, but obviously we want toknow more from you.
Um, but let's just cut to thechase really quickly, because
(10:08):
Phyllis dropped this on us andMark, I don't think it would be
inappropriate to start off ashow about power if we first
said what's going on with Tushy?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Yeah, I mean, that really was my first question.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I mean, if we're going to break this show down,
you could say thanks to VirginiaBlue I know, right, yeah, I
think you can't talk about Tushywithout talking about Virginia
Blue.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
That's exactly right.
Yeah, phyllis and I used towork together and I don't.
We were sitting at a tabletalking and I don't remember
what we were talking about and Ijust casually mentioned that my
alter ego was Tushy and shegoes oh, that's like my alter
ego, virginia blue, and that'sjust how it is, is how it is.
(11:07):
So, yeah, I, you know, I willbring in Tushy because it is
appropriate that she is here inthe stall today with all of her
booty fabulousness.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Oh okay, phyllis, you've you've given us a number
of names so far in our episodes,so I'm I'm hoping that we're
just going to have a litany ofnames for you years down the
road.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
There's, there's just , I'm just never going to stop.
But since Tushy was coming, Ifelt like Virginia Blue, who is
really more bohemian than I ambut very sharp and clever and
very, very wise and doesn't takea whole lot of crap.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
I can just envision, tushy, when you're out giving
autographs one day, that it's onlike a toilet seat or something
and you know it's just justTushy.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
I like it I mean I can't think of a better way to
talk about power than talk abouttaking all of the power through
a name, and that's a prettypowerful name.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
So, toby, first of all, walk us back a little bit.
We've got this great sense ofyour energy, your scope of your
rich talent 30 plus yearsleadership, consulting, coaching
, and now this new launch.
So give us your elevator speech, your elevator pitch about this
(12:22):
new company.
What power means to you?
We've obviously want to unpackthe role of issues as it relates
to complexity, but walk us backand give us your elevator story
.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Well, my new company is called the Radiant Key and
our mission is to empower peopleto unlock their true potential.
And I do this throughleadership, coaching and energy
healing.
While two very differentmodalities, they are combined
through a shared mission toguide clients through removing
(12:57):
barriers, uncovering strengthsand nurturing growth.
And I came to this reallythrough a loss of my own power.
I grew up in a home that wasemotionally abusive and I didn't
realize at the time it wasemotionally abusive.
I just thought it was reallystrict.
(13:18):
But as I've gotten older andrealized it's not normal to get
yelled at if you spill milk ormake a mistake, I've realized
that it was quite emotionallyabusive.
And what happened because ofthat is I became a type A
perfectionist, because whenyou're a perfectionist then you
(13:40):
don't make mistakes or get introuble.
You don't make mistakes or getin trouble, and that resulted in
a lot of overthinking throughthe years and questioning
whether or not I could even makea decision, make the right
decision.
I always questioned myselfbecause I did not grow up sure
(14:00):
of myself, which led to whatmany women do we find a man who
does the same thing as ourchildhood did, and that ended in
divorce.
And when that happened Irealized that I had lost myself
and any power that I had alongthe way, and in taking that
(14:23):
action I reclaimed my power andthat was the first time that I
started seeking energy healing,because therapy is great and
it's a wonderful modality and Iencourage it for everyone and
I've had it throughout the years.
But energy healing can get deepwithin to things that you don't
(14:44):
know aren't even there.
So that was my first experiencewith energy healing.
Who had fears, low self-esteem,different types of things
(15:07):
within that would affect thepower that they forced on people
?
So observing leaders thatweren't as effective as they
could be then motivated me tobecome curious about leadership.
So I obtained a leadershipcoaching certification because I
(15:30):
want to empower leaders to betheir best selves and to walk
down a journey of self-awarenessso they can bring their best
selves to work.
So that's the story in thebackground of how I ended here.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
You quote.
There was a quote that I readin some of your work power is
the rate at which energy istransferred and that was just
mesmerizing to me.
I used to work in the field ofdomestic violence with a shelter
in Jacksonville, florida, andfirst of all, as a survivor, you
know, kudos to you, and youcould have done a lot of things
(16:06):
with that experience that neverled you to this wonderful place.
So congratulations on thatjourney and thank you for
sharing that with us.
But walk us through, becausethe word of power is the rate of
which energy is transferred.
It sounds like you had anegative transference of power
and now you're trying to turnthat into a positive
transference.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
That's right and you know, physics is a great thing
and I love that equation andthinking about power in that way
.
It's that equation is meant tobe about.
If you push a plate off thetable or you're pushing
something up a hill, you knowhow much power, how much energy
(16:47):
does it take to do this?
And but when you think about it, related to the actual energy
within our bodies and ouremotions and our behaviors and
how those are transferred toothers, we are human transfers.
We can take energy in and wecan transfer it out.
(17:11):
And when you think about it inthat way, it has such a profound
impact not only on those aroundyou but on yourself.
This podcast is aboutoverthinking.
So you think about that momentthat you're in the overthinking
spin and you're spinning withall of these thoughts and can't
(17:31):
decide which way to go.
That's creating an energywithin yourself, the spinning
energy, and it just doesn't stopuntil you stop it.
And when you think aboutleaders, for example they come
into a meeting disheveled,stressed, not paying attention,
(17:51):
distracted.
That then projects an energy onthe people around them and that
transference of energy createsa reaction in that person.
So there's incredible power inthinking about how you transfer
and absorb energy.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
So, toby, when, when you talk about that leader, I
can visualize a leader standingin front of a room disheveled,
how will that leader know,because sometimes, when you're
in it, you don't see it?
How will that leader know thattheir energy is out of?
Speaker 1 (18:31):
alignment of why I come to leadership coaching, and
that is self-awareness.
Because you're right, al, notmany people are aware of the
(18:51):
energy or conscious or eventhinking about what they're
bringing into a meeting or aone-on-one with a person or a
workshop or a presentation.
They're stuck within themselvesand again going back to the
overthinking cycle.
When you're overthinking,you're stuck within yourself and
self-awareness is really thefirst step and key in developing
one's leadership.
(19:12):
You have to be aware ofyourself and how you're
affecting others.
I do that through using the EIQassessment, the emotional
intelligence assessment.
It's a great tool to measurehow aware you are of yourself
and how aware you are of others.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
In that, Toby, there's something in when we
were preparing for this thatthat you really drilled this
concept of power down to and and, and I think it's important
because there's so manydifferent ways we could talk
about power.
But can you share a little bitabout what you really said, that
(19:51):
how overcomplicating things andhow overthinking things
actually takes away our powerand what that really means if we
can't have an intersection ofthat behavior?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
So many people feel like they are stuck and I've
definitely had those moments inlife where I described it as
walking through mud.
Nothing seemed to flow or go.
In a way that felt like themomentum was behind me, and
often in those moments I wasfocused on how the environment
(20:31):
around me was affecting me.
So I can't do this thingbecause of this person, or I'm
stuck in this job because I haveto have a job, because I need
to pay my mortgage, or I'm inthis marriage that I don't want
to be in, but I want to stayhere because of my child and I
(20:54):
can't get out.
You often, as you'reoverthinking, are thinking of
all of the reasons why you can'tdo something.
And when you stop that andthere are a lot of ways we can
talk about how you stop that inthe moment but when you stop
that and you ground yourself andyou realize there are many
(21:17):
actions I can take, in thismoment I actually have power.
I can seek help, I can talk toa friend, I can go to therapy, I
could go to energy healing.
I could say yes or no to this.
(21:38):
Instead of thinking about thegray and all of the options.
Sometimes the answer is justyes or no to this.
Instead of thinking about thegray and all of the options,
sometimes the answer is just yesor no.
Should I stay or should I go?
You have power in one simpleaction.
For example, I recently amgetting ready to leave a
full-time job to launch intothis business.
(21:59):
To leave a full-time job tolaunch into this business, and I
had a huge fear over losing,you know, an income that I
relied on, and I was with anintuitive who said you have to
trust and you have to have faith.
Even trust and faith can besomething that you stand on.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Even trust and faith can be something that you stand
on.
They are an action amongst manyother actions.
So is when you said people havelots of options and one is like
therapy or talking to a friend.
I've experienced where thosewere considerations where I felt
almost like it was a loss ofpower because I relied on
somebody else.
Why does that happen?
(22:58):
Where?
Speaker 4 (22:59):
I.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I feel like I've got to.
If I talk to Al or Phyllis, ifI'm having a bad day or
something, I'm losing power byincluding them versus I'm going
to solve this by myself.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yeah, oh, that's a great question, mark.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
It is a great question and it's because our
culture has taught us that and Ithink it's especially true for
men that we have to be strongand we have to be confident and
we have to be able to handle allof our things.
I think it's true for women too.
You know, we have the phrasepull up your big girl pants and
make it happen, and I certainlygrew up in that kind of home
(23:33):
where there was no excuse.
It was you're going to do this,you will succeed.
You will not fail.
You can do this all yourself Igrew up with.
My grandmother was a single mom,my mom was a single mom and
there was a lot of resiliencethere and a lot of weights and
(23:57):
barriers around.
You don't need anyone in yourlife to help you, especially a
man, because you can do ityourself.
So we're in a culture whereweakness we can think about what
happened in our last electionweakness is not a strength.
Power is a strength in ourculture and how you exude that
(24:23):
power, and so that is thebarrier to asking for help and
seeking for help, and I think weall, as we're raising children
and young people and workingwith people, have to create
psychologically safe placeswhere people can fail, where
they can ask for help, wherethey where.
(24:47):
It's okay to say.
I don't know the answer to thisand I need help finding the
answer, or I don't have thetools.
I need tools through therapyneed tools.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Through therapy there's been so much of an
illumination on mental healththat obviously began.
Was it really became morepublic around COVID, obviously,
and then has transferred intomore of the psyche of business.
Having been somebody who hasgone through therapy myself for
many, many years, this show istechnically therapy.
So thank you all of ourlisteners.
But do you ever find that theconcept of power and mental
(25:31):
health and power as it relatesto how you view it through
energy, is that a conflict ofconcepts or are they strong,
aligned parallels?
Speaker 1 (25:41):
They're both Thinking about someone I know who has
PTSD and when they are in amoment of being triggered, they
can't control their response.
So they're in the medicalhealth profession and have had
(26:20):
years of traumatic experiencessaving lives.
Like just a horn honking or anambulance or sirens, it triggers
them into a panic responsewhere they feel like they are
dying and can't control thatresponse.
So in that instance, in thosetypes of circumstances, the
(26:42):
person definitely feelspowerless and as though they
don't have power, and thatperson is in therapy once a week
to address these symptoms ofPTSD and is doing active things
to work on it.
So that is the taking back ofthe power of I'm going to take
(27:05):
this action and this step towork on this thing.
That is paralyzing me and thereare certainly many
circumstances that people don'thave power in things I think you
know we could talk aboutpoverty and and all kinds of
situations that that peoplereally um are challenged by, but
(27:28):
I I think that they're both.
Dave.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I don't know who Dave is, but that's okay.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
I could be, dave.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
if you want, I can definitely be Dave, since I can
be six names.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Ladies and gentlemen, we are with our guest.
Her name is Bob, and Bob istalking about weakness.
This is great.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
That was Tushy actually.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
I knew something, I knew Tushy, I made that mistake.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
We'll blame her for that.
It's good.
I'm so sorry, it's Tushy.
Actually I knew something.
I knew Tushy.
I made that mistake.
Yeah, we'll blame her for that.
I'm so sorry.
It's all good.
Strange things happen in thebathroom.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
All right, phil, we'll return it to a modicum of
order, could we please, becauseyou know how.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
I need that in my life.
So, toby, this is thecomplexity of toilet paper, and
can you, for our listeners andfor us, to define power in terms
of complexity?
Where's the toggle there andhow did those two work together
from your perspective?
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Power is incredibly complex when you think about
what we were just talking aboutin terms of power is the rate at
which energy is transferred.
Energy is emotions.
Emotions are complex.
There's an incredible amount ofkinds of power.
(28:56):
There's individual power thatsomeone has the agency that they
have to make a change, which issomething that we've talked at
length about in this podcast.
There's coercive power usingpower to manipulate people.
There's experiential powerhaving a certain level of
(29:29):
experience that you have orexpertise that you bring that
automatically gives you power.
There's a reverent power, wherethe Pope is a good example of
that.
Just the person's in a positionof complexity, because the rate
at which that power is used ornot used, the rate at which it
(29:49):
vibrates off of people, whereyou bring it in or take it out,
is very complex in the way thatthat happens.
Another example would be myselfgrowing up in a home.
I have a brother and a sister.
Their response to theenvironment that myself.
Growing up in a home, I have abrother and a sister.
Their response to theenvironment that we grew up in
(30:17):
was very different than minebecause of the complexity within
us, because of our emotionalmakeup, our age, our gender, all
those types of things.
So even the way that anindividual experiences power in
the same, two individuals in thesame situation can experience
it very differently.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
And Toby, you're actually just to be clear,
you're talking about not justthe dynamic of the emotion, of
course, but actually thephysical transference and DNA of
electric power.
Right, that's right.
So they talk aboutmanifestation, that is, an
energy.
This is the same thing, right?
Speaker 1 (30:47):
That's correct.
There's a guy his name is DrDavid Hawkins and he's written
two really great books.
One is Letting Go, which wouldbe really great for overthinkers
, because it's aboutsurrendering and letting go of
things.
But the other is the map ofconsciousness, and he's actually
(31:08):
mapped out and done scientificresearch on the vibrations of
different emotions.
Different emotions, so fear,hate, pride, anger those all
have very low vibrations.
(31:28):
So I'm sure you've been aroundpeople where they have those
negative emotions and you feelhow heavy it is.
It's a very low vibration.
But when you're around someonewith great joy, great love,
great awareness, great courage,those emotions actually
(31:53):
scientifically have a highervibrational level.
So you feel better when notonly do you have those within
yourself but when you feel itaround other people.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
I thought, you were describing me at the end of that
, like all that great vibration,I was.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Mark, I was going to say you, Phyllis and I, when we
get together, it's amazing.
We're not like shaking.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
I know we don't explode.
All the energy, the positiveenergy.
We cause earthquakes, weexplode.
We cause earthquakes, we do.
It's weird.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
There'll be no imploding or exploding except in
the stall.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Speaking of the stall , and the energy that is
transferred in the stall.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Yes, yes, let us not forget that.
There is a lot of energytransfer in there.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Toby, as you well know from Phyllis, mark and I,
we're all over thinkers and werecognize that the depth of the
conversations for our listeners,and even for us, is quite can
be at times intense.
So that's why we alleviate theintensity only of the topic to
invite you to step into thestall again with us for what we
(33:07):
call, ladies and gentlemen, theroll up.
Yes, the roll up is youropportunity to be the inquisitor
of the greatest questions everknown to mankind, the things
that will solve the problemsthat haven't been solved yet and
the questions that haven't beenasked, so that Phyllis can
sleep well at night, knowing allwill be well with the world.
(33:29):
It's all about Phyllis.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
I love it when it's that way.
Or Virginia Blue.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Or Virginia Blue Cookies, mcgee or whatever Right
Puns galore, my gosh there'sother one.
Mark Puns galore yeah.
I cannot wait for us to havepromotional store products and
just have a whole sectiondedicated to Phyllis?
Speaker 4 (33:48):
I expect puns galore will be a sellout.
But go ahead Hell yeah, allright.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
So, toby, we're going to toss it to your pal, gal
Phyllis, to start us off withthis speed round.
I hope you haven't prepared,because there's no test.
Go ahead, phyllis.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
There's no test and the speed round will begin with
your favorite.
What is your favorite pottytime activity?
Speaker 1 (34:14):
It is.
It was a long time ago readingPeople magazine, but I don't get
that anymore, so now it'sscrolling through my phone.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
What do you scroll News, or do you only do light
stuff?
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Just the socials, yeah yeah, not as much as I used
to, though you know I'm.
I'm single and in my housealone often, so I don't have to
hide in the bathroom, so I don'tactually I don't actually.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
There's actually a lot to unpack there right, I
actually don't have to spend alot of time in the bathroom
alone by myself to to get away.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
So I don't spend a ton of time.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
All right, then it's time for the next on.
No this is fast, we can'toverthink it.
It's speed round.
We can't unpack that.
What is your favorite nicknamefor the bathroom?
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Oh, I guess the potty .
It's not very original, thepotty.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
Phyllis, sorry.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
That's so, judgy of you, I know, and it's very
unlike me.
Virginia Blue, you're intimeout.
We're putting you in the stallnext to us.
All right, here you go.
This is the time for what wecall the lid of truth.
You ready?
Do you text from the toilet,and if so, do you actually?
Speaker 1 (35:42):
ever let people know that you've texted them from the
toilet.
My, I just said I was single,but I do have a boyfriend, so
he's probably not going to likethat.
He tends to video call me whenI'm in the bathroom on accident
a lot, so I just answer it.
So that happens a lot to me.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
The complications, the complications, just compile
here, right here in the potty.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
But no, if I'm texting I'm not going to tell
someone I'm in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
All right, phyllis, you get to ask the last question
.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
I'm going to do a switcheroo so you can go out on
a high note If you got one.
If there was one song that, ifit got stuck in your head, you
would never get tired of hearingit, what would that be?
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Well, you're going to really love this Virginia Blue.
I can't wait, it's Copacabanaby Barry Manilow.
Yes, I knew it, I knew it.
It has drama and a salsa beatand a story, music and passion.
Yes, a bar, a crowded room,lola.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
If you're just joining us for the very first
time, just to set the stage.
Phil is a huge Barry Manilowfan, Undoubtedly.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Listens constantly on the toilet.
Yes, anywhere, really.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
And you know what, barry, if you're listening, if
you could send Phyllis a notesigned or a picture of a toilet,
you know, autographed by you,that would be great Signed
toilet paper.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Just send it to her.
Speaker 4 (37:24):
In the off chance that he hears this, because you
know he could, somebody couldget it to him.
Can we just go?
Speaker 1 (37:28):
with this.
I'll send it to him.
Speaker 4 (37:29):
That I'm going to be in Vegas to see him.
I believe it's September 18thand my life's dream I'm not
kidding and not making it up isto get to come up on stage and
sing with him.
So I'm putting it out thereAnybody can make that happen.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
We could probably find somebody who knows him.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
That would be it for me.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
I'm down, I'm sure we could figure something like
that out.
We'll get it figured out.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
We'll have at least three listeners by then, so
that'll be great, we'll have atleast three listeners by then,
so that'll be great.
We already have more than that,I know I know All right,
terrible, well, that is thankyou so much, Toby, for joining
us for the roll-up.
You don't seem to be scarredmentally or physically.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Only that I messed up your names and I will be
overthinking that all night allweek completely embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
I am texting your ass non-stop, hoping I catch you in
the bathroom.
I just listen, tushy my name ismark all right, let's, let's,
let's, let's bring it back homehere to all kidding.
All kidding aside, you knowthis.
This whole riveting topic comeswith so much more on the bone
(38:40):
to talk about.
But, mark, we're going to saveyou for the end, because you
always wrap it so well.
So I'll lead it and then, phil,maybe you can jump in, but
let's start.
Toby, you talked about allthese things that people can do
in the moment.
What are, say, your top fiverecommendations and tips?
(39:04):
Because we want to be able tocompile these and eventually
build them into some sort of abook or something for people.
But what are your top five tipsfor people who are, in the
moment, trying to feel thatpower draining from them?
What can they do?
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Put your hand in ice.
I know that sounds really weird, but when you are in the minute
the middle of overthinking, oreven anxiety, changing your body
temperature or creating puttingyourself in a different
stimulus automatically stopsyour brain in that spiral.
So whether that's putting yourhead in a freezer, taking an ice
(39:45):
cube or, you know, like an icepad and just putting it on your
face, that stops that responsefrom happening.
Two is grounding.
Grounding is such a beautifulthing and grounding can be
(40:06):
different things to differentpeople.
So there's a lot written rightnow about grounding on Earth.
The Earth has energy andvibration.
So walking in the grass withoutyour shoes on, laying in the
grass, there are groundingsheets.
That's one form, but groundingcould also be meditation, it
(40:28):
could be yoga, it could be goingfor a walk.
It's different for differentpeople.
So whatever brings you a momentof quiet and peace to ground is
very valuable.
Movement is another one Movingyour body.
There's something in Qigongcalled shaking the tree and it
(40:49):
literally is just bouncing upand down.
But bouncing up and down againchanges the vibration, even if
you're in the middle ofoverthinking.
Jumping up and down and shakingit gets your blood flowing, it
gets your lymphatic systemflowing, it can really change
(41:14):
and position you to just pausein that moment.
I think four would be journaling.
Writing is really powerful forpeople Writing down, even if
you're in the moment ofoverthinking, what are the pros
(41:34):
and the cons in the situation,because often when you get it
out of your head and you see iton paper, it's really clear oh
yeah, it's this.
And then the last one is trustyour intuition.
One of the things thatoverthinking does is it blocks
what you feel in your gut and weall have the power of intuition
(41:55):
.
We all have a sense within us,a knowing of what is best for us
or what we need to do or whatthe action is.
Often we ignore that because weoverthink it and we get in our
mind and we analyze things andwe can talk ourself in and out
of something.
So five for me would betrusting your gut and trusting
(42:19):
your intuition.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
I'm hoping first of all.
That's just incredibly powerful, but I would be negligent if I
didn't bring to the show that Ihope I'm never overthinking and
having a moment while I'mactually in the restroom,
because shaking the tree wouldbe a horrible experience.
Oh my God, really oh did youjust say really to me, mark, I'm
(42:47):
sorry.
Yeah, I did.
We made an agreement that, nomatter how deep and intellectual
we're going to go, that we cango dive into the toilet whenever
we want.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
I'm probably just jealous, I didn't think of it.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
My second regret is saying shake the tree.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
Out of all the regrets in your life.
That's it, that's great.
No, just on this podcast.
Do you know how?
Speaker 1 (43:11):
hard it was to listen to you going?
Speaker 2 (43:13):
oh my God, she is throwing down fricking lightning
bolts of genius here, but Ican't get shaking the tree out
of my head there we go.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
All right, there it is.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
I'm just throwing softballs for you, that's it
just throwing we're gonna haveyou on the show a lot anyway, uh
, phyllis martin yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:30):
So, toby, thank you for coming on and for what
you're doing, because I thinkit's innately who you are as a
human being, but I would youknow.
I just want to restate a coupleof things, and one is this
theme of self-awareness that iscoming through many of our shows
(43:51):
and some of the things we'rehearing back from our listeners,
and when we think about howovercomplicating or overthinking
takes our power away from us, Idon't know that there's
anything more powerful thantaking that first step of
becoming self-aware.
(44:13):
I'm not sure anything elsereally can happen, and that can
be small self-aware or bigself-aware, but from my
perspective, that is the journeyand through that self-awareness
, even as we think about littlethings we can do to hold on to
our power, then things becomesimpler and easier.
(44:35):
That path presents itself andbecomes very visible to us and
we can take it and run with it.
So little baby steps can turninto walking, can turn into
running, and then who knows what?
And, mark, I want to use thisexample because you shared it
earlier, about overthinkingemail, which I also do, and this
is really something I do now,which is, if I'm writing an
(44:57):
email and it's not, it feels acertain particular way I really
do start to.
I have to.
I literally pull back and saythis is not the energy I want
going into this email becauseit's going to land.
I just am certain that energyis going to land on the
recipient and that's a small way, but a big way for me to say
(45:19):
I've got power in how I'm goingto respond to this or what I'm
going to ask or what is goingout there.
And that's a behavioral changewhich may be the other thing I
heard you say, which is claimingpower, getting power, finding
power, not letting it drain away, requires us to make changes in
how we do, and you can fill inthe blanks.
(45:43):
So I'm so excited about thiswork that you're doing.
That's this combination ofleadership training, because,
heaven knows, leaders are notperfect people.
They come to it for a certainreason.
They do have power.
We all have power, and how wechoose to use that or live in
that or share.
(46:03):
That to me is directly tied tothe exchange of energy coming
and going.
So thank you Beautiful.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
Marco.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
So you've given us a gift, tushy um you just had to.
Speaker 4 (46:24):
I had to it felt so good too so we should.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
We should end the show right there um, and and I
wrote some stuff down you gaveus a gift and what I wanted to
do with the gift that you gaveus is kind of give back to you
what I've heard in kind of thevoices in my head and I hope you
see it as a gift back that whatyou've provided has been really
(46:55):
powerful and moving for me, butI know for a lot of people it
will be.
And so, as we kind of closetoday's conversation, you've
brought to us Toby kind of asimple truth, and that simple
truth is that power is notsomething that you have to earn,
and you shared that from yourearly stages in life.
(47:18):
It's something that you alreadycarry with you.
It's in the way that you speakto yourself, it's in the energy
that you bring to a room, it'sin the emails.
Like Phyllis said, it's in thechoices that you make when no
one's watching.
You have this power andoverthinking and fear and
self-doubt cloud that they makeit almost impossible for us to
(47:41):
move forward.
And what I also realized fromwhat you shared today is that
real power isn't loud, it isn'tstrength, it isn't that type of
power, um, it's not dominatingpower.
You shared that story soeloquently in the beginning of
this.
It doesn't demand, it's, it'sgrounded, um, it's intentional,
it's quiet, it's courageous and,um, I'm just really thankful
(48:06):
for the tips that you'veprovided me and for our
listeners, and for yourvulnerability and your stories
to help us understand that realpowers within us and that we
have the ability to share thatpositive power with others, or
that negative power.
And so, thank you, toby.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
Thank you, it's been an honor to be here.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
Her business is called the Radiant Key.
Where can we find you?
Where can the world find you?
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Toby, my website, the radiant keycom, so I can be
found there on instagram.
Um, I'm the period radiant keyand my email is toby at the
radiant keycom.
T-o-b-i.
Toby with an I.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
It's also tissue with an I but I've been spelling it
wrong my whole life I thinksomebody should count how many
times the word tushy came in,but I love the fact that you did
it with an I, tushy with an Ium.
Hey, real quick, how did youcome up with the radiant key?
Speaker 1 (49:12):
I wanted something that had my initials in it, so
T-R-K are my initials and Isimply put into chat GPT words
that begin with T, words thatbegin with R, words that begin
with K and got all of thesewords back, and the rating key
(49:37):
were amongst the words.
So I put them together.
At first it sounded a littlefroofy and woo-woo and maybe a
little too light for leadershipcoaching, because I was trying
to think of something that hitboth leadership coaching and
energy healing.
But the more I thought about it, the more it resonated with me
(49:59):
about the power of unlockingpotential and that each of us
holds the radiant key.
The radiant key isn't me, it'syou.
You are the radiant key and youhold the keys to unlock the
potential in your life.
I'm just here to help be aguide through the process.
Speaker 4 (50:20):
Beautiful.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
Can we close on a better note than that?
Speaker 2 (50:23):
No, that is.
That is a mic drop.
You, thank.
You are a joy.
Thank you so so much, toby.
What a pleasure.
Thank you for joining us in thestall.
Mark Phyllis and I will beright back.
That was probably a bad punintended, by the way, but
seriously, the complexity oftoilet paper is about creating
(50:59):
conversations in places wherethings just don't need to be
that complicated.
It's about finding thesimplicity in life, and if we
work together, you know what wethink we can actually achieve it
.
So follow us on Facebook, sharethe show, give us your comments
and come back and join us inthe stall.
Holy shnikers, what a freakinghome run awesome person.
(51:26):
New insight Phyllis Martin, youare the bomb diggity dog.
Speaker 4 (51:31):
Well, I thank you kind sir.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
So what is you've known this woman for for quite
some time?
Speaker 4 (51:38):
yeah, you obviously shared a litany of insight, but
just quick overview, highlight,you know, elevator pitch, what's
your big takeaway, that thatyou're going to walk away with
and share uh, I think my bigtakeaway which I'm very excited
about because I felt this wayfor a long time is that there
are some critical keys on thispath, this journey that we're
(52:00):
all on.
I mentioned it earlier.
Self-awareness is one of them,but I'm thrilled to see more and
more people connecting thisnotion of energy and power and
(52:23):
complexity and complications andoverthinking and it is
culturally different than, Ithink, what we are all trained
or raised to do, but there's acertain grounding in
illuminating this type ofinformation, thinking about the
world in this way, taking aminute to stop and reflect,
which I think is one of thefastest ways, and albeit
sometimes very painful, to getto simplicity.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
The pain, yeah, mark.
Speaker 3 (52:50):
So I loved this conversation and one of the
actionable items for me.
My biggest takeaway is when Ioverthink, I drain my energy.
Now that seems pretty, prettyobvious, right, but what I
didn't relate it to is the powerthat is transferred to someone
else when I work from that state.
(53:12):
So, as I'm overthinking anemail, I'm not making it better.
I'm actually transferringnegative power.
When I overthink a conversationor overthink anything because I
think I'm making it better, I'mactually making it worse.
And so her techniques todayreally has me thinking about and
(53:37):
not overthinking, but aboutwhat I do in a day and what I,
what I need to do to make surethat I am giving the best of
myself to others oh man that istouching some chords so
beautiful.
Speaker 2 (53:54):
Uh, I I hearken back to my days at Hubbard House,
domestic Violence Shelter, andwhen we co-founded with some
amazing people men againstviolence against women and we
had to introduce the concept ofpower and control to so many men
in that space, so many men inthat space, and I, when, when,
(54:21):
when the men would be asked, youknow well, what if it was your
daughter, or what if it was yourson, the survivor?
It changed everything.
And I remember once a momentwhere, uh, somebody who was
working with us in shelter said,did you feel that?
And I was like, feel what?
I said, I swear, because we hada gentleman who had realized
that he was a survivor himselfand he was now being verbally
(54:42):
and emotionally abusive to hisown son and he's like you felt
that shift of energy and I was.
I didn't even think about itback then, but in this moment,
right now, I could come to tearsthinking about that.
It was on a softball fieldduring one of our fundraising
events, and this gentleman cameto us and shared this moment of
(55:02):
reflection and I never thoughtabout this transference of
energy from a physical sense andsometimes I can now realize, I
can think about what I'm feelingand why I'm feeling it, and I
never gave the credence to thephysical nature of power.
So, wow, that's my big takeaway, okay, well, I hope you all
(55:28):
have an amazing week, you aswell.
Speaker 4 (55:31):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (55:32):
Phyllis, any two-ply words of advice.
You're doing great with socialmedia, by the way, Like you're
killing it.
Speaker 3 (55:40):
I'm proud of you, I'm out there.
Way not to overthink it.
Speaker 4 (55:44):
Way not to overthink it.
Well, you know, fear is a powerdrainer.
Speaker 2 (55:50):
I wouldn't exactly call it overthinking it.
Speaker 3 (55:52):
She's overthinking it , I know.
Speaker 2 (55:55):
All right, I guess we got to wrap this puppy.
Huh, we are truly, trulyhonored to be a part of your
life, a part of what's happeningin in your world.
We hope this brought somesimplicity between your ears and
in your heart as well.
Uh, share the show with others,push it out through whatever
channels uh, you can even writea letter about it.
(56:16):
That would be great.
And, of course, follow us onsocial Facebook's.
The best place the Complexityof Toilet Paper.
You can also find us on yourfavorite podcast platforms,
which, if you're listening tothis, you've probably already
figured that out.
And, of course, you can alsosearch for us on Buzzsprout,
which is currently where moreinformation about us lies.
More shows coming down the roadas we step into the stall,
(56:40):
flush through life and hopefullymake your life a little simpler
, one conversation at a time.
Speaker 4 (56:47):
Did you say toilet paper?
Everything complicated, one big, big mess.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
I'm over thinking, I'm over, I'm over thinking.
This is the complexity oftoilet paper.
Sometimes I wish we could go back to a time when
things weren't so complicated.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome to the Complexity of Toilet Paper, the
podcast that dives into theeveryday moments where we
overthink, hesitate or just getstuck.
I'm overthinking, I'm over, I'moverthinking.
Let's hear it for the toiletpaper Through honest
conversations, unexpectedinsights and a whole lot of
(00:28):
humor.
Your hosts, phyllis Martin,mark Pollack and Al Emmerich,
are here to help you roll withit and make your life a little
less complicated.
One conversation at a time,that's right, dude.
The beauty of this is itssimplicity.
Speaking of which, it's time toenter the stall, put the lid
down or not, depending getcomfortable and roll with it.
(00:53):
Oh worry not, dear friend, it'sreally quite simple.
This is the complexity oftoilet paper, of toilet paper.
The complexity of toilet paperis in your ears.
We are here to unpack life'smysteries and before we unpack
(01:15):
the concept of power today,let's toss it around the horn.
Use a little bit of baseballreference.
I'll tell you why in a minute.
But Phyllis Martin or I guessyou've typed in the name
Virginia Blue- I have.
Is it just a random thing?
Speaker 4 (01:32):
No, Virginia Blue is my alter ego and she is bohemian
and wise and carefree and sayswhatever she wants to.
Very impactful, I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
So to set the stage, we don't rehearse our opens, we
don't know what like, we typeour own names in, just like when
you do a Zoom or whatever, andso we're early in the game here
and I have no freaking clue whatdamn name's going to pop up
with Phil Smart, because whatwere the other names?
Cookies, mcgee, cookies, mcgee,cookies, mcgee.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Puns galore.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Puns galore.
Oh wait a minute.
There was Dirk Flushworth orsomething like that.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
No, that was you I pulled it.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
That was me.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Mark, what was yours?
I don't remember.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Yeah, all right, so I'll just tell you super quick
up this past weekend inpreparation for recording with
our guest today, who's talkingabout power, because I was back
umpiring.
I haven't done that in a while.
But a huge baseball fan lovedthe game, played it, coached it.
(02:36):
My kids played at a high levelcollege as well and, gosh, I
just I saw the beauty of theseboys and the joy of the game and
the laughter.
But I also, thanks to the twoof you in this show, was sucked
into this vacuum of oh my gosh,this is far too complex.
Coaches were giving theseinstructions and thoughts and
(03:00):
ideas like you've got toremember, man, keep your brain
focused on this and remember,tune out that and don't do this.
And it's like these are12-year-olds, my God, and I was
one of those coaches who thoughtI was going to cite war and
peace wisdom to these kids andtheir brains just became mush.
And so can we do a show on thecomplexity of coaching at some
(03:27):
point?
absolutely actually so you markyou 100.
You had an idea mark aboutdoing sports.
That's going to be a whole.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
We haven't even unpacked that oh, man, the, the,
the complications that arehappening in the sports, from
coaching to technology, to youname it.
It is not the sports that weplayed as kids, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Phil, what was that big expression we just saw?
Speaker 4 (03:53):
I want to tell you but I can't think of the name of
what it is that I want to tellyou has gotten complex.
So if, when I think about it,in 20 seconds, I'll, I'll rip it
out, jump in.
I'll just jump right in and sayit Well speaking of jumping
right in.
The transfer portal.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
The transfer.
Oh yes, oh yeah, and I know whoto do, I know who to invite,
I've got to.
Okay, all right, we'll savethat one for the future.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
You didn't even have to wait 20 seconds on that one,
no we didn't.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And Well, today it's about power and if you're just
listening for the first time ornot, each of us Mark, Phil and I
have all discussed differenttopics to bring to the stall,
and Idris will transgress theseat some point over time, but
Phil chose power for this show.
So, Phil, why power and who'sour guest?
Speaker 4 (04:44):
So I've always found power to be very interesting.
There's all kinds of power andI've been obviously on a journey
to to reclaim my own power andto use it for good.
And then I've always, like mostof us, have been in situations
where maybe we have been insituations where somebody has
(05:06):
taken our power or we've letsomebody take our power.
So I was very interested tojust bring somebody into the
stall that might be willing tohave that conversation with us.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Can I just tell you that when you brought forward
power, I really didn't put itinto this box.
I really didn't know where togo with it, and the more that I
was reading about our guest andthe more that I was actually
thinking about how this powerimpacts all of us and moves
through all of us, it just I'mcompletely intrigued about this
(05:45):
conversation and what our guestis going to talk about and the
tips and ways that we canreclaim our power.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Toby Kinsel is her name and Phil.
What's the connection and whyToby?
Speaker 4 (06:02):
Toby and I worked together many years ago.
We've probably known each otherfor 20 years and when I first
met her, I just knew she wassomebody I needed and wanted to
be in my life.
And the truth of the matter isI sent out a Facebook post as we
(06:23):
were getting ready to launchthe podcast and after I hit post
I started sweating because Iwas nervous and it wasn't pretty
.
And about 30 seconds later shetexted and said I can't believe
you're doing this.
I just am getting ready tolaunch my own business, the
(06:43):
Radiant Key.
And here's the website.
And I immediately went to thewebsite and knew right away she
was the person we needed to comeon the show and talk about
power, what's her take?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Obviously, she's going to give us the lowdown,
but from your perspective, asone of the hosts of the show,
what's her take and why is shebehind the microphone and in the
stall with us?
Speaker 4 (07:11):
She has managed to bring together, I think, two
critical aspects that interplayoff of each other leadership and
power, and the other is energyand power and the transfer of
energy in and out of people, thethings we do, the way we act,
the messages that we send, andhow overcomplicating or
(07:36):
overthinking things actuallytakes away our power, and what
that transference of energyreally does to us on a physical
and emotional and social level.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
There's a lot to unpack there, but we're not
going to unpack it.
Instead, we're going to letToby unpack it as we step into
the stall.
You both ready to do this thing?
I'm ready.
That does not sound encouraging.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
I am so beyond ready.
I'm ready.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
That's a Virginia blue ready.
I like that.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
All right, virginia blue is ready.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Like last week, this is the complexity of toilet
paper.
Let's stall it up, shall we?
The complexity of toilet paper.
Let's stall it up.
Shall we Welcome into the stallToby Kinsel?
This is the complexity oftoilet paper.
And did you ever figure a dayin your life where you would say
(08:40):
I'm going to be hanging withpeople talking about toilet
paper?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
No, and I'm not sure how I feel about the scent in
the stall.
Still trying to figure that oneout.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Hey, we just need to give a disclaimer here.
No stalls were harmed in therecording of this show and
everybody's scent is their ownbecause we're all over the world
.
So, toby, I hate to throw thisdown, but, man, you need to
check yourself.
Your home studio is not in goodshape, I mean, and if that is
(09:19):
your bathroom, that is the mostornate bathroom I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
It's got books, awards and plants.
This is my office and you mademe unplug my essential oils that
I had to bring the vibe in.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Could you imagine going into a?
That would be so funny.
You go into a public restroomand you bring in like essential
oils.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
You mean, you don't do that?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, no, mark, we don oils.
Yeah, you don't do that.
Yeah, no, mark, we don't.
We don't.
Well, traveling with mark newthings you didn't know, you know
needed to know.
Well, welcome to it.
Uh, phyllis has given us a awonderful background, if you
will, but obviously we want toknow more from you.
Um, but let's just cut to thechase really quickly, because
(10:08):
Phyllis dropped this on us andMark, I don't think it would be
inappropriate to start off ashow about power if we first
said what's going on with Tushy?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Yeah, I mean, that really was my first question.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I mean, if we're going to break this show down,
you could say thanks to VirginiaBlue I know, right, yeah, I
think you can't talk about Tushywithout talking about Virginia
Blue.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
That's exactly right.
Yeah, phyllis and I used towork together and I don't.
We were sitting at a tabletalking and I don't remember
what we were talking about and Ijust casually mentioned that my
alter ego was Tushy and shegoes oh, that's like my alter
ego, virginia blue, and that'sjust how it is, is how it is.
(11:07):
So, yeah, I, you know, I willbring in Tushy because it is
appropriate that she is here inthe stall today with all of her
booty fabulousness.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Oh okay, phyllis, you've you've given us a number
of names so far in our episodes,so I'm I'm hoping that we're
just going to have a litany ofnames for you years down the
road.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
There's, there's just , I'm just never going to stop.
But since Tushy was coming, Ifelt like Virginia Blue, who is
really more bohemian than I ambut very sharp and clever and
very, very wise and doesn't takea whole lot of crap.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
I can just envision, tushy, when you're out giving
autographs one day, that it's onlike a toilet seat or something
and you know it's just justTushy.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
I like it I mean I can't think of a better way to
talk about power than talk abouttaking all of the power through
a name, and that's a prettypowerful name.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
So, toby, first of all, walk us back a little bit.
We've got this great sense ofyour energy, your scope of your
rich talent 30 plus yearsleadership, consulting, coaching
, and now this new launch.
So give us your elevator speech, your elevator pitch about this
(12:22):
new company.
What power means to you?
We've obviously want to unpackthe role of issues as it relates
to complexity, but walk us backand give us your elevator story
.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Well, my new company is called the Radiant Key and
our mission is to empower peopleto unlock their true potential.
And I do this throughleadership, coaching and energy
healing.
While two very differentmodalities, they are combined
through a shared mission toguide clients through removing
(12:57):
barriers, uncovering strengthsand nurturing growth.
And I came to this reallythrough a loss of my own power.
I grew up in a home that wasemotionally abusive and I didn't
realize at the time it wasemotionally abusive.
I just thought it was reallystrict.
(13:18):
But as I've gotten older andrealized it's not normal to get
yelled at if you spill milk ormake a mistake, I've realized
that it was quite emotionallyabusive.
And what happened because ofthat is I became a type A
perfectionist, because whenyou're a perfectionist then you
(13:40):
don't make mistakes or get introuble.
You don't make mistakes or getin trouble, and that resulted in
a lot of overthinking throughthe years and questioning
whether or not I could even makea decision, make the right
decision.
I always questioned myselfbecause I did not grow up sure
(14:00):
of myself, which led to whatmany women do we find a man who
does the same thing as ourchildhood did, and that ended in
divorce.
And when that happened Irealized that I had lost myself
and any power that I had alongthe way, and in taking that
(14:23):
action I reclaimed my power andthat was the first time that I
started seeking energy healing,because therapy is great and
it's a wonderful modality and Iencourage it for everyone and
I've had it throughout the years.
But energy healing can get deepwithin to things that you don't
(14:44):
know aren't even there.
So that was my first experiencewith energy healing.
Who had fears, low self-esteem,different types of things
(15:07):
within that would affect thepower that they forced on people
?
So observing leaders thatweren't as effective as they
could be then motivated me tobecome curious about leadership.
So I obtained a leadershipcoaching certification because I
(15:30):
want to empower leaders to betheir best selves and to walk
down a journey of self-awarenessso they can bring their best
selves to work.
So that's the story in thebackground of how I ended here.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
You quote.
There was a quote that I readin some of your work power is
the rate at which energy istransferred and that was just
mesmerizing to me.
I used to work in the field ofdomestic violence with a shelter
in Jacksonville, florida, andfirst of all, as a survivor, you
know, kudos to you, and youcould have done a lot of things
(16:06):
with that experience that neverled you to this wonderful place.
So congratulations on thatjourney and thank you for
sharing that with us.
But walk us through, becausethe word of power is the rate of
which energy is transferred.
It sounds like you had anegative transference of power
and now you're trying to turnthat into a positive
transference.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
That's right and you know, physics is a great thing
and I love that equation andthinking about power in that way
.
It's that equation is meant tobe about.
If you push a plate off thetable or you're pushing
something up a hill, you knowhow much power, how much energy
(16:47):
does it take to do this?
And but when you think about it, related to the actual energy
within our bodies and ouremotions and our behaviors and
how those are transferred toothers, we are human transfers.
We can take energy in and wecan transfer it out.
(17:11):
And when you think about it inthat way, it has such a profound
impact not only on those aroundyou but on yourself.
This podcast is aboutoverthinking.
So you think about that momentthat you're in the overthinking
spin and you're spinning withall of these thoughts and can't
(17:31):
decide which way to go.
That's creating an energywithin yourself, the spinning
energy, and it just doesn't stopuntil you stop it.
And when you think aboutleaders, for example they come
into a meeting disheveled,stressed, not paying attention,
(17:51):
distracted.
That then projects an energy onthe people around them and that
transference of energy createsa reaction in that person.
So there's incredible power inthinking about how you transfer
and absorb energy.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
So, toby, when, when you talk about that leader, I
can visualize a leader standingin front of a room disheveled,
how will that leader know,because sometimes, when you're
in it, you don't see it?
How will that leader know thattheir energy is out of?
Speaker 1 (18:31):
alignment of why I come to leadership coaching, and
that is self-awareness.
Because you're right, al, notmany people are aware of the
(18:51):
energy or conscious or eventhinking about what they're
bringing into a meeting or aone-on-one with a person or a
workshop or a presentation.
They're stuck within themselvesand again going back to the
overthinking cycle.
When you're overthinking,you're stuck within yourself and
self-awareness is really thefirst step and key in developing
one's leadership.
(19:12):
You have to be aware ofyourself and how you're
affecting others.
I do that through using the EIQassessment, the emotional
intelligence assessment.
It's a great tool to measurehow aware you are of yourself
and how aware you are of others.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
In that, Toby, there's something in when we
were preparing for this thatthat you really drilled this
concept of power down to and and, and I think it's important
because there's so manydifferent ways we could talk
about power.
But can you share a little bitabout what you really said, that
(19:51):
how overcomplicating things andhow overthinking things
actually takes away our powerand what that really means if we
can't have an intersection ofthat behavior?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
So many people feel like they are stuck and I've
definitely had those moments inlife where I described it as
walking through mud.
Nothing seemed to flow or go.
In a way that felt like themomentum was behind me, and
often in those moments I wasfocused on how the environment
(20:31):
around me was affecting me.
So I can't do this thingbecause of this person, or I'm
stuck in this job because I haveto have a job, because I need
to pay my mortgage, or I'm inthis marriage that I don't want
to be in, but I want to stayhere because of my child and I
(20:54):
can't get out.
You often, as you'reoverthinking, are thinking of
all of the reasons why you can'tdo something.
And when you stop that andthere are a lot of ways we can
talk about how you stop that inthe moment but when you stop
that and you ground yourself andyou realize there are many
(21:17):
actions I can take, in thismoment I actually have power.
I can seek help, I can talk toa friend, I can go to therapy, I
could go to energy healing.
I could say yes or no to this.
(21:38):
Instead of thinking about thegray and all of the options.
Sometimes the answer is justyes or no to this.
Instead of thinking about thegray and all of the options,
sometimes the answer is just yesor no.
Should I stay or should I go?
You have power in one simpleaction.
For example, I recently amgetting ready to leave a
full-time job to launch intothis business.
(21:59):
To leave a full-time job tolaunch into this business, and I
had a huge fear over losing,you know, an income that I
relied on, and I was with anintuitive who said you have to
trust and you have to have faith.
Even trust and faith can besomething that you stand on.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Even trust and faith can be something that you stand
on.
They are an action amongst manyother actions.
So is when you said people havelots of options and one is like
therapy or talking to a friend.
I've experienced where thosewere considerations where I felt
almost like it was a loss ofpower because I relied on
somebody else.
Why does that happen?
(22:58):
Where?
Speaker 4 (22:59):
I.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I feel like I've got to.
If I talk to Al or Phyllis, ifI'm having a bad day or
something, I'm losing power byincluding them versus I'm going
to solve this by myself.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yeah, oh, that's a great question, mark.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
It is a great question and it's because our
culture has taught us that and Ithink it's especially true for
men that we have to be strongand we have to be confident and
we have to be able to handle allof our things.
I think it's true for women too.
You know, we have the phrasepull up your big girl pants and
make it happen, and I certainlygrew up in that kind of home
(23:33):
where there was no excuse.
It was you're going to do this,you will succeed.
You will not fail.
You can do this all yourself Igrew up with.
My grandmother was a single mom,my mom was a single mom and
there was a lot of resiliencethere and a lot of weights and
(23:57):
barriers around.
You don't need anyone in yourlife to help you, especially a
man, because you can do ityourself.
So we're in a culture whereweakness we can think about what
happened in our last electionweakness is not a strength.
Power is a strength in ourculture and how you exude that
(24:23):
power, and so that is thebarrier to asking for help and
seeking for help, and I think weall, as we're raising children
and young people and workingwith people, have to create
psychologically safe placeswhere people can fail, where
they can ask for help, wherethey where.
(24:47):
It's okay to say.
I don't know the answer to thisand I need help finding the
answer, or I don't have thetools.
I need tools through therapyneed tools.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Through therapy there's been so much of an
illumination on mental healththat obviously began.
Was it really became morepublic around COVID, obviously,
and then has transferred intomore of the psyche of business.
Having been somebody who hasgone through therapy myself for
many, many years, this show istechnically therapy.
So thank you all of ourlisteners.
But do you ever find that theconcept of power and mental
(25:31):
health and power as it relatesto how you view it through
energy, is that a conflict ofconcepts or are they strong,
aligned parallels?
Speaker 1 (25:41):
They're both Thinking about someone I know who has
PTSD and when they are in amoment of being triggered, they
can't control their response.
So they're in the medicalhealth profession and have had
(26:20):
years of traumatic experiencessaving lives.
Like just a horn honking or anambulance or sirens, it triggers
them into a panic responsewhere they feel like they are
dying and can't control thatresponse.
So in that instance, in thosetypes of circumstances, the
(26:42):
person definitely feelspowerless and as though they
don't have power, and thatperson is in therapy once a week
to address these symptoms ofPTSD and is doing active things
to work on it.
So that is the taking back ofthe power of I'm going to take
(27:05):
this action and this step towork on this thing.
That is paralyzing me and thereare certainly many
circumstances that people don'thave power in things I think you
know we could talk aboutpoverty and and all kinds of
situations that that peoplereally um are challenged by, but
(27:28):
I I think that they're both.
Dave.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I don't know who Dave is, but that's okay.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
I could be, dave.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
if you want, I can definitely be Dave, since I can
be six names.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Ladies and gentlemen, we are with our guest.
Her name is Bob, and Bob istalking about weakness.
This is great.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
That was Tushy actually.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
I knew something, I knew Tushy, I made that mistake.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
We'll blame her for that.
It's good.
I'm so sorry, it's Tushy.
Actually I knew something.
I knew Tushy.
I made that mistake.
Yeah, we'll blame her for that.
I'm so sorry.
It's all good.
Strange things happen in thebathroom.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
All right, phil, we'll return it to a modicum of
order, could we please, becauseyou know how.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
I need that in my life.
So, toby, this is thecomplexity of toilet paper, and
can you, for our listeners andfor us, to define power in terms
of complexity?
Where's the toggle there andhow did those two work together
from your perspective?
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Power is incredibly complex when you think about
what we were just talking aboutin terms of power is the rate at
which energy is transferred.
Energy is emotions.
Emotions are complex.
There's an incredible amount ofkinds of power.
(28:56):
There's individual power thatsomeone has the agency that they
have to make a change, which issomething that we've talked at
length about in this podcast.
There's coercive power usingpower to manipulate people.
There's experiential powerhaving a certain level of
(29:29):
experience that you have orexpertise that you bring that
automatically gives you power.
There's a reverent power, wherethe Pope is a good example of
that.
Just the person's in a positionof complexity, because the rate
at which that power is used ornot used, the rate at which it
(29:49):
vibrates off of people, whereyou bring it in or take it out,
is very complex in the way thatthat happens.
Another example would be myselfgrowing up in a home.
I have a brother and a sister.
Their response to theenvironment that myself.
Growing up in a home, I have abrother and a sister.
Their response to theenvironment that we grew up in
(30:17):
was very different than minebecause of the complexity within
us, because of our emotionalmakeup, our age, our gender, all
those types of things.
So even the way that anindividual experiences power in
the same, two individuals in thesame situation can experience
it very differently.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
And Toby, you're actually just to be clear,
you're talking about not justthe dynamic of the emotion, of
course, but actually thephysical transference and DNA of
electric power.
Right, that's right.
So they talk aboutmanifestation, that is, an
energy.
This is the same thing, right?
Speaker 1 (30:47):
That's correct.
There's a guy his name is DrDavid Hawkins and he's written
two really great books.
One is Letting Go, which wouldbe really great for overthinkers
, because it's aboutsurrendering and letting go of
things.
But the other is the map ofconsciousness, and he's actually
(31:08):
mapped out and done scientificresearch on the vibrations of
different emotions.
Different emotions, so fear,hate, pride, anger those all
have very low vibrations.
(31:28):
So I'm sure you've been aroundpeople where they have those
negative emotions and you feelhow heavy it is.
It's a very low vibration.
But when you're around someonewith great joy, great love,
great awareness, great courage,those emotions actually
(31:53):
scientifically have a highervibrational level.
So you feel better when notonly do you have those within
yourself but when you feel itaround other people.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
I thought, you were describing me at the end of that
, like all that great vibration,I was.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Mark, I was going to say you, Phyllis and I, when we
get together, it's amazing.
We're not like shaking.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
I know we don't explode.
All the energy, the positiveenergy.
We cause earthquakes, weexplode.
We cause earthquakes, we do.
It's weird.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
There'll be no imploding or exploding except in
the stall.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Speaking of the stall , and the energy that is
transferred in the stall.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Yes, yes, let us not forget that.
There is a lot of energytransfer in there.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Toby, as you well know from Phyllis, mark and I,
we're all over thinkers and werecognize that the depth of the
conversations for our listeners,and even for us, is quite can
be at times intense.
So that's why we alleviate theintensity only of the topic to
invite you to step into thestall again with us for what we
(33:07):
call, ladies and gentlemen, theroll up.
Yes, the roll up is youropportunity to be the inquisitor
of the greatest questions everknown to mankind, the things
that will solve the problemsthat haven't been solved yet and
the questions that haven't beenasked, so that Phyllis can
sleep well at night, knowing allwill be well with the world.
(33:29):
It's all about Phyllis.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
I love it when it's that way.
Or Virginia Blue.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Or Virginia Blue Cookies, mcgee or whatever Right
Puns galore, my gosh there'sother one.
Mark Puns galore yeah.
I cannot wait for us to havepromotional store products and
just have a whole sectiondedicated to Phyllis?
Speaker 4 (33:48):
I expect puns galore will be a sellout.
But go ahead Hell yeah, allright.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
So, toby, we're going to toss it to your pal, gal
Phyllis, to start us off withthis speed round.
I hope you haven't prepared,because there's no test.
Go ahead, phyllis.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
There's no test and the speed round will begin with
your favorite.
What is your favorite pottytime activity?
Speaker 1 (34:14):
It is.
It was a long time ago readingPeople magazine, but I don't get
that anymore, so now it'sscrolling through my phone.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
What do you scroll News, or do you only do light
stuff?
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Just the socials, yeah yeah, not as much as I used
to, though you know I'm.
I'm single and in my housealone often, so I don't have to
hide in the bathroom, so I don'tactually I don't actually.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
There's actually a lot to unpack there right, I
actually don't have to spend alot of time in the bathroom
alone by myself to to get away.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
So I don't spend a ton of time.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
All right, then it's time for the next on.
No this is fast, we can'toverthink it.
It's speed round.
We can't unpack that.
What is your favorite nicknamefor the bathroom?
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Oh, I guess the potty .
It's not very original, thepotty.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
Phyllis, sorry.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
That's so, judgy of you, I know, and it's very
unlike me.
Virginia Blue, you're intimeout.
We're putting you in the stallnext to us.
All right, here you go.
This is the time for what wecall the lid of truth.
You ready?
Do you text from the toilet,and if so, do you actually?
Speaker 1 (35:42):
ever let people know that you've texted them from the
toilet.
My, I just said I was single,but I do have a boyfriend, so
he's probably not going to likethat.
He tends to video call me whenI'm in the bathroom on accident
a lot, so I just answer it.
So that happens a lot to me.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
The complications, the complications, just compile
here, right here in the potty.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
But no, if I'm texting I'm not going to tell
someone I'm in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
All right, phyllis, you get to ask the last question
.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
I'm going to do a switcheroo so you can go out on
a high note If you got one.
If there was one song that, ifit got stuck in your head, you
would never get tired of hearingit, what would that be?
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Well, you're going to really love this Virginia Blue.
I can't wait, it's Copacabanaby Barry Manilow.
Yes, I knew it, I knew it.
It has drama and a salsa beatand a story, music and passion.
Yes, a bar, a crowded room,lola.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
If you're just joining us for the very first
time, just to set the stage.
Phil is a huge Barry Manilowfan, Undoubtedly.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Listens constantly on the toilet.
Yes, anywhere, really.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
And you know what, barry, if you're listening, if
you could send Phyllis a notesigned or a picture of a toilet,
you know, autographed by you,that would be great Signed
toilet paper.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Just send it to her.
Speaker 4 (37:24):
In the off chance that he hears this, because you
know he could, somebody couldget it to him.
Can we just go?
Speaker 1 (37:28):
with this.
I'll send it to him.
Speaker 4 (37:29):
That I'm going to be in Vegas to see him.
I believe it's September 18thand my life's dream I'm not
kidding and not making it up isto get to come up on stage and
sing with him.
So I'm putting it out thereAnybody can make that happen.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
We could probably find somebody who knows him.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
That would be it for me.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
I'm down, I'm sure we could figure something like
that out.
We'll get it figured out.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
We'll have at least three listeners by then, so
that'll be great, we'll have atleast three listeners by then,
so that'll be great.
We already have more than that,I know I know All right,
terrible, well, that is thankyou so much, Toby, for joining
us for the roll-up.
You don't seem to be scarredmentally or physically.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
Only that I messed up your names and I will be
overthinking that all night allweek completely embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
I am texting your ass non-stop, hoping I catch you in
the bathroom.
I just listen, tushy my name ismark all right, let's, let's,
let's, let's bring it back homehere to all kidding.
All kidding aside, you knowthis.
This whole riveting topic comeswith so much more on the bone
(38:40):
to talk about.
But, mark, we're going to saveyou for the end, because you
always wrap it so well.
So I'll lead it and then, phil,maybe you can jump in, but
let's start.
Toby, you talked about allthese things that people can do
in the moment.
What are, say, your top fiverecommendations and tips?
(39:04):
Because we want to be able tocompile these and eventually
build them into some sort of abook or something for people.
But what are your top five tipsfor people who are, in the
moment, trying to feel thatpower draining from them?
What can they do?
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Put your hand in ice.
I know that sounds really weird, but when you are in the minute
the middle of overthinking, oreven anxiety, changing your body
temperature or creating puttingyourself in a different
stimulus automatically stopsyour brain in that spiral.
So whether that's putting yourhead in a freezer, taking an ice
(39:45):
cube or, you know, like an icepad and just putting it on your
face, that stops that responsefrom happening.
Two is grounding.
Grounding is such a beautifulthing and grounding can be
(40:06):
different things to differentpeople.
So there's a lot written rightnow about grounding on Earth.
The Earth has energy andvibration.
So walking in the grass withoutyour shoes on, laying in the
grass, there are groundingsheets.
That's one form, but groundingcould also be meditation, it
(40:28):
could be yoga, it could be goingfor a walk.
It's different for differentpeople.
So whatever brings you a momentof quiet and peace to ground is
very valuable.
Movement is another one Movingyour body.
There's something in Qigongcalled shaking the tree and it
(40:49):
literally is just bouncing upand down.
But bouncing up and down againchanges the vibration, even if
you're in the middle ofoverthinking.
Jumping up and down and shakingit gets your blood flowing, it
gets your lymphatic systemflowing, it can really change
(41:14):
and position you to just pausein that moment.
I think four would be journaling.
Writing is really powerful forpeople Writing down, even if
you're in the moment ofoverthinking, what are the pros
(41:34):
and the cons in the situation,because often when you get it
out of your head and you see iton paper, it's really clear oh
yeah, it's this.
And then the last one is trustyour intuition.
One of the things thatoverthinking does is it blocks
what you feel in your gut and weall have the power of intuition
(41:55):
.
We all have a sense within us,a knowing of what is best for us
or what we need to do or whatthe action is.
Often we ignore that because weoverthink it and we get in our
mind and we analyze things andwe can talk ourself in and out
of something.
So five for me would betrusting your gut and trusting
(42:19):
your intuition.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
I'm hoping first of all.
That's just incredibly powerful, but I would be negligent if I
didn't bring to the show that Ihope I'm never overthinking and
having a moment while I'mactually in the restroom,
because shaking the tree wouldbe a horrible experience.
Oh my God, really oh did youjust say really to me, mark, I'm
(42:47):
sorry.
Yeah, I did.
We made an agreement that, nomatter how deep and intellectual
we're going to go, that we cango dive into the toilet whenever
we want.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
I'm probably just jealous, I didn't think of it.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
My second regret is saying shake the tree.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
Out of all the regrets in your life.
That's it, that's great.
No, just on this podcast.
Do you know how?
Speaker 1 (43:11):
hard it was to listen to you going?
Speaker 2 (43:13):
oh my God, she is throwing down fricking lightning
bolts of genius here, but Ican't get shaking the tree out
of my head there we go.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
All right, there it is.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
I'm just throwing softballs for you, that's it
just throwing we're gonna haveyou on the show a lot anyway, uh
, phyllis martin yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:30):
So, toby, thank you for coming on and for what
you're doing, because I thinkit's innately who you are as a
human being, but I would youknow.
I just want to restate a coupleof things, and one is this
theme of self-awareness that iscoming through many of our shows
(43:51):
and some of the things we'rehearing back from our listeners,
and when we think about howovercomplicating or overthinking
takes our power away from us, Idon't know that there's
anything more powerful thantaking that first step of
becoming self-aware.
(44:13):
I'm not sure anything elsereally can happen, and that can
be small self-aware or bigself-aware, but from my
perspective, that is the journeyand through that self-awareness
, even as we think about littlethings we can do to hold on to
our power, then things becomesimpler and easier.
(44:35):
That path presents itself andbecomes very visible to us and
we can take it and run with it.
So little baby steps can turninto walking, can turn into
running, and then who knows what?
And, mark, I want to use thisexample because you shared it
earlier, about overthinkingemail, which I also do, and this
is really something I do now,which is, if I'm writing an
(44:57):
email and it's not, it feels acertain particular way I really
do start to.
I have to.
I literally pull back and saythis is not the energy I want
going into this email becauseit's going to land.
I just am certain that energyis going to land on the
recipient and that's a small way, but a big way for me to say
(45:19):
I've got power in how I'm goingto respond to this or what I'm
going to ask or what is goingout there.
And that's a behavioral changewhich may be the other thing I
heard you say, which is claimingpower, getting power, finding
power, not letting it drain away, requires us to make changes in
how we do, and you can fill inthe blanks.
(45:43):
So I'm so excited about thiswork that you're doing.
That's this combination ofleadership training, because,
heaven knows, leaders are notperfect people.
They come to it for a certainreason.
They do have power.
We all have power, and how wechoose to use that or live in
that or share.
(46:03):
That to me is directly tied tothe exchange of energy coming
and going.
So thank you Beautiful.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
Marco.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
So you've given us a gift, tushy um you just had to.
Speaker 4 (46:24):
I had to it felt so good too so we should.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
We should end the show right there um, and and I
wrote some stuff down you gaveus a gift and what I wanted to
do with the gift that you gaveus is kind of give back to you
what I've heard in kind of thevoices in my head and I hope you
see it as a gift back that whatyou've provided has been really
(46:55):
powerful and moving for me, butI know for a lot of people it
will be.
And so, as we kind of closetoday's conversation, you've
brought to us Toby kind of asimple truth, and that simple
truth is that power is notsomething that you have to earn,
and you shared that from yourearly stages in life.
(47:18):
It's something that you alreadycarry with you.
It's in the way that you speakto yourself, it's in the energy
that you bring to a room, it'sin the emails.
Like Phyllis said, it's in thechoices that you make when no
one's watching.
You have this power andoverthinking and fear and
self-doubt cloud that they makeit almost impossible for us to
(47:41):
move forward.
And what I also realized fromwhat you shared today is that
real power isn't loud, it isn'tstrength, it isn't that type of
power, um, it's not dominatingpower.
You shared that story soeloquently in the beginning of
this.
It doesn't demand, it's, it'sgrounded, um, it's intentional,
it's quiet, it's courageous and,um, I'm just really thankful
(48:06):
for the tips that you'veprovided me and for our
listeners, and for yourvulnerability and your stories
to help us understand that realpowers within us and that we
have the ability to share thatpositive power with others, or
that negative power.
And so, thank you, toby.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
Thank you, it's been an honor to be here.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
Her business is called the Radiant Key.
Where can we find you?
Where can the world find you?
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Toby, my website, the radiant keycom, so I can be
found there on instagram.
Um, I'm the period radiant keyand my email is toby at the
radiant keycom.
T-o-b-i.
Toby with an I.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
It's also tissue with an I but I've been spelling it
wrong my whole life I thinksomebody should count how many
times the word tushy came in,but I love the fact that you did
it with an I, tushy with an Ium.
Hey, real quick, how did youcome up with the radiant key?
Speaker 1 (49:12):
I wanted something that had my initials in it, so
T-R-K are my initials and Isimply put into chat GPT words
that begin with T, words thatbegin with R, words that begin
with K and got all of thesewords back, and the rating key
(49:37):
were amongst the words.
So I put them together.
At first it sounded a littlefroofy and woo-woo and maybe a
little too light for leadershipcoaching, because I was trying
to think of something that hitboth leadership coaching and
energy healing.
But the more I thought about it, the more it resonated with me
(49:59):
about the power of unlockingpotential and that each of us
holds the radiant key.
The radiant key isn't me, it'syou.
You are the radiant key and youhold the keys to unlock the
potential in your life.
I'm just here to help be aguide through the process.
Speaker 4 (50:20):
Beautiful.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
Can we close on a better note than that?
Speaker 2 (50:23):
No, that is.
That is a mic drop.
You, thank.
You are a joy.
Thank you so so much, toby.
What a pleasure.
Thank you for joining us in thestall.
Mark Phyllis and I will beright back.
That was probably a bad punintended, by the way, but
seriously, the complexity oftoilet paper is about creating
(50:59):
conversations in places wherethings just don't need to be
that complicated.
It's about finding thesimplicity in life, and if we
work together, you know what wethink we can actually achieve it
.
So follow us on Facebook, sharethe show, give us your comments
and come back and join us inthe stall.
Holy shnikers, what a freakinghome run awesome person.
(51:26):
New insight Phyllis Martin, youare the bomb diggity dog.
Speaker 4 (51:31):
Well, I thank you kind sir.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
So what is you've known this woman for for quite
some time?
Speaker 4 (51:38):
yeah, you obviously shared a litany of insight, but
just quick overview, highlight,you know, elevator pitch, what's
your big takeaway, that thatyou're going to walk away with
and share uh, I think my bigtakeaway which I'm very excited
about because I felt this wayfor a long time is that there
are some critical keys on thispath, this journey that we're
(52:00):
all on.
I mentioned it earlier.
Self-awareness is one of them,but I'm thrilled to see more and
more people connecting thisnotion of energy and power and
(52:23):
complexity and complications andoverthinking and it is
culturally different than, Ithink, what we are all trained
or raised to do, but there's acertain grounding in
illuminating this type ofinformation, thinking about the
world in this way, taking aminute to stop and reflect,
which I think is one of thefastest ways, and albeit
sometimes very painful, to getto simplicity.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
The pain, yeah, mark.
Speaker 3 (52:50):
So I loved this conversation and one of the
actionable items for me.
My biggest takeaway is when Ioverthink, I drain my energy.
Now that seems pretty, prettyobvious, right, but what I
didn't relate it to is the powerthat is transferred to someone
else when I work from that state.
(53:12):
So, as I'm overthinking anemail, I'm not making it better.
I'm actually transferringnegative power.
When I overthink a conversationor overthink anything because I
think I'm making it better, I'mactually making it worse.
And so her techniques todayreally has me thinking about and
(53:37):
not overthinking, but aboutwhat I do in a day and what I,
what I need to do to make surethat I am giving the best of
myself to others oh man that istouching some chords so
beautiful.
Speaker 2 (53:54):
Uh, I I hearken back to my days at Hubbard House,
domestic Violence Shelter, andwhen we co-founded with some
amazing people men againstviolence against women and we
had to introduce the concept ofpower and control to so many men
in that space, so many men inthat space, and I, when, when,
(54:21):
when the men would be asked, youknow well, what if it was your
daughter, or what if it was yourson, the survivor?
It changed everything.
And I remember once a momentwhere, uh, somebody who was
working with us in shelter said,did you feel that?
And I was like, feel what?
I said, I swear, because we hada gentleman who had realized
that he was a survivor himselfand he was now being verbally
(54:42):
and emotionally abusive to hisown son and he's like you felt
that shift of energy and I was.
I didn't even think about itback then, but in this moment,
right now, I could come to tearsthinking about that.
It was on a softball fieldduring one of our fundraising
events, and this gentleman cameto us and shared this moment of
(55:02):
reflection and I never thoughtabout this transference of
energy from a physical sense andsometimes I can now realize, I
can think about what I'm feelingand why I'm feeling it, and I
never gave the credence to thephysical nature of power.
So, wow, that's my big takeaway, okay, well, I hope you all
(55:28):
have an amazing week, you aswell.
Speaker 4 (55:31):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (55:32):
Phyllis, any two-ply words of advice.
You're doing great with socialmedia, by the way, Like you're
killing it.
Speaker 3 (55:40):
I'm proud of you, I'm out there.
Way not to overthink it.
Speaker 4 (55:44):
Way not to overthink it.
Well, you know, fear is a powerdrainer.
Speaker 2 (55:50):
I wouldn't exactly call it overthinking it.
Speaker 3 (55:52):
She's overthinking it , I know.
Speaker 2 (55:55):
All right, I guess we got to wrap this puppy.
Huh, we are truly, trulyhonored to be a part of your
life, a part of what's happeningin in your world.
We hope this brought somesimplicity between your ears and
in your heart as well.
Uh, share the show with others,push it out through whatever
channels uh, you can even writea letter about it.
(56:16):
That would be great.
And, of course, follow us onsocial Facebook's.
The best place the Complexityof Toilet Paper.
You can also find us on yourfavorite podcast platforms,
which, if you're listening tothis, you've probably already
figured that out.
And, of course, you can alsosearch for us on Buzzsprout,
which is currently where moreinformation about us lies.
More shows coming down the roadas we step into the stall,
(56:40):
flush through life and hopefullymake your life a little simpler
, one conversation at a time.
Speaker 4 (56:47):
Did you say toilet paper?
Everything complicated, one big, big mess.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
I'm over thinking, I'm over, I'm over thinking.
This is the complexity oftoilet paper.
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