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February 18, 2025 16 mins

2 years ago, I auditioned for the Peabody Institute of Music. I started that day off confidently, but right before the audition, when I heard the person playing before, I lost all of that confidence. Through two distinct steps, I regained that confidence and played my best. What were those two steps? I'm so happy to share them with you in this episode!

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Confident Musicianing
Podcast.
My name is Eleanor and I am aBritish American oboist studying
at the Royal Conservatoire ofScotland literally my dream
school and it took me a long wayto get there.
I applied and auditioned for 12schools in three different
countries.
It was a lot of hard work but,oh my gosh, so worth it.

(00:24):
I want you to have theconfidence to work hard in
achieving your goals, so comewith me as we go on this journey
together.
So sit down, pull up a chair,take a seat or, if you're on the
go, welcome to the ConfidentMusicianing Podcast.
Hello and welcome back.

(00:47):
I'm so glad that you are hereand that we can have a little
chat this week.
We're talking about somethingthat happened about two years
ago, on the 20th of February, soI think the time that this
comes out it's the 18th, maybesomewhere on there, I don't know

(01:07):
.
Um, and we're talking about myPeabody Institute of Music
audition, because that was anaudition that I think I'll
always remember.
It went from good to a disasterto, from good to a disaster to

(01:29):
better than ever, in about fiveminutes.
So that is what we're going tobe talking about today.
I talk about this audition onthe second episode of the
Confident Musicianing podcast,but I felt like it was in need
of a redo because that came outa while ago and I feel like you
know now that I have some morehindsight, some more thoughts

(01:51):
from reflection and all of thesethings, I think that I should
chat about it again.
I think we should talk about itagain because it is something
that we can all learn from, evenme when I did it and even now
when thinking about it.
So let's talk about thisaudition.

(02:12):
The night before I had gotten tothe city that I was doing the
audition in and I was feelingreally good.
I remember like having dinnerthat night and going to bed and
waking up and really justfeeling very confident, very
good about the audition.
I really hadn't stressed thatnight before or the morning of,

(02:35):
and I remember getting to myroom and getting my oboe out and
warming up and just feelingthis sense of confidence Like I
am going to crush this.
I felt so good in in me and Iwas like this is going to be
great.
So I got my oboe up out, Iwarmed up.

(02:56):
I think I also like posted onmy Instagram stories I was doing
an audition because, okay, um,and when it was time time, I
remember I stood outside theaudition room and that's when
everything changed because Iheard the girl before me.
I was stood outside the auditionroom and I just heard her and

(03:18):
she sounded so much better thanI was, like her articulation,
her intonation, her, hereverything, her tone, her just
everything.
I remember specificallythinking her articulation is so
clean.
I was like how in the world amI gonna go after that?
Like I was so nervous and allof a sudden my confidence left.

(03:43):
My confidence left.
It left the room, it left thechat.
It was like gone.
And I remember feeling so empty, like where did all that
confidence go?
And I started to panic.
I started to panic a bit.
I started to be like what do Ido?
Like I need this confidence todo well in this, in this session
and in this audition, and Idon't know what to do because

(04:04):
it's all gone and this girlsounds so much better than I am
and like it's just, you know,obviously in the audition she's
playing and playing, and playing.
So, as I'm panicking, I'm stilllistening to her play and I
remember I could also like hearthe judges not very well, but
like I could hear that they werevery happy with her playing and
I was like, oh my gosh, it'sgonna be like how am I gonna

(04:29):
follow this amazing person inthis audition?
I was so nervous.
I was so nervous and then Idecided to do two things that
just popped into my mind.
They just I don't know where,like what happened, but they
just popped into my mind.
They just I don't know where,like what happened, but they
just popped into my mind and Idecided you know what?
I'm kind of desperate.
I'm going to do these twothings, and these two things

(04:51):
completely changed this, thetrajectory of this audition.
So we're going to talk aboutthem.
The first thing was how Ilistened to her playing.
I had to listen to her playing.
My ears work.
She was making sound.
I couldn't not listen to themor to it, and it was funny

(05:17):
because the first thing I triedwas to protect, like not listen
to her playing, and I like Idon't remember what I did, but I
think I tried to like busy mymind and like, like block her
playing out, and I, like I don'tremember what I did, but I
think I tried to like busy mymind and like, like block her
playing out, but that didn'twork physically, scientifically,
you know the the science ofsound that didn't work.
And so I decided to change myperspective of listening to her.

(05:39):
I changed it from comparison toinspiration.
So I, instead of thinking, youknow, listening to her and
thinking, oh my gosh, herintonation is like really good,
or her articulation so good, Ican't even do this I started

(06:00):
thinking, oh my gosh, herarticulation is so good and her
intonation is so good and she'sactually really killing it at
this audition and she's probablyfeeling really good about it.
And I am currently being um,like I have the honor of
listening to this oboist whosounds so good.

(06:22):
And I started to really enjoyher music and that helped in so
many different ways.
I started to feel good again.
I started to feel like, oh mygosh, you're playing so good,
like in, in, like I'd kind oftook myself out of the context.
I was like her playing so good.
And then when I, when it was myturn to play, I had just
finished listening to absolutelyamazing playing and I think it

(06:45):
actually kind of brought mystandard of playing up a bit,
because my brain had just heardthat.
I was like, okay, let's do thatand I feel like I played really
well in my audition because Ilistened to her with inspiration
.
Looking back now, after doingthat and, you know, reflecting

(07:07):
on it for over for about twoyears I mean it's been about two
years I've made it a practiceto listen to others with
inspiration rather thancomparison.
So I have done many an auditionafter this audition.
I've auditioned for so manythings and I've also, like, done
performance classes and youknow other things just a bunch

(07:30):
of stuff.
And every time I listen tosomeone, it I have decided I
want to listen with inspiration,not comparison.
Even if we are in an auditionand we are technically being
compared, that's not my job tocompare.
So so that's what I, that'swhat I do now, and it's hard,
it's very difficult.
A lot of the times I strugglewith it and I find myself

(07:51):
comparing myself to other people.
But it's something that wealways want to work on and
that's something that I've beenworking on.
So, for instance, what does thatlook like?
If you're like Eleanor, what doyou mean?
What does that look like?
It looks like the differencebetween thinking their tone is
so much better than mine.
I can never get mine to be thatgood, oh my gosh, and have all

(08:16):
those bad feelings Versus.
Their tone is so rich and full.
I'm so inspired to practicemore on mine because of
listening to their tone.
Maybe I'll ask them for someadvice.
Ooh, that's an interesting one.
Maybe I'll ask them for someadvice.
Now, obviously the situation isdependent on that.

(08:36):
You know, when I wasauditioning, maybe it wasn't the
best time to ask advice rightafter her audition and before
mine.
If you're hearing someonepractice and maybe you're
comparing yourself, or if you'reboth warming up for an audition
or whatever it is, maybe askfor some advice.
You know that really kind ofbreaks the barrier and takes

(08:59):
them off, kind of the pedestalin your brain that you're
putting them on and puttingyourself under, you know.
But that's something that I tryand do and I think you know
it's very helpful to try and doso.
I challenge you to try and seeif you can do that.
And you know it is difficult,it is hard, we all kind of

(09:20):
struggle with it and, yes, wemake mistakes with it and that's
perfectly fine.
But I challenge you to kind ofto try to try and see, see if
you see if you can grow thatskill.
The next thing that I did wascomplimented her on her way out.
This is something that I kindof just did on a whim.
I mean, I did both of thesethings on a whim, but I just

(09:42):
like did it and it was so good,it was so helpful for me,
because I thought to myself, youknow, when I was, when I was
listening to her, withcomparison and feeling really
bad, I felt jealous.
I was jealous, that's it.
I was jealous of her playingand her tone and her

(10:03):
articulation.
I was jealous because Icouldn't get mine like that,
like I was struggling with that,a lot of the things that she
was good at I was strugglingwith.
I felt jealous of the thingsthat she was good at I was
struggling with.
I felt jealous and I realized,you know, jealous what?
What do jealous people don't do?
What do jealous people not do?
There we go.
Jealous people don't complimentthe person that they're jealous

(10:24):
of and mean it genuinely.
You know what I mean?
Like they don't.
People don't tend to do thatwhen they feel jealous towards
someone else, and so I thoughtthat is exactly what I'm going
to do, because I want to not bejealous of this person.
I want to be excited for themgenuinely.
So that's what I'm going to doand it worked.
It worked, it was reallyinteresting.

(10:46):
I was stood there and at thispoint I had been listening to
her for a while, with withinspiration rather than
comparison, so I was alreadyfeeling kind of good you know
better than I was and I walkedup to her on her way out and I
said something like that wassuch a good, like you sound so

(11:07):
good, like that was so good.
I really enjoyed listening toher.
Whatever I don't know what Isaid, but I said a compliment,
um, and it was such aninteresting thing.
That happened after because shewell, I genuinely complimented
her and I smiled and she smiledat me because she had just
received a compliment and alsodid a really good audition, and

(11:28):
that was such a genuine smile.
Then I got more of a genuinesmile from seeing her smile and
then when I walked in theaudition room, I had a genuine
smile on my face which gave thejudges a genuine smile to me,
which really set the tone forthe whole audition.
So it was just really amazing.
It was like a transfer offeeling good to my audition and

(11:54):
it really set the tone and wasso, so, so helpful for me to
have such a good audition.
So now, whenever I do anaudition or performance, I smile
.
I smile at everyone, I smilewhen I walk in the audition room
and it's a genuine calm, readyto go, smile, even if I don't
necessarily feel like that.
And that's also a trick If youdon't feel like something on the

(12:16):
inside, do the stuff that youwould feel or do the stuff that
you would do if you felt thatway on the outside, and then you
might start to feel better onthe inside.
So, yeah, now, whenever I do anaudition or performance, I
smile and I like to think aboutit, especially with auditions,
the whole thing is performance.
As soon as I get there at thedoor you know, not just the

(12:39):
audition room door, but the doorof the whole building to, you
know, do my audition and that'swhere my performance starts, and
I am excited, ready to go,smiling, you know, confident,
all of these things right thereat the start.
So a great way to kind of getinto this is to get into the
habit of smiling anytime I walkthrough a door.

(13:02):
This is something that I stillstruggle with and often I forget
, but smiling every time I walkthrough a door, no matter what
door it is, even if it's mybedroom door and there's no one
there, or if it is, you know,the lift door, or you know the
door to the supermarket, orwhatever it is smile and that

(13:23):
can help you.
So when you smile when you walkthrough the audition room door,
it is a great.
You know, you smile as well andthat's a great way to do things
as well.
All right, let's do a bit of arecap, okay, um, the first thing
I did was listen to her playingwith inspiration rather than

(13:44):
comparison.
This changed the game all of asudden.
I was inspired rather thanjealous.
The next thing is Icomplimented her on the way out.
My idea of what I was thinkingwas I want to do the things that
someone who is genuinelyexcited.
I want to do those things so Ican feel genuinely excited, and

(14:09):
those two things really, reallyhelped this audition and I ended
up getting in to the PeabodyInstitute of Music.
So those things were so helpfuland they really changed the
game for my audition.
Okay, now this story is.
There's a lot of like behindthe scenes of my audition.
I just kind of told youeverything that I felt on the

(14:30):
inside and was explaining.
You know, I was explaining allof those things and now I'm at
the Royal Conservatoire ofScotland and I play oboe there
and I study there and I'm amusic student there and there's
a lot of stuff that I experienceand I'm learning and that I

(14:51):
just want to share with youbehind the scenes of, like, my
life as a music student and Iwas thinking a way to do that.
And I was thinking a way to dothat and from that we now have
the Confident MusicianingMembership Community.

(15:11):
This is a community that islike we're just all like-minded
musicians who want to encourageeach other.
In the community.
You get access to behind thescenes videos, behind the scenes
videos of my life as a musicstudent and things that I just
genuinely want to share with youfrom my perspective as a music
student studying oboe atconservatoire.

(15:32):
There are how-to videos foroboe playing and music making.
Practice with me videos so youcan practice with me in real
time and also see how I practiceand prepare for things.
There are live streams, q&as,just all sorts of fun, just a
lot of fun.
So if that sounds like something, that sounds like something

(15:53):
you'd want to do or want to be apart of or just even check out.
Please do check out the link inthe show notes, in the
description.
And, yeah, take a look at theconfident musicianing membership
community.
It is a load of fun.
All right, that is about it forthis episode.
Thank you so much for hangingout with me.
As always, all the links to dowith this will be in the show

(16:14):
notes, in the description, fromthe blog post that goes with
this um to the link for theconfident musicianing membership
community.
All right, I hope you have alovely rest of your week and I
will see you next time.
Bye.
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