August 9, 2023 • 21 mins
Join me this week as I share how I’ve changed my thinking about having a consistent practice - I no longer think it’s better than doing what actually feels in service (it changes day to day).
I have been challenging and questioning what I’ve taken on as meditation student, and how it applies to any practice - creative, exercise, writing, etc.
In this episode, I share:
- How to know if what you’ve learned still feels true (+ in service) to YOU
- How showing up in real life is more important than being a perfect-practice-student (and a sports analogy that I hope makes sense - I am not a sports person!!)
- How I see meditation as a life practice (rather than a sit-for-20-minutes-and-then-go-into-life-mindlessly-or-on-autopilot)
- What I mean by living life as a meditative practice (with a real-life explanation)
Show Notes
Learn how to Map Your Intuition with a guided worksheet, located inside The Resource Library - learn more HERE
If you want to feel intuitive in your creative practice, AND tap into your one-in-eight-billion perspective and contribution, head to www.jenmoulton.com/newsletter and get my Intuitive Creation Audio. You’ll receive an audio that teaches you a unique process to reliably tap in BEFORE you make any creative work so you can overcome procrastination, overwhelm, and where-do-i-start-itis.
Get the transcript and full show notes HERE
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
ATR USB microphone (00:24):
Welcome to today's episode, Meditation as a
Lifestyle vs a Strict Practice).
I've been thinking a lotrecently about meditation.
I have tried all sorts ofmeditation styles, retreats,
trainings, et cetera.
And as I've come to accept thereality that I am not an
(00:47):
everyday routine person, meaningI don't do the same thing every
single day.
I've thought a lot about howmeditation fits into that,
because I do identify as ameditator and I am, committed to
a meditation practice, but notnecessarily a'strict I sit down
for 20 minutes and it looks acertain way practice'.
I've tried that I made it anoble thing, like a character
(01:12):
flaw thing, if I couldn't do it.
As I've come to accept thereality of who I am, and what
feels like it really serves me,and I've started to really enjoy
feeling into what sounds good?
What is calling to me?
What is nudging at me?
And following that.
I've thought about how I havecome to practice meditation
(01:34):
versus again the way that wevery strictly interpret what a
meditation practice looks like.
I think it's really been overthe past year, dropped the'I do
this thing every single day andthat's more noble'- having a
very strict almost dogmaticpractice, that is more noble
(01:54):
than following what I feelcalled to do.
Following what feels like itwould actually be of service to
me, checking in with myself andreally paying attention to that.
I feel much more aligned withthe latter, and much more
interested in it.
So I've shared a little bitabout this.
I am going through I would saymany transformations this year.
(02:15):
Life is giving me a lot ofopportunities to grow, and
stretch, and question things,and release things, and go into
unknown spaces.
And one thing that I'm doing isquestioning everything I've
taken on to be true from otherpeople.
I want to know for myself, doesthis feel true to me?
(02:37):
Does it still feel true to me?
Maybe it did in the past, butdoes it still resonate for me?
If you're anything like me,which I'm guessing that there's
parts of you that are, if youare resonating with this
podcast, then maybe you've takenthings on from other people as
the right thing to do, orstriving towards doing
(02:58):
something, thinking that itmeans something about you as a
person, your character, etcetera.
Then I would encourage you to dothe same: to really question the
things that you have taken onfrom other people.
And I think a way to find thosethings is to look at the areas
of your life that you feeldogmatically about doing things
(03:20):
a certain way.
Like if there's not an opennessand a curiosity about is a
serving me, is this something Ireally actually want to do?
If you're not thinking like thatand you're just like- I should
be doing this thing, this is theright way to do it, this is what
someone else said worked forthem, so I should figure out a
way to make it work for myselftoo- that can be a clue of
(03:41):
things that you have just takenon from other people.
And it can be difficult toevaluate those things, it can
also be very uncomfortable.
Because again, if you're likeme, then you get a lot of your
self-worth out of how well youdo things compared to how well
you're told to do things, or howwell you take things on, or how
good of a student you are.
That used to be the languagethat I thought about a lot.
(04:04):
But as I've gone through thesetransformations this year, I
think this happens when you getuncomfortable, when it,
sometimes it kind of feels likeyour life is crumbling around
you or areas of your life arecrumbling around you.
Or another way that I thinkabout this is something is
broken- something that workedfor a really long time isn't
working anymore the way that itused to.
And maybe you don't yet feellike, you know, what's next or
(04:26):
what the next way of working itwill be.
This is a good time to reallyevaluate things in your life and
practices that you, do all ofthe things, right beyond
practices, beliefs that you haveabout yourself, or things you
should be doing commitmentsyou've made.
Everything and anything is upfor evaluation whenever you
(04:46):
choose for it to be.
But really looking at practicesthat you've taken on as there's
a right way to do this andthere's a wrong way.
And if I'm not doing it the'right way' then I'm not doing
it right.
Or something is wrong with me- alot of times we make it mean
something about ourself.
Okay, that was a little bit of atangent, but that's what was
(05:06):
coming to me as I was thinkingabout this topic.
So all of this brings me tomeditation.
Pretty much everyone will tellyou, when they teach meditation,
that you should have a strictpractice.
And a strict interpretation ofwhat meditating looks like.
And then if you don't followthat, it's kind of like your, I
(05:29):
don't want to say you're doingit wrong, but it's like
something to strive towards.
It's something for you tocompare yourself against, and to
judge yourself, like maybe like,oh, well I'm just not a serious
meditator, or I'm notdisciplined in enough, or I'm
not good enough yet.
Maybe I'm not even committedenough yet.
Right?
That's like the, the string ofthoughts that you might have.
(05:49):
And what I've really, I mean,I'm speaking from experience
here.
So what I really started tothink about is: what if a strict
sitting practice isn't the typeof meditation that actually
serves me.
And I would offer that questionto you: what if a strict
practice, whether it'smeditation, it could be anything
(06:09):
else.
It could be a creative practice,a painting practice, a walking
practice, a writing practice,whatever.
What if a strict practice isn'tactually in service of you and
your goals and what reallymatters to you and the life that
you want to have.
And the way that you'reprogrammed.
And what I really started towonder is what if I could live
(06:33):
life as a meditation practice?
And I think that to me at thispoint, after several years of
studying this and practicing itand going on retreats and being
really curious about it, andevaluating my relationship with
it, that doesn't soundoverwhelming to me.
But I think that when I hadfirst started the idea of
(06:55):
something being a kind of alifestyle, or a life practice,
rather than a sitting practice,that might have overwhelmed me.
So if I say that, and that feelsoverwhelming to you, like just
disregard this, just considermaybe another area of your life
or just like, hear this, listento it, take it in, plant a seed
and maybe in the future, you'llbe curious about it.
(07:18):
You don't have to take this on.
My whole thing here is toevaluate the things that we take
on from other people.
So I definitely don't want youto just take on what I'm saying.
It's an offering for you toconsider.
I'm curious how it lands foryou.
So, let me just make thatdisclaimer right there.
But for me at this point, when Ithink about what if I could live
life as a meditation practice,here's what I mean: Meditation
(07:42):
is all about mindfulness.
It's about present momentawareness and hearing your inner
thoughts, your inner voice.
It's about noticing withoutbecoming intertwined or engaged
with the ideas, thoughts,cravings, reactions, rejections,
judgements that we all have.
And here's what I'm offeringhere: it is possible to live
(08:06):
your life as a meditativepractice.
It's possible to keep comingback to the present moment,
noticing your thoughts and innerdialogue, practicing
non-attachment, ornon-engagement is one way I like
to think about it.
Listening for that small, stillinner voice.
And heeding what is offering youme us moment to moment.
(08:33):
And, I've said this before, butI'm going to keep saying it
cause it's my thing (08:36):
and we are never offered much more than the
next step in my experience.
To me, what I just said, ismeditation in a nutshell.
Noticing, coming out ofawareness, getting wrapped up in
something, realizing that you'rewrapped up, going into
(08:56):
non-engagement, coming back toyourself, coming back to- a way
I like to think about it isbeing inner- oriented.
I think is how I would say it.
So rather than being orientedtowards external things, like
what is happening in the outsideworld?
What is someone telling you?
What feedback are you getting?
Traffic.
Like 900 million things.
Coming back to being orientedtowards your inner self, towards
(09:20):
your inner experience, innerlife.
To me that's what meditation is,or that's what it's become.
It, it didn't start out this wayfor me.
And when I think about it thisway, I think, it doesn't need to
look like a strict practice.
Where you are sitting silently,in dedication, out of obedience
(09:42):
sometimes even when it doesn'treally feel like it's serving
you.
And I just want to say there,there is a balance between doing
something when it's, you know,maybe you just don't feel like
it, but you know that it's foryour greater good versus doing
something out of obedience orcompulsion.
Overriding information thatyou're getting from your inner
(10:03):
orientation.
To me, those are two differentthings and every single one of
us needs to learn differencebetween them, and it is
different for each of us.
And I want to say here- pleasedon't get me wrong.
I love going on meditationretreats.
I love sitting in meditationwith other people.
It is one of my favoriteexpressions of quote,"being
(10:26):
alone in public", which is myfavorite way to spend time.
And that's like my favorite wayto explain it.
I love being around otherpeople, but I love being kind-of
anonymous, or solo.
And, you know, people watchingand taking in information, and
really attuned to myself at thesame time.
So I say all of that- I lovemeditation retreats.
(10:46):
I love sitting in meditationwith other people.
And I have tried and failed overand over and over to bring a
quote"dedicated practice" homewith me.
As I started out this podcastepisode, I said I'm not someone
that does something every singleday.
I've learned this about myself-maybe I've accepted it about
myself.
I think I knew it for a longtime.
(11:07):
And I would beat myself up everysingle time and ask myself why
can't I just be like whoever I'mlooking up to, they can manage a
strict daily practice.
Why can't I?
And then I would make it meanall sorts of things about
myself.
And I have finally gotten to thepoint where I'm questioning what
I've been told and taught.
(11:29):
That a daily practice is thebest way to be a serious,
dedicated student.
I'm questioning that rather thanmaking myself wrong.
And believing that if I can justfigure out how to contort myself
in the right way, then I'll feelthe way I want to feel- I'll
feel like a good student.
And maybe I'll feel in this caseaccomplished because look at me,
(11:51):
I finally managed to dosomething every single day.
And it's something I'vestruggled with in my 37 years of
life.
What I'm playing with instead isliving my life as an expression
of meditation.
And this is where I want to say: if this feels overwhelming to (12:03):
undefined
you, or if this doesn't fit foryou, question it.
This may not apply to you.
This applies to me.
Maybe you'll resonate with it,and maybe you won't.
I've started to think aboutmeditating as a lifestyle in
this way.
So from the moment I wake up,when I'm showering, getting
(12:24):
ready, petting my dogs driving,working, walking, cooking, I am
curious about how present can Ibe in these areas?
And let me be clear here, also.
I am not seeking to have, or be,perfectly present in these
moments.
That is not my goal.
(12:45):
I'm curious to see how present Ican be in those moments.
And for sure, I forget.
I get caught up.
I get tired and grumpy.
Or in the case of this boilinghot Texas summer we're having, I
get overheated and cranky.
I get distracted.
Day's can go by.
Though the more I practice this,the more rare it is for several
(13:07):
days to go by before I realizeit.
Which to me that's like a hugewin, and that's kind of the
point, in my opinion.
I've gotten curious about howmuch presence can I cultivate in
my daily habits, in my daily-ishhabits, right if I don't do
something every day.
In the practices that I dodaily.
I shower most days, I definitelyeat every day.
(13:29):
I drink fluids every day.
There's certain things that I dodo every day.
And I've gotten really curioushow much presence can I
cultivate in those everydaymoments?
Kind of in the minutia.
That normally I would just likespeed right by, right.
Like in my mind meditation issomething you sit and do for 20
minutes, and then you just moveinto your day and bam, bam, bam.
(13:51):
Go through everything.
And what I've started to realizeafter a lot of curiosity and
thought around this is that,that is not the point.
That is not the point.
The point is not to like have aperfect practice for 20 minutes
and then like go through therest of your life you know, on
autopilot or semi mindlessly, orreally caught up or being really
critical of yourself.
(14:12):
That's not the point.
I hope that what you are hearingin this conversation that we're
having.
Is the way that I am partneringwith myself.
I am using this practice as atool to befriend myself.
To witness with care andattention what my experience is
(14:34):
right now.
And then in the next moment, Andthen in the moment after that.
I believe that this is the seatof awareness that we are all
seeking.
And it is a source of great joy,even in the hard moments, to be
present with oneself, to bepresent with your inner
experience, to be present withthe people or the beings in your
(14:56):
life.
That's what we're all cravingand wanting and seeking.
In my opinion.
I want to share a, I guess it'sa metaphor that a meditation
teacher offered me several yearsago.
I was on a silent retreat atSpirit Rock, which I highly
(15:16):
recommend if you're looking formeditation retreat places.
It's a beautiful place.
It's such a healing place.
In Woodacre, California.
It's just a special, specialplace and they do silent
meditation retreats.
They also do non-silentmeditation retreats.
This was the last retreat that Iwent on, and this was a few
(15:37):
years ago.
And I had gone on one, I thinkaround six months prior.
So I did them kind of closetogether, which is, I think in a
little crazy, I wouldn'tnecessarily recommend that.
But that's just kinda mypersonality.
And so I knew that from thefirst one.
So I went on one, I think it wasan August.
I went on the first week-longsilent meditation retreat.
(15:59):
And I left and I'm like, I'mgoing to have a daily practice.
I'm so committed.
I'm going to do this perfectly.
And I got home and it was sohard to incorporate it into
regular life, with all of thedemands and all of my existing
habits.
And just the busy-ness of life.
So then I went on the secondretreat, it was in December.
(16:22):
And at that point I knew, right,it's not easy to just like bring
this practice home.
Even if it became easeful, I'mnot going to say easy, even if
it became easeful on retreat.
And so the only time that you'reallowed to talk is if you book a
like a session with one of theteachers, if you're struggling,
if you're questioning, if you'reneeding support.
(16:43):
And so I signed up for one and Iwas telling the teacher I'm
like, I know how hard it is tobring this practice home.
And I was just very attached todoing it right.
And I was explaining this to himand he used this analogy.
He said that going on silentmeditation retreats is like
practicing baseball or softball.
(17:05):
You're in practice mode.
You've removed all of thedistractions of normal life.
You're just focused on whatyou're doing.
You're supported, there's peoplearound you, you're in community.
And then he said, going backhome and real life is like
playing the game of baseball orsoftball.
And what he was saying was that,it took me a while, like years
(17:28):
to really understand what he wassaying.
What he was saying was that it'sgreat to go off and practice.
And I think as creative people,we all, you know, need retreats.
We need to go do things awayfrom our normal life.
And be immersed in them.
And have the space and theexperience to question and like
evaluate and take in new mediumsand learn things and be around
(17:52):
like-minded people.
But when you go back into yourreal life that you're playing
the game, right.
That's real.
Sports practice, and I'm not asports person so baseball
practice isn't real right.
Playing the game is what's real.
So going back into your life andplaying the game of life is
what's real.
And so we practice on retreat,or for a baseball game.
(18:17):
But what really counts isshowing up and playing the game.
And that has stuck with me in alot of ways, not just with
meditation.
Because I think that we obsesswith doing practice right.
And we miss the whole point.
The whole point is not being aperfect-practice-student.
The whole point is practicing,going off and learning, and then
(18:39):
coming back into your real lifeand integrating that
information, and adjustingthings, and changing, and
updating areas of your life.
That's the point.
The point is not to have aperfect practice and then go
back to your life and like bringnone of it with you, right.
I hope I'm explaining thatbecause it was very profound for
me.
(19:00):
So, I am really curious how thisis landing for you.
If you have a tendency to behard on yourself about having a
consistent meditation practice,or other practices: creative
practices, writing practices,exercise practices, I hope
listening to this gave you ideasfor how to customize a
(19:24):
meditation PRACTICE.
Remember what practice means foryou.
Not a strict rule to judgeyourself against, to judge, if
you're doing it good enough.
That's not the point here.
And, if moment to momentawareness sounds overwhelming to
you right now, then giveyourself parameters that feel
(19:47):
and sound supportive andnurturing.
Check in with yourself to sourcethem- I would encourage you not
to look for answers from someoneelse.
You know yourself best, and youcan use this as an experiment to
befriend yourself even more.
And if you have thoughts aboutthis, please send me a DM on
Instagram.
(20:07):
I am so curious what you thinkabout this concept that I've
been tinkering with- this ideaof meditation as a lifestyle
versus a strict practice.
Or if it applies to youcreatively, or exercise, or
walking, or writing or anything.
I would love to hear how this islanding for you.
That is what I have for youtoday.
(20:28):
I am so glad that you were hereand that we get to walk our
paths together.
See you next time.
Same time, same place.
Bye for now.
Welcome to today's episode, Meditation as a
Lifestyle vs a Strict Practice).
I've been thinking a lotrecently about meditation.
I have tried all sorts ofmeditation styles, retreats,
trainings, et cetera.
And as I've come to accept thereality that I am not an
(00:47):
everyday routine person, meaningI don't do the same thing every
single day.
I've thought a lot about howmeditation fits into that,
because I do identify as ameditator and I am, committed to
a meditation practice, but notnecessarily a'strict I sit down
for 20 minutes and it looks acertain way practice'.
I've tried that I made it anoble thing, like a character
(01:12):
flaw thing, if I couldn't do it.
As I've come to accept thereality of who I am, and what
feels like it really serves me,and I've started to really enjoy
feeling into what sounds good?
What is calling to me?
What is nudging at me?
And following that.
I've thought about how I havecome to practice meditation
(01:34):
versus again the way that wevery strictly interpret what a
meditation practice looks like.
I think it's really been overthe past year, dropped the'I do
this thing every single day andthat's more noble'- having a
very strict almost dogmaticpractice, that is more noble
(01:54):
than following what I feelcalled to do.
Following what feels like itwould actually be of service to
me, checking in with myself andreally paying attention to that.
I feel much more aligned withthe latter, and much more
interested in it.
So I've shared a little bitabout this.
I am going through I would saymany transformations this year.
(02:15):
Life is giving me a lot ofopportunities to grow, and
stretch, and question things,and release things, and go into
unknown spaces.
And one thing that I'm doing isquestioning everything I've
taken on to be true from otherpeople.
I want to know for myself, doesthis feel true to me?
(02:37):
Does it still feel true to me?
Maybe it did in the past, butdoes it still resonate for me?
If you're anything like me,which I'm guessing that there's
parts of you that are, if youare resonating with this
podcast, then maybe you've takenthings on from other people as
the right thing to do, orstriving towards doing
(02:58):
something, thinking that itmeans something about you as a
person, your character, etcetera.
Then I would encourage you to dothe same: to really question the
things that you have taken onfrom other people.
And I think a way to find thosethings is to look at the areas
of your life that you feeldogmatically about doing things
(03:20):
a certain way.
Like if there's not an opennessand a curiosity about is a
serving me, is this something Ireally actually want to do?
If you're not thinking like thatand you're just like- I should
be doing this thing, this is theright way to do it, this is what
someone else said worked forthem, so I should figure out a
way to make it work for myselftoo- that can be a clue of
(03:41):
things that you have just takenon from other people.
And it can be difficult toevaluate those things, it can
also be very uncomfortable.
Because again, if you're likeme, then you get a lot of your
self-worth out of how well youdo things compared to how well
you're told to do things, or howwell you take things on, or how
good of a student you are.
That used to be the languagethat I thought about a lot.
(04:04):
But as I've gone through thesetransformations this year, I
think this happens when you getuncomfortable, when it,
sometimes it kind of feels likeyour life is crumbling around
you or areas of your life arecrumbling around you.
Or another way that I thinkabout this is something is
broken- something that workedfor a really long time isn't
working anymore the way that itused to.
And maybe you don't yet feellike, you know, what's next or
(04:26):
what the next way of working itwill be.
This is a good time to reallyevaluate things in your life and
practices that you, do all ofthe things, right beyond
practices, beliefs that you haveabout yourself, or things you
should be doing commitmentsyou've made.
Everything and anything is upfor evaluation whenever you
(04:46):
choose for it to be.
But really looking at practicesthat you've taken on as there's
a right way to do this andthere's a wrong way.
And if I'm not doing it the'right way' then I'm not doing
it right.
Or something is wrong with me- alot of times we make it mean
something about ourself.
Okay, that was a little bit of atangent, but that's what was
(05:06):
coming to me as I was thinkingabout this topic.
So all of this brings me tomeditation.
Pretty much everyone will tellyou, when they teach meditation,
that you should have a strictpractice.
And a strict interpretation ofwhat meditating looks like.
And then if you don't followthat, it's kind of like your, I
(05:29):
don't want to say you're doingit wrong, but it's like
something to strive towards.
It's something for you tocompare yourself against, and to
judge yourself, like maybe like,oh, well I'm just not a serious
meditator, or I'm notdisciplined in enough, or I'm
not good enough yet.
Maybe I'm not even committedenough yet.
Right?
That's like the, the string ofthoughts that you might have.
(05:49):
And what I've really, I mean,I'm speaking from experience
here.
So what I really started tothink about is: what if a strict
sitting practice isn't the typeof meditation that actually
serves me.
And I would offer that questionto you: what if a strict
practice, whether it'smeditation, it could be anything
(06:09):
else.
It could be a creative practice,a painting practice, a walking
practice, a writing practice,whatever.
What if a strict practice isn'tactually in service of you and
your goals and what reallymatters to you and the life that
you want to have.
And the way that you'reprogrammed.
And what I really started towonder is what if I could live
(06:33):
life as a meditation practice?
And I think that to me at thispoint, after several years of
studying this and practicing itand going on retreats and being
really curious about it, andevaluating my relationship with
it, that doesn't soundoverwhelming to me.
But I think that when I hadfirst started the idea of
(06:55):
something being a kind of alifestyle, or a life practice,
rather than a sitting practice,that might have overwhelmed me.
So if I say that, and that feelsoverwhelming to you, like just
disregard this, just considermaybe another area of your life
or just like, hear this, listento it, take it in, plant a seed
and maybe in the future, you'llbe curious about it.
(07:18):
You don't have to take this on.
My whole thing here is toevaluate the things that we take
on from other people.
So I definitely don't want youto just take on what I'm saying.
It's an offering for you toconsider.
I'm curious how it lands foryou.
So, let me just make thatdisclaimer right there.
But for me at this point, when Ithink about what if I could live
life as a meditation practice,here's what I mean: Meditation
(07:42):
is all about mindfulness.
It's about present momentawareness and hearing your inner
thoughts, your inner voice.
It's about noticing withoutbecoming intertwined or engaged
with the ideas, thoughts,cravings, reactions, rejections,
judgements that we all have.
And here's what I'm offeringhere: it is possible to live
(08:06):
your life as a meditativepractice.
It's possible to keep comingback to the present moment,
noticing your thoughts and innerdialogue, practicing
non-attachment, ornon-engagement is one way I like
to think about it.
Listening for that small, stillinner voice.
And heeding what is offering youme us moment to moment.
(08:33):
And, I've said this before, butI'm going to keep saying it
cause it's my thing (08:36):
and we are never offered much more than the
next step in my experience.
To me, what I just said, ismeditation in a nutshell.
Noticing, coming out ofawareness, getting wrapped up in
something, realizing that you'rewrapped up, going into
(08:56):
non-engagement, coming back toyourself, coming back to- a way
I like to think about it isbeing inner- oriented.
I think is how I would say it.
So rather than being orientedtowards external things, like
what is happening in the outsideworld?
What is someone telling you?
What feedback are you getting?
Traffic.
Like 900 million things.
Coming back to being orientedtowards your inner self, towards
(09:20):
your inner experience, innerlife.
To me that's what meditation is,or that's what it's become.
It, it didn't start out this wayfor me.
And when I think about it thisway, I think, it doesn't need to
look like a strict practice.
Where you are sitting silently,in dedication, out of obedience
(09:42):
sometimes even when it doesn'treally feel like it's serving
you.
And I just want to say there,there is a balance between doing
something when it's, you know,maybe you just don't feel like
it, but you know that it's foryour greater good versus doing
something out of obedience orcompulsion.
Overriding information thatyou're getting from your inner
(10:03):
orientation.
To me, those are two differentthings and every single one of
us needs to learn differencebetween them, and it is
different for each of us.
And I want to say here- pleasedon't get me wrong.
I love going on meditationretreats.
I love sitting in meditationwith other people.
It is one of my favoriteexpressions of quote,"being
(10:26):
alone in public", which is myfavorite way to spend time.
And that's like my favorite wayto explain it.
I love being around otherpeople, but I love being kind-of
anonymous, or solo.
And, you know, people watchingand taking in information, and
really attuned to myself at thesame time.
So I say all of that- I lovemeditation retreats.
(10:46):
I love sitting in meditationwith other people.
And I have tried and failed overand over and over to bring a
quote"dedicated practice" homewith me.
As I started out this podcastepisode, I said I'm not someone
that does something every singleday.
I've learned this about myself-maybe I've accepted it about
myself.
I think I knew it for a longtime.
(11:07):
And I would beat myself up everysingle time and ask myself why
can't I just be like whoever I'mlooking up to, they can manage a
strict daily practice.
Why can't I?
And then I would make it meanall sorts of things about
myself.
And I have finally gotten to thepoint where I'm questioning what
I've been told and taught.
(11:29):
That a daily practice is thebest way to be a serious,
dedicated student.
I'm questioning that rather thanmaking myself wrong.
And believing that if I can justfigure out how to contort myself
in the right way, then I'll feelthe way I want to feel- I'll
feel like a good student.
And maybe I'll feel in this caseaccomplished because look at me,
(11:51):
I finally managed to dosomething every single day.
And it's something I'vestruggled with in my 37 years of
life.
What I'm playing with instead isliving my life as an expression
of meditation.
And this is where I want to say: if this feels overwhelming to (12:03):
undefined
you, or if this doesn't fit foryou, question it.
This may not apply to you.
This applies to me.
Maybe you'll resonate with it,and maybe you won't.
I've started to think aboutmeditating as a lifestyle in
this way.
So from the moment I wake up,when I'm showering, getting
(12:24):
ready, petting my dogs driving,working, walking, cooking, I am
curious about how present can Ibe in these areas?
And let me be clear here, also.
I am not seeking to have, or be,perfectly present in these
moments.
That is not my goal.
(12:45):
I'm curious to see how present Ican be in those moments.
And for sure, I forget.
I get caught up.
I get tired and grumpy.
Or in the case of this boilinghot Texas summer we're having, I
get overheated and cranky.
I get distracted.
Day's can go by.
Though the more I practice this,the more rare it is for several
(13:07):
days to go by before I realizeit.
Which to me that's like a hugewin, and that's kind of the
point, in my opinion.
I've gotten curious about howmuch presence can I cultivate in
my daily habits, in my daily-ishhabits, right if I don't do
something every day.
In the practices that I dodaily.
I shower most days, I definitelyeat every day.
(13:29):
I drink fluids every day.
There's certain things that I dodo every day.
And I've gotten really curioushow much presence can I
cultivate in those everydaymoments?
Kind of in the minutia.
That normally I would just likespeed right by, right.
Like in my mind meditation issomething you sit and do for 20
minutes, and then you just moveinto your day and bam, bam, bam.
(13:51):
Go through everything.
And what I've started to realizeafter a lot of curiosity and
thought around this is that,that is not the point.
That is not the point.
The point is not to like have aperfect practice for 20 minutes
and then like go through therest of your life you know, on
autopilot or semi mindlessly, orreally caught up or being really
critical of yourself.
(14:12):
That's not the point.
I hope that what you are hearingin this conversation that we're
having.
Is the way that I am partneringwith myself.
I am using this practice as atool to befriend myself.
To witness with care andattention what my experience is
(14:34):
right now.
And then in the next moment, Andthen in the moment after that.
I believe that this is the seatof awareness that we are all
seeking.
And it is a source of great joy,even in the hard moments, to be
present with oneself, to bepresent with your inner
experience, to be present withthe people or the beings in your
(14:56):
life.
That's what we're all cravingand wanting and seeking.
In my opinion.
I want to share a, I guess it'sa metaphor that a meditation
teacher offered me several yearsago.
I was on a silent retreat atSpirit Rock, which I highly
(15:16):
recommend if you're looking formeditation retreat places.
It's a beautiful place.
It's such a healing place.
In Woodacre, California.
It's just a special, specialplace and they do silent
meditation retreats.
They also do non-silentmeditation retreats.
This was the last retreat that Iwent on, and this was a few
(15:37):
years ago.
And I had gone on one, I thinkaround six months prior.
So I did them kind of closetogether, which is, I think in a
little crazy, I wouldn'tnecessarily recommend that.
But that's just kinda mypersonality.
And so I knew that from thefirst one.
So I went on one, I think it wasan August.
I went on the first week-longsilent meditation retreat.
(15:59):
And I left and I'm like, I'mgoing to have a daily practice.
I'm so committed.
I'm going to do this perfectly.
And I got home and it was sohard to incorporate it into
regular life, with all of thedemands and all of my existing
habits.
And just the busy-ness of life.
So then I went on the secondretreat, it was in December.
(16:22):
And at that point I knew, right,it's not easy to just like bring
this practice home.
Even if it became easeful, I'mnot going to say easy, even if
it became easeful on retreat.
And so the only time that you'reallowed to talk is if you book a
like a session with one of theteachers, if you're struggling,
if you're questioning, if you'reneeding support.
(16:43):
And so I signed up for one and Iwas telling the teacher I'm
like, I know how hard it is tobring this practice home.
And I was just very attached todoing it right.
And I was explaining this to himand he used this analogy.
He said that going on silentmeditation retreats is like
practicing baseball or softball.
(17:05):
You're in practice mode.
You've removed all of thedistractions of normal life.
You're just focused on whatyou're doing.
You're supported, there's peoplearound you, you're in community.
And then he said, going backhome and real life is like
playing the game of baseball orsoftball.
And what he was saying was that,it took me a while, like years
(17:28):
to really understand what he wassaying.
What he was saying was that it'sgreat to go off and practice.
And I think as creative people,we all, you know, need retreats.
We need to go do things awayfrom our normal life.
And be immersed in them.
And have the space and theexperience to question and like
evaluate and take in new mediumsand learn things and be around
(17:52):
like-minded people.
But when you go back into yourreal life that you're playing
the game, right.
That's real.
Sports practice, and I'm not asports person so baseball
practice isn't real right.
Playing the game is what's real.
So going back into your life andplaying the game of life is
what's real.
And so we practice on retreat,or for a baseball game.
(18:17):
But what really counts isshowing up and playing the game.
And that has stuck with me in alot of ways, not just with
meditation.
Because I think that we obsesswith doing practice right.
And we miss the whole point.
The whole point is not being aperfect-practice-student.
The whole point is practicing,going off and learning, and then
(18:39):
coming back into your real lifeand integrating that
information, and adjustingthings, and changing, and
updating areas of your life.
That's the point.
The point is not to have aperfect practice and then go
back to your life and like bringnone of it with you, right.
I hope I'm explaining thatbecause it was very profound for
me.
(19:00):
So, I am really curious how thisis landing for you.
If you have a tendency to behard on yourself about having a
consistent meditation practice,or other practices: creative
practices, writing practices,exercise practices, I hope
listening to this gave you ideasfor how to customize a
(19:24):
meditation PRACTICE.
Remember what practice means foryou.
Not a strict rule to judgeyourself against, to judge, if
you're doing it good enough.
That's not the point here.
And, if moment to momentawareness sounds overwhelming to
you right now, then giveyourself parameters that feel
(19:47):
and sound supportive andnurturing.
Check in with yourself to sourcethem- I would encourage you not
to look for answers from someoneelse.
You know yourself best, and youcan use this as an experiment to
befriend yourself even more.
And if you have thoughts aboutthis, please send me a DM on
Instagram.
(20:07):
I am so curious what you thinkabout this concept that I've
been tinkering with- this ideaof meditation as a lifestyle
versus a strict practice.
Or if it applies to youcreatively, or exercise, or
walking, or writing or anything.
I would love to hear how this islanding for you.
That is what I have for youtoday.
(20:28):
I am so glad that you were hereand that we get to walk our
paths together.
See you next time.
Same time, same place.
Bye for now.
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