July 7, 2023 • 55 mins
You asked and we delivered! Clinical Certified Sexuality Coach, Toni Drumwright-Antoine, is back on The Cris David Show to answer all of your sex-related questions.
This episode is available on YouTube: https://youtu.be/uHrD313AH_0
For more information on Coach Toni:
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Want your question featured on our next #talklikesex Q&A with Coach Toni? Send it to info@thecrisdavidshow.com. Be sure to place “Sex Coach” in the subject line, and include your age, gender, and location. Only include your name if you do not wish to remain anonymous. Your question should be no more than 420 characters. For example, this paragraph is exactly 420 characters, your message shouldn't be longer than this.
Catch our latest #talklikesex Q&A (Fall Edition) with Coach Toni: https://youtu.be/5XjKMwTLKlM
Catch our 1-on-1 with Coach Toni: https://youtu.be/GkdTKjLXgZQ
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Haneef says, I'm 43 years old, a C-level executive, six foot four, and I work out six times a week.
(00:06):
I'm conventionally handsome, but I've never been intimate with a woman.
Back in college, I came close, but the girl had weird breath and it turned me off.
Women literally throw themselves at me and I date them, but all and I date them and all, but
we never go further than that. I find myself to be very attracted to women, but the thought of
(00:27):
being intimate just turned me off. I have told my friends, but they tell me I might be homosexual.
I'm not homosexual because I've never been attracted to or intimate with a brotha.
My therapist is telling me I might be asexual. I don't think that I'm that because I do masturbate.
The problem is that it's this one woman at work and I like her so much. I can honestly see marrying
(00:54):
this lady. She's 37 and divorced with no kids. She looks like she could be related to Ryan
Destiny. Oh wow, she's a baddie. Right? We've already been on four or five dates and now I can tell she's
wanting to close the deal. How can I get over my anxiety when it comes to being intimate?
You know what, Toni? I'm glad he mentioned the obvious because I heard yall in my ear
(01:18):
while I was reading. I heard yall also asking for his @ and I'm not giving out this man's info.
Toni, take it away. For the woman that you're pursuing, you see yourself marrying her.
I think the best way is to start off with communication. You may want to explain
how you feel or just give her an overview of your experience. That way she might be a little bit
(01:44):
more understanding of why you haven't closed the deal yet. Now, I do want to introduce... Now,
you mentioned talking to your therapist about the possibility of you being asexual and you don't
agree. I want to introduce you to another term which is graysexual and I'm going to read from
my notes here. Graysexual and it's spelled G-R-A-Y sexual or G-R-E-Y. You know how we spell the word
(02:10):
gray a couple of ways and it's also referred to as gray-A or gray asexual or gray ace, A-C-E.
It's a term to describe people who identify as asexual but don't fit the main type of asexuality.
So, there's three main types. One is sex-repulsed, someone who is repulsed by or completely
(02:37):
disinterested in the idea of sex. There's sex-neutral, which is someone who isn't repulsed by
sex but also doesn't actively seek it out. These people may still have sex if, for example, they're
in a relationship and want to please their partner. And then there's sex-positive, that's someone who
identifies as asexual meaning they don't feel attraction to others but they still have sex
(03:00):
for pleasure. I would encourage you to address that term with your therapist and maybe you too
can kind of dig a little bit deeper into that term to see if you're more comfortable with identifying
as that because it sounds like you could possibly fall into that category and then the fact that you
have the anxiety of not being with a woman and your age Haneef is 43. So, the fact that you have
(03:26):
gone this far without it is that anxiety is contributing to that. So, I definitely encourage
you to have that conversation with your therapist but in the meantime I'm also wondering if you have
thought about, you know, in the conversation with her, just kind of not making it a challenge but
(03:48):
just giving her or encouraging her to give ways that she can kind of, you know, get you aroused
or kind of ready to close the deal. I'm wondering also if you watch porn and if so do you get aroused
by porn? Because maybe that's something that you too can do together and see if you are aroused
(04:11):
watching porn in her presence. Sexting is another thing, you know, if porn isn't an option or if
that's off the table maybe you too can sext, like send explicit or sexual text messages and see
how you are reacting to those. And then lastly I would recommend phone sex. So, you know, I don't
(04:35):
know if people still have a lot of phone sex but those are a couple of options that you can do.
And just the mere fact that I think it's the anxiety that's like really taken over so you can
kind of think of ways that would help ease your anxiety. I didn't plan on talking about CBD
products, especially with your question. However, we do have a CBD line called Unwind. So if you're
(04:58):
not familiar with CBD and I don't know what your situation is Haneef, if you indulge, meaning in
edibles or weed or other, you know, alcohol, I don't know what your situation is and if you don't
indulge in alcohol I don't necessarily want to encourage you to pick up a trait that might be
against your way of living. However, CBD would be another option. So for those who are not
(05:24):
familiar with CBD, think weed but without the THC. So THC is a component of weed that gets you high.
So again we have a line of CBD products called Unwind. So within Unwind and I have on my desk
here because this is my favorite, this is our body cream or I'm going to say cream not necessarily
(05:44):
body. So this is 100 milligrams of CBD and the way I use this sometimes, you know, especially like
when I do my Bedroom Kandi parties, I've been in the game for 15 years but still every once in a while
I randomly get anxiety. And so we have a smaller version of this that I keep in my purse. It's
(06:05):
identical, it's just a smaller amount of milligrams but sometimes I'll put this on my pulse points,
I'll put it under my nose because the smell of it is very very comforting and soothing. I'll put it
on my temples. So maybe you can use a CBD product that'll help calm and aid in your relaxation.
(06:26):
So CBD helps with a variety of things, pain management, like I said anxiety, calming,
relaxation. We also have a CBD lube. Now I know you haven't closed the deal yet but once you're
ready to close the deal maybe the lube can kind of continue with that relaxation. And then also,
(06:46):
you know, once you get her to your place, so you get to her place and you all are pre-intimate,
you can also think about massage. So we have a CBD candle that lights and melts into a massage oil
and that again has, you know, something that you can use for relaxation. So we have a couple of
(07:07):
things, also a serum. So that may be something that you can think about using as well, just some type
of product that would help calm and ease your anxiety. But definitely, you know, the porn thing,
definitely consider that. If she looks like Ryan Destiny, Haneef, I need you to close the deal.
(07:31):
I mean, you know, I might have to come close that deal, I'm just saying.
Oh, Haneef, I'm excited for you. But definitely, I would visit that term gray sexual with your
therapist because that's something that you possibly fall into that category. And that's
saying that you may never close the deal because I mean, I think it definitely is possible. But
(07:53):
just consider, you know, some of those things and hopefully that will help. Absolutely. And Haneef,
I just want to say this, you know, I really, if your therapist isn't doing this, I think you need
to find one who is looking to shadow work, look into someone who can help you really tap into
(08:15):
that part of yourself to really get out like, why this may be happening for you, you know,
definitely look into that. But I think Toni, I think, you know, if he does what you say,
you know, he'd be on the right track really quickly, though, the Unwind CBD, what is that
scent like the Unwind that you use? So it's lavender. But the thing is, it's not an
(08:39):
overwhelming lavender, because sometimes lavender can be so strong, but it's lavender and mint.
And the lavender is so light, it's just such a calming fragrance to me, I really like it. So a
lot of times I put it here, just especially when I'm in the car, I'll put it here. So as I'm driving,
I'm just smelling it, especially when we were wearing masks. And I was out in the world.
(09:02):
Yes.
I'll put it there. And the fact that I have my mask on, I would say it's really inhaling and sniffing,
but it's a very light lavender and mint smell.
Another thing I'm adding to my list, you know, order from bkparties.com/6109. All right,
this next question comes from, Lord comes from my good sis, my homegirl, who's also named Toni.
(09:27):
So shout out to her. Hey, Toni! @tonin81 on IG. Now she wants to know about these lubricants
that are popping up all over Instagram, they claim they balance your pH. They also provide
like some type of lubrication during sex and masturbation. Tell us about those.
Yes. So I wasn't sure. She said Instagram lubricant. So I wasn't sure she meant lubes
(09:51):
on Instagram that people advertise. Yes. Or on my Instagram. No. Not on my Instagram page.
No not on your Instagram, but on like they pop up. They’re like ads.
Ok. So I've never seen the ads. So therefore I'm not sure. But what I will say is you really,
really have to be careful about a lot of the lubes that you use.
(10:13):
Update on Instagram lubes, Yoni Slime and others. The ingredient “Fructose Cnidii” lacks significant research for proven claims as there is no scientific evidence of its benefits.
Another ingredient, “Radix Angelicae Sinensis”, may cause increased blood pressure and/or affect blood thinners in larger doses. Failure to appropriately clean the applicator after each use may possibly contaminate the product with bacteria.
Consult with a physician before trying any product, and err on the side of caution when purchasing and consuming products found on social media apps.
So lubes of, you know, 10, 15, 20 years ago are not the same as lubes now, depending on the company.
(10:36):
So we still have companies who are in business from those, you know, from back then who sell,and I'm not going to name drop, but not every lube is good.
But I'm going to get into BK lubes I can talk about lube all day baby. So that's what we're going to do. So we have a person that's
dedicated solely to lube. We take our lubes very seriously. And there's a lube for every situation.
So if you want to do water-play, if you want something that mimics your body chemistry,
(10:58):
I might have a whole little situation right here. So we're going to get into it.
Now lube is different, you know, for different people, especially when it comes to how much
lubrication you want, how your body is lubricating. Sometimes, and most of us, most women at some
point will experience some type of lack of lubrication. And that can be from a number
(11:20):
of things. It could be new medication, hormones, stress, you didn't drink enough water today,
you know, your mind isn't right because somebody cuts you off in traffic on the way home.
Just a number of things why we don't get properly lubricated. And so when we don't
lubricate the right way, we're opening up ourselves to micro tears in our vaginal area or the anal area.
(11:45):
And that will in turn introduce bacteria into your body via the vagina or the anus. So we don't want
that, right? So it's very important that we do use lube, even if we feel like we're lubed up a little
bit. Wetter is better. Ok. So I'm going to talk about a couple of lubes that we have.
Of course, the vagina creates lubrication. The anal area does not create lubrication. Of course,
(12:12):
the anal area does have mucous membranes, but that's for exiting and not entering, if you know
what I mean, right? And I think you do. So, you know, when you have those micro tears,
because you're not properly lubricating, that also will open you up to sexually transmitted
infections as well. So some people don't really like to use lube because they don't like the way
(12:36):
it feels. So in that case, I would recommend, and most of our lubes are water-based and the ones that
I'm not going to mention. So just to start off, we have our Naturals lubrication. So the essential,
so it's Natural Essential Intimates lubrication or lube. This one mimics a woman's body's
(12:58):
lubrication. So if you don't want something that's ultra-sticky or thick or anything like that,
this is the one you want. This is like the most basic of lubes. So this is really good. It's
water-based. So it's not going to interfere with any of your toys. Before I forget, I want to mention
if you use a silicone toy, a silicone toy does not get along with the silicone lube. So that's why a
(13:23):
water-based lube is going to be good for not only you, but also using with your toy. Ok.
We also have a warming lube. So warming lubes are good for just a certain demographic. Not everybody
wants to use a lube that feels warm. With this, if you pour this on like your hand, you're not going
to feel warm. Again, mucous membranes. So like if you put it on the inside of your mouth, you would
(13:48):
feel that warming to get an idea of how it would feel. This is also a water-based lube as well.
And like I said, it's just for like a certain type of demographic, but the active ingredient in this
is menthol. So if you like a little bit of tingle or, you know, slash warmth, then the warming lube
might be for you. Right. So next we have- And the menthol from mint, not the cigarettes. All right?
(14:13):
Correct. Yes. Yes. Very good. So next we have- Toni, we have to tell the people.
Yes. Educate and empower. So the next thing we have is our T-lube. Now tea lube was originally
designed for the Trans community, or transmen to keep them in mind. And it comforts periodic
(14:36):
dryness and it enhances natural lubrication. So this is good. It has aloe vera in it. It's good
for day to day. And it also has Vitamin E in it. Ok. Now we also have another one simply because
this was so popular as far as the benefits of it. We have another one called On The Daily. So it's
(15:00):
almost like pretty much the same thing. It's just more, you know, there's a misconception that
T-lube, it's made for transmen, so I don't want to use that. But anybody can use it. But On The Daily
is pretty much the same concept. You know, we have women who are pre-menopausal or menopausal, and
they experience extra dryness. That On The Daily lube is designed so that you can use on a regular
(15:24):
basis. And it's, you know, you can use it daily. Again, it has aloe vera and an ingredient called
carrageenan. And it's used for regular and periodic dryness. Again, with menopause. Again,
you can use it on a regular basis every day. We also have our Delicious Encounters lube. So I
(15:47):
mentioned Delicious Encounters earlier when we talked about the Pamper Him. So delicious encounters
does not have any sugar in it, even though it is a flavored lube. So I definitely want to
just stress that there's no harmful ingredients. This is a water-based lube. This one is tangerine
peach. It also comes in pomegranate, strawberry pomegranate, and then green apple. So the flavor,
(16:14):
it's played with something called aspartame. So again, there's no sugar. This is really good for
oral sex. Again, you're going to use this with pamper him if you have intentions of giving oral.
So I like it. Now one of the alternatives to a water-based only lube is we have one called Silk.
(16:36):
Do I have Silk over here? Here's Silk. This is the one I demoed earlier with Pamper Him. So Silk is
a hybrid of water-based and silicone lube. This has 11% silicone lube, so you can still use this
with a silicone toy. This is also good for water-play or anal play. And then for the ultimate in
(16:59):
marathon sessions, water-play and anal play, we have Sleek. Where is Sleek? This one is Sleek here.
So Sleek is 100% silicone. It is safe for condoms. It is not safe with your toys. All of our toys
are made with medical grade silicone, so we don't want to break down those toys or compromise the
integrity of them because you're using a silicone lube. So I would recommend any one of those. So
(17:25):
for whatever, what you're trying to accomplish, I would recommend just take it into consideration
when I just talked about. And unfortunately, Toni, I couldn't give you information about the
Instagram lubes. I can't believe I have never seen any of them. But I just would recommend, you know,
if you don't take advantage of any Bedroom Kandi lubes, just be mindful of some of the ingredients.
(17:51):
And even if you have to google some ingredients, our lubes are vegan friendly, but if you have to
google to see what some of these ingredients are, I would encourage you to do that. And if you
have to, just be mindful of, you know, again, what it is that you're putting into your body,
because, you know, I have customers from time to time who have mentioned that they've used the
lube, not Bedroom Kandi, but they have used a lube that they were allergic to or it didn't agree
(18:16):
with their vaginal area. So that is just something that you want to keep in mind. But yeah.
I was trying to look through how would she and I's texts to see if I could find if she, you know,
sent me a screenshot or something, but I can't find anything and I'm not texting her
because she's going to distract me while I'm doing this video. That's just our relationship.
(18:40):
But here's the thing I'll say a rule of thumb, unless it's food at a restaurant with like an
A grade, don't buy it off of Instagram. Like just, just I'm talking about like any and everything
you see on there phone cases, massages, those stupid ass jeans, like lubes, just don't do it.
Like you will regret buying things off Instagram because most of the time it doesn't even arrive.
(19:05):
It won't even come to your house. It's not even going to come to your door. So why waste your
money on that? And she, this is my friend, so I could talk greasy to her. She knows better.
She knows, she knows this, but I have a question though. I have my own personal question.
Water based versus silicone? What are the differences?
So silicone is a thicker lube. So like I said, silicone is good for anal play, water play,
(19:30):
and marathon sessions. So let's say you're, you're doing water play a water-based lube,
mimics a woman's lubrication, which is thin. It's fairly thin. It's thinner than a silicone lube.
So if you're in the water, the water is going to wash away a woman's natural lubrication. So pretty
(19:51):
much the same concept with a water-based lube. It's not as thick to sustain a silicone
lubricant. So also with water-based lubricants, I wouldn't recommend it for a marathon session.
If you want marathon, you want to use something with that slick in it or the slip so that you can
(20:12):
feel, you know, just the lubrication. You don't feel the need to have to get up and reapply it.
Gotcha. Thank you, Toni. Like that's, that's very, very helpful because I didn't know the difference
for toys though. You recommend water-based though for toys.
Correct. Yes. Silicone does not get along with silicone.
(20:34):
Right. Got it. We have a few more questions. The next one asks, Dear Mrs. Antoine, my name is
Rachael. I'm 40 and I've never had an orgasm. I've been with my husband since 2004 and we have three
beautiful children. I'm happy with my hubby, but I want to experience what I hear so many of my
(20:54):
girlfriends bragging about at brunch. One of my girlfriends went so far as to having sex with her,
masseuse, to bring her to an orgasm a few times a week. Her husband has no idea. And I sure hope
to God that he's not an Instagram masseuse, but anyway, we'll keep going. I don't think I need
(21:14):
to have sex with another man in my DH. And we've been through this whole DH thing, diabetic hamster
and, and Toni, listen, I misread your text. So I didn't know that. I thought you said designated
Hitler, not designated hitter. Like this show, this show is the worst, like we're the worst,
(21:36):
but anyway, it's dear hubby. I think it's dear hubby. So dear hubby, my dear hubby DH isn't
inadequate. If you know what I mean, what should I do? Sincerely, Rachael. And she left her last
name, but I'm not going to read it. It's very high falutin. Like she sounds like upper crust
talented tenth, like Our Kind Of People with this, like shi-shi name, anyway, what do you think,
(22:02):
Toni? What do you think? So Rachael, when you say you never have an orgasm, I'm going to assume
at all. That's the way I took the, uh, the message to me that you've never even pleasure yourself to
give you an orgasm. So the first thing that I would recommend is you get to know your own body and do
some pleasure mapping there. Um, because I would want you to know what it is that you would like
(22:23):
to feel like in order to teach your husband how, how you want to feel. Does that make sense? Um,
so I would recommend that you first start by touching yourself, stimulating yourself, um,
on your own body in order for you to kind of really get an idea of an orgasm. Um, so you can
give yourself an orgasm or of course your husband can give you an orgasm. Um, no, I was wondering,
(22:48):
what is your interaction like? Like what is foreplay like? Do you have foreplay? Right? Because
foreplay doesn't necessarily have to be, you know, two minutes and then bam, intercourse. Um, so you
can really take your time with inter with foreplay so that you can kind of touch each other. You can
take his hand with your hand and guide it to where it is on your body that you want to feel. That's
(23:12):
going to help you get an orgasm, achieve an orgasm. Now, when we talk about orgasms, you can get it a
couple of weeks. There is a clitoral orgasm, vaginal, and then anal. Um, so I would recommend first
just, you know, a couple of foreplay exercises, um, especially with pleasuring yourself. Um,
(23:34):
we have a couple of books that I'm going to recommend. Um, so one is called, um,
Tickle Your Fancy, A Woman's Guide to Self-Pleasure, to Sexual Self-Pleasure. Um, so it
has 30 masturbation techniques, right? So I would highly recommend that first so that you can just
(23:55):
get to know your own body. And this is basically under the assumption that you've never ever had an
orgasm. Let's see, Rachael is 40. I don't know, maybe, but so this is under the assumption you've
never had an orgasm at all. I definitely recommend that book because with 30 different techniques,
you should definitely be able to find something that not only you can use on yourself, but then
(24:17):
you can teach your husband as well, because sometimes we got to teach, you know, um, he's
not gonna, and then without communication, he doesn't know that he's not pleasuring you, um,
the way you want. Rachael, I don't want you to get it from the masseuse. I want it, you know,
I want you to get it from your husband. Um, so just, it's a matter of communication and then just
kind of exploring with different ways. Um, so for you, I would recommend, um, the book, let's see,
(24:44):
I wrote it here, uh, Tickle Your Fancy, once again. And then I'm going to recommend The Mystery of the
Undercover Clitoris. So, um, I talk about this book a lot at my parties, where sometimes you'll have
a partner who just can't find the clitoris, um, even though it's right there. Um, and with the
clitoris, you know, we can go into a whole, um, anatomy lesson, but the clitoris on the inside
(25:07):
your body, it's bigger than, um, what we think. Um, so sometimes it's a little bit difficult for
your partner to find the clitoral area. So I would definitely recommend that book, The Mystery of the
Undercover Clitoris. And maybe you can kind of give it to them in a way that, you know, in the
bedroom, maybe we can try something new, you know, or I read a couple of sections from this book, um,
(25:29):
you know, maybe you should read a couple of sections too. You can kind of make it a thing
between the two of you. So it doesn't necessarily mean you're shoving this book in his face and say,
here, read this. And, you know, on a hint that way, you can kind of make it in a way that you're
both reading it together. Um, and that book gives ways to arouse the clitoris. So that is something
(25:49):
that will definitely help in the long run because a clitoral orgasm, Rachael, is a beautiful thing.
And then if you want to introduce toys into the equation, and I don't know how open your
husband would be to that, you can introduce toys in a way that's going to help with, um, kind of
like dual stimulation. So if, for example, we have, uh, Get In Touch, right. So let's say your partner
(26:17):
is, um, you know, you're in the act of intercourse. So the penis is in, right. He or you, um, you know,
you can have it just to start off. You can, um, use, get in touch on the clitoris while he's inside,
while he's penetrating. And that dual stimulation can help with an orgasm. Or Rachael, I'm going to
(26:39):
talk about Womanizer. Now, Rachael, this is definitely going to give you an orgasm. Um, at
Bedroom Kandi, and this is called the Womanizer. This comes in three different styles. This is
Womanizer Pro. At Bedroom Kandi-land, we refer to this as the soul snatcher. Um, so for first time,
baby I would recommend a seatbelt. Like that's how powerful this thing is. So Womanizer, um,
(27:04):
this is kind of close to what's referred to as the Rose, but it's not like the Rose. And the reason
why is because this is not suck. It has what's called pleasure air technology. So it's almost
the equivalent of someone rapidly like [blowing] on the clitoris and it's blowing so rapidly. It feels
like someone is sucking, but it's not suction. Um, and so you can kind of, you know, start off with
(27:30):
a lower speed, a lower setting, and this is also good for squirting as well. I know that's not your
question, but, um, this will definitely, you know, this can definitely bring you to an orgasm. So
it's possible that you can give this to your husband. He can use this on you, or you can, um,
again, while he's penetrating, he or you can hold this onto the clitoris. Um, but Rachael, it does
(27:53):
warrant the conversation and not in a way that, um, is going to be abusive to his ego or anything
like that, just in a way that you can both try something else. So again, you can get the book and
you can both read the book at the same time. Um, you can each get a book and kind of book club it.
But there's definitely ways that you can do it or, um, you know, just, uh, have the conversation so
(28:18):
that it's not going to be detrimental to your relationship. Um, but it's definitely something
that should be had. And even if, like I said, if you have the pleasure yourself, all he's watching
and he's seeing where it is that you're pleasuring yourself. Um, but the point is you have to first
learn, um, where it is that you want to be pleasured for you to have a orgasm.
(28:38):
I'm looking, she says she's 40. They've been together since ‘04. I'm assuming that they were
together a little bit before then. So they've probably been together, you know, since their
teens and they probably never got a lot of exploration, so to speak. So, and that's fine.
(28:59):
They can explore with each other. I mean, the main thing is we don't need her getting smashed
by the IG massage therapist. I mean, cause they give very much Petri dish. And by the way, Rachael,
does your family own the radio station? Just never mind. You can email me if, if they do,
(29:19):
but I'm just curious. But anyway, our next question, Toni comes from Jahmel and Jahmel wants to know,
wait a minute. I know a Jamel. Is this is the Jamel or another Jamel? I don't, anyway,
Jahmel wants to know how he can ask his girlfriend to do anal play on him in the bedroom.
(29:41):
Ok. So Jahmel, I know it might not be an easy conversation,
but in this case, it's all about the communication. So you can start with explaining to her the
benefits of pegging and that your G spot is back there and that you would like to experience the
G spot orgasm because it's nothing wrong with that. And there's also health benefits of prostate
(30:02):
massage. And you know, we can go into a whole tangent about that, but I would think communication
should be the number one priority and just letting her know that you would like to feel that G-
spot orgasm. What I would do first is probably start off with a smaller, something smaller,
like a plug, just to get her used to the idea of having something back there. We do have a couple
(30:27):
of things that, and I don't have them here personally, we do have a couple of things,
you know, that you could possibly try, but that probably would be the best route that I will go
just starting off with a plug so that she can see something smaller and get used to that idea. And
then once she's more comfortable with seeing that, you can then introduce pegging. And so pegging is
(30:50):
basically the act of a woman using a strap on. So that probably would be the best option, I think,
and hopefully she's open to that. You know, in our community, there's the misconception when it comes
to men and anal play, so hopefully having a conversation is going to have her be a little
(31:12):
bit more receptive and that she's understanding to how it is you feel, and especially when you talk
about the benefits and you wanting to experience that G-spot orgasm. So I would definitely go
that route. You know, it's just that misconception about straight men and anal, but hopefully you've
brought the conversation up before so that it doesn't completely surprise her and catch her off
(31:35):
guard. So if you haven't, you may want to just at least have a conversation first and then just wait
a little bit longer, just to kind of get her comfort level and then you two can both go on and
try to choose a plug together. And that way it's including her in it. He didn't include how long
they've been together, so that's a good question. That's something that I would like to know.
(31:58):
Write us back and let us know.
How long they were together because that is a big deal because there's a difference between just
meeting someone and she's not understanding of like, you know, your whole being your whole
personality as opposed to being someone long-term and they want the best for you and they want to,
(32:19):
you know, enhance your sexual life in the bedroom. But I would just start with the whole conversation
about a plug first, you know, along with the communication about how it is that you want to
feel the G-spot orgasm, the benefits of, you know, prostate massage and things of that nature,
and then we'll go into pegging.
I want you to tell us about those benefits of prostate massage.
(32:44):
So it can aid in men's health. So, you know, with men's health, along with like your physicals,
you should definitely be going. And I don't know if it's at a certain age. So with women,
you know, with once we get to a certain age, we have to have the breast exam and things of that
nature. It’s 40, Toni. 40 as well. So from men, they should also have prostate massage and exams
(33:09):
because it also helps aid in cancer prevention and there's health benefits to it as well.
So just like, you know, things that we do for women, men are also, you know,
they're deserve of, you know, feeling things that they prefer. And so in this case, it seems like
(33:30):
this is his preference, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with being gay or
anything of that nature, he may not have been with men before anything like that. It's just a
preference for men. So, you know, I just really hope that she's understanding enough after they
have a conversation that she will be open and receptive to it. But I definitely wouldn't try
(33:55):
the pegging first simply because that's big to go from zero to 100. And that's basically what you're
doing with anal play, if you're trying it with pegging. But I'm just recommend a plug. And they
come in different sizes. We have one called P Curious, it's fairly small. I think that probably
(34:17):
would be the most understanding one for her if she's not used to it or if that's not something
that she's ever done with a male before. But just explore different things. We have one called
Step by Step. And Step by Step is unfortunately being discontinued. I know I have one or two in my
(34:38):
Bedroom Kandi store. You can find this one on my linkTree. Cris, you can I'll give you that
information to link. But this depends on the size toy that you want, I wouldn't recommend something
that's just going to blow her away. The minute she sees it, simply because it's going to be too
intimidating, it might be too much for her. So just have that conversation and start off with
(35:01):
something small. Nice. I had no idea that that the prostate massage aided in cancer prevention.
I had no idea. There's a lot of health benefits. And so when I was with the previous company,
so I'm with Bedroom Kandi now, but I started off in a previous company. And so
(35:23):
we had a lot of women in the Midwest. So with Bedroom Kandi, our demographic is mainly Black women
who are consultants. But with the other company, it was all demographics. And so
we were just always wondering why are the women in the Midwest selling all of our
anal toys, right? The toys for men to use in Italy. And it's because certain demographics
(35:50):
are more open to the prostate massages and prostate toys, as opposed to men in our community
who are heterosexual, but apprehensive to that. So it really depends on the demographic. I'm going
to assume Jahmel is a Black man. I don't know what the demographic is. I mean, with a name like that,
(36:13):
Toni, he better be. I don't know the demographic of his girlfriend, but at any rate, hopefully,
they have that conversation. A lot of the questions that we have today, like the main thing
is communication. And this, I think I've said it a couple of times today, we have to have those
tough conversations. And I don't think this is necessarily a tough conversation. This is just a
(36:36):
conversation about her being receptive to what his preference is
So Jahmel, I hope it does work out for you. I hope so too. And I mean, you know,
this helps me too, because I learned so much when every time we talk and you come on,
(36:58):
I had no idea that there were benefits in that. All right. So our last and final question comes
from Vanessa. Vanessa says, help, I keep getting the wrong size toys and it's making me uncomfortable.
How can I find the right size toy for my cat emoji? And Toni, she really put a cat emoji. Yes she did!
(37:18):
So there is a couple of different types of toys that you could choose from. So as I mentioned
earlier, you can get an orgasm, clitorally, vaginally or anally. So first determine what type
of toy it is. So even though you're mentioning the size, I'm going to assume you're using a toy
with a shaft. And sometimes, you know, if you're, if that's your first toy, or if you're going in,
(37:43):
I wouldn't recommend like a big dog toy, right? So I'm going to talk about a couple of toys and
you can kind of gauge what type of toy that you would like. So the first thing that I would talk
about is a clitoral toy. So again, we talked about the soul snatcher here, this is Womanizer.
So Womanizer, this is super powerful, but it's not intimidating. And it's definitely not something
(38:06):
that's going to hurt. So even though you're mentioning toys making you uncomfortable,
again, I'm assuming it's a tool with a shaft, but you can go a couple of different routes.
So Womanizer is just going to hit the clitoris, this part here, it has that pleasure air technology,
so it feels like sucking. So you can get your orgasm that way, you can squirt if you want.
(38:26):
But this has a couple of different speeds to it. So you're just going
to start off with the there's a minus sign here, if you can't see and then it goes to a plus sign.
So just keep hitting it until you get your desired effect that you're looking for. So that's the
Womanizer. Like I said, Womanizer does come in a couple of different types. We have this is pro,
(38:50):
we have the Womanizer Starlet, which is a bit smaller, still, in my opinion, is powerful,
it gets the job done. And then we have one that's called Womanizer Duo. Womanizer Duo also has the
pleasure air technology that sucks on the clitoris, but it also has a shaft that's attached to it.
(39:12):
So you can go a number of ways when it comes to your clitoral stimulation and your Womanizer toys.
We also have our Peach Buzz. So this is one of our newer toys. This will stimulate the clitoris
and the labia simply because of the size of it. So as you can see, I'm holding it in the palm of my
hands and kind of get an idea of how big it is something because of, you know, how I'm able to
(39:37):
hold it. But because of the size of this, you can kind of get two in one clitoris and again, the
labia. This has 10 pulsations to it. It's really soft, like it feels really it feels really soft,
it feels good. It looks like a stress ball, Toni. It does look like a stress ball, but it's, it's hard, not hard, hard, you can't squeeze it
(40:02):
like a stress ball. So this is a USB chargeable toy, you're going to stick the charger right on
there. It's magnetic. So once you attach it, like hold it up to it, it's going to automatically
connect. And I know you can't see it, but there's a tiny little bump here. That's how you're going
to turn it on. I hold it down for about five seconds. And that's with all of our toys. So
once you hold it down, if you keep pressing it, that will give you the different pulsations. So
(40:27):
they can kind of figure out what feeling it is, or what pulsation you want to feel. So that's
another toy that you can do as far as clitoral and vaginal stimulation. Again, it's not going to go
in obviously. But we have this little bump here that can hit the clitoris. Just the overall you
can put hold on to the labia to get that sensation. And then Vanessa is 35. So I'm not sure how many
(40:56):
toys you've tried, Vanessa. Or if you just tried one, it keeps you say I keep getting the wrong
size toys. This one here, I normally don't recommend this a lot at my parties anymore.
If I know I have a party with the younger demographic or inexperienced women, I will talk
about this. This one is called Turbo. Not a lot of bells and whistles with Turbo. This is a battery
(41:22):
operated toy. So mostly everything I showed earlier is a USB chargeable toy. I would say probably 97%
of our toys are USB chargeable. So you don't have to worry about batteries. With this particular one,
it does take one AA battery. And this has three speeds. So again, there's no bells and whistles.
(41:42):
You can put this into the vagina. To turn it on, there's a button here. You're going to hit that
button three times because there's three speeds to it. Again, to turn it on, hold it down for about
four or five seconds. But this is something that you could probably, let's see, I have a quarter
here on my desk. So it's the circumference of a quarter. As it comes out a little bit,
(42:08):
it probably gets a tiny bit wider, but not by much at all. So this is something that you could
probably start off with because it sounds like you haven't, I don't know if you've been starting off
with like humongous toys, or if you have been using smaller toys and they all just are uncomfortable.
(42:30):
Now, if that's the case, if you've been using toys that are all small, but it's still uncomfortable,
then you may want to use, and I'm not sure Vanessa, based on what I'm about to say next,
I'm not sure if you are intimate with a person, a penis currently. If you have not been for a while
and you've only been using a toy, and let's say it's a smaller toy and you're still uncomfortable,
(42:54):
you probably want to look into vaginal dilators. Ok, so what the vaginal dilators are,
they are, the best way I can explain it, they are graduated items that, not items, but it's a
graduated tool. So there's more than one, you start off with the smallest one, insert it into
the vagina and they help to expand the vagina based on your comfort level. So that might be
(43:19):
something, and that's going off on a tangent, depending upon Vanessa, if you haven't been
intimate with an actual penis in a while. I don't know, you could have someone a partner now, but
you may just be choosing a toy that's just a little bit too big. So in that case, like I said,
if you want to kind of downsize your toy, if it's something that's like really super big,
(43:42):
you can start off with Turbo. Like I said, this doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles, but this,
you know, if you want to just start off with a beginner's toy, this might be the one. We have
one that's even smaller than Turbo that's called Rocket. It looks identical, it's just a little bit
smaller. So that might be something that you can do as well. But if you're looking for just, you
(44:04):
know, your goal is an orgasm, I would venture out to clitoral toys simply because a clitoral
orgasm is really, really good, especially using the Womanizer. And also lastly, Vanessa, are you
using a lube, are you properly lubricated? So we talked about lube earlier, I would 100% use a
(44:26):
lubricant with your toys as well, because that could be the problem there. With sex, you know,
our vaginas open up, keep in mind a baby's head can fit through it, right? So it could be a matter
if you're not properly lubricated. And that could be the reason why, because ideally, if you can stick
a tampon in it, if a baby's head can come out, you should be able to get a toy into it. So I would
(44:51):
look into using a lube with your toys as well. Again, don't use a silicone lube, because silicone
and silicone don't get along, depending on what your current toys are made of. But just look into
a lube as well, because that could very well be the issue. Toni, are you in the mood for one more?
(45:12):
Yes, I am. I can take one more. She can take one more. Listen, I've been taking all of them.
Yall been wearing me out this morning. All right, last question. It's a bonus question. It comes from
Shell. Shell says, Hi, Cris and Toni, I've been with my lover for almost 10 years, and he has
trouble being penetrated. How can I get us to have sex again? So this leads me to think maybe
(45:38):
something happened. I don't know if there's some type of trauma, you know, that is, you know,
causing apprehension with, you know, his partner to have intercourse. With anal, the key is
lubrication, and it's also relaxation, right? So first, I would recommend having a conversation
about, you know, why there's apprehension. Is it due to fear? Is it fear of pain? So that's something
(46:06):
that's really important to talk about. Is it because, you know, something mental? If so,
it's very possible that your partner may need to speak with a therapist. And there's nothing wrong
with that. But if there's some type of trauma that has occurred in the past, I know you all have been
together 10 years, was it? You know, it's very possible that there's some type of, you know,
(46:29):
repressed feelings or something that could have happened in the past. Yeah almost ten Toni,
it says almost 10 years. Yeah, I would definitely recommend maybe talking to a therapist just to get
down into, you know, why it is that there's apprehension there. But once communication is
established, and more importantly, reassurance, maybe you can start with a plug, you know, and you
(46:55):
all can interact that way. And that kind of takes away just the fear of an actual penis being
penetrated versus the size of, you know, a toy, we have a toy I can call P Curious that I would
recommend maybe starting off with that. Because it's not, of course, as big. Of course, you want
(47:16):
to use your lubricant and I'm pretty sure you probably do have lube. If it's not a silicone lube, maybe
switch to a silicone lube. We have a toy as I mentioned, we have a tool called Step by Step,
and I have it here. So Step by Step is unfortunately being discontinued. But like I said,
I do have a couple in my Bedroom Kandi store. So my store is different from my Bedroom Kandi website.
(47:38):
So I have products here as well that I ship out, or I carry to my parties. So with Step by Step,
this probably is something that would highly recommend simply because of the graduated beading.
So you know, maybe to get him back into the swing of things, you can start with that smaller bead
here, and then just graduate up. Of course, you're going to use your lube. And you know, hopefully
(48:04):
your partner is relaxed enough after you do have that conversation. So this is something that I
would definitely recommend. Hopefully, you know, if you do want to reach out to me, or if you do want
to go into my Bedroom Kandi store, that website, you can get this. But if we don't have it, I do
recommend trying to find something very similar to this. Because this is probably, you know,
(48:29):
between this or P Curious, this is probably going to be something that kind of takes away
that intimidation factor. And, you know, once you get into it, you know, there's so many nerve
endings in the anal area, that I think is a mental thing. But once that block is removed,
then your partner definitely would be more open to it. So it's about, you know, communicating with
(48:50):
your partner first, just to kind of see what the apprehension is. And maybe it's something that you
can reassure them. Also using your lube, and then also just making sure they're relaxed again,
and not advocating if you don't drink or smoke, but maybe CBD or something that's going to help
aid and relaxation and call me a partner.
(49:13):
Well, listen, yall wore me out this morning. But Toni, thank you. Yeah, yeah, thank you for
coming back on on and doing this with us. I learned a lot. I hope everyone listening and watching did
I had like no idea about a lot of these things. And we'll definitely do this again. I'm glad we
got this one in the summer while folks are all hot and bothered, you know, out here doing all that
(49:38):
traveling and freaking. Ok. But let everyone know how they can get in touch with you, Toni.
So again, you can go to one of my websites. So my main website is thekittychronicles.co. If you
want to go straight into the nitty gritty and either get a Bedroom Kandi product, book a party,
(50:01):
you can do either in-person or virtual depending on where you are in the world.
You can go to my Bedroom Kandi website, bkparties.com/6109. And of course, I mentioned
early if you take your time with me to slow checking out, it probably will ask you to put
in the consultant again. And my consultant ID number is 6109. Or you can also find me on Instagram
(50:25):
@bedroomkandi_bytoni T-O-N-I. And I mean, listen, you know, you guys kind of got,
you know, a little party here, even though we were answering questions. But Toni has way more toys
in that arsenal of hers. Ok. So don't just think you're going to watch this
(50:46):
No, you need to book. And she does virtual parties.
You can have all your girlfriends over up on your big screen,
and just Toni can just go over all the toys with you. And it's interactive. I mean, how kool is
that? You know, seriously, come on, yall. Book those parties. Now I have a question. This is my
(51:09):
own personal question. Ok. I know. Dun Dun Dun Dun. Ok. When is the Lavender Kitty stuff coming out?
So Lavender Kitty is my other company. It's a bath and body line focused on self-care and wellness.
And so I am actually going to be doing a vending event in Woodlawn, Maryland in August on August
(51:33):
the 17th. And there I will have launched on my website, a bunch of new Lavender Kitty products.
My Lavender Kitty website is lavenderkitty.com, or you can find me on
Instagram there. Don't judge me for not posting lately. Um, but it's @lavenderkittylux.
(51:54):
@lavenderkittylux. I'll put all of that in there in the video and be on the lookout for that,
because I know I will. And hit Toni up if you want to book a party. Like I told everyone the last time
you were on, um, her parties are an incredible immersive experience, kind of like The Cris
David Show, you know, but, um, to everyone we didn't get today, you know, we'll get to you again
(52:19):
soon. Um, definitely Anonymous, write us back. Um, Haneef, write us back, everybody write us back and
let us know how you did with, um, with everything. Star, Rachael, you know, everyone who, um, Shell,
everyone who wrote in, um, Courtney and, and, um, Vanessa with the kitty cat emoji. I can't,
(52:40):
Toni, I can't get over that. Like she legitimately put a cat in it. Like how cute is she? Like she's
too cute. Ok. And remember, um, everything is anonymous unless you request it not be. Um,
um, and thanks again, Toni, for coming back, and helping the good people out here, I really,
really appreciate this. I'm sure they're going to appreciate it too, because you are just a wealth
(53:04):
of knowledge. That is what I aspire to have on this show. This is what I like having on the show.
I like having a wealth of knowledge and thank all of you good people out there for listening
and watching. Tell your friends, tell your mama, tell your daddy, tell your baby, daddy, tell your
boyfriend, tell your sister, tell your kittens and tell your bullies. And listen, tell your OBGYN
(53:25):
and your urologist, hell tell Star’s man and Haneef’s future fiancée to follow us on Instagram @crisdavidtv
And follow our show @thecrisdavidshow on Instagram and YouTube. You can also visit
crisdavidshow.com. There you'll find everything you need to know about the show. And I just want
(53:46):
to say your comfort should come first! And remember, they didn't stop making dick when they made his!
Right? That's right. Ok. Now be kind, be well, and talk like sex, rated X-X-X.
Haneef says, I'm 43 years old, a C-level executive, six foot four, and I work out six times a week.
(00:06):
I'm conventionally handsome, but I've never been intimate with a woman.
Back in college, I came close, but the girl had weird breath and it turned me off.
Women literally throw themselves at me and I date them, but all and I date them and all, but
we never go further than that. I find myself to be very attracted to women, but the thought of
(00:27):
being intimate just turned me off. I have told my friends, but they tell me I might be homosexual.
I'm not homosexual because I've never been attracted to or intimate with a brotha.
My therapist is telling me I might be asexual. I don't think that I'm that because I do masturbate.
The problem is that it's this one woman at work and I like her so much. I can honestly see marrying
(00:54):
this lady. She's 37 and divorced with no kids. She looks like she could be related to Ryan
Destiny. Oh wow, she's a baddie. Right? We've already been on four or five dates and now I can tell she's
wanting to close the deal. How can I get over my anxiety when it comes to being intimate?
You know what, Toni? I'm glad he mentioned the obvious because I heard yall in my ear
(01:18):
while I was reading. I heard yall also asking for his @ and I'm not giving out this man's info.
Toni, take it away. For the woman that you're pursuing, you see yourself marrying her.
I think the best way is to start off with communication. You may want to explain
how you feel or just give her an overview of your experience. That way she might be a little bit
(01:44):
more understanding of why you haven't closed the deal yet. Now, I do want to introduce... Now,
you mentioned talking to your therapist about the possibility of you being asexual and you don't
agree. I want to introduce you to another term which is graysexual and I'm going to read from
my notes here. Graysexual and it's spelled G-R-A-Y sexual or G-R-E-Y. You know how we spell the word
(02:10):
gray a couple of ways and it's also referred to as gray-A or gray asexual or gray ace, A-C-E.
It's a term to describe people who identify as asexual but don't fit the main type of asexuality.
So, there's three main types. One is sex-repulsed, someone who is repulsed by or completely
(02:37):
disinterested in the idea of sex. There's sex-neutral, which is someone who isn't repulsed by
sex but also doesn't actively seek it out. These people may still have sex if, for example, they're
in a relationship and want to please their partner. And then there's sex-positive, that's someone who
identifies as asexual meaning they don't feel attraction to others but they still have sex
(03:00):
for pleasure. I would encourage you to address that term with your therapist and maybe you too
can kind of dig a little bit deeper into that term to see if you're more comfortable with identifying
as that because it sounds like you could possibly fall into that category and then the fact that you
have the anxiety of not being with a woman and your age Haneef is 43. So, the fact that you have
(03:26):
gone this far without it is that anxiety is contributing to that. So, I definitely encourage
you to have that conversation with your therapist but in the meantime I'm also wondering if you have
thought about, you know, in the conversation with her, just kind of not making it a challenge but
(03:48):
just giving her or encouraging her to give ways that she can kind of, you know, get you aroused
or kind of ready to close the deal. I'm wondering also if you watch porn and if so do you get aroused
by porn? Because maybe that's something that you too can do together and see if you are aroused
(04:11):
watching porn in her presence. Sexting is another thing, you know, if porn isn't an option or if
that's off the table maybe you too can sext, like send explicit or sexual text messages and see
how you are reacting to those. And then lastly I would recommend phone sex. So, you know, I don't
(04:35):
know if people still have a lot of phone sex but those are a couple of options that you can do.
And just the mere fact that I think it's the anxiety that's like really taken over so you can
kind of think of ways that would help ease your anxiety. I didn't plan on talking about CBD
products, especially with your question. However, we do have a CBD line called Unwind. So if you're
(04:58):
not familiar with CBD and I don't know what your situation is Haneef, if you indulge, meaning in
edibles or weed or other, you know, alcohol, I don't know what your situation is and if you don't
indulge in alcohol I don't necessarily want to encourage you to pick up a trait that might be
against your way of living. However, CBD would be another option. So for those who are not
(05:24):
familiar with CBD, think weed but without the THC. So THC is a component of weed that gets you high.
So again we have a line of CBD products called Unwind. So within Unwind and I have on my desk
here because this is my favorite, this is our body cream or I'm going to say cream not necessarily
(05:44):
body. So this is 100 milligrams of CBD and the way I use this sometimes, you know, especially like
when I do my Bedroom Kandi parties, I've been in the game for 15 years but still every once in a while
I randomly get anxiety. And so we have a smaller version of this that I keep in my purse. It's
(06:05):
identical, it's just a smaller amount of milligrams but sometimes I'll put this on my pulse points,
I'll put it under my nose because the smell of it is very very comforting and soothing. I'll put it
on my temples. So maybe you can use a CBD product that'll help calm and aid in your relaxation.
(06:26):
So CBD helps with a variety of things, pain management, like I said anxiety, calming,
relaxation. We also have a CBD lube. Now I know you haven't closed the deal yet but once you're
ready to close the deal maybe the lube can kind of continue with that relaxation. And then also,
(06:46):
you know, once you get her to your place, so you get to her place and you all are pre-intimate,
you can also think about massage. So we have a CBD candle that lights and melts into a massage oil
and that again has, you know, something that you can use for relaxation. So we have a couple of
(07:07):
things, also a serum. So that may be something that you can think about using as well, just some type
of product that would help calm and ease your anxiety. But definitely, you know, the porn thing,
definitely consider that. If she looks like Ryan Destiny, Haneef, I need you to close the deal.
(07:31):
I mean, you know, I might have to come close that deal, I'm just saying.
Oh, Haneef, I'm excited for you. But definitely, I would visit that term gray sexual with your
therapist because that's something that you possibly fall into that category. And that's
saying that you may never close the deal because I mean, I think it definitely is possible. But
(07:53):
just consider, you know, some of those things and hopefully that will help. Absolutely. And Haneef,
I just want to say this, you know, I really, if your therapist isn't doing this, I think you need
to find one who is looking to shadow work, look into someone who can help you really tap into
(08:15):
that part of yourself to really get out like, why this may be happening for you, you know,
definitely look into that. But I think Toni, I think, you know, if he does what you say,
you know, he'd be on the right track really quickly, though, the Unwind CBD, what is that
scent like the Unwind that you use? So it's lavender. But the thing is, it's not an
(08:39):
overwhelming lavender, because sometimes lavender can be so strong, but it's lavender and mint.
And the lavender is so light, it's just such a calming fragrance to me, I really like it. So a
lot of times I put it here, just especially when I'm in the car, I'll put it here. So as I'm driving,
I'm just smelling it, especially when we were wearing masks. And I was out in the world.
(09:02):
Yes.
I'll put it there. And the fact that I have my mask on, I would say it's really inhaling and sniffing,
but it's a very light lavender and mint smell.
Another thing I'm adding to my list, you know, order from bkparties.com/6109. All right,
this next question comes from, Lord comes from my good sis, my homegirl, who's also named Toni.
(09:27):
So shout out to her. Hey, Toni! @tonin81 on IG. Now she wants to know about these lubricants
that are popping up all over Instagram, they claim they balance your pH. They also provide
like some type of lubrication during sex and masturbation. Tell us about those.
Yes. So I wasn't sure. She said Instagram lubricant. So I wasn't sure she meant lubes
(09:51):
on Instagram that people advertise. Yes. Or on my Instagram. No. Not on my Instagram page.
No not on your Instagram, but on like they pop up. They’re like ads.
Ok. So I've never seen the ads. So therefore I'm not sure. But what I will say is you really,
really have to be careful about a lot of the lubes that you use.
(10:13):
Update on Instagram lubes, Yoni Slime and others. The ingredient “Fructose Cnidii” lacks significant research for proven claims as there is no scientific evidence of its benefits.
Another ingredient, “Radix Angelicae Sinensis”, may cause increased blood pressure and/or affect blood thinners in larger doses. Failure to appropriately clean the applicator after each use may possibly contaminate the product with bacteria.
Consult with a physician before trying any product, and err on the side of caution when purchasing and consuming products found on social media apps.
So lubes of, you know, 10, 15, 20 years ago are not the same as lubes now, depending on the company.
(10:36):
So we still have companies who are in business from those, you know, from back then who sell,and I'm not going to name drop, but not every lube is good.
But I'm going to get into BK lubes I can talk about lube all day baby. So that's what we're going to do. So we have a person that's
dedicated solely to lube. We take our lubes very seriously. And there's a lube for every situation.
So if you want to do water-play, if you want something that mimics your body chemistry,
(10:58):
I might have a whole little situation right here. So we're going to get into it.
Now lube is different, you know, for different people, especially when it comes to how much
lubrication you want, how your body is lubricating. Sometimes, and most of us, most women at some
point will experience some type of lack of lubrication. And that can be from a number
(11:20):
of things. It could be new medication, hormones, stress, you didn't drink enough water today,
you know, your mind isn't right because somebody cuts you off in traffic on the way home.
Just a number of things why we don't get properly lubricated. And so when we don't
lubricate the right way, we're opening up ourselves to micro tears in our vaginal area or the anal area.
(11:45):
And that will in turn introduce bacteria into your body via the vagina or the anus. So we don't want
that, right? So it's very important that we do use lube, even if we feel like we're lubed up a little
bit. Wetter is better. Ok. So I'm going to talk about a couple of lubes that we have.
Of course, the vagina creates lubrication. The anal area does not create lubrication. Of course,
(12:12):
the anal area does have mucous membranes, but that's for exiting and not entering, if you know
what I mean, right? And I think you do. So, you know, when you have those micro tears,
because you're not properly lubricating, that also will open you up to sexually transmitted
infections as well. So some people don't really like to use lube because they don't like the way
(12:36):
it feels. So in that case, I would recommend, and most of our lubes are water-based and the ones that
I'm not going to mention. So just to start off, we have our Naturals lubrication. So the essential,
so it's Natural Essential Intimates lubrication or lube. This one mimics a woman's body's
(12:58):
lubrication. So if you don't want something that's ultra-sticky or thick or anything like that,
this is the one you want. This is like the most basic of lubes. So this is really good. It's
water-based. So it's not going to interfere with any of your toys. Before I forget, I want to mention
if you use a silicone toy, a silicone toy does not get along with the silicone lube. So that's why a
(13:23):
water-based lube is going to be good for not only you, but also using with your toy. Ok.
We also have a warming lube. So warming lubes are good for just a certain demographic. Not everybody
wants to use a lube that feels warm. With this, if you pour this on like your hand, you're not going
to feel warm. Again, mucous membranes. So like if you put it on the inside of your mouth, you would
(13:48):
feel that warming to get an idea of how it would feel. This is also a water-based lube as well.
And like I said, it's just for like a certain type of demographic, but the active ingredient in this
is menthol. So if you like a little bit of tingle or, you know, slash warmth, then the warming lube
might be for you. Right. So next we have- And the menthol from mint, not the cigarettes. All right?
(14:13):
Correct. Yes. Yes. Very good. So next we have- Toni, we have to tell the people.
Yes. Educate and empower. So the next thing we have is our T-lube. Now tea lube was originally
designed for the Trans community, or transmen to keep them in mind. And it comforts periodic
(14:36):
dryness and it enhances natural lubrication. So this is good. It has aloe vera in it. It's good
for day to day. And it also has Vitamin E in it. Ok. Now we also have another one simply because
this was so popular as far as the benefits of it. We have another one called On The Daily. So it's
(15:00):
almost like pretty much the same thing. It's just more, you know, there's a misconception that
T-lube, it's made for transmen, so I don't want to use that. But anybody can use it. But On The Daily
is pretty much the same concept. You know, we have women who are pre-menopausal or menopausal, and
they experience extra dryness. That On The Daily lube is designed so that you can use on a regular
(15:24):
basis. And it's, you know, you can use it daily. Again, it has aloe vera and an ingredient called
carrageenan. And it's used for regular and periodic dryness. Again, with menopause. Again,
you can use it on a regular basis every day. We also have our Delicious Encounters lube. So I
(15:47):
mentioned Delicious Encounters earlier when we talked about the Pamper Him. So delicious encounters
does not have any sugar in it, even though it is a flavored lube. So I definitely want to
just stress that there's no harmful ingredients. This is a water-based lube. This one is tangerine
peach. It also comes in pomegranate, strawberry pomegranate, and then green apple. So the flavor,
(16:14):
it's played with something called aspartame. So again, there's no sugar. This is really good for
oral sex. Again, you're going to use this with pamper him if you have intentions of giving oral.
So I like it. Now one of the alternatives to a water-based only lube is we have one called Silk.
(16:36):
Do I have Silk over here? Here's Silk. This is the one I demoed earlier with Pamper Him. So Silk is
a hybrid of water-based and silicone lube. This has 11% silicone lube, so you can still use this
with a silicone toy. This is also good for water-play or anal play. And then for the ultimate in
(16:59):
marathon sessions, water-play and anal play, we have Sleek. Where is Sleek? This one is Sleek here.
So Sleek is 100% silicone. It is safe for condoms. It is not safe with your toys. All of our toys
are made with medical grade silicone, so we don't want to break down those toys or compromise the
integrity of them because you're using a silicone lube. So I would recommend any one of those. So
(17:25):
for whatever, what you're trying to accomplish, I would recommend just take it into consideration
when I just talked about. And unfortunately, Toni, I couldn't give you information about the
Instagram lubes. I can't believe I have never seen any of them. But I just would recommend, you know,
if you don't take advantage of any Bedroom Kandi lubes, just be mindful of some of the ingredients.
(17:51):
And even if you have to google some ingredients, our lubes are vegan friendly, but if you have to
google to see what some of these ingredients are, I would encourage you to do that. And if you
have to, just be mindful of, you know, again, what it is that you're putting into your body,
because, you know, I have customers from time to time who have mentioned that they've used the
lube, not Bedroom Kandi, but they have used a lube that they were allergic to or it didn't agree
(18:16):
with their vaginal area. So that is just something that you want to keep in mind. But yeah.
I was trying to look through how would she and I's texts to see if I could find if she, you know,
sent me a screenshot or something, but I can't find anything and I'm not texting her
because she's going to distract me while I'm doing this video. That's just our relationship.
(18:40):
But here's the thing I'll say a rule of thumb, unless it's food at a restaurant with like an
A grade, don't buy it off of Instagram. Like just, just I'm talking about like any and everything
you see on there phone cases, massages, those stupid ass jeans, like lubes, just don't do it.
Like you will regret buying things off Instagram because most of the time it doesn't even arrive.
(19:05):
It won't even come to your house. It's not even going to come to your door. So why waste your
money on that? And she, this is my friend, so I could talk greasy to her. She knows better.
She knows, she knows this, but I have a question though. I have my own personal question.
Water based versus silicone? What are the differences?
So silicone is a thicker lube. So like I said, silicone is good for anal play, water play,
(19:30):
and marathon sessions. So let's say you're, you're doing water play a water-based lube,
mimics a woman's lubrication, which is thin. It's fairly thin. It's thinner than a silicone lube.
So if you're in the water, the water is going to wash away a woman's natural lubrication. So pretty
(19:51):
much the same concept with a water-based lube. It's not as thick to sustain a silicone
lubricant. So also with water-based lubricants, I wouldn't recommend it for a marathon session.
If you want marathon, you want to use something with that slick in it or the slip so that you can
(20:12):
feel, you know, just the lubrication. You don't feel the need to have to get up and reapply it.
Gotcha. Thank you, Toni. Like that's, that's very, very helpful because I didn't know the difference
for toys though. You recommend water-based though for toys.
Correct. Yes. Silicone does not get along with silicone.
(20:34):
Right. Got it. We have a few more questions. The next one asks, Dear Mrs. Antoine, my name is
Rachael. I'm 40 and I've never had an orgasm. I've been with my husband since 2004 and we have three
beautiful children. I'm happy with my hubby, but I want to experience what I hear so many of my
(20:54):
girlfriends bragging about at brunch. One of my girlfriends went so far as to having sex with her,
masseuse, to bring her to an orgasm a few times a week. Her husband has no idea. And I sure hope
to God that he's not an Instagram masseuse, but anyway, we'll keep going. I don't think I need
(21:14):
to have sex with another man in my DH. And we've been through this whole DH thing, diabetic hamster
and, and Toni, listen, I misread your text. So I didn't know that. I thought you said designated
Hitler, not designated hitter. Like this show, this show is the worst, like we're the worst,
(21:36):
but anyway, it's dear hubby. I think it's dear hubby. So dear hubby, my dear hubby DH isn't
inadequate. If you know what I mean, what should I do? Sincerely, Rachael. And she left her last
name, but I'm not going to read it. It's very high falutin. Like she sounds like upper crust
talented tenth, like Our Kind Of People with this, like shi-shi name, anyway, what do you think,
(22:02):
Toni? What do you think? So Rachael, when you say you never have an orgasm, I'm going to assume
at all. That's the way I took the, uh, the message to me that you've never even pleasure yourself to
give you an orgasm. So the first thing that I would recommend is you get to know your own body and do
some pleasure mapping there. Um, because I would want you to know what it is that you would like
(22:23):
to feel like in order to teach your husband how, how you want to feel. Does that make sense? Um,
so I would recommend that you first start by touching yourself, stimulating yourself, um,
on your own body in order for you to kind of really get an idea of an orgasm. Um, so you can
give yourself an orgasm or of course your husband can give you an orgasm. Um, no, I was wondering,
(22:48):
what is your interaction like? Like what is foreplay like? Do you have foreplay? Right? Because
foreplay doesn't necessarily have to be, you know, two minutes and then bam, intercourse. Um, so you
can really take your time with inter with foreplay so that you can kind of touch each other. You can
take his hand with your hand and guide it to where it is on your body that you want to feel. That's
(23:12):
going to help you get an orgasm, achieve an orgasm. Now, when we talk about orgasms, you can get it a
couple of weeks. There is a clitoral orgasm, vaginal, and then anal. Um, so I would recommend first
just, you know, a couple of foreplay exercises, um, especially with pleasuring yourself. Um,
(23:34):
we have a couple of books that I'm going to recommend. Um, so one is called, um,
Tickle Your Fancy, A Woman's Guide to Self-Pleasure, to Sexual Self-Pleasure. Um, so it
has 30 masturbation techniques, right? So I would highly recommend that first so that you can just
(23:55):
get to know your own body. And this is basically under the assumption that you've never ever had an
orgasm. Let's see, Rachael is 40. I don't know, maybe, but so this is under the assumption you've
never had an orgasm at all. I definitely recommend that book because with 30 different techniques,
you should definitely be able to find something that not only you can use on yourself, but then
(24:17):
you can teach your husband as well, because sometimes we got to teach, you know, um, he's
not gonna, and then without communication, he doesn't know that he's not pleasuring you, um,
the way you want. Rachael, I don't want you to get it from the masseuse. I want it, you know,
I want you to get it from your husband. Um, so just, it's a matter of communication and then just
kind of exploring with different ways. Um, so for you, I would recommend, um, the book, let's see,
(24:44):
I wrote it here, uh, Tickle Your Fancy, once again. And then I'm going to recommend The Mystery of the
Undercover Clitoris. So, um, I talk about this book a lot at my parties, where sometimes you'll have
a partner who just can't find the clitoris, um, even though it's right there. Um, and with the
clitoris, you know, we can go into a whole, um, anatomy lesson, but the clitoris on the inside
(25:07):
your body, it's bigger than, um, what we think. Um, so sometimes it's a little bit difficult for
your partner to find the clitoral area. So I would definitely recommend that book, The Mystery of the
Undercover Clitoris. And maybe you can kind of give it to them in a way that, you know, in the
bedroom, maybe we can try something new, you know, or I read a couple of sections from this book, um,
(25:29):
you know, maybe you should read a couple of sections too. You can kind of make it a thing
between the two of you. So it doesn't necessarily mean you're shoving this book in his face and say,
here, read this. And, you know, on a hint that way, you can kind of make it in a way that you're
both reading it together. Um, and that book gives ways to arouse the clitoris. So that is something
(25:49):
that will definitely help in the long run because a clitoral orgasm, Rachael, is a beautiful thing.
And then if you want to introduce toys into the equation, and I don't know how open your
husband would be to that, you can introduce toys in a way that's going to help with, um, kind of
like dual stimulation. So if, for example, we have, uh, Get In Touch, right. So let's say your partner
(26:17):
is, um, you know, you're in the act of intercourse. So the penis is in, right. He or you, um, you know,
you can have it just to start off. You can, um, use, get in touch on the clitoris while he's inside,
while he's penetrating. And that dual stimulation can help with an orgasm. Or Rachael, I'm going to
(26:39):
talk about Womanizer. Now, Rachael, this is definitely going to give you an orgasm. Um, at
Bedroom Kandi, and this is called the Womanizer. This comes in three different styles. This is
Womanizer Pro. At Bedroom Kandi-land, we refer to this as the soul snatcher. Um, so for first time,
baby I would recommend a seatbelt. Like that's how powerful this thing is. So Womanizer, um,
(27:04):
this is kind of close to what's referred to as the Rose, but it's not like the Rose. And the reason
why is because this is not suck. It has what's called pleasure air technology. So it's almost
the equivalent of someone rapidly like [blowing] on the clitoris and it's blowing so rapidly. It feels
like someone is sucking, but it's not suction. Um, and so you can kind of, you know, start off with
(27:30):
a lower speed, a lower setting, and this is also good for squirting as well. I know that's not your
question, but, um, this will definitely, you know, this can definitely bring you to an orgasm. So
it's possible that you can give this to your husband. He can use this on you, or you can, um,
again, while he's penetrating, he or you can hold this onto the clitoris. Um, but Rachael, it does
(27:53):
warrant the conversation and not in a way that, um, is going to be abusive to his ego or anything
like that, just in a way that you can both try something else. So again, you can get the book and
you can both read the book at the same time. Um, you can each get a book and kind of book club it.
But there's definitely ways that you can do it or, um, you know, just, uh, have the conversation so
(28:18):
that it's not going to be detrimental to your relationship. Um, but it's definitely something
that should be had. And even if, like I said, if you have the pleasure yourself, all he's watching
and he's seeing where it is that you're pleasuring yourself. Um, but the point is you have to first
learn, um, where it is that you want to be pleasured for you to have a orgasm.
(28:38):
I'm looking, she says she's 40. They've been together since ‘04. I'm assuming that they were
together a little bit before then. So they've probably been together, you know, since their
teens and they probably never got a lot of exploration, so to speak. So, and that's fine.
(28:59):
They can explore with each other. I mean, the main thing is we don't need her getting smashed
by the IG massage therapist. I mean, cause they give very much Petri dish. And by the way, Rachael,
does your family own the radio station? Just never mind. You can email me if, if they do,
(29:19):
but I'm just curious. But anyway, our next question, Toni comes from Jahmel and Jahmel wants to know,
wait a minute. I know a Jamel. Is this is the Jamel or another Jamel? I don't, anyway,
Jahmel wants to know how he can ask his girlfriend to do anal play on him in the bedroom.
(29:41):
Ok. So Jahmel, I know it might not be an easy conversation,
but in this case, it's all about the communication. So you can start with explaining to her the
benefits of pegging and that your G spot is back there and that you would like to experience the
G spot orgasm because it's nothing wrong with that. And there's also health benefits of prostate
(30:02):
massage. And you know, we can go into a whole tangent about that, but I would think communication
should be the number one priority and just letting her know that you would like to feel that G-
spot orgasm. What I would do first is probably start off with a smaller, something smaller,
like a plug, just to get her used to the idea of having something back there. We do have a couple
(30:27):
of things that, and I don't have them here personally, we do have a couple of things,
you know, that you could possibly try, but that probably would be the best route that I will go
just starting off with a plug so that she can see something smaller and get used to that idea. And
then once she's more comfortable with seeing that, you can then introduce pegging. And so pegging is
(30:50):
basically the act of a woman using a strap on. So that probably would be the best option, I think,
and hopefully she's open to that. You know, in our community, there's the misconception when it comes
to men and anal play, so hopefully having a conversation is going to have her be a little
(31:12):
bit more receptive and that she's understanding to how it is you feel, and especially when you talk
about the benefits and you wanting to experience that G-spot orgasm. So I would definitely go
that route. You know, it's just that misconception about straight men and anal, but hopefully you've
brought the conversation up before so that it doesn't completely surprise her and catch her off
(31:35):
guard. So if you haven't, you may want to just at least have a conversation first and then just wait
a little bit longer, just to kind of get her comfort level and then you two can both go on and
try to choose a plug together. And that way it's including her in it. He didn't include how long
they've been together, so that's a good question. That's something that I would like to know.
(31:58):
Write us back and let us know.
How long they were together because that is a big deal because there's a difference between just
meeting someone and she's not understanding of like, you know, your whole being your whole
personality as opposed to being someone long-term and they want the best for you and they want to,
(32:19):
you know, enhance your sexual life in the bedroom. But I would just start with the whole conversation
about a plug first, you know, along with the communication about how it is that you want to
feel the G-spot orgasm, the benefits of, you know, prostate massage and things of that nature,
and then we'll go into pegging.
I want you to tell us about those benefits of prostate massage.
(32:44):
So it can aid in men's health. So, you know, with men's health, along with like your physicals,
you should definitely be going. And I don't know if it's at a certain age. So with women,
you know, with once we get to a certain age, we have to have the breast exam and things of that
nature. It’s 40, Toni. 40 as well. So from men, they should also have prostate massage and exams
(33:09):
because it also helps aid in cancer prevention and there's health benefits to it as well.
So just like, you know, things that we do for women, men are also, you know,
they're deserve of, you know, feeling things that they prefer. And so in this case, it seems like
(33:30):
this is his preference, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with being gay or
anything of that nature, he may not have been with men before anything like that. It's just a
preference for men. So, you know, I just really hope that she's understanding enough after they
have a conversation that she will be open and receptive to it. But I definitely wouldn't try
(33:55):
the pegging first simply because that's big to go from zero to 100. And that's basically what you're
doing with anal play, if you're trying it with pegging. But I'm just recommend a plug. And they
come in different sizes. We have one called P Curious, it's fairly small. I think that probably
(34:17):
would be the most understanding one for her if she's not used to it or if that's not something
that she's ever done with a male before. But just explore different things. We have one called
Step by Step. And Step by Step is unfortunately being discontinued. I know I have one or two in my
(34:38):
Bedroom Kandi store. You can find this one on my linkTree. Cris, you can I'll give you that
information to link. But this depends on the size toy that you want, I wouldn't recommend something
that's just going to blow her away. The minute she sees it, simply because it's going to be too
intimidating, it might be too much for her. So just have that conversation and start off with
(35:01):
something small. Nice. I had no idea that that the prostate massage aided in cancer prevention.
I had no idea. There's a lot of health benefits. And so when I was with the previous company,
so I'm with Bedroom Kandi now, but I started off in a previous company. And so
(35:23):
we had a lot of women in the Midwest. So with Bedroom Kandi, our demographic is mainly Black women
who are consultants. But with the other company, it was all demographics. And so
we were just always wondering why are the women in the Midwest selling all of our
anal toys, right? The toys for men to use in Italy. And it's because certain demographics
(35:50):
are more open to the prostate massages and prostate toys, as opposed to men in our community
who are heterosexual, but apprehensive to that. So it really depends on the demographic. I'm going
to assume Jahmel is a Black man. I don't know what the demographic is. I mean, with a name like that,
(36:13):
Toni, he better be. I don't know the demographic of his girlfriend, but at any rate, hopefully,
they have that conversation. A lot of the questions that we have today, like the main thing
is communication. And this, I think I've said it a couple of times today, we have to have those
tough conversations. And I don't think this is necessarily a tough conversation. This is just a
(36:36):
conversation about her being receptive to what his preference is
So Jahmel, I hope it does work out for you. I hope so too. And I mean, you know,
this helps me too, because I learned so much when every time we talk and you come on,
(36:58):
I had no idea that there were benefits in that. All right. So our last and final question comes
from Vanessa. Vanessa says, help, I keep getting the wrong size toys and it's making me uncomfortable.
How can I find the right size toy for my cat emoji? And Toni, she really put a cat emoji. Yes she did!
(37:18):
So there is a couple of different types of toys that you could choose from. So as I mentioned
earlier, you can get an orgasm, clitorally, vaginally or anally. So first determine what type
of toy it is. So even though you're mentioning the size, I'm going to assume you're using a toy
with a shaft. And sometimes, you know, if you're, if that's your first toy, or if you're going in,
(37:43):
I wouldn't recommend like a big dog toy, right? So I'm going to talk about a couple of toys and
you can kind of gauge what type of toy that you would like. So the first thing that I would talk
about is a clitoral toy. So again, we talked about the soul snatcher here, this is Womanizer.
So Womanizer, this is super powerful, but it's not intimidating. And it's definitely not something
(38:06):
that's going to hurt. So even though you're mentioning toys making you uncomfortable,
again, I'm assuming it's a tool with a shaft, but you can go a couple of different routes.
So Womanizer is just going to hit the clitoris, this part here, it has that pleasure air technology,
so it feels like sucking. So you can get your orgasm that way, you can squirt if you want.
(38:26):
But this has a couple of different speeds to it. So you're just going
to start off with the there's a minus sign here, if you can't see and then it goes to a plus sign.
So just keep hitting it until you get your desired effect that you're looking for. So that's the
Womanizer. Like I said, Womanizer does come in a couple of different types. We have this is pro,
(38:50):
we have the Womanizer Starlet, which is a bit smaller, still, in my opinion, is powerful,
it gets the job done. And then we have one that's called Womanizer Duo. Womanizer Duo also has the
pleasure air technology that sucks on the clitoris, but it also has a shaft that's attached to it.
(39:12):
So you can go a number of ways when it comes to your clitoral stimulation and your Womanizer toys.
We also have our Peach Buzz. So this is one of our newer toys. This will stimulate the clitoris
and the labia simply because of the size of it. So as you can see, I'm holding it in the palm of my
hands and kind of get an idea of how big it is something because of, you know, how I'm able to
(39:37):
hold it. But because of the size of this, you can kind of get two in one clitoris and again, the
labia. This has 10 pulsations to it. It's really soft, like it feels really it feels really soft,
it feels good. It looks like a stress ball, Toni. It does look like a stress ball, but it's, it's hard, not hard, hard, you can't squeeze it
(40:02):
like a stress ball. So this is a USB chargeable toy, you're going to stick the charger right on
there. It's magnetic. So once you attach it, like hold it up to it, it's going to automatically
connect. And I know you can't see it, but there's a tiny little bump here. That's how you're going
to turn it on. I hold it down for about five seconds. And that's with all of our toys. So
once you hold it down, if you keep pressing it, that will give you the different pulsations. So
(40:27):
they can kind of figure out what feeling it is, or what pulsation you want to feel. So that's
another toy that you can do as far as clitoral and vaginal stimulation. Again, it's not going to go
in obviously. But we have this little bump here that can hit the clitoris. Just the overall you
can put hold on to the labia to get that sensation. And then Vanessa is 35. So I'm not sure how many
(40:56):
toys you've tried, Vanessa. Or if you just tried one, it keeps you say I keep getting the wrong
size toys. This one here, I normally don't recommend this a lot at my parties anymore.
If I know I have a party with the younger demographic or inexperienced women, I will talk
about this. This one is called Turbo. Not a lot of bells and whistles with Turbo. This is a battery
(41:22):
operated toy. So mostly everything I showed earlier is a USB chargeable toy. I would say probably 97%
of our toys are USB chargeable. So you don't have to worry about batteries. With this particular one,
it does take one AA battery. And this has three speeds. So again, there's no bells and whistles.
(41:42):
You can put this into the vagina. To turn it on, there's a button here. You're going to hit that
button three times because there's three speeds to it. Again, to turn it on, hold it down for about
four or five seconds. But this is something that you could probably, let's see, I have a quarter
here on my desk. So it's the circumference of a quarter. As it comes out a little bit,
(42:08):
it probably gets a tiny bit wider, but not by much at all. So this is something that you could
probably start off with because it sounds like you haven't, I don't know if you've been starting off
with like humongous toys, or if you have been using smaller toys and they all just are uncomfortable.
(42:30):
Now, if that's the case, if you've been using toys that are all small, but it's still uncomfortable,
then you may want to use, and I'm not sure Vanessa, based on what I'm about to say next,
I'm not sure if you are intimate with a person, a penis currently. If you have not been for a while
and you've only been using a toy, and let's say it's a smaller toy and you're still uncomfortable,
(42:54):
you probably want to look into vaginal dilators. Ok, so what the vaginal dilators are,
they are, the best way I can explain it, they are graduated items that, not items, but it's a
graduated tool. So there's more than one, you start off with the smallest one, insert it into
the vagina and they help to expand the vagina based on your comfort level. So that might be
(43:19):
something, and that's going off on a tangent, depending upon Vanessa, if you haven't been
intimate with an actual penis in a while. I don't know, you could have someone a partner now, but
you may just be choosing a toy that's just a little bit too big. So in that case, like I said,
if you want to kind of downsize your toy, if it's something that's like really super big,
(43:42):
you can start off with Turbo. Like I said, this doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles, but this,
you know, if you want to just start off with a beginner's toy, this might be the one. We have
one that's even smaller than Turbo that's called Rocket. It looks identical, it's just a little bit
smaller. So that might be something that you can do as well. But if you're looking for just, you
(44:04):
know, your goal is an orgasm, I would venture out to clitoral toys simply because a clitoral
orgasm is really, really good, especially using the Womanizer. And also lastly, Vanessa, are you
using a lube, are you properly lubricated? So we talked about lube earlier, I would 100% use a
(44:26):
lubricant with your toys as well, because that could be the problem there. With sex, you know,
our vaginas open up, keep in mind a baby's head can fit through it, right? So it could be a matter
if you're not properly lubricated. And that could be the reason why, because ideally, if you can stick
a tampon in it, if a baby's head can come out, you should be able to get a toy into it. So I would
(44:51):
look into using a lube with your toys as well. Again, don't use a silicone lube, because silicone
and silicone don't get along, depending on what your current toys are made of. But just look into
a lube as well, because that could very well be the issue. Toni, are you in the mood for one more?
(45:12):
Yes, I am. I can take one more. She can take one more. Listen, I've been taking all of them.
Yall been wearing me out this morning. All right, last question. It's a bonus question. It comes from
Shell. Shell says, Hi, Cris and Toni, I've been with my lover for almost 10 years, and he has
trouble being penetrated. How can I get us to have sex again? So this leads me to think maybe
(45:38):
something happened. I don't know if there's some type of trauma, you know, that is, you know,
causing apprehension with, you know, his partner to have intercourse. With anal, the key is
lubrication, and it's also relaxation, right? So first, I would recommend having a conversation
about, you know, why there's apprehension. Is it due to fear? Is it fear of pain? So that's something
(46:06):
that's really important to talk about. Is it because, you know, something mental? If so,
it's very possible that your partner may need to speak with a therapist. And there's nothing wrong
with that. But if there's some type of trauma that has occurred in the past, I know you all have been
together 10 years, was it? You know, it's very possible that there's some type of, you know,
(46:29):
repressed feelings or something that could have happened in the past. Yeah almost ten Toni,
it says almost 10 years. Yeah, I would definitely recommend maybe talking to a therapist just to get
down into, you know, why it is that there's apprehension there. But once communication is
established, and more importantly, reassurance, maybe you can start with a plug, you know, and you
(46:55):
all can interact that way. And that kind of takes away just the fear of an actual penis being
penetrated versus the size of, you know, a toy, we have a toy I can call P Curious that I would
recommend maybe starting off with that. Because it's not, of course, as big. Of course, you want
(47:16):
to use your lubricant and I'm pretty sure you probably do have lube. If it's not a silicone lube, maybe
switch to a silicone lube. We have a toy as I mentioned, we have a tool called Step by Step,
and I have it here. So Step by Step is unfortunately being discontinued. But like I said,
I do have a couple in my Bedroom Kandi store. So my store is different from my Bedroom Kandi website.
(47:38):
So I have products here as well that I ship out, or I carry to my parties. So with Step by Step,
this probably is something that would highly recommend simply because of the graduated beading.
So you know, maybe to get him back into the swing of things, you can start with that smaller bead
here, and then just graduate up. Of course, you're going to use your lube. And you know, hopefully
(48:04):
your partner is relaxed enough after you do have that conversation. So this is something that I
would definitely recommend. Hopefully, you know, if you do want to reach out to me, or if you do want
to go into my Bedroom Kandi store, that website, you can get this. But if we don't have it, I do
recommend trying to find something very similar to this. Because this is probably, you know,
(48:29):
between this or P Curious, this is probably going to be something that kind of takes away
that intimidation factor. And, you know, once you get into it, you know, there's so many nerve
endings in the anal area, that I think is a mental thing. But once that block is removed,
then your partner definitely would be more open to it. So it's about, you know, communicating with
(48:50):
your partner first, just to kind of see what the apprehension is. And maybe it's something that you
can reassure them. Also using your lube, and then also just making sure they're relaxed again,
and not advocating if you don't drink or smoke, but maybe CBD or something that's going to help
aid and relaxation and call me a partner.
(49:13):
Well, listen, yall wore me out this morning. But Toni, thank you. Yeah, yeah, thank you for
coming back on on and doing this with us. I learned a lot. I hope everyone listening and watching did
I had like no idea about a lot of these things. And we'll definitely do this again. I'm glad we
got this one in the summer while folks are all hot and bothered, you know, out here doing all that
(49:38):
traveling and freaking. Ok. But let everyone know how they can get in touch with you, Toni.
So again, you can go to one of my websites. So my main website is thekittychronicles.co. If you
want to go straight into the nitty gritty and either get a Bedroom Kandi product, book a party,
(50:01):
you can do either in-person or virtual depending on where you are in the world.
You can go to my Bedroom Kandi website, bkparties.com/6109. And of course, I mentioned
early if you take your time with me to slow checking out, it probably will ask you to put
in the consultant again. And my consultant ID number is 6109. Or you can also find me on Instagram
(50:25):
@bedroomkandi_bytoni T-O-N-I. And I mean, listen, you know, you guys kind of got,
you know, a little party here, even though we were answering questions. But Toni has way more toys
in that arsenal of hers. Ok. So don't just think you're going to watch this
(50:46):
No, you need to book. And she does virtual parties.
You can have all your girlfriends over up on your big screen,
and just Toni can just go over all the toys with you. And it's interactive. I mean, how kool is
that? You know, seriously, come on, yall. Book those parties. Now I have a question. This is my
(51:09):
own personal question. Ok. I know. Dun Dun Dun Dun. Ok. When is the Lavender Kitty stuff coming out?
So Lavender Kitty is my other company. It's a bath and body line focused on self-care and wellness.
And so I am actually going to be doing a vending event in Woodlawn, Maryland in August on August
(51:33):
the 17th. And there I will have launched on my website, a bunch of new Lavender Kitty products.
My Lavender Kitty website is lavenderkitty.com, or you can find me on
Instagram there. Don't judge me for not posting lately. Um, but it's @lavenderkittylux.
(51:54):
@lavenderkittylux. I'll put all of that in there in the video and be on the lookout for that,
because I know I will. And hit Toni up if you want to book a party. Like I told everyone the last time
you were on, um, her parties are an incredible immersive experience, kind of like The Cris
David Show, you know, but, um, to everyone we didn't get today, you know, we'll get to you again
(52:19):
soon. Um, definitely Anonymous, write us back. Um, Haneef, write us back, everybody write us back and
let us know how you did with, um, with everything. Star, Rachael, you know, everyone who, um, Shell,
everyone who wrote in, um, Courtney and, and, um, Vanessa with the kitty cat emoji. I can't,
(52:40):
Toni, I can't get over that. Like she legitimately put a cat in it. Like how cute is she? Like she's
too cute. Ok. And remember, um, everything is anonymous unless you request it not be. Um,
um, and thanks again, Toni, for coming back, and helping the good people out here, I really,
really appreciate this. I'm sure they're going to appreciate it too, because you are just a wealth
(53:04):
of knowledge. That is what I aspire to have on this show. This is what I like having on the show.
I like having a wealth of knowledge and thank all of you good people out there for listening
and watching. Tell your friends, tell your mama, tell your daddy, tell your baby, daddy, tell your
boyfriend, tell your sister, tell your kittens and tell your bullies. And listen, tell your OBGYN
(53:25):
and your urologist, hell tell Star’s man and Haneef’s future fiancée to follow us on Instagram @crisdavidtv
And follow our show @thecrisdavidshow on Instagram and YouTube. You can also visit
crisdavidshow.com. There you'll find everything you need to know about the show. And I just want
(53:46):
to say your comfort should come first! And remember, they didn't stop making dick when they made his!
Right? That's right. Ok. Now be kind, be well, and talk like sex, rated X-X-X.
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