August 29, 2023 • 21 mins
Have you ever caught yourself in the relentless cycle of over-giving, only to realize you're under-receiving and brewing resentment? It's a common trap for those of us leaning towards people-pleasing, particularly in professional scenarios like coaching, where the value of our work can be easily overlooked. On the latest Comfort Courage Academy podcast, I, Kushla Chadwick, share a candid conversation with a client that shines a light on this very struggle. We dissect the mindset blockades that lead to such imbalance and offer insight into adjusting our sails to navigate towards healthier business relations.
Transitioning from business to the personal, we navigate the choppy waters of family dynamics. I open up about the challenge of setting boundaries with loved ones, illustrated through my own tale of managing my daughter's requests against my needs. This episode isn't just about recounting experiences; it's a call to action for anyone who recognizes the signs of overextension in their lives. If you're ready to foster growth and embrace a life where your value shines bright, join me in this conversation. It's about finding that perfect harmony between giving with generosity and nurturing your well-being with unwavering boundaries. Let's embark on this path together—towards a life where balance isn't just an aspiration, it's a reality we create.
If you want help building your own 6 or 7 figure Coaching Business, come on over and connect with Kushla:
- on Instagram, you'll find her @KushlaChadwickOfficial
- on Facebook, come join our community here: Community
- To book a free $100k Roadmap Session or go on the waiting list for one, go here: https://calendly.com/kushlateam/roadmap
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kushla Chadwick (00:00):
This is episode number 12 of the Confident
Coach Academy and one of ourspecial episodes where we're
doing different blocks formindset shifts.
And this is episode number fiveof our mindset shifts, and
today we are going into theblock of over giving.
This one is going to hurt thepeople pleasers a little bit,
(00:21):
but it's also going to behelpful for you.
Let's dive in.
Hey, welcome to the ConfidentCoach Academy podcast.
I'm your host, Kushla Chadwick,and if you have an audacious
dream to really be at service inthe world, build a profitable
coaching business online andhave an awesome life offline,
then, my love, you are in theright place.
Together we're going to talkstrategy, mindset, manifestation
(00:43):
, thought work, energy work, allthe things.
So let's dive in hey.
Hey, my friend, how are you?
We're going to dive straightinto this episode on the over
giving.
You may have seen that I've doneanother episode on the block of
under receiving.
A lot of the times, when youstart talking about under
receiving or over giving, theycan sound like exactly the same
(01:07):
thing, but I decided to go aheadand do this episode.
Even though I call themcousins, the distinction is
enough that I think it's reallyimportant that you are able to
identify where you're overgiving and where you're under
receiving.
Now, usually, like I said,they're cousins or they go hand
in hand with each other.
(01:28):
Very, very often I see it moreso that if someone's over giving
, they're under receiving and ifsomeone's under receiving
they're over giving.
Usually, like I said, they gohand in hand, but I want you to
see very clearly the differencebetween the two.
So I thought it would be reallyhelpful if I started off by
sharing an example for you.
(01:49):
So recently, my business partnerand I were going through an
enrollment conversation,listening to a recording of a
client of ours.
You may or may not know that Iactually run two coach schools.
One is solely focused onhelping my clients to become
more confident in theirmarketing and in their coaching,
(02:09):
and the other one is aboutactually helping our clients to
become more trauma informed aslife coaches and then like a few
other things as well it's acertification program actually.
So, anyway, my business partner, Erin, and I we were going
through and listening to arecording of one of the clients
(02:32):
it's a part of the certificationrequirements, right?
And listening to an enrollmentconversation, which, ps, they do
have permission for us tolisten to it so we make sure
that they've got the requiredpermissions and all that stuff
and the time of her recordingthis was done before she was
(02:53):
able to listen to the businessside of the training that I give
and to help with theirenrollment calls.
So it's really interesting tolisten to how she did it and it
was so obvious as we listened to, like the different blocks that
were showing up for her.
So what happened?
She'd had a conversation, gotto know what this particular
(03:16):
client's needs were.
She obviously was confidentthat she could help her.
But then she started to talkabout the money side of things
and the timing side of things.
Her block showed up.
So initially she'd given aprice point for this client to
work with them and an amount oftime that she would work with
(03:40):
her.
So it was like how long thecoaching would go for and how
often.
So I think it was weekly and Ithink it was for an hour and in
fact I know it was weekly and itwas for an hour each week.
Now, asshe spoke and she asked the
client for the potential clientfor some input on, like her, her
(04:04):
offer.
The client said like it'sprobably a bit too much in terms
of the timing, the frequency,and so what the client
recommended was that they do itevery two weeks.
Now, she was only the client,was a potential client, was only
kind of given this feedbackbecause it was asked for it, and
(04:26):
so they're kind of goingbackwards and forwards and
discussing it.
And so what happened as soon asthe potential client Shared her
thoughts Basically, in whichher thoughts equalled like half
the amount of money for half theamount of coaching over the
same period of time, right,because instead of weekly
(04:47):
coaching for one hour, it wasone hour of coaching every
fortnight or biweekly, right, sotechnically, it was half the
amount of coaching in terms ofhours, right, but over the same
length of time.
And the conversation could havebeen fairly simple.
It could have been yep, coolthat that's fine, but what my,
(05:11):
our client proceeded to do thenwas to say, oh, yep, that's
totally fine, and she cut theprice in half, right, so I mean,
and there was no reason why theclient hadn't said that it was
too expensive, but she was like,cut the amount that she was
(05:33):
charging in half and which shewas charging by the session,
which is not something that Inormally recommend to do.
But that's what she was doingat that time.
Like I said, this is beforeshe'd received the enrollment
conversation, training, and shealso said and if you want, we
can do it weekly.
So basically, in like a matterof seconds, after speaking to
(05:56):
this client, giving her pricingand her times and stuff, and
asking for the client's feedback, the client gave a little bit
of feedback which she could havejust said, yep, that's cool too
.
But instead she doubled thehours for half the pay, right.
So she over gave in terms ofher time and she under received
(06:18):
in terms of the money.
Now For feedback.
For that particular client itwas like it's fine, you know
it's done.
It was good practice for her.
There's some lessons you canlearn and I think there's no
ultimate failures.
You know you just like you dosomething to get feedback.
You know you do something, youlearn a lesson, right, and then
you go and you do better nexttime, right.
(06:39):
So it was totally fine.
But I want you to imagine Ifthat were to continue.
Do you think that would lead toresentment from my client?
I can tell you For sure itwould.
This particular client runs twobusinesses.
She's got, I think, fourchildren.
(07:01):
She's got a very, very fulllife, like most of us, right,
very full life, and so I Justgive that example just to show
you.
Sometimes we're like Underreceiving, like we're not asking
for what it is that we trulywant, because we're afraid the
answer is going to be no.
(07:22):
We're afraid of how will beperceived, you know, in the
asking, and Other times we'relike over giving and it's for
the same reasons where we'reafraid that we're afraid of how
will be perceived if we don'tgive as much as we're giving.
I'll give kind of an example.
(07:42):
That sounds like really small,but I think it's a big deal.
So, as you guys know, onpodcasting, I've had to have
some, not had to, but I'vechosen to have some big breaks
In my first year of podcasting.
Not ideal, not what I planned,but after consideration as I
went along, I decided to do it.
(08:02):
Now, one of the reasons I'vedecided to have big breaks and
podcasting is we bought a newpuppy into our house, as you may
have heard on a previousepisode of the podcast, and he
is beautiful and he's amazing.
And one of the reasons that wedecided to bring a puppy into
(08:23):
our house at this time wasbecause it was helpful for one
of my daughter's mental health,and my children's well-being
especially when it comes tomental health, obviously as a
coach, is a big deal and it's apriority, and it was a bigger
priority right now than mypodcast now.
(08:46):
So we tried doing differentthings and I just decided that
it was better for us to allowspace for us to train the puppy
more and and podcast less.
Now, that wasn't the only reason, but it was one of the main
(09:06):
reasons.
The environment just was notgood with the noise of the puppy
for me to be doing podcastingin the house, and I had other
options I could walk in podcastor go podcast in my car, you
know, put an app on the phone orwhatever, but I knew I wanted
to podcast in here and I just.
That was the decision that Imade.
Now, come today, when I'm aboutto record this podcasting
(09:31):
episode, our puppy, which hasgone through enough training,
now started to bark and so Ipromptly went to my daughter's
room she happens to be homeright now and told her she has
to go take puppy out for a walkbecause I'm about to start
podcasting and, Honestly, if itwould had been a earlier version
(09:56):
of myself, I may have Decided Iwill do it later and then do it
later, and do it later likegiving over giving of my time,
you know, of my business hoursand and so I decided, when I
(10:19):
knew that I was going to startpodcasting again, that I
wouldn't make these compromisesand that I had made enough
compromise and if I were to keepdoing it, that would not come
from a nice, clean placeenergetically, not a healthy
place energetically, and what wewant to do in our giving to
others is for it to come from areally clean space.
(10:42):
And I think you know most of uscan recognize when we're
starting to feel resentment orfrustration at something or
someone, when we have given themsomething and we might not
identify it as over giving atthe time, but where we've given
and it doesn't feel good to givewhat we're giving.
(11:04):
And it could be something assmall as like dropping your
children off maybe the adultchildren or children who could
have their license by now.
Right, you know, dropping themoff and picking them up
somewhere.
I use that as an examplebecause my husband and I we have
three adult children now.
Our youngest is 19 and, yeah,our oldest is 25 and two of our
(11:33):
children have licenses and onedoesn't.
And sometimes one of ourchildren asks us to pick her up
more than I would like to, andmore than I think is good for
her own development.
And I know a lot of parents.
You know I'm talking aboutpicking a child up and dropping
them off.
I think some of you might relateand some of you might think
(11:54):
Kushla, like, what's the bigdeal?
You know, and others will belike, no, they have to get their
license straight away.
You know, like whatever, ormaybe you don't have adult
children, maybe you've got youngchildren or no children or
whatever, but you get the gistof it.
You know you're helping someone.
Now, for me, I will say no,like probably three times more
(12:15):
than my husband will.
I will pick up and drop off mydaughter when I feel good about
it, when energetically, like sowhen I say energetically, I'm
like mentally, I think goodthoughts about it, I am happy to
help her on that particular dayor mentally I'm like, yeah, it
(12:35):
would be good to pick her up soI can also do this.
Because where she works, like,sometimes I go down there and
she works in retail, and so youknow what I mean.
Like mentally or emotionally, Ifeel good about doing it.
And sometimes, when I like it'sinconvenient too and I don't
want to, and I still say yes,then I check myself to make sure
(13:00):
that I change it so that I dofeel good about doing it for her
.
Now, sometimes I know I'm likeI don't want to do the mental
work or the emotional work to tofeel good about it, and it's
just no, because this otherthing that I'm doing right now
is a priority and you know, or Ijust don't want to do it.
It doesn't have to be becauseI've got something else on, it's
(13:21):
just I don't want to, it's justa no, because it feels like
it's not coming from a greatspace to do it.
And so I know, as I share that,that there are a lot of people
who use love as a reason to overgive or, like you know, yeah, I
can do it, I can put up with it.
(13:42):
They're okay to be the one whogives more in a relationship,
whether it's like maybe you'vegot a job and it's between a
co-worker and you, or a partneror children, or parents, or
friendship, whatever, um, with aclient, right, we, we can
(14:03):
justify our reasons forcontinuing to over give and I
think like there's no right orwrong amount of giving to give.
Technically, like you know, Idon't know, because I'm not in
your situation, I'm not with youright now coaching you but we
have to apply wisdom to ourlives and and our giving should
(14:24):
be reflective of our prioritiesat any given time.
It should be reflective of ourvalues, our true values, and it
should be reflective of ourlooking after ourselves as well.
Okay, and often you'll seepeople who are giving and giving
(14:45):
, giving, giving, and they'relike no, I feel good about it,
they don't sense any frustrationcoming up, they don't sense any
resentment coming up, and thensome, then their health crashes
Right.
And so sometimes it's not aboutthe feelings or thoughts, it's
about what your actual needs are, and this is where worthiness
(15:06):
can really rear its head and wecan see like there's some work
to do, because often, when we'reover giving, it's because we
ourselves don't feel worthy insome way, shape or form to ask
for our needs to be met, to behonest with the other person
like this is what I really needfor me, this is what I really
(15:29):
prefer for me, this is what Ireally want for me, and we're
not willing to haveconversations that feel like
they might be difficult forwhatever reason for us.
And so, instead of stating thetruth, we basically people
please in some way shape or formand leave ourselves over giving
(15:51):
, and so I don't want that foryou.
I want you to give and givegenerously, and sometimes to
give with no expectation ofanything back.
I think that's real love, butalso know that it's appropriate
and really intelligent at timesto say no, and probably in some
(16:13):
places where you're currentlysaying yes.
Okay?
I think if you're drawn tolisten to this episode, you
probably are someone who,somewhere in your life, needs to
be careful of over giving.
I know that that person hasbeen me and it's something I
watch out for from time to timeto make sure that I'm giving, I
(16:34):
want to say like 99% of the time, from a really clean space.
You know, whether it's likehosting someone at our home or
driving someone somewhere, orlike, you know, helping to clean
something, going to do anactive service, teaching Sunday
school, like whatever that I'mgiving from a place that feels
(16:59):
clean is the way I keepdescribing it.
You might describe it adifferent way, but there's like
no negative feelings that aregetting pushed down and pushed
down as a result of me givingthe thing that I'm saying yes to
.
Okay, anyway, model of thestory is be clean.
(17:19):
Be clean, get from a cleanspace and you'll receive more
abundantly as a result of thatand you'll feel so much more joy
in the giving that you give.
I think I'll wrap up with this.
Sometimes people get a littlebit confused because, like you
(17:40):
know, I myself am religious and,as a Christian, one of the
tenants we have, like one of thethings, is sacrifice.
But I want to say evensacrifice, like, for instance,
you know, the sacrifice ofdelaying how often I podcast and
the frequency, like for anumber of months.
(18:01):
That sacrifice, right, whichreally is delaying the might
growing my audience side throughthe platform of podcasting,
which delays, you know, morepotential community members,
more leads, more paying clients,right, like that's the reality.
(18:21):
I was happy to make thatsacrifice for a while.
So a sacrifice like you canmake sacrifices sometimes and
that's all good right, but youneed to know when to pull it
back.
You need to decide and not justreactively but be intentional
(18:41):
and check in with your goals,check in with your challenges
and it's not about always doingthings from a logical point of
view like I believe in.
Like, let's check in with yourheart and your brain, get some
coherence happening there andstart to make decisions there
based on your priorities andbased on your values that are
(19:03):
going to inform you more about.
You know when's the right timeto give what, how much is
appropriate for you personally,and then you know go forthright
or don't.
Don't feel like you need toapologize for when you choose to
say no or to pull back.
(19:23):
You know you are responsiblefor your life and Part of that
is prioritizing where to directyour, your efforts, your energy,
your attention, your time.
All of that, and there's noperfect route for any of us.
You know I'm a mother with threechildren who used to homeschool
(19:44):
, and I grew my business to sixfigures while I was
homeschooling and I still had agreat life offline.
I, for me, one of my values isFreedom and another one is is
fun, and so it's interesting forme like I am so sure that so
(20:07):
many of my clients who don'thave fun is one of their higher
values, would have said yes Morethan I have, or no, and I so
would have said no more than Ihave at times.
To things there's no like it,just right or just wrong.
Okay, it's just gonna be cleanfrom your perspective, from your
(20:28):
values, from the way that youwant to show up in the world.
All right, my friend, I hopethat in some way, shape or form,
this has been helpful for youtoday.
If you want more help, if youfind you getting in your own way
which we all do sometimes youknow if you're going around in
circles or if you just decided,like, this is the year where
(20:51):
you're going to shine way morebrightly, you're not giving your
excuses the space that you havein the past and you want some
help and some support to do that.
I would love to help you.
So you can just reach out to me.
You can message me on Instagram.
On Instagram, you'll find me atKush Chadwick.
Or you can come to my Facebookgroup.
(21:12):
I'll put the link to that inthe comment section.
Or you can private message meon my business page on Facebook
and just just message me theword ready and I will hook up a
time to have a conversation withyou and see if, like, depending
on what your goals and stuffare like, what's the best way
for myself, my team, to supportyou and help you to create a
(21:34):
life in a business you reallyreally love.
All right, my friend.
This is episode number 12 of the Confident
Coach Academy and one of ourspecial episodes where we're
doing different blocks formindset shifts.
And this is episode number fiveof our mindset shifts, and
today we are going into theblock of over giving.
This one is going to hurt thepeople pleasers a little bit,
(00:21):
but it's also going to behelpful for you.
Let's dive in.
Hey, welcome to the ConfidentCoach Academy podcast.
I'm your host, Kushla Chadwick,and if you have an audacious
dream to really be at service inthe world, build a profitable
coaching business online andhave an awesome life offline,
then, my love, you are in theright place.
Together we're going to talkstrategy, mindset, manifestation
(00:43):
, thought work, energy work, allthe things.
So let's dive in hey.
Hey, my friend, how are you?
We're going to dive straightinto this episode on the over
giving.
You may have seen that I've doneanother episode on the block of
under receiving.
A lot of the times, when youstart talking about under
receiving or over giving, theycan sound like exactly the same
(01:07):
thing, but I decided to go aheadand do this episode.
Even though I call themcousins, the distinction is
enough that I think it's reallyimportant that you are able to
identify where you're overgiving and where you're under
receiving.
Now, usually, like I said,they're cousins or they go hand
in hand with each other.
(01:28):
Very, very often I see it moreso that if someone's over giving
, they're under receiving and ifsomeone's under receiving
they're over giving.
Usually, like I said, they gohand in hand, but I want you to
see very clearly the differencebetween the two.
So I thought it would be reallyhelpful if I started off by
sharing an example for you.
(01:49):
So recently, my business partnerand I were going through an
enrollment conversation,listening to a recording of a
client of ours.
You may or may not know that Iactually run two coach schools.
One is solely focused onhelping my clients to become
more confident in theirmarketing and in their coaching,
(02:09):
and the other one is aboutactually helping our clients to
become more trauma informed aslife coaches and then like a few
other things as well it's acertification program actually.
So, anyway, my business partner, Erin, and I we were going
through and listening to arecording of one of the clients
(02:32):
it's a part of the certificationrequirements, right?
And listening to an enrollmentconversation, which, ps, they do
have permission for us tolisten to it so we make sure
that they've got the requiredpermissions and all that stuff
and the time of her recordingthis was done before she was
(02:53):
able to listen to the businessside of the training that I give
and to help with theirenrollment calls.
So it's really interesting tolisten to how she did it and it
was so obvious as we listened to, like the different blocks that
were showing up for her.
So what happened?
She'd had a conversation, gotto know what this particular
(03:16):
client's needs were.
She obviously was confidentthat she could help her.
But then she started to talkabout the money side of things
and the timing side of things.
Her block showed up.
So initially she'd given aprice point for this client to
work with them and an amount oftime that she would work with
(03:40):
her.
So it was like how long thecoaching would go for and how
often.
So I think it was weekly and Ithink it was for an hour and in
fact I know it was weekly and itwas for an hour each week.
Now, asshe spoke and she asked the
client for the potential clientfor some input on, like her, her
(04:04):
offer.
The client said like it'sprobably a bit too much in terms
of the timing, the frequency,and so what the client
recommended was that they do itevery two weeks.
Now, she was only the client,was a potential client, was only
kind of given this feedbackbecause it was asked for it, and
(04:26):
so they're kind of goingbackwards and forwards and
discussing it.
And so what happened as soon asthe potential client Shared her
thoughts Basically, in whichher thoughts equalled like half
the amount of money for half theamount of coaching over the
same period of time, right,because instead of weekly
(04:47):
coaching for one hour, it wasone hour of coaching every
fortnight or biweekly, right, sotechnically, it was half the
amount of coaching in terms ofhours, right, but over the same
length of time.
And the conversation could havebeen fairly simple.
It could have been yep, coolthat that's fine, but what my,
(05:11):
our client proceeded to do thenwas to say, oh, yep, that's
totally fine, and she cut theprice in half, right, so I mean,
and there was no reason why theclient hadn't said that it was
too expensive, but she was like,cut the amount that she was
(05:33):
charging in half and which shewas charging by the session,
which is not something that Inormally recommend to do.
But that's what she was doingat that time.
Like I said, this is beforeshe'd received the enrollment
conversation, training, and shealso said and if you want, we
can do it weekly.
So basically, in like a matterof seconds, after speaking to
(05:56):
this client, giving her pricingand her times and stuff, and
asking for the client's feedback, the client gave a little bit
of feedback which she could havejust said, yep, that's cool too
.
But instead she doubled thehours for half the pay, right.
So she over gave in terms ofher time and she under received
(06:18):
in terms of the money.
Now For feedback.
For that particular client itwas like it's fine, you know
it's done.
It was good practice for her.
There's some lessons you canlearn and I think there's no
ultimate failures.
You know you just like you dosomething to get feedback.
You know you do something, youlearn a lesson, right, and then
you go and you do better nexttime, right.
(06:39):
So it was totally fine.
But I want you to imagine Ifthat were to continue.
Do you think that would lead toresentment from my client?
I can tell you For sure itwould.
This particular client runs twobusinesses.
She's got, I think, fourchildren.
(07:01):
She's got a very, very fulllife, like most of us, right,
very full life, and so I Justgive that example just to show
you.
Sometimes we're like Underreceiving, like we're not asking
for what it is that we trulywant, because we're afraid the
answer is going to be no.
(07:22):
We're afraid of how will beperceived, you know, in the
asking, and Other times we'relike over giving and it's for
the same reasons where we'reafraid that we're afraid of how
will be perceived if we don'tgive as much as we're giving.
I'll give kind of an example.
(07:42):
That sounds like really small,but I think it's a big deal.
So, as you guys know, onpodcasting, I've had to have
some, not had to, but I'vechosen to have some big breaks
In my first year of podcasting.
Not ideal, not what I planned,but after consideration as I
went along, I decided to do it.
(08:02):
Now, one of the reasons I'vedecided to have big breaks and
podcasting is we bought a newpuppy into our house, as you may
have heard on a previousepisode of the podcast, and he
is beautiful and he's amazing.
And one of the reasons that wedecided to bring a puppy into
(08:23):
our house at this time wasbecause it was helpful for one
of my daughter's mental health,and my children's well-being
especially when it comes tomental health, obviously as a
coach, is a big deal and it's apriority, and it was a bigger
priority right now than mypodcast now.
(08:46):
So we tried doing differentthings and I just decided that
it was better for us to allowspace for us to train the puppy
more and and podcast less.
Now, that wasn't the only reason, but it was one of the main
(09:06):
reasons.
The environment just was notgood with the noise of the puppy
for me to be doing podcastingin the house, and I had other
options I could walk in podcastor go podcast in my car, you
know, put an app on the phone orwhatever, but I knew I wanted
to podcast in here and I just.
That was the decision that Imade.
Now, come today, when I'm aboutto record this podcasting
(09:31):
episode, our puppy, which hasgone through enough training,
now started to bark and so Ipromptly went to my daughter's
room she happens to be homeright now and told her she has
to go take puppy out for a walkbecause I'm about to start
podcasting and, Honestly, if itwould had been a earlier version
(09:56):
of myself, I may have Decided Iwill do it later and then do it
later, and do it later likegiving over giving of my time,
you know, of my business hoursand and so I decided, when I
(10:19):
knew that I was going to startpodcasting again, that I
wouldn't make these compromisesand that I had made enough
compromise and if I were to keepdoing it, that would not come
from a nice, clean placeenergetically, not a healthy
place energetically, and what wewant to do in our giving to
others is for it to come from areally clean space.
(10:42):
And I think you know most of uscan recognize when we're
starting to feel resentment orfrustration at something or
someone, when we have given themsomething and we might not
identify it as over giving atthe time, but where we've given
and it doesn't feel good to givewhat we're giving.
(11:04):
And it could be something assmall as like dropping your
children off maybe the adultchildren or children who could
have their license by now.
Right, you know, dropping themoff and picking them up
somewhere.
I use that as an examplebecause my husband and I we have
three adult children now.
Our youngest is 19 and, yeah,our oldest is 25 and two of our
(11:33):
children have licenses and onedoesn't.
And sometimes one of ourchildren asks us to pick her up
more than I would like to, andmore than I think is good for
her own development.
And I know a lot of parents.
You know I'm talking aboutpicking a child up and dropping
them off.
I think some of you might relateand some of you might think
(11:54):
Kushla, like, what's the bigdeal?
You know, and others will belike, no, they have to get their
license straight away.
You know, like whatever, ormaybe you don't have adult
children, maybe you've got youngchildren or no children or
whatever, but you get the gistof it.
You know you're helping someone.
Now, for me, I will say no,like probably three times more
(12:15):
than my husband will.
I will pick up and drop off mydaughter when I feel good about
it, when energetically, like sowhen I say energetically, I'm
like mentally, I think goodthoughts about it, I am happy to
help her on that particular dayor mentally I'm like, yeah, it
(12:35):
would be good to pick her up soI can also do this.
Because where she works, like,sometimes I go down there and
she works in retail, and so youknow what I mean.
Like mentally or emotionally, Ifeel good about doing it.
And sometimes, when I like it'sinconvenient too and I don't
want to, and I still say yes,then I check myself to make sure
(13:00):
that I change it so that I dofeel good about doing it for her
.
Now, sometimes I know I'm likeI don't want to do the mental
work or the emotional work to tofeel good about it, and it's
just no, because this otherthing that I'm doing right now
is a priority and you know, or Ijust don't want to do it.
It doesn't have to be becauseI've got something else on, it's
(13:21):
just I don't want to, it's justa no, because it feels like
it's not coming from a greatspace to do it.
And so I know, as I share that,that there are a lot of people
who use love as a reason to overgive or, like you know, yeah, I
can do it, I can put up with it.
(13:42):
They're okay to be the one whogives more in a relationship,
whether it's like maybe you'vegot a job and it's between a
co-worker and you, or a partneror children, or parents, or
friendship, whatever, um, with aclient, right, we, we can
(14:03):
justify our reasons forcontinuing to over give and I
think like there's no right orwrong amount of giving to give.
Technically, like you know, Idon't know, because I'm not in
your situation, I'm not with youright now coaching you but we
have to apply wisdom to ourlives and and our giving should
(14:24):
be reflective of our prioritiesat any given time.
It should be reflective of ourvalues, our true values, and it
should be reflective of ourlooking after ourselves as well.
Okay, and often you'll seepeople who are giving and giving
(14:45):
, giving, giving, and they'relike no, I feel good about it,
they don't sense any frustrationcoming up, they don't sense any
resentment coming up, and thensome, then their health crashes
Right.
And so sometimes it's not aboutthe feelings or thoughts, it's
about what your actual needs are, and this is where worthiness
(15:06):
can really rear its head and wecan see like there's some work
to do, because often, when we'reover giving, it's because we
ourselves don't feel worthy insome way, shape or form to ask
for our needs to be met, to behonest with the other person
like this is what I really needfor me, this is what I really
(15:29):
prefer for me, this is what Ireally want for me, and we're
not willing to haveconversations that feel like
they might be difficult forwhatever reason for us.
And so, instead of stating thetruth, we basically people
please in some way shape or formand leave ourselves over giving
(15:51):
, and so I don't want that foryou.
I want you to give and givegenerously, and sometimes to
give with no expectation ofanything back.
I think that's real love, butalso know that it's appropriate
and really intelligent at timesto say no, and probably in some
(16:13):
places where you're currentlysaying yes.
Okay?
I think if you're drawn tolisten to this episode, you
probably are someone who,somewhere in your life, needs to
be careful of over giving.
I know that that person hasbeen me and it's something I
watch out for from time to timeto make sure that I'm giving, I
(16:34):
want to say like 99% of the time, from a really clean space.
You know, whether it's likehosting someone at our home or
driving someone somewhere, orlike, you know, helping to clean
something, going to do anactive service, teaching Sunday
school, like whatever that I'mgiving from a place that feels
(16:59):
clean is the way I keepdescribing it.
You might describe it adifferent way, but there's like
no negative feelings that aregetting pushed down and pushed
down as a result of me givingthe thing that I'm saying yes to
.
Okay, anyway, model of thestory is be clean.
(17:19):
Be clean, get from a cleanspace and you'll receive more
abundantly as a result of thatand you'll feel so much more joy
in the giving that you give.
I think I'll wrap up with this.
Sometimes people get a littlebit confused because, like you
(17:40):
know, I myself am religious and,as a Christian, one of the
tenants we have, like one of thethings, is sacrifice.
But I want to say evensacrifice, like, for instance,
you know, the sacrifice ofdelaying how often I podcast and
the frequency, like for anumber of months.
(18:01):
That sacrifice, right, whichreally is delaying the might
growing my audience side throughthe platform of podcasting,
which delays, you know, morepotential community members,
more leads, more paying clients,right, like that's the reality.
(18:21):
I was happy to make thatsacrifice for a while.
So a sacrifice like you canmake sacrifices sometimes and
that's all good right, but youneed to know when to pull it
back.
You need to decide and not justreactively but be intentional
(18:41):
and check in with your goals,check in with your challenges
and it's not about always doingthings from a logical point of
view like I believe in.
Like, let's check in with yourheart and your brain, get some
coherence happening there andstart to make decisions there
based on your priorities andbased on your values that are
(19:03):
going to inform you more about.
You know when's the right timeto give what, how much is
appropriate for you personally,and then you know go forthright
or don't.
Don't feel like you need toapologize for when you choose to
say no or to pull back.
(19:23):
You know you are responsiblefor your life and Part of that
is prioritizing where to directyour, your efforts, your energy,
your attention, your time.
All of that, and there's noperfect route for any of us.
You know I'm a mother with threechildren who used to homeschool
(19:44):
, and I grew my business to sixfigures while I was
homeschooling and I still had agreat life offline.
I, for me, one of my values isFreedom and another one is is
fun, and so it's interesting forme like I am so sure that so
(20:07):
many of my clients who don'thave fun is one of their higher
values, would have said yes Morethan I have, or no, and I so
would have said no more than Ihave at times.
To things there's no like it,just right or just wrong.
Okay, it's just gonna be cleanfrom your perspective, from your
(20:28):
values, from the way that youwant to show up in the world.
All right, my friend, I hopethat in some way, shape or form,
this has been helpful for youtoday.
If you want more help, if youfind you getting in your own way
which we all do sometimes youknow if you're going around in
circles or if you just decided,like, this is the year where
(20:51):
you're going to shine way morebrightly, you're not giving your
excuses the space that you havein the past and you want some
help and some support to do that.
I would love to help you.
So you can just reach out to me.
You can message me on Instagram.
On Instagram, you'll find me atKush Chadwick.
Or you can come to my Facebookgroup.
(21:12):
I'll put the link to that inthe comment section.
Or you can private message meon my business page on Facebook
and just just message me theword ready and I will hook up a
time to have a conversation withyou and see if, like, depending
on what your goals and stuffare like, what's the best way
for myself, my team, to supportyou and help you to create a
(21:34):
life in a business you reallyreally love.
All right, my friend.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com