June 21, 2024 • 55 mins
The Cris David Show welcomes back our most requested guest, Clinical Certified Sexuality Coach, Toni Drumwright-Antoine!
This episode is available on YouTube: https://youtu.be/5XjKMwTLKlM
For more on Coach Toni:
Bedroom Kandi, for toys and parties: www.bkparties.com/6109
The Kitty Chronicles, for coaching and hard to find toys: www.thekittychronicles.co
Lavender Kitty Lux, for luxury self-care and wellness products: www.lavenderkitty.com
Follow @crisdavidtv & @thecrisdavidshow on Instagram
For more info visit www.crisdavidshow.com
Want your question featured on our next #talklikesex Q&A with Coach Toni? Send it to info@thecrisdavidshow.com. Be sure to place “Sex Coach” in the subject line, and include your age, gender, and location. Only include your name if you do not wish to remain anonymous. Your question should be no more than 420 characters. For example, this paragraph is exactly 420 characters, your message shouldn't be longer than this.
Catch our previous Talk Like Sex Q&A here: https://youtu.be/-pv1lzhL8fI
Catch our 1-on-1 with Coach Toni here: https://youtu.be/GkdTKjLXgZQ
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:30):
Previously on The Cris David Show, Kellie writes, I'mma cut straight to the chase.
My man is too small.
That's just how I feel. Purr.
You're affecting your credit for a big booty at 21 years old.
(00:54):
It's going to take you a minute to pay that off.
That's definitely a red flag.
He might not even be ready for all that.
It's time to bless and release.
You have your whole life to get a phatty.
I just want to deck this dude.
I don't see an issue with having a foot fetish unless you're leaving out a significant part
of the story.
So like, have you done anything that was disrespectful to your wife involving your fetish?
(01:17):
Are you entertaining other people's feet?
I'm glad we were able to open you up to a whole new world.
I don't know what's in that plant, but I'm going to just say this.
Whatever is in that plant
We need to send it to Kellie so she can rub it on her man's...
Welcome back to The Cris David Show.
I'm your host, Cris David.
You already know who our guest is today, but if you don't, that's ok because you will.
(01:45):
Joining us for the Spring/Summer Edition of our #talklikesex Q&A, welcome back our most
requested guest, clinical certified sexuality coach, Mrs. Toni Drumwright-Antoine.
Coach Toni!
Hey!
We back, back, back.
Yes.
Ok.
How are you?
I'm good.
Everything is good.
(02:05):
A little hectic in my personal life, but good, good, good.
Well, listen, same here, but we ain't going to talk about that.
(02:29):
We're going to help these good people.
Yes.
So, before we get started, I want you to let everyone know how they can contact you for
coaching sessions, if they want to order products, scheduled parties and everything
else.
So, I have a couple of websites.
who are going to get to the toys and bath and body products is bkparties.com/6109.
(02:50):
Or if toys aren't your thing, we have cosmetics as well. That's kandikoated.com/6109.
Or if you want to just learn a little more about the business, not necessarily the
business, but if you want to learn about sexual health and wellness, you can go to my business
website, which is thekittychronicles.co. Toni, is it koated with a K also? Yes, kandikoated, both with a K.
(03:16):
Ok. All right. Ok. So we'll jump into the first one. The first one is actually an update from
Shidah. She's 35 and she's from Philly. Now, Shidah wrote in to our last, last #talklikesex Q&A
Because she was having trouble orgasming with out loud music. Now, did Shidah take Coach
(03:37):
Toni's advice? Let's find out. Let's see. Ok. So it says, hi, Cris and Toni, thank you for your
advice. I lowered the volume of the music down to a two. And instead of the radio, I play smooth
jazz on Pandora. Oh, nice. I watched another one of your shows where you talk about smooth jazz. Oh,
(03:57):
ok. I know what show that is. So I found some I like and now it really sets the mood. So thank you.
And Toni, Shidah also let us know the correct pronunciation of her name. It's not Sheeda.
It's Shy-ee-dah. By the way, if any of you have names that people often mispronounce, just give us the
correct pronunciation in the email. And you know, Toni, her name reminds me of remember that singer Siedah Garrett? Remember her?
(04:21):
Yeah, sure do. Yeah, yeah. That's what her name reminds me of. Backup singer for was it Prince? Michael Jackson. Yeah. Backup singer. Yeah. But
good for you, Shidah. Yeah, that made me happy. A positive update.
We love when people listen, you know, good for her. She's been listening to that, that Najee apparently Toni. Alright.
(04:47):
Armed and Dangerous. Oh, ok. Anyway, Shidah made me think of someone too that I knew who used to
I don't know, even know why I'm telling this story, but listen, this is the Sex Coach. I'm gonna
tell this story. I knew somebody who used to blast the loud music in the bathroom while they
were watching adult material on their phone. But anyway, Shidah. I'm glad you got some resolve.
(05:16):
So thank you. Thank you for writing. So this next one comes from Eileen. She's 42. And she's also from Philly
So let's clap it up for her. Eileen writes, good night, Cris and Toni. Now wait a minute,
Toni. If good night isn't like the most stereotypical Anglophone Caribbean greeting.
Yeah. Very much so. I’ve gotta catch myself sometimes I'm like, good night. Good night to you too, Eileen.
(05:42):
I'm writing to let you know that I'm dating a new man from Brooklyn. He is younger than me and very
sexy. I want to do everything with him, but he only likes missionary. I want to be in other positions.
I really hate missionary in so old school despite being 28 years. Miss Toni, please help. And Toni,
(06:03):
I was so tempted to do an accent while I was reading that.
So as soon as I heard this, I thought about a couple of products that we sell. One is the book
called Ride ‘Em Cowgirl. It shows like different positions and techniques that people don't even
realize they have a name. So normally at my Bedroom Kandi parties, I do this icebreaker where I'd have
everyone tell me their name and their favorite position. And it's so funny because people try
(06:25):
to like demonstrate what the position is because they don't know specifically what the name is.
And so ta-da here is the book. So this book is very, it's very detailed and graphic. It has positions for
expectant mothers. Anybody can get it in. But one of the things that I would recommend is maybe,
you know, at your leisure, if you're able to, or in the position, you can get a book like this.
(06:48):
Again, it's called Ride ‘Em Cowgirl. You can get it on my website. And one of the things you can do
is maybe foreplay
Each of you can take a page of the book, maybe, or you can even alternate, so one night you can
do the missionary, but the next night you can, you know, choose randomly a page from the book
(07:10):
and, you know, work that position. So maybe you'll be introducing something that he'll like,
and I can't see him not liking it. And there's so many different positions in that book that
is definitely something that you both will enjoy. And the other product, and we'll actually have to
put a picture up, is called Strike a Pose. So they're actually cards. So they're like,
(07:31):
you know, a deck of cards. And so there's three ways to play. There's about 50 cards that have
Kama Sutra positions. So that's something that you can do for foreplay. Again, you can kind of,
you know, flip the deck around and randomly choose a card. And then you'll be introducing
(07:52):
new positions to him and opening up his mind. So number one, I would also suggest that you have
a conversation about why he's so hell bent on just missionary, because there's so many different
options out there. And then on the flip side, I would say don't completely dismiss missionary,
because you can get a little acrobatic with that too. If you're really relaxed, your legs can go,
(08:16):
and I don't know how flexible you are, but your legs can go back to damn near your ears.
And so that is kind of opening up you so that not only he'll be able to go in further, but she'll
be feeling something different as well. So I definitely encourage that, but definitely have
a conversation and just find out why he's just really, really into missionary, but also consider
(08:37):
those two products that I mentioned. So again, the first one is called Ride ‘Em Cowgirl. It's the book.
And then the second is called Strike a Pose. And they're a deck of cards. And that basically kind
of spices it up and give you all some alternatives. Well, thank you for your letter Eileen. And Toni,
Eileen seems like such a nice lady, right? I hope she takes your recommendations. Now,
(09:03):
this next question isn't necessarily a sex question, but don't worry, Coach Toni is certified
to catch whatever we throw at her. See what I did there? Listen, we're in baseball season. I can't help it. Anyway,
this question comes from Keesha. Keesha is 26 and she's from Brooklyn. Hello to The Cris David Show
(09:23):
and Sex Coach Toni. My name is Keesha with two E's and I'm from Crown Heights, Brooklyn, baby.
You know those Brooklyn folks is going to let us know they from Brooklyn. I mean, Toni, down to the intersection.
Ok. I love your shows with the coach. Thank you. And I hope you guys can answer this for me,
because it's not really a sex question. It's more so about body image. So please give me a chance.
(09:47):
I'll be quick. I promise. LML. Now, Toni, what's LML? Is it licking my lips? No, laughing mad loud.
So I knew that one. Like laughing out loud, laughing my ass off, laughing mad loud.
Wow, I got to really get hip. You know what I thought it was? I thought it was when you do
(10:10):
your fingers like this. Doesn't it look like an L and an M and an L? Yes. That’s what I thought it was!
Laughing Mad Loud. Listen, we're over 30. All right. So. Well, I knew that one. Apparently Toni isn't today.
But listen, the only TikTok we know is you don't stop. All right? That might be before
(10:34):
your time for Keesha. But anyway, Keesha continues. My sex life is fine. I'm very
satisfied in that department, even though I'm single. I'm considering getting some cosmetic
surgery because I'm very insecure about my nose. I heard your advice last season about the BBL,
and I thought it was excellent. But my nose got me teased by my brothers, and they still do it when
(10:57):
we get together at holidays and family gatherings. I just think it will improve my aesthetic and open
me up to more opportunities. Please don't drag me, guys. OK, so no drag, but just know that I'm not
encouraging it. Now, of course, the first thing I would suggest is that you open up to your brothers
about how you feel. And you might have to do that individually. Now, if you do decide to have surgery,
(11:22):
you know, it's completely up to you. But who's to say that the doctor is not going to butcher
your nose? And then what? But one thing about that question I was curious about was when you said
new opportunities might open up. So what do you mean by new opportunities? Like, what is that about?
So I'm just really, really curious about that. But also consider this. It's family gathering day. The
(11:47):
brothers are there. You walk into the room, and then they clown you about getting your nose done.
Then what? So I'm just going to conclude that you do have a conversation with them. And then
according to how it goes, you might have to limit your interactions just for the sake of protecting
your peace. Or you can go lower and clown them, too. I'm pretty sure that you should have an
(12:09):
insecurity of something. Like, you know how Michelle Obama says, when we go low, they go low,
we go high? You could take it to the floor. So.
Keesha the bar is in hell. Go even lower!
So not necessarily encouraging you to destroy your family dynamic. But definitely don't consider a nose
(12:30):
job just for the sake of your brothers and how they're teasing you. First of all, a brother is
gonna brother. I don't have brothers personally, but I have seen how other people's brothers
interact with them. So I wouldn't go there. But also it just depends. First of all, they have
that saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So some people aren’t going to like your nose.
(12:51):
You're going to find someone who's really going to love you for you. Your face they’re going to find you
beautiful. And even though it's your insecurity, it may not be something that's going to be a big
deal to other people. But then one thing that I thought about when I heard this question.
So I'm in Maryland now. I used to be a Brooklyn girl and I'm also natural. And so what I found
(13:14):
that when I was in Brooklyn walking through the streets of my fro, my hair natural and everything,
I would get approached by so many guys and then when I moved to Maryland. Well, first of all,
I moved to Maryland for my man. So I wasn't looking for anybody to be approaching me. But I noticed
that men here are not really necessarily approaching me like they were in Brooklyn or in New York
(13:35):
because of my hair. So it's all about perception, location, who you're around, who's seeing you,
what, you know, it's a lot of factors. But at the end of the day, I definitely wouldn't consider a
nose job because your brothers have caused you to have an insecurity about it. So that's just my
opinion. You're going to do what you're going to do. But I definitely would not do it.
(13:59):
Now, Toni, Keesha is really, really gorgeous. I've seen Keesha and she's in that tribe with like
Chilli and like Ananda Lewis. You remember Ananda Lewis, right? Yes, I do. Keesha stop trippin! Keesha's gorgeous. Like
I can show you Keesha’s picture. I'll show you off here. But Keesha is really, really pretty.
(14:21):
And her brothers really pissed me off because I'm like, well, what noses do they have? Because
yall are related. Right. So I mean, how are yall gonna roast? You know what I'm saying? Like how yall roasting her?
And the other thing is too Keesha, you know, plastic surgery is very addictive. You know,
nose jobs, lead to lip jobs, lead to eye jobs and so on. And, you know, we did this on the panel.
(14:44):
And Khai said you have to maintain alterations because as soon as you come off of that table,
you're taking care of something that you had before, but now it needs more care.
So it's like having a baby, but the baby's on your face or some other part of your body.
And you know, Toni, too, nose jobs are tricky for us. I mean, if you don't have the anatomy.
(15:07):
You can end up looking really crazy. Yes. And I always joke that I say, like, I don't have enough
Nose to job. So what am I going to do? But there's a rapper though. And this is all alleged. Popular
female rapper, I’m not going to name her, but she got a nose job because people online were teasing her
(15:27):
about looking like a cartoon character from a Nickelodeon show. Now I’m not going to say the
rapper. I’m not going to say the show. But guys, please stop picking on people. Like everybody's
skin is not thick. And right now on the screen, we have the SAMHSA website up, SAMHSA.gov, S-A-M-H-S-A
(15:48):
for mental health resources. But like I said, Keesha, we would never drag you, but we will drag
your brothers. Ok. Ok. Well, Toni's sweet. Toni's not going to drag your brothers. I'll drag
your brothers. But Keesha, Khai did say that he still has that bacon, egg, and cheese for you with
your name on it. So it might be a little stale now, but he'll buy you another one. But thanks for
(16:09):
letting us help you twice, Keesha. Toni, you know, I was watching Botched. You know Botched on E!
Yeah, but I've never seen an episode. Oh you’ve never watched?
Well, Toni, it's a, it's a nightmare, I've seen like little snips and clips, you know, clips of it.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
It's too, it's too squeamish for it.
(16:29):
Yeah.
So, so they did this guy's nose job on there and he was a smoker and they told him,
if you're, we're going to do this for you, you got to stop smoking, at least during the healing
process. Don't you know his nose caved right back in because he started smoking again? And the doctor
(16:50):
was just like, I'm not helping you anymore. He's just like, I'm done. I'm done. Because, you know,
he didn't listen. So they were just like, we're done. But we do have an update from Anonymous,
AKA Eric, who wrote us last time because his father and his brothers were pressuring him
to have sex and lose his virginity. And Eric is 18, he's from Pennsylvania. And he writes,
(17:15):
Dear Ms. Toni and Mr. Cris, this is Eric, Anonymous from #talklikesex Q&A, the Fall edition.
Thank you for your advice and thank you for taking my question. Over the Christmas break,
I sat down with my dad and brothers and told them I'm not interested in having sex because I have
goals I'm trying to accomplish and I want to be. I guess he means want to be financially stable,
(17:38):
before I have kids and even catch an STD that I cannot cure. And Toni, this is a smart young bul.
Like, good for you, Eric. Good for you. Right. My dad says they were joking, but my brothers
called me smart for at least thinking about my future. They all had kids as teenagers and my
parents had us when they were in their teens. So we all know what it's like to struggle. I forgot
(18:02):
to mention last time that my mom isn't in the picture. She's been incarcerated since I was five.
So I really don't have a relationship with her. My great grandmother is the only mother figured
me had growing up. And since she raised me and my brothers while my dad was locked up for 10 years
as well. So I know how to respect them. Sorry for writing such a long message, but I wanted to let
(18:23):
everyone know how things were. And Toni that was heavy, like, oh my God. But you go before I have a moment
I have the tissues right here so. No, I was really happy about this update because sometimes, you know, we're afraid to have
those conversations with our family because just like in the previous commenter about teasing
(18:44):
and things like that. And it sounds like his brothers were very mature about it. And I just
really love that. So I'm really happy for Eric. And not only that, this is going to plateau him to
kind of push forward in his education and doing the right thing. You know waiting for.
Until he is ready, you know, to start a family and have sex, you know, and things like that.
(19:05):
So I'm really happy for this update. And it just blows my mind because he's 18. I'm like,
I remember what I was doing 18 years ago. That's ‘04, ‘05. You know, he was born in ’05, ‘06.
He was born in ’05, ’06. Like, I remember what I was up to. I was on the message board with you guys back
then. Right. I'm not leaving that in there. But if any of you guys out there, are 18, like Eric or however
(19:33):
old you are, wear condoms when you do decide to have sex with a young lady. It doesn't matter how
healthy she looks or how clean she smells or how much you like her because she could have something
inside of her that could spread to you. And I know some of you are on PreP. And that's great.
Granted, it could be something that you just need a shot for. Why get a shot if you don’t need one?
(19:55):
You know, I mean, we all get wild in the heat of the moment. So just remember, wrap it up! If anything.
Both of you can go get tested before you do decide to go that route. There are plenty of places that
do it for free. I mean, Toni, the HIV test is now a finger prick. Like you know how people do their
blood sugar? Yeah, it's a finger prick. 20 minute test. And also guys, Eric did say that it was ok
(20:23):
for us to refer to him by his real name. And you know what else Toni, this is a fun fact about Eric.
He came up with the name Coach Toni. So he wrote it in the email. So we gotta give him his props for that.
Ok, shout out to you Eric. Yes, 18 years old. Came up with the name. Look at him helping out the show. Eric,
(20:46):
you wanna be my intern? I need an intern. But no, send the show your mailing address, Eric, and we're
gonna send you something. Because I mean, I gotta give him his props for that. Yes.
Alright Toni, here we go. Here we go with this one. Anonymous is 33 and she's from The District.
That's Washington, DC if you don't know. Anonymous, you know what Anonymous, let's get some Mumbo
(21:12):
sauce. While you, you know. Because I'm gonna need some Mumbo sauce after this. Alright, anyway,
Coach Toni's about to beat me with the bat. Because I'm, yeah, let me get in order. I'm about to beat
somebody else with the bat. Anyway, ok, I'm done. Cris focus, focus, focus. This is the second time
I've been to the ER after having sex with my boyfriend. Well, he's not really my boyfriend.
(21:36):
We're just FWBs. But anyway, I think he's too big. When we went to the hospital, he got on Live and
was bragging about why we were there. You know, like on Live though, Anonymous? Like you know,
he sounds like he uses Irish Spring and Aquafresh like that. I just, I can't. I really, I can't.
(21:59):
Like he eats Popeyes and Casamigos for breakfast. Like just a real hood figure, Toni. Like I just, anyway.
The second time he actually used Ouidad instead of lube because it was all I had. Wait a minute.
He put that where?
I remember my gyno telling me that I run on the smaller side. Don't get me wrong, the sex
(22:25):
feels good. But my doctor told me if I keep tipping my cervix, I may not be able to have children.
What should I do? And Toni, I really want to deck him for his antics. Right! But I want you to deck
her for using Ouidad in her booboon. For sure. Ok. Ouidad’s expensive. Yes.
(22:50):
Now with this one, first without knowing how detailed the conversation was with the
gynecologist, I would suggest speaking with maybe another one. So you can walk through having sex
comfortably and healthy going forward because Anonymous is only 33. So you have way more years
of intimacy. But I do want to talk to you about a product that I sell called Horizons. So insert
(23:14):
picture here. Horizons are vaginal dilators. So of course we're going to put the picture up so that
you can see how they look. Vaginal dilators are gradual devices that help expand the pelvic floor.
And so it's going to over time make it more easy and comfortable for you. So it's preparing you
(23:35):
for anything for a tampon, for a penis, a toy, a gynecological exam. It's slowly opening up. So
it's like they're gradual and they can help you begin or resume vaginal penetration. So they come
in a set and it's multiple sizes. So you're going to start off with a really small one and then you
basically expand up to the next size once you're comfortable. So once you work your way up, it's
(24:01):
going to be easier for you to take on whatever size of whatever thing that's going into your vagina.
But I do think you should definitely speak more with a healthcare provider because they may
also recommend dilator therapy as well. But that's something that I would highly recommend that you
look into because it sounds like especially if you're too tight, of course relaxation and a good
(24:29):
lube as well. But I think dilators are probably going to be what you do need to get or start with
to just make it more comfortable and ease you into various sizes of things going into your vagina.
I have no idea they even made those for the public to consume. Yeah.
Because that was something that I was aware that existed as more of a medical device, but I didn't
(24:53):
know that that was something that you could actually purchase.
Yeah, and see a lot of people have misconceptions with Bedroom Kandi and our websites and the products
that we sell. We're a lifestyle company. So we're not just toys. We are health and intimacy,
sexual health and intimacy and wellness. So this, even though it may be in the category,
(25:16):
like if you went to the website, it's going to be in the category under toys.
It's actually not a toy. It's a wellness product. So yeah, I would definitely recommend
if someone is having that type of issue, they look into dilators.
You know Toni, you know I couldn’t help myself. Anonymous needs to trade
(25:37):
places with Kellie. Remember Kellie? You know, put a tiger in my tank, Kellie, from our last show.
Yes. You know purr. Yeah. You know Toni, you know it all goes back to music with me.
Kellie reminded me of this House record that I heard a while ago and it's called,
Gonna Get Back to You. It's by Masters at Work. And you guys, you House heads know that.
(26:01):
But it's like in the song she's saying, long, big, thick, and healthy man. Long, big, thick, and healthy man
But anyway, it's a mess Toni. You gotta hear that record. It's a trip. But seriously,
she has to be careful. Like she could really put herself at risk for something serious. Like I heard
(26:21):
story about a young lady who ended up, she was in a similar situation,
and she ended up needing to get a D&C. You know, I and you guys, below I put down what D&C actually
is, I'm not going to go into detail. But you know, Anonymous, here's my thing.
I want you to bring your man in here for a second. Just for a moment, I want to talk to him.
(26:45):
And he's not even her man, just a friend with benefits.
Even worst.
Bring him here. Now I'm going to need to burn my sage and Palo Santo for this.
I demanded the branch manager call my husband immediately on the speakerphone.
He was hesitant in his speech at first, but then he admitted that they were subscriptions for
(27:06):
X-rated adult content. The hits keep coming at The Cris David Show. Ok, is he here? All right.
I'll wait. Ok. Ok. Hi, I'm Cris David. This is. Coach Toni. Mrs. Toni Drumwright-Antoine,
clinical certified sexuality coach. And this is the #talklikesex Q&A Spring/Summer Edition
(27:28):
on The Cris David Show. Now I'm going to share something with you and I need you to open up your
notes app on your phone or record this or whatever you need to do to remember what I'm about to tell
you. All right. So listen, vaginal sex is not comfortable for every vagina. And you are
legitimately hurting her. And I don't know if you're doing it intentionally or if you genuinely just
(27:49):
don't realize how deep you're going, but let's just say you don't realize how deep you’re going. So this
is what you need to do. Now just lean in, just a little bit, lean in. When you're in the
heat of the moment, I want you to try to get yourself down to maybe 20 to 25% of your normal
(28:09):
erection. This way you're still erect, but you're not nearly as erect as you are when you're hurting
her. And this is gonna require you to think. So I want you to use your brain, you understand?
Because sex is all in your mind. You got to be there mentally to have it good. Or how about this?
How about not going as deep or not going deep at all unless she asks you to?
(28:33):
Because we did a whole segment on lube. It's up at thecrisdavidshow.com.
Wetter it is better, but not that kind of wet. Ok. Don't compromise your comfort.
And you know, Toni, I just, I really want people for 2024 because we're like,
we're halfway done with the year. Can we let the FWB thing die in 2024? Like seriously.
(28:59):
For sure.
Because it never works. Toni, it never works out. There's always another one and another one and
another one. And then everybody ends up with their feelings hurt because they've never established
boundaries or they end up at someone's clinic mad at the world because they haven’t
Healed from trauma and they're out here lusting and busting, and using sex to self-soothe.
(29:20):
Right. And basically at 33 years old, you're wasting your pretty, you know?
Like, you don't get it back.
Right. Life is way too short.
But you know what I'm saying, Toni? And then the multiples got multiples.
And then multiples got multiples. And then those multiples got multiples. So it's like,
(29:44):
and you know, when I first saw FWB, Toni, I was confused because I thought it meant, wait,
but you know I can't help myself?
You need to learn your acronyms. We need to put together a list of acronyms.
What's wrong with me? I thought it meant fucking with buddies.
But I mean, Toni, I guess it does, right?
Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I need a refresher course in these acronyms because I didn't know
(30:11):
what LML was. I thought it was this. Like, LML. I thought FWB was something else. You know what, Toni?
You know what it reminds me of? FWB. Remember Words With Friends?
Yes.
It's like they out here collecting FWBs like letters on Words With Friends. Oh, by the way,
(30:32):
Coach Toni's Bedroom Kandi store over at bkparties.com/6109 has every lube imaginable.
Please do not use hair gel as a substitute for lube, especially not no $25 hair gel.
Yes.
Toni, I'm surprised they didn't get stuck.
Right. And I've never used Ouidad, but what in the world...
(30:54):
It's really good.
So...
Not as lube, though. Come on.
No. Hell no. It's good because, you know, I use it in my hair and I only found out about it because of
this letter. So thank you, Anonymous. But it has like a humidity protector in it
(31:15):
Oh, ok. So it's good for our texture. But I don't know. But anyway, this is not a hair show.
I'm sorry. I just had to, you know, this is my friend I had to put her on. But just listen,
be careful, Anonymous, because your buddy gives me very, very bad vibes. I'm just, I'm sorry.
(31:36):
It might be time to bless and release as Coach Toni says.
Bless and release. Yeah.
And then also, try to incorporate a silicone lube. So, you know, we have a lot of different
types of lube. You know, these days there's a lube for every scenario. Silicone lubes are really
good for marathon sessions, for water play. And it's a little bit thicker than like a water-based
(31:59):
lube. So water-based lube, we have one that's natural, so it mimics your regular body
lubrication. But maybe a silicone lube would also kind of help you be a little more comfortable as
well. So that's just a suggestion. I definitely would still have that conversation with a medical
provider who's going to be comfortable going into detail with you about a plan. But yeah, that
(32:23):
could also be something that would help as well.
You know, Toni, I took it out of the letter, but she was saying how he got on the Live,
talking about, “the BBC got another one”. Just slimy, and you know, I'm going to lean
in real quick on my brothas.
(32:49):
Please, stop referring to your penises as BBCs. Because the
racial connotations are just deep and oppressive. And collectively, we're greater than that. But
just, just wow. And you know another thing, you guys got to realize that holes are tight in real
(33:13):
life. Like those people in porn are on drugs. And they’ve been ran through. In real life, like there's a little bit
of a struggle, especially when your partner isn't relaxed, or you're using the wrong thing for
lube. And I don't know, Toni, this one really bothered me because she's 33. I'm assuming that
(33:35):
he's close in age too, but he's just so immature. And it just, you know, I don't think he likes her.
I mean, it's like he's hate fucking her. And that's for anybody else out there who's dealing
with this. Like I really, I hope that you guys, I hope she learns her value. And I hope,
yeah, thanks writing.
(33:56):
Yeah, he could like the availability of her, you know, because they're friends with benefits. So
there's no, there's no obligation to see each other every day. But when she does get that phone
call, maybe, you know, she's compromised from sacrificing anything to just take the phone call
and be with him. Who knows, but yeah, I would bless and release.
(34:19):
Definitely. Definitely. And you know, Toni too, even whether it's FWB friends with benefit or,
you know, a boyfriend or even some people are in relationships, like committed relationships.
A lot of these guys, I'm starting to notice like they hate the women that they're getting involved
with. Like they're out here purposely infecting them with STDs, trying to harm their insides,
(34:43):
purposely, you know, trying to get them pregnant, poking holes in condoms. Yeah, all of that. And
women are doing it too, because I think I was telling you earlier about a letter that we got,
I was going to tell you about this guy said his girlfriend is getting violent with him during
sex. And I'm just like, yeah, so we'll, yeah, I'm gonna send that to you. We'll get, because you,
(35:12):
Toni, that's like your summer reading. I'm going to send that to you because I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, we get a lot of these in, but then it's, but some of them are just so
similar. So I'm trying to find what is different and what. And yeah, I wasn't prepared for that.
(35:33):
It's like, I got to really be careful what I manifest. Sometimes I get stuff I'm not ready to.
But you know, it takes me back though, to the first time, the very first show that you and I did.
And remember, we talked about the red flags. We were talking about dating and red and green flags.
And I have my window up to just to get the light in, because it was very dreary earlier.
(35:56):
And something happened before you even came on when we were texting. And there was this guy outside,
probably for like 10, 15 minutes, and he's just honking his horn. And I'm like, who just does that?
Like, you know, if you don't just text the person or pull over, because he was literally just out in
the middle of the street. So Toni you know I'm nosy, you know how nosy I am. So I go to the window,
(36:23):
I opened the window all the way up. And I wanted to see, you know, who he was out there for. So
there's this family on the block. And I call them, you know, Melquan and them, because Melquan
is the name that shows up on my Wi-Fi. And I know that's their house. And they're the only other
Black family, you know, on the block. So I'm like, it's got to be somebody for the Melquan’s, you
(36:48):
know, and I mean, they roll deep Toni. It's like they have three houses in this development. And
it's about 10 of them. And I'm like, you know, listen props for Black homeownership, but it's
like they roll deep, it's a lot. So the girl comes out. And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's the sister. And the guy in
the car, he looks pissed off. He's like, just saying something to her. I really couldn't hear
(37:13):
what he was saying. But she gets in the car. And Toni, before he could even put his close,
before he could even, she could even put her foot in the car, he speeds off. And her foot is hanging
like outside the car. And he's, she's laughing about it. And I'm, I don’t know. Like some of you,
(37:34):
And she's young, Toni. She's, she can't be, she's not over 21. She's a young girl. Yeah. You know what
I'm saying? Like she's out of high school, but not quite 21 yet. But yeah, some of you guys need to
just leave. You need to free yourselves and bless and release. As Coach Toni says. But anyway,
(37:55):
so next up, oh wait, Toni, are there any Bedroom Kandi sales coming up?
Uh, we do have every Wednesday a Hump Day sale. And so we find out what the item is the night
before. And what I've been doing is actually putting the link in my Instagram stories. So my
(38:18):
Instagram page is @bedroomkandi_bytoni, and on Wednesdays at any point,
usually I'll post it after around 10, 11 AM. And I will already have what the item is. It's going
to be 50% off. And I’ll have the link that you can just click on and go directly to my site to place
the order. There's been things that's like a hundred and something dollars and they'll put it on sale for
(38:41):
50% off. So definitely check my Stories on Wednesdays and you'll get to see what that item is
that particular week. Anonymous is 25 and she's from The Bronx. She's, she writes, I like getting
facials massages and pedicures on a regular basis. I found this salon in the city that
caters to couples but the massage therapists are all men. There's this one and his name is Stanley
(39:04):
and he's overbooked every time I go and I can see why he's not really, he's not very tall,
but his muscles got muscles and his thing be poking through the scrubs. All right. Listen Anonymous,
ok. Did you hear my alarm just chime? Did you hear that noise? Because Toni it’s so crazy
that happens whenever I'm about to say something or I've said something that, you know, the
(39:27):
universe agrees with. So all I'mma say is this, don't be like Rachel’s soror was,
you remember Rachel from last season. Don’t be like her. All right. It says he's really not that cute in
the face. He's like an alligator with muscles and a big, you know what, but he's good at what he does
and I don't have a problem with it, but my boyfriend is apprehensive and said he feels
(39:51):
uncomfortable letting some big muscular man rub him down while he's half naked. How can I convince
my man to up his self-care regimen with me? And you know, Toni, you did this on the Men's Panel
and Khai, Khai just always has something, both of them do Khai and Joey, but Khai was like,
what's she checking for? Describing the masseur like that?
(40:15):
It's like, remember like the song earlier? Long, big, thick, and healthy man. Long, big, thick, and healthy man.
So Anonymous, in this case, I'm gonna have to side with your man. When it comes to being touched
whether intimately or what's perceived as intimate, people have their comfort levels
and I would never push that on somebody without making them feel uncomfortable when it comes to
(40:36):
physical touch. That's like for me personally, I don't have an issue with men overall. However, I don't
want a man giving me a massage. I don't want a male gynecologist. It's just preference. So I would
never in a million years just straight out the gate, you know, if your man isn't doing things
for self-care, I wouldn't let step one be get a massage by a man. You got to ease him into self
(41:01):
care. And there's a lot more things that you can do. So that, you know, it doesn't mean he can't
do other things. Start off with a facial, you know, how about that? Or a pedicure, you know,
I see men in the nail salon all the time when I used to get my nails done, who would
get pedicures or manicures, you can start there, you know, do something small, but asking him to
(41:22):
get a massage from a man as a form of self-care when it's not really his thing is insane.
So definitely start small. And this isn't even something where I would have to have a conversation
with him about or kind of do things to gauge him gradually ease him into the idea of getting a
massage with a man. It's just not going to be a negotiable. And that's not something that I would
(41:46):
make an issue or a big deal out of. It's just his preference. Touch is really intimate for a lot of
people. And it's very stimulating. So for you to kind of want to force that, I think that is a
little wrong. But I would definitely start off with, you know, the nail salon or a facial.
People’s face, you know, that's their billboard. So who doesn't want a nice clean skin? Who doesn't
(42:12):
want to be exfoliated to get advice on what items to use on their skin? So I definitely would start
there first. But the massage with a man, I definitely wouldn't push that.
On our segment of Ask the Guys they said what you said, Toni, this is something she'll have to
(42:35):
probably ease him into because, you know, due to his comfortability, because not all men are
comfortable being touched in some of the very old school with their hygiene practices. And like I
mentioned to you on that episode too Anonymous, you can try giving him a massage yourself to at
(42:56):
least get him comfortable with it. But thanks for writing in. And, you know, Coach Toni's Bedroom
Kandi store might be of some assistance because they have something called Sugah Daddy that can
be used in lieu of all those body deodorants that are out now, that are all over TV. And there's also another thing that
(43:16):
you might like too and it's called keep lighting my fire. Now, Toni, can you explain keep lighting
my fire to them? Yes, so it's Light My Fire. Oh I'm sorry. No worries. And we’ll put a picture up.
I actually have a well, it's not reachable. So I'll talk about them both. But Light My Fire is
(43:38):
a massage candle. So it starts off as a regular candle. It's soy based. So when you burn it and
pour it onto the skin, it melts into a massage oil. So that's something that would not only help
with intimacy, but you could do the massage yourself. And if you've, his name is Stanley, you know,
if you've gotten this massage from Stanley before, and you can attest to his moves and what he does,
(44:02):
then hopefully you've learned some tips and techniques from the things that Stanley does.
And so you can practice those things on your man. So that would not only be giving him his self-care,
but it's also increasing intimacy between the two of you as well. Another thing that Cris mentioned
for self-care was Sugah Daddy. So Sugah Daddy is an intimate elixir. We have two versions. So the
(44:25):
woman's version is called Haute Cakes, H-A-U-T-E. Sugah Daddy is because we like to keep the men
inclusive. So the reason that Haute Cakes, which was the first product came into existence is because
the creator of that, she kept getting infections in her intimate areas, yeast infections, bacterial
infections. And so when she would get things, you know, prescriptions or treatments from her doctor,
(44:50):
it wasn't working. So her partner is a chemist. So they both got into the lab, created this product.
The products are all natural and vegan. And so the main component is coconut oil. Hopefully he's not
allergic to coconut oil, but they come together to smell like cake. So who doesn't want their intimate
(45:10):
parts smelling like cake, right? And so because we like to keep them inclusive, we have the male
version, which is called Sugah Daddy. And Sugah Daddy smells like a lemon pound cake. So it's a
lemony scent. It smells really intoxicating and men and women can use it, but it has antimicrobial
and antibacterial properties in it. So he doesn't have to necessarily have anything going on, any
(45:34):
issues, but who doesn't want to smell like the cake, you know, cake? And so you basically,
it's in a dropper bottle. You will put a couple drops on your hand, rub it in and put it on
whatever part of your body would be susceptible to sweating. So that's something that you can also
give him to up his self-care routine. So it doesn't necessarily have to be those traditional things
(45:57):
like carrying him to a massage parlor, that what they call them? Or a spa to be massaged by a man.
You know, like we mentioned earlier, you can give him that massage. And then you can also
introduce him to products that are geared towards self-care as well. And I guarantee you, once you
elevate a man's self-care and introduce them to a more higher quality item, like a nice expensive or
(46:23):
fancier body scrub or body wash, believe me, they're going to be hooked. So that's something that you
can definitely do. Also, another thing that I would suggest in the event that Light My Fire is not
available, when you do go to the website, we have a candle called Unwind. So Unwind is our CBD
collection. And if you're not familiar with CBD, think marijuana without the THC. So THC is the
(46:47):
component that gets you high. But CBD is the component that aids in relaxation, anxiety,
pain management. And so that is another candle that I would definitely recommend, because not
only are you giving that massage, but it's kind of doing some of the work for you, because it's
helping your partner to relax. So that's definitely an alternative to the Light My Fire candle.
(47:13):
I'm not opposed to a male masseur, as long as he stays above Billionaire's Row,
All right, Toni? 57th Street. All right? All right. As long as you stay above 57th Street,
we cool. Like I said before, you can go to Ft. Lee, you can go to Jersey City, you can go to Brooklyn.
I don’t care. Just stay above 57th Street. But Toni, are you ready for this next one?
(47:40):
Yes. Now I'm going to need to burn my sage and Palo Santo for this. Exactly. Bomba.
Hello, Cris and Dr. Toni. My name's Rose. I'm 57 years old, and I've been married for 33 years,
together for 39, well, 40 at this point. To my husband, Arnold, we have three children and eight
(48:01):
grandchildren, and we live in a small town north of Dallas. My husband has retired military,
and I'm retiring this year from working for the federal government since I was 19. Congratulations!
I love my husband dearly, but I recently discovered something very disturbing about him
after receiving multiple phone calls and emails from our local credit union. They asked me to come into
(48:24):
the branch due to suspected fraudulent charges that were made on our joint checking account.
When I entered the branch, everyone was looking at me as if they were in on some joke that had
not been revealed to me. The branch manager quickly approached me and escorted me to a room
where he had an open laptop and a manila folder with my and my husband's name on it. Now, manila
(48:46):
folders for you guys who are very young, they are a brown folder. I don’t think. Do I have one in here?
Do they have one in here? No. They're a brown folder with holes in it. So just Google manila,
Manila like the Philippines, manila folder anyway, because I know Toni, we got the young people,
(49:07):
and they're like, huh, what's that? What's a manila folder? All right. He was polite and kind in
addressing me and asked if I was familiar with the charges that were being made on our account.
I told him that none of them looked familiar to me, but what caught my eye weren't the charges
it was that our account, which had a monthly running balance of $200,000, give or take,
(49:30):
was now holding less than $3.75. I saw red and could not even focus on what the branch manager
was saying to me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, I'm going to kill him. I never felt so
hurt and betrayed. I demanded the branch manager call my husband immediately on the speakerphone
(49:51):
and I asked him what these charges were for. He was hesitant in his speech at first, but then he
admitted that they were subscriptions for X-rated adult content. The branch manager and I sat in
that dank, cold office for four hours going over each and every charge. In the end, it was revealed
that my husband had wrapped up close to $177,000 in subscription charges to thousands of OnlyFans
(50:18):
performers in less than six months. The branch manager told me that I had two options. The first
was to fill out a form stating that the charges were fraudulent and that I had no knowledge that
they were being made, but this option would cause my husband to be liable for the restitution
and possibly lead us to divorce. My second option would be to dispute the charges that exceeded one
(50:40):
month, block future subscription charges from OnlyFans, and possibly never get all of our hard
earned money back. I am at an impasse. My husband acts as if nothing ever happened and I only share
this with the bank, my sister, my attorney, and now me. What do you recommend? Sincerely, Rose.
(51:03):
Mezanmi Pi Wo!
Divorce. That's what I recommend. I recommend divorce. They have it for a reason. This seems
to be a valid one. Divorce. Just in hearing that, retired military, being a federal government
(51:25):
employee for what, roughly 38 years and about to retire, if you can even retire now at this point,
and the money is now gone, some people need that sense of security and it's like they both worked
so hard for so many years and Rose is 57. These are the years that they should be,
(51:47):
she's about to retire, they should be traveling the world and being problem and drama and stress
free and now the money is gone. I for sure, at this point, what is she expected to do now,
not retire and maybe even get a part-time job to help recoup some of that or make it
(52:08):
comfortable for them to be able to retire? If I have to do all that and sacrifice some of my
retirement, I'm going to do it by myself. I know the goal is never going to be to
shatter your household or your family dynamic, but this is definitely a reason and it's basically
a serious violation of trust because he basically took retirement off the table and living
(52:33):
comfortably and having security, he took that off the table and he didn't consider so many variables.
I personally would never be able to trust him again. I wouldn't even be able to trust him to
go to the grocery store with a list. So for sure, in my opinion, this is done.
I mean, divorce is imminent, but Toni, I'm legit speechless and I'm never speechless.
(53:03):
But I will say this though, this may be an upside. I know that the government,
the Federal government has something called a Thrift Savings Plan and that's similar to a 401k.
Like for us, non-government working people, we have a 401k. Government working people have
(53:24):
something called a Thrift Savings Plan. Hopefully if she's had a Thrift Savings Plan since she was
19, she has probably even more money in that than what he wiped out.
Yeah, right. Let's hope.
I hope so.
You're absolutely right. Especially 38 years she's been working there.
Yeah. It should be a nice stack of change.
(53:47):
That's what I'm saying.
So let's hope.
I hope so too.
Yeah.
But Rose, please accept our sincerest apologies because we got your email
here at the show last season, but I didn't get to it in time to put it on then. So I hope we
were able to help today, but please write us and let us know how everything is going. And that goes
(54:08):
for everyone who's written in too, don't be a stranger, info@thecrisdavidshow.com
I sincerely hope everything works out for you Rose. Bless and release. All right.
I love that she called you Dr. Toni.
Manifestation. I missed that.
From her fingertips to God's ears.
(54:34):
Yes, I missed that.
Dr. Toni, she called you.
The manifestation is real.
Yes Rose.
Yes it is.
Gotta put that into the universe.
Listen, but she's going to need my time machine. Like seriously.
Her and Anonymous with those ER visits.
Yes.
And you know Toni, something else.
(54:55):
OnlyFans is really going to be the ruination of society. It really is.
Previously on The Cris David Show, Kellie writes, I'mma cut straight to the chase.
My man is too small.
That's just how I feel. Purr.
You're affecting your credit for a big booty at 21 years old.
(00:54):
It's going to take you a minute to pay that off.
That's definitely a red flag.
He might not even be ready for all that.
It's time to bless and release.
You have your whole life to get a phatty.
I just want to deck this dude.
I don't see an issue with having a foot fetish unless you're leaving out a significant part
of the story.
So like, have you done anything that was disrespectful to your wife involving your fetish?
(01:17):
Are you entertaining other people's feet?
I'm glad we were able to open you up to a whole new world.
I don't know what's in that plant, but I'm going to just say this.
Whatever is in that plant
We need to send it to Kellie so she can rub it on her man's...
Welcome back to The Cris David Show.
I'm your host, Cris David.
You already know who our guest is today, but if you don't, that's ok because you will.
(01:45):
Joining us for the Spring/Summer Edition of our #talklikesex Q&A, welcome back our most
requested guest, clinical certified sexuality coach, Mrs. Toni Drumwright-Antoine.
Coach Toni!
Hey!
We back, back, back.
Yes.
Ok.
How are you?
I'm good.
Everything is good.
(02:05):
A little hectic in my personal life, but good, good, good.
Well, listen, same here, but we ain't going to talk about that.
(02:29):
We're going to help these good people.
Yes.
So, before we get started, I want you to let everyone know how they can contact you for
coaching sessions, if they want to order products, scheduled parties and everything
else.
So, I have a couple of websites.
who are going to get to the toys and bath and body products is bkparties.com/6109.
(02:50):
Or if toys aren't your thing, we have cosmetics as well. That's kandikoated.com/6109.
Or if you want to just learn a little more about the business, not necessarily the
business, but if you want to learn about sexual health and wellness, you can go to my business
website, which is thekittychronicles.co. Toni, is it koated with a K also? Yes, kandikoated, both with a K.
(03:16):
Ok. All right. Ok. So we'll jump into the first one. The first one is actually an update from
Shidah. She's 35 and she's from Philly. Now, Shidah wrote in to our last, last #talklikesex Q&A
Because she was having trouble orgasming with out loud music. Now, did Shidah take Coach
(03:37):
Toni's advice? Let's find out. Let's see. Ok. So it says, hi, Cris and Toni, thank you for your
advice. I lowered the volume of the music down to a two. And instead of the radio, I play smooth
jazz on Pandora. Oh, nice. I watched another one of your shows where you talk about smooth jazz. Oh,
(03:57):
ok. I know what show that is. So I found some I like and now it really sets the mood. So thank you.
And Toni, Shidah also let us know the correct pronunciation of her name. It's not Sheeda.
It's Shy-ee-dah. By the way, if any of you have names that people often mispronounce, just give us the
correct pronunciation in the email. And you know, Toni, her name reminds me of remember that singer Siedah Garrett? Remember her?
(04:21):
Yeah, sure do. Yeah, yeah. That's what her name reminds me of. Backup singer for was it Prince? Michael Jackson. Yeah. Backup singer. Yeah. But
good for you, Shidah. Yeah, that made me happy. A positive update.
We love when people listen, you know, good for her. She's been listening to that, that Najee apparently Toni. Alright.
(04:47):
Armed and Dangerous. Oh, ok. Anyway, Shidah made me think of someone too that I knew who used to
I don't know, even know why I'm telling this story, but listen, this is the Sex Coach. I'm gonna
tell this story. I knew somebody who used to blast the loud music in the bathroom while they
were watching adult material on their phone. But anyway, Shidah. I'm glad you got some resolve.
(05:16):
So thank you. Thank you for writing. So this next one comes from Eileen. She's 42. And she's also from Philly
So let's clap it up for her. Eileen writes, good night, Cris and Toni. Now wait a minute,
Toni. If good night isn't like the most stereotypical Anglophone Caribbean greeting.
Yeah. Very much so. I’ve gotta catch myself sometimes I'm like, good night. Good night to you too, Eileen.
(05:42):
I'm writing to let you know that I'm dating a new man from Brooklyn. He is younger than me and very
sexy. I want to do everything with him, but he only likes missionary. I want to be in other positions.
I really hate missionary in so old school despite being 28 years. Miss Toni, please help. And Toni,
(06:03):
I was so tempted to do an accent while I was reading that.
So as soon as I heard this, I thought about a couple of products that we sell. One is the book
called Ride ‘Em Cowgirl. It shows like different positions and techniques that people don't even
realize they have a name. So normally at my Bedroom Kandi parties, I do this icebreaker where I'd have
everyone tell me their name and their favorite position. And it's so funny because people try
(06:25):
to like demonstrate what the position is because they don't know specifically what the name is.
And so ta-da here is the book. So this book is very, it's very detailed and graphic. It has positions for
expectant mothers. Anybody can get it in. But one of the things that I would recommend is maybe,
you know, at your leisure, if you're able to, or in the position, you can get a book like this.
(06:48):
Again, it's called Ride ‘Em Cowgirl. You can get it on my website. And one of the things you can do
is maybe foreplay
Each of you can take a page of the book, maybe, or you can even alternate, so one night you can
do the missionary, but the next night you can, you know, choose randomly a page from the book
(07:10):
and, you know, work that position. So maybe you'll be introducing something that he'll like,
and I can't see him not liking it. And there's so many different positions in that book that
is definitely something that you both will enjoy. And the other product, and we'll actually have to
put a picture up, is called Strike a Pose. So they're actually cards. So they're like,
(07:31):
you know, a deck of cards. And so there's three ways to play. There's about 50 cards that have
Kama Sutra positions. So that's something that you can do for foreplay. Again, you can kind of,
you know, flip the deck around and randomly choose a card. And then you'll be introducing
(07:52):
new positions to him and opening up his mind. So number one, I would also suggest that you have
a conversation about why he's so hell bent on just missionary, because there's so many different
options out there. And then on the flip side, I would say don't completely dismiss missionary,
because you can get a little acrobatic with that too. If you're really relaxed, your legs can go,
(08:16):
and I don't know how flexible you are, but your legs can go back to damn near your ears.
And so that is kind of opening up you so that not only he'll be able to go in further, but she'll
be feeling something different as well. So I definitely encourage that, but definitely have
a conversation and just find out why he's just really, really into missionary, but also consider
(08:37):
those two products that I mentioned. So again, the first one is called Ride ‘Em Cowgirl. It's the book.
And then the second is called Strike a Pose. And they're a deck of cards. And that basically kind
of spices it up and give you all some alternatives. Well, thank you for your letter Eileen. And Toni,
Eileen seems like such a nice lady, right? I hope she takes your recommendations. Now,
(09:03):
this next question isn't necessarily a sex question, but don't worry, Coach Toni is certified
to catch whatever we throw at her. See what I did there? Listen, we're in baseball season. I can't help it. Anyway,
this question comes from Keesha. Keesha is 26 and she's from Brooklyn. Hello to The Cris David Show
(09:23):
and Sex Coach Toni. My name is Keesha with two E's and I'm from Crown Heights, Brooklyn, baby.
You know those Brooklyn folks is going to let us know they from Brooklyn. I mean, Toni, down to the intersection.
Ok. I love your shows with the coach. Thank you. And I hope you guys can answer this for me,
because it's not really a sex question. It's more so about body image. So please give me a chance.
(09:47):
I'll be quick. I promise. LML. Now, Toni, what's LML? Is it licking my lips? No, laughing mad loud.
So I knew that one. Like laughing out loud, laughing my ass off, laughing mad loud.
Wow, I got to really get hip. You know what I thought it was? I thought it was when you do
(10:10):
your fingers like this. Doesn't it look like an L and an M and an L? Yes. That’s what I thought it was!
Laughing Mad Loud. Listen, we're over 30. All right. So. Well, I knew that one. Apparently Toni isn't today.
But listen, the only TikTok we know is you don't stop. All right? That might be before
(10:34):
your time for Keesha. But anyway, Keesha continues. My sex life is fine. I'm very
satisfied in that department, even though I'm single. I'm considering getting some cosmetic
surgery because I'm very insecure about my nose. I heard your advice last season about the BBL,
and I thought it was excellent. But my nose got me teased by my brothers, and they still do it when
(10:57):
we get together at holidays and family gatherings. I just think it will improve my aesthetic and open
me up to more opportunities. Please don't drag me, guys. OK, so no drag, but just know that I'm not
encouraging it. Now, of course, the first thing I would suggest is that you open up to your brothers
about how you feel. And you might have to do that individually. Now, if you do decide to have surgery,
(11:22):
you know, it's completely up to you. But who's to say that the doctor is not going to butcher
your nose? And then what? But one thing about that question I was curious about was when you said
new opportunities might open up. So what do you mean by new opportunities? Like, what is that about?
So I'm just really, really curious about that. But also consider this. It's family gathering day. The
(11:47):
brothers are there. You walk into the room, and then they clown you about getting your nose done.
Then what? So I'm just going to conclude that you do have a conversation with them. And then
according to how it goes, you might have to limit your interactions just for the sake of protecting
your peace. Or you can go lower and clown them, too. I'm pretty sure that you should have an
(12:09):
insecurity of something. Like, you know how Michelle Obama says, when we go low, they go low,
we go high? You could take it to the floor. So.
Keesha the bar is in hell. Go even lower!
So not necessarily encouraging you to destroy your family dynamic. But definitely don't consider a nose
(12:30):
job just for the sake of your brothers and how they're teasing you. First of all, a brother is
gonna brother. I don't have brothers personally, but I have seen how other people's brothers
interact with them. So I wouldn't go there. But also it just depends. First of all, they have
that saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So some people aren’t going to like your nose.
(12:51):
You're going to find someone who's really going to love you for you. Your face they’re going to find you
beautiful. And even though it's your insecurity, it may not be something that's going to be a big
deal to other people. But then one thing that I thought about when I heard this question.
So I'm in Maryland now. I used to be a Brooklyn girl and I'm also natural. And so what I found
(13:14):
that when I was in Brooklyn walking through the streets of my fro, my hair natural and everything,
I would get approached by so many guys and then when I moved to Maryland. Well, first of all,
I moved to Maryland for my man. So I wasn't looking for anybody to be approaching me. But I noticed
that men here are not really necessarily approaching me like they were in Brooklyn or in New York
(13:35):
because of my hair. So it's all about perception, location, who you're around, who's seeing you,
what, you know, it's a lot of factors. But at the end of the day, I definitely wouldn't consider a
nose job because your brothers have caused you to have an insecurity about it. So that's just my
opinion. You're going to do what you're going to do. But I definitely would not do it.
(13:59):
Now, Toni, Keesha is really, really gorgeous. I've seen Keesha and she's in that tribe with like
Chilli and like Ananda Lewis. You remember Ananda Lewis, right? Yes, I do. Keesha stop trippin! Keesha's gorgeous. Like
I can show you Keesha’s picture. I'll show you off here. But Keesha is really, really pretty.
(14:21):
And her brothers really pissed me off because I'm like, well, what noses do they have? Because
yall are related. Right. So I mean, how are yall gonna roast? You know what I'm saying? Like how yall roasting her?
And the other thing is too Keesha, you know, plastic surgery is very addictive. You know,
nose jobs, lead to lip jobs, lead to eye jobs and so on. And, you know, we did this on the panel.
(14:44):
And Khai said you have to maintain alterations because as soon as you come off of that table,
you're taking care of something that you had before, but now it needs more care.
So it's like having a baby, but the baby's on your face or some other part of your body.
And you know, Toni, too, nose jobs are tricky for us. I mean, if you don't have the anatomy.
(15:07):
You can end up looking really crazy. Yes. And I always joke that I say, like, I don't have enough
Nose to job. So what am I going to do? But there's a rapper though. And this is all alleged. Popular
female rapper, I’m not going to name her, but she got a nose job because people online were teasing her
(15:27):
about looking like a cartoon character from a Nickelodeon show. Now I’m not going to say the
rapper. I’m not going to say the show. But guys, please stop picking on people. Like everybody's
skin is not thick. And right now on the screen, we have the SAMHSA website up, SAMHSA.gov, S-A-M-H-S-A
(15:48):
for mental health resources. But like I said, Keesha, we would never drag you, but we will drag
your brothers. Ok. Ok. Well, Toni's sweet. Toni's not going to drag your brothers. I'll drag
your brothers. But Keesha, Khai did say that he still has that bacon, egg, and cheese for you with
your name on it. So it might be a little stale now, but he'll buy you another one. But thanks for
(16:09):
letting us help you twice, Keesha. Toni, you know, I was watching Botched. You know Botched on E!
Yeah, but I've never seen an episode. Oh you’ve never watched?
Well, Toni, it's a, it's a nightmare, I've seen like little snips and clips, you know, clips of it.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
It's too, it's too squeamish for it.
(16:29):
Yeah.
So, so they did this guy's nose job on there and he was a smoker and they told him,
if you're, we're going to do this for you, you got to stop smoking, at least during the healing
process. Don't you know his nose caved right back in because he started smoking again? And the doctor
(16:50):
was just like, I'm not helping you anymore. He's just like, I'm done. I'm done. Because, you know,
he didn't listen. So they were just like, we're done. But we do have an update from Anonymous,
AKA Eric, who wrote us last time because his father and his brothers were pressuring him
to have sex and lose his virginity. And Eric is 18, he's from Pennsylvania. And he writes,
(17:15):
Dear Ms. Toni and Mr. Cris, this is Eric, Anonymous from #talklikesex Q&A, the Fall edition.
Thank you for your advice and thank you for taking my question. Over the Christmas break,
I sat down with my dad and brothers and told them I'm not interested in having sex because I have
goals I'm trying to accomplish and I want to be. I guess he means want to be financially stable,
(17:38):
before I have kids and even catch an STD that I cannot cure. And Toni, this is a smart young bul.
Like, good for you, Eric. Good for you. Right. My dad says they were joking, but my brothers
called me smart for at least thinking about my future. They all had kids as teenagers and my
parents had us when they were in their teens. So we all know what it's like to struggle. I forgot
(18:02):
to mention last time that my mom isn't in the picture. She's been incarcerated since I was five.
So I really don't have a relationship with her. My great grandmother is the only mother figured
me had growing up. And since she raised me and my brothers while my dad was locked up for 10 years
as well. So I know how to respect them. Sorry for writing such a long message, but I wanted to let
(18:23):
everyone know how things were. And Toni that was heavy, like, oh my God. But you go before I have a moment
I have the tissues right here so. No, I was really happy about this update because sometimes, you know, we're afraid to have
those conversations with our family because just like in the previous commenter about teasing
(18:44):
and things like that. And it sounds like his brothers were very mature about it. And I just
really love that. So I'm really happy for Eric. And not only that, this is going to plateau him to
kind of push forward in his education and doing the right thing. You know waiting for.
Until he is ready, you know, to start a family and have sex, you know, and things like that.
(19:05):
So I'm really happy for this update. And it just blows my mind because he's 18. I'm like,
I remember what I was doing 18 years ago. That's ‘04, ‘05. You know, he was born in ’05, ‘06.
He was born in ’05, ’06. Like, I remember what I was up to. I was on the message board with you guys back
then. Right. I'm not leaving that in there. But if any of you guys out there, are 18, like Eric or however
(19:33):
old you are, wear condoms when you do decide to have sex with a young lady. It doesn't matter how
healthy she looks or how clean she smells or how much you like her because she could have something
inside of her that could spread to you. And I know some of you are on PreP. And that's great.
Granted, it could be something that you just need a shot for. Why get a shot if you don’t need one?
(19:55):
You know, I mean, we all get wild in the heat of the moment. So just remember, wrap it up! If anything.
Both of you can go get tested before you do decide to go that route. There are plenty of places that
do it for free. I mean, Toni, the HIV test is now a finger prick. Like you know how people do their
blood sugar? Yeah, it's a finger prick. 20 minute test. And also guys, Eric did say that it was ok
(20:23):
for us to refer to him by his real name. And you know what else Toni, this is a fun fact about Eric.
He came up with the name Coach Toni. So he wrote it in the email. So we gotta give him his props for that.
Ok, shout out to you Eric. Yes, 18 years old. Came up with the name. Look at him helping out the show. Eric,
(20:46):
you wanna be my intern? I need an intern. But no, send the show your mailing address, Eric, and we're
gonna send you something. Because I mean, I gotta give him his props for that. Yes.
Alright Toni, here we go. Here we go with this one. Anonymous is 33 and she's from The District.
That's Washington, DC if you don't know. Anonymous, you know what Anonymous, let's get some Mumbo
(21:12):
sauce. While you, you know. Because I'm gonna need some Mumbo sauce after this. Alright, anyway,
Coach Toni's about to beat me with the bat. Because I'm, yeah, let me get in order. I'm about to beat
somebody else with the bat. Anyway, ok, I'm done. Cris focus, focus, focus. This is the second time
I've been to the ER after having sex with my boyfriend. Well, he's not really my boyfriend.
(21:36):
We're just FWBs. But anyway, I think he's too big. When we went to the hospital, he got on Live and
was bragging about why we were there. You know, like on Live though, Anonymous? Like you know,
he sounds like he uses Irish Spring and Aquafresh like that. I just, I can't. I really, I can't.
(21:59):
Like he eats Popeyes and Casamigos for breakfast. Like just a real hood figure, Toni. Like I just, anyway.
The second time he actually used Ouidad instead of lube because it was all I had. Wait a minute.
He put that where?
I remember my gyno telling me that I run on the smaller side. Don't get me wrong, the sex
(22:25):
feels good. But my doctor told me if I keep tipping my cervix, I may not be able to have children.
What should I do? And Toni, I really want to deck him for his antics. Right! But I want you to deck
her for using Ouidad in her booboon. For sure. Ok. Ouidad’s expensive. Yes.
(22:50):
Now with this one, first without knowing how detailed the conversation was with the
gynecologist, I would suggest speaking with maybe another one. So you can walk through having sex
comfortably and healthy going forward because Anonymous is only 33. So you have way more years
of intimacy. But I do want to talk to you about a product that I sell called Horizons. So insert
(23:14):
picture here. Horizons are vaginal dilators. So of course we're going to put the picture up so that
you can see how they look. Vaginal dilators are gradual devices that help expand the pelvic floor.
And so it's going to over time make it more easy and comfortable for you. So it's preparing you
(23:35):
for anything for a tampon, for a penis, a toy, a gynecological exam. It's slowly opening up. So
it's like they're gradual and they can help you begin or resume vaginal penetration. So they come
in a set and it's multiple sizes. So you're going to start off with a really small one and then you
basically expand up to the next size once you're comfortable. So once you work your way up, it's
(24:01):
going to be easier for you to take on whatever size of whatever thing that's going into your vagina.
But I do think you should definitely speak more with a healthcare provider because they may
also recommend dilator therapy as well. But that's something that I would highly recommend that you
look into because it sounds like especially if you're too tight, of course relaxation and a good
(24:29):
lube as well. But I think dilators are probably going to be what you do need to get or start with
to just make it more comfortable and ease you into various sizes of things going into your vagina.
I have no idea they even made those for the public to consume. Yeah.
Because that was something that I was aware that existed as more of a medical device, but I didn't
(24:53):
know that that was something that you could actually purchase.
Yeah, and see a lot of people have misconceptions with Bedroom Kandi and our websites and the products
that we sell. We're a lifestyle company. So we're not just toys. We are health and intimacy,
sexual health and intimacy and wellness. So this, even though it may be in the category,
(25:16):
like if you went to the website, it's going to be in the category under toys.
It's actually not a toy. It's a wellness product. So yeah, I would definitely recommend
if someone is having that type of issue, they look into dilators.
You know Toni, you know I couldn’t help myself. Anonymous needs to trade
(25:37):
places with Kellie. Remember Kellie? You know, put a tiger in my tank, Kellie, from our last show.
Yes. You know purr. Yeah. You know Toni, you know it all goes back to music with me.
Kellie reminded me of this House record that I heard a while ago and it's called,
Gonna Get Back to You. It's by Masters at Work. And you guys, you House heads know that.
(26:01):
But it's like in the song she's saying, long, big, thick, and healthy man. Long, big, thick, and healthy man
But anyway, it's a mess Toni. You gotta hear that record. It's a trip. But seriously,
she has to be careful. Like she could really put herself at risk for something serious. Like I heard
(26:21):
story about a young lady who ended up, she was in a similar situation,
and she ended up needing to get a D&C. You know, I and you guys, below I put down what D&C actually
is, I'm not going to go into detail. But you know, Anonymous, here's my thing.
I want you to bring your man in here for a second. Just for a moment, I want to talk to him.
(26:45):
And he's not even her man, just a friend with benefits.
Even worst.
Bring him here. Now I'm going to need to burn my sage and Palo Santo for this.
I demanded the branch manager call my husband immediately on the speakerphone.
He was hesitant in his speech at first, but then he admitted that they were subscriptions for
(27:06):
X-rated adult content. The hits keep coming at The Cris David Show. Ok, is he here? All right.
I'll wait. Ok. Ok. Hi, I'm Cris David. This is. Coach Toni. Mrs. Toni Drumwright-Antoine,
clinical certified sexuality coach. And this is the #talklikesex Q&A Spring/Summer Edition
(27:28):
on The Cris David Show. Now I'm going to share something with you and I need you to open up your
notes app on your phone or record this or whatever you need to do to remember what I'm about to tell
you. All right. So listen, vaginal sex is not comfortable for every vagina. And you are
legitimately hurting her. And I don't know if you're doing it intentionally or if you genuinely just
(27:49):
don't realize how deep you're going, but let's just say you don't realize how deep you’re going. So this
is what you need to do. Now just lean in, just a little bit, lean in. When you're in the
heat of the moment, I want you to try to get yourself down to maybe 20 to 25% of your normal
(28:09):
erection. This way you're still erect, but you're not nearly as erect as you are when you're hurting
her. And this is gonna require you to think. So I want you to use your brain, you understand?
Because sex is all in your mind. You got to be there mentally to have it good. Or how about this?
How about not going as deep or not going deep at all unless she asks you to?
(28:33):
Because we did a whole segment on lube. It's up at thecrisdavidshow.com.
Wetter it is better, but not that kind of wet. Ok. Don't compromise your comfort.
And you know, Toni, I just, I really want people for 2024 because we're like,
we're halfway done with the year. Can we let the FWB thing die in 2024? Like seriously.
(28:59):
For sure.
Because it never works. Toni, it never works out. There's always another one and another one and
another one. And then everybody ends up with their feelings hurt because they've never established
boundaries or they end up at someone's clinic mad at the world because they haven’t
Healed from trauma and they're out here lusting and busting, and using sex to self-soothe.
(29:20):
Right. And basically at 33 years old, you're wasting your pretty, you know?
Like, you don't get it back.
Right. Life is way too short.
But you know what I'm saying, Toni? And then the multiples got multiples.
And then multiples got multiples. And then those multiples got multiples. So it's like,
(29:44):
and you know, when I first saw FWB, Toni, I was confused because I thought it meant, wait,
but you know I can't help myself?
You need to learn your acronyms. We need to put together a list of acronyms.
What's wrong with me? I thought it meant fucking with buddies.
But I mean, Toni, I guess it does, right?
Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I need a refresher course in these acronyms because I didn't know
(30:11):
what LML was. I thought it was this. Like, LML. I thought FWB was something else. You know what, Toni?
You know what it reminds me of? FWB. Remember Words With Friends?
Yes.
It's like they out here collecting FWBs like letters on Words With Friends. Oh, by the way,
(30:32):
Coach Toni's Bedroom Kandi store over at bkparties.com/6109 has every lube imaginable.
Please do not use hair gel as a substitute for lube, especially not no $25 hair gel.
Yes.
Toni, I'm surprised they didn't get stuck.
Right. And I've never used Ouidad, but what in the world...
(30:54):
It's really good.
So...
Not as lube, though. Come on.
No. Hell no. It's good because, you know, I use it in my hair and I only found out about it because of
this letter. So thank you, Anonymous. But it has like a humidity protector in it
(31:15):
Oh, ok. So it's good for our texture. But I don't know. But anyway, this is not a hair show.
I'm sorry. I just had to, you know, this is my friend I had to put her on. But just listen,
be careful, Anonymous, because your buddy gives me very, very bad vibes. I'm just, I'm sorry.
(31:36):
It might be time to bless and release as Coach Toni says.
Bless and release. Yeah.
And then also, try to incorporate a silicone lube. So, you know, we have a lot of different
types of lube. You know, these days there's a lube for every scenario. Silicone lubes are really
good for marathon sessions, for water play. And it's a little bit thicker than like a water-based
(31:59):
lube. So water-based lube, we have one that's natural, so it mimics your regular body
lubrication. But maybe a silicone lube would also kind of help you be a little more comfortable as
well. So that's just a suggestion. I definitely would still have that conversation with a medical
provider who's going to be comfortable going into detail with you about a plan. But yeah, that
(32:23):
could also be something that would help as well.
You know, Toni, I took it out of the letter, but she was saying how he got on the Live,
talking about, “the BBC got another one”. Just slimy, and you know, I'm going to lean
in real quick on my brothas.
(32:49):
Please, stop referring to your penises as BBCs. Because the
racial connotations are just deep and oppressive. And collectively, we're greater than that. But
just, just wow. And you know another thing, you guys got to realize that holes are tight in real
(33:13):
life. Like those people in porn are on drugs. And they’ve been ran through. In real life, like there's a little bit
of a struggle, especially when your partner isn't relaxed, or you're using the wrong thing for
lube. And I don't know, Toni, this one really bothered me because she's 33. I'm assuming that
(33:35):
he's close in age too, but he's just so immature. And it just, you know, I don't think he likes her.
I mean, it's like he's hate fucking her. And that's for anybody else out there who's dealing
with this. Like I really, I hope that you guys, I hope she learns her value. And I hope,
yeah, thanks writing.
(33:56):
Yeah, he could like the availability of her, you know, because they're friends with benefits. So
there's no, there's no obligation to see each other every day. But when she does get that phone
call, maybe, you know, she's compromised from sacrificing anything to just take the phone call
and be with him. Who knows, but yeah, I would bless and release.
(34:19):
Definitely. Definitely. And you know, Toni too, even whether it's FWB friends with benefit or,
you know, a boyfriend or even some people are in relationships, like committed relationships.
A lot of these guys, I'm starting to notice like they hate the women that they're getting involved
with. Like they're out here purposely infecting them with STDs, trying to harm their insides,
(34:43):
purposely, you know, trying to get them pregnant, poking holes in condoms. Yeah, all of that. And
women are doing it too, because I think I was telling you earlier about a letter that we got,
I was going to tell you about this guy said his girlfriend is getting violent with him during
sex. And I'm just like, yeah, so we'll, yeah, I'm gonna send that to you. We'll get, because you,
(35:12):
Toni, that's like your summer reading. I'm going to send that to you because I'm just like,
I'm just like, you know, we get a lot of these in, but then it's, but some of them are just so
similar. So I'm trying to find what is different and what. And yeah, I wasn't prepared for that.
(35:33):
It's like, I got to really be careful what I manifest. Sometimes I get stuff I'm not ready to.
But you know, it takes me back though, to the first time, the very first show that you and I did.
And remember, we talked about the red flags. We were talking about dating and red and green flags.
And I have my window up to just to get the light in, because it was very dreary earlier.
(35:56):
And something happened before you even came on when we were texting. And there was this guy outside,
probably for like 10, 15 minutes, and he's just honking his horn. And I'm like, who just does that?
Like, you know, if you don't just text the person or pull over, because he was literally just out in
the middle of the street. So Toni you know I'm nosy, you know how nosy I am. So I go to the window,
(36:23):
I opened the window all the way up. And I wanted to see, you know, who he was out there for. So
there's this family on the block. And I call them, you know, Melquan and them, because Melquan
is the name that shows up on my Wi-Fi. And I know that's their house. And they're the only other
Black family, you know, on the block. So I'm like, it's got to be somebody for the Melquan’s, you
(36:48):
know, and I mean, they roll deep Toni. It's like they have three houses in this development. And
it's about 10 of them. And I'm like, you know, listen props for Black homeownership, but it's
like they roll deep, it's a lot. So the girl comes out. And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's the sister. And the guy in
the car, he looks pissed off. He's like, just saying something to her. I really couldn't hear
(37:13):
what he was saying. But she gets in the car. And Toni, before he could even put his close,
before he could even, she could even put her foot in the car, he speeds off. And her foot is hanging
like outside the car. And he's, she's laughing about it. And I'm, I don’t know. Like some of you,
(37:34):
And she's young, Toni. She's, she can't be, she's not over 21. She's a young girl. Yeah. You know what
I'm saying? Like she's out of high school, but not quite 21 yet. But yeah, some of you guys need to
just leave. You need to free yourselves and bless and release. As Coach Toni says. But anyway,
(37:55):
so next up, oh wait, Toni, are there any Bedroom Kandi sales coming up?
Uh, we do have every Wednesday a Hump Day sale. And so we find out what the item is the night
before. And what I've been doing is actually putting the link in my Instagram stories. So my
(38:18):
Instagram page is @bedroomkandi_bytoni, and on Wednesdays at any point,
usually I'll post it after around 10, 11 AM. And I will already have what the item is. It's going
to be 50% off. And I’ll have the link that you can just click on and go directly to my site to place
the order. There's been things that's like a hundred and something dollars and they'll put it on sale for
(38:41):
50% off. So definitely check my Stories on Wednesdays and you'll get to see what that item is
that particular week. Anonymous is 25 and she's from The Bronx. She's, she writes, I like getting
facials massages and pedicures on a regular basis. I found this salon in the city that
caters to couples but the massage therapists are all men. There's this one and his name is Stanley
(39:04):
and he's overbooked every time I go and I can see why he's not really, he's not very tall,
but his muscles got muscles and his thing be poking through the scrubs. All right. Listen Anonymous,
ok. Did you hear my alarm just chime? Did you hear that noise? Because Toni it’s so crazy
that happens whenever I'm about to say something or I've said something that, you know, the
(39:27):
universe agrees with. So all I'mma say is this, don't be like Rachel’s soror was,
you remember Rachel from last season. Don’t be like her. All right. It says he's really not that cute in
the face. He's like an alligator with muscles and a big, you know what, but he's good at what he does
and I don't have a problem with it, but my boyfriend is apprehensive and said he feels
(39:51):
uncomfortable letting some big muscular man rub him down while he's half naked. How can I convince
my man to up his self-care regimen with me? And you know, Toni, you did this on the Men's Panel
and Khai, Khai just always has something, both of them do Khai and Joey, but Khai was like,
what's she checking for? Describing the masseur like that?
(40:15):
It's like, remember like the song earlier? Long, big, thick, and healthy man. Long, big, thick, and healthy man.
So Anonymous, in this case, I'm gonna have to side with your man. When it comes to being touched
whether intimately or what's perceived as intimate, people have their comfort levels
and I would never push that on somebody without making them feel uncomfortable when it comes to
(40:36):
physical touch. That's like for me personally, I don't have an issue with men overall. However, I don't
want a man giving me a massage. I don't want a male gynecologist. It's just preference. So I would
never in a million years just straight out the gate, you know, if your man isn't doing things
for self-care, I wouldn't let step one be get a massage by a man. You got to ease him into self
(41:01):
care. And there's a lot more things that you can do. So that, you know, it doesn't mean he can't
do other things. Start off with a facial, you know, how about that? Or a pedicure, you know,
I see men in the nail salon all the time when I used to get my nails done, who would
get pedicures or manicures, you can start there, you know, do something small, but asking him to
(41:22):
get a massage from a man as a form of self-care when it's not really his thing is insane.
So definitely start small. And this isn't even something where I would have to have a conversation
with him about or kind of do things to gauge him gradually ease him into the idea of getting a
massage with a man. It's just not going to be a negotiable. And that's not something that I would
(41:46):
make an issue or a big deal out of. It's just his preference. Touch is really intimate for a lot of
people. And it's very stimulating. So for you to kind of want to force that, I think that is a
little wrong. But I would definitely start off with, you know, the nail salon or a facial.
People’s face, you know, that's their billboard. So who doesn't want a nice clean skin? Who doesn't
(42:12):
want to be exfoliated to get advice on what items to use on their skin? So I definitely would start
there first. But the massage with a man, I definitely wouldn't push that.
On our segment of Ask the Guys they said what you said, Toni, this is something she'll have to
(42:35):
probably ease him into because, you know, due to his comfortability, because not all men are
comfortable being touched in some of the very old school with their hygiene practices. And like I
mentioned to you on that episode too Anonymous, you can try giving him a massage yourself to at
(42:56):
least get him comfortable with it. But thanks for writing in. And, you know, Coach Toni's Bedroom
Kandi store might be of some assistance because they have something called Sugah Daddy that can
be used in lieu of all those body deodorants that are out now, that are all over TV. And there's also another thing that
(43:16):
you might like too and it's called keep lighting my fire. Now, Toni, can you explain keep lighting
my fire to them? Yes, so it's Light My Fire. Oh I'm sorry. No worries. And we’ll put a picture up.
I actually have a well, it's not reachable. So I'll talk about them both. But Light My Fire is
(43:38):
a massage candle. So it starts off as a regular candle. It's soy based. So when you burn it and
pour it onto the skin, it melts into a massage oil. So that's something that would not only help
with intimacy, but you could do the massage yourself. And if you've, his name is Stanley, you know,
if you've gotten this massage from Stanley before, and you can attest to his moves and what he does,
(44:02):
then hopefully you've learned some tips and techniques from the things that Stanley does.
And so you can practice those things on your man. So that would not only be giving him his self-care,
but it's also increasing intimacy between the two of you as well. Another thing that Cris mentioned
for self-care was Sugah Daddy. So Sugah Daddy is an intimate elixir. We have two versions. So the
(44:25):
woman's version is called Haute Cakes, H-A-U-T-E. Sugah Daddy is because we like to keep the men
inclusive. So the reason that Haute Cakes, which was the first product came into existence is because
the creator of that, she kept getting infections in her intimate areas, yeast infections, bacterial
infections. And so when she would get things, you know, prescriptions or treatments from her doctor,
(44:50):
it wasn't working. So her partner is a chemist. So they both got into the lab, created this product.
The products are all natural and vegan. And so the main component is coconut oil. Hopefully he's not
allergic to coconut oil, but they come together to smell like cake. So who doesn't want their intimate
(45:10):
parts smelling like cake, right? And so because we like to keep them inclusive, we have the male
version, which is called Sugah Daddy. And Sugah Daddy smells like a lemon pound cake. So it's a
lemony scent. It smells really intoxicating and men and women can use it, but it has antimicrobial
and antibacterial properties in it. So he doesn't have to necessarily have anything going on, any
(45:34):
issues, but who doesn't want to smell like the cake, you know, cake? And so you basically,
it's in a dropper bottle. You will put a couple drops on your hand, rub it in and put it on
whatever part of your body would be susceptible to sweating. So that's something that you can also
give him to up his self-care routine. So it doesn't necessarily have to be those traditional things
(45:57):
like carrying him to a massage parlor, that what they call them? Or a spa to be massaged by a man.
You know, like we mentioned earlier, you can give him that massage. And then you can also
introduce him to products that are geared towards self-care as well. And I guarantee you, once you
elevate a man's self-care and introduce them to a more higher quality item, like a nice expensive or
(46:23):
fancier body scrub or body wash, believe me, they're going to be hooked. So that's something that you
can definitely do. Also, another thing that I would suggest in the event that Light My Fire is not
available, when you do go to the website, we have a candle called Unwind. So Unwind is our CBD
collection. And if you're not familiar with CBD, think marijuana without the THC. So THC is the
(46:47):
component that gets you high. But CBD is the component that aids in relaxation, anxiety,
pain management. And so that is another candle that I would definitely recommend, because not
only are you giving that massage, but it's kind of doing some of the work for you, because it's
helping your partner to relax. So that's definitely an alternative to the Light My Fire candle.
(47:13):
I'm not opposed to a male masseur, as long as he stays above Billionaire's Row,
All right, Toni? 57th Street. All right? All right. As long as you stay above 57th Street,
we cool. Like I said before, you can go to Ft. Lee, you can go to Jersey City, you can go to Brooklyn.
I don’t care. Just stay above 57th Street. But Toni, are you ready for this next one?
(47:40):
Yes. Now I'm going to need to burn my sage and Palo Santo for this. Exactly. Bomba.
Hello, Cris and Dr. Toni. My name's Rose. I'm 57 years old, and I've been married for 33 years,
together for 39, well, 40 at this point. To my husband, Arnold, we have three children and eight
(48:01):
grandchildren, and we live in a small town north of Dallas. My husband has retired military,
and I'm retiring this year from working for the federal government since I was 19. Congratulations!
I love my husband dearly, but I recently discovered something very disturbing about him
after receiving multiple phone calls and emails from our local credit union. They asked me to come into
(48:24):
the branch due to suspected fraudulent charges that were made on our joint checking account.
When I entered the branch, everyone was looking at me as if they were in on some joke that had
not been revealed to me. The branch manager quickly approached me and escorted me to a room
where he had an open laptop and a manila folder with my and my husband's name on it. Now, manila
(48:46):
folders for you guys who are very young, they are a brown folder. I don’t think. Do I have one in here?
Do they have one in here? No. They're a brown folder with holes in it. So just Google manila,
Manila like the Philippines, manila folder anyway, because I know Toni, we got the young people,
(49:07):
and they're like, huh, what's that? What's a manila folder? All right. He was polite and kind in
addressing me and asked if I was familiar with the charges that were being made on our account.
I told him that none of them looked familiar to me, but what caught my eye weren't the charges
it was that our account, which had a monthly running balance of $200,000, give or take,
(49:30):
was now holding less than $3.75. I saw red and could not even focus on what the branch manager
was saying to me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, I'm going to kill him. I never felt so
hurt and betrayed. I demanded the branch manager call my husband immediately on the speakerphone
(49:51):
and I asked him what these charges were for. He was hesitant in his speech at first, but then he
admitted that they were subscriptions for X-rated adult content. The branch manager and I sat in
that dank, cold office for four hours going over each and every charge. In the end, it was revealed
that my husband had wrapped up close to $177,000 in subscription charges to thousands of OnlyFans
(50:18):
performers in less than six months. The branch manager told me that I had two options. The first
was to fill out a form stating that the charges were fraudulent and that I had no knowledge that
they were being made, but this option would cause my husband to be liable for the restitution
and possibly lead us to divorce. My second option would be to dispute the charges that exceeded one
(50:40):
month, block future subscription charges from OnlyFans, and possibly never get all of our hard
earned money back. I am at an impasse. My husband acts as if nothing ever happened and I only share
this with the bank, my sister, my attorney, and now me. What do you recommend? Sincerely, Rose.
(51:03):
Mezanmi Pi Wo!
Divorce. That's what I recommend. I recommend divorce. They have it for a reason. This seems
to be a valid one. Divorce. Just in hearing that, retired military, being a federal government
(51:25):
employee for what, roughly 38 years and about to retire, if you can even retire now at this point,
and the money is now gone, some people need that sense of security and it's like they both worked
so hard for so many years and Rose is 57. These are the years that they should be,
(51:47):
she's about to retire, they should be traveling the world and being problem and drama and stress
free and now the money is gone. I for sure, at this point, what is she expected to do now,
not retire and maybe even get a part-time job to help recoup some of that or make it
(52:08):
comfortable for them to be able to retire? If I have to do all that and sacrifice some of my
retirement, I'm going to do it by myself. I know the goal is never going to be to
shatter your household or your family dynamic, but this is definitely a reason and it's basically
a serious violation of trust because he basically took retirement off the table and living
(52:33):
comfortably and having security, he took that off the table and he didn't consider so many variables.
I personally would never be able to trust him again. I wouldn't even be able to trust him to
go to the grocery store with a list. So for sure, in my opinion, this is done.
I mean, divorce is imminent, but Toni, I'm legit speechless and I'm never speechless.
(53:03):
But I will say this though, this may be an upside. I know that the government,
the Federal government has something called a Thrift Savings Plan and that's similar to a 401k.
Like for us, non-government working people, we have a 401k. Government working people have
(53:24):
something called a Thrift Savings Plan. Hopefully if she's had a Thrift Savings Plan since she was
19, she has probably even more money in that than what he wiped out.
Yeah, right. Let's hope.
I hope so.
You're absolutely right. Especially 38 years she's been working there.
Yeah. It should be a nice stack of change.
(53:47):
That's what I'm saying.
So let's hope.
I hope so too.
Yeah.
But Rose, please accept our sincerest apologies because we got your email
here at the show last season, but I didn't get to it in time to put it on then. So I hope we
were able to help today, but please write us and let us know how everything is going. And that goes
(54:08):
for everyone who's written in too, don't be a stranger, info@thecrisdavidshow.com
I sincerely hope everything works out for you Rose. Bless and release. All right.
I love that she called you Dr. Toni.
Manifestation. I missed that.
From her fingertips to God's ears.
(54:34):
Yes, I missed that.
Dr. Toni, she called you.
The manifestation is real.
Yes Rose.
Yes it is.
Gotta put that into the universe.
Listen, but she's going to need my time machine. Like seriously.
Her and Anonymous with those ER visits.
Yes.
And you know Toni, something else.
(54:55):
OnlyFans is really going to be the ruination of society. It really is.
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