February 12, 2025 • 45 mins
What if your greatest challenges became the stepping stones to your most powerful transformation?
In this episode of The Confident Woman Podcast, Rachel Brooks sits down with Caren Paskel, a leader in holistic healing, self-empowerment, and purpose-driven living. Together, they explore how pain, loss, and life’s unexpected turns can actually lead us to deeper self-belief, resilience, and impact.
Caren shares her deeply personal journey, from navigating grief to finding inner strength and purpose. This episode is a powerful reminder that no matter where you are in life, you have the ability to rise, rebuild, and step into your calling.
Key Topics Covered:
- How Caren transformed grief and loss into personal growth and empowerment
- The role of self-belief in navigating life’s biggest challenges
- Learning to trust yourself and take action—even when it’s scary
- Letting go of fear and resistance to embrace your true calling
- The importance of mindset shifts in creating freedom and fulfillment
Timestamps:
- [00:00:00] – Welcome & Introduction
- [00:03:25] – Caren’s personal story: Turning pain into purpose
- [00:08:40] – What self-belief really looks like in action
- [00:14:15] – The fear of change and why we resist it
- [00:19:50] – How to trust yourself and make bold decisions
- [00:26:30] – The mindset shift that can change everything
- [00:34:20] – Caren’s advice to women stepping into their power
- [00:40:00] – Final reflections & Call to Action
Take a step toward reclaiming your power and building a life of confidence, purpose, and freedom.
Additional Resources to Support Your Journey:
- 📖 Fit From Within Journal – A 60-day guided journal for mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
- 🔥 The Confident Woman Impact Accelerator – An 8-week program designed to help ambitious women step into their power.
- 💡 Legacy Builders Program – Digital marketing mentorship & tools for building a purpose-driven, sustainable business.
Connect with Caren Paskel:
Connect with Rachel:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey there and welcome to the Confident Woman podcast.
(00:06):
I'm your host Rachel Brooks.
Join me as I sit down and chat with co-hosts, friends, and carefully curated guests and
talk about all the things that empower you to become your best and most confident self.
So let's get started.
So today we have with us Karen Pascal.
Karen is a bestselling author, speaker, and the founder of the Self-Evolution Education
(00:30):
Foundation.
With decades of experience in spiritual education and yoga principles, Karen guides individuals
on a journey of transformation, helping them reach their fullest potential.
So welcome Karen.
So of course, before we hit record, we were just unpacking so many things that, you know,
when it comes down to the story, to the journey, to why we do what we do.
(00:51):
And of course, you shared so beautifully before hitting record, it's like, hold up, we gotta
hit record.
And I would love for you to share that with our listeners as well.
So kind of give them a background on what brought you into the works that you do today
because your heart is so committed to helping others.
Well, thank you so much, Rachel.
And I'm really grateful and just blessed to be here and share my story with you and whoever
(01:16):
may be listening.
It's funny because the confident woman to be recognized and asked to speak on this podcast,
it was a really wonderful, I call it then and now, just to look back and say, wow, you
know, people might have thought I was confident because I'm a yoga teacher and I was always
(01:37):
on stage speaking, but I really wasn't.
And I wasn't connected before and after class.
I got on stage, I could talk the talk and I could play the role, but inside I wasn't
self-loathing.
I was self-loathing and did not believe in myself much and stayed really small.
(01:57):
I was very unhappy for a big part of my life, but on the outside, people didn't know that.
I hid that really well.
And I stayed an introvert because of it.
And so as you can see all these butterflies in the background on my shirt, now I am kind
of an introverted extrovert.
(02:18):
I enjoy people and that's because I enjoy myself now, finally.
And I do what I do because I have learned that I have unique gifts and talents and they
are not to be hidden, the whole purpose of life I believe and what I've come to remember
(02:43):
is that we are all beautifully unique and that actually is our purpose.
And once I came into that confidence of who I am and acceptance and love and belief, that's
when I really was able to make a greater impact in other people's life.
(03:06):
That was when I was able to go beyond just teaching yoga classes with a hundred people
in them to one-on-one helping somebody transform their very life, their relationship, become
self-confident, change their entire career, their body, their health, and then become
(03:27):
an author.
I never wanted to, I never even had a desire to write a book.
I'm very artistic, I'm very creative.
I love creative writing.
I love art.
I went to art school.
I have my BFA in finance.
So it's not that I don't love to create, but it just, I don't think that I thought I could,
(03:49):
honestly.
And once my husband passed away, I was sitting and watching myself on a Zoom call with 25
other women who showed up to this community call to share their wins.
And I was hosting and I was just thinking to myself, why are all these people sharing
(04:14):
these wins?
Because what have I really done?
I'm not the greatest yoga teacher.
I'm not the greatest mentor.
I'm good.
And I thought, wow, it's because I have confidence.
It's because I believe in myself that just that alone, that's the gift and blessing of
my husband, what he inspired.
And I'm like, that's what I'm giving.
(04:36):
That's coming off that energy.
And people are like, wow, if she can do it, I can do it.
So that moment was when I knew that I had the power of self-belief and I was like, I
have to write a book and it's called The Power of Self-Belief that I just started writing
and the rest is kind of history.
It was amazing what happened.
(04:56):
And I have actually written three more books since then, just inspirationally, The Power
of Self-Love, The Power of Self-Realization, and the one that's coming out next in an ebook
is The Power of Self-Transformation.
So my closest intimate community of clients co-authored a book.
(05:18):
So it's an anthology of all of our spiritual epiphanies.
And we're just working on that right now to get it out to anyone who wants to read about
this.
But it's really amazing once you decide to believe in yourself, in your powers that you
were given, that everybody has.
(05:40):
What can happen?
How much more energy then you have to actually give and share?
And that's when the nonprofit was born.
It took a while.
I always knew I wanted to give back.
I just didn't know in what way and who to give it to separate from my business.
So this has just been an incredible unfolding.
(06:01):
Wow.
Such a beautiful story and you've articulated it so well because I think so many of us,
as you're sharing this, I'm jotting down a couple of notes for myself, our paths overlap
are so similar yet different.
And I question those that are listening to ask yourself the same question because how
many of us are going through this journey we call life and wondering what is the purpose
(06:26):
and what is the point in all the things that are happening to us?
And we can look at that and say, okay, sometimes things are hard and sometimes things are messy
and painful and ugly and all the things.
But as you've articulated, there's so much beauty that comes through the pain and the
mess and the ugliness and you've turned what is, I guess, coined quote unquote bad into
(06:51):
something so good and meaningful.
And you recognize that and so quality in yourself is say, you know, I didn't have to suffer
for this.
But my husband's loss wasn't in vain.
This business that I'm creating is to give to others.
And so when you flip the script on that and has sought out so much beauty and wonder and
(07:11):
love and giving back to others, and I feel that that's such a powerful message that really
aligns with what you have going on.
Obviously from your books to the community to the courses to this beautiful retreat that
you have coming up as well.
It's just it's an incredibly inspiring story.
And so as you're coming through this journey, and we'll dive into some more of the business
(07:35):
side of things, but personally speaking, how much I can relate to what you said, you didn't
have the confidence.
And for those listening, FYI, I don't know if you've heard this many times in this podcast,
but this podcast was not birthed out of Rachel having confidence.
This was a need for myself that I wanted to be surrounded by confident women, but I didn't
have that in myself and I didn't have that self belief that I too am a confident woman.
(08:00):
So it's kind of cool when we look at both of these stories here, how something good
came out of it, the give back, the opportunity to pave the way for somebody who is just one
to a hundred steps behind us.
It doesn't matter that we know that ours is our message and our pain and our purpose,
and we're doing something about it to give back to help others.
So beautifully said, Karen, I'm in awe by your story because I know how much it takes
(08:26):
just of the giving side and the caring side.
And I know that before we hit record, we were talking about caregiving and some of the things
that you have going on.
So I'd love for you to kind of share a little bit more of some of those challenges that
if you could take a deeper dive into it, because it really explodes into what you have coming
up.
So I always say that everything's a blessing and you might not see it, but life in itself
(08:56):
just being alive.
And so to open up every day to everything that comes our way.
And when my husband got sick, people say to me, well, how do you see your husband getting
sick and getting cancer or dying as a blessing?
And I said, I don't, what I did with that was a blessing.
(09:17):
I chose to become a new person.
The news was so devastating and to be honest, I lived in a bubble.
I was not as giving.
I was not as selfless and I don't think I really knew it.
(09:39):
But once he got sick, I couldn't think about myself all the time.
I had to live a different way and it was a blessing.
That was the opportunity to get out of my way, to stop thinking about my worrying about
(10:00):
myself.
And when I say, you know, I don't mean that I'm not taking care of myself, right?
I mean the constant worry about what's going to happen to Karen that just went out the
door and now I'm super focused on this is so much bigger than me.
(10:22):
And I have a chance to be of service to this beautiful human being who is the most driven,
independent person, never needs help from anyone, all of a sudden is ill, right?
And it just empowered me to look within myself so deeply and say, who do I need to become
(10:49):
to be the best wife and caregiver and help this person through and myself?
And it wasn't the old paradigm.
It just didn't line up.
And so I had to recreate myself.
I don't even say reinvent.
I had to recreate and I did.
And it was amazing because I became so much stronger.
(11:16):
And he did things in our relationship and for me that he could no longer do that now,
guess who had to do it?
Me.
And so I just learned that I can do it, whatever it is.
And I used to not be able to do that.
(11:37):
I was kind of coddled and spoiled.
I was the baby in my family.
I was overtaken care of to the point of I didn't really know how to fully handle everything
because if I couldn't, my parents were to the rescue.
(11:58):
And my husband was the opposite.
He was like, stop complaining and go do this.
And so that was the mentality that I actually needed.
And I did it.
I was able to take care of him, take care of myself, take care of our dogs, take care
of the house.
And I just opened a yoga studio and I ran a business and it wasn't easy, but I proved
(12:25):
to myself I can do anything.
And it also proved to me that if something happened to him, I'm going to be okay.
And I had to prepare mentally for that because he had a terminal diagnosis and he was 29.
Want to give that ability, that strength, that inner strength to others because in the
(12:48):
beginning you are devastated.
At least I was and crushed.
I just got married to this younger man who's 12 years younger than me, who is determined
and drive and believes in himself and has this confidence.
He's going to change the world.
That was his attitude.
(13:10):
And it was terrifying to me being an introverted and staying small.
So it's like, I knew I needed to be around someone like that.
I knew that that would help me gain strength.
And that's why I married him.
I'm like, this is the kind of person I have to be around to be able to share who I am
and reach that potential.
(13:30):
So that's what he inspired.
I just want to now give that to anyone who's going through a hardship or a challenge and
say you can actually become a better person from this.
And if you believe that it's not going to be as hard, you have a little bit of a different
(13:53):
perspective.
Like you understand this is actually for me.
This is not happening to me.
It's happening for me so that you can become a better human being.
And all of our tragedies that we claim, if we're getting through them, which we somehow
do, I want to do it in the best way possible and then give someone that gift and say, hey,
(14:22):
you know, there is a way to get through this.
And then you can actually help someone else who's going through this.
There's no way to avoid loss.
There's no way to avoid pain.
There's no way to avoid tragedy.
Those things are a part of life.
And when we come into understanding and they happen to us instead of being a victim, because
(14:44):
that's what most people fall into and the victim mindset, like, oh, this is all why
is this happening to me?
I really didn't go through that.
I didn't because David would just not allow it.
He's like, we're going to do this and we're going to make the most of it and we're going
to help people and I'm going to beat this.
And if we have to pivot and close our businesses, that's fine.
(15:06):
He really was wanting to work with me and say, let's make something out of this.
Let's help people become healthy and successful.
He didn't make it to be able to do that, but I did.
And so that's the drive.
If someone isn't here anymore, it's like, what can you do?
And every day I wake up and say, wow, thank you.
(15:29):
This is a blessing.
What am I going to do with the blessing of life today?
I'm not going to take it for granted because the love of my life isn't here now.
So I live thinking of that every day, that energy and spirit.
What would David want me to be doing?
Would he want me to be sulking?
(15:50):
Listen, he died in October 2020 and every October, lots of tears.
There's always waves of grief and it would be completely bizarre if you didn't feel that
way for a loved one.
I will miss him forever, but it never stops me from giving.
It motivates me more.
(16:11):
It inspires me more.
I really encourage everyone listening to allow yourself to feel and be vulnerable, to go
through the emotions.
So with this nonprofit, it's so amazing because I have a self-caregiving wins channel and
(16:33):
someone who just lost their twin brother to the same brain cancer my husband died of is
having these feelings of guilt and most people who've lost someone feel like I could have,
I should have, I would have like as if we could have saved them.
Maybe if I just would have reached out to this doctor and this treatment or he said,
(16:54):
you know, if I made my brother get the surgery and I asked him, I said, you know, did your
brother want to get surgery?
And he said, no, he was adamant to me, to the doctors, everybody said, what makes you
think you could have made him do something that he didn't want to do?
And that that would have even saved him.
He didn't want to be saved.
(17:14):
You just really miss him and that's okay.
And so just being able to engage with people all over the world who are struggling with
loss or caregiving and just be hopeful and being positive and sharing my story and using
the experience and the wisdom that I have from years of philosophical study and all
(17:38):
the things that I have trained for.
It's just a gift.
I feel so grateful to be in contact and just to serve honestly.
So I don't think I had the energy to serve in the way that I am now.
And again, I think that just has to do with getting out of my way, believing in my inner
(18:00):
power and knowing that I do have a greater purpose.
And we all do.
Most of my clients also struggle with purpose.
A lot of them are in their 40s, 50s and 60s and feel like they have great jobs.
I don't have one client who isn't making a great living, but they're not always happy
(18:20):
with how they're making a living.
They don't feel like it's meaningful and purposeful.
So everyone has a story.
I want to just share that.
And no matter who you are, you can help others with who you are, what you've been through
with your gifts and talents.
And you can have a multitude of jobs.
(18:43):
You don't have to have just one.
I have a client who's a lawyer right now and she just started her own business on the side
so that she feels she loves being a lawyer, but it gives her more meaning to do the side
business, right?
More fulfillment.
And watching people do better because I've said one thing that inspires them or just
(19:06):
my energy or the group that I put together or my book, that is beyond fulfilling to me.
And so every day I just, I feel purposeful.
I feel fulfilled and that's a great feeling.
That gives me more energy to keep giving.
Right.
And you hit on so many topics here that I want to circle back to as well is because
(19:30):
when we have such tragedy and loss, and I probably haven't shared this as much as, I
don't know, I just haven't.
When I had lost my brother, I went through so many of those feelings that you've described
as well because he was so much of my world and my light.
And that was where I felt so much internally had dimmed.
And so when I would say that my light was like a twilight and from twilight to pure
(19:55):
darkness with the loss, different stages of grief and loss.
And I think it's like five different stages.
And we go through these periods, whether it's like denial to just feeling super angry about
it.
And those are what you talk about the woods and the shoulds and the coulds.
And we think, okay, but only if, and only if, right?
But when we live in those moments, we're robbing ourselves of the presence, we're robbing ourselves
(20:17):
of the opportunity to really learn something from what was happening.
And so there's a few other, I think, yeah, it's five stages of grief and loss.
And I'll just read them off really quick.
It's denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
And man, how much we had to go through all those different stages just to come out on
(20:39):
the other end as a whole new person, because we're not the same person.
So with loss and grief, yes, it takes our loved one out from our physical space here,
but we have lost who we were with that individual.
And so it's this beautiful gift and this transformation.
And you probably can't see Karen's screen, but behind her has this beautiful butterfly.
(21:03):
And it was the first thing I said when our screens turned on.
I said, wow, that's such a beautiful image behind you and so colorful.
And it's kind of cool because her theme here, and she's wearing a bunch of butterflies,
and these are butterfly wings.
And in my book, my opening is it's a part of the story of the butterfly.
And so why I bring up this butterfly is because with the butterfly, they go through so many
(21:26):
different changes of the metamorphosis of becoming.
But in that becoming, there's so much that's happening internally that we don't see.
We just see this beautiful butterfly take flight, but we don't know what's happening
in each of our worlds.
And what I can say, and I know that Karen could probably attest to this as well, is
that when we go through such tragedy and loss and such heartache and heartbreak, it could
(21:50):
be the loss of a past life that once lived.
It could be the loss of a divorce, right?
Because this future that you had envisioned is no longer to the loss of our own loved
ones, to the loss of our identity, to the loss of whatever it is for that individual
listening, to know that you're not alone because what comes through loss, as Karen has mentioned,
and I'll just share in my two cents here as well, is that there is a silver lining.
(22:14):
There's always a blessing.
There's always something to be learned and gained because with loss, there is always
gain.
It's up for us to shift our perspective of what we want to seek and find.
And so when we're on that other side of intentionally finding, well, okay, how can we use this loss
for the betterment?
Because I can't continue to be in this place of down and depression and wallowing in what
(22:35):
has and what was, that's wrapping me up today and tomorrow.
So we have to ask ourselves, which life are we willing to choose and what we can do with
what we've gained from the other side of things?
And to make a long story short here for me, a lot of what you see into the creation of
(22:55):
the podcast, to the community, to the books, to the content, to the courses, everything
that's under the Confident Woman brand, including the movement itself, had all stemmed from
my own experiences, which is exactly what Karen is talking about, because we don't know
the power that lies within us, but the power that amplifies and the power that is propelling
(23:16):
us into living this life with intentionality, with purpose, also with passion, because that
passion is what drives us.
That's the internal flame.
And when we speak of passion, it's not always just about our hobbies and our interests.
It's passion from a place of just, we want to change, we want others to transform.
(23:37):
There's this willingness inside of us that says, if I can, you can too.
And I hope that you hear Karen's heart and also little bits of mine as well.
I know that I just want to share this parallel because you have two women who have started
something from this nothing, right?
Because when you have loss, it feels this deep dark void of nothingness.
(23:58):
And so much came out of this.
So Karen, I just commend you on sharing such a beautiful story because I know that it takes
a lot to relive and to share, but you've told it with such heart and with compassion and
empathy.
And that's one of the biggest things that come out of it because when we look at stories,
they connect us, they relate to us.
We can pull on our own experiences as well.
(24:20):
And so when you talk about transformation, because transformation seems so heavy, like,
oh man, I was just trying to get it through the next day and we're talking about, who
do I want to be in 10 years?
How do you know how I'm going to get through this day, right?
So the power of transformation ultimately lies within each and every one of us.
And that we, Karen and I will both agree on this, is that every one of us is destined
(24:41):
for greatness.
It's about the path that we choose to get there and whether or not we're willing to
believe that we are worthy of inheriting the gift of greatness that was instilled and gifted
to us by our creator.
And so Karen, when it comes to transformation, what would you say it takes for that transformation
(25:02):
and adversity to really ignite and become that personal growth catalyst that we step
into this version we are today?
I could talk about this all day.
So I just led a yoga class the other day and the theme was the gestation period of development.
And what I've seen in myself and in others is that the ones who truly are able to transform
(25:30):
and maintain that transformation, because transformation, it's not a one and done, right?
It's, you don't, if you're on this, if you're really serious about transformation and reaching
your full potential, it's not just one program, one guru, you go to this, that or the other,
(25:52):
a few retreats and then, I don't know, you do ayahuasca and then all of a sudden you're
good and this is what I've seen.
I've seen the spiritual shoppers, one book to the next, one program to the next, one
coach to the next, and there's no real change because, like you mentioned, the butterfly,
(26:12):
there is a gestation period and we used to call it in one of my programs that I had with
my beautiful, I call them butterflies, we always talked about the stickiness of being
in the cocoon and I called it in class the other day a transformational womb.
So you decide you want to be abundant, you decide you want to shift your career, you
(26:37):
want to decide you want to be a bestselling author or an artist or a leader of some sort
or whatever it is and then you have to understand that there's going to be a period of time
depending on how big that transformational declaration is, that the universe is going
to respond and co-create with you and organize everything to fall into a certain order and
(27:02):
organically result where you will arrive.
But most people are not willing to be in that stickiness, to be in the gestation period
of development, they, but right before, because transformation isn't tangible, so it's like
(27:23):
you can't see it, you know, that's what's hard about transformational coaching.
I'm not, I can't really say I don't do contracts anymore because I'm not going to ever guarantee,
hey, you're going to get this, that or the other, you know, it's not, I'm not really
selling a product and you are the product and I can't do it for you, we got to do this
together but this is on both of us and mainly you, I'm just here to cheer you on and support
(27:48):
and guide you but I see that the ones who are successful, when I say successful, they
grow into the butterfly and then they continue to desire to grow more wings.
So it's never ending and it's this beautiful journey but those, it's very rare because
(28:10):
when you decide to become something different, guess what comes up?
Everything, every single thing that feels like opposing to that comes to the surface
because it has to, because you literally have to release that in order to become anew and
because that happens, people don't know how to handle it, they just quit, they don't want
(28:33):
to feel, they go back to the old predictable way of living, it's safe, I know what this
is, people don't want to be in the uncertainty of that transformational womb, they don't
want to be, people are not patient.
So I would say patience and belief in yourself and the confidence and the love for yourself
to accept what the journey entails, whatever time it takes and to never give up, ever ever
(29:02):
ever.
I see people throwing the towel and it's like, I can see that it's about to happen and they're
just missing it, it could be around the corner literally and they're just disappeared, they're
gone, they're onto the next or they'll blame it on me and say this isn't what I signed
up for or I haven't gotten, you know, what have I gotten from this and I've invested
this much and I haven't gotten, I hear these things and I just, I know I say okay because
(29:28):
that's not in alignment with who I am working with long term, I know what's happening and
I say God bless, but I also know the clients who never give up and are willing to go through
that stickiness with me, that those are the people who I call grow through it, not necessarily
go through it, they grow through it, it's called growth, there's just no way, I've reframed
(29:51):
it so that it's, I'm like listen, it's not actually, who you're becoming is actually
not painful, it's who you're letting go of that's painful, that's the pain, the old you
that you're releasing, it's not the new amazing transformation you're deciding to become,
that's not painful, it's what you have to go through to get there and so most people
(30:15):
are just not willing to do so and that's okay, but I do want to encourage someone, you've
gotta be supported, you've gotta have an army of support, it's as many people like who are
the five people that you are around the most, look at that on your hand, are they the people
(30:35):
that you want to be, I ask myself that every day, even with my clients, I look at them
and say are these the people that I want to be and the answer is yes and if it's no, I
kindly release them, for them and for me, so it's not something that people think oh
(30:57):
yeah, either they're overwhelmed by the word transformation, they don't even want to hear
it because it sounds painful, or it sounds heavy, it's a big commitment and that's the
one thing, transformation is a lifelong commitment and I know sometimes you think okay the big
commitment that we get into is marriage, who we decide to choose for our partner for life
and with your experience, it's like you never saw that coming, so it's like how can we take
(31:21):
this and use the heaviness that I'm feeling for the heavy lifting, which is something
that we're going to carry for the rest of our lives and that you said so beautifully,
it's not about the woman that you're becoming, it's the woman you had to let go of and it's
that grief because grief and loss come in all different shapes and colors, so yes, that's
painful because if we look at the growth trajectory, it really comes down to there's this cracked
(31:46):
open right, so where there's this growth, the seed, think of it as a seed, it's planted
under darkness, the seed is planted, what happens?
The seed has to crack, then there's growth and then there's this transformation, but
somewhere under the surface, we also sometimes miss the healing process and the healing process
is not one size fits all, that's where all of your insecurities, your worries, your doubts,
(32:10):
your fears, anything and everything that is not good and loving is from that place of
darkness and then that darkness is under the ground, that's underneath the surface, so
using the cocoon as the perfect analogy, now you're breaking through and this transformation
happens because you come out as this new beautiful butterfly, that is not the version of who
you were when you went into this cocoon or this deep dark place for yourself to heal
(32:35):
and grow and it's such a beautiful visual when you look at it that way because when
we're in it, we feel very victim as you said, we feel very much that's happening to me,
you don't want to poke your head out, you're afraid of being seen, you're afraid to burden
other people, you're afraid of what's going to be said and you just want to safely tuck
(32:56):
yourself inside this cocoon until you've transformed and come out as this beautiful awesome butterfly
and you're like, look at me, did people see the beautiful butterfly on the other side,
it's like, oh my gosh, you're beautiful, look at this magnificence and this awesomeness
and this confidence and this glow, but they didn't know the struggle that you had endured
to get there.
Oh yeah.
So if anything that comes through this is to be so kind and so loving and pour in with
(33:21):
every intention that you know what it was like then and what you needed for you back
then.
So as Karen talks about this, oh my gosh, this is a beautiful story and I know that
I feel like we could talk for hours, but as we start to wrap up today's episode, I want
to spend a few moments on this thing because I think that's really important because as
we're nurturing and growing not only our loved ones in these seasons, but being mindful and
(33:42):
respectful of ourselves and the intention that we have to set for ourselves, right?
Be mindful and loving and practice that same self love and self care for ourselves and
you having gone through this incredible journey and now you look back and say, man, being
a full-time caregiver, I wish I had somebody give and care for me.
(34:06):
And so you had to learn that on your own, which is partly now your give back model for
your business is to help other caregivers find that in their own caregiving life.
So us as women, we're just natural instincts, we're nurturers, we're lovers, we're caretakers
in some capacity, but life will always stretch and expand us because we have so much more
(34:26):
to give and what you do with the caregiving.
I'd love for you to share a little bit about that and you also have this incredible retreat.
Now remind me, do they go hand in hand?
So share this with our listeners.
Well, everything I do, I feel goes hand in hand and it's just about timing.
I think when we're in caregiving, it's very hard to get away.
(34:50):
It's very hard to retreat and we may not be able to do something like that.
So I think that if you are not caregiving intensely and that, or if you have, if your
loved one has gotten well and you have some extra time or if you've lost someone, it would
(35:14):
be a beautiful time to retreat.
I encourage all of my clients to, I had this home play, I called it for everyone who did
one of my courses this one year, we had a year long program and I said, for one time
this year, go on a solo trip, go away alone.
(35:34):
That was the first thing.
Just be by yourself for a few days, you know?
And there was remarkable responses from that and transformation from that.
And so I've created sort of a private experience, almost like a solo journey, but there are
things that are very healthy to experience and relaxing and meditative for longevity,
(36:00):
for energy, for higher vibration, for purpose, right?
Lots of people are looking for that purpose when they retire.
It's very interesting.
Some of the people coming to the retreat I'm hosting are looking for that fulfillment.
And there are some people who are looking for some rest from giving so much and caring
(36:23):
so much for loved ones.
And there's many reasons, but yeah, I'm leading a beautiful retreat.
It's on the top of a crystallized mountain in Costa Rica, San Jose.
I took a big group last year and I just said, we have to go again.
It's made for your health and wellbeing.
It's not an exhausting retreat.
I didn't want that type of struggle.
(36:45):
I wanted it to be luxurious and relaxing and to really give people energy so they came
back renewed and energized versus run down, you know?
So it's pretty full, this retreat, because I'm keeping it smaller size, but I might be
open to one more energetically aligned person.
(37:07):
So I do these retreats.
It's about the demand.
So if there are a small group of people who are wanting this again, I will create it again.
And I just think this is a beautiful way that I choose to live my life in retreat mode and
experiencing beautiful people coming together to make positive change in their own life.
(37:33):
And because it's so hard to make new friends as adults, that's also why I have retreats
and I have support groups and I have these communities online because it can be so overwhelming
to be in the world.
There's so many energies.
There's so much chaos.
But when you come, I have a group that's called the Community for Self-Transformation.
(37:55):
And then I have a group, which is my nonprofit called Self-Caregiving for Caregivers.
And so it's really like, where are you on your journey?
What do you need?
If you're interested in this conversation and believing in yourself, because the caregiving
group is based on the power of self-belief.
That is the foundation.
(38:15):
And not everybody wants to be in that group.
So it is for a particular person.
I definitely don't believe that I can help every single person in the world, nor do I
really want to.
We all have a gift to give to a specific person, let's say.
And so I've just opened myself up to who that is.
(38:37):
And it's really, really beautiful.
The self-caregiving group, I'm just providing resources for self-care.
I'm empowering the caregiver to practice self-care and know that that might look very, very different
than what they want to do or what they could do before.
And to applaud them and to encourage them and cheer them on to say, you can do this,
(39:05):
you matter.
And I did it.
And I'm not different than you.
That's what I really want to say, is that you have the power.
We all do.
And so I'm trying to ignite that flame just by sharing my story and creating engagement
and sharing my book.
I love that.
Such a beautiful, beautiful way to kind of bring everything full circle.
(39:28):
And I could just, I mean, for those who can't see Karen here, I mean, you could just feel
her heart through this screen.
So I hope that you feel it and hear it through your headphones or whatever you're listening
on because this is such a powerful and beautiful simultaneously, right?
So it's like, how do we have so much beauty and so much power at the same time, but also
in a way that's so loving and caring?
(39:49):
And I think that that is really the greatness that's in each and every one of us just exuded
in different ways of how we go about living and leading with love.
So Karen, I know that as we wrap things up now, oh, and please mention your book too,
because you have a couple of them.
Where's your favorite place to hang out online?
Absolutely.
So I have my two communities online, the Community for Self-Transformation.
(40:15):
It's just open for anyone who is desiring to transform and grow themselves and evolve.
And I share masterminds there and opportunities, different programs.
I share quotes and I write every day and just share about transformation and the journey.
(40:38):
So we have a Gratitude and Wins channel there as well to inspire gratitude.
And that is the ultimate state of receivership and to stay in that.
And then my caregiving group is for anyone who is a caregiver, not just for a cancer
patient, but it could be for children.
(40:59):
It could be for elders and parents.
I've had some professional caregivers actually join the group too, because they want the
resources and they also want to be able to take care of themselves better professionally
as caregivers.
I have some people in that group who are the patient and they just asked to join and say,
(41:20):
I want some resources too.
I'm the patient and I'm caregiving myself right now.
And then we have some people who have just experienced loss.
And so it's really been beautiful.
Who's been attracted.
I'd love to have you there.
There's really wonderful engagement.
I also hold a free monthly support call.
I have one this Saturday where I live stream it in the group, but there's also a Google
(41:44):
Meet link so anyone can join the group.
And I have special guests.
It's almost like a podcast.
It's called the Self Caregiving Support Call.
And I highlight resilient caregiver stories or just their perspective on death and that's
positive and what they've learned and the blessings in disguise and all the things.
So my book, The Power of Self Belief, if you're a caregiver or lost somebody and you're in
(42:08):
that group, I share and give the PDF version of the soft cover so you can get it there.
But if you'd like to purchase it, Amazon is probably the easiest way.
I have an audio book as well and they're in select bookstores, Barnes and Nobles and Target
stores as well.
But Amazon will probably be the easiest way to get the power of self belief.
(42:29):
And that's my love story with all the teachings that I have learned and all the blessings
and the way that I navigated loss and the way that I chose to thrive versus survive
during his entire illness and the loss and after the loss.
So that's a very, very powerful, empowering book.
(42:50):
And the butterfly, wait till you see it, Rachel, I can send you the PDF version.
The butterfly is just explosive in color.
It's on the cover.
And for me, it's that symbol of your power.
So that's why I want to send it to all the caregivers as part of my mission of the nonprofit.
(43:12):
Because even if they don't read the book, when you see that butterfly and you see the
words, the power of self belief, it can ignite that.
It can remind you, I can do this.
I got this.
I have inner strength and power.
This too shall pass.
And so I just want that to be in every home because I believe that just the energy of
(43:33):
that is so powerful.
And the other books that I just wrote, well, I wrote The Power of Self Love and The Power
of Self Realization.
And I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wrote too fast.
I'm way ahead.
It was just all came out of me.
And so they're just, I'm not sure where to go next with them.
So it's just, I'm in the openness to the universe, like, you know, God, where do you want these
(43:55):
to go?
Who do you want to publish these?
And so The Power of Self Transformation, the anthology, I thought, you know what, I don't
need to get that in a soft cover.
I just want to give that to the world.
So I'm having a beautiful mentor of mine help get that out and it will be shared on all
my platforms.
And if you look up my name or you go to my site, karenpaschall.com, there's always a
(44:16):
way to find where I am, the communities I've built to get a hold of me.
I'm not one of those people who like you can't send a message to.
Yeah.
Like, where, where can you reach out?
So I have an email and all the things.
So I'm happy to talk.
Oh my gosh.
Well, of course, all that will be in the show notes below.
So be sure to follow Karen.
And again, if today's episode resonates with you, be sure to reach out to Karen because
(44:40):
of course, as she said, she's got tons of resources and something for you along every
step of your way in the journey.
And so Karen, I just want to thank you for your time and being our guest today.
Thank you.
Hey there.
Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of the competent woman podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode as much as I did, please be sure to like subscribe and
(45:01):
leave us a review.
Thanks again for listening.
Hey there and welcome to the Confident Woman podcast.
(00:06):
I'm your host Rachel Brooks.
Join me as I sit down and chat with co-hosts, friends, and carefully curated guests and
talk about all the things that empower you to become your best and most confident self.
So let's get started.
So today we have with us Karen Pascal.
Karen is a bestselling author, speaker, and the founder of the Self-Evolution Education
(00:30):
Foundation.
With decades of experience in spiritual education and yoga principles, Karen guides individuals
on a journey of transformation, helping them reach their fullest potential.
So welcome Karen.
So of course, before we hit record, we were just unpacking so many things that, you know,
when it comes down to the story, to the journey, to why we do what we do.
(00:51):
And of course, you shared so beautifully before hitting record, it's like, hold up, we gotta
hit record.
And I would love for you to share that with our listeners as well.
So kind of give them a background on what brought you into the works that you do today
because your heart is so committed to helping others.
Well, thank you so much, Rachel.
And I'm really grateful and just blessed to be here and share my story with you and whoever
(01:16):
may be listening.
It's funny because the confident woman to be recognized and asked to speak on this podcast,
it was a really wonderful, I call it then and now, just to look back and say, wow, you
know, people might have thought I was confident because I'm a yoga teacher and I was always
(01:37):
on stage speaking, but I really wasn't.
And I wasn't connected before and after class.
I got on stage, I could talk the talk and I could play the role, but inside I wasn't
self-loathing.
I was self-loathing and did not believe in myself much and stayed really small.
(01:57):
I was very unhappy for a big part of my life, but on the outside, people didn't know that.
I hid that really well.
And I stayed an introvert because of it.
And so as you can see all these butterflies in the background on my shirt, now I am kind
of an introverted extrovert.
(02:18):
I enjoy people and that's because I enjoy myself now, finally.
And I do what I do because I have learned that I have unique gifts and talents and they
are not to be hidden, the whole purpose of life I believe and what I've come to remember
(02:43):
is that we are all beautifully unique and that actually is our purpose.
And once I came into that confidence of who I am and acceptance and love and belief, that's
when I really was able to make a greater impact in other people's life.
(03:06):
That was when I was able to go beyond just teaching yoga classes with a hundred people
in them to one-on-one helping somebody transform their very life, their relationship, become
self-confident, change their entire career, their body, their health, and then become
(03:27):
an author.
I never wanted to, I never even had a desire to write a book.
I'm very artistic, I'm very creative.
I love creative writing.
I love art.
I went to art school.
I have my BFA in finance.
So it's not that I don't love to create, but it just, I don't think that I thought I could,
(03:49):
honestly.
And once my husband passed away, I was sitting and watching myself on a Zoom call with 25
other women who showed up to this community call to share their wins.
And I was hosting and I was just thinking to myself, why are all these people sharing
(04:14):
these wins?
Because what have I really done?
I'm not the greatest yoga teacher.
I'm not the greatest mentor.
I'm good.
And I thought, wow, it's because I have confidence.
It's because I believe in myself that just that alone, that's the gift and blessing of
my husband, what he inspired.
And I'm like, that's what I'm giving.
(04:36):
That's coming off that energy.
And people are like, wow, if she can do it, I can do it.
So that moment was when I knew that I had the power of self-belief and I was like, I
have to write a book and it's called The Power of Self-Belief that I just started writing
and the rest is kind of history.
It was amazing what happened.
(04:56):
And I have actually written three more books since then, just inspirationally, The Power
of Self-Love, The Power of Self-Realization, and the one that's coming out next in an ebook
is The Power of Self-Transformation.
So my closest intimate community of clients co-authored a book.
(05:18):
So it's an anthology of all of our spiritual epiphanies.
And we're just working on that right now to get it out to anyone who wants to read about
this.
But it's really amazing once you decide to believe in yourself, in your powers that you
were given, that everybody has.
(05:40):
What can happen?
How much more energy then you have to actually give and share?
And that's when the nonprofit was born.
It took a while.
I always knew I wanted to give back.
I just didn't know in what way and who to give it to separate from my business.
So this has just been an incredible unfolding.
(06:01):
Wow.
Such a beautiful story and you've articulated it so well because I think so many of us,
as you're sharing this, I'm jotting down a couple of notes for myself, our paths overlap
are so similar yet different.
And I question those that are listening to ask yourself the same question because how
many of us are going through this journey we call life and wondering what is the purpose
(06:26):
and what is the point in all the things that are happening to us?
And we can look at that and say, okay, sometimes things are hard and sometimes things are messy
and painful and ugly and all the things.
But as you've articulated, there's so much beauty that comes through the pain and the
mess and the ugliness and you've turned what is, I guess, coined quote unquote bad into
(06:51):
something so good and meaningful.
And you recognize that and so quality in yourself is say, you know, I didn't have to suffer
for this.
But my husband's loss wasn't in vain.
This business that I'm creating is to give to others.
And so when you flip the script on that and has sought out so much beauty and wonder and
(07:11):
love and giving back to others, and I feel that that's such a powerful message that really
aligns with what you have going on.
Obviously from your books to the community to the courses to this beautiful retreat that
you have coming up as well.
It's just it's an incredibly inspiring story.
And so as you're coming through this journey, and we'll dive into some more of the business
(07:35):
side of things, but personally speaking, how much I can relate to what you said, you didn't
have the confidence.
And for those listening, FYI, I don't know if you've heard this many times in this podcast,
but this podcast was not birthed out of Rachel having confidence.
This was a need for myself that I wanted to be surrounded by confident women, but I didn't
have that in myself and I didn't have that self belief that I too am a confident woman.
(08:00):
So it's kind of cool when we look at both of these stories here, how something good
came out of it, the give back, the opportunity to pave the way for somebody who is just one
to a hundred steps behind us.
It doesn't matter that we know that ours is our message and our pain and our purpose,
and we're doing something about it to give back to help others.
So beautifully said, Karen, I'm in awe by your story because I know how much it takes
(08:26):
just of the giving side and the caring side.
And I know that before we hit record, we were talking about caregiving and some of the things
that you have going on.
So I'd love for you to kind of share a little bit more of some of those challenges that
if you could take a deeper dive into it, because it really explodes into what you have coming
up.
So I always say that everything's a blessing and you might not see it, but life in itself
(08:56):
just being alive.
And so to open up every day to everything that comes our way.
And when my husband got sick, people say to me, well, how do you see your husband getting
sick and getting cancer or dying as a blessing?
And I said, I don't, what I did with that was a blessing.
(09:17):
I chose to become a new person.
The news was so devastating and to be honest, I lived in a bubble.
I was not as giving.
I was not as selfless and I don't think I really knew it.
(09:39):
But once he got sick, I couldn't think about myself all the time.
I had to live a different way and it was a blessing.
That was the opportunity to get out of my way, to stop thinking about my worrying about
(10:00):
myself.
And when I say, you know, I don't mean that I'm not taking care of myself, right?
I mean the constant worry about what's going to happen to Karen that just went out the
door and now I'm super focused on this is so much bigger than me.
(10:22):
And I have a chance to be of service to this beautiful human being who is the most driven,
independent person, never needs help from anyone, all of a sudden is ill, right?
And it just empowered me to look within myself so deeply and say, who do I need to become
(10:49):
to be the best wife and caregiver and help this person through and myself?
And it wasn't the old paradigm.
It just didn't line up.
And so I had to recreate myself.
I don't even say reinvent.
I had to recreate and I did.
And it was amazing because I became so much stronger.
(11:16):
And he did things in our relationship and for me that he could no longer do that now,
guess who had to do it?
Me.
And so I just learned that I can do it, whatever it is.
And I used to not be able to do that.
(11:37):
I was kind of coddled and spoiled.
I was the baby in my family.
I was overtaken care of to the point of I didn't really know how to fully handle everything
because if I couldn't, my parents were to the rescue.
(11:58):
And my husband was the opposite.
He was like, stop complaining and go do this.
And so that was the mentality that I actually needed.
And I did it.
I was able to take care of him, take care of myself, take care of our dogs, take care
of the house.
And I just opened a yoga studio and I ran a business and it wasn't easy, but I proved
(12:25):
to myself I can do anything.
And it also proved to me that if something happened to him, I'm going to be okay.
And I had to prepare mentally for that because he had a terminal diagnosis and he was 29.
Want to give that ability, that strength, that inner strength to others because in the
(12:48):
beginning you are devastated.
At least I was and crushed.
I just got married to this younger man who's 12 years younger than me, who is determined
and drive and believes in himself and has this confidence.
He's going to change the world.
That was his attitude.
(13:10):
And it was terrifying to me being an introverted and staying small.
So it's like, I knew I needed to be around someone like that.
I knew that that would help me gain strength.
And that's why I married him.
I'm like, this is the kind of person I have to be around to be able to share who I am
and reach that potential.
(13:30):
So that's what he inspired.
I just want to now give that to anyone who's going through a hardship or a challenge and
say you can actually become a better person from this.
And if you believe that it's not going to be as hard, you have a little bit of a different
(13:53):
perspective.
Like you understand this is actually for me.
This is not happening to me.
It's happening for me so that you can become a better human being.
And all of our tragedies that we claim, if we're getting through them, which we somehow
do, I want to do it in the best way possible and then give someone that gift and say, hey,
(14:22):
you know, there is a way to get through this.
And then you can actually help someone else who's going through this.
There's no way to avoid loss.
There's no way to avoid pain.
There's no way to avoid tragedy.
Those things are a part of life.
And when we come into understanding and they happen to us instead of being a victim, because
(14:44):
that's what most people fall into and the victim mindset, like, oh, this is all why
is this happening to me?
I really didn't go through that.
I didn't because David would just not allow it.
He's like, we're going to do this and we're going to make the most of it and we're going
to help people and I'm going to beat this.
And if we have to pivot and close our businesses, that's fine.
(15:06):
He really was wanting to work with me and say, let's make something out of this.
Let's help people become healthy and successful.
He didn't make it to be able to do that, but I did.
And so that's the drive.
If someone isn't here anymore, it's like, what can you do?
And every day I wake up and say, wow, thank you.
(15:29):
This is a blessing.
What am I going to do with the blessing of life today?
I'm not going to take it for granted because the love of my life isn't here now.
So I live thinking of that every day, that energy and spirit.
What would David want me to be doing?
Would he want me to be sulking?
(15:50):
Listen, he died in October 2020 and every October, lots of tears.
There's always waves of grief and it would be completely bizarre if you didn't feel that
way for a loved one.
I will miss him forever, but it never stops me from giving.
It motivates me more.
(16:11):
It inspires me more.
I really encourage everyone listening to allow yourself to feel and be vulnerable, to go
through the emotions.
So with this nonprofit, it's so amazing because I have a self-caregiving wins channel and
(16:33):
someone who just lost their twin brother to the same brain cancer my husband died of is
having these feelings of guilt and most people who've lost someone feel like I could have,
I should have, I would have like as if we could have saved them.
Maybe if I just would have reached out to this doctor and this treatment or he said,
(16:54):
you know, if I made my brother get the surgery and I asked him, I said, you know, did your
brother want to get surgery?
And he said, no, he was adamant to me, to the doctors, everybody said, what makes you
think you could have made him do something that he didn't want to do?
And that that would have even saved him.
He didn't want to be saved.
(17:14):
You just really miss him and that's okay.
And so just being able to engage with people all over the world who are struggling with
loss or caregiving and just be hopeful and being positive and sharing my story and using
the experience and the wisdom that I have from years of philosophical study and all
(17:38):
the things that I have trained for.
It's just a gift.
I feel so grateful to be in contact and just to serve honestly.
So I don't think I had the energy to serve in the way that I am now.
And again, I think that just has to do with getting out of my way, believing in my inner
(18:00):
power and knowing that I do have a greater purpose.
And we all do.
Most of my clients also struggle with purpose.
A lot of them are in their 40s, 50s and 60s and feel like they have great jobs.
I don't have one client who isn't making a great living, but they're not always happy
(18:20):
with how they're making a living.
They don't feel like it's meaningful and purposeful.
So everyone has a story.
I want to just share that.
And no matter who you are, you can help others with who you are, what you've been through
with your gifts and talents.
And you can have a multitude of jobs.
(18:43):
You don't have to have just one.
I have a client who's a lawyer right now and she just started her own business on the side
so that she feels she loves being a lawyer, but it gives her more meaning to do the side
business, right?
More fulfillment.
And watching people do better because I've said one thing that inspires them or just
(19:06):
my energy or the group that I put together or my book, that is beyond fulfilling to me.
And so every day I just, I feel purposeful.
I feel fulfilled and that's a great feeling.
That gives me more energy to keep giving.
Right.
And you hit on so many topics here that I want to circle back to as well is because
(19:30):
when we have such tragedy and loss, and I probably haven't shared this as much as, I
don't know, I just haven't.
When I had lost my brother, I went through so many of those feelings that you've described
as well because he was so much of my world and my light.
And that was where I felt so much internally had dimmed.
And so when I would say that my light was like a twilight and from twilight to pure
(19:55):
darkness with the loss, different stages of grief and loss.
And I think it's like five different stages.
And we go through these periods, whether it's like denial to just feeling super angry about
it.
And those are what you talk about the woods and the shoulds and the coulds.
And we think, okay, but only if, and only if, right?
But when we live in those moments, we're robbing ourselves of the presence, we're robbing ourselves
(20:17):
of the opportunity to really learn something from what was happening.
And so there's a few other, I think, yeah, it's five stages of grief and loss.
And I'll just read them off really quick.
It's denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
And man, how much we had to go through all those different stages just to come out on
(20:39):
the other end as a whole new person, because we're not the same person.
So with loss and grief, yes, it takes our loved one out from our physical space here,
but we have lost who we were with that individual.
And so it's this beautiful gift and this transformation.
And you probably can't see Karen's screen, but behind her has this beautiful butterfly.
(21:03):
And it was the first thing I said when our screens turned on.
I said, wow, that's such a beautiful image behind you and so colorful.
And it's kind of cool because her theme here, and she's wearing a bunch of butterflies,
and these are butterfly wings.
And in my book, my opening is it's a part of the story of the butterfly.
And so why I bring up this butterfly is because with the butterfly, they go through so many
(21:26):
different changes of the metamorphosis of becoming.
But in that becoming, there's so much that's happening internally that we don't see.
We just see this beautiful butterfly take flight, but we don't know what's happening
in each of our worlds.
And what I can say, and I know that Karen could probably attest to this as well, is
that when we go through such tragedy and loss and such heartache and heartbreak, it could
(21:50):
be the loss of a past life that once lived.
It could be the loss of a divorce, right?
Because this future that you had envisioned is no longer to the loss of our own loved
ones, to the loss of our identity, to the loss of whatever it is for that individual
listening, to know that you're not alone because what comes through loss, as Karen has mentioned,
and I'll just share in my two cents here as well, is that there is a silver lining.
(22:14):
There's always a blessing.
There's always something to be learned and gained because with loss, there is always
gain.
It's up for us to shift our perspective of what we want to seek and find.
And so when we're on that other side of intentionally finding, well, okay, how can we use this loss
for the betterment?
Because I can't continue to be in this place of down and depression and wallowing in what
(22:35):
has and what was, that's wrapping me up today and tomorrow.
So we have to ask ourselves, which life are we willing to choose and what we can do with
what we've gained from the other side of things?
And to make a long story short here for me, a lot of what you see into the creation of
(22:55):
the podcast, to the community, to the books, to the content, to the courses, everything
that's under the Confident Woman brand, including the movement itself, had all stemmed from
my own experiences, which is exactly what Karen is talking about, because we don't know
the power that lies within us, but the power that amplifies and the power that is propelling
(23:16):
us into living this life with intentionality, with purpose, also with passion, because that
passion is what drives us.
That's the internal flame.
And when we speak of passion, it's not always just about our hobbies and our interests.
It's passion from a place of just, we want to change, we want others to transform.
(23:37):
There's this willingness inside of us that says, if I can, you can too.
And I hope that you hear Karen's heart and also little bits of mine as well.
I know that I just want to share this parallel because you have two women who have started
something from this nothing, right?
Because when you have loss, it feels this deep dark void of nothingness.
(23:58):
And so much came out of this.
So Karen, I just commend you on sharing such a beautiful story because I know that it takes
a lot to relive and to share, but you've told it with such heart and with compassion and
empathy.
And that's one of the biggest things that come out of it because when we look at stories,
they connect us, they relate to us.
We can pull on our own experiences as well.
(24:20):
And so when you talk about transformation, because transformation seems so heavy, like,
oh man, I was just trying to get it through the next day and we're talking about, who
do I want to be in 10 years?
How do you know how I'm going to get through this day, right?
So the power of transformation ultimately lies within each and every one of us.
And that we, Karen and I will both agree on this, is that every one of us is destined
(24:41):
for greatness.
It's about the path that we choose to get there and whether or not we're willing to
believe that we are worthy of inheriting the gift of greatness that was instilled and gifted
to us by our creator.
And so Karen, when it comes to transformation, what would you say it takes for that transformation
(25:02):
and adversity to really ignite and become that personal growth catalyst that we step
into this version we are today?
I could talk about this all day.
So I just led a yoga class the other day and the theme was the gestation period of development.
And what I've seen in myself and in others is that the ones who truly are able to transform
(25:30):
and maintain that transformation, because transformation, it's not a one and done, right?
It's, you don't, if you're on this, if you're really serious about transformation and reaching
your full potential, it's not just one program, one guru, you go to this, that or the other,
(25:52):
a few retreats and then, I don't know, you do ayahuasca and then all of a sudden you're
good and this is what I've seen.
I've seen the spiritual shoppers, one book to the next, one program to the next, one
coach to the next, and there's no real change because, like you mentioned, the butterfly,
(26:12):
there is a gestation period and we used to call it in one of my programs that I had with
my beautiful, I call them butterflies, we always talked about the stickiness of being
in the cocoon and I called it in class the other day a transformational womb.
So you decide you want to be abundant, you decide you want to shift your career, you
(26:37):
want to decide you want to be a bestselling author or an artist or a leader of some sort
or whatever it is and then you have to understand that there's going to be a period of time
depending on how big that transformational declaration is, that the universe is going
to respond and co-create with you and organize everything to fall into a certain order and
(27:02):
organically result where you will arrive.
But most people are not willing to be in that stickiness, to be in the gestation period
of development, they, but right before, because transformation isn't tangible, so it's like
(27:23):
you can't see it, you know, that's what's hard about transformational coaching.
I'm not, I can't really say I don't do contracts anymore because I'm not going to ever guarantee,
hey, you're going to get this, that or the other, you know, it's not, I'm not really
selling a product and you are the product and I can't do it for you, we got to do this
together but this is on both of us and mainly you, I'm just here to cheer you on and support
(27:48):
and guide you but I see that the ones who are successful, when I say successful, they
grow into the butterfly and then they continue to desire to grow more wings.
So it's never ending and it's this beautiful journey but those, it's very rare because
(28:10):
when you decide to become something different, guess what comes up?
Everything, every single thing that feels like opposing to that comes to the surface
because it has to, because you literally have to release that in order to become anew and
because that happens, people don't know how to handle it, they just quit, they don't want
(28:33):
to feel, they go back to the old predictable way of living, it's safe, I know what this
is, people don't want to be in the uncertainty of that transformational womb, they don't
want to be, people are not patient.
So I would say patience and belief in yourself and the confidence and the love for yourself
to accept what the journey entails, whatever time it takes and to never give up, ever ever
(29:02):
ever.
I see people throwing the towel and it's like, I can see that it's about to happen and they're
just missing it, it could be around the corner literally and they're just disappeared, they're
gone, they're onto the next or they'll blame it on me and say this isn't what I signed
up for or I haven't gotten, you know, what have I gotten from this and I've invested
this much and I haven't gotten, I hear these things and I just, I know I say okay because
(29:28):
that's not in alignment with who I am working with long term, I know what's happening and
I say God bless, but I also know the clients who never give up and are willing to go through
that stickiness with me, that those are the people who I call grow through it, not necessarily
go through it, they grow through it, it's called growth, there's just no way, I've reframed
(29:51):
it so that it's, I'm like listen, it's not actually, who you're becoming is actually
not painful, it's who you're letting go of that's painful, that's the pain, the old you
that you're releasing, it's not the new amazing transformation you're deciding to become,
that's not painful, it's what you have to go through to get there and so most people
(30:15):
are just not willing to do so and that's okay, but I do want to encourage someone, you've
gotta be supported, you've gotta have an army of support, it's as many people like who are
the five people that you are around the most, look at that on your hand, are they the people
(30:35):
that you want to be, I ask myself that every day, even with my clients, I look at them
and say are these the people that I want to be and the answer is yes and if it's no, I
kindly release them, for them and for me, so it's not something that people think oh
(30:57):
yeah, either they're overwhelmed by the word transformation, they don't even want to hear
it because it sounds painful, or it sounds heavy, it's a big commitment and that's the
one thing, transformation is a lifelong commitment and I know sometimes you think okay the big
commitment that we get into is marriage, who we decide to choose for our partner for life
and with your experience, it's like you never saw that coming, so it's like how can we take
(31:21):
this and use the heaviness that I'm feeling for the heavy lifting, which is something
that we're going to carry for the rest of our lives and that you said so beautifully,
it's not about the woman that you're becoming, it's the woman you had to let go of and it's
that grief because grief and loss come in all different shapes and colors, so yes, that's
painful because if we look at the growth trajectory, it really comes down to there's this cracked
(31:46):
open right, so where there's this growth, the seed, think of it as a seed, it's planted
under darkness, the seed is planted, what happens?
The seed has to crack, then there's growth and then there's this transformation, but
somewhere under the surface, we also sometimes miss the healing process and the healing process
is not one size fits all, that's where all of your insecurities, your worries, your doubts,
(32:10):
your fears, anything and everything that is not good and loving is from that place of
darkness and then that darkness is under the ground, that's underneath the surface, so
using the cocoon as the perfect analogy, now you're breaking through and this transformation
happens because you come out as this new beautiful butterfly, that is not the version of who
you were when you went into this cocoon or this deep dark place for yourself to heal
(32:35):
and grow and it's such a beautiful visual when you look at it that way because when
we're in it, we feel very victim as you said, we feel very much that's happening to me,
you don't want to poke your head out, you're afraid of being seen, you're afraid to burden
other people, you're afraid of what's going to be said and you just want to safely tuck
(32:56):
yourself inside this cocoon until you've transformed and come out as this beautiful awesome butterfly
and you're like, look at me, did people see the beautiful butterfly on the other side,
it's like, oh my gosh, you're beautiful, look at this magnificence and this awesomeness
and this confidence and this glow, but they didn't know the struggle that you had endured
to get there.
Oh yeah.
So if anything that comes through this is to be so kind and so loving and pour in with
(33:21):
every intention that you know what it was like then and what you needed for you back
then.
So as Karen talks about this, oh my gosh, this is a beautiful story and I know that
I feel like we could talk for hours, but as we start to wrap up today's episode, I want
to spend a few moments on this thing because I think that's really important because as
we're nurturing and growing not only our loved ones in these seasons, but being mindful and
(33:42):
respectful of ourselves and the intention that we have to set for ourselves, right?
Be mindful and loving and practice that same self love and self care for ourselves and
you having gone through this incredible journey and now you look back and say, man, being
a full-time caregiver, I wish I had somebody give and care for me.
(34:06):
And so you had to learn that on your own, which is partly now your give back model for
your business is to help other caregivers find that in their own caregiving life.
So us as women, we're just natural instincts, we're nurturers, we're lovers, we're caretakers
in some capacity, but life will always stretch and expand us because we have so much more
(34:26):
to give and what you do with the caregiving.
I'd love for you to share a little bit about that and you also have this incredible retreat.
Now remind me, do they go hand in hand?
So share this with our listeners.
Well, everything I do, I feel goes hand in hand and it's just about timing.
I think when we're in caregiving, it's very hard to get away.
(34:50):
It's very hard to retreat and we may not be able to do something like that.
So I think that if you are not caregiving intensely and that, or if you have, if your
loved one has gotten well and you have some extra time or if you've lost someone, it would
(35:14):
be a beautiful time to retreat.
I encourage all of my clients to, I had this home play, I called it for everyone who did
one of my courses this one year, we had a year long program and I said, for one time
this year, go on a solo trip, go away alone.
(35:34):
That was the first thing.
Just be by yourself for a few days, you know?
And there was remarkable responses from that and transformation from that.
And so I've created sort of a private experience, almost like a solo journey, but there are
things that are very healthy to experience and relaxing and meditative for longevity,
(36:00):
for energy, for higher vibration, for purpose, right?
Lots of people are looking for that purpose when they retire.
It's very interesting.
Some of the people coming to the retreat I'm hosting are looking for that fulfillment.
And there are some people who are looking for some rest from giving so much and caring
(36:23):
so much for loved ones.
And there's many reasons, but yeah, I'm leading a beautiful retreat.
It's on the top of a crystallized mountain in Costa Rica, San Jose.
I took a big group last year and I just said, we have to go again.
It's made for your health and wellbeing.
It's not an exhausting retreat.
I didn't want that type of struggle.
(36:45):
I wanted it to be luxurious and relaxing and to really give people energy so they came
back renewed and energized versus run down, you know?
So it's pretty full, this retreat, because I'm keeping it smaller size, but I might be
open to one more energetically aligned person.
(37:07):
So I do these retreats.
It's about the demand.
So if there are a small group of people who are wanting this again, I will create it again.
And I just think this is a beautiful way that I choose to live my life in retreat mode and
experiencing beautiful people coming together to make positive change in their own life.
(37:33):
And because it's so hard to make new friends as adults, that's also why I have retreats
and I have support groups and I have these communities online because it can be so overwhelming
to be in the world.
There's so many energies.
There's so much chaos.
But when you come, I have a group that's called the Community for Self-Transformation.
(37:55):
And then I have a group, which is my nonprofit called Self-Caregiving for Caregivers.
And so it's really like, where are you on your journey?
What do you need?
If you're interested in this conversation and believing in yourself, because the caregiving
group is based on the power of self-belief.
That is the foundation.
(38:15):
And not everybody wants to be in that group.
So it is for a particular person.
I definitely don't believe that I can help every single person in the world, nor do I
really want to.
We all have a gift to give to a specific person, let's say.
And so I've just opened myself up to who that is.
(38:37):
And it's really, really beautiful.
The self-caregiving group, I'm just providing resources for self-care.
I'm empowering the caregiver to practice self-care and know that that might look very, very different
than what they want to do or what they could do before.
And to applaud them and to encourage them and cheer them on to say, you can do this,
(39:05):
you matter.
And I did it.
And I'm not different than you.
That's what I really want to say, is that you have the power.
We all do.
And so I'm trying to ignite that flame just by sharing my story and creating engagement
and sharing my book.
I love that.
Such a beautiful, beautiful way to kind of bring everything full circle.
(39:28):
And I could just, I mean, for those who can't see Karen here, I mean, you could just feel
her heart through this screen.
So I hope that you feel it and hear it through your headphones or whatever you're listening
on because this is such a powerful and beautiful simultaneously, right?
So it's like, how do we have so much beauty and so much power at the same time, but also
in a way that's so loving and caring?
(39:49):
And I think that that is really the greatness that's in each and every one of us just exuded
in different ways of how we go about living and leading with love.
So Karen, I know that as we wrap things up now, oh, and please mention your book too,
because you have a couple of them.
Where's your favorite place to hang out online?
Absolutely.
So I have my two communities online, the Community for Self-Transformation.
(40:15):
It's just open for anyone who is desiring to transform and grow themselves and evolve.
And I share masterminds there and opportunities, different programs.
I share quotes and I write every day and just share about transformation and the journey.
(40:38):
So we have a Gratitude and Wins channel there as well to inspire gratitude.
And that is the ultimate state of receivership and to stay in that.
And then my caregiving group is for anyone who is a caregiver, not just for a cancer
patient, but it could be for children.
(40:59):
It could be for elders and parents.
I've had some professional caregivers actually join the group too, because they want the
resources and they also want to be able to take care of themselves better professionally
as caregivers.
I have some people in that group who are the patient and they just asked to join and say,
(41:20):
I want some resources too.
I'm the patient and I'm caregiving myself right now.
And then we have some people who have just experienced loss.
And so it's really been beautiful.
Who's been attracted.
I'd love to have you there.
There's really wonderful engagement.
I also hold a free monthly support call.
I have one this Saturday where I live stream it in the group, but there's also a Google
(41:44):
Meet link so anyone can join the group.
And I have special guests.
It's almost like a podcast.
It's called the Self Caregiving Support Call.
And I highlight resilient caregiver stories or just their perspective on death and that's
positive and what they've learned and the blessings in disguise and all the things.
So my book, The Power of Self Belief, if you're a caregiver or lost somebody and you're in
(42:08):
that group, I share and give the PDF version of the soft cover so you can get it there.
But if you'd like to purchase it, Amazon is probably the easiest way.
I have an audio book as well and they're in select bookstores, Barnes and Nobles and Target
stores as well.
But Amazon will probably be the easiest way to get the power of self belief.
(42:29):
And that's my love story with all the teachings that I have learned and all the blessings
and the way that I navigated loss and the way that I chose to thrive versus survive
during his entire illness and the loss and after the loss.
So that's a very, very powerful, empowering book.
(42:50):
And the butterfly, wait till you see it, Rachel, I can send you the PDF version.
The butterfly is just explosive in color.
It's on the cover.
And for me, it's that symbol of your power.
So that's why I want to send it to all the caregivers as part of my mission of the nonprofit.
(43:12):
Because even if they don't read the book, when you see that butterfly and you see the
words, the power of self belief, it can ignite that.
It can remind you, I can do this.
I got this.
I have inner strength and power.
This too shall pass.
And so I just want that to be in every home because I believe that just the energy of
(43:33):
that is so powerful.
And the other books that I just wrote, well, I wrote The Power of Self Love and The Power
of Self Realization.
And I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wrote too fast.
I'm way ahead.
It was just all came out of me.
And so they're just, I'm not sure where to go next with them.
So it's just, I'm in the openness to the universe, like, you know, God, where do you want these
(43:55):
to go?
Who do you want to publish these?
And so The Power of Self Transformation, the anthology, I thought, you know what, I don't
need to get that in a soft cover.
I just want to give that to the world.
So I'm having a beautiful mentor of mine help get that out and it will be shared on all
my platforms.
And if you look up my name or you go to my site, karenpaschall.com, there's always a
(44:16):
way to find where I am, the communities I've built to get a hold of me.
I'm not one of those people who like you can't send a message to.
Yeah.
Like, where, where can you reach out?
So I have an email and all the things.
So I'm happy to talk.
Oh my gosh.
Well, of course, all that will be in the show notes below.
So be sure to follow Karen.
And again, if today's episode resonates with you, be sure to reach out to Karen because
(44:40):
of course, as she said, she's got tons of resources and something for you along every
step of your way in the journey.
And so Karen, I just want to thank you for your time and being our guest today.
Thank you.
Hey there.
Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of the competent woman podcast.
If you enjoyed today's episode as much as I did, please be sure to like subscribe and
(45:01):
leave us a review.
Thanks again for listening.
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