May 27, 2025 • 19 mins
Have you ever found yourself feeling unexpectedly sad after achieving something you worked so hard for? That disorienting fog where you no longer recognize yourself, yet haven't fully stepped into who you're becoming? Welcome to what I call the "identity hangover" – that strange, uncomfortable space between identities that nobody warned you about.
Growth requires shedding old versions of ourselves, like a snake discarding its skin. But that moment of standing exposed, without the comfortable familiarity of who you used to be, can feel profoundly destabilizing. What makes this experience so jarring isn't that we miss our old lives – even when they were painful or limiting – but rather we miss the certainty they provided. We knew exactly how to navigate that world, even if it was through survival mechanisms that no longer serve us.
The signs are unmistakable: achieving goals only to feel underwhelmed, second-guessing decisions you were previously confident about, feeling awkward in spaces that once felt comfortable, or even subtly sabotaging your forward momentum because it feels disloyal to your former self. This isn't weakness or regression; it's a natural part of transformation. Your brain and body are simply catching up to the new reality you've created for yourself. The silence isn't the absence of you – it's creating space where your authentic self can finally emerge.
If you're feeling foggy right now – like you should be celebrating but instead feel lost – know that you're standing at the threshold of your next evolution. Don't rush it. You're exactly where you need to be. Ready to navigate this space with support? My new Balance and Breakthroughs membership is launching soon, designed specifically for women who are constantly evolving and need guidance through these identity shifts. Visit JenCody.com to learn more and join us in doing the real work together.
Thanks for listening!
Connect With Me:
📩 Join my email list: https://www.jenncody.com/weekly-balance
📱 DM me on Instagram: @jenncody
If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend who needs to hear this message!
🎧 Subscribe to and Review The Create Your Day Podcast on:
📌 Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Buzzsprout
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello friends, welcome to Episode 97 of the
Create your Day podcast.
My name is Jen Cody and I amyour host.
Welcome back.
If you have been with us, ifit's your first time here,
welcome, so happy.
I hope you decide to join useach and every week.
So today, stay with me, becausewe are not going to do the
(00:36):
usual.
We're not talking about how tolevel up your life.
We're not talking about how toachieve your goals.
We're not even talking aboutscaling your business.
We're talking about somethingtotally on the other side of
that, which is it can be alittle bit weird, can be a
little bit heavy, and itactually is disorienting.
(00:56):
It's this part of growth thatnot a lot of people warn you
about.
We talk about it.
It's out there.
You can find books and podcastsand blogs about it.
But when you're choosing to grow, when you're choosing to pivot
your life, this is not somethingyou really think about, and
what it's called is the identityhangover.
(01:19):
It's an uncomfortable place.
It could be foggy and it'swhere the person you used to be
is no longer.
But the person you're becomingis not familiar and you don't
really know who she is yet.
You don't really know what thatplace looks like You're not
(01:42):
really in it yet.
So if you think about like asnake that sheds its skin, it's
the same thing.
You're shedding that part ofyour life, you're shedding the
person you used to be and nowyou're just kind of standing
naked in the hallway because youdon't know what's put on yet
and that's uncomfortable and,like I said, weird.
Right, it's weird, it's heavy,it's not negative, it's just not
(02:07):
comfortable.
So if you are someone that hasever asked yourself what do I
want for my life and taken thetime to really be bold and go
for it, you asked for the change.
But now you kind of miss yourold life or you feel a little
bit unexpectedly sad in themiddle of success.
(02:28):
This episode is for you.
So something that we talk aboutin personal growth a lot is how
to make the pivot right, likewhat do we have to do to be bold
, to be brave and to choosechange for ourselves?
And that's inspiring, it'smotivating and it knocks us off
(02:49):
our feet.
It's destabilizing at best andthat's, on purpose, right.
We can't move forward, we can'tmake those changes while still
holding on to the person we usedto be.
So when you do evolve anywherein your life.
Something always gets leftbehind.
(03:09):
It just is.
And maybe that's a job, right?
Maybe you are working from onething to the other, you're
opening a business.
Whatever it is, the person youwere before at your old job is
no longer, so you are leavingthat person behind.
Sometimes it's a group of people, a social circle that does not
necessarily fit your lifeanymore.
(03:31):
That person doesn't existanymore, and so the new you
doesn't really know how to be inthat social circle anymore.
Sometimes it's just a versionof you that you needed to let go
of.
Maybe you were the person wespoke about last week on here,
right?
The person who is superself-sacrificing, always
(03:54):
hyper-competent and alwaysavailable to do for everyone
else, because that's who youwanted to be until you couldn't
be.
So that person is now leftbehind.
That version of yourself is gone.
We need to leave her behind,and it's okay if that makes you
feel a little bit sad.
It's okay if that makes youfeel unexpectedly nostalgic for
(04:20):
things in your life that youdon't even think were that good.
It's not about it being good,it's about it being comfortable.
So this is not a negative, it'snot a weakness.
It's literally grief thatyou're feeling, and we think of
it when we're in this place.
We think that we're grievingour old life.
(04:40):
We think that we're grievingour old identity, and I'm here
to tell you that is actually notwhat you're grieving.
What you're grieving is thecertainty of that old identity,
because it was comfortable,right, even if that person was
completely overwhelmed,completely burnt out, always
performing for someone else'sapproval.
(05:00):
She was familiar approval.
She was familiar and she knewhow to navigate the world you
lived in.
So when we think about gettingto that point where we're going
to make a change in our life, weget to the point where we're
like this is not sustainableanymore, I need to make a change
.
Up until that point where youfound out where you realized,
(05:21):
you came online and realized,yeah, this isn't going to work
for me.
Up until that point, there's apretty good chance that you were
navigating the shit out of thatworld.
You just knew exactly how tooperate from morning to night as
a survival mechanism.
So, even though that is not agood thing, it's a familiar
thing, it's a comfortable thing.
(05:42):
And now you're walking intothis new chapter of your life
and you don't have a script.
You don't know what's going tohappen next.
You don't know how you're goingto feel moment to moment,
because you're learning how tonavigate this new place and your
nervous system can be like whatthe heck is going on?
Are we actually safe here?
(06:03):
Is it okay for us to be in thisspace?
We don't know yet.
So that happens a lot to us aswell, like if we're moving from
point A to point B, there is amoment where we have to let go
completely of the old place tojump into the new one.
(06:24):
You know it's like monkey bars.
When you were a kid, do youever remember like climbing from
the monkey bars, one hand goingfrom one to the other, rung to
rung?
You could not move forwarduntil you let go of the monkey
bar that you were holding on to.
And that's what happens in ourlife, and for that brief moment
it can be unsafe.
So it's normal for our brainsto be like hold up, what's going
(06:48):
on.
We need safety and we need itsoon.
And our initial instinct isgoing to think that safety is
where we came from, because it'scomfortable and familiar, even
if it was painful.
There are tons of people outthere who are super comfortable
in their pain, so it doesn'tmean it wasn't painful just
means it was comfortable.
So when you think about this,let's get really real about how
(07:12):
you might be feeling, becausethere are signs.
If you're kind of feeling likeI might be speaking to you but
you're not sure, let's talkabout it, because one of the
first indicators that this ishappening to you is that you hit
a really big goal and you'refeeling like eh, or you're
terrified and you have no ideawho this person is that lives in
(07:36):
the reality of hitting thisgoal.
You should be proud of yourself.
You thought you were going tofeel like, oh my God, I am
unstoppable, but instead youfeel now, what do I do?
Who am I now?
And that's a signal that yououtgrew who you were before the
achievement, but you haven'trecalibrated to the person that
(07:58):
you're going to be now that youhave achieved it.
You also may find yourselfsecond guessing everything that
you used to be really sure about.
So maybe this is as simple aslike, let's say, you switch jobs
.
Maybe you're not sure, maybeyou're not sure, maybe you're
not sure, maybe you're not sure,maybe you're not Even down to
like what do you dress like forthis new job?
How do you present yourself?
(08:19):
Maybe you feel a little bitawkward in rooms that you used
to be really comfortable in.
You may be finding yourselfquestioning all your decisions
and asking yourself is this me?
How do I make it me?
This is the void, right.
It's not a breakdown, it's areassembly of your life.
It's taking all of the piecesthat are that make up you.
(08:41):
You took them all apart so thatyou can be in a new reality and
now you're putting them backtogether and you're wanting to
feel comfortable right away andit's going to take some time.
How many of you have low-key,kind of sabotaged your new
growth because it feels disloyalto your old life?
It feels disloyal to your oldself.
(09:03):
This can be something you know,especially when it comes to
social and friendships andrelationships, relationships
number one, oh, my goodness, Ican even say going through my
divorce, there were times when Ijust wanted to hold on to that
old life because I felt like itwas disrespectful to my old self
(09:27):
to want a better reality formyself and for my children.
So I was telling myself that Iwanted change.
I was telling myself that Iwanted to live differently, but
something kept pulling me backand it was that comfort of even
though we were so unhappy, I wascomfortable in that unhappiness
.
I didn't know what was going tohappen on the other side of
(09:51):
that, so that took a lot ofballs to make that decision, you
know, and to put yourself inthat position.
There's a lot of people outthere who don't know how to take
that step without it being soterrifying.
So sometimes that's how we'refeeling.
This is just keep pulling usback into staying in the bad
(10:11):
relationship, staying with agroup of friends that keeps you
down, staying in a place whereyou're overworked or
undercharging, overcommittingyourself.
And we do this because on somelevel, we do feel guilty.
We feel guilty for wanting more.
We feel guilty for growing,especially if it means leaving
other people behind.
We feel guilty for changing.
(10:33):
We feel guilty for standing upfor ourselves and saying we
deserve what we deserve.
So if you've always been thestrong one, the reliable one,
the over-functioning one for soso long you've lived your life
that way.
You built your identity on that, and now, if you're not
available for that anymore, youdefinitely could be feeling that
(10:54):
you're betraying some versionof yourself.
You're betraying what otherpeople expect of you.
But that's not self-sabotage,it's actually self-preservation.
It's preserving your identity.
Your system is trying to keepyou from losing that familiar
you, even though she was sounhappy.
(11:16):
And that is sad, right, it'sokay for that to make you sad,
you know, I think a lot of uswhen we move forward.
And let's take relationships outof it for a second.
If we just talk about work andyou think about some of you out
there who have tried for a bigpromotion, let's say, and you
(11:39):
work really hard and you levelup your game at work in a big
way and you get the promotion,well, now that means that you're
gonna be working on a differentfloor with a different group of
people and you're so happyabout it, right, you worked so
hard for it, but it's still alittle sad.
You're not gonna see yourfriends anymore that you used to
(11:59):
see every morning to havecoffee together.
You're not going to sit next tothe same person that you used
to discuss what was going onwith your kids, what was going
on with your family.
So Things changing can bring alevel of sadness, even when
we're doing something thatshould make us happy.
So, like everything else, Ireally want you to be able to
(12:21):
experience this in a way whereyou feel like you have the tools
to move through it right.
It doesn't have to be like thisforever.
Obviously, you're movingtowards the better version of
yourself, the better job, thebetter relationship, whatever
that is and in order to do that,it's not this is not a fake.
(12:43):
It till you make it situation.
It's not like just act likeyou're okay until you are, I
want you to.
Really, when you're in this,like deep in between stage you
can call it what it is.
So maybe it's saying, you know,I miss the version of me who got
instant praise for being theone that did everything.
(13:04):
I miss the version of me whoheld everything together.
I miss the schedule, I miss thechaos, I miss the performance.
It's okay to miss the thingsthat we're choosing to leave
behind and there's a reason why,right.
Sometimes, you know, I thinkback to so many, so much of the
(13:25):
work that I've done on myselfand so much of what I've been
able to leave behind.
But I do still have momentswhere I miss that version of
myself.
And, you know, sometimes it'sabout feeling needed, which we
all know is just human nature tofeel that way.
So we won't heal from what weare not willing to face.
(13:50):
We won't heal from what we'renot willing to really name.
So I want you to name this.
I want you to think about whatis it that is making you that
weird, sad?
What is it that you'renostalgic for, and allow
yourself to feel it because it'sokay.
It's time to move past that.
And being in this place doesnot mean that you are behind,
(14:14):
where you should be.
It just means that your bodyand your brain are catching up
to this new person that you'rebecoming.
They're catching up to the newreality that you've chosen for
yourself.
So this is not really a problemto fix.
It's more of a space to hold.
So think of it like this If youjust got out of a long,
(14:34):
exhausting relationship, are yougoing to jump into the next one
with perfect clarity?
No, of course not.
You're going to have yourreservations.
You're going to need time todetox yourself from the patterns
that you had and the patternsthat you recognize in the
relationship.
You need time to figure out whoyou are.
(14:55):
So this is no different.
Whatever it is, I want you tostop rushing this reinvention
and allow that person to comeforward on her own time.
This is about choosing intimacyover clarity.
So intimacy, when I say thatI'm talking about being intimate
(15:15):
with yourself.
When you're in this in-betweenplace, clarity is what is
seducing you.
Clarity is what is begging youto come back to your old self.
You want the next plan, youwant the next strategy, you want
the next shiny goal, but whatyou really need is to be quiet
(15:35):
and intimate with yourself.
Allow yourself to be uncertain.
Let your intuition speak to you.
Don't stuff it away, don't tryto make sense of it, just let it
speak to you.
And this is how you actuallybuild a new self.
It's not through answers.
It's through deep anduncomfortable presence with who
(15:55):
you are in the moment, who youare at your core, and
recognizing who that person is.
Because a lot of you who arepivoting in your life right now,
you don't really know what thatnext version looks like.
This is how you find out bybeing still being uncertain,
naming the things that you miss,because when you don't do that,
(16:17):
you're always going to wonderwhat's wrong.
Why do I feel the way that Ifeel?
Why am I not happy for what'scoming my way?
Why am I not happy with whatI've chosen for myself?
And it's not that you'reunhappy, it's that you don't
know what that looks like yet.
So this is how you learn that.
Allow yourself to say I reallymiss that person, I really miss
(16:41):
who I was.
Even if it was uncomfortableand painful, it's okay to miss
that person, it's okay to missthat energy in your life, even
if it was energy that youcouldn't wait to get away from.
All of a sudden it feelscomforting to you.
So here's what I want to leaveyou with.
I want you to think of yourgrowth as something that is not
(17:04):
a constant rise.
It's kind of like I don't wantto say two steps forward, one
step back although that might bethe best metaphor now that I
think of it Because what it is,it's a constant taking apart
followed by reassembly.
Take it apart, reassemble it,take it apart, reassemble it.
(17:29):
And in between those two things, in between the disintegration,
the taking apart and thereassembly, there's going to be
grief, there's going to beemptiness, there's going to be
emptiness, there's going to beawkward silence with yourself,
because you no longer know whoyou are.
And the important takeawaytoday is knowing that the
silence is not the absence ofyou.
It's actually creating spacewhere the real you can come
(17:53):
forward.
So if you're feeling foggy rightnow, if you feel like you
should feel great but you kindof feel like, meh, I just feel
lost and I just feel broken andI feel like I'm second guessing
myself.
You are at the entrance of yournext evolution.
You are at for those of you whothink about things in like the
(18:15):
divine feminine you are at thebirth canal right of your next
evolution.
Take a break, take a breath.
Don't rush it.
You are doing it the right way.
It's a painful process, so ifthis hits deep with you, it's
something you needed to hear.
If you think you know someonethat needs to hear it, share it
(18:35):
with a friend that you know thathas been kind of like quietly
unraveling in the background.
I want to be there for her too.
So I hope that this informationwas valuable for you.
I want you to take thisinformation.
This is how you create your day.
This is how you create yourlife in the best way possible.
If you need help navigatingthis space, I have a great
(18:57):
program that's launching soon.
It's going to be Balance andBreakthroughs.
It's a membership.
It is for women like you, whoare constantly evolving and
changing, and you need thesupport to do it right.
So this is not aboutproductivity, it's about
identity.
Let's do the real work together.
Head on over to JenCodycom, getall the details, so I'm looking
(19:21):
forward to seeing you here nextweek.
And until next time, take careof yourself, take care of each
other and go out there.
Create your day the best waypossible.
Have a great one, everyone.
You.
Hello friends, welcome to Episode 97 of the
Create your Day podcast.
My name is Jen Cody and I amyour host.
Welcome back.
If you have been with us, ifit's your first time here,
welcome, so happy.
I hope you decide to join useach and every week.
So today, stay with me, becausewe are not going to do the
(00:36):
usual.
We're not talking about how tolevel up your life.
We're not talking about how toachieve your goals.
We're not even talking aboutscaling your business.
We're talking about somethingtotally on the other side of
that, which is it can be alittle bit weird, can be a
little bit heavy, and itactually is disorienting.
(00:56):
It's this part of growth thatnot a lot of people warn you
about.
We talk about it.
It's out there.
You can find books and podcastsand blogs about it.
But when you're choosing to grow, when you're choosing to pivot
your life, this is not somethingyou really think about, and
what it's called is the identityhangover.
(01:19):
It's an uncomfortable place.
It could be foggy and it'swhere the person you used to be
is no longer.
But the person you're becomingis not familiar and you don't
really know who she is yet.
You don't really know what thatplace looks like You're not
(01:42):
really in it yet.
So if you think about like asnake that sheds its skin, it's
the same thing.
You're shedding that part ofyour life, you're shedding the
person you used to be and nowyou're just kind of standing
naked in the hallway because youdon't know what's put on yet
and that's uncomfortable and,like I said, weird.
Right, it's weird, it's heavy,it's not negative, it's just not
(02:07):
comfortable.
So if you are someone that hasever asked yourself what do I
want for my life and taken thetime to really be bold and go
for it, you asked for the change.
But now you kind of miss yourold life or you feel a little
bit unexpectedly sad in themiddle of success.
(02:28):
This episode is for you.
So something that we talk aboutin personal growth a lot is how
to make the pivot right, likewhat do we have to do to be bold
, to be brave and to choosechange for ourselves?
And that's inspiring, it'smotivating and it knocks us off
(02:49):
our feet.
It's destabilizing at best andthat's, on purpose, right.
We can't move forward, we can'tmake those changes while still
holding on to the person we usedto be.
So when you do evolve anywherein your life.
Something always gets leftbehind.
(03:09):
It just is.
And maybe that's a job, right?
Maybe you are working from onething to the other, you're
opening a business.
Whatever it is, the person youwere before at your old job is
no longer, so you are leavingthat person behind.
Sometimes it's a group of people, a social circle that does not
necessarily fit your lifeanymore.
(03:31):
That person doesn't existanymore, and so the new you
doesn't really know how to be inthat social circle anymore.
Sometimes it's just a versionof you that you needed to let go
of.
Maybe you were the person wespoke about last week on here,
right?
The person who is superself-sacrificing, always
(03:54):
hyper-competent and alwaysavailable to do for everyone
else, because that's who youwanted to be until you couldn't
be.
So that person is now leftbehind.
That version of yourself is gone.
We need to leave her behind,and it's okay if that makes you
feel a little bit sad.
It's okay if that makes youfeel unexpectedly nostalgic for
(04:20):
things in your life that youdon't even think were that good.
It's not about it being good,it's about it being comfortable.
So this is not a negative, it'snot a weakness.
It's literally grief thatyou're feeling, and we think of
it when we're in this place.
We think that we're grievingour old life.
(04:40):
We think that we're grievingour old identity, and I'm here
to tell you that is actually notwhat you're grieving.
What you're grieving is thecertainty of that old identity,
because it was comfortable,right, even if that person was
completely overwhelmed,completely burnt out, always
performing for someone else'sapproval.
(05:00):
She was familiar approval.
She was familiar and she knewhow to navigate the world you
lived in.
So when we think about gettingto that point where we're going
to make a change in our life, weget to the point where we're
like this is not sustainableanymore, I need to make a change
.
Up until that point where youfound out where you realized,
(05:21):
you came online and realized,yeah, this isn't going to work
for me.
Up until that point, there's apretty good chance that you were
navigating the shit out of thatworld.
You just knew exactly how tooperate from morning to night as
a survival mechanism.
So, even though that is not agood thing, it's a familiar
thing, it's a comfortable thing.
(05:42):
And now you're walking intothis new chapter of your life
and you don't have a script.
You don't know what's going tohappen next.
You don't know how you're goingto feel moment to moment,
because you're learning how tonavigate this new place and your
nervous system can be like whatthe heck is going on?
Are we actually safe here?
(06:03):
Is it okay for us to be in thisspace?
We don't know yet.
So that happens a lot to us aswell, like if we're moving from
point A to point B, there is amoment where we have to let go
completely of the old place tojump into the new one.
(06:24):
You know it's like monkey bars.
When you were a kid, do youever remember like climbing from
the monkey bars, one hand goingfrom one to the other, rung to
rung?
You could not move forwarduntil you let go of the monkey
bar that you were holding on to.
And that's what happens in ourlife, and for that brief moment
it can be unsafe.
So it's normal for our brainsto be like hold up, what's going
(06:48):
on.
We need safety and we need itsoon.
And our initial instinct isgoing to think that safety is
where we came from, because it'scomfortable and familiar, even
if it was painful.
There are tons of people outthere who are super comfortable
in their pain, so it doesn'tmean it wasn't painful just
means it was comfortable.
So when you think about this,let's get really real about how
(07:12):
you might be feeling, becausethere are signs.
If you're kind of feeling likeI might be speaking to you but
you're not sure, let's talkabout it, because one of the
first indicators that this ishappening to you is that you hit
a really big goal and you'refeeling like eh, or you're
terrified and you have no ideawho this person is that lives in
(07:36):
the reality of hitting thisgoal.
You should be proud of yourself.
You thought you were going tofeel like, oh my God, I am
unstoppable, but instead youfeel now, what do I do?
Who am I now?
And that's a signal that yououtgrew who you were before the
achievement, but you haven'trecalibrated to the person that
(07:58):
you're going to be now that youhave achieved it.
You also may find yourselfsecond guessing everything that
you used to be really sure about.
So maybe this is as simple aslike, let's say, you switch jobs
.
Maybe you're not sure, maybeyou're not sure, maybe you're
not sure, maybe you're not sure,maybe you're not Even down to
like what do you dress like forthis new job?
How do you present yourself?
(08:19):
Maybe you feel a little bitawkward in rooms that you used
to be really comfortable in.
You may be finding yourselfquestioning all your decisions
and asking yourself is this me?
How do I make it me?
This is the void, right.
It's not a breakdown, it's areassembly of your life.
It's taking all of the piecesthat are that make up you.
(08:41):
You took them all apart so thatyou can be in a new reality and
now you're putting them backtogether and you're wanting to
feel comfortable right away andit's going to take some time.
How many of you have low-key,kind of sabotaged your new
growth because it feels disloyalto your old life?
It feels disloyal to your oldself.
(09:03):
This can be something you know,especially when it comes to
social and friendships andrelationships, relationships
number one, oh, my goodness, Ican even say going through my
divorce, there were times when Ijust wanted to hold on to that
old life because I felt like itwas disrespectful to my old self
(09:27):
to want a better reality formyself and for my children.
So I was telling myself that Iwanted change.
I was telling myself that Iwanted to live differently, but
something kept pulling me backand it was that comfort of even
though we were so unhappy, I wascomfortable in that unhappiness
.
I didn't know what was going tohappen on the other side of
(09:51):
that, so that took a lot ofballs to make that decision, you
know, and to put yourself inthat position.
There's a lot of people outthere who don't know how to take
that step without it being soterrifying.
So sometimes that's how we'refeeling.
This is just keep pulling usback into staying in the bad
(10:11):
relationship, staying with agroup of friends that keeps you
down, staying in a place whereyou're overworked or
undercharging, overcommittingyourself.
And we do this because on somelevel, we do feel guilty.
We feel guilty for wanting more.
We feel guilty for growing,especially if it means leaving
other people behind.
We feel guilty for changing.
(10:33):
We feel guilty for standing upfor ourselves and saying we
deserve what we deserve.
So if you've always been thestrong one, the reliable one,
the over-functioning one for soso long you've lived your life
that way.
You built your identity on that, and now, if you're not
available for that anymore, youdefinitely could be feeling that
(10:54):
you're betraying some versionof yourself.
You're betraying what otherpeople expect of you.
But that's not self-sabotage,it's actually self-preservation.
It's preserving your identity.
Your system is trying to keepyou from losing that familiar
you, even though she was sounhappy.
(11:16):
And that is sad, right, it'sokay for that to make you sad,
you know, I think a lot of uswhen we move forward.
And let's take relationships outof it for a second.
If we just talk about work andyou think about some of you out
there who have tried for a bigpromotion, let's say, and you
(11:39):
work really hard and you levelup your game at work in a big
way and you get the promotion,well, now that means that you're
gonna be working on a differentfloor with a different group of
people and you're so happyabout it, right, you worked so
hard for it, but it's still alittle sad.
You're not gonna see yourfriends anymore that you used to
(11:59):
see every morning to havecoffee together.
You're not going to sit next tothe same person that you used
to discuss what was going onwith your kids, what was going
on with your family.
So Things changing can bring alevel of sadness, even when
we're doing something thatshould make us happy.
So, like everything else, Ireally want you to be able to
(12:21):
experience this in a way whereyou feel like you have the tools
to move through it right.
It doesn't have to be like thisforever.
Obviously, you're movingtowards the better version of
yourself, the better job, thebetter relationship, whatever
that is and in order to do that,it's not this is not a fake.
(12:43):
It till you make it situation.
It's not like just act likeyou're okay until you are, I
want you to.
Really, when you're in this,like deep in between stage you
can call it what it is.
So maybe it's saying, you know,I miss the version of me who got
instant praise for being theone that did everything.
(13:04):
I miss the version of me whoheld everything together.
I miss the schedule, I miss thechaos, I miss the performance.
It's okay to miss the thingsthat we're choosing to leave
behind and there's a reason why,right.
Sometimes, you know, I thinkback to so many, so much of the
(13:25):
work that I've done on myselfand so much of what I've been
able to leave behind.
But I do still have momentswhere I miss that version of
myself.
And, you know, sometimes it'sabout feeling needed, which we
all know is just human nature tofeel that way.
So we won't heal from what weare not willing to face.
(13:50):
We won't heal from what we'renot willing to really name.
So I want you to name this.
I want you to think about whatis it that is making you that
weird, sad?
What is it that you'renostalgic for, and allow
yourself to feel it because it'sokay.
It's time to move past that.
And being in this place doesnot mean that you are behind,
(14:14):
where you should be.
It just means that your bodyand your brain are catching up
to this new person that you'rebecoming.
They're catching up to the newreality that you've chosen for
yourself.
So this is not really a problemto fix.
It's more of a space to hold.
So think of it like this If youjust got out of a long,
(14:34):
exhausting relationship, are yougoing to jump into the next one
with perfect clarity?
No, of course not.
You're going to have yourreservations.
You're going to need time todetox yourself from the patterns
that you had and the patternsthat you recognize in the
relationship.
You need time to figure out whoyou are.
(14:55):
So this is no different.
Whatever it is, I want you tostop rushing this reinvention
and allow that person to comeforward on her own time.
This is about choosing intimacyover clarity.
So intimacy, when I say thatI'm talking about being intimate
(15:15):
with yourself.
When you're in this in-betweenplace, clarity is what is
seducing you.
Clarity is what is begging youto come back to your old self.
You want the next plan, youwant the next strategy, you want
the next shiny goal, but whatyou really need is to be quiet
(15:35):
and intimate with yourself.
Allow yourself to be uncertain.
Let your intuition speak to you.
Don't stuff it away, don't tryto make sense of it, just let it
speak to you.
And this is how you actuallybuild a new self.
It's not through answers.
It's through deep anduncomfortable presence with who
(15:55):
you are in the moment, who youare at your core, and
recognizing who that person is.
Because a lot of you who arepivoting in your life right now,
you don't really know what thatnext version looks like.
This is how you find out bybeing still being uncertain,
naming the things that you miss,because when you don't do that,
(16:17):
you're always going to wonderwhat's wrong.
Why do I feel the way that Ifeel?
Why am I not happy for what'scoming my way?
Why am I not happy with whatI've chosen for myself?
And it's not that you'reunhappy, it's that you don't
know what that looks like yet.
So this is how you learn that.
Allow yourself to say I reallymiss that person, I really miss
(16:41):
who I was.
Even if it was uncomfortableand painful, it's okay to miss
that person, it's okay to missthat energy in your life, even
if it was energy that youcouldn't wait to get away from.
All of a sudden it feelscomforting to you.
So here's what I want to leaveyou with.
I want you to think of yourgrowth as something that is not
(17:04):
a constant rise.
It's kind of like I don't wantto say two steps forward, one
step back although that might bethe best metaphor now that I
think of it Because what it is,it's a constant taking apart
followed by reassembly.
Take it apart, reassemble it,take it apart, reassemble it.
(17:29):
And in between those two things, in between the disintegration,
the taking apart and thereassembly, there's going to be
grief, there's going to beemptiness, there's going to be
emptiness, there's going to beawkward silence with yourself,
because you no longer know whoyou are.
And the important takeawaytoday is knowing that the
silence is not the absence ofyou.
It's actually creating spacewhere the real you can come
(17:53):
forward.
So if you're feeling foggy rightnow, if you feel like you
should feel great but you kindof feel like, meh, I just feel
lost and I just feel broken andI feel like I'm second guessing
myself.
You are at the entrance of yournext evolution.
You are at for those of you whothink about things in like the
(18:15):
divine feminine you are at thebirth canal right of your next
evolution.
Take a break, take a breath.
Don't rush it.
You are doing it the right way.
It's a painful process, so ifthis hits deep with you, it's
something you needed to hear.
If you think you know someonethat needs to hear it, share it
(18:35):
with a friend that you know thathas been kind of like quietly
unraveling in the background.
I want to be there for her too.
So I hope that this informationwas valuable for you.
I want you to take thisinformation.
This is how you create your day.
This is how you create yourlife in the best way possible.
If you need help navigatingthis space, I have a great
(18:57):
program that's launching soon.
It's going to be Balance andBreakthroughs.
It's a membership.
It is for women like you, whoare constantly evolving and
changing, and you need thesupport to do it right.
So this is not aboutproductivity, it's about
identity.
Let's do the real work together.
Head on over to JenCodycom, getall the details, so I'm looking
(19:21):
forward to seeing you here nextweek.
And until next time, take careof yourself, take care of each
other and go out there.
Create your day the best waypossible.
Have a great one, everyone.
You.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.