May 24, 2025 • 17 mins
Over the past few years, there has been a growing conversation about coercive control in romantic relationships.
Last year, NSW became the first state in Australia to criminalise coercive control shortly followed by Queensland.
Now, new research from eSafety has looked into how this is playing out on, or even being fast-tracked by, technology. Essentially, they wanted to know - what attitudes and behaviours have become normalised amongst younger generations who have grown up in the digital age, that actually could be a red flag for coercive control? For example, how many people think it’s normal and healthy to track their partner’s location?
We'll dive deeper in today's podcast.
Hosts: Billi FitzSimons and Sam Koslowski
Producer: Orla Maher
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today's episode is brought to you by e Safety, Australia's
online safety regulator. Love shouldn't feel like control. If your
partner pressures you to let them track you or demands
constant updates, that's not care. In fact, it could be
tech based coercive control. Trust your instincts. To learn about
the warning signs of tech based coercive control, visit e
(00:21):
safety dot gov dot AU forward slash Love isn't as always.
This podcast has been produced independently with no editorial influence
from e safety.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Already and this this is the Daily This is the
Daily OS. Oh now it makes sense. Good morning and
welcome to the Daily OS. It's Sunday, the twenty fifth
of May. I'm belief, It's Simon's I'm Sam Kazlowski. Over
(00:52):
the past few years, there has been a growing conversation
about coercive control in romantic relationships. Now, if you don't
know what that is, we will get more into it today.
But basically, it's a pattern of behavior that manipulates, intimidates
or dominates another person. Just last year, New South Wales
became the first state in Australia to criminalize coercive control.
(01:16):
Shortly followed by Queensland. Now new research from E Safety
has looked into how this is playing out on or
even being fast tracked by technology. Essentially, they wanted to
know what attitudes and behaviors have become normalized amongst younger
generations who have grown up in the digital age that
actually could be a red flag for coercive control. For example,
(01:40):
how many people think it's normal and healthy to track
their partner's location. Now, just a quick heads up before
we get into it, Sam, As you would have heard
at the start of this podcast, this episode is sponsored
by e Safety, who produced the report that we will
be talking about today, saying that though this episode has
gone through our normal editorial processes that are independent of
(02:02):
a safety So.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Why don't we start super simple, Billy, let's start with
really getting our heads around what is coercive control.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
So coercive control I briefly touched on it before, but
it's when a person displays a pattern of controlling and
manipulative behaviors in the context of a relationship. And I
think one of the important words there is pattern.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
So we're not talking about like a single incident, No,
it's about a whole series of behavior.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Exactly, and think of it as like someone forcing or
pressuring you to do certain things over a period of time,
and typically that behavior is designed to isolate someone or
to limit their autonomy, or even to question their own sanity.
I feel like over the past couple of years there's
been this big conversation about gas lighting, right, yeah, and
(02:50):
that really ties in with coercive control. When you are
literally questioning kind of what's real and what's not and
you kind of feel like you're going crazy.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
And I guess sometimes whether you're the problem. Yes, definitely,
and within coercive control, though there's so many different aspects of.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
It exactly, it's a really broad term, but there are
some typical examples, So things like controlling finances, if just
one person in the relationship is controlling all the finances
and perhaps even blocks the other person from looking at
the finances. There's things like monitoring behavior, making threats, or
even something like insulting someone over time, or even something
(03:28):
like controlling what they are wearing. It's things like that
that build up over time and taken all together, can
constitute coercive control.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
And the really diabolical thing I think about coercive control
is that it's an invisible form of domestic violence in Australia.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Yeah, and I think sometimes people have to stop and think,
what is someone caring for you and what is someone
controlling you? And those are two very different things, and
you have to you know, I think it can be
tricky to navigate. There isn't a playbook that you get
when you get into a relationship that's like this is
someone controlling you or this is someone caring for you.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
But the research does show that it's becoming an increasingly
more common part of abuse in romantic relationships.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Yes, and it's actually one of the most common forms
of how people experience abuse from a romantic partner. I think,
you know, ten twenty years ago, the conversation about intimate
partner violence was very limited to physical harm. But we
know that that is only one part of domestic violence
(04:35):
and how someone can experience abuse in an intimate relationship
is a lot more broad than that.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
It's a really interesting point, that one, because I mean,
you and I have worked in this newsroom for a
long time and we've covered many stories where coercive control
plays a very important role. And one of the things
that's really stuck with me through those examples is that
coercive control can often have a close link to physical violence.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I think the way to think about it is that
not all coercive control leads to physical harm, although again
even without that, even without the physical harm, it is
still absolutely a form of domestic violence on its own,
on its own, yeah, definitely, But most physical violence does
start with coercive control.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Okay, that's important.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Yes, And there's a mountain of evidence that shows that.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And so the reason we're having this chat about it
today is because of this new research, and the new
research focuses on tech based coercive control. We're talked through,
you know, an understanding of coercive control broadly. Let's zone
in now on tech and the role that tech can play.
How does that materialize?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Yeah, so this is the idea of using technology again
to control, manipulate, and isolate someone. Now, one of the
key focuses of this from this report for me safety
was focused on location tracking. Na, Sam, I'm sure you're
probably familiar. I've find my friends.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
It's a big part of everybody's iPhone if they're on
that phone user. I know there's another equivalent for Android
as well, and you know it's essentially this whole new
power that all phone carriers have to track people who
are in their network, and there's obviously an opt in
element to that process, but it's really built into a
(06:21):
lot of the social apps as well. I mean, Snapchat
is an interesting one to talk about.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I was going to say, I think what's so interesting
about this discussion is how normalized it has become. I
remember when Snapchat first came out with I think it's
called snap Friends or SnapMap SnapMap. When that first came out,
I was at university and I just remember being shocked
that this was a thing, and it felt like potentially
a dangerous thing that so many people could suddenly track
(06:49):
your location. And since then, I think it's no longer
a shocking thing, like we have all become so normalized
to the idea that people in your circle could have
your location.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
And I do think it's important to mention that, I mean,
from the perspective of the tech companies that are enabling
these services, there are a lot of genuine uses for
tracking technology. I mean there's stories about people being rescued
if they're in the middle of a hike somewhere in
regional Australia and that actually assists them. It's when the
technology is misused by the users that's really concerning.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Definitely, And I think it's something that you know a
lot of parents, for example, would use for their kids.
But again, I think it comes back to if you
grow up in an age where you know the people
close to you do have you on location, and then
you enter a relationship and that person says that they
would like to have you on location, it becomes a
(07:41):
really tricky thing. And I think it's important for you
to understand what your own personal boundaries are. Yeah, because
again it's hard to even figure out what your personal
boundaries are when it is so normal.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
As and how old you are, I mean, how old
you are listening to this podcast and trying to understand
this conversation and whether I guess you could say whether
you're a map and location native and that's all you've
ever known, or this is a new piece of technology
that you're getting a head around. But I want to
be super clear on something before we go any further.
Is having a partner on a tracker classified as coercive control.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
No, it's definitely not that black and white. I think
the point is, though it crosses a line when someone
has an expectation, that's the key word. If there is
an expectation for your partner to have you on tracker,
that's when it kind of is a red flag for
coercive control, right, And I think E Safety's key message
here is that a respectful partner shouldn't or wouldn't expect
(08:42):
to see your location twenty four to seven. Definitely. Maybe
if you know you're going out for a night and
you send your location for an hour, but I think, well.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
That's you volunteering your location.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yes, I think it's are you willingly and freely giving
someone your location or do you feel pressure to do that?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
And do you think there's also an element as well
about how the partner is using your location?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Yes? Do you mean, like if they're constantly checking it
or if it's only when you know you might be
in need that they are then looking at it? Or
is it a twenty four seven.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Pattern of behavior? Are there text messages associated with the
location and all that kind of stuff?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, definitely. And I think the other thing that is
interesting is once you give your location indefinitely, it's quite
hard to take that back. Yeah, interest that leads to
quite a difficult conversation. I actually have a story about this.
So I have used Find my Friends, and you know,
someone from like ten years ago, a friend we shared
(09:40):
our location indefinitely, I think, like on a night out
or something. Yeah, And I'm not super close with that
person anymore, definitely civil, no falling out. But now ten
years later, I still have that person's location and whenever
I see it, I'm like, I really should stop that.
But if you stop it, I'm pretty sure sense of notification.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And so because I haven't spoken to her in like
two or three years, I'm like, I don't really want
her to get a notification saying we've stopped sharing our location.
And I think that's another interesting thing to talk about,
is that once you share it, it can be hard
or it can be awkward to take that back.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And if that's how you're feeling about a friend that
you have, you know, a very civil, really very civil,
but distant relationship from, and you're feeling that awkwardness or
perhaps some fear around cutting the cord of that location relationship,
you can imagine that somebody in an intimate romantic relationship,
even if it's a short one, that pressure really mounts Up.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
I have had that moment with a partner.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
How did you navigate it?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I think as soon as you break up, you just
have to immediately stop sharing the location. And I mean
for me, at least, it was a very normal conversation
to be like, obviously we wouldn't have each other on tracker.
But I think since that has happened, it has made
me think like, oh, that's a really hard thing to end,
and once you give it over, it requires a conversation that,
(11:08):
no doubt is uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I think one observation that is just sticking with me
is just how prevalent is with really young members of society.
And I'm talking kind of sixteen to twenty year olds
who perhaps have phones for the very first time. I mean,
my brother is twenty one, so he's just out of
that age group. All of his friends, like, you know,
his snap map and his find my friend's maps are crowded.
They're crowded with hundreds and hundreds of people.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
That is crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
It's crazy, and it's you know, we're saying it's crazy.
I'm thirty, your twenty six seven.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Wait, do you actually think that your younger brother has
hundreds and hundreds of people on find my Friends in stat.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Map absolutely and makes decisions about where to go out
on a night out based on where people are. And
it's a whole nother language, and it's a whole nother
way of understanding. And I want to be really careful here,
not to just be grumpy old people and past judgment.
This is an important part of their digital ecosystem. I
can't believe I'm sounding old, dirty, but it's a really
(12:07):
important conversation to be having. The rush is to jump
to judgment. That's not what no, we want to do here.
We want to have conversations about this and make sure
that if somebody needs help that they can lean on
people who might be older than them to have conversations,
and the people who are older than them actually receive
it openly.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
And I think this conversation is kind of about does
society need an almost course correction, like have we gone
too far one way? You know, if you're saying your
younger brother has hundreds of people, do we need a
course correction of being like, hold on a second, this
has become way too normalize. We need to take a
step back and be like is this right?
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And whether that's even possible.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Interesting, But I'm conscious that you and I have talked
a lot here about anecdotes and personal experiences. What does
the report actually say about this?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
So Ease Safety surveyed more than two thousand Australian adults
and then they found, just like we've been talking about,
that younger people are more likely to have the expectation
that they should be able to track their partner. So
amongst participants aged eighteen to twenty four, nearly one in
five participants agreed that expecting to track a partner whenever
(13:18):
they want is reasonable.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So that's one in five young people believing they should
be able to track their partner, But that was less
common for participants of all ages, which just speaks to
you know, younger people have grown up in this digital age.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And is it mostly this tracking element of technology that
dominates the discussion.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
There's definitely other ways. E Safety also looked into how
many people expect to have your partner's passwords and codes.
So it found that nearly one in four Australian surveys
said it is reasonable to have that expectation.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And with the rise and rise and rise of streaming services,
phone passwords at passwords online shopping, that's becoming a greater
part of relationship conversations. That's a really interesting point. But
if we zoom out, why are we here, why do
you think this has all been so normalized?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Well, I think apart from what we've spoken about about
young people growing up in the digital age, I think
there's also a point that some people believe that by
sharing passwords or by having someone on tracker, that they
are able to build trust with that person.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Right, you're an open book exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
But I think the thing to think about is is
that actually building trust or is not having those things,
not having someone's location twenty four to seven, not having
their password, actually building trust because you don't need access
to those things to know that your partner is not
doing anything wrong. Because that's kind of the reason why
(14:47):
so many people do believe that they should have it,
because they think there is potentially a possibility that your
partner is doing something wrong. But by having access to
those things, you're able to make sure that they're not.
But is that actually control and not trust?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
It can all be so hard to navigate, Billy, and
we're talking about something that's very personal, and this is
not a regular news story, and so it's not a
regular episode because there is such a personal aspect to this,
that's right.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I think it is so personal, and that's why we
kind of need to ask ourselves certain questions, So things
like am I creating my own personal boundaries without anyone
influencing what that is? And you know, just like so
many aspects of intimate relationship, that's up to you what
your boundaries are. I think another question though, is do
(15:37):
I see and respect the boundaries of my partner? You know,
like if my partner tells me what their boundaries are,
do I then accept that, have a conversation about it,
but then not pressure them to try to change those boundaries.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Okay, that's a lot to kind of take in, and
I'm sure that people listening are thinking about how this
conversation fits in with a relationship that they might be
in or that might know about with somebody that they
know and love, and it's a really important conversation to have.
And as I said earlier, I think that you've done
a wonderful job in trying to just help us understand
(16:12):
that this is not simple, this is not black and white,
but the worst thing that we can be doing is
not having this conversation definitely, so thank you for that.
Thank you, and we'll be back again tomorrow with another
episode of The Daily Os. Until then, have a wonderful Sunday.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
My name is Lily Maddon and I'm a proud Arunda
Bunjelung Kalkotin woman from Gadighl Country. The Daily Os acknowledges
that this podcast is recorded on the lands of the
Gadighl people and pays respect to all Aboriginal and Torres
Strait Island and nations. We pay our respects to the
first peoples of these countries, both past and present.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Nearly one in five young adults think it's okay to
track their partner whenever they want. But that's not love,
that's a red flag. New research, which from e Safety
shows that many controlling behaviors in relationships, like constant tracking,
demanding passwords, or expecting instant replies to NonStop texts a
scene is normal or even caring, but these can be
(17:14):
signs of tech based coercive control, a pattern of manipulation
that can escalate into serious harm. Respectful relationships are built
on trust and consent, not control. Talk about your digital
boundaries and if something doesn't feel right, trust your instincts
or speak to someone who knows you and what's important
to you. To learn about the warning signs of tech
(17:35):
based coercive control, visit e safety dot dot au slash
love isn't. If you've experienced abuse or violence from a partner,
call one eight hundred respect for free confidential advice.
Today's episode is brought to you by e Safety, Australia's
online safety regulator. Love shouldn't feel like control. If your
partner pressures you to let them track you or demands
constant updates, that's not care. In fact, it could be
tech based coercive control. Trust your instincts. To learn about
the warning signs of tech based coercive control, visit e
(00:21):
safety dot gov dot AU forward slash Love isn't as always.
This podcast has been produced independently with no editorial influence
from e safety.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Already and this this is the Daily This is the
Daily OS. Oh now it makes sense. Good morning and
welcome to the Daily OS. It's Sunday, the twenty fifth
of May. I'm belief, It's Simon's I'm Sam Kazlowski. Over
(00:52):
the past few years, there has been a growing conversation
about coercive control in romantic relationships. Now, if you don't
know what that is, we will get more into it today.
But basically, it's a pattern of behavior that manipulates, intimidates
or dominates another person. Just last year, New South Wales
became the first state in Australia to criminalize coercive control.
(01:16):
Shortly followed by Queensland. Now new research from E Safety
has looked into how this is playing out on or
even being fast tracked by technology. Essentially, they wanted to
know what attitudes and behaviors have become normalized amongst younger
generations who have grown up in the digital age that
actually could be a red flag for coercive control. For example,
(01:40):
how many people think it's normal and healthy to track
their partner's location. Now, just a quick heads up before
we get into it, Sam, As you would have heard
at the start of this podcast, this episode is sponsored
by e Safety, who produced the report that we will
be talking about today, saying that though this episode has
gone through our normal editorial processes that are independent of
(02:02):
a safety So.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Why don't we start super simple, Billy, let's start with
really getting our heads around what is coercive control.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
So coercive control I briefly touched on it before, but
it's when a person displays a pattern of controlling and
manipulative behaviors in the context of a relationship. And I
think one of the important words there is pattern.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
So we're not talking about like a single incident, No,
it's about a whole series of behavior.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Exactly, and think of it as like someone forcing or
pressuring you to do certain things over a period of time,
and typically that behavior is designed to isolate someone or
to limit their autonomy, or even to question their own sanity.
I feel like over the past couple of years there's
been this big conversation about gas lighting, right, yeah, and
(02:50):
that really ties in with coercive control. When you are
literally questioning kind of what's real and what's not and
you kind of feel like you're going crazy.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
And I guess sometimes whether you're the problem. Yes, definitely,
and within coercive control, though there's so many different aspects of.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
It exactly, it's a really broad term, but there are
some typical examples, So things like controlling finances, if just
one person in the relationship is controlling all the finances
and perhaps even blocks the other person from looking at
the finances. There's things like monitoring behavior, making threats, or
even something like insulting someone over time, or even something
(03:28):
like controlling what they are wearing. It's things like that
that build up over time and taken all together, can
constitute coercive control.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
And the really diabolical thing I think about coercive control
is that it's an invisible form of domestic violence in Australia.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Yeah, and I think sometimes people have to stop and think,
what is someone caring for you and what is someone
controlling you? And those are two very different things, and
you have to you know, I think it can be
tricky to navigate. There isn't a playbook that you get
when you get into a relationship that's like this is
someone controlling you or this is someone caring for you.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
But the research does show that it's becoming an increasingly
more common part of abuse in romantic relationships.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Yes, and it's actually one of the most common forms
of how people experience abuse from a romantic partner. I think,
you know, ten twenty years ago, the conversation about intimate
partner violence was very limited to physical harm. But we
know that that is only one part of domestic violence
(04:35):
and how someone can experience abuse in an intimate relationship
is a lot more broad than that.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
It's a really interesting point, that one, because I mean,
you and I have worked in this newsroom for a
long time and we've covered many stories where coercive control
plays a very important role. And one of the things
that's really stuck with me through those examples is that
coercive control can often have a close link to physical violence.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I think the way to think about it is that
not all coercive control leads to physical harm, although again
even without that, even without the physical harm, it is
still absolutely a form of domestic violence on its own,
on its own, yeah, definitely, But most physical violence does
start with coercive control.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Okay, that's important.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Yes, And there's a mountain of evidence that shows that.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And so the reason we're having this chat about it
today is because of this new research, and the new
research focuses on tech based coercive control. We're talked through,
you know, an understanding of coercive control broadly. Let's zone
in now on tech and the role that tech can play.
How does that materialize?
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Yeah, so this is the idea of using technology again
to control, manipulate, and isolate someone. Now, one of the
key focuses of this from this report for me safety
was focused on location tracking. Na, Sam, I'm sure you're
probably familiar. I've find my friends.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
It's a big part of everybody's iPhone if they're on
that phone user. I know there's another equivalent for Android
as well, and you know it's essentially this whole new
power that all phone carriers have to track people who
are in their network, and there's obviously an opt in
element to that process, but it's really built into a
(06:21):
lot of the social apps as well. I mean, Snapchat
is an interesting one to talk about.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I was going to say, I think what's so interesting
about this discussion is how normalized it has become. I
remember when Snapchat first came out with I think it's
called snap Friends or SnapMap SnapMap. When that first came out,
I was at university and I just remember being shocked
that this was a thing, and it felt like potentially
a dangerous thing that so many people could suddenly track
(06:49):
your location. And since then, I think it's no longer
a shocking thing, like we have all become so normalized
to the idea that people in your circle could have
your location.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
And I do think it's important to mention that, I mean,
from the perspective of the tech companies that are enabling
these services, there are a lot of genuine uses for
tracking technology. I mean there's stories about people being rescued
if they're in the middle of a hike somewhere in
regional Australia and that actually assists them. It's when the
technology is misused by the users that's really concerning.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Definitely, And I think it's something that you know a
lot of parents, for example, would use for their kids.
But again, I think it comes back to if you
grow up in an age where you know the people
close to you do have you on location, and then
you enter a relationship and that person says that they
would like to have you on location, it becomes a
(07:41):
really tricky thing. And I think it's important for you
to understand what your own personal boundaries are. Yeah, because
again it's hard to even figure out what your personal
boundaries are when it is so normal.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
As and how old you are, I mean, how old
you are listening to this podcast and trying to understand
this conversation and whether I guess you could say whether
you're a map and location native and that's all you've
ever known, or this is a new piece of technology
that you're getting a head around. But I want to
be super clear on something before we go any further.
Is having a partner on a tracker classified as coercive control.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
No, it's definitely not that black and white. I think
the point is, though it crosses a line when someone
has an expectation, that's the key word. If there is
an expectation for your partner to have you on tracker,
that's when it kind of is a red flag for
coercive control, right, And I think E Safety's key message
here is that a respectful partner shouldn't or wouldn't expect
(08:42):
to see your location twenty four to seven. Definitely. Maybe
if you know you're going out for a night and
you send your location for an hour, but I think, well.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
That's you volunteering your location.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yes, I think it's are you willingly and freely giving
someone your location or do you feel pressure to do that?
Speaker 1 (09:01):
And do you think there's also an element as well
about how the partner is using your location?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Yes? Do you mean, like if they're constantly checking it
or if it's only when you know you might be
in need that they are then looking at it? Or
is it a twenty four seven.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Pattern of behavior? Are there text messages associated with the
location and all that kind of stuff?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, definitely. And I think the other thing that is
interesting is once you give your location indefinitely, it's quite
hard to take that back. Yeah, interest that leads to
quite a difficult conversation. I actually have a story about this.
So I have used Find my Friends, and you know,
someone from like ten years ago, a friend we shared
(09:40):
our location indefinitely, I think, like on a night out
or something. Yeah, And I'm not super close with that
person anymore, definitely civil, no falling out. But now ten
years later, I still have that person's location and whenever
I see it, I'm like, I really should stop that.
But if you stop it, I'm pretty sure sense of notification.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And so because I haven't spoken to her in like
two or three years, I'm like, I don't really want
her to get a notification saying we've stopped sharing our location.
And I think that's another interesting thing to talk about,
is that once you share it, it can be hard
or it can be awkward to take that back.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And if that's how you're feeling about a friend that
you have, you know, a very civil, really very civil,
but distant relationship from, and you're feeling that awkwardness or
perhaps some fear around cutting the cord of that location relationship,
you can imagine that somebody in an intimate romantic relationship,
even if it's a short one, that pressure really mounts Up.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
I have had that moment with a partner.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
How did you navigate it?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I think as soon as you break up, you just
have to immediately stop sharing the location. And I mean
for me, at least, it was a very normal conversation
to be like, obviously we wouldn't have each other on tracker.
But I think since that has happened, it has made
me think like, oh, that's a really hard thing to end,
and once you give it over, it requires a conversation that,
(11:08):
no doubt is uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I think one observation that is just sticking with me
is just how prevalent is with really young members of society.
And I'm talking kind of sixteen to twenty year olds
who perhaps have phones for the very first time. I mean,
my brother is twenty one, so he's just out of
that age group. All of his friends, like, you know,
his snap map and his find my friend's maps are crowded.
They're crowded with hundreds and hundreds of people.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
That is crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
It's crazy, and it's you know, we're saying it's crazy.
I'm thirty, your twenty six seven.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Wait, do you actually think that your younger brother has
hundreds and hundreds of people on find my Friends in stat.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Map absolutely and makes decisions about where to go out
on a night out based on where people are. And
it's a whole nother language, and it's a whole nother
way of understanding. And I want to be really careful here,
not to just be grumpy old people and past judgment.
This is an important part of their digital ecosystem. I
can't believe I'm sounding old, dirty, but it's a really
(12:07):
important conversation to be having. The rush is to jump
to judgment. That's not what no, we want to do here.
We want to have conversations about this and make sure
that if somebody needs help that they can lean on
people who might be older than them to have conversations,
and the people who are older than them actually receive
it openly.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
And I think this conversation is kind of about does
society need an almost course correction, like have we gone
too far one way? You know, if you're saying your
younger brother has hundreds of people, do we need a
course correction of being like, hold on a second, this
has become way too normalize. We need to take a
step back and be like is this right?
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And whether that's even possible.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Interesting, But I'm conscious that you and I have talked
a lot here about anecdotes and personal experiences. What does
the report actually say about this?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
So Ease Safety surveyed more than two thousand Australian adults
and then they found, just like we've been talking about,
that younger people are more likely to have the expectation
that they should be able to track their partner. So
amongst participants aged eighteen to twenty four, nearly one in
five participants agreed that expecting to track a partner whenever
(13:18):
they want is reasonable.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So that's one in five young people believing they should
be able to track their partner, But that was less
common for participants of all ages, which just speaks to
you know, younger people have grown up in this digital age.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And is it mostly this tracking element of technology that
dominates the discussion.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
There's definitely other ways. E Safety also looked into how
many people expect to have your partner's passwords and codes.
So it found that nearly one in four Australian surveys
said it is reasonable to have that expectation.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And with the rise and rise and rise of streaming services,
phone passwords at passwords online shopping, that's becoming a greater
part of relationship conversations. That's a really interesting point. But
if we zoom out, why are we here, why do
you think this has all been so normalized?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Well, I think apart from what we've spoken about about
young people growing up in the digital age, I think
there's also a point that some people believe that by
sharing passwords or by having someone on tracker, that they
are able to build trust with that person.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Right, you're an open book exactly.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
But I think the thing to think about is is
that actually building trust or is not having those things,
not having someone's location twenty four to seven, not having
their password, actually building trust because you don't need access
to those things to know that your partner is not
doing anything wrong. Because that's kind of the reason why
(14:47):
so many people do believe that they should have it,
because they think there is potentially a possibility that your
partner is doing something wrong. But by having access to
those things, you're able to make sure that they're not.
But is that actually control and not trust?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
It can all be so hard to navigate, Billy, and
we're talking about something that's very personal, and this is
not a regular news story, and so it's not a
regular episode because there is such a personal aspect to this,
that's right.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I think it is so personal, and that's why we
kind of need to ask ourselves certain questions, So things
like am I creating my own personal boundaries without anyone
influencing what that is? And you know, just like so
many aspects of intimate relationship, that's up to you what
your boundaries are. I think another question though, is do
(15:37):
I see and respect the boundaries of my partner? You know,
like if my partner tells me what their boundaries are,
do I then accept that, have a conversation about it,
but then not pressure them to try to change those boundaries.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Okay, that's a lot to kind of take in, and
I'm sure that people listening are thinking about how this
conversation fits in with a relationship that they might be
in or that might know about with somebody that they
know and love, and it's a really important conversation to have.
And as I said earlier, I think that you've done
a wonderful job in trying to just help us understand
(16:12):
that this is not simple, this is not black and white,
but the worst thing that we can be doing is
not having this conversation definitely, so thank you for that.
Thank you, and we'll be back again tomorrow with another
episode of The Daily Os. Until then, have a wonderful Sunday.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
My name is Lily Maddon and I'm a proud Arunda
Bunjelung Kalkotin woman from Gadighl Country. The Daily Os acknowledges
that this podcast is recorded on the lands of the
Gadighl people and pays respect to all Aboriginal and Torres
Strait Island and nations. We pay our respects to the
first peoples of these countries, both past and present.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Nearly one in five young adults think it's okay to
track their partner whenever they want. But that's not love,
that's a red flag. New research, which from e Safety
shows that many controlling behaviors in relationships, like constant tracking,
demanding passwords, or expecting instant replies to NonStop texts a
scene is normal or even caring, but these can be
(17:14):
signs of tech based coercive control, a pattern of manipulation
that can escalate into serious harm. Respectful relationships are built
on trust and consent, not control. Talk about your digital
boundaries and if something doesn't feel right, trust your instincts
or speak to someone who knows you and what's important
to you. To learn about the warning signs of tech
(17:35):
based coercive control, visit e safety dot dot au slash
love isn't. If you've experienced abuse or violence from a partner,
call one eight hundred respect for free confidential advice.
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