Tape 5: Side B [Episode 10]

Mike is finally settling in here at the compound, which can only mean one thing... he’s starting to go stir crazy.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Greetings and salutations.
Welcome to episode 10 of theCrossing Guard Tapes.
We are coming to you from anundisclosed location.
What you are about to hear istrue.
This is an unauthorized accounttaken from the Diary of Mike
Limbo, while he was employed asan intelligence gathering agent

(00:24):
for a deep state organizationknown as the Guards of the Realm
.
Mike has been on the run eversince.
He has no one else to turn to.
He's losing hope.
Help us get the word out.
Join us as we bring you episode10 of the Crossing Guard Tapes.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
September 9th 1989, I found out why we've been
spending so much time learningabout codes.
Our agents communicate vitalinformation to each other using
codes.
Today, it was my job tointerpret the codes, to decode
them and to write them out inlonghand.
Mr Jakeman was in charge oftoday's operations.

(01:14):
Guard of the Realm'ssecond-class Hanson and myself
were both going out on our firstmission.
I know what you're thinking.
I used to think that Guard ofthe Realm's second-class Hanson
was a total fucking loser.
He's not so bad.
After all.
They moved him back into mybarracks a few weeks ago and

(01:34):
we've been getting along fine.
Anyway, we drove all over thecity so that we could observe
some of our operatives in action.
First we drove to the east side, taking the South Beltway to
the Park Avenue School Districts.
Our first stop was at DungeonElementary School.
Mr Jakeman parked a little waysdown the street from the school

(02:00):
and we sat in silence for a fewmoments, wondering what we were
supposed to be watching for.
Late summer was here and I hadforgotten how good it was to
feel the sun on my face.
The sky was clear blue, withjust a few scattered clouds here
and there.
The air was clean and fresh.
I'd been inside for so longthat I'd forgotten what it felt

(02:24):
like on the outside.
I totally forgot what I wasthere for.
I started listening to thesound of the traffic, feeling
the wind blowing through my hairas we drove, the smell of the
city, the restaurants, the buses, the people out on the sidewalk
it all came back to me.
It felt great.
I was drifting and watching allthe hot chicks walking by.

(02:49):
A couple of fucking weirdoswith mohawk haircuts and stinky
looking cut up jeans walk past.
I had almost forgotten thisstuff.
I remember how annoyed I usedto get with people like that,
but now I was just happy to seesomething anything different
than the world I'd been livingin for for the past nine months.

(03:11):
Man, it was great to be back onthe outside again.
Mr Jakeman cleared his throatto remind me to pay attention,
that I had a job to do, but Ididn't even hear him.
I was lost in the clouds.
Suddenly he turned around andgave me a dirty look.

(03:48):
Did you get all of that?
He asked.
Part of the realm's second-classHanson was busy scribbling in
his notebook.
He asked again did you get anyof that message, or will I have
to ask Agent Bleck to repeat itfor you.
I must have looked like a deerin headlights.
He reminded me that I wassupposed to be watching,

(04:10):
observing and learning.
I'm afraid that you're stilllacking discipline.
He said.
If you'd have been payingattention, you would have
noticed that one of our agentsis sending us a message.
Do I need to have him repeat it?
I'd rather not have to do thatif I don't have to, so please
pay attention.
I must have looked totallyconfused because he said do you

(04:35):
see that crossing guard overthere?
He is sending you a message insemaphore.
Hopefully you still rememberhow to decode semaphore.
I felt like such an idiot,especially after Hanson handed
his notes to Mr Jakeman.
Good work, cadet.
He said.
I started writing as fast as Icould.

(04:59):
The message, as far as I couldtell, was not very important.
Basically, it said not much toreport here.
Today, though, I've heardreports about some movement in
South Town.
Go to South Town and see AgentPhilbin.
Good work, he said after Ihanded him my notes.
Let's go to South Town and seewhat they have to say.

(05:21):
After he finished deliveringhis message, agent Fleck
signaled that he had no moreinformation for us and went back
to finishing his assist.

(05:50):
It was 3.30pm and school wasalready out for the day.
It was a cool sunny afternoonand, like clockwork, the
children swarmed out of theirclassrooms as soon as the bell
rang.
They seemed so light-heartedand happy as they headed home
for the day.
It's hard to imagine now why Idisliked them so much.
Mr Jakeman pulled back intotraffic and we headed for

(06:14):
Southtown, but first we made afew stops along the way, taking
messages from other agents.
The messages were similar toAgent Blex.
Not much action here, but thereis some movement in Southtown.
Today's training exercise wasmainly being done for the
benefit of Hanson and myself.

(06:36):
As new agents, we had to betaught how to send and receive
coded messages in the field andin plain view of the public.
As far as the public isconcerned, we don't exist.
We were taught how to signal anagent that we were ready to
receive a message First.

(06:58):
The agent would then need toverify our authority to receive
the transmission by sending usvarious signals, for which we
would then have to give thecorresponding responses.
Once the agent was satisfied asto our authenticity, the
message would begin.

(07:21):
Students on the street use avariation of the semaphore code
in encoding their messages.
The amazing thing about it isthat all of this is done under
the nose of the children rightthere during the assist.
The properly trained crossingguard has taught how to send
messages without detection fromchildren, subtly shifting the

(07:42):
stop sign in their hands, whileusing their wrists and elbows to
manipulate it into variousletters and symbols To signal
that the message was finished.
He or she would spin the stopsign twice quickly in their hand
and then walk to the corner andface away from us.
If we needed to deliver amessage to our agents, we used

(08:03):
the Morse code.
By flashing the headlights ofour automobile, we could send a
message during the daylighthours without most pedestrians
suspecting a thing.
Not every crossing guard is aguard of the realm.
In order to distinguishthemselves from the ordinary
crossing guards, a guard of therealm is required to give a
coded signal every three minutes, just in case there are

(08:27):
operatives in the area who needto communicate with them.

(08:50):
We entered South Town and beganheading down Prince Street
directly to Dugan Elementary.
As we neared the intersectionof Prince and Cherry Streets, mr
Jakeman suddenly pulled into aparking space about 50 feet or
so away from the school.
We sat in silence for a fewmoments waiting for an operative
to identify themselves, but myattention was immediately

(09:12):
directed to the northwest corner.
Who should I spot standingthere but that fruitcake
crossing guard dude?
As usual, he was going throughhis gyrations and his kneeling
and bowing and just acting likean all around spaz.
I pointed at him and said it'sthe spaz.
Mr Jakeman turned around andglared at me, but did that stop

(09:35):
me?
I continued.
I remember that guy.
What a total fruitcake.
Talk about a horse's ass.
What nut house did you find himin?
I was so sure that he was withme on this one, but Mr Jakeman
wasn't laughing.
Mr Jakeman just stared at melike he wanted to throttle my

(09:57):
neck.
Did you get all of that, heasked.
Man, was he pissed?
My jaw must have dropped to thefloor.
Get what I asked.
Slowly it began to dawn on me,but, like an idiot, I still
wasn't sure he's an operative.
I began scribbling as fast as Icould, just in case.

(10:18):
After a few seconds, though, Istopped riding.
I still couldn't believe it.
I thought Mr Jakeman is justmessing with me.
That's gotta be it.
This is a joke, right?
That punch-drunk, senile oldwindbag is an operative.
No fucking way.

(10:38):
Suddenly, mr Jakeman turnedaround in his seat and ripped
the notebook out of my hands.
I almost jumped.
He goes.
That punch-drunk senile oldwindbag, as you call him, is
your commanding officer.
Agent Philbin has done more forthis country than you could
ever hope to achieve in yourpitiful lifetime.

(10:59):
It's people like him that keepthis country safe and secure so
that idiots like you can drivearound with your friends taking
syphilis pills and running redlights.
He knew about the syphilispills, jesus Christ.
His face was purple with rageand I knew I had really stepped

(11:20):
in at this time.
He relaxed for a second, handedme my notebook and turned back
around in his seat, taking adeep breath and slowly shaking
his head in disbelief.
He goes, just concentrate onyour job.
I am such a fucking idiot.
I buried my face in my notebook,scribbling as fast as I could,

(11:42):
hoping not to catch any moreflak from Mr Jakeman.
Hanson gave me a little kick inthe shins as he handed his
notes to Mr Jakeman.
Good work, hanson, he said.
At least one person here hastaken his job seriously.
Hanson kicked me again.
I decided I would deal with hisass later.

(12:04):
Mr Jakeman goes, your jobdescription as of right now is
simply to do your job.
You are not qualified to makejudgments on any and I mean any
of your superior officers.
Do you read me?
I nodded my head.
I felt like a total dick.
Yes, sir, I began to say, butwas interrupted by the sound of

(12:27):
squealing tires as a black sedancame screeching around the
corner.
Just as I ducked, I heard therat-tat-tat of machine gun fire
and the sedan squealing away.
I should have been scared rightthen, but, to be honest, the

(12:47):
only thing I could think aboutwas that Mr Jakeman had just
cussed.
I was gonna make a crack aboutit just to get him back for all
the times he cracked on me aboutit, but I never got around to
it.
Hanson was crouched down nextto me with his eyes scrunched
shut.
He was as white as a ghost.
He was as white as a ghost.
I finally got the nerve to peekup over the front seat.

(13:09):
That's when I saw that thefruitcake had been hit.
They shot him.
They got him good too.
I saw him lying on the groundin a big pool of blood, jerking
and spazzing, as usual.
To tell you the truth, I neverknew people had so much blood in
them.
I couldn't stop watching him.
It was brutal and it wastotally weird at the same time.

(13:31):
I mean, I don't care what MrJakeman said about the guy,
about how much of a patriot hewas, and all, because even when
he was laying there dying, hestill acted like a complete
fruitcake.
Mr Jakeman interrupted mythoughts, keeping his head low.
He said Are you two all right?

(13:52):
I nodded, still watching as thefruitcake did his last spaz.
Hanson just sat there with hiseyes shut tight.
Mr Jakeman punched him in theknee.
That did the trick.
Hanson's eyes were open.
Now, why no room?
He continued.
I need you in the here and now.
Are you with me?
Hanson nodded, but to be honest, he looked like he was about to

(14:17):
start bawling.
We probably only get about 10seconds before they come back.
Mr Jakeman was wrong.
We didn't have 10 seconds.
The Black Sedan started comingback immediately.
They laid a perfect 360 degreedonut in the middle of Cherry
Street.
It was beautiful, retire,squealing and rubber burning.

(14:43):
They began speeding backtowards us Suddenly.
I wasn't thinking about gettingeven with Hanson.
I wasn't even thinking abouthow Mr Jakeman cussed.
I wasn't even thinking aboutthe dead fruitcake.
I was scared, really, reallyscared.
I've never been so scared in myentire life.

(15:05):
Mr Jakeman shouted they've seenus.
Holy Christ, he was right.
The Black Sedan was headingstraight for us.
He goes, split up and get backto the compound any way that you
can.
Then he bolted out the door andbegan running down Prince
Street.
Within seconds they opened up abarrage of machine gun fire at

(15:26):
him.
I saw him fall.
He fell in front of the busstop near a group of screaming
school kids.
Madness erupted everywhere andpeople began scattering in all
directions, ducking behind bikeracks, lamp posts and just
running right into traffic.
Cars were jamming on theirbrakes as the sidewalks emptied.

(15:47):
School kids and pedestriansstreamed away from the gunfire,
running in a blind panic.
You could hear the screechingbrakes, the smashed bumpers, the
windshields popping and thescreams.
Let me tell you, the sound ofchildren screaming is like
fingernails on a blackboardTimes a thousand.
It'll make the hair on the backof your neck stand on end.

(16:13):
Somehow Mr Jakeman managed toget to his feet.
He began to stagger away, butonly made it as far as the trash
can, which he fell into headfirst, his legs still pumping,
hanson bolted.
Next, with his head down, hestarted running straight towards
the school.
Three or four FBI-looking guysjumped out of the sedan in hot

(16:34):
pursuit.
They drew their pistols fromtheir shoulder holsters as they
knocked crying children out oftheir way, jumping over bike
racks, tossing garbage cansaside.
The guys were kiddin' around.
The last I saw of Guard of theRealm Hanson he was galloping
through the playground but theseguys caught up with him and
they caught up with him quickright at the monkey bars.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
I'm sure that you know what's going on in the
world.
But I'm sure that you knowwhat's going on in the world.
I'm sure that you know what'sgoing on in the world.
Tommy Nicolai, Pat Waters, YuiGarawal, Lily Garawal, Wes

(17:46):
Garawal, Jazz Garawal and JuliaWaters, With original music from
Pendulum, Incorporatedtechnical support and marketing
courtesy of Jazz Garawal.
The number you have dialed hasbeen changed.

(18:11):
The new number is Please helpthem.
Deep State Chronicles.