Season 2 Episode 1: The Raw Truth: Two Couples Therapists Share Their Relationship Wisdom

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Season 2 Episode 1: The Raw Truth: Two Couples Therapists Share Their Relationship Wisdom

Ever wondered what relationship therapists actually do in their own relationships? Season 2 of the Coupled Podcast starts with a refreshingly honest conversation where Dr. Jenna and Dr. Nari pull back the curtain on their personal lives while answering relationship questions that anyone can use with their partner.

Through a playful "finish the sentence" format, the therapists reveal the wisdom that guides their own partnerships. Both share the best relationship advice they've received—from Dr. Jenna's parent's simple "have fun together" to Dr. Nari's professor's sobering truth that "your partner will hurt you." This contrast between maintaining joy and accepting imperfection creates a framework for understanding what makes relationships last.

The conversation moves beyond theory as the hosts candidly admit their own relationship flaws. Dr. Jenna confesses to having high expectations and occasional heated reactions despite being perceived as calm professionally. Dr. Nari acknowledges her particularity and tendency to say "no" to her partner's suggestions. These admissions humanize them while reinforcing a powerful message: relationship expertise doesn't make anyone immune to partnership challenges. They identify warning signs of failing relationships, including the concerning "roommate phenomenon" where couples efficiently manage responsibilities but lose the connection that brought them together.

Whether you're seeking relationship insights or simply curious about the human side of therapy professionals, this episode delivers valuable perspective on what truly matters for lasting love. Try using these same questions with your partner for a meaningful date night conversation that might just strengthen your connection. After all, as both therapists emphasize, continuing to discover new things about each other is one of the most powerful ways to maintain intimacy throughout a lifetime together.

Dr. Jenna and Dr. Nari are the Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists behind the  Coupled Podcast. They both have private practices where they work with individuals, couples, and families in Florida. The two are ready to shake up the world of couples therapy and want to extend resources beyond the couples they see in their private practices. 

If you like this episode and want to know more about taking the next step to improve your communication, connection, and intimacy, head over to our websites to learn more about our Staying Coupled and Getting Coupled courses. These online courses give you the flexibility to improve your relationship from the comfort and convenience of your home. The Staying Coupled course is for couples who want to do the work to connect, communicate, and have the healthiest relationship possible. The Getting Coupled course is for premarital couples wanting to learn the essentials for a successful marriage. Topics in both courses include the main issues couples face:

1. Communication​
2. Family Boundaries
3. Family Finances
4. Sex
5. Family Planning
6. Division of Labor
7. Couple Activities

For more information, visit drjennascott.com/courses or drnarijeter.com/courses

Disclaimer: This podcast is not a substitute for therapy. If you’re struggling, we encourage you to seek support from a licensed therapist in your state. Our relationship suggestions and content may not be applicable or advised for relationships with intimate partner violence (IPV). If you need resources, contact t

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Season 2 of the Coupled Podcast.
Get to know your co-hosts, DrJenna and Dr Nari.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
We are reintroducing ourselves as we kick off Season
2.
We're keeping it casual andanswering some general questions
about relationships.
While these questions areintended for you to get to know
us better, there are also somegreat questions to ask your
spouse or partner.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
All right, jenna, let's get started.
So we're going to play a littlegame of finish the sentence,
and so I'm going to ask youfirst and foremost, jenna,
what's the best relationshipadvice you've ever received?

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Oh, okay, when I was actually in my master's program,
one of my professors had usinterview our parents about
their relationship and myparents just gave me a very
simple answer.
When I asked them like what'sthe best relationship advice for
me, or like what is asuccessful relationship, they

(00:57):
were like you got to have funtogether and that seems like so
simple.
And at first I was like likethey could have given me
something like a little juicierthan that.
But now, like having been in arelationship for nearly 20 years
and also like working withcouples, I really do think like
being able to have fun together,like have that friendship, is

(01:18):
so important.
So I probably say keeping itfun, making sure you can laugh
and have a good time.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I like it so along those lines.
What would a perfect date be?

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Oh, okay, um, let's see.
Definitely something active,like if I'm getting my heart
rate going, being active.
So like going on a hike, um,love some adventures.
Um, maybe before kids I wouldhave said traveling would have
been like the best date, uh, butnow that we have kids it's a

(01:54):
little bit harder to do thosethings.
So definitely, um, somethingactive.
If I can be out in nature,that's great too.
Uh, now we have to like kind ofwork.
To go on dates we usually haveto hire a sitter and I remember
a few months ago I asked myhusband, like let's go on a hike
together?
And I was like this used to bea free activity for us and now

(02:16):
we have to pay somebody to go ona hike.
But once we started walking itwas like I feel like our nervous
system settled and it was veryrelaxing.
So, uh, nature, active andfood's got to be involved.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Always food.
All right, jenna.
What is the most attractivequality in a partner?

Speaker 2 (02:40):
So I think for me, like personally I don't know if
I would say this for like allrelationships, but humor is a
big one for me Like there arepeople you could like show me a
picture of and say, like, areyou attracted to this person,
like from an external point ofview?
And I'd be like, but if theyare funny, like so attractive,

(03:01):
so attractiveness, but havingworked with couples like, I
would also say, like humility orlike the ability to like take
accountability in a relationshiptoo, is super attractive to me.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Oh, interesting.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Okay, we're going to tell on ourselves here, it can
be difficult to be in arelationship with me because it
can be difficult to be in arelationship with me, because so
I do have to say, like one ofthe reasons I think this
question is so important isbecause, oftentimes, like our
clients and people look up to usbecause we are therapists and

(03:37):
they think like, oh, they'reprobably perfect in their
relationships and that is farfrom the truth, like we
obviously have our faults aswell.
So I feel like I could take up alot of time with this one.
Um, I feel like part of it islike I have really high
expectations for relationshipsand I have studied relationships

(04:01):
for like nearly two decades, soit's like I focus on other
people's relationships every dayand that makes me like really
want to have a great andsuccessful relationship myself.
So I feel like I put a lot ofpressure on myself, and others
as well, to like show up in acertain way.

(04:21):
Another thing that I thinkpeople I get a lot of feedback
that they perceive me assomebody who is very calm, and I
try to be calm.
I practice mindfulness and yoga, but I'm not always calm in my
relationship.
So I think another thing isthat, like I will tell myself I
snip and I snap quite a bit, soI can get quite heated and need

(04:46):
to try and implement some of thestrategies that I teach couples
.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Some softened startups?
Yes, exactly, yeah.
Okay, jenna, what do you thinkare the ingredients of a healthy
relationship?

Speaker 2 (04:58):
I think there's a lot to this question.
I do think having like afoundation of friendship and
that kind of goes back to thatlike the best relationship
advice you've ever received isjust like make sure you have fun
together.
Um, so I think that likefriendship, having fun, mutual
respect for one another too, and, um, I think commitment's a big

(05:23):
one, right, like knowing that Iam committed to this
relationship and like, when wedo experience tough times, like
I'm going to be willing to putin effort and work towards that
commitment.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yes, absolutely.
And last question I seerelationships fail when question
.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
I see relationships fail when I think in my practice
, like some of the indicationsthat I notice of like when
relationships fail are like Well, I think there are a few things
, like one when I start to seethat like people are
interpreting what I would saylike our neutral events as like
really negative about theirpartners.
So they're like the storiesthey're telling themselves about
their partners are becomingsuper negative about like basic

(06:14):
kind of actions.
I think when the small thingsaren't happening, like you know,
the greetings and like the hugsand kisses and the just daily
check-ins, like when those smallthings that like maybe take 30
seconds a minute aren'thappening, that once did happen

(06:34):
in relationships.
And then when people like cause,I think it's okay if a couple
is having a hard time andthere's increased conflict in
the relationship, if they canstill have fun together, Right.
So, like when I'm working withparents with super young
children, it's not uncommon forthem to like have a lot of
tension over household, divisionof labor, those kinds of things

(06:55):
, so they might be arguing a bitmore than they're used to.
But I think when they do go outon a date, if they're not able
to like have fun together andreconnect.
That's usually when I'm likeOoh, some of those things like
so, when the small things aren'thappening, when there's
increased conflict and you'restill not able to have fun
together or go on a date.
Those are, I think, some of thethings that happen.

(07:18):
And then when you start tointerpret actions of your
partner in a negative light,yeah, those are great answers,
Jenna.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
I think I'm going to have some overlap with you and
may need to come up with someother answers, because I'm like
oh, I think that too.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
All right, we're going to turn the table and I'm
going to ask Nari these samequestions.
So, nari, finish the sentence.
The best relationship adviceyou ever received.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
So, like you, jenna, I'm going to reflect back to my
master's program, but it wasfrom one of my professors and it
was in our couples therapy kindof one-on-one class first day
of class, and it's not reallylike advice per se but more of
like a reality.
And she said one thing coupleshave to accept, um, if they're

(08:08):
going to have a lifelongcommitted relationship, is that
their partner is going to hurtthem.
And I.
That really just struck mebecause I think that to some
degree some people may strugglewith this idea of like a perfect
relationship that is not goingto have any hurt or

(08:29):
disappointment If someone lovesyou, they would never hurt you
and that's just not reality.
Yeah that's not true.
So the more you can, I think,come to terms with that that my
partner is going to hurt me, Iam also going to hurt them.
I'm not perfect, I'm going tohurt them unintentionally.
Then you can move towards.

(08:49):
How do we repair?

Speaker 2 (08:51):
right.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
And so I do think for me, especially coming from a
family where there was a lot ofdivorce, I think I internalized
this, I maybe like romanticizedidea of like I'm going to have
this perfect relationship, andit gave me permission to not
look at like where I came fromas like so broken, but also kind

(09:15):
of then moving towards, okay,your partner is going to hurt
you.
What kind of hurts are youwilling to accept?
Right, what are your boundariesaround those things?
And then also, you have to getreally good at repair, yeah,
Very true yeah.
The perfect date would be Jenna.
I would say, with like yousomething active.
Um, my husband and I, our firstlike date was we went and

(09:38):
played mini golf.
Um, and we still have the cardfrom you know, our scorecard
from that day.
Um, but yeah, anything active,like being outside going bowling
, I just um, even if you're notgood at those activities, um,
they can give you a chance tolaugh.
Have fun, try something newyeah.

(10:01):
And, like you often say, thebrain loves novelty.
So I think throughout your lifeyou can always go pursue new
activities.
Take an art class togethercooking class, go kayaking.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
Anything where you're doing something it also takes
the pressure off of generatinglike conversation and maybe
getting out of the rut of liketalking about kids or work or
family stressors.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
When you're focused on an outside activity the most
attractive quality in a partner,I agree with you that sense of
humor is great.
I would also add to that what Iwould call probably like
intentionality or thoughtfulnessAgain.
So relationships require a lotof work.
But when a partner does thosethings like hey, I was thinking

(10:59):
of you, I'm going to the grocerystore, can I get anything Like
I'm by your office, can I bringby some coffee or anything to
make your day lighter, easier,or just to show that they are,
you know, just interested inyour wellbeing, I think is a
really attractive quality,especially because I see a lot

(11:20):
of couples and individuals whoaren't connected to their
partner in that way and I seethe toll that that takes on
their relationships.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah, I think that thoughtfulness is so important.
All right, a littleself-disclosure.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
It can be difficult to be in a relationship with me
because Jenna, I giggled when Ilooked at these questions, um,
because I thought oh this is soeasy.
Um, like you, I have highexpectations.
I do think I translate thoseinto my relationships, but I

(11:56):
think for me it's more generaland I will say I'm very
particular, um, AKA picky, LikeI can be really picky about
things, and I I know that aboutmyself, like the order in which
things happen, my surroundings,cleanliness, order, orderliness,
like all of those things, and II try not to superimpose those

(12:22):
standards on other people, butthat's so hard when you live
with them.
Exactly, and so I mean I, I know, for example, you know, I say
no a lot to my partner.
He'll be like why don't we movethe couch here?

Speaker 2 (12:38):
No.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
Like why don't we try to paint this?

Speaker 2 (12:41):
this color no, and so Like sometimes that knee jerk
reaction is like the no it'salways no.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
And I think, oh gosh, it must be hard to live on the
other side of no all the time,but he rolls with the punches.
Other side of no, all the time,but he rolls with the punches.
So I definitely think, um, yeah, it's, it's difficult to be
with me because I'm veryparticular and I I also think
I'm I'm very anxious too, andwhile I probably carry that

(13:09):
anxiety, like on the inside moreand people don't see it, it'll
come out in like the beingparticular or picky, like having
to have things a certain way,because that makes me feel safe
or like reduces the anxiety.
So, um, like you, I I thinksometimes on the outside people

(13:30):
will say to me Nara, you seem tohave it all together and I'm
like I am a mess on the inside,Internally not so much.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
Yes, yes.
Well, there you have it.
Like your, your therapists arenot perfect in relationships
either.
Um, how about?
What are the ingredients of ahealthy relationship?

Speaker 1 (13:49):
Um, I absolutely think, like you had said, jenna,
some amount of fun orpositivity, right Like you could
have, honestly, the bestrelationship in terms of like
communication and conflictmanagement.
But if you're not being like,being intentional about

(14:10):
connecting, having fun together,doing the positive things, your
relationship will still getstagnant.
So I think that a healthyrelationship has two people who
are keeping their eye onimproving or increasing positive
aspects of their relationshipand trying to reduce or minimize

(14:31):
the negative parts of that.
So that gets back to someintentionality, like people who
are really honest withthemselves about their levels of
effort in the relationship.
I also think another importantingredient is like grace for

(14:52):
lack of a better word.
Our partners are going to messup and if you can't look at them
and say you know they're havinga bad day everybody's allowed
to have a bad day or they've hada lot going on, or someone in
their family is sick, thosekinds of things are really
important and you know wanting.

(15:13):
I think a lot of people wantgrace from their partner, but
they're not always willing togive it.
So no relationship is perfectand you have to be able to
sometimes do your own mentalwork to say I'm going to let
that go right.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah, like we're all flawed.
I'm going to give them graceand hopefully they'll give me
some grace when I'm in need ofthat as well.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
And I think one last thing I would say is this is
more like specific.
I would say this is like askill, maybe not an ingredient,
but I think it's so critical.
I think that being willing toseek to understand and validate
your partner like that is like auniversal vitamin I wish I

(15:57):
could give every couple is,instead of making like quick
judgments or assumptions aboutyour partner, if you're willing
to be curious, ask morequestions and then, rather than
trying to like tell them what todo or how to solve their
problem, just say that soundsreally hard, or I'm here for you
, or you know something likethat, like I understand.

(16:20):
Yeah, people love to feelunderstood and heard.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah, exactly, absolutely.
I see relationships fail when.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
I think, like you, jenna, I would agree that
relationships start fallingapart when you focus on the
negative right, or your brain isalways offering a negative
explanation.
I also see relationships failwhen people aren't making time

(16:52):
for connection and fun together.
Relationships fail when peopledon't know how to manage their
conflicts.
So they do a lot of sweepingthings under the rug or, you
know, just moving on likenothing has ever happened.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
Yeah, I feel like sometimes with the conflict,
it's either like conflictsescalating and getting out of
control and that's problematic,but also like there are these
relationships that fail whenthey don't fight and it's
because they're just notaddressing the important stuff
too.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
Right, exactly, and I think the biggest thing now
with couples I see in my officeis the roommate phenomenon.
Like it's like we're doing thebest we can to like raise kids
and pay bills, but all of thethings that drew us together,
like the fun, the connection, um, those things aren't being
prioritized and people aretaking a step back and saying

(17:46):
like why are we in thisrelationship?

Speaker 2 (17:48):
So that's really scary.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yes, okay.
Well, that was an opportunityto get to know us and kind of
pick the brains of two couplestherapists.
But again, these are reallygreat questions.
Maybe you can go back andlisten, write them down and talk
to your partner, get to knowthem a little better.
This would be a great datenight activity.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Yeah, one of the ways to stay connected to your
partner is to ask them questionsand to get to know them, and
this is a lifelong process tooright Like.
One of the faults, I think, oflong-term relationships is that
we think we know everythingthere is to know about our
partners, but that's not thecase.
So ask them some questions andthis can help enhance intimacy

(18:31):
in your relationship.
We'll see you next time.