Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Already and this is this is the Daily This is
the Daily OS.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Oh, now it makes sense. Good morning, and welcome to
the Daily OS. It's Thursday, the twenty eighth of August.
I'm Sam Kazlowski. Exactly one week ago, we brought you
a podcast episode that posed a very simple question, does
(00:25):
the AFL have a homophobia problem? At the core of
this discussion is the fact that the AFL is the
only major professional male sporting code in the world to
have never had an openly gay or bisexual player past
or present. It's a remarkable statistic for a game more
than one hundred and twenty years old, but that statement
(00:47):
is no longer true. On today's podcast, we sit down
with former West Coast Eagles player Mitch Brown. What started
with an Instagram DM from Mitch to TDA last Thursday
night culminated in an in depth chat that we're going
to bring you in two parts today and tomorrow. What
you're about to hear isn't just the biggest story TDA
(01:07):
has ever told. It's a conversation that will echo through
every football club, every locker room, and hopefully every young
person's bedroom across the country. We are really honored that
Mitch chose TDA as the platform to tell his story.
This is our historic chat with Mitch Brown, exclusively on TDA.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
You're right nervous, A smile when I'm nervous. I'm nervous too.
It's a good try to have Mitch.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Thanks so much for joining us on the Daily Odds
Today Worries. So, I was about this time last week
that I got a DM from you on Instagram. Take
me through the hours that led up to sending that
message and what the message said.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
The message it wasn't so much ours. It was a
moment in time for me, and there was seconds but
leading up to that, it's been years of you know, emotions,
feelings trapped in my head, in my soul, in my
heart for so long. And I sent you a DM
(02:20):
on Instagram after I saw a video when you're talking
about the recent homophobic slur and the AFL and the
reactions that came with that, and my text message said, Hey, Sam,
I played in the AFL for ten years for the
West Coast Eagules and I'm a bisexual man and that's
(02:43):
all it said.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
That's a really big thing to say.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, it feels amazing now, you know, when I sent
you know, the moments that led up to that, I
had this feeling of peace, but more importantly comfort and confidence,
confidence in who I am, my identity, and comfort with
(03:09):
sharing that and the people have around me.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
There's been one hundred and twenty five years of vfl
AFL competition. That's tens of thousands of male players. You
are the first past or present player to say I'm
gay or I'm bisexual publicly. Why do you think it's
taken that long?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And you ask me that question, it's quite sad to
hear that, you know, you know, you start reflecting on
why is it taken me so long? Before you go
and question why is it taken the community so long?
And I get like the generations, not just how the
wider community fear feel about the queer community, but just everything.
(03:52):
Things change over the generations. We learn, we grow as
a society. We're more educated than ever, we have more
empathy than ever, and that correlates to the timeline, the
amount of time of why you know, being openly gay
or bisexual as an Australian rules footballer pastor present has
(04:13):
taken so long?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Why do you think it's taken you so long?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Yeah. For me, you know, society and definitely the communities
and the environments that I grew up with. I have
a beautiful family and I've lived very privileged life as
a white male in our society and things have come
to me quite easily. So I just want to acknowledge that,
(04:39):
and you know, and I want to acknowledge it. I'm
not speaking on behalf of the queer community. I'm only
speaking for my own experiences, lived experiences. But as I
was growing up, I was involved and you know, as
a male here in Australia, most of us are in
environments of hyper masculinity. So what I mean by that
is now, I grew up in Ballarat in the country,
(05:03):
played football when I was young, in juniors only with boys.
The young girls didn't have a chance to play football
our coaches. There was always men dads. I went to
primary school in the country and then went to high
school to an all boys Catholic school, and then as
a seventeen year old young man, flew across the country
(05:24):
and stepped into an extra hyper masculine environment and that
is at an AFL footballer.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
So that's when you were drafted. You were drafted to
the West Coast Eagles and you went across the Perth
at seventeen seventeen. Was it around then that you started
questioning or thinking through your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
It's it's a really hard one to answer because these
thoughts have come up, questioning, and you know, part of
my experience has been suppressing that for so long, you know, unconscious,
like it's you don't even think about when you do
suppress it. You know, I grew up as a man
in Australia. I leave home, I'll find a girlfriend and
(06:10):
I'll get married, and that's that's how we do things.
And in the environments that you're in, whether it's a
high school, in the group chats, recess or in the
locker room as a footballer, as an adult, you just
it was never once an opportunity to speak openly or
explore your feelings or my feelings or questions in a
(06:33):
safer way.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Was it just something that was absent or was it discouraged?
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Do you think discouraged? What do you mean by that?
We all know that the locker room chat, the chats
in the spa, and so I'm speaking about AFL football
environment now and the chats. We're all geared around, you know,
who did everyone pick up on the weekend, or you know,
(06:59):
she's pretty hot, or she's this and that, And it
was never once. I wouldn't even it wasn't even in
my mind to share or ask the question, or bring
things up or even talk about the queer community at all.
In fact, you know, it was always something that you'd
(07:20):
keep inside because if you did put out a question
or you did talk about you know, I love David
Bowie the artist music in his music, and even if
I was to talk about David Bowie as a talented artist,
as someone to aspire me to be truly yourself and
(07:40):
happy with whoever you are, the conversation would always steer
back about his sexuality.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
And I think the thing that's really interesting to me
is that I think I'm right in describing these guys
also as some of your best mates and housemates at
the time and lifelong friends. Explain the disconnects then, though,
that you did have intimate relationships with this group of players,
but couldn't or didn't talk about this key part of you.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
You learn very quickly just to say nothing. And you know,
I was always very very good at putting things deep
inside of me. Not just about my sexuality but about everything.
I could bury them so deep, and most people in
my position can do that better than anyone. And you
(08:34):
move on. And especially in a high performance environment like
the AFL, it's so clear your task and that is
to train hard, get better, win games, win a premiership.
So it's really easy to not bring your personal life
into things, to stay quiet, to not share too much
(08:56):
of yourself, because you know you can eat easily, still
be an amazing team member and not reveal yourself your
true identity, and still be successful. You know, there was
one time I did share my questions about my sexuality
with a teammate or with you know, a person in
(09:18):
my footballing community in Western Australia, and it was it's
just a sort of casual question around how do you
know if you're gay? How do you know if you're bisexual?
And I remember it happened a long ago, a long
(09:38):
time ago, in two thousand and seven, but it was
laugh laughed at. It was almost like, that's a funny question.
You've been funny Mitch, And then the conversation just rolled on,
but it was made as a joke and I remember
how that made me feel and I swore never to
(09:58):
bring that up over again.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Well, you were nineteen in two thousand and seven. That's
a really important age to be asking that question, and
I'm sure a really important age to be hearing a
reaction like that to it.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah. I mean, I've had so much time to think
about this, to sit with my emotions and feelings over
the years, and you know, sorry, what was that question again?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Why don't we talk about on the field. I think
you've painted a really good picture of the locker room.
Talk to me about combat on the field and the
role of homophobic comments in your playing career as almost
a weapon to be used against your opposition.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
I think on the field, you're trying to beat your opponent, right,
trying to win, and the best way to do that
is to show you show your strength. One of the
ways you do that is to belittle your opponent, bring
them down. And you do it physically, Yeah, and then
(11:21):
you can do it verbally as well. You know, you
can say all sorts of things. And you hear that
on the field every single week, every single game. You
hear that in your workplace, on the building site at schools.
You know, I think this year, you know, it's very known.
It's become an AFL problem, but it's an Australian man's problem.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Do you remember any times where you had homophobic comments
directed at you?
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Countless? And it wasn't because you know people, you know,
I'm straight presenting man, and you know it was used
because a gay man, a bisexual man, someone in the
queer community was seen as someone so small and low
and weak. You know, for a man in Australia, you know,
(12:15):
that's probably the weakest thing you could be. You know,
certainly when I was growing up at school, the word
gay was thrown around constantly. And we're at all boys school,
so you know, to belittle someone or to hurt someone,
you would say, oh, you're gay, and it just became
(12:39):
part of the normal conversation.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
What was it like hearing those homophobic comments directed at
you and internalizing that homophobia while you were navigating your
own identity in your twenties.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That's exactly right, Sam, Like you know I went. Most
young people finish school and go to university, go traveling
or a gap year and have the time and space
to find your people, your community, your queer community, or
explore and you only speak because this is my experience
(13:18):
for footballers, I went into this hyper masculine environment not
being able to have the chance to explore my sexuality.
When you hear these comments and if to someone else
or in general conversation or directed at you, you've suppressed
these feelings so much because that culture is so strong
around being a strong male in their eyes, that you forget,
(13:44):
You forget who you are and your identity. This notion
around a queer player being in the AFL AFL men's
has come up time and time again. You know, I
really want this to be a anti climax or an event.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
The reality is that you retired many years ago and
we're still in relatively the same position with the frequency
of homophobic talking points in the AFL. Has anything changed
since you played?
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Do you think? Well? I can't speak for the locker
rooms down, but you know the fact that we're hearing
more publicly about a homophobic slur is a good thing
because it is being called out. I remember when this issue,
say issue, when this was talked brought up At one
(14:39):
time when I was playing around, no gay men in
the AFL were sitting in the massage room and there
was just the general conversation around the issues in the AFL,
and this came up, and I remember two people having
a conversation around how they would feel having a shower
(15:04):
next to a gay man. One of the players referred it,
I'd rather be in a cage full of lines than
have a shower next to a gay man. And There's
been so many times in my life that I've seen
things or heard things and not said anything. And I
(15:24):
didn't say anything in fear of people thinking that I
was gay or bisexual. I remember that feeling so like,
it's so strong, and I didn't do anything about that.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, that's a lot of fear to hold. Talk to
me about them where you began to deconstruct that fear.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah, well, just speaking about that locker room from that day,
Like I part of the conversations that we used to
have in the locker room in the spas and the
swimming pools and is like, oh, you know who is
gay in this footy club? Oh, we think it's that
it's definitely that person. They haven't had a girlfriend for
(16:14):
a while or ever. So you know, even that those conversations,
that culture, that behavior, you know, sitting there hearing that again,
you're bury it even further. You know, I got to
the the end of my career and I was asked
to play on for a couple more years, and I
(16:37):
was over it. I was done.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
How much of a role did this conversation we're having
today and the topics in it, How much of a
role did that have in you making that call to
end your career?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Huge, right, and not so much about you know, my
sexuality is only one part of me. There's a lot
of part of parts of Mitch. And one of the
biggest reasons I wanted to finish up playing AFL was
to meet new people. I craved talking to someone and
(17:08):
not being judged. I craved the ability to choose who
I wanted to be around rather than to fit in
to a team. And you know, ultimately, in all aspects
of my life, not just my sexuality. That's why I
was decided to finish. And when I finished, I never
(17:32):
looked back on my career and football, and I played
for ten years, so there's enough there to, you know,
have some sort of wisdom. And I look back and
I don't. I'm not disgruntled. I didn't hate my experience
as a footballer. I loved it. But I'm so ready
to finish and move on, and it took me a
(17:54):
while to start to deconstruct this strong identity that was
stowed upon me by the environments that I was in,
that I truly believed in, like I bought into that.
The fear was so strong.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And the fear of being caught out, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
So strong that you don't dare scared of being outed
or someone to call you gay. And then because I
wasn't ready, I wasn't confident in my identity and who
I was, my natural reaction would be to suppress that,
to you know, project my masculinity even more. And I
(18:43):
wasn't ready for that. I didn't understand. I didn't have
the confidence in my identity as a bisexual man.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Thanks for joining us for the first half of our
conversation with Mitch Brown. If you need support or someone
to talk to at any time, you can contact Lifeline
on thirteen eleven fourteen or q life on one eight
hundred one eight four five two seven. We'll bring you
the second half of that chat tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
My name is Lily Maddon and I'm a proud Arunda
Bungelung Calkatin woman from Gadighl Country. The Daily oz acknowledges
that this podcast is recorded on the lands of the
Gadighl people and pays respect to all Aboriginal and torrest
Rate island and nations. We pay our respects to the
first peoples of these countries, both past and present.