August 22, 2025 • 21 mins
In Part 2 of this powerful conversation, hosts Karen Potter and Theo McManigal continue their interview with Jim O’Day, Executive Director of Integrity Restored, a ministry dedicated to helping men, women, and families break free from pornography.
Jim shares how Integrity Restored equips priests, churches, and families to confront today’s hypersexualized culture through the Three Pillars to Purity program and practical tools like Covenant Eyes.
You’ll discover:
- Why priests are the first line of defense in the battle against pornography
- How betrayal trauma impacts marriages — and how healing is possible
- The neuroscience behind porn triggers and the “fight, flee, freeze… fornicate” brain response
- Why accountability and community are essential for recovery
- How science and faith together reveal the truth about pornography’s effects
This episode is filled with encouragement, science-backed insights, and faith-filled strategies to support healing and hope in individuals, marriages, and the Church.
🔗 Learn more at: https://IntegrityRestored.com
🔗 Explore the Three Pillars to Purity priest training: https://ThreePillarsToPurity.com
🔗 Men, Check Out STRIVE 21 by Covenant Eyes: https://cvnteyes.co/45QyMUy
#PornAddictionRecovery #FaithAndScience #CovenantEyes #JimODay #IntegrityRestored #ChristianPodcast #MarriageHealing #Accountability #CatholicFaith
CHAPTERS:
00:00 – Turning Pain into Testimony
00:58 – How Integrity Restored Supports the Church
01:19 – The “Three Pillars to Purity” Priest Training Program
03:00 – Equipping Parents & Schools to Protect Children
04:04 – Programs for Spouses & Healing Betrayal Trauma
05:20 – Why Marriages Can Flourish After Porn Addiction Recovery
06:22 – Priests as the First Line of Defense in Confession
08:49 – Breaking the Addiction Cycle Beyond Confession
10:31 – How Covenant Eyes Creates Space for Accountability
11:54 – The “Reptile Brain” & Pornography Triggers Explained
14:14 – Starting with Science: Why It Matters for Recovery
15:26 – How Porn Changes the Way We See People
16:43 – Triggers: Bored, Lonely, Anxious, Stressed, Tired, Depressed
17:14 – How Faith & Science Align in the Fight Against Porn
18:11 – How to Access Resources & Priest Training at Integrity Restored
20:31 – Final Encouragement & Closing
Try Covenant Eyes for FREE today!
Use Promo Code: FreePodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And so part of this work for meis just the ability to be able
to tell people I understand.
I get it.
And yeah, it sucks.
And it was painfuland it's embarrassing
and it was horrible.
But God is going to use itfor good.
I can say that to themwith 100% conviction
(00:22):
because he's done it for me.
Absolutely not.
A great encouragementfor our listeners
to who might be in the trenchesright now struggling
with pornography.
God can do amazing thingsand take our pain
and our sufferingand turn it into our testimony.
(00:45):
And we can we can reachso many people.
I just it's so encouraging.
Well, Jim, let's pivotjust a little bit
because now you're you've beenwith integrity
restored for ten yearsand you guys are doing
some incredible work there.
So you have a lot ofdifferent things
that you're providingto support the church
and to individuals.
But let's talk a little bitabout some of the ways
(01:07):
that you're supporting.
Let's startwith the church first.
What what kind of things,is integrity restored
doing to serve the churchand to help them
be a beacon of hope to peoplein their congregations?
So I think one of the mostexciting things,
we're doing right now,we just launched it.
Theo mentioned it before.
It's called the Three Pillars toPurity program,
(01:30):
and that is an online15 hour training
program for priests.
See, our priestsare the front line.
Often in this battleagainst pornography
and the battle for soulsand priests are often the first
and often the only personthat someone struggling
(01:52):
has confessed this struggle to.
And yet, in seminary,they're not specifically trained
how to deal with this.
So we developed this 15hour online program
for our priests, to train themhow to do their daily ministry
in this hypersexualized pornified world we live in.
(02:14):
So how do you handle this?
In the in the confessional,in the sacrament
of reconciliation?
How do you handle itin Sacramento?
Prep marriage prep?
First communion confirmation.
These are wonderfulopportunities
to educate, to protect,to prevent and to heal
(02:36):
those people who are struggling.
It's 92 different modules.
It's a very robust program.
It has video components,audio components,
reading assignments,quizzes, assessments.
It is really a great gift.
And so we're gratefulthat we can make that available
(02:56):
to our priests.
We also travelaround the country.
Karen, where we'll go to theclergy convocations and we'll
personally want,you know, present,
in-person, live,to priests of a diocese.
We go to schools and give talks.
We do, studentand parent nights,
(03:19):
where we'll go in and andand help parents understand,
like, it's not a question ofif your child
is going to be exposed,it's when and it's a question of
how do they respondto that. Right.
When we know statisticallythat the average age
of exposure in the United Statesis between 8 and 10 years old.
(03:43):
What people don't realize isthat's the average.
So half of that numberis younger.
And so we have to starttalking about this way earlier
than we're comfortableas parents in doing.
It's a reality of whereour children live today.
(04:04):
We have programs for spouses.
Bloom for Catholic Womenis a great online resource
for a spouse who'ssuffering from betrayal trauma.
That is a real traumathat women are going through.
When you talk toin the Catholic Church, Karen,
we have the tribunalsin every diocese,
(04:25):
and the tribunalshandle the Annulments.
So the divorcesin the Catholic Church.
And when I talk to guys,the priests on the tribunals
across the country, at least50% of the marriages are there
because pornography caused asignificant rift or breakdown
(04:47):
in the married in themarital relationship,
so that those programs forspouses to help them recover.
The good news is, in ten yearsof doing this, if the husband
is struggling with pornographyand he decides he's
sick and tiredof being sick and tired
(05:07):
and starts to get some help,and if the wife gets help
from the betrayal traumathat she's suffering,
that marriagecan and will flourish.
And when couplessay to me or to doctor
opponents, or to Father AlanHoff, or to Sister Tina
or anyone of our team here.
(05:28):
Well, if it could just go backto the way it was, we all say
the same thing.
You don't want that.
It obviously wasn't good.
You had a lot of problems.
Let's make itwhat God wants it to be
going forward.
That's what we want.
And when thathappens, when it's three
(05:48):
in the marriage, not just twowhen it's husband and wife
and God the Father. Wow.
That relationship is incredible.
And that's what thegreat Archbishop
Fulton Sheen said.
Right.
Takes threeto get married. Amen.
There was a couple of thingsyou said there that I want to,
chime in on for a second.
As someone who went to seminary,I can attest that you know,
(06:11):
our moral theologyteacher was excellent.
And she did cover this.
But the natureof seminary is such
that you can only kind ofgo across the surface
of certain things.
You can give a classperiod, maybe two, to, you know,
just about everything,whether that's
the issue of pornographyor sexual morality
or Christologyor whatever that is,
(06:32):
you know, oneclass, two, maybe three.
But this issue is coming upin confession so often
that it really doesneed further formation.
And that's what I find myself,you know, telling people
or some of the peoplefrom seminaries
that I talked to. Sogood on you guys for creating
this course, helping priestsbe further trained.
And, you know, the other thingthat you mentioned
(06:53):
is that priests reallyare the first line of defense.
The Barna stats saythat most people, 80
over 80% of peoplewho are regularly
watching pornographydo not tell anybody.
But, you know,Catholics do have,
you know, those who can,who know at least to go
and confess it,you know, can have
that assurance that when theyconfess it to the priest,
he can't tell anybody.
Right?
So, you know, that makes himthe first line of defense.
(07:15):
So we definitely needto make sure the priests are
well preparedwhen they hear this,
even if they only have 3or 5 minutes
to talk to the penitent.
Yeah.
And one of the things,one of the things that
this program does is help.
Help the priest, obviously.
You're right.
They have three minutes roughlyin the confessional with,
with each person that comes in.
(07:37):
So there's not a lot of timeyou're not going to do
a lot of healing work,but we teach him how to
make introductionsto local resources,
whether that's therapists or,hey, look, let's just start
with getting you onCovenant Eyes right now
and use integrity30 as your promo code
if you do it.
But let's get them on CovenantEyes to start.
(08:00):
They can give little tipsand then make an invitation
if you would like.
This seems to bea recurring theme
or recurring struggle.
If you would like to meet,come to my office.
Let's go grab a coffeeand then spend that time
to really come up with acomprehensive plan
(08:20):
using local resources,using covenant eyes,
using integrity restoredto help people
find a path to healing.
Yes. That's fantastic.
And just to be clear, for thelisteners of you,
you know, if you makean appointment with the priest
for confession,he can give you more
than three minutes.
But if you are going to your ownlocal church, it's
a Saturday afternoonand there's a whole line
that we'll probablyonly want to take 3
(08:40):
or 5 minutes with you.
And, you know, confessionis an important
part of the process.
But, but, Jim, we are comingout of the addiction
cycle right? Absolutely.
For for many, many people,confession becomes
part of the ritual.
So, let's say, you know,it's a Monday night I fall.
(09:04):
Well, I might as well bingeall week.
And then once I goto confession Saturday,
then I'll stop and then go toconfession Saturday.
And they do their penanceand they, you know,
they walk out of that churchand they're on fire,
and they go to Mass on Sundayand they receive and they're
feeling great.
And then they getinto a big fight
(09:25):
at work with their boss,and they come home and,
you know, the dog has poopedon the living room floor,
and the wife is angry andblah, blah, blah.
And so what do they do?
They go back to the thingthat gives them
that dopamine rushand they say, well,
Monday was bad.
(09:46):
I, I, I fellbecause I was bored,
lonely, anxious,stressed, tired,
depressed, whatever.
And then they do thecycle again and again so that
confession becomespart of the ritual and,
and that's why it'sreally important.
I tell people all the timethey have a regular confessor
(10:07):
who who gets to know you,even if you stay
behind the screenand they don't know
exactly who it isthey're going to know from week,
like, oh, yeah,this is the same story
as last week.
This is the same storyas last week.
So that they can say to you,I really think we should
talk outside of the confessionalto see if there's anything
(10:29):
we could do to helpyou break free.
That's so good.
And, you know, you mentioned,you know, having that person
or someone that you canconfess to.
I think that's so good.
And I think also,if you're struggling,
having a tool like Covenant Eyeshelps because what it does
is it creates this bufferso that when you
feel the trigger,when you feel stressed,
(10:51):
you've had the bad dayand you're angry
and you want to goon your device.
There's that little iconfrom Covenant Eyes,
and it's this pausethat gives you a minute
and lets the Holy Spirit,you know, press in on you
a little bit, and it mightjust be enough to deter you
from making that choice.
And if you do fall and you domake the choice
(11:11):
to view pornography,then your accountability
partner will knowand they're going
to follow up with youand be like, bro,
you know what happens?
You know, let's talk.
So I just that's why like it'sthere's such
a comprehensive approachwhen when addressing pornography
it's not just one thing.
Right.
We need all the thingsall the chapters and all
we've got to attack sinlike what it is.
(11:34):
I mean, we have to go to warwith our sin.
Well, you know, it's aninteresting thing,
when we have those triggers,it's always
been really interesting to me,especially as a martial artist
and a guy that feels like,oh, you know, I'm in
control of myself.
(11:54):
I'm not a neuroscientist,but it's always
interesting to me.
So that deepestpart of our brain,
we all know it as fight,flee, freeze.
Right.
It's you're not thinking,but there's a fourth part.
Fornicate in in that partof our brain.
It's kind of the I call itthe reptile brain.
(12:16):
Right.
When that trigger happens,we are so trained to shut off
our frontal lobe,to just try and get
that dopamine hit,that we recess to that
deepest, instinctualpart of our brain, trying to get
that soothingfrom whatever it is.
(12:39):
And so if you take that moment,if you see that
Covenant Eyes logo, if you takejust that singular moment
to switch backto the frontal lobe,
where you're thinkingyou have the
opportunity to stop, it's reallycurious because
if if I put any of usin an MRI machine
(13:01):
and we have a scenario wherewhere we're
activating the reptile brain,you see the front of your brain
goes dark, there's nothinking happening.
So that logo, thatlistening to a podcast,
going for a walk,doing some pushups,
whatever it is to break freein that very moment
(13:25):
from that reptile brainis going to save us
from falling.
Wow, that's a no.
I mean, I know you saidyou're not a neuroscientist,
but that was a pretty goodexplanation of what
happens in the brain.
And it's such a it really doesaffect the brain too.
It's one of theone of the teachings
I really love from you guys is,for people who aren't convinced,
start with the science.
(13:45):
You know, I mean,to me, that is, I look, I've had
that conversationwith many of my friends.
I've had that conversationwith thousands of youth
and young adults.
And when we start as Christians,when we start
with the moral issue,when we start
with this sinful natureof of this habit, we lose.
(14:09):
Why?
Because the worldat large has them.
It tells them that's not true.
Everybody's doing it.
It's normal.
What do you.
You're not hurting anybody.
I mean, many of the excusesI used. Right.
And so, when you startwith that, it doesn't seem real.
(14:30):
It doesn't seem concretewhen you start with the science
and you can actuallyshow people.
I mean, it's amazingwhat we know now.
You can show peoplewhat's happening in your brain,
what's happeningneuro chemically,
how you get addicted to thesebrain chemicals.
They go, whoa, wait a second.
(14:51):
That makes sense.
And a conversationwith a buddy of mine
not too long agoand, very successful,
successful businessman.
And I grew up with him.
We know each other since we'refive years old.
And we were talking aboutthis issue, and he's like,
look, Jim,I travel all the time.
I don't cheat on my wife,I don't drink, I don't smoke,
(15:13):
I don't do anything.
So if I want to watchsome adult stuff
once in a while,what's the big deal?
I asked him one questionand I said, you don't have
to answer me, right.
This is between you,your conscience, and God.
But when you're traveling a lotand you're
(15:34):
looking at pornography a lot,does it change the way you look
at other people?
Just answer that question.
We talked about the mats,other stuff, whatever.
Two weeks later,he came back to me
and he said, you S.O.B.,you're killing me.
(15:58):
I said, oh, so it doeschange the way you look
at other people.
He was shocked.
And then from there,we could have a lot of
other conversationswhy he's doing it, why
he feels this anxiety,this stress, this
because I believe fullyfor most people, men and women,
(16:19):
the blasted effectblasted, blasted, bored, lonely,
anxious, stressed,tired and depressed.
Those triggersare the most common
where our brain has learned,well, if I do this thing,
I'm going to feel better,even if it's just
(16:41):
for a little while.
And so we got intothose conversations
and he's like,dude, you're right.
That's alwayswhat happens to me.
Like, how do you knowthis stuff?
Because you're human.
You're just like everybody else.
We are really, really badat being uncomfortable.
(17:01):
We're not good.
We don't like it.
So we look for any way to breakthat discomfort.
And pornography, unfortunately,has become a great
self-soothing toolfor most people.
It is great, though, that,this issue of pornography
is one example of several issueson how, you know, the teachings
(17:22):
of science.
The discoveries of sciencereally do line up
with the teachingsof Christianity,
and that can be a whole.
Praise. In itself.
That that would be a great show.
Yeah.
Yeah, it would definitely.
But I mean, and that's whyyou even see
secular organizationsdevoted to this who are allies
with us on this.
Whether you talkabout Fight the New Drug
or no FAP orsome of the other ones.
(17:42):
But, yeah.
So I'm just reallyglad that you guys,
and that we are covenanteyes as well, have put
together resources that have,you know, really emphasize
that scientific aspect.
Praise God for that,because it really is the, the,
the intersectionof truth, right?
Truth with a big Tcapital T truth.
(18:03):
There are truths in this worldand science definitely supports
the faith and vice versa.
Jim.
Well, you know,it has been really a delightful
conversationand just so much wisdom.
Your organizationhas done so much to impact
the Catholic Church and so manypeople out there.
(18:23):
I want to make surepeople can get connected
with you and your ministry.
So in closing today,would you mind sharing with them
how to find your, your siteand all of these resources?
And then for our prieststhat are listening,
how they might be ableto get in touch
with that amazingtraining program that you guys
have put together.
Yeah.
So, Integrity restored.comis our main site.
(18:47):
We have a bunch of stuffwe do a weekly podcast as well.
We have six free ebooksthat anybody can, sign up for
and download.
We have blog posts,all kinds of resources.
The, self-assessmenttool to determine
whether you havea pornography addiction or not.
So visit Integrity restore.comfor the priest training program.
(19:14):
There's there's two, two thingsI'd like to say about that.
If if you're a priestwho's listening
and you're interested,it's three.
Spell it out.
THRE3 pillars to purity.com,and you can go
right there and sign upand right on that sign up page.
(19:35):
You know, there's the mSRP,if you will.
And then there'sa number of discounts
at 10%, at 25% or 50%,even 100% discount.
Father, if you can'tafford the program,
take the discount.
We want you to be trained.
We're not going to let moneystand in the way.
Which brings meto my next point.
(19:56):
If you're a laypersonand you want to support
these priests whocan't afford it,
please make a gift or actuallywrite on three pillars
to purity.com.
There's a tab that you can clickto gift this program
to your parish priest.
And so those are wayseverybody can get involved
(20:19):
in helping to make sureour priests are trained
and equipped to deal with thismodern day scourge,
attacking our families,our faith and ourselves.
That is amazing.
And wow, what a blessingto our priest out there
that you guys are makingthat affordable
at whatever rate,whether it's nothing,
(20:40):
you know, that just means thatyou guys are truly committed
to the mission and your heartis to really serve
priests and people well as theyovercome pornography.
So thank you, Jim.
Well, Theo,it has been a lot of fun
doing the podcastwith you today.
And Jim, it's always a pleasureto have you on.
That brings us to the close oftoday's episode.
To all of our listeners.
(21:00):
Be sure to like and subscribe.
Make sure you share this podcastfar and wide.
We want to getas many people in touch
with integrityrestored as possible.
And until next time,we'll see ya.
Take care. God bless.
And so part of this work for meis just the ability to be able
to tell people I understand.
I get it.
And yeah, it sucks.
And it was painfuland it's embarrassing
and it was horrible.
But God is going to use itfor good.
I can say that to themwith 100% conviction
(00:22):
because he's done it for me.
Absolutely not.
A great encouragementfor our listeners
to who might be in the trenchesright now struggling
with pornography.
God can do amazing thingsand take our pain
and our sufferingand turn it into our testimony.
(00:45):
And we can we can reachso many people.
I just it's so encouraging.
Well, Jim, let's pivotjust a little bit
because now you're you've beenwith integrity
restored for ten yearsand you guys are doing
some incredible work there.
So you have a lot ofdifferent things
that you're providingto support the church
and to individuals.
But let's talk a little bitabout some of the ways
(01:07):
that you're supporting.
Let's startwith the church first.
What what kind of things,is integrity restored
doing to serve the churchand to help them
be a beacon of hope to peoplein their congregations?
So I think one of the mostexciting things,
we're doing right now,we just launched it.
Theo mentioned it before.
It's called the Three Pillars toPurity program,
(01:30):
and that is an online15 hour training
program for priests.
See, our priestsare the front line.
Often in this battleagainst pornography
and the battle for soulsand priests are often the first
and often the only personthat someone struggling
(01:52):
has confessed this struggle to.
And yet, in seminary,they're not specifically trained
how to deal with this.
So we developed this 15hour online program
for our priests, to train themhow to do their daily ministry
in this hypersexualized pornified world we live in.
(02:14):
So how do you handle this?
In the in the confessional,in the sacrament
of reconciliation?
How do you handle itin Sacramento?
Prep marriage prep?
First communion confirmation.
These are wonderfulopportunities
to educate, to protect,to prevent and to heal
(02:36):
those people who are struggling.
It's 92 different modules.
It's a very robust program.
It has video components,audio components,
reading assignments,quizzes, assessments.
It is really a great gift.
And so we're gratefulthat we can make that available
(02:56):
to our priests.
We also travelaround the country.
Karen, where we'll go to theclergy convocations and we'll
personally want,you know, present,
in-person, live,to priests of a diocese.
We go to schools and give talks.
We do, studentand parent nights,
(03:19):
where we'll go in and andand help parents understand,
like, it's not a question ofif your child
is going to be exposed,it's when and it's a question of
how do they respondto that. Right.
When we know statisticallythat the average age
of exposure in the United Statesis between 8 and 10 years old.
(03:43):
What people don't realize isthat's the average.
So half of that numberis younger.
And so we have to starttalking about this way earlier
than we're comfortableas parents in doing.
It's a reality of whereour children live today.
(04:04):
We have programs for spouses.
Bloom for Catholic Womenis a great online resource
for a spouse who'ssuffering from betrayal trauma.
That is a real traumathat women are going through.
When you talk toin the Catholic Church, Karen,
we have the tribunalsin every diocese,
(04:25):
and the tribunalshandle the Annulments.
So the divorcesin the Catholic Church.
And when I talk to guys,the priests on the tribunals
across the country, at least50% of the marriages are there
because pornography caused asignificant rift or breakdown
(04:47):
in the married in themarital relationship,
so that those programs forspouses to help them recover.
The good news is, in ten yearsof doing this, if the husband
is struggling with pornographyand he decides he's
sick and tiredof being sick and tired
(05:07):
and starts to get some help,and if the wife gets help
from the betrayal traumathat she's suffering,
that marriagecan and will flourish.
And when couplessay to me or to doctor
opponents, or to Father AlanHoff, or to Sister Tina
or anyone of our team here.
(05:28):
Well, if it could just go backto the way it was, we all say
the same thing.
You don't want that.
It obviously wasn't good.
You had a lot of problems.
Let's make itwhat God wants it to be
going forward.
That's what we want.
And when thathappens, when it's three
(05:48):
in the marriage, not just twowhen it's husband and wife
and God the Father. Wow.
That relationship is incredible.
And that's what thegreat Archbishop
Fulton Sheen said.
Right.
Takes threeto get married. Amen.
There was a couple of thingsyou said there that I want to,
chime in on for a second.
As someone who went to seminary,I can attest that you know,
(06:11):
our moral theologyteacher was excellent.
And she did cover this.
But the natureof seminary is such
that you can only kind ofgo across the surface
of certain things.
You can give a classperiod, maybe two, to, you know,
just about everything,whether that's
the issue of pornographyor sexual morality
or Christologyor whatever that is,
(06:32):
you know, oneclass, two, maybe three.
But this issue is coming upin confession so often
that it really doesneed further formation.
And that's what I find myself,you know, telling people
or some of the peoplefrom seminaries
that I talked to. Sogood on you guys for creating
this course, helping priestsbe further trained.
And, you know, the other thingthat you mentioned
(06:53):
is that priests reallyare the first line of defense.
The Barna stats saythat most people, 80
over 80% of peoplewho are regularly
watching pornographydo not tell anybody.
But, you know,Catholics do have,
you know, those who can,who know at least to go
and confess it,you know, can have
that assurance that when theyconfess it to the priest,
he can't tell anybody.
Right?
So, you know, that makes himthe first line of defense.
(07:15):
So we definitely needto make sure the priests are
well preparedwhen they hear this,
even if they only have 3or 5 minutes
to talk to the penitent.
Yeah.
And one of the things,one of the things that
this program does is help.
Help the priest, obviously.
You're right.
They have three minutes roughlyin the confessional with,
with each person that comes in.
(07:37):
So there's not a lot of timeyou're not going to do
a lot of healing work,but we teach him how to
make introductionsto local resources,
whether that's therapists or,hey, look, let's just start
with getting you onCovenant Eyes right now
and use integrity30 as your promo code
if you do it.
But let's get them on CovenantEyes to start.
(08:00):
They can give little tipsand then make an invitation
if you would like.
This seems to bea recurring theme
or recurring struggle.
If you would like to meet,come to my office.
Let's go grab a coffeeand then spend that time
to really come up with acomprehensive plan
(08:20):
using local resources,using covenant eyes,
using integrity restoredto help people
find a path to healing.
Yes. That's fantastic.
And just to be clear, for thelisteners of you,
you know, if you makean appointment with the priest
for confession,he can give you more
than three minutes.
But if you are going to your ownlocal church, it's
a Saturday afternoonand there's a whole line
that we'll probablyonly want to take 3
(08:40):
or 5 minutes with you.
And, you know, confessionis an important
part of the process.
But, but, Jim, we are comingout of the addiction
cycle right? Absolutely.
For for many, many people,confession becomes
part of the ritual.
So, let's say, you know,it's a Monday night I fall.
(09:04):
Well, I might as well bingeall week.
And then once I goto confession Saturday,
then I'll stop and then go toconfession Saturday.
And they do their penanceand they, you know,
they walk out of that churchand they're on fire,
and they go to Mass on Sundayand they receive and they're
feeling great.
And then they getinto a big fight
(09:25):
at work with their boss,and they come home and,
you know, the dog has poopedon the living room floor,
and the wife is angry andblah, blah, blah.
And so what do they do?
They go back to the thingthat gives them
that dopamine rushand they say, well,
Monday was bad.
(09:46):
I, I, I fellbecause I was bored,
lonely, anxious,stressed, tired,
depressed, whatever.
And then they do thecycle again and again so that
confession becomespart of the ritual and,
and that's why it'sreally important.
I tell people all the timethey have a regular confessor
(10:07):
who who gets to know you,even if you stay
behind the screenand they don't know
exactly who it isthey're going to know from week,
like, oh, yeah,this is the same story
as last week.
This is the same storyas last week.
So that they can say to you,I really think we should
talk outside of the confessionalto see if there's anything
(10:29):
we could do to helpyou break free.
That's so good.
And, you know, you mentioned,you know, having that person
or someone that you canconfess to.
I think that's so good.
And I think also,if you're struggling,
having a tool like Covenant Eyeshelps because what it does
is it creates this bufferso that when you
feel the trigger,when you feel stressed,
(10:51):
you've had the bad dayand you're angry
and you want to goon your device.
There's that little iconfrom Covenant Eyes,
and it's this pausethat gives you a minute
and lets the Holy Spirit,you know, press in on you
a little bit, and it mightjust be enough to deter you
from making that choice.
And if you do fall and you domake the choice
(11:11):
to view pornography,then your accountability
partner will knowand they're going
to follow up with youand be like, bro,
you know what happens?
You know, let's talk.
So I just that's why like it'sthere's such
a comprehensive approachwhen when addressing pornography
it's not just one thing.
Right.
We need all the thingsall the chapters and all
we've got to attack sinlike what it is.
(11:34):
I mean, we have to go to warwith our sin.
Well, you know, it's aninteresting thing,
when we have those triggers,it's always
been really interesting to me,especially as a martial artist
and a guy that feels like,oh, you know, I'm in
control of myself.
(11:54):
I'm not a neuroscientist,but it's always
interesting to me.
So that deepestpart of our brain,
we all know it as fight,flee, freeze.
Right.
It's you're not thinking,but there's a fourth part.
Fornicate in in that partof our brain.
It's kind of the I call itthe reptile brain.
(12:16):
Right.
When that trigger happens,we are so trained to shut off
our frontal lobe,to just try and get
that dopamine hit,that we recess to that
deepest, instinctualpart of our brain, trying to get
that soothingfrom whatever it is.
(12:39):
And so if you take that moment,if you see that
Covenant Eyes logo, if you takejust that singular moment
to switch backto the frontal lobe,
where you're thinkingyou have the
opportunity to stop, it's reallycurious because
if if I put any of usin an MRI machine
(13:01):
and we have a scenario wherewhere we're
activating the reptile brain,you see the front of your brain
goes dark, there's nothinking happening.
So that logo, thatlistening to a podcast,
going for a walk,doing some pushups,
whatever it is to break freein that very moment
(13:25):
from that reptile brainis going to save us
from falling.
Wow, that's a no.
I mean, I know you saidyou're not a neuroscientist,
but that was a pretty goodexplanation of what
happens in the brain.
And it's such a it really doesaffect the brain too.
It's one of theone of the teachings
I really love from you guys is,for people who aren't convinced,
start with the science.
(13:45):
You know, I mean,to me, that is, I look, I've had
that conversationwith many of my friends.
I've had that conversationwith thousands of youth
and young adults.
And when we start as Christians,when we start
with the moral issue,when we start
with this sinful natureof of this habit, we lose.
(14:09):
Why?
Because the worldat large has them.
It tells them that's not true.
Everybody's doing it.
It's normal.
What do you.
You're not hurting anybody.
I mean, many of the excusesI used. Right.
And so, when you startwith that, it doesn't seem real.
(14:30):
It doesn't seem concretewhen you start with the science
and you can actuallyshow people.
I mean, it's amazingwhat we know now.
You can show peoplewhat's happening in your brain,
what's happeningneuro chemically,
how you get addicted to thesebrain chemicals.
They go, whoa, wait a second.
(14:51):
That makes sense.
And a conversationwith a buddy of mine
not too long agoand, very successful,
successful businessman.
And I grew up with him.
We know each other since we'refive years old.
And we were talking aboutthis issue, and he's like,
look, Jim,I travel all the time.
I don't cheat on my wife,I don't drink, I don't smoke,
(15:13):
I don't do anything.
So if I want to watchsome adult stuff
once in a while,what's the big deal?
I asked him one questionand I said, you don't have
to answer me, right.
This is between you,your conscience, and God.
But when you're traveling a lotand you're
(15:34):
looking at pornography a lot,does it change the way you look
at other people?
Just answer that question.
We talked about the mats,other stuff, whatever.
Two weeks later,he came back to me
and he said, you S.O.B.,you're killing me.
(15:58):
I said, oh, so it doeschange the way you look
at other people.
He was shocked.
And then from there,we could have a lot of
other conversationswhy he's doing it, why
he feels this anxiety,this stress, this
because I believe fullyfor most people, men and women,
(16:19):
the blasted effectblasted, blasted, bored, lonely,
anxious, stressed,tired and depressed.
Those triggersare the most common
where our brain has learned,well, if I do this thing,
I'm going to feel better,even if it's just
(16:41):
for a little while.
And so we got intothose conversations
and he's like,dude, you're right.
That's alwayswhat happens to me.
Like, how do you knowthis stuff?
Because you're human.
You're just like everybody else.
We are really, really badat being uncomfortable.
(17:01):
We're not good.
We don't like it.
So we look for any way to breakthat discomfort.
And pornography, unfortunately,has become a great
self-soothing toolfor most people.
It is great, though, that,this issue of pornography
is one example of several issueson how, you know, the teachings
(17:22):
of science.
The discoveries of sciencereally do line up
with the teachingsof Christianity,
and that can be a whole.
Praise. In itself.
That that would be a great show.
Yeah.
Yeah, it would definitely.
But I mean, and that's whyyou even see
secular organizationsdevoted to this who are allies
with us on this.
Whether you talkabout Fight the New Drug
or no FAP orsome of the other ones.
(17:42):
But, yeah.
So I'm just reallyglad that you guys,
and that we are covenanteyes as well, have put
together resources that have,you know, really emphasize
that scientific aspect.
Praise God for that,because it really is the, the,
the intersectionof truth, right?
Truth with a big Tcapital T truth.
(18:03):
There are truths in this worldand science definitely supports
the faith and vice versa.
Jim.
Well, you know,it has been really a delightful
conversationand just so much wisdom.
Your organizationhas done so much to impact
the Catholic Church and so manypeople out there.
(18:23):
I want to make surepeople can get connected
with you and your ministry.
So in closing today,would you mind sharing with them
how to find your, your siteand all of these resources?
And then for our prieststhat are listening,
how they might be ableto get in touch
with that amazingtraining program that you guys
have put together.
Yeah.
So, Integrity restored.comis our main site.
(18:47):
We have a bunch of stuffwe do a weekly podcast as well.
We have six free ebooksthat anybody can, sign up for
and download.
We have blog posts,all kinds of resources.
The, self-assessmenttool to determine
whether you havea pornography addiction or not.
So visit Integrity restore.comfor the priest training program.
(19:14):
There's there's two, two thingsI'd like to say about that.
If if you're a priestwho's listening
and you're interested,it's three.
Spell it out.
THRE3 pillars to purity.com,and you can go
right there and sign upand right on that sign up page.
(19:35):
You know, there's the mSRP,if you will.
And then there'sa number of discounts
at 10%, at 25% or 50%,even 100% discount.
Father, if you can'tafford the program,
take the discount.
We want you to be trained.
We're not going to let moneystand in the way.
Which brings meto my next point.
(19:56):
If you're a laypersonand you want to support
these priests whocan't afford it,
please make a gift or actuallywrite on three pillars
to purity.com.
There's a tab that you can clickto gift this program
to your parish priest.
And so those are wayseverybody can get involved
(20:19):
in helping to make sureour priests are trained
and equipped to deal with thismodern day scourge,
attacking our families,our faith and ourselves.
That is amazing.
And wow, what a blessingto our priest out there
that you guys are makingthat affordable
at whatever rate,whether it's nothing,
(20:40):
you know, that just means thatyou guys are truly committed
to the mission and your heartis to really serve
priests and people well as theyovercome pornography.
So thank you, Jim.
Well, Theo,it has been a lot of fun
doing the podcastwith you today.
And Jim, it's always a pleasureto have you on.
That brings us to the close oftoday's episode.
To all of our listeners.
(21:00):
Be sure to like and subscribe.
Make sure you share this podcastfar and wide.
We want to getas many people in touch
with integrityrestored as possible.
And until next time,we'll see ya.
Take care. God bless.
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