June 17, 2024 • 16 mins
Send a text with a question you want answered on a podcast episode!!
Today's episode is all about breaking free from the habit of internalizing external events—whether it's a delayed email response or an off-kilter meeting... you're being invited to shift your inner talk from "what did I do wrong?" to "this is just something that happened." Understand that not everything is a reflection of you or your actions. Sometimes, things just occur, and it's not about assigning blame but about recognizing that external events are often beyond your control. Embrace the power of seeing situations as they are, without attaching personal fault. This perspective will help you navigate challenges with greater ease and clarity, allowing you to stay focused on what truly matters. Tune in to learn how to cultivate this liberating mindset and enhance your leadership with calm and confidence.
Thanks for Listening! We appreciate you. Sending you love and gratitude.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The success you achieve in your business, in
your career, is all tied to yourinner world.
It is all rooted in your innerworld, and then it's rooted in
what you produce, what you takeaction on, your relationships,
(00:21):
how you communicate.
So in this episode we are goingto talk about something so
powerful that happens in yourinner world.
If you get this in check, oreven at the minimum bring
awareness to it, it is going toradically shift how you are
(00:45):
operating in your day-to-dayworld.
Stay tuned, it's going to be agood one.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
You're tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader
podcast, your premierdestination for breaking through
your current professionalbarriers.
Your coach and host, Lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend
limitations and achieve newlevels of professional success
beyond self-doubt, sabotage andburnout.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Welcome to the show leaders.
Okay, so tell me if you've everexperienced this, when
something happens with aconversation, or maybe you sent
an email, you know you haven'tgotten a response.
You can see that the person hasopened it.
(01:38):
You know you sent a textmessage.
It's on red no response.
And immediately in your mindyou go to what did I say?
Was I too aggressive?
Was I not friendly enough?
Did I say something wrong?
Maybe I said something stupidand you make it all about you.
(02:03):
You internalize it and, inreality, you drive yourself
crazy and you make yourself outto be the well perpetrator's not
the right word but you makeyourself out to be the bad guy
or the bad girl, the bad person.
(02:27):
I'm going to invite you to makea radical shift in the way you
operate.
Now.
This is often rooted inpatterns that you know.
When I work with my clients, wealways do an audit right.
The first thing we always do isgo and look at the root of why
(02:49):
things are happening, so we cantackle the root and, as a ripple
effect, everything else getsaffected positively.
But in this episode, I'm goingto invite you just to bring some
awareness to this pattern ifthis is a pattern that you have
(03:09):
and to make a shift in the wayyou react when this happens.
So let's say that you're havinga meeting with someone and you
notice in the meeting that theperson is not that happy.
Maybe they're, you know.
Usually they're very bubbly andexcited and today they're a
(03:31):
little bit quiet or solemn.
And your initial thought goesinto oh my God, what did I do?
Did I do something?
And you start going in yourmind and making a checklist of
no, I don't think I did that.
Did I say something yesterday?
No, instead of doing that,instead of going inward and
making it all about you as ifyou did something, I want you to
(03:55):
go outward, right, literallyset the intention that I am
gonna see this as an externalexperience that's happening, not
an internal one, and I'm justgonna shift that thought pattern
in my mind from did I dosomething To oh, I noticed that
(04:18):
this person is not as excuse mehappy today.
Okay, I notice that this personis not as excited, and that's
it.
And then you leave it.
You don't even have to go intoasking them what's wrong.
It may not be appropriate to dothat.
It may not be the place.
Now, if this is a good friend,or if this is your family member
(04:39):
, you can definitely ask issomething wrong?
Is something bothering you?
That's not the goal of thisactivity, or practice, or
experiment we can call it.
The goal is to stopinternalizing every situation,
because what this does is itundermines ability to show up as
(05:06):
confident and self-assured asyou could be when you're making
it always about you, and this isa very common pattern.
It's a very common patternaround women, and if you're not
a woman, you may still resonatewith this.
It can be a very common patternaround empaths or individuals
(05:30):
that have grown up in ahousehold where they always had
to, where they felt like theyhad to manage everyone's
emotions or everyone's feelings,or they felt that they were the
caretaker.
They took on that archetype,whether it was for
self-preservation.
I know in my household I'vealways been very sensitive to
(05:55):
energies and emotions and Iwould often go into the what did
I do?
I did something wrong.
It's me I'm the one to blamehere that these people aren't
happy, because if I was doingsomething appropriate, or if I
(06:16):
was doing it better, or if I wasshowing up in a certain way,
then they wouldn't be upset,they wouldn't be mad.
I'm somehow not doing my jobproperly and this can be a very
toxic pattern to go in.
It's a very self-harmingpattern and if you have it,
that's okay.
(06:37):
We're not going to judge it,but we're going to realize that
that pattern is not serving thewell-being of us.
We want to see things in a moresurface level.
Until we have more information,we just get curious and notice
(06:58):
it.
Until we have more informationand we may not need to know that
our coworker or a person on ourteam you know, had a fight with
their partner and it's not asbubbly today, maybe we will know
(07:19):
that, maybe they will share it.
But we don't necessarily needto have all the information.
But maybe we will get thatinformation and it will be
clarity for us and we'll say, oh, wasn't about me at all,
they're stressed about this,they're stressed about that,
wasn't about me at all.
How many times have you gonethrough that and you got that
(07:40):
reassurance that it wasn't aboutyou and you had that relief and
you're like, oh, it's not aboutme.
But what if we didn't have togo on that roller coaster of
emotions and have our nervoussystem flying off the rails all
the time when someone is upsetor doesn't respond in the way
(08:02):
that they usually respond.
What if we could just seethings and get curious?
Oh, I noticed that.
Oh, this person hasn't messagedme back.
Usually they message me backright away.
They haven't messaged me back.
Oh, but I'm not going to make itabout me, I'm not going to go
create a story around it.
(08:22):
You know, when I'm working withclients, a lot of the suffering
comes from stories and a lot ofthe stories come from past
experiences or past traumas.
When we've had something happento us and we've created that
story, whether there is validityto it or not, we create and
(08:47):
then we just keep reproducing itand that fear stays.
Oh, I'm the bad person.
I did something.
What did I do wrong?
What did I do wrong?
Let's shift that and put itexternally.
So the first thought, if itgoes on I did something wrong.
I'm shifting that.
I want you to practice that,this, that I want you to
(09:07):
practice that this week.
I want you to practice to standmore in your power as a leader,
as someone who ispurpose-driven, who's here to
give and impact the world, toshare their gifts in whatever
way, shape or fashion that is.
I want you to start seeingthings more as just an
(09:31):
expression of what it is.
I notice it, but I'm not makingit about me.
I'm aware of this, but I'm notmaking it about me until I have
more information and then I canact accordingly.
Such as if this person says I'mmad at you, then you can say oh
okay, what did I do?
(09:52):
And still, I don't want you tointernalize it as I'm the bad
person.
I did something wrong.
You can get curious, say, well,maybe I did something that I
could do better next time, butI'm not going to make myself
wrong because I'm not here to bea perfect human being.
(10:13):
I'm here to learn and grow.
Okay, we're kind of getting offtrack now.
So that's what I want you topractice externalizing it, not
internalizing.
It's going to help you stay moreclear and at peace throughout
(10:33):
the day.
It is 1000% going to help yourrelationships.
It's like a roller coaster.
You can go on right and it's.
You know we're talking aboutself-blame at the moment, but
that self-blame ripples into alldifferent areas, such as
resentment and all these otherthings.
(10:56):
It's going to increaseresilience and it's an
empowerment.
When you can let go ofself-blame, it empowers you to
take more control and ownershipover how you're feeling.
You no longer are the victim ofall these things that happen in
(11:19):
our life, such as someone nottexting back or someone looking
a little upset, not as showingup.
In the same way, I've hadrelationships in the past where
if I wasn't happy or if I wasn'tlaughing or the person wouldn't
(11:43):
like it, and then I would feellike, oh, I did something wrong.
I'm not as happy today, I'm notas laughing, and it creates all
these internal battles withinus and it really steals away our
confidence and our self-esteem.
(12:05):
So I want you to practice thatand if you want to go deeper, if
you know that, you know whatthis is an issue in my life and
it is having a ripple effect.
It is creating a discord in myprofessional and personal
relationships.
Book a breakthrough call andlet's have a discussion.
If coaching is your next beststep, the breakthrough calls are
(12:29):
complimentary and if you showup fully on that breakthrough
call and you engage with thequestions, regardless whether
you decide or we decide that itis a positive next step for you
to engage with coaching, you'regoing to get a breakthrough.
(12:49):
Okay, I can't stress thisenough.
A lot of people have a fear of.
I'm not sure.
I don't know what the fear isso much with the breakthrough
calls, whether it is a fear ofnot being ready or feeling
pressured or whatnot.
(13:11):
I can promise you that the waythat I craft my breakthrough
calls promises a breakthroughfor you.
And this is simply aconversation.
There's no pressure here.
I love doing them because, forone doing these breakthrough
calls, it always gives me dataright.
(13:34):
So, regardless whether it's afit to work with someone or not,
I get information and that'shelpful for me.
So that's why I engage in theseand I enjoy them so much.
I get information.
I also love talking to peopleand supporting people, and if it
is a great fit and we decide,okay, this is a good, it's
(13:55):
wonderful.
I love the experience because Iknow that I get to provide
insane amount of value andtransformation, and this is why
I do what I do.
So that will be in the shownotes if you'd like to book a
breakthrough call.
If not, if you're not ready,then I want you to practice this
(14:16):
.
Okay.
And we're not internalizing,we're externalizing.
We're just getting curious,we're just noticing.
That's it.
We're not making a story aroundit, we're just noticing oh, he
hasn't texted me back in acouple of days Wonder what's
going on, but it's not about meand I'm not going down that
rabbit hole.
I'm gonna let it be okay.
(14:36):
Thank you so much for being here.
As always, I'm so honored.
If you're still listening.
I hope this was supportive ofyou.
If you would like to leave aquestion, there is now an option
to send me a text message andask a question.
If that question is relevant, Ithink it's gonna be a great
(14:57):
podcast episode.
I will answer that question ona podcast episode.
You can do that by going to thelink.
It depends where you'relistening to this, because you
may be listening in this indifferent places, but if you go
to the link that is in myInstagram bio, you will get to
the.
You will get to the officialpodcast page and on that
(15:26):
official podcast website page,you'll see the option to send me
a text message.
Okay, and I love getting them.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And, as always, let's stay connected.
Thank you for tuning into theConfident Connected Leader
podcast.
As always, let leave a reviewTo stay updated with practical
tips and insights.
Follow us on LinkedIn,Instagram or Facebook.
You'll find all relevant links,including those for our
complimentary gifts andtrainings, in the show notes.
Until our next episode, embraceyour confidence and stay
(16:18):
connected.
The success you achieve in your business, in
your career, is all tied to yourinner world.
It is all rooted in your innerworld, and then it's rooted in
what you produce, what you takeaction on, your relationships,
(00:21):
how you communicate.
So in this episode we are goingto talk about something so
powerful that happens in yourinner world.
If you get this in check, oreven at the minimum bring
awareness to it, it is going toradically shift how you are
(00:45):
operating in your day-to-dayworld.
Stay tuned, it's going to be agood one.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
You're tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader
podcast, your premierdestination for breaking through
your current professionalbarriers.
Your coach and host, Lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend
limitations and achieve newlevels of professional success
beyond self-doubt, sabotage andburnout.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Welcome to the show leaders.
Okay, so tell me if you've everexperienced this, when
something happens with aconversation, or maybe you sent
an email, you know you haven'tgotten a response.
You can see that the person hasopened it.
(01:38):
You know you sent a textmessage.
It's on red no response.
And immediately in your mindyou go to what did I say?
Was I too aggressive?
Was I not friendly enough?
Did I say something wrong?
Maybe I said something stupidand you make it all about you.
(02:03):
You internalize it and, inreality, you drive yourself
crazy and you make yourself outto be the well perpetrator's not
the right word but you makeyourself out to be the bad guy
or the bad girl, the bad person.
(02:27):
I'm going to invite you to makea radical shift in the way you
operate.
Now.
This is often rooted inpatterns that you know.
When I work with my clients, wealways do an audit right.
The first thing we always do isgo and look at the root of why
(02:49):
things are happening, so we cantackle the root and, as a ripple
effect, everything else getsaffected positively.
But in this episode, I'm goingto invite you just to bring some
awareness to this pattern ifthis is a pattern that you have
(03:09):
and to make a shift in the wayyou react when this happens.
So let's say that you're havinga meeting with someone and you
notice in the meeting that theperson is not that happy.
Maybe they're, you know.
Usually they're very bubbly andexcited and today they're a
(03:31):
little bit quiet or solemn.
And your initial thought goesinto oh my God, what did I do?
Did I do something?
And you start going in yourmind and making a checklist of
no, I don't think I did that.
Did I say something yesterday?
No, instead of doing that,instead of going inward and
making it all about you as ifyou did something, I want you to
(03:55):
go outward, right, literallyset the intention that I am
gonna see this as an externalexperience that's happening, not
an internal one, and I'm justgonna shift that thought pattern
in my mind from did I dosomething To oh, I noticed that
(04:18):
this person is not as excuse mehappy today.
Okay, I notice that this personis not as excited, and that's
it.
And then you leave it.
You don't even have to go intoasking them what's wrong.
It may not be appropriate to dothat.
It may not be the place.
Now, if this is a good friend,or if this is your family member
(04:39):
, you can definitely ask issomething wrong?
Is something bothering you?
That's not the goal of thisactivity, or practice, or
experiment we can call it.
The goal is to stopinternalizing every situation,
because what this does is itundermines ability to show up as
(05:06):
confident and self-assured asyou could be when you're making
it always about you, and this isa very common pattern.
It's a very common patternaround women, and if you're not
a woman, you may still resonatewith this.
It can be a very common patternaround empaths or individuals
(05:30):
that have grown up in ahousehold where they always had
to, where they felt like theyhad to manage everyone's
emotions or everyone's feelings,or they felt that they were the
caretaker.
They took on that archetype,whether it was for
self-preservation.
I know in my household I'vealways been very sensitive to
(05:55):
energies and emotions and Iwould often go into the what did
I do?
I did something wrong.
It's me I'm the one to blamehere that these people aren't
happy, because if I was doingsomething appropriate, or if I
(06:16):
was doing it better, or if I wasshowing up in a certain way,
then they wouldn't be upset,they wouldn't be mad.
I'm somehow not doing my jobproperly and this can be a very
toxic pattern to go in.
It's a very self-harmingpattern and if you have it,
that's okay.
(06:37):
We're not going to judge it,but we're going to realize that
that pattern is not serving thewell-being of us.
We want to see things in a moresurface level.
Until we have more information,we just get curious and notice
(06:58):
it.
Until we have more informationand we may not need to know that
our coworker or a person on ourteam you know, had a fight with
their partner and it's not asbubbly today, maybe we will know
(07:19):
that, maybe they will share it.
But we don't necessarily needto have all the information.
But maybe we will get thatinformation and it will be
clarity for us and we'll say, oh, wasn't about me at all,
they're stressed about this,they're stressed about that,
wasn't about me at all.
How many times have you gonethrough that and you got that
(07:40):
reassurance that it wasn't aboutyou and you had that relief and
you're like, oh, it's not aboutme.
But what if we didn't have togo on that roller coaster of
emotions and have our nervoussystem flying off the rails all
the time when someone is upsetor doesn't respond in the way
(08:02):
that they usually respond.
What if we could just seethings and get curious?
Oh, I noticed that.
Oh, this person hasn't messagedme back.
Usually they message me backright away.
They haven't messaged me back.
Oh, but I'm not going to make itabout me, I'm not going to go
create a story around it.
(08:22):
You know, when I'm working withclients, a lot of the suffering
comes from stories and a lot ofthe stories come from past
experiences or past traumas.
When we've had something happento us and we've created that
story, whether there is validityto it or not, we create and
(08:47):
then we just keep reproducing itand that fear stays.
Oh, I'm the bad person.
I did something.
What did I do wrong?
What did I do wrong?
Let's shift that and put itexternally.
So the first thought, if itgoes on I did something wrong.
I'm shifting that.
I want you to practice that,this, that I want you to
(09:07):
practice that this week.
I want you to practice to standmore in your power as a leader,
as someone who ispurpose-driven, who's here to
give and impact the world, toshare their gifts in whatever
way, shape or fashion that is.
I want you to start seeingthings more as just an
(09:31):
expression of what it is.
I notice it, but I'm not makingit about me.
I'm aware of this, but I'm notmaking it about me until I have
more information and then I canact accordingly.
Such as if this person says I'mmad at you, then you can say oh
okay, what did I do?
(09:52):
And still, I don't want you tointernalize it as I'm the bad
person.
I did something wrong.
You can get curious, say, well,maybe I did something that I
could do better next time, butI'm not going to make myself
wrong because I'm not here to bea perfect human being.
(10:13):
I'm here to learn and grow.
Okay, we're kind of getting offtrack now.
So that's what I want you topractice externalizing it, not
internalizing.
It's going to help you stay moreclear and at peace throughout
(10:33):
the day.
It is 1000% going to help yourrelationships.
It's like a roller coaster.
You can go on right and it's.
You know we're talking aboutself-blame at the moment, but
that self-blame ripples into alldifferent areas, such as
resentment and all these otherthings.
(10:56):
It's going to increaseresilience and it's an
empowerment.
When you can let go ofself-blame, it empowers you to
take more control and ownershipover how you're feeling.
You no longer are the victim ofall these things that happen in
(11:19):
our life, such as someone nottexting back or someone looking
a little upset, not as showingup.
In the same way, I've hadrelationships in the past where
if I wasn't happy or if I wasn'tlaughing or the person wouldn't
(11:43):
like it, and then I would feellike, oh, I did something wrong.
I'm not as happy today, I'm notas laughing, and it creates all
these internal battles withinus and it really steals away our
confidence and our self-esteem.
(12:05):
So I want you to practice thatand if you want to go deeper, if
you know that, you know whatthis is an issue in my life and
it is having a ripple effect.
It is creating a discord in myprofessional and personal
relationships.
Book a breakthrough call andlet's have a discussion.
If coaching is your next beststep, the breakthrough calls are
(12:29):
complimentary and if you showup fully on that breakthrough
call and you engage with thequestions, regardless whether
you decide or we decide that itis a positive next step for you
to engage with coaching, you'regoing to get a breakthrough.
(12:49):
Okay, I can't stress thisenough.
A lot of people have a fear of.
I'm not sure.
I don't know what the fear isso much with the breakthrough
calls, whether it is a fear ofnot being ready or feeling
pressured or whatnot.
(13:11):
I can promise you that the waythat I craft my breakthrough
calls promises a breakthroughfor you.
And this is simply aconversation.
There's no pressure here.
I love doing them because, forone doing these breakthrough
calls, it always gives me dataright.
(13:34):
So, regardless whether it's afit to work with someone or not,
I get information and that'shelpful for me.
So that's why I engage in theseand I enjoy them so much.
I get information.
I also love talking to peopleand supporting people, and if it
is a great fit and we decide,okay, this is a good, it's
(13:55):
wonderful.
I love the experience because Iknow that I get to provide
insane amount of value andtransformation, and this is why
I do what I do.
So that will be in the shownotes if you'd like to book a
breakthrough call.
If not, if you're not ready,then I want you to practice this
(14:16):
.
Okay.
And we're not internalizing,we're externalizing.
We're just getting curious,we're just noticing.
That's it.
We're not making a story aroundit, we're just noticing oh, he
hasn't texted me back in acouple of days Wonder what's
going on, but it's not about meand I'm not going down that
rabbit hole.
I'm gonna let it be okay.
(14:36):
Thank you so much for being here.
As always, I'm so honored.
If you're still listening.
I hope this was supportive ofyou.
If you would like to leave aquestion, there is now an option
to send me a text message andask a question.
If that question is relevant, Ithink it's gonna be a great
(14:57):
podcast episode.
I will answer that question ona podcast episode.
You can do that by going to thelink.
It depends where you'relistening to this, because you
may be listening in this indifferent places, but if you go
to the link that is in myInstagram bio, you will get to
the.
You will get to the officialpodcast page and on that
(15:26):
official podcast website page,you'll see the option to send me
a text message.
Okay, and I love getting them.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And, as always, let's stay connected.
Thank you for tuning into theConfident Connected Leader
podcast.
As always, let leave a reviewTo stay updated with practical
tips and insights.
Follow us on LinkedIn,Instagram or Facebook.
You'll find all relevant links,including those for our
complimentary gifts andtrainings, in the show notes.
Until our next episode, embraceyour confidence and stay
(16:18):
connected.
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