July 14, 2025 • 29 mins
A tribe isn't just people who like the same stuff – it's made of individuals who believe in your mission, don't flinch when you dream big, and show up when it's inconvenient for them. Success is not a solo sport, and fulfillment doesn't happen in isolation.
• Spotting the wrong circle: people who hope you fail, give bad advice, or remain silent when you share goals
• When you're around the right people, your standards go up and you start thinking bigger naturally
• Take an audit of your tribe – the five people you spend most time with – do they challenge, celebrate, and call you out?
• Your energy is your most valuable currency – spend it where it compounds and gets returned
• When surrounded by the wrong people, you start to shrink, lose dreams, and believe playing small is noble
• Building a tribe starts with one move – just show up where people are growing and working hard
• Be specific when approaching potential mentors – ask thoughtful questions about their mistakes and journey
• True tribe relationships are reciprocal – you must also support others, not just receive support
• People who are truly in your tribe will shine when they see you and help make you better
Please share this episode and tag someone in your tribe—or someone who needs a new one. When you walk with the right people, everything changes.
Thank you for listening to The Connection Podcast with Jay Miralles. Please subscribe and share!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
connecting the dots, connecting his guests to the
world, creating more connections.
Welcome to the connection.
Meet your host.
Author, coach, air coach, airForce veteran Jay Morales All
right, let's start here.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
A tribe isn't a group of people who just like the
same stuff.
It's not just oh, me too, metoo, we all like the same things
.
Let's hang out.
No, a tribe is made up ofpeople who believe in your
mission, even when you forget it.
People who don't flinch whenyou dream big.
People who show up when it'sinconvenient for them.
(01:01):
In my book, I talk about how wewere not meant to go through
this life solo for sure.
Success is not a solo sport.
Fulfillment doesn't take, youknow.
It just doesn't happen inisolation.
Think about a time in your lifewhen you made a big move, when
you took a risk and started over.
Maybe you did something peoplesaid was impossible.
(01:23):
You didn't do it alone.
Somebody, somewhere, gave youenergy, vision or accountability
.
That's your tribe.
For me, at the beginning of the50-mile march, it didn't even
start with a giant crowd.
It started with a few peoplewho said all right, I'll walk
with you.
That was enough.
That gave me permission to go.
(01:43):
Now let's flip the coin.
Spotting the wrong circle.
How can I tell when I'm in thewrong circle?
Some of you are hanging out withpeople who, low-key, hope you
fail.
Now some of you are takingadvice from folks who've never
built anything, and it's subtleand it doesn't come with
(02:04):
flashing red lights.
It doesn't show up as sarcasmwhen you win or sometimes it
does.
It shows up as silence when youshare your goals.
It shows up as why are youworking so hard?
Why are you doing this?
When you're grinding forsomething bigger, people look at
you and say aren't you justhappy with what you have?
(02:27):
If you're around people whodrain your energy, make you
second guess yourself or claplouder when you lose than when
you win, that's not your tribe,that's your anchor.
Let me say it again A tribewill lift you up and anchor
drags you down.
Now how the right people changeyou.
(02:48):
Let's get to the good stuff.
What happens when you get thisright?
What happens when you find yourtribe?
When you're around the rightpeople, everything changes.
Your standards go up.
You eat better, you speakdifferently, you move with
purpose, not because someonetold you to, but because
(03:09):
excellence becomes normal.
You start thinking bigger.
You don't apologize for wantingmore.
You find people who speak thesame language of growth and
gratitude and, yes, grit.
You have to find people who saylet's go, not people who say
that's too much.
You need people in your cornerwho will hold you to your
(03:33):
potential, not just in yourcomfort zone, because everybody
wants to stay there.
Nobody wants to rock the boat.
Listen, the biggest leaps in mylife didn't come from books or
podcasts or mentors from afar.
They came from just talking orconversations with the right
people at the right time,sometimes in a coffee shop,
(03:56):
sometimes on walking trails,sometimes parking lots after
events.
People who didn't let me playsmall.
Now let's take an audit, if youwill, of our tribe.
Let's think of the five peoplewho you spend the most time with
, or the people you spend yourmost time with.
(04:18):
Who is in your circle?
Who are you texting daily?
Who do you call when things gowrong?
I mean, it's real easy to bearound when things go right.
Everybody wants to be part ofit.
But when things go wrong, whenthe lights dim, when things are
not going your way, ask yourselfare the people in my tribe?
(04:42):
Are they challenging me, like?
Are they asking me, am I doingall the right things?
Are they pushing me?
Or are they just noddingsilently like, hmm, do they
celebrate me?
Which means not just in thewins, but also in the little
(05:03):
things?
Do they encourage me.
When there is no time tocelebrate, do they call me out?
Just the other day I was tellingsomebody oh, I want to do this
amazing journey of 300 miles,right, and that person said, hey
, you got to fix your body first.
(05:25):
At first it took me back and Iwas like what do you mean, fix
my body?
That person could have justsaid, oh yeah, that's awesome,
but what would that have done?
Now that person said to me yougot to fix your body.
That person called me out andit's in the back of my mind
right here.
It's in the back of my mindsaying you got to fix your body.
That person called me out andit's in the back of my mind
right here.
(05:45):
It's in the back of my mindsaying you've got to get ready,
you have to prepare yourself.
Oh, walking 300, that's goingto be amazing.
At the end, no, they're tellingme, you've got stuff to do
before you even think of takingyour first step on that journey.
Do they show up without asking?
(06:08):
You know, people pop up in ourlives at different times, but
it's the people who know whatyou have going on when they show
up at the most surprising times, maybe at the end of a race,
(06:29):
surprising times, maybe at theend of a race, maybe before your
amazing day, that you have tostart an event.
Or maybe it's the people whoare helping you set up.
Maybe it's the people who letyou know, they give you a tip or
two before you even startsomething great right, and then
there's nothing in it for them.
They're just.
Sometimes we look at thesepeople as just fans.
These aren't fans.
(06:49):
These are people who holdutmost respect for us and
sometimes we don't listen tothem.
They don't want anything fromus except for us to win, right?
Really, look at those peoplearound you.
If someone came to mind and youfelt a pit in your stomach, it
(07:11):
might be time to make somedecisions.
Doesn't mean that you have tocut everyone off and blacklist
people and remove them from yourphone and unfriend them from
social media, but it does meanthat you have to stop giving VIP
access to people who haven'tearned it.
Now, I don't mean to soundelitist or like you're some big,
(07:32):
big shot, but you know you'regiving your time to people who
don't care.
Your energy is your mostvaluable currency.
Spend it where it compounds.
Spend it where it gets returned.
Spend it where you can see itblossom.
Spend it on the people who arelistening to you and cheering
for you and pulling you up evenwhen you fall.
(07:56):
Spend your energy with thosepeople when you don't choose
wisely.
Here's the dangerous part.
Right, Most people don't talkabout it.
When you surround yourself withthe wrong people long enough,
you start to shrink, you startto lose your dreams.
Get quieter.
Hey, I think I'm going to dothis.
(08:17):
Oh no, why are you going to doit?
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
That's crazy.
It sounds crazy.
Your self-talk gets even harder.
Well, I said I was going to dothis, but my friend said don't
do that.
Or this person said don't dothat.
Have you ever asked yourself whypeople say the things they say?
(08:37):
You start to believe thatplaying small is noble.
Be humble, don't overstepanyone, don't shine your light,
don't push too hard, because youmight make the rest of us look
bad.
I mean, you forget how powerfulyou really are when you've
(08:58):
decided.
Think of when you decidedsomething and no one could stop
you.
But all of a sudden, lately,you find yourself looking for
permission or looking forvalidation or looking for
comfort in others.
Right, I've seen it, I've livedit.
Seen it, I've lived it.
(09:22):
I've watched people with insanepotential.
They were on the track and theywere crushing it, man, and then
they settle for crumbs becausethey sat at the wrong table.
They asked the wrong people forinput and sometimes the input
is subtle.
Don't hurt yourself.
You know I'm afraid ofrejection.
(09:42):
I would hate that for you.
You know you've got everythingthat you need.
What more is there?
You will become who yousurround yourself with.
I promise you.
Whether you choose that,intentionally or passively or by
default, is up to you Buildingyour tribe.
(10:02):
So what now?
How do I put all this together?
How do I build a tribe ofpeople who inspire me?
You know, it sounds so crazy tostart something.
It sounds oh, I've got to putthis perfect plan together and I
(10:25):
have to assemble the Avengers,or I've got to assemble the
Magnificent Seven, or I've gotto put all these people together
, perfectly, together, perfectly.
No, you don't.
If you're ready to build yourtribe, it starts with just one
(10:45):
move, just one step.
Just start right.
It doesn't mean that you have tohave a witness to every one of
your events.
It just means whatever it isthat you want to do or be great
at, just start, and then thosewho align with you, those who
want to see you win, will pop up.
They may not clap a standingovation, but they will encourage
(11:08):
you.
They will tell you hey, you'redoing good, that's pretty
awesome.
Hey, try this.
Add that They'll call you out.
Hey, you said you were going todo that.
I mean, those are the peopleyou start building your tribe
with.
Show up where people are growing.
Show up where people are doingthings.
(11:29):
The path of resistance and thepath of hard things usually
create winners.
Look for people who are workingout together.
They're racing together,they're studying together,
they're pulling together.
They're masterminds, they'renetworking with each other.
(11:51):
You know you have to find outwhat your industry does to grow,
what your industry does to grow, because when you pull back and
you're by yourself, man, thevoices start right, Like even
(12:12):
right now, as I do my very firstsolo podcast ever.
I've never done a solo podcastin my life and I'm scared, but I
can hear some of my friendsgoing hey, you did it, good job.
That resonated with me and Ialso want their feedback.
Like the opening was terrible,or the opening you should have
said this, or you should haveended it with that.
(12:34):
I want the people who willencourage me to say that was
your first Do it again.
You know, go to events, go toplaces and observe and just
watch where people's feet point,watch who they're surrounding
(12:56):
themselves with and talk withthem, ask them questions.
Go to some of the successfulpeople in your career field or
in your industry and truly paythem some reverence, not just
hey, I want to pick your brain,can we go to coffee?
(13:19):
No, I'll give you a goodexample.
In the real estate industry,there's people who are starting,
there's people who want to growto the next level and there's
people who just love to studyand make themselves better.
And in any industry, you know,people want to get better Sales,
(13:41):
they want to get betterAthletes, they want to get
better.
But here's the mistake that alot of us who want to grow do.
They say hey, can I pick yourbrain?
You're at the top and I justwant to ask you some questions.
You know, and asking someonelike that could have a 50-50
shot, but I'd encourage you todo it a little bit better.
(14:04):
I encourage you to be veryspecific when gathering people
or picking people's brains orasking them for their time.
You got to ask good questions,you have to ask what their
mistakes were.
You know, crafting an approachto an expert is a whole podcast
(14:28):
when it's within itself, but youjust have to start.
Reach out to that person.
Okay, maybe it's someone whowalks all the time or rucks like
I ruck.
If somebody really wanted mytime, I would say ruck with me,
do something I love to do.
We're walking for an hour and ahalf.
(14:51):
Not only am I bettering myselfin the moment, but if we both
share the time for an hour and ahalf, something may happen.
You know, send a DM to someonewho inspires you and just say
hey, I want to let you know thatyou're in a place that makes an
impact and I've been watchingor observing or I see some of
(15:14):
the awards you've won howinspiring.
I myself have a challenge doingthis and I would love to learn
how to do this.
Be very specific and they'llsay oh man, yeah, versus just
hey, can I pick your brain?
Hey, I want some advice.
I think you really have to doyour homework.
When you approach people, sharewith people what you're doing
(15:37):
Like your homework.
When you approach people, sharewith people what you're doing
Like no-transcript.
Oh hey, I don't know.
I just life is crazy or life isawesome.
Hey, what is it that you'reworking on?
Let me give you a great example.
When someone says to me, hey,jay, how are things going?
(15:58):
I'll be like, oh my gosh, I'mworking on this amazing project.
I'm working on selling digitalproducts online.
From everything that I'velearned, I'm looking for experts
who know how to monetize thatspace, selling digital products
online courses, worksheets,journals, books, things of that
(16:20):
nature.
Do you know anyone like that?
Chances are, if I keep it shortand I tell people, here's what
I'm looking for and I've given alittle bit of credibility, and
they've given a little bit ofcredibility and we've exchanged
some energy, they might connectme to the right person.
But if I just keep saying I'mbusy oh, you know, man, it's
(16:43):
been crazy lately this economy,the weather, these politics,
like all those things like it'sjust a waste of time.
But when you focus, you askbetter questions and you'll
attract people.
When you're living in alignment,you know, what do you want to
be like?
Who do you want to be like?
(17:04):
What is it that you want to beor do or change?
And, as I was speaking aboutearlier, you know when I say,
look at the people you'rehanging out with, right, I said
do they challenge you, do theycelebrate you, do they call you
out?
And I just want to reflect andre-explain that whole auditing
(17:26):
your circle, making sure thatyou are truly not just hanging
out with people by default, butit's because you chose them and
you're not looking for approvalor you're not looking for
everyone to agree with you.
As a matter of fact, I thinkthe best people that I've hung
out with lately have disagreedwith some of my points.
(17:47):
With sense, they have told metheir viewpoint and I've gained
a large respect for them.
You know, one thing that I'mtrying to work on is to stop
people-pleasing, because I wantto be very respectful, I want to
be a good neighbor, I want tobe kind to people, all those
(18:08):
things.
But it doesn't mean you have tobe weak.
I was reading somewhere whereit says people who you know,
people who lie to strong people,hurt themselves and the people
who lie to weak people hurt theweak person.
I don't know, you know, ifsomeone came to mind that let
(18:36):
you down subtly, you know theysaid, hey, that's okay, you
don't have to do that, just comeout with us.
Or hey, you know, I'll be therefor you and they really weren't
.
Or you ask them for greatfeedback and they're like yeah,
sounds great, like no, what isit?
Oh, you know, I just I'm notgood at giving people feedback.
(18:56):
Then maybe you're asking thewrong person for feedback.
I think that you know that'spretty important.
I think that showing upconsistently in a place where
people win, I think that showingup consistently in a place
where people win, in a placewhere people are bettering
themselves right, you know it.
I mean networking groups aresuch a great place, or Kiwanis,
(19:21):
or, oh my gosh, I was soinspired by Rotary and all these
networking groups of goodpeople.
But even within those networks,you've got to find the right
people.
I think that if you want to goto the gym, you've got to find
out people who really want to goto the gym.
Or sometimes you don't have theself-discipline to do it
(19:42):
yourself.
Maybe it's Orange Theory, maybeit's, I Think, fit, maybe it's
a CrossFit, or maybe it's Apexat Lifetime, it's whatever you
want to call it, it's Pilates.
You go with a group of people, atribe, to hold you accountable.
(20:06):
See, you start in common withone thing.
So when everyone enjoys, let'ssay, keep it easy, like me, when
we rock in the morning, we'recoming together.
Some people are driving fromCouncil Bluff, some people are
driving from down the street.
There are people around theblock that won't join, but the
people who get together want tohave something in common, and it
(20:30):
starts with maybe just rucking,and then you find out more
about them as you spend timewith them.
You find out the things thatyou have in common and the
things that aren't in common.
Or you find out solutions toproblems that other people have
already figured out.
See, problems that other peoplehave already figured out.
(20:53):
See, it's not about who hasmore money or less money.
It's not about who has moreexperience or less experience.
It's the people who have mademistakes and can translate their
mistakes into wins.
It's people who have figuredout that things that they've
done by going alone have beenless fruitful than when they've
(21:13):
gone together.
Now I'm not saying you can't doanything alone, but I'm saying
to you why would you want to dothat?
Because there's a lot of peoplethat I've noticed who like to
isolate themselves when it getshard.
This is one of the things Ithink really I'm passionate
about when people run into theseroadblocks, when life hits them
(21:36):
on the head, when they run intoa brick wall, when they fall
down, sometimes they like to laythere.
Sometimes they feel sorry forthemselves and they're there and
they're just looking and takinginventory of all the things
that have gone wrong.
And then they're getting intheir head and then they say, oh
(21:57):
, I need to be around, just mefor now.
I need to block other peoplebecause I don't want to feel
stupid.
Or their energy gets so low,they get into this rut and this
rabbit hole and they startspiraling.
That happens to people whousually are isolated.
Tomorrow morning at 5 am, I willruck, I will show up.
(22:23):
Whether I feel like it or not,I am accountable to a lot of
people.
I'm accountable to myself.
Now I say to myself I don'tneed those other people, sure,
but it sure is a lot better whenI am in the zone, when I am
feeling accountable, when I knowpeople are waiting on me, when
(22:47):
I know I'm waiting on them.
It's a symbiotic relationshipof support.
It's not just one way, it's notjust oh, I need these people to
help me wake up and shake offthe cobwebs.
No, and it starts with wantingto be prepared.
I want to be prepared, becausethese people are driving to my
house and they're waiting for me.
(23:08):
I don't want to wake up twominutes before and not be ready.
I want to set my alarm.
I want to set my clothes outfor the next night or for the
next day.
I look forward to that and Idon't know what tomorrow is
going to bring.
But I know there's going to be15 to 25 people outside who are
actually going to sharpen eachother, who are going to
(23:31):
challenge each other, and itdoesn't mean that they're
one-upping each other.
It means they're going to talkabout things in life.
And what's cool is not everyonewho gets together has all the
same ideological philosophies.
They're different, differentpolitical affiliations,
(23:52):
different religions, men, women,I mean.
I think in society we're toocaught up with being right.
Today, we are caught up inbeing correct.
We're caught up in being first,not second.
We're caught up in being first,not second.
We're caught up in the race ofcomparison and one-upping.
(24:14):
And I can assure you, when youfind your tribe, there'll be
none of that.
Oh, there'll be competition tobe a better person you were
yesterday, but there'll be morecollaboration because other
people in your tribe will helpyou get there.
Some other things I think aboutis have you ever sat back and
taken inventory of the peoplewho are truly just?
(24:35):
Whenever they see you, theyshine because they think you're
shining, or when they see you,they have this energy about them
shining, or when they see you,they have this energy about them
and when you see them, you havethis energy about you.
(24:58):
It's sometimes subtle, right,it's not always easy to spot.
I can assure you, my tribe haschanged over the years.
When I became sober, I'veattracted other like-minded
sober people who have sameideals, the same like-minded
mindset.
Right, I like to look forpeople positive and who like to
(25:19):
challenge each other and who areaddicted to processes.
Right, and they have isms aboutdoing things in a certain
regimen, like that's the wholething about rucking.
You know, I've got a tribe ofpeople and they have isms about
doing things in a certainregiment.
That's the whole thing aboutrucking.
I've got a tribe of people whobelieve in supporting veterans.
There's no mistake there.
We're all there.
(25:40):
So I challenge you right now tostep back and audit your circle.
Are you doing anything exciting?
Are you just moving throughdefault to the next day?
Are you not hanging out withother people just because it
might be a hassle.
You know what are yourconversations like, with
yourself first and then withothers.
(26:01):
When others ask you, what areyou doing?
What are you working on whenyou look in the mirror on?
When you look in the mirror,what are you saying to yourself?
And I just want you to knowthat there is a tribe out there
for you.
There are people waiting tojust hang out with you and do
amazing things.
(26:21):
And when I say hang out, I don'tmean without purpose or without
intent.
I mean you are trulyarchitecting or choosing or
building a team of people whowant to see you do better.
But the other side is, you haveto see them.
You want to make them better aswell.
(26:41):
You want to contribute, youwant to give, you want to
empower them.
You want to encourage them too,because success is all about
reciprocity.
I've never met anyone who was ina group of people, who they
only were out for them and theyweren't with a group of people,
(27:01):
and I've never seen that lastlong.
I've witnessed it.
But it has crashed and burnedmany times for that individual.
It, but it has crashed andburned many times for that
individual.
You have to share your time,your talent and sometimes your
treasure with the people aroundyou.
You have to break bread.
You have to stay in contactCan't only be when you need
(27:26):
something.
It has to be when you havesomething to give.
And I'm just thinking abouttomorrow's Rook 5 am.
I'm excited for it.
I'm excited to pour intosomeone who might need it that
day, or share my energy orenthusiasm of a project that I'm
working on.
But you know, if I get intothat group of 15 to 25 people
tomorrow and I ask them, well,what are you working on right
(27:48):
now?
And they tell me, I for surewill learn something.
I for sure will learn how tohelp equip them or align them
with where they want to go.
People are always working onsomething.
The driven people, the peopleyou want to surround yourself
with, the people who want morein life, not just for themselves
(28:16):
, but for their tribe.
With that, if this episode hitshome, please share it.
Tag somebody.
Tag someone in your tribe orsomebody who needs a new one.
Invite people to your tribe,because I believe when you walk
with the right people,everything changes, and when you
(28:36):
do the opposite, well, youalready know, let's go.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Thanks for tuning in to the Connection.
It's been a fantastic journey,exploring stories, insights and
inspirations that bridge ourlives.
Remember every connection hasthe power to transform.
Please subscribe, rate andreview.
Your feedback keeps us going Inthis connected world.
(29:05):
Let's make meaningfulconnections that enrich lives.
Now signing off until next time, the Connection, keep
connecting and let's go.
connecting the dots, connecting his guests to the
world, creating more connections.
Welcome to the connection.
Meet your host.
Author, coach, air coach, airForce veteran Jay Morales All
right, let's start here.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
A tribe isn't a group of people who just like the
same stuff.
It's not just oh, me too, metoo, we all like the same things
.
Let's hang out.
No, a tribe is made up ofpeople who believe in your
mission, even when you forget it.
People who don't flinch whenyou dream big.
People who show up when it'sinconvenient for them.
(01:01):
In my book, I talk about how wewere not meant to go through
this life solo for sure.
Success is not a solo sport.
Fulfillment doesn't take, youknow.
It just doesn't happen inisolation.
Think about a time in your lifewhen you made a big move, when
you took a risk and started over.
Maybe you did something peoplesaid was impossible.
(01:23):
You didn't do it alone.
Somebody, somewhere, gave youenergy, vision or accountability
.
That's your tribe.
For me, at the beginning of the50-mile march, it didn't even
start with a giant crowd.
It started with a few peoplewho said all right, I'll walk
with you.
That was enough.
That gave me permission to go.
(01:43):
Now let's flip the coin.
Spotting the wrong circle.
How can I tell when I'm in thewrong circle?
Some of you are hanging out withpeople who, low-key, hope you
fail.
Now some of you are takingadvice from folks who've never
built anything, and it's subtleand it doesn't come with
(02:04):
flashing red lights.
It doesn't show up as sarcasmwhen you win or sometimes it
does.
It shows up as silence when youshare your goals.
It shows up as why are youworking so hard?
Why are you doing this?
When you're grinding forsomething bigger, people look at
you and say aren't you justhappy with what you have?
(02:27):
If you're around people whodrain your energy, make you
second guess yourself or claplouder when you lose than when
you win, that's not your tribe,that's your anchor.
Let me say it again A tribewill lift you up and anchor
drags you down.
Now how the right people changeyou.
(02:48):
Let's get to the good stuff.
What happens when you get thisright?
What happens when you find yourtribe?
When you're around the rightpeople, everything changes.
Your standards go up.
You eat better, you speakdifferently, you move with
purpose, not because someonetold you to, but because
(03:09):
excellence becomes normal.
You start thinking bigger.
You don't apologize for wantingmore.
You find people who speak thesame language of growth and
gratitude and, yes, grit.
You have to find people who saylet's go, not people who say
that's too much.
You need people in your cornerwho will hold you to your
(03:33):
potential, not just in yourcomfort zone, because everybody
wants to stay there.
Nobody wants to rock the boat.
Listen, the biggest leaps in mylife didn't come from books or
podcasts or mentors from afar.
They came from just talking orconversations with the right
people at the right time,sometimes in a coffee shop,
(03:56):
sometimes on walking trails,sometimes parking lots after
events.
People who didn't let me playsmall.
Now let's take an audit, if youwill, of our tribe.
Let's think of the five peoplewho you spend the most time with
, or the people you spend yourmost time with.
(04:18):
Who is in your circle?
Who are you texting daily?
Who do you call when things gowrong?
I mean, it's real easy to bearound when things go right.
Everybody wants to be part ofit.
But when things go wrong, whenthe lights dim, when things are
not going your way, ask yourselfare the people in my tribe?
(04:42):
Are they challenging me, like?
Are they asking me, am I doingall the right things?
Are they pushing me?
Or are they just noddingsilently like, hmm, do they
celebrate me?
Which means not just in thewins, but also in the little
(05:03):
things?
Do they encourage me.
When there is no time tocelebrate, do they call me out?
Just the other day I was tellingsomebody oh, I want to do this
amazing journey of 300 miles,right, and that person said, hey
, you got to fix your body first.
(05:25):
At first it took me back and Iwas like what do you mean, fix
my body?
That person could have justsaid, oh yeah, that's awesome,
but what would that have done?
Now that person said to me yougot to fix your body.
That person called me out andit's in the back of my mind
right here.
It's in the back of my mindsaying you got to fix your body.
That person called me out andit's in the back of my mind
right here.
(05:45):
It's in the back of my mindsaying you've got to get ready,
you have to prepare yourself.
Oh, walking 300, that's goingto be amazing.
At the end, no, they're tellingme, you've got stuff to do
before you even think of takingyour first step on that journey.
Do they show up without asking?
(06:08):
You know, people pop up in ourlives at different times, but
it's the people who know whatyou have going on when they show
up at the most surprising times, maybe at the end of a race,
(06:29):
surprising times, maybe at theend of a race, maybe before your
amazing day, that you have tostart an event.
Or maybe it's the people whoare helping you set up.
Maybe it's the people who letyou know, they give you a tip or
two before you even startsomething great right, and then
there's nothing in it for them.
They're just.
Sometimes we look at thesepeople as just fans.
These aren't fans.
(06:49):
These are people who holdutmost respect for us and
sometimes we don't listen tothem.
They don't want anything fromus except for us to win, right?
Really, look at those peoplearound you.
If someone came to mind and youfelt a pit in your stomach, it
(07:11):
might be time to make somedecisions.
Doesn't mean that you have tocut everyone off and blacklist
people and remove them from yourphone and unfriend them from
social media, but it does meanthat you have to stop giving VIP
access to people who haven'tearned it.
Now, I don't mean to soundelitist or like you're some big,
(07:32):
big shot, but you know you'regiving your time to people who
don't care.
Your energy is your mostvaluable currency.
Spend it where it compounds.
Spend it where it gets returned.
Spend it where you can see itblossom.
Spend it on the people who arelistening to you and cheering
for you and pulling you up evenwhen you fall.
(07:56):
Spend your energy with thosepeople when you don't choose
wisely.
Here's the dangerous part.
Right, Most people don't talkabout it.
When you surround yourself withthe wrong people long enough,
you start to shrink, you startto lose your dreams.
Get quieter.
Hey, I think I'm going to dothis.
(08:17):
Oh no, why are you going to doit?
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
That's crazy.
It sounds crazy.
Your self-talk gets even harder.
Well, I said I was going to dothis, but my friend said don't
do that.
Or this person said don't dothat.
Have you ever asked yourself whypeople say the things they say?
(08:37):
You start to believe thatplaying small is noble.
Be humble, don't overstepanyone, don't shine your light,
don't push too hard, because youmight make the rest of us look
bad.
I mean, you forget how powerfulyou really are when you've
(08:58):
decided.
Think of when you decidedsomething and no one could stop
you.
But all of a sudden, lately,you find yourself looking for
permission or looking forvalidation or looking for
comfort in others.
Right, I've seen it, I've livedit.
Seen it, I've lived it.
(09:22):
I've watched people with insanepotential.
They were on the track and theywere crushing it, man, and then
they settle for crumbs becausethey sat at the wrong table.
They asked the wrong people forinput and sometimes the input
is subtle.
Don't hurt yourself.
You know I'm afraid ofrejection.
(09:42):
I would hate that for you.
You know you've got everythingthat you need.
What more is there?
You will become who yousurround yourself with.
I promise you.
Whether you choose that,intentionally or passively or by
default, is up to you Buildingyour tribe.
(10:02):
So what now?
How do I put all this together?
How do I build a tribe ofpeople who inspire me?
You know, it sounds so crazy tostart something.
It sounds oh, I've got to putthis perfect plan together and I
(10:25):
have to assemble the Avengers,or I've got to assemble the
Magnificent Seven, or I've gotto put all these people together
, perfectly, together, perfectly.
No, you don't.
If you're ready to build yourtribe, it starts with just one
(10:45):
move, just one step.
Just start right.
It doesn't mean that you have tohave a witness to every one of
your events.
It just means whatever it isthat you want to do or be great
at, just start, and then thosewho align with you, those who
want to see you win, will pop up.
They may not clap a standingovation, but they will encourage
(11:08):
you.
They will tell you hey, you'redoing good, that's pretty
awesome.
Hey, try this.
Add that They'll call you out.
Hey, you said you were going todo that.
I mean, those are the peopleyou start building your tribe
with.
Show up where people are growing.
Show up where people are doingthings.
(11:29):
The path of resistance and thepath of hard things usually
create winners.
Look for people who are workingout together.
They're racing together,they're studying together,
they're pulling together.
They're masterminds, they'renetworking with each other.
(11:51):
You know you have to find outwhat your industry does to grow,
what your industry does to grow, because when you pull back and
you're by yourself, man, thevoices start right, Like even
(12:12):
right now, as I do my very firstsolo podcast ever.
I've never done a solo podcastin my life and I'm scared, but I
can hear some of my friendsgoing hey, you did it, good job.
That resonated with me and Ialso want their feedback.
Like the opening was terrible,or the opening you should have
said this, or you should haveended it with that.
(12:34):
I want the people who willencourage me to say that was
your first Do it again.
You know, go to events, go toplaces and observe and just
watch where people's feet point,watch who they're surrounding
(12:56):
themselves with and talk withthem, ask them questions.
Go to some of the successfulpeople in your career field or
in your industry and truly paythem some reverence, not just
hey, I want to pick your brain,can we go to coffee?
(13:19):
No, I'll give you a goodexample.
In the real estate industry,there's people who are starting,
there's people who want to growto the next level and there's
people who just love to studyand make themselves better.
And in any industry, you know,people want to get better Sales,
(13:41):
they want to get betterAthletes, they want to get
better.
But here's the mistake that alot of us who want to grow do.
They say hey, can I pick yourbrain?
You're at the top and I justwant to ask you some questions.
You know, and asking someonelike that could have a 50-50
shot, but I'd encourage you todo it a little bit better.
(14:04):
I encourage you to be veryspecific when gathering people
or picking people's brains orasking them for their time.
You got to ask good questions,you have to ask what their
mistakes were.
You know, crafting an approachto an expert is a whole podcast
(14:28):
when it's within itself, but youjust have to start.
Reach out to that person.
Okay, maybe it's someone whowalks all the time or rucks like
I ruck.
If somebody really wanted mytime, I would say ruck with me,
do something I love to do.
We're walking for an hour and ahalf.
(14:51):
Not only am I bettering myselfin the moment, but if we both
share the time for an hour and ahalf, something may happen.
You know, send a DM to someonewho inspires you and just say
hey, I want to let you know thatyou're in a place that makes an
impact and I've been watchingor observing or I see some of
(15:14):
the awards you've won howinspiring.
I myself have a challenge doingthis and I would love to learn
how to do this.
Be very specific and they'llsay oh man, yeah, versus just
hey, can I pick your brain?
Hey, I want some advice.
I think you really have to doyour homework.
When you approach people, sharewith people what you're doing
(15:37):
Like your homework.
When you approach people, sharewith people what you're doing
Like no-transcript.
Oh hey, I don't know.
I just life is crazy or life isawesome.
Hey, what is it that you'reworking on?
Let me give you a great example.
When someone says to me, hey,jay, how are things going?
(15:58):
I'll be like, oh my gosh, I'mworking on this amazing project.
I'm working on selling digitalproducts online.
From everything that I'velearned, I'm looking for experts
who know how to monetize thatspace, selling digital products
online courses, worksheets,journals, books, things of that
(16:20):
nature.
Do you know anyone like that?
Chances are, if I keep it shortand I tell people, here's what
I'm looking for and I've given alittle bit of credibility, and
they've given a little bit ofcredibility and we've exchanged
some energy, they might connectme to the right person.
But if I just keep saying I'mbusy oh, you know, man, it's
(16:43):
been crazy lately this economy,the weather, these politics,
like all those things like it'sjust a waste of time.
But when you focus, you askbetter questions and you'll
attract people.
When you're living in alignment,you know, what do you want to
be like?
Who do you want to be like?
(17:04):
What is it that you want to beor do or change?
And, as I was speaking aboutearlier, you know when I say,
look at the people you'rehanging out with, right, I said
do they challenge you, do theycelebrate you, do they call you
out?
And I just want to reflect andre-explain that whole auditing
(17:26):
your circle, making sure thatyou are truly not just hanging
out with people by default, butit's because you chose them and
you're not looking for approvalor you're not looking for
everyone to agree with you.
As a matter of fact, I thinkthe best people that I've hung
out with lately have disagreedwith some of my points.
(17:47):
With sense, they have told metheir viewpoint and I've gained
a large respect for them.
You know, one thing that I'mtrying to work on is to stop
people-pleasing, because I wantto be very respectful, I want to
be a good neighbor, I want tobe kind to people, all those
(18:08):
things.
But it doesn't mean you have tobe weak.
I was reading somewhere whereit says people who you know,
people who lie to strong people,hurt themselves and the people
who lie to weak people hurt theweak person.
I don't know, you know, ifsomeone came to mind that let
(18:36):
you down subtly, you know theysaid, hey, that's okay, you
don't have to do that, just comeout with us.
Or hey, you know, I'll be therefor you and they really weren't
.
Or you ask them for greatfeedback and they're like yeah,
sounds great, like no, what isit?
Oh, you know, I just I'm notgood at giving people feedback.
(18:56):
Then maybe you're asking thewrong person for feedback.
I think that you know that'spretty important.
I think that showing upconsistently in a place where
people win, I think that showingup consistently in a place
where people win, in a placewhere people are bettering
themselves right, you know it.
I mean networking groups aresuch a great place, or Kiwanis,
(19:21):
or, oh my gosh, I was soinspired by Rotary and all these
networking groups of goodpeople.
But even within those networks,you've got to find the right
people.
I think that if you want to goto the gym, you've got to find
out people who really want to goto the gym.
Or sometimes you don't have theself-discipline to do it
(19:42):
yourself.
Maybe it's Orange Theory, maybeit's, I Think, fit, maybe it's
a CrossFit, or maybe it's Apexat Lifetime, it's whatever you
want to call it, it's Pilates.
You go with a group of people, atribe, to hold you accountable.
(20:06):
See, you start in common withone thing.
So when everyone enjoys, let'ssay, keep it easy, like me, when
we rock in the morning, we'recoming together.
Some people are driving fromCouncil Bluff, some people are
driving from down the street.
There are people around theblock that won't join, but the
people who get together want tohave something in common, and it
(20:30):
starts with maybe just rucking,and then you find out more
about them as you spend timewith them.
You find out the things thatyou have in common and the
things that aren't in common.
Or you find out solutions toproblems that other people have
already figured out.
See, problems that other peoplehave already figured out.
(20:53):
See, it's not about who hasmore money or less money.
It's not about who has moreexperience or less experience.
It's the people who have mademistakes and can translate their
mistakes into wins.
It's people who have figuredout that things that they've
done by going alone have beenless fruitful than when they've
(21:13):
gone together.
Now I'm not saying you can't doanything alone, but I'm saying
to you why would you want to dothat?
Because there's a lot of peoplethat I've noticed who like to
isolate themselves when it getshard.
This is one of the things Ithink really I'm passionate
about when people run into theseroadblocks, when life hits them
(21:36):
on the head, when they run intoa brick wall, when they fall
down, sometimes they like to laythere.
Sometimes they feel sorry forthemselves and they're there and
they're just looking and takinginventory of all the things
that have gone wrong.
And then they're getting intheir head and then they say, oh
(21:57):
, I need to be around, just mefor now.
I need to block other peoplebecause I don't want to feel
stupid.
Or their energy gets so low,they get into this rut and this
rabbit hole and they startspiraling.
That happens to people whousually are isolated.
Tomorrow morning at 5 am, I willruck, I will show up.
(22:23):
Whether I feel like it or not,I am accountable to a lot of
people.
I'm accountable to myself.
Now I say to myself I don'tneed those other people, sure,
but it sure is a lot better whenI am in the zone, when I am
feeling accountable, when I knowpeople are waiting on me, when
(22:47):
I know I'm waiting on them.
It's a symbiotic relationshipof support.
It's not just one way, it's notjust oh, I need these people to
help me wake up and shake offthe cobwebs.
No, and it starts with wantingto be prepared.
I want to be prepared, becausethese people are driving to my
house and they're waiting for me.
(23:08):
I don't want to wake up twominutes before and not be ready.
I want to set my alarm.
I want to set my clothes outfor the next night or for the
next day.
I look forward to that and Idon't know what tomorrow is
going to bring.
But I know there's going to be15 to 25 people outside who are
actually going to sharpen eachother, who are going to
(23:31):
challenge each other, and itdoesn't mean that they're
one-upping each other.
It means they're going to talkabout things in life.
And what's cool is not everyonewho gets together has all the
same ideological philosophies.
They're different, differentpolitical affiliations,
(23:52):
different religions, men, women,I mean.
I think in society we're toocaught up with being right.
Today, we are caught up inbeing correct.
We're caught up in being first,not second.
We're caught up in being first,not second.
We're caught up in the race ofcomparison and one-upping.
(24:14):
And I can assure you, when youfind your tribe, there'll be
none of that.
Oh, there'll be competition tobe a better person you were
yesterday, but there'll be morecollaboration because other
people in your tribe will helpyou get there.
Some other things I think aboutis have you ever sat back and
taken inventory of the peoplewho are truly just?
(24:35):
Whenever they see you, theyshine because they think you're
shining, or when they see you,they have this energy about them
shining, or when they see you,they have this energy about them
and when you see them, you havethis energy about you.
(24:58):
It's sometimes subtle, right,it's not always easy to spot.
I can assure you, my tribe haschanged over the years.
When I became sober, I'veattracted other like-minded
sober people who have sameideals, the same like-minded
mindset.
Right, I like to look forpeople positive and who like to
(25:19):
challenge each other and who areaddicted to processes.
Right, and they have isms aboutdoing things in a certain
regimen, like that's the wholething about rucking.
You know, I've got a tribe ofpeople and they have isms about
doing things in a certainregiment.
That's the whole thing aboutrucking.
I've got a tribe of people whobelieve in supporting veterans.
There's no mistake there.
We're all there.
(25:40):
So I challenge you right now tostep back and audit your circle.
Are you doing anything exciting?
Are you just moving throughdefault to the next day?
Are you not hanging out withother people just because it
might be a hassle.
You know what are yourconversations like, with
yourself first and then withothers.
(26:01):
When others ask you, what areyou doing?
What are you working on whenyou look in the mirror on?
When you look in the mirror,what are you saying to yourself?
And I just want you to knowthat there is a tribe out there
for you.
There are people waiting tojust hang out with you and do
amazing things.
(26:21):
And when I say hang out, I don'tmean without purpose or without
intent.
I mean you are trulyarchitecting or choosing or
building a team of people whowant to see you do better.
But the other side is, you haveto see them.
You want to make them better aswell.
(26:41):
You want to contribute, youwant to give, you want to
empower them.
You want to encourage them too,because success is all about
reciprocity.
I've never met anyone who was ina group of people, who they
only were out for them and theyweren't with a group of people,
(27:01):
and I've never seen that lastlong.
I've witnessed it.
But it has crashed and burnedmany times for that individual.
It, but it has crashed andburned many times for that
individual.
You have to share your time,your talent and sometimes your
treasure with the people aroundyou.
You have to break bread.
You have to stay in contactCan't only be when you need
(27:26):
something.
It has to be when you havesomething to give.
And I'm just thinking abouttomorrow's Rook 5 am.
I'm excited for it.
I'm excited to pour intosomeone who might need it that
day, or share my energy orenthusiasm of a project that I'm
working on.
But you know, if I get intothat group of 15 to 25 people
tomorrow and I ask them, well,what are you working on right
(27:48):
now?
And they tell me, I for surewill learn something.
I for sure will learn how tohelp equip them or align them
with where they want to go.
People are always working onsomething.
The driven people, the peopleyou want to surround yourself
with, the people who want morein life, not just for themselves
(28:16):
, but for their tribe.
With that, if this episode hitshome, please share it.
Tag somebody.
Tag someone in your tribe orsomebody who needs a new one.
Invite people to your tribe,because I believe when you walk
with the right people,everything changes, and when you
(28:36):
do the opposite, well, youalready know, let's go.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Thanks for tuning in to the Connection.
It's been a fantastic journey,exploring stories, insights and
inspirations that bridge ourlives.
Remember every connection hasthe power to transform.
Please subscribe, rate andreview.
Your feedback keeps us going Inthis connected world.
(29:05):
Let's make meaningfulconnections that enrich lives.
Now signing off until next time, the Connection, keep
connecting and let's go.
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