August 20, 2025 • 51 mins
What happens when unimaginable tragedy strikes, and you're left to pick up the pieces? Brett Allen's story is one of profound loss transformed into purpose through connection and courage.
Brett's life changed forever when his ex-wife Cari was murdered by her boyfriend—a veteran who fled to Belize before being brought to justice. Despite this traumatic connection to the veteran community, Brett made the remarkable choice to participate in the 50-Mile March, an event supporting veterans' mental health and suicide prevention.
As a single father raising his teenage son Brendan, Brett navigates the complex terrain of grief with raw honesty. "The worst thing as a parent is knowing your child is hurting and there's nothing you can do about that," he shares. Throughout our conversation, Brett reveals the challenges of supporting his son through milestones his mother will never see, while processing his own pain and seeking help when traditional masculine norms might have dictated silence.
What makes Brett's journey so powerful is his refusal to let tragedy define him. Instead of harboring resentment, he asked himself, "Is there something I can do to prevent this from happening to someone else?" This question led him to join a community of "crazy people" willing to push their bodies to the limit—walking 50 miles over 22 grueling hours—to raise awareness about veteran suicide and homelessness.
The conversation explores how trauma reshapes our priorities, the importance of mental health resources, and the healing power of purposeful challenge. Brett's participation in the march represents not just personal healing but a message to his son: "We can do hard things if we put our mind to it."
Join us for this moving episode that reminds us grief isn't something you "get over," but something you move through—and how connecting with others on similar journeys can transform individual pain into collective purpose. Whether you're facing your own struggles or supporting someone through theirs, Brett's story offers both comfort and inspiration.
Thank you for listening to The Connection Podcast with Jay Miralles. Please subscribe and share!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Intro Voice (00:11):
Connecting the dots , connecting his guests to the
world, creating more connections.
Welcome to the Connection.
Meet your host.
Author, coach, air Forceveteran Jay Morales.
Jay (00:30):
Thanks for joining us again here on the Connection.
I'm very grateful to have BrettAllen with us today and, brett,
crazy, you shared your story.
We've heard of it, but beforewe get to all that, let's talk
about the first time you heardabout the 50 Mile March.
Brett (00:45):
It was last year A couple of participants that I knew.
Dave Swearingen, who's myplatoon leader this year, was
doing it, so I kind of followedhim along.
And then one of my good friends, Kimberly Garber, did it last
year.
She came from Kansas.
Oh yeah, I followed both ofthem.
Jay (01:01):
She came all the way up.
Yep, I do remember that she hadthe cool American flag shoes on
the brookies.
Yeah, I wanted one of those sobad.
So now we figured out yourconnection to the 50 Mile March,
let's talk about you as aperson and then we'll go on to
other subjects.
Brett, what occupies your time?
What do you do during the day?
Brett (01:23):
During the day, I work for the law firm that has the
contract to run the childsupport services for Douglas
County.
How long have you been doingthat?
I've been there for 24 years.
You've seen a lot.
I've seen a lot of things.
I've done a lot there.
Jay (01:37):
Yeah, are you from Omaha originally.
Brett (01:40):
Not originally.
Originally I'm from the otherend of the state, from Gearing
Ge.
Jay (01:43):
Not originally, originally, I'm from the other end of the
state, from Gearing, gearing,okay, yeah, well, heck, I drove
through Gearing one time byaccident and I'm going to tell
you this they had a lot ofabove-ground swimming pools in
the front yard, brother, yeah,well, in the front.
Yeah, put it where you can putit.
Yes, good old Gearing, a friendof Michelle is from Gearing.
You probably know her and I'llconnect you guys, hessler.
Brett (02:07):
Yeah.
Jay (02:07):
Yeah, did you know her too?
I know Hessler Get out, I'm notsure which of the family tree,
but here's the connection.
Brett (02:15):
Yeah, I graduated with Michelle Hessler, Mikey Hessler.
Jay (02:20):
That's Mikey.
Brett (02:21):
Yeah, that's her.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
We just saw her a few weeks ago.
We're back for a class reunion.
Get out of here.
Jay (02:29):
See, this is what I talk about on the Connection.
So our podcast, right, it's allabout connection, our life is
all about connection and youjust never know.
But people never listen enough.
Listen enough.
(02:50):
I could have just said, oh,gearing, I could have just went
on with the joke, but it hit methe name and when you said,
mikey, there's a connectionthere, you can't mistake her for
anybody, you cannot.
That's awesome, brother.
Wow, I'm wild right now on mypodcast.
So, brett Gearing, what madeyou move from there?
When did you move?
Brett (03:01):
from there, from there, when did you move from there?
So I did my undergrad down inKansas City and after I
graduated there in 99, I had abuddy that was that I knew that
was moving to Omaha for ateaching job.
And he's like hey, you want tomove to Omaha?
Sure, why not?
Big town, Kansas City was nice.
I think it's a better place tovisit than live for me, I agree,
(03:21):
and so you know.
Coming back to Nebraska, thatwas the other end of the state.
So I've been here.
What 25 years.
Jay (03:30):
You know, time flies, right , you think about it.
Somebody watching right now.
They're saying Nebraska, omaha,they think of cornfields and
they think of all the otherthings.
But you know what would youtell somebody?
To say, hey, here's what wehave.
That's really cool.
What do you love about Omaha orNebraska?
Brett (03:50):
It's a little big city, I mean there's a little bit to do
everywhere, whether it's artsor sporting events.
We have so many restaurants.
It's ridiculous.
It's the food capital secondfood capital of the world, and
they're always busy, which Idon't understand, but yeah, so
there's a lot to do and, unlikea lot of big cities like Denver
(04:11):
and stuff, you can get around inOmaha pretty quickly.
It's true, it's a 22 minutetown.
Jay (04:15):
Yeah, I'm mad about 22 minutes of traffic or 23 minutes
of traffic.
Let's be honest, yeah.
Brett (04:20):
So you can go from one end to the other end and you
don't have to.
You know worry about, you knowhow necessarily, how long it's
going to take, and that's true.
Jay (04:28):
Except when I drive to Bellevue.
I don't know what it is,brother.
That's a whole different.
That's a whole different.
I swear to you, I don't knowany shortcut to Bellevue, and it
seems like every place I wantto go to Bellevue is 37 minutes
away.
Brett (04:42):
I don't know why.
I think you went like going toa sporting event.
You think it's in Bellevue andit's like it's a road trip.
Jay (04:46):
Oh, you got to pack a lunch .
Hey, Bellevue, we love you, butno love lost there, All right.
So what do you do outside ofwork?
What do you?
How are you connected in thecommunity or what occupies?
Brett (04:57):
your time.
My son usually occupies my time.
Tell me about your son.
He's a senior at Miller North.
He's just doing wrestling now,Once he heals up.
He just had surgery, yeah, butother than that it's me and him
we are pretty much connectedgoing everywhere together.
Jay (05:15):
That's awesome, Father son huh Very, very close.
Yeah, I saw, I think on yourtimeline first day of school you
were lucky to get a wince likea nice little photo.
Brett (05:25):
He was on crutches.
He's on crutches, but he's aboy, he's 18 and he didn't
really want to smile.
Jay (05:32):
No, I get it.
I get it.
He's like Dad.
You know, if we can go back tothe ages, when they were four, I
was looking at my son, so he's16 now.
You can't believe that theywere that little.
No, no, we tell people all thetime oh, we're so busy.
Our kids grew up so fast.
It's true, life does go very,very fast.
And now I want to reconnect tothe march.
Oh, before your why, you know,you told me how you heard about
(05:57):
it.
Two great people you know whenyou heard about it.
Take us back to the moment thatyou remember hearing about it.
What?
Because everyone interprets itdifferent.
What?
What did you think it was?
Or what did you I?
Brett (06:10):
I really didn't know a whole lot about.
You know why.
I mean what you guys are doingand what the mission was.
Yeah, that's all.
Yes, people marching 50 milesand I'm like, well, there's a
group of crazy people which iswhich is kind of fun and
exciting because I like crazypeople.
I love crazy people.
That's why, that's why you'rehere, right.
But then you know, I startedgetting talked to them and
(06:30):
everybody has their differentreasons why they do it.
You know the mission you guysdo and just helping people
veterans so I really, you know,started researching a little bit
and you, how, how could thatrelate to me in my life?
And yeah, just kind of like,you know what I, I see, I see
what they're doing.
I I was kind of jealouswatching the march last year
(06:51):
sure you're like what am I?
yeah well, these guys are doingsomething, I'm not doing
anything.
Um, and then the actual knowinghow hard it's going to be, kind
of kind of exciting in a weirdway.
Jay (07:01):
Yeah, it is it is it, we're gluttons.
You got to be a glutton forpain, it's true, and you know
everyone has a connection and areason why.
So I do want to talk about yourreason why.
Now you know, and I know in allrespect.
I want to respect the story.
So your ex-wife, carrie, tellme about you know what happened
(07:23):
there of ofed her throughout thenight, um eventually got into
(07:48):
her house and waited for her toget home.
Brett (07:52):
Still why she's in the house?
She didn't know he was thereand he's messing her like she's
downstairs and to Topeka, wherehe was from, buried it and then
(08:16):
decided to skip the country andgo to Belize.
Jay (08:21):
Was he extradited later back?
Brett (08:23):
He was.
They got him, so that allhappened.
November 20th was when she waskilled.
Was he extradited later?
Back, I mean from the Sheriff'sDepartment to the US Marshals,
to Omaha Police Department, toTopeka Police Department,
(08:45):
shawnee County, I mean DouglasCounty Attorney's Office, I mean
everyone was absolutelyphenomenal.
Jay (08:51):
No, I can appreciate that.
I want to stay here for asecond with you.
Know, it's a veteran, right?
Just a natural reaction.
And you've got the reactionslike, man, that's a veteran who
(09:11):
did that, you know.
And you're not a veteran.
No, no, you didn't serve, right.
But here's the part wherepeople have asked you and in my
mind, the first thing I heard inmy head say, well, isn't he
angry?
Right?
That's just my gut reaction,like I'll just tell you.
I'm going to speak this outloud because I want to
(09:32):
articulate what I'm, what I felt.
This guy, his ex-wife, waskilled, you know, by a veteran.
And why isn't he angry atveterans?
Right?
That was just a gut, no.
But then I thought about it alittle bit.
I'm like this must be a goodguy, I've got to meet him.
So, brett, tell us your processof thinking.
And you know, right when youfound out he was a vet.
(09:54):
So you've, oh well, you alreadyknew.
Brett (09:56):
Yeah, you're right, we've done things together.
Jay (10:00):
Okay, so you guys got along .
Brett (10:03):
We got kids and all that stuff Okay.
Yeah, I guess I mean, trust me,there is anger in here, but
towards him, the act that he did, yes, but just the pain that
came of it because of this actand, like I said, the
(10:25):
conversations I've had to havewith my son, I wish upon no one,
but I know people have to havethem.
I mean, I'm not unique in thatsituation.
So I really thought, you know,is there something that I can do
to maybe help prevent this fromhappening to someone else?
Because it is absolutely.
I mean, I can replay so manyconversations that I mean I just
(10:50):
it's cringeworthy and youshouldn't have to have and no
kid should have to hear.
Jay (10:53):
I can't imagine you here, even sitting in front of me,
saying is there something I cando about this?
Brett (11:03):
I mean right yeah well, I mean you can either sit at home
and do nothing and hope theworld changes, or you can take
an active role in trying to helpfacilitate change.
Jay (11:14):
But this happened to your son's mother, right?
This happened to you as afamily at some and, yes, she was
your ex-wife.
But the conversations you knowto your son and all respect for
your son and your family too Ididn't think about it even
before this interview.
I hate telling my kids any badnews about anybody.
(11:38):
You know what I mean.
Oh, mom got hurt or mom hadcancer or mom this, but would
you care to share anything?
Yeah?
If you don't, it's okay.
Brett (11:50):
As parents, the worst thing to do is know your child
is hurting and there's nothingyou can do about that.
I mean there's no salve you canput on it.
You can't take them to thedoctor, bandage it up.
I mean, there's nothing you cando.
Jay (12:09):
It's true, and I think people need to realize that,
that it no matter what you do,no matter how great of a dad you
are your, your kid, has togrieve right, or the people who
love that person have to grieveright, and and you can't bring,
you know, a person back.
Brett (12:19):
you can't bring, you know , in this case, I can't bring
carrie back and I can't replaceCarrie.
I mean, she was a phenomenal,phenomenal mother and there's no
replacing that in any way,shape or form.
So yeah, I just kind of I gotto.
You know, I needed to dosomething and this, you know,
(12:39):
sounds like a good opportunityto get involved and do something
and hopefully make a change forsomeone else out there.
Jay (12:43):
like a good opportunity to get involved and do something
and hopefully make a change forsomeone else out there.
It's been, it's pretty if youtalk to me, and in time wise
it's, it's still fresh, it'svery fresh.
I mean, it's not even a yearyet, but it was in 2022, 2022.
Okay, well, still a little alittle less than three years,
but you know you go through Alittle less than three years.
Brett (13:02):
But you go through, you know finding them, and then you
go through, you know everything,through the core and the
sentencing, and so it's like youthink you've got a relief, and
then something else happens.
Something else happens afterthat, so you're continually
reminded of, you know whatpeople went through, so it's
still very, very fresh.
Jay (13:22):
You know, when you go through something tragic, you
always hear about the aftermathleft behind and you know you
could be sour and, like you said, there's anger, rightfully so,
rightfully so.
But again, you know we don't,we can't correlate to one thing.
But you know this is where youare stepping out and saying hey,
(13:44):
I think I heard it on yourinterview.
You said what if we couldprevent something like this from
happening again?
Think about it.
And I think people who are andthis is no justification but
people who are in distress andhave nowhere to go, do some
(14:06):
harmful things either tothemselves or other people.
Right, and before this incident, had you thought about mental
health or anything like thatbefore?
Or you know, just thewell-being of humans, or has
this really just elevated it tothe top?
Brett (14:23):
I thought about it a little bit, but nothing,
definitely not the level that Ithink about it now.
Jay (14:28):
Right, right, I mean, we're men, we're about the same age,
I think.
I think I'm older than you, butmy point is this we didn't grow
up.
Hey, how's your mental health?
No, not at all.
Matter of fact, we don't talkabout those things.
You hush, you'll be fine.
You're depressed?
No, you're just tired.
Right, Right, I mean, talkabout it now.
(14:51):
Like how crucial do you thinkit is to have the conversation
or engage with those who wethink need help.
Brett (14:59):
It's incredibly important and I think, as you said it, we
hold in a lot of stuff and Ithink, as you said, we hold in a
lot of stuff and I think still,we hold in a lot of stuff.
Yes, and when you do that,eventually there's going to be a
trigger, something thatexplodes, and whether it could
be hurting yourself, hurtingsomeone else, we have to get to
a point where we're not allowingthat to happen and to see the
(15:22):
little things that we know needto get addressed.
I'm still letting it fester.
Jay (15:28):
That's the word fester.
We do.
You know how much stuff thathold on from last week, dumb
stuff, you know.
And here we are, the week ofthe March.
I promise you I've got stressunderlying here.
I've got frustration, I havepassion.
I have.
I'm tired too, too.
Let me look at the eyes, bro.
I gotta make some sleep.
(15:50):
But?
But in society we're taught tobrush it off.
Yeah, it'll be fine.
Um, it'll be fine, as probablythe biggest statement to tell
ourselves it'll be fine, itreally will it.
Brett (16:03):
There's nothing.
Let me go outside cool down fora minute and it'll be fine.
It really will, it is.
Let me go outside, cool downfor a minute and it'll be fine,
it's gone.
Then you know, once you you'vedealt with that way, it's gone.
Obviously it's not stone.
Jay (16:11):
So do you engage now with people who, who you think you
know, veteran or not?
Just it makes some peopleuncomfortable, brett, for when
you see someone crying for helpright, and sometimes they're not
crying for help the signsaren't so obvious.
But I'll tell you I'll engagenow.
And if I suspect you know,there's just some kind of crisis
(16:32):
or hurting inside, I'm not somekind of empath junkie where I
want to take over their problems, but I do want to confront them
in a respectful way and say,hey, I'm here to engage and get
you to the next step.
The last thing I want to do,brother, is save anybody.
That's not my job.
My job is to get you to thenext step.
Brett (16:54):
And unless someone wants to be saved, you can't save them
.
I mean, they have to want to besaved.
Yeah, it's true.
But your point, yeah, I mean Ithink when I see someone and
there's probably more peoplethat I know that they're
struggling with something, Ithink I'm a pretty good person
that they can come to and talkto, and obviously I've had some
experience with that dealingwith things.
(17:17):
Yeah, so I think a lot ofpeople do you know, kind of
reach out to me a little bitday-to-day life, whether it's at
work or outside work.
Jay (17:27):
Yeah, you know what, I just never really thought about it,
even before this conversation.
You know, I never, really never, took your son into account.
Right On the surface, I saw you, I didn't see, but you know and
I think that's that's thehardest part.
Brett (17:46):
I mean us as adults.
I think we, we can, like youknow we, we can deal with it.
But when you think about whatyour, your kids are going
through, I mean you, you can'tand you can't deal with that
because you can't fix that.
And we always want to be fixers.
True, true, we've seen better.
(18:11):
Right, we hit rock bottom a fewtimes to get to where we're at.
Most kids have a traumaticevent, maybe here or there,
maybe an life, but like all, the, all of his milestones that she
misses Um, and I think thoseare the things that um kind of
hurt the most.
It's like I mean, he's going tobe graduating this year, senior
right, you know parents nightyou know stuff like that, yeah,
yeah.
(18:31):
Uh, so I think those are themoments that still really get me
get me the most.
Jay (18:43):
I I I could feel your energy right now like, uh, and
it's okay, you don't have tohold any emotion back here.
Man, do you get to talk aboutthis like this right now?
We're talking in front of a lotof people.
That's going to be a largeaudience, right?
I mean, I know you probably dotalk to people, but have you
been this open?
I saw, saw the news.
It was a quick three, fourminutes.
Brett (19:00):
For groups of people, not really.
I've had some privateconversations with people, but
no, not a lot.
Yeah, I think you know peoplestill to this day is like how
are you doing?
I'm fine.
Jay (19:14):
Yeah, that's okay.
I do want to talk about this,right?
No-transcript.
(20:03):
He's your, he's a guy.
Right, he's a dude.
He's a man.
Engage and be friendly and ifhe wants to share the story with
you, good for you guys.
Brett (20:11):
But I guess I'm not fragile, I'm not going to break.
Jay (20:15):
Yeah, I mean, it's crazy, though, you know, just as we
were getting ready for this.
Hey, is there anything you wantme to stay away from?
I just want to be respectful,but really I just want to talk
about everything that surroundsit.
You know what I mean For mentalhealth, for for the people
affected, for the people who maybe affected.
I just we talk about being, ohokay, we'll get some help, we
(20:40):
got some counseling, we're good.
It goes beyond that.
It goes to accountability,finding a tribe.
What have you noticed, probablylately, about your healing
journey?
What have you noticed?
I'm not asking you has itgotten better, Because that's
not a question I'm asking.
I'm asking you heal right.
(21:01):
Sometimes there's a big oldscar.
Brett (21:03):
Yeah, but I think everything I think comes in
waves.
Yeah, I think we have I have agood set of I mean.
I'll have weeks and weeks whereI'm pretty good, pretty good,
but then something I mean and itcould be nothing, it could be
you're driving in your car andyou see something, a place you
(21:27):
drive by, a place that you haddone something with, or you hear
a song that you know, the wordskind of resonate with you and
it's that those, those momentsare, when it's quiet, that you
kind of get kicked in the gut alittle bit.
Yeah, when it's quiet, um, thatyou kind of get kicked in the
gut a little bit.
Yeah, um, so it's, I don't know, I'm, I'm, I'm still trying to
figure out this journey a littlebit.
(21:47):
But yeah, I think getting outthere and talking about a little
bit more which I I have done,um, it helps and I think it
helps people being around me.
Yeah, I'm okay talking about it.
Yeah, I, actually I can talkabout it pretty good, except for
when I start talking about myson and the effects it has on my
son.
Jay (22:03):
That's I can see that.
That's why I started up alittle bit.
Yeah, I saw that you got glossy.
Yeah for sure that's when yourenergy changed.
Yeah, I mean senior year.
You know this is.
This is his year to graduate,to become a man and go out to
the world.
You've got to enjoy this year,though you have to enjoy this
(22:27):
year right of spending the time.
There's a parent out there,probably in some similar
situation.
They're single parenting rightnow.
What's your advice to them tokeep it together?
Brett (22:38):
To keep it together.
I think, just be there as muchas you can for your kids,
because you're hurting and youhave to be okay with yourself if
you're going to be able to bethere and strong with your kids.
So you know, if you need totalk with someone, talk with
them.
It's okay to have your kids seethat you're hurting.
I think that shows them thatyou know.
(22:59):
Talk with them.
Um, it's okay to let you haveyour kids see that you're
hurting.
Yeah, I think that shows themthat you know you care too.
It's just not them in the fight.
Um, my son has seen me, youknow, break down many times,
yeah.
Jay (23:09):
Um, does that happen out of nowhere?
Brett (23:12):
Um, sometimes I mean, yeah, uh, well, we'll be doing
something and you'll think of,like man, she would really like
to been here, yeah.
Jay (23:21):
Yeah, and you know she would have.
Brett (23:24):
Okay, yeah, that that just doesn't go away.
No, it doesn't go away.
But I think you know it's okayto show your kids that you're
missing them too, and I think Ithink that helps them to talk
about it and see that they'renot alone, like they aren't the
only one that's hurting here,and it's a journey together.
We just try and figure it outat the same time.
Jay (23:46):
That's important.
I think there are people inthis situation where they're
listening right now and they'rewatching the podcast and they're
saying, man, I haven't talkedabout mom or dad who passed, or
they just don't see anymore.
Parents don't talk about it.
Sometimes the grandparentsdon't talk about it.
(24:06):
Sometimes people get sour andpeople get you know weird about
the relationship of not talkinganymore.
Is that a big fat waste of time?
I mean in the scheme of it since2022, all the things that, and
we don't need to go down a list,but were there times where
(24:29):
maybe a feud, or conversationsor anger, pain and hurt, you
know, in between people whocouldn't connect, hurt, you know
, and between people whocouldn't connect?
Isn't that just a big waste oftime?
Brett (24:41):
It is.
I mean, I can't even explainhow many times that something
has happened in the last threeyears.
I've heard something and not todismiss what people are going
through, but things that peoplelike concentrate on and think
that you know it was such a bigdeal or something I was like, in
the grand scheme of things,it's very small.
(25:02):
Yeah, I mean, let's take aninventory of what's really
important in our lives.
Jay (25:08):
Yes, brother, we talk about the things that are in our way,
our obstacles and goals and,like you said, not to minimize
anything, but but you know, inmy mind I'm like do you, do you
even know what he's been through, or do you know what people
like you go through?
And then we talk about there'sa line at the grocery store
(25:30):
there's 37 minutes to Bellevue,right, like, like what are?
Brett (25:35):
what are we really mad at ?
I mean, that's true.
And all those things they'llpass.
I mean you'll eventually get toBellevue.
I mean hopefully you pack thelunch, but I mean you'll
eventually get there and thosethings will pass, and what's
crazy is some things won't right.
Jay (25:51):
Some things will never be again.
Brett (25:52):
It's just like the march it's going to hurt and it's
going to be painful and we'revery tired.
Jay (25:59):
But eventually it will pass after 22 hours and 15 minutes.
So, yes, I want to talk aboutthe pain of the march.
22 hours, right, we're talkingabout things that will pass,
things that will subside.
Brother, this is 120,000 steps,22 hours, minimal stops.
We're talking gravel rock,whatever they call it.
(26:20):
Crush a limestone, I call itdirt.
I call it dirt.
I call it a little trail, alittle alleyway, yes, and while
it might be 81 to 86 degrees,whatever backpack on your back,
I mean, first of all, you knowyou're not showering for 24
hours, bro.
I mean you get friendly realquick, please, when you watch
(26:42):
this and you're a marcher, youbetter wear deodorant.
Yeah, pack it.
So what's one thing that you'regoing to pack that maybe nobody
thinks about?
What's one thing you felt likemaybe I should do this.
I know, putting you on the spot, I don't know.
Brett (26:54):
I mean besides the deodorant.
I mean I don't know I'm tryingto pack with me very minimal.
Jay (27:00):
All right, I'm going to tell you this.
Pack a toothbrush, brother.
Okay, you probably didn't thinkabout it, you probably did, but
I'm going to tell you right nownew breath, new life.
Swear to you, brother.
Pack a toothbrush, 20 hours ina little rinse.
Well, you feel like a newperson.
That Little little little rants.
Well, you feel like a newperson.
That's good stuff, oh, trust me.
(27:20):
So let's talk about the symbolicpain of life, because this is
22 hours and it symbolizes, youknow, 22 lives lost.
You know a day, you know, withveterans.
Isn't that crazy, you know, Iknow the statistic might be
17-ish now, or what have you.
It's just been talked about 22,one life too many, right, just
(27:42):
one a day, even.
But we're also talking aboutthose who are alive, still
battling without shelter overthere, and homelessness, right,
homelessness doesn't mean you'rea hobo in the street, extreme,
where you have nothing andyou're sleeping there for 122
days straight.
It means that you don't have anaddress to call your own and
(28:06):
you've got a couch.
Surf, sleep in cars, havetemporary roommates, crash with
buddies, sleep at your aunt'shouse, sleep at your
grandparents.
That's part of homelessness andI remember the shame through
that, but the pain that ourveterans feel this is where
we're going to find the best ofus.
Bro, this is a what.
(28:27):
What part do you think you're?
This is your first year.
What part are you most worriedabout?
Like, there's gotta besomething most worried.
Brett (28:35):
I mean, if you ask my friends, it would be.
When I get tired I get reallycranky, oh good, so just beware
Red Latune.
Yes, I'm glad you're not inmine.
I think it's probably just theweight on my back.
I mean, I have a bad back.
Jay (28:51):
Okay, well, how much weight are you carrying?
Brett (28:52):
Not very much, but it doesn't matter.
Jay (28:54):
I know, but you don't have to.
Brett (28:55):
You know that right, yeah , oh no, I'm going minimal in my
bag.
Okay, good, I'm going asminimal as possible.
Jay (29:01):
Yes, trust me, even that bag full of two liter water and
a few other trinkets in therewill weigh a hundred pounds by
the time you're done.
No, I know the chafing alone.
Brother, how much have youtrained?
Brett (29:12):
I go out three to four times doing five five-ish miles.
Okay, good, A couple of longerones.
Jay (29:19):
Yeah, so you feel pretty.
How about the feet, brother?
That's what's going to play apart, my feet so far are pretty
good.
Brett (29:24):
Okay, wear some wood here .
Yeah, there it is, becausethat's going to change Saturday
and Sunday.
Jay (29:28):
That's so funny because I'm going to play this clip back
over and over again.
My feet are good.
Brett (29:32):
I said that's going to change.
Jay (29:36):
I'm telling you right now protect those feet, man, you got
to.
Everyone is different.
I wear toe socks and anotherlike a merino wool sock to keep
the moisture off of it, and it'sa whole routine.
Here's the other part.
I'm telling you change everystop, oh yeah, if you don't,
you'll regret it Again.
New clothes, new life that'show I feel.
(29:58):
It's like a reset, you know, butsymbolically, when we get down
into a spiral which I'm sureyou've been there, right you
disengage and you stop brushingyour teeth, you stop taking a
shower every day.
I'm not saying you, I'm tellingyou about me.
But, man, sometimes you justgot to brush your teeth, throw
(30:21):
on a new set of clothes, pickyour chin up and be accountable
to the people around you.
Right, because the 50-milemarch is not the 50-mile one-man
march, it's the 50-mile.
Let's get together with othercrazy people.
March, right.
And the part of that isaccountability.
Brett, you know, in yourhealing journey, who did you
lean on for accountability, ordid you lean on people to to
(30:44):
pull you out of the, pull youthrough?
Brett (30:48):
ah, I I'm probably really bad at laying on people um yeah
, see, there you go.
Jay (30:53):
Let's talk about if you're bad.
I want to know how bad likelet's.
Let's just be honest here.
Brett (30:59):
I mean, I definitely had some friends.
I confided in my folks a lot,Okay, yeah, so there are people
you lean on, there are somepeople.
And I went and I sought somehelp out you know a couple years
later Good professional help,good, good.
So I think people brought it tomy attention that I was not
being myself.
I mean I was short with thingsand just wasn't in the right
(31:20):
mindset and I didn't whether Isaw that myself or not.
Jay (31:28):
I mean I think I kind of felt it we're going to be fine,
right, and you're going to beokay, right, and you weren't
going to do anything bad.
But you know what you're doing,right.
You're placing yourself second.
Whenever you do that, wheneveryou say I'm going to be fine,
you're probably one of those DIYguys.
You can probably do a lot ofstuff.
Are you handy?
I'm a little handy, okay, see,that's another symptom.
I'm just, I'm generalizing here.
But anyone who is independent,handy, do-it-yourselfer
(32:00):
researcher, I can do it.
I don't need anyone's help.
I'll push the car up thedriveway myself.
Usually, when they get into abad situation, they try to do it
DIY too.
Brett (32:08):
And full disclosure.
I mean, I probably didn'tnecessarily seek out the help
for myself initially.
I wanted to repair thoserelationships that I think were
breaking because I wasn't myself, oh yeah.
And so you know it was kind oflike okay, I'm going to hurt
this relationship and thisrelationship if I don't fix me.
So that's kind of.
I mean, they, my friends,definitely pushed me in that
(32:30):
direction.
Jay (32:31):
But you were accountable at least to your friends Right To
say hey, I want to keep thisinto place again.
We're using other people,though.
Okay, okay, I'm going to dothis for them, but when do you
do it for you?
Did you do it for you, or whendid you start doing it for you?
Brett (32:47):
I, I think I I mean I did it for me too um, when I
realized that it was hurtingother aspects of my life yeah,
it was everything I think I hadbottled up was going out, yeah,
um, and I'd I mean not to gettoo, too deep, but other stuff
had.
I had been made aware of someother stuff that really hit home
(33:08):
, yeah, um, and that images youcan't get out of your, your mind
.
Yeah, and I think those werereally really bothering me, and
so I went out and and I soughtsome help and it was some of the
exercises they had me do wereamazing and very helpful.
Jay (33:26):
Trauma is real, you know physical, mental.
You know any trauma I mean.
And when I say real, everyonedeals with it different, you
know, have you ever seen?
Um, it's your son's name isBrendan Brendan.
Brendan, yeah, brendan.
Uh, have you ever seen himcrash on a bike when he was a
little kid?
Absolutely Right, you're like,oh man, it's hard to see, right,
(33:48):
but you can't unsee that, right, and that's just, that's a bike
crash by your kid.
Right, there are things thatveterans see better and see that
you can't unsee.
And you know, even when youclose your eyes, the images
don't go away.
And that's trauma for everybody.
And I think you hit it on keyis it's so important?
You know, sometimes we look atthese counselors or
(34:11):
psychologists, psychiatrists orthese therapists and we prejudge
them to say how are you goingto fix me?
That is, I think, everyone inmost people.
They walk into a situation andsay how are you going to fix me?
They're not.
They're going to help youprocess so you can fix yourself.
Brett (34:33):
Give you some tools to help you fix yourself.
Jay (34:36):
Some of the exercises I'm not going to lie to you are,
like, what you want me to do?
What?
Like you know, there's a Idon't know what the name of the
therapy is, but it's a vibratingdisc in two hands, and what
happens is it alternates.
And I said to myself what isthis?
You know, it would vibrate.
(34:57):
Close your eyes, it wouldvibrate here, it would vibrate
here, and it's a pattern.
Apparently, it works on thehemispheres of the brain and
stimulates some sort of feelingthat takes anxiety away, you
know, or trauma away.
And I'm not going to lie to you, it works.
(35:17):
You know what I mean, but youhave to believe it works too.
So so there's people out thereright now that what's the first
step?
I don't even know what to do,brett, like, what should I do?
What do?
Brett (35:28):
you say the first step is just, uh, make a call to get
help and that, and once you getin there they will help lead you
yeah you don't have to.
Okay, I'm going and this isgoing to be what I'm going to do
.
They will lead you to kind ofwhere you need to go.
Yeah, and by whatever yourstory is, give you the tools to
(35:49):
help address that story.
Jay (35:50):
Did you ever feel like you didn't have time in the
beginning.
Oh man, I ain't got time forthis, absolutely, I still don't
have time.
Brett (35:56):
I mean you have to make.
You have to make time for it.
Yeah, um.
No, I mean and in my situation,you know, you know now a single
father raising a kid, you know,taking care of a house, going
to work, um, to try to sneakthat in, and then when you're my
your kids around, you want tobe present for them, so you
don't want to be going off doingsomething else.
Intro Voice (36:16):
I mean it's hard.
Brett (36:17):
I mean to find time for yourself, but I mean you need to
do it.
Jay (36:26):
I want to highlight this because you're not sharing
custody with anybody anymore perse.
You're not co-parenting withanybody right now.
It's just you.
You know and we were talkingabout this earlier Single dad.
I don't hear too many people gohey, you know, I'm a single dad
, right?
Do you look at yourself as asingle dad, like?
Or do you when?
(36:47):
When you say, oh, you're asingle dad, what does that I
think I'm just, I'm the parent.
Brett (36:52):
I mean I'm the parent Probably doesn't get the best of
both worlds like he had.
I mean, that's fair, I canhandle the sports and stuff, but
all the school and theacademics and what class you're
supposed to sign up and doctor'sappointments that was not my
wheelhouse.
Yeah, yeah, think about that.
You know, we, we take a lot ofthings for advantage.
Jay (37:13):
Yeah, no, I, I get that man , I just, I don't know what I
would do.
You know whether it's one child, four children or what have you
?
Um, has, has, what is?
Uh, it's Brandon Brandon.
What is Brandon's sentiment nowto you Like?
Has he said anything to youlately that just you're like, oh
(37:36):
man, that's so good.
Um, he's pretty quiet, he'spretty quiet.
He's getting to be a man.
Brett (37:42):
And he's bigger than me.
Jay (37:45):
I did see that brother.
Brett (37:45):
There or not.
So he is the most chilled laidback guy.
I mean, that's a young man thatI could hope for and if he was
probably any other child, Idon't know if I would have been
able to handle this.
Yeah, yeah, I think he worriesabout me, that's fair, and I
(38:09):
worry about I mean, we're shortstory, we're so, we're at the
trial and we both had a, we bothhad to testify at the trial,
and I went, I went before him,had to testify at the trial, um,
and I went, I went before him,um, and I guess when I was at
the truck, the trial um, he waswith the victim's advocate out
in the room and the guy's likeyou know, how are you doing?
Jay (38:28):
because he was gonna go right after me and he's like I'm
fine oh, while you weretestifying, so he didn't see
most of it, or any did he see.
Did he see any of it?
So he was worried for you.
Brett (38:40):
He was worried for me, which is like, which is crazy?
Kids aren't supposed to worryabout their parents.
Jay (38:43):
No, and parents weren't supposed to worry about the kids
.
He was 16.
16 at that time Think aboutthat for a second.
That's crazy.
Most 16 year olds don't evenknow what they're going to wear
for school today.
And he said at the time I'mworried about my dad.
See, that's when you know youguys did a good job.
He is, he is amazing.
(39:04):
Yeah, man, you know, I, I justI don't, I haven't thought about
all the dimensions of thisconversation.
You know, again, just I don'tprejudge myge, my guests,
because I want the connection tobe pure, you know, and I want
it to be true.
I want to share your story soother people don't have to
(39:28):
suffer.
And this is such a greatexample, though, of how the
human spirit, you know, growseven in adversity, right, of how
the human spirit grows even inadversity, right, it's dumb
sometimes, or is it dumb whenpeople say, hey, are you ever
going to get over it?
You don't get over it, youdon't get over it.
That's what I'm saying and Iwant to make sure, educationally
(39:50):
, that people listen to that.
Hey, man, are?
you getting over it Like no, youget through it, but you never
get over it.
Right, a hundred percent.
Yeah, man, since I've known youagain, I don't know you outside
of our conversations and I'msure we've never hung out but,
man, the inspiration that youhave set, I want you to know.
(40:13):
There are whispers in thegalley, right where people are,
man, that guy is that's a gooddude, you know they're
whispering.
That's a good you know.
You hear all the whispers andI'm sure you hear it, I'm sure
you feel it right.
But it's all been positive, man, it's all been positive here.
We are less than a few daysaway, bro, I know, dude are less
(40:43):
than a few days away, bro, Iknow, dude, yeah, this it's good
.
But, um, what do you hope to?
What do you hope to accomplishafter this, just when you get to
the end after all this?
First of all, you've gothundreds of miles in.
You know you can do this.
You look fit.
Anyway, your feet are all rightright now, right now, right now
, uh, you're busy, dad.
You spent probably a good two,three, four hundred bucks on
(41:05):
gear, I'm sure by now.
Right, what do you hope, um, toto see at the end of this for
yourself?
I want you to be selfish at theend of this for yourself.
I want you to be selfish for myfor yourself.
Brett (41:18):
A to accomplish it, okay, um, uh.
And B.
I kind of want to show my sonthat we can.
We can, we can do hard thingsif we put our mind to it.
Um, and we want to help otherpeople, Um, and so I want him to
see what I'm doing as a verypositive thing.
(41:40):
Yeah, um.
Before I even signed up forthis, I asked him if he was okay
with it.
Oh, yeah.
I mean cause I.
I mean I don't you know causeyou don't know how he felt.
Yeah, I don't know.
I want him to understand thereason why I did this, yeah, um,
and to see how hard it is andthat I'm willing to do this and
put my body through it, um, andget the story out there to help
other people.
So I, I kind of I want him tobe able to see that in me, um,
(42:04):
what I'm doing, um, and thenthat everyone else sees that I
mean, we talk about you know,you know, you know Carrie was
killed and all this.
But it's not just that, it'snot just the veteran that is
suffering, um, and whetherveteran takes his own life,
there's other people around thatare going to suffer, yeah,
whether they have kids, they,they have a spouse, siblings,
(42:24):
mom, dad, they're, they're allgoing to be hurt if that, yeah,
um.
So I think I mean really just,you know getting this story out
there.
You know modeling behaviors.
Jay (42:34):
I want my son yes, if the, if nothing else, right.
He's going to say my dad didthis selflessly to show me how
to be a better man.
That's pretty cool, bro, See,and you were at the mission
briefing weren't you.
Where I said stop telling yourkids what to do Right.
(42:56):
Show them what to do.
Did you hear that loud andclear?
Absolutely, brother.
Stop telling your kids to be astar athlete.
Stop telling your kids to youknow, aspire to be something
that you weren't.
Show them who you are and you'donly be so lucky that they
model your behavior.
You know everyone's kids aredifferent and what I hope most
(43:22):
for my kids is that they canthink on their own, that they
share a little bit more if theyhave a little more right.
Share a little more of what youhave extra and just don't worry
about too much, because thatwill paralyze you, man, that
(43:42):
will paralyze you.
So that's the other part.
When you were thinking ofsigning up on this, I'm sure
some people family friends werelike whoa man, what are you
doing again?
I was one of them, right?
Brett (43:54):
I mean I, I was, you know , I was, I was kind of worried,
like I mean, I didn't know whattheir opinions were going to be
or, you know, if they were goingto truly understand the reason
why I was doing this.
Um, so far it's been, you know,very positive that you raised a
ton of money I, I, it wentpretty quick it went very quick.
Jay (44:13):
anybody we won't say the name, but anybody donate that.
You're like whoa, Like hey, Ididn't know that I didn't talk
to them.
Brett (44:23):
You know, when I was in college I used to coach high
school baseball out in Wyoming.
One of the guys I coacheddonated.
A guy I probably haven't talkedto in 25 years, 20 years.
That should tell you somethingas a coach brother that should
tell you something.
Jay (44:38):
Because a coach brother?
That should tell you something?
Because when you don't talk tosomebody for 25 years and they
recognize you for something youdo with resources or money from
their own pocket, you ain'ttalked in 25 years.
That's a great surprise.
Yeah, I was like that's supercool.
Brett (44:53):
I mean like I would never expect that, but very
appreciative.
That says something about you,man.
Jay (44:57):
I mean, like I would never expected that, but very
appreciative that's.
Uh, that says something aboutyou, man.
I hope so.
I mean, I'm sure you're notperfect, right I am.
Brett (45:04):
I am very far from perfect.
Jay (45:06):
I mean, we can call Brendan right now and he will tell you
all the way that I'm not perfect, hey, but but you know, while
all of us are not perfect, wecan do things with good people.
You know, and go through thisjourney of life.
You know, I want to share thiswith you and I really want you
(45:27):
to remember this.
I want this experience to staywith every end user, with every
I call them end users, rightWith every marcher, with every
volunteer, with everyone who'sinvolved.
End users right With everymarcher, with every volunteer,
with everyone who's involved.
But I do want to talk to thewalkers for a second, because in
22 hours of pain, you know, Idon't care how great of an
athlete you are, it's just atest.
(45:49):
So I tell people hey, somepeople live 70% of life.
They go to work, they pay bills, they go to sleep.
They go to work, they pay bills, they go to sleep.
That's 70% of life.
Nothing wrong with that, right?
Then you get 85% of life wherepeople are like you know what?
I'm going to work out a littlebit, I'm going to make an impact
here, I'm going to take care ofmyself and I'm going to do some
(46:13):
good things.
That's good.
Then there's the 95 percenters.
Here's what I talk about.
The 95 percenters will find thebest of themselves when they
put themselves through gruelingpain.
I'm never going to say what weare is Ironman triathlete.
I'm never going to say thatwe're Olympians, because we're
not, but we are willing to putour bodies through 120,000 steps
(46:35):
, 50 miles, 22 to 23 hours,sleep deprivation, food
deprivation.
You know, I mean just just thestruggle.
And I promise you, on thisjourney of 50 miles, you'll find
95% of yourself, brother.
You'll find pain that you neverknew.
(46:57):
You know 100% is when you die.
Like evil can evil, he's living100% of life.
When you do crazy stuff and youdie, that's 100%.
95% is just enough to scare you.
Yeah, just get to the edge,that's it, brother.
Get right to the edge and youlook at yourself and you say are
these blisters going to stop me?
(47:17):
You and you look at yourselfand you say are these blisters
going to stop me?
You know, that's the otherthing, right?
What's going to stop you?
Let me ask you that what'sgoing to stop you?
Like, what kind of injury wouldstop you?
I mean, right, you don't know.
Brett (47:28):
Yeah, I can't Walking.
I don't know if there could bean injury that would stop you.
Jay (47:33):
I mean snapping Achilles you, I mean snapping achilles.
That would be bad, right, thatwould be very bad.
Brett (47:41):
But you've been practicing so your achilles
should be, it should be good.
Yeah, I don't know, I don't.
I mean I.
I, you know, expect theblisters and the sore feet and
the aching back and, um, justbeing completely tired.
So, yeah, I mean it, it's gonnasuck it, it is Should be a hard
thing, yeah, and that's just it.
Jay (48:00):
So, wrapping this up, I want to ask you if there's
someone out there right nowthey're thinking of getting
involved next year, or they'rethinking of getting involved
just to ruck to do this man, todo this man.
You heard it right?
Oh, I'd like to do that.
You're like oh, would you, whatwould you?
Brett (48:20):
say to them brother, I do it, um, challenge yourself,
yeah, um, I mean at least I meango out there and see, see if
you can do it, see if it'ssomething you like, um, uh, and
maybe, if you're not gettinginvolved with rucking and
walking, you know there's otherways to get involved.
I mean, be a volunteer.
Yeah, there's nothing sayingyou can't raise funds by not
(48:44):
walking.
You can still.
But I mean, challenge yourself,do crazy things, yeah, and see
where it takes you.
Jay (48:59):
Let's see where it takes you.
Of all the veteranorganizations that you've known,
you know um.
Brett (49:01):
You looked at ours and what caught your eye about us
and yet, because I think it wasjust, it was so many different
areas.
Um, the community hope, yes,and again, having people
involved and they had greatexperiences with it.
Um, word of mouth, yeah, uh.
So I mean, I think it's kind ofreally stuck out.
It's local, yeah, it's not forsure national thing, it's very
(49:24):
local.
It's all coming here, brother,um so like, keep it in, keep it
in the community here, yeah soyou know, this is, this is
something that you become partof and it becomes part of you.
Jay (49:35):
You never leave this.
You know that, right, I becomevery, very well aware of that.
Yeah, I'm sure you met goodfriends along the way.
Brett (49:42):
Yeah, it's been great.
I've gone on some weekend ruckswith my team and had great
conversations.
Jay (49:49):
Isn't that funny to say.
My team, my team Team, right,right for team.
Brett (49:53):
Rumor is we're the best platoon.
Jay (49:54):
Oh, that's a rumor, though that's a rumor, Ugly rumor right
there, bro, Because it's allabout the white platoon.
Well, listen, I appreciate youhonoring or sharing your story.
I honor the life of yourex-wife.
(50:15):
Sharing your son's story withus.
Being vulnerable takes a lot ofguts you know, Takes a lot of
strength to be able to talkabout this stuff, and someone's
going to listen today andthey're going to figure out what
their connection is.
Thanks for being on, brother.
Appreciate it, appreciate you,brother.
Brett (50:35):
Good yes.
Intro Voice (50:42):
That was so good, man.
Thanks for tuning in to theConnection.
It's been a fantastic journey,exploring stories, insights and
inspirations that bridge ourlives.
Remember every connection hasthe power to transform.
Please subscribe, rate andreview.
Your feedback keeps us going Inthis connected world.
Let's make meaningfulconnections that enrich lives.
(51:05):
Now signing off until next time, the Connection, keep
connecting and let's go.
Connecting the dots , connecting his guests to the
world, creating more connections.
Welcome to the Connection.
Meet your host.
Author, coach, air Forceveteran Jay Morales.
Jay (00:30):
Thanks for joining us again here on the Connection.
I'm very grateful to have BrettAllen with us today and, brett,
crazy, you shared your story.
We've heard of it, but beforewe get to all that, let's talk
about the first time you heardabout the 50 Mile March.
Brett (00:45):
It was last year A couple of participants that I knew.
Dave Swearingen, who's myplatoon leader this year, was
doing it, so I kind of followedhim along.
And then one of my good friends, Kimberly Garber, did it last
year.
She came from Kansas.
Oh yeah, I followed both ofthem.
Jay (01:01):
She came all the way up.
Yep, I do remember that she hadthe cool American flag shoes on
the brookies.
Yeah, I wanted one of those sobad.
So now we figured out yourconnection to the 50 Mile March,
let's talk about you as aperson and then we'll go on to
other subjects.
Brett, what occupies your time?
What do you do during the day?
Brett (01:23):
During the day, I work for the law firm that has the
contract to run the childsupport services for Douglas
County.
How long have you been doingthat?
I've been there for 24 years.
You've seen a lot.
I've seen a lot of things.
I've done a lot there.
Jay (01:37):
Yeah, are you from Omaha originally.
Brett (01:40):
Not originally.
Originally I'm from the otherend of the state, from Gearing
Ge.
Jay (01:43):
Not originally, originally, I'm from the other end of the
state, from Gearing, gearing,okay, yeah, well, heck, I drove
through Gearing one time byaccident and I'm going to tell
you this they had a lot ofabove-ground swimming pools in
the front yard, brother, yeah,well, in the front.
Yeah, put it where you can putit.
Yes, good old Gearing, a friendof Michelle is from Gearing.
You probably know her and I'llconnect you guys, hessler.
Brett (02:07):
Yeah.
Jay (02:07):
Yeah, did you know her too?
I know Hessler Get out, I'm notsure which of the family tree,
but here's the connection.
Brett (02:15):
Yeah, I graduated with Michelle Hessler, Mikey Hessler.
Jay (02:20):
That's Mikey.
Brett (02:21):
Yeah, that's her.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
We just saw her a few weeks ago.
We're back for a class reunion.
Get out of here.
Jay (02:29):
See, this is what I talk about on the Connection.
So our podcast, right, it's allabout connection, our life is
all about connection and youjust never know.
But people never listen enough.
Listen enough.
(02:50):
I could have just said, oh,gearing, I could have just went
on with the joke, but it hit methe name and when you said,
mikey, there's a connectionthere, you can't mistake her for
anybody, you cannot.
That's awesome, brother.
Wow, I'm wild right now on mypodcast.
So, brett Gearing, what madeyou move from there?
When did you move?
Brett (03:01):
from there, from there, when did you move from there?
So I did my undergrad down inKansas City and after I
graduated there in 99, I had abuddy that was that I knew that
was moving to Omaha for ateaching job.
And he's like hey, you want tomove to Omaha?
Sure, why not?
Big town, Kansas City was nice.
I think it's a better place tovisit than live for me, I agree,
(03:21):
and so you know.
Coming back to Nebraska, thatwas the other end of the state.
So I've been here.
What 25 years.
Jay (03:30):
You know, time flies, right , you think about it.
Somebody watching right now.
They're saying Nebraska, omaha,they think of cornfields and
they think of all the otherthings.
But you know what would youtell somebody?
To say, hey, here's what wehave.
That's really cool.
What do you love about Omaha orNebraska?
Brett (03:50):
It's a little big city, I mean there's a little bit to do
everywhere, whether it's artsor sporting events.
We have so many restaurants.
It's ridiculous.
It's the food capital secondfood capital of the world, and
they're always busy, which Idon't understand, but yeah, so
there's a lot to do and, unlikea lot of big cities like Denver
(04:11):
and stuff, you can get around inOmaha pretty quickly.
It's true, it's a 22 minutetown.
Jay (04:15):
Yeah, I'm mad about 22 minutes of traffic or 23 minutes
of traffic.
Let's be honest, yeah.
Brett (04:20):
So you can go from one end to the other end and you
don't have to.
You know worry about, you knowhow necessarily, how long it's
going to take, and that's true.
Jay (04:28):
Except when I drive to Bellevue.
I don't know what it is,brother.
That's a whole different.
That's a whole different.
I swear to you, I don't knowany shortcut to Bellevue, and it
seems like every place I wantto go to Bellevue is 37 minutes
away.
Brett (04:42):
I don't know why.
I think you went like going toa sporting event.
You think it's in Bellevue andit's like it's a road trip.
Jay (04:46):
Oh, you got to pack a lunch .
Hey, Bellevue, we love you, butno love lost there, All right.
So what do you do outside ofwork?
What do you?
How are you connected in thecommunity or what occupies?
Brett (04:57):
your time.
My son usually occupies my time.
Tell me about your son.
He's a senior at Miller North.
He's just doing wrestling now,Once he heals up.
He just had surgery, yeah, butother than that it's me and him
we are pretty much connectedgoing everywhere together.
Jay (05:15):
That's awesome, Father son huh Very, very close.
Yeah, I saw, I think on yourtimeline first day of school you
were lucky to get a wince likea nice little photo.
Brett (05:25):
He was on crutches.
He's on crutches, but he's aboy, he's 18 and he didn't
really want to smile.
Jay (05:32):
No, I get it.
I get it.
He's like Dad.
You know, if we can go back tothe ages, when they were four, I
was looking at my son, so he's16 now.
You can't believe that theywere that little.
No, no, we tell people all thetime oh, we're so busy.
Our kids grew up so fast.
It's true, life does go very,very fast.
And now I want to reconnect tothe march.
Oh, before your why, you know,you told me how you heard about
(05:57):
it.
Two great people you know whenyou heard about it.
Take us back to the moment thatyou remember hearing about it.
What?
Because everyone interprets itdifferent.
What?
What did you think it was?
Or what did you I?
Brett (06:10):
I really didn't know a whole lot about.
You know why.
I mean what you guys are doingand what the mission was.
Yeah, that's all.
Yes, people marching 50 milesand I'm like, well, there's a
group of crazy people which iswhich is kind of fun and
exciting because I like crazypeople.
I love crazy people.
That's why, that's why you'rehere, right.
But then you know, I startedgetting talked to them and
(06:30):
everybody has their differentreasons why they do it.
You know the mission you guysdo and just helping people
veterans so I really, you know,started researching a little bit
and you, how, how could thatrelate to me in my life?
And yeah, just kind of like,you know what I, I see, I see
what they're doing.
I I was kind of jealouswatching the march last year
(06:51):
sure you're like what am I?
yeah well, these guys are doingsomething, I'm not doing
anything.
Um, and then the actual knowinghow hard it's going to be, kind
of kind of exciting in a weirdway.
Jay (07:01):
Yeah, it is it is it, we're gluttons.
You got to be a glutton forpain, it's true, and you know
everyone has a connection and areason why.
So I do want to talk about yourreason why.
Now you know, and I know in allrespect.
I want to respect the story.
So your ex-wife, carrie, tellme about you know what happened
(07:23):
there of ofed her throughout thenight, um eventually got into
(07:48):
her house and waited for her toget home.
Brett (07:52):
Still why she's in the house?
She didn't know he was thereand he's messing her like she's
downstairs and to Topeka, wherehe was from, buried it and then
(08:16):
decided to skip the country andgo to Belize.
Jay (08:21):
Was he extradited later back?
Brett (08:23):
He was.
They got him, so that allhappened.
November 20th was when she waskilled.
Was he extradited later?
Back, I mean from the Sheriff'sDepartment to the US Marshals,
to Omaha Police Department, toTopeka Police Department,
(08:45):
shawnee County, I mean DouglasCounty Attorney's Office, I mean
everyone was absolutelyphenomenal.
Jay (08:51):
No, I can appreciate that.
I want to stay here for asecond with you.
Know, it's a veteran, right?
Just a natural reaction.
And you've got the reactionslike, man, that's a veteran who
(09:11):
did that, you know.
And you're not a veteran.
No, no, you didn't serve, right.
But here's the part wherepeople have asked you and in my
mind, the first thing I heard inmy head say, well, isn't he
angry?
Right?
That's just my gut reaction,like I'll just tell you.
I'm going to speak this outloud because I want to
(09:32):
articulate what I'm, what I felt.
This guy, his ex-wife, waskilled, you know, by a veteran.
And why isn't he angry atveterans?
Right?
That was just a gut, no.
But then I thought about it alittle bit.
I'm like this must be a goodguy, I've got to meet him.
So, brett, tell us your processof thinking.
And you know, right when youfound out he was a vet.
(09:54):
So you've, oh well, you alreadyknew.
Brett (09:56):
Yeah, you're right, we've done things together.
Jay (10:00):
Okay, so you guys got along .
Brett (10:03):
We got kids and all that stuff Okay.
Yeah, I guess I mean, trust me,there is anger in here, but
towards him, the act that he did, yes, but just the pain that
came of it because of this actand, like I said, the
(10:25):
conversations I've had to havewith my son, I wish upon no one,
but I know people have to havethem.
I mean, I'm not unique in thatsituation.
So I really thought, you know,is there something that I can do
to maybe help prevent this fromhappening to someone else?
Because it is absolutely.
I mean, I can replay so manyconversations that I mean I just
(10:50):
it's cringeworthy and youshouldn't have to have and no
kid should have to hear.
Jay (10:53):
I can't imagine you here, even sitting in front of me,
saying is there something I cando about this?
Brett (11:03):
I mean right yeah well, I mean you can either sit at home
and do nothing and hope theworld changes, or you can take
an active role in trying to helpfacilitate change.
Jay (11:14):
But this happened to your son's mother, right?
This happened to you as afamily at some and, yes, she was
your ex-wife.
But the conversations you knowto your son and all respect for
your son and your family too Ididn't think about it even
before this interview.
I hate telling my kids any badnews about anybody.
(11:38):
You know what I mean.
Oh, mom got hurt or mom hadcancer or mom this, but would
you care to share anything?
Yeah?
If you don't, it's okay.
Brett (11:50):
As parents, the worst thing to do is know your child
is hurting and there's nothingyou can do about that.
I mean there's no salve you canput on it.
You can't take them to thedoctor, bandage it up.
I mean, there's nothing you cando.
Jay (12:09):
It's true, and I think people need to realize that,
that it no matter what you do,no matter how great of a dad you
are your, your kid, has togrieve right, or the people who
love that person have to grieveright, and and you can't bring,
you know, a person back.
Brett (12:19):
you can't bring, you know , in this case, I can't bring
carrie back and I can't replaceCarrie.
I mean, she was a phenomenal,phenomenal mother and there's no
replacing that in any way,shape or form.
So yeah, I just kind of I gotto.
You know, I needed to dosomething and this, you know,
(12:39):
sounds like a good opportunityto get involved and do something
and hopefully make a change forsomeone else out there.
Jay (12:43):
like a good opportunity to get involved and do something
and hopefully make a change forsomeone else out there.
It's been, it's pretty if youtalk to me, and in time wise
it's, it's still fresh, it'svery fresh.
I mean, it's not even a yearyet, but it was in 2022, 2022.
Okay, well, still a little alittle less than three years,
but you know you go through Alittle less than three years.
Brett (13:02):
But you go through, you know finding them, and then you
go through, you know everything,through the core and the
sentencing, and so it's like youthink you've got a relief, and
then something else happens.
Something else happens afterthat, so you're continually
reminded of, you know whatpeople went through, so it's
still very, very fresh.
Jay (13:22):
You know, when you go through something tragic, you
always hear about the aftermathleft behind and you know you
could be sour and, like you said, there's anger, rightfully so,
rightfully so.
But again, you know we don't,we can't correlate to one thing.
But you know this is where youare stepping out and saying hey,
(13:44):
I think I heard it on yourinterview.
You said what if we couldprevent something like this from
happening again?
Think about it.
And I think people who are andthis is no justification but
people who are in distress andhave nowhere to go, do some
(14:06):
harmful things either tothemselves or other people.
Right, and before this incident, had you thought about mental
health or anything like thatbefore?
Or you know, just thewell-being of humans, or has
this really just elevated it tothe top?
Brett (14:23):
I thought about it a little bit, but nothing,
definitely not the level that Ithink about it now.
Jay (14:28):
Right, right, I mean, we're men, we're about the same age,
I think.
I think I'm older than you, butmy point is this we didn't grow
up.
Hey, how's your mental health?
No, not at all.
Matter of fact, we don't talkabout those things.
You hush, you'll be fine.
You're depressed?
No, you're just tired.
Right, Right, I mean, talkabout it now.
(14:51):
Like how crucial do you thinkit is to have the conversation
or engage with those who wethink need help.
Brett (14:59):
It's incredibly important and I think, as you said it, we
hold in a lot of stuff and Ithink, as you said, we hold in a
lot of stuff and I think still,we hold in a lot of stuff.
Yes, and when you do that,eventually there's going to be a
trigger, something thatexplodes, and whether it could
be hurting yourself, hurtingsomeone else, we have to get to
a point where we're not allowingthat to happen and to see the
(15:22):
little things that we know needto get addressed.
I'm still letting it fester.
Jay (15:28):
That's the word fester.
We do.
You know how much stuff thathold on from last week, dumb
stuff, you know.
And here we are, the week ofthe March.
I promise you I've got stressunderlying here.
I've got frustration, I havepassion.
I have.
I'm tired too, too.
Let me look at the eyes, bro.
I gotta make some sleep.
(15:50):
But?
But in society we're taught tobrush it off.
Yeah, it'll be fine.
Um, it'll be fine, as probablythe biggest statement to tell
ourselves it'll be fine, itreally will it.
Brett (16:03):
There's nothing.
Let me go outside cool down fora minute and it'll be fine.
It really will, it is.
Let me go outside, cool downfor a minute and it'll be fine,
it's gone.
Then you know, once you you'vedealt with that way, it's gone.
Obviously it's not stone.
Jay (16:11):
So do you engage now with people who, who you think you
know, veteran or not?
Just it makes some peopleuncomfortable, brett, for when
you see someone crying for helpright, and sometimes they're not
crying for help the signsaren't so obvious.
But I'll tell you I'll engagenow.
And if I suspect you know,there's just some kind of crisis
(16:32):
or hurting inside, I'm not somekind of empath junkie where I
want to take over their problems, but I do want to confront them
in a respectful way and say,hey, I'm here to engage and get
you to the next step.
The last thing I want to do,brother, is save anybody.
That's not my job.
My job is to get you to thenext step.
Brett (16:54):
And unless someone wants to be saved, you can't save them
.
I mean, they have to want to besaved.
Yeah, it's true.
But your point, yeah, I mean Ithink when I see someone and
there's probably more peoplethat I know that they're
struggling with something, Ithink I'm a pretty good person
that they can come to and talkto, and obviously I've had some
experience with that dealingwith things.
(17:17):
Yeah, so I think a lot ofpeople do you know, kind of
reach out to me a little bitday-to-day life, whether it's at
work or outside work.
Jay (17:27):
Yeah, you know what, I just never really thought about it,
even before this conversation.
You know, I never, really never, took your son into account.
Right On the surface, I saw you, I didn't see, but you know and
I think that's that's thehardest part.
Brett (17:46):
I mean us as adults.
I think we, we can, like youknow we, we can deal with it.
But when you think about whatyour, your kids are going
through, I mean you, you can'tand you can't deal with that
because you can't fix that.
And we always want to be fixers.
True, true, we've seen better.
(18:11):
Right, we hit rock bottom a fewtimes to get to where we're at.
Most kids have a traumaticevent, maybe here or there,
maybe an life, but like all, the, all of his milestones that she
misses Um, and I think thoseare the things that um kind of
hurt the most.
It's like I mean, he's going tobe graduating this year, senior
right, you know parents nightyou know stuff like that, yeah,
yeah.
(18:31):
Uh, so I think those are themoments that still really get me
get me the most.
Jay (18:43):
I I I could feel your energy right now like, uh, and
it's okay, you don't have tohold any emotion back here.
Man, do you get to talk aboutthis like this right now?
We're talking in front of a lotof people.
That's going to be a largeaudience, right?
I mean, I know you probably dotalk to people, but have you
been this open?
I saw, saw the news.
It was a quick three, fourminutes.
Brett (19:00):
For groups of people, not really.
I've had some privateconversations with people, but
no, not a lot.
Yeah, I think you know peoplestill to this day is like how
are you doing?
I'm fine.
Jay (19:14):
Yeah, that's okay.
I do want to talk about this,right?
No-transcript.
(20:03):
He's your, he's a guy.
Right, he's a dude.
He's a man.
Engage and be friendly and ifhe wants to share the story with
you, good for you guys.
Brett (20:11):
But I guess I'm not fragile, I'm not going to break.
Jay (20:15):
Yeah, I mean, it's crazy, though, you know, just as we
were getting ready for this.
Hey, is there anything you wantme to stay away from?
I just want to be respectful,but really I just want to talk
about everything that surroundsit.
You know what I mean For mentalhealth, for for the people
affected, for the people who maybe affected.
I just we talk about being, ohokay, we'll get some help, we
(20:40):
got some counseling, we're good.
It goes beyond that.
It goes to accountability,finding a tribe.
What have you noticed, probablylately, about your healing
journey?
What have you noticed?
I'm not asking you has itgotten better, Because that's
not a question I'm asking.
I'm asking you heal right.
(21:01):
Sometimes there's a big oldscar.
Brett (21:03):
Yeah, but I think everything I think comes in
waves.
Yeah, I think we have I have agood set of I mean.
I'll have weeks and weeks whereI'm pretty good, pretty good,
but then something I mean and itcould be nothing, it could be
you're driving in your car andyou see something, a place you
(21:27):
drive by, a place that you haddone something with, or you hear
a song that you know, the wordskind of resonate with you and
it's that those, those momentsare, when it's quiet, that you
kind of get kicked in the gut alittle bit.
Yeah, when it's quiet, um, thatyou kind of get kicked in the
gut a little bit.
Yeah, um, so it's, I don't know, I'm, I'm, I'm still trying to
figure out this journey a littlebit.
(21:47):
But yeah, I think getting outthere and talking about a little
bit more which I I have done,um, it helps and I think it
helps people being around me.
Yeah, I'm okay talking about it.
Yeah, I, actually I can talkabout it pretty good, except for
when I start talking about myson and the effects it has on my
son.
Jay (22:03):
That's I can see that.
That's why I started up alittle bit.
Yeah, I saw that you got glossy.
Yeah for sure that's when yourenergy changed.
Yeah, I mean senior year.
You know this is.
This is his year to graduate,to become a man and go out to
the world.
You've got to enjoy this year,though you have to enjoy this
(22:27):
year right of spending the time.
There's a parent out there,probably in some similar
situation.
They're single parenting rightnow.
What's your advice to them tokeep it together?
Brett (22:38):
To keep it together.
I think, just be there as muchas you can for your kids,
because you're hurting and youhave to be okay with yourself if
you're going to be able to bethere and strong with your kids.
So you know, if you need totalk with someone, talk with
them.
It's okay to have your kids seethat you're hurting.
I think that shows them thatyou know.
(22:59):
Talk with them.
Um, it's okay to let you haveyour kids see that you're
hurting.
Yeah, I think that shows themthat you know you care too.
It's just not them in the fight.
Um, my son has seen me, youknow, break down many times,
yeah.
Jay (23:09):
Um, does that happen out of nowhere?
Brett (23:12):
Um, sometimes I mean, yeah, uh, well, we'll be doing
something and you'll think of,like man, she would really like
to been here, yeah.
Jay (23:21):
Yeah, and you know she would have.
Brett (23:24):
Okay, yeah, that that just doesn't go away.
No, it doesn't go away.
But I think you know it's okayto show your kids that you're
missing them too, and I think Ithink that helps them to talk
about it and see that they'renot alone, like they aren't the
only one that's hurting here,and it's a journey together.
We just try and figure it outat the same time.
Jay (23:46):
That's important.
I think there are people inthis situation where they're
listening right now and they'rewatching the podcast and they're
saying, man, I haven't talkedabout mom or dad who passed, or
they just don't see anymore.
Parents don't talk about it.
Sometimes the grandparentsdon't talk about it.
(24:06):
Sometimes people get sour andpeople get you know weird about
the relationship of not talkinganymore.
Is that a big fat waste of time?
I mean in the scheme of it since2022, all the things that, and
we don't need to go down a list,but were there times where
(24:29):
maybe a feud, or conversationsor anger, pain and hurt, you
know, in between people whocouldn't connect, hurt, you know
, and between people whocouldn't connect?
Isn't that just a big waste oftime?
Brett (24:41):
It is.
I mean, I can't even explainhow many times that something
has happened in the last threeyears.
I've heard something and not todismiss what people are going
through, but things that peoplelike concentrate on and think
that you know it was such a bigdeal or something I was like, in
the grand scheme of things,it's very small.
(25:02):
Yeah, I mean, let's take aninventory of what's really
important in our lives.
Jay (25:08):
Yes, brother, we talk about the things that are in our way,
our obstacles and goals and,like you said, not to minimize
anything, but but you know, inmy mind I'm like do you, do you
even know what he's been through, or do you know what people
like you go through?
And then we talk about there'sa line at the grocery store
(25:30):
there's 37 minutes to Bellevue,right, like, like what are?
Brett (25:35):
what are we really mad at ?
I mean, that's true.
And all those things they'llpass.
I mean you'll eventually get toBellevue.
I mean hopefully you pack thelunch, but I mean you'll
eventually get there and thosethings will pass, and what's
crazy is some things won't right.
Jay (25:51):
Some things will never be again.
Brett (25:52):
It's just like the march it's going to hurt and it's
going to be painful and we'revery tired.
Jay (25:59):
But eventually it will pass after 22 hours and 15 minutes.
So, yes, I want to talk aboutthe pain of the march.
22 hours, right, we're talkingabout things that will pass,
things that will subside.
Brother, this is 120,000 steps,22 hours, minimal stops.
We're talking gravel rock,whatever they call it.
(26:20):
Crush a limestone, I call itdirt.
I call it dirt.
I call it a little trail, alittle alleyway, yes, and while
it might be 81 to 86 degrees,whatever backpack on your back,
I mean, first of all, you knowyou're not showering for 24
hours, bro.
I mean you get friendly realquick, please, when you watch
(26:42):
this and you're a marcher, youbetter wear deodorant.
Yeah, pack it.
So what's one thing that you'regoing to pack that maybe nobody
thinks about?
What's one thing you felt likemaybe I should do this.
I know, putting you on the spot, I don't know.
Brett (26:54):
I mean besides the deodorant.
I mean I don't know I'm tryingto pack with me very minimal.
Jay (27:00):
All right, I'm going to tell you this.
Pack a toothbrush, brother.
Okay, you probably didn't thinkabout it, you probably did, but
I'm going to tell you right nownew breath, new life.
Swear to you, brother.
Pack a toothbrush, 20 hours ina little rinse.
Well, you feel like a newperson.
That Little little little rants.
Well, you feel like a newperson.
That's good stuff, oh, trust me.
(27:20):
So let's talk about the symbolicpain of life, because this is
22 hours and it symbolizes, youknow, 22 lives lost.
You know a day, you know, withveterans.
Isn't that crazy, you know, Iknow the statistic might be
17-ish now, or what have you.
It's just been talked about 22,one life too many, right, just
(27:42):
one a day, even.
But we're also talking aboutthose who are alive, still
battling without shelter overthere, and homelessness, right,
homelessness doesn't mean you'rea hobo in the street, extreme,
where you have nothing andyou're sleeping there for 122
days straight.
It means that you don't have anaddress to call your own and
(28:06):
you've got a couch.
Surf, sleep in cars, havetemporary roommates, crash with
buddies, sleep at your aunt'shouse, sleep at your
grandparents.
That's part of homelessness andI remember the shame through
that, but the pain that ourveterans feel this is where
we're going to find the best ofus.
Bro, this is a what.
(28:27):
What part do you think you're?
This is your first year.
What part are you most worriedabout?
Like, there's gotta besomething most worried.
Brett (28:35):
I mean, if you ask my friends, it would be.
When I get tired I get reallycranky, oh good, so just beware
Red Latune.
Yes, I'm glad you're not inmine.
I think it's probably just theweight on my back.
I mean, I have a bad back.
Jay (28:51):
Okay, well, how much weight are you carrying?
Brett (28:52):
Not very much, but it doesn't matter.
Jay (28:54):
I know, but you don't have to.
Brett (28:55):
You know that right, yeah , oh no, I'm going minimal in my
bag.
Okay, good, I'm going asminimal as possible.
Jay (29:01):
Yes, trust me, even that bag full of two liter water and
a few other trinkets in therewill weigh a hundred pounds by
the time you're done.
No, I know the chafing alone.
Brother, how much have youtrained?
Brett (29:12):
I go out three to four times doing five five-ish miles.
Okay, good, A couple of longerones.
Jay (29:19):
Yeah, so you feel pretty.
How about the feet, brother?
That's what's going to play apart, my feet so far are pretty
good.
Brett (29:24):
Okay, wear some wood here .
Yeah, there it is, becausethat's going to change Saturday
and Sunday.
Jay (29:28):
That's so funny because I'm going to play this clip back
over and over again.
My feet are good.
Brett (29:32):
I said that's going to change.
Jay (29:36):
I'm telling you right now protect those feet, man, you got
to.
Everyone is different.
I wear toe socks and anotherlike a merino wool sock to keep
the moisture off of it, and it'sa whole routine.
Here's the other part.
I'm telling you change everystop, oh yeah, if you don't,
you'll regret it Again.
New clothes, new life that'show I feel.
(29:58):
It's like a reset, you know, butsymbolically, when we get down
into a spiral which I'm sureyou've been there, right you
disengage and you stop brushingyour teeth, you stop taking a
shower every day.
I'm not saying you, I'm tellingyou about me.
But, man, sometimes you justgot to brush your teeth, throw
(30:21):
on a new set of clothes, pickyour chin up and be accountable
to the people around you.
Right, because the 50-milemarch is not the 50-mile one-man
march, it's the 50-mile.
Let's get together with othercrazy people.
March, right.
And the part of that isaccountability.
Brett, you know, in yourhealing journey, who did you
lean on for accountability, ordid you lean on people to to
(30:44):
pull you out of the, pull youthrough?
Brett (30:48):
ah, I I'm probably really bad at laying on people um yeah
, see, there you go.
Jay (30:53):
Let's talk about if you're bad.
I want to know how bad likelet's.
Let's just be honest here.
Brett (30:59):
I mean, I definitely had some friends.
I confided in my folks a lot,Okay, yeah, so there are people
you lean on, there are somepeople.
And I went and I sought somehelp out you know a couple years
later Good professional help,good, good.
So I think people brought it tomy attention that I was not
being myself.
I mean I was short with thingsand just wasn't in the right
(31:20):
mindset and I didn't whether Isaw that myself or not.
Jay (31:28):
I mean I think I kind of felt it we're going to be fine,
right, and you're going to beokay, right, and you weren't
going to do anything bad.
But you know what you're doing,right.
You're placing yourself second.
Whenever you do that, wheneveryou say I'm going to be fine,
you're probably one of those DIYguys.
You can probably do a lot ofstuff.
Are you handy?
I'm a little handy, okay, see,that's another symptom.
I'm just, I'm generalizing here.
But anyone who is independent,handy, do-it-yourselfer
(32:00):
researcher, I can do it.
I don't need anyone's help.
I'll push the car up thedriveway myself.
Usually, when they get into abad situation, they try to do it
DIY too.
Brett (32:08):
And full disclosure.
I mean, I probably didn'tnecessarily seek out the help
for myself initially.
I wanted to repair thoserelationships that I think were
breaking because I wasn't myself, oh yeah.
And so you know it was kind oflike okay, I'm going to hurt
this relationship and thisrelationship if I don't fix me.
So that's kind of.
I mean, they, my friends,definitely pushed me in that
(32:30):
direction.
Jay (32:31):
But you were accountable at least to your friends Right To
say hey, I want to keep thisinto place again.
We're using other people,though.
Okay, okay, I'm going to dothis for them, but when do you
do it for you?
Did you do it for you, or whendid you start doing it for you?
Brett (32:47):
I, I think I I mean I did it for me too um, when I
realized that it was hurtingother aspects of my life yeah,
it was everything I think I hadbottled up was going out, yeah,
um, and I'd I mean not to gettoo, too deep, but other stuff
had.
I had been made aware of someother stuff that really hit home
(33:08):
, yeah, um, and that images youcan't get out of your, your mind
.
Yeah, and I think those werereally really bothering me, and
so I went out and and I soughtsome help and it was some of the
exercises they had me do wereamazing and very helpful.
Jay (33:26):
Trauma is real, you know physical, mental.
You know any trauma I mean.
And when I say real, everyonedeals with it different, you
know, have you ever seen?
Um, it's your son's name isBrendan Brendan.
Brendan, yeah, brendan.
Uh, have you ever seen himcrash on a bike when he was a
little kid?
Absolutely Right, you're like,oh man, it's hard to see, right,
(33:48):
but you can't unsee that, right, and that's just, that's a bike
crash by your kid.
Right, there are things thatveterans see better and see that
you can't unsee.
And you know, even when youclose your eyes, the images
don't go away.
And that's trauma for everybody.
And I think you hit it on keyis it's so important?
You know, sometimes we look atthese counselors or
(34:11):
psychologists, psychiatrists orthese therapists and we prejudge
them to say how are you goingto fix me?
That is, I think, everyone inmost people.
They walk into a situation andsay how are you going to fix me?
They're not.
They're going to help youprocess so you can fix yourself.
Brett (34:33):
Give you some tools to help you fix yourself.
Jay (34:36):
Some of the exercises I'm not going to lie to you are,
like, what you want me to do?
What?
Like you know, there's a Idon't know what the name of the
therapy is, but it's a vibratingdisc in two hands, and what
happens is it alternates.
And I said to myself what isthis?
You know, it would vibrate.
(34:57):
Close your eyes, it wouldvibrate here, it would vibrate
here, and it's a pattern.
Apparently, it works on thehemispheres of the brain and
stimulates some sort of feelingthat takes anxiety away, you
know, or trauma away.
And I'm not going to lie to you, it works.
(35:17):
You know what I mean, but youhave to believe it works too.
So so there's people out thereright now that what's the first
step?
I don't even know what to do,brett, like, what should I do?
What do?
Brett (35:28):
you say the first step is just, uh, make a call to get
help and that, and once you getin there they will help lead you
yeah you don't have to.
Okay, I'm going and this isgoing to be what I'm going to do
.
They will lead you to kind ofwhere you need to go.
Yeah, and by whatever yourstory is, give you the tools to
(35:49):
help address that story.
Jay (35:50):
Did you ever feel like you didn't have time in the
beginning.
Oh man, I ain't got time forthis, absolutely, I still don't
have time.
Brett (35:56):
I mean you have to make.
You have to make time for it.
Yeah, um.
No, I mean and in my situation,you know, you know now a single
father raising a kid, you know,taking care of a house, going
to work, um, to try to sneakthat in, and then when you're my
your kids around, you want tobe present for them, so you
don't want to be going off doingsomething else.
Intro Voice (36:16):
I mean it's hard.
Brett (36:17):
I mean to find time for yourself, but I mean you need to
do it.
Jay (36:26):
I want to highlight this because you're not sharing
custody with anybody anymore perse.
You're not co-parenting withanybody right now.
It's just you.
You know and we were talkingabout this earlier Single dad.
I don't hear too many people gohey, you know, I'm a single dad
, right?
Do you look at yourself as asingle dad, like?
Or do you when?
(36:47):
When you say, oh, you're asingle dad, what does that I
think I'm just, I'm the parent.
Brett (36:52):
I mean I'm the parent Probably doesn't get the best of
both worlds like he had.
I mean, that's fair, I canhandle the sports and stuff, but
all the school and theacademics and what class you're
supposed to sign up and doctor'sappointments that was not my
wheelhouse.
Yeah, yeah, think about that.
You know, we, we take a lot ofthings for advantage.
Jay (37:13):
Yeah, no, I, I get that man , I just, I don't know what I
would do.
You know whether it's one child, four children or what have you
?
Um, has, has, what is?
Uh, it's Brandon Brandon.
What is Brandon's sentiment nowto you Like?
Has he said anything to youlately that just you're like, oh
(37:36):
man, that's so good.
Um, he's pretty quiet, he'spretty quiet.
He's getting to be a man.
Brett (37:42):
And he's bigger than me.
Jay (37:45):
I did see that brother.
Brett (37:45):
There or not.
So he is the most chilled laidback guy.
I mean, that's a young man thatI could hope for and if he was
probably any other child, Idon't know if I would have been
able to handle this.
Yeah, yeah, I think he worriesabout me, that's fair, and I
(38:09):
worry about I mean, we're shortstory, we're so, we're at the
trial and we both had a, we bothhad to testify at the trial,
and I went, I went before him,had to testify at the trial, um,
and I went, I went before him,um, and I guess when I was at
the truck, the trial um, he waswith the victim's advocate out
in the room and the guy's likeyou know, how are you doing?
Jay (38:28):
because he was gonna go right after me and he's like I'm
fine oh, while you weretestifying, so he didn't see
most of it, or any did he see.
Did he see any of it?
So he was worried for you.
Brett (38:40):
He was worried for me, which is like, which is crazy?
Kids aren't supposed to worryabout their parents.
Jay (38:43):
No, and parents weren't supposed to worry about the kids
.
He was 16.
16 at that time Think aboutthat for a second.
That's crazy.
Most 16 year olds don't evenknow what they're going to wear
for school today.
And he said at the time I'mworried about my dad.
See, that's when you know youguys did a good job.
He is, he is amazing.
(39:04):
Yeah, man, you know, I, I justI don't, I haven't thought about
all the dimensions of thisconversation.
You know, again, just I don'tprejudge myge, my guests,
because I want the connection tobe pure, you know, and I want
it to be true.
I want to share your story soother people don't have to
(39:28):
suffer.
And this is such a greatexample, though, of how the
human spirit, you know, growseven in adversity, right, of how
the human spirit grows even inadversity, right, it's dumb
sometimes, or is it dumb whenpeople say, hey, are you ever
going to get over it?
You don't get over it, youdon't get over it.
That's what I'm saying and Iwant to make sure, educationally
(39:50):
, that people listen to that.
Hey, man, are?
you getting over it Like no, youget through it, but you never
get over it.
Right, a hundred percent.
Yeah, man, since I've known youagain, I don't know you outside
of our conversations and I'msure we've never hung out but,
man, the inspiration that youhave set, I want you to know.
(40:13):
There are whispers in thegalley, right where people are,
man, that guy is that's a gooddude, you know they're
whispering.
That's a good you know.
You hear all the whispers andI'm sure you hear it, I'm sure
you feel it right.
But it's all been positive, man, it's all been positive here.
We are less than a few daysaway, bro, I know, dude are less
(40:43):
than a few days away, bro, Iknow, dude, yeah, this it's good
.
But, um, what do you hope to?
What do you hope to accomplishafter this, just when you get to
the end after all this?
First of all, you've gothundreds of miles in.
You know you can do this.
You look fit.
Anyway, your feet are all rightright now, right now, right now
, uh, you're busy, dad.
You spent probably a good two,three, four hundred bucks on
(41:05):
gear, I'm sure by now.
Right, what do you hope, um, toto see at the end of this for
yourself?
I want you to be selfish at theend of this for yourself.
I want you to be selfish for myfor yourself.
Brett (41:18):
A to accomplish it, okay, um, uh.
And B.
I kind of want to show my sonthat we can.
We can, we can do hard thingsif we put our mind to it.
Um, and we want to help otherpeople, Um, and so I want him to
see what I'm doing as a verypositive thing.
(41:40):
Yeah, um.
Before I even signed up forthis, I asked him if he was okay
with it.
Oh, yeah.
I mean cause I.
I mean I don't you know causeyou don't know how he felt.
Yeah, I don't know.
I want him to understand thereason why I did this, yeah, um,
and to see how hard it is andthat I'm willing to do this and
put my body through it, um, andget the story out there to help
other people.
So I, I kind of I want him tobe able to see that in me, um,
(42:04):
what I'm doing, um, and thenthat everyone else sees that I
mean, we talk about you know,you know, you know Carrie was
killed and all this.
But it's not just that, it'snot just the veteran that is
suffering, um, and whetherveteran takes his own life,
there's other people around thatare going to suffer, yeah,
whether they have kids, they,they have a spouse, siblings,
(42:24):
mom, dad, they're, they're allgoing to be hurt if that, yeah,
um.
So I think I mean really just,you know getting this story out
there.
You know modeling behaviors.
Jay (42:34):
I want my son yes, if the, if nothing else, right.
He's going to say my dad didthis selflessly to show me how
to be a better man.
That's pretty cool, bro, See,and you were at the mission
briefing weren't you.
Where I said stop telling yourkids what to do Right.
(42:56):
Show them what to do.
Did you hear that loud andclear?
Absolutely, brother.
Stop telling your kids to be astar athlete.
Stop telling your kids to youknow, aspire to be something
that you weren't.
Show them who you are and you'donly be so lucky that they
model your behavior.
You know everyone's kids aredifferent and what I hope most
(43:22):
for my kids is that they canthink on their own, that they
share a little bit more if theyhave a little more right.
Share a little more of what youhave extra and just don't worry
about too much, because thatwill paralyze you, man, that
(43:42):
will paralyze you.
So that's the other part.
When you were thinking ofsigning up on this, I'm sure
some people family friends werelike whoa man, what are you
doing again?
I was one of them, right?
Brett (43:54):
I mean I, I was, you know , I was, I was kind of worried,
like I mean, I didn't know whattheir opinions were going to be
or, you know, if they were goingto truly understand the reason
why I was doing this.
Um, so far it's been, you know,very positive that you raised a
ton of money I, I, it wentpretty quick it went very quick.
Jay (44:13):
anybody we won't say the name, but anybody donate that.
You're like whoa, Like hey, Ididn't know that I didn't talk
to them.
Brett (44:23):
You know, when I was in college I used to coach high
school baseball out in Wyoming.
One of the guys I coacheddonated.
A guy I probably haven't talkedto in 25 years, 20 years.
That should tell you somethingas a coach brother that should
tell you something.
Jay (44:38):
Because a coach brother?
That should tell you something?
Because when you don't talk tosomebody for 25 years and they
recognize you for something youdo with resources or money from
their own pocket, you ain'ttalked in 25 years.
That's a great surprise.
Yeah, I was like that's supercool.
Brett (44:53):
I mean like I would never expect that, but very
appreciative.
That says something about you,man.
Jay (44:57):
I mean, like I would never expected that, but very
appreciative that's.
Uh, that says something aboutyou, man.
I hope so.
I mean, I'm sure you're notperfect, right I am.
Brett (45:04):
I am very far from perfect.
Jay (45:06):
I mean, we can call Brendan right now and he will tell you
all the way that I'm not perfect, hey, but but you know, while
all of us are not perfect, wecan do things with good people.
You know, and go through thisjourney of life.
You know, I want to share thiswith you and I really want you
(45:27):
to remember this.
I want this experience to staywith every end user, with every
I call them end users, rightWith every marcher, with every
volunteer, with everyone who'sinvolved.
End users right With everymarcher, with every volunteer,
with everyone who's involved.
But I do want to talk to thewalkers for a second, because in
22 hours of pain, you know, Idon't care how great of an
athlete you are, it's just atest.
(45:49):
So I tell people hey, somepeople live 70% of life.
They go to work, they pay bills, they go to sleep.
They go to work, they pay bills, they go to sleep.
That's 70% of life.
Nothing wrong with that, right?
Then you get 85% of life wherepeople are like you know what?
I'm going to work out a littlebit, I'm going to make an impact
here, I'm going to take care ofmyself and I'm going to do some
(46:13):
good things.
That's good.
Then there's the 95 percenters.
Here's what I talk about.
The 95 percenters will find thebest of themselves when they
put themselves through gruelingpain.
I'm never going to say what weare is Ironman triathlete.
I'm never going to say thatwe're Olympians, because we're
not, but we are willing to putour bodies through 120,000 steps
(46:35):
, 50 miles, 22 to 23 hours,sleep deprivation, food
deprivation.
You know, I mean just just thestruggle.
And I promise you, on thisjourney of 50 miles, you'll find
95% of yourself, brother.
You'll find pain that you neverknew.
(46:57):
You know 100% is when you die.
Like evil can evil, he's living100% of life.
When you do crazy stuff and youdie, that's 100%.
95% is just enough to scare you.
Yeah, just get to the edge,that's it, brother.
Get right to the edge and youlook at yourself and you say are
these blisters going to stop me?
(47:17):
You and you look at yourselfand you say are these blisters
going to stop me?
You know, that's the otherthing, right?
What's going to stop you?
Let me ask you that what'sgoing to stop you?
Like, what kind of injury wouldstop you?
I mean, right, you don't know.
Brett (47:28):
Yeah, I can't Walking.
I don't know if there could bean injury that would stop you.
Jay (47:33):
I mean snapping Achilles you, I mean snapping achilles.
That would be bad, right, thatwould be very bad.
Brett (47:41):
But you've been practicing so your achilles
should be, it should be good.
Yeah, I don't know, I don't.
I mean I.
I, you know, expect theblisters and the sore feet and
the aching back and, um, justbeing completely tired.
So, yeah, I mean it, it's gonnasuck it, it is Should be a hard
thing, yeah, and that's just it.
Jay (48:00):
So, wrapping this up, I want to ask you if there's
someone out there right nowthey're thinking of getting
involved next year, or they'rethinking of getting involved
just to ruck to do this man, todo this man.
You heard it right?
Oh, I'd like to do that.
You're like oh, would you, whatwould you?
Brett (48:20):
say to them brother, I do it, um, challenge yourself,
yeah, um, I mean at least I meango out there and see, see if
you can do it, see if it'ssomething you like, um, uh, and
maybe, if you're not gettinginvolved with rucking and
walking, you know there's otherways to get involved.
I mean, be a volunteer.
Yeah, there's nothing sayingyou can't raise funds by not
(48:44):
walking.
You can still.
But I mean, challenge yourself,do crazy things, yeah, and see
where it takes you.
Jay (48:59):
Let's see where it takes you.
Of all the veteranorganizations that you've known,
you know um.
Brett (49:01):
You looked at ours and what caught your eye about us
and yet, because I think it wasjust, it was so many different
areas.
Um, the community hope, yes,and again, having people
involved and they had greatexperiences with it.
Um, word of mouth, yeah, uh.
So I mean, I think it's kind ofreally stuck out.
It's local, yeah, it's not forsure national thing, it's very
(49:24):
local.
It's all coming here, brother,um so like, keep it in, keep it
in the community here, yeah soyou know, this is, this is
something that you become partof and it becomes part of you.
Jay (49:35):
You never leave this.
You know that, right, I becomevery, very well aware of that.
Yeah, I'm sure you met goodfriends along the way.
Brett (49:42):
Yeah, it's been great.
I've gone on some weekend ruckswith my team and had great
conversations.
Jay (49:49):
Isn't that funny to say.
My team, my team Team, right,right for team.
Brett (49:53):
Rumor is we're the best platoon.
Jay (49:54):
Oh, that's a rumor, though that's a rumor, Ugly rumor right
there, bro, Because it's allabout the white platoon.
Well, listen, I appreciate youhonoring or sharing your story.
I honor the life of yourex-wife.
(50:15):
Sharing your son's story withus.
Being vulnerable takes a lot ofguts you know, Takes a lot of
strength to be able to talkabout this stuff, and someone's
going to listen today andthey're going to figure out what
their connection is.
Thanks for being on, brother.
Appreciate it, appreciate you,brother.
Brett (50:35):
Good yes.
Intro Voice (50:42):
That was so good, man.
Thanks for tuning in to theConnection.
It's been a fantastic journey,exploring stories, insights and
inspirations that bridge ourlives.
Remember every connection hasthe power to transform.
Please subscribe, rate andreview.
Your feedback keeps us going Inthis connected world.
Let's make meaningfulconnections that enrich lives.
(51:05):
Now signing off until next time, the Connection, keep
connecting and let's go.
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