The Life-Changing Freedom of Sobriety

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
connecting the dots, connecting his guests to the
world, creating more connections.
Welcome to the connection.
Meet your host.
Author, coach, air forceveteran jay morales.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
So I'm going to start off with a question what if the
bravest thing you do today ispour nothing into your glass?
Tonight, I have a great panelof people who said no to their
next drink and yes to a biggerlife.
With that being said, I'm goingto introduce them all, one by
one, and they're going to giveyou a little bit about
themselves, a little bit abouttheir journey, their sober

(00:51):
journey.
But we're going to cover a lottoday, and I'm going to start
with Tammy.
So, tammy, if you'll introduceyourself and just tell everyone
a little bit about you, Hi thereI'm Tammy.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
bit about you.
Hi there, I'm tammy.
I am a mother of three,hairdresser for 36 years and a
rucker, I guess, is a reformedrunner now, rucker, I decided to
try one month dry and it's beenhowever many days you just told

(01:30):
me.
I don't pay attention to it, Ijust go by.
It's been a year and a halfplus.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's awesome, I love it.
I love it.
Everyone is different, for sure, jodi you next.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yes, my name is Jodi Jefferson.
I'm a retired senior mastersergeant from the Air Force, 21
years.
I am also a mother of three, awife and I own my own bakery now
, and I have been sober for 921days, and it's all thanks to Jay
oh my God, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
Thank you for crediting me, but it's all
because of you, thanks to Jay.
Oh my God, that's crazy.
Thank you for crediting me, butit's all because of you, steven
.
117 days, tell me, tell me,tell everyone a little bit about
you.

Speaker 4 (02:10):
Well, my name is Steven Taylor.
I'm a dad of three, I'm marriedand I've been working at the
dairy for nine and a half years,and I love spending time with
my kids fishing, swimming allsorts of stuff.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Awesome brother.
Thank you, Leah.

Speaker 5 (02:31):
Hi, I'm Leah Johnson and I am a mother of two, and I
own an event planning companycalled the Event Firm, and I
gave up drinking in 2018.
So I don't count days anymore,so I just don't drink.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
That's awesome, and that's a question later for
everyone.
Amanda, 18 and a half years.
Amanda, tell us a little bitabout yourself.

Speaker 6 (02:54):
Yeah, I'm Amanda, I am a single mom to one little
girl and, yeah, I've been sober18 and a half years.
21 years old did me in.
It was quite brutal, but todayI absolutely love life.
I love sober life.
I am finishing a master'sdegree to be a counselor and I

(03:15):
run a nonprofit and really myheart is to help people heal
from addiction and trauma.
Mental health challenges.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Awesome, awesome, happy to have you here.
Thank you so much, scott.
How are you, scott, 900 days900 days.

Speaker 7 (03:31):
Yeah, A little over 900 days Just started from a dry
January thing that my wife wasdoing and yeah so married.
Two girls manage a local fleetfeet store here in Omaha and,
yeah, excited to be here.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
Well, I'm grateful to have all of you on.
Thank you so much for at leastgiving a little bit about
yourself.
I'm going to start the firstquestion, and this is not in any
sequence, right, but people arelistening and they're saying,
hmm, I think I want to try this,maybe.
But people are listening andthey're saying, hmm, I think I
want to try this, maybe I'm notsure.

(04:09):
What surprised you, jodi, themost about sobriety?
What surprised you the mostJodi about sobriety.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
I get really good sleep now.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Okay, okay, any follow-ups to that.
So you didn't know this before.
Right, but your sleep is a lotbetter.

Speaker 5 (04:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Anything to add to that, Anything surprises you?
I mean.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
I think there was probably.
I mean, it was just what we didin the military.
We worked really hard, but wepartied even harder and it was
just a part of.
I was air crew and so when thewheels touched down, we were all
cracking bottles and I did thatfor many, many years.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
No, I get it.
Scott.
What surprised you aboutsobriety?

Speaker 7 (05:04):
Yeah, probably how easy it was.
I mean, I know it's not thatcase for everybody, but when I
decided to do it dry January, Ijust it wasn't hard for me.
I mean it was more of aninstinct when I got home to grab
a drink or make a drink orsomething and I just decided I

(05:24):
wasn't going to do that and Ithought it was going to be very
difficult and it just wasn't.
But again I realized that's notthe struggle for everybody.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
So anybody else have anything to add to the surprise,
the surprise.

Speaker 5 (05:38):
Mine was days of the week.
I didn't realize how many daysof the week there were.
I didn't realize how many daysof the week there were because
if I would plan out my weeks onwhen I should drink, because I
knew I would feel like crap forseveral days.
So for a while it was like,well, if I drink on Thursday
night, then I feel like crap,you know Friday and Saturday,

(06:00):
but then at least Sunday I canbe productive maybe.
And so when I became sober andI didn't have like I could not
believe how many hours of mylife I got back.
And so, as silly as that sounds,I mean my entire brain and my
social life and it was like,well, okay, when can I go out
and drink so that I can stilltry to be productive and make

(06:22):
the things that I need to makehappen happen.
So to have seven full days in aweek and go oh my gosh, look at
how much more productive I canbe, it was freaking crazy.
But yeah, that's how I managed.
My calendar was on what nightsI was going to drink and how I
feel the next few days after.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Absolutely One of the things that we get asked like
do you still have fun?
So, tammy, this one's going tobe for you.
So, tammy, when ever you hearpeople say, god, well, I can't
have fun, or do you still havefun, tammy, talk about that like
, talk about that feeling.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
I definitely feel like I still have fun.
I feel like I get to enjoyeverything so much more.
I've gone back to my earlyworkouts, sleeping.
That's a huge thing.
Just like Jodi said, that makesa major difference.
You know, I'll drink NA beersbecause I like the flavor of it,

(07:29):
but I also like the factor ofleaving a bar not worrying.
If you know, I maybe shouldn'thave driven which I was not that
much of a drinker but it justbecame like something I thought
of every day and I didn't likethat feeling.
So I decided, okay, let's seehow this goes.
But yeah, I still have fun.
I mean, my son is really biginto bourbon and I just sniff

(07:53):
his glass now I'm like, oh, letme smell that.
I like that smell, but I don'thave that need for that to have
fun.
I'm a joyous person, right, jay,I'm even happy.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
You are.
You are definitely a joyousperson.
I can set my.
Your predictability is Tammywill show up, and she's almost
always positive, and if she'snot, there's something really
really wrong.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
And nobody wants to know that one, so I just keep it
good.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yes, amanda, and then Scott Amanda.
Same thing Like how do you evenhave fun?
Like when do you go to funplaces?

Speaker 6 (08:36):
still, so I have been sober a long time and so the
beginning of it is completelydifferent than what it's like
today.
And so I started drinking whenI was 15 and I stopped at 22 and
there was a lot of chaos and Ihad no idea how to have fun.
I'm telling you, like it wasbizarre, like I would try to
play board games and I wascrawling out of my skin Like it

(08:58):
was so uncomfortable.
I had to learn how to have funsober.
I had to learn how to datesober.
I had to learn how to have funsober.
I had to learn how to datesober.
I had to learn how to startconversations, how to go to work
, all of the things Sober.
As in my 20s, like I didn't know, I was afraid to go back to
college.
I didn't know how I was goingto get through college sober,
but I did.

(09:19):
I found a crew, I found othersober people and they taught me
how to have fun and we coulddrink Red Bulls and stay up late
, like 20-year-olds do insteadof other things, and stay up all
night long.
So we just learned how to do it, you know, in a sober way.
And I think that's the big partwas finding that community,

(09:40):
finding people that I could dothis sober life with.
Now, today, I can go anywhereLike I am just me.
I show up with my full,authentic self, and some places
I don't want to go it's just notmy vibe, and I know that too.
Like I don't go to the bar,it's just not for me.
You know, if there wassomething going on like and

(10:01):
somebody invited me, thenprobably, but like, I don't just
like go out, I just don't likeit.
So I have found what's fun forme.
Like fun for me is like gettingout on my bike or going out for
a hike or, you know,paddleboarding, something like
that.
That's what's fun.
So that's really what I'vefound in this journey is
redefining what fun is.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
Absolutely, and some of us work around this.
So, leah, this is for you, andthen Scott follow up, and then
fresh question for Steven.
So, leah, you are in theentertainment realm industry
where you are exposed to all theelements that some of us were
able to take away.
Talk about that real quick,about the fun you have there,

(10:45):
and the boundaries or thetemptations are none.

Speaker 5 (10:49):
Yeah, so it is very easy in my world, especially
when you're attending a workevent or an industry event.
It's everywhere.
That's just what we do, right?
So when I made the choice toquit drinking and kind of the
mantra that I had in my head is,if I want people to take me
seriously, I have to starttaking myself seriously.

(11:12):
Yes, but I've also seen nowthat I started going and being
that sober person and then youactually see what it does to
people because you're not thatperson anymore.
See what it does to peoplebecause you're not that person
anymore.
It just honestly, every time Igo out and I see what happens
when people drink, it literallyjust reaffirms why I don't.
So it over the years it's justbecome easier and easier and

(11:35):
easier and I don't feel like I'mmissing out on anything.
So it, I don't know, to eachtheir own, I guess.
But again, coming from theaddiction part and fighting that
off, I don't know.
It's easy to be around becausethe last thing that I want to do
is poison my body.
So it's just like I don't do itanymore.
I just don't.

(11:57):
It's not going to happen.
There's nothing you could sayor persuade me to do that.
So I don't know, but yeah, itdefinitely gets easier to do
that.
So I don't know, but yeah it itgot.
It definitely gets easier asyou go.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Thank you, scott.
So fun, right.
I mean, it looks like youalways have a smile on your face
.
I mean, if you could see thispodcast or Scott's.
Always like that, though, but,scott, it wasn't always like
that, you know.
Um, right, I mean, were therechallenging times in your first
early journey to make you nothave fun or almost feel

(12:30):
disincluded?

Speaker 7 (12:33):
so I don't know about that.
I mean, when I I'm, I'm notlike much for going out either.
I'm like I'm, I, I wake upsuper early, so my time is like
4 am to, you know, whatever, andso that's my time to, and so if
I'm not on 100%, which alcoholwould impact that?
Because of the lack of goodsleep.

(12:54):
So actually it just freed up mytime of like, where I really
probably thrive more, so Iwouldn't find it challenging.
I mean maybe going out.
I mean my wife drinks, you know, and I it doesn't bother me at
all, and you know we go out and,um, you know that we have
friends that drink too.
And it made me feel a littleuncomfortable, I guess.

(13:15):
At first of like you know,there was a lot of questions
like why aren't you having adrink, or something.
But now it's gotten to thepoint I mean we don't go out
that much, but everybody knowswhat I I don't drink, so nobody
really asks any questions ofthat anymore.
But there's someuncomfortability where people
feel like they have to justifyor be like I wish I could do

(13:36):
that too, and I'm like I'm nothere to like push anything on
you or judge.
Like you have you, you do whatyou want to do, and if you come
to that decision at some point,that's great for you, and if you

(13:57):
don't, that's that's also fine.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
But that was probably the most uncomfortable part was
just like people having to like, feel like they had to justify
themselves or why they'redrinking in front of me and I'm
like I don't care.
Any follow ups to that Jodyreaction.
Amanda, looks like you guyswant to say something.

Speaker 6 (14:05):
I just think it's so true, like so many times
throughout the years where I'vebeen like, oh, I don't drink.
Like people feel like they haveto justify their drinking and
they don't have to.
Like you, do you?
It's totally fine.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
For sure, stephen.
So in your early days, you'reat 117 days, right, I think.
Once I got to 120 or 130 days,I was like is this going to be a
thing?
There's no turning back.
I feel like I don't want totake my winnings off the table,
even at three years, right?

(14:39):
So, steven, you're 117 days.
In, Be honest with me, do youwrestle with it?

Speaker 4 (14:47):
To be honest, I don't .
Ever since I had my accident atwork, I don't see myself
looking back.
I want to change my life, bethere for my kids.
I want to change my eatinghabits and everything.
I don't rely on coming home andopening a beer until I go to
bed just to relax.
I do that with my kids now.
I just watch TV and hang outwith them.

(15:08):
Don't look back.

Speaker 2 (15:10):
You were able to put away some bush light, though,
stephen we had talked about thisin years past where you're like
, hey, jay, I think I'm going toTell me what my sobriety did.
What did you view it as whenyou were justifying to me,
saying, hey, I think I'm goingto stop, or hey, jay, I'm
drinking less?
Remember what were the thoughtsthat went through your head

(15:31):
then?

Speaker 4 (15:35):
A lot of things that went through my head was it's
not good to go through a 30 packin three or four days, and I
saw that, as I have a problem, Ineed to stop.
I need to better myself, notjust for me, but for my family.
And ever since, like I said, Ihad my accident, I changed my

(15:55):
life from there and, yeah, I'mnever looking back.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
To be clear everyone, it was not an alcohol incident.
It was a work accident in whichsteven um suffered greatly.
But this, you know, this comesout of tragedy.
So, um, the follow-up questionto this is with everyone is
tammy.
Where were you at when youdecided that this is so?

(16:21):
I know it was dry January, butat February 1st you're like
what's up Distinctly.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
I remember February 1st I was traveling with my then
18-year-old for a soccer weekin Florida where all the soccer
parents were a lot of fun.
And on the plane my son saidare you going to get lit with
the parents?
And I was like oh crap.

(16:52):
And I was like, and that justhit me like way harder than I
ever thought would.
And I was like I don't think Iwant my kid to be thinking of me
like that, and not that I hadever done that, just to be, you
know.
But there were plenty, plentyof soccer parents, whatever that

(17:17):
had had those experiences whenthey had been traveling.
But you know, I was the onlyadult going to be with him.
I felt like I needed to be theresponsible one.
I didn't need my teenagerthinking that I was a party
child, just you know.
So that turned into no, I'mprobably not going to drink

(17:41):
today or tomorrow.
And then pretty soon the wholeweek had gone by and then I'm
like, oh crap, I went past dryJanuary.
Well, and you know I like agood challenge.
So it just kept going and now Ican't lose.
So here I am.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yeah, I love it, jodi , then Amanda, same questions,
and I'm going to go through theJody you stopped one day, cause
what's crazy is I've done apodcast with you before where
you had wine, and this was yearsago, right, and you seem
completely functional to me thenyou know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
I drank a lot that night, just to be comfortable
enough to be on camera with you.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
So let's talk about that.
Jodi just said she had to drinka lot to be on camera that
night.
You don't like these kind ofthings, do you Jodi?
I mean, she doesn't like tospeak in public, she doesn't
like to be center of attention.
But, jodi, 921 days sober, whendid you know, when did you
receive clarity that, like this,is what I'm going to do?

Speaker 1 (18:49):
So I remember the night, the last night that I
drank, my neighbor was over, um,their whole family was actually
over, and her and I stayedupstairs and watched a movie.
I don't know what we werewatching, but I remember
drinking that night, my husbandand her husband and the kids
were downstairs watching adifferent movie and I mean, it
was nothing out of the ordinaryto just drink, you know.

(19:10):
And so the next, but for yearsI prayed every night for God to
help me to quit drinking.
Um which I don't tell peoplethat, like my husband probably
doesn't even know that I prayedfor years to quit, like God.
Why do I do this?
You know?

(19:30):
And I wasn't like a crazy drunk,I was pretty happy drunk, you
know, and it was just one ofthose things I would get home.
I, when I work, I work superhard, and so I feel like maybe
it was a reward, I don't knowAfter a long productive day.
It was just what.
I did have a few drinks and mykids were super little at the
time.
It didn't affect my parenting,but I'm so glad that I stopped

(19:54):
when I did, because now theydon't see that, you know.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Thank you for sharing that.
That's pretty deep.

Speaker 6 (20:03):
Amanda, leah and then Scott, amanda same question 18
and a half years.
Do you still remember?
So I started my last drink, mylast bender, on Christmas, on
Christmas night, and it went forthree days and I woke up in the

(20:28):
hospital and ICU and I spentsome time in ICU.
My sobriety birthday isDecember 30th, but I still.
When I got out, I had a DUIthat I had gotten earlier that
year.
Actually, I had two that I'dgotten earlier that year.
So I had a lot of stuff.
I had almost died like all ofthis stuff.

(20:49):
And here I am out and I'mattending like 12 step meetings
trying to figure out what iswrong.
This is not the life I wanted,like I had so much going for me,
but I still didn't know if Iwas going to stay sober forever.
I didn't know, I just wasscared.
I was so scared of what lifewas like right then.
And at some point throughoutall of it, I realized that the

(21:12):
sober life was what I wanted.
And I don't know when.
I don't remember exactly whenthat switch happened, when it
went from something I had to doto something I wanted.
When it went from something Ihad to do to something I wanted,
because for a long time it waslike this I had to, like I was
going to end up you know dyingor something if I didn't.
And now, like I don't know when, but at some point in the last

(21:37):
number of years, it becamesomething where it's like
there's no other way, leah, kindof like what you were talking
about, like it's not an option,like this is the way I live my
life today and I wouldn't haveit any other way To piggyback
off.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
Amanda, like you get scared, like I had friends that
were just a few years older thanme, that died from drinking,
you know, and it was like, oh myGod, like that could be me in a
few years.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
And it was like oh my God, that could be me in a few
years.
I mean, that's extreme right.
So Leah same to you.
When did you know?
I mean, when did you know?

Speaker 5 (22:15):
September 9th 2018.
The night before I had gone tothe Jocelyn Art Museum's
Masquerade Ball and a girlfriendof mine we had gotten all
dressed up formal gowns,masquerade.
It was an amazing night, superfun, of course, double fisting.
Right when we got there had tohave a drink in each hand

(22:37):
because the lines were long, soyou had to, you know, get to
every time you went up becauseyou didn't want to have to wait.
And you know, I've never saidthis publicly, so I hope if this
person hears this, I can thankhim personally.
So throughout the night therewas a gentleman that expressed
interest and kind of brought myfriend and me into his friend

(23:01):
group and we were having a lotof fun.
Nobody really could see eachother with our masks on and
nobody took them off.
And so we were.
We were just having a greattime, but for their usual drink,
way too much.
Um, we decided to go to a barafter, and the next morning I
woke up on the couch and theonly thing that I could remember
from the night before, um, Iwas in my own home.

(23:22):
Like I didn't.
I went home with my friend, butthe one thing that I could
remember from the night before Iwas in my own home.
I went home with my friend, butthe one thing that I could
remember was seeing him standingin front of me but then walking
away from me, and it was thatmoment that I realized I
probably could have met a reallynice man that night.
But I was so embarrassing withmy drinking that he didn't even

(23:47):
want to be around me, didn't askme for my number, didn't want
to pursue or go on a date, and Ireally wish I could thank this
person for what he did, forhaving standards that were
higher than what I was puttingout, and and because he totally
changed my life by walking awayand being like, even though,
like in the moment, he probablywas just wanting to get away

(24:09):
from me.
I don't think he knows what heactually did for me and I don't
know why.
That's the one thing Iremembered.
But I was laying on my couch thenext day feeling like an
absolute train wreck because Ifelt so crappy, and that was
when I had that thought of likemy new year's Eve event was
coming up for the first time andI said to myself if you want to

(24:30):
take yourself seriously, or ifyou want people to take you
serious.
You've got to start takingyourself seriously.
Um, I talked to a friend namedHeath who was also had been
sober for nine years and he saidgive it up for one year and if
you, if your life is notpredominantly better like eons,
better than what you are livingnow then go back to drinking.
But if it's not, keep going andhe goes, it won't even take a

(24:54):
year.
Leah, just watch.
And he was right.
I mean, within six months, mybusiness started going better,
things started happening.
My, it was just like why would Igive this up?
This is amazing.
I've been living in shadow lifewith this cloud over me,
thinking I'm doing awesome but Iwasn't.
It was pathetic, really.
And the sad part is is I haveso many stories and

(25:18):
embarrassment and just thingsthat didn't click.
But for whatever reason, thatone gentleman walking away I
mean my ex-husband I can sharehorrible stories of things I did
while I was drinking that neverseemed to affect anything.
I didn't see.
I couldn't see what, how I wasaffecting my family, my
ex-husband, stuff like that.

(25:38):
But for whatever it was, Idon't know if it was just God
intervening and just showing melike it's that bad girl, like
you.
You've got to give this up, andso that's really.
That was my aha moment and I've, yeah, so I wish I could find
that gentleman.
So, if you're listening, sir,and you were at a masquerade in
2018, met some girl in a goldenblack dress like thank you for

(26:03):
what you did for me, because itwas a mysterious one.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
A mysterious one, those parties I'm mentioning the
party itself now, I'm kidding.
So, scott, some questions foryou.

Speaker 7 (26:18):
Yeah, I wouldn't say there was really one thing or
anything as profound.
I mean, it was more of a dryJanuary thing that my wife was
going to do and I was like Ijust come off my second back
surgery so I was drinking a lotjust to kind of get rid of the
pain a little bit.
I was like, yeah, I'll do that.
And you know, I saw you post upabout like your sober journey

(26:43):
and then some things that kindof reinforced it, listening to
podcasts from Andrew Hubermanabout alcohol.
I don't know how many times Ilistened to that, I don't know
how many times I read PeterAtiyah's outlive and it just got
kept on.
I think things just keptstacking on of reinforcing the
decisions I was making.

Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah, for sure the phrase sober curious, like
there's on, of reinforcing thedecisions I was making.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, for sure.
The phrase sober, curious, likethere's it's, so it's totally
different than I think I'm goingto get sober Like that sounds
like I have a problem If I'msuper curious, you know, like
I'm just going to feel this outand see what happens In my mind.
It was just such a totallydifferent phrase and like it

(27:29):
wasn't a huge commitment.
It was just like I'm going totry this and see what happens,
and if I, it's not a 30 daychallenge, if I go one day or
two days.
And there was, I mean, I wentlike that for years, like I
would go two days and then itwas like ha, shitty day, I'm
drinking tonight.
Okay, then I would go sevendays.
Oh my God, I don't think I cango in eight, you know.
And then the clock just startback over and yeah, the sober

(27:53):
curious thing like that's reallycool to me.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
So so, steven, final uh, on that question that I want
to talk about the word sober ina second and that's going to go
around to everybody for 10seconds or 15 seconds.
Steven, what was your claritymoment where?
Okay, you tried it.
Then where did you feel like,or do you feel like like, is

(28:18):
there a clarifying moment foryou that this is a path I want
to go?

Speaker 4 (28:24):
Well, I feel like I have more energy energy.
I do a lot more with the family.
Now, I don't know.
The water tastes amazing now.
I love that yeah.
I don't know, I just.
I just feel better about myself.
I can think clearly I can.

(28:44):
If I to do something, I justget up and do it.
I've been doing side jobs foryou and Becky and stuff like
that.
Just try to relax, and I mean Ilike being motivated now.
I have nothing holding me back.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Yeah, I love it.
I love, see, I love the um, Ilove the innocence of the, the
first part of the journey, and Ilove the energy and the
motivation.
And I think what everyone hasto remember is that goes away
over time.
The motivation will go away.
So I want to deal with the wordsober for a second, because I

(29:31):
still have a problem saying it.
Okay, I just want to share thiswith all of you.
This is my, this is my version,my perspective.
When people say, oh man, are yousober or you don't drink, I
want to make sure in my mind Idon't say I'm sober, because I

(29:52):
feel like the word is defeatist.
You were in trouble, you werethrown under the jail and you're
now on parole.
That's how I feel, right, and Iknow it shouldn't feel that way
.
But there are other peoplewho've been sober their entire
life, like I've never had adrink before and I'm like man.
That's phenomenal.
What do you guys think of theword sober now?

(30:16):
Or what is your advice tosomeone, 15 seconds or less, of
what the word sober means to you?
Scott, go first.

Speaker 7 (30:26):
Oh man, it's a good question.
I don't know if I've thoughtabout that before, but you're
just not tied to anything.
You're free to make your owndecisions and to, I guess, chart
your own path without anythingholding you back.
And so there's enough stuffholding us back in life, and so
why add one more thing that'snot really necessary?

Speaker 2 (30:48):
I love that Tammy and then Jodi and Amanda Tammy go
ahead.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
I guess I don't use that word for myself either.
I just think of it as I justdon't drink and I see the stigma
factor of it.
So to me I didn't ever feellike I had a problem.
I felt like I was probablytrending that direction.
So maybe I would use it if Ifelt like I needed to get sober.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
but no, I love the feeling and we can't correct
each other here.
This is how we feel, Jody.
I mean, do you say you're soberor do you say you quit drinking
?
Like what's what?
When someone says, Jody, you'resober, what does that do for
you?

Speaker 1 (31:33):
First of all, it blows their mind.
What does that do for you?
First of all blows their mind.
And then, second of all, um, Ithink I mean it's kind of a
trend right now.
Right, I feel like it has beenfor kind of the last year.
Like talking to zach from luckybucket, he's like, yeah, you
and all your sober friendsmaking my sales, you know, go
down like sorry.
Um, so it is kind of trendyright now, which I mean alcohol

(31:56):
is all around us, like you can'tdrive down the street and not
see a billboard or a bar sign orit's.
It's at the checkout countereverywhere you go, that little
mini bar, it's everywhere andyou don't notice that.
I don't.
I didn't notice it as much whenI was drinking, but now that I
don't drink, I'm like, oh my God, this stuff is just in your
face all the time.

(32:18):
Um, and also, I think the wordsober, generationally, is
different.
So I feel like my parents, um,to say, the word sober is like
oh, you had a problem, you knowwhich?
After my year I had also justfinished 75 hard, and so I made

(32:38):
this long post about you knowhow great it feels and the
benefits and all this stuff, andI remember feeling so proud of
myself, but I know for sure mydad didn't say anything.
Um, my mom might have said thatshe was proud of me, but that
kind of like hurt, you know,because I was so proud and I had

(33:00):
taken this huge step for myselfand I wanted my parents to be
proud of me and I know that theywere but they didn't say
anything and so that was kind oflike because it was just a
taboo subject in our household.
My parents weren't big drinkersand to hear someone say that
they were sober meant they had aproblem, you know.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
And so, um, we're going to go more into
relationships and reactions hereafter, but I do, I do, like
where you're going with that, um, amanda.
So there, uh, don't drink, likewhat's the word?
Do for you.

Speaker 6 (33:39):
Um, uh, don't drink.
Like what's the word do for you?
Um, honestly, it brings me alot of questions, like if other
people say sober, like I want toknow what do you mean by that,
because different people havedifferent um under like
definitions of what that means.
I don't know that I use thatword.
I think I typically just say Idon't drink, but except for in
your post, because you said youuse the word, so that I use the

(34:00):
word right, just following suit.
But I don't know that I use itdirectly, but I don't think that
there's any like any reasonbehind it.
Like I just think I justtypically say I don't drink.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
Which is great, drink , which is great.
And this is.
Hearing all of you and yourdifferent perspectives is making
my brain think, okay, well,maybe it is.
And this is reinforcing whatI'm thinking.
Leah, tell me sober, don'tdrink, quit drinking.

Speaker 5 (34:29):
I agree with Amanda, where it's just like now, my
identity is I'm a non-drinker, Idon't drink.
That is who I am now.
I think only God, and I knowhow far down the rabbit hole I
went with this and the thingsthat came of that.
And so I kind of but secretly,I kind of wear it as a badge.

(34:50):
If someone's like, oh, are yousober?
Heck, yeah, I am.
If you knew that hole I was inand the hole that I dug myself
out of, hell, yeah, I'm sober,like, and I wear it almost like
as a badge of honor but, at thesame time.
It's that's almost between meand God, like I wouldn't put
that out there to anybody else.
I'm just it was a.
It was a long crawl out of hellto get myself to where I am

(35:11):
today and so, yeah, I feel veryproud of it.
I'm not ashamed anymore, but Ihad to go through the whole
baptism thing to get rid of allof that shame and stuff.
We can talk about that anothertime.
But yeah, I just think Iidentify as a non-drinker now
and I more or less see it as aslight badge of honor.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
I love it.
I love it.
Steven.
117 days in right.
Like what does 118 even looklike?
What are people?

Speaker 4 (35:37):
thinking, you know I still feel like a newbie, but I
haven't really done much wherepeople would ask me for a beer
or anything or whatnot.
But yeah, I mean I feel freebeing sober.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, would you use the word if someone offered you
a drink?
A drink, do you say no, I'msober.
Or do you say no, I don't drink, like what is your first?

Speaker 4 (36:02):
reaction whatever flows out of my mouth, probably
either one yeah, yeah, no,that's, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
I mean, you know, I want you guys to know, I've
never discussed this withanybody, not, not, not a
professional, not a counselor,not my friend, like I.
I've never asked like, hey,jody, do you use the word sober?
Like I.
Really prepared for tonight'sepisode and here's what I want
to tell you.
Some of the preparationbeverage alcohol volume the top

(36:30):
20 markets is two percent belowpre pandemic 2019.
So 2% less sales, um, with aone another 2% drop in 2024.
Okay, um, specifically us beervolumes are down 3.5%, spirits
are down 3% and wine is down 4%.

(36:53):
So think of that.
Right, in the global scheme ofthings, that's a lot of alcohol
not being purchased.
And I can tell you now that I goplaces.
And let me ask you this whenyou go to the restaurant this is
a good question and you'regoing with someone who does
drink right, or a significantother, or a friend does drink

(37:13):
right, and, or a significantother or a friend, you know this
part of you judge, and I wantyou to be honest with me, not
judging on them, but judging theestablishment for going.
Ah, they pull out a whole menuand they showed you this whole

(37:33):
list and they make it sound soamazing Like?
What does it make you feel likewhen you see someone almost
tricked or oh gosh, I guess thisis normal for me to do, scott,
what's your reaction when yousee someone drink in the
restaurant?

Speaker 7 (37:43):
Yeah, I mean, I don't know it's, I would say
something that is reallyinteresting is like the
non-alcoholic options orsomething.
If you wanted to just have likean NA and it's like no, I just,
I guess I'll just have waterand it's fine, um, but it seems
like more places I guess are arehaving more of those options.

(38:03):
Um, but yeah, I mean I, Iprobably, I mean you know, you
said, be honest.
I mean, yeah, you, you kind ofyou can't help but judge a
little bit, because mannerismschange over the course of
however many drinks you have andand you pick up on all those
little changes that happen um,people talking louder and just

(38:25):
not, maybe you know, and allthose little things that
socially just become like alittle bit more uncomfortable.
So you're just kind of like youdon't want to judge, but you
just also like it's just, youcan't help but like make those
observations.
Um, I don't know it's, uh, yeah, but it does seem like the
restaurants obviously want youto have that and I still think

(38:48):
there's something is can bespecial about two people sharing
a drink together.
There's like it's like breakingbread, you know, and and having
a meal together.
My wife and I are going to Napathis weekend.
I don't plan on drinking, butwe're going to Napa for her 40th
and so I hadn't put anypressure on myself if I wanted
to have a drink out there andshare a glass with her.

(39:10):
I don't think I will because Idon't really have any interest,
but I do think there issomething special about sharing
something.
It could be a meal or a drinkwith somebody.
It doesn't have to be gettingdrunk, but there is something
special about it I still think.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
So then, tammy, to you next.
So I'm just going to be, I'mgoing to say this right, like
hey, it's an $80 meal or $140bill, okay, and you, just you
ate the same amount of stuff,but you had the floozy maloosy,
that was like $30 and it comesout on fire and they serve it at
your table Like, tammy, judging, not judging, be honest with me

(39:48):
.
Or like, what does that makeyou feel?
Like?

Speaker 3 (39:51):
Well, I'm just thankful that my bill is cheaper
.
I will admit that I do getjudgy for the lack of NA things
and those mocktails, bleh,that's just gross stuff, you
know, there's just no.
I don't even go there.

(40:12):
But I try to explain that to myfamily.
I'm not judging, I don't careif you want a drink.
We're kind of at a half andhalf right now.
My daughter quit at 22, about ayear before, a year and a half
before I did.
She thinks I'm copying her.

Speaker 7 (40:33):
Good hey, if you are, that's great.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
It's just it's made that a little bit easier because
then there's somebody else, youknow, not drinking, and
obviously I have a 19-year-oldstill, and so you know, we're
kind of like three and three atthis point.
But yeah, I don't judge themand I try to say hey, and they
don't care, they're going todrink if they want to drink
anyways.
But yeah, I'm just thankfulthat I don't make an ass of

(41:07):
myself.
I guess I love it.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
So, jodi I mean Jodi, you're pretty outspoken right,
like hey, you're out with acouple maybe you, david, and
another couple or friends andthen everyone on their side
orders alcohol and they're likelet's just split the bill, like
no, you know what I mean?
No, jody, what's your reaction?

Speaker 1 (41:35):
what I mean.
No, jodi, what's your reaction?
Like you know, oh yeah, I don'tjudge other people that want to
continue to drink.
I mean that I did it for somany years that people are in
different phases of their lives,like.
So I don't judge at all.
My husband barely drinksanymore.
He never drank a lot anyway, um, but now, like, if we're out he
doesn't drink at home ever.
If we're out he might order.
He always orders like bigfruity drinks with umbrellas,

(41:59):
and they used to always give himthe whiskey and me the fruity
drink and I was like, oh no,that he's big burly man, that
fruity drink is his.
I'll take the whiskey, thanks.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
I mean that's, that's funny, because what we think
right and the masculinity, thefemininity, you know, the whole
customary stuff and who getswhat.
I mean it's crazy.
But you know again, leah, did Iask you Amanda?
Did I ask you about judgy?
Yeah, no, leah, tell me aboutyou, then we'll go to Amanda.

(42:35):
Leah, go ahead.

Speaker 5 (42:37):
I don't think.
I think culture, my frustrationactually comes in culturally,
that, like Jody was saying, it's, it's everywhere, it's you,
it's so easily accessible.
And the fact that now it'sgoing to be in, you know, our
stadium down in Lincoln andwe've got you know, it's like we
just keep, you know, pushing itin everyone's face.

(42:59):
And I think I can.
I have no problem going to arestaurant If somebody else at
my table wants to order a glassof wine, by all means, like
that's totally fine, but yeah,it's just a cultural thing that
I'm.
That's that part's exhaustingme.
Like at what point do we notcall the damage that it does for
what it actually does tofamilies, to couples, to

(43:22):
marriages, to children, toeverything, and actually start
having some real conversationsthat will invoke change?
And I think I don't know.
I think that's where myfrustration comes in.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
I think, too, to piggyback on that now that we
rock, the amount of mini bottlesthat I see on the side of the
road when I'm rocking isterrifying.

Speaker 3 (43:42):
I was thinking that same thing.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
Like fireball.
Oh my God, People are drinkingthat for breakfast, lunch and
dinner snacks.

Speaker 6 (43:53):
Yeah, I noticed that every time I bike or run or not
run, walk, I do not run, I bikeand I walk.
Anyway, I don't really judgeother people, but I do make
decisions based on people'shabits and so, for example, like

(44:15):
I, if I ever decide to date aguy and if we go out and he
drinks a lot, um, I don't knowthat there's going to be another
date because that's just not mylifestyle today, and so I want
to make sure that I match withsomebody, that our lifestyles
will compliment each other.
So I don't think it's judging,but it is making a decision

(44:39):
based on behavioral observations.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
There you go and let's just be firm with that.
That is a decision that's notlike, well, I hope he doesn't
drink.
That is a decision on my valuesare going to line up with this
person and I'm not going tocompromise.
And Amanda, good, bad orindifferent.
I wish people had clarity onwhat they wanted in life,

(45:04):
because too many people werelike, well, I don't like
cigarette smoke, but they smokeevery now and then, like why,
you know like why.
Or, oh, you know I don don'tdrink, but so-and-so likes to
drink thursday night.
You know like why.
So that that's just a wholenother episode within itself.
So steven with you any earlyreactions in the restaurant.

(45:26):
You know when you and amanda goout.
And you know, because I knowshe doesn't drink that much,
does she?
Or you know?

Speaker 4 (45:33):
we don't really go out that much.
We just basically run errands,that's it, and do stuff with the
kids, like take them to theriver and stuff.
Yeah, I mean there's people outthere drinking.
I mean I'll be judging, becausethey leave their bottles.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
It's the only thing I love it, though, because we see
things different, and and thereason I ask you this is, you
know, we all want to be perfectand we're like we don't judge or
we judge and we don't.
I just want to be real and raw,because there are people
listening right now on.
They might take a stab at thisand they may not know.

(46:07):
So the next question for all ofyou is and in 10 seconds, if
you can 15 seconds, and 10seconds, if you can 15 seconds
what do you wish someone toldyou before you decided to go be
sober?
What did you wish someone toldyou?
Like man, I wish I would haveknown about that.

(46:27):
So I'll tell you what mine is,so no one can copy.
I didn't know that I was goingto have to replace the time that
I got back with something verymeaningful, and what I mean by
that is I hope that the nextperson who finds sobriety and

(46:49):
clarity that early on is toreplace their habit or their
mindset with all the time theywould have lost.
That's what I hope, because Iwasted still a lot of time.
I was like, yeah, it's coolSober, all right, I'm not
drinking, okay, but I didn'tstart capitalizing until the
last six months.

(47:11):
You know what I mean.
I probably was capitalizing,but my point is this I just know
I have more time.
Damn.
I wish somebody would have toldme that.
Wish somebody would have toldme that, scott, you first.
Oh man.

Speaker 7 (47:26):
Yeah, while you were saying that, I don't know, it
was just such a quick transitionfor me and I hate saying that
because it's not easy foreverybody or most people I'm
sure it really wasn't difficultfor me.
I'm a very habit-based personso, like I said, I wake up super

(47:47):
early.
It just made waking up reallyeasy and so I saw immediate
changes based on that and itjust made my workouts easier.
I don't know, I wasn't reallysurprised by that.
I guess I don't really knowwhat I wish somebody would have
told me.
Maybe I can think of an answerlater.

(48:08):
Just right off the bat, I justnoticed my life changed right
away.
It wasn't difficult for me, Iwas lucky in that way and yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
Listen, we're all going to have different answers,
Tammy than Jody.
Tammy, what do you wish?
Someone told you.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
I feel like Scott as well, but I wish I would have
realized that it was that mucheasier.
Wish I would have realized thatit was that much easier.
I put off doing 75 hard becauseI was like, well, I don't want
to give up alcohol for 75 days.
And but once I did I was like,oh, so me and Jodi doing 75 hard

(48:51):
in the spring was like, well,it's no big deal.
I do most of these thingsanyways now, so that was helpful
.
But yeah, just that it wasdefinitely a possibility for me
without major change, except forall good things.
You know the sleep, the gettingup early, and then you know I I

(49:13):
started meeting all of our 5 amcrew.
I was about six months in and Irealized how many more people
out there were on the samejourney that I had already
started.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
That's awesome, jodi, then Amanda, jodi man, I wish
you would have told me this Jay,hold on, you're on mute here,
go ahead, ahead, you're good, uh, I don't know I mean I save a
ton of money yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:44):
I wish someone would have told me how much money I
would save according to my yeah,my app tells me um, but yeah,
like you said, talking aboutreplacing that time, I spent
several months just eating icecream every night, replacing
that time, because I was like,well, I'm not drinking those
calories, and now I could justeat these calories.

(50:05):
And then, yeah, Okay, where the?
5 am rock club came in Andy.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
That's awesome.
Amanda, leah, then Stevenanda.
Uh, what do you wish?

Speaker 6 (50:17):
someone would have told you um, I think it is
important to know, at least forme, with the core of addiction,
that was, you know what, whatled me to getting sober was that
, um, stopping drinking was onlythe beginning of all the work
that needed to be done to heal,because I've been running from

(50:38):
things from from my childhoodand so that was not gonna like.
All of that stuff was stillthere and it took a lot to
finally come to.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
You know, come to terms and heal from that.
I want to recognize, amanda,that your path might be
different from a lot of ours onthis, on this podcast, because
I'm hearing a lot of the earlyon trauma and all the things
that you went through and theaddiction and the DUIs.
And first of all, I want torecognize you for being very
vulnerable and authentic.

(51:12):
to bring this out Because, again, it it reminds us that our path
might have been easier.
Right, it might have beendifferent, but, um, people
definitely need to hear thestory from your angle or your
perspective, because it's notall challenges, it's life, right
, it's, it's in your face.

(51:32):
There's no hey guys, we'regonna get a 30-day or a 90-day,
like Amanda, it was a must foryou, so I want to recognize that
.
So thank you for sharing.
Yeah, absolutely, leah you.
What do you wish?

Speaker 5 (51:47):
someone told you I have two things because.
Number one well, I was a vodkadrinker, so it was like vodka
and any other flavored lemonadethat simply whatever came out
with.
I mean, we were mixing thingslike you would not believe and
that was my thing.
So I, the amount of sugar I wasconsuming was insane, um, and
so I remember sitting there oneday going, oh my God, I just
want to eat like a whole box ofKrispy Kreme, like, but I had no

(52:10):
idea that that was related tome removing all that sugar, like
it was just those massive sugarcravings.
So that was crazy.
I had no idea that was a thingand I just wish somebody would
have looked at, like you have noidea how good life can get.
Like you truly have no idea theshackles that you are carrying.
And now that I'm like sevenyears, like and I'm honestly

(52:33):
like Steven, I'm so excited totalk to you in like another two
years because, honestly for me,like that first, you know, six
months, it was like okay, nowit's a year.
Now, like I'm seven years inand life just keeps getting
better, like it truly just keepslike it keeps getting better.
So I wish, I don't know, justkeep going because it doesn't
stop.
Like you think it's like, okay,great, I quit drinking, like

(52:55):
yeah, that was fun, and thenit's going to maybe go back down
.
No, I mean, tragedies willhappen in your life, but you can
handle them so much better andyou can move through them so
much easier.
So, like it just I don't know,life just keeps getting better.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
I love it.
I love it, steven you.
What do you wish?
Thank?

Speaker 1 (53:24):
you.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Yeah, you sure did Crazy, Crazy.

Speaker 6 (53:56):
I wanted to chime in.

Speaker 2 (54:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (54:03):
Yeah, go ahead, amanda.
Oh, I was going to say one morething is that, um, you have to
find something to to to help youwith your boredom and your
loneliness, because those twothings can be huge when you
first stop drinking.
Like what are you going to doon a Friday night and you don't
want to sit home all by yourself, and so finding something to do
with somebody that can supportyour, your lifestyle, is so

(54:24):
important.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
That's so true, because where can I go without
drinking tonight?
I mean, that's a thing y'all,and I would avoid certain
situations.

Speaker 1 (54:34):
When I first quit, like I knew, going to Nebraska
Brewing Company, I couldn't go,like the summer I was like, oh
my God, what am I going to dowhen I can't have like a cold
beer out on the deck after I cutthe grass?
Like that's what I did?
How am I going to get throughthis, you know?
And so then it was like buyingthe NA beers and having them
available in case I felt likethat's what I needed and then

(54:57):
eventually, after a few monthsof not drinking them, it was
like, okay, I'm over this andI'll have one now when we go to
the brewing company.
But now I can be in thatsituation and not feel like I
want to be having that type offun.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
Okay, we're going to pepper this, okay.
So I am.
I am the bartender that canserve you any NA option in the
world.
You're at a wedding, you're ata dinner, you're at a bar,
wherever, and I say, tammy, whatdo you have?
What is it?

Speaker 3 (55:29):
Probably a Blue Moon NA or a Mango Cart.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
NA Mango Cart NA Okay , Jodi, how about you?

Speaker 1 (55:38):
I would say probably the hop water from Nebraska.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Okay, steven.

Speaker 4 (55:43):
Bushlight NA.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Bushlight NA.
Okay, scott.

Speaker 7 (55:51):
I've had Heineken Zero.
That tastes pretty good.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
Okay.

Speaker 6 (55:55):
That one's a good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
So I'm going to disrupt the pattern.
For me, it's a Coke Zero, it'slike a guilty pleasure.
For me, it's not even the anyoption.
Like give me a Coke Zero,because here's why I would
rather have a Coke Zero for$2.99 than have a mango hop cart
for $13.60.
You know what I'm saying.
It sounds crazy to me, but I amlike trying to rebel against

(56:20):
the system.
Now, leah, how about you?

Speaker 5 (56:23):
I used to just do like a lemonade with a splash of
cranberry.
But now that I don't do anysugar now, it's just pretty much
water.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
Okay, water Amanda.

Speaker 6 (56:32):
Okay, I was going to say like Diet Coke or Coke Zero
or water is typical.

Speaker 2 (56:37):
I swear to all of you like this is why?
Because I used to go placeswith Becky and I used to see the
oh, look at this.
From Fum, fum Skimple with aRumpelstiltskin.
I'm like what is this?
What is this?
$18 NA thing?

Speaker 5 (56:52):
right, I do drink those, though I love those,
Tammy, that cracked me up.
I have found some amazingmocktails in the weirdest places
, and when I was doing sugar andI you know I was fine with that
Like, oh my gosh, those thingsare freaking good.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
Guys, I would rather have the lemons in my eyes than
have those.

Speaker 7 (57:11):
When I, when I quit drinking actually, I quit
drinking pop too.
So I haven't had a pop actually, and that was harder to quit
was drinking pop.
So so I quit drinking alcoholin January and then within like
two weeks, I had like maybethree Coca-Cola's, because I
would have one Coca-Cola a day.

(57:32):
That was like my thing and I'dget headaches from not drinking
Coke, and so it was harder forme to quit drinking pop.

Speaker 5 (57:43):
But after that, three weeks I haven't had a pop since
, yeah, I haven't had a pop insince 2021 yeah, nine years for
me or caffeine or alcohol, oh no, caffeine.

Speaker 7 (57:52):
I definitely do caffeine now.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
I just make sugar, so it's a list down there's three
more questions here and thenwe're going to wrap up and these
are got to be rapid fires, asmuch as you can, okay.
So, tammy, what did you feelthat you're most afraid of
losing when you quit, or whatdid you, was it, you know,
social rejection, loss ofidentity, fun, like?

(58:14):
What did you feel most afraidof now that you are not going to
have alcohol even tomorrow?
What are you most afraid of?

Speaker 3 (58:23):
Oh, I guess I thought I wasn't going to have as much
fun with.
It was more family settings.
I work so much that I'm notgoing to go out too much.
I mean my fun is 5 am with myrock club and then standing
behind my chair for 12 hours.
So no, I guess I was worriedthat probably my kids would be

(58:51):
rejecting of you know hangingwith us.
But you know, no, everybodystill loves me, I think.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
Well, I'm there.
So I mean that's important forsomeone who's listening right
now.
Someone's listening right now,going like God I don't want my
friends to change.
I don't want my, I don't wantto.
You know, whatever it is, it'sgoing to change.
Jodi, what were you most afraidof losing when you quit?
Was it comfortability?
You know, was it like, oh gosh,before I get in front of this

(59:22):
group, I got to take one back,like what is?

Speaker 1 (59:25):
it?
Yeah, probably fun.
And I mean, you know, I don'tlike crowds, I don't like being
the center of attention.
So a lot of times, like beforewe would go to dinner, I would
have a drink just to calm downbefore we would go into a
restaurant and then we woulddrink at the restaurant and then
we would come home and I wouldcome home and drink some more,
and so I think the fun of like,oh my God, that's going to be so

(59:45):
boring, um, so yeah, just notputting myself in those
situations until I knew I wasstrong enough to be able to go
and have fun.
Now I have a great time when Igo out.

Speaker 2 (59:59):
Absolutely so, steven .
How about you?
What did you think you weregoing to miss?
Or what are you sometimesmissing most?
Now, what are you afraid oflosing?

Speaker 4 (01:00:10):
well, honestly, I don't know.
I don't really have an answerto that question.
I mean, everybody's been sosupportive about it.

Speaker 7 (01:00:23):
Good.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Yeah, I think that's important and everyone's
different.
You know, I remember some of myfriends like what's wrong with
you?
Did you get in trouble?
Are you in debt?
Like what Did you say in debt?
What did you say in debt?
Like what did you get arrested,scott?
What do you?

(01:00:45):
What do you fear missing orlosing?

Speaker 7 (01:00:48):
you know, yeah, so I mean, like I just, I mean I said
a few minutes ago we're goingto napa, my wife's 40th uh,
we've had this plan for, I meanshe.
We had planned on going whenshe turned 30 and she was
pregnant, so we decided to pushoff to 40.
So I mean I'm nervous, not thatI'm going to like drink or not
drink, it's more that I'm notgoing to.

(01:01:10):
I'm going to be too worriedabout, like, wanting to please
or like, you know, letting herdown or, you know, letting the
experience down.
Now, maybe not letting her downbecause she's very supportive,
but letting the experience down,and because we're going to this
special place, obviously knownfor its vineyards, and we're
doing wine tasting you knowwhere she will and we're going

(01:01:33):
to the vineyards and everything.
So I mean, right now I havenerves of going, and not of
because I'm going to have adrink, it's just that, yeah,
I'll miss out on an experience.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
So here's what I can tell you.
Scott and I just went toKentucky last year and the
bourbon trail right Like youlike your bourbon, where you did
.
I still buy it, right, I stillbuy bourbon.
I have 200 bottles, I don'tknow why.
That's a whole other podcast.
But, scott, I want to assureyou of one thing you can make

(01:02:07):
the experience elevated for herby enjoying watching her,
telling her how special she is,how special the moment is.
You don't have to apologizeabout not drinking.
You don't have to say sorry,babe, I'm not.
You just need to tell her,describe it to me, you know.
Like hey, tell me.
You know, and, and I'm tellingyou, scott, part of me felt like

(01:02:29):
that when Becky was sampling,we went to three different
distilleries these are bucketlist items, right, I felt so out
of place there.
Everybody was like oh, oh.
And the guy said hey, atAngel's Envy, I'll never forget
this.
He's like hey, buddy, are younot drinking?
He said it so quiet he goes.

(01:02:50):
Hey, buddy, are you notdrinking?
I said no, not drinking, hegoes.
He moved the glasses aside andhe brought me more chocolate.
Mean, that was an ultimate flex, like he saw that.
And he wasn't like well, well,buddy, what are you doing here?
Like it's in your head.
It's in your head and people,however people, react.

(01:03:12):
You won't be able to control,but what you can control is how
you guide and experience it withyour wife her joy, her
happiness, right, and it's goingto be incredible, yeah.

Speaker 7 (01:03:24):
I'm excited too, but, yeah, also nervous.

Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
Yeah, absolutely Fair .
I'm glad you said that, amanda.

Speaker 6 (01:03:33):
Okay, I'm going to get vulnerable.
I think what I still am, tothis day, like scared about is
like meeting like I'm I'm, I'msingle.
I'm not dating right now, butthe day that I decide to date
again is is finding somebodythat aligns with my lifestyle.
Like, as you get older, thedating pool gets less appealing,

(01:03:55):
so it's hard.
Anyway, you know and I'm notlike trying to be like weird or
anything, it's just true, likeit's like man, am I going to be
able to find somebody that thatappreciates and that lives a
similar lifestyle?
That's not, you know, inundatedwhat's that I said?

Speaker 5 (01:04:15):
the answer is yes, um , and I could.
I'm going to calm that fear foryou, girl, because I'll tell
you I went on plenty of dateswhere it was like, oh, I'm just
going to have a lemonade with asplash of cream.
Are you sure you don't wantvodka in that?
No, thank you.
Like I'm good, but I will tellyou, the men that I have dated
have actually, they love thatabout me.
They love that they could takeme to their company parties and
I don't humiliate them, or thatwhen I go to meet their friends,

(01:04:37):
like I'm a good representationof who they are as people Like,
and now I get more complimentson that than I ever did when I
was drinking.
So, sorry to interrupt you, butI promise you God will bring
that person to you and and itwill he will love that about you
and it will be something ofvalue that you bring to the
table.
That other girls that are outpartying, you know, and not

(01:04:58):
doing that.
That they, you know.
Table that other girls that areout partying, you know, and not
doing that that they, you knowyou'll find him, I promise.

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
I love that.
I love this little community ofseven people right now.
No, I mean here's.
Here's what I'll tell you allis.
This is I.
I'm doing this selfishly.
You know, I'm launching amovement for sober people here
in Nebraska and that's what thisfirst whole sober I mean

(01:05:22):
seriously.
And here's why, guys, I stillfeel socially awkward when I
walk into a situation and theyhave drinks.
I'm not going to lie and say itdoesn't affect me.
It affects me and it doesn'tmake me go.
Oh God, I just want one.
It makes me feel like, okay,I'm going to get ready to
explain that I don't.

(01:05:43):
I still have that posture.
Are they going to accept me?
Oh my God, here goes this gal,she's all drunk.
Here goes this guy, he's alllit up.
I have to still go into my headwith that.
I'm sure I'll get over it.
But you have to know this Igrew up a DJ in a nightclub.
I saw everything.
I saw people steal, lie insheep for a drink.

(01:06:06):
I saw drinks in people's lapsas they were driving.
And, secretly, I want to bepulled over by a cop right now
and I want him to say so when'sthe last time you had a drink?
I want to be like three yearsago sucker, I can't wait.
But guess what?
The police aren't coming for me.
I haven't been pulled over insuch a long time.

(01:06:30):
Not that I want to, but I'malmost proud to say officer, I
don't drink.
But I'll blow on the littlewhistle thing right now.
Whatever that thing is right,like whatever, let's jump to it.
I'm not doing the ABCs, I wantthe breathalyzer right now.
That's what I want to do andit's such a freeing, it's so

(01:06:53):
freeing.
So let me ask the next questionhere.
This is crazy Isolation orchanging of your friends?
15 seconds, tammy.
Have your friends or the peopleyou hung around changed?

Speaker 3 (01:07:11):
Yes, but not completely.
I do have like.
At work I had a girlfriend thatwe would typically like end of
the day one night a week whenshe was there.
We like shots, you know, and wedo a butterscotch shot.
Not that it was anythingexciting, but I do like
butterscotch.
So I'll just replace that withsome chips.

(01:07:32):
But you know, she was upset atfirst like you're kidding me, oh
my God, what are we going to do, you know?
And then it became I you'rekidding me, oh my God, what are
we going to do, you know?
And then it became I am soproud of you.
And now I can see over timethat she's tamed it down and I
feel like she's probably decidedthat kind of in similar like

(01:07:56):
okay, maybe this is getting toomuch and maybe I'm going to, you
know, and I can see adifference in her completely and
so.
And my other girlfriends, youknow, are like eh, good for you.
Uh, one's allergic toeverything, so she didn't drink
half the time anyways, and sothat's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
No, I appreciate that .
Um, Jodi, I'm going to go toyou.
How about you?

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
the East coast and she still drinks.
So when I go see her, you knowshe, she can't believe that.
We used to finish bottles ofwhiskey in Korea because we
didn't feel like carrying it tothe next country and we're like,
well, we'll just finish ittonight, we'll make it through
the meal tomorrow, it'll be fine.
Um, so yeah, she still can'tbelieve it.
But so, yeah, my friend grouphas just changed and I'm my

(01:09:00):
authentic self.
It's a new world around.

Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
I love it.
I love it, amanda, and thenScott, amanda, scott, then Leah
Amanda.

Speaker 6 (01:09:09):
Yes, my friend group is entirely different.
But I will say it's been 18 anda half years and I've lived in
multiple different cities, sothere's other contributing
factors too.
But when I first got sober,yeah, I literally had to cut off
everybody because I was afraid.
I was afraid if I would be withthem, if I would drink or not
drink, so I just made a hard,fast cut.

Speaker 2 (01:09:32):
That's fair and that's probably some of the best
advice for people who reallywant to.
You will listen to your friendsmore than you will the
clinician or a doctor orsomebody, and and you, your
surroundings, will influence youmore than a, a program or or
what have you.
So I think I think that'simportant.
Now, I'm not saying that's theprescription or the remedy for

(01:09:55):
everyone, but I'm saying that isa factor that plays into
sobriety or not.
So, scott, how about you?
Did your friend circle changeor did your things change?

Speaker 7 (01:10:05):
I don't really have a friend circle so much.
I mean not in a sad way at all.
So if anybody listened to thisand knows me, they would know
that I don't really have friends, other than the people I run
with.
And that's the people, and thepeople I run with are.
I could count them on one handand we never really drank
together.
So my, my social circleconsists of wherever my wife

(01:10:29):
takes me, which is then herfriends.
But so nothing's really changed.

Speaker 2 (01:10:35):
Hey, I appreciate that, Like I love this, I love
all aspects of life.
Leah, stephen, leah, go ahead.

Speaker 5 (01:10:43):
Uh, I still have the same friends I did from
childhood.
They kind of watched me gothrough the train wreck years
and then they've been superproud of me, you know, but again
, kind of like Amanda said, likeI don't hang out in a bar, I
don't.
I have so many other fun thingsto go do and I'm probably a

(01:11:06):
workaholic, so, you know, justwith my business.
So no, if anything, I've justmet more and more people and I
remember their names the nextday.
That's even better.
So it's, I don't know, I don'tfeel that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:13):
I that's.
You know again, everyone has adifferent perspective and it's
crazy because to be in that samearena, like I was saying, with
your industry, right, I mean the, the immersion of where your
temptation is still there,whether you're tempted or not,
but your environment has notchanged.
You know what I mean and I saythat to you to be that's, you'll

(01:11:38):
have to be strong for that tohave to happen.
I'm not saying stronger thanall of us or any one of us.
I'm saying to be in thatenvironment where it hasn't
changed, where that still sociallubrication is out there, right
like it's out there, and andsome people can't handle that.
You know what I mean.
Some people choose to avoidthat, but good for you for being
able to handle that.
Steven, anything change.

(01:12:02):
I know you had buds hanging outevery now and then you had
friends from work.

Speaker 5 (01:12:10):
Oh, I think he's muted.

Speaker 2 (01:12:15):
Go ahead, steven.
Yeah, yeah, yep, yep, got it.
I think your cricket phone isstruggling a little bit.
Your flip phone there.
No, it's all good, all right,this is parting shots.

(01:12:38):
Okay, so two parts.
It's all good, all right, thisis parting shots.
Okay, so two parts.
I want you to say here's myadvice.

(01:12:58):
I want to limit it to one nighta week.
I think I want to stop drinkingin front of my kids, whatever
it is.
I applaud and commend everyonefor even just wanting to limit
it, because they can't all belike you, you and you and you.
So a little bit of advice andwhat's better in your life.

(01:13:20):
So if it was me, I'm going togive the first example.
A little bit advice is have a,have a place, have people that
that you respect and admire, oror that that are available to
you to talk through this,because you'll take it, I, I
will take advice from themfaster than I take advice from

(01:13:42):
anybody else.
I can say to all of you here,like I admire all of you, right,
I know all of you on varyingdegrees, but if, if I can be
honest, I am, I am more.
I'm better for having this hourand 15 minute session, because

(01:14:04):
it is validating me.
So what's better for me?
I've been able to have clearvisions and clear thoughts and
clear I've been able to createmore things than I've ever been
able to create before.
And I thought alcohol was mycreativity drug.
I thought it was my drug of man.

(01:14:27):
This is going to make me reallyloose and come up with ideas
where it was just inhibiting me.
So, tammy, I'll let you go.
First, tammy, a little bit ofadvice, and then what's better,
and then we'll wrap it up littlebit of advice and then what's
better, and then we'll wrap itup.

Speaker 3 (01:14:44):
I would say my, my biggest advice is make make it a
little challenge for yourself.
That's how I roll.
I need something, a goal toachieve, and set it to where you
don't think you're going tofail.
And then when you, where youdon't think you're going to fail

(01:15:04):
, and then when you you hit yourgoal, then go a little longer.
A little longer, and if you setyourself up for success, you're
much better chance of gettingthrough to the other side.

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
I guess, for lack of a better term, but yeah, it
doesn't have to be forever, itcould be for one day.
No, yeah, yeah, I like that.
And what's better for you,tammy?
What's?

Speaker 3 (01:15:26):
what's better?

Speaker 2 (01:15:27):
Yeah, what's better?

Speaker 3 (01:15:29):
I'm just proud of myself.
I guess I feel better.
And, you know, if I can, if Ican inspire one other person,
even if it's not from this, it'ssomething else.
I mean, I'm fortunate to have alot of people who follow what I
do and, you know, are nice tome, complimentary to me or

(01:15:52):
whatever.
That just pushes me to continueon my journey and my journey's
for myself.
But it is nice to be to heargood job or, you know, I'm proud
of you or whatever it is, youknow, happy things.

Speaker 2 (01:16:10):
No, I love that for sure.
Uh lost track.
Uh did I ask Jody, yet Jody,did I ask you yet.

Speaker 1 (01:16:17):
Okay, so my advice would be things that Jay says to
me all the time just start, um,and then don't overthink it,
like that's what I did for toomany years.
You know, like I said, I prayedand I prayed and I prayed every
night Like why?
But then the next day I wouldjust be in my own head and I
would make up an excuse like, oh, I'm just going to have a drink

(01:16:39):
tonight, I'll start thistomorrow, and so just start.
And, like Tammy said, thenchallenge yourself, go another
day, go another day.
And then, once you get enoughdays built up, you're like oh,
I'm not ruining this now.
It's too hard to start backover again.
Um, true.
Then what was the other question?
What's?

Speaker 2 (01:16:58):
what's good now.
What's good Like what is.

Speaker 1 (01:17:01):
Oh, for me, I think I think a lot of it too was my
kids were little, when I I meanI drank before I had kids, but
then I continued drinkingbecause we weren't in so many
activities.
And now I mean I'm runningevery night and I'm like I can't
imagine like still having adrinking problem and my kids

(01:17:21):
having to go all these places.
A like would I be making poordecisions and being like I think
I'm okay to drive them tokarate, or would my husband be
driving them everywhere?
I don't know, and so now I don'teven have to like.
It's like you know, we go toall the things and I watched the
other parents drink in theparking lot at softball games
and I'm like, yeah, here's myiced coffee or my diet Coke, or

(01:17:46):
so I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:47):
I love it.
Um, Amanda, tell me.

Speaker 6 (01:17:52):
Um, I think my advice is you don't have to wait until
it gets really bad, uh, to stopdrinking, um, you don't have to
wait until you have themultiple DUIs or you're in the
hospital.
If you're questioning it, thenreach out to somebody.
If you're watching this podcast, reach out to Jay.
Reach out to somebody and startasking questions, because

(01:18:16):
having that person to talk to asyou get started makes a world
of difference.
Not doing it alone.
And what's better, literallyeverything.
I you know it's such a goodlife.
I can't blame alcohol or drugs,for that matter, on anything,

(01:18:37):
so I have to take responsibilityfor all my stupid decisions,
but that means I get to learnfrom them, um, and it's a really
, really good way to live life.

Speaker 2 (01:18:46):
Awesome, awesome.
So anything additional to addwhat's really good now, amanda,
in your life.
What's really good?

Speaker 6 (01:18:53):
Um, I mean, it's so good.
I I love being a mom.
Um, it's, it'm back in schoolto be a counselor and it's
almost like it's all come fullcircle and if I didn't have the
experiences that I had before, Iwouldn't have this now and I'm
living in my purpose and that'swhat's good.

(01:19:13):
I can be proud of who I amtoday.

Speaker 2 (01:19:16):
For sure.
I mean when I hear the word yougo through what you grow
through, like I see you, I seeyou and you can tell someone and
sit across from them and say,listen here, bill, don't tell me
I don't know.
Right, like, don't tell me, Idon't know.
And then you say, bill, I'mgoing to add $30 onto this

(01:19:38):
session or 30 minutes onto thesession, whatever, but you need
to hear my story.
So, thank you, it is fullcircle.
It is full circle, thank you.
Thank you so much, leah.

Speaker 5 (01:19:50):
Yeah, I'm just going to pass.
I think what Heath said to meabout give it one year, just do
a test run, right, like see foryourself and if it's not, if
your life's not predominantlybetter than it is, then go back
to drinking.
But once again, I think oncepeople start, it's like it's so
good with that, like you want totell everybody I can't tell

(01:20:11):
people because then they getfrustrated or like, oh, you
think you're so?
No, I don't, it's just so goodwithout it.
Like, just try it, like justgive it a try, give it, give it
a dry run for a month, a year,and you'll just you'll be
shocked.
And I think, yeah, and obviously, if you can't tell, like I just
I don't know, I love life andit's just it's remembering all

(01:20:31):
the things and not reallyremembering how it was or how
you got home, or you know, likethere, oh Jay, there was so much
of that.
I can't tell you guys how manyconcerts I should have just
bought the ticket or not boughtthe ticket and sat in the car
and just listened to my radio inmy garage because I couldn't

(01:20:52):
remember the concert.
I think that's a subscriber.

Speaker 2 (01:21:00):
That's a behind the scenes subscribers podcast
Patreon.

Speaker 7 (01:21:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:21:08):
That's for private subscribers, Just thank you, I
love it.
No, no, I can tell you lovelife, scott, you're, you're the
last year advice.
And then what's good?

Speaker 7 (01:21:21):
Yeah, yeah, so I am in.
This comes down to, like myrunning, what everything I do.
I'm very process oriented but Iworry about like I try I not
try not to think about the bigpicture.
I just think about the nextstep, frozen, take the next step
or something.
The next step, frozen, take thenext step, or something.

(01:21:44):
And so, like when I would getinto my routine years ago, all I
would do, like, say, atnighttime I would set out my
clothes.
Those clothes didn't meananything, it was just I was
setting up my clothes.
I would set my alarm.
That alarm didn't mean anything, it was just an alarm I was
setting.
When the alarm got off, I justshut it off and got up without
the expectation of anything.
So I never thought too far aheadof anything.
It was just do that next thingand Don't think too far ahead

(01:22:10):
because it'll seem overwhelming.
So I think the same thing canbe said about if you're thinking
about not drinking.
Don't try to think too far.
And some people are going tothink differently, like the year
that worked for Leah, and youknow there's going to be
different people.
That's that's going to be maybeoverwhelming for them.
Like, oh my gosh, how am Igoing to do a year Just make the
right decision when, like, Iwould get home, instead of

(01:22:32):
grabbing a beer out of thefridge, I would just grab a
LaCroix, and or I would just goinside and say hello to my kids.
And so you just do the nextright thing, um, and you stack
those on top of each other and,before you know it, you you've
created habits and you don'treally think about it then scott
you writing a book.

Speaker 2 (01:22:53):
The next right thing that's a book.
My friend that's a book?

Speaker 7 (01:22:58):
yeah, oh gosh I.
That's a book, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:23:00):
Oh gosh, you know, I wish I had shirts that say
bougie, not boozy, like thoseare really good right, that
would catch fire.
Black shirt it says bougie, notboozy.
Would you not hear that if Ihad one of those?
Oh, yeah, maybe hats, maybehats.
Well, I just want to say all ofall of you, um, I don't take

(01:23:21):
this for granted.
Uh, the insight that you gaveme on my journey of sobriety is,
um, pretty awesome.
You don't get this perspective.
And to line all of you up on aparticular day, sacrificing your
time away from family on aSunday night, I'm grateful, but
my life is better because I'vehad this conversation with all
of you.
So, with that being said,everyone will have their contact

(01:23:43):
information on the bottom here.
You can reach them out onsocial media, these people, but
you know, at the end of the day,they have given you a real look
inside their lives.
Please share, subscribe or like, and I thank all of you for
making a difference for one moreday.
Appreciate you guys.
Thank you, jay.

Speaker 8 (01:24:03):
Thanks for tuning in to the Connection.
It's been a fantastic journey,exploring stories, insights and
inspirations that bridge ourlives.
Remember every connection hasthe power to transform.
Please subscribe, rate andreview.
Your feedback keeps us going Inthis connected world.

(01:24:23):
Let's make meaningfulconnections that enrich lives.
Now signing off until next time, the Connection, keep
connecting and let's go.

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