October 8, 2024 • 23 mins
Join me, Margie Bryce, on the Crabby Pastor podcast as we unpack the complexities of Pastor Appreciation Month. And yes, this is my annual rant with a goal of looking at preventing leadership burnout. And, I'm asking whether a designated time for gratitude is really necessary, or do we risk turning a heartfelt gesture into a Hallmark holiday?
This episode sheds light on the struggles pastors face, such as managing parsonages, setting boundaries, and the ever-crucial task of self-care so we work on preventing burnout. I also discuss the importance of recognizing burnout and offer a practical tool—a burnout symptoms test that is available on my website—to help assess personal mental health.
This is a GUILT-FREE zone! So here's your friendly nudge about self-care and its importance for your family, friends, and those you serve in ministry.
Contact info:
Email me at crabbypastor@gmail.com with your input and ideas for burnout and leadership topics of interest or if you know someone who might be interesting to interview.
Visit my website:
YOUR LEADERSHIP COACH FOCUSED ON BURNOUT PREVENTION
Get your FREE Burnout Symptoms test to help you assess whether you are dealing with just general tiredness or something MORE.
CLICK HERE FOR THE BURNOUT SYMPTOMS TEST.
I love scouring around to find great content to share, and am always interested in feedback, if you are or know of someone willing to share their Back from Burnout story so we can all learn together, then CLICK HERE to email me.
And, if this is a reminder you wish to opt out of, that's fine too.
Blessings on your journey!
Margie
🦀 🦀 🦀
Find regular support on my Facebook group: Building Sustainability in Ministry Leaders: Beating Burnout.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Margie (00:01):
Hey there, it's Margie Bryce, your host of the Crabby
Pastor podcast, where we talkabout all things sustainability,
whether it's sustainability inministry, in your personal life
and we acknowledge that thechurch is in a transitional time
, so we hit topics there toothat are going to stretch your
(00:22):
mind and the way you lead,especially how you lead yourself
, so that you don't become thecrabby pastor.
Hey there, friends, it's thattime of year again it's Pastor
(00:44):
Appreciation Month, and I knowthat resonates in many different
ways with many of you, and so,in honor of Pastor Appreciation
Month, I'm going to be sharing,twice in October, two different
previous podcasts, that kind ofaddress and get at some of that.
(01:06):
Hopefully it will help putthings in perspective for you.
So just know that I'm thinkingabout you, rooting for you and
praying for you as you navigatePastor Appreciation Month.
It is the end of September,which means well, all right, I'm
(01:26):
not a fan of fall per se.
I mean the colors areabsolutely amazing, but, as they
say, winter is coming.
So I know what happens nextafter fall, and that's part of
the trepidation about fall thatI have, part of the trepidation
about fall that I have.
But even before winter is here,we have October and for some in
(01:59):
ministry October is amazing,for others not so much.
Why?
October is Pastor AppreciationMonth.
Hey, you know this might be anepisode that you want to share
with your ministry colleagues,or maybe you want to share it
(02:21):
with leadership in your church,you know, while it's still
September, because you know itmight not be quite as obvious
that you're making a point, asthe same way as like next week
when it's really really, reallyOctober.
Just saying, I have heard ofpastors being gifted with trips
(02:45):
to the Holy Land and on theother end of the spectrum there
are pastors who get, maybe, around of applause for Pastor
Appreciation Month, and I gotthat once, the round of applause
, you know, on a Sunday, notevery Sunday for a month, but on
one Sunday.
They applauded a little morefor me and I might have
(03:09):
appreciated a cupcake along withthat applause.
But maybe if I got the cupcakewould I have been crabby about
that.
Good question, good question,eh.
That Good question, goodquestion, eh.
So this means congregationshave an entire month, 31 days,
(03:37):
in October, to express theirgratitude to their shepherd.
Well, technically undershepherd, because Jesus is the
shepherd and ministry leadersfollow Jesus's lead.
So we are under that shepherd.
But that's a point that reallyisn't going to contribute to
what I want to say.
I digress.
I did do a little research onthe origin of pastor
appreciation.
It turns out that it is are youready?
(03:59):
A Hallmark holiday.
So Hallmark began this in 1992with a day, this Pastor
Appreciation Day, and now thatmutates into a whole month,
because two years later, in 1994, focus on the Family picked up
(04:19):
this ball and ran with it byurging people to express
appreciation to their pastor orministry leaders.
This is, you know, I mean, intheory, this is a great idea,
right, we should be appreciativeand have gratitude for the
people that are working hard tolead us closer to Jesus.
(04:40):
Right to Jesus, right.
But herein lies the opportunityto be crabby about pastor
appreciation, I mean, or not?
I mean, isn't this just alittle bit sad that pastor
appreciation month holds thepotential of triggering
crabbiness?
(05:01):
Hmm, so here is your rantwarning, because I'm going to
rant on behalf of some of theministry colleagues I know who
have endured all of October tothen lament that they did not
even receive a note card ofappreciation for a cupcake, with
(05:22):
or without the round ofapplause.
Out here in the real world.
There's actually a good numberof average meaning non-superstar
garden variety of pastors whoare faithful and obedient day in
and day out, and some would say, well, they knew what they were
(05:43):
getting into when they accepteda call to ministry and my
response to that is yeah, well,they knew what they were getting
into when they accepted a callto ministry and my response to
that is yeah, well, you know.
Sort of All of us know thatreal life sometimes falls short
of our expectations and mystrategy is always to reduce my
expectations, and that appliesto Pastor Appreciation Month.
(06:06):
Just saying I also need to sayhere, as this is my disclaimer,
that any illustration that I'musing here, they are taken from
reality, but no names are beingused to protect both the guilty
and the innocent.
That's my disclaimer.
I'm sticking to it.
(06:28):
Lots of things to discuss here.
For one, I think there was agood intention when this day was
started by Hallmark.
I need to stress that, you know, besides the opportunity to
sell greeting cards, it's goodto let people know they're
appreciated.
This is a good thing.
But I do wonder you know abouthaving an appointed time to show
(06:52):
that appreciation, you know,and on the other hand, you got a
whole month for that.
It's not like you could missthe date, like maybe missing
your pastor's birthday or someother heinous crime like that.
That's when you have to zero inon a single day, not a whole
month.
Okay, that's a much broadertarget to go at.
(07:15):
But should there be a time whenit is required to express
appreciation, or are there timesyou express that appreciation
you know anyway, so a dedicatedtime is not required?
Or is the paycheck a sufficientway to show appreciation?
(07:36):
Or was the month created tohelp ensure that congregations
get focused and intentionalabout doing this?
I mean, when did it get so hardto say thank you anyway or let
someone know that they're valued?
When did it get so hard to dothat?
(07:58):
I mean, the life of a pastor is,it's kind of unique.
I went from, you know, regularwork life into the pastorate and
it's a different existence,different type of lifestyle, you
know, but it's really not thatfar from, but certainly not as
(08:20):
lavish as, say, the life of abaseball player.
You know, pastors can get movedaround, you play on the farm
team, you're an associate, orchildren youth, until you're
good enough to go to the bigleagues and be a senior pastor.
But then until you're importantand valuable enough and maybe
(08:41):
have an agent, I might add, youcould end up getting traded to
play for a different team or, inthis case, a different
congregation.
Sometimes relocations is youridea and a lot of times it's not
, depending on whether you'reserving in a denominational
structure or not.
(09:01):
And this seems to be less of abig deal when you are a single
individual, although that hasits own dynamic.
But when you add in family lifeand now you're talking about a
whole relocation process, notjust for yourself and your work
life but impacting the careerpotentiality of your spouse and
(09:22):
new school situations forchildren.
And of course there's alwayspacking and unpacking.
One friend of mine hadnightmares for a long time about
that screeching sound that thetape gun when you're packing
boxes makes.
It kind of goes, and they kepthearing that you know as they
(09:42):
were packing and she wastraumatized by that.
Anyway, then you have to getreoriented to a whole new town.
You know a new dentist, find anew doctor and always you know,
finding out where the localKohl's is.
All of this creates like adisorientation at times and it
(10:02):
takes a while to learn the layof the land.
Hey friends, the Krabby Pastorpodcast is sponsored by Bryce
Art Glass and you can find thaton Facebook.
I make stained glass as part ofmy self-care and also by Bryce
Coaching, where I coach ministryleaders and business leaders,
(10:26):
and so the funds that I generatefrom coaching and from making
stained glass is what issupporting this podcast and I
will have opportunities for youto be a part of sponsoring me
and, as always, you can do thebuy me a cup of coffee thing in
(10:48):
the show notes.
But I will have some other waysthat you can be a part of
getting the word out about theimportance of healthy self-care
for ministry leaders.
So, as some would say, well, wepay them and they knew what
they were getting into.
(11:08):
We don't need to do thatappreciation stuff, and I do
know a pastor friends who,talking about pay, who qualify
for government aid programsbecause their pay level is at or
below the poverty level.
Churches need to know whattheir local poverty level is,
(11:29):
although paying your pastor justabove that is not exactly what
I'm going for here, you know,because if you pay them just
above the poverty level, youstill could cramp somebody's
ability to function well in lifeand support their family and
it's also not a great thing tosay and I've kind of encountered
(11:50):
this in some church structureslike how cheap can we get them
for?
Those are not the ways to showappreciation.
I'm just saying how aboutlooking at your area's median
income and looking at thepoverty level?
And personally I like a payscale on a chart.
(12:12):
It just kind of it's a littlehelpful.
So going more into the pastor'slifestyle as a means of
thinking about appreciation andwhat it looks like.
There are times when pay is anissue for a pastor.
You know livable wage is kindof something I hear chatted
(12:36):
about.
You know it's hard for pastorsto ask for what they need, not
what they want.
But hear me, you know I don'tknow.
Do we need?
I used to say this to my kidswe need to have the needs versus
wants discussion again.
So it's hard for pastors to askfor what they need.
And I will say this part topastors, to ministry leaders you
(13:03):
got to think of the personcoming behind you.
You know, if you opt out andyou say I never need a raise
because somehow you sense thatthat's the way you ought to go,
if you opt for that, you neverhave a raise.
You are now training the churchto never give raises and that's
not exactly helpful for thenext person coming along, I got
(13:27):
to say.
Sometimes pastors need to dothe hard thing and point out
what's acceptable and what's not.
I mean people families,ministry families have got to
live Now, on the other hand, itis tricky to ask for a raise.
This is very awkward stuff.
So one way to show appreciationfor your pastor is to attend to
(13:51):
the aspect of pay and payincreases so that your pastor is
not put in the place where theyare the ones who have to bring
this up Because it's awkward,it's very awkward to do.
And some others might say thisWell, we provide housing for
them.
And some others might say thiswell, we provide housing for
(14:14):
them, even though in some places, painting the wall anything
other than white seems like afederal crime.
Not to mention homes that arenot kept safe, because I did
have a colleague literally losean eye over black mold in a
parsonage.
I also know that some pastorsdidn't respect the property they
were given to live in.
(14:35):
Now I'm not sure whether thisis a passive-aggressive thing or
what, because sometimes thepastors and the trustees and the
parsonage, you know it's like athat's like an unholy triad or
something and it can be an issue, but for me I was second career
in ministry.
So when I moved into aparsonage you know, after
(14:55):
selling my own home and being ahomeowner for many years I met
with the two trustees of thevery first parsonage that I was
going to live in.
You know, trustees are thosewho typically take care of the
parsonage and it was kind ofinteresting because one played
good cop and the other bad copand they told me a disturbing
story of a pastor cutting down arefrigerator box and then
(15:18):
filling it with cat litter andkeeping that in the basement
next to the furnace.
You know where the furnacebrings in air and it goes
through the whole house.
Anyway, I thought seriously.
Anyway, after they told me acouple of pastor horror stories
with the parsonage, theyactually asked me this question
what is your philosophy of theparsonage?
(15:39):
Which I can guarantee you Ihave never had to write about
any such thing in seminary orgive that any amount of thought.
But anyway, but having been ahomeowner over the years, I said
well, I think my job is to atleast maintain the home in such
a way that its value isprotected.
(16:01):
And they kind of seem surprisedabout that.
Another way to show appreciationto your pastor on an ongoing
basis is for someone someone tomake sure that ministry leaders
actually take their vacationtime.
Some ministry leaders thinkit's some kind of badge of
(16:23):
holiness if they don't, andthey're always there to serve.
They're always there, but atthe end of the day, that isn't
going to serve them well,because we are just, you know,
grass in the field.
One moment we're there, theother we're not.
We are these frail beings andwe need that recreation time.
(16:44):
Some pastors seem to havetrouble doing this, and if your
pastor is getting crabby and acupcake or a trip to Kohl's
doesn't cut it, then perhaps youneed to check out whether they
are overdue for a vacation.
Another way to showappreciation to your pastor is
(17:04):
by not calling them on their dayoff, as if it's not their day
off.
I'm not talking about life ordeath emergencies.
I'm not talking about that atall, because your pastor
definitely would want to attendto those.
I'm talking about respectingtheir day off boundary.
Contrary to what some peoplethink, being a pastor is not a
(17:31):
24-7 gig.
Good for the Gen Xers and theMillennials who have pursued a
better life balance.
That should always, always havebeen the case.
So the goal of any pastor is tohelp your congregation build a
relationship with Jesus andbasically work their people into
(17:55):
not needing them spirituallyand I'm not saying they don't
want to do their job, I'm sayingthey're trying to grow their
attachment to Jesus so that theybecome spiritually
self-dependent on Jesus.
You know, because people, yourpeople, become disciples who
(18:18):
follow Jesus and then theybecome Jesus for one another.
You know this speaks some tovisitation teams and why it
doesn't always have to be thepastor.
You need to train your peopleto be Jesus for one another.
(18:38):
So I'm going to finish thissegment up by saying this in
addition is that pastors reallydon't want to see a member of
the congregation get up onSunday and say, hey, everybody,
we're going to send notes ofencouragement to the pastor.
I mean we're going to sendnotes of encouragement to the
(19:00):
pastor.
I mean people need to be alittle more smooth than that so
that pastors can understand andjust have a moment where they
know that they're appreciated.
At the end of the day, if thecongregation comes up with nada
for Pastor Appreciation Day,know that you are loved and
(19:20):
cared for by the Lord, god MostHigh, and yeah, it would be
great to have that somehowobvious through other people who
have, you know, skin on and youcan actually see it.
Or in the case of a cupcake,and you can actually see it.
Or in the case of a cupcake,you can actually taste it.
(19:41):
But just look for otheropportunities and ways that your
people do express appreciationto you, not just in October,
because I go back and forthstill about whether you know the
appointed month is helpful ornot, and you can talk to me some
about that.
I'd love to hear what you haveto say.
(20:02):
You could email me at margieM-A-R-G-I-E at margiebrice, and
that's B-R-Y-C-E dot com.
Talk to me some about that.
Is a designated time helpful ornot?
Because I know for some pastorswhose congregations aren't
(20:24):
functioning in that that it canbe a disappointing time.
I understand that, but on theother hand, maybe there are
times and places where you cansee God reaching down and
encouraging you in what you do,and I would just that would be
(20:46):
my prayer for you that if thecongregation can't seem to
manage that at the appointedtime, that God would show you
even now how valuable andappreciated that you are to the
kingdom.
Hey friends, I want to thank youso much for listening to the
(21:11):
Crabby Pastor podcast.
As always, I do this for you sothat you can take that next
step towards some healthyself-care, but at the same time,
I'm always interested in whatyou're interested about.
So if you have some suggestionsfor me, you can email me at
crabbypastor at gmail, and I forsure, for sure, will take that
(21:35):
into consideration.
And maybe you even have a greatperson that you would like for
me to interview along the linesof something self-care or
something that is connected tothose topics and leadership.
Even for sure, drop me me aGmail and always, always, I
(21:56):
appreciate you sharing thispodcast with friends.
I really love it when I hearthat that's being done.
So, thank you, thank you inadvance.
How's that?
I will say that.
And I want to remind you alsothat there is a burnout
questionnaire on my website atmargiebryce dot com, and I will
(22:22):
put that website in the shownotes because it is b-r-y-c-e,
margiebryce dot com and you knowfor sure you're going to want
to check that out.
And here's a moment of realconfession here.
The link to the burnoutquestionnaire was a little
dysfunctional and I had someinteresting surprises when I
(22:46):
looked at the back end of whatwas going on on the website.
So it is, it is for sure,repaired, and I want you to go
and get that burnoutquestionnaire if you're
wondering whether your lack ofmotivation, lack of interest and
all that is burnout or not.
This should help you make anassessment.
(23:08):
So thanks again for listening,be blessed and don't forget, do
your self-care.
Hey there, it's Margie Bryce, your host of the Crabby
Pastor podcast, where we talkabout all things sustainability,
whether it's sustainability inministry, in your personal life
and we acknowledge that thechurch is in a transitional time
, so we hit topics there toothat are going to stretch your
(00:22):
mind and the way you lead,especially how you lead yourself
, so that you don't become thecrabby pastor.
Hey there, friends, it's thattime of year again it's Pastor
(00:44):
Appreciation Month, and I knowthat resonates in many different
ways with many of you, and so,in honor of Pastor Appreciation
Month, I'm going to be sharing,twice in October, two different
previous podcasts, that kind ofaddress and get at some of that.
(01:06):
Hopefully it will help putthings in perspective for you.
So just know that I'm thinkingabout you, rooting for you and
praying for you as you navigatePastor Appreciation Month.
It is the end of September,which means well, all right, I'm
(01:26):
not a fan of fall per se.
I mean the colors areabsolutely amazing, but, as they
say, winter is coming.
So I know what happens nextafter fall, and that's part of
the trepidation about fall thatI have, part of the trepidation
about fall that I have.
But even before winter is here,we have October and for some in
(01:59):
ministry October is amazing,for others not so much.
Why?
October is Pastor AppreciationMonth.
Hey, you know this might be anepisode that you want to share
with your ministry colleagues,or maybe you want to share it
(02:21):
with leadership in your church,you know, while it's still
September, because you know itmight not be quite as obvious
that you're making a point, asthe same way as like next week
when it's really really, reallyOctober.
Just saying, I have heard ofpastors being gifted with trips
(02:45):
to the Holy Land and on theother end of the spectrum there
are pastors who get, maybe, around of applause for Pastor
Appreciation Month, and I gotthat once, the round of applause
, you know, on a Sunday, notevery Sunday for a month, but on
one Sunday.
They applauded a little morefor me and I might have
(03:09):
appreciated a cupcake along withthat applause.
But maybe if I got the cupcakewould I have been crabby about
that.
Good question, good question,eh.
That Good question, goodquestion, eh.
So this means congregationshave an entire month, 31 days,
(03:37):
in October, to express theirgratitude to their shepherd.
Well, technically undershepherd, because Jesus is the
shepherd and ministry leadersfollow Jesus's lead.
So we are under that shepherd.
But that's a point that reallyisn't going to contribute to
what I want to say.
I digress.
I did do a little research onthe origin of pastor
appreciation.
It turns out that it is are youready?
(03:59):
A Hallmark holiday.
So Hallmark began this in 1992with a day, this Pastor
Appreciation Day, and now thatmutates into a whole month,
because two years later, in 1994, focus on the Family picked up
(04:19):
this ball and ran with it byurging people to express
appreciation to their pastor orministry leaders.
This is, you know, I mean, intheory, this is a great idea,
right, we should be appreciativeand have gratitude for the
people that are working hard tolead us closer to Jesus.
(04:40):
Right to Jesus, right.
But herein lies the opportunityto be crabby about pastor
appreciation, I mean, or not?
I mean, isn't this just alittle bit sad that pastor
appreciation month holds thepotential of triggering
crabbiness?
(05:01):
Hmm, so here is your rantwarning, because I'm going to
rant on behalf of some of theministry colleagues I know who
have endured all of October tothen lament that they did not
even receive a note card ofappreciation for a cupcake, with
(05:22):
or without the round ofapplause.
Out here in the real world.
There's actually a good numberof average meaning non-superstar
garden variety of pastors whoare faithful and obedient day in
and day out, and some would say, well, they knew what they were
(05:43):
getting into when they accepteda call to ministry and my
response to that is yeah, well,they knew what they were getting
into when they accepted a callto ministry and my response to
that is yeah, well, you know.
Sort of All of us know thatreal life sometimes falls short
of our expectations and mystrategy is always to reduce my
expectations, and that appliesto Pastor Appreciation Month.
(06:06):
Just saying I also need to sayhere, as this is my disclaimer,
that any illustration that I'musing here, they are taken from
reality, but no names are beingused to protect both the guilty
and the innocent.
That's my disclaimer.
I'm sticking to it.
(06:28):
Lots of things to discuss here.
For one, I think there was agood intention when this day was
started by Hallmark.
I need to stress that, you know, besides the opportunity to
sell greeting cards, it's goodto let people know they're
appreciated.
This is a good thing.
But I do wonder you know abouthaving an appointed time to show
(06:52):
that appreciation, you know,and on the other hand, you got a
whole month for that.
It's not like you could missthe date, like maybe missing
your pastor's birthday or someother heinous crime like that.
That's when you have to zero inon a single day, not a whole
month.
Okay, that's a much broadertarget to go at.
(07:15):
But should there be a time whenit is required to express
appreciation, or are there timesyou express that appreciation
you know anyway, so a dedicatedtime is not required?
Or is the paycheck a sufficientway to show appreciation?
(07:36):
Or was the month created tohelp ensure that congregations
get focused and intentionalabout doing this?
I mean, when did it get so hardto say thank you anyway or let
someone know that they're valued?
When did it get so hard to dothat?
(07:58):
I mean, the life of a pastor is,it's kind of unique.
I went from, you know, regularwork life into the pastorate and
it's a different existence,different type of lifestyle, you
know, but it's really not thatfar from, but certainly not as
(08:20):
lavish as, say, the life of abaseball player.
You know, pastors can get movedaround, you play on the farm
team, you're an associate, orchildren youth, until you're
good enough to go to the bigleagues and be a senior pastor.
But then until you're importantand valuable enough and maybe
(08:41):
have an agent, I might add, youcould end up getting traded to
play for a different team or, inthis case, a different
congregation.
Sometimes relocations is youridea and a lot of times it's not
, depending on whether you'reserving in a denominational
structure or not.
(09:01):
And this seems to be less of abig deal when you are a single
individual, although that hasits own dynamic.
But when you add in family lifeand now you're talking about a
whole relocation process, notjust for yourself and your work
life but impacting the careerpotentiality of your spouse and
(09:22):
new school situations forchildren.
And of course there's alwayspacking and unpacking.
One friend of mine hadnightmares for a long time about
that screeching sound that thetape gun when you're packing
boxes makes.
It kind of goes, and they kepthearing that you know as they
(09:42):
were packing and she wastraumatized by that.
Anyway, then you have to getreoriented to a whole new town.
You know a new dentist, find anew doctor and always you know,
finding out where the localKohl's is.
All of this creates like adisorientation at times and it
(10:02):
takes a while to learn the layof the land.
Hey friends, the Krabby Pastorpodcast is sponsored by Bryce
Art Glass and you can find thaton Facebook.
I make stained glass as part ofmy self-care and also by Bryce
Coaching, where I coach ministryleaders and business leaders,
(10:26):
and so the funds that I generatefrom coaching and from making
stained glass is what issupporting this podcast and I
will have opportunities for youto be a part of sponsoring me
and, as always, you can do thebuy me a cup of coffee thing in
(10:48):
the show notes.
But I will have some other waysthat you can be a part of
getting the word out about theimportance of healthy self-care
for ministry leaders.
So, as some would say, well, wepay them and they knew what
they were getting into.
(11:08):
We don't need to do thatappreciation stuff, and I do
know a pastor friends who,talking about pay, who qualify
for government aid programsbecause their pay level is at or
below the poverty level.
Churches need to know whattheir local poverty level is,
(11:29):
although paying your pastor justabove that is not exactly what
I'm going for here, you know,because if you pay them just
above the poverty level, youstill could cramp somebody's
ability to function well in lifeand support their family and
it's also not a great thing tosay and I've kind of encountered
(11:50):
this in some church structureslike how cheap can we get them
for?
Those are not the ways to showappreciation.
I'm just saying how aboutlooking at your area's median
income and looking at thepoverty level?
And personally I like a payscale on a chart.
(12:12):
It just kind of it's a littlehelpful.
So going more into the pastor'slifestyle as a means of
thinking about appreciation andwhat it looks like.
There are times when pay is anissue for a pastor.
You know livable wage is kindof something I hear chatted
(12:36):
about.
You know it's hard for pastorsto ask for what they need, not
what they want.
But hear me, you know I don'tknow.
Do we need?
I used to say this to my kidswe need to have the needs versus
wants discussion again.
So it's hard for pastors to askfor what they need.
And I will say this part topastors, to ministry leaders you
(13:03):
got to think of the personcoming behind you.
You know, if you opt out andyou say I never need a raise
because somehow you sense thatthat's the way you ought to go,
if you opt for that, you neverhave a raise.
You are now training the churchto never give raises and that's
not exactly helpful for thenext person coming along, I got
(13:27):
to say.
Sometimes pastors need to dothe hard thing and point out
what's acceptable and what's not.
I mean people families,ministry families have got to
live Now, on the other hand, itis tricky to ask for a raise.
This is very awkward stuff.
So one way to show appreciationfor your pastor is to attend to
(13:51):
the aspect of pay and payincreases so that your pastor is
not put in the place where theyare the ones who have to bring
this up Because it's awkward,it's very awkward to do.
And some others might say thisWell, we provide housing for
them.
And some others might say thiswell, we provide housing for
(14:14):
them, even though in some places, painting the wall anything
other than white seems like afederal crime.
Not to mention homes that arenot kept safe, because I did
have a colleague literally losean eye over black mold in a
parsonage.
I also know that some pastorsdidn't respect the property they
were given to live in.
(14:35):
Now I'm not sure whether thisis a passive-aggressive thing or
what, because sometimes thepastors and the trustees and the
parsonage, you know it's like athat's like an unholy triad or
something and it can be an issue, but for me I was second career
in ministry.
So when I moved into aparsonage you know, after
(14:55):
selling my own home and being ahomeowner for many years I met
with the two trustees of thevery first parsonage that I was
going to live in.
You know, trustees are thosewho typically take care of the
parsonage and it was kind ofinteresting because one played
good cop and the other bad copand they told me a disturbing
story of a pastor cutting down arefrigerator box and then
(15:18):
filling it with cat litter andkeeping that in the basement
next to the furnace.
You know where the furnacebrings in air and it goes
through the whole house.
Anyway, I thought seriously.
Anyway, after they told me acouple of pastor horror stories
with the parsonage, theyactually asked me this question
what is your philosophy of theparsonage?
(15:39):
Which I can guarantee you Ihave never had to write about
any such thing in seminary orgive that any amount of thought.
But anyway, but having been ahomeowner over the years, I said
well, I think my job is to atleast maintain the home in such
a way that its value isprotected.
(16:01):
And they kind of seem surprisedabout that.
Another way to show appreciationto your pastor on an ongoing
basis is for someone someone tomake sure that ministry leaders
actually take their vacationtime.
Some ministry leaders thinkit's some kind of badge of
(16:23):
holiness if they don't, andthey're always there to serve.
They're always there, but atthe end of the day, that isn't
going to serve them well,because we are just, you know,
grass in the field.
One moment we're there, theother we're not.
We are these frail beings andwe need that recreation time.
(16:44):
Some pastors seem to havetrouble doing this, and if your
pastor is getting crabby and acupcake or a trip to Kohl's
doesn't cut it, then perhaps youneed to check out whether they
are overdue for a vacation.
Another way to showappreciation to your pastor is
(17:04):
by not calling them on their dayoff, as if it's not their day
off.
I'm not talking about life ordeath emergencies.
I'm not talking about that atall, because your pastor
definitely would want to attendto those.
I'm talking about respectingtheir day off boundary.
Contrary to what some peoplethink, being a pastor is not a
(17:31):
24-7 gig.
Good for the Gen Xers and theMillennials who have pursued a
better life balance.
That should always, always havebeen the case.
So the goal of any pastor is tohelp your congregation build a
relationship with Jesus andbasically work their people into
(17:55):
not needing them spirituallyand I'm not saying they don't
want to do their job, I'm sayingthey're trying to grow their
attachment to Jesus so that theybecome spiritually
self-dependent on Jesus.
You know, because people, yourpeople, become disciples who
(18:18):
follow Jesus and then theybecome Jesus for one another.
You know this speaks some tovisitation teams and why it
doesn't always have to be thepastor.
You need to train your peopleto be Jesus for one another.
(18:38):
So I'm going to finish thissegment up by saying this in
addition is that pastors reallydon't want to see a member of
the congregation get up onSunday and say, hey, everybody,
we're going to send notes ofencouragement to the pastor.
I mean we're going to sendnotes of encouragement to the
(19:00):
pastor.
I mean people need to be alittle more smooth than that so
that pastors can understand andjust have a moment where they
know that they're appreciated.
At the end of the day, if thecongregation comes up with nada
for Pastor Appreciation Day,know that you are loved and
(19:20):
cared for by the Lord, god MostHigh, and yeah, it would be
great to have that somehowobvious through other people who
have, you know, skin on and youcan actually see it.
Or in the case of a cupcake,and you can actually see it.
Or in the case of a cupcake,you can actually taste it.
(19:41):
But just look for otheropportunities and ways that your
people do express appreciationto you, not just in October,
because I go back and forthstill about whether you know the
appointed month is helpful ornot, and you can talk to me some
about that.
I'd love to hear what you haveto say.
(20:02):
You could email me at margieM-A-R-G-I-E at margiebrice, and
that's B-R-Y-C-E dot com.
Talk to me some about that.
Is a designated time helpful ornot?
Because I know for some pastorswhose congregations aren't
(20:24):
functioning in that that it canbe a disappointing time.
I understand that, but on theother hand, maybe there are
times and places where you cansee God reaching down and
encouraging you in what you do,and I would just that would be
(20:46):
my prayer for you that if thecongregation can't seem to
manage that at the appointedtime, that God would show you
even now how valuable andappreciated that you are to the
kingdom.
Hey friends, I want to thank youso much for listening to the
(21:11):
Crabby Pastor podcast.
As always, I do this for you sothat you can take that next
step towards some healthyself-care, but at the same time,
I'm always interested in whatyou're interested about.
So if you have some suggestionsfor me, you can email me at
crabbypastor at gmail, and I forsure, for sure, will take that
(21:35):
into consideration.
And maybe you even have a greatperson that you would like for
me to interview along the linesof something self-care or
something that is connected tothose topics and leadership.
Even for sure, drop me me aGmail and always, always, I
(21:56):
appreciate you sharing thispodcast with friends.
I really love it when I hearthat that's being done.
So, thank you, thank you inadvance.
How's that?
I will say that.
And I want to remind you alsothat there is a burnout
questionnaire on my website atmargiebryce dot com, and I will
(22:22):
put that website in the shownotes because it is b-r-y-c-e,
margiebryce dot com and you knowfor sure you're going to want
to check that out.
And here's a moment of realconfession here.
The link to the burnoutquestionnaire was a little
dysfunctional and I had someinteresting surprises when I
(22:46):
looked at the back end of whatwas going on on the website.
So it is, it is for sure,repaired, and I want you to go
and get that burnoutquestionnaire if you're
wondering whether your lack ofmotivation, lack of interest and
all that is burnout or not.
This should help you make anassessment.
(23:08):
So thanks again for listening,be blessed and don't forget, do
your self-care.
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