October 11, 2023 • 14 mins
Join me this week as I share the BTS of deciding to take a pause on the pod (and what led me to know it was time).
I share:
- The WHY behind the decision
- How I’m handling being in this unknown-inbetween stage
- What I’ve learned from being here before
- Why I wish other Creators would share when they’re ‘in it’, not just on the other side
Resources
Check out the *BEST OF* episodes: listener favorites, most downloads, + my favorite episodes HERE
In today’s episode, the Daily Writing Prompts that I created are mentioned - they can help you establish a daily writing practice that is easeful and fun. They are an amazing way to discover what you believe deep down, and befriend yourself along the way. // Want to begin a journaling habit? The Daily Writing Prompts are supportive and thoughtful prompts to discover what you believe is possible for you, what you want, and what's in the way right now. Learn more HERE
Tap into your intuition before making creative work. Sign up for the newsletter and receive my Intuitive Journaling Prompts - four questions to connect with your intuition before making art. Sign up HERE
Get the transcript and full show notes HERE
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
ATR USB microphone (00:24):
Welcome to today's episode, Taking a Pause.
Today, I'm sharing the finalepisode in season one with you
as I follow a calling I've beenfeeling for a while to get
really quiet.
Even quieter than I've been.
I feel that I'm entering acocoon phase though, I also feel
(00:44):
like I've been in one, so I'mstarting to think that maybe we
are in multiple cocoon phases atonce.
I've always thought of cocoonphases as a yes, I'm in one or
no, I'm not, but I actuallythink it's a gray area.
And that it's totally possibleto be in one in one area of your
life, and not in a cocoon phasein another area of your life.
(01:05):
And as you probably know, Ialways try to follow my inner
callings, even when I don'ttotally understand the why
behind them yet.
I often feel the pull to getquiet while I also have this
sense that something new wantsto emerge.
And in the past, I've allowedthis process to unfold
internally while mostly keepingup external workloads and
(01:28):
appearances, like on socialmedia or here on the podcast.
This past year has been a majorlife overhaul, most of which I
haven't shared publicly yet as Iam still very much in it.
And this podcast has been a hugepresence in my life over the
past 14 months.
And it's gone from being aboutteaching to sharing pretty
(01:50):
personally.
I've come to see this podcast aswhat my friend, Becky called it,
my creative devotional.
I've started to share in realtime as I navigate what it looks
like to live a fully expressedlife, as I like to think of it,
as a fully creative because Ibelieve that life is inherently
(02:11):
creative.
My intention has become to tellyou everything I wish I could
tell you in person.
If we were on an extra long teadate or if I could download
things directly into your brain.
It's everything that I feel likeI've learned over the past 10,
12 years of experimenting andexploring with the goal to
(02:32):
really be to become more ofmyself.
And also my work ethos hasevolved as I have shed
perfectionism and achievementfor achievement sake.
I don't create or offer anythingfrom force or performance or
self hatred, which I think thatmany of us know very well.
(02:55):
And I think that a lot of uscome to middle life or, you
know, I guess the age reallyvaries person, but you get to a
point in your life where youhave achieved and created from
that place and you realize thatit is not aligned for you, and
it's not very meaningful to you.
At least that's what I'verealized.
This past year has beenintensely humbling for me.
(03:17):
I have shared some of what hashappened, and some of it will
remain private, but everychallenge has led me back to
myself.
And what I feel my purpose hereis: being an example of what
living and intuitively guidedlife looks like.
I really no longer care about,or strive for, external
(03:40):
achievements or metrics.
And I wish I could explain howto do this in an xyz equation.
But here's how it for me.
I pushed myself too hard for toolong to achieve things I didn't
actually care about deep down,and then I was told to push
myself harder.
(04:00):
And my naturally contrariannature piped up and said no
more.
The desire to achieve andperform for others broke.
And it's been nearly a year now,and I couldn't find that desire
inside of myself again if Itried, and I have tried.
I don't recommend going about itthis way.
It took years and years ofpushing myself, and evading
(04:23):
myself, to get here.
But I also think that each ofour paths is unique and this was
mine.
And it was a perfectly expectedoutcome considering my
background and conditioning.
I also could not get here, tothe place that I am now where
this achievement and strivingpattern broke, I couldn't get
(04:46):
here until I got here.
Like any learning process Ineeded to go through it.
What I care most about, which Ithink life challenges show us
very clearly what we really careabout is: befriending myself,
living life as a creativeexpression, and expressing what
I am here to express before Idie.
(05:07):
I know, thinking and talkingabout dying feels harsh, but
it's real.
We will all die and I do notwant to leave before I feel like
I have done what I am here todo.
And part of fulfilling that isgetting quiet when I need to, in
order to hear what is calling tome.
I did not expect to do thispodcast in seasons, but here I
(05:30):
am.
It feels right to close thisbody of work here, tune in and
listen, and see where life isguiding me next.
What I do know is that I'mimmensely proud of what I've
created.
If you listen to podcastsregularly, as I do, the best
thing you can do for creators isappreciate all of the work that
goes into making them.
(05:52):
Podcasts are a ton of work.
Like way more than I expected.
I had the desire to have apodcast for years and I waited
until I felt very clear on whatI wanted to share.
And now following that same gutinstinct, it's time to get quiet
as I tune in for the next curveon my path.
(06:14):
Please stay subscribed as Iintend to be back.
I may share episodesperiodically as I feel inspired
or return for a season in thefuture.
I truly do not know and I feelmore open than ever to see where
life takes me.
Thank you for being here.
I know that some of you listenevery week and I take that as
(06:35):
the highest compliment.
I've been told that it feelslike we have seen each other or
met up recently, because youlisten to this podcast, and that
just makes my heart sing.
My intention from the beginningwas to share openly and speak as
if we were friends.
Knowing that some of you listenevery week also led me to keep
going a bit longer than I feltcalled to, which you might've
(06:57):
noticed some weeks when Ihaven't published an episode.
And that's because I didn't wantto let you down.
And I had to go through that onmy own.
I still feel this, but I alsoknow that I need to heed my
inner calling.
That is the best thing I can dofor everyone, myself included.
While I'm on hiatus from thepod, I'm also mostly quiet on
(07:17):
social media, but I do postInstagram stories occasionally.
Usually some deep thoughts thatare shared spur of the moment.
And if you really enjoy thethought provoking offerings from
this podcast, I now offer DailyWriting P rompts.
A simple thought provokingprompt that arrives in your
email while you sleep.
(07:38):
I've been told that people loveto write to them, but they also
look forward to opening theiremail and seeing the prompt and
using it as a discussion with aloved one or even a question to
meditate on.
Links to both my Instagram andthe Daily Writing Prompts will
be under the Resources in theshow notes of this episode.
(07:58):
I'm also going to post a best ofpod episodes post on my
Instagram.
Like listener favorites, myfavorites, most downloads, most
feedback I've gotten.
I haven't made it yet, butthat's what I'm thinking right
now topic wise.
So that'll be there for you as aresource.
There are so many good episodesso if there are some you haven't
(08:18):
listened to yet, they are herefor you when you're ready.
Thank you again for listeningtoday.
And I just want to say that I'mexcited to see where this next
liminal space I'm entering takesme.
And of course I will end upsharing it.
I think, as a side note thatthese liminal spaces, when
something new is emerging can bepretty nerve wracking.
(08:40):
That's our nature is to feel alittle apprehensive around them.
And by sharing this, like behindthe scenes with you today, I
want to show that I do have someof that apprehension.
I don't quite exactly know whatis unfolding next.
But it also feels verymeaningful and important.
And I'm carving out space forthat to come through and I'm
(09:02):
going to allow at the time thatit takes.
And I actually think that's oneof the most important things
that I can model if I'mfollowing this being an example
of an intuitively guided lifebecause very often, we don't
know what is calling to us next.
We just kind of get a hunch ofsomething or a sense of
something.
And the work is to just followit and kind of, if you see it as
(09:25):
a knot, you start to untangleit, or a path that you're laying
the bricks as you're walking it,if either of those analogies
resonate for you.
And that is what it's like tocreate an intuitively guided
life.
It's almost never clear.
It's full of liminal spaceswhere your old self or your old
(09:46):
life or an old role or patternor job or something no longer
fits you.
And you go into a liminal space,which is an in-between space
where the old isn't a good fitanymore and the new isn't clear
to you yet.
And our human brains have a lotof opinions about being in
liminal spaces.
(10:07):
You know, our brains wouldrather us stay with what we
know, but I think as humanswe're called to grow and evolve,
and that means entering theseliminal spaces.
Entering into the unknowns.
And using all of the tools andresources that you have amassed,
which you have, to navigate itwhile you sit in some unknown,
(10:30):
some known.
And information comes throughand then you experiment with it
and get more information andthen see how things unfold.
That's how we literally createanything.
So I'm excited to see where thisliminal space I'm entering takes
me.
And it feels like a big one.
And I always wish that othercreators would share when
(10:51):
they're in these in-betweenspaces.
I think that we are naturallyall very curious about these
transitions and most people tendto share when they're on the
other side of it.
So I hope what you're hearing intoday's episode is what it is
like to be in it.
In the middle.
In this liminal space.
(11:11):
And also from someone who's beenthrough this many, many times.
So I, I have a level of trustand openness because I have been
willing to go through this somany times.
Sometimes I've been forcedthrough it and sometimes I've
chosen it.
And at this point, when I feelthe calling for one, it's kind
of like I guess the best analogyI can think of right now is when
(11:34):
you're standing in the ocean andwhen you start to feel a wave
get pulled back, you know, soit's already come and crusted
over you or around you or pastyou.
And then that feeling of forcethat is being, pulling the water
back into the ocean.
To me, that's kind of what itfeels like to be called into the
next iteration of yourself, intoa liminal space, into the
(11:55):
unknown.
It's a feeling of being pulledtowards something, but you don't
really know what it is yet.
And you're kind of feel likeyou're being guided there.
And you can try to control itand resist it.
And if we think about the ocean,we all know how that would go,
right, that is an exhausting wayof moving with water.
(12:18):
Or, with practice, you can learnto feel that pull and kind of
submit to it.
Say like, okay, yeah, I'mwilling to go here.
Maybe there's some stuff I needto do to like clear out or clean
up or get ready but I feel thatpull and I'm going to start
working towards opening towardsit in my life.
(12:42):
That's what it feels like to meto be in this in-between space.
And like I said, I.
I think we're all curious aboutit and I wish more creators
would share about it because Ithink that demystifying this
unknown and the fact that no onereally knows, when they're in
it, and that means you're in theright place at the right time is
(13:03):
to feel the unknown and to feelmaybe some apprehension about
it.
That just means that it'snormal.
That's a normal part of enteringinto a new phase, into a new
growth edge, into a liminalspace, into whatever is next for
you.
I'm really excited to see wherethis next curve and my path
(13:23):
takes me.
That's how I like to think aboutit.
And of course I will share itwith you, and I'm excited to
share it with you.
I am so glad that you are hereand that we get to walk our
paths together.
See your next time.
Bye for now.
Welcome to today's episode, Taking a Pause.
Today, I'm sharing the finalepisode in season one with you
as I follow a calling I've beenfeeling for a while to get
really quiet.
Even quieter than I've been.
I feel that I'm entering acocoon phase though, I also feel
(00:44):
like I've been in one, so I'mstarting to think that maybe we
are in multiple cocoon phases atonce.
I've always thought of cocoonphases as a yes, I'm in one or
no, I'm not, but I actuallythink it's a gray area.
And that it's totally possibleto be in one in one area of your
life, and not in a cocoon phasein another area of your life.
(01:05):
And as you probably know, Ialways try to follow my inner
callings, even when I don'ttotally understand the why
behind them yet.
I often feel the pull to getquiet while I also have this
sense that something new wantsto emerge.
And in the past, I've allowedthis process to unfold
internally while mostly keepingup external workloads and
(01:28):
appearances, like on socialmedia or here on the podcast.
This past year has been a majorlife overhaul, most of which I
haven't shared publicly yet as Iam still very much in it.
And this podcast has been a hugepresence in my life over the
past 14 months.
And it's gone from being aboutteaching to sharing pretty
(01:50):
personally.
I've come to see this podcast aswhat my friend, Becky called it,
my creative devotional.
I've started to share in realtime as I navigate what it looks
like to live a fully expressedlife, as I like to think of it,
as a fully creative because Ibelieve that life is inherently
(02:11):
creative.
My intention has become to tellyou everything I wish I could
tell you in person.
If we were on an extra long teadate or if I could download
things directly into your brain.
It's everything that I feel likeI've learned over the past 10,
12 years of experimenting andexploring with the goal to
(02:32):
really be to become more ofmyself.
And also my work ethos hasevolved as I have shed
perfectionism and achievementfor achievement sake.
I don't create or offer anythingfrom force or performance or
self hatred, which I think thatmany of us know very well.
(02:55):
And I think that a lot of uscome to middle life or, you
know, I guess the age reallyvaries person, but you get to a
point in your life where youhave achieved and created from
that place and you realize thatit is not aligned for you, and
it's not very meaningful to you.
At least that's what I'verealized.
This past year has beenintensely humbling for me.
(03:17):
I have shared some of what hashappened, and some of it will
remain private, but everychallenge has led me back to
myself.
And what I feel my purpose hereis: being an example of what
living and intuitively guidedlife looks like.
I really no longer care about,or strive for, external
(03:40):
achievements or metrics.
And I wish I could explain howto do this in an xyz equation.
But here's how it for me.
I pushed myself too hard for toolong to achieve things I didn't
actually care about deep down,and then I was told to push
myself harder.
(04:00):
And my naturally contrariannature piped up and said no
more.
The desire to achieve andperform for others broke.
And it's been nearly a year now,and I couldn't find that desire
inside of myself again if Itried, and I have tried.
I don't recommend going about itthis way.
It took years and years ofpushing myself, and evading
(04:23):
myself, to get here.
But I also think that each ofour paths is unique and this was
mine.
And it was a perfectly expectedoutcome considering my
background and conditioning.
I also could not get here, tothe place that I am now where
this achievement and strivingpattern broke, I couldn't get
(04:46):
here until I got here.
Like any learning process Ineeded to go through it.
What I care most about, which Ithink life challenges show us
very clearly what we really careabout is: befriending myself,
living life as a creativeexpression, and expressing what
I am here to express before Idie.
(05:07):
I know, thinking and talkingabout dying feels harsh, but
it's real.
We will all die and I do notwant to leave before I feel like
I have done what I am here todo.
And part of fulfilling that isgetting quiet when I need to, in
order to hear what is calling tome.
I did not expect to do thispodcast in seasons, but here I
(05:30):
am.
It feels right to close thisbody of work here, tune in and
listen, and see where life isguiding me next.
What I do know is that I'mimmensely proud of what I've
created.
If you listen to podcastsregularly, as I do, the best
thing you can do for creators isappreciate all of the work that
goes into making them.
(05:52):
Podcasts are a ton of work.
Like way more than I expected.
I had the desire to have apodcast for years and I waited
until I felt very clear on whatI wanted to share.
And now following that same gutinstinct, it's time to get quiet
as I tune in for the next curveon my path.
(06:14):
Please stay subscribed as Iintend to be back.
I may share episodesperiodically as I feel inspired
or return for a season in thefuture.
I truly do not know and I feelmore open than ever to see where
life takes me.
Thank you for being here.
I know that some of you listenevery week and I take that as
(06:35):
the highest compliment.
I've been told that it feelslike we have seen each other or
met up recently, because youlisten to this podcast, and that
just makes my heart sing.
My intention from the beginningwas to share openly and speak as
if we were friends.
Knowing that some of you listenevery week also led me to keep
going a bit longer than I feltcalled to, which you might've
(06:57):
noticed some weeks when Ihaven't published an episode.
And that's because I didn't wantto let you down.
And I had to go through that onmy own.
I still feel this, but I alsoknow that I need to heed my
inner calling.
That is the best thing I can dofor everyone, myself included.
While I'm on hiatus from thepod, I'm also mostly quiet on
(07:17):
social media, but I do postInstagram stories occasionally.
Usually some deep thoughts thatare shared spur of the moment.
And if you really enjoy thethought provoking offerings from
this podcast, I now offer DailyWriting P rompts.
A simple thought provokingprompt that arrives in your
email while you sleep.
(07:38):
I've been told that people loveto write to them, but they also
look forward to opening theiremail and seeing the prompt and
using it as a discussion with aloved one or even a question to
meditate on.
Links to both my Instagram andthe Daily Writing Prompts will
be under the Resources in theshow notes of this episode.
(07:58):
I'm also going to post a best ofpod episodes post on my
Instagram.
Like listener favorites, myfavorites, most downloads, most
feedback I've gotten.
I haven't made it yet, butthat's what I'm thinking right
now topic wise.
So that'll be there for you as aresource.
There are so many good episodesso if there are some you haven't
(08:18):
listened to yet, they are herefor you when you're ready.
Thank you again for listeningtoday.
And I just want to say that I'mexcited to see where this next
liminal space I'm entering takesme.
And of course I will end upsharing it.
I think, as a side note thatthese liminal spaces, when
something new is emerging can bepretty nerve wracking.
(08:40):
That's our nature is to feel alittle apprehensive around them.
And by sharing this, like behindthe scenes with you today, I
want to show that I do have someof that apprehension.
I don't quite exactly know whatis unfolding next.
But it also feels verymeaningful and important.
And I'm carving out space forthat to come through and I'm
(09:02):
going to allow at the time thatit takes.
And I actually think that's oneof the most important things
that I can model if I'mfollowing this being an example
of an intuitively guided lifebecause very often, we don't
know what is calling to us next.
We just kind of get a hunch ofsomething or a sense of
something.
And the work is to just followit and kind of, if you see it as
(09:25):
a knot, you start to untangleit, or a path that you're laying
the bricks as you're walking it,if either of those analogies
resonate for you.
And that is what it's like tocreate an intuitively guided
life.
It's almost never clear.
It's full of liminal spaceswhere your old self or your old
(09:46):
life or an old role or patternor job or something no longer
fits you.
And you go into a liminal space,which is an in-between space
where the old isn't a good fitanymore and the new isn't clear
to you yet.
And our human brains have a lotof opinions about being in
liminal spaces.
(10:07):
You know, our brains wouldrather us stay with what we
know, but I think as humanswe're called to grow and evolve,
and that means entering theseliminal spaces.
Entering into the unknowns.
And using all of the tools andresources that you have amassed,
which you have, to navigate itwhile you sit in some unknown,
(10:30):
some known.
And information comes throughand then you experiment with it
and get more information andthen see how things unfold.
That's how we literally createanything.
So I'm excited to see where thisliminal space I'm entering takes
me.
And it feels like a big one.
And I always wish that othercreators would share when
(10:51):
they're in these in-betweenspaces.
I think that we are naturallyall very curious about these
transitions and most people tendto share when they're on the
other side of it.
So I hope what you're hearing intoday's episode is what it is
like to be in it.
In the middle.
In this liminal space.
(11:11):
And also from someone who's beenthrough this many, many times.
So I, I have a level of trustand openness because I have been
willing to go through this somany times.
Sometimes I've been forcedthrough it and sometimes I've
chosen it.
And at this point, when I feelthe calling for one, it's kind
of like I guess the best analogyI can think of right now is when
(11:34):
you're standing in the ocean andwhen you start to feel a wave
get pulled back, you know, soit's already come and crusted
over you or around you or pastyou.
And then that feeling of forcethat is being, pulling the water
back into the ocean.
To me, that's kind of what itfeels like to be called into the
next iteration of yourself, intoa liminal space, into the
(11:55):
unknown.
It's a feeling of being pulledtowards something, but you don't
really know what it is yet.
And you're kind of feel likeyou're being guided there.
And you can try to control itand resist it.
And if we think about the ocean,we all know how that would go,
right, that is an exhausting wayof moving with water.
(12:18):
Or, with practice, you can learnto feel that pull and kind of
submit to it.
Say like, okay, yeah, I'mwilling to go here.
Maybe there's some stuff I needto do to like clear out or clean
up or get ready but I feel thatpull and I'm going to start
working towards opening towardsit in my life.
(12:42):
That's what it feels like to meto be in this in-between space.
And like I said, I.
I think we're all curious aboutit and I wish more creators
would share about it because Ithink that demystifying this
unknown and the fact that no onereally knows, when they're in
it, and that means you're in theright place at the right time is
(13:03):
to feel the unknown and to feelmaybe some apprehension about
it.
That just means that it'snormal.
That's a normal part of enteringinto a new phase, into a new
growth edge, into a liminalspace, into whatever is next for
you.
I'm really excited to see wherethis next curve and my path
(13:23):
takes me.
That's how I like to think aboutit.
And of course I will share itwith you, and I'm excited to
share it with you.
I am so glad that you are hereand that we get to walk our
paths together.
See your next time.
Bye for now.
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