Join Covenant Eyes host Karen Potter as she welcomes special guest Yamilexis Fernandez for a powerful "Voices of Victory" episode. Yamilexis shares her unbelievable story of overcoming a unique and challenging past, including breaking generational curses of witchcraft, abuse, and pornography addiction.
In this episode, Yami offers advice for those feeling desperate and alone, emphasizing the importance of continually showing up, forgiving yourself, and recognizing that God doesn't remember confessed sins. She beautifully unpacks the relationship between God's grace and accountability, explaining how grace super abounds beyond all sin, and how our love for God motivates obedience.
Yami also provides powerful insights for young women battling comparison and the negative impacts of social media. Drawing from Scripture, she highlights that comparison is rooted in a misunderstanding of God and self, and encourages listeners to focus on their own actions and identity in Christ. She also calls on older Christian women to be vulnerable and share their stories to minister to younger generations who are craving authentic connection.
This episode is a testament to God's transformative power, reminding us that even through the hardest trials, there is light, hope, and healing available.
Key Takeaways:
✏️ Yamilexis's journey through a challenging past involving witchcraft, abuse, and addiction
✏️ Understanding the mental prison of shame, fear, and guilt
✏️ The profound relationship between God's grace and accountability
✏️ Combating comparison and finding identity in Christ in the age of social media
✏️ The importance of vulnerability and intergenerational mentorship within the church
Learn More About Covenant Eyes: https://cvnteyes.co/4gb6xme
About the Guest:
Yamilexis Fernandez is a powerful voice sharing her testimony of God's redemption. She ministers to young people, helping them navigate complex issues with a message of hope and healing.
Stay tuned for Part 2 with Yamilexis and her husband, Jacob!
#CovenantEyes #Podcast #VoicesOfVictory #YamilexisFernandez #GenerationalCurses #Witchcraft #AbuseRecovery #PornographyAddiction #ChristianTestimony #HealingJourney
If Yamilexis's story resonated with you, please like this video, subscribe to the Covenant Eyes channel, and share it with someone who needs to hear this message of hope."
CHAPTERS:
0:00 Introduction to Yamilexis Fernandez
2:34 Exposure to Witchcraft & the Occult in Cuba
4:13 Struggling with Pornography Addiction & Dark Paths
6:47 Wrestling with God & the Lingering Effects of Trauma
7:34 Waiting in Purity & the "Test" of Our Stories
9:15 God's Faithfulness & Healing is Available
11:31 Advice for Feeling Desperate & Alone
14:57 God Forgets Sins After True Repentance
16:00 Walking in Freedom: Not Because We're Worthy
26:55 Combating Comparison as a Social Media Influencer
34:34 Vulnerability in the Church: Advice for Christian Women
39:42 The Paul, Barnabas, Timothy Discipleship Model
40:00 Coming Up: Part 2 with Jacob Pizarro
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey, everybody, welcome backto the Covenant Eyes podcast.
We're so glad to have youjoining us
for this special Voicesof Victory episode.
We have got an amazingguest joining us.
It is someone whohas an a unique and a very
challenging past,but a beautiful,
redemptive future.
Her name is YammyAlexis Fernandez,
(00:26):
and she has got a storythat is unbelievable.
She actually has, brokengenerational curses
of witchcraft, abuseand pornography addiction.
And she has got a testimonythat is absolutely moving
and yummy.
We are so glad to have youjoining us today.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excitedand honored to be here.
(00:48):
Yeah, absolutely.
And for our listeners,can you walk us through
a little bit of your testimonyand your journey,
please? Yes, of course.
So I was actually bornin Cuba, and, my mom and dad,
were married when they had me.
And when they separated,my mom started the process,
which in Cuba is calledEl Bombo.
I don't knowif you've heard of it
before, so it'skind of like a lottery
(01:10):
kind of vibe.
For your freedom.
Oh, wow.
So it's like a programthat they used to have
where you can applyto win visas.
To come to the States.
Okay.
So my mom had applied,when I was, like, really little.
And then she heard backfour years later. Wow.
And so when she heard back,I was six years old.
We left Cuba.
My dad stayed there and she wasalready remarried and she had
(01:33):
had my sister.
And so when we got tothe States, it was really hard
for me becauseit was already hard.
I'm sure anybodythat has parents
that are not together,you go through the challenge
of like going back and forthbetween houses.
You don't really knowwhere you fit in.
Sometimes you feel likeit's your fault.
You don't understandwhat's going on.
(01:54):
And so when we gotto the States, we moved a lot.
By the time I graduated,we had moved 20 times.
Oh, wow.
And my mom became a single momwhen I was in sixth grade.
Because my stepfather,he was just really abusive,
verbally.
Physically to my mom,sexually to me.
And there is this a lot,like, of alcoholism.
(02:18):
Just darkness.
Like, when I think ofjust my first few years
of life, like, it was like,you can even see it in pictures.
When I look back, I'm like, wow,you can kind of see my smile,
like, fade over the yearswhere you just
don't see, like thatchild, like joy.
And so by the timeI got to middle school,
I had seen a lot of abuse,a lot of alcohol,
(02:41):
a lot of brokennessand witchcraft as well,
because Cuba,as most people know,
is huge with Santeria.
It is a mixture of kindof like Catholicism and like,
Yoruba religion,which comes from African
like roots.
And so there'sa lot of witchcraft in
like even it's offensiveto people when you say that
(03:02):
because you're like, oh, that'snot witchcraft.
It's like, well.
You know,any way that we connect to God
in the way that they go about itis, is not the way
that the Lord intense.
And so I, we lived literally,it was just a spiritual climb.
It was crazy.
Right next to us was, someonethat was deeply involved
in the occult.
And she was like my godmother.
And then right across from uswas an at home
(03:25):
small Christian church.
Wow. And so it.
Was like crazy.
Like, I look back and I'm like,this is not like,
you see the battle of,like, light and darkness.
And so, yeah, when my,I told my mom about the abuse,
I was in sixth gradeand I, we she left.
And I'm so grateful for that.
And I honor all the moms thathave been in a position
(03:47):
like that to actually leavethe situation and protect
their children.
And so, yeah.
And then after that,I started middle school
and I think I was set upfor failure, honestly, like, I,
when I started middle school,I was so full of depression,
so full of anxiety and I kind ofcan paint the picture
(04:10):
in the way of like a person,like, yes, there's a
physical prison on this earththat you can go to,
but some of uswere able to leave that abuse.
We're able to leavethe situation we were in
and live in a mental prison.
And that mental prisonis like that shame,
that fear, that guilt,that like, what's wrong with me?
(04:31):
And so because of my,like, broken identity,
I got into a relationshipright away, in middle school
that lasted five years.
And this personwas also not the best,
who was very addictedto pornography.
And just led me in,like a really dark path as well.
(04:53):
And so, yeah, I,I started smoking, I started,
going out like, you know,drinking and stuff, and I
was just really struggling.
And my mom,which I can imagine now
being an adult,was probably like, in shambles.
Like, I mean, abroken relationship,
another broken relationship.
And then the. Guilt.
(05:14):
Of, like, how could this happenin my own house?
It turned herto things that maybe, I'm sure.
Now she looks back and says,I wish I would have turned
to those things. Yeah.
And so I think my mom was juston her own journey.
And I love her and I honor her,and I know that
that's her story.
But it was hard because mydad's in Cuba.
(05:35):
My mom's kind of just battlingwith certain things.
And my little sister is,you know, we're kind of getting.
We're like, lost.
You know, we don't really havethe parenting or the direction.
So I was able tojust do whatever you know.
And by the timeI graduated high school,
I had been throughtwo other sexual abuse moments.
(05:58):
I dated someone that was wayolder than me, and he,
like, pushed certain boundariesthat made me feel
very uncomfortable.
And, then there wasanother situation.
So literally like I felt likesexual the sexual abuse
in a sexual trauma,like it never ended.
So when I finally turned 17 and18, around that time, I had been
(06:20):
to youth groupa few times, got invited
from someone in my dance classin high school, and, I was
just like, really, promiscuous.
I was just really brokeand lost, battling
with pornography, battlingwith a lot
of sexual trauma a lot.
(06:41):
And, I didn't understandhow it was affecting
my world, but I.
Could.
See now, looking back, it, like,lingered for years.
Even as I startedmy Christian walk.
I would strugglemore than others in this area.
And I was literallycrying about this
other day, like asI was on my way to church
because I was wrestlingwith God about it,
(07:02):
and I was like,why did you let me
go through this?
Like, I don't understandwhy you let me go through it.
Like, I feel like sometimes I,I go through
these mental battles that I.
Think others don't understand.
And it feels likeI feel like anybody
can understandand relate to this
in their story,in their testimony.
There's certainparts of your story
that you're like, this has beenthe hardest thing
(07:25):
for me to overcome.
And even when I met my husbandand we started dating,
it was really hard for meto like walking pretty.
And we did by the grace of God.
And we struggledand we had moments
where we, like,had to repent her to God.
But we were able to wait andthat was really hard.
And I felt like,man, why is this area
(07:48):
such a pain for meand so hard for me?
And I've learnedthrough my story.
And the word testimonyis that there is.
A big test.
Yeah.
And that test, most of.
Us would.
Never choose it.
Yeah, most of us would rathersomeone else go through it.
(08:11):
Yet God allows us to go throughthose things.
I think honestly, to humbleour hearts in full
dependance of himand to allow ourselves
to say like, no matter whereI'm at in my life,
unfortunately, this is a partof my story.
(08:33):
I can't change that.
I can't go backand change my childhood.
I can't go back and changethe decisions that I've made
because of theaffects on my child
it had on me.
But I can choose to try my bestto meet those girls, meet
those people that arein those positions and say,
(08:54):
I know it's not easy.
I know it's really hard, butsome where some way there's
going to be lightthrough your story and there's
going to be peoplethat are like, wow, like,
(09:14):
thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for giving me a spaceto know that I'm not alone.
And it's not the trauma bond,but it's to bond
on the goodness of Godand to bond on his
his faithfulness and to bondon the fact
that he never left us.
He never desired for most of usto go through these things.
(09:37):
It's the effectsof sin on this world.
But that abuse, that trauma,whether you were the one
that committed it or whetheryou were on the receiving end
or both.
There's I knowwe're going to unpack it
through this podcast,but there's grace,
there's his love, and there'shealing available for you.
(10:00):
It may not happen overnight.
I can promise youit's probably not going to
happen overnight.
And that journey, like daily,will help you to depend on God,
depend on each other, people.
And just see his his strengthbuilt in you.
So, yeah, just a little bit.
(10:21):
Of my story.
Wow.
I thank you for sharing that.
I think, it is important for usto share our stories
because like you said,there are so many people
that are going throughsimilar situations
and maybe listeningto this podcast and feeling
for the first timein a long time, a sense of hope.
So I as a mom, my heart isjust breaking for your story.
(10:42):
You know, the things youhad to endure.
But I can see thatGod is using that pain
and that test harmonyand transforming it
into something beautiful.
And and you have donesome amazing things
with your ministry,with your work, and reaching
young people.
So thank you and thanks forsharing that
and being vulnerable.
Thank you. Yeah.
Well that's a lot.
(11:03):
That's a lot for someoneto go through in their
their early formative years.
And you know, you'reyou're on a journey.
So I want to unpackthat a little bit
because I think there's a lotof listeners
to this podcast that, you know,maybe have been on
this journey for what seems likea lifetime.
And it just goes on and they'rejust not finding that freedom.
(11:25):
What are some pieces of advicethat you have for people
who just feel really desperateand alone?
Yeah, I, I've been learninga lot recently about this
because it's crazy.
Like, I think the closeryou get to God, God.
The more you realize, like.
Wow, there's likea lot of stuff.
(11:46):
In me right where I gotta go.
And you feel kind of like lonelyin that process
because you don'treally get to see people's mass.
I mean, honestly, unless you're,like, married and then.
You're like, yeah, you see me,you know?
Which is great.
Because it it kind of bringsthat humanity like it opens
your eyes to be like, oh, yeah.
Like we're all human.
We all make mistakes,we all fall short. But
(12:09):
I think, like, I've beenlearning a lot recently,
that when you feelthat lonely feeling,
when you feel like, man,how am I going to walk
through this?
Like, how am I goingto get through this
when it feels like I take onestep forward and ten steps back?
It's just continueto show up every day.
Like literally just okay.
(12:30):
Yesterday may have sucked.
Yesterday, I may have given into that thought pattern
that I thoughtlike I wouldn't. Yeah.
And then forgive yourselfand be like and it's so hard.
It's literallylike it's so hard to do.
Oh yeah.
Because we'll be ourselves upand we'll be like, oh,
I thought I was over this.
(12:50):
Like I thought I wasn'tgoing to struggle
with this anymore.
I feel so alone.
I thought had made progress.
And then a new challengeand a new test,
a new thing comes in.
You're like, okay, hereI am again, like.
You know.
So I, I've just had tolearn like, I'm not perfect.
I'm never goingto be perfect. Right?
I'm going to fall short.
So I have to understand thatI'm going to be
(13:11):
in a constant wrestlein my walk with the Lord and I.
I wrote this down becauseI'm sure you guys can
relate to this, but you readthe stories in the Bible
and we're so quickto be like Paul
and so inspiring.
Or like David,he's like that guy, you know?
But then you're like,when you see.
Your story, you're like.
Oh, me?
(13:32):
Yeah, never.
God could never use me.
And so I think thatwhen we look at these stories
and we see like, hey,Paul had a messy past.
I'm like, really?
Like he literally murderedpeople like, you know, like,
this is Christian.
And yet, God, like, he'sone of my favorite authors
in the Bible. Yeah.
(13:53):
But we'll look at ourselves andbe like, no, like that.
And I thinkit's because Christians
were very quickto be really mean to each other.
That's true.
And so you recognize likeoh this, this if, if my story
were to be shared,if I were to share my testimony,
(14:14):
if what I've done or whatI've been through
is going to be shared.
Oh everybody would hate me,everybody would judge me.
Yet God's that story of Paul.
We look and we're like,this is so anointed.
This is so powerful.
So I just think it's importantto recognize, like,
if you're in ministry,if you have a past,
if you feel alone, those thingsare constantly going to be used
(14:35):
against you.
It's going to be usedagainst you.
Like, and unfortunately, it'snot going to be like
when they read the Bible,they're going to forget
that Paul had a past.
They're going to forgetthat David had passed.
They're going to forgetthat rehab had a past.
But when they look at you,they're going to say, oh, Karen,
you know, but not you.
I remember you did this thingand that's how I'm going
to define you.
But so you have to knowthat's not how God defines you.
And they'reoperating in a spirit that's not
(14:57):
from the Lord. Right.
They're operatingin an accusing spirit.
They're operating in a spiritthat's not from the Lord.
And there's a differencebetween them holding
you accountableand you're repenting,
turning from from those thingsto God.
And now walking different,and you allowing that person
to torment your mindto where you don't even walk
(15:17):
in that freedom.
And so the most important thingthat you have to remember
when you feel lonelyand when you feel like
there's no way that God can useme, is that did I truly repent?
Right.
If you did, thenI remember one time I was in my
prayer closetand I was talking to God
(15:38):
and I was reminding himof this sin
that I had committed himand he was like,
I literally don't remember that.
And I was like, what?
He's like, yeah.
You keep every single timeyou come to pray to me,
you just bring me the same sinand you're allowing the enemy
to accuse youand make you feel so.
Lonely.
(15:59):
When you could have been.
Helping peopleand walking in freedom
and so that that'smy biggest like anchor
is if you feel alone.
Did you repent?
If you did repent.
Remember, none of us are worthy.
He is worthy.
Yeah.
That's why we worship him.
That's why we serve him.
That's why I'm preaching here.
(16:21):
Sitting onthis microphone is not
because I'm worthy.
It's not because I deserve it.
It's because of God'sgrace over my life.
And so I'm sitting hereby his grace.
And when somebody accuses you,when somebody reminds
you of your past,whether it's the enemy,
a stranger, a family member,a friend, or your own mind,
and you feel that loneliness,like weighing almost like a
(16:43):
heavy blanket,you just take it off
and you say, no,like I have to say
this out loud, I am forgiven.
Yes.
God has called me and it's notbecause I'm worthy.
It's becausehe's worthy. Yes. So
(17:04):
I'm just going to do my best.
And when I fall short,when I give in to
that thought pattern,when I look at something
I shouldn't have, when I goto those things
that I shouldn't go to,I'm going to open up
to a friend.
I'm going toopen up to my mentors.
I'm going tohumble myself in prayer
and ask God to forgive me.
(17:26):
Ask him to help me and juststart to walk it out.
That's beautiful.
I love that, and I thinka lot of people
can relate to thatbecause I know,
when I was saved at 18and I gave my life
to Christ, I remember, you know,I was harder on myself
than God was.
He had forgivenme and redeemed me from my sins
(17:47):
and from my strugglesand from all the brokenness.
But yeah, every timeI'd be in prayer, I would keep
bringing them upover and over again.
And it's almost like in my mind,I could just feel the Lord,
you know, saying to me, like,I've already forgiven
you for that.
You need to forgive yourselfand move on.
And, you know, there wasthings that you have to work
(18:07):
through with traumaand different things like that.
But I think a lot of us,that battle in our mind,
that can sometimesbe the hardest one
because we are very,we're not quick, I guess, would
be the right termto let those things go.
And they linger,and it is the enemy
using that against us.
So I think that was really greatthat you shared that,
(18:27):
that experience that you'vehad personally, because I've
seen that as well.
Well, let's let'stalk a little bit.
So, you know, in your,your journey,
you've talked a lotabout the grace
that God has given youand each one of us
when we're saved, we arewe are gifted
a grace that you knowwe don't deserve.
We just don't deserve it.
But he is so gracious and good.
(18:48):
But you also talk about the needfor accountability, right?
We can't do this alone.
So let's let's unpackthat a little bit,
because I thinkoftentimes when we're
going through the pathto freedom and recovery
and we're growingand being sanctified,
sometimes we feel likewe need to walk that path alone.
Maybe it's, you know,it's just too much.
I don't want to burdenother people
(19:09):
with all my troubles or they'regoing to think badly of me.
But really, that's whatwe need the most.
So let's just unpackaccountability and grace
and how those two thingskind of work together.
Yeah, honestly, when I readthat question,
I was like, Karen.
You did.
You did a number onthis is so good.
I literally I was like,I am so stumped because it's.
Such a complex.
It is like.
(19:30):
Honestly, Grace,we could literally
talk about this for like,I mean, I feel like I
talk a lot anyways, but I couldwe could talk about this
for hoursbecause it's so complex.
So like, how does graceand accountability
even sit in likethat same sentence?
But it's so when I startedlooking into it,
I looked into Romans 520and it says, now the law came in
(19:52):
to increase the trespass,but where sin increased,
grace abounded all the more.
And to give a little contexthere, Paul is actually
in the middle of atheological argument about sin,
the law, and God's grace.
And he has literallyjust explained the contrast
between Adam and Christ,how through one man sin entered,
(20:12):
but through anothersalvation entered.
And in Romans five,that that's all impacted
through Romans 512 through 19.
So it shows Adam's disobediencethrough death.
And then but Christ's obediencethat brought life
and the law hereis referring literally
to God's commandmentsthat was given to Israel.
And when you understand honestlyreading this
(20:33):
Scripture in context, so key.
Yeah, because.
It'll help you understandhow it applies to your life.
But what would the writerwas trying to say?
And so.
The law.
Was basically given to be ableto expose and show us,
like our sin. Right?
If the law, if we didn'thave literally
just regular laws, we wouldn't.
Know.
What we shouldn't do.
(20:53):
Right?
And so that's availablethere to know.
But it justmade people accountable
so that they can turn from sin.
And so through that knowledgeand through the law.
Eight if we don't havethat grace part.
Yeah, like great, where it couldliterally you could get so.
Stuck on like yourself.
(21:14):
And I got to obeyGod's commands.
I got to try not to sin.
I got to try not to do this.
I kind of tried to stay.
And I'm going to holdmyself accountable
and I'm going tobeat my flesh down.
And honestly, I don't knowif you've tried that before.
Like doesn't workbecause the more
you focus on yourself,the more you focus on
trying to changebehavior modification.
(21:34):
The more you.
Sin like, the more you strugglein sin.
Rather than you focusing on Godand you focusing on his grace,
and you focusing onhow much you love him.
So then from that love,you're going to be obedient,
to the Lord.
And so accountability isnot bad.
(21:55):
It's good.
And our actionsdo have consequences.
Like, that's just the law.
Like, you know what, we live.
But those consequencesis to wake us up
sometimes. From.
The way that we're going. Right?
If we literally break the law,like if we speed in
a couples is over, it's,I should wake.
(22:17):
You up to be like,maybe I shouldn't need,
you know, maybeI shouldn't do this.
You know, now, I do not knowhow to pronounce this,
but there's a Greek wordhere, hyper.
Parousia. Or something.
It literally iswhat is translated
beyond all measure.
Well.
Beyond all, like literally thinklike beyond all measure.
(22:39):
Where sin abounded,grace abounded
beyond all measure.
And so that means that gracesuper abounded.
Overflows, surpasses the sin.
So this is like a huge.
Picture here of graceand accountability is that
(23:00):
Paul is emphasizing God's graceis literally not equal to sin.
Yeah, that's likethat's freeing in and of itself.
Yeah.
To recognize my sin is not equalto God's grace, right?
It can never be equalto God's grace,
because his graceis going to overflow
beyond measure.
Like it's way bigger.
(23:20):
Yeah.
And when you know thatyou can recognize and say,
no matter how deep the singrace goes
deeper, it's right nowsomebody's going to be like,
she's a grace preacher.
And that's not what I'm saying.
Should we go on sinningso that grace may abound?
Surely not.
Romans six one. Good.
But what it is saying is thathis love is greater,
his grace is deeper.
(23:41):
And that should bring youinto this humility
of saying, what?
Like what an amazingGod we serve.
Yeah, not like, oh,I'm so worthy.
I'm so amazing.
It should literally bring youto your knees
and to deep. All ofI don't deserve his grace.
I could never earn his grace.
(24:02):
Yet he literally poured itout over me.
And he did that through his Son.
Jesus was greater love.
So when you recognize thatyou see how grace
and accountability, they kind ofgo together.
Yeah.
And that accountability,it kind of flow from the
(24:24):
place of your love for God.
Your mom.
Yeah. Right.
So your kids, they obey younot because
you make them obey you,not because you're going
to tell them like they obey youbecause they love you.
(24:44):
And they knowyou love them. Yes.
So when we know God loves usand we love God too,
then we recognizethat his commandments
are not a bunch of rulesthat we have to keep.
They're not trying to keep usfrom having fun.
They're not tryingto keep us from,
you know, living our best life.
(25:06):
You know, like they're actuallykeeping us safe.
They're actually helping us.
To live.
An abundant life.
And so when you look at graceand accountability, my
I want you to rememberit's God's grace that we could
be forgiven.
(25:26):
It's our love for Godthat makes us want to obey God
and be held accountable to him.
Because ultimately,you're held accountable to God.
You're goingto be held accountable to him.
That shouldn't make you afraid,but it should definitely put
the fear of Godin you to be like, okay,
how do I live my lifeto honor him the best way I can
(25:51):
with the power and the leadingof the Holy Spirit
to humble myself and say,I'm going to fall short.
Your kids fall short,yet you still love them,
and you're never goingto stop loving them just because
they fall short, you know?
Especially if they fall shortand they go to you and they say,
hey, mom, I'mreally sorry I did that.
Like, I know I shouldhave done that.
(26:13):
And imagine they came to youevery single week
and they're like,I'm really sorry I did that
five years ago.
You'd be like,I already forgive you.
Walk in my grace.
Walk in my love.
Now remember, don't go backand do that thing.
Yes.
Because you're free.
Right.
You don't need to go back to it.
But you rememberthat his commandments
(26:34):
are there for our good,and his grace is there
for us to be ableto walk in those. Yeah.
Without likebeating ourselves up
every day. Absolutely.
So good.
Preach it sister.
I love it.
Let's pivot for a second.
Let's talk a little bitbecause you're,
you know, you're online.
You're kind of, I guess, whatwe call a social
(26:55):
media influencer, you know.
That's I love it.
I know I'mnot an influencer guy.
I know it'sa funny thing like this,
this whole industry of,people online
making a difference.
But the thing is,is that you're doing it
to glorify and honorChrist in your messages.
But I know that you come acrossa lot of young women online
and maybe even, young girlsthat are struggling
(27:17):
with the impacts of technology,social media comparison
that is like such a real thing.
And if you know, if they'restruggling with that and,
you know, they're being exposedto pornography
and all the other thingsthat technology is bringing
into their life,what what advice
do you have for themand what hope
can you share with them?
(27:37):
Yeah. So first I just,I want to remind you
girls that this isprobably one of
the biggest attacks that you'regoing to face in your life.
I think as little girls, I mean,it's all over the media.
Yeah.
You need to be skinnier.
You need to be smarter.
You need to have a bigger buttor a smaller waist or.
(28:00):
No, not a wrinkle here.
And your hair needsto be this long.
And if it's not, it's it'smost of the time it's external.
We're compared to each otherexternally. Right.
But then, you know,in the church world
I think it's different.
It's not as external.
It's more like how holy you are.
How long your skirt is.
(28:22):
You know, all of these weirdthings that I don't
really understand,but I think that's one of the
biggest attackthat there is on women
is the attack of comparison.
And and I think it'sbecause women are so powerful
when they're together.
Like, there's nothing likeyou are in a changing room.
We got each other.
Yeah.
Like, hey, I'll do this.
I'll do that.
(28:42):
Like we're hyping.
Each other up.
Like we see thatcommunity between women.
You're like,there's nothing like it.
I know men out there.
God bless you.
But women together is like this.
Like they're like.
Nurturers.
They're like,you're like moms. Yeah.
Come here.
I'm going to take care of you.
Right, right.
And then so I feel like that'swhy the attack is there
with comparison.
It's so thatthere's no community to break,
(29:03):
so that you break that communityso that you feel isolated.
And I think when you can geta girl alone, you know,
a lot of damage is done.
Yeah.
You know,a lot of damage is done.
We're better together.
And so, I, I feel likeif there's anything
I've learned in my very short28 years of life,
(29:24):
is that there'salways going to be
someone that'sprettier than you.
Always.
There's alwaysgoing to be someone
who has a skinnier wasting you,who is smarter than you,
who has a bigger following.
The new. Who.
Whatever.
Like insert measurement herethat you feel like
you don't have.
(29:45):
And the Bibleliterally tells you
how to combat this,which is crazy. Yeah.
So in Second Corinthians 1012it says, when you
measure yourself by one anotherand compare yourselves
with one another, you arewithout understanding.
So when you measureyourself by one another
and compare yourselfwith one another, you are
(30:08):
without understanding, meaning.
That comparison is rootedin misunderstanding
of who God is and who you are.
So when you don't know whoyou are, you're going to
compare yourself.
When you don't knowwho God is, you're going
to compare yourself.
Yes. And so it goes.
Back to which I was telling youearlier, there's like
(30:28):
a huge theme in all of this,which is identity,
which is the biggest, I feelis the biggest attack over
our generation is identity.
Like number one by far.
Identity is like the causeof most issues.
And so to be freefrom this trap,
you have to know whoyou are in Christ and
who God says you are.
(30:49):
Secondly, Galatians sixfour through five says, each one
should test their own actions.
Then they can take pridein themselves.
Alone.
Without comparing themselvesto someone else, for each one
will carry their own load.
Yes, very fancy way to sayif you are going to focus
(31:15):
on your own actions, you testthose actions you say
is this honoring to God?
Is is not honoring to God?
Am I walking in the way that isworthy of the calling which is?
I wrote it here as wellwalk worthy.
Ephesians 41Itherefore urge you,
a prisoner for the Lordto walk in a manner worthy
(31:36):
of the calling to whichyou have been called.
Right?
So to walk literally inthis scripture means to behave,
oops, sorry, to behave,to conduct
yourselves, and to live.
So if I'm testing my own actionsand I'm saying, am I walking
worthy of my calling, right?
(31:56):
I'm looking at myself, Karen,and I'm saying, am I living?
Am I behaving, and amI conducting myself in a way
that a followerof Christ should?
Which is how, to walk in a waythat is loving, patient, kind,
the fruits of the spirit?
We're all going to fall short.
I'm not telling you,you have to be perfect.
(32:16):
It doesn't say to walk inlike you don't need
to be perfect. Yes.
But yeah.
So that's, in my opinion,how you're going
to be able to walkin that freedom.
Yeah.
And so God is going to holdyou accountable.
Like we mentioned earlier.
To what you do.
With your time, your talents,your things.
And that is really soberingbecause it can be very easy,
(32:40):
at least for me.
I don't know about youhow you guys probably
struggle with this,but to be like, well,
this person didn't like,help me.
I'm struggling with thisand you know,
all of these things.
And it'ssobering to think, okay,
as I focus on this girl that Idon't even know
that I you may even sithere and compare yourself to me.
Please don't like I'm not.
(33:02):
So you can compare yourselfto this five second
clip, ten second clipthat you see on social media
and say, man,if I prayed like her,
maybe that'sthe only time she prayed
that week.
Yeah.
Man, if I had a marriagelike hers, maybe they
literally don'teven like each other
behind closer.
Look, you're comparing yourselfto something that you don't
even know.
(33:22):
But when you testyour own actions, when you walk
worthy of the call that the Lordhas placed in you,
then you will recognize,hey, God is going to hold me
accountable, right?
And so I want to make surethat I'm doing it
and living in a waythat I can be called faithful
to what I did.
And the last thing is,when you're tempted to compare,
(33:45):
meditate on this verse.
For you created my inmost being.
You knit me togetherin my mother's womb.
I praise youbecause I am fearfully
and wonderfully made.
I think in a world where,like everything is mass produced
and everything is like.
Just like it just.
Copies, you feel like a copy.
(34:06):
You feel like another number.
You feel like another thing,like you have to recognize you.
You're unique.
You are one.
There's no one else like you.
Not to make you prideful,but to remind you like I am made
in the image of God.
Yes, this girl is madein God's image too.
She's amazing.
God bless her.
God use her.
(34:27):
But what you'redoing in me is is good.
It's I'm grateful for it.
And as I'm faithful with this,the Lord will
bless me with more.
So I love that that's so good.
And I think, you know,you talked a little bit
about the church culture, but,you know, there is there's kind
of this thingwhere a lot of times people go
to church and painton their church face.
(34:49):
You know, Iyou've seen the memes
and things onlinewhere it's like,
you know, the familypulling up to church
and the momsscreaming at the kids
the whole way there.
But then they get thereand they're like,
hey, everything's great,you know?
But we go to church sometimesand we're so afraid
to be vulnerableand to really show who we are
and the struggles that we have.
I think that does a hugedisservice to the body,
(35:10):
because eachand every one of us, you know,
we're not perfectand we all have things
that we struggle with.
So what can we doas Christian women in the church
to be more vulnerable?
Because I think it's importantfor even the
the younger generationsthat are still coming up
to be able to see that,to see that
through our imperfect nature.
You know, God uses that.
(35:31):
And, you know,through art, our trials
and tribulations,you know, he grows us.
And there is a purposeto all of that.
So what is what is yourthoughts on that?
And what are some advicemaybe that you could offer to
Christian women?
Yeah, I'm going to talk totwo groups.
The moms like the oldermaybe older generation,
that you'vealready been past that
like really strugglelike big struggle
(35:53):
with comparison.
Maybe in your 20s, in your 30s,or even in that age.
I think it's importantfor you guys
to share your story.
Yeah.
And to be like, real. Idon't crucify
me older generation.
But like, I.
Feel like a lotof the older generation,
they kind of like tolive in this, like
what you were saying.
(36:14):
Yes.
Everythingthat happens in my house
happens in my house.
You're not going to find outabout it, right?
You're not.
Everything's perfect.
Right? Nothing happens.
And I don't know whythat is to be honest,
I don't understand.
But that's fine if that'show you want to live your life.
But there's a lot of young womenthat are hurting.
That don't have momsthat don't have dads
(36:37):
that are lostand they need you to
sit with them at coffee,take them out to lunch
and say, hey, like,I want to pour
some identity into you.
Yeah, I want to tell you thatwhen I was in your shoes,
this is what I struggled with.
But God is greater.
And we need to seethose women that have.
(36:57):
Through the.
Years, like, been able to say,no, God is good
and he is going totake you through this.
And I'm blessedto have women like that
in my life who I can call.
And becauseof their faithfulness
and their availability,they have truly impacted
my life. Right?
And I.
Can assure you, some of them,sometimes I call her
(37:18):
and she's like in the carline with her kid
screaming in the back of them.
Like, I'm literallystruggling today.
She's like, hey, be quiet.
I don't know exactlylike I know the Lord.
And I'm like,wow, that's so good.
Amen.
You know?
Yeah, it's because youhave this wisdom
that it's not wisdomthat you read on a quote.
It's something that you've livedand you earned with time.
That's right.
You know, and so I thinkit's important
(37:38):
that older generationto be vulnerable.
Like, stoptrying to pretend like
your life is perfect.
It's not like, oh, no, it's not.
And right.
That's how you buildtrust with. Yeah.
With the youngergeneration is because
they're craving,like real authentic.
They're living in a digital agewhere everything
is filtered fake any.
But everybody posestheir highlights.
So when they have a real,authentic conversation
(37:59):
with someone that's like,oh, by the way, like,
I literally don'thave it together, girl,
like, trust me, I understand.
Or like, oh, I'm not gonna sayfear, you know?
Yeah, I feel like I can actuallyopen up to you.
And so that's my advice tothe more seasoned woman of God.
And then, you know, theyounger girls.
Girl, you.
(38:20):
Know, you.
It's to be hard, okay?
It's going to be hard,but encourage each other.
Like, instead of.
Comparing each otherto each other.
Instead of looking at each otherleft and right
and tearing each otherdown, like, why don't you
be that girl?
That's like the ultimatecheerleader. Yeah.
And when the enemy tries toI for me, it's like very
specific people that wholeput in my mind to like,
(38:40):
compare myself to.
I just are praying for them.
Love that.
Yeah.
I literally just harpon like, God bless them.
God use them.
God keep increasing.
God. Yeah.
She is so beautiful.
Thank you Lord that you made herthis beautiful.
And you made me beautiful too.
And you gave me these things.
And so just remind yourselfconstantly like, hey,
(39:01):
what she has doesn't mean thatwhat I have is any less.
And I am just here to befaithful with what's in
front of me.
And there's goingto be little girls
that are looking upto you. That's right.
And so watch what you sayaround them. Yeah.
Watch how you look at yourself.
(39:21):
Sometimes I struggle with this.
Look at yourself in the mirrorand nitpick yourself.
Yeah.
In front of your youngersibling or in front of,
you know, a little girl.
Like, remind them like, hey,your beauty doesn't
come from your looks.
That's right.
They come from who God made youand and start
to instill that in themfrom a young age so that when
they get older, they won't haveto struggle with as much things
(39:43):
as absolutely.
Yeah, I love that.
And you're even talkinga little bit about the the Paul,
the Barnabus but Timothyrelationship, you know,
that is kind of ourdiscipleship model
that is kind of given to usin the Bible.
So, you know, you should havesomebody older and wiser
and somebody younger that you'rehelping to disciple
and bring up.
So I think that's a great modelfor us all to live with.
(40:03):
Well, with that,we're going to take
a quick pause on this episode,and we're actually
going to come back to this,this episode with part two.
We're actually going to bringyour husband Jacob in
for a conversation.
We've got todive into technology,
youth, and all the moreso we'll be back in episode two.
We'll see you next time.
Oh.
Hey, everybody, welcome backto the Covenant Eyes podcast.
We're so glad to have youjoining us
for this special Voicesof Victory episode.
We have got an amazingguest joining us.
It is someone whohas an a unique and a very
challenging past,but a beautiful,
redemptive future.
Her name is YammyAlexis Fernandez,
(00:26):
and she has got a storythat is unbelievable.
She actually has, brokengenerational curses
of witchcraft, abuseand pornography addiction.
And she has got a testimonythat is absolutely moving
and yummy.
We are so glad to have youjoining us today.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excitedand honored to be here.
(00:48):
Yeah, absolutely.
And for our listeners,can you walk us through
a little bit of your testimonyand your journey,
please? Yes, of course.
So I was actually bornin Cuba, and, my mom and dad,
were married when they had me.
And when they separated,my mom started the process,
which in Cuba is calledEl Bombo.
I don't knowif you've heard of it
before, so it'skind of like a lottery
(01:10):
kind of vibe.
For your freedom.
Oh, wow.
So it's like a programthat they used to have
where you can applyto win visas.
To come to the States.
Okay.
So my mom had applied,when I was, like, really little.
And then she heard backfour years later. Wow.
And so when she heard back,I was six years old.
We left Cuba.
My dad stayed there and she wasalready remarried and she had
(01:33):
had my sister.
And so when we got tothe States, it was really hard
for me becauseit was already hard.
I'm sure anybodythat has parents
that are not together,you go through the challenge
of like going back and forthbetween houses.
You don't really knowwhere you fit in.
Sometimes you feel likeit's your fault.
You don't understandwhat's going on.
(01:54):
And so when we gotto the States, we moved a lot.
By the time I graduated,we had moved 20 times.
Oh, wow.
And my mom became a single momwhen I was in sixth grade.
Because my stepfather,he was just really abusive,
verbally.
Physically to my mom,sexually to me.
And there is this a lot,like, of alcoholism.
(02:18):
Just darkness.
Like, when I think ofjust my first few years
of life, like, it was like,you can even see it in pictures.
When I look back, I'm like, wow,you can kind of see my smile,
like, fade over the yearswhere you just
don't see, like thatchild, like joy.
And so by the timeI got to middle school,
I had seen a lot of abuse,a lot of alcohol,
(02:41):
a lot of brokennessand witchcraft as well,
because Cuba,as most people know,
is huge with Santeria.
It is a mixture of kindof like Catholicism and like,
Yoruba religion,which comes from African
like roots.
And so there'sa lot of witchcraft in
like even it's offensiveto people when you say that
(03:02):
because you're like, oh, that'snot witchcraft.
It's like, well.
You know,any way that we connect to God
in the way that they go about itis, is not the way
that the Lord intense.
And so I, we lived literally,it was just a spiritual climb.
It was crazy.
Right next to us was, someonethat was deeply involved
in the occult.
And she was like my godmother.
And then right across from uswas an at home
(03:25):
small Christian church.
Wow. And so it.
Was like crazy.
Like, I look back and I'm like,this is not like,
you see the battle of,like, light and darkness.
And so, yeah, when my,I told my mom about the abuse,
I was in sixth gradeand I, we she left.
And I'm so grateful for that.
And I honor all the moms thathave been in a position
(03:47):
like that to actually leavethe situation and protect
their children.
And so, yeah.
And then after that,I started middle school
and I think I was set upfor failure, honestly, like, I,
when I started middle school,I was so full of depression,
so full of anxiety and I kind ofcan paint the picture
(04:10):
in the way of like a person,like, yes, there's a
physical prison on this earththat you can go to,
but some of uswere able to leave that abuse.
We're able to leavethe situation we were in
and live in a mental prison.
And that mental prisonis like that shame,
that fear, that guilt,that like, what's wrong with me?
(04:31):
And so because of my,like, broken identity,
I got into a relationshipright away, in middle school
that lasted five years.
And this personwas also not the best,
who was very addictedto pornography.
And just led me in,like a really dark path as well.
(04:53):
And so, yeah, I,I started smoking, I started,
going out like, you know,drinking and stuff, and I
was just really struggling.
And my mom,which I can imagine now
being an adult,was probably like, in shambles.
Like, I mean, abroken relationship,
another broken relationship.
And then the. Guilt.
(05:14):
Of, like, how could this happenin my own house?
It turned herto things that maybe, I'm sure.
Now she looks back and says,I wish I would have turned
to those things. Yeah.
And so I think my mom was juston her own journey.
And I love her and I honor her,and I know that
that's her story.
But it was hard because mydad's in Cuba.
(05:35):
My mom's kind of just battlingwith certain things.
And my little sister is,you know, we're kind of getting.
We're like, lost.
You know, we don't really havethe parenting or the direction.
So I was able tojust do whatever you know.
And by the timeI graduated high school,
I had been throughtwo other sexual abuse moments.
(05:58):
I dated someone that was wayolder than me, and he,
like, pushed certain boundariesthat made me feel
very uncomfortable.
And, then there wasanother situation.
So literally like I felt likesexual the sexual abuse
in a sexual trauma,like it never ended.
So when I finally turned 17 and18, around that time, I had been
(06:20):
to youth groupa few times, got invited
from someone in my dance classin high school, and, I was
just like, really, promiscuous.
I was just really brokeand lost, battling
with pornography, battlingwith a lot
of sexual trauma a lot.
(06:41):
And, I didn't understandhow it was affecting
my world, but I.
Could.
See now, looking back, it, like,lingered for years.
Even as I startedmy Christian walk.
I would strugglemore than others in this area.
And I was literallycrying about this
other day, like asI was on my way to church
because I was wrestlingwith God about it,
(07:02):
and I was like,why did you let me
go through this?
Like, I don't understandwhy you let me go through it.
Like, I feel like sometimes I,I go through
these mental battles that I.
Think others don't understand.
And it feels likeI feel like anybody
can understandand relate to this
in their story,in their testimony.
There's certainparts of your story
that you're like, this has beenthe hardest thing
(07:25):
for me to overcome.
And even when I met my husbandand we started dating,
it was really hard for meto like walking pretty.
And we did by the grace of God.
And we struggledand we had moments
where we, like,had to repent her to God.
But we were able to wait andthat was really hard.
And I felt like,man, why is this area
(07:48):
such a pain for meand so hard for me?
And I've learnedthrough my story.
And the word testimonyis that there is.
A big test.
Yeah.
And that test, most of.
Us would.
Never choose it.
Yeah, most of us would rathersomeone else go through it.
(08:11):
Yet God allows us to go throughthose things.
I think honestly, to humbleour hearts in full
dependance of himand to allow ourselves
to say like, no matter whereI'm at in my life,
unfortunately, this is a partof my story.
(08:33):
I can't change that.
I can't go backand change my childhood.
I can't go back and changethe decisions that I've made
because of theaffects on my child
it had on me.
But I can choose to try my bestto meet those girls, meet
those people that arein those positions and say,
(08:54):
I know it's not easy.
I know it's really hard, butsome where some way there's
going to be lightthrough your story and there's
going to be peoplethat are like, wow, like,
(09:14):
thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for giving me a spaceto know that I'm not alone.
And it's not the trauma bond,but it's to bond
on the goodness of Godand to bond on his
his faithfulness and to bondon the fact
that he never left us.
He never desired for most of usto go through these things.
(09:37):
It's the effectsof sin on this world.
But that abuse, that trauma,whether you were the one
that committed it or whetheryou were on the receiving end
or both.
There's I knowwe're going to unpack it
through this podcast,but there's grace,
there's his love, and there'shealing available for you.
(10:00):
It may not happen overnight.
I can promise youit's probably not going to
happen overnight.
And that journey, like daily,will help you to depend on God,
depend on each other, people.
And just see his his strengthbuilt in you.
So, yeah, just a little bit.
(10:21):
Of my story.
Wow.
I thank you for sharing that.
I think, it is important for usto share our stories
because like you said,there are so many people
that are going throughsimilar situations
and maybe listeningto this podcast and feeling
for the first timein a long time, a sense of hope.
So I as a mom, my heart isjust breaking for your story.
(10:42):
You know, the things youhad to endure.
But I can see thatGod is using that pain
and that test harmonyand transforming it
into something beautiful.
And and you have donesome amazing things
with your ministry,with your work, and reaching
young people.
So thank you and thanks forsharing that
and being vulnerable.
Thank you. Yeah.
Well that's a lot.
(11:03):
That's a lot for someoneto go through in their
their early formative years.
And you know, you'reyou're on a journey.
So I want to unpackthat a little bit
because I think there's a lotof listeners
to this podcast that, you know,maybe have been on
this journey for what seems likea lifetime.
And it just goes on and they'rejust not finding that freedom.
(11:25):
What are some pieces of advicethat you have for people
who just feel really desperateand alone?
Yeah, I, I've been learninga lot recently about this
because it's crazy.
Like, I think the closeryou get to God, God.
The more you realize, like.
Wow, there's likea lot of stuff.
(11:46):
In me right where I gotta go.
And you feel kind of like lonelyin that process
because you don'treally get to see people's mass.
I mean, honestly, unless you're,like, married and then.
You're like, yeah, you see me,you know?
Which is great.
Because it it kind of bringsthat humanity like it opens
your eyes to be like, oh, yeah.
Like we're all human.
We all make mistakes,we all fall short. But
(12:09):
I think, like, I've beenlearning a lot recently,
that when you feelthat lonely feeling,
when you feel like, man,how am I going to walk
through this?
Like, how am I goingto get through this
when it feels like I take onestep forward and ten steps back?
It's just continueto show up every day.
Like literally just okay.
(12:30):
Yesterday may have sucked.
Yesterday, I may have given into that thought pattern
that I thoughtlike I wouldn't. Yeah.
And then forgive yourselfand be like and it's so hard.
It's literallylike it's so hard to do.
Oh yeah.
Because we'll be ourselves upand we'll be like, oh,
I thought I was over this.
(12:50):
Like I thought I wasn'tgoing to struggle
with this anymore.
I feel so alone.
I thought had made progress.
And then a new challengeand a new test,
a new thing comes in.
You're like, okay, hereI am again, like.
You know.
So I, I've just had tolearn like, I'm not perfect.
I'm never goingto be perfect. Right?
I'm going to fall short.
So I have to understand thatI'm going to be
(13:11):
in a constant wrestlein my walk with the Lord and I.
I wrote this down becauseI'm sure you guys can
relate to this, but you readthe stories in the Bible
and we're so quickto be like Paul
and so inspiring.
Or like David,he's like that guy, you know?
But then you're like,when you see.
Your story, you're like.
Oh, me?
(13:32):
Yeah, never.
God could never use me.
And so I think thatwhen we look at these stories
and we see like, hey,Paul had a messy past.
I'm like, really?
Like he literally murderedpeople like, you know, like,
this is Christian.
And yet, God, like, he'sone of my favorite authors
in the Bible. Yeah.
(13:53):
But we'll look at ourselves andbe like, no, like that.
And I thinkit's because Christians
were very quickto be really mean to each other.
That's true.
And so you recognize likeoh this, this if, if my story
were to be shared,if I were to share my testimony,
(14:14):
if what I've done or whatI've been through
is going to be shared.
Oh everybody would hate me,everybody would judge me.
Yet God's that story of Paul.
We look and we're like,this is so anointed.
This is so powerful.
So I just think it's importantto recognize, like,
if you're in ministry,if you have a past,
if you feel alone, those thingsare constantly going to be used
(14:35):
against you.
It's going to be usedagainst you.
Like, and unfortunately, it'snot going to be like
when they read the Bible,they're going to forget
that Paul had a past.
They're going to forgetthat David had passed.
They're going to forgetthat rehab had a past.
But when they look at you,they're going to say, oh, Karen,
you know, but not you.
I remember you did this thingand that's how I'm going
to define you.
But so you have to knowthat's not how God defines you.
And they'reoperating in a spirit that's not
(14:57):
from the Lord. Right.
They're operatingin an accusing spirit.
They're operating in a spiritthat's not from the Lord.
And there's a differencebetween them holding
you accountableand you're repenting,
turning from from those thingsto God.
And now walking different,and you allowing that person
to torment your mindto where you don't even walk
(15:17):
in that freedom.
And so the most important thingthat you have to remember
when you feel lonelyand when you feel like
there's no way that God can useme, is that did I truly repent?
Right.
If you did, thenI remember one time I was in my
prayer closetand I was talking to God
(15:38):
and I was reminding himof this sin
that I had committed himand he was like,
I literally don't remember that.
And I was like, what?
He's like, yeah.
You keep every single timeyou come to pray to me,
you just bring me the same sinand you're allowing the enemy
to accuse youand make you feel so.
Lonely.
(15:59):
When you could have been.
Helping peopleand walking in freedom
and so that that'smy biggest like anchor
is if you feel alone.
Did you repent?
If you did repent.
Remember, none of us are worthy.
He is worthy.
Yeah.
That's why we worship him.
That's why we serve him.
That's why I'm preaching here.
(16:21):
Sitting onthis microphone is not
because I'm worthy.
It's not because I deserve it.
It's because of God'sgrace over my life.
And so I'm sitting hereby his grace.
And when somebody accuses you,when somebody reminds
you of your past,whether it's the enemy,
a stranger, a family member,a friend, or your own mind,
and you feel that loneliness,like weighing almost like a
(16:43):
heavy blanket,you just take it off
and you say, no,like I have to say
this out loud, I am forgiven.
Yes.
God has called me and it's notbecause I'm worthy.
It's becausehe's worthy. Yes. So
(17:04):
I'm just going to do my best.
And when I fall short,when I give in to
that thought pattern,when I look at something
I shouldn't have, when I goto those things
that I shouldn't go to,I'm going to open up
to a friend.
I'm going toopen up to my mentors.
I'm going tohumble myself in prayer
and ask God to forgive me.
(17:26):
Ask him to help me and juststart to walk it out.
That's beautiful.
I love that, and I thinka lot of people
can relate to thatbecause I know,
when I was saved at 18and I gave my life
to Christ, I remember, you know,I was harder on myself
than God was.
He had forgivenme and redeemed me from my sins
(17:47):
and from my strugglesand from all the brokenness.
But yeah, every timeI'd be in prayer, I would keep
bringing them upover and over again.
And it's almost like in my mind,I could just feel the Lord,
you know, saying to me, like,I've already forgiven
you for that.
You need to forgive yourselfand move on.
And, you know, there wasthings that you have to work
(18:07):
through with traumaand different things like that.
But I think a lot of us,that battle in our mind,
that can sometimesbe the hardest one
because we are very,we're not quick, I guess, would
be the right termto let those things go.
And they linger,and it is the enemy
using that against us.
So I think that was really greatthat you shared that,
(18:27):
that experience that you'vehad personally, because I've
seen that as well.
Well, let's let'stalk a little bit.
So, you know, in your,your journey,
you've talked a lotabout the grace
that God has given youand each one of us
when we're saved, we arewe are gifted
a grace that you knowwe don't deserve.
We just don't deserve it.
But he is so gracious and good.
(18:48):
But you also talk about the needfor accountability, right?
We can't do this alone.
So let's let's unpackthat a little bit,
because I thinkoftentimes when we're
going through the pathto freedom and recovery
and we're growingand being sanctified,
sometimes we feel likewe need to walk that path alone.
Maybe it's, you know,it's just too much.
I don't want to burdenother people
(19:09):
with all my troubles or they'regoing to think badly of me.
But really, that's whatwe need the most.
So let's just unpackaccountability and grace
and how those two thingskind of work together.
Yeah, honestly, when I readthat question,
I was like, Karen.
You did.
You did a number onthis is so good.
I literally I was like,I am so stumped because it's.
Such a complex.
It is like.
(19:30):
Honestly, Grace,we could literally
talk about this for like,I mean, I feel like I
talk a lot anyways, but I couldwe could talk about this
for hoursbecause it's so complex.
So like, how does graceand accountability
even sit in likethat same sentence?
But it's so when I startedlooking into it,
I looked into Romans 520and it says, now the law came in
(19:52):
to increase the trespass,but where sin increased,
grace abounded all the more.
And to give a little contexthere, Paul is actually
in the middle of atheological argument about sin,
the law, and God's grace.
And he has literallyjust explained the contrast
between Adam and Christ,how through one man sin entered,
(20:12):
but through anothersalvation entered.
And in Romans five,that that's all impacted
through Romans 512 through 19.
So it shows Adam's disobediencethrough death.
And then but Christ's obediencethat brought life
and the law hereis referring literally
to God's commandmentsthat was given to Israel.
And when you understand honestlyreading this
(20:33):
Scripture in context, so key.
Yeah, because.
It'll help you understandhow it applies to your life.
But what would the writerwas trying to say?
And so.
The law.
Was basically given to be ableto expose and show us,
like our sin. Right?
If the law, if we didn'thave literally
just regular laws, we wouldn't.
Know.
What we shouldn't do.
(20:53):
Right?
And so that's availablethere to know.
But it justmade people accountable
so that they can turn from sin.
And so through that knowledgeand through the law.
Eight if we don't havethat grace part.
Yeah, like great, where it couldliterally you could get so.
Stuck on like yourself.
(21:14):
And I got to obeyGod's commands.
I got to try not to sin.
I got to try not to do this.
I kind of tried to stay.
And I'm going to holdmyself accountable
and I'm going tobeat my flesh down.
And honestly, I don't knowif you've tried that before.
Like doesn't workbecause the more
you focus on yourself,the more you focus on
trying to changebehavior modification.
(21:34):
The more you.
Sin like, the more you strugglein sin.
Rather than you focusing on Godand you focusing on his grace,
and you focusing onhow much you love him.
So then from that love,you're going to be obedient,
to the Lord.
And so accountability isnot bad.
(21:55):
It's good.
And our actionsdo have consequences.
Like, that's just the law.
Like, you know what, we live.
But those consequencesis to wake us up
sometimes. From.
The way that we're going. Right?
If we literally break the law,like if we speed in
a couples is over, it's,I should wake.
(22:17):
You up to be like,maybe I shouldn't need,
you know, maybeI shouldn't do this.
You know, now, I do not knowhow to pronounce this,
but there's a Greek wordhere, hyper.
Parousia. Or something.
It literally iswhat is translated
beyond all measure.
Well.
Beyond all, like literally thinklike beyond all measure.
(22:39):
Where sin abounded,grace abounded
beyond all measure.
And so that means that gracesuper abounded.
Overflows, surpasses the sin.
So this is like a huge.
Picture here of graceand accountability is that
(23:00):
Paul is emphasizing God's graceis literally not equal to sin.
Yeah, that's likethat's freeing in and of itself.
Yeah.
To recognize my sin is not equalto God's grace, right?
It can never be equalto God's grace,
because his graceis going to overflow
beyond measure.
Like it's way bigger.
(23:20):
Yeah.
And when you know thatyou can recognize and say,
no matter how deep the singrace goes
deeper, it's right nowsomebody's going to be like,
she's a grace preacher.
And that's not what I'm saying.
Should we go on sinningso that grace may abound?
Surely not.
Romans six one. Good.
But what it is saying is thathis love is greater,
his grace is deeper.
(23:41):
And that should bring youinto this humility
of saying, what?
Like what an amazingGod we serve.
Yeah, not like, oh,I'm so worthy.
I'm so amazing.
It should literally bring youto your knees
and to deep. All ofI don't deserve his grace.
I could never earn his grace.
(24:02):
Yet he literally poured itout over me.
And he did that through his Son.
Jesus was greater love.
So when you recognize thatyou see how grace
and accountability, they kind ofgo together.
Yeah.
And that accountability,it kind of flow from the
(24:24):
place of your love for God.
Your mom.
Yeah. Right.
So your kids, they obey younot because
you make them obey you,not because you're going
to tell them like they obey youbecause they love you.
(24:44):
And they knowyou love them. Yes.
So when we know God loves usand we love God too,
then we recognizethat his commandments
are not a bunch of rulesthat we have to keep.
They're not trying to keep usfrom having fun.
They're not tryingto keep us from,
you know, living our best life.
(25:06):
You know, like they're actuallykeeping us safe.
They're actually helping us.
To live.
An abundant life.
And so when you look at graceand accountability, my
I want you to rememberit's God's grace that we could
be forgiven.
(25:26):
It's our love for Godthat makes us want to obey God
and be held accountable to him.
Because ultimately,you're held accountable to God.
You're goingto be held accountable to him.
That shouldn't make you afraid,but it should definitely put
the fear of Godin you to be like, okay,
how do I live my lifeto honor him the best way I can
(25:51):
with the power and the leadingof the Holy Spirit
to humble myself and say,I'm going to fall short.
Your kids fall short,yet you still love them,
and you're never goingto stop loving them just because
they fall short, you know?
Especially if they fall shortand they go to you and they say,
hey, mom, I'mreally sorry I did that.
Like, I know I shouldhave done that.
(26:13):
And imagine they came to youevery single week
and they're like,I'm really sorry I did that
five years ago.
You'd be like,I already forgive you.
Walk in my grace.
Walk in my love.
Now remember, don't go backand do that thing.
Yes.
Because you're free.
Right.
You don't need to go back to it.
But you rememberthat his commandments
(26:34):
are there for our good,and his grace is there
for us to be ableto walk in those. Yeah.
Without likebeating ourselves up
every day. Absolutely.
So good.
Preach it sister.
I love it.
Let's pivot for a second.
Let's talk a little bitbecause you're,
you know, you're online.
You're kind of, I guess, whatwe call a social
(26:55):
media influencer, you know.
That's I love it.
I know I'mnot an influencer guy.
I know it'sa funny thing like this,
this whole industry of,people online
making a difference.
But the thing is,is that you're doing it
to glorify and honorChrist in your messages.
But I know that you come acrossa lot of young women online
and maybe even, young girlsthat are struggling
(27:17):
with the impacts of technology,social media comparison
that is like such a real thing.
And if you know, if they'restruggling with that and,
you know, they're being exposedto pornography
and all the other thingsthat technology is bringing
into their life,what what advice
do you have for themand what hope
can you share with them?
(27:37):
Yeah. So first I just,I want to remind you
girls that this isprobably one of
the biggest attacks that you'regoing to face in your life.
I think as little girls, I mean,it's all over the media.
Yeah.
You need to be skinnier.
You need to be smarter.
You need to have a bigger buttor a smaller waist or.
(28:00):
No, not a wrinkle here.
And your hair needsto be this long.
And if it's not, it's it'smost of the time it's external.
We're compared to each otherexternally. Right.
But then, you know,in the church world
I think it's different.
It's not as external.
It's more like how holy you are.
How long your skirt is.
(28:22):
You know, all of these weirdthings that I don't
really understand,but I think that's one of the
biggest attackthat there is on women
is the attack of comparison.
And and I think it'sbecause women are so powerful
when they're together.
Like, there's nothing likeyou are in a changing room.
We got each other.
Yeah.
Like, hey, I'll do this.
I'll do that.
(28:42):
Like we're hyping.
Each other up.
Like we see thatcommunity between women.
You're like,there's nothing like it.
I know men out there.
God bless you.
But women together is like this.
Like they're like.
Nurturers.
They're like,you're like moms. Yeah.
Come here.
I'm going to take care of you.
Right, right.
And then so I feel like that'swhy the attack is there
with comparison.
It's so thatthere's no community to break,
(29:03):
so that you break that communityso that you feel isolated.
And I think when you can geta girl alone, you know,
a lot of damage is done.
Yeah.
You know,a lot of damage is done.
We're better together.
And so, I, I feel likeif there's anything
I've learned in my very short28 years of life,
(29:24):
is that there'salways going to be
someone that'sprettier than you.
Always.
There's alwaysgoing to be someone
who has a skinnier wasting you,who is smarter than you,
who has a bigger following.
The new. Who.
Whatever.
Like insert measurement herethat you feel like
you don't have.
(29:45):
And the Bibleliterally tells you
how to combat this,which is crazy. Yeah.
So in Second Corinthians 1012it says, when you
measure yourself by one anotherand compare yourselves
with one another, you arewithout understanding.
So when you measureyourself by one another
and compare yourselfwith one another, you are
(30:08):
without understanding, meaning.
That comparison is rootedin misunderstanding
of who God is and who you are.
So when you don't know whoyou are, you're going to
compare yourself.
When you don't knowwho God is, you're going
to compare yourself.
Yes. And so it goes.
Back to which I was telling youearlier, there's like
(30:28):
a huge theme in all of this,which is identity,
which is the biggest, I feelis the biggest attack over
our generation is identity.
Like number one by far.
Identity is like the causeof most issues.
And so to be freefrom this trap,
you have to know whoyou are in Christ and
who God says you are.
(30:49):
Secondly, Galatians sixfour through five says, each one
should test their own actions.
Then they can take pridein themselves.
Alone.
Without comparing themselvesto someone else, for each one
will carry their own load.
Yes, very fancy way to sayif you are going to focus
(31:15):
on your own actions, you testthose actions you say
is this honoring to God?
Is is not honoring to God?
Am I walking in the way that isworthy of the calling which is?
I wrote it here as wellwalk worthy.
Ephesians 41Itherefore urge you,
a prisoner for the Lordto walk in a manner worthy
(31:36):
of the calling to whichyou have been called.
Right?
So to walk literally inthis scripture means to behave,
oops, sorry, to behave,to conduct
yourselves, and to live.
So if I'm testing my own actionsand I'm saying, am I walking
worthy of my calling, right?
(31:56):
I'm looking at myself, Karen,and I'm saying, am I living?
Am I behaving, and amI conducting myself in a way
that a followerof Christ should?
Which is how, to walk in a waythat is loving, patient, kind,
the fruits of the spirit?
We're all going to fall short.
I'm not telling you,you have to be perfect.
(32:16):
It doesn't say to walk inlike you don't need
to be perfect. Yes.
But yeah.
So that's, in my opinion,how you're going
to be able to walkin that freedom.
Yeah.
And so God is going to holdyou accountable.
Like we mentioned earlier.
To what you do.
With your time, your talents,your things.
And that is really soberingbecause it can be very easy,
(32:40):
at least for me.
I don't know about youhow you guys probably
struggle with this,but to be like, well,
this person didn't like,help me.
I'm struggling with thisand you know,
all of these things.
And it'ssobering to think, okay,
as I focus on this girl that Idon't even know
that I you may even sithere and compare yourself to me.
Please don't like I'm not.
(33:02):
So you can compare yourselfto this five second
clip, ten second clipthat you see on social media
and say, man,if I prayed like her,
maybe that'sthe only time she prayed
that week.
Yeah.
Man, if I had a marriagelike hers, maybe they
literally don'teven like each other
behind closer.
Look, you're comparing yourselfto something that you don't
even know.
(33:22):
But when you testyour own actions, when you walk
worthy of the call that the Lordhas placed in you,
then you will recognize,hey, God is going to hold me
accountable, right?
And so I want to make surethat I'm doing it
and living in a waythat I can be called faithful
to what I did.
And the last thing is,when you're tempted to compare,
(33:45):
meditate on this verse.
For you created my inmost being.
You knit me togetherin my mother's womb.
I praise youbecause I am fearfully
and wonderfully made.
I think in a world where,like everything is mass produced
and everything is like.
Just like it just.
Copies, you feel like a copy.
(34:06):
You feel like another number.
You feel like another thing,like you have to recognize you.
You're unique.
You are one.
There's no one else like you.
Not to make you prideful,but to remind you like I am made
in the image of God.
Yes, this girl is madein God's image too.
She's amazing.
God bless her.
God use her.
(34:27):
But what you'redoing in me is is good.
It's I'm grateful for it.
And as I'm faithful with this,the Lord will
bless me with more.
So I love that that's so good.
And I think, you know,you talked a little bit
about the church culture, but,you know, there is there's kind
of this thingwhere a lot of times people go
to church and painton their church face.
(34:49):
You know, Iyou've seen the memes
and things onlinewhere it's like,
you know, the familypulling up to church
and the momsscreaming at the kids
the whole way there.
But then they get thereand they're like,
hey, everything's great,you know?
But we go to church sometimesand we're so afraid
to be vulnerableand to really show who we are
and the struggles that we have.
I think that does a hugedisservice to the body,
(35:10):
because eachand every one of us, you know,
we're not perfectand we all have things
that we struggle with.
So what can we doas Christian women in the church
to be more vulnerable?
Because I think it's importantfor even the
the younger generationsthat are still coming up
to be able to see that,to see that
through our imperfect nature.
You know, God uses that.
(35:31):
And, you know,through art, our trials
and tribulations,you know, he grows us.
And there is a purposeto all of that.
So what is what is yourthoughts on that?
And what are some advicemaybe that you could offer to
Christian women?
Yeah, I'm going to talk totwo groups.
The moms like the oldermaybe older generation,
that you'vealready been past that
like really strugglelike big struggle
(35:53):
with comparison.
Maybe in your 20s, in your 30s,or even in that age.
I think it's importantfor you guys
to share your story.
Yeah.
And to be like, real. Idon't crucify
me older generation.
But like, I.
Feel like a lotof the older generation,
they kind of like tolive in this, like
what you were saying.
(36:14):
Yes.
Everythingthat happens in my house
happens in my house.
You're not going to find outabout it, right?
You're not.
Everything's perfect.
Right? Nothing happens.
And I don't know whythat is to be honest,
I don't understand.
But that's fine if that'show you want to live your life.
But there's a lot of young womenthat are hurting.
That don't have momsthat don't have dads
(36:37):
that are lostand they need you to
sit with them at coffee,take them out to lunch
and say, hey, like,I want to pour
some identity into you.
Yeah, I want to tell you thatwhen I was in your shoes,
this is what I struggled with.
But God is greater.
And we need to seethose women that have.
(36:57):
Through the.
Years, like, been able to say,no, God is good
and he is going totake you through this.
And I'm blessedto have women like that
in my life who I can call.
And becauseof their faithfulness
and their availability,they have truly impacted
my life. Right?
And I.
Can assure you, some of them,sometimes I call her
(37:18):
and she's like in the carline with her kid
screaming in the back of them.
Like, I'm literallystruggling today.
She's like, hey, be quiet.
I don't know exactlylike I know the Lord.
And I'm like,wow, that's so good.
Amen.
You know?
Yeah, it's because youhave this wisdom
that it's not wisdomthat you read on a quote.
It's something that you've livedand you earned with time.
That's right.
You know, and so I thinkit's important
(37:38):
that older generationto be vulnerable.
Like, stoptrying to pretend like
your life is perfect.
It's not like, oh, no, it's not.
And right.
That's how you buildtrust with. Yeah.
With the youngergeneration is because
they're craving,like real authentic.
They're living in a digital agewhere everything
is filtered fake any.
But everybody posestheir highlights.
So when they have a real,authentic conversation
(37:59):
with someone that's like,oh, by the way, like,
I literally don'thave it together, girl,
like, trust me, I understand.
Or like, oh, I'm not gonna sayfear, you know?
Yeah, I feel like I can actuallyopen up to you.
And so that's my advice tothe more seasoned woman of God.
And then, you know, theyounger girls.
Girl, you.
(38:20):
Know, you.
It's to be hard, okay?
It's going to be hard,but encourage each other.
Like, instead of.
Comparing each otherto each other.
Instead of looking at each otherleft and right
and tearing each otherdown, like, why don't you
be that girl?
That's like the ultimatecheerleader. Yeah.
And when the enemy tries toI for me, it's like very
specific people that wholeput in my mind to like,
(38:40):
compare myself to.
I just are praying for them.
Love that.
Yeah.
I literally just harpon like, God bless them.
God use them.
God keep increasing.
God. Yeah.
She is so beautiful.
Thank you Lord that you made herthis beautiful.
And you made me beautiful too.
And you gave me these things.
And so just remind yourselfconstantly like, hey,
(39:01):
what she has doesn't mean thatwhat I have is any less.
And I am just here to befaithful with what's in
front of me.
And there's goingto be little girls
that are looking upto you. That's right.
And so watch what you sayaround them. Yeah.
Watch how you look at yourself.
(39:21):
Sometimes I struggle with this.
Look at yourself in the mirrorand nitpick yourself.
Yeah.
In front of your youngersibling or in front of,
you know, a little girl.
Like, remind them like, hey,your beauty doesn't
come from your looks.
That's right.
They come from who God made youand and start
to instill that in themfrom a young age so that when
they get older, they won't haveto struggle with as much things
(39:43):
as absolutely.
Yeah, I love that.
And you're even talkinga little bit about the the Paul,
the Barnabus but Timothyrelationship, you know,
that is kind of ourdiscipleship model
that is kind of given to usin the Bible.
So, you know, you should havesomebody older and wiser
and somebody younger that you'rehelping to disciple
and bring up.
So I think that's a great modelfor us all to live with.
(40:03):
Well, with that,we're going to take
a quick pause on this episode,and we're actually
going to come back to this,this episode with part two.
We're actually going to bringyour husband Jacob in
for a conversation.
We've got todive into technology,
youth, and all the moreso we'll be back in episode two.
We'll see you next time.
Oh.
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