Taboo Topics in Church: Pastor Mike Novotny on Porn, Grace & Confession

In this episode of The Covenant Eyes Podcast, hosts Karen Potter and Rob Stoddard sit down with Pastor Mike Novotny, lead speaker for Time of Grace and author of Taboo: Topics Christians Should Be Talking About, But Don’t.

Pastor Mike shares his personal journey with pornography, the vital role of confession, and how shame and silence often prevent healing. He discusses how churches can break the cycle by speaking openly and biblically about tough topics—from pornography and sexual intimacy in marriage to race, politics, abuse, and mental health.

🔥 Key takeaways from this episode:

1) The transformative power of confession and community
2) Why churches must start the hard conversations first
3) Tools and scripture to combat temptation and shame
4) Encouragement for anyone feeling alone in their struggle

📘 Get Pastor Mike’s book “Taboo”:
https://www.amazon.com/Taboo-Topics-Christians-Should-Talking/dp/1957616555

🌐 Connect with Time of Grace:
https://timeofgrace.org/

👀 Learn How Covenant Eyes Works:
https://cvnteyes.co/4gb6xme

👉 Don't forget to like, subscribe, and share to help spread the message of grace and freedom.

#PornAddiction #ChristianPodcast #PastorMikeNovotny #CovenantEyes #TimeOfGrace #TabooTopics #Confession #ChurchLeadership #MentalHealth #FreedomInChrist #Accountability

CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Intro with Karen Potter and Rob Stoddard
00:23 - Meet Pastor Mike Novotny: Family, Ministry, and Media
01:00 - About the book “Taboo”
01:36 - Pastor Mike’s personal story with pornography
02:20 - Why managing sin alone doesn't work
03:09 - The three-step framework to healing
04:15 - The power of gospel-centered support
05:10 - Identifying triggers and patterns
06:06 - Community, accountability, and spiritual strategy
06:35 - Finding a trusted ally
07:25 - How churches can talk about pornography
08:19 - The importance of pastoral honesty
09:06 - Preaching hard truths with grace
09:54 - How to connect with Pastor Mike and get “Taboo”
10:15 - Closing encouragement: God's love never fails

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Episode Transcript

(00:06):
Hey, everybody, welcomeback to The Covenant Eyes
Podcast, Karen Potter here.
I've got Rob Stoddardjoining me.
So we have a great interview.
We do excitedto talk with pastor Mike Varney.
First of all, welcome to TheCovenant Eyes Podcast.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Yeah.
So could you tell usa little bit about yourself
and your ministryand what you're doing?
Sure. Yeah.
So I live inAppleton, Wisconsin,

(00:26):
just south of green Bay.
So whenever the Packersare playing on Sunday,
church attendance drops.
I'm not sure if everyonehas that experience.
Married for 21 years.
Married my firstever girlfriend.
Her name is Kim,so I'm one for one,
which is great.
We have two teenagedaughters, Brooklyn,
a Meyer, 16 and 15, and the leadspeaker for a media
ministry called Time of Grace,which I've done
for about six years,and I've been a local pastor

(00:47):
for 18 years now.
Wow. That's awesome.
Okay.
And you've got a new bookthat just came out, correct?
Yeah. Yeah.
So talk to usa little bit about what
the book's about.
Yeah.
The book is called

Taboo (00:57):
Topics Christians Should Be
Talking About, But Don't.
Ooh. Enticing topics.
Alright, I love this.
Yeah.
So the premise was thatwhat I experienced
in my own journeywith pornography
is really applicableto lots of people's journeys
with lots of things.
Yep.
Which is we have a problemor we have a question
or we have a sinor we have a struggle

(01:19):
and we think that,that me and Jesus
are going to handlethis together.
We thinkhis grace is sufficient.
I just need more Bible.
I need more prayer.
And that I, I can stilllike, manage my reputation
and don't have to sayembarrassing things
to other human beingsbecause God is going
to help me through this.
Yeah.
And in my long journey,did you know that doesn't work?

(01:39):
Are you familiar atCovenant Eyes?
I said. Yeah.
If you just make a covenant withyour eyes do you? Yeah.
I mean, as long asI tried to fight
and I mean, to this day,I have memorized 1 Corinthians
6, 1 Thessalonians4, Matthew 5, all the
thick scriptures on lustand things really didn't
change for me until, until.

(02:00):
Yeah.
As you could probably guess,I told someone. Yeah.

James 5 (02:03):
16. Yeah.
And what I found in my churchis that as we tried to tackle,
whether it was pornographyor sexual intimacy
in marriage. Yeah.
Homosexuality, abuse, abortion,race, politics,
depression, suicide.
That people generallywould not talk
about these thingsuntil we started talking first.
That's right.
And so the premise of taboowas let's start conversations

(02:24):
that make us sweat and that areuncomfortable
because I have a hunchif we throw out this boomerang,
it's going to come back.
Absolutely.
And that's reallywhat we saw happen, is
even though I'd beensomeone's pastor
and sharing the gospelfor years,
sometimes over a decade,they would never tell me
that part of their storyuntil I would start
the conversation. Right.
So that's kind of wherewe found our niche.
Let's startawkward conversations

(02:46):
with humility and an open Bibleand lots of Jesus and see
what comes back to us.
I love that. Yeah.
And it's so important.
That's why I like sharingyour testimonies at church.
And all of that is so valuablebecause we always
want someone elseto go first, right?
And so then it makes usfeel safe to go next.
So I love that I love that.
Well, you've been a pastorfor a really long time,
so you've experienced a lot ofdifferent conversations

(03:06):
specifically about pornography,and you've had
your own struggles.
What are some of the,tips and tools
that you have usedwith people as you're
walking alongside themand helping them
through that? Yeah.
Two things I find myself,three things I find myself
saying all the time.
Number one,don't assume the gospel.
Very often we'relooking at porn.
We want to stop.
So we're really focusedon behavioral change,

(03:29):
which is a huge partof the Christian life,
but it's not the primary part.
So I've really been shaped by2 Corinthians
5 that it's Christ'slove that compels us.
Yes.
Titus 2 gets to that same idea.
How do we live self-controlled,godly lives?
It's not just by a stickto beat us or shame.
It's the love of Jesusworking itself out of our heart.

(03:50):
So I always love saying thatwhen someone confesses
a struggle to me,I will deadlock
eye contact and say, you knowGod loves you, right?
And I always say the same thing.
Yeah, I know, ba ba ba ba ba ba.
Hold up, hold up.
Let's start over.
Do you know thatGod loves you, right?
Like his acceptance of youwas not based on
how well you were doingwith porn.

(04:10):
It was, is, and alwayswill be about Jesus.
So number onefor me is the gospel.
Number twois living in the light.

So James 5 (04:18):
16, confess your sins
to one another, rightso that you may be healed.
So I say, Confess to Jesusfor heaven.
Confess to other humansfor healing.
That's what that'swhat I experience.
And I think that's what you guysare all about.
Absolutely.
And then the third thingI tell people is be a detective
of your own sinfulness.
Meaning when whendo you fall into porn?

(04:40):
Is it is it always at nightafter a long day?
Is it your husbandor your wife goes to bed
and now you're just scrollingand double screening at.
And one thing leads to another.
Is it a certain platform?
Is that a certain?
Do you take your phoneinto the bathroom?
Right.
And normally there are patternsthat our brain
kind of gets stuck in these rutswhere at the end of the day,

(05:00):
I have a glass of wine,I sit down.
I didn't I didn't intend to,but here I am again.
And so very often,instead of just waiting
until you're face to facewith that temptation,
I'm going to fight it this time.
There's often, like,four dominoes back
where you can make a much easierdecision and say, you know what?
If I just went to bed atthe same time as my spouse,
I probably 90% of thebattle would be done.

(05:21):
Yeah.
So that's kind of my threestep process.
Let's start with the gospelthat you know you're forgiven
and loved.
Let's get you in a communityof other people,
like with Covenant Eyes.
And then let's be a detectiveof your story
and see where we can maybe evenavoid the battles
by making smarter decisionson the front end.
I love that detective mentality,because really, I mean,
there are those triggersthat lead us
into our temptationslike that. So. Exactly.

(05:41):
It really is,it makes perfect sense.
Know it's in. It's.
Yeah.
You're speaking to.
I mean, people thatthat's what we proclaim
all of the time.
We are right.
Lockstep withwhat you're saying here.
Those all are needed.
All those steps.
We do have to run fromthat behavior.
We need to stop it.
But if we're not runningto Christ in seeking his grace

(06:03):
and help, it's almost impossiblefor us to beat it ourselves.
And then understanding,you know that.
And that's where a lot of timesaccountability will come
in, in, in really help usif we get friends
to walk alongsideand really understand
those triggers.
And yeah, set some gameplans in place to help us begin
to attack this.
You're right on.

(06:23):
There's so, so true.
What it's so interesting to meis when I get to step two
about finding anally or a partner, very often
the person is rightthere 95% of the time.
Yeah.
They just haven't asked yet.
Yeah.
So, like,can you think of someone
that you kind of likea trust that loves
you and loves Jesus?
Yeah.
My brother or I havethese two buddies from school.

(06:46):
Okay.
You haven't talkedabout porn yet,
but I have a hunch that if youbrought it up, it would go well
with you, right?
So I would say the devilis the father of lies.
And here'smost believable lie is.
Just don't say that.
They probably judge you.
Just be quiet.
Probably gossip about you.
As soon as you left the roomthey would probably.
And all these assumptionsthat confession is going

(07:06):
to backfire on us.
I think that's the most part.
It's so easy to believeand in my experience,
in small groups, in churchwith my own story,
it just hasn't.
That's never happened to me.
God's people, believe it or not,have actually been good.
They're not all hypocriteswho are just going to stab me
in the back and shame me.
They actually likepreaching the gospel
to me. Yeah.
And so just reminding peoplethat, like, you probably

(07:27):
have some good, you know,same sex friends
or family membersthat you could talk
to about this and they,they want think less of you.
In fact, I bet the relationshipwould be closer.
Yeah. Yeah.
What are the one other areathat I want to dive into?
Your book, Taboo.
Really talks about the churchand not being able to
to talk about these things.
You know, we workwith the church day

(07:48):
in and day out.
And according to Barna,only 10% of churches
have any kindof ministry to deal
or help people in this area.
Another stat, 84% of confessing.
People who are using pornographysay they have no one
to help themwith this addiction.
So you've got people who arestruggling and shame

(08:10):
and silence in a churchwho is silent.
Yeah.
Tell us a little bithow does the church begin
to raise the awarenessof this issue?
Start talking about it.
Make those safe placesfor people to come forward
and get help.
Yeah. Your pastor.
How does this happen?
I know this question.
So years ago,I got my my doctorate
and my final project waspreaching on pornography.

(08:31):
I still remember theceremony because,
like the guy before me was thetheology of Jonathan Edwards
for the years this.
And it was Mike Novotnypreaching on porn.
I think I like Mike.
Yeah, this feels practicalto me. I love it.
And what I found isthat if you're
a preacher of the Bible,it's right there.
You you. Ha! How many pagescan you get through

(08:52):
the story of Abraham or Davidor the Corinthians,
or the Ephesians,or the teachings of Jesus?
Like, you don't have to bepicking a minor point
in the biblical story.
God is throwing you slow pitchesif you're preaching
through books,if you're doing series.
So I would just say,say what the text says.
There you go.
Have the courage to knowthat the sins

(09:14):
that people struggledwith 2000 years ago are still
happening today. Yes.
And if you want to shepherdthe souls of these people
who are often not believing inthe gospel
could be true for thembecause of their shame,
they think they'rethe exception.
Yeah. Yeah. God.
Well, you say that, pastor,that God forgives me,
but you don't know what I lookedat last night like,
one of the best ways you canis just to name it

(09:35):
and then apply the gospel to it.
So have we doneseries on pornography
or sexuality?
We have, but I don't thinkyou need to do that.
You just need topreach the Bible and not skip
the verses that makepeople uncomfortable.
I love that.
I love that.
Well, how do peopleget connected
with you and your bookand your ministry
and all the things that you'vegot going on? Yeah.
So our ministry isa time of great.

(09:56):
So a time of great storyis the website.
On Amazon.
Is the book, Taboo?
Okay?
Which is based off of 29 sermonsthat we preached
on all the things,and we try to do it
with lots of truthand lots of grace and Jesus.
Okay, great.
Well, we'll put, links to thatin the show notes for all of
our listeners.
And would you mindleaving our listeners
with just a wordof encouragement
or hope as we closetoday's podcast?

(10:16):
Yeah, I would I would love to.
2000 years ago, when Jesusdied on the cross,
he knew about youand he knew about that.
So if you think that you orthat can separate you
from the love of God,Romans 8 says, there's
nothing in all of creationthe past, present,
angels, demons, anything thatcan separate you from
God's love in Christ Jesus.

(10:36):
So I'll say to you what I sayto so many people
that our church, you knowGod loves you, right?
Because he does.
Love that love.
Well, thank you,listeners, for tuning in
to this episodeof The Covenant Eyes
Podcast. Take care.
God bless.
We'll see you next time.