August 15, 2025 • 18 mins
Welcome back to The Conscious Home Podcast! This episode is all about protecting your spark: the energy that fuels your life, your work, and your joy. Blanche dives deep into the everyday ways we unknowingly give away our power, from subtle digs in conversation to clients who push past agreed boundaries.
If you’ve been feeling drained, resentful, or off without knowing why, this conversation will help you recognize energy pulls, set clear boundaries, and honor your own vibration so you can live and lead from a place of strength.
(00:01:00) Energy Is Everything: Blanche explains how energy shows up in every aspect of life, from money and music to conversations and spaces.
(00:03:00) High vs. Low Vibration: Learn to identify activities, people, and habits that lift you up versus those that subtly drain you.
(00:06:00) Early Boundaries & Teaching the Next Generation: Blanche shares how she’s teaching her daughter to speak up for herself and honor her boundaries.
(00:08:00) Boundaries in Business: A personal story about standing firm with a client, reclaiming energy, and trusting that honoring yourself opens the door to greater opportunities.
(00:14:00) Feeling Into Your Body’s Yes & No: An exercise to help you tune into your body’s signals so you can make choices that protect your energy.
(00:17:00) Trusting the Signs: How the universe communicates through alignment (or misalignment), and why roadblocks might be redirecting you.
Ready to protect your energy and reclaim your spark?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
So this is one that is nearand dear to my heart because
(00:04):
I feel like it challenges me.
It calls on me, it pulls on me, notjust me, every other person that I know.
It's such just an everyday energy thatyou're constantly checking in with
yourself, and most of us usually fail.
So what am I talking about?
I'm talking about whenyou give too much energy.
(00:25):
Or you take on so much energyof somebody else because of
whatever, fill in the blank.
You are just giving too much.
You're getting walked all over, oryou don't realize and you're giving
too much or you're taking too much.
There's a lot in both directions.
So I feel like, I don't know anyone ofmy friends who doesn't talk about this.
It's kind of in different conversations,hidden behind different words or phrases.
(00:50):
But this is basically what it is.
Welcome home, everybody, and thatis to The Conscious Home Podcast.
I am your host, blanche Garcia.
Let's talk about energy.
Energy is basically everything.
Energy is the money that we see.
(01:10):
It's the walls that we see.
It's the vibration that we feel.
It's food, it's words, it'smusic, it's everything.
And you never heard it talked aboutas much back in the day, but it
is literally everything, right?
And we're realizing this like youdon't have to be a tree hugger,
woowoo, or listen to the ConsciousHome Podcast to understand that energy
is everywhere and it is everything.
(01:32):
And so there's a dynamic withit, especially in relationships.
There is so much depth.
To how we exchange energy.
It is not just, oh, you feelgreat, or I walked into the
room and the energy changed.
There's a lot more layers to it.
Let me dive a little deeper into this.
You have an energy field aroundyou, and if you are aware enough.
(01:54):
Or if you follow the Conscious HomePodcast, you will understand that there
is a hygiene that has to happen foryour energy to actually be in alignment.
There are things that you have to stayaway from, 'cause everything has energy.
So there's low vibrational thingsand there's high vibrational things.
Not that we can't live a human life,like we're here to have a human.
Be authentic selves.
(02:15):
That is the truth.
Okay?
And so if you think that you'resupposed to be in a mountain, not
around anybody, and not partaking ofwhat makes us human, you are in denial.
That is not what spirituality is,and that's not what living is about.
It is about being in human form andgoing through all the things it is about
being a kid and having your first beer.
It is about, it's about all thethings, the wrong decisions, the
(02:35):
right decisions, and how you reactto it and your choices in this life.
That's what it is about.
So when we have our own energy andour own sovereignty over our energy,
there are ways that we can takethings in to make it feel good and
bring it of its highest vibration.
It's like when you exercise, you goon a run, you're with people that
you love watching a funny movie.
All these things are high vibrationalthings that you bring into your life.
(02:58):
When you're in the low vibration, youfeel it in the pit of your stomach.
You literally get nauseous sometimesor you're like, I don't feel good.
A lot of things that arelower in vibrational frequency
could be horror movies.
Why?
Because horror movies bring downyour fear base and it anchors
into fight or flight in a way.
Some people like that because it'sjust kind of ingrained in them
through just life and family, andthere's a lot of, there's a lot of
(03:21):
reasons for it, but horror movies.
Alcohol, drugs, negativity, screaming,arguments, crime, murder, these
are all low vibrational things.
You can actually see those a mile away.
You could say, oh yeah, that's probablynot gonna make me super happy and joyful.
Right?
You could see those.
The sneaky ones are theones in the every day.
(03:41):
Those are the ones that are like.
A friend or a client or a coworker,it could be as simple as you go to
your hairdresser, she does your hair,she's really good at it, but every time
you go to her, she's constantly like,you know, I'm a designer, so maybe my
hairdresser and she doesn't do this.
I love my hairdresser, by the way.
I'm going this week.
And she's amazing.
But you go to your hairdresserand if I'm a designer, she may
(04:02):
say, oh my God, can I show you?
Space every time I go, can you giveme ideas on what to do at my house?
And you know, my boyfriend, and thenshe like trauma dumps, or she's asking
me for like, things, even though she'sdoing my hair and I'm paying her for that
service, she sees this as an opportunity.
Whether she realizes or not,she's pulling energy from me.
She's like, can I, can I,can I, can I, can I, right.
(04:23):
Oh, you don't mind ifyou just take a minute.
Right?
And meanwhile you'retrying to be nice, but.
By being nice.
It's that split decision that youdid not put your boundary out.
You didn't say, it's not like youhave to be like, listen bitch,
I need you to stop talking.
Even though that's what you're feeling.
What you really need to say is, Iwould love to help you, and this
looks like a space that I feel likethere's so much that can be done there.
(04:43):
Let me give you my card, and if you'relooking to kind of move forward,
we can create a consultation or wecan blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
There are ways to answer that.
The simplistic way that this happensin the every day is I'm talking to
a girlfriend and they're tellingme about their life, but when
they're telling me about theirlife, it's always like about them.
They never ask about me.
They never are like, sowhat's going on in your life?
(05:06):
Every time they're talking abouttheir life, there is an energy.
Pull.
They're like, oh, you know, and thenthis happened, and of course it was
gonna happen and that never happensfor, you know, blah, blah blah.
And then there's a subtle, oh,but that wouldn't happen for you.
'cause like, I feel like there'sso much going on in your life.
It's like, see that really simple?
My life isn't good enough.
I'm actually jealous of your life.
But I'm not gonna tell you I'mjealous of your life, so I'm just
(05:27):
gonna throw it in a little dig.
So what they did was they pulledyour energy, they boomeranged it,
right, wrapped it around a tree,and then slingshot it at you.
Wrapped up in woe is me.
So now you're just like gaslitand you're like, what's going on?
That conversation is gonna stay withyou because there's an energetic
tie now that it has created.
It's a connection they have formed withyou and they're pulling energy from you.
(05:50):
This happens in the every day.
This happens all the timewithout us realizing it.
And it's the little decisions thatyou don't realize are your boundaries.
As a culture.
It's mostly women.
Men do it too, but I think mostlywomen where we give so much of
ourselves and don't realize thatwe are trying to be nice and people
will call it people pleasing or,oh, she's just trying to be nice.
(06:11):
You're not honoring a boundary thatyou have, and it starts really young.
It's really interestingbecause my daughter, she's
five and she's learning life.
This is her first time inthis body, in this life.
I get to help her out withthe tools to understand how
it works here on planet Earth.
She may say to me somethingsimple like, you know, Johnny
(06:32):
at school was pulling my hair.
What would happen mostly like our parentsor the parents before us, they may say
it's okay, like just means he likes you.
And then she starts learning thatsomething that hurts or something
that makes her feel bad is okaybecause the intention of the other
person is that they really thinkyou're pretty or they like you.
So you should just swallow it andbe okay with it and let it slide.
(06:55):
And when we have sovereignty andwhen we honor our boundaries.
What I try to tell her is, listen,Johnny May not have the tools yet to
understand why he's doing what he'sdoing for whatever reason, and I'm sure
Johnny is not intending to hurt youbecause Johnny is also five, but it
doesn't mean that you have to accept it.
He's not allowed to touch you thatway, in any way that you don't like.
(07:18):
So next time Johnny does that, you can sayto Johnny, Hey Johnny, I don't like that.
That doesn't feel good to me.
I like, do not put your hands on me.
If that keeps happening.
You go to an adult and you go, Hey, Johnnykeeps putting his hands on me and this
and that, and like, I guess like any otherlike spiritual elevated person would be
like, and then you're just gonna like.
Talk your way throughit and this and that.
(07:39):
But if you ask Blanche, I don'tthink that that's fully spiritual.
'cause that's still letting someone walkall over you who's not understanding your
boundaries, even though it's a 5-year-old.
So basically what happens is Igo, Hey, tell Johnny's to stop.
Give Johnny three shots of warning.
Then tell an adult.
Then if Johnny doesn't listen, thenthere's a ripple effect I'd like to
call, and it's probably not the most likespiritually evolved, but I do believe
(08:00):
that it is effective that Johnny hascreated the situation in which there
is a reaction that he has originallycaused to boomerang back to him.
So the, he learned his lessons in lifeand who are we to stop Johnny's lessons?
We're not.
I tell ever that she'sallowed to give the SmackDown.
I mean, maybe not punch him in theface, but she can figure out something.
Right?
(08:21):
And these are the lessons welearn in life, not to cry.
So getting back to where we werebefore, that's just like the mom in me.
I'm here evolving.
I'm not Gandhi.
I'm just doing the best Ican, raising a little warrior.
Getting back to the story there.
Another ways this may show up for usis that, you know, you have a client.
And the client keeps asking for more.
Even though you've setboundaries, they want more of you.
(08:43):
They want information, moresupport, more this, more that.
And I think if you don't put up boundariesand if just say yes, to keep the peace,
you have to be able to say to them,listen, we've already agreed to this.
Maybe I'll give you a little bit becausethat's just me trying to be a good
business person, but if you want moreof X, you have to pay Y. When we set
(09:03):
boundaries, it is not being negative.
It is not being mean.
What it is, honoring who you are,whenever you honor the boundaries of
who you are, you're basically saying,in order for us to be in a relationship,
I have to feel good about it, and youhave to feel good about it at any point.
That one of us doesn't feel good about it.
We get to tell each other how we feel.
(09:23):
That's being an adult, by the way.
That's being an evolved human, anda lot of people forget to do that.
They think that is shameful,or I shouldn't speak up because
it's gonna ruffle feathers.
That is usually toxic, and that's usuallybeen ingrained in us, whether it's
through family, through lineage, whatever.
It's just something that wethink, but it's not real.
The minute that you put aboundary up and you tell somebody.
(09:46):
This is what I will not accept.
Do you know what happens?
The universe is like, yes, wewere waiting for you to do this.
And when you honor yourself andthat boundary, more abundance
opens, more beautiful things happen.
And I'm not saying that other personis gonna receive that exactly.
The way you think they are.
They may not be there yet.
(10:07):
They may not have evolved that far yet.
They may take it like,oh my God, how dare you.
That's on them.
That has nothing to do with you.
How people react to yourboundaries, how people receive
the information of you honoringyourself has nothing to do with you.
Okay?
I'll give you an example of this.
I had a client.
The client had asked us todo a certain type of work.
We did the work.
(10:28):
In fact, not only did we do the work, wewent above and beyond and I feel like we
gave more than probably we should have.
But I was like, okay.
I feel like I honor this association.
And in the end when Iwas asked to finalize.
The proposal, the contract,the monies or whatnot.
What do most people do?
A lot of people, unfortunately, and wedon't have this a lot, a lot of my clients
(10:51):
pay really well and they pay on time.
They kind of didn't pay us on time.
They took a really long timeto pay us, and that happens.
But what happens usually in thesecircumstances is that as a business
owner, you just kind of let it go andyou let it go and you're like, listen,
I'm not gonna say anything because.
You know, what am I gonna say?
And then when they do pay,you're just happy that they
(11:12):
pay and you just keep going.
If they give you more work, you're justlike, Hey, they're giving me more work.
So I'm just happy for that.
So what happens in that interaction if Ilet it go like that, the same situation
would keep arising and they wouldn'tunderstand where my boundaries were.
Well, when we ended up having aconversation, I explained my boundaries
and I said that I was displeased withhow the end of the project went, that
(11:35):
that's not really how I do business.
And I explained my feelings.
I wasn't rude or derogatory,but I explained my feelings.
They didn't take it well.
They weren't happy about that.
And we had finished the projectand they ended up moving on.
It didn't end in a warm andfuzzy feeling, but what did
happen was I took back my energy.
I put up a boundary and I said,listen, this is what I will not accept.
(11:56):
And when I did that, I took mypower back and it opened up my own.
Energy to receive something more.
And it also put the period atthe end of the sentence, it
said, okay, we're done with this.
We're not doing this.
And I retained my own sovereignty.
Now were they happy about it?
I'm sure they walked away thinkinglike, wow, blanche is a big bitch.
Who knows if they were bad mouthingme, and they were like, ba, ba, ba,
(12:17):
ba. But I know what I did was truthful.
It was authentic, it was right.
I handled myself with professionalismand I created my own boundary.
And I let them know where I stood.
It's gonna go either way.
And you have to be okay with that.
And so it's in these littleinteractions we have in relationships,
personal or the professionalrelationships that you get to decide.
We think life happenswith the big decisions.
(12:38):
We think there's gonna belike this major decision.
It's like you're in a telenovela.
You know what I mean?
We're like, they come inand they're like, blanch.
I don't think I can pay you anymore,but I want more information.
You think that's gonna happen,but it, it's not like that.
It's literally a text message, a phonecall, like, Hey girl, do you think if
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it'sin that moment, I just want you to pause.
(12:59):
This is your takeaway in that moment.
I want you to pause.
I want you to take three deep.
Breaths.
And if you feel like you're beingrushed into a decision, I want you to
take a moment and say, you know what?
Let me get back to you.
Very simple.
Let me get back to you.
Gives you enough space to kind ofget yourself together and collect
yourself, think about it, and reallyreact in a way that you feel like
(13:19):
it's going to be in alignment.
That's a good buffer, buteither way, take those moments.
You don't need to react ateverything in the moment.
When you're in that moment,your body freezes up.
And I know a lot of people who can'tmake decisions very quickly and they
freeze up and they'll just say whateverto make the other person feel good.
I am also guilty of that.
(13:39):
There are times when I just answer andI'm like, oh, I shouldn't have said
that, or I shouldn't have agreed to that.
And why did I do that?
And it's kind of a muscle that youhave to keep retraining in your
body, so you're gonna tense up.
As soon as they ask you, yourstomach's gonna drop and you're gonna
feel it in the pit of your stomach.
What I wanna invite you to do, Iwant you to try this exercise when
(14:00):
you're not being put on the spot.
Don't start doing this as soonas they start asking you, let's
try doing this on your own.
So I want you to think of adecision that you have to make.
Maybe it's like at a levelfive on a one to 10, 10 being,
do I jump off the building?
It's about to explode.
And one being, do I makea left and go to the park?
Or a right and just go home.
(14:20):
So as a level five, you may say, I'mnot sure if I'm going to invest in that
fund, buy the car, whatever it is, right?
I want you to think of the question.
I want you to take three deep breathsin through the nose, out through the
mouth, and I want you to imagine thewhite light coming in through the nose.
The white light is ofcertainty, and you're exhaling.
(14:43):
All of the doubt, all of the confusion.
Do that three times.
Then I want you to feel in your bodywhen you ask the question where it sits.
So I may say to myself, after I havethree deep breaths, should I buy the
$80,000 car that I know I can't afford?
And when you ask yourself the question,I want you to understand and feel into
(15:04):
your body where it resonates for me whenit's a no, it's at the pit of my stomach.
I feel it low, kind ofheavy, a little icky.
It's like, ugh, like a rock.
When it's a yes, I feelit up in my solar plexus.
It kind of like vibrates.
My body starts to come alittle bit and immediately I'm
like, yeah, this feels right.
This feels good.
(15:24):
Remember that?
If it's not an absoluteyes, it's usually a no.
Sometimes we think that thedecisions have the power and
that there's no other option.
That's like a mind game, right?
There is never just one option.
There is never just one car.
There is never just, I have to makethis one decision at this exact
moment or things will explode.
There are always options.
(15:45):
You always have options.
You always have time.
It's usually never at a 10.
There are times in life that yourstress level and the decision is at
a 10, but usually it's not at a 10.
So I want you to feel intoyour body when that happens.
If you do this enough times,you're gonna start to recognize.
What it feels like.
I'll give you a reallyeasy example of this.
I was thinking of hiring aconsultant for my business.
(16:05):
I had a few calls with themand I really liked them.
I knew that when the time was rightI was probably gonna go with them.
So what happened is, is that wedecided to set up another meeting,
and every time that meeting wascoming up, something got in the way.
And you know what it's like, it'slike a cancellation of this or that.
That's usually the universetrying to let you know that.
It's not fully in alignment.
Take a pause, the door's not fully open.
(16:27):
Okay.
So I pay attention to things like that.
And you should too, because whenthings are meant for you, the ceiling
opens, you hear music, it's like, ah.
You're like, I can'tbelieve this just happened.
I ran into you in the hallway.
And then the person offered me thejob and then before you knew it,
they had a car and I was on a yacht.
You know, that's how usually that happens.
It really does.
But when it's like blockafter block and little like.
Glitchy things, universe is like, Iwant you to pay attention to this one.
(16:50):
So anyway, I get on the call and I'mtalking to them and they're saying
the things that are right, right?
They're saying the thingsthat on paper sound right.
But I have a feeling in thepit of my stomach, it feels
like something feels off.
I'm feeling tense.
I don't like this feeling, but Ithought it was supposed to be yes.
Like I felt kind of yes,but now it's feeling no.
(17:12):
And I really checked in withmyself and I'm like, this is a no.
This doesn't feel like, yes, thisfeels like a no to me anyway.
It's a story for you to understandwhat it feels like in your
body and how to recognize that.
And when you get that feeling,that's not you overthinking,
you're not imagining things,you're not like, oh, you know what?
I should just say yes anyway.
Because what if I don't?
Find another consultant thatwants to work with me ever again.
(17:34):
It's like, that's nottrue and that's not real.
And there are different avenuesand paths that you can take.
Maybe that door is showing youthat it's a little shut because
it's meant to go down another lane,another door is supposed to open.
These are the small decisions inlife that lead you in a direction.
Whenever we end up in a place, livingin a home, in a city with your partner,
with three kids, two dogs, whereveryou end up in life, those were a series
(17:58):
of little decisions that you made.
If you're not careful, you can end up witha life that you do not like a life that's
inauthentic because it was made up of alot of little decisions that you made on
the spot when you gave your energy away.
So choose wisely because youare choosing what your life
looks like tomorrow, right now.
So here's our mantra for today.
My energy is sacred and it is.
(18:20):
When we use the mine, we pull backour energy from wherever it was.
My energy is sacred and it is mine.
Until next time, rememberthat your home remembers you.
So this is one that is nearand dear to my heart because
(00:04):
I feel like it challenges me.
It calls on me, it pulls on me, notjust me, every other person that I know.
It's such just an everyday energy thatyou're constantly checking in with
yourself, and most of us usually fail.
So what am I talking about?
I'm talking about whenyou give too much energy.
(00:25):
Or you take on so much energyof somebody else because of
whatever, fill in the blank.
You are just giving too much.
You're getting walked all over, oryou don't realize and you're giving
too much or you're taking too much.
There's a lot in both directions.
So I feel like, I don't know anyone ofmy friends who doesn't talk about this.
It's kind of in different conversations,hidden behind different words or phrases.
(00:50):
But this is basically what it is.
Welcome home, everybody, and thatis to The Conscious Home Podcast.
I am your host, blanche Garcia.
Let's talk about energy.
Energy is basically everything.
Energy is the money that we see.
(01:10):
It's the walls that we see.
It's the vibration that we feel.
It's food, it's words, it'smusic, it's everything.
And you never heard it talked aboutas much back in the day, but it
is literally everything, right?
And we're realizing this like youdon't have to be a tree hugger,
woowoo, or listen to the ConsciousHome Podcast to understand that energy
is everywhere and it is everything.
(01:32):
And so there's a dynamic withit, especially in relationships.
There is so much depth.
To how we exchange energy.
It is not just, oh, you feelgreat, or I walked into the
room and the energy changed.
There's a lot more layers to it.
Let me dive a little deeper into this.
You have an energy field aroundyou, and if you are aware enough.
(01:54):
Or if you follow the Conscious HomePodcast, you will understand that there
is a hygiene that has to happen foryour energy to actually be in alignment.
There are things that you have to stayaway from, 'cause everything has energy.
So there's low vibrational thingsand there's high vibrational things.
Not that we can't live a human life,like we're here to have a human.
Be authentic selves.
(02:15):
That is the truth.
Okay?
And so if you think that you'resupposed to be in a mountain, not
around anybody, and not partaking ofwhat makes us human, you are in denial.
That is not what spirituality is,and that's not what living is about.
It is about being in human form andgoing through all the things it is about
being a kid and having your first beer.
It is about, it's about all thethings, the wrong decisions, the
(02:35):
right decisions, and how you reactto it and your choices in this life.
That's what it is about.
So when we have our own energy andour own sovereignty over our energy,
there are ways that we can takethings in to make it feel good and
bring it of its highest vibration.
It's like when you exercise, you goon a run, you're with people that
you love watching a funny movie.
All these things are high vibrationalthings that you bring into your life.
(02:58):
When you're in the low vibration, youfeel it in the pit of your stomach.
You literally get nauseous sometimesor you're like, I don't feel good.
A lot of things that arelower in vibrational frequency
could be horror movies.
Why?
Because horror movies bring downyour fear base and it anchors
into fight or flight in a way.
Some people like that because it'sjust kind of ingrained in them
through just life and family, andthere's a lot of, there's a lot of
(03:21):
reasons for it, but horror movies.
Alcohol, drugs, negativity, screaming,arguments, crime, murder, these
are all low vibrational things.
You can actually see those a mile away.
You could say, oh yeah, that's probablynot gonna make me super happy and joyful.
Right?
You could see those.
The sneaky ones are theones in the every day.
(03:41):
Those are the ones that are like.
A friend or a client or a coworker,it could be as simple as you go to
your hairdresser, she does your hair,she's really good at it, but every time
you go to her, she's constantly like,you know, I'm a designer, so maybe my
hairdresser and she doesn't do this.
I love my hairdresser, by the way.
I'm going this week.
And she's amazing.
But you go to your hairdresserand if I'm a designer, she may
(04:02):
say, oh my God, can I show you?
Space every time I go, can you giveme ideas on what to do at my house?
And you know, my boyfriend, and thenshe like trauma dumps, or she's asking
me for like, things, even though she'sdoing my hair and I'm paying her for that
service, she sees this as an opportunity.
Whether she realizes or not,she's pulling energy from me.
She's like, can I, can I,can I, can I, can I, right.
(04:23):
Oh, you don't mind ifyou just take a minute.
Right?
And meanwhile you'retrying to be nice, but.
By being nice.
It's that split decision that youdid not put your boundary out.
You didn't say, it's not like youhave to be like, listen bitch,
I need you to stop talking.
Even though that's what you're feeling.
What you really need to say is, Iwould love to help you, and this
looks like a space that I feel likethere's so much that can be done there.
(04:43):
Let me give you my card, and if you'relooking to kind of move forward,
we can create a consultation or wecan blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
There are ways to answer that.
The simplistic way that this happensin the every day is I'm talking to
a girlfriend and they're tellingme about their life, but when
they're telling me about theirlife, it's always like about them.
They never ask about me.
They never are like, sowhat's going on in your life?
(05:06):
Every time they're talking abouttheir life, there is an energy.
Pull.
They're like, oh, you know, and thenthis happened, and of course it was
gonna happen and that never happensfor, you know, blah, blah blah.
And then there's a subtle, oh,but that wouldn't happen for you.
'cause like, I feel like there'sso much going on in your life.
It's like, see that really simple?
My life isn't good enough.
I'm actually jealous of your life.
But I'm not gonna tell you I'mjealous of your life, so I'm just
(05:27):
gonna throw it in a little dig.
So what they did was they pulledyour energy, they boomeranged it,
right, wrapped it around a tree,and then slingshot it at you.
Wrapped up in woe is me.
So now you're just like gaslitand you're like, what's going on?
That conversation is gonna stay withyou because there's an energetic
tie now that it has created.
It's a connection they have formed withyou and they're pulling energy from you.
(05:50):
This happens in the every day.
This happens all the timewithout us realizing it.
And it's the little decisions thatyou don't realize are your boundaries.
As a culture.
It's mostly women.
Men do it too, but I think mostlywomen where we give so much of
ourselves and don't realize thatwe are trying to be nice and people
will call it people pleasing or,oh, she's just trying to be nice.
(06:11):
You're not honoring a boundary thatyou have, and it starts really young.
It's really interestingbecause my daughter, she's
five and she's learning life.
This is her first time inthis body, in this life.
I get to help her out withthe tools to understand how
it works here on planet Earth.
She may say to me somethingsimple like, you know, Johnny
(06:32):
at school was pulling my hair.
What would happen mostly like our parentsor the parents before us, they may say
it's okay, like just means he likes you.
And then she starts learning thatsomething that hurts or something
that makes her feel bad is okaybecause the intention of the other
person is that they really thinkyou're pretty or they like you.
So you should just swallow it andbe okay with it and let it slide.
(06:55):
And when we have sovereignty andwhen we honor our boundaries.
What I try to tell her is, listen,Johnny May not have the tools yet to
understand why he's doing what he'sdoing for whatever reason, and I'm sure
Johnny is not intending to hurt youbecause Johnny is also five, but it
doesn't mean that you have to accept it.
He's not allowed to touch you thatway, in any way that you don't like.
(07:18):
So next time Johnny does that, you can sayto Johnny, Hey Johnny, I don't like that.
That doesn't feel good to me.
I like, do not put your hands on me.
If that keeps happening.
You go to an adult and you go, Hey, Johnnykeeps putting his hands on me and this
and that, and like, I guess like any otherlike spiritual elevated person would be
like, and then you're just gonna like.
Talk your way throughit and this and that.
(07:39):
But if you ask Blanche, I don'tthink that that's fully spiritual.
'cause that's still letting someone walkall over you who's not understanding your
boundaries, even though it's a 5-year-old.
So basically what happens is Igo, Hey, tell Johnny's to stop.
Give Johnny three shots of warning.
Then tell an adult.
Then if Johnny doesn't listen, thenthere's a ripple effect I'd like to
call, and it's probably not the most likespiritually evolved, but I do believe
(08:00):
that it is effective that Johnny hascreated the situation in which there
is a reaction that he has originallycaused to boomerang back to him.
So the, he learned his lessons in lifeand who are we to stop Johnny's lessons?
We're not.
I tell ever that she'sallowed to give the SmackDown.
I mean, maybe not punch him in theface, but she can figure out something.
Right?
(08:21):
And these are the lessons welearn in life, not to cry.
So getting back to where we werebefore, that's just like the mom in me.
I'm here evolving.
I'm not Gandhi.
I'm just doing the best Ican, raising a little warrior.
Getting back to the story there.
Another ways this may show up for usis that, you know, you have a client.
And the client keeps asking for more.
Even though you've setboundaries, they want more of you.
(08:43):
They want information, moresupport, more this, more that.
And I think if you don't put up boundariesand if just say yes, to keep the peace,
you have to be able to say to them,listen, we've already agreed to this.
Maybe I'll give you a little bit becausethat's just me trying to be a good
business person, but if you want moreof X, you have to pay Y. When we set
(09:03):
boundaries, it is not being negative.
It is not being mean.
What it is, honoring who you are,whenever you honor the boundaries of
who you are, you're basically saying,in order for us to be in a relationship,
I have to feel good about it, and youhave to feel good about it at any point.
That one of us doesn't feel good about it.
We get to tell each other how we feel.
(09:23):
That's being an adult, by the way.
That's being an evolved human, anda lot of people forget to do that.
They think that is shameful,or I shouldn't speak up because
it's gonna ruffle feathers.
That is usually toxic, and that's usuallybeen ingrained in us, whether it's
through family, through lineage, whatever.
It's just something that wethink, but it's not real.
The minute that you put aboundary up and you tell somebody.
(09:46):
This is what I will not accept.
Do you know what happens?
The universe is like, yes, wewere waiting for you to do this.
And when you honor yourself andthat boundary, more abundance
opens, more beautiful things happen.
And I'm not saying that other personis gonna receive that exactly.
The way you think they are.
They may not be there yet.
(10:07):
They may not have evolved that far yet.
They may take it like,oh my God, how dare you.
That's on them.
That has nothing to do with you.
How people react to yourboundaries, how people receive
the information of you honoringyourself has nothing to do with you.
Okay?
I'll give you an example of this.
I had a client.
The client had asked us todo a certain type of work.
We did the work.
(10:28):
In fact, not only did we do the work, wewent above and beyond and I feel like we
gave more than probably we should have.
But I was like, okay.
I feel like I honor this association.
And in the end when Iwas asked to finalize.
The proposal, the contract,the monies or whatnot.
What do most people do?
A lot of people, unfortunately, and wedon't have this a lot, a lot of my clients
(10:51):
pay really well and they pay on time.
They kind of didn't pay us on time.
They took a really long timeto pay us, and that happens.
But what happens usually in thesecircumstances is that as a business
owner, you just kind of let it go andyou let it go and you're like, listen,
I'm not gonna say anything because.
You know, what am I gonna say?
And then when they do pay,you're just happy that they
(11:12):
pay and you just keep going.
If they give you more work, you're justlike, Hey, they're giving me more work.
So I'm just happy for that.
So what happens in that interaction if Ilet it go like that, the same situation
would keep arising and they wouldn'tunderstand where my boundaries were.
Well, when we ended up having aconversation, I explained my boundaries
and I said that I was displeased withhow the end of the project went, that
(11:35):
that's not really how I do business.
And I explained my feelings.
I wasn't rude or derogatory,but I explained my feelings.
They didn't take it well.
They weren't happy about that.
And we had finished the projectand they ended up moving on.
It didn't end in a warm andfuzzy feeling, but what did
happen was I took back my energy.
I put up a boundary and I said,listen, this is what I will not accept.
(11:56):
And when I did that, I took mypower back and it opened up my own.
Energy to receive something more.
And it also put the period atthe end of the sentence, it
said, okay, we're done with this.
We're not doing this.
And I retained my own sovereignty.
Now were they happy about it?
I'm sure they walked away thinkinglike, wow, blanche is a big bitch.
Who knows if they were bad mouthingme, and they were like, ba, ba, ba,
(12:17):
ba. But I know what I did was truthful.
It was authentic, it was right.
I handled myself with professionalismand I created my own boundary.
And I let them know where I stood.
It's gonna go either way.
And you have to be okay with that.
And so it's in these littleinteractions we have in relationships,
personal or the professionalrelationships that you get to decide.
We think life happenswith the big decisions.
(12:38):
We think there's gonna belike this major decision.
It's like you're in a telenovela.
You know what I mean?
We're like, they come inand they're like, blanch.
I don't think I can pay you anymore,but I want more information.
You think that's gonna happen,but it, it's not like that.
It's literally a text message, a phonecall, like, Hey girl, do you think if
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it'sin that moment, I just want you to pause.
(12:59):
This is your takeaway in that moment.
I want you to pause.
I want you to take three deep.
Breaths.
And if you feel like you're beingrushed into a decision, I want you to
take a moment and say, you know what?
Let me get back to you.
Very simple.
Let me get back to you.
Gives you enough space to kind ofget yourself together and collect
yourself, think about it, and reallyreact in a way that you feel like
(13:19):
it's going to be in alignment.
That's a good buffer, buteither way, take those moments.
You don't need to react ateverything in the moment.
When you're in that moment,your body freezes up.
And I know a lot of people who can'tmake decisions very quickly and they
freeze up and they'll just say whateverto make the other person feel good.
I am also guilty of that.
(13:39):
There are times when I just answer andI'm like, oh, I shouldn't have said
that, or I shouldn't have agreed to that.
And why did I do that?
And it's kind of a muscle that youhave to keep retraining in your
body, so you're gonna tense up.
As soon as they ask you, yourstomach's gonna drop and you're gonna
feel it in the pit of your stomach.
What I wanna invite you to do, Iwant you to try this exercise when
(14:00):
you're not being put on the spot.
Don't start doing this as soonas they start asking you, let's
try doing this on your own.
So I want you to think of adecision that you have to make.
Maybe it's like at a levelfive on a one to 10, 10 being,
do I jump off the building?
It's about to explode.
And one being, do I makea left and go to the park?
Or a right and just go home.
(14:20):
So as a level five, you may say, I'mnot sure if I'm going to invest in that
fund, buy the car, whatever it is, right?
I want you to think of the question.
I want you to take three deep breathsin through the nose, out through the
mouth, and I want you to imagine thewhite light coming in through the nose.
The white light is ofcertainty, and you're exhaling.
(14:43):
All of the doubt, all of the confusion.
Do that three times.
Then I want you to feel in your bodywhen you ask the question where it sits.
So I may say to myself, after I havethree deep breaths, should I buy the
$80,000 car that I know I can't afford?
And when you ask yourself the question,I want you to understand and feel into
(15:04):
your body where it resonates for me whenit's a no, it's at the pit of my stomach.
I feel it low, kind ofheavy, a little icky.
It's like, ugh, like a rock.
When it's a yes, I feelit up in my solar plexus.
It kind of like vibrates.
My body starts to come alittle bit and immediately I'm
like, yeah, this feels right.
This feels good.
(15:24):
Remember that?
If it's not an absoluteyes, it's usually a no.
Sometimes we think that thedecisions have the power and
that there's no other option.
That's like a mind game, right?
There is never just one option.
There is never just one car.
There is never just, I have to makethis one decision at this exact
moment or things will explode.
There are always options.
(15:45):
You always have options.
You always have time.
It's usually never at a 10.
There are times in life that yourstress level and the decision is at
a 10, but usually it's not at a 10.
So I want you to feel intoyour body when that happens.
If you do this enough times,you're gonna start to recognize.
What it feels like.
I'll give you a reallyeasy example of this.
I was thinking of hiring aconsultant for my business.
(16:05):
I had a few calls with themand I really liked them.
I knew that when the time was rightI was probably gonna go with them.
So what happened is, is that wedecided to set up another meeting,
and every time that meeting wascoming up, something got in the way.
And you know what it's like, it'slike a cancellation of this or that.
That's usually the universetrying to let you know that.
It's not fully in alignment.
Take a pause, the door's not fully open.
(16:27):
Okay.
So I pay attention to things like that.
And you should too, because whenthings are meant for you, the ceiling
opens, you hear music, it's like, ah.
You're like, I can'tbelieve this just happened.
I ran into you in the hallway.
And then the person offered me thejob and then before you knew it,
they had a car and I was on a yacht.
You know, that's how usually that happens.
It really does.
But when it's like blockafter block and little like.
Glitchy things, universe is like, Iwant you to pay attention to this one.
(16:50):
So anyway, I get on the call and I'mtalking to them and they're saying
the things that are right, right?
They're saying the thingsthat on paper sound right.
But I have a feeling in thepit of my stomach, it feels
like something feels off.
I'm feeling tense.
I don't like this feeling, but Ithought it was supposed to be yes.
Like I felt kind of yes,but now it's feeling no.
(17:12):
And I really checked in withmyself and I'm like, this is a no.
This doesn't feel like, yes, thisfeels like a no to me anyway.
It's a story for you to understandwhat it feels like in your
body and how to recognize that.
And when you get that feeling,that's not you overthinking,
you're not imagining things,you're not like, oh, you know what?
I should just say yes anyway.
Because what if I don't?
Find another consultant thatwants to work with me ever again.
(17:34):
It's like, that's nottrue and that's not real.
And there are different avenuesand paths that you can take.
Maybe that door is showing youthat it's a little shut because
it's meant to go down another lane,another door is supposed to open.
These are the small decisions inlife that lead you in a direction.
Whenever we end up in a place, livingin a home, in a city with your partner,
with three kids, two dogs, whereveryou end up in life, those were a series
(17:58):
of little decisions that you made.
If you're not careful, you can end up witha life that you do not like a life that's
inauthentic because it was made up of alot of little decisions that you made on
the spot when you gave your energy away.
So choose wisely because youare choosing what your life
looks like tomorrow, right now.
So here's our mantra for today.
My energy is sacred and it is.
(18:20):
When we use the mine, we pull backour energy from wherever it was.
My energy is sacred and it is mine.
Until next time, rememberthat your home remembers you.
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