November 11, 2025 • 22 mins
Ever feel the high-performance version of you walk through the front door and start running the house like a meeting? We unpack how a powerful CEO identity can drift into every corner of life and unintentionally crowd out warmth, play, and ease. Rather than flipping a mythical “work off” switch, we walk through a practical approach to integration—bringing all of who we are while choosing the right facet to lead with, moment by moment.
We share simple, real-world tools to shift from strategy to presence without losing your edge. You’ll learn how a two-minute threshold ritual can dissolve work intensity before it hits the dinner table, why a three-second pause can transform conversations, and the exact consent-based question that prevents unasked-for coaching: “Do you want help thinking this through, or do you want me to just listen?” We also map a weekly reflection practice to spot where you made someone feel managed instead of loved and set a small intention to course-correct.
Across the episode, we reframe ambition as an asset that needs more gears, not fewer. At work, lead with solutions and foresight; at home, lead with curiosity and connection while keeping your competence available in the background. This shift builds trust, reduces reactivity, and actually sharpens your leadership because real rest returns. If you’ve ever heard “you’re going to make it homework,” this conversation will help you respond with empathy instead of a plan. Press play, try one practice tonight, and tell us what changed at your table. If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more leaders can grow power and presence together.
Thanks for listening!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:14):
Okay, you've nailed the presentation, you have
closed the deal, you've led theteam meeting with like total
confidence.
You come home feelingaccomplished, maybe you even
feel proud, and your daughterasks you, Can you help me with
my art project?
(00:36):
So you immediately startthinking, what's the most
efficient approach?
What materials are we going toneed?
How long is it going to take?
And maybe is this the best useof our time before dinner?
Then let's say your partner sayshe's thinking about switching
jobs, and you go straight intostrategy mode.
(00:57):
You say, Okay, let's map thisout.
What are your options?
What's the timeline?
Have you thought about thefinancial implications?
And then you see the look.
The look that says, I justwanted to talk to you, not get
consulted by you.
(01:17):
You built this business tocreate more for your family,
right?
More time, more freedom, moreoptions.
But somewhere along the way, youbecame so good at being the CEO
that you forgot how to just be.
My name is Jen Cody.
(01:38):
Welcome to the Create Your Daypodcast.
Today we are talking aboutsomething that is a huge issue
for people when they arebuilding businesses.
And that is how the identitythat makes you successful can
sometimes make you impossible tolive with.
So if this is your first timehere, welcome.
(01:58):
I help ambitious people getclarity and gain confidence so
they can scale their businesseswithout losing themselves and
going insane in the process.
That last part is what isactually the episode today is
all about.
So I talk a lot about building abusiness that's going to serve
your life.
What I don't talk about enoughis what happens when the version
(02:21):
of you who is crushing it inyour business starts showing up
everywhere else and not in agood way.
You know exactly what I'mtalking about.
So let's get clear on this part.
When you started your business,you had to develop a new version
of yourself.
You learn to be decisive whenyou used to overthink
everything.
You learn to be strategic whenyou used to react.
(02:43):
You learn to delegate, to lead,to think three steps ahead.
And it worked.
You built something real,something you are really proud
of.
But identities don't clock out,right?
That CEO version of you, the onewho is strategic and confident
and always optimizing things,she doesn't just shut off when
(03:03):
you walk through your frontdoor.
So she becomes your defaultsetting.
And now when your child istelling you about their day,
you're half listening, you'rementally running through
tomorrow's client meeting.
And when your partner wants tospeak to you and kind of like
walk through a decision, you'realready six steps ahead with the
solution.
(03:24):
When someone just needs you tobe present, are you busy trying
to fix things, improve things,and strategize?
You've become really efficientat the cost of being present,
strategic at the cost of beingsoft, and incredibly capable at
the cost of being connected.
(03:44):
And those are real costs.
The worst part is this happensreally gradually.
So we don't always even notice.
Our family may stop bringing thesmall stuff to us because they
know that we're going to turn itinto a project.
Your partner does they stopasking for your opinion because
they know they're going to get afull analysis when they just
(04:05):
really wanted some empathy.
Do your kids learn to go totheir other parent or to someone
else for the fun stuff and cometo you when they're looking for
logistics?
That's not fun stuff.
And it's not the stuff they'regoing to remember either.
So you become the household COO,the family project manager, the
person everyone respects, butnobody really wants to hang out
(04:27):
with them anymore.
And you're sitting herethinking, I'm doing everything
right.
I'm building this business forus.
Why does it feel like I amlosing them?
This really does happen.
And I've heard people say thingsthat truly break my heart.
I've heard people talk about,you know, um, their child asking
(04:48):
their partner to help them withsomething.
And when they asked, why didn'tyou ask me?
Their child said, You're gonnamake it homework.
That is terrible.
We do not want our childrenthinking of us that way.
We don't want our partnersthinking thinking of us that
way.
We don't want to get so good atoptimizing everything that we
optimize the joy right out ofour relationships.
(05:10):
And this is a big deal.
So I totally get it because Iknow that CEO identity.
I coach people to it.
She's very powerful.
She's the one who built thislife.
So when you try to kind of dialher back, it can feel a little
dangerous, like you're going tolose your edge, like if you're
not strategic everywhere, oryou're going to slip back being
(05:31):
into this overwhelmed person,this reactive person that you
used to be.
But that's actually not how itworks.
The problem is not that youbecame the CEO, the problem is
that you started believing youhave to be the CEO everywhere,
and you don't.
In fact, one of the mostpowerful things you can do for
both your business and yourfamily is to learn when to be
(05:53):
the CEO and when to be somethingelse entirely.
Because ambition, that's not theproblem.
The problem is when the ambitionis the only gear that you know
how to drive in.
Then what do you do?
So, how do you stop being theCEO at home without losing the
parts of that identity that doactually serve you?
How do you stay powerful inbusiness while also being
(06:17):
present for the people that youlove?
It starts with understandingsomething that a lot of people
don't kind of grasp when itcomes to identity.
And it's not about turning itoff.
When people talk about work-lifebalance, they act like you need
to be two completely differentpeople: work you and home you,
(06:37):
CEO, you, and then mom, partner,human you.
But that is really exhausting.
And honestly, it's prettyimpossible.
You can't just flip a switch andbecome a different person when
you walk through the door.
Your brain does not work thatway for sure.
What you need is notcompartmentalization, it's
integration.
(06:57):
Hear that?
Not compartmentalization becauseso many women, we it doesn't
always come naturally for us tocompartmentalize, and we think
we have to get better at it inorder to make this happen.
That's not what we're lookingfor.
We're looking for integration.
Integration means that you bringall of who you are to every part
of your life, but you getintentional about which parts
(07:20):
you lead in with differentcontexts, right?
So at work, you lead withstrategy.
At home, you lead with presence.
You still need both things atboth places.
At work, you lead withsolutions, and at home, maybe
you lead with curiosity.
At work, can you be leading withefficiency?
While you're at home, you'releading with connection.
(07:42):
All things that we do need inboth places.
So we're not becoming lesspowerful.
We're becoming more aware ofwhat that power looks like in
different spaces in our lives.
So here's what I want you to askyourself.
What does this moment, whatevermoment you're in, what does this
moment need from me?
(08:03):
Not what do I default to, notwhat am I good at, but what does
the moment actually need?
Because when your child comes toyou upset about something that
happened at school, that momentdoesn't need a strategic problem
solver, even if that's whatyou're good at.
It needs a safe person to justlisten.
When your partner is processinga really hard day, that moment
(08:26):
doesn't need a solution, even ifthat's your default.
What that moment needs isempathy.
So think about when you're atdinner and everybody's talking
about their day.
That moment does not need you tooptimize it.
It just needs you to be fullyconnected and paying attention.
Because I know the CEO in youwants to add value.
(08:49):
You want to be fixing, you wantto be improving, you want to be
strategizing.
But sometimes the most valuablething you can do is just be.
Just be there and be there fullywithout any kind of agenda.
This is not weakness.
So I don't want you to hold backfrom this because you think that
(09:09):
it's showing weakness.
This is wisdom.
The more present you can be athome, the more powerful you will
be in business because you willlearn how to actually rest.
You'll learn how to actuallyrecharge.
You'll stop running on fumes andstart running on purpose.
Not like on purpose, likeintentionally, but on purpose.
(09:31):
You'll be running on yourpurpose.
And this requires something thatwe talk about a lot here, and
that is self-awareness, becauseyou need to catch yourself in
the moment if you're going tochange it.
You need to notice when are yougoing into CEO mode at home?
When are you feeling the impulseto strategize, to optimize, to
(09:53):
fix?
And that's what I want you tostop and ask yourself: is this
what's needed right now, or isthis just my default setting?
Because I know you, and a lot ofyou are really brilliant at
this.
You're going to be noticing thatevery single time your husband
wants to talk about your hisday, you go right into coaching
mode.
(10:14):
You're asking strategicquestions, you're offering
frameworks, you're trying to gethim to see things differently.
It's okay.
We do this all day long, right?
So it's normal for us to try to,for us to naturally bring that
home with us.
But one day, your partner isgoing to say, I don't want you
to coach me.
I just want you to care aboutme.
(10:35):
And that moment is going tochange everything for you.
So why don't we try to changethings before you get to that
moment?
I want you to realize that theskills that make you an
incredible business person,whatever, think about what you
do for a living all day.
So for me, I do coaching andconsulting, right?
So the skills that make mereally good at coaching and
(10:57):
consulting have the potential tomake me exhausting to live with
if I'm trying to coach andconsult my family through their
life.
So we need to start practicinglistening, not coaching, not
solving, just being present withwhatever the other person is
feeling.
And it will be uncomfortable atfirst, and you will feel like
(11:20):
you're not adding enough to theconversation.
You're not adding value becausethat's our default, right?
We want to consistently beadding value.
But then you will realize thatyour value with these people who
love you and who you love, yourvalue with them is not around
what you can fix.
It's in who you are when you arenot trying to fix anything.
(11:43):
That is the shift, and that iswhat integration looks like.
Remember, we're trying tointegrate that identity, that
work CEO identity with our homepartner, parent, friend.
It's not even just at home, it'swith the people we love.
How do we integrate thoseidentities?
What does this actually looklike in the real world?
(12:06):
Because I want you to be able tobuild the muscle, right?
That muscle memory is how weknow when to be strategic and
when to just be present.
So I'm going to give you somespecific things that you can do
that are going to change how youshow up when you are around
these people.
So the first thing we're goingto do is around thresholds.
Let's call it like a thresholdritual.
(12:28):
This is something I want you todo every single time you
transition from work to home.
So this doesn't have to beelaborate, it just has to be
intentional.
And some of you don't have anytransition.
You know, for some of us, we'redriving home, so we have a car
ride.
Do we get home and just sit inthe car for two minutes before
we go inside?
(12:48):
That could be a threshold ritualthat we do.
Take some deep breaths here.
Ask yourself, who does my familyneed me to be right now?
But for some of you, you may notwork outside the home.
Maybe all of your work is doneright here in your house, like
me, when I'm not out withclients.
There are days, like today,actually, where I am really in
(13:13):
my office for eight hoursstraight.
So how do I transition from workto home?
Maybe that means I'm going tojust change, right?
I need to like go inside, resetmyself, take off the work
outfit, put something else on,and just be a different person,
right?
(13:33):
Put my family outfit on,whatever that might look like.
It just brings you into adifferent context, a different
mode.
Maybe you have time to go for awalk around the block, take a
shower, five minutes of sittingsomewhere quietly.
The point is not what you do,the point is that you create a
conscious transition, a momentwhere you shift from being the
(13:58):
CEO to being present.
Because without any transition,you're going to carry all the
intensity of your workdaystraight into your home,
straight to the dinner table,straight to the activities with
your children, right?
And your family is going toabsorb that intensity, whether
you mean to give it to them ornot.
And I know that you don't.
(14:19):
So you don't want to burden themwith this, but you will.
So before you do anything else,I want you to just pick
something.
One simple thing you can do,maybe before you open the front
door, put your hand on yourheart and say, they don't need
me to fix anything.
They just need me.
(14:40):
Imagine that.
If we can just ground ourselvesin that thought, how much more
connected and present would webe with the people we love?
Put your hands on your heart.
They don't need me to fixanything, to strategize
anything, to optimize anything.
They just need me.
(15:00):
That one sentence will help youremember your value at home is
not about what you accomplish.
It's who you are when you'reactually not accomplishing
anything else but being presentwith those you love.
Okay, so that first thing, thethresholds.
Now, how can we practicelistening more?
(15:22):
Because now that we'vetransitioned and we're present
with our family, we're presentwith our loved ones, we want to
be present and actually listento them.
So when someone is telling yousomething, anything at all, can
you pause before you respond?
It's okay to let there besilence.
Maybe even count to three sothat you're um consciously
(15:47):
making yourself pause for a goodmoment, and it's not just
however long it takes you totake a breath.
Count to three.
Your default might be toimmediately respond, right, with
some advice, some strategy, somesolution that automatically pops
up in your head.
You can't necessarily turn thatoff.
So it may still pop into yourhead, but that pause creates
(16:11):
space for you to choose adifferent response.
In that pause, ask yourself, dothey need a solution?
Or do they need to be heard?
Most of the time, it is thelatter.
Do they need a solution or dothey need to be heard?
And if you're not sure, you canalways ask.
(16:33):
It's okay to say, do you want meto help you think through this?
Do you want me to just be hereto listen?
You know, like there's it's okayto ask what someone is looking
for from you as well, becausemaybe they are looking for your
help in thinking throughsomething.
That's perfectly okay becauseyou're a great person to do
that.
But asking them and allowingthem to lead that interaction,
(16:56):
really, really powerful for yourrelationships.
That one question can save somany conversations because it's
going to show that you're notmaking assumptions.
You're not assuming what theyneed, you're actually making
space for what they want and nottrying to uh drive the bus, so
to say.
So we have our thresholds, wehave our listening practice that
(17:19):
we're going to do.
Next, I want you to be able tocheck in with yourself, even if
it's once a week.
So you're going to set aside 15minutes every week, doesn't
matter when it is, towards theend of your week.
So if maybe that's Friday, maybeit's Sunday, whatever you see as
the reset button, right?
Whenever it makes most sense foryou, because this is going to be
(17:42):
reflective.
This is not about settingyourself up for the week to
come.
This is about checking in withyourself about how you showed up
the week that just passed.
So I want you to ask yourselfthree questions.
The first one is, when did Ishow up this past week as the
CEO when I should have just beenpresent?
Be really, really honest withyourself.
(18:04):
The second one is when did Imake someone feel managed
instead of loved?
No one wants to feel managedinstead of loved.
And then the last one is, whatcan I do more intentionally?
Or what's one way I can be moreintentional about who I am at
(18:25):
home next week?
So which version of you is goingto show up this coming week now?
How can you be reallyintentional about choosing that
person?
I the reflective exercise, it'snot to beat you up, it is to
build self-awareness.
The more we notice patterns, theeasier it is to interrupt them.
So we want to really focus onwhat are the patterns that we're
(18:48):
constantly doing.
Essentially, that makes it apattern, right?
And how do we interrupt that?
Because you might want to evenhave this conversation with your
family, now that I think aboutit.
You can ask them, am I bringingtoo much of my work energy home
with me?
What would it look like for meto be more present with you?
Everybody's different, you know,like maybe your partner needs
(19:10):
something from you that's verydifferent from what your friend
or your mother or your sister oryour sibling, you know, whatever
someone else needs for you to bemore present with them.
Asking them for their opinion,it takes courage because you
might hear things you don't wantto hear.
You know, that feedback cansting a little bit, but that
feedback is also gold because itgives you the clarity you need
(19:34):
to be able to make these shifts.
Again, this is not weakness.
You are not losing your power byasking.
You're using your power to buildsomething more important than
any business success.
And that is real connection withthe people that you are building
this life for.
Imagine.
(19:55):
Ah, so beautiful.
And they will be so happy thatyou did this.
Nobody really talks about thiswhen we're building businesses,
right?
We talk a lot about revenue andmarketing and scaling, and those
things are all important.
And they do tell you how you canbe a powerful CEO.
Those things are all part ofthat identity.
(20:16):
But the identity that you buildto succeed in business can
become a real hindrance, a realbarrier for you with connection
in your home.
And I don't want you to belonely in your home.
You know, entrepreneurship is alonely place.
You don't want to feel lonely athome, also.
(20:36):
The skills that make you really,really smart in front of an
audience, the skills that youbring to a boardroom or to a
conference room, to a meeting,to a seminar, that can make you
exhausting at the dinner table.
And nobody is going to tell youthat when you learn to integrate
these identities and you act,you don't compartmentalize them,
(20:57):
right?
But you just know when to bestrategic, when to be soft.
That is one of the mostimportant leadership skills that
you could ever develop.
So I'm so happy to share thatwith you.
It really is going to change howyou show up and how your family
receives you.
So what I want you to hear isthat you do not need to choose
(21:18):
between being powerful and beingpresent.
You do not have to sacrificeconnection for competence.
You just have to get clear aboutwhat each moment actually needs
from you.
That person that's building abusiness, you are building
something incredible.
And she's not going anywhere.
She doesn't need to go anywhere.
(21:39):
But she also doesn't need toshow up everywhere, right?
Sometimes your family just needsthe version of you who isn't
trying to fix everything.
Who isn't trying to fixanything.
Be there fully, without anyagenda, not weakness, expansion.
(22:01):
This is what it looks like togrow your business without
losing yourself, and honestly,without losing the people that
matter the most to you.
So I really hope that thisresonated with you.
I want you to take thisinformation out there, create
your day, create your businessin the best way possible.
I want to hear how you'reimplementing this.
(22:22):
Right?
Let me know.
Send me an email, DM me onInstagram.
But I want to hear how you'redoing and how you're creating
the lives, the businesses, thedays that you truly, truly
deserve.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Until next time, take care ofyourself, take care of each
other, and I will see you herenext week.
Okay, you've nailed the presentation, you have
closed the deal, you've led theteam meeting with like total
confidence.
You come home feelingaccomplished, maybe you even
feel proud, and your daughterasks you, Can you help me with
my art project?
(00:36):
So you immediately startthinking, what's the most
efficient approach?
What materials are we going toneed?
How long is it going to take?
And maybe is this the best useof our time before dinner?
Then let's say your partner sayshe's thinking about switching
jobs, and you go straight intostrategy mode.
(00:57):
You say, Okay, let's map thisout.
What are your options?
What's the timeline?
Have you thought about thefinancial implications?
And then you see the look.
The look that says, I justwanted to talk to you, not get
consulted by you.
(01:17):
You built this business tocreate more for your family,
right?
More time, more freedom, moreoptions.
But somewhere along the way, youbecame so good at being the CEO
that you forgot how to just be.
My name is Jen Cody.
(01:38):
Welcome to the Create Your Daypodcast.
Today we are talking aboutsomething that is a huge issue
for people when they arebuilding businesses.
And that is how the identitythat makes you successful can
sometimes make you impossible tolive with.
So if this is your first timehere, welcome.
(01:58):
I help ambitious people getclarity and gain confidence so
they can scale their businesseswithout losing themselves and
going insane in the process.
That last part is what isactually the episode today is
all about.
So I talk a lot about building abusiness that's going to serve
your life.
What I don't talk about enoughis what happens when the version
(02:21):
of you who is crushing it inyour business starts showing up
everywhere else and not in agood way.
You know exactly what I'mtalking about.
So let's get clear on this part.
When you started your business,you had to develop a new version
of yourself.
You learn to be decisive whenyou used to overthink
everything.
You learn to be strategic whenyou used to react.
(02:43):
You learn to delegate, to lead,to think three steps ahead.
And it worked.
You built something real,something you are really proud
of.
But identities don't clock out,right?
That CEO version of you, the onewho is strategic and confident
and always optimizing things,she doesn't just shut off when
(03:03):
you walk through your frontdoor.
So she becomes your defaultsetting.
And now when your child istelling you about their day,
you're half listening, you'rementally running through
tomorrow's client meeting.
And when your partner wants tospeak to you and kind of like
walk through a decision, you'realready six steps ahead with the
solution.
(03:24):
When someone just needs you tobe present, are you busy trying
to fix things, improve things,and strategize?
You've become really efficientat the cost of being present,
strategic at the cost of beingsoft, and incredibly capable at
the cost of being connected.
(03:44):
And those are real costs.
The worst part is this happensreally gradually.
So we don't always even notice.
Our family may stop bringing thesmall stuff to us because they
know that we're going to turn itinto a project.
Your partner does they stopasking for your opinion because
they know they're going to get afull analysis when they just
(04:05):
really wanted some empathy.
Do your kids learn to go totheir other parent or to someone
else for the fun stuff and cometo you when they're looking for
logistics?
That's not fun stuff.
And it's not the stuff they'regoing to remember either.
So you become the household COO,the family project manager, the
person everyone respects, butnobody really wants to hang out
(04:27):
with them anymore.
And you're sitting herethinking, I'm doing everything
right.
I'm building this business forus.
Why does it feel like I amlosing them?
This really does happen.
And I've heard people say thingsthat truly break my heart.
I've heard people talk about,you know, um, their child asking
(04:48):
their partner to help them withsomething.
And when they asked, why didn'tyou ask me?
Their child said, You're gonnamake it homework.
That is terrible.
We do not want our childrenthinking of us that way.
We don't want our partnersthinking thinking of us that
way.
We don't want to get so good atoptimizing everything that we
optimize the joy right out ofour relationships.
(05:10):
And this is a big deal.
So I totally get it because Iknow that CEO identity.
I coach people to it.
She's very powerful.
She's the one who built thislife.
So when you try to kind of dialher back, it can feel a little
dangerous, like you're going tolose your edge, like if you're
not strategic everywhere, oryou're going to slip back being
(05:31):
into this overwhelmed person,this reactive person that you
used to be.
But that's actually not how itworks.
The problem is not that youbecame the CEO, the problem is
that you started believing youhave to be the CEO everywhere,
and you don't.
In fact, one of the mostpowerful things you can do for
both your business and yourfamily is to learn when to be
(05:53):
the CEO and when to be somethingelse entirely.
Because ambition, that's not theproblem.
The problem is when the ambitionis the only gear that you know
how to drive in.
Then what do you do?
So, how do you stop being theCEO at home without losing the
parts of that identity that doactually serve you?
How do you stay powerful inbusiness while also being
(06:17):
present for the people that youlove?
It starts with understandingsomething that a lot of people
don't kind of grasp when itcomes to identity.
And it's not about turning itoff.
When people talk about work-lifebalance, they act like you need
to be two completely differentpeople: work you and home you,
(06:37):
CEO, you, and then mom, partner,human you.
But that is really exhausting.
And honestly, it's prettyimpossible.
You can't just flip a switch andbecome a different person when
you walk through the door.
Your brain does not work thatway for sure.
What you need is notcompartmentalization, it's
integration.
(06:57):
Hear that?
Not compartmentalization becauseso many women, we it doesn't
always come naturally for us tocompartmentalize, and we think
we have to get better at it inorder to make this happen.
That's not what we're lookingfor.
We're looking for integration.
Integration means that you bringall of who you are to every part
of your life, but you getintentional about which parts
(07:20):
you lead in with differentcontexts, right?
So at work, you lead withstrategy.
At home, you lead with presence.
You still need both things atboth places.
At work, you lead withsolutions, and at home, maybe
you lead with curiosity.
At work, can you be leading withefficiency?
While you're at home, you'releading with connection.
(07:42):
All things that we do need inboth places.
So we're not becoming lesspowerful.
We're becoming more aware ofwhat that power looks like in
different spaces in our lives.
So here's what I want you to askyourself.
What does this moment, whatevermoment you're in, what does this
moment need from me?
(08:03):
Not what do I default to, notwhat am I good at, but what does
the moment actually need?
Because when your child comes toyou upset about something that
happened at school, that momentdoesn't need a strategic problem
solver, even if that's whatyou're good at.
It needs a safe person to justlisten.
When your partner is processinga really hard day, that moment
(08:26):
doesn't need a solution, even ifthat's your default.
What that moment needs isempathy.
So think about when you're atdinner and everybody's talking
about their day.
That moment does not need you tooptimize it.
It just needs you to be fullyconnected and paying attention.
Because I know the CEO in youwants to add value.
(08:49):
You want to be fixing, you wantto be improving, you want to be
strategizing.
But sometimes the most valuablething you can do is just be.
Just be there and be there fullywithout any kind of agenda.
This is not weakness.
So I don't want you to hold backfrom this because you think that
(09:09):
it's showing weakness.
This is wisdom.
The more present you can be athome, the more powerful you will
be in business because you willlearn how to actually rest.
You'll learn how to actuallyrecharge.
You'll stop running on fumes andstart running on purpose.
Not like on purpose, likeintentionally, but on purpose.
(09:31):
You'll be running on yourpurpose.
And this requires something thatwe talk about a lot here, and
that is self-awareness, becauseyou need to catch yourself in
the moment if you're going tochange it.
You need to notice when are yougoing into CEO mode at home?
When are you feeling the impulseto strategize, to optimize, to
(09:53):
fix?
And that's what I want you tostop and ask yourself: is this
what's needed right now, or isthis just my default setting?
Because I know you, and a lot ofyou are really brilliant at
this.
You're going to be noticing thatevery single time your husband
wants to talk about your hisday, you go right into coaching
mode.
(10:14):
You're asking strategicquestions, you're offering
frameworks, you're trying to gethim to see things differently.
It's okay.
We do this all day long, right?
So it's normal for us to try to,for us to naturally bring that
home with us.
But one day, your partner isgoing to say, I don't want you
to coach me.
I just want you to care aboutme.
(10:35):
And that moment is going tochange everything for you.
So why don't we try to changethings before you get to that
moment?
I want you to realize that theskills that make you an
incredible business person,whatever, think about what you
do for a living all day.
So for me, I do coaching andconsulting, right?
So the skills that make mereally good at coaching and
(10:57):
consulting have the potential tomake me exhausting to live with
if I'm trying to coach andconsult my family through their
life.
So we need to start practicinglistening, not coaching, not
solving, just being present withwhatever the other person is
feeling.
And it will be uncomfortable atfirst, and you will feel like
(11:20):
you're not adding enough to theconversation.
You're not adding value becausethat's our default, right?
We want to consistently beadding value.
But then you will realize thatyour value with these people who
love you and who you love, yourvalue with them is not around
what you can fix.
It's in who you are when you arenot trying to fix anything.
(11:43):
That is the shift, and that iswhat integration looks like.
Remember, we're trying tointegrate that identity, that
work CEO identity with our homepartner, parent, friend.
It's not even just at home, it'swith the people we love.
How do we integrate thoseidentities?
What does this actually looklike in the real world?
(12:06):
Because I want you to be able tobuild the muscle, right?
That muscle memory is how weknow when to be strategic and
when to just be present.
So I'm going to give you somespecific things that you can do
that are going to change how youshow up when you are around
these people.
So the first thing we're goingto do is around thresholds.
Let's call it like a thresholdritual.
(12:28):
This is something I want you todo every single time you
transition from work to home.
So this doesn't have to beelaborate, it just has to be
intentional.
And some of you don't have anytransition.
You know, for some of us, we'redriving home, so we have a car
ride.
Do we get home and just sit inthe car for two minutes before
we go inside?
(12:48):
That could be a threshold ritualthat we do.
Take some deep breaths here.
Ask yourself, who does my familyneed me to be right now?
But for some of you, you may notwork outside the home.
Maybe all of your work is doneright here in your house, like
me, when I'm not out withclients.
There are days, like today,actually, where I am really in
(13:13):
my office for eight hoursstraight.
So how do I transition from workto home?
Maybe that means I'm going tojust change, right?
I need to like go inside, resetmyself, take off the work
outfit, put something else on,and just be a different person,
right?
(13:33):
Put my family outfit on,whatever that might look like.
It just brings you into adifferent context, a different
mode.
Maybe you have time to go for awalk around the block, take a
shower, five minutes of sittingsomewhere quietly.
The point is not what you do,the point is that you create a
conscious transition, a momentwhere you shift from being the
(13:58):
CEO to being present.
Because without any transition,you're going to carry all the
intensity of your workdaystraight into your home,
straight to the dinner table,straight to the activities with
your children, right?
And your family is going toabsorb that intensity, whether
you mean to give it to them ornot.
And I know that you don't.
(14:19):
So you don't want to burden themwith this, but you will.
So before you do anything else,I want you to just pick
something.
One simple thing you can do,maybe before you open the front
door, put your hand on yourheart and say, they don't need
me to fix anything.
They just need me.
(14:40):
Imagine that.
If we can just ground ourselvesin that thought, how much more
connected and present would webe with the people we love?
Put your hands on your heart.
They don't need me to fixanything, to strategize
anything, to optimize anything.
They just need me.
(15:00):
That one sentence will help youremember your value at home is
not about what you accomplish.
It's who you are when you'reactually not accomplishing
anything else but being presentwith those you love.
Okay, so that first thing, thethresholds.
Now, how can we practicelistening more?
(15:22):
Because now that we'vetransitioned and we're present
with our family, we're presentwith our loved ones, we want to
be present and actually listento them.
So when someone is telling yousomething, anything at all, can
you pause before you respond?
It's okay to let there besilence.
Maybe even count to three sothat you're um consciously
(15:47):
making yourself pause for a goodmoment, and it's not just
however long it takes you totake a breath.
Count to three.
Your default might be toimmediately respond, right, with
some advice, some strategy, somesolution that automatically pops
up in your head.
You can't necessarily turn thatoff.
So it may still pop into yourhead, but that pause creates
(16:11):
space for you to choose adifferent response.
In that pause, ask yourself, dothey need a solution?
Or do they need to be heard?
Most of the time, it is thelatter.
Do they need a solution or dothey need to be heard?
And if you're not sure, you canalways ask.
(16:33):
It's okay to say, do you want meto help you think through this?
Do you want me to just be hereto listen?
You know, like there's it's okayto ask what someone is looking
for from you as well, becausemaybe they are looking for your
help in thinking throughsomething.
That's perfectly okay becauseyou're a great person to do
that.
But asking them and allowingthem to lead that interaction,
(16:56):
really, really powerful for yourrelationships.
That one question can save somany conversations because it's
going to show that you're notmaking assumptions.
You're not assuming what theyneed, you're actually making
space for what they want and nottrying to uh drive the bus, so
to say.
So we have our thresholds, wehave our listening practice that
(17:19):
we're going to do.
Next, I want you to be able tocheck in with yourself, even if
it's once a week.
So you're going to set aside 15minutes every week, doesn't
matter when it is, towards theend of your week.
So if maybe that's Friday, maybeit's Sunday, whatever you see as
the reset button, right?
Whenever it makes most sense foryou, because this is going to be
(17:42):
reflective.
This is not about settingyourself up for the week to
come.
This is about checking in withyourself about how you showed up
the week that just passed.
So I want you to ask yourselfthree questions.
The first one is, when did Ishow up this past week as the
CEO when I should have just beenpresent?
Be really, really honest withyourself.
(18:04):
The second one is when did Imake someone feel managed
instead of loved?
No one wants to feel managedinstead of loved.
And then the last one is, whatcan I do more intentionally?
Or what's one way I can be moreintentional about who I am at
(18:25):
home next week?
So which version of you is goingto show up this coming week now?
How can you be reallyintentional about choosing that
person?
I the reflective exercise, it'snot to beat you up, it is to
build self-awareness.
The more we notice patterns, theeasier it is to interrupt them.
So we want to really focus onwhat are the patterns that we're
(18:48):
constantly doing.
Essentially, that makes it apattern, right?
And how do we interrupt that?
Because you might want to evenhave this conversation with your
family, now that I think aboutit.
You can ask them, am I bringingtoo much of my work energy home
with me?
What would it look like for meto be more present with you?
Everybody's different, you know,like maybe your partner needs
(19:10):
something from you that's verydifferent from what your friend
or your mother or your sister oryour sibling, you know, whatever
someone else needs for you to bemore present with them.
Asking them for their opinion,it takes courage because you
might hear things you don't wantto hear.
You know, that feedback cansting a little bit, but that
feedback is also gold because itgives you the clarity you need
(19:34):
to be able to make these shifts.
Again, this is not weakness.
You are not losing your power byasking.
You're using your power to buildsomething more important than
any business success.
And that is real connection withthe people that you are building
this life for.
Imagine.
(19:55):
Ah, so beautiful.
And they will be so happy thatyou did this.
Nobody really talks about thiswhen we're building businesses,
right?
We talk a lot about revenue andmarketing and scaling, and those
things are all important.
And they do tell you how you canbe a powerful CEO.
Those things are all part ofthat identity.
(20:16):
But the identity that you buildto succeed in business can
become a real hindrance, a realbarrier for you with connection
in your home.
And I don't want you to belonely in your home.
You know, entrepreneurship is alonely place.
You don't want to feel lonely athome, also.
(20:36):
The skills that make you really,really smart in front of an
audience, the skills that youbring to a boardroom or to a
conference room, to a meeting,to a seminar, that can make you
exhausting at the dinner table.
And nobody is going to tell youthat when you learn to integrate
these identities and you act,you don't compartmentalize them,
(20:57):
right?
But you just know when to bestrategic, when to be soft.
That is one of the mostimportant leadership skills that
you could ever develop.
So I'm so happy to share thatwith you.
It really is going to change howyou show up and how your family
receives you.
So what I want you to hear isthat you do not need to choose
(21:18):
between being powerful and beingpresent.
You do not have to sacrificeconnection for competence.
You just have to get clear aboutwhat each moment actually needs
from you.
That person that's building abusiness, you are building
something incredible.
And she's not going anywhere.
She doesn't need to go anywhere.
(21:39):
But she also doesn't need toshow up everywhere, right?
Sometimes your family just needsthe version of you who isn't
trying to fix everything.
Who isn't trying to fixanything.
Be there fully, without anyagenda, not weakness, expansion.
(22:01):
This is what it looks like togrow your business without
losing yourself, and honestly,without losing the people that
matter the most to you.
So I really hope that thisresonated with you.
I want you to take thisinformation out there, create
your day, create your businessin the best way possible.
I want to hear how you'reimplementing this.
(22:22):
Right?
Let me know.
Send me an email, DM me onInstagram.
But I want to hear how you'redoing and how you're creating
the lives, the businesses, thedays that you truly, truly
deserve.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Until next time, take care ofyourself, take care of each
other, and I will see you herenext week.
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