August 20, 2024 • 30 mins
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Unlock the Charisma Code: From Good Leader to Irresistible Force
In this eye-opening episode of the Confident, Connected Leader Podcast, we crack the code of charismatic leadership. Discover how to:
- Master the magic formula of warmth and competence
- Transform from only being respected to becoming a magnetic leader people can't wait to follow
- Harness the hidden power moves of history's most influential figures
- Avoid the charisma-killing mistakes even seasoned leaders make
Plus, we'll reveal the surprising truth about coaching styles that create loyal teams vs. those that silently push top talent away.
Ready to supercharge your leadership presence? Tune in and learn how to weaponize your charisma for unparalleled influence and lasting impact!
Thanks for Listening! We appreciate you. Sending you love and gratitude.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you've ever thought to yourself that you'd
love to have an audience that isengaged with you, or a team
that is loyal and just lovescoming into work, or if you have
a platform and you're likeplatform and you're like I want
(00:29):
more people here, that wouldfeel really, really good.
More charisma may just be youranswer.
We're going to dive in in thisepisode, helping you to be your
most charismatic leader ever.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Stay tuned, charismatic leader ever.
Stay tuned.
You're tuning into theConfident, connected Leader
Podcast, your premierdestination for breaking through
your current professionalbarriers.
Your coach and host, lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend
limitations and achieve newlevels of professional success
beyond self-doubt, sabotage andburnout.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Welcome to the show.
Today is going to be a reallyinteresting topic.
We're going to be talking aboutcharisma how to be more
charismatic as a leader to beable to increase your influence
and impact and also, quitefrankly, your bottom line.
(01:32):
Listen, real charisma.
When someone embodies realcharisma, people want to be
around this person.
And I'm not talking about thecommon word.
I think what is it, riz, that'sgoing on?
When I've seen people talkingabout this riz, like on tv or
(01:56):
whatnot, and they'redemonstrating it, it's cut.
It's coming across more likesleazy car salesmen.
Real charisma is genuine, it'sheart-centered and it's also
incredibly confident.
(02:17):
And where does confidence comefrom?
Competence.
So research and I believe it'sresearch from Princeton has
showcased that a charismaticperson is one that embodies the
(02:39):
perfect mix of warmth andcompetence.
So what does this look like?
This looks like a person who iswarm and friendly.
(03:06):
They know that if they hirethis person or they work with
this person, that they are goingto get a great job or they are
going to have a great experience.
So today I want to talkspecifically to the person, the
leader, the entrepreneur, thebusiness owner that typically
(03:28):
leans towards the competence.
So this is a high percentage ofthe people that I work with.
So leaders who are very skilled, very knowledgeable, they know
what they're doing.
People trust them.
The problem that can happenoften is they come across a
(03:49):
little unfriendly, a little cold, or they come across a little
awkward and they don't makeconnections or they don't feel
comfortable making connectionsas much as, let's say, someone
that leans more towards thewarmth and we can do a separate
(04:14):
episode on someone that leansmore towards the warmth because
ideally, we don't want to beleaning towards either.
When we're talking about beingcharismatic, we want to have an
amazing combination of both.
Okay, because we want to beapproachable, we want people to
(04:36):
want to be around us, and wealso want to be highly skilled
and be able to showcase that sopeople can trust us.
So if you look at a couple ofcelebrities that have really
mastered the art of charisma andI can think of one right now
Elvis Presley, who has been offthe earth for quite a long time
(05:02):
decades is still loved right, heis one of the celebrities that
have been gone so long.
But if you look at the stardomthat Elvis still has to this day
, it's because he showcased thislevel of charisma.
(05:24):
He made people feel valued.
He made people feel warm and healso showcased his skills, his
ability to perform.
He was an excellent performer.
So this is what we want to goto.
So let's say that you are aleader and you know you're
skilled, you know you have allthe competencies that you could
(05:51):
possibly have.
We want to bring in some warmthto that.
Coaches right now and these areboth excellent coaches and the
one I'm thinking of that leansmore towards the competency.
He's probably one of the mostbrilliant minds that I know.
(06:14):
He is excellent.
I have taken some of hisprograms and they are so
comprehensive.
They are more comprehensivethan a lot of the work I took in
university.
And I'm thinking of anothercoach here who's a woman not
that it really matters, becausewe can be warm as a man,
competent as a woman and leantowards these, so it doesn't
(06:38):
matter.
I'm just giving you an example.
She is very competent as well,is more of a type A.
You can see that she has theskills and the knowledge.
She demonstrates it.
However, she is very warm.
And I look at I was researchingboth of their YouTubes.
(07:00):
The competence is great.
However, in his YouTube, hedemonstrates the competence
quite a bit, which is good.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But because he doesn't bring ina lot of warmth, he doesn't get
a lot of engagement.
In fact, he almost gets noengagement.
(07:20):
He has a respectable amount ofsubscribers not huge, but pretty
good, but very low engagementand not the highest amount of
views either.
Now in this woman's coachesYouTube, she has a huge amount
(07:43):
of subscribers which she hasgained in a pretty short amount
of time, in a couple years, andshe has a massive amount of
engagement.
I mean, people are literallywriting almost love notes on her
page of how much they are sothankful that her work has
(08:06):
helped them, and you can see intheir content she has a really
great mix of warmth which showsup, such as her giving
compliments to her audience.
She smiles a lot, she talksdirectly to the person and
(08:31):
really showcases how she wantsto help that person, and she
also when I've seen when she'sdone lives she makes a point of
saying a person's name, and thisis a really great way to be.
More charismatic is by saying aperson's name.
(08:54):
So let's say that you're onlineand someone makes a comment.
You're not just reading theircomment, but you're saying oh,
jane, I see that you have saidda, da da.
Jane, that's a really greatquestion.
I'm going to go into some waysthat we can bring into some more
(09:16):
warm, some specific actionsteps you can take, but leaning
toward.
If we go back to his YouTubeagain, he's brilliant, he is
freaking brilliant.
I love watching his videos, butone thing he doesn't do is he
doesn't compliment anyone.
(09:36):
In fact, he leans more towardspointing out what you could be
doing wrong and what you shouldbe doing better, out what you
could be doing wrong and whatyou should be doing better.
Now, because I can read thisperson's energy, I know this
coach well.
I know that he's actually quiteheart-centered and he really
(09:58):
loves people.
He loves people and he wantsthe best.
This is why he shows up andcreates such comprehensive
programs.
He loves people.
He wants them to do so so well.
However and I can relate tothis because I am also quite I
(10:22):
can lean towards that competencyright.
So if I'm not careful, the waythat I can come across sometimes
is more on the competent end,less on the warmth end, unless
I'm being really intentionalabout that, and what can happen
is you can come across asintimidating.
(10:43):
So when you are intimidating,people trust you that you're
gonna do a really good job.
They trust that you're reallypowerful and you're competent as
a leader, as a business owner,as an entrepreneur, but you
don't seem as approachable andthe problem with this is people
(11:06):
may be scared to ask youquestions.
They may be scared to engagewith you, and that's a problem.
When you want to lead amovement or you want to be more
influential, okay, you don'twant to be a leader.
That's not approachable, right,and this isn't about morphing
(11:28):
your personality into somethingthat you are not.
Right.
This is not becoming somethingyou aren't, but these things are
malleable within ourpersonality.
Right, me intentionally bringingin more warmth so the people
I'm working with feel morecomfortable and they feel more
(11:54):
at ease approaching me withquestions, because a lot of
people are scared that they maythink that their question is
silly or stupid or they shouldjust know better.
This is very typical with typeA's.
I don't want anyone to feellike that.
I want people to feelcomfortable asking questions.
I don't want them to beintimidated.
(12:16):
So me intentionally bringing inmore warmth is not me not being
true to myself, right, it's mebeing intentionally more warm to
improve my level ofcommunication and my level of
leadership, okay.
So if you're someone, you'rethinking well, but that's just
(12:37):
the way I am.
That's just the way I am.
Well, we create ourselves right.
We are our.
We create ourselves right.
We create who we are, and muchof who we are in our personality
has been created over the years, so we can create anything we
want now.
So let's talk about ways thatyou can be more warm with your
(13:04):
team, with your audience, withthe people you wanna impact, so
they can feel more comfortablein your presence, because if
they're more comfortable in yourpresence, they're gonna wanna
be around you.
So if you're making sales peoplewanna be around someone they
(13:25):
feel comfortable with.
They're gonna feel good givingyou money, making sales.
If you are teaching or leadingor you're leading your team
right, they're gonna be moreloyal to the team, to the work,
because they feel valued, theyfeel appreciated.
(13:45):
This is all part of bringing inmore warmth.
Okay, and again, we don't wantall warmth.
I'm not gonna go too much intodetail with this, I'll do
another episode but if we havetoo too much warmth, then people
will question our competencyand they may lose respect in
what we're doing, even thoughthey really like us as a person.
(14:08):
So we wanna have a good mix ofboth.
So if you lean towards more ofthe competency, here's a couple
of things you can do to try andsee how they feel.
One way to bring in more warmth, like I already said, is by
saying people's names.
I know it sounds really simple,but saying someone's name.
(14:31):
So if you're at a networkingevent and you're chatting with a
group, right, like for me, Ireally have to be intentional
with this, because I used tohave so much anxiety meeting new
people that I'd just be worriedabout having my turn to say my
name, that when they said theirname, it would completely go out
(14:52):
of my head.
I wouldn't remember it at alland by the time we were saying
goodbye to each other, I wouldhave no idea what their name was
.
And it's really powerful in anetworking event or somewhere
where you're meeting people thatyou really want to build a
(15:12):
connection with.
It's a really powerful way toexit that conversation by saying
Jane, it was so good talking toyou.
Now I would love to stay incontact.
Do you have a social mediaplatform that you utilize often?
Can I have it Right, and we saytheir name?
(15:33):
That's a lot more impactful,warm, charismatic, than saying,
hey, it was great talking to you.
Can I find you on social media?
Sorry, what was your name?
Again, right, not that that'sinherently terrible, but it's
(15:54):
definitely not as charismatic asthe other.
And again, if you really wannabe set apart from the majority
and I will tell you, I have goneto a lot of entrepreneur events
I've gone to a lot ofentrepreneur events with a lot
of successful entrepreneurs and,from my experience, most of
(16:18):
these entrepreneurs lean towardsthe competency.
They don't typically leantowards the warmth.
If I go to an event with a lotof intuitives, healers, psychics
in that department, a lot oftimes they'll lean more in
towards the warmth.
But when I go to strictlyentrepreneurs, it's more in the
(16:40):
competency and you kind of leaveand you kind of leave feeling a
little bit.
There's a lacking from a lot ofones I've gone to.
So if you can show up in areally charismatic way, make a
point to remember their name.
So if they're saying their name, one thing that I do that's
helpful for me is I will see itin my mind, I will make a point
(17:03):
of repeating their name in mymind and I'm a very visual
person, so I will see that name,I will see it written out in my
mind.
And if you can make anassociation, so if this person's
name sounds like someone else'sname that you know, make an
association in your mind.
(17:23):
If you have to write it down,or right away after you meet
this person, you can saysomething like I'm really being
intentional about makingconnections with people and
right off the bat I can tellthat you're someone I want to
(17:45):
have a connection with, acontinued connection with.
Is it okay if I find you onsocial media right now?
Or if I write down your name,can you spell it for me and then
they spell it and that can helpyou remember their name.
The next one is I'm only goingto give you three because I
don't want to overwhelm you.
This one's going to seem reallysimple, but let me tell you a
(18:12):
lot of people can utilize thisone Smile, smile more.
Smile more in your videos,smile more in your pictures,
smile when you meet someone.
And a real smile, a smile whereyour eyes smile as well.
(18:33):
And if you're not great at that, that's okay.
This is a skill and it's askill you can practice.
Practice in the mirror.
I remember going through aperiod of time where I don't
know what was going on within meinternally, but I suddenly felt
really awkward going to places,even like the bank or anywhere,
(18:56):
and making eye contact withpeople and smiling, Like it felt
really weird.
I was going through a reallyweird stage and it just made me
feel really awkward, reallyweird.
I was going through a reallyweird stage and it just made me
feel really awkward.
But this is a skill you canpractice regardless.
If you're like, oh, I don'tknow how I look when I smile, or
I don't like my teeth, becauseI've seen people who have
(19:19):
insecurities with their teethand because of that they don't
smile, and I get that.
I had braces at one point.
I didn't wanna smile, but itmakes a big difference.
So practice, do what works foryou and practice giving a
genuine smile.
And if you have trouble withthis, thinking about something
(19:41):
while you're looking in themirror and practicing, think
about something that yougenuinely love, whether that's
puppies, animals, babies, aperson, something funny.
And I want you to start givingthat smile out to people, even
if it's just when you go to thegrocery store.
Smile if you have an onlinepresence.
(20:03):
Start to smile.
We don't always have to lookcool, calm and collected.
That's going to bring in afeeling of you are approachable,
approachable.
(20:23):
We want this.
We want the approachablefeeling.
I know there's a belief that wehave to be.
You know, if we want to berespected or we want to be
looked at like a leader whoknows what they're doing, we
have to have some kind ofcoldness or we can't be
approachable.
No, no.
If you go and research the mosteffective leaders in time, so
if you go and look at, let's say, even the most effective
(20:45):
presidents, these have afantastic combination of
competence and warmth.
We wanna be approachable, okay.
Last one, give out morecompliments than you do
critiques.
Again, I see this with a lot ofcompetent leaders and I'm
(21:07):
guilty of this too of when weare creating content that we
know is fantastic.
You know we're giving a lot ofvalue and we genuinely want to
help people.
So we want to help people.
It's not that we are trying topick and nitpick at things.
(21:29):
We genuinely want to helppeople, but we will look at the
things that they can improve andwe'll say you can improve this
or this is what I noticed andit's not working.
Do this instead.
So when someone hears thatoften not every person, right,
not every person Sometimes aperson can take that feedback,
(21:52):
especially a type, a type person, and just run with it.
But a lot of people will hearthat and they'll just hear the
critique and we always want tomake.
When we think about being reallycharismatic and a person who we
want to be around, that we wantto.
When we're around this person,we just want to be a better
(22:13):
person.
We just want to be better, likethat's what the power of
charisma does.
We wanna be a better personafter meeting this person
because that person has made usfeel important and valued.
So if we go in with ourcompetence and we are critiquing
, even with a good intention,it's gonna lower that person's
(22:39):
energy.
That frequency right it candrop.
It can make you feel a littlebit deflated, even from a tiny
bit to it a lot, and we don'twant that.
So be intentional about,especially if you're let's say
you're giving feedbackone-on-one to a person.
Give them three compliments toone critique.
(23:03):
If you are online, startsharing how much you appreciate
your audience and then you know,do it in numbers of three and
then move into any kind ofcritiques or feedback.
So what this can look like isI'm using Jane.
(23:27):
Again, jane, thank you forcoming in here.
I wanted to tell you that I'vebeen noticing you coming in
early a few days a week and Ireally appreciate that.
Your work with Jonathan on thatproject was great.
(23:48):
You know he gave me a lot ofgreat feedback as well and said
you were really helpful and onthis project I noticed that you
did this and I'm highlyimpressed Now with this part of
the project.
These are some things I thinkthat we can work to improve and
(24:14):
close the gap on a little bit.
I'd like to share that with youright now the gap on a little
bit.
I'd like to share that with youright now.
So that gives a big and thatwasn't even the greatest, but
you get the idea.
You're giving three compliments, three things you like, three
things you value, three thingsyou appreciate.
And if I was really trying tobe more charismatic, I would do
(24:35):
it with more of a smile, I wouldwork on my tone, but even still
, the way I did it, even notworking really on my tone, it's
still a better feel than ifyou're giving feedback and
someone comes in and you godirectly into thanks for meeting
with me today.
I wanted to talk to you aboutProject X.
(24:56):
This is something we reallyneed to work on.
It's not that great and youknow we're going to have to fix
it.
You know, does this make sense?
Tone matters.
How you leave a person feelingafter matters.
It's not about, let's say,sugarcoating something and
(25:23):
listen, there's a time and placewhere you may not want to use
this, okay, but for a lot ofsituations it's going to be
beneficial.
So you want, as a charismaticleader, for people to want to do
better, naturally not becausethey're scared of you or because
(25:47):
there's some kind of traumabond where they just want to
impress you, but because theygenuinely feel good in your
presence.
And when someone feels good inyour presence, even if it's on
YouTube, even if they're justwatching your YouTube video, but
(26:07):
they feel valued, they feelappreciated, they feel like
their subscription matters orwhat they've purchased from you
matters.
Let's say you're a real estateagent and your clients feel
(26:31):
valued and appreciated, not justlike they're just a number or
they're just a sale for you.
This is what makes a personwant to do better or a person
want to do business with youagain because you make them feel
good.
This is the whole purpose ofbeing a charismatic leader.
(26:55):
You ignite change.
You ignite change.
You ignite influence.
You ignite impact on a grandscale.
It's not that you can't do thatleaning more towards just
competence but it's a wholedifferent ballgame when you
(27:16):
bring in warmth with yourcompetence and practice it.
It's a skill right.
I still practice it because Iknow I can lean towards more of
the competence and, depending onwho I'm talking to, they can
take that as a critique or theycan be taken aback, because I
(27:37):
can be very direct and I can bevery to the point.
And those people who know me ifyou you know, you can feel I
love people and I want people todo the best.
I see people's, the power inpeople and I can see their
highest outcome and any kind offeedback I'm giving is for them
to reach that.
But I gotta be careful, becauseI can be more direct and I can
(28:01):
be more leading towards thecompetency.
It can close you off fromothers, right, it can make a
person not want to come to youfor support and for help and
ultimately that's going tohinder the growth of whatever
(28:21):
you're trying to grow.
Okay, I hope this was helpful.
Let me know if you havequestions on this.
Again, if you go on, if you arelistening to this and you have
access to the actual podcastwebsite so not just if you're on
a podcast directory, but if yougo on my podcast website.
So not just if you're on apodcast directory, but if you go
on my podcast website and youcan find this in my Instagram
(28:44):
bio, you can actually send me atext message and I would love to
hear if you found somethingvaluable or if you have a
question, because if you have aspecific question and it's one
that I think will be relevantfor everyone or for others, I'm
gonna answer it on a podcastepisode, so please send me your
(29:06):
feedback and I'll be doinganother one on if we're leaning
towards more of the warmth.
How can we showcase more of ourcompetence again to be more
charismatic, to really showcaseour charisma?
Okay, I hope this was valuable.
I honor you.
I appreciate you, thank you forlistening and, as always, let's
(29:31):
stay connected.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Thank you for tuning into the Confident, Connected
Leader podcast.
Lisa Jeffs is committed tohelping you break through
barriers and climb to newprofessional heights.
If today's episode inspired you, we'd be honored if you could
subscribe, rate and leave areview To stay updated with
practical tips and insights,follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram
(29:57):
or Facebook.
You'll find all relevant links,including those for our
complimentary gifts andtrainings, in the show notes.
Until our next episode, embraceyour confidence and stay
connected.
If you've ever thought to yourself that you'd
love to have an audience that isengaged with you, or a team
that is loyal and just lovescoming into work, or if you have
a platform and you're likeplatform and you're like I want
(00:29):
more people here, that wouldfeel really, really good.
More charisma may just be youranswer.
We're going to dive in in thisepisode, helping you to be your
most charismatic leader ever.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Stay tuned, charismatic leader ever.
Stay tuned.
You're tuning into theConfident, connected Leader
Podcast, your premierdestination for breaking through
your current professionalbarriers.
Your coach and host, lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend
limitations and achieve newlevels of professional success
beyond self-doubt, sabotage andburnout.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Welcome to the show.
Today is going to be a reallyinteresting topic.
We're going to be talking aboutcharisma how to be more
charismatic as a leader to beable to increase your influence
and impact and also, quitefrankly, your bottom line.
(01:32):
Listen, real charisma.
When someone embodies realcharisma, people want to be
around this person.
And I'm not talking about thecommon word.
I think what is it, riz, that'sgoing on?
When I've seen people talkingabout this riz, like on tv or
(01:56):
whatnot, and they'redemonstrating it, it's cut.
It's coming across more likesleazy car salesmen.
Real charisma is genuine, it'sheart-centered and it's also
incredibly confident.
(02:17):
And where does confidence comefrom?
Competence.
So research and I believe it'sresearch from Princeton has
showcased that a charismaticperson is one that embodies the
(02:39):
perfect mix of warmth andcompetence.
So what does this look like?
This looks like a person who iswarm and friendly.
(03:06):
They know that if they hirethis person or they work with
this person, that they are goingto get a great job or they are
going to have a great experience.
So today I want to talkspecifically to the person, the
leader, the entrepreneur, thebusiness owner that typically
(03:28):
leans towards the competence.
So this is a high percentage ofthe people that I work with.
So leaders who are very skilled, very knowledgeable, they know
what they're doing.
People trust them.
The problem that can happenoften is they come across a
(03:49):
little unfriendly, a little cold, or they come across a little
awkward and they don't makeconnections or they don't feel
comfortable making connectionsas much as, let's say, someone
that leans more towards thewarmth and we can do a separate
(04:14):
episode on someone that leansmore towards the warmth because
ideally, we don't want to beleaning towards either.
When we're talking about beingcharismatic, we want to have an
amazing combination of both.
Okay, because we want to beapproachable, we want people to
(04:36):
want to be around us, and wealso want to be highly skilled
and be able to showcase that sopeople can trust us.
So if you look at a couple ofcelebrities that have really
mastered the art of charisma andI can think of one right now
Elvis Presley, who has been offthe earth for quite a long time
(05:02):
decades is still loved right, heis one of the celebrities that
have been gone so long.
But if you look at the stardomthat Elvis still has to this day
, it's because he showcased thislevel of charisma.
(05:24):
He made people feel valued.
He made people feel warm and healso showcased his skills, his
ability to perform.
He was an excellent performer.
So this is what we want to goto.
So let's say that you are aleader and you know you're
skilled, you know you have allthe competencies that you could
(05:51):
possibly have.
We want to bring in some warmthto that.
Coaches right now and these areboth excellent coaches and the
one I'm thinking of that leansmore towards the competency.
He's probably one of the mostbrilliant minds that I know.
(06:14):
He is excellent.
I have taken some of hisprograms and they are so
comprehensive.
They are more comprehensivethan a lot of the work I took in
university.
And I'm thinking of anothercoach here who's a woman not
that it really matters, becausewe can be warm as a man,
competent as a woman and leantowards these, so it doesn't
(06:38):
matter.
I'm just giving you an example.
She is very competent as well,is more of a type A.
You can see that she has theskills and the knowledge.
She demonstrates it.
However, she is very warm.
And I look at I was researchingboth of their YouTubes.
(07:00):
The competence is great.
However, in his YouTube, hedemonstrates the competence
quite a bit, which is good.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But because he doesn't bring ina lot of warmth, he doesn't get
a lot of engagement.
In fact, he almost gets noengagement.
(07:20):
He has a respectable amount ofsubscribers not huge, but pretty
good, but very low engagementand not the highest amount of
views either.
Now in this woman's coachesYouTube, she has a huge amount
(07:43):
of subscribers which she hasgained in a pretty short amount
of time, in a couple years, andshe has a massive amount of
engagement.
I mean, people are literallywriting almost love notes on her
page of how much they are sothankful that her work has
(08:06):
helped them, and you can see intheir content she has a really
great mix of warmth which showsup, such as her giving
compliments to her audience.
She smiles a lot, she talksdirectly to the person and
(08:31):
really showcases how she wantsto help that person, and she
also when I've seen when she'sdone lives she makes a point of
saying a person's name, and thisis a really great way to be.
More charismatic is by saying aperson's name.
(08:54):
So let's say that you're onlineand someone makes a comment.
You're not just reading theircomment, but you're saying oh,
jane, I see that you have saidda, da da.
Jane, that's a really greatquestion.
I'm going to go into some waysthat we can bring into some more
(09:16):
warm, some specific actionsteps you can take, but leaning
toward.
If we go back to his YouTubeagain, he's brilliant, he is
freaking brilliant.
I love watching his videos, butone thing he doesn't do is he
doesn't compliment anyone.
(09:36):
In fact, he leans more towardspointing out what you could be
doing wrong and what you shouldbe doing better, out what you
could be doing wrong and whatyou should be doing better.
Now, because I can read thisperson's energy, I know this
coach well.
I know that he's actually quiteheart-centered and he really
(09:58):
loves people.
He loves people and he wantsthe best.
This is why he shows up andcreates such comprehensive
programs.
He loves people.
He wants them to do so so well.
However and I can relate tothis because I am also quite I
(10:22):
can lean towards that competencyright.
So if I'm not careful, the waythat I can come across sometimes
is more on the competent end,less on the warmth end, unless
I'm being really intentionalabout that, and what can happen
is you can come across asintimidating.
(10:43):
So when you are intimidating,people trust you that you're
gonna do a really good job.
They trust that you're reallypowerful and you're competent as
a leader, as a business owner,as an entrepreneur, but you
don't seem as approachable andthe problem with this is people
(11:06):
may be scared to ask youquestions.
They may be scared to engagewith you, and that's a problem.
When you want to lead amovement or you want to be more
influential, okay, you don'twant to be a leader.
That's not approachable, right,and this isn't about morphing
(11:28):
your personality into somethingthat you are not.
Right.
This is not becoming somethingyou aren't, but these things are
malleable within ourpersonality.
Right, me intentionally bringingin more warmth so the people
I'm working with feel morecomfortable and they feel more
(11:54):
at ease approaching me withquestions, because a lot of
people are scared that they maythink that their question is
silly or stupid or they shouldjust know better.
This is very typical with typeA's.
I don't want anyone to feellike that.
I want people to feelcomfortable asking questions.
I don't want them to beintimidated.
(12:16):
So me intentionally bringing inmore warmth is not me not being
true to myself, right, it's mebeing intentionally more warm to
improve my level ofcommunication and my level of
leadership, okay.
So if you're someone, you'rethinking well, but that's just
(12:37):
the way I am.
That's just the way I am.
Well, we create ourselves right.
We are our.
We create ourselves right.
We create who we are, and muchof who we are in our personality
has been created over the years, so we can create anything we
want now.
So let's talk about ways thatyou can be more warm with your
(13:04):
team, with your audience, withthe people you wanna impact, so
they can feel more comfortablein your presence, because if
they're more comfortable in yourpresence, they're gonna wanna
be around you.
So if you're making sales peoplewanna be around someone they
(13:25):
feel comfortable with.
They're gonna feel good givingyou money, making sales.
If you are teaching or leadingor you're leading your team
right, they're gonna be moreloyal to the team, to the work,
because they feel valued, theyfeel appreciated.
(13:45):
This is all part of bringing inmore warmth.
Okay, and again, we don't wantall warmth.
I'm not gonna go too much intodetail with this, I'll do
another episode but if we havetoo too much warmth, then people
will question our competencyand they may lose respect in
what we're doing, even thoughthey really like us as a person.
(14:08):
So we wanna have a good mix ofboth.
So if you lean towards more ofthe competency, here's a couple
of things you can do to try andsee how they feel.
One way to bring in more warmth, like I already said, is by
saying people's names.
I know it sounds really simple,but saying someone's name.
(14:31):
So if you're at a networkingevent and you're chatting with a
group, right, like for me, Ireally have to be intentional
with this, because I used tohave so much anxiety meeting new
people that I'd just be worriedabout having my turn to say my
name, that when they said theirname, it would completely go out
(14:52):
of my head.
I wouldn't remember it at alland by the time we were saying
goodbye to each other, I wouldhave no idea what their name was
.
And it's really powerful in anetworking event or somewhere
where you're meeting people thatyou really want to build a
(15:12):
connection with.
It's a really powerful way toexit that conversation by saying
Jane, it was so good talking toyou.
Now I would love to stay incontact.
Do you have a social mediaplatform that you utilize often?
Can I have it Right, and we saytheir name?
(15:33):
That's a lot more impactful,warm, charismatic, than saying,
hey, it was great talking to you.
Can I find you on social media?
Sorry, what was your name?
Again, right, not that that'sinherently terrible, but it's
(15:54):
definitely not as charismatic asthe other.
And again, if you really wannabe set apart from the majority
and I will tell you, I have goneto a lot of entrepreneur events
I've gone to a lot ofentrepreneur events with a lot
of successful entrepreneurs and,from my experience, most of
(16:18):
these entrepreneurs lean towardsthe competency.
They don't typically leantowards the warmth.
If I go to an event with a lotof intuitives, healers, psychics
in that department, a lot oftimes they'll lean more in
towards the warmth.
But when I go to strictlyentrepreneurs, it's more in the
(16:40):
competency and you kind of leaveand you kind of leave feeling a
little bit.
There's a lacking from a lot ofones I've gone to.
So if you can show up in areally charismatic way, make a
point to remember their name.
So if they're saying their name, one thing that I do that's
helpful for me is I will see itin my mind, I will make a point
(17:03):
of repeating their name in mymind and I'm a very visual
person, so I will see that name,I will see it written out in my
mind.
And if you can make anassociation, so if this person's
name sounds like someone else'sname that you know, make an
association in your mind.
(17:23):
If you have to write it down,or right away after you meet
this person, you can saysomething like I'm really being
intentional about makingconnections with people and
right off the bat I can tellthat you're someone I want to
(17:45):
have a connection with, acontinued connection with.
Is it okay if I find you onsocial media right now?
Or if I write down your name,can you spell it for me and then
they spell it and that can helpyou remember their name.
The next one is I'm only goingto give you three because I
don't want to overwhelm you.
This one's going to seem reallysimple, but let me tell you a
(18:12):
lot of people can utilize thisone Smile, smile more.
Smile more in your videos,smile more in your pictures,
smile when you meet someone.
And a real smile, a smile whereyour eyes smile as well.
(18:33):
And if you're not great at that, that's okay.
This is a skill and it's askill you can practice.
Practice in the mirror.
I remember going through aperiod of time where I don't
know what was going on within meinternally, but I suddenly felt
really awkward going to places,even like the bank or anywhere,
(18:56):
and making eye contact withpeople and smiling, Like it felt
really weird.
I was going through a reallyweird stage and it just made me
feel really awkward, reallyweird.
I was going through a reallyweird stage and it just made me
feel really awkward.
But this is a skill you canpractice regardless.
If you're like, oh, I don'tknow how I look when I smile, or
I don't like my teeth, becauseI've seen people who have
(19:19):
insecurities with their teethand because of that they don't
smile, and I get that.
I had braces at one point.
I didn't wanna smile, but itmakes a big difference.
So practice, do what works foryou and practice giving a
genuine smile.
And if you have trouble withthis, thinking about something
(19:41):
while you're looking in themirror and practicing, think
about something that yougenuinely love, whether that's
puppies, animals, babies, aperson, something funny.
And I want you to start givingthat smile out to people, even
if it's just when you go to thegrocery store.
Smile if you have an onlinepresence.
(20:03):
Start to smile.
We don't always have to lookcool, calm and collected.
That's going to bring in afeeling of you are approachable,
approachable.
(20:23):
We want this.
We want the approachablefeeling.
I know there's a belief that wehave to be.
You know, if we want to berespected or we want to be
looked at like a leader whoknows what they're doing, we
have to have some kind ofcoldness or we can't be
approachable.
No, no.
If you go and research the mosteffective leaders in time, so
if you go and look at, let's say, even the most effective
(20:45):
presidents, these have afantastic combination of
competence and warmth.
We wanna be approachable, okay.
Last one, give out morecompliments than you do
critiques.
Again, I see this with a lot ofcompetent leaders and I'm
(21:07):
guilty of this too of when weare creating content that we
know is fantastic.
You know we're giving a lot ofvalue and we genuinely want to
help people.
So we want to help people.
It's not that we are trying topick and nitpick at things.
(21:29):
We genuinely want to helppeople, but we will look at the
things that they can improve andwe'll say you can improve this
or this is what I noticed andit's not working.
Do this instead.
So when someone hears thatoften not every person, right,
not every person Sometimes aperson can take that feedback,
(21:52):
especially a type, a type person, and just run with it.
But a lot of people will hearthat and they'll just hear the
critique and we always want tomake.
When we think about being reallycharismatic and a person who we
want to be around, that we wantto.
When we're around this person,we just want to be a better
(22:13):
person.
We just want to be better, likethat's what the power of
charisma does.
We wanna be a better personafter meeting this person
because that person has made usfeel important and valued.
So if we go in with ourcompetence and we are critiquing
, even with a good intention,it's gonna lower that person's
(22:39):
energy.
That frequency right it candrop.
It can make you feel a littlebit deflated, even from a tiny
bit to it a lot, and we don'twant that.
So be intentional about,especially if you're let's say
you're giving feedbackone-on-one to a person.
Give them three compliments toone critique.
(23:03):
If you are online, startsharing how much you appreciate
your audience and then you know,do it in numbers of three and
then move into any kind ofcritiques or feedback.
So what this can look like isI'm using Jane.
(23:27):
Again, jane, thank you forcoming in here.
I wanted to tell you that I'vebeen noticing you coming in
early a few days a week and Ireally appreciate that.
Your work with Jonathan on thatproject was great.
(23:48):
You know he gave me a lot ofgreat feedback as well and said
you were really helpful and onthis project I noticed that you
did this and I'm highlyimpressed Now with this part of
the project.
These are some things I thinkthat we can work to improve and
(24:14):
close the gap on a little bit.
I'd like to share that with youright now the gap on a little
bit.
I'd like to share that with youright now.
So that gives a big and thatwasn't even the greatest, but
you get the idea.
You're giving three compliments, three things you like, three
things you value, three thingsyou appreciate.
And if I was really trying tobe more charismatic, I would do
(24:35):
it with more of a smile, I wouldwork on my tone, but even still
, the way I did it, even notworking really on my tone, it's
still a better feel than ifyou're giving feedback and
someone comes in and you godirectly into thanks for meeting
with me today.
I wanted to talk to you aboutProject X.
(24:56):
This is something we reallyneed to work on.
It's not that great and youknow we're going to have to fix
it.
You know, does this make sense?
Tone matters.
How you leave a person feelingafter matters.
It's not about, let's say,sugarcoating something and
(25:23):
listen, there's a time and placewhere you may not want to use
this, okay, but for a lot ofsituations it's going to be
beneficial.
So you want, as a charismaticleader, for people to want to do
better, naturally not becausethey're scared of you or because
(25:47):
there's some kind of traumabond where they just want to
impress you, but because theygenuinely feel good in your
presence.
And when someone feels good inyour presence, even if it's on
YouTube, even if they're justwatching your YouTube video, but
(26:07):
they feel valued, they feelappreciated, they feel like
their subscription matters orwhat they've purchased from you
matters.
Let's say you're a real estateagent and your clients feel
(26:31):
valued and appreciated, not justlike they're just a number or
they're just a sale for you.
This is what makes a personwant to do better or a person
want to do business with youagain because you make them feel
good.
This is the whole purpose ofbeing a charismatic leader.
(26:55):
You ignite change.
You ignite change.
You ignite influence.
You ignite impact on a grandscale.
It's not that you can't do thatleaning more towards just
competence but it's a wholedifferent ballgame when you
(27:16):
bring in warmth with yourcompetence and practice it.
It's a skill right.
I still practice it because Iknow I can lean towards more of
the competence and, depending onwho I'm talking to, they can
take that as a critique or theycan be taken aback, because I
(27:37):
can be very direct and I can bevery to the point.
And those people who know me ifyou you know, you can feel I
love people and I want people todo the best.
I see people's, the power inpeople and I can see their
highest outcome and any kind offeedback I'm giving is for them
to reach that.
But I gotta be careful, becauseI can be more direct and I can
(28:01):
be more leading towards thecompetency.
It can close you off fromothers, right, it can make a
person not want to come to youfor support and for help and
ultimately that's going tohinder the growth of whatever
(28:21):
you're trying to grow.
Okay, I hope this was helpful.
Let me know if you havequestions on this.
Again, if you go on, if you arelistening to this and you have
access to the actual podcastwebsite so not just if you're on
a podcast directory, but if yougo on my podcast website.
So not just if you're on apodcast directory, but if you go
on my podcast website and youcan find this in my Instagram
(28:44):
bio, you can actually send me atext message and I would love to
hear if you found somethingvaluable or if you have a
question, because if you have aspecific question and it's one
that I think will be relevantfor everyone or for others, I'm
gonna answer it on a podcastepisode, so please send me your
(29:06):
feedback and I'll be doinganother one on if we're leaning
towards more of the warmth.
How can we showcase more of ourcompetence again to be more
charismatic, to really showcaseour charisma?
Okay, I hope this was valuable.
I honor you.
I appreciate you, thank you forlistening and, as always, let's
(29:31):
stay connected.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Thank you for tuning into the Confident, Connected
Leader podcast.
Lisa Jeffs is committed tohelping you break through
barriers and climb to newprofessional heights.
If today's episode inspired you, we'd be honored if you could
subscribe, rate and leave areview To stay updated with
practical tips and insights,follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram
(29:57):
or Facebook.
You'll find all relevant links,including those for our
complimentary gifts andtrainings, in the show notes.
Until our next episode, embraceyour confidence and stay
connected.
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