July 7, 2023 • 41 mins
You asked and we delivered! Clinical Certified Sexuality Coach, Toni Drumwright-Antoine, is back on The Cris David Show to answer all of your sex-related questions.
This episode is available on YouTube: https://youtu.be/uHrD313AH_0
For more information on Coach Toni:
Bedroom Kandi, for toys and parties: www.bkparties.com/6109
The Kitty Chronicles, for coaching and hard to find toys: www.thekittychronicles.co
Lavender Kitty Lux, for luxury self-care and wellness products: www.lavenderkitty.com
Follow @crisdavidtv & @thecrisdavidshow on Instagram
For more info visit www.crisdavidshow.com
Want your question featured on our next #talklikesex Q&A with Coach Toni? Send it to info@thecrisdavidshow.com. Be sure to place “Sex Coach” in the subject line, and include your age, gender, and location. Only include your name if you do not wish to remain anonymous. Your question should be no more than 420 characters. For example, this paragraph is exactly 420 characters, your message shouldn't be longer than this.
Catch our latest #talklikesex Q&A (Spring/Summer Edition) with Coach Toni: https://youtu.be/5XjKMwTLKlM
Catch our 1-on-1 with Coach Toni: https://youtu.be/GkdTKjLXgZQ
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You asked and we delivered! Clinical Certified Sexuality Coach, Toni Drumwright-Antoine is back on The Cris David Show to answer all of your sex related questions.
(00:02):
Sex is, part mind, but part body. So we’re obviously using our body for sex, but it’s all in your mind
Because you can have every intention of going home and putting it down on your partner, right?
But if somebody cuts you off in traffic, or you had a bad day, you just can’t get your mind right, you know, you’ve got bills due or anything like that, your body isn’t going to work with you.
(00:37):
Welcome to The Cris David Show where we get more views than the news.
(01:03):
If this is your first time here, welcome.
I'm your host, Cris David.
If you've been here before, welcome back.
You family, help yourself and don't leave the fridge open.
Our next guest is no stranger to The Cris David Show.
Let's welcome back, clinical certified sexuality coach,
Mrs. Toni Drumwright-Antoine.
(01:25):
Hello. Hi everybody!
Welcome back, Toni.
Thank you.
Thank you for coming on again.
Before we jump into everything,
I want you to let everyone know
your credentials and how they can get in touch with you.
Hello everyone. For those who saw the last video that I was on, welcome back.
Again, I'm Toni Drumwright-Antoine,
(01:47):
I'm Certified Sexuality Coach and also
an intimate luxury consultant with Bedroom Kandi.
As Cris mentioned, I was here the last time today,
we're going to do some Q&A,
but you can reach me a couple of ways on Instagram,
bedroomkandi_bytoni
I have my website, thekittychronicles.co.
(02:11):
If you just want to get straight to the good stuff and order products
from Bedroom Kandi or book a party,
you can go directly to that link,
bkparties.com/6109.
Bkparties.com, B as in bedroom, K as in Kandi.
We're going to put that up on the screen for everyone watching and for everyone listening.
(02:31):
The website is thekittychronicles.co,
C as in coconut, O as in oil,
and bedroomkandi_bytoni on IG.
That's Kandi with a K and an I,
Toni with an I,
and be sure that you have an underscore in between Kandi and by,
or else you will be on the wrong page.
(02:52):
I don't know who that lady's page is,
but it's not this lady right here.
If you're ready, Toni,
I'll go ahead and read the first question.
Dear sex coach, my name is Courtney.
I'm 30 years old and I've been with my partner for the past seven years.
We are hoping to bring some fun into our bedroom,
(03:12):
but every time I bring up a suggestion,
it gets shot down.
What should I do?
I would start off with suggesting things in his favor.
It takes away the intimidation factor.
Some men think that when you want to introduce toys or just other things into the bedroom,
(03:33):
it's always going to involve something with a shaft.
You can have intimate play or experiment without things that are going to go inside of the vagina,
so take away that intimidation factor.
When I say things that are going to be in his favor,
and I'm going to show a couple of products for
(03:54):
certain questions that might warrant it.
The first thing that I would suggest,
because this will work in his favor,
we have a product called Pamper Him.
Pamper Him is a component of our Helping Hand male masturbation sleeve,
and our Delicious Encounters lubricant.
The Delicious Encounters lubricant,
and we're going to go into detail about lubricants a little bit later.
(04:15):
But Delicious Encounters is a flavored lubricant.
The component, the set comes with a strawberry pomegranate.
The lube does not come with any sugar,
so it is very safe.
It is a water-based lube,
but I'm going to go ahead and show that to you,
and how you can incorporate that into your sex life without being intimidating for him,
(04:39):
but it's also going to work in his favor.
I like to show this at my parties.
I say this is for one of those not tonight I have a headache nights.
If you want to bring somebody else into the bedroom without
really bringing somebody else into the bedroom, you can use this.
Or if you are maybe out of town or just not near your partner,
he can use this on his own.
The way this works, and I'm going to take this lube here,
(05:02):
you have to use lube.
You've got to use lube.
I'm going to go ahead and lube this up,
and hopefully you can see that.
Once it's lubed, you're going to slide this onto the penis,
and you're going to give him the best hand job he's ever had.
You're going up and down the shaft.
(05:22):
Now, this isn't his favor, but you're both using it.
Remember when I said it's like bringing somebody else into the bedroom
without really bringing somebody else in?
That's because you're going to go halfway down and you give him head on the tip.
Again, we have a flavored lube that you're going to use.
It's strawberry pomegranate. It's water-based.
(05:43):
This is something that you can bring into the bedroom,
and you can start off with this.
This is very, there is no intimidation factor with this.
He's being pleasured.
He's getting the benefits of it.
This is in his favor.
Once you're ready, if this is the only thing that you're going to do
and you're not going to result in intercourse,
or if he's ready to cum right now,
(06:04):
you can pull up and this is going to swallow for you.
That's something that I would start off with.
To clean that, you're just going to flip it inside out.
You can clean it with soap and water.
As a PS, that's the only thing I would recommend cleaning with soap and water.
Otherwise, I would recommend a toy cleaner.
(06:26):
If he's definitely open to doing that and trying it,
I would definitely recommend that.
Also, you can ask him what's considered sexy or what he would like to try.
Sometimes men have an idea in their head already of what it is that they want to do,
(06:46):
but another thing that I would recommend is a couples toy.
We have a toy called Groove.
Now, Groove, and this is really good and it's really fun.
This is something where it can actually heighten your intimacy factor,
especially if you're using this in public.
I know you're like in public.
Groove is a remote control toy.
(07:08):
It does come with a panty,
one size fits all, but you can use this in your own panty as well.
This is the remote control.
You're going to give this to your partner and this will go in the panty.
This remote works 30 feet away from your partner.
You can be upstairs, downstairs.
You're could be at the restaurant on each side of the table.
(07:30):
You can be out, you can be in the club.
The reason this is called Groove is because there is a function that vibrates to music.
You can be anywhere at a party.
It doesn't even matter,
but it's that intimacy because it's the two of you knowing that you have this toy inside.
Your partner, he has control of this.
(07:53):
Just the way it works is you're going to go ahead and turn both power buttons on just to sync them.
There is one button where you're just constantly pressing.
He can just press and press and press.
Then the second button has different vibrating patterns.
Then the third one, which is why it's called Groove,
(08:14):
is the function that is going to vibrate to the bass of music.
But as a bonus, I always tell people at my parties,
it's three and a half and a half is because it also vibrates to the bass of your partner's voice.
He can vibrate into this and it's going to give you,
I mean, he can talk into this and it's going to give you those vibrations.
(08:35):
This is something that I would definitely recommend either Groove or Pamper Him.
Again, Pamper Him is going to work in his favor.
I don't think there's a man that's going to turn away something that is going to give him pleasure,
but then you can also introduce this.
This is not.
(08:55):
This isn't intimidating.
This is actually fun.
Especially if you two know,
you're the only ones in the room that know that you have this in.
You can't go wrong with this.
Again, your partner can use this 30 feet away.
However, we do have another one that does not come with the remote.
It does come with an app.
(09:17):
As long as you two both can download the app on your phone,
you can be in Brooklyn and your partner can be in Timbuktu.
As long as you can both turn on your phones and use the app,
you can use it that way as well.
I've sold this, the other one to a lot of customers who their partners were truck drivers.
(09:40):
I don't know what the, so many people have purchased this and their partner was a truck driver.
But I would recommend something like this or Pamper Him if you are
trying to introduce new things into your bedroom and your partner is a little apprehensive.
Toni, what is the toy called that runs on the app?
It's called Blue Motion Krush.
(10:03):
Now, heads up though, there is probably 5% of our products that are not on the website.
So you would have to reach out to me directly simply because it's moved by a third party.
So that is one of those toys.
If you would have a reach out to me and say I want the toy that works on the app,
I would know what you were talking about.
Well, you could say something like the toy that's like Groove, but you use the app.
(10:27):
Right. And Toni gets it.
Like she knows her toys.
Like you don't have to do a long thing like this next question I'm about to read.
But yeah, Toni will know and she'll understand.
You know what?
Oh, go ahead.
One last thing.
There was another toy that I wanted to talk about.
Yeah, sure.
And it's called Get In Touch.
(10:47):
Get In Touch is a lot less intimidating.
Again, we're trying to take away that intimidation factor and get your partner to be more,
you know, just just want to participate, even though, you know, a lot of people say they want
to bring extra things into the bedroom.
So this is one of my favorites.
It's tiny but mighty.
So again, it's called Get In Touch.
(11:08):
And you can use this for your beginners play, solo play or couples play.
So if you're using this as a couple, your partner would put this on their finger
and then just put it on to the clitoris.
This has about 20 speeds off the top of my head.
I think 20.
And again, it's tiny but powerful.
(11:28):
So this is another thing that I would recommend.
Get In Touch.
Get In Touch.
Now, for them to get in touch, do you want them to go to the bkparties.com/6109
or would you rather them, you know, do the email?
Well, if you know what you want to purchase, you can go directly to the website.
(11:50):
It's my website.
So I would know and all ordering is confidential.
So I would know who placed the order or what.
Sometimes you can create a profile.
Even if you create a profile, I have no idea what it is you ordered.
But you can certainly go directly to the website to place an order.
If you need if you have extra questions, feel free to get in touch with me as well.
(12:12):
I believe if you go to bkparties.com/6109, there is contact, you know, something that you can
contact me.
Otherwise, you can also go to thekittychronicles.co and go to the contact me page.
Yes.
And all of that for you all watching the video is up in the video.
So, yeah, don't don't worry about that.
(12:33):
I have a question, though, really quickly before I go to this next question.
That's like a wall of text
this young lady sent. Toy cleaners, which toy cleaners do you recommend?
Yes, we do sell a toy cleaner is called Sparkle & Shine.
And I actually would not recommend soap and water.
The Pamper Him the male masturbation sleeve.
(12:57):
You can use soap and water with that.
However, any one of our other toys, I would recommend a toy cleaner.
And when I'm at my parties, the way I kind of describe it, I watch a lot of crime TV
and you know how the killer comes in with a knife and then they clean up with soap and
water, right? And then the cops come in and shine that blue light and you see all the
(13:18):
splatter.
So that's the same concept of when you're just using soap and water to run it under
your toys.
You're not really cleaning your toys.
A lot of toys are porous, which means your body stuff gets down into the pores of your
toys and it's not properly cleaning.
So toy cleaners are designed to not only preserve the integrity of your toys, but it's designed
(13:41):
to properly clean your toys.
So I do highly recommend one.
We do sell the toy cleaner is called Sparkle & Shine.
Even if you don't purchase a toy cleaner for me, it's so important.
Like I'm so passionate about toy cleaner.
Just make sure you do have one.
So everyone should have a toy cleaner in their arsenal.
Absolutely.
(14:02):
And I hope you all heard what Toni said about toys being porous and porous means that anything
can get into that toy.
And if you're going to share toys or, you know, because some people share toys, just
make sure that you, I don't even recommend sharing toys, honestly.
And I'm not even the sex expert.
If you’re going to share a toy, you need to be putting a condom on it or doing something.
(14:25):
But I mean, if, if, if, if by chance you do want to share a toy, you need to get a toy
cleaner and thoroughly clean that toy out.
This next question comes from Star.
Okay.
And it reads, Dear Miss Toni, my name is Star.
Wait a minute.
Star who?
Star Jones?
I'm kidding.
Let me stop.
Let me stop.
(14:45):
Let me stop.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Yall.
Okay.
Star says my long-term boyfriend just came home from Coxsackie after three years.
Listen, I, I may need to break out the spectacles for this one.
I was so excited to see him that we fooled around right there in the car after I drove
outside the gates.
of course, tell me why when I unzipped his pants and pulled it out, he had these
(15:11):
big lumps on the shaft of his penis.
I said, I hope you don't have some STD and expect me to be sucking on that.
He laughed and said, no, it's called the speed bump and all the guys get it when they go
in.
He said, it's supposed to stimulate the clitoris and give me more pleasure in the heat of the
moment.
Now my man is big, so I'm already satisfied with his performance, but I said, what the
(15:36):
hell he's my man and I love him and we're getting married soon.
So I might as well get used to it.
At first, our sex life was amazing.
He was hitting things that I did not know he could, but then those things started hurting
me.
And like I said, he's big.
So I really didn't need any extra help.
Miss Toni, how can I tell him that I want him to get those speed bumps taken out without
(16:00):
sounding mean or as if I don't want sex with him?
Please help! Love, Star.
Now, first of all, Toni Star sounds like a sweetheart.
Like I love how she wrote Love, Star at the end.
I know. I was gonna say the same thing!
Like she's writing a letter to her grandma or something.
But you know what, Toni, you know, it's so funny about this.
Remember Doris, you remember Doris, right?
(16:21):
Doris used to call the pizza place and say, “I love you” whenever she ordered the pizza.
Just nuts.
But anyway, anyway, Toni, what's your advice for Star?
Yeah, so I agree.
I love how she closed out with “Love, Star”.
So I had to like really go deep and, you know, try to get as much information.
(16:41):
So I'm going to try to read some of my notes that I have as well.
So for clarification, speed bumps or pearling, it's also referred to as pearling, like pearl
necklace are subcutaneous penile genital beads.
Okay.
So speed bumps and that's for anyone who’s listening and wasn't quite sure, you know,
(17:02):
what we're referring to as, you know, for speed bumps.
So Star, just to give you a little bit more clarity, they originated in Asian culture
and then they moved to Western and then Eastern Europe and then Russia and Australia.
So they, you know, even though it's like not something that's completely common here in
(17:26):
the United States, it is common in other countries.
So it started, you know, over in those countries and men were, you know, there was an increase
in men getting them.
So the purpose varies.
It could be anywhere from sexual pleasure to gang initiation.
So there’s a variable of reasons why men get them.
I think the important thing to note is that it creates a high risk of infection.
(17:51):
And you know, that can be from a number of things.
So in this case, her fiancé, her boyfriend, her long-term boyfriend got them while he
was at Coxsackie, which is prison.
Upstate, yeah, upstate New York.
And so, you know, you have to think about a couple of things as far, and you know, especially
(18:12):
when it comes to the risk of infection, like who inserted them, you know? And I was doing
a little bit more research and the site that I was on, I was reading up and a lot of men
learned and did it themselves, you know.
So it doesn't necessarily mean, you know, someone else did it, but either way, like,
you know, that's a big deal, right?
Because it could not have been done in a sterile environment.
(18:35):
You know, what materials were used, you know, just a number of things that you think about
when it comes to that.
Also increased rates of STDs, or sexually transmitted infections, actually, among sexual
partners as the implants can cause trauma, you know, trauma to the receiver.
So that would be you, Star.
(18:57):
And then it also increases the risk of condom leakage during intercourse because of them.
Sidebar, just in my research, there was one man who has 68 in his penis.
So he started out, he inserted eight, and then over time, he just kept doing increments
(19:17):
of 10.
And I just, I was just like, wow.
So but I think, you know, the more important thing, or, you know, to answer your question,
sometimes we have to have tough conversations, right?
So in this case, you know, you can ease into the conversation.
I recommend that you do have a serious conversation simply because of your comfort.
(19:43):
So I think at the end, and let me just see with my notes, you know, you can start off
by letting him know that, you know, they have been feeling uncomfortable.
So also, you know, I was reading up into my research, it mentioned that with speed bumps,
you have to be really aroused.
And sometimes when we have intercourse, I mean, we want it, we are aroused, but we're
not extremely aroused.
You know what I mean?
(20:04):
And so, you know, like you mentioned, it was great in the beginning, but over time, it
started to become uncomfortable.
In your comfort, like, you know, you have to take that in consideration, your comfort
is very important.
And then you also mentioned that he's a long term you two plan on getting married.
So it's a matter of having a conversation with him, letting him know that you have been
(20:24):
feeling uncomfortable lately, they have been irritating your vagina.
And just, you know, in doing research, again, the pain for some can last three to four days.
And I don't know if you know, in some people, the pain can last longer, but three to four
days of an irritated vagina, let me tell you something, when my vagina ain't right, ain't
(20:45):
nothing right.
You know, so I can't imagine, you know, just the pain and irritation that you're having
or just the discomfort that you're having for three to four days.
So it definitely warrants a conversation and letting you know that sometimes you're not
going to be super aroused.
So it's not something that's tangible for like every single, you know, session of intercourse
(21:08):
that you have.
Hopefully, he does listen and takes that into account.
You know, that the fact that you're walking around, ask him if he plans on keeping them
in permanently, you know, what's the end goal, because it's a big deal.
And hopefully the question can kind of guide you all into, you know, more of a deeper conversation.
(21:30):
One thing that I thought about in answering this question is, you know, if he's a long
term boyfriend and you all did, you know, have plans of getting married, it's a shock,
you know, for your partner to come out and then suddenly he has those that never have
a conversation with you.
So I think in itself, that's a big deal.
Just, you know, getting him and not letting you know.
(21:51):
He has to understand that you wouldn't have received them well.
So when he got him in, there's literally a 50% chance how it will go.
You would either like them or you wouldn't like them.
And in your case, you said you did like them in the beginning, but now it's starting to
hurt and irritate.
So at the bottom line, it's going to warrant a conversation.
And again, you know, we have to have tough conversations sometimes, but if you don't
(22:13):
have it, you're going to constantly walk around and be in pain and you're going to open up
yourself to sexually transmitted infections.
And I don't know if you all are using condoms right now, if you're planning to have kids
or, you know, what the condom situation is, but like I said, they can cause breakage in
condoms, which is a big deal, especially if you're using them with the intention of not
(22:37):
getting pregnant.
So that's something that you really have to take into consideration and, you know, bring
it to his consideration as well.
But at the end of it all, you have to have that conversation with him.
And you know what, Toni is the clinical certified sexuality coach.
I'm just going to give you some advice, Star, just as a man of a certain age.
(23:01):
I really hope that when he left prison, they tested him for all STDs.
I don't know, Toni, if they still do that.
I suggest that the both of you go and you get tested for STDs and just to make sure
that he didn't bring you home anything other than those pearling, you know, speed bumps.
(23:24):
So yeah, that's what I would say to you, Star, and good luck with everything.
And when you decide you're going to get married, make sure you send us an invitation because
I will be there eating cake.
I've been doing the keto, I've been doing good, but I love me some cake.
All right.
(23:45):
His next question is very, very like, one note it’s very simple, Toni.
Anonymous writes, I think my husband is gay.
Please advise.
You know what?
Anonymous, you're deadpan as hell.
Like I mean, Toni, Anonymous reminds me of this lady I saw the other day on House Hunters,
like Toni, no lie.
(24:05):
She was like granite countertops.
Love those. Dark hardwood floors.
Don't like that.
Like literally.
That's how she sounded with every like just so deadpan anyway.
Anonymous, I think you're trolling, but it's not about what I think.
And besides, let me be kind because you could really just write like this and Toni, listen,
(24:28):
take it away before I cancel myself.
Like I mean, she's just so deadpan.
Like this is the sex talk.
It's not a mortgage.
Like I mean, listen, maybe this is the excitement that she needs.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let me stop.
Before these people don't want to write in no more, Toni.
Listen, let me let you take it away.
I'm going to let you take it away.
Well, there's not a whole lot of detail for me to get solid advice.
(24:51):
So I kind of had to make a couple of assumptions without really trying to assume this person's
life because I was wondering about a couple of things.
You know, what makes you think your partner is gay?
So I think it would have been a little more comfortable.
It would have been a little bit better if you would have included at least that detail.
(25:11):
Why do you think your partner is gay?
Do not show you enough attention.
Is he feminine?
Because not every man is going to walk around with a testosterone and a deep voice.
With a testosterone necklace around their necks.
Right.
And some men are just feminine, Toni.
(25:32):
Some men are feminine.
They're cisgendered, they’re heterosexual, but they just have feminine ways.
They have feminine mannerisms.
So in this case, you have a couple of choices.
Number one, communicate and ask him.
When you ask him, be sure for any reaction because this is coming out of left field,
especially if he's not gay.
Right?
If he isn't, you've completely thrown him off.
(25:55):
Right.
So you have to just be sure when you ask him that, give him at least a couple of reasons.
Don't let that be just one reason why you're walking around thinking he's gay.
You know, he has a soft voice or something like that.
So have a valid reason and be able to have a full conversation as to why you are assuming
or why you think he's gay.
(26:17):
Now, if he is, decide how you want to handle it.
You know, because I think you're doing a disservice by not having the conversation
right now.
You're doing a disservice because life is short.
Right.
Everybody's time is precious.
The longer you wait to have a conversation and ask him, the more you're wasting your
(26:38):
time.
You know, you two both can be having your best lives with other people or in other situations.
So release him if he is.
Right?
So the conversation should be had probably sooner rather than later.
I just think tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
Unfortunately, there's not like a lot that I can say just because I don't know why you're
(27:00):
thinking that.
Just have the conversation.
You're never going to be happy because in the back of your head, if you don't have it,
you're always going to think he's gay.
And then that can lead to just a whole bunch of other things.
So you know, you're never going to feel fully comfortable if you don't just come out and
ask him.
(27:21):
But just, you know, give him grace, you know, regardless of what the response is, because
if he is, then he is.
And you have to decide, you know, how you're going to navigate that world.
Are you two going to coexist because of whatever reason?
You know, sometimes people stay together in the same household because of finances or
(27:42):
just, you know, a plethora of other things.
But just decide how you want to navigate that if he is.
And then if he isn't, you'll have to figure out a way to kind of make him feel comfortable
and just kind of I don't want to say bring that trust back because it's not like it's
going to make him not trust you, but just be prepared on how you're going to navigate
(28:04):
his reaction.
Here's what I'll add to that, Anonymous.
Write us back and we need to know how long you've been married.
We also need to know what makes you think that your husband, you know, is homosexual.
(28:26):
And also we want a game plan.
Like we want to know what you want to do, like as far as if he is, like how you want
to move forward.
Because just writing in, and I'm so sorry, like Toni, she's just so deadpan, like it
just really bugged me.
But just writing in like that doesn't really give us much.
Like I mean, Toni is the expert.
(28:48):
She's good at what she does, but you need to give a little bit more, just a little bit
more so we can really help you because I feel for you.
You know, and I do honestly want to help you.
So write us back and we'll do another show like this.
Probably, well, not probably, definitely next season because this season is coming to a
close soon.
(29:09):
Oh, stop.
We'll be back.
But, you know, definitely write us back and let us know, you know, what you want to do.
And even if you, even if you write, I know Cris said we'll be doing this again next
season.
I know for me personally, if I have something on my mind and I need a response, I can't wait,
(29:31):
I don't know how you waited this long and you're still in the house walking around thinking
this.
Like I need to address things upfront.
I can say in my head, I'm going to leave it alone.
I'm not going to, but that lasts like probably 48 hours.
And then I'm ready to go in and, you know, find out the results or ask the question or
something.
(29:52):
So, um, feel free to reach out, you know, sooner rather than later, even if, you know,
we need to get a response to you right away, but then we can also address it as Cris said
on the next episode.
You know what I'll do too?
I'm glad that you mentioned that Toni and I rarely even do this.
I don't do this at all.
(30:13):
I'll do a Live.
And me and Toni will go on Live together because I hate Lives.
Lives are messy to me.
They're extremely messy, Toni.
Like I don't like it, it's too much to deal with.
But what we'll do is we'll do a Live or even, we may even just do a video and I'll just
do a Short like on YouTube or something like that.
(30:33):
And we'll answer this question.
Yeah, we can do a Short.
Yeah.
Write us, write us back and let us know.
And I mean, you know, worst comes to worst.
We'll still, we'll do it next season.
But yeah, I don't know how a person could walk around with that on their spirit for
so long.
I mean, I'm sure, you know, there are women who've been doing it for many, many years
(30:55):
and they just never said anything.
And I'm wondering too, if this is a case, you know what also Anonymous, just tell us
where, you know, your age, just for demographic purposes.
You don't have to tell us anything else.
I just want to know how old you are.
But yeah, we have another anonymous question and okay.
All right.
(31:16):
The last Anonymous, you know, I apologize for going in on you for being deadpan, but
like this Anonymous, I'm about to really go in on you.
Like I'm going to go on you for real.
So this Anonymous wants to know how she can tell her boyfriend about his odor on his
penis.
And before Toni answers that, I'm going to tell you what you need to do.
(31:37):
Tell him to wash.
Tell him to wash it, pull it back and clean it.
Because I'm assuming he's uncircumcised.
I'm just assuming.
And don't be using that stuff that that lady, you know, that lady comes on TV late at night
talking about, um, rub it on you, just your wherever, you know, rub it on this part, part
that stinks.
Don't use that.
He needs to use a separate rag for his genitals.
(31:59):
And you'd be surprised Toni, how many people don't even do that.
Or how many people don't use washcloths at all?
Because I was at a hotel.
I was out of town.
Was at a hotel the other day.
And none of the housekeepers knew what I was talking about when I said a washcloth.
Really? Not even in Spanish.
Because I, my Spanish is kind of like really shaky.
(32:20):
But I have in my phone, you know, translator, not even in Spanish.
Like I had to show her one of the ones that I had already had.
So I don't know.
But Anonymous, it says here that you're 41.
So I'm assuming your boyfriend's around the same age.
Like he should really know how to clean by now.
(32:40):
Like I don't know.
I just had, I had to go in because it's just like, how would you not cleaning and pulling
Toni take it away?
Yeah, no.
So you hit the nail on the head.
That was actually the first thing that came to my head as well.
Like based on her age, I'm going to assume that her boyfriend is anywhere from she's
41, anywhere from, I don't know, 35 to 45.
(33:02):
But at any rate, he's old enough to know.
So this is again, where we have to have tough conversations and you know, the weather, we're
in the summer.
So this conversation needs to be had sooner rather than later.
Now, out of respect, men will typically know that they should handle their business before
they're trying to get busy, right?
So people know when they aren't fresh.
(33:26):
And that's from either you can smell yourself or you know when the last time it is that
you bathed.
So I just, this one kind of threw me off because that's a big deal.
You know, for me personally, I have an extremely strong sense of smell.
So I just can't imagine, you know, being with someone who especially intimately and their
(33:50):
penis had an odor to it.
So here's what I'm going to recommend.
And you know, like I said, I have a couple of products for the questions that are warranted.
You can do one or two things.
Flat out tell him because your comfort should come first, right?
(34:10):
And your happiness comes first.
And comfort and happiness goes hand in hand when it comes to a relationship and someone's
cleanliness.
So sometimes people need to hear the harsh truth, especially a grown man.
You can ease into it.
So again, you can either have it flat out or you can ease into it.
You can kind of do it in a way where you're upgrading his wellness routine or his hygiene.
(34:34):
The first thing I will recommend is our Balance Bar.
So the Balance Bar, and I use this personally, I love this.
You can use it for your intimate areas or you can use this all over your body.
This was actually created by one of our Bedroom Kandi consultants who is a chemist by day
and she's a consultant by night.
So I love this.
(34:55):
This is probably by this in bulk.
So this again, it's the Balance Bar.
All of our bath and body products are vegan friendly, but this has essential oils to moisturize
and sooth dryness.
So you don't have to worry about any harsh ingredients or chemicals.
But the most important thing that I want to mention that this provides both antifungal
(35:17):
and antibacterial properties that help prevent odor and bacteria.
It also balances out the pH as well.
So there's no smell to it.
There's nothing crazy to it.
It's simply a body bar.
So this is how it looks.
I swear by this, I really love it.
So you can start off with kind of upgrading his hygiene if you don't want to.
(35:43):
Sometimes people kind of take hints or cues when you do things.
If you don't feel comfortable having a flat out conversation, which in my opinion, I think
you should just because of the age range.
And at this point, as they say at his big age, he should know better.
So I would recommend either that or you can ease it into the conversation by giving him
(36:08):
a Balance Bar.
Also we have a product called Sugah Daddy.
So Sugah Daddy is an intimate elixir.
So this is something that is pH balanced.
It's also it has antifungal and antimicrobial properties.
It prevents yeast and bacteria topically.
(36:30):
So that's important as well.
His odor can stem from a couple of things.
It could be just from poor hygiene or it could be from health reasons or it could be from
some of the ingredients that he's using to wash his intimate areas.
Some people will wash with anything.
Irish Spring, dish detergent, whatever it is that they have.
(36:51):
So I recommend that you don't do that.
You could create your own little gift bag for your man and give it to him and encourage
the hygiene.
Like say to him, hey, you know, I really want to try this out.
I really want to use this toy on you.
I think it would blow your mind and blow some other things.
And you know, you put this together, you know, and then you can tell him, hey, but I need
(37:15):
you to use this soap.
I need you to use this, this Sugah Daddy elixir and use that and convince him to do these
things so that in the end result of him doing what he needs to be doing anyway, he gets
a reward.
Some people need positive reinforcement.
They just do.
And the most important thing that I forgot to mention about Sugah Daddy is it smells
(37:38):
citrusy.
It smells so good.
We have a sister product.
So even though this says BK for men, this is unisex.
We have another product like the sister version to it is called Haute Cakes, H-A-U-T-E, cakes.
And that one smells like cake, but these are vegan ingredients.
(37:59):
With hotcakes, the ingredients come together to just so happen to smell like cake.
So who wouldn't want their intimate areas smelling good?
So that's another thing.
Just the fact that if he wore this and he smelled citrusy or he smelled good, that would
kind of draw you to him more.
So that's another thing.
Even if you wanted to start off with them with this one, have him put it on and then
(38:22):
just explain how good he smells.
I definitely would start off with the soap as well, the Balance Bar as well.
So he can clean himself first and then use this.
But between the two of them, there's no odor, no bacteria kind of, you know, it gets rid
of the fungus and then, you know, you're finishing it off with a good smell.
(38:44):
And then, you know, just the way this works, it has a dropper to it.
Important to note, this has coconut oil in it.
So coconut oil solidifies at 76 degrees.
So if it's cooler than 76 degrees, it gets solidified a little bit.
What I do is just run it under water for a couple of minutes or like, I don't know if
(39:07):
you can really see right now how the dropper kind of has coconut oil around it.
If you just put it on your hand and just let it touch it, it melts.
And you only need about three to four drops, four or five drops, whatever.
But it melts as it touches your warm skin and it smells really, really good.
(39:28):
So that is something that I would recommend as well.
Yes.
Yeah.
So our next question comes from Haneef from Uptown.
Now here's my question, Haneef.
Is that Uptown like Harlem or Uptown like West Oak Lane in Philly?
Anyway, Haneef says...
Oh, that's a good question.
(39:48):
Right.
I think, you know, it's funny because I assumed Uptown is in Harlem, right?
Right.
But I was thinking to myself, I've only met or knew of guys named Haneef in New Jersey.
And I was like, maybe, maybe Philly.
So that's so funny that you say that.
So I just assumed because I didn't know there was an Uptown in Philly.
(40:10):
Yeah, they West Oak Lane, Germantown some parts, sometimes they say Germantown, usually
Mt. Airy is considered Uptown.
Shout out to Uptown.
But anyway, Haneef says, I'm 43 years old, a C level executive, six foot four, and I
work out six times a week.
I'm conventionally handsome, but I've never been intimate with a woman.
(40:32):
Back in college, I came close, but the girl had weird breath and it turned me off.
Women literally throw themselves at me and I date them, but all...
I date them and all, but we never go further than that.
I find myself to be very attracted to women, but the thought of being intimate just turns
me off.
I have told my friends, but they tell me I might be homosexual.
(40:55):
I'm not homosexual because I've never been attracted to or intimate with a brotha.
My therapist is telling me I might be asexual.
I don't think that I'm that because I do masturbate.
The problem is, it's this one woman at work and I like her so much.
I can honestly see marrying this lady.
(41:16):
She's 37 and divorced with no kids.
She looks like she could be related to Ryan Destiny.
Oh wow, she's a baddie. Right?
We've already been...
We've already been on four or five dates and now I can tell she's wanting to close the
deal.
How can I get over my anxiety when it comes to being intimate?
You know what, Toni?
I'm glad he mentioned the obvious because I heard yall in my ear while I was reading.
(41:41):
I heard yall ask...
I heard yall also asking for his @ and I'm not giving out this man's info!
You asked and we delivered! Clinical Certified Sexuality Coach, Toni Drumwright-Antoine is back on The Cris David Show to answer all of your sex related questions.
(00:02):
Sex is, part mind, but part body. So we’re obviously using our body for sex, but it’s all in your mind
Because you can have every intention of going home and putting it down on your partner, right?
But if somebody cuts you off in traffic, or you had a bad day, you just can’t get your mind right, you know, you’ve got bills due or anything like that, your body isn’t going to work with you.
(00:37):
Welcome to The Cris David Show where we get more views than the news.
(01:03):
If this is your first time here, welcome.
I'm your host, Cris David.
If you've been here before, welcome back.
You family, help yourself and don't leave the fridge open.
Our next guest is no stranger to The Cris David Show.
Let's welcome back, clinical certified sexuality coach,
Mrs. Toni Drumwright-Antoine.
(01:25):
Hello. Hi everybody!
Welcome back, Toni.
Thank you.
Thank you for coming on again.
Before we jump into everything,
I want you to let everyone know
your credentials and how they can get in touch with you.
Hello everyone. For those who saw the last video that I was on, welcome back.
Again, I'm Toni Drumwright-Antoine,
(01:47):
I'm Certified Sexuality Coach and also
an intimate luxury consultant with Bedroom Kandi.
As Cris mentioned, I was here the last time today,
we're going to do some Q&A,
but you can reach me a couple of ways on Instagram,
bedroomkandi_bytoni
I have my website, thekittychronicles.co.
(02:11):
If you just want to get straight to the good stuff and order products
from Bedroom Kandi or book a party,
you can go directly to that link,
bkparties.com/6109.
Bkparties.com, B as in bedroom, K as in Kandi.
We're going to put that up on the screen for everyone watching and for everyone listening.
(02:31):
The website is thekittychronicles.co,
C as in coconut, O as in oil,
and bedroomkandi_bytoni on IG.
That's Kandi with a K and an I,
Toni with an I,
and be sure that you have an underscore in between Kandi and by,
or else you will be on the wrong page.
(02:52):
I don't know who that lady's page is,
but it's not this lady right here.
If you're ready, Toni,
I'll go ahead and read the first question.
Dear sex coach, my name is Courtney.
I'm 30 years old and I've been with my partner for the past seven years.
We are hoping to bring some fun into our bedroom,
(03:12):
but every time I bring up a suggestion,
it gets shot down.
What should I do?
I would start off with suggesting things in his favor.
It takes away the intimidation factor.
Some men think that when you want to introduce toys or just other things into the bedroom,
(03:33):
it's always going to involve something with a shaft.
You can have intimate play or experiment without things that are going to go inside of the vagina,
so take away that intimidation factor.
When I say things that are going to be in his favor,
and I'm going to show a couple of products for
(03:54):
certain questions that might warrant it.
The first thing that I would suggest,
because this will work in his favor,
we have a product called Pamper Him.
Pamper Him is a component of our Helping Hand male masturbation sleeve,
and our Delicious Encounters lubricant.
The Delicious Encounters lubricant,
and we're going to go into detail about lubricants a little bit later.
(04:15):
But Delicious Encounters is a flavored lubricant.
The component, the set comes with a strawberry pomegranate.
The lube does not come with any sugar,
so it is very safe.
It is a water-based lube,
but I'm going to go ahead and show that to you,
and how you can incorporate that into your sex life without being intimidating for him,
(04:39):
but it's also going to work in his favor.
I like to show this at my parties.
I say this is for one of those not tonight I have a headache nights.
If you want to bring somebody else into the bedroom without
really bringing somebody else into the bedroom, you can use this.
Or if you are maybe out of town or just not near your partner,
he can use this on his own.
The way this works, and I'm going to take this lube here,
(05:02):
you have to use lube.
You've got to use lube.
I'm going to go ahead and lube this up,
and hopefully you can see that.
Once it's lubed, you're going to slide this onto the penis,
and you're going to give him the best hand job he's ever had.
You're going up and down the shaft.
(05:22):
Now, this isn't his favor, but you're both using it.
Remember when I said it's like bringing somebody else into the bedroom
without really bringing somebody else in?
That's because you're going to go halfway down and you give him head on the tip.
Again, we have a flavored lube that you're going to use.
It's strawberry pomegranate. It's water-based.
(05:43):
This is something that you can bring into the bedroom,
and you can start off with this.
This is very, there is no intimidation factor with this.
He's being pleasured.
He's getting the benefits of it.
This is in his favor.
Once you're ready, if this is the only thing that you're going to do
and you're not going to result in intercourse,
or if he's ready to cum right now,
(06:04):
you can pull up and this is going to swallow for you.
That's something that I would start off with.
To clean that, you're just going to flip it inside out.
You can clean it with soap and water.
As a PS, that's the only thing I would recommend cleaning with soap and water.
Otherwise, I would recommend a toy cleaner.
(06:26):
If he's definitely open to doing that and trying it,
I would definitely recommend that.
Also, you can ask him what's considered sexy or what he would like to try.
Sometimes men have an idea in their head already of what it is that they want to do,
(06:46):
but another thing that I would recommend is a couples toy.
We have a toy called Groove.
Now, Groove, and this is really good and it's really fun.
This is something where it can actually heighten your intimacy factor,
especially if you're using this in public.
I know you're like in public.
Groove is a remote control toy.
(07:08):
It does come with a panty,
one size fits all, but you can use this in your own panty as well.
This is the remote control.
You're going to give this to your partner and this will go in the panty.
This remote works 30 feet away from your partner.
You can be upstairs, downstairs.
You're could be at the restaurant on each side of the table.
(07:30):
You can be out, you can be in the club.
The reason this is called Groove is because there is a function that vibrates to music.
You can be anywhere at a party.
It doesn't even matter,
but it's that intimacy because it's the two of you knowing that you have this toy inside.
Your partner, he has control of this.
(07:53):
Just the way it works is you're going to go ahead and turn both power buttons on just to sync them.
There is one button where you're just constantly pressing.
He can just press and press and press.
Then the second button has different vibrating patterns.
Then the third one, which is why it's called Groove,
(08:14):
is the function that is going to vibrate to the bass of music.
But as a bonus, I always tell people at my parties,
it's three and a half and a half is because it also vibrates to the bass of your partner's voice.
He can vibrate into this and it's going to give you,
I mean, he can talk into this and it's going to give you those vibrations.
(08:35):
This is something that I would definitely recommend either Groove or Pamper Him.
Again, Pamper Him is going to work in his favor.
I don't think there's a man that's going to turn away something that is going to give him pleasure,
but then you can also introduce this.
This is not.
(08:55):
This isn't intimidating.
This is actually fun.
Especially if you two know,
you're the only ones in the room that know that you have this in.
You can't go wrong with this.
Again, your partner can use this 30 feet away.
However, we do have another one that does not come with the remote.
It does come with an app.
(09:17):
As long as you two both can download the app on your phone,
you can be in Brooklyn and your partner can be in Timbuktu.
As long as you can both turn on your phones and use the app,
you can use it that way as well.
I've sold this, the other one to a lot of customers who their partners were truck drivers.
(09:40):
I don't know what the, so many people have purchased this and their partner was a truck driver.
But I would recommend something like this or Pamper Him if you are
trying to introduce new things into your bedroom and your partner is a little apprehensive.
Toni, what is the toy called that runs on the app?
It's called Blue Motion Krush.
(10:03):
Now, heads up though, there is probably 5% of our products that are not on the website.
So you would have to reach out to me directly simply because it's moved by a third party.
So that is one of those toys.
If you would have a reach out to me and say I want the toy that works on the app,
I would know what you were talking about.
Well, you could say something like the toy that's like Groove, but you use the app.
(10:27):
Right. And Toni gets it.
Like she knows her toys.
Like you don't have to do a long thing like this next question I'm about to read.
But yeah, Toni will know and she'll understand.
You know what?
Oh, go ahead.
One last thing.
There was another toy that I wanted to talk about.
Yeah, sure.
And it's called Get In Touch.
(10:47):
Get In Touch is a lot less intimidating.
Again, we're trying to take away that intimidation factor and get your partner to be more,
you know, just just want to participate, even though, you know, a lot of people say they want
to bring extra things into the bedroom.
So this is one of my favorites.
It's tiny but mighty.
So again, it's called Get In Touch.
(11:08):
And you can use this for your beginners play, solo play or couples play.
So if you're using this as a couple, your partner would put this on their finger
and then just put it on to the clitoris.
This has about 20 speeds off the top of my head.
I think 20.
And again, it's tiny but powerful.
(11:28):
So this is another thing that I would recommend.
Get In Touch.
Get In Touch.
Now, for them to get in touch, do you want them to go to the bkparties.com/6109
or would you rather them, you know, do the email?
Well, if you know what you want to purchase, you can go directly to the website.
(11:50):
It's my website.
So I would know and all ordering is confidential.
So I would know who placed the order or what.
Sometimes you can create a profile.
Even if you create a profile, I have no idea what it is you ordered.
But you can certainly go directly to the website to place an order.
If you need if you have extra questions, feel free to get in touch with me as well.
(12:12):
I believe if you go to bkparties.com/6109, there is contact, you know, something that you can
contact me.
Otherwise, you can also go to thekittychronicles.co and go to the contact me page.
Yes.
And all of that for you all watching the video is up in the video.
So, yeah, don't don't worry about that.
(12:33):
I have a question, though, really quickly before I go to this next question.
That's like a wall of text
this young lady sent. Toy cleaners, which toy cleaners do you recommend?
Yes, we do sell a toy cleaner is called Sparkle & Shine.
And I actually would not recommend soap and water.
The Pamper Him the male masturbation sleeve.
(12:57):
You can use soap and water with that.
However, any one of our other toys, I would recommend a toy cleaner.
And when I'm at my parties, the way I kind of describe it, I watch a lot of crime TV
and you know how the killer comes in with a knife and then they clean up with soap and
water, right? And then the cops come in and shine that blue light and you see all the
(13:18):
splatter.
So that's the same concept of when you're just using soap and water to run it under
your toys.
You're not really cleaning your toys.
A lot of toys are porous, which means your body stuff gets down into the pores of your
toys and it's not properly cleaning.
So toy cleaners are designed to not only preserve the integrity of your toys, but it's designed
(13:41):
to properly clean your toys.
So I do highly recommend one.
We do sell the toy cleaner is called Sparkle & Shine.
Even if you don't purchase a toy cleaner for me, it's so important.
Like I'm so passionate about toy cleaner.
Just make sure you do have one.
So everyone should have a toy cleaner in their arsenal.
Absolutely.
(14:02):
And I hope you all heard what Toni said about toys being porous and porous means that anything
can get into that toy.
And if you're going to share toys or, you know, because some people share toys, just
make sure that you, I don't even recommend sharing toys, honestly.
And I'm not even the sex expert.
If you’re going to share a toy, you need to be putting a condom on it or doing something.
(14:25):
But I mean, if, if, if, if by chance you do want to share a toy, you need to get a toy
cleaner and thoroughly clean that toy out.
This next question comes from Star.
Okay.
And it reads, Dear Miss Toni, my name is Star.
Wait a minute.
Star who?
Star Jones?
I'm kidding.
Let me stop.
Let me stop.
(14:45):
Let me stop.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Yall.
Okay.
Star says my long-term boyfriend just came home from Coxsackie after three years.
Listen, I, I may need to break out the spectacles for this one.
I was so excited to see him that we fooled around right there in the car after I drove
outside the gates.
of course, tell me why when I unzipped his pants and pulled it out, he had these
(15:11):
big lumps on the shaft of his penis.
I said, I hope you don't have some STD and expect me to be sucking on that.
He laughed and said, no, it's called the speed bump and all the guys get it when they go
in.
He said, it's supposed to stimulate the clitoris and give me more pleasure in the heat of the
moment.
Now my man is big, so I'm already satisfied with his performance, but I said, what the
(15:36):
hell he's my man and I love him and we're getting married soon.
So I might as well get used to it.
At first, our sex life was amazing.
He was hitting things that I did not know he could, but then those things started hurting
me.
And like I said, he's big.
So I really didn't need any extra help.
Miss Toni, how can I tell him that I want him to get those speed bumps taken out without
(16:00):
sounding mean or as if I don't want sex with him?
Please help! Love, Star.
Now, first of all, Toni Star sounds like a sweetheart.
Like I love how she wrote Love, Star at the end.
I know. I was gonna say the same thing!
Like she's writing a letter to her grandma or something.
But you know what, Toni, you know, it's so funny about this.
Remember Doris, you remember Doris, right?
(16:21):
Doris used to call the pizza place and say, “I love you” whenever she ordered the pizza.
Just nuts.
But anyway, anyway, Toni, what's your advice for Star?
Yeah, so I agree.
I love how she closed out with “Love, Star”.
So I had to like really go deep and, you know, try to get as much information.
(16:41):
So I'm going to try to read some of my notes that I have as well.
So for clarification, speed bumps or pearling, it's also referred to as pearling, like pearl
necklace are subcutaneous penile genital beads.
Okay.
So speed bumps and that's for anyone who’s listening and wasn't quite sure, you know,
(17:02):
what we're referring to as, you know, for speed bumps.
So Star, just to give you a little bit more clarity, they originated in Asian culture
and then they moved to Western and then Eastern Europe and then Russia and Australia.
So they, you know, even though it's like not something that's completely common here in
(17:26):
the United States, it is common in other countries.
So it started, you know, over in those countries and men were, you know, there was an increase
in men getting them.
So the purpose varies.
It could be anywhere from sexual pleasure to gang initiation.
So there’s a variable of reasons why men get them.
I think the important thing to note is that it creates a high risk of infection.
(17:51):
And you know, that can be from a number of things.
So in this case, her fiancé, her boyfriend, her long-term boyfriend got them while he
was at Coxsackie, which is prison.
Upstate, yeah, upstate New York.
And so, you know, you have to think about a couple of things as far, and you know, especially
(18:12):
when it comes to the risk of infection, like who inserted them, you know? And I was doing
a little bit more research and the site that I was on, I was reading up and a lot of men
learned and did it themselves, you know.
So it doesn't necessarily mean, you know, someone else did it, but either way, like,
you know, that's a big deal, right?
Because it could not have been done in a sterile environment.
(18:35):
You know, what materials were used, you know, just a number of things that you think about
when it comes to that.
Also increased rates of STDs, or sexually transmitted infections, actually, among sexual
partners as the implants can cause trauma, you know, trauma to the receiver.
So that would be you, Star.
(18:57):
And then it also increases the risk of condom leakage during intercourse because of them.
Sidebar, just in my research, there was one man who has 68 in his penis.
So he started out, he inserted eight, and then over time, he just kept doing increments
(19:17):
of 10.
And I just, I was just like, wow.
So but I think, you know, the more important thing, or, you know, to answer your question,
sometimes we have to have tough conversations, right?
So in this case, you know, you can ease into the conversation.
I recommend that you do have a serious conversation simply because of your comfort.
(19:43):
So I think at the end, and let me just see with my notes, you know, you can start off
by letting him know that, you know, they have been feeling uncomfortable.
So also, you know, I was reading up into my research, it mentioned that with speed bumps,
you have to be really aroused.
And sometimes when we have intercourse, I mean, we want it, we are aroused, but we're
not extremely aroused.
You know what I mean?
(20:04):
And so, you know, like you mentioned, it was great in the beginning, but over time, it
started to become uncomfortable.
In your comfort, like, you know, you have to take that in consideration, your comfort
is very important.
And then you also mentioned that he's a long term you two plan on getting married.
So it's a matter of having a conversation with him, letting him know that you have been
(20:24):
feeling uncomfortable lately, they have been irritating your vagina.
And just, you know, in doing research, again, the pain for some can last three to four days.
And I don't know if you know, in some people, the pain can last longer, but three to four
days of an irritated vagina, let me tell you something, when my vagina ain't right, ain't
(20:45):
nothing right.
You know, so I can't imagine, you know, just the pain and irritation that you're having
or just the discomfort that you're having for three to four days.
So it definitely warrants a conversation and letting you know that sometimes you're not
going to be super aroused.
So it's not something that's tangible for like every single, you know, session of intercourse
(21:08):
that you have.
Hopefully, he does listen and takes that into account.
You know, that the fact that you're walking around, ask him if he plans on keeping them
in permanently, you know, what's the end goal, because it's a big deal.
And hopefully the question can kind of guide you all into, you know, more of a deeper conversation.
(21:30):
One thing that I thought about in answering this question is, you know, if he's a long
term boyfriend and you all did, you know, have plans of getting married, it's a shock,
you know, for your partner to come out and then suddenly he has those that never have
a conversation with you.
So I think in itself, that's a big deal.
Just, you know, getting him and not letting you know.
(21:51):
He has to understand that you wouldn't have received them well.
So when he got him in, there's literally a 50% chance how it will go.
You would either like them or you wouldn't like them.
And in your case, you said you did like them in the beginning, but now it's starting to
hurt and irritate.
So at the bottom line, it's going to warrant a conversation.
And again, you know, we have to have tough conversations sometimes, but if you don't
(22:13):
have it, you're going to constantly walk around and be in pain and you're going to open up
yourself to sexually transmitted infections.
And I don't know if you all are using condoms right now, if you're planning to have kids
or, you know, what the condom situation is, but like I said, they can cause breakage in
condoms, which is a big deal, especially if you're using them with the intention of not
(22:37):
getting pregnant.
So that's something that you really have to take into consideration and, you know, bring
it to his consideration as well.
But at the end of it all, you have to have that conversation with him.
And you know what, Toni is the clinical certified sexuality coach.
I'm just going to give you some advice, Star, just as a man of a certain age.
(23:01):
I really hope that when he left prison, they tested him for all STDs.
I don't know, Toni, if they still do that.
I suggest that the both of you go and you get tested for STDs and just to make sure
that he didn't bring you home anything other than those pearling, you know, speed bumps.
(23:24):
So yeah, that's what I would say to you, Star, and good luck with everything.
And when you decide you're going to get married, make sure you send us an invitation because
I will be there eating cake.
I've been doing the keto, I've been doing good, but I love me some cake.
All right.
(23:45):
His next question is very, very like, one note it’s very simple, Toni.
Anonymous writes, I think my husband is gay.
Please advise.
You know what?
Anonymous, you're deadpan as hell.
Like I mean, Toni, Anonymous reminds me of this lady I saw the other day on House Hunters,
like Toni, no lie.
(24:05):
She was like granite countertops.
Love those. Dark hardwood floors.
Don't like that.
Like literally.
That's how she sounded with every like just so deadpan anyway.
Anonymous, I think you're trolling, but it's not about what I think.
And besides, let me be kind because you could really just write like this and Toni, listen,
(24:28):
take it away before I cancel myself.
Like I mean, she's just so deadpan.
Like this is the sex talk.
It's not a mortgage.
Like I mean, listen, maybe this is the excitement that she needs.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let me stop.
Before these people don't want to write in no more, Toni.
Listen, let me let you take it away.
I'm going to let you take it away.
Well, there's not a whole lot of detail for me to get solid advice.
(24:51):
So I kind of had to make a couple of assumptions without really trying to assume this person's
life because I was wondering about a couple of things.
You know, what makes you think your partner is gay?
So I think it would have been a little more comfortable.
It would have been a little bit better if you would have included at least that detail.
(25:11):
Why do you think your partner is gay?
Do not show you enough attention.
Is he feminine?
Because not every man is going to walk around with a testosterone and a deep voice.
With a testosterone necklace around their necks.
Right.
And some men are just feminine, Toni.
(25:32):
Some men are feminine.
They're cisgendered, they’re heterosexual, but they just have feminine ways.
They have feminine mannerisms.
So in this case, you have a couple of choices.
Number one, communicate and ask him.
When you ask him, be sure for any reaction because this is coming out of left field,
especially if he's not gay.
Right?
If he isn't, you've completely thrown him off.
(25:55):
Right.
So you have to just be sure when you ask him that, give him at least a couple of reasons.
Don't let that be just one reason why you're walking around thinking he's gay.
You know, he has a soft voice or something like that.
So have a valid reason and be able to have a full conversation as to why you are assuming
or why you think he's gay.
(26:17):
Now, if he is, decide how you want to handle it.
You know, because I think you're doing a disservice by not having the conversation
right now.
You're doing a disservice because life is short.
Right.
Everybody's time is precious.
The longer you wait to have a conversation and ask him, the more you're wasting your
(26:38):
time.
You know, you two both can be having your best lives with other people or in other situations.
So release him if he is.
Right?
So the conversation should be had probably sooner rather than later.
I just think tomorrow isn't guaranteed.
Unfortunately, there's not like a lot that I can say just because I don't know why you're
(27:00):
thinking that.
Just have the conversation.
You're never going to be happy because in the back of your head, if you don't have it,
you're always going to think he's gay.
And then that can lead to just a whole bunch of other things.
So you know, you're never going to feel fully comfortable if you don't just come out and
ask him.
(27:21):
But just, you know, give him grace, you know, regardless of what the response is, because
if he is, then he is.
And you have to decide, you know, how you're going to navigate that world.
Are you two going to coexist because of whatever reason?
You know, sometimes people stay together in the same household because of finances or
(27:42):
just, you know, a plethora of other things.
But just decide how you want to navigate that if he is.
And then if he isn't, you'll have to figure out a way to kind of make him feel comfortable
and just kind of I don't want to say bring that trust back because it's not like it's
going to make him not trust you, but just be prepared on how you're going to navigate
(28:04):
his reaction.
Here's what I'll add to that, Anonymous.
Write us back and we need to know how long you've been married.
We also need to know what makes you think that your husband, you know, is homosexual.
(28:26):
And also we want a game plan.
Like we want to know what you want to do, like as far as if he is, like how you want
to move forward.
Because just writing in, and I'm so sorry, like Toni, she's just so deadpan, like it
just really bugged me.
But just writing in like that doesn't really give us much.
Like I mean, Toni is the expert.
(28:48):
She's good at what she does, but you need to give a little bit more, just a little bit
more so we can really help you because I feel for you.
You know, and I do honestly want to help you.
So write us back and we'll do another show like this.
Probably, well, not probably, definitely next season because this season is coming to a
close soon.
(29:09):
Oh, stop.
We'll be back.
But, you know, definitely write us back and let us know, you know, what you want to do.
And even if you, even if you write, I know Cris said we'll be doing this again next
season.
I know for me personally, if I have something on my mind and I need a response, I can't wait,
(29:31):
I don't know how you waited this long and you're still in the house walking around thinking
this.
Like I need to address things upfront.
I can say in my head, I'm going to leave it alone.
I'm not going to, but that lasts like probably 48 hours.
And then I'm ready to go in and, you know, find out the results or ask the question or
something.
(29:52):
So, um, feel free to reach out, you know, sooner rather than later, even if, you know,
we need to get a response to you right away, but then we can also address it as Cris said
on the next episode.
You know what I'll do too?
I'm glad that you mentioned that Toni and I rarely even do this.
I don't do this at all.
(30:13):
I'll do a Live.
And me and Toni will go on Live together because I hate Lives.
Lives are messy to me.
They're extremely messy, Toni.
Like I don't like it, it's too much to deal with.
But what we'll do is we'll do a Live or even, we may even just do a video and I'll just
do a Short like on YouTube or something like that.
(30:33):
And we'll answer this question.
Yeah, we can do a Short.
Yeah.
Write us, write us back and let us know.
And I mean, you know, worst comes to worst.
We'll still, we'll do it next season.
But yeah, I don't know how a person could walk around with that on their spirit for
so long.
I mean, I'm sure, you know, there are women who've been doing it for many, many years
(30:55):
and they just never said anything.
And I'm wondering too, if this is a case, you know what also Anonymous, just tell us
where, you know, your age, just for demographic purposes.
You don't have to tell us anything else.
I just want to know how old you are.
But yeah, we have another anonymous question and okay.
All right.
(31:16):
The last Anonymous, you know, I apologize for going in on you for being deadpan, but
like this Anonymous, I'm about to really go in on you.
Like I'm going to go on you for real.
So this Anonymous wants to know how she can tell her boyfriend about his odor on his
penis.
And before Toni answers that, I'm going to tell you what you need to do.
(31:37):
Tell him to wash.
Tell him to wash it, pull it back and clean it.
Because I'm assuming he's uncircumcised.
I'm just assuming.
And don't be using that stuff that that lady, you know, that lady comes on TV late at night
talking about, um, rub it on you, just your wherever, you know, rub it on this part, part
that stinks.
Don't use that.
He needs to use a separate rag for his genitals.
(31:59):
And you'd be surprised Toni, how many people don't even do that.
Or how many people don't use washcloths at all?
Because I was at a hotel.
I was out of town.
Was at a hotel the other day.
And none of the housekeepers knew what I was talking about when I said a washcloth.
Really? Not even in Spanish.
Because I, my Spanish is kind of like really shaky.
(32:20):
But I have in my phone, you know, translator, not even in Spanish.
Like I had to show her one of the ones that I had already had.
So I don't know.
But Anonymous, it says here that you're 41.
So I'm assuming your boyfriend's around the same age.
Like he should really know how to clean by now.
(32:40):
Like I don't know.
I just had, I had to go in because it's just like, how would you not cleaning and pulling
Toni take it away?
Yeah, no.
So you hit the nail on the head.
That was actually the first thing that came to my head as well.
Like based on her age, I'm going to assume that her boyfriend is anywhere from she's
41, anywhere from, I don't know, 35 to 45.
(33:02):
But at any rate, he's old enough to know.
So this is again, where we have to have tough conversations and you know, the weather, we're
in the summer.
So this conversation needs to be had sooner rather than later.
Now, out of respect, men will typically know that they should handle their business before
they're trying to get busy, right?
So people know when they aren't fresh.
(33:26):
And that's from either you can smell yourself or you know when the last time it is that
you bathed.
So I just, this one kind of threw me off because that's a big deal.
You know, for me personally, I have an extremely strong sense of smell.
So I just can't imagine, you know, being with someone who especially intimately and their
(33:50):
penis had an odor to it.
So here's what I'm going to recommend.
And you know, like I said, I have a couple of products for the questions that are warranted.
You can do one or two things.
Flat out tell him because your comfort should come first, right?
(34:10):
And your happiness comes first.
And comfort and happiness goes hand in hand when it comes to a relationship and someone's
cleanliness.
So sometimes people need to hear the harsh truth, especially a grown man.
You can ease into it.
So again, you can either have it flat out or you can ease into it.
You can kind of do it in a way where you're upgrading his wellness routine or his hygiene.
(34:34):
The first thing I will recommend is our Balance Bar.
So the Balance Bar, and I use this personally, I love this.
You can use it for your intimate areas or you can use this all over your body.
This was actually created by one of our Bedroom Kandi consultants who is a chemist by day
and she's a consultant by night.
So I love this.
(34:55):
This is probably by this in bulk.
So this again, it's the Balance Bar.
All of our bath and body products are vegan friendly, but this has essential oils to moisturize
and sooth dryness.
So you don't have to worry about any harsh ingredients or chemicals.
But the most important thing that I want to mention that this provides both antifungal
(35:17):
and antibacterial properties that help prevent odor and bacteria.
It also balances out the pH as well.
So there's no smell to it.
There's nothing crazy to it.
It's simply a body bar.
So this is how it looks.
I swear by this, I really love it.
So you can start off with kind of upgrading his hygiene if you don't want to.
(35:43):
Sometimes people kind of take hints or cues when you do things.
If you don't feel comfortable having a flat out conversation, which in my opinion, I think
you should just because of the age range.
And at this point, as they say at his big age, he should know better.
So I would recommend either that or you can ease it into the conversation by giving him
(36:08):
a Balance Bar.
Also we have a product called Sugah Daddy.
So Sugah Daddy is an intimate elixir.
So this is something that is pH balanced.
It's also it has antifungal and antimicrobial properties.
It prevents yeast and bacteria topically.
(36:30):
So that's important as well.
His odor can stem from a couple of things.
It could be just from poor hygiene or it could be from health reasons or it could be from
some of the ingredients that he's using to wash his intimate areas.
Some people will wash with anything.
Irish Spring, dish detergent, whatever it is that they have.
(36:51):
So I recommend that you don't do that.
You could create your own little gift bag for your man and give it to him and encourage
the hygiene.
Like say to him, hey, you know, I really want to try this out.
I really want to use this toy on you.
I think it would blow your mind and blow some other things.
And you know, you put this together, you know, and then you can tell him, hey, but I need
(37:15):
you to use this soap.
I need you to use this, this Sugah Daddy elixir and use that and convince him to do these
things so that in the end result of him doing what he needs to be doing anyway, he gets
a reward.
Some people need positive reinforcement.
They just do.
And the most important thing that I forgot to mention about Sugah Daddy is it smells
(37:38):
citrusy.
It smells so good.
We have a sister product.
So even though this says BK for men, this is unisex.
We have another product like the sister version to it is called Haute Cakes, H-A-U-T-E, cakes.
And that one smells like cake, but these are vegan ingredients.
(37:59):
With hotcakes, the ingredients come together to just so happen to smell like cake.
So who wouldn't want their intimate areas smelling good?
So that's another thing.
Just the fact that if he wore this and he smelled citrusy or he smelled good, that would
kind of draw you to him more.
So that's another thing.
Even if you wanted to start off with them with this one, have him put it on and then
(38:22):
just explain how good he smells.
I definitely would start off with the soap as well, the Balance Bar as well.
So he can clean himself first and then use this.
But between the two of them, there's no odor, no bacteria kind of, you know, it gets rid
of the fungus and then, you know, you're finishing it off with a good smell.
(38:44):
And then, you know, just the way this works, it has a dropper to it.
Important to note, this has coconut oil in it.
So coconut oil solidifies at 76 degrees.
So if it's cooler than 76 degrees, it gets solidified a little bit.
What I do is just run it under water for a couple of minutes or like, I don't know if
(39:07):
you can really see right now how the dropper kind of has coconut oil around it.
If you just put it on your hand and just let it touch it, it melts.
And you only need about three to four drops, four or five drops, whatever.
But it melts as it touches your warm skin and it smells really, really good.
(39:28):
So that is something that I would recommend as well.
Yes.
Yeah.
So our next question comes from Haneef from Uptown.
Now here's my question, Haneef.
Is that Uptown like Harlem or Uptown like West Oak Lane in Philly?
Anyway, Haneef says...
Oh, that's a good question.
(39:48):
Right.
I think, you know, it's funny because I assumed Uptown is in Harlem, right?
Right.
But I was thinking to myself, I've only met or knew of guys named Haneef in New Jersey.
And I was like, maybe, maybe Philly.
So that's so funny that you say that.
So I just assumed because I didn't know there was an Uptown in Philly.
(40:10):
Yeah, they West Oak Lane, Germantown some parts, sometimes they say Germantown, usually
Mt. Airy is considered Uptown.
Shout out to Uptown.
But anyway, Haneef says, I'm 43 years old, a C level executive, six foot four, and I
work out six times a week.
I'm conventionally handsome, but I've never been intimate with a woman.
(40:32):
Back in college, I came close, but the girl had weird breath and it turned me off.
Women literally throw themselves at me and I date them, but all...
I date them and all, but we never go further than that.
I find myself to be very attracted to women, but the thought of being intimate just turns
me off.
I have told my friends, but they tell me I might be homosexual.
(40:55):
I'm not homosexual because I've never been attracted to or intimate with a brotha.
My therapist is telling me I might be asexual.
I don't think that I'm that because I do masturbate.
The problem is, it's this one woman at work and I like her so much.
I can honestly see marrying this lady.
(41:16):
She's 37 and divorced with no kids.
She looks like she could be related to Ryan Destiny.
Oh wow, she's a baddie. Right?
We've already been...
We've already been on four or five dates and now I can tell she's wanting to close the
deal.
How can I get over my anxiety when it comes to being intimate?
You know what, Toni?
I'm glad he mentioned the obvious because I heard yall in my ear while I was reading.
(41:41):
I heard yall ask...
I heard yall also asking for his @ and I'm not giving out this man's info!
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