March 24, 2025 • 25 mins
Success often leaves us feeling empty because we're chasing an outdated model that wasn't designed to make us happy in the first place. The success hangover—that strange emptiness after achieving what you thought would bring fulfillment—is common among high achievers who constantly move their goalposts without celebrating their wins.
• Breaking free requires defining what "enough" looks like for you
• Success isn't a destination you arrive at, but a feeling you experience
• Most of us chase someone else's definition of success (society's, parents', or even our past selves')
• The key question isn't "what more can I achieve?" but "what feels good to me?"
• Small, intentional shifts create sustainable change better than dramatic overhauls
• Audit your time and energy to see what's draining you versus fulfilling you
• Setting boundaries isn't harsh—it's necessary to create space for what matters
• Celebrate small wins daily to create new core memories and build momentum
• The life you want is closer than you think—it just requires consistent small steps
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jenn (00:15):
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Create your Day podcast.
I'm your host, Jen Cody.
Thank you so much for beinghere and welcome to episode 90.
Almost at 100.
Very excited.
How is your year going?
I feel like 2025 kind of tookoff and now it's almost April
and I still am getting used toit being January and February.
(00:38):
So I don't know if your year isgoing the same way that mine is
, but if it is, let's just tryto hit the brakes for a minute
or maybe for 20 or 30 minutestogether right now and just come
together and be a littlepresent with what we're going to
talk about today, because Ihave a feeling that you're going
(00:58):
to resonate with today's topicand I want to be sure that I'm
setting you up to really makethe changes so that you can kind
of break out of this patternand start living a life that is
essentially a little morefulfilling.
I mean, to be quite honest,what we're talking about today
is why success does not alwaysfeel the way that we think it's
(01:22):
going to.
So I'm going to set the stagefor you and kind of get you in
the right frame of mind byasking you the following
question have you ever workedreally hard, like worked your
butt off to achieve something,and it can be anything, just
some kind of big milestone, evenif it's just getting through
(01:42):
like a crazy to-do list, ormaybe it's a big promotion or
whatever it is.
Have you ever worked your buttoff to achieve something and
then, when you get there, youget to the other side of it and
you actually achieve it and youfeel almost like emptiness,
nothing, or maybe even worsethan that, you feel really
(02:05):
drained and you're not sure whatthe heck is going on.
So it's almost like you've beenclimbing the mountain, right.
You're working so hard toachieve this goal and you're
climbing and climbing and everystep is grueling.
You are putting so much into itbecause you know at the end the
(02:27):
payoff is going to be amazing.
And then you finally reach thetop and you realize what the
hell this view is shit.
This is not that great at all.
What was I thinking about?
This is what I worked so hardfor, this.
This is it.
So, instead of feeling proud andfeeling accomplished, you're
(02:47):
just kind of standing therewondering what the heck just
happened.
And why do you feel so empty?
And I'm going to call this thesuccess hangover and exactly
that.
It's that weird empty feelingthat comes after you've gotten
what you thought you wanted,you've achieved something that
(03:09):
you thought would make you happy.
Only you're realizing, oh, thatI kind of feel shitty.
And if you have felt this way,you are not alone, I promise.
I mean, I know that I have feltthis way and I work with people
all the time that say this tome and actually, as we go
forward and kind of move forwardwith this, you will see how
(03:32):
much you can recognize ofyourself in this, because we all
do the same thing and we don'teven realize it.
And one thing I do want to tellyou is that, if you have found
yourself in this position a lotof times, we not only feel like
we don't know what the hell'sgoing on, but we also feel like
there's something wrong with us,because we think it means that
(03:52):
we're not grateful.
Right, have you ever gotten toa point where you're like I've
really?
I know I should be thankful forwhere I am, but this is not how
I expected it to be, or this isnot how I expected to feel?
I promise that's not the case.
You are not ungrateful, you arenot broken, you are not doing
(04:12):
anything wrong.
The reason for all of this isbecause we have been taught to
think about success in a waythat does not work.
So I'm going to break that downfor you.
Most of us have beenconditioned to believe that
success happens a certain way,and that way is a very simple
model.
You set a goal, you decide thatthere's something you want to
work for, you work really hardto achieve it and then you're
(04:36):
happy.
It seems so simple, except it'sactually really really
complicated, because what'shappening is that we set the
goal, we work really reallycomplicated because what's
happening is that we set thegoal, we work really really hard
.
Like I said, we're climbingthat mountain.
We're grueling, step after stepafter step, we achieve what
we're going for and, instead oftaking any time to recognize
(04:59):
that, we immediately set thenext goal.
It's like you accomplishsomething and instead of feeling
celebratory, instead of lookingback and reflecting on
everything you've just wentthrough, you literally stop at
that moment and you just say, ohmy God, if I did that, now I
(05:20):
can do this.
You know this feeling, right?
I know you do, because this isthe people who are here, the
people who listen to thispodcast.
You guys are all super highachievers, perfectionists,
people who are constantlylooking to achieve the next
thing, to bring more greatnessinto your life, and, before you
know it, this is going to keepyou stuck in an endless cycle.
(05:44):
You're constantly doing more,achieving more and feeling less,
feeling less and less with eachachievement.
And that's exhausting Because,like I said before, it's not
just about the work that we doto achieve the goal.
It's the mental gymnastics thatwe go through at the end of this
(06:04):
process, where we're trying tofigure out why we don't feel the
way we want it to feel.
So there's kind of two thingsgoing on that are just
exhausting.
And it's not your fault,because we've been sold this
idea.
We've been sold on the ideathat if we're not happy it's
because we're not doing enough.
So what do we do?
We double down, we work harder,we take on more and more and
(06:26):
more, we sacrifice more and moreand more, and we continue to
tell ourselves that this timeit's going to be different.
This is the time it's all goingto click.
This is the one that's going tochange everything.
But it never is and it's notgoing to be, because the problem
is not that you're not doingenough.
(06:46):
The problem is that you'rechasing this version of success
that we just talked about andthat is not designed to make you
happy in the first place.
So you're never going to beable to follow that path, that
model, and have it end in youfeeling good.
You're always going to movethat goalpost.
You're always going to wantmore and more and more.
(07:11):
So I'm going to give you anexample.
I'm going to use one of theclients that I work with and
protect the innocent.
I will change her name.
We're going to call her Emily.
So Emily is one of those peoplewho, if you were looking at her
from your perspective, from theoutside, she seems like she has
it all together Her ownbusiness, beautiful home,
(07:34):
perfect family, the wholepackage.
And when I sit down to speakwith her, she is completely
broken, and one of the thingsthat she says consistently is
that she feels like she's livingsomeone else's life.
And I know exactly what shemeans, because Emily basically
(07:54):
spent her whole life chasingwhat she thought should be the
next thing.
What was the next business herfamily should create?
What was the next thing for herfamily as far as the house, the
cars, all of the things thatshe thought were going to be the
next step, but every time sheaccomplished one of those things
(08:16):
, none of it really felt likehers.
And this is the exact trap thatI'm speaking about that so many
people fall into.
We spend our lives chasing thatdefinition, which is someone
else's definition of success,and maybe it's society's
definition, maybe it's ourparents' definition, maybe it's
even your definition from 10years ago.
(08:37):
But now is the time to stop andask yourself what do I actually
want?
What do you actually want?
So how do we fix it?
How do you break out of thissuccess hangover?
Because no one likes to stayhungover, let's face it, it
(08:59):
sucks.
How do you break out of thehangover and start creating a
life for yourself that feelsreally, really good?
And I bet you know what I'mgoing to say.
We are going to don't come forme.
We're going with a mindsetshift, and I know it's like all
right, the mindset, the mindset.
But this is not about positivethinking.
(09:20):
It's not about manifesting thisdream life.
This is about getting brutallyhonest with yourself about what
you want and what you don't want.
Those two things are reallynecessary.
You don't want.
Those two things are reallynecessary.
It's not just about imaginingwhat your life could look like,
imagining this like blue skyversion of what you want to
(09:41):
create for yourself.
It's also being brutally honestabout what you're not
interested in.
What are your non-negotiablesthat you don't want in your life
?
And this is the first step thatwe're going to take so that we
can start chasing enough andstop chasing more.
I've spoken about this before.
(10:02):
Abundance right, it's such abuzzword and people are
constantly talking about my wordof the year is abundant, and
I'm going to live my life inabundance and I'm putting
pictures on my mirror that sayabundant, abundant, abundant.
But when that happens, you areon a treadmill, on a hamster
wheel.
You're never going to get there.
There's no end, and theredoesn't have to be necessarily
(10:27):
an end when I say that it's moreabout sufficiency.
Can you live a life ofsufficiency?
What does your life look likewhen you have everything you
need?
Just think about that for asecond.
What does that life look like?
Not?
How much money is in the bankand is it constantly going to be
(10:48):
regenerating?
Not, you know the giant house,so that you have a staff working
for you.
What does it look like for yourlife to be enough and I mean
enough for you, not enough foryour parents, not enough for
your family, not enough forInstagram?
What is enough for you rightnow?
What does enough money looklike?
(11:10):
What does enough time look like?
And then, what does enoughsuccess look like?
Because if you don't take thetime to define what enough is,
you're never going to know whenyou've reached it.
You're just going to keepchasing more and more and more
and eventually you are going toburn out.
(11:31):
And now that you've done thatfirst step and started to think
about what enough looks like,the second step is to stop
treating success like it's theresult, like it's the
destination, because success isnot a place you arrive at.
It's a feeling you have.
It's when you wake up in themorning and you feel really good
about your life, when you canfeel good about the life that
(11:52):
you're living.
That is life.
When you can feel good aboutthe life that you're living,
that is success.
And I guarantee you, right nowthere is somebody with less
money than you, with a worserelationship within you, with a
worse job than you, and theywake up and they feel good about
the life that they're livingbecause they have learned what
success looks like to them.
(12:13):
And then there are people whohave five times what you have
and they wake up on that hamsterwheel on the treadmill,
constantly chasing more and moreand more.
So when you know that your goalsalign with your values, that's
when you're able to say this ismy life and I love it.
(12:35):
Can you imagine what that feelslike to wake up in the morning
and say this is my life and Ilove it?
You know, people look at me andI don't think anybody looks at
me and says, wow, I wish I couldgo through what she went
through.
You know, it wasn't exactly thegreatest past decade of my life
(12:57):
, but I can tell you right now,even with my current
circumstances right, which arenot perfect, I am able to wake
up and say this is my life and Ilove it because I took the time
to take these steps and definewhat was enough for me, what is
(13:18):
enough for me and how can Itreat success the way it's meant
to be treated, how can Irecognize it as a feeling and
not look at it as this mythicaldestination that I don't know if
I'm ever going to get?
And then the last step that Istarted to do was to celebrate
the small wins, and this soundsreally simple, but it's actually
(13:41):
really difficult because we'vebeen taught to celebrate big
stuff right, when you get apromotion, when you hit that
milestone, when you finish theto-do list.
You've been taught to celebratethat.
But the small wins are whatactually make up your life.
What's that quote?
I can't remember it right now,but it basically says something
(14:01):
about like all of the oh don'tforget the little moments,
because when you look back onyour life, those are going to be
the moments that count, andthat is so true.
Those small wins are what makeup the essence of our lives, and
maybe that means you know themoment you finally set a
(14:21):
boundary and you decide to stickto it.
Maybe it's the day that you sayno to something that doesn't
feel good to you.
Maybe it's the time that youchoose to rest instead of
hustling like a psychopath.
Those are the moments thatreally matter.
Those are the moments that aregoing to help you build the life
(14:42):
that you do love.
So if you can pay attention tothose little moments and those
little wins and celebrate themBecause when you celebrate them,
that's when you get to createnew core memories You're
focusing on these emotionallycharged experiences.
You're being present in themoment, you're engaging fully
with what you've created, thesesmall wins, and that really
(15:06):
helps to evoke strong positiveemotions, and that's how you
build the life you love.
And knowing what we want in ourlife so that we love it is one
thing, but how do we figure outhow to actually make it happen?
And how to make it happenwithout throwing our whole life
(15:28):
into complete chaos, becausethat is a whole other story.
So I want to be reallypractical and walk you through
how to take the mindset shiftthat we're talking about and
implement it, because if it'snot actionable, honestly, it's
just a nice idea that sits inthe back of your mind while
you're doing the same old shitand nothing ever changes.
So let's change.
Okay, we're going to startsmall.
(15:50):
The first thing I want you todo is forget about overhauling
your whole life, because I knowso many of you contact me after
listening to these podcasts andyou're like I just want to burn
it all to the ground and startover.
And that's a great idea intheory, but we don't really want
to do that with our life.
We don't want to burn it alldown all at once.
(16:13):
So you don't need to quit yourjob.
You don't need to move to somecabin in the woods, you don't
have to burn your to-do list insome dramatic bonfire
sacrificial thing.
We want to make sustainablechanges, so those cannot be big
changes.
Big changes are overwhelmingand they're not sustainable.
(16:34):
So we want small, intentionalshifts that we can actually keep
going with.
So if you've realized, whilewe're chatting, that your
current definition of success isall about hustle, all about
sacrifice it was just a fewweeks ago we talked about
success without sacrifice.
So if you have found thatthat's resonating with you, I
(16:56):
want you to start by carving outa few minutes a day for
something that feels good foryou.
Right, it could be reading abook, going for a walk, sitting
in silence, petting your dog,taking a nap anything that feels
good to you.
The point is to start creatingspace for the life that you
actually want, one step at atime.
(17:16):
And the reason I say a fewminutes is because if you go
home today I don't know why Isaid go home maybe you're home
right now, but if you decidetoday, I'm going to put in my
calendar that I'm going to workout for an hour a day, or I'm
going to read a book for an hourevery night.
That's not sustainable.
If it was, you would be doingit already.
(17:37):
So we want to start small, withthings that feel achievable.
So a few minutes, definitelyachievable.
Next, we want to look aboutwhere your time is going.
We spoke about this a littlebit, also on the success without
sacrifice episode.
When you're feeling overwhelmed,there's a good chance that
you're spending a lot of timeand energy on things that are
(18:00):
not important to you At the endof the day.
That's the easiest way to sayit.
So, for the next few days,start to keep a list of
everything you're spending yourtime on.
You've done this before.
Be brutally honest and then gothrough that list.
Ask yourself what moves mecloser to the life I want and
what is just draining my energy.
(18:21):
You can categorize the listsinto one of three buckets what
are you keeping?
What are you delegating?
What are you eliminating?
So there's another exercisethat I've done on my retreat.
So if you've been on any of myretreats, you know that we've
done the stop, start, continueexercise.
(18:43):
This is very similar to that.
What are you going to stopdoing in your life?
What are you going to startdoing in your life and what are
you going to continue doing?
So, keep and eliminate would bethe continue and stop
Delegating is the things thathave to get done.
You want to give to someoneelse, but by all means consider
making a start column.
(19:03):
Also, what are the things youwant to start doing?
Like spending a few minuteseach day doing something that
you love?
This exercise is a game changerbecause it actually helps you
to see in black and white whereyour time and energy are going
and where you can start makingthe changes.
Writing it down is crucialbecause you want to see in black
and white, exactly like I said.
(19:30):
Okay, then we're going to talkabout boundaries, which we talk
about all the time.
If you're going to reclaim yourtime, you have to get
comfortable saying no.
I know it's easier said thandone, but every time you say yes
to something, you are saying noto something else.
You know that right.
Every time you say yes tosomething that doesn't feel good
to you, you're saying no tosomething that does feel good to
(19:50):
you because you could bespending that time doing
whatever's on your list ofthings you love reading your
book, going for a walk, taking anap.
If you're not doing thosethings, because you said yes to
something that you really don'twant to do.
You're building up resentment.
So let's talk about a simple way.
For those of you who are new tosetting boundaries, I want you
(20:13):
to create a non-negotiables list, and this is a list of all the
things that are most importantto you your values, your
priorities, the things that makeyou feel alive.
Once you have that list, use itfor a filter.
Every new request you get,every opportunity, put it
through this filter.
Does it line up with it?
(20:34):
Great, does it not?
No, the answer is no.
Period, and if it feelsuncomfortable to say no, try
this Instead of saying no, offeran alternative.
So if somebody asks you to dosomething, you can say I can't
take that on right now, but I'dbe happy to revisit it next
month.
Or I'm not really the bestperson for this, let me see if I
(20:56):
know someone who can help you,or I'm not really the best
person for this, let me see if Iknow someone who can help you.
So it doesn't have to be an outand out.
No, because, honestly,boundaries don't have to be
harsh, they just have to beclear.
To be unclear is to be unkind,so make sure you're always being
clear.
(21:17):
And then let's circle back tocelebrating our small wins,
because celebrating our progressit really does make a big
difference, and this is where Iwant you to start creating those
new core memories.
The last thing I want is foryou to get really good at
checking things off your to-dolist and really bad at
acknowledging what you'veactually accomplished.
So setting the wins is reallyreally important.
(21:37):
Honestly, it's one of the bestways to build momentum and stay
motivated.
So what you can do is start ajournal for this, a wins journal
, and at the end of each day,write down one thing that you're
proud of.
Doesn't have to be big, itcould be I took the garbage out.
It could be I did the dishesbefore I went to bed tonight,
(21:57):
and normally I leave them, or itcould be you know, I spent some
extra time with my son, mydaughter, my partner, my mother,
anybody, anything that feelsgood to you.
Just write it down One thing aday Out of a whole 24 hours in a
day.
I'm sure you can find one thing, and maybe it's something that
(22:19):
really makes a difference, likeI said no to something that
didn't align with my values, orI took 10 minutes to rest when I
really needed it.
Over time, this practice isgoing to help you build your
self-trust, build yourself-confidence, and the more
you acknowledge your progress,the more you're going to believe
in your ability to actuallycreate this life that you want.
(22:40):
So I think it's pretty easy,right?
I mean, I guess maybe it's noteasy, it's simple.
We have four simple steps.
They may not be easy, but asyou get used to it they will
become easier.
That I can promise you.
So four simple steps.
We're going to start small yearthat I can promise you.
(23:00):
So four simple steps.
We're going to start small.
We're going to audit our timeand our energy, set boundaries
that stick and celebrate thesmall wins Because, remember,
this is not about overhaulingyour life.
This is not about quittingeverything and setting fire and
burning it all to the ground andstarting from scratch.
It's about making small,intentional change that adds up
over time.
And guess what?
(23:21):
You don't have to get itperfect, you just have to get it
started.
So I know that sometimesthere's resistance that comes up
when we do these things, andit's pushback from others, it's
doubt within ourselves, thatlittle voice in your head saying
who the hell are you, who doyou think you are, but that's
okay.
We are always coming back hereto address those things.
(23:43):
Right, I got you.
I'm here with you on yourjourney.
We're taking it one small stepat a time, just one.
So carve out those few minutes,do a little bit of a time audit
, say no to something thatdoesn't feel good to you and
just start, because I promiseyou this, the life that you want
is closer than you think.
(24:03):
I really do promise that to you.
So thank you so much for tuningin to this week's episode of the
Create your Day podcast.
If this episode resonated withyou, I would love if you would
share it with a friend.
That is such an important partof how we reach more people on
the podcast.
All you have to do is hit sharebutton on your whatever you
(24:24):
know your software that youlisten to the podcast, share it
with someone via text message,and I would also love it if you
would subscribe and leave us areview.
These reviews are a huge help,so thank you so much to each and
every one of you that has doneit.
If you haven't done it already,leave a review, take a
screenshot of it, send it to meat jenn J-E-N-N at jenncodycom,
(24:49):
and I will send you a free giftin the mail.
You've got this, and if anybodyneeds to remind you along the
way, it's me.
I've got you.
Thank you so much again.
Until I speak with you nextweek, take care of yourselves,
take care of each other and havea great week.
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Create your Day podcast.
I'm your host, Jen Cody.
Thank you so much for beinghere and welcome to episode 90.
Almost at 100.
Very excited.
How is your year going?
I feel like 2025 kind of tookoff and now it's almost April
and I still am getting used toit being January and February.
(00:38):
So I don't know if your year isgoing the same way that mine is
, but if it is, let's just tryto hit the brakes for a minute
or maybe for 20 or 30 minutestogether right now and just come
together and be a littlepresent with what we're going to
talk about today, because Ihave a feeling that you're going
(00:58):
to resonate with today's topicand I want to be sure that I'm
setting you up to really makethe changes so that you can kind
of break out of this patternand start living a life that is
essentially a little morefulfilling.
I mean, to be quite honest,what we're talking about today
is why success does not alwaysfeel the way that we think it's
(01:22):
going to.
So I'm going to set the stagefor you and kind of get you in
the right frame of mind byasking you the following
question have you ever workedreally hard, like worked your
butt off to achieve something,and it can be anything, just
some kind of big milestone, evenif it's just getting through
(01:42):
like a crazy to-do list, ormaybe it's a big promotion or
whatever it is.
Have you ever worked your buttoff to achieve something and
then, when you get there, youget to the other side of it and
you actually achieve it and youfeel almost like emptiness,
nothing, or maybe even worsethan that, you feel really
(02:05):
drained and you're not sure whatthe heck is going on.
So it's almost like you've beenclimbing the mountain, right.
You're working so hard toachieve this goal and you're
climbing and climbing and everystep is grueling.
You are putting so much into itbecause you know at the end the
(02:27):
payoff is going to be amazing.
And then you finally reach thetop and you realize what the
hell this view is shit.
This is not that great at all.
What was I thinking about?
This is what I worked so hardfor, this.
This is it.
So, instead of feeling proud andfeeling accomplished, you're
(02:47):
just kind of standing therewondering what the heck just
happened.
And why do you feel so empty?
And I'm going to call this thesuccess hangover and exactly
that.
It's that weird empty feelingthat comes after you've gotten
what you thought you wanted,you've achieved something that
(03:09):
you thought would make you happy.
Only you're realizing, oh, thatI kind of feel shitty.
And if you have felt this way,you are not alone, I promise.
I mean, I know that I have feltthis way and I work with people
all the time that say this tome and actually, as we go
forward and kind of move forwardwith this, you will see how
(03:32):
much you can recognize ofyourself in this, because we all
do the same thing and we don'teven realize it.
And one thing I do want to tellyou is that, if you have found
yourself in this position a lotof times, we not only feel like
we don't know what the hell'sgoing on, but we also feel like
there's something wrong with us,because we think it means that
(03:52):
we're not grateful.
Right, have you ever gotten toa point where you're like I've
really?
I know I should be thankful forwhere I am, but this is not how
I expected it to be, or this isnot how I expected to feel?
I promise that's not the case.
You are not ungrateful, you arenot broken, you are not doing
(04:12):
anything wrong.
The reason for all of this isbecause we have been taught to
think about success in a waythat does not work.
So I'm going to break that downfor you.
Most of us have beenconditioned to believe that
success happens a certain way,and that way is a very simple
model.
You set a goal, you decide thatthere's something you want to
work for, you work really hardto achieve it and then you're
(04:36):
happy.
It seems so simple, except it'sactually really really
complicated, because what'shappening is that we set the
goal, we work really reallycomplicated because what's
happening is that we set thegoal, we work really really hard
.
Like I said, we're climbingthat mountain.
We're grueling, step after stepafter step, we achieve what
we're going for and, instead oftaking any time to recognize
(04:59):
that, we immediately set thenext goal.
It's like you accomplishsomething and instead of feeling
celebratory, instead of lookingback and reflecting on
everything you've just wentthrough, you literally stop at
that moment and you just say, ohmy God, if I did that, now I
(05:20):
can do this.
You know this feeling, right?
I know you do, because this isthe people who are here, the
people who listen to thispodcast.
You guys are all super highachievers, perfectionists,
people who are constantlylooking to achieve the next
thing, to bring more greatnessinto your life, and, before you
know it, this is going to keepyou stuck in an endless cycle.
(05:44):
You're constantly doing more,achieving more and feeling less,
feeling less and less with eachachievement.
And that's exhausting Because,like I said before, it's not
just about the work that we doto achieve the goal.
It's the mental gymnastics thatwe go through at the end of this
(06:04):
process, where we're trying tofigure out why we don't feel the
way we want it to feel.
So there's kind of two thingsgoing on that are just
exhausting.
And it's not your fault,because we've been sold this
idea.
We've been sold on the ideathat if we're not happy it's
because we're not doing enough.
So what do we do?
We double down, we work harder,we take on more and more and
(06:26):
more, we sacrifice more and moreand more, and we continue to
tell ourselves that this timeit's going to be different.
This is the time it's all goingto click.
This is the one that's going tochange everything.
But it never is and it's notgoing to be, because the problem
is not that you're not doingenough.
(06:46):
The problem is that you'rechasing this version of success
that we just talked about andthat is not designed to make you
happy in the first place.
So you're never going to beable to follow that path, that
model, and have it end in youfeeling good.
You're always going to movethat goalpost.
You're always going to wantmore and more and more.
(07:11):
So I'm going to give you anexample.
I'm going to use one of theclients that I work with and
protect the innocent.
I will change her name.
We're going to call her Emily.
So Emily is one of those peoplewho, if you were looking at her
from your perspective, from theoutside, she seems like she has
it all together Her ownbusiness, beautiful home,
(07:34):
perfect family, the wholepackage.
And when I sit down to speakwith her, she is completely
broken, and one of the thingsthat she says consistently is
that she feels like she's livingsomeone else's life.
And I know exactly what shemeans, because Emily basically
(07:54):
spent her whole life chasingwhat she thought should be the
next thing.
What was the next business herfamily should create?
What was the next thing for herfamily as far as the house, the
cars, all of the things thatshe thought were going to be the
next step, but every time sheaccomplished one of those things
(08:16):
, none of it really felt likehers.
And this is the exact trap thatI'm speaking about that so many
people fall into.
We spend our lives chasing thatdefinition, which is someone
else's definition of success,and maybe it's society's
definition, maybe it's ourparents' definition, maybe it's
even your definition from 10years ago.
(08:37):
But now is the time to stop andask yourself what do I actually
want?
What do you actually want?
So how do we fix it?
How do you break out of thissuccess hangover?
Because no one likes to stayhungover, let's face it, it
(08:59):
sucks.
How do you break out of thehangover and start creating a
life for yourself that feelsreally, really good?
And I bet you know what I'mgoing to say.
We are going to don't come forme.
We're going with a mindsetshift, and I know it's like all
right, the mindset, the mindset.
But this is not about positivethinking.
(09:20):
It's not about manifesting thisdream life.
This is about getting brutallyhonest with yourself about what
you want and what you don't want.
Those two things are reallynecessary.
You don't want.
Those two things are reallynecessary.
It's not just about imaginingwhat your life could look like,
imagining this like blue skyversion of what you want to
(09:41):
create for yourself.
It's also being brutally honestabout what you're not
interested in.
What are your non-negotiablesthat you don't want in your life
?
And this is the first step thatwe're going to take so that we
can start chasing enough andstop chasing more.
I've spoken about this before.
(10:02):
Abundance right, it's such abuzzword and people are
constantly talking about my wordof the year is abundant, and
I'm going to live my life inabundance and I'm putting
pictures on my mirror that sayabundant, abundant, abundant.
But when that happens, you areon a treadmill, on a hamster
wheel.
You're never going to get there.
There's no end, and theredoesn't have to be necessarily
(10:27):
an end when I say that it's moreabout sufficiency.
Can you live a life ofsufficiency?
What does your life look likewhen you have everything you
need?
Just think about that for asecond.
What does that life look like?
Not?
How much money is in the bankand is it constantly going to be
(10:48):
regenerating?
Not, you know the giant house,so that you have a staff working
for you.
What does it look like for yourlife to be enough and I mean
enough for you, not enough foryour parents, not enough for
your family, not enough forInstagram?
What is enough for you rightnow?
What does enough money looklike?
(11:10):
What does enough time look like?
And then, what does enoughsuccess look like?
Because if you don't take thetime to define what enough is,
you're never going to know whenyou've reached it.
You're just going to keepchasing more and more and more
and eventually you are going toburn out.
(11:31):
And now that you've done thatfirst step and started to think
about what enough looks like,the second step is to stop
treating success like it's theresult, like it's the
destination, because success isnot a place you arrive at.
It's a feeling you have.
It's when you wake up in themorning and you feel really good
about your life, when you canfeel good about the life that
(11:52):
you're living.
That is life.
When you can feel good aboutthe life that you're living,
that is success.
And I guarantee you, right nowthere is somebody with less
money than you, with a worserelationship within you, with a
worse job than you, and theywake up and they feel good about
the life that they're livingbecause they have learned what
success looks like to them.
(12:13):
And then there are people whohave five times what you have
and they wake up on that hamsterwheel on the treadmill,
constantly chasing more and moreand more.
So when you know that your goalsalign with your values, that's
when you're able to say this ismy life and I love it.
(12:35):
Can you imagine what that feelslike to wake up in the morning
and say this is my life and Ilove it?
You know, people look at me andI don't think anybody looks at
me and says, wow, I wish I couldgo through what she went
through.
You know, it wasn't exactly thegreatest past decade of my life
(12:57):
, but I can tell you right now,even with my current
circumstances right, which arenot perfect, I am able to wake
up and say this is my life and Ilove it because I took the time
to take these steps and definewhat was enough for me, what is
(13:18):
enough for me and how can Itreat success the way it's meant
to be treated, how can Irecognize it as a feeling and
not look at it as this mythicaldestination that I don't know if
I'm ever going to get?
And then the last step that Istarted to do was to celebrate
the small wins, and this soundsreally simple, but it's actually
(13:41):
really difficult because we'vebeen taught to celebrate big
stuff right, when you get apromotion, when you hit that
milestone, when you finish theto-do list.
You've been taught to celebratethat.
But the small wins are whatactually make up your life.
What's that quote?
I can't remember it right now,but it basically says something
(14:01):
about like all of the oh don'tforget the little moments,
because when you look back onyour life, those are going to be
the moments that count, andthat is so true.
Those small wins are what makeup the essence of our lives, and
maybe that means you know themoment you finally set a
(14:21):
boundary and you decide to stickto it.
Maybe it's the day that you sayno to something that doesn't
feel good to you.
Maybe it's the time that youchoose to rest instead of
hustling like a psychopath.
Those are the moments thatreally matter.
Those are the moments that aregoing to help you build the life
(14:42):
that you do love.
So if you can pay attention tothose little moments and those
little wins and celebrate themBecause when you celebrate them,
that's when you get to createnew core memories You're
focusing on these emotionallycharged experiences.
You're being present in themoment, you're engaging fully
with what you've created, thesesmall wins, and that really
(15:06):
helps to evoke strong positiveemotions, and that's how you
build the life you love.
And knowing what we want in ourlife so that we love it is one
thing, but how do we figure outhow to actually make it happen?
And how to make it happenwithout throwing our whole life
(15:28):
into complete chaos, becausethat is a whole other story.
So I want to be reallypractical and walk you through
how to take the mindset shiftthat we're talking about and
implement it, because if it'snot actionable, honestly, it's
just a nice idea that sits inthe back of your mind while
you're doing the same old shitand nothing ever changes.
So let's change.
Okay, we're going to startsmall.
(15:50):
The first thing I want you todo is forget about overhauling
your whole life, because I knowso many of you contact me after
listening to these podcasts andyou're like I just want to burn
it all to the ground and startover.
And that's a great idea intheory, but we don't really want
to do that with our life.
We don't want to burn it alldown all at once.
(16:13):
So you don't need to quit yourjob.
You don't need to move to somecabin in the woods, you don't
have to burn your to-do list insome dramatic bonfire
sacrificial thing.
We want to make sustainablechanges, so those cannot be big
changes.
Big changes are overwhelmingand they're not sustainable.
(16:34):
So we want small, intentionalshifts that we can actually keep
going with.
So if you've realized, whilewe're chatting, that your
current definition of success isall about hustle, all about
sacrifice it was just a fewweeks ago we talked about
success without sacrifice.
So if you have found thatthat's resonating with you, I
(16:56):
want you to start by carving outa few minutes a day for
something that feels good foryou.
Right, it could be reading abook, going for a walk, sitting
in silence, petting your dog,taking a nap anything that feels
good to you.
The point is to start creatingspace for the life that you
actually want, one step at atime.
(17:16):
And the reason I say a fewminutes is because if you go
home today I don't know why Isaid go home maybe you're home
right now, but if you decidetoday, I'm going to put in my
calendar that I'm going to workout for an hour a day, or I'm
going to read a book for an hourevery night.
That's not sustainable.
If it was, you would be doingit already.
(17:37):
So we want to start small, withthings that feel achievable.
So a few minutes, definitelyachievable.
Next, we want to look aboutwhere your time is going.
We spoke about this a littlebit, also on the success without
sacrifice episode.
When you're feeling overwhelmed,there's a good chance that
you're spending a lot of timeand energy on things that are
(18:00):
not important to you At the endof the day.
That's the easiest way to sayit.
So, for the next few days,start to keep a list of
everything you're spending yourtime on.
You've done this before.
Be brutally honest and then gothrough that list.
Ask yourself what moves mecloser to the life I want and
what is just draining my energy.
(18:21):
You can categorize the listsinto one of three buckets what
are you keeping?
What are you delegating?
What are you eliminating?
So there's another exercisethat I've done on my retreat.
So if you've been on any of myretreats, you know that we've
done the stop, start, continueexercise.
(18:43):
This is very similar to that.
What are you going to stopdoing in your life?
What are you going to startdoing in your life and what are
you going to continue doing?
So, keep and eliminate would bethe continue and stop
Delegating is the things thathave to get done.
You want to give to someoneelse, but by all means consider
making a start column.
(19:03):
Also, what are the things youwant to start doing?
Like spending a few minuteseach day doing something that
you love?
This exercise is a game changerbecause it actually helps you
to see in black and white whereyour time and energy are going
and where you can start makingthe changes.
Writing it down is crucialbecause you want to see in black
and white, exactly like I said.
(19:30):
Okay, then we're going to talkabout boundaries, which we talk
about all the time.
If you're going to reclaim yourtime, you have to get
comfortable saying no.
I know it's easier said thandone, but every time you say yes
to something, you are saying noto something else.
You know that right.
Every time you say yes tosomething that doesn't feel good
to you, you're saying no tosomething that does feel good to
(19:50):
you because you could bespending that time doing
whatever's on your list ofthings you love reading your
book, going for a walk, taking anap.
If you're not doing thosethings, because you said yes to
something that you really don'twant to do.
You're building up resentment.
So let's talk about a simple way.
For those of you who are new tosetting boundaries, I want you
(20:13):
to create a non-negotiables list, and this is a list of all the
things that are most importantto you your values, your
priorities, the things that makeyou feel alive.
Once you have that list, use itfor a filter.
Every new request you get,every opportunity, put it
through this filter.
Does it line up with it?
(20:34):
Great, does it not?
No, the answer is no.
Period, and if it feelsuncomfortable to say no, try
this Instead of saying no, offeran alternative.
So if somebody asks you to dosomething, you can say I can't
take that on right now, but I'dbe happy to revisit it next
month.
Or I'm not really the bestperson for this, let me see if I
(20:56):
know someone who can help you,or I'm not really the best
person for this, let me see if Iknow someone who can help you.
So it doesn't have to be an outand out.
No, because, honestly,boundaries don't have to be
harsh, they just have to beclear.
To be unclear is to be unkind,so make sure you're always being
clear.
(21:17):
And then let's circle back tocelebrating our small wins,
because celebrating our progressit really does make a big
difference, and this is where Iwant you to start creating those
new core memories.
The last thing I want is foryou to get really good at
checking things off your to-dolist and really bad at
acknowledging what you'veactually accomplished.
So setting the wins is reallyreally important.
(21:37):
Honestly, it's one of the bestways to build momentum and stay
motivated.
So what you can do is start ajournal for this, a wins journal
, and at the end of each day,write down one thing that you're
proud of.
Doesn't have to be big, itcould be I took the garbage out.
It could be I did the dishesbefore I went to bed tonight,
(21:57):
and normally I leave them, or itcould be you know, I spent some
extra time with my son, mydaughter, my partner, my mother,
anybody, anything that feelsgood to you.
Just write it down One thing aday Out of a whole 24 hours in a
day.
I'm sure you can find one thing, and maybe it's something that
(22:19):
really makes a difference, likeI said no to something that
didn't align with my values, orI took 10 minutes to rest when I
really needed it.
Over time, this practice isgoing to help you build your
self-trust, build yourself-confidence, and the more
you acknowledge your progress,the more you're going to believe
in your ability to actuallycreate this life that you want.
(22:40):
So I think it's pretty easy,right?
I mean, I guess maybe it's noteasy, it's simple.
We have four simple steps.
They may not be easy, but asyou get used to it they will
become easier.
That I can promise you.
So four simple steps.
We're going to start small yearthat I can promise you.
(23:00):
So four simple steps.
We're going to start small.
We're going to audit our timeand our energy, set boundaries
that stick and celebrate thesmall wins Because, remember,
this is not about overhaulingyour life.
This is not about quittingeverything and setting fire and
burning it all to the ground andstarting from scratch.
It's about making small,intentional change that adds up
over time.
And guess what?
(23:21):
You don't have to get itperfect, you just have to get it
started.
So I know that sometimesthere's resistance that comes up
when we do these things, andit's pushback from others, it's
doubt within ourselves, thatlittle voice in your head saying
who the hell are you, who doyou think you are, but that's
okay.
We are always coming back hereto address those things.
(23:43):
Right, I got you.
I'm here with you on yourjourney.
We're taking it one small stepat a time, just one.
So carve out those few minutes,do a little bit of a time audit
, say no to something thatdoesn't feel good to you and
just start, because I promiseyou this, the life that you want
is closer than you think.
(24:03):
I really do promise that to you.
So thank you so much for tuningin to this week's episode of the
Create your Day podcast.
If this episode resonated withyou, I would love if you would
share it with a friend.
That is such an important partof how we reach more people on
the podcast.
All you have to do is hit sharebutton on your whatever you
(24:24):
know your software that youlisten to the podcast, share it
with someone via text message,and I would also love it if you
would subscribe and leave us areview.
These reviews are a huge help,so thank you so much to each and
every one of you that has doneit.
If you haven't done it already,leave a review, take a
screenshot of it, send it to meat jenn J-E-N-N at jenncodycom,
(24:49):
and I will send you a free giftin the mail.
You've got this, and if anybodyneeds to remind you along the
way, it's me.
I've got you.
Thank you so much again.
Until I speak with you nextweek, take care of yourselves,
take care of each other and havea great week.
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