December 1, 2023 • 42 mins
The Sex Coach is back! The Cris David Show is closing out 2023 with one of our most requested guests, Clinical Certified Sexuality Coach, Toni Drumwright-Antoine!
This episode is available on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-pv1lzhL8fI
For more info on Coach Toni:
Bedroom Kandi, for toys and parties: www.bkparties.com/6109
The Kitty Chronicles, for coaching and hard to find toys: www.thekittychronicles.co
Lavender Kitty Lux, for luxury self-care and wellness products: www.lavenderkitty.com
Follow @crisdavidtv & @thecrisdavidshow on Instagram
For more info visit www.crisdavidshow.com
Want your question featured on our next #talklikesex Q&A with Coach Toni? Send it to info@thecrisdavidshow.com. Be sure to place “Sex Coach” in the subject line, and include your age, gender, and location. Only include your name if you do not wish to remain anonymous. Your question should be no more than 420 characters. For example, this paragraph is exactly 420 characters, your message shouldn't be longer than this.
Catch our previous #talklikesex Q&A here: https://youtu.be/uHrD313AH_0
Catch our 1-on-1 with Coach Toni here: https://youtu.be/GkdTKjLXgZQ
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
On this episode of The Cris David Show, Kellie writes, I'mma cut straight to the chase.
(00:16):
My man is too small.
That's just how I feel. Purr.
Damn, she want Earth, Wind and Fire.
She need all the elements.
You're affecting your credit for a big booty.
A 21 years old is going to take you a minute to pay that off.
That's definitely a red flag.
Men are very visual creatures, but that's in no way saying or, you know, even assuming
(00:39):
that he can even handle a big booty.
He might not even be ready for all that.
It's time to bless and release.
How about you start liking Jalen Hurts and D.K. Metcalf's pics?
You have your whole life to get a phatty.
I he just, oh, I just want to deck this dude.
I don't see an issue with having a fetish unless you're leaving out a significant part
of the story.
Um, so like, have you done anything that was disrespectful to your wife involving your
(01:03):
fetish?
Um, are you entertaining other people's feet?
A little hot sauce or a little habañero on the side may help with getting an erection.
So this makes them one of the best tools for erectile dysfunction.
I'm glad we were able to open you up to a whole new world.
I don't know what's in that plant, but I'm going to just say this.
Whatever’s in that plant
(01:25):
We need to send it to Kellie so she can rub it on her man's
Sex is part mind, but part body.
(01:55):
So we're obviously using our body for sex, but it's all in your mind because you can
have every intentional going home and putting it down on your partner, right?
But somebody cuts you off in traffic or you had a bad day.
You just can't get your mind right.
You know, you got bills too anything like that.
Your body isn't going to work with you.
Coach Toni, welcome back!
(02:18):
The people can't get enough of these advice shows and we can't get enough of doing them.
I'm happy to be back.
And yes, I am so enjoying these questions.
So thank you for having me.
Anytime and you're, you know, a friend to the show.
Like you are a mainstay.
(02:38):
So listen, Toni, everyone's been asking about Haneef
Women and men.
Okay.
But, but before we get started, let everyone know how they can contact you.
I have two websites.
My first website is regarding my sexuality coaching.
(02:58):
It has a little bit of Bedroom Kandi, my YouTube, all of my contact social media.
So that is the www.thekittychronicles.co
If you want to get straight into the toys, my Bedroom Kandi website is www.bkparties.com
is www.bkparties.com/6109
What I notice is if you take a little too long checking out, it probably will ask you
(03:20):
for the consultant ID again.
So just remember consultant ID 6109
And then you can also find me on Instagram bedroomkandi_bytoni.
Okay.
So the first question, first question is actually one that me and my guys on the Men's Panel
episode, we talked about that.
(03:41):
And if you guys haven't seen it, I don't know why you wouldn't have check it out, but this
comes from Anonymous, Anonymous is 22 and she's from New York.
This writes, I really don't know how to say this, but I've been dealing with this guy
from my job that I really liked a lot.
We've been on dates and he's met my friends and family.
(04:02):
After we had sex, he turned on the lights unexpectedly and kept gazing at it.
I asked him what he saw or if something was wrong.
He asked me if I'd ever been in an accident or something.
And I asked what kind of accident and told him just get to the point.
He said, how come I'm one color and my girl is darker?
You know, Toni, all I have to say for this is just like Mother of Misericordia
(04:26):
and Mercy Health Plan.
Like I just, I, he just, Ooh, I just want to deck this dude.
I told him everyone isn’t the same.
Isn't the same color all over and that our nipples usually tell what color we are down
there.
He laughed and said, but you are light.
I just didn't expect it to be so ugly.
I cried for the first time ever after sex.
I've never been hurt by someone I cared about before.
(04:50):
Now everything is awkward because we haven't spoken since that day and we work together.
What should I do?
And Toni, I really want to deck him straight in the fucking nuts.
Like I'm serious.
Oh, and she did write back from last week.
He is Black.
Okay.
But Toni, what in the world?
So unless you're prepared to leave your job, unfortunately you have to deal with it.
(05:15):
You know, this is what happens when you have sex with a coworker.
And the only thing is we don't realize this until it's too late.
Fun fact, it happens to all of us or a lot of us where we have sex with a coworker or
we're involved with a coworker and then, you know, things don't go well.
And now it's like, okay, now what do I do?
(05:36):
And this is just unfortunately, one of those things that you have to deal with and be strong
about it or look for a new job. Period.
But as far as the comment goes about your coloring trust, there's definitely going to
be a day that you find a man who can't stop looking at it.
(05:56):
That's going to be the one that, you know, loves the way it looks, loves the way it feels,
love the way it smells.
It's just that it wasn't your coworker.
He's just not the one.
So as far as that goes, you know, just forget about that.
That was an immature comment from your coworker.
(06:16):
And he obviously is not experienced with seeing a multitude of vaginas.
But I will say as far as the discomfort goes and working with him, that's just such an
unfortunate thing that it's like one of those repercussions of what do they say?
Where you're eating?
I don't know.
There's a saying, but basically you don't need to be having sex with someone that you work with.
(06:36):
Oh, no, I know that one.
I'll say Toni, listen, I have a cuss bank this year.
Don't shit where you eat.
Right.
So lesson learned to you, Anonymous.
You know, unfortunately, you can't turn back the hands of time, but just, you know, this is a lesson learned.
Try to look for, you know, even if you don't want to leave the company, maybe, I don't
(06:59):
how big your organization is, but maybe you can try to find a position in another department
or, you know, something like that.
Otherwise you just have to, you know, suck it up and see him on a regular basis.
So I did a Men's Panel and a few of these we did on the panel.
And my guy Khai, he said, you know, these young men don't know what real women look like.
(07:25):
They're so used to seeing pornography vaginas, pornography breasts, Instagram breasts, BBLs,
all of that.
And they don't really know what to do when they see a real person. Exactly.
You know, and I'll just repeat what I said, you know, on the panel show, Anonymous,
(07:45):
if he doesn't love you for who you are, he doesn't love you.
Don't compromise your comfort.
You don't need to change yourself for anyone.
And listen, for fuck's sake, just please stop dating people at work.
That shit never ends well.
Like stop.
Just I'm sorry, yall.
(08:05):
And Toni, I got to tell you about the cuss bank.
Because somebody said I have a cussing mouth. Okay.
So I've been good.
Well, I really haven't been that good.
I've been good.
I've been okay so far.
Like I slipped up on the panel.
So like on the panel, I got probably like, like 800 bucks or maybe more than that.
I think it's maybe like over a thousand now.
But I'm going to watch my mouth today in front of our clinical certified sexuality coach, Mrs.
(08:31):
Toni Drumwright-Antoine.
We have a follow-up though.
We have a response from one of our past callers, Star.
Now Star wrote in last season because her fiancé came home from prison with speed bumps on
the shaft of his penis.
And you can catch Toni's advice for Star on our previous #talklikesex Q&A episode.
And all that information is up in the description as well as on crisdavidshow.com.
(08:53):
There's something right here too.
Now Star is 25 and she's from Brooklyn.
Star writes, Dear Mrs. Toni and Mr. Cris, I love how Star writes.
Like she, you know what Star? One day Star, I just want to see your handwriting
because in my mind, Star just has like big loops and curls and she put hearts on top
(09:14):
of her I’s and everything.
But anyway, this is Star from Brooklyn.
Toni, you know what though? Every time I read stuff from Star, I think of that record.
Do you remember that song, What's Up Star?
I want to get to know who you are.
Let's have drinks at the bar.
Do you remember that?
Vaguely.
Yeah, it was, her name was Suga T. Also known as Sweet T. She was a rapper.
(09:36):
She was a rapper.
I remember Sweet T.
Yeah, Sweet T. and Suga T. are the same person.
Anyway, Star says, You guys helped me with my situation with my boyfriend, Kyle.
I'm so happy you took my question.
I hope everyone had a safe summer and is doing okay.
Well me and Kyle are no longer together.
We broke up shortly before the episode came on in July.
(09:59):
It was actually July 4th.
I caught him texting other chicks and he tried to play me like he wasn't, but I saw everything
in his phone.
He was trying to go watch the fireworks with some random girl and then he was texting different
girls asking them the same thing.
I'm glad I'm not messing with him anymore even though he still be texting me and apologizing.
(10:21):
He saw the show and said he was sorry for doing that speed bump operation behind my
back, but I still don't care.
I don't want to be with a cheater.
I'm in love with myself more, and my comfort comes first.
She learned something.
Yes.
Thanks for your great advice, Mrs. Toni. I will be buying some of those toys. Love, Star.
(10:41):
And then she writes, P.S. Mr. Cris, I know you're going to make fun of me for how I write.
But I can't help it.
I hope you put this in your show because I'll be watching cutie.
Oh, Star.
Toni take it away. Yes.
And now the only thing to add, you know, the update is she broke up with her boyfriend,
the only thing is, you know, Star, you're 25 years old.
You have the rest of your 20s to live.
(11:02):
You live in one of the best cities in the world.
Just date around, have fun, you know, explore, get to know yourself, who you are, what you
like.
We know you don't like the speed bumps.
But yeah, you know, it sounds like you're in the right direction.
It sounds like you're comfortable talking about, you know, what you don't like, or at
least getting advice about it.
(11:24):
So I would just say, you know, star, just go for it.
Just live the best, you know, your best life in your 20s.
I know I remember my 20s.
I had like the best time in my 20s.
And even into my 30s, my 30s were even better.
So it's only going to go up, Star.
I was there.
I remember Toni’s 30s also.
I mean, you know, I'm only 21.
(11:46):
What am I saying? No I’m kidding.
But you know, I'm so glad that she listened and she took your advice because we both know
in our personal lives, so many times you give people advice and they don't listen, you know,
and then it's like, well, what are you asking for?
and Star, I just want to say, you know, thank you for watching.
And we here at The Cris David Show want to congratulate you for making a very wise decision.
(12:12):
So continue to love, value and invest in yourself.
Don't invest in anyone who doesn't give you interest.
And like Coach Toni says, your comfort comes first.
Now she also says they didn't stop making dick when they made his.
So I'm glad you took her advice and you realized your potential.
And you know, Toni, Star, I didn't send you this when I sent you the letter, but she said,
(12:37):
she sent me this long message and she said when she would go up to visit him at the prison,
other girls names was on that list and some of them were putting money on the books, but
she ignored it.
And I'm glad that she listened to some advice, you know, and also she knew we would blast
Her if she didn't.
(12:57):
So okay.
Okay, Toni, you ready for this next question?
I'm ready.
Here we go.
Kellie writes,
I'mma cut straight to the chase.
My man's dick is too small.
My ex was 9.5 almost 10 and I miss that full feeling.
(13:20):
I'mma need him to grow some more penis or something because his little 8.5 ain't
it.
I know yall gonna call me a size queen or whatever, but that's just how I feel. Purr.
Now Toni, before we get into Kellie’s question or statement or whatever, cause it's like
she's talking at us.
(13:41):
I meant to tell you this when we, when I texted you the other day when we was talking.
So when I was reading that, somebody was like glancing over my shoulder while I was reading
her email.
And all they saw was like the sizes, like they saw the numbers and then she put like
eggplants in the message and they said, well, damn, she want Earth, Wind and Fire.
(14:02):
She need all the elements.
I was like why you looking over my shoulder?
But Toni take it away.
So Kellie babes, stop it.
Okay.
So I'm gonna give a few things and I'm gonna demonstrate, but just I'm being a little I’m multitasking,
but let me just first, I'm going to pull out a couple of things.
First, my handy dandy.
(14:25):
I keep a tape measure next to my desk.
Why?
I don't know, but this is nine and a half inches, but let me take it a step further.
Actually, let me do something else first.
We have a toy called Vitamin D+ and VitaminD+ plus is about 9.8 inches.
(14:47):
This is VitaminD+.
Look at that.
Look at that.
This bigger than my head, right?
So technically, I just want to say this technically size doesn't need to matter.
Oops.
This is all in the film.
I mean, I'm just going to-
That's okay.
(15:08):
Size doesn't need to matter.
The G spot, believe it or not, is in the first two to three inches of the vagina.
So let's say for instance, if your partner is trying to give you a G spot orgasm, it's
the equivalent of lying on your back, their palm up doing the come here finger and they'll
be touching the G spot.
So the G spot is in the first two to three inches of the vagina.
(15:30):
So as long as his penis is at least three inches, you can get some satisfaction.
He just has to know how to work it properly.
Now nine and a half inches, the comparison is just, well, you say your current man is
eight and a half.
That's not a huge difference.
Like you can do a lot of work with eight and a half inches.
So let's go back to my handy dandy tape measure.
(15:54):
This is eight and a half inches.
This is plenty.
Look, you're good on eight and a half inches.
You're just being extra greedy.
But not only that, you have to be like hella relaxed to be able to take on a regular basis,
nine and a half inches.
And eight and a half inches is pretty, you know, that's pretty sizable as well.
(16:16):
You can be comfortable.
I'm not sure, he can't grow a penis.
He just can't.
It's just like you have to be comfortable because you can't tell him, you know, your
penis is too small.
And as a matter of fact, with eight and a half inches, that's not small.
So I'm going to cut to the chase.
(16:37):
You'll be fine.
Be grateful for the eight and a half.
This is the thing, Toni, if it's even eight and a half, but Kellie's be throwed off male and
female is like, I don't know what it is.
And I'm just, I think for me, I'm just more surprised that she's damn near 40.
And she's talking like that.
Oh, yes.
(16:57):
I think that's what did it for me.
Kellie is 38.
Damn near 40.
But you know what, Toni, I blame the schools.
I blame our schools.
And I'm gonna tell you why, because they don't teach the metric system.
Now here's the deal.
I have a tape measure here.
I used to like body build.
So I was like, I would measure, you know, my arms and look, you will watch, you will
(17:21):
watch Coach Toni and The Cris David Show.
You will watch. But anyway
So oh, and you will buy from bkparties.com/6109
But look, look at this.
So eight and a half inches is about, I don't know if you can see,
(17:41):
maybe I need to flip it around.
That's like 20, 21 and a half centimeters.
You see the centimeter mark right there.
So it's 21 and a half centimeters.
That's a mouthful in more ways than one.
That's a mouthful. True that.
I mean, hold on, Toni, I got to show everybody something big and Black.
(18:03):
This is 12 inches.
This right here, this record.
This is what is this record? I’m Burnin’ Up.
Okay.
So well over 30 centimeters.
All right.
So if I go to eight and a half, because I got all kinds of tape measures and stuff too,
because I came prepared for The Coach.
(18:23):
Look at where this comes to on the record.
And this may not even be the best record though.
Let me think I have another one over here.
So this is another record right here.
All right.
Look at where this comes to, on this record.
Like, I mean, this is covering Maxwell's head.
(18:50):
Like look at this.
You know what it reminds me of?
I saw this strip show years ago and they were measuring the strippers with like one of these
tape measures.
And so the girl goes, like she measures the stripper literally from like the top of his
navel to his kneecaps.
Okay.
(19:10):
And the hostess is like, he got 20 inches of dick, ladies!
And I’m like no he don’t! Like where are you getting this from?
I don't know.
Kellie, Kellie, listen, I really hope you're not serious, but if you are, you need to break
up with him because you don't like him.
Like, I mean, look, Toni, why, why do these people be with somebody who they're not happy with?
(19:34):
I mean, and she said she likes that full feeling, but I mean, here's my question for you, Kellie.
Is he at least satisfying?
Because full isn't the only sensation sexually.
I mean, and sex, if you didn't learn anything from the last video with Coach Toni, because
I learned a lot personally, orgasms are in your mind.
(19:56):
You know, it's a mental physical connection.
But anyway, Kellie, write us back.
I mean, Toni, we have more of 2023 behind us than we do in front of us.
And I can't get over people still weaponizing things about people that they can't change.
I mean, first it’s Anonymous.
(20:17):
The guy she's messing with from a job talking about her vagina color.
And now it's Kellie talking about her man's penis size.
The average size for an erect penis is 5.17 inches.
So 5.17.
Right?
I mean, but look, it's the same size as my face.
(20:38):
No I’m kidding.
Eight and a half is a nice situation.
So Kellie, you know, not a lot of women, there are women who, you know, are not working with
that, with their partners.
Our next question comes from Anonymous and he's 18.
He's from Pennsylvania.
He's from PA.
Hello The Cris David Show and Sex Coach Toni.
(21:01):
I'm just starting college and a virgin.
I just want to wait and do it with my girl or someone I'm serious with, but everyone's
pressuring me to do it.
even my family, like my brothers and my dad and my uncles.
I lie and say I did it already, but when they ask me questions, they call my bluff every
time my older brother said he can still smell the virgin on me.
(21:24):
Should I just go with it?
Should I just go do it with anyone who's willing to give it up or do I wait?
Toni, before you go, I really want to deck these dudes this week.
Toni, what the hell?
Take it away.
Okay.
So Anonymous, listen to me and listen to me good.
(21:45):
Don't ever let anybody pressure you into losing your virginity on their terms.
So you know, losing your virginity is a monumental moment in everybody's life and regretting
it or, you know, the way it happened is probably one of the worst things that can ever happen.
So don't do it to satisfy someone else.
And if that means you've got to flip over a table during Sunday dinner when you come
home to visit or, you know, whatever, then do that.
(22:08):
Or you can choose to have a conversation with your dad like a serious conversation with your
dad only and not include your brothers in that conversation or you can even enlist your
mom.
You know, I don't know if your parents are together, but if your parents are together,
that would be ideal situation to even enlist your mother for backup in the conversation
or at least have a conversation with her and keep her updated on what it is that's happening.
(22:30):
And maybe she can go ahead and have a conversation with your dad.
That's if your parents are still together.
At the end of the day, no parent should ever be pressuring their child into having sex
on their terms when they want it to happen.
You will never get that moment back.
And sometimes, you know, we have a nice story to share when we've lost our virginity and
sometimes that story is not so nice.
(22:51):
And trust me, when it's not the best circumstances or the way that, you know, what happened in
a way that you're proud of, it lives with you.
It lives with you for the rest of your life.
And even though it's something that you might forget, everybody always thinks about the
first time they had sex.
So, you know, don't do it because you're trying to appease somebody else.
Do it because you met the right person and you want to share that moment with her.
(23:15):
Honestly, Anonymous, just wait.
Trust me on this one.
Wait.
And no offense.
No offense.
But the men in your family sound toxic as hell.
Like it's giving lack of impulse control.
Like, you know, just many x many, losing your virginity is not the achievement flex they
(23:36):
think it is.
But good for you so far for not feeding into the toxicity.
I mean, Toni, his brother said he could smell the virgin on him. Right?
You know, like, I mean, does your brother snort coke saying shit like that?
Like, it's unbelievable.
He needs an ENT or something.
I mean, are they going to pay for abortions, diapers, antibiotics?
(23:58):
And I mean, that's the tame stuff.
Again, Anonymous, wait, don't hop into bed with just anyone.
Make it a Night to Remember.
Don't compromise your comfort for a bunch of lowlifes.
Go look at, you know, some porn or something.
Just stay away from the AI porn.
That we're not going to show on here.
But you know something else, Toni, too.
(24:18):
I mentioned, you know, having babies and stuff, you know, paying for diapers.
Daycare is expensive.
OK.
Because one of my coworkers, she's paying like 600 a week for a three year old.
And it's not even like one of the fancy daycares.
It's highway robbery.
Like, it's just it's crazy.
But anyway, this next one is a follow up from Rachael from Arizona, who was married and hadn't
(24:44):
had an orgasm.
Now, she was considering following her girlfriend's lead and getting her masseur to give her one.
Now, Rachael writes, Hello, Mr. David and Mrs. Antoine.
This is Rachael writing back.
I saw the episode and it was impactful. Thank you.
You're an insightful and dynamic team.
(25:06):
I mean, we are Mars and Venus on this.
But I mean, I'm more like Pluto because you know I'm with the shits.
But thank you, Rachael.
Thank you.
Me and my dear husband, designated hitter, watched together and we had
a very heartfelt discussion pertaining to my orgasm status.
(25:27):
He apologized profusely and said that he would work on helping me achieve an orgasm.
We purchased a few of your toys from your store.
And I'm happy to say that I'm not only an orgasm achiever, but I'm also a member of
the exclusive MILE HIGH CLUB.
Toni, she put Mile High Club in CAPS.
My husband and I have taken a liking to exploring our sexuality both indoors and outdoors and
(25:53):
I couldn't be happier.
I know what you want to ask.
Yes, we are being safe.
No one has caught us yet.
If you recall, I mentioned my soror who was having sex with her masseur.
I made the mistake of telling her about my and my dear husband's newfound sexual escapades
and she enviously ghosted me.
(26:14):
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
One thing that isn't bad rubbish is SOUL SNATCHER.
She put that in CAPS too.
Thank you for telling me what to do in my time of need because I was really considering
separation.
Wow.
Sincerely, Rachael S. from Arizona.
Rachael, Toni, Rachael is an assertive letter writer, isn't she?
(26:35):
Yes.
I love that.
But what do you think of Rachael's new freakbodyism, Toni?
I love it.
So it's good to hear.
Very good to hear the update, Rachael.
Yes, don't be afraid to try new things.
It seems like you all like really, really had a conversation and made it impactful.
And you know, and a lot of times it's communication.
(26:56):
That's all it requires.
It's just to communicate and let your partner know what it is that you need, what's missing.
So I'm really great to hear it.
I like this update.
Yeah, and communication is key, as we always say, you know, you have to talk it out.
And Rachael, we're glad that you took Coach Toni's advice.
(27:16):
And I'm sure you're glad that you opted not to throw off your pH by fooling around with
the IG masseur.
But here's the thing, though, Toni, I can't believe that she actually considered separation.
I mean, because she would have the same issues with somebody else.
You know what I mean, like I said to Kellie earlier, it's all in your mind.
(27:39):
And I mean, people need to think of their sexual partners like they think of porn.
Like when someone watches porn, they go for a specific niche.
Because anything outside of that niche is not going to get them off.
Like it works the same way, you know, off screen.
Stop worrying about what your momma or your daddy or babydaddy got to say.
(28:00):
Like they're not in your head.
And they're not in your bed.
Don't compromise your comfort.
Your comfort comes first.
So anyway, Rachael, be careful doing things out there in public.
We don't need you or your husband on the sex offenders registries.
So be smart.
But Toni, I can't get over how she put MILE HIGH CLUB and SOUL SNATCHER in CAPS.
(28:25):
So congratulations, Rachael. Rachael is showing off!
Yeah, like what?
Just make sure, listen, Rachael, just make sure you wipe down and you lock those airplane
doors.
All right, if you know, you know.
And okay, Anonymous, we have up next.
She's 30.
And she's from Minnesota.
She says, I've been dating this guy I've met off of a dating app for seven months now.
(28:49):
When I ask him what he thinks about us, he doesn't give me any clear answers.
I ask my friends what they think is going on with him.
And they say he probably isn't big on relationships.
I like him and I want to be his girl.
How long does it take for a man to know if he really wants to be with you?
(29:10):
So for me, of course, I'm no man.
So I have to enlist the advice of my husband for this one.
So I'm going to read his response.
Shout out to Toni's husband.
So he says, it's not how long it takes to know someone wants to be with you, but more
when the guy realizes that she turns him on in ways beyond her looks.
(29:31):
when he's attracted to things like how she walks, her beauty, her demeanor, just the
way she does little things like if she touches herself, he's attracted to that.
Her smell when she's coming and going, how she talks.
So it's not there.
Basically, he's saying there's no set time on when he's going to be attracted to you.
(29:54):
So you know, based on just that response Anonymous, what I would say is, you know, I do agree with your
friends, he's just not that into you because seven months is absolutely insane for a guy
to not be able to give you a clear response on where you are.
There are people who have gotten married after seven months.
(30:16):
So to be with a person who can't even give you specifics on where he is or how he feels
in a relationship, that's definitely a red flag.
So I would say it's time to bless and release because you're 30, these are your pretty
years, these are your baby making years.
So you want to be with someone who, and it sounds like you want to be in a relationship.
(30:37):
And ultimately, you know, when we're in our thirties, our relationships are not just, you know, wham bam, thank you man
you know those types of relationships.
So if you're 30 and you're with someone who still can't even communicate to give you a
clear response on what it is that he wants from you, I definitely am an advocate of blessing
and releasing.
I like that.
(30:59):
Bless… and release.
You know, Toni, I have a whole list of quotes from you and we're putting quotes in the
video right now, but I have a whole list of quotes from you that people are looking at.
But I did this question on the Men's Panel and my guy Joey said, his mother has this
(31:24):
thing she says and it's called boyfriend-lite or girlfriend-lite,
meaning you're getting all the benefits, but there's no title, you know?
And like I said on the panel and I, Anonymous, I do apologize because I was a bit harsh when
I said it, when I responded to you.
(31:45):
But as a man of a certain age, I'm going to say something similar to what Coach Toni
just said, leave him alone, find someone who wants exactly what you want.
When you like someone, make sure they like you, and don't invest in anyone who doesn't
give you interest.
And I mean, you know, the other thing is too, you might want to consider meeting somebody
(32:07):
off of a dating app, you know, like maybe hang out with your friends, you know, and
your family do activities where, you know, you have to be social and engaged.
Like Joey said, he met his girlfriend, Toni, at one of those chicken wing festivals. I ain’t mad at it.
That they have, like a food festival.
I mean, and they've been together five years.
(32:28):
You should see them, Toni.
You'll see if you go back, you'll see them.
They look like a UPN sitcom couple.
Like they're perfect for each other.
But I mean, you know, go out and do stuff, when you go and you do stuff and you engage
and you're having fun.
That's when you meet people because you're doing things that you like and they're doing
(32:49):
the same things that they like that happen to be what you like.
And you have that in common.
So I mean, even ask a friend, you know, who, you know, knows someone if they know someone
good who they think you might be interested in.
But I do really, really hope that you find, you know, what you want and what you deserve.
And thank you for writing in.
And I mean, I can't really keep this in the video, but I want to say too, get you a friend
(33:16):
who watches the news and she might see someone on the news who looks like someone both of
you know, and you just work it all out on Facebook.
Okay!
That's it.
But wait, Toni, I got to tell you this story.
Now I'm definitely not leaving this in the video.
You know, Paula wanted to fix me up with this.
(33:41):
You got to come over to the Starbucks.
We'll have lunch or something, but you have to come at a certain time because I know you'd
be perfect for each other.
But we could never like coordinate a time for me to like come to the city and be at
the Starbucks at that time that she took her break.
But anyway, shout out to Paula.
Shout out to Paula. Hey Paula.
Goodness, Paula.
So our next one, our next one comes from Casey.
(34:06):
Casey's 21 and she's from Jersey.
Hi Cris and Toni.
My name is Casey and I found out about your show on Instagram.
Thank you for watching Casey.
Hopefully you see this before it's too late.
I have a boyfriend of five years named Anthony and Toni, wait a minute, Casey and Anthony.
It's like Casey Anthony.
Remember the “tot mom”?
(34:26):
Yes, I do.
All right.
I'm gonna stop.
That was horrible.
I'm going to put $20 in the cuss jar just for that.
Even though I didn't cuss.
Anyway, he's perfect.
The only thing is I catch him liking the baddie girls on IG.
All of them have a certain look and a body type that I don't have.
And even though, even though he won't never say, yikes, Casey won't never say it?
(34:49):
Okay.
I know he wants a girl with a BBL and I have been going to different doctors here in down
south for consultations.
And I just did one on virtual for a surgeon in the Dominican Republic.
I really don't have the money to do it.
So I'm going to do Care Credit.
I know I should be with someone who loves my little booty, but I want him to be satisfied.
(35:14):
Please help, Casey.
Okay.
So hi, Casey.
I'm going to give you a response, but somehow I think you're going to do what you want to
do anyway.
The first thing I'd say is, you know, obviously he wants to be with you if you know, you two
have been together for five years.
So I think in all of your research, you missed one major step and that was just basically
(35:36):
communicating with your man.
You know, we'll ask him how he feels about your body and any man that's really going
to care for you and does love you.
I'm sure, you know, after five years, he does love you.
He's going to want, you know, the best for you.
And he's going to, you know, want you for the body that you do have.
Now one thing I do know is that you're 21.
(35:57):
So once upon a time, I was 21 with a little booty.
Now I got a little wagon that I'm draggin’.
So and it hurts my lower back.
Okay.
So you will grow into your body.
That's what I'll say.
I'm going to be completely honest with you, Casey.
I would side eye the hell out of a doctor who would operate on a 21 year old.
(36:20):
Simply because your body is not finished growing.
I mean, your body hasn't even really started growing into a woman.
I'm going to be completely honest with you.
As far as, you know, your boyfriend intimacy has nothing to do with, you know, the size
of your body.
So if your main concern is, you know, him being satisfied, then who's to say he's not
satisfied?
(36:41):
Like he's with you when he's been with you for a while now.
Men are visual creatures.
They absolutely are.
So I'm not going to take that away from him.
And the fact that he's just on Instagram liking pics.
Some people have like issues with that.
He's simply liking pics.
Now, if he's like reaching out to people, that's one thing, but he's just liking pictures.
(37:02):
And I don't fault that.
Like I said, men are very visual creatures.
But that's in no way saying or, you know, even assuming that he can even handle a big
booty.
You're 21.
You didn't let us know how old your partner was.
So I'm just going to say if he's under the age of 27, he might not even be ready for
(37:23):
all that.
I'm going to be completely honest.
Do not get the surgery.
I'm sure you're going to grow into your body.
You just have to be patient.
I mean, I would really, really love Cris to know how old the boyfriend is.
if he's something like 21 or 22, he is not ready.
You know, like mentally guys are just, you know.
(37:46):
Look, they take a little bit longer to mature than women.
But to be 21 years old and thinking about altering your body for, you know, a guy.
So you've been together for five years.
So you've been together since you were 16 years old.
So he likely is your first boyfriend.
Don't do it, Casey.
Don't do that.
(38:06):
Something like that for your first boyfriend.
And not only that, you're going to put it on Care Credit.
So you're affecting your credit for a big booty.
At 21 years old, it's going to take you a minute to pay that off.
You're not in your career yet, more than likely.
So you never know what's going to happen with your employment situation.
When we're 21, we're in that age range.
(38:30):
We're not thinking career. We're thinking, hey, somebody pissed me off today.
Let me start looking for a new job.
Or not even let me start looking for a new job.
Let me quit.
So now you're affecting your credit all because your boyfriend wanted a big booty.
So I would say don't do it.
Please don't do it.
I know that you've done your research.
And I know for me personally, once I started researching it and I get it in my head, then
(38:53):
really I want to do it and I'm going to do it.
But I really hope that you do take this advice and don't do it.
So while you were talking, Toni, excuse me, I was looking up the typical price for a BBL
state side and then in the Dominican Republic.
(39:14):
And typically state side, they can run upwards of 20, $25,000 in the Dominican Republic.
They're significantly less.
But think about it, you're compromising your health.
They may not have the same, they don't have the same medical standards as we have here
in the United States.
(39:35):
And you know Toni, one of our friends to the show works at a hospital and it's a hospital in the states,
but it's in a hub city and a lot of the girls come through in wheelchairs and they've had
those surgeries in D.R.
And they said that the girls come back all discombobulated.
(39:59):
One of them came back damn near blind because she had a seizure on the operating table.
And then the women in these, because they don't stay at the hospital to recover like
you would in the United States, they go to recovery houses and the women abuse them in
these recovery houses.
Like they take their passports from them, they beat them.
(40:21):
Like it's cataclysmic, honestly.
It's really crazy.
But anyway, Casey, I'm going to tell you like I told Anonymous, if he doesn't love you the
way you are, he doesn't love you.
Don't compromise your comfort.
You're 21.
Save your money.
Like you have your whole life, like Coach Toni said, you have your whole life to get
(40:44):
a phatty.
I mean, shit, tell him to get a BBL.
I mean, tell him you only like wide receivers and quarterbacks.
Like, I mean, how about this?
How about you start, you go on your IG and you start liking Jalen Hurts and DK Metcalf's
Pics?
You know, I mean, what's good for the Goose is good for Gander.
I'm just saying.
And Casey, I really hope to God, I'mma lean in on this one.
(41:09):
I really hope that that doctor or you did the virtual consult with, I hope their last
name doesn't begin with a “C” or “Y” because Toni, there's a doctor in D.R. and his slogan is,
“if you survive, you'll be snatched.”
What?
Wow.
(41:29):
And the girls are still going.
But you know what?
I'll say this to you, Casey, work on BBL-ing your personality.
Like get hobbies, become a well-rounded young woman and take breaks from social media.
Breaks are healthy.
And you know what?
Social media was fun, Toni, because we used to be on Instagram back in the day all the
(41:50):
time.
Like I used to love your pictures.
And then it's like gradually over the years, I stopped seeing your pictures and I started
seeing like all this foolishness.
And I'm like, well, where's my friend stuff?
Like my friend goes out and she takes all these beautiful pictures of like, you know,
flowers and plants and animals and Paris and Montreal.
(42:11):
I'm like, what happened to that?
You know, it's just, I just mass unfollowed like a whole bunch of accounts.
Like it's the ads, like I tell you Toni, they make everything evil...
On this episode of The Cris David Show, Kellie writes, I'mma cut straight to the chase.
(00:16):
My man is too small.
That's just how I feel. Purr.
Damn, she want Earth, Wind and Fire.
She need all the elements.
You're affecting your credit for a big booty.
A 21 years old is going to take you a minute to pay that off.
That's definitely a red flag.
Men are very visual creatures, but that's in no way saying or, you know, even assuming
(00:39):
that he can even handle a big booty.
He might not even be ready for all that.
It's time to bless and release.
How about you start liking Jalen Hurts and D.K. Metcalf's pics?
You have your whole life to get a phatty.
I he just, oh, I just want to deck this dude.
I don't see an issue with having a fetish unless you're leaving out a significant part
of the story.
Um, so like, have you done anything that was disrespectful to your wife involving your
(01:03):
fetish?
Um, are you entertaining other people's feet?
A little hot sauce or a little habañero on the side may help with getting an erection.
So this makes them one of the best tools for erectile dysfunction.
I'm glad we were able to open you up to a whole new world.
I don't know what's in that plant, but I'm going to just say this.
Whatever’s in that plant
(01:25):
We need to send it to Kellie so she can rub it on her man's
Sex is part mind, but part body.
(01:55):
So we're obviously using our body for sex, but it's all in your mind because you can
have every intentional going home and putting it down on your partner, right?
But somebody cuts you off in traffic or you had a bad day.
You just can't get your mind right.
You know, you got bills too anything like that.
Your body isn't going to work with you.
Coach Toni, welcome back!
(02:18):
The people can't get enough of these advice shows and we can't get enough of doing them.
I'm happy to be back.
And yes, I am so enjoying these questions.
So thank you for having me.
Anytime and you're, you know, a friend to the show.
Like you are a mainstay.
(02:38):
So listen, Toni, everyone's been asking about Haneef
Women and men.
Okay.
But, but before we get started, let everyone know how they can contact you.
I have two websites.
My first website is regarding my sexuality coaching.
(02:58):
It has a little bit of Bedroom Kandi, my YouTube, all of my contact social media.
So that is the www.thekittychronicles.co
If you want to get straight into the toys, my Bedroom Kandi website is www.bkparties.com
is www.bkparties.com/6109
What I notice is if you take a little too long checking out, it probably will ask you
(03:20):
for the consultant ID again.
So just remember consultant ID 6109
And then you can also find me on Instagram bedroomkandi_bytoni.
Okay.
So the first question, first question is actually one that me and my guys on the Men's Panel
episode, we talked about that.
(03:41):
And if you guys haven't seen it, I don't know why you wouldn't have check it out, but this
comes from Anonymous, Anonymous is 22 and she's from New York.
This writes, I really don't know how to say this, but I've been dealing with this guy
from my job that I really liked a lot.
We've been on dates and he's met my friends and family.
(04:02):
After we had sex, he turned on the lights unexpectedly and kept gazing at it.
I asked him what he saw or if something was wrong.
He asked me if I'd ever been in an accident or something.
And I asked what kind of accident and told him just get to the point.
He said, how come I'm one color and my girl is darker?
You know, Toni, all I have to say for this is just like Mother of Misericordia
(04:26):
and Mercy Health Plan.
Like I just, I, he just, Ooh, I just want to deck this dude.
I told him everyone isn’t the same.
Isn't the same color all over and that our nipples usually tell what color we are down
there.
He laughed and said, but you are light.
I just didn't expect it to be so ugly.
I cried for the first time ever after sex.
I've never been hurt by someone I cared about before.
(04:50):
Now everything is awkward because we haven't spoken since that day and we work together.
What should I do?
And Toni, I really want to deck him straight in the fucking nuts.
Like I'm serious.
Oh, and she did write back from last week.
He is Black.
Okay.
But Toni, what in the world?
So unless you're prepared to leave your job, unfortunately you have to deal with it.
(05:15):
You know, this is what happens when you have sex with a coworker.
And the only thing is we don't realize this until it's too late.
Fun fact, it happens to all of us or a lot of us where we have sex with a coworker or
we're involved with a coworker and then, you know, things don't go well.
And now it's like, okay, now what do I do?
(05:36):
And this is just unfortunately, one of those things that you have to deal with and be strong
about it or look for a new job. Period.
But as far as the comment goes about your coloring trust, there's definitely going to
be a day that you find a man who can't stop looking at it.
(05:56):
That's going to be the one that, you know, loves the way it looks, loves the way it feels,
love the way it smells.
It's just that it wasn't your coworker.
He's just not the one.
So as far as that goes, you know, just forget about that.
That was an immature comment from your coworker.
(06:16):
And he obviously is not experienced with seeing a multitude of vaginas.
But I will say as far as the discomfort goes and working with him, that's just such an
unfortunate thing that it's like one of those repercussions of what do they say?
Where you're eating?
I don't know.
There's a saying, but basically you don't need to be having sex with someone that you work with.
(06:36):
Oh, no, I know that one.
I'll say Toni, listen, I have a cuss bank this year.
Don't shit where you eat.
Right.
So lesson learned to you, Anonymous.
You know, unfortunately, you can't turn back the hands of time, but just, you know, this is a lesson learned.
Try to look for, you know, even if you don't want to leave the company, maybe, I don't
(06:59):
how big your organization is, but maybe you can try to find a position in another department
or, you know, something like that.
Otherwise you just have to, you know, suck it up and see him on a regular basis.
So I did a Men's Panel and a few of these we did on the panel.
And my guy Khai, he said, you know, these young men don't know what real women look like.
(07:25):
They're so used to seeing pornography vaginas, pornography breasts, Instagram breasts, BBLs,
all of that.
And they don't really know what to do when they see a real person. Exactly.
You know, and I'll just repeat what I said, you know, on the panel show, Anonymous,
(07:45):
if he doesn't love you for who you are, he doesn't love you.
Don't compromise your comfort.
You don't need to change yourself for anyone.
And listen, for fuck's sake, just please stop dating people at work.
That shit never ends well.
Like stop.
Just I'm sorry, yall.
(08:05):
And Toni, I got to tell you about the cuss bank.
Because somebody said I have a cussing mouth. Okay.
So I've been good.
Well, I really haven't been that good.
I've been good.
I've been okay so far.
Like I slipped up on the panel.
So like on the panel, I got probably like, like 800 bucks or maybe more than that.
I think it's maybe like over a thousand now.
But I'm going to watch my mouth today in front of our clinical certified sexuality coach, Mrs.
(08:31):
Toni Drumwright-Antoine.
We have a follow-up though.
We have a response from one of our past callers, Star.
Now Star wrote in last season because her fiancé came home from prison with speed bumps on
the shaft of his penis.
And you can catch Toni's advice for Star on our previous #talklikesex Q&A episode.
And all that information is up in the description as well as on crisdavidshow.com.
(08:53):
There's something right here too.
Now Star is 25 and she's from Brooklyn.
Star writes, Dear Mrs. Toni and Mr. Cris, I love how Star writes.
Like she, you know what Star? One day Star, I just want to see your handwriting
because in my mind, Star just has like big loops and curls and she put hearts on top
(09:14):
of her I’s and everything.
But anyway, this is Star from Brooklyn.
Toni, you know what though? Every time I read stuff from Star, I think of that record.
Do you remember that song, What's Up Star?
I want to get to know who you are.
Let's have drinks at the bar.
Do you remember that?
Vaguely.
Yeah, it was, her name was Suga T. Also known as Sweet T. She was a rapper.
(09:36):
She was a rapper.
I remember Sweet T.
Yeah, Sweet T. and Suga T. are the same person.
Anyway, Star says, You guys helped me with my situation with my boyfriend, Kyle.
I'm so happy you took my question.
I hope everyone had a safe summer and is doing okay.
Well me and Kyle are no longer together.
We broke up shortly before the episode came on in July.
(09:59):
It was actually July 4th.
I caught him texting other chicks and he tried to play me like he wasn't, but I saw everything
in his phone.
He was trying to go watch the fireworks with some random girl and then he was texting different
girls asking them the same thing.
I'm glad I'm not messing with him anymore even though he still be texting me and apologizing.
(10:21):
He saw the show and said he was sorry for doing that speed bump operation behind my
back, but I still don't care.
I don't want to be with a cheater.
I'm in love with myself more, and my comfort comes first.
She learned something.
Yes.
Thanks for your great advice, Mrs. Toni. I will be buying some of those toys. Love, Star.
(10:41):
And then she writes, P.S. Mr. Cris, I know you're going to make fun of me for how I write.
But I can't help it.
I hope you put this in your show because I'll be watching cutie.
Oh, Star.
Toni take it away. Yes.
And now the only thing to add, you know, the update is she broke up with her boyfriend,
the only thing is, you know, Star, you're 25 years old.
You have the rest of your 20s to live.
(11:02):
You live in one of the best cities in the world.
Just date around, have fun, you know, explore, get to know yourself, who you are, what you
like.
We know you don't like the speed bumps.
But yeah, you know, it sounds like you're in the right direction.
It sounds like you're comfortable talking about, you know, what you don't like, or at
least getting advice about it.
(11:24):
So I would just say, you know, star, just go for it.
Just live the best, you know, your best life in your 20s.
I know I remember my 20s.
I had like the best time in my 20s.
And even into my 30s, my 30s were even better.
So it's only going to go up, Star.
I was there.
I remember Toni’s 30s also.
I mean, you know, I'm only 21.
(11:46):
What am I saying? No I’m kidding.
But you know, I'm so glad that she listened and she took your advice because we both know
in our personal lives, so many times you give people advice and they don't listen, you know,
and then it's like, well, what are you asking for?
and Star, I just want to say, you know, thank you for watching.
And we here at The Cris David Show want to congratulate you for making a very wise decision.
(12:12):
So continue to love, value and invest in yourself.
Don't invest in anyone who doesn't give you interest.
And like Coach Toni says, your comfort comes first.
Now she also says they didn't stop making dick when they made his.
So I'm glad you took her advice and you realized your potential.
And you know, Toni, Star, I didn't send you this when I sent you the letter, but she said,
(12:37):
she sent me this long message and she said when she would go up to visit him at the prison,
other girls names was on that list and some of them were putting money on the books, but
she ignored it.
And I'm glad that she listened to some advice, you know, and also she knew we would blast
Her if she didn't.
(12:57):
So okay.
Okay, Toni, you ready for this next question?
I'm ready.
Here we go.
Kellie writes,
I'mma cut straight to the chase.
My man's dick is too small.
My ex was 9.5 almost 10 and I miss that full feeling.
(13:20):
I'mma need him to grow some more penis or something because his little 8.5 ain't
it.
I know yall gonna call me a size queen or whatever, but that's just how I feel. Purr.
Now Toni, before we get into Kellie’s question or statement or whatever, cause it's like
she's talking at us.
(13:41):
I meant to tell you this when we, when I texted you the other day when we was talking.
So when I was reading that, somebody was like glancing over my shoulder while I was reading
her email.
And all they saw was like the sizes, like they saw the numbers and then she put like
eggplants in the message and they said, well, damn, she want Earth, Wind and Fire.
(14:02):
She need all the elements.
I was like why you looking over my shoulder?
But Toni take it away.
So Kellie babes, stop it.
Okay.
So I'm gonna give a few things and I'm gonna demonstrate, but just I'm being a little I’m multitasking,
but let me just first, I'm going to pull out a couple of things.
First, my handy dandy.
(14:25):
I keep a tape measure next to my desk.
Why?
I don't know, but this is nine and a half inches, but let me take it a step further.
Actually, let me do something else first.
We have a toy called Vitamin D+ and VitaminD+ plus is about 9.8 inches.
(14:47):
This is VitaminD+.
Look at that.
Look at that.
This bigger than my head, right?
So technically, I just want to say this technically size doesn't need to matter.
Oops.
This is all in the film.
I mean, I'm just going to-
That's okay.
(15:08):
Size doesn't need to matter.
The G spot, believe it or not, is in the first two to three inches of the vagina.
So let's say for instance, if your partner is trying to give you a G spot orgasm, it's
the equivalent of lying on your back, their palm up doing the come here finger and they'll
be touching the G spot.
So the G spot is in the first two to three inches of the vagina.
(15:30):
So as long as his penis is at least three inches, you can get some satisfaction.
He just has to know how to work it properly.
Now nine and a half inches, the comparison is just, well, you say your current man is
eight and a half.
That's not a huge difference.
Like you can do a lot of work with eight and a half inches.
So let's go back to my handy dandy tape measure.
(15:54):
This is eight and a half inches.
This is plenty.
Look, you're good on eight and a half inches.
You're just being extra greedy.
But not only that, you have to be like hella relaxed to be able to take on a regular basis,
nine and a half inches.
And eight and a half inches is pretty, you know, that's pretty sizable as well.
(16:16):
You can be comfortable.
I'm not sure, he can't grow a penis.
He just can't.
It's just like you have to be comfortable because you can't tell him, you know, your
penis is too small.
And as a matter of fact, with eight and a half inches, that's not small.
So I'm going to cut to the chase.
(16:37):
You'll be fine.
Be grateful for the eight and a half.
This is the thing, Toni, if it's even eight and a half, but Kellie's be throwed off male and
female is like, I don't know what it is.
And I'm just, I think for me, I'm just more surprised that she's damn near 40.
And she's talking like that.
Oh, yes.
(16:57):
I think that's what did it for me.
Kellie is 38.
Damn near 40.
But you know what, Toni, I blame the schools.
I blame our schools.
And I'm gonna tell you why, because they don't teach the metric system.
Now here's the deal.
I have a tape measure here.
I used to like body build.
So I was like, I would measure, you know, my arms and look, you will watch, you will
(17:21):
watch Coach Toni and The Cris David Show.
You will watch. But anyway
So oh, and you will buy from bkparties.com/6109
But look, look at this.
So eight and a half inches is about, I don't know if you can see,
(17:41):
maybe I need to flip it around.
That's like 20, 21 and a half centimeters.
You see the centimeter mark right there.
So it's 21 and a half centimeters.
That's a mouthful in more ways than one.
That's a mouthful. True that.
I mean, hold on, Toni, I got to show everybody something big and Black.
(18:03):
This is 12 inches.
This right here, this record.
This is what is this record? I’m Burnin’ Up.
Okay.
So well over 30 centimeters.
All right.
So if I go to eight and a half, because I got all kinds of tape measures and stuff too,
because I came prepared for The Coach.
(18:23):
Look at where this comes to on the record.
And this may not even be the best record though.
Let me think I have another one over here.
So this is another record right here.
All right.
Look at where this comes to, on this record.
Like, I mean, this is covering Maxwell's head.
(18:50):
Like look at this.
You know what it reminds me of?
I saw this strip show years ago and they were measuring the strippers with like one of these
tape measures.
And so the girl goes, like she measures the stripper literally from like the top of his
navel to his kneecaps.
Okay.
(19:10):
And the hostess is like, he got 20 inches of dick, ladies!
And I’m like no he don’t! Like where are you getting this from?
I don't know.
Kellie, Kellie, listen, I really hope you're not serious, but if you are, you need to break
up with him because you don't like him.
Like, I mean, look, Toni, why, why do these people be with somebody who they're not happy with?
(19:34):
I mean, and she said she likes that full feeling, but I mean, here's my question for you, Kellie.
Is he at least satisfying?
Because full isn't the only sensation sexually.
I mean, and sex, if you didn't learn anything from the last video with Coach Toni, because
I learned a lot personally, orgasms are in your mind.
(19:56):
You know, it's a mental physical connection.
But anyway, Kellie, write us back.
I mean, Toni, we have more of 2023 behind us than we do in front of us.
And I can't get over people still weaponizing things about people that they can't change.
I mean, first it’s Anonymous.
(20:17):
The guy she's messing with from a job talking about her vagina color.
And now it's Kellie talking about her man's penis size.
The average size for an erect penis is 5.17 inches.
So 5.17.
Right?
I mean, but look, it's the same size as my face.
(20:38):
No I’m kidding.
Eight and a half is a nice situation.
So Kellie, you know, not a lot of women, there are women who, you know, are not working with
that, with their partners.
Our next question comes from Anonymous and he's 18.
He's from Pennsylvania.
He's from PA.
Hello The Cris David Show and Sex Coach Toni.
(21:01):
I'm just starting college and a virgin.
I just want to wait and do it with my girl or someone I'm serious with, but everyone's
pressuring me to do it.
even my family, like my brothers and my dad and my uncles.
I lie and say I did it already, but when they ask me questions, they call my bluff every
time my older brother said he can still smell the virgin on me.
(21:24):
Should I just go with it?
Should I just go do it with anyone who's willing to give it up or do I wait?
Toni, before you go, I really want to deck these dudes this week.
Toni, what the hell?
Take it away.
Okay.
So Anonymous, listen to me and listen to me good.
(21:45):
Don't ever let anybody pressure you into losing your virginity on their terms.
So you know, losing your virginity is a monumental moment in everybody's life and regretting
it or, you know, the way it happened is probably one of the worst things that can ever happen.
So don't do it to satisfy someone else.
And if that means you've got to flip over a table during Sunday dinner when you come
home to visit or, you know, whatever, then do that.
(22:08):
Or you can choose to have a conversation with your dad like a serious conversation with your
dad only and not include your brothers in that conversation or you can even enlist your
mom.
You know, I don't know if your parents are together, but if your parents are together,
that would be ideal situation to even enlist your mother for backup in the conversation
or at least have a conversation with her and keep her updated on what it is that's happening.
(22:30):
And maybe she can go ahead and have a conversation with your dad.
That's if your parents are still together.
At the end of the day, no parent should ever be pressuring their child into having sex
on their terms when they want it to happen.
You will never get that moment back.
And sometimes, you know, we have a nice story to share when we've lost our virginity and
sometimes that story is not so nice.
(22:51):
And trust me, when it's not the best circumstances or the way that, you know, what happened in
a way that you're proud of, it lives with you.
It lives with you for the rest of your life.
And even though it's something that you might forget, everybody always thinks about the
first time they had sex.
So, you know, don't do it because you're trying to appease somebody else.
Do it because you met the right person and you want to share that moment with her.
(23:15):
Honestly, Anonymous, just wait.
Trust me on this one.
Wait.
And no offense.
No offense.
But the men in your family sound toxic as hell.
Like it's giving lack of impulse control.
Like, you know, just many x many, losing your virginity is not the achievement flex they
(23:36):
think it is.
But good for you so far for not feeding into the toxicity.
I mean, Toni, his brother said he could smell the virgin on him. Right?
You know, like, I mean, does your brother snort coke saying shit like that?
Like, it's unbelievable.
He needs an ENT or something.
I mean, are they going to pay for abortions, diapers, antibiotics?
(23:58):
And I mean, that's the tame stuff.
Again, Anonymous, wait, don't hop into bed with just anyone.
Make it a Night to Remember.
Don't compromise your comfort for a bunch of lowlifes.
Go look at, you know, some porn or something.
Just stay away from the AI porn.
That we're not going to show on here.
But you know something else, Toni, too.
(24:18):
I mentioned, you know, having babies and stuff, you know, paying for diapers.
Daycare is expensive.
OK.
Because one of my coworkers, she's paying like 600 a week for a three year old.
And it's not even like one of the fancy daycares.
It's highway robbery.
Like, it's just it's crazy.
But anyway, this next one is a follow up from Rachael from Arizona, who was married and hadn't
(24:44):
had an orgasm.
Now, she was considering following her girlfriend's lead and getting her masseur to give her one.
Now, Rachael writes, Hello, Mr. David and Mrs. Antoine.
This is Rachael writing back.
I saw the episode and it was impactful. Thank you.
You're an insightful and dynamic team.
(25:06):
I mean, we are Mars and Venus on this.
But I mean, I'm more like Pluto because you know I'm with the shits.
But thank you, Rachael.
Thank you.
Me and my dear husband, designated hitter, watched together and we had
a very heartfelt discussion pertaining to my orgasm status.
(25:27):
He apologized profusely and said that he would work on helping me achieve an orgasm.
We purchased a few of your toys from your store.
And I'm happy to say that I'm not only an orgasm achiever, but I'm also a member of
the exclusive MILE HIGH CLUB.
Toni, she put Mile High Club in CAPS.
My husband and I have taken a liking to exploring our sexuality both indoors and outdoors and
(25:53):
I couldn't be happier.
I know what you want to ask.
Yes, we are being safe.
No one has caught us yet.
If you recall, I mentioned my soror who was having sex with her masseur.
I made the mistake of telling her about my and my dear husband's newfound sexual escapades
and she enviously ghosted me.
(26:14):
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
One thing that isn't bad rubbish is SOUL SNATCHER.
She put that in CAPS too.
Thank you for telling me what to do in my time of need because I was really considering
separation.
Wow.
Sincerely, Rachael S. from Arizona.
Rachael, Toni, Rachael is an assertive letter writer, isn't she?
(26:35):
Yes.
I love that.
But what do you think of Rachael's new freakbodyism, Toni?
I love it.
So it's good to hear.
Very good to hear the update, Rachael.
Yes, don't be afraid to try new things.
It seems like you all like really, really had a conversation and made it impactful.
And you know, and a lot of times it's communication.
(26:56):
That's all it requires.
It's just to communicate and let your partner know what it is that you need, what's missing.
So I'm really great to hear it.
I like this update.
Yeah, and communication is key, as we always say, you know, you have to talk it out.
And Rachael, we're glad that you took Coach Toni's advice.
(27:16):
And I'm sure you're glad that you opted not to throw off your pH by fooling around with
the IG masseur.
But here's the thing, though, Toni, I can't believe that she actually considered separation.
I mean, because she would have the same issues with somebody else.
You know what I mean, like I said to Kellie earlier, it's all in your mind.
(27:39):
And I mean, people need to think of their sexual partners like they think of porn.
Like when someone watches porn, they go for a specific niche.
Because anything outside of that niche is not going to get them off.
Like it works the same way, you know, off screen.
Stop worrying about what your momma or your daddy or babydaddy got to say.
(28:00):
Like they're not in your head.
And they're not in your bed.
Don't compromise your comfort.
Your comfort comes first.
So anyway, Rachael, be careful doing things out there in public.
We don't need you or your husband on the sex offenders registries.
So be smart.
But Toni, I can't get over how she put MILE HIGH CLUB and SOUL SNATCHER in CAPS.
(28:25):
So congratulations, Rachael. Rachael is showing off!
Yeah, like what?
Just make sure, listen, Rachael, just make sure you wipe down and you lock those airplane
doors.
All right, if you know, you know.
And okay, Anonymous, we have up next.
She's 30.
And she's from Minnesota.
She says, I've been dating this guy I've met off of a dating app for seven months now.
(28:49):
When I ask him what he thinks about us, he doesn't give me any clear answers.
I ask my friends what they think is going on with him.
And they say he probably isn't big on relationships.
I like him and I want to be his girl.
How long does it take for a man to know if he really wants to be with you?
(29:10):
So for me, of course, I'm no man.
So I have to enlist the advice of my husband for this one.
So I'm going to read his response.
Shout out to Toni's husband.
So he says, it's not how long it takes to know someone wants to be with you, but more
when the guy realizes that she turns him on in ways beyond her looks.
(29:31):
when he's attracted to things like how she walks, her beauty, her demeanor, just the
way she does little things like if she touches herself, he's attracted to that.
Her smell when she's coming and going, how she talks.
So it's not there.
Basically, he's saying there's no set time on when he's going to be attracted to you.
(29:54):
So you know, based on just that response Anonymous, what I would say is, you know, I do agree with your
friends, he's just not that into you because seven months is absolutely insane for a guy
to not be able to give you a clear response on where you are.
There are people who have gotten married after seven months.
(30:16):
So to be with a person who can't even give you specifics on where he is or how he feels
in a relationship, that's definitely a red flag.
So I would say it's time to bless and release because you're 30, these are your pretty
years, these are your baby making years.
So you want to be with someone who, and it sounds like you want to be in a relationship.
(30:37):
And ultimately, you know, when we're in our thirties, our relationships are not just, you know, wham bam, thank you man
you know those types of relationships.
So if you're 30 and you're with someone who still can't even communicate to give you a
clear response on what it is that he wants from you, I definitely am an advocate of blessing
and releasing.
I like that.
(30:59):
Bless… and release.
You know, Toni, I have a whole list of quotes from you and we're putting quotes in the
video right now, but I have a whole list of quotes from you that people are looking at.
But I did this question on the Men's Panel and my guy Joey said, his mother has this
(31:24):
thing she says and it's called boyfriend-lite or girlfriend-lite,
meaning you're getting all the benefits, but there's no title, you know?
And like I said on the panel and I, Anonymous, I do apologize because I was a bit harsh when
I said it, when I responded to you.
(31:45):
But as a man of a certain age, I'm going to say something similar to what Coach Toni
just said, leave him alone, find someone who wants exactly what you want.
When you like someone, make sure they like you, and don't invest in anyone who doesn't
give you interest.
And I mean, you know, the other thing is too, you might want to consider meeting somebody
(32:07):
off of a dating app, you know, like maybe hang out with your friends, you know, and
your family do activities where, you know, you have to be social and engaged.
Like Joey said, he met his girlfriend, Toni, at one of those chicken wing festivals. I ain’t mad at it.
That they have, like a food festival.
I mean, and they've been together five years.
(32:28):
You should see them, Toni.
You'll see if you go back, you'll see them.
They look like a UPN sitcom couple.
Like they're perfect for each other.
But I mean, you know, go out and do stuff, when you go and you do stuff and you engage
and you're having fun.
That's when you meet people because you're doing things that you like and they're doing
(32:49):
the same things that they like that happen to be what you like.
And you have that in common.
So I mean, even ask a friend, you know, who, you know, knows someone if they know someone
good who they think you might be interested in.
But I do really, really hope that you find, you know, what you want and what you deserve.
And thank you for writing in.
And I mean, I can't really keep this in the video, but I want to say too, get you a friend
(33:16):
who watches the news and she might see someone on the news who looks like someone both of
you know, and you just work it all out on Facebook.
Okay!
That's it.
But wait, Toni, I got to tell you this story.
Now I'm definitely not leaving this in the video.
You know, Paula wanted to fix me up with this.
(33:41):
You got to come over to the Starbucks.
We'll have lunch or something, but you have to come at a certain time because I know you'd
be perfect for each other.
But we could never like coordinate a time for me to like come to the city and be at
the Starbucks at that time that she took her break.
But anyway, shout out to Paula.
Shout out to Paula. Hey Paula.
Goodness, Paula.
So our next one, our next one comes from Casey.
(34:06):
Casey's 21 and she's from Jersey.
Hi Cris and Toni.
My name is Casey and I found out about your show on Instagram.
Thank you for watching Casey.
Hopefully you see this before it's too late.
I have a boyfriend of five years named Anthony and Toni, wait a minute, Casey and Anthony.
It's like Casey Anthony.
Remember the “tot mom”?
(34:26):
Yes, I do.
All right.
I'm gonna stop.
That was horrible.
I'm going to put $20 in the cuss jar just for that.
Even though I didn't cuss.
Anyway, he's perfect.
The only thing is I catch him liking the baddie girls on IG.
All of them have a certain look and a body type that I don't have.
And even though, even though he won't never say, yikes, Casey won't never say it?
(34:49):
Okay.
I know he wants a girl with a BBL and I have been going to different doctors here in down
south for consultations.
And I just did one on virtual for a surgeon in the Dominican Republic.
I really don't have the money to do it.
So I'm going to do Care Credit.
I know I should be with someone who loves my little booty, but I want him to be satisfied.
(35:14):
Please help, Casey.
Okay.
So hi, Casey.
I'm going to give you a response, but somehow I think you're going to do what you want to
do anyway.
The first thing I'd say is, you know, obviously he wants to be with you if you know, you two
have been together for five years.
So I think in all of your research, you missed one major step and that was just basically
(35:36):
communicating with your man.
You know, we'll ask him how he feels about your body and any man that's really going
to care for you and does love you.
I'm sure, you know, after five years, he does love you.
He's going to want, you know, the best for you.
And he's going to, you know, want you for the body that you do have.
Now one thing I do know is that you're 21.
(35:57):
So once upon a time, I was 21 with a little booty.
Now I got a little wagon that I'm draggin’.
So and it hurts my lower back.
Okay.
So you will grow into your body.
That's what I'll say.
I'm going to be completely honest with you, Casey.
I would side eye the hell out of a doctor who would operate on a 21 year old.
(36:20):
Simply because your body is not finished growing.
I mean, your body hasn't even really started growing into a woman.
I'm going to be completely honest with you.
As far as, you know, your boyfriend intimacy has nothing to do with, you know, the size
of your body.
So if your main concern is, you know, him being satisfied, then who's to say he's not
satisfied?
(36:41):
Like he's with you when he's been with you for a while now.
Men are visual creatures.
They absolutely are.
So I'm not going to take that away from him.
And the fact that he's just on Instagram liking pics.
Some people have like issues with that.
He's simply liking pics.
Now, if he's like reaching out to people, that's one thing, but he's just liking pictures.
(37:02):
And I don't fault that.
Like I said, men are very visual creatures.
But that's in no way saying or, you know, even assuming that he can even handle a big
booty.
You're 21.
You didn't let us know how old your partner was.
So I'm just going to say if he's under the age of 27, he might not even be ready for
(37:23):
all that.
I'm going to be completely honest.
Do not get the surgery.
I'm sure you're going to grow into your body.
You just have to be patient.
I mean, I would really, really love Cris to know how old the boyfriend is.
if he's something like 21 or 22, he is not ready.
You know, like mentally guys are just, you know.
(37:46):
Look, they take a little bit longer to mature than women.
But to be 21 years old and thinking about altering your body for, you know, a guy.
So you've been together for five years.
So you've been together since you were 16 years old.
So he likely is your first boyfriend.
Don't do it, Casey.
Don't do that.
(38:06):
Something like that for your first boyfriend.
And not only that, you're going to put it on Care Credit.
So you're affecting your credit for a big booty.
At 21 years old, it's going to take you a minute to pay that off.
You're not in your career yet, more than likely.
So you never know what's going to happen with your employment situation.
When we're 21, we're in that age range.
(38:30):
We're not thinking career. We're thinking, hey, somebody pissed me off today.
Let me start looking for a new job.
Or not even let me start looking for a new job.
Let me quit.
So now you're affecting your credit all because your boyfriend wanted a big booty.
So I would say don't do it.
Please don't do it.
I know that you've done your research.
And I know for me personally, once I started researching it and I get it in my head, then
(38:53):
really I want to do it and I'm going to do it.
But I really hope that you do take this advice and don't do it.
So while you were talking, Toni, excuse me, I was looking up the typical price for a BBL
state side and then in the Dominican Republic.
(39:14):
And typically state side, they can run upwards of 20, $25,000 in the Dominican Republic.
They're significantly less.
But think about it, you're compromising your health.
They may not have the same, they don't have the same medical standards as we have here
in the United States.
(39:35):
And you know Toni, one of our friends to the show works at a hospital and it's a hospital in the states,
but it's in a hub city and a lot of the girls come through in wheelchairs and they've had
those surgeries in D.R.
And they said that the girls come back all discombobulated.
(39:59):
One of them came back damn near blind because she had a seizure on the operating table.
And then the women in these, because they don't stay at the hospital to recover like
you would in the United States, they go to recovery houses and the women abuse them in
these recovery houses.
Like they take their passports from them, they beat them.
(40:21):
Like it's cataclysmic, honestly.
It's really crazy.
But anyway, Casey, I'm going to tell you like I told Anonymous, if he doesn't love you the
way you are, he doesn't love you.
Don't compromise your comfort.
You're 21.
Save your money.
Like you have your whole life, like Coach Toni said, you have your whole life to get
(40:44):
a phatty.
I mean, shit, tell him to get a BBL.
I mean, tell him you only like wide receivers and quarterbacks.
Like, I mean, how about this?
How about you start, you go on your IG and you start liking Jalen Hurts and DK Metcalf's
Pics?
You know, I mean, what's good for the Goose is good for Gander.
I'm just saying.
And Casey, I really hope to God, I'mma lean in on this one.
(41:09):
I really hope that that doctor or you did the virtual consult with, I hope their last
name doesn't begin with a “C” or “Y” because Toni, there's a doctor in D.R. and his slogan is,
“if you survive, you'll be snatched.”
What?
Wow.
(41:29):
And the girls are still going.
But you know what?
I'll say this to you, Casey, work on BBL-ing your personality.
Like get hobbies, become a well-rounded young woman and take breaks from social media.
Breaks are healthy.
And you know what?
Social media was fun, Toni, because we used to be on Instagram back in the day all the
(41:50):
time.
Like I used to love your pictures.
And then it's like gradually over the years, I stopped seeing your pictures and I started
seeing like all this foolishness.
And I'm like, well, where's my friend stuff?
Like my friend goes out and she takes all these beautiful pictures of like, you know,
flowers and plants and animals and Paris and Montreal.
(42:11):
I'm like, what happened to that?
You know, it's just, I just mass unfollowed like a whole bunch of accounts.
Like it's the ads, like I tell you Toni, they make everything evil...
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