January 24, 2023 • 39 mins
Pete Smith joins Katie and Michele as they all talk about something they have in common: all three are married to someone who does not work with Cru. How has this impacted their MPD? How does it impact their staff life? Do these three coaches have any advice for how YOU might navigate this situation, either now or in the future? Let us know in the comments!
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Episode Transcript
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Katie Johnson (00:47):
Welcome to the Cru MPD podcast with Katie
Johnson and Michele Davis. Welove that the Lord commanded
that those who proclaim thegospel should get their living
by the gospel. We are driven toequip and inspire Christian
workers to be Christ centered,fully funded and financially
faithful, so that missionarystaff can come alongside all
people to help them to knowJesus. This process is more
(01:10):
widely known as ministry partnerdevelopment, or MPD for short.
Michele Davis (01:16):
Welcome, we are trying something new in this
episode, we're calling it theCoach's Roundtable. And what
we've done is we've gatheredquestions that are commonly
asked of our MPD coachingcommunity from you from our
staff. And we have three coacheshere who are going to try to
answer those questions. Ourtopic this week, is the spouse
(01:36):
SOSA and how it is impacted byMPD. how this impacts MPD. And
we've gathered questions like Isaid, from our coaches, and we
have three SOSA MPD leaders hereto answer your questions myself.
I've been SOSA now for fiveyears. Katie Johnson has been
about every staff category andis as currently SOSA, and our
(01:59):
Director of Coaching on theNational MPD team; co director,
he co directs with NancyDickens, Pete Smith ,who is SOSA
and his wife has never been onstaff. That's different from
Katie and I, our spouses were atone point on staff. So Pete, why
don't you introduce yourself?
(02:20):
And tell us just a tiny bitabout your choice of SOSA for
you and Melissa?
Pete Smith (02:28):
Yeah, hi, Michele, thanks for letting me be a part
of this. But yeah, with mystory, Melissa and I were dating
and it got to the point where Iknew that we were gonna get
married. And at that point,being with Cru, I wasn't sure
about my future with Cru. And soI was very thankful that early
on, as we were moving towardsmarriage, that Sosa category
(02:51):
became available, becauseMelissa has been serving kids
who has speech and languagedelays for many years. And her
heart is for those kids who haveissues that are learning and
growing, but also needingspecial attention in the speech
area. And so she's a SLP, speechlanguage pathologists, and serve
kids for about 22 years. So whenwe got married, I was very
(03:14):
excited that SOSA became a newoption, because it allows me to
continue to pursue guys laid onmy heart, as well as for
Melissa, that she can serve theneeds of kids.
Michele Davis (03:25):
That is so great.
And I think that is a great oneof the examples of why the Sosa
category exists and why it's sohelpful is that, like, she's
called to a different kind ofministry, and she's called to be
your wife. And now you can do itall. It just took a change in a
system.
Pete Smith (03:45):
It was fantastic.
timing was perfect. And it'sallowed us for eight years to be
able to work well with her, youknow, serving the kids there.
And now we have two kids of ourown. And so she's able to adjust
her schedule as needed. And soshe works part time with kids,
but also working with our twodaughters.
Michele Davis (04:04):
I love that.
Yeah, when I was dating myhusband, who was not on staff
when we were dating, we facedthat decision too. But at that
time, it wasn't an option. So Iwas like, ready to leave my job.
Or, he had actually been prayingfor a new job. So Joe's, like,
I'll take the plunge and trythis Cru thing. And it was great
for eight years and and now he'sa nurse. That's maybe a story
(04:26):
for another time, but...
Pete Smith (04:29):
I just remember Yeah, it's definitely for
another time because it wasstressful to know, hey, we're
getting married and he alsogonna not know what your
employment is going to be.
You're not sure what you'regoing to do as far as your
future with your job. I couldn'timagine how hard that would be
to have to make that decision.
Michele Davis (04:44):
Yeah. Ah, yeah, it was hard.
Pete Smith (04:52):
Just add another level.
Michele Davis (04:53):
Yeah, just another level. It definitely
made it made dating weird. Andand then it made it, You know,
way too soon, we would have tolike kind of talk about future
things. It worked out fine inthe end, I think, by God's
providence, but it was, it wasawkward. And we don't have to do
Pete Smith (05:12):
And I'm so thankful we don't have to, because at
that again.
this point, it's worked well,for our family. It's a great
setup. And I'm grateful that Cruwas able to look at what the
needs were as well as retainingdifferent staff. And it's
exciting. I'm grateful that theymade it work and continue to
re-resource as well. But I'msure for many staff for many
(05:35):
years, that was a realchallenge, because it was not
even an option.
Michele Davis (05:39):
Yeah, absolutely.
It'd be interesting, maybe foranother time to find someone who
knows more of the history ofthat and to interview them.
Pete Smith (05:50):
I would love to hear that too, because I heard
Vonette was a part of wanting tomake a change. And she was very
supportive of that. But therewas a lot of resistance in lots
of different ways.
Michele Davis (05:59):
Yeah,
Pete Smith (06:00):
I'm grateful, thankful, it's a new category,
thankful I can serve this way.
And, you know, getting marriedwas a great change, but I
wouldn't have wanted to throwanother employment issue. At the
same time, that would have beena lot more stress to add to the
whole marriage and everything.
Michele Davis (06:14):
Totally. Katie, what has led you and Ben to make
this decision for you to be soso right now?
Katie Johnson (06:23):
Um, yeah, well, so we joined staff together in
2014. But even when we wereconsidering joining staff, there
was always this tension, becausewe were never on the same page,
right. But we had to be so itwas either all or nothing at
that point. And so we actuallydidn't join staff right away,
(06:47):
after intern years, we left forsix months. And then Ben, my
husband decided he wanted tojoin staff. And I was very
excited because I always wantedto join staff. And so we joined
staff in 2014. And eventuallyBen felt just called to a
(07:09):
different job outside of Cru, hewanted to serve the local, local
church. And so, at that point,they did have the spouse on
spouse affiliate option, whichwe're really grateful for. And
so I was able to stay on staff.
And he, at that point, leftstaff, or, I guess, became an
affiliate staff. And so yeah,that's kind of how he got here.
(07:32):
And so Ben, still does ministry,he actually still works in
ministry, it's just outside ofCru. And he just felt called to
do ministry in a different way,which I think is great. And I
think it's great that we canboth, like you guys, right? Live
out where we feel called toserve, and not feel like we're
(07:52):
holding each other back in anyway.
Pete Smith (07:59):
It's good.
Michele Davis (08:00):
Absolutely. Also, I cannot imagine MPD without you
too. And I hope you say the samefor me. But like, You guys both
add so much to our MPDcommunity. And so the the fact
that we have a category whereyou can use your gifts and your
skills, and then your spouse canuse their gifts and skills, in a
(08:21):
different way, is a blessing toour organization. So we are
thankful for this category, evenwith the complexities that
brings to the table. So we'regonna, we have three different
categories of questions thatwe're going to answer today in
our podcast episode, we're goingto talk about some of the
(08:41):
initial MPD type questions thatwe hear a lot. We're going to
talk about a few things aboutongoing staff life with family,
just from our experience,because we all have families.
And a SOSA spouse, so just alittle bit about that. And then
a few questions that wererelated to just the ongoing,
like, once were reported, whendo we know if it's a
(09:06):
communication from us or fromour family or different things
with our ministry partners? Sodiving in to ask some of these
questions that we got fromcoaches? And I know Okay, so
Katie, and I would have had adifferent experience explaining
SOSA to our ministry partners. Ithink what was different and
then scary was because they hadagreed to support Joe and I, I
(09:29):
wondered if they would staysupporting just me and to be
honest, we lost like onesupporter, like, and we even
gained more support. And therewere people who increased while
he was like it was it was aresounding, fine, and great
situation for us. But I'mcurious for you, Pete, since
(09:49):
your supporters never supportedMelissa, she just married into
your life. And so what was thatlike communicating about your
marriage and your spouse andtheir job to your ministry
partners.
Pete Smith (10:05):
In some ways, I feel like I haven't probably
addressed it as well as Iprobably should have. But I
basically just from the verybeginning, just promoted that
we're getting married, Melissais gonna continue to serve the
needs of kids, and that ourvision is to serve together, but
it's gonna be in two differentareas, hers is going to be with
the kids with speech andlanguage, language delay, and
(10:26):
I'll be working with, at thattime, focused on college
students. So I really feel likewhat I did was just to say, life
is moving ahead, we're growingour ministry, because there's
now two of us, and that she is apart of what we're doing,
because she is consideredaffiliate staff. And so my focus
wasn't maybe one or twonewsletters I ever really
(10:49):
presented it much to people. Andwhat I do try to do is I
continue to cast vision, withpictures with involvement
throughout these months now,these years about how she's
still involved with theministry. Because we've done
summer mission together, we tookour whole family went to Jackson
Hole, summer mission in 2018.
And that was just a greatopportunity for her to be
(11:11):
immersed into the ministry, asshe was then overseeing a couple
of interns and giving input tostudents and giving talks. And
so I think, honestly, I justdidn't make it a big deal. I
just said, this is in step withwhere God's directing us. And
this is what we feel like isimportant. I will continue with
my full time role. And I willmake her a part of everything as
(11:34):
appropriate from time to time.
Michele Davis (11:40):
Yeah, and so you didn't make it a big deal. And
your ministry partners didn'tmake it a big deal. Because
guess what? Almost everyone's inthat position where they have
two different job.
Pete Smith (11:52):
Exactly, exactly. I think they relate it I think
they understood. And now that aswe have kids, they also see
that, you know, we are trying tonavigate life with two young
girls and the complexity oflife. And then part time for
Melissa, and then my role. So II think for most people, they
didn't think twice about it. Idon't think it was all that
(12:13):
challenging for them toconsider. And in many cases, I
found people understood that ourneeds were more so they increase
their giving, they'd been moregenerous. And they see that
yeah, for a family of four, it'sgonna be more expensive than
what it was when I was justsingle.
Michele Davis (12:29):
Yeah. Okay, that brings up a question. I'm
curious, both of your thoughtson this. And I might have a few
thoughts too. But we hear fromstaff sometimes some variation
of casting mission for MPD whenmy spouse, they have a job, and
maybe they have a great job, andhow does that impact my MPD
goal? And I'm not sure if someof that is direct questions from
(12:56):
ministry partners. I thinksometimes it might be. But
sometimes they're just maybequestions we have because we
raise support to So Katie, like,have you had to navigate that? I
want to hear from all of us onthis. But I want to first hear
from Katie.
Katie Johnson (13:15):
Yeah, I haven't had a lot of people. I haven't
had a lot of ministry partnersask about it. And so I mean, I
tell them Ben was on staffbefore, and he's not now and but
in a lot of ways we do life andministry together. So they'll
he'll hear about my family andmy husband. And that's pretty
normal. And so I don't have alot of people ask about it. I
(13:39):
honestly think this is morestaff's fear, then an actual
reality. And I, I think it makessense that staff think, Oh,
well, how can I ask other peoplefor money when my spouse is
making money, but at the sametime, I would ask how can you
work a job and not expect to getpaid? That doesn't make sense,
(14:02):
either, right? And so I thinkthe way that we look at ministry
and MPD, I think really affectsthis. And it is a joy for people
to be a part of our teams,right? We're not burdening them
by asking them to give. We'regiving them an opportunity to be
a part of our ministries andwhat God's doing in the
(14:24):
ministry, which is really cool.
And and I think when I putmyself in that position, like
the people that I support, thepeople we give to, it's not
going to make a difference forme if their spouse has a job or
not. And honestly, it's not mybusiness, how much their spouse
makes, I need to trust thatthey're being good
Pete Smith (14:47):
amen to that
Katie Johnson (14:48):
Right? Like I need to trust that they're being
good stewards of their money,regardless, and so I'm sure
like, that might mean like,Don't go crazy with your
finances but that doesn't like,we're allowed to enjoy what
God's given us. And I don'tthink we need to hide that or be
(15:09):
ashamed if our spouses makingmoney, right? Yeah. Yeah. And I
don't think we need to reduceour salaries in order to do
that, honestly. I'm like, Howfar could we reduce them at this
point? You know, like, not thatwe don't, we don't like we're
(15:29):
doing fine. We're, you know,over, we're doing fine. And so I
don't understand, like, I guess,also coming from my point of
view, like, my husband is stillin ministry. So it's a little
different. But I've actually hadnever had a ministry partner
asked that. So I think it'sactually like a fear for staff,
as they raise support, as SOSAmore than an actual reality?
Michele Davis (15:52):
Yeah, I mean, for us, Joe left staff to go back to
school in his 40s and start anew career. And it's, he's a
nurse, he's an RN, and you'relike, he's making fine nursing
money if he was 23, you know,because he's, like, entry level,
or, you know, and so he's not,like, I still make more than
(16:13):
him. And that's not going toprobably be the case forever,
you know, but I have a job whereI have 20 years experience and a
ministry partner base that, youknow, is invested in my
ministry. And I'm not, I'm not,I'm not like making like Rolls
Royce money or something, youknow what I mean, but like, but
(16:34):
because he is in a brand newjob, right, like, so anyways,
it's a it's a fallacy to assumethat I might make less it's and
it's also like you said, Katie,it's kind of it's a little
invasive, to assume...
Katie Johnson (16:50):
Okay, well, if you think about it, right, like
a church raises money,essentially, right? Like people
give to a church. This is anormal part of our daily or
weekly rhythms as believers. Anda pastor gets paid, obviously,
but their spouse probably has ajob, maybe, maybe they don't,
(17:11):
that's their choice. But wenever say, Oh, I can't give to
the church and pay you for beingthe pastor of our church.
Because your spouse has a goodpaying job.
Pete Smith (17:24):
And we wouldn't know what the pasture makes either.
You know, we don't typicallyknow, you know, the amount. And
I think, Katie, you said it allthat I would say it's typically
something that gets in our headsis staff that we kind of have
this problem with this, thatthere's conflict of interest, or
too much money coming in, orwhatever. But I just echo what
(17:46):
you said, We're all called to begood stewards God's entrusted to
us, for our family. You know,I'm working with Cru full time.
And so I'm trusting God throughministry partners, my wife works
part time. And so we have incomecoming in, that allows us the
flexibility to keep her involvedwith our daughters, and to do
(18:06):
what we want her to be a part ofit this season. And that, yeah,
it's probably she can make a lotmore SLP. But we are choosing
for us to live on a lower level,because this season's more heavy
with be involved with smallkids. So with that, we're all
called just to look at ourresources and steward them well.
(18:29):
And I would be the first to sayit's a God factor that shows up
every time because Godfaithfully has provided for us
through both means it's not oneor the other. And it's just a
picture of God's ultimateproviding for us as a family.
Katie Johnson (18:45):
I love that. I feel like I mean, seriously,
though, it's like, if we look atit, like God provides for us,
whether it's through support, orour spouse's job, or honestly,
something else, maybe it'ssomething else how God provides
for us. And he always will. Andso we have to trust it. That's
what God has for us to. And notquestion, right.
Michele Davis (19:07):
I agree. And if you're listening out there, and
you have specifically had aministry partner, press into
this, I'd love to hear aboutthat. And, and I do think there
are some times when maybe ourministry partners give in a way
they don't fully under like theymaybe don't see giving to our
work like they're giving to ourjob, and they're in the same way
(19:29):
like Katie described likethey're giving to their church,
and so their pastor has a job.
And so there's maybe I think, ifthat's the case, where you hear
that from a ministry partner,there's probably other
breakdowns and communication ofmaybe their understanding of
your work. Anyways, we wouldlove to just talk to you about
that. So drop me an email. Wecan talk more. But let's keep
going. I we've received a fewquestions about does a spouse go
(19:53):
on MPD appointments? What kindof like, what's their role in
MPD? If anything, and we do havesome SOSA spouses who have come
to New Staff Orientation,because they, they want to be
involved in MPD. They're excitedabout this, they, you know, I
(20:13):
think of when we're, the spouseis a teacher, and they know
they're going to do summermissions together. And so they
wanted from the get go for theministry partners to know them
both, even though, you know,nine months of the year, the
affiliate spouse was a teacher,right? But how have you guys
(20:34):
navigated this? What are thewhat are your like best coaching
thoughts, too, on spousesinvolvement in MPD.
Pete Smith (20:45):
I'll be glad to jump in on that. Because I feel like
any way I can get a vision ofwhat God's doing for the whole
family, it's important toinclude Melissa and the girls.
So for MPD, I feel like if we'reable to make it work, I will
include Melissa and and Gracieand Ellie, but there are
situations that you know, likeanything else, it's hard to, to
(21:07):
kind of work through schedulesand everything happening. So it
may just be me on appointments,I don't have a clear cut, this
has to be all or nothing. I justkind of look at what makes
sense. And, you know, early on,it was a big deal for me to
introduce Melissa to mypartners. And so she was a
little bit more involved. Andshe had a little bit more. I
(21:28):
wanted to platform her well. Butyou know, at this point, it's
just the logistics side of it. Ilove her to be a part of it. And
as we reach out to new people,we try our best because most of
those people are ones that we'vemet together. And so it makes
sense for both of us to be onthe appointment. So I looked at
for more of the practical. Imean, I want the vision to be
(21:49):
that they're supporting us as afamily as we live our vision
calling out but I I'm not sayingit has to happen.
Katie Johnson (21:59):
Yeah, I would say I think that since Ben was on
staff, there's definitely someministry partners that I meet
with that have a more of arelationship with Him. And so I
asked him to be on or if I meetwith like, say, his friends or
his co workers, which kind ofbrings us into another question
of, can your spouse give youreferrals? And I? Yeah, I Yes. I
(22:22):
literally was in a season ofministry partner development in
the spring. And I looked at Benand I said, Hello, I need names.
Please think through your coworkers, your friends, your past
coworkers, people, I don't know,that you can connect me with and
I'm, like, I can share myministry with and so and he gave
me a list. And then he reachedout to them and said, Hey,
(22:44):
Katie, is raising support, youknow, can she talk to you? And I
got to talk to a handful of hiscoworkers. And so, um, yeah, I
think that I think having yourspouse as involved in MPD, as
you can, is really good. BecauseMPD can feel very isolating
already. And so if you'reraising support, and your spouse
(23:06):
is doing something elsecompletely, and never involved
in that, and you're going onappointments in the evening,
while they're home, relaxing, itjust feels, I think that would
feel very isolating. And so I, Iactually coached a girl who was
SOSA and her husband's neverbeen on staff. And we approached
(23:27):
this question of, what does thislook like? How do we involve him
and he loved MPD. And he wouldgo, he was like, I want to be on
appointments with her. And hehad actually cast vision for
her, which is reallyinteresting. Um, and Ben does
that sometimes, too, when I'm onappointments will be like, yeah,
so I see Katie doing this, thisand this, and I'm like, okay,
(23:50):
yeah, like you go. Um, I wishBen could ask for referrals for
me. He's much better at thatthan I am. But I think it just
depends on the situation. It'sokay to go on appointments
alone. It's okay to do that, ifnecessary, especially with
family life and schedules andwork life. Yeah. Um, but if you
if your spouse can be involved,and honestly, like Michele said,
(24:12):
some spouses come to NSO, ifthey can come to maybe not the
whole time, but even just MPDweek, and really understand,
especially if they've neverraised support, if they can
really understand the trainingand why we raise support, and
how we raise support. I thinkthat could be really helpful for
people going into the SOSAstatus, the especially with
(24:33):
spouses that have never been onstaff to help you understand.
Michele Davis (24:37):
Yeah, I agree. I like that a lot. My husband, you
know, he would been on staff andon campus for eight years. And
so when he left staff, I wasraising a bit more support. And
he would he just reached out toall of his students who had
graduated we had them over fordinner. We had a nice dinner or
them catching up and saw gettingto know each other and then he
(24:59):
did the dishes and I did my MPDtalk. And it was great, you
know, and it worked out reallywell. And yeah, so I like what
you said, Katie about, you know,be as involved as you want. I do
think that this is an area whereknowing yourself knowing who
(25:21):
you're reaching out to havewisdom, but also, you can choose
your own adventure here a littlebit. So there's not a "have to"
Pete Smith (25:29):
I was gonna add, you know, I commend the faith and my
wife because she not only had totrust marry me, but she also had
been had to say God's canprovide for us through people I
don't know. And she stepped intoa situation that was very
foreign to her, she was notinvolved with Cru, had been
involved with other campusministry in college. So this
(25:49):
whole thing was brand new. Andnow all these names and faces
that she didn't know, werepeople that were giving
generously to allow us to dowhat we do as a family. And so
it was a, I'm sure, a very scaryseason to think about, oh, my
goodness, it's not just we'regetting married, but you know,
(26:10):
our bills are gonna be paid in away that I've never understood
or never could even comprehend.
And so it's been a great growth,through the process of saying,
Okay, this is now relationships.
And you know, as I've introducedher the partners, as we've done
things with different people,it's really been a fun side of
that to where part of it is herunderstanding MPD without the
(26:35):
experience of raising support,like we do, because she's been
the recipient, but she hasn'tnecessarily been as involved.
And so it's a little bit moreunnerving, a little bit more,
like, what is this all about,but now, you know, she, she can
see who gives, and she's like,Oh, my goodness, this is
incredibly humbling, this isoverwhelming that God allows us
to receive these resources. Andhe blesses us with these people
(27:00):
joining with us. And we're ableto live our, our family values
out and steward the resource aswell. So it's a very unique
thing for her to walk into. Andso for those staff who have been
on staff, and they marrysomeone, and they continue with
their role outside of Cru, it'sa, it's this crazy maker, it's
very strange to walk into, butit's a lot of communication, a
(27:24):
lot of working together, sheedits every one of my
newsletters, because I want herto feel a part of what I'm
communicating to partners. And Iwant her to feel like she's
contributing to what's going onas well. Plus, she's a much
better writer than I am. So it'sa win win situation.
Michele Davis (27:40):
That is a win win.
Katie Johnson (27:41):
Yes. I'm Pete, I'm just curious, when your wife
when you and your wife did getmarried?Did you explain MPD to
her? And what did that looklike? And obviously, you didn't
just say like, we're going on ameeting together? Let's go, you
know, so what did? How did youexplain MPD? Or for the people
who don't have their spouse atthe NPD? What did that look
(28:02):
like?
Michele Davis (28:02):
Great question.
Pete Smith (28:03):
Um, she honestly had a basic understanding from
involvement in missionsinvolvement in her church and
giving to different causes. Soshe had some concepts. I think
what probably was a biggestmissing piece was the relational
component of just how you havepeople that you really want to
be intentional with and developthose relationships and want
(28:23):
them to meet. You know, one ofthe best things was, you know,
we invited more people to ourwedding than we probably would
have, because we were ministrypartners, and I want them to be
a part of it. And so most ofthem came. And it was a great
introduction to this idea that,you know, our lives are
changing, but she's gonnacontinue to serve, as well as
(28:44):
SLP. And I will serve with Cru.
So I think it's been littledeposits here and there. But as
you start kind of workingthrough the MPD rhythms of the
year, and your plan, helping herto understand the year end ask
is a big part of our fundingmodel, because that's the year,
the year end is where we see alot of people who jumped on
board with a special gift. Andso at that point, her
(29:07):
understanding that that she'smore like, Oh, what about this
person? Or what about them?
Should we send it to them? Andso there's been a lot more buy
in over the time, but I feellike what has been the best part
of what, what I have observedwith Melissa is the buy in on
the relationships, that she justunderstands how that's a value
(29:30):
to reach out to people. We do ayearly gift to our partners that
we try to build into. And sothroughout the year, we're both
looking at what would be a greatgift. What would be a book what
this year, we bought pictureframes, holiday, Christmas
picture frames that were afterthe season for $4 apiece, and
(29:51):
they were in boxes, and anyhowthey're back in the basement
here. But you know, just thosetypes of things that we're
always looking for ways that wecan show appreciation to our
partners. because, again, it'sbuilding that idea. These are
people that are choosing to giveto us why? I don't know. But we
just respond and gratitude, wewant to say thank you to that.
So
Katie Johnson (30:11):
love that you invited your ministry partners
to your wedding. And I thinkthat's really a testament to,
for people who don't know thisyet or haven't experienced this,
right, like ministry partners dobecome like family. And it's not
just a partnership for ministry,but really relationship driven,
(30:31):
like you said, it's
Pete Smith (30:32):
for me it was big wedding 300 people almost, so it
was a lot bigger than weintended. So,
Katie Johnson (30:38):
but it was fun.
It was a great celebration. Um,I can jump in with the next
question, Michele, if you
Michele Davis (30:46):
go for it.
Katie Johnson (30:47):
Okay. Um, so another common question to kind
of wrap up our time together.
Are how do we communicate to ourministry partners when we're
SOSA? So should our prayerletters come from just us or
from our spouse as well? And sohow have you guys navigated
prayer letters and newsletters?
Michele Davis (31:11):
Well, yeah, so since my husband left staff, I
felt like that was like a kindof a important marker like my
first newsletter I did. AsMichele Davis because I was
single and on staff before Joe'smarried me and joined staff. So
there was the Michele Martindays, the Joe and Michele Davis
days, and now we're in theMichele Davis days. And I yeah,
(31:32):
my prayer letters are just forme on a monthly basis, but I do
my Christmas cards from myfamily. And there's a there's,
you know, a zillion ways you cando this. I personally don't use
Christmas cards as a I don't dolike the magnets and stuff. I
just do a Christmas card from myfamily. And my Christmas card
list is huge, kind of likePete's wedding, because it's
(31:55):
like all my ministry partnersand all my family and I spend an
exorbitant amount of money onChristmas cards, but it's worth
it to me and I value it and itis from our family. I don't put
I don't even put my kids a lotin my newsletter like sometimes
maybe for big things. My kidsare old enough now that they've
(32:15):
like made known to me that theydon't really like what I post
about them on social media. Or,you know, to people they don't
know so and they don't know me.
I mean, my kids don't know a lotof my ministry partners because
they just don't have anopportunity to and so it's like
newsletters, business, Christmascards, family. That's just
that's what I do.
Pete Smith (32:38):
Mine slightly different. But I try every other
in these letters to throw apicture of my kids in there.
Just like hey, here they are intheir Halloween costume, or
here's what they did thissummer. So it's not a focus like
a story about them. It's justbasically a visual, a picture
with a little caption, with themost of it being the ministry
(33:01):
update the story what I want tohighlight, but I I have tried to
highlight that we both Yeah,we're both serving with Cru. I'm
doing it full time. And she'saffiliate, I can show you this
example of this check that it'sactually in the bottom corner.
It says Melissa and Peter Smith,is made out to Cru. And so the
(33:24):
idea is that this partner iswhat we're trying to build with
the others is that they aresupporting both of us. I'm the
working full time. But she'salso a part of my family,
obviously. So therefore, theirsupport benefits all of us as
far as our financial needs. ButI again, I don't try to do it in
(33:46):
a systematic way there has to beone month is full family updates
and other month ministry. Itried to do small little
pictures from time to time,mainly making the newsletter
updates make it about ministrymake it be about what's going
on. And I do try to get her toget Melissa to write one from
(34:06):
time to time like I said that.
The one that comes to mind isafter we were on summer mission,
I want her to communicate whather experience was for the first
time in that environment withcollege students at Jackson Hole
summer mission. I want her tocommunicate what she thought
what she experienced and whatshe got out of it. And so I did
try to include her as much aspossible with that and I signed
(34:28):
it for me we I put Peter andMelissa Smith on the bottom I
don't sign my newsletters. Ijust put our name address and
phone number on the bottom. ButI do put Peter and Melissa
Katie Johnson (34:42):
I think that's great. I so a little different
than both of you. Maybe becausemy good. I have a baby who's
five months old. And I Idefinitely mentioned ministry
most the time but people lovephotos of my kids. And literally
the one thing the most peoplerespond to our family updates
right now for me. So, I, um,lately I've been including
(35:07):
pictures of our kids, becausethey're so little that they
change so much every month, andI don't do it every single
month, but I will include apicture and usually I get the
most responsive, oh, look ather, she's so big, or she looks
like you are been or, you know,whatever. Um, and I feel like
people really enjoy being a partof our personal lives, too. And
(35:31):
a lot of our ministry partnersdo know, Ben, so that makes it a
little different, too. And sothey want to hear, you know,
what has been up to what is hedoing? How is he doing? You
know, and not just me. And soevery once in a while mention,
you know, how they're doing andinclude pictures. And I think
even for so Non-SOSA staff,doing some personal updates here
(35:52):
and there and showing picturesof your family is good, because
people want to hear more thanjust ministry updates. Now, it
shouldn't be like the only thingyou read about but I do find
that I could literally just sendout a letter with like pictures
of my baby, and I'm fine. Rightnow.
Michele Davis (36:12):
Oh, yeah. That's yeah, and I have. So I have like
my facebook is. I think myprivacy settings are still kind
of private, but I have like 1000Facebook friends, because it's
everyone I've ever known. And soI occasionally would post about
my kids. The overlap between mykids in ministry, my husband in
(36:33):
ministry there. But I justoperate differently in Instagram
and differently in newsletters.
And I hope that what everyone ishearing from this is, there's a
lot of freedom, you can makethis decision with your family.
There's not this like magicbullet way to do it. Or even a
surefire way to ruin it. Therereally isn't like you can, you
(36:55):
know, like, again, knowyourself, know, your spouse,
know, your family, know, youraudience of your ministry
partners, and just make a wisemake the best wise choice you
can. That's fine.
Pete Smith (37:10):
That's great Michele, I would echo that I
feel like what we promote withNPD is all about relationships.
Uh huh. Let's keep that valuethere and not become so
professional that we have toevaluate through a tight grid
that makes everyone veryuncomfortable and very uptight.
But look at it. Like what? Whatcommunicates the value of you in
(37:31):
ministry, your family is aministry with you, and really
give them, Hey, we are servingthe Great Commission, we're
raising up missionaries andhelping them be fully funded.
And that involves all of us. Andso yeah, personal updates. And
then certainly the updates aboutwhat God is doing in our
ministry is so, so important.
But yeah, it's not, it has tolook a certain way I feel like
(37:54):
it. It's what's comfortable inyour context with your family,
with your partners, therelationships, how long, I even
have one partner that she hascalled me, because I did not
include Melissa's name in one ofmy updates, that she was like,
This is not you. It is both ofyou. And she got on this idea
(38:16):
that, you know, she really, shebuys into this idea that it's
both of us. And so she reallywanted us to highlight that, you
know, yeah, Melissa is doingministry too.
Michele Davis (38:30):
Yeah, that's, that's cool. Okay, well, I think
that'll do it for this. Thefirst coaches round table. I
think this was really fun. Ithink we will do this again,
where we'll gather somequestions. We'll bring on some
coaches who are really equippedto answer those questions and
we'll do our best to apply theexperience and wisdom God has
(38:51):
given us to your MPD question.
That's you, the listener.
Unknown (38:57):
Okay, so thanks so much for tuning in!
Welcome to the Cru MPD podcast with Katie
Johnson and Michele Davis. Welove that the Lord commanded
that those who proclaim thegospel should get their living
by the gospel. We are driven toequip and inspire Christian
workers to be Christ centered,fully funded and financially
faithful, so that missionarystaff can come alongside all
people to help them to knowJesus. This process is more
(01:10):
widely known as ministry partnerdevelopment, or MPD for short.
Michele Davis (01:16):
Welcome, we are trying something new in this
episode, we're calling it theCoach's Roundtable. And what
we've done is we've gatheredquestions that are commonly
asked of our MPD coachingcommunity from you from our
staff. And we have three coacheshere who are going to try to
answer those questions. Ourtopic this week, is the spouse
(01:36):
SOSA and how it is impacted byMPD. how this impacts MPD. And
we've gathered questions like Isaid, from our coaches, and we
have three SOSA MPD leaders hereto answer your questions myself.
I've been SOSA now for fiveyears. Katie Johnson has been
about every staff category andis as currently SOSA, and our
(01:59):
Director of Coaching on theNational MPD team; co director,
he co directs with NancyDickens, Pete Smith ,who is SOSA
and his wife has never been onstaff. That's different from
Katie and I, our spouses were atone point on staff. So Pete, why
don't you introduce yourself?
(02:20):
And tell us just a tiny bitabout your choice of SOSA for
you and Melissa?
Pete Smith (02:28):
Yeah, hi, Michele, thanks for letting me be a part
of this. But yeah, with mystory, Melissa and I were dating
and it got to the point where Iknew that we were gonna get
married. And at that point,being with Cru, I wasn't sure
about my future with Cru. And soI was very thankful that early
on, as we were moving towardsmarriage, that Sosa category
(02:51):
became available, becauseMelissa has been serving kids
who has speech and languagedelays for many years. And her
heart is for those kids who haveissues that are learning and
growing, but also needingspecial attention in the speech
area. And so she's a SLP, speechlanguage pathologists, and serve
kids for about 22 years. So whenwe got married, I was very
(03:14):
excited that SOSA became a newoption, because it allows me to
continue to pursue guys laid onmy heart, as well as for
Melissa, that she can serve theneeds of kids.
Michele Davis (03:25):
That is so great.
And I think that is a great oneof the examples of why the Sosa
category exists and why it's sohelpful is that, like, she's
called to a different kind ofministry, and she's called to be
your wife. And now you can do itall. It just took a change in a
system.
Pete Smith (03:45):
It was fantastic.
timing was perfect. And it'sallowed us for eight years to be
able to work well with her, youknow, serving the kids there.
And now we have two kids of ourown. And so she's able to adjust
her schedule as needed. And soshe works part time with kids,
but also working with our twodaughters.
Michele Davis (04:04):
I love that.
Yeah, when I was dating myhusband, who was not on staff
when we were dating, we facedthat decision too. But at that
time, it wasn't an option. So Iwas like, ready to leave my job.
Or, he had actually been prayingfor a new job. So Joe's, like,
I'll take the plunge and trythis Cru thing. And it was great
for eight years and and now he'sa nurse. That's maybe a story
(04:26):
for another time, but...
Pete Smith (04:29):
I just remember Yeah, it's definitely for
another time because it wasstressful to know, hey, we're
getting married and he alsogonna not know what your
employment is going to be.
You're not sure what you'regoing to do as far as your
future with your job. I couldn'timagine how hard that would be
to have to make that decision.
Michele Davis (04:44):
Yeah. Ah, yeah, it was hard.
Pete Smith (04:52):
Just add another level.
Michele Davis (04:53):
Yeah, just another level. It definitely
made it made dating weird. Andand then it made it, You know,
way too soon, we would have tolike kind of talk about future
things. It worked out fine inthe end, I think, by God's
providence, but it was, it wasawkward. And we don't have to do
Pete Smith (05:12):
And I'm so thankful we don't have to, because at
that again.
this point, it's worked well,for our family. It's a great
setup. And I'm grateful that Cruwas able to look at what the
needs were as well as retainingdifferent staff. And it's
exciting. I'm grateful that theymade it work and continue to
re-resource as well. But I'msure for many staff for many
(05:35):
years, that was a realchallenge, because it was not
even an option.
Michele Davis (05:39):
Yeah, absolutely.
It'd be interesting, maybe foranother time to find someone who
knows more of the history ofthat and to interview them.
Pete Smith (05:50):
I would love to hear that too, because I heard
Vonette was a part of wanting tomake a change. And she was very
supportive of that. But therewas a lot of resistance in lots
of different ways.
Michele Davis (05:59):
Yeah,
Pete Smith (06:00):
I'm grateful, thankful, it's a new category,
thankful I can serve this way.
And, you know, getting marriedwas a great change, but I
wouldn't have wanted to throwanother employment issue. At the
same time, that would have beena lot more stress to add to the
whole marriage and everything.
Michele Davis (06:14):
Totally. Katie, what has led you and Ben to make
this decision for you to be soso right now?
Katie Johnson (06:23):
Um, yeah, well, so we joined staff together in
2014. But even when we wereconsidering joining staff, there
was always this tension, becausewe were never on the same page,
right. But we had to be so itwas either all or nothing at
that point. And so we actuallydidn't join staff right away,
(06:47):
after intern years, we left forsix months. And then Ben, my
husband decided he wanted tojoin staff. And I was very
excited because I always wantedto join staff. And so we joined
staff in 2014. And eventuallyBen felt just called to a
(07:09):
different job outside of Cru, hewanted to serve the local, local
church. And so, at that point,they did have the spouse on
spouse affiliate option, whichwe're really grateful for. And
so I was able to stay on staff.
And he, at that point, leftstaff, or, I guess, became an
affiliate staff. And so yeah,that's kind of how he got here.
(07:32):
And so Ben, still does ministry,he actually still works in
ministry, it's just outside ofCru. And he just felt called to
do ministry in a different way,which I think is great. And I
think it's great that we canboth, like you guys, right? Live
out where we feel called toserve, and not feel like we're
(07:52):
holding each other back in anyway.
Pete Smith (07:59):
It's good.
Michele Davis (08:00):
Absolutely. Also, I cannot imagine MPD without you
too. And I hope you say the samefor me. But like, You guys both
add so much to our MPDcommunity. And so the the fact
that we have a category whereyou can use your gifts and your
skills, and then your spouse canuse their gifts and skills, in a
(08:21):
different way, is a blessing toour organization. So we are
thankful for this category, evenwith the complexities that
brings to the table. So we'regonna, we have three different
categories of questions thatwe're going to answer today in
our podcast episode, we're goingto talk about some of the
(08:41):
initial MPD type questions thatwe hear a lot. We're going to
talk about a few things aboutongoing staff life with family,
just from our experience,because we all have families.
And a SOSA spouse, so just alittle bit about that. And then
a few questions that wererelated to just the ongoing,
like, once were reported, whendo we know if it's a
(09:06):
communication from us or fromour family or different things
with our ministry partners? Sodiving in to ask some of these
questions that we got fromcoaches? And I know Okay, so
Katie, and I would have had adifferent experience explaining
SOSA to our ministry partners. Ithink what was different and
then scary was because they hadagreed to support Joe and I, I
(09:29):
wondered if they would staysupporting just me and to be
honest, we lost like onesupporter, like, and we even
gained more support. And therewere people who increased while
he was like it was it was aresounding, fine, and great
situation for us. But I'mcurious for you, Pete, since
(09:49):
your supporters never supportedMelissa, she just married into
your life. And so what was thatlike communicating about your
marriage and your spouse andtheir job to your ministry
partners.
Pete Smith (10:05):
In some ways, I feel like I haven't probably
addressed it as well as Iprobably should have. But I
basically just from the verybeginning, just promoted that
we're getting married, Melissais gonna continue to serve the
needs of kids, and that ourvision is to serve together, but
it's gonna be in two differentareas, hers is going to be with
the kids with speech andlanguage, language delay, and
(10:26):
I'll be working with, at thattime, focused on college
students. So I really feel likewhat I did was just to say, life
is moving ahead, we're growingour ministry, because there's
now two of us, and that she is apart of what we're doing,
because she is consideredaffiliate staff. And so my focus
wasn't maybe one or twonewsletters I ever really
(10:49):
presented it much to people. Andwhat I do try to do is I
continue to cast vision, withpictures with involvement
throughout these months now,these years about how she's
still involved with theministry. Because we've done
summer mission together, we tookour whole family went to Jackson
Hole, summer mission in 2018.
And that was just a greatopportunity for her to be
(11:11):
immersed into the ministry, asshe was then overseeing a couple
of interns and giving input tostudents and giving talks. And
so I think, honestly, I justdidn't make it a big deal. I
just said, this is in step withwhere God's directing us. And
this is what we feel like isimportant. I will continue with
my full time role. And I willmake her a part of everything as
(11:34):
appropriate from time to time.
Michele Davis (11:40):
Yeah, and so you didn't make it a big deal. And
your ministry partners didn'tmake it a big deal. Because
guess what? Almost everyone's inthat position where they have
two different job.
Pete Smith (11:52):
Exactly, exactly. I think they relate it I think
they understood. And now that aswe have kids, they also see
that, you know, we are trying tonavigate life with two young
girls and the complexity oflife. And then part time for
Melissa, and then my role. So II think for most people, they
didn't think twice about it. Idon't think it was all that
(12:13):
challenging for them toconsider. And in many cases, I
found people understood that ourneeds were more so they increase
their giving, they'd been moregenerous. And they see that
yeah, for a family of four, it'sgonna be more expensive than
what it was when I was justsingle.
Michele Davis (12:29):
Yeah. Okay, that brings up a question. I'm
curious, both of your thoughtson this. And I might have a few
thoughts too. But we hear fromstaff sometimes some variation
of casting mission for MPD whenmy spouse, they have a job, and
maybe they have a great job, andhow does that impact my MPD
goal? And I'm not sure if someof that is direct questions from
(12:56):
ministry partners. I thinksometimes it might be. But
sometimes they're just maybequestions we have because we
raise support to So Katie, like,have you had to navigate that? I
want to hear from all of us onthis. But I want to first hear
from Katie.
Katie Johnson (13:15):
Yeah, I haven't had a lot of people. I haven't
had a lot of ministry partnersask about it. And so I mean, I
tell them Ben was on staffbefore, and he's not now and but
in a lot of ways we do life andministry together. So they'll
he'll hear about my family andmy husband. And that's pretty
normal. And so I don't have alot of people ask about it. I
(13:39):
honestly think this is morestaff's fear, then an actual
reality. And I, I think it makessense that staff think, Oh,
well, how can I ask other peoplefor money when my spouse is
making money, but at the sametime, I would ask how can you
work a job and not expect to getpaid? That doesn't make sense,
(14:02):
either, right? And so I thinkthe way that we look at ministry
and MPD, I think really affectsthis. And it is a joy for people
to be a part of our teams,right? We're not burdening them
by asking them to give. We'regiving them an opportunity to be
a part of our ministries andwhat God's doing in the
(14:24):
ministry, which is really cool.
And and I think when I putmyself in that position, like
the people that I support, thepeople we give to, it's not
going to make a difference forme if their spouse has a job or
not. And honestly, it's not mybusiness, how much their spouse
makes, I need to trust thatthey're being good
Pete Smith (14:47):
amen to that
Katie Johnson (14:48):
Right? Like I need to trust that they're being
good stewards of their money,regardless, and so I'm sure
like, that might mean like,Don't go crazy with your
finances but that doesn't like,we're allowed to enjoy what
God's given us. And I don'tthink we need to hide that or be
(15:09):
ashamed if our spouses makingmoney, right? Yeah. Yeah. And I
don't think we need to reduceour salaries in order to do
that, honestly. I'm like, Howfar could we reduce them at this
point? You know, like, not thatwe don't, we don't like we're
(15:29):
doing fine. We're, you know,over, we're doing fine. And so I
don't understand, like, I guess,also coming from my point of
view, like, my husband is stillin ministry. So it's a little
different. But I've actually hadnever had a ministry partner
asked that. So I think it'sactually like a fear for staff,
as they raise support, as SOSAmore than an actual reality?
Michele Davis (15:52):
Yeah, I mean, for us, Joe left staff to go back to
school in his 40s and start anew career. And it's, he's a
nurse, he's an RN, and you'relike, he's making fine nursing
money if he was 23, you know,because he's, like, entry level,
or, you know, and so he's not,like, I still make more than
(16:13):
him. And that's not going toprobably be the case forever,
you know, but I have a job whereI have 20 years experience and a
ministry partner base that, youknow, is invested in my
ministry. And I'm not, I'm not,I'm not like making like Rolls
Royce money or something, youknow what I mean, but like, but
(16:34):
because he is in a brand newjob, right, like, so anyways,
it's a it's a fallacy to assumethat I might make less it's and
it's also like you said, Katie,it's kind of it's a little
invasive, to assume...
Katie Johnson (16:50):
Okay, well, if you think about it, right, like
a church raises money,essentially, right? Like people
give to a church. This is anormal part of our daily or
weekly rhythms as believers. Anda pastor gets paid, obviously,
but their spouse probably has ajob, maybe, maybe they don't,
(17:11):
that's their choice. But wenever say, Oh, I can't give to
the church and pay you for beingthe pastor of our church.
Because your spouse has a goodpaying job.
Pete Smith (17:24):
And we wouldn't know what the pasture makes either.
You know, we don't typicallyknow, you know, the amount. And
I think, Katie, you said it allthat I would say it's typically
something that gets in our headsis staff that we kind of have
this problem with this, thatthere's conflict of interest, or
too much money coming in, orwhatever. But I just echo what
(17:46):
you said, We're all called to begood stewards God's entrusted to
us, for our family. You know,I'm working with Cru full time.
And so I'm trusting God throughministry partners, my wife works
part time. And so we have incomecoming in, that allows us the
flexibility to keep her involvedwith our daughters, and to do
(18:06):
what we want her to be a part ofit this season. And that, yeah,
it's probably she can make a lotmore SLP. But we are choosing
for us to live on a lower level,because this season's more heavy
with be involved with smallkids. So with that, we're all
called just to look at ourresources and steward them well.
(18:29):
And I would be the first to sayit's a God factor that shows up
every time because Godfaithfully has provided for us
through both means it's not oneor the other. And it's just a
picture of God's ultimateproviding for us as a family.
Katie Johnson (18:45):
I love that. I feel like I mean, seriously,
though, it's like, if we look atit, like God provides for us,
whether it's through support, orour spouse's job, or honestly,
something else, maybe it'ssomething else how God provides
for us. And he always will. Andso we have to trust it. That's
what God has for us to. And notquestion, right.
Michele Davis (19:07):
I agree. And if you're listening out there, and
you have specifically had aministry partner, press into
this, I'd love to hear aboutthat. And, and I do think there
are some times when maybe ourministry partners give in a way
they don't fully under like theymaybe don't see giving to our
work like they're giving to ourjob, and they're in the same way
(19:29):
like Katie described likethey're giving to their church,
and so their pastor has a job.
And so there's maybe I think, ifthat's the case, where you hear
that from a ministry partner,there's probably other
breakdowns and communication ofmaybe their understanding of
your work. Anyways, we wouldlove to just talk to you about
that. So drop me an email. Wecan talk more. But let's keep
going. I we've received a fewquestions about does a spouse go
(19:53):
on MPD appointments? What kindof like, what's their role in
MPD? If anything, and we do havesome SOSA spouses who have come
to New Staff Orientation,because they, they want to be
involved in MPD. They're excitedabout this, they, you know, I
(20:13):
think of when we're, the spouseis a teacher, and they know
they're going to do summermissions together. And so they
wanted from the get go for theministry partners to know them
both, even though, you know,nine months of the year, the
affiliate spouse was a teacher,right? But how have you guys
(20:34):
navigated this? What are thewhat are your like best coaching
thoughts, too, on spousesinvolvement in MPD.
Pete Smith (20:45):
I'll be glad to jump in on that. Because I feel like
any way I can get a vision ofwhat God's doing for the whole
family, it's important toinclude Melissa and the girls.
So for MPD, I feel like if we'reable to make it work, I will
include Melissa and and Gracieand Ellie, but there are
situations that you know, likeanything else, it's hard to, to
(21:07):
kind of work through schedulesand everything happening. So it
may just be me on appointments,I don't have a clear cut, this
has to be all or nothing. I justkind of look at what makes
sense. And, you know, early on,it was a big deal for me to
introduce Melissa to mypartners. And so she was a
little bit more involved. Andshe had a little bit more. I
(21:28):
wanted to platform her well. Butyou know, at this point, it's
just the logistics side of it. Ilove her to be a part of it. And
as we reach out to new people,we try our best because most of
those people are ones that we'vemet together. And so it makes
sense for both of us to be onthe appointment. So I looked at
for more of the practical. Imean, I want the vision to be
(21:49):
that they're supporting us as afamily as we live our vision
calling out but I I'm not sayingit has to happen.
Katie Johnson (21:59):
Yeah, I would say I think that since Ben was on
staff, there's definitely someministry partners that I meet
with that have a more of arelationship with Him. And so I
asked him to be on or if I meetwith like, say, his friends or
his co workers, which kind ofbrings us into another question
of, can your spouse give youreferrals? And I? Yeah, I Yes. I
(22:22):
literally was in a season ofministry partner development in
the spring. And I looked at Benand I said, Hello, I need names.
Please think through your coworkers, your friends, your past
coworkers, people, I don't know,that you can connect me with and
I'm, like, I can share myministry with and so and he gave
me a list. And then he reachedout to them and said, Hey,
(22:44):
Katie, is raising support, youknow, can she talk to you? And I
got to talk to a handful of hiscoworkers. And so, um, yeah, I
think that I think having yourspouse as involved in MPD, as
you can, is really good. BecauseMPD can feel very isolating
already. And so if you'reraising support, and your spouse
(23:06):
is doing something elsecompletely, and never involved
in that, and you're going onappointments in the evening,
while they're home, relaxing, itjust feels, I think that would
feel very isolating. And so I, Iactually coached a girl who was
SOSA and her husband's neverbeen on staff. And we approached
(23:27):
this question of, what does thislook like? How do we involve him
and he loved MPD. And he wouldgo, he was like, I want to be on
appointments with her. And hehad actually cast vision for
her, which is reallyinteresting. Um, and Ben does
that sometimes, too, when I'm onappointments will be like, yeah,
so I see Katie doing this, thisand this, and I'm like, okay,
(23:50):
yeah, like you go. Um, I wishBen could ask for referrals for
me. He's much better at thatthan I am. But I think it just
depends on the situation. It'sokay to go on appointments
alone. It's okay to do that, ifnecessary, especially with
family life and schedules andwork life. Yeah. Um, but if you
if your spouse can be involved,and honestly, like Michele said,
(24:12):
some spouses come to NSO, ifthey can come to maybe not the
whole time, but even just MPDweek, and really understand,
especially if they've neverraised support, if they can
really understand the trainingand why we raise support, and
how we raise support. I thinkthat could be really helpful for
people going into the SOSAstatus, the especially with
(24:33):
spouses that have never been onstaff to help you understand.
Michele Davis (24:37):
Yeah, I agree. I like that a lot. My husband, you
know, he would been on staff andon campus for eight years. And
so when he left staff, I wasraising a bit more support. And
he would he just reached out toall of his students who had
graduated we had them over fordinner. We had a nice dinner or
them catching up and saw gettingto know each other and then he
(24:59):
did the dishes and I did my MPDtalk. And it was great, you
know, and it worked out reallywell. And yeah, so I like what
you said, Katie about, you know,be as involved as you want. I do
think that this is an area whereknowing yourself knowing who
(25:21):
you're reaching out to havewisdom, but also, you can choose
your own adventure here a littlebit. So there's not a "have to"
Pete Smith (25:29):
I was gonna add, you know, I commend the faith and my
wife because she not only had totrust marry me, but she also had
been had to say God's canprovide for us through people I
don't know. And she stepped intoa situation that was very
foreign to her, she was notinvolved with Cru, had been
involved with other campusministry in college. So this
(25:49):
whole thing was brand new. Andnow all these names and faces
that she didn't know, werepeople that were giving
generously to allow us to dowhat we do as a family. And so
it was a, I'm sure, a very scaryseason to think about, oh, my
goodness, it's not just we'regetting married, but you know,
(26:10):
our bills are gonna be paid in away that I've never understood
or never could even comprehend.
And so it's been a great growth,through the process of saying,
Okay, this is now relationships.
And you know, as I've introducedher the partners, as we've done
things with different people,it's really been a fun side of
that to where part of it is herunderstanding MPD without the
(26:35):
experience of raising support,like we do, because she's been
the recipient, but she hasn'tnecessarily been as involved.
And so it's a little bit moreunnerving, a little bit more,
like, what is this all about,but now, you know, she, she can
see who gives, and she's like,Oh, my goodness, this is
incredibly humbling, this isoverwhelming that God allows us
to receive these resources. Andhe blesses us with these people
(27:00):
joining with us. And we're ableto live our, our family values
out and steward the resource aswell. So it's a very unique
thing for her to walk into. Andso for those staff who have been
on staff, and they marrysomeone, and they continue with
their role outside of Cru, it'sa, it's this crazy maker, it's
very strange to walk into, butit's a lot of communication, a
(27:24):
lot of working together, sheedits every one of my
newsletters, because I want herto feel a part of what I'm
communicating to partners. And Iwant her to feel like she's
contributing to what's going onas well. Plus, she's a much
better writer than I am. So it'sa win win situation.
Michele Davis (27:40):
That is a win win.
Katie Johnson (27:41):
Yes. I'm Pete, I'm just curious, when your wife
when you and your wife did getmarried?Did you explain MPD to
her? And what did that looklike? And obviously, you didn't
just say like, we're going on ameeting together? Let's go, you
know, so what did? How did youexplain MPD? Or for the people
who don't have their spouse atthe NPD? What did that look
(28:02):
like?
Michele Davis (28:02):
Great question.
Pete Smith (28:03):
Um, she honestly had a basic understanding from
involvement in missionsinvolvement in her church and
giving to different causes. Soshe had some concepts. I think
what probably was a biggestmissing piece was the relational
component of just how you havepeople that you really want to
be intentional with and developthose relationships and want
(28:23):
them to meet. You know, one ofthe best things was, you know,
we invited more people to ourwedding than we probably would
have, because we were ministrypartners, and I want them to be
a part of it. And so most ofthem came. And it was a great
introduction to this idea that,you know, our lives are
changing, but she's gonnacontinue to serve, as well as
(28:44):
SLP. And I will serve with Cru.
So I think it's been littledeposits here and there. But as
you start kind of workingthrough the MPD rhythms of the
year, and your plan, helping herto understand the year end ask
is a big part of our fundingmodel, because that's the year,
the year end is where we see alot of people who jumped on
board with a special gift. Andso at that point, her
(29:07):
understanding that that she'smore like, Oh, what about this
person? Or what about them?
Should we send it to them? Andso there's been a lot more buy
in over the time, but I feellike what has been the best part
of what, what I have observedwith Melissa is the buy in on
the relationships, that she justunderstands how that's a value
(29:30):
to reach out to people. We do ayearly gift to our partners that
we try to build into. And sothroughout the year, we're both
looking at what would be a greatgift. What would be a book what
this year, we bought pictureframes, holiday, Christmas
picture frames that were afterthe season for $4 apiece, and
(29:51):
they were in boxes, and anyhowthey're back in the basement
here. But you know, just thosetypes of things that we're
always looking for ways that wecan show appreciation to our
partners. because, again, it'sbuilding that idea. These are
people that are choosing to giveto us why? I don't know. But we
just respond and gratitude, wewant to say thank you to that.
So
Katie Johnson (30:11):
love that you invited your ministry partners
to your wedding. And I thinkthat's really a testament to,
for people who don't know thisyet or haven't experienced this,
right, like ministry partners dobecome like family. And it's not
just a partnership for ministry,but really relationship driven,
(30:31):
like you said, it's
Pete Smith (30:32):
for me it was big wedding 300 people almost, so it
was a lot bigger than weintended. So,
Katie Johnson (30:38):
but it was fun.
It was a great celebration. Um,I can jump in with the next
question, Michele, if you
Michele Davis (30:46):
go for it.
Katie Johnson (30:47):
Okay. Um, so another common question to kind
of wrap up our time together.
Are how do we communicate to ourministry partners when we're
SOSA? So should our prayerletters come from just us or
from our spouse as well? And sohow have you guys navigated
prayer letters and newsletters?
Michele Davis (31:11):
Well, yeah, so since my husband left staff, I
felt like that was like a kindof a important marker like my
first newsletter I did. AsMichele Davis because I was
single and on staff before Joe'smarried me and joined staff. So
there was the Michele Martindays, the Joe and Michele Davis
days, and now we're in theMichele Davis days. And I yeah,
(31:32):
my prayer letters are just forme on a monthly basis, but I do
my Christmas cards from myfamily. And there's a there's,
you know, a zillion ways you cando this. I personally don't use
Christmas cards as a I don't dolike the magnets and stuff. I
just do a Christmas card from myfamily. And my Christmas card
list is huge, kind of likePete's wedding, because it's
(31:55):
like all my ministry partnersand all my family and I spend an
exorbitant amount of money onChristmas cards, but it's worth
it to me and I value it and itis from our family. I don't put
I don't even put my kids a lotin my newsletter like sometimes
maybe for big things. My kidsare old enough now that they've
(32:15):
like made known to me that theydon't really like what I post
about them on social media. Or,you know, to people they don't
know so and they don't know me.
I mean, my kids don't know a lotof my ministry partners because
they just don't have anopportunity to and so it's like
newsletters, business, Christmascards, family. That's just
that's what I do.
Pete Smith (32:38):
Mine slightly different. But I try every other
in these letters to throw apicture of my kids in there.
Just like hey, here they are intheir Halloween costume, or
here's what they did thissummer. So it's not a focus like
a story about them. It's justbasically a visual, a picture
with a little caption, with themost of it being the ministry
(33:01):
update the story what I want tohighlight, but I I have tried to
highlight that we both Yeah,we're both serving with Cru. I'm
doing it full time. And she'saffiliate, I can show you this
example of this check that it'sactually in the bottom corner.
It says Melissa and Peter Smith,is made out to Cru. And so the
(33:24):
idea is that this partner iswhat we're trying to build with
the others is that they aresupporting both of us. I'm the
working full time. But she'salso a part of my family,
obviously. So therefore, theirsupport benefits all of us as
far as our financial needs. ButI again, I don't try to do it in
(33:46):
a systematic way there has to beone month is full family updates
and other month ministry. Itried to do small little
pictures from time to time,mainly making the newsletter
updates make it about ministrymake it be about what's going
on. And I do try to get her toget Melissa to write one from
(34:06):
time to time like I said that.
The one that comes to mind isafter we were on summer mission,
I want her to communicate whather experience was for the first
time in that environment withcollege students at Jackson Hole
summer mission. I want her tocommunicate what she thought
what she experienced and whatshe got out of it. And so I did
try to include her as much aspossible with that and I signed
(34:28):
it for me we I put Peter andMelissa Smith on the bottom I
don't sign my newsletters. Ijust put our name address and
phone number on the bottom. ButI do put Peter and Melissa
Katie Johnson (34:42):
I think that's great. I so a little different
than both of you. Maybe becausemy good. I have a baby who's
five months old. And I Idefinitely mentioned ministry
most the time but people lovephotos of my kids. And literally
the one thing the most peoplerespond to our family updates
right now for me. So, I, um,lately I've been including
(35:07):
pictures of our kids, becausethey're so little that they
change so much every month, andI don't do it every single
month, but I will include apicture and usually I get the
most responsive, oh, look ather, she's so big, or she looks
like you are been or, you know,whatever. Um, and I feel like
people really enjoy being a partof our personal lives, too. And
(35:31):
a lot of our ministry partnersdo know, Ben, so that makes it a
little different, too. And sothey want to hear, you know,
what has been up to what is hedoing? How is he doing? You
know, and not just me. And soevery once in a while mention,
you know, how they're doing andinclude pictures. And I think
even for so Non-SOSA staff,doing some personal updates here
(35:52):
and there and showing picturesof your family is good, because
people want to hear more thanjust ministry updates. Now, it
shouldn't be like the only thingyou read about but I do find
that I could literally just sendout a letter with like pictures
of my baby, and I'm fine. Rightnow.
Michele Davis (36:12):
Oh, yeah. That's yeah, and I have. So I have like
my facebook is. I think myprivacy settings are still kind
of private, but I have like 1000Facebook friends, because it's
everyone I've ever known. And soI occasionally would post about
my kids. The overlap between mykids in ministry, my husband in
(36:33):
ministry there. But I justoperate differently in Instagram
and differently in newsletters.
And I hope that what everyone ishearing from this is, there's a
lot of freedom, you can makethis decision with your family.
There's not this like magicbullet way to do it. Or even a
surefire way to ruin it. Therereally isn't like you can, you
(36:55):
know, like, again, knowyourself, know, your spouse,
know, your family, know, youraudience of your ministry
partners, and just make a wisemake the best wise choice you
can. That's fine.
Pete Smith (37:10):
That's great Michele, I would echo that I
feel like what we promote withNPD is all about relationships.
Uh huh. Let's keep that valuethere and not become so
professional that we have toevaluate through a tight grid
that makes everyone veryuncomfortable and very uptight.
But look at it. Like what? Whatcommunicates the value of you in
(37:31):
ministry, your family is aministry with you, and really
give them, Hey, we are servingthe Great Commission, we're
raising up missionaries andhelping them be fully funded.
And that involves all of us. Andso yeah, personal updates. And
then certainly the updates aboutwhat God is doing in our
ministry is so, so important.
But yeah, it's not, it has tolook a certain way I feel like
(37:54):
it. It's what's comfortable inyour context with your family,
with your partners, therelationships, how long, I even
have one partner that she hascalled me, because I did not
include Melissa's name in one ofmy updates, that she was like,
This is not you. It is both ofyou. And she got on this idea
(38:16):
that, you know, she really, shebuys into this idea that it's
both of us. And so she reallywanted us to highlight that, you
know, yeah, Melissa is doingministry too.
Michele Davis (38:30):
Yeah, that's, that's cool. Okay, well, I think
that'll do it for this. Thefirst coaches round table. I
think this was really fun. Ithink we will do this again,
where we'll gather somequestions. We'll bring on some
coaches who are really equippedto answer those questions and
we'll do our best to apply theexperience and wisdom God has
(38:51):
given us to your MPD question.
That's you, the listener.
Unknown (38:57):
Okay, so thanks so much for tuning in!
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