July 27, 2023 • 11 mins
The job is starting to wear on Mike and he’s ready to breakout and find some excitement with his new friends. But sometimes your old friends are hard to shake.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome back to the Crossing Guard tapes
.
We come to you live from anundisclosed location.
What you are about to hear istrue.
This is an unauthorized accounttaken from the diary of Mike
Limbo and his time as an agentfor a deep state organization
(00:23):
known as the Guards of the Realm.
Mike needs our help.
They know he's out there andthey won't rest until they have
him back in their grips.
Help us get the word out.
Join us as we bring you thefourth installment of the
Crossing Guard tapes, april 10,1988.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Eddie came back to work today and actually said
hello to me.
Hello, you're so fucking cool.
Seems to be warming up to me alittle.
We'll see how that goes.
Oh, I'm sure it's gonna gogreat.
Working full time is taking moreout of me than I ever thought
it would.
Three exhausting days I feellike I need to go out more to
(01:09):
blow off steam.
Last night I went to a sportsbar and watched the game, had a
few too many and I'm feeling it.
This morning I didn't get homeuntil two in the morning but as
(01:30):
my head hit the pillow I was outlike a light.
Out like a light down, likesyndrome.
Even though I'm hung over likeshit this morning I'm actually
feeling pretty good, like I'mfinally doing something pretty
cool with my life.
Once I've got my body back, mydreams will be realized.
(01:55):
May 29, 1988.
Been having trouble getting ahold of the fuck face.
I sold my Bonneville to Thinkhe's moved a couple times since
I sold it to him.
Just my luck.
I would sell it to a fuckingsleazebag like that.
Nonetheless, I'm gonna keeptrying until I find him.
This is an opportunity I'm notgonna let slip away.
(02:16):
This is mine, she's mine, she'smine as far as work is
concerned, I'm starting toreally get annoyed with some of
my kids.
There's a few sixth graders whodon't wait for me and try to
cross before I can do the assist.
I've told them repeatedly towait, but they keep ignoring my
(02:38):
warnings.
Eddie's getting pretty fed upwith them too.
We've talked about it and weboth agree that these kids are
messing with the wrong fuckingpeople.
If they don't watch themselves,I'll take matters into my own
hands, and they're not gonnalike it one little bit Believe
me.
(03:12):
June 15, 1988.
Finally I got a lucky break.
Jesus loves me.
Yesterday, on the bus ride homeafter work, I saw my Bonneville
parked in the Hooters parkinglot over on Greenway Avenue.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Love you all right here.
Got out at the next stop,walked back and waited around
(03:34):
for a while, but the guy nevercame out.
Eventually I just left a notewith my telephone number.
Call me, boy.
I know it's just a matter oftime now before my Bonnie and I
are reunited.
Afterwards I went in and had abeer and then ended up having
another one, another one, acouple more, another one, a few.
(04:09):
To make a long story short, Imissed the last bus and had to
walk home through the pouringfucking rain.
I didn't get home until afteralmost four in the end this
morning I'm feeling reallyfucking shitty.
Maybe I'll just call in sickagain.
(04:31):
Mr Jakeman doesn't like it whenI call in sick and lately he's
been giving me a really hardtime about it.
Way to go, boss man.
Last week he warned me thatI've been taking too many sick
days.
Well, fuck you.
If he felt as crappy as I doright now, he wouldn't fucking
go to work either.
Asshole.
(05:06):
June 16th 1988.
Well, mr Jakeman put me onprobation today and he cut back
my hours, big Boss man makinghis move.
If that didn't piss me offenough, when I got home the guy
called about my Bonneville.
He told me he'd sell it back tome for 5000 fucking dollars.
(05:27):
That's more than twice what Isold it to him for Fucking Jerk,
fucking Jerk.
I told him that I didn't haveenough money right now.
Fuck, I don't have enough moneyright now.
I just got put on probation atwork but he didn't give two shit
.
You just caught me a break, man.
He fucking hung up on me.
He wouldn't give me his numberso I can't even get a hold of
(05:47):
him when I do get the moneytogether.
Fuck, fuck, what a piece ofshit.
Fucking crappy day it's been.
He's just joined the evenSteven Club and he's at the top
of the fucking list.
June 27th 1988.
(06:13):
So I've been transferred to adifferent school district.
Kick me while.
I'm down this one is evenfurther away out on the far east
side in a totally crummy partof town.
Takes me almost two hours toget there by bus and I have to
transfer three times just to getwithin a 20 minute walk of the
school.
Mr Jakeman is not fuckingaround with me anymore.
(06:36):
He told me that I was within acunt hair of losing my job.
What a disgusting thing to sayto me.
With a mouth like that, theyshould fire his ass too Sleaze
back.
I think I might just send alittle letter to Mr Jakeman's
supervisor just to let him knowwhat kind of scummy ass working
for him.
That should get him off my assfor a while, because I'm sick of
(06:58):
this shit.
August 12th 1988 Summer schoolis finally over, so I have a few
(07:25):
weeks before school beginsagain in September.
It's time to chill out, put myfeet up and watch a few baseball
games on TV.
Go Horia.
Yeah, I'm gonna hang out withsome of my new partners at work
and they are way cooler thanEddie and those south side
jackoffs Fucking no way.
My friend buddy and his palsare showing me a side of this
(07:46):
town I have never seen before.
They've been turning me on tosome serious shit.
It's a whole differentlifestyle with these guys.
Really Nothing but toplessdancers, hard rock and hard
cocks every day and every night.
We're driving to Atlantic Citytonight to spend a few days
(08:07):
gambling and horror.
Might be a while before I seemy Bonneville again, since I've
been dipping into my car account.
In fact, I've pretty muchcleaned it out for this trip.
I don't really care, though,because I really need to get
away for a few days To clear mymind and to get refocused.
August 14th 1988.
(08:49):
Eddie showed up at work today.
It was weird because I haven'tseen him since I got transferred
to this shithole.
He kept acting all scared, likesomeone was watching him.
He kept looking over hisshoulder and then almost jumped
out of his skin when a blacksedan squealed through the
intersection, almost ran himdown before finally speeding off
.
Of course, half the kids aroundme saw it, so they were scared
(09:13):
too.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't cry.
Nobody got hurt, it's alright.
But nonetheless, even though Iwas surrounded, eddie ran over
to me and whispered I've got totalk to you Tonight.
It's important, eddie.
It's important.
(09:39):
We made plans to meet at ReedPark by the fountain at eight
o'clock, but Eddie never showedup.
That's a bad sign.
Today he's not at work.
I can call him later, but Ireally have no idea what's going
on.
That's a real bad sign.
It's getting weird.
The last thing he said to mewas Jakeman's not who you think
(10:06):
he is.
I had no idea what he wassaying, but he looked downright
scared.
I know things have been tensebetween us lately, but I hope
he's okay.
I've never been so scared in mylife.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
We're going to be doing our sight, so be sure to
keep a low profile on sharing,subscribing and liking Until
next time.
Co-conspirators, stay alive andspread the word.
The Crossing Guard tapes waswritten and produced by Jim
Waters, featuring the voicetalent of Tommy Nicolai, pat
(11:10):
Waters and Neil Kite, withoriginal music from Pendulum
Incorporated.
Technical support and marketingcourtesy of Jazz Caravan.
Hello and welcome back to the Crossing Guard tapes
.
We come to you live from anundisclosed location.
What you are about to hear istrue.
This is an unauthorized accounttaken from the diary of Mike
Limbo and his time as an agentfor a deep state organization
(00:23):
known as the Guards of the Realm.
Mike needs our help.
They know he's out there andthey won't rest until they have
him back in their grips.
Help us get the word out.
Join us as we bring you thefourth installment of the
Crossing Guard tapes, april 10,1988.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Eddie came back to work today and actually said
hello to me.
Hello, you're so fucking cool.
Seems to be warming up to me alittle.
We'll see how that goes.
Oh, I'm sure it's gonna gogreat.
Working full time is taking moreout of me than I ever thought
it would.
Three exhausting days I feellike I need to go out more to
(01:09):
blow off steam.
Last night I went to a sportsbar and watched the game, had a
few too many and I'm feeling it.
This morning I didn't get homeuntil two in the morning but as
(01:30):
my head hit the pillow I was outlike a light.
Out like a light down, likesyndrome.
Even though I'm hung over likeshit this morning I'm actually
feeling pretty good, like I'mfinally doing something pretty
cool with my life.
Once I've got my body back, mydreams will be realized.
(01:55):
May 29, 1988.
Been having trouble getting ahold of the fuck face.
I sold my Bonneville to Thinkhe's moved a couple times since
I sold it to him.
Just my luck.
I would sell it to a fuckingsleazebag like that.
Nonetheless, I'm gonna keeptrying until I find him.
This is an opportunity I'm notgonna let slip away.
(02:16):
This is mine, she's mine, she'smine as far as work is
concerned, I'm starting toreally get annoyed with some of
my kids.
There's a few sixth graders whodon't wait for me and try to
cross before I can do the assist.
I've told them repeatedly towait, but they keep ignoring my
(02:38):
warnings.
Eddie's getting pretty fed upwith them too.
We've talked about it and weboth agree that these kids are
messing with the wrong fuckingpeople.
If they don't watch themselves,I'll take matters into my own
hands, and they're not gonnalike it one little bit Believe
me.
(03:12):
June 15, 1988.
Finally I got a lucky break.
Jesus loves me.
Yesterday, on the bus ride homeafter work, I saw my Bonneville
parked in the Hooters parkinglot over on Greenway Avenue.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Love you all right here.
Got out at the next stop,walked back and waited around
(03:34):
for a while, but the guy nevercame out.
Eventually I just left a notewith my telephone number.
Call me, boy.
I know it's just a matter oftime now before my Bonnie and I
are reunited.
Afterwards I went in and had abeer and then ended up having
another one, another one, acouple more, another one, a few.
(04:09):
To make a long story short, Imissed the last bus and had to
walk home through the pouringfucking rain.
I didn't get home until afteralmost four in the end this
morning I'm feeling reallyfucking shitty.
Maybe I'll just call in sickagain.
(04:31):
Mr Jakeman doesn't like it whenI call in sick and lately he's
been giving me a really hardtime about it.
Way to go, boss man.
Last week he warned me thatI've been taking too many sick
days.
Well, fuck you.
If he felt as crappy as I doright now, he wouldn't fucking
go to work either.
Asshole.
(05:06):
June 16th 1988.
Well, mr Jakeman put me onprobation today and he cut back
my hours, big Boss man makinghis move.
If that didn't piss me offenough, when I got home the guy
called about my Bonneville.
He told me he'd sell it back tome for 5000 fucking dollars.
(05:27):
That's more than twice what Isold it to him for Fucking Jerk,
fucking Jerk.
I told him that I didn't haveenough money right now.
Fuck, I don't have enough moneyright now.
I just got put on probation atwork but he didn't give two shit
.
You just caught me a break, man.
He fucking hung up on me.
He wouldn't give me his numberso I can't even get a hold of
(05:47):
him when I do get the moneytogether.
Fuck, fuck, what a piece ofshit.
Fucking crappy day it's been.
He's just joined the evenSteven Club and he's at the top
of the fucking list.
June 27th 1988.
(06:13):
So I've been transferred to adifferent school district.
Kick me while.
I'm down this one is evenfurther away out on the far east
side in a totally crummy partof town.
Takes me almost two hours toget there by bus and I have to
transfer three times just to getwithin a 20 minute walk of the
school.
Mr Jakeman is not fuckingaround with me anymore.
(06:36):
He told me that I was within acunt hair of losing my job.
What a disgusting thing to sayto me.
With a mouth like that, theyshould fire his ass too Sleaze
back.
I think I might just send alittle letter to Mr Jakeman's
supervisor just to let him knowwhat kind of scummy ass working
for him.
That should get him off my assfor a while, because I'm sick of
(06:58):
this shit.
August 12th 1988 Summer schoolis finally over, so I have a few
(07:25):
weeks before school beginsagain in September.
It's time to chill out, put myfeet up and watch a few baseball
games on TV.
Go Horia.
Yeah, I'm gonna hang out withsome of my new partners at work
and they are way cooler thanEddie and those south side
jackoffs Fucking no way.
My friend buddy and his palsare showing me a side of this
(07:46):
town I have never seen before.
They've been turning me on tosome serious shit.
It's a whole differentlifestyle with these guys.
Really Nothing but toplessdancers, hard rock and hard
cocks every day and every night.
We're driving to Atlantic Citytonight to spend a few days
(08:07):
gambling and horror.
Might be a while before I seemy Bonneville again, since I've
been dipping into my car account.
In fact, I've pretty muchcleaned it out for this trip.
I don't really care, though,because I really need to get
away for a few days To clear mymind and to get refocused.
August 14th 1988.
(08:49):
Eddie showed up at work today.
It was weird because I haven'tseen him since I got transferred
to this shithole.
He kept acting all scared, likesomeone was watching him.
He kept looking over hisshoulder and then almost jumped
out of his skin when a blacksedan squealed through the
intersection, almost ran himdown before finally speeding off
.
Of course, half the kids aroundme saw it, so they were scared
(09:13):
too.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't cry.
Nobody got hurt, it's alright.
But nonetheless, even though Iwas surrounded, eddie ran over
to me and whispered I've got totalk to you Tonight.
It's important, eddie.
It's important.
(09:39):
We made plans to meet at ReedPark by the fountain at eight
o'clock, but Eddie never showedup.
That's a bad sign.
Today he's not at work.
I can call him later, but Ireally have no idea what's going
on.
That's a real bad sign.
It's getting weird.
The last thing he said to mewas Jakeman's not who you think
(10:06):
he is.
I had no idea what he wassaying, but he looked downright
scared.
I know things have been tensebetween us lately, but I hope
he's okay.
I've never been so scared in mylife.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
We're going to be doing our sight, so be sure to
keep a low profile on sharing,subscribing and liking Until
next time.
Co-conspirators, stay alive andspread the word.
The Crossing Guard tapes waswritten and produced by Jim
Waters, featuring the voicetalent of Tommy Nicolai, pat
(11:10):
Waters and Neil Kite, withoriginal music from Pendulum
Incorporated.
Technical support and marketingcourtesy of Jazz Caravan.
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