August 19, 2025 • 40 mins
This week on The Days Grimm, join hosts Brian and Tom as they take a break from their usual schedule to bring you a special recap of their annual 2025 summer float trip. The duo recounts their adventurous weekend on the Current River in Donovan, Missouri, filled with hilarious mishaps and unforgettable moments.
The episode kicks off with a story about a stop at a quirky, "redneck Buc-ee's"-style store called Boomland, where a search for the perfect garden gnome ensued. The main event, however, was the "Night of the Raccoons," a wild tale of a campsite invasion by a tactical team of trash pandas. Listen as the hosts describe their face-to-face encounter with a mother raccoon and her army of beady-eyed babies, leading to a late-night Google session on whether raccoons can open zippers and smell sealed Pop-Tarts.
The adventure continues on the water with a harrowing tale of their tube flotilla getting dangerously tangled in a tree, resulting in a popped tube and a moment of pure helplessness against the river's current. Amidst the chaos, Tom showcases his legendary campfire cooking skills, whipping up everything from steak and rice to giant homemade meatballs.
Tune in to hear all the details, from funny anecdotes about their fellow campers to brainstorming future float trip ideas like creating a "Current River Pirates" flag and training a raccoon army. It's a classic episode of bullshitting and reminiscing that gives listeners a behind-the-scenes look at the hosts' yearly tradition.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 04 (00:00):
out.
Speaker 00 (00:31):
Oh
Speaker 02 (00:41):
Hello, hello, hello everyone and welcome to another
thrilling episode of The Day'sGrimm.
My name is Brian Michael Day.
Speaker 01 (00:46):
My name is Thomas Grimm.
Speaker 02 (00:47):
My voice sounds like shit.
I'm really sorry in advance,everybody.
I think most people don'ttolerate my voice well normally
and now it's like even morecringy, so it'll be fine.
Too much river water for you?
Yeah, I drank a lot of riverwater.
That's what happens when, thisis what your voice sounds like
when you drink river water fromFlint, Michigan.
Speaker 01 (01:06):
The Indian guy that owns the dollar store across the
street from my work, he'll belike, I drank too much muddy
Yeah,
Speaker 02 (01:15):
dude.
Speaker 01 (01:27):
every now and then we take a weekend off but like
every year you can expect thatwe take a weekend float trip
yeah it's a religious thing andwe normally don't record an
episode
Speaker 02 (01:37):
no usually I think last year was like me in a chair
in the center of the room andit looked like a hostage
negotiation
Speaker 01 (01:46):
video I think so and you were just like yo we
floated
Speaker 02 (01:49):
also fun fact when you record shout out to all the
people that record podcasts thatare just them talking by
themselves because That is anawkward feeling when you flip a
camera on.
You know what I mean?
It's just you in a room withyour thoughts.
I
Speaker 01 (02:04):
know.
I couldn't do the podcastwithout you.
Speaker 02 (02:07):
Boy.
I could, but it would beuncomfortable for a long time,
dude.
So anyways, yeah, we're takingthe week off.
So sorry about that in advance.
Speaker 01 (02:18):
Yeah, but...
We're kind of not taking a weekoff.
Yeah, we grind.
The grind is constant.
In like a weird way.
We had some funny little bitswe might be able to talk about
in this little episode.
Absolutely.
But I guess we were just kindof reminiscing on the old days,
just you and I bullshitting,figured give them something.
Speaker 02 (02:37):
Yeah, and also I wanted to show off this
extremely bulbous greenery thatwe have here in front of me.
It's just super lush, lookingreally healthy.
But yeah, so this year we didthe Casey's on the Current float
again.
Uh, beautiful spot.
If you've never been inDonovan, Missouri.
Speaker 01 (02:54):
Yeah.
So we, we drove out separategroups.
Three,
Speaker 02 (02:58):
three chalks.
No, four chalks.
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (03:00):
And then, uh, my group left early, but we stopped
at like boom land.
You ever heard of boom land?
Hold
Speaker 03 (03:10):
on.
Speaker 02 (03:11):
Hold on.
I think, I
Speaker 01 (03:11):
don't know if he's in, yeah,
Speaker 02 (03:13):
he's in shot.
Yeah.
He's in shot.
Yeah.
But anyway,
Speaker 01 (03:15):
he's
Speaker 02 (03:15):
on with
Speaker 01 (03:15):
boom land.
Well, so like the, the driver,uh, We went with, they were
like, we're going, but we'restopping at Boomland.
And I'm like, like thefireworks store?
And they were like, yeah, butit's like...
Speaker 02 (03:25):
But also...
Speaker 01 (03:26):
It's like, how they describe it.
They said it was like...
Speaker 02 (03:31):
You mentioned...
Speaker 01 (03:31):
Buckies.
They said it was like a redneckbuckies.
Speaker 02 (03:34):
Yeah, like a knockoff buckies.
Speaker 01 (03:36):
Yeah.
Okay.
So they had like a whole foodcourt area on the side.
Then they had like a snackarea.
Yeah.
Like your typical gas stationgoods, but not like...
There was no bread over there.
There was no...
It was just drinks and oddsnacks and candy.
Then you had, like, housedecor, which was just, like,
(03:58):
everything.
I think, like, oh, I didn'tsend it to you.
I sent it to Tim.
There was, like, a 9-11holographic, like, framed
picture.
Oh,
Speaker 02 (04:05):
you sent me.
Yeah, you sent
Speaker 01 (04:06):
that to me.
And then, like, there was,like, a little African-American
doll guy, like, peeing into atoilet.
I'm going to plug all these inthe episode, as I'm saying.
Yeah, so
Speaker 02 (04:15):
you're seeing this on screen, hopefully, as we
speak.
Speaker 01 (04:17):
But then you were like, yo, I need to know...
Speaker 02 (04:20):
We need a
Speaker 01 (04:26):
gnome.
Speaker 02 (04:45):
Welcome, Gregory.
Speaker 01 (04:46):
Oh, his mic wasn't on.
Speaker 02 (04:49):
Shout out to the Pablo episode.
Speaker 01 (04:51):
But it was funny because like I FaceTimed you and
I was like, yo, there's likesix gnomes here, dog.
One's laying on his back withhis mouth open like he's about
to take a load.
Like we could get this one andput like a fucking dildo in his
mouth or something and like havethat in
Speaker 02 (05:07):
the studio.
Dude, is there a market forgnome accessories?
Because I feel like if there'snot, there's, look up lawn gnome
accessories.
It's G-N-N-O-M-E, yep.
Accessories.
Can I accessorize my lawngnome?
Is that possible?
Like put some tattoos on them,maybe a headset and a
(05:29):
microphone?
I don't know.
Because I feel like if there'snot, if people aren't doing
this, then I feel like, okay,there's a little sand table.
That's pretty neat.
Okay.
I feel like you should be ableto accessorize your lawn gnome.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 01 (05:44):
Yeah, I think people just buy gnomes specified to
like what they want.
Like if they wanted a stoneryard gnome versus like a bee.
It's got a joint in its handalready.
Yeah.
They had some of those there.
Speaker 02 (05:54):
Damn, we should have got the stoner one.
Speaker 01 (05:57):
But anyway, I like the one we picked.
Yeah, dude.
I tried to FaceTime you whenyou were driving, and of course,
it just goes through regularphone call mode, and you can't
see shit.
Speaker 02 (06:06):
Yeah, and you were very upset about that.
So then it took us nine to 12minutes to figure out how to
FaceTime one another.
And we did get it figured out,and you sent me two gnomes.
One was the one with his mouthopen, ready for a penis.
Speaker 01 (06:20):
Yep, insert photo.
Speaker 02 (06:21):
Yeah, and then the other one was our dearest
Gregory over here.
Um, also insert photo here fora closeup of Gregory.
Um, he's a cute fellow though.
So really glad that you madethe stop at boom land.
Speaker 01 (06:35):
Uh,
Speaker 02 (06:38):
did you notice that there was like an odd amount of
like, uh, Amish goods there?
Not really.
No?
No.
I find that when I go to thosebigger spots, like as you're
traveling in the Midwest or evenfurther south.
Speaker 01 (06:52):
It kind of gets more Vindermal-y as you go.
It
Speaker 02 (06:54):
gets more Amish-y the further you go along and the
bigger that the joint
Speaker 01 (06:58):
gets.
The Amish are really living,though.
Speaker 02 (07:00):
Well, they're killing it on sales and gas
stations.
And diabetes.
Unknown (07:05):
Pfft.
Speaker 02 (07:05):
Yeah, dude, chocolate covered everything.
Speaker 01 (07:07):
Well, I was just talking about they're like not
fat compared to the rest of theworld.
Speaker 02 (07:12):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true because theyfucking just carry barns.
Speaker 01 (07:16):
So we get there.
Yep, we did.
And we're all set up.
Day
Speaker 02 (07:21):
one was a real rush for some of us.
Speaker 01 (07:24):
Yeah, we get there and like every year it's like a
rush to get your tent up.
Yep, yep.
And then the girls all go getmargaritas, yearly tradition,
and they come out fucked up.
They come back.
Speaker 02 (07:37):
They came back to us already fucked up.
Speaker 01 (07:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (07:41):
Which is
Speaker 01 (07:42):
legal.
I guess I cook dinner on thefire.
Speaker 02 (07:44):
Yeah, and you are notorious for that.
For folks that don't havesomebody like Tom, find you a
Tom.
Cause, uh, normally yearsbefore when I would go on these
floats, I've been doing it forabout 13 years now.
I've just brought Tom on thelast two or three, three,
actually, I think now threeconsecutively.
And, uh, we would just surviveon like pop tarts and beef
jerky.
And like, that's just how Iroll.
(08:06):
Um, but Tom over here is allabout the spread, right?
And he'll bust out his littlecast iron skillet.
He'll fucking whip up someeggs, some sausage.
He'll fucking kill a rabbit inthe woods, skin it, fucking
throw that on the fire.
But yeah, he's all about thespread, like gourmet on the
(08:26):
fire.
And that's my favorite qualityabout camping with you.
Speaker 01 (08:29):
Yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 02 (08:30):
Yeah,
Speaker 01 (08:30):
dude.
So we did that.
We had a good time the firstnight up late, just like
grinding.
Unknown (08:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (08:35):
Yeah, and then that, this brings me to my next
point.
Go to the Google search,because we need to talk about
this.
Speaker 01 (08:42):
Okay, so.
Let's get into it.
So we're laying there at night.
I think you guys had alreadygone to bed at first.
Speaker 02 (08:49):
One, two in the morning, yeah.
One,
Speaker 01 (08:51):
two in the morning.
And Lexi and I go to the tent.
Yep.
And we're laying there.
And then all of a sudden, she'slike, did you hear that?
I'm like, no, I don't hearanything.
And then I start hearing theside of the tent rustle.
I'm like, what the fuck?
So I sit upright.
And then next thing I know,there's like claws, like nails I
can see through the side of mytent trying to reach this bread
(09:11):
that's right there.
Speaker 02 (09:12):
Oh, God.
Speaker 01 (09:13):
And I'm like, oh, there's a raccoon.
So I hit the tent and I'm like,yeah, get out of here or
whatever.
And I called Tim because he'sat the fire.
And I'm like, yo, there's somecoons out here.
Speaker 02 (09:21):
We're being invaded.
Speaker 01 (09:23):
And then it all went downhill from there.
I think you got woken up atthat point.
Speaker 02 (09:28):
I woke up to a skinwalker in my tent by a
skinwalker.
I mean, it was mysister-in-law, and I was dazed
and confused, very didn't knowwhat was happening in a haze.
I was, like, trying to wake up,couldn't see shit.
It was dark as hell.
Speaker 01 (09:40):
And what's crazy is, like, I cooked that one meal,
like, chicken and rice and steakand everything.
Yeah.
But then, like, there wasn'tany leftover.
Like, there was nothing.
Yeah,
Speaker 02 (09:49):
there was nothing, like, sitting out.
Right.
They were just there for,like...
frequent flyer miles.
That's just like their wateringhole.
Their spot.
Yeah.
I guess we impeded on theirpersonal space is what it really
seemed like.
Let me get one of thosepuppies, dude.
Speaker 01 (10:06):
But yeah, I remember just listening to y'all.
That's what I fell asleep towas Night One of the Raccoons.
Speaker 02 (10:11):
Well, Night One of the Raccoons was the apex of the
raccoons because I'll tell you,as you were dozing off, it was
about, again, 1 o'clock, 2o'clock in the morning that I
was woken up to a skinwalker inmy tent.
And I figured out, I finallyequilibrated, figure out what
was going on.
And the girls were trying totake a piss.
They were trying to go to thetrucks to go pee.
Right.
So, but as I'm like, okay, I'mfiguring out what's going on.
(10:33):
And then Kelsey's like the onestanding in front of me in the
middle of the night, dark.
And I couldn't see shit.
She was like, Hey, I got totake a piss, but there's,
there's raccoons out here.
And I was like, justregistering everything, all this
information.
I was like, all right, I'llkill a raccoon.
You know what I mean?
I was like up on my feet, readyto go.
I was like, Kelsey, get thefuck
Speaker 01 (10:49):
out of the way.
Knife out.
Ready to murder.
Paint already on.
Speaker 02 (10:53):
so I get the fuck out of my tent and I'm like
fucking there's literally a coonlike five feet away from me and
it just scurries off and I waslike what the fuck is and it was
a big bitch too right it wasclearly the mother I think
anyway so like Jake finally getsout of his tent now we're
corralling mama coon and we getlike we get her under a
Speaker 01 (11:10):
table we have two infantry men yeah two retards
out there like four women tryingto wrangle a fucking mom
Speaker 02 (11:17):
coon and we get her under the picnic table dude and
where I am facing towards thetents right we were set up in
like a u-shape and then we'refacing the tents with this
fucking with this coon underthis table mama coon and jake's
shining hitting her with thelight and she's got a bag of kit
kats and i'm trying to likefigure out how i can get a hold
of her and then like i panickedand i was like also jake i
(11:41):
looked over at him i was likejake Check my six.
And he takes the light, shinesit back into the behind, out
facing out of the you, into thewood line.
And I turn around and look, 10beady eyes, dude, just all in
the woods.
I was like,
Speaker 01 (11:53):
Jake.
Five more cans.
Speaker 02 (11:54):
I was like, Jake, we're fucking surrounded.
Speaker 01 (11:56):
Dude, it was bad.
Speaker 02 (11:58):
They were like tactically positioning
themselves on
Speaker 01 (12:00):
us.
Dude, what was also even crazyis we were just sitting there
around the fire and like thosesix helicopters flew over.
Military formation out ofnowhere.
That was a bad time to do ittoo.
Right.
Right, dog.
I'm already lit.
I'm already lit.
out there in the universe.
What did
Speaker 02 (12:14):
you say to me?
You were like, I wasn't worriedabout the helicopters.
I was worried about theimplication of the helicopters.
Speaker 01 (12:21):
Right.
I immediately got on X.com andwas like, yo, did we get
attacked?
I'm not hearing the sticks,dog.
Speaker 02 (12:27):
No, dude.
And I was just enjoying itbecause I love a good Blackhawk
floating overhead.
You know what I'm saying?
Right.
Big Blackhawk fan.
But anyways.
Yeah, so anyways, now on to thetopic at hand.
So what I wanted to spend alittle bit of time on was
raccoons.
Now, they can be domesticated,which I think Mama Coon was
pretty damn close.
They can.
Speaker 01 (12:49):
Yeah, to a degree, but then everything I've seen
and all the people I know thathave rescued baby coons and
nursed them back to life.
After two or three
Speaker 02 (12:56):
years, they
Speaker 01 (12:57):
get weird.
Yeah, they revert back to theirprimal ways and they'll dig
through your cabinets and yourdrywall.
Which we've talked about on thepodcast.
They have opposable thumbs.
Speaker 02 (13:07):
Yeah, and it's like their way of aging.
It's just like when humans age,they start to regress to their
childhood or whatever.
Anyways, my thought, Jake and Ihad...
We were both on board.
We were like, dude, what if westarted our own raccoon army?
Like, if we could just teachthem how to use sticks and
firearms.
Speaker 01 (13:27):
I mean, maybe.
They basically eat anything.
You know, nickname the trashpanda.
Yeah, they are opportunisticeaters.
They seem to wash their foodbefore eating it, which would
make sense.
They kind of came up from thatlittle creek bed where water
flows on the backside.
Cleanliness
Speaker 02 (13:45):
is next to
Speaker 01 (13:46):
godliness.
You know what?
I pissed kind of around mycorner of the campsite, marking
my territory.
And that raccoon still cameright up in that shit.
And I've been watching...
I'm a big fan of Naked andAfraid, Alone, those type of
shows.
Do they say to
Speaker 02 (14:00):
do that?
Piss around
Speaker 01 (14:01):
your...
No, but I've been watching...
The new one just came out,Naked and Afraid Apocalypse.
where they drop off these fourgroups of people.
There's three people, and eachgroup's 12 people.
They drop them off in SouthAfrica in some worn, torn
village that nobody's in.
I've seen the promo for this.
There's a big
Speaker 02 (14:18):
cat on the promo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a panther, yeah.
Speaker 01 (14:21):
But basically, they were taking...
And putting it around so likeit would wake them up, but also
form a perimeter.
And like when that raccoon cameup, I was like, yo, do I need
to get out there and build likea fucking thorny little
perimeter around my tent?
Speaker 02 (14:36):
See, now my goal was before Mama Coon took off with
the Kit Kat bag, which
Speaker 01 (14:41):
she said she like backed away.
Speaker 02 (14:43):
Yeah, she had it in both hands and was like walking
backwards like a little circusbear.
And I was like, wow, this isfucking
Speaker 01 (14:49):
crazy.
What if we can't bring afishing net and catch a raccoon
next year?
Speaker 02 (14:52):
And then mount it.
That's important.
So, Secondly, well, my thoughtwas, damn, I had a thought.
But no, it was crazy that shegot that close to us.
And then she eventually ate.
I had like a bag of chips.
Speaker 01 (15:07):
And they took the top off the storage tote and got
like two bags of hot dog buns.
Speaker 02 (15:12):
God, those fucking cunts.
Right.
Oh, I know what my point wasgoing to be.
My fear was that or my goal wasthat I was going to get my
hands on Mama Coon.
Or whatever, A-P-C-P-C-A.
But I was going to fuckingleave her on the fucking...
As like a warning to the fel...
You know
Speaker 01 (15:31):
what I mean?
Like the medieval ages.
Speaker 02 (15:32):
Yeah, dude.
Like, watch out.
This place is not welcoming
Speaker 01 (15:34):
for raccoons.
Well, I thought about like...
You know, I'm big on prankswhen we go camping.
Did you do a little prayer?
No.
I was just thinking of like...
I should have prayed.
No, I said pranks.
Speaker 02 (15:46):
Oh, I thought you said prayer.
No, pranks.
Okay,
Speaker 01 (15:48):
yeah, yeah.
So the next day, I cookedbreakfast, and I dumped
breakfast out on the far cornerwhere nobody was camping.
Unknown (15:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (15:57):
And then like, I was thinking, I was like, damn, I
should like low key have putfood like behind Tim and
Mathis's tent and had them like,like right in the wood line
right there.
But they would have like cameup right by the, that would have
been funny.
Maybe next
Speaker 02 (16:10):
year.
Speaker 01 (16:11):
But like I did then eventually start strategically
dumping my food.
Like, towards the othercampsite.
Speaker 02 (16:17):
Now, I will say, fun fact, that we were Googling in
my tent once the whole fiascohad kind of died down and Mama
Kun took off with her Kit Kats.
We were kind of like at peaceand we had like drawn the line
in the sand and she kind ofdisappeared.
She was like rustling aroundthe edge of the perimeter of our
campsite for a while, and thenwhat would happen would be I
would be falling asleep, andthen Kristen would wake me up.
(16:38):
She'd be like, did you hearthat?
And I would listen, and itwould be them rustling around
like fucking or fighting.
So then she was like, I wonderif they can smell the sealed
Pop-Tarts.
And then she had Kelsey, hertwin, was in our tent.
She said, Kelsey, Google itright now.
Google, can they smell theclosed up sealed Pop-Tarts?
And she did.
And it unfortunately is truethat raccoons can smell a
(17:01):
Pop-Tart through a sealed bagand a sealed box.
Speaker 01 (17:03):
So really, you're pro-raccoon for police animals.
Speaker 02 (17:07):
100%.
Use
Speaker 01 (17:08):
the trash pandas that look like burglars to bust
the burglars.
Speaker 02 (17:13):
But it was just funny that we Googled all these
facts.
We Googled, can raccoonsoperate a zipper?
And we found out that theycould.
And it was just like we keptgetting more and more
unfortunate news as we keptGoogling, can raccoons do And
from my limited research in themiddle of the woods about
raccoons on Google is thatthey're essentially human beings
(17:34):
just on a smaller scale.
Speaker 01 (17:36):
Basically, their forepaws are particularly
dexterous and actually look andwork like slender human hands.
Speaker 02 (17:43):
Yeah, they're fucking terrifying.
And that's weird that they saythey stick to themselves because
they were traveling in a packand they were also not afraid to
come up to us.
At least the mama wasn't.
The babies were fucking hangingback.
Speaker 01 (17:58):
Apparently, they have lots of babies.
They breed once per year, but afemale can give birth to three
to four on
Speaker 02 (18:03):
average.
Raccoons, marsupials, I forget.
Do they have the pouch thatthey carry their young in?
I don't know.
I don't think they do.
I think they ride their mama'sback is how it goes.
I love that this istreehugger.com, by the way, that
we're getting these facts from.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, got to cite your sources.
Speaker 01 (18:22):
They carry a lot of diseases, of course.
Yeah, they're
Speaker 02 (18:25):
absolutely disgusting.
And that's why if one did, ifit was going to charge me, I was
100% ready to kill it.
And that was my goal.
And Mama Coon was just verydocile.
She just wanted to eat and hangout and then say, what's up,
dab you up, and then roll out.
Speaker 01 (18:42):
And she basically did that.
They're mammals.
Speaker 02 (18:45):
They're mammals?
Okay.
Now that I think of it, I thinkI remember seeing some pictures
of baby raccoons.
Speaker 01 (18:52):
Raccoons can live up to 16 years in the wild, but
most die before reaching fiveyears.
Speaker 02 (18:57):
Yeah, distemper.
They'll get distemper, they'llget rabid, and then they get
real cagey too.
I've trapped a lot of coons inmy day living out on the county
line and they are fuckingferocious animals when they are
distemper or when they arerabid.
Have you ever trapped a coonbefore?
They're fucking
Speaker 01 (19:16):
terrifying.
Possums.
I think we've trapped.
I can't remember.
Possums are
Speaker 02 (19:20):
chill in the trap, dude.
Possums will just lay there andthen they'll like, look up at
you.
Coons will literally, they'rewilling to lose their life and
limb to get out of that cage.
They're fucking terrifying.
Um, we've had to shoot themfrom afar or like take main
cages, crack the cage, drop themsomewhere else.
But like, Yeah, there's no wayI'm comfortable with opening a
(19:40):
cage, a trapped raccoon.
Yeah, they're fucking wild.
So that was night number one.
And
Speaker 01 (19:47):
then we wake up and it throws me off every year when
we wake up and we're likepacking to go.
And then like the statetroopers roll through the
campgrounds every year.
And I'm just like,
Speaker 02 (19:56):
yeah, I'm guilty.
Whatever.
Why are they here?
Why are they here?
If they rolled up onto oursite, I would be like, he has
all the...
Speaker 01 (20:07):
It's just weird.
But then it's cool that we getpicked up, but every year we get
a bunch of random people on thebus.
Speaker 02 (20:15):
Yeah, and then the bus driver, this go-around that
took us upriver, low-key, kindof a bummer.
Kind of a real not smoke show.
Just kind of real bland.
Like somebody heard him.
You know what I mean?
Like he seemed
Speaker 01 (20:27):
like a sad boy.
There were several times whereI'm like, yeah, this bus is not
making it up this hill.
And then he'd come flying downit and hit all the corners.
I'm like, what the
Speaker 02 (20:35):
fuck?
Yeah, he did not fuck around.
He probably flew helicopters inVietnam.
That was at the rate at whichwe were driving this bus.
Yeah, it checks out.
so he was probably a Huey pilotin his day but yeah he was real
calm and didn't make a lot ofjokes which I don't care for
because the bus ride is alwaysgnarly it is just you're
traveling through
Speaker 01 (20:53):
the hills of Missouri it's like one of my
most anxious parts of the trip
Speaker 02 (20:56):
yeah and especially were you there the year that our
bus caught fire no that was theyear before yeah dude having
been through that now I havePTSD from that you know what I
mean right
Speaker 01 (21:07):
so we get
Speaker 02 (21:07):
well
Speaker 01 (21:07):
Casey's on the current so they like they pick
us up on the bus can you pull uptheir website actually just go
to their website they pick us upon the bus they try to drive us
up river yeah they drive us upriver and then 10 miles they
have all our tubes ready for usby the water yeah we load up We
tie off, which you're notsupposed to
Speaker 02 (21:26):
do.
It's illegal.
Yeah, man.
And this year we didn't tieeverybody off, which was nice.
Everybody just seemed to.
But the cool thing about it.
And if you've never we've neverreally done an episode about
the float before.
So it's kind of fun that we'redoing this.
But like if you've never done alazy river, I know they have
one in blue in Kentucky, likeblue rivers close and you can do
a lazy float there.
(21:47):
Yeah.
Um, but Casey on the current isthe one I've gone to 13 years
in a row and it's just so muchfun.
There's like five differentcompanies you can float with.
They give you like a coolertube like that is designed
specifically
Speaker 01 (21:58):
for a cooler.
There's gotta be a way in myhead that like when we tie off
in the future, like there'sgotta be a way to where it's
just like a cooler in the middleand then a couple on each side.
Speaker 02 (22:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (22:11):
Yeah.
and maybe tied with like onecorner and towards it so like
they could put their feet on thecooler thing and then you can
just hold on to the other peopleand just be grouped or like
occasionally tie off that way ifsomething does happen like you
can just break off and be withyour significant other and kind
of
Speaker 02 (22:25):
yeah the key is quick release and i wanted this
year to do d-rings and i i'm i'mregretting well
Speaker 01 (22:32):
but like the bungee cords that we've been using is
better than rope like waspreviously yeah
Speaker 02 (22:38):
because you can pull the bungee get slack and unhook
hook
Speaker 01 (22:41):
well and they're quick like if you tie a knot on
your float and then you just usethose to attach and then you
need to quick detach to whateveryou can pop it off
Speaker 02 (22:50):
but essentially what we're getting at here is like
you have like a group we had agroup of 12 11 we
Speaker 01 (22:54):
should have taken a photo with that float
Speaker 02 (22:57):
um with the float
Speaker 01 (22:59):
yeah so like we go we make a few stops along the
way we're all pretty buzzed yeahand we're like halfway yeah and
we're floating and the uhthere's like what a group of
like four girls in front of usthat are not attached to the
group yes and then there's jakeand i going backwards so we
can't see anything that's coming
Speaker 02 (23:18):
yeah
Speaker 01 (23:19):
and we just got next to you and jake and i are going
backwards and we hear there's atree behind us yeah and jake
just lets go
Speaker 02 (23:26):
he said let god
Speaker 01 (23:28):
and i was holding on to jake's float trying to stay
on to the groove of the grind.
And Jake just lets go of thegroup.
Speaker 02 (23:34):
He said, God, God's got me.
Speaker 01 (23:36):
Right.
So then I'm like, ha ha ha, youknow, whatever.
And then I, we turn around andkick off the little tree and I'm
like, Oh, fuck.
Jake and I both see what'scoming.
And it's literally the grouptubes with the coolers in the
middle, the girls on the left,and Brian and the guys on the
right.
(23:56):
Yeah, we're about to get hitdead center.
And dead center of that tree,it just hits and it just starts
wrapping around and bungeeingaround.
And Jake and I at this point...
get down in our tube and we'relike gonna kick like we're gonna
swim towards the group and thecurrent's just way too strong I
never felt more hopeless in mylife like there was nothing I
could do about that situation
Speaker 02 (24:16):
there is something to be said about and you could
look up like fluid dynamics oflike fucking heavy flowing
rivers or whatever I don't knowwhat you'd have to search but
like when you get snagged up ona tree you don't feel the
current when you're just out inopen water cruising
Speaker 01 (24:31):
that was where the current was the most the entire
trip was like this one
Speaker 02 (24:35):
right there but But when you have that tree sticking
out, when you have a stationaryobject and you're hung on it
and that water's yanking, thenyou really feel that current.
Right.
And it was fierce, dude.
Speaker 01 (24:45):
It was fight or flight for you guys.
Speaker 02 (24:47):
Well, I lost.
Okay.
So fast forward just a coupleof moments.
So I was penetrated.
I did get penetrated.
Uh, this tree penetrated mytube.
Speaker 01 (24:56):
Yeah.
Your tree popped.
Speaker 02 (24:57):
Yeah.
Good size
Speaker 01 (24:58):
hole.
The little intro on this video.
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (25:01):
Yeah.
So
Speaker 01 (25:04):
which is what we should have taken a photo with
when we got regrouped on theIsland.
We should have taken a rest inpeace to like a trophy photo.
You know what I'm saying?
Should have, should have.
So then from there we kind ofreloaded.
You wrote actually on thecooler the rest of the way, not
saddle style, another quarter ofthe way till we could regroup
as a whole party.
Speaker 02 (25:21):
Yeah.
Saddle style.
I was out there like a goddamnNavy SEAL.
fucking Navy SEAL fuckingcowboy.
Speaker 01 (25:28):
And we had to reorganize and we had to put
somebody that was way too drunkin a tube.
Speaker 02 (25:32):
She threw up on herself.
Yes, she
Speaker 01 (25:34):
did.
In a cooler tube.
Yep.
And we just floated back.
the rest of the way after that.
I thought when you're out onthe water every now and then you
see the state police patrollingthe water too, which is kind of
weird.
There's boats out there whichthey should probably patrol to
bust the boats.
It is weird when you're justfloating.
I've been like, damn, you neveralso felt more hopeless out
(25:56):
there.
Nowhere to run.
You can't even dump anythingbecause it floats.
You just got to
Speaker 02 (26:03):
hurry up and eat it.
Right.
Speaker 01 (26:05):
But, like, seeing them out there or whatever is
just, like, a weird, like,experience or two.
But I thought they were goingto stop because, like, I feel
like every person needs aflotation device.
Like, if you're in a kayak outthere...
I was just
Speaker 02 (26:16):
out there riding on a cooler.
Speaker 01 (26:17):
Right.
Speaker 02 (26:18):
I'm surprised they didn't,
Speaker 01 (26:19):
like...
And, like, the guy stopped and,like, one of them pulled up
his, like...
Opened his computer as he droveby, and I was like, yep.
Is it?
Yep.
And then nothing happened, butwe loaded up from there and went
back.
Speaker 02 (26:31):
We talked about it on the river.
I was like, low-key, I kind ofwish that state troop would have
been like, hey, are you allright?
And then you were like, no, I'mfucking glad he didn't.
But all I could think about waslike, how the fuck am I going
to finish this float on afucking...
Tube, and then that was when,like you said, we linked up, and
then we reconsolidated someshit.
We got the CASVAC together.
We found out we had lost asoldier, i.e.
(26:53):
her name.
We'll maybe edit that out.
But yeah, so we loaded her upin the CASVAC on the cooler
float, and then I wound up witha tube again.
But God, that was a fuckingmess, dude.
But then we end the float.
We hit our bank.
and took a quick little busride back to our campsite.
Speaker 01 (27:12):
Which I convinced the guy to drop us off so we
could poop.
Speaker 02 (27:15):
Yeah, it was nice.
It was real, real nice.
That guy that dropped us off,way better than the first
Speaker 01 (27:20):
guy.
That was the same guy from lastyear, too, that drove us back.
Speaker 02 (27:23):
Yeah, I think one of the girls tried to bribe him
with her breasts, I think, andhe said, I have those at home or
something,
Speaker 01 (27:30):
remember?
Something like that, yeah.
I got dropped off at thebathroom.
And then for dinner, I didhomemade meatballs on the fire.
Speaker 02 (27:37):
Oh, they're so good.
these meatballs are literallythe size of a fucking softball
oh
Speaker 01 (27:41):
and then i convinced everybody that they were hungry
again as they were tired justto stay awake just so i could
cook again
Speaker 02 (27:47):
oh yeah you always bring way too much food
Speaker 01 (27:50):
yeah no i try to cook it all that next morning
it's like yo here's a bigbreakfast try not to shit your
brains out on the ride home
Speaker 02 (27:56):
yeah and we we uh that night i remember just being
rather drunk and i was like ithink i laid down around 11
midnight or something whileother people stayed up and drank
or whatever on the fire, but Ifeel like we had some encounter,
some coon encounters.
Speaker 01 (28:14):
Yeah, they came back that night, but they were way
more quiet.
They were like, yo, people arehere.
Yeah.
People put up a fight.
Speaker 02 (28:19):
Yeah.
They were like, all right,these guys aren't pushovers.
Speaker 01 (28:22):
But also they had like, what, three leftover
meatballs, some leftover chickenthat I had tossed out.
Oh, damn.
You know what I mean?
They had other stuff to...
Speaker 02 (28:30):
Okay.
Speaker 01 (28:30):
Other stuff to fuck
Speaker 02 (28:31):
with.
I'll tell you what, those
Speaker 01 (28:33):
sons of bitches...
Which I'm pretty sure they sayyou're not supposed to do, but
like...
Speaker 02 (28:36):
They're hungry, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, whatever.
Speaker 01 (28:38):
What am I going to do with this leftover food?
Throw it away?
Like, that's just a waste.
Speaker 02 (28:42):
Yeah, I know.
And the low-key, the mama coonwas kind of cute up close.
I would have hated to have hadto have killed her, but I was
mentally prepared to do so.
But yeah, she was super cute.
Glad they were able to get somegrub.
Speaker 01 (28:55):
I was trying to think of some of these funny
little jokes that we came upwith that we didn't write down.
Speaker 02 (28:59):
Well, we definitely talked.
I don't want to ruin minebecause I'm going to bring it up
on a comedy cachet.
But it has to do with schoolshootings.
Yeah.
I don't want to ruin it, but wecould talk about it, I guess.
No, no, no.
Save it.
Save it.
Okay.
Yeah.
But that one we kind of went ona tangent with.
I know we talked about startinga coon army.
Speaker 01 (29:20):
Oh, no.
We did talk about one thingabout how I cough a lot.
How I die every time.
Yeah, every
Speaker 02 (29:29):
time you're messing with paraphernalia.
Speaker 01 (29:31):
And I was talking about how I hope with modern
technology in the future I canget an oxygen tank with like a
THC dispenser to the side.
And just walk around bliss.
80% oxygen, 20% THC all thetime.
Keep me right.
Speaker 02 (29:45):
I don't think...
You know, it's funny.
Water doesn't even help myvoice at this point.
Speaker 01 (29:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (29:51):
That's
Speaker 01 (29:51):
another
Speaker 02 (29:51):
thing is like there's so much yelling because
like your parties...
Speaker 01 (29:55):
I feel like you weren't even like that...
wild this year compared to theprevious years I
Speaker 02 (29:59):
know but we got so separated so many times I found
myself like yelling down riverlike a hundred or more yards and
it's just so hard to like makeyour voice carry that far away
Speaker 01 (30:11):
yeah but you know if you have a fucking Apple watch
and if the other people usetheir walkie talkie app oh I
Speaker 02 (30:17):
didn't even think about that
Speaker 01 (30:19):
yeah
Speaker 02 (30:19):
why didn't we think
Speaker 01 (30:20):
you know
Speaker 02 (30:20):
what
Speaker 01 (30:21):
next year megaphone even better well that would get
wet as fuck probably I think thewatch thing is probably the
better Better idea.
How many years away are youfrom getting a flagpole with a
flag?
For the float?
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (30:34):
Not.
I'm there next year.
I never even thought about ituntil now.
Can we get a pirate's flag?
Speaker 01 (30:40):
Whatever.
Speaker 02 (30:42):
And then we start stealing people's tubes from the
bank.
Speaker 01 (30:46):
Start putting them in the water while they're on
the bank.
It's just empty tubes flowingdown.
Speaker 02 (30:51):
We are the pirates of the fucking current, dude.
Oh, that's happening next year.
Current River Pirates, patentedby yours truly, the Days Grimm
Podcast.
Yeah, dude, I think a flagpolewould be tits, dude, but how
would you mount it?
Speaker 01 (31:07):
I mean, you just have to get some sort of
flagpole and then maybe likesome cooler attachment or...
Ooh,
Speaker 02 (31:13):
yep.
Mount it to the cooler like alittle bracket on the side.
Or something.
Throw some screws through itand then you just mount your
pirate flag.
You are a fucking genius.
Speaker 01 (31:23):
I don't get my due credit.
Speaker 02 (31:24):
No, you really don't.
God damn.
Make a note.
Jot that down.
What am I jotting
Speaker 01 (31:30):
down?
Pirate flag next year.
Tom needs due credit.
Speaker 02 (31:34):
Oh, dude.
But yeah, all in all, man,yeah, second night was smooth.
Went to bed way earlier.
Woke up, stretched out.
The worst part, worst partabout doing the Casey's or, you
know, just floating on CurrentRiver, and I don't know if you
experienced this.
Did you sleep on an airmattress?
No.
So we did.
We've done it now three yearsin a row now.
The air mattress is nice, allright?
(31:56):
No rocks in your back or yourneck.
It's still not ideal,
Speaker 01 (31:59):
but it's...
Maybe you have to wake up inthe middle of the night and turn
it on.
It's...
Speaker 02 (32:01):
What?
Speaker 01 (32:03):
eventually you'll hit a point where you have to
wake up in the middle of thenight, turn your air mattress
on, Get off the ground a littlebit.
Speaker 02 (32:08):
Oh, no.
Ours held.
We just have a little baby one.
It's only a couple inches tall.
But anyways, it's just enoughto keep you off the ground.
And it holds good.
But that being said, when Iwoke up the fucking, what would
that be?
Sunday morning at like 9 a.m.
And you were already cooking orgetting ready to cook.
I like woke up and Chris islike, hey, are you going to get
out of bed?
And I was like, yeah, I thinkso.
And I like my eyes were superheavy because I'd been drinking
(32:30):
all day yesterday.
And I like wake up.
I sit up in the air mattress.
And as I sit up, because it'san air mattress.
and you're kind of like wobbly.
And I was like, am I stillfucked up?
I felt like I was back on theriver.
So word of warning, if you'resleeping on an air mattress,
you're going to feel like you'refloating on the river when you
wake up and you might still befucked up.
Speaker 01 (32:51):
Yeah.
And I woke everybody up to someAI Motown.
Speaker 02 (32:54):
I love it, dude.
Can we outro on that?
Do you have some of that pulledup?
We need to outro on that.
So I'll let you work on that aswe draw to a conclusion here.
But yeah, so for all of youthat have, oh damn, I forgot our
fucking tube's not working.
Oh, mother fuck.
We're not going to be able todo it, are we?
I don't know.
Do you have one in the queue ontunes?
(33:16):
See if you have one in thequeue on tunes.
Kind of.
But yeah, for all of you thathave heard about us taking these
weeks off for these floattrips, this is what we're
experiencing.
And it's a hell of a time.
If you've never done it, getdown to Missouri.
There's like five differentpeople you can float with.
There's like Rocky River.
It's
Speaker 01 (33:35):
good to take time in nature and disconnect.
Also, like, I mean...
You can't use your phone.
Well, yeah, but like we cameback and we were like, all
right, we got like these ideasfor the pod.
Speaker 02 (33:45):
Yeah, dude.
It was not...
It's nice to unplug.
There's limited cell phoneusage.
I didn't even look at my cellphone really at all to send a
Snapchat.
So I made sure I kept mystreaks.
But other than that, I didn'teven look at my phone.
It was just all love, all humaninteraction, all nature
interaction.
Speaker 01 (34:03):
My rabbit had babies while we were gone.
Speaker 02 (34:05):
So many dogs on the river this year.
I loved that.
Loved seeing a dog on thewater.
um yeah it's just really reallygreat to get out there so if
you're into that dude if thatsounds like fun get down there
man because uh supporting thosebusinesses is huge um i'm trying
to think my main takeaway fromthe uh float trip this year was
uh yeah honestly cooninteraction
Speaker 01 (34:27):
yeah
Speaker 02 (34:28):
coon on human human coon human interaction
Speaker 01 (34:32):
Gotcha.
Speaker 02 (34:33):
Yeah, I want more of it.
I want to start a raccoon army,and I think Jake is going to
support me in that goal.
Speaker 01 (34:38):
Yeah, and you're just going to start giving
raccoons acid and brainwashthem.
What was that, Chaos Book orwhatever it was?
Speaker 02 (34:46):
MKUltra.
Yeah.
I'm going to start my ownraccoon MKUltra program in
southern Indiana.
There's plenty of them here,folks.
What was your number onetakeaway from this year's
Current River trip?
Speaker 01 (34:57):
Just how insignificant we are, you know?
Speaker 02 (35:01):
Nice.
Very not depressing.
Speaker 01 (35:03):
Uh, no, I'm just talking about in general, like
humans, you know, in general,like you're out there in the
water surrounded by all thisnature and then like, you think
about it and you're just like,like the current, like when that
situation happened, it's like,yo, like I was helpless in this
situation.
Like that's insignificant.
You know what I mean?
Like, like, something couldhave happened there.
And then like, yeah, it wouldhave been sad for the like
people directly involved, butwhen it mattered longterm,
Speaker 02 (35:25):
one really important note, we should mention, uh, to
your point, that river can bedangerous.
People do die on that river.
It is shallow.
That water moves fast.
If you are going to go and youare going to drink, do it
responsibly because people dieon that river all the time.
They get caught up on ropes andtrees and they fucking drown.
So like drink, have a goodtime, but also pay the fuck
(35:46):
attention to everything aroundyou and, and, hopefully you know
how to swim.
Yeah.
Stay coherent enough to be ableto doggy paddle.
That's important.
Yeah.
That is very fucking
Speaker 01 (35:56):
keep your head above water.
Speaker 02 (35:57):
Yeah.
Somebody else.
I'll send my buddy Tim to comesave you.
He's basically a lifeguard.
Amen.
Yeah, man.
So I love you, Tom.
Love you.
Long time.
This has been another thrillingepisode of the day's grim
unless I'm missing something.
Speaker 01 (36:08):
No.
This has been another one.
This is for the fans.
We thought you deserved morethan that.
A little
Speaker 02 (36:14):
BTS, dude.
A little BTS behind the scenesof why the fuck are we not
getting a podcast this week.
Now, here we are.
We're going to outro on someMotown.
What are we outroing on?
What is this?
Speaker 01 (36:25):
This is March Madness by Future Dunn and
Motown.
Speaker 02 (36:28):
Oh, yeah, brother.
I love you so much.
Another good year, brother.
All right.
Speaker 00 (36:34):
Thank you, guys.
Goodbye.
All right.
Like I'm playin' for theMavericks I don't wanna fuck the
(36:59):
bitch, the molly made me fuckher even though she average
Dirty money in a cup, 45 by mygut My young nigga in a cut,
take you out for some jointsThis cop is money, no rush, I'm
on a one-way flush Loud paintsmellin' mustard You fuckin'
(37:19):
ponies can't touch me Youfuckin' ponies can't touch me
You fuckin' niggas can't touchme I apply the pressure with the
VVS I drive the Ford like itwas a Chevy Drive the Ford like
it was a Chevy Lift it up and onan offset Fuck a Cougar like
she had a baby Future hitters,dirty Sprite legendary Throw
(37:41):
that summer in a style phone Wethe ones that kept it cool with
all these niggas till theseniggas start actin' Shoot a
nigga like a film in a movie,nigga, gon' let him have it All
(38:04):
in like the March Madness, allthese cops shootin' niggas The
(38:41):
city we move post up and I needto shoot us a move Post up and I
need to shoot us a movie Takethe tune aside the club just in
case I never ever gotta use it.
You're afraid of coming for meI don't wanna fuck the bitch the
(39:29):
mother made me fuck
out.
Speaker 00 (00:31):
Oh
Speaker 02 (00:41):
Hello, hello, hello everyone and welcome to another
thrilling episode of The Day'sGrimm.
My name is Brian Michael Day.
Speaker 01 (00:46):
My name is Thomas Grimm.
Speaker 02 (00:47):
My voice sounds like shit.
I'm really sorry in advance,everybody.
I think most people don'ttolerate my voice well normally
and now it's like even morecringy, so it'll be fine.
Too much river water for you?
Yeah, I drank a lot of riverwater.
That's what happens when, thisis what your voice sounds like
when you drink river water fromFlint, Michigan.
Speaker 01 (01:06):
The Indian guy that owns the dollar store across the
street from my work, he'll belike, I drank too much muddy
Yeah,
Speaker 02 (01:15):
dude.
Speaker 01 (01:27):
every now and then we take a weekend off but like
every year you can expect thatwe take a weekend float trip
yeah it's a religious thing andwe normally don't record an
episode
Speaker 02 (01:37):
no usually I think last year was like me in a chair
in the center of the room andit looked like a hostage
negotiation
Speaker 01 (01:46):
video I think so and you were just like yo we
floated
Speaker 02 (01:49):
also fun fact when you record shout out to all the
people that record podcasts thatare just them talking by
themselves because That is anawkward feeling when you flip a
camera on.
You know what I mean?
It's just you in a room withyour thoughts.
I
Speaker 01 (02:04):
know.
I couldn't do the podcastwithout you.
Speaker 02 (02:07):
Boy.
I could, but it would beuncomfortable for a long time,
dude.
So anyways, yeah, we're takingthe week off.
So sorry about that in advance.
Speaker 01 (02:18):
Yeah, but...
We're kind of not taking a weekoff.
Yeah, we grind.
The grind is constant.
In like a weird way.
We had some funny little bitswe might be able to talk about
in this little episode.
Absolutely.
But I guess we were just kindof reminiscing on the old days,
just you and I bullshitting,figured give them something.
Speaker 02 (02:37):
Yeah, and also I wanted to show off this
extremely bulbous greenery thatwe have here in front of me.
It's just super lush, lookingreally healthy.
But yeah, so this year we didthe Casey's on the Current float
again.
Uh, beautiful spot.
If you've never been inDonovan, Missouri.
Speaker 01 (02:54):
Yeah.
So we, we drove out separategroups.
Three,
Speaker 02 (02:58):
three chalks.
No, four chalks.
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (03:00):
And then, uh, my group left early, but we stopped
at like boom land.
You ever heard of boom land?
Hold
Speaker 03 (03:10):
on.
Speaker 02 (03:11):
Hold on.
I think, I
Speaker 01 (03:11):
don't know if he's in, yeah,
Speaker 02 (03:13):
he's in shot.
Yeah.
He's in shot.
Yeah.
But anyway,
Speaker 01 (03:15):
he's
Speaker 02 (03:15):
on with
Speaker 01 (03:15):
boom land.
Well, so like the, the driver,uh, We went with, they were
like, we're going, but we'restopping at Boomland.
And I'm like, like thefireworks store?
And they were like, yeah, butit's like...
Speaker 02 (03:25):
But also...
Speaker 01 (03:26):
It's like, how they describe it.
They said it was like...
Speaker 02 (03:31):
You mentioned...
Speaker 01 (03:31):
Buckies.
They said it was like a redneckbuckies.
Speaker 02 (03:34):
Yeah, like a knockoff buckies.
Speaker 01 (03:36):
Yeah.
Okay.
So they had like a whole foodcourt area on the side.
Then they had like a snackarea.
Yeah.
Like your typical gas stationgoods, but not like...
There was no bread over there.
There was no...
It was just drinks and oddsnacks and candy.
Then you had, like, housedecor, which was just, like,
(03:58):
everything.
I think, like, oh, I didn'tsend it to you.
I sent it to Tim.
There was, like, a 9-11holographic, like, framed
picture.
Oh,
Speaker 02 (04:05):
you sent me.
Yeah, you sent
Speaker 01 (04:06):
that to me.
And then, like, there was,like, a little African-American
doll guy, like, peeing into atoilet.
I'm going to plug all these inthe episode, as I'm saying.
Yeah, so
Speaker 02 (04:15):
you're seeing this on screen, hopefully, as we
speak.
Speaker 01 (04:17):
But then you were like, yo, I need to know...
Speaker 02 (04:20):
We need a
Speaker 01 (04:26):
gnome.
Speaker 02 (04:45):
Welcome, Gregory.
Speaker 01 (04:46):
Oh, his mic wasn't on.
Speaker 02 (04:49):
Shout out to the Pablo episode.
Speaker 01 (04:51):
But it was funny because like I FaceTimed you and
I was like, yo, there's likesix gnomes here, dog.
One's laying on his back withhis mouth open like he's about
to take a load.
Like we could get this one andput like a fucking dildo in his
mouth or something and like havethat in
Speaker 02 (05:07):
the studio.
Dude, is there a market forgnome accessories?
Because I feel like if there'snot, there's, look up lawn gnome
accessories.
It's G-N-N-O-M-E, yep.
Accessories.
Can I accessorize my lawngnome?
Is that possible?
Like put some tattoos on them,maybe a headset and a
(05:29):
microphone?
I don't know.
Because I feel like if there'snot, if people aren't doing
this, then I feel like, okay,there's a little sand table.
That's pretty neat.
Okay.
I feel like you should be ableto accessorize your lawn gnome.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 01 (05:44):
Yeah, I think people just buy gnomes specified to
like what they want.
Like if they wanted a stoneryard gnome versus like a bee.
It's got a joint in its handalready.
Yeah.
They had some of those there.
Speaker 02 (05:54):
Damn, we should have got the stoner one.
Speaker 01 (05:57):
But anyway, I like the one we picked.
Yeah, dude.
I tried to FaceTime you whenyou were driving, and of course,
it just goes through regularphone call mode, and you can't
see shit.
Speaker 02 (06:06):
Yeah, and you were very upset about that.
So then it took us nine to 12minutes to figure out how to
FaceTime one another.
And we did get it figured out,and you sent me two gnomes.
One was the one with his mouthopen, ready for a penis.
Speaker 01 (06:20):
Yep, insert photo.
Speaker 02 (06:21):
Yeah, and then the other one was our dearest
Gregory over here.
Um, also insert photo here fora closeup of Gregory.
Um, he's a cute fellow though.
So really glad that you madethe stop at boom land.
Speaker 01 (06:35):
Uh,
Speaker 02 (06:38):
did you notice that there was like an odd amount of
like, uh, Amish goods there?
Not really.
No?
No.
I find that when I go to thosebigger spots, like as you're
traveling in the Midwest or evenfurther south.
Speaker 01 (06:52):
It kind of gets more Vindermal-y as you go.
It
Speaker 02 (06:54):
gets more Amish-y the further you go along and the
bigger that the joint
Speaker 01 (06:58):
gets.
The Amish are really living,though.
Speaker 02 (07:00):
Well, they're killing it on sales and gas
stations.
And diabetes.
Unknown (07:05):
Pfft.
Speaker 02 (07:05):
Yeah, dude, chocolate covered everything.
Speaker 01 (07:07):
Well, I was just talking about they're like not
fat compared to the rest of theworld.
Speaker 02 (07:12):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true because theyfucking just carry barns.
Speaker 01 (07:16):
So we get there.
Yep, we did.
And we're all set up.
Day
Speaker 02 (07:21):
one was a real rush for some of us.
Speaker 01 (07:24):
Yeah, we get there and like every year it's like a
rush to get your tent up.
Yep, yep.
And then the girls all go getmargaritas, yearly tradition,
and they come out fucked up.
They come back.
Speaker 02 (07:37):
They came back to us already fucked up.
Speaker 01 (07:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (07:41):
Which is
Speaker 01 (07:42):
legal.
I guess I cook dinner on thefire.
Speaker 02 (07:44):
Yeah, and you are notorious for that.
For folks that don't havesomebody like Tom, find you a
Tom.
Cause, uh, normally yearsbefore when I would go on these
floats, I've been doing it forabout 13 years now.
I've just brought Tom on thelast two or three, three,
actually, I think now threeconsecutively.
And, uh, we would just surviveon like pop tarts and beef
jerky.
And like, that's just how Iroll.
(08:06):
Um, but Tom over here is allabout the spread, right?
And he'll bust out his littlecast iron skillet.
He'll fucking whip up someeggs, some sausage.
He'll fucking kill a rabbit inthe woods, skin it, fucking
throw that on the fire.
But yeah, he's all about thespread, like gourmet on the
(08:26):
fire.
And that's my favorite qualityabout camping with you.
Speaker 01 (08:29):
Yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 02 (08:30):
Yeah,
Speaker 01 (08:30):
dude.
So we did that.
We had a good time the firstnight up late, just like
grinding.
Unknown (08:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (08:35):
Yeah, and then that, this brings me to my next
point.
Go to the Google search,because we need to talk about
this.
Speaker 01 (08:42):
Okay, so.
Let's get into it.
So we're laying there at night.
I think you guys had alreadygone to bed at first.
Speaker 02 (08:49):
One, two in the morning, yeah.
One,
Speaker 01 (08:51):
two in the morning.
And Lexi and I go to the tent.
Yep.
And we're laying there.
And then all of a sudden, she'slike, did you hear that?
I'm like, no, I don't hearanything.
And then I start hearing theside of the tent rustle.
I'm like, what the fuck?
So I sit upright.
And then next thing I know,there's like claws, like nails I
can see through the side of mytent trying to reach this bread
(09:11):
that's right there.
Speaker 02 (09:12):
Oh, God.
Speaker 01 (09:13):
And I'm like, oh, there's a raccoon.
So I hit the tent and I'm like,yeah, get out of here or
whatever.
And I called Tim because he'sat the fire.
And I'm like, yo, there's somecoons out here.
Speaker 02 (09:21):
We're being invaded.
Speaker 01 (09:23):
And then it all went downhill from there.
I think you got woken up atthat point.
Speaker 02 (09:28):
I woke up to a skinwalker in my tent by a
skinwalker.
I mean, it was mysister-in-law, and I was dazed
and confused, very didn't knowwhat was happening in a haze.
I was, like, trying to wake up,couldn't see shit.
It was dark as hell.
Speaker 01 (09:40):
And what's crazy is, like, I cooked that one meal,
like, chicken and rice and steakand everything.
Yeah.
But then, like, there wasn'tany leftover.
Like, there was nothing.
Yeah,
Speaker 02 (09:49):
there was nothing, like, sitting out.
Right.
They were just there for,like...
frequent flyer miles.
That's just like their wateringhole.
Their spot.
Yeah.
I guess we impeded on theirpersonal space is what it really
seemed like.
Let me get one of thosepuppies, dude.
Speaker 01 (10:06):
But yeah, I remember just listening to y'all.
That's what I fell asleep towas Night One of the Raccoons.
Speaker 02 (10:11):
Well, Night One of the Raccoons was the apex of the
raccoons because I'll tell you,as you were dozing off, it was
about, again, 1 o'clock, 2o'clock in the morning that I
was woken up to a skinwalker inmy tent.
And I figured out, I finallyequilibrated, figure out what
was going on.
And the girls were trying totake a piss.
They were trying to go to thetrucks to go pee.
Right.
So, but as I'm like, okay, I'mfiguring out what's going on.
(10:33):
And then Kelsey's like the onestanding in front of me in the
middle of the night, dark.
And I couldn't see shit.
She was like, Hey, I got totake a piss, but there's,
there's raccoons out here.
And I was like, justregistering everything, all this
information.
I was like, all right, I'llkill a raccoon.
You know what I mean?
I was like up on my feet, readyto go.
I was like, Kelsey, get thefuck
Speaker 01 (10:49):
out of the way.
Knife out.
Ready to murder.
Paint already on.
Speaker 02 (10:53):
so I get the fuck out of my tent and I'm like
fucking there's literally a coonlike five feet away from me and
it just scurries off and I waslike what the fuck is and it was
a big bitch too right it wasclearly the mother I think
anyway so like Jake finally getsout of his tent now we're
corralling mama coon and we getlike we get her under a
Speaker 01 (11:10):
table we have two infantry men yeah two retards
out there like four women tryingto wrangle a fucking mom
Speaker 02 (11:17):
coon and we get her under the picnic table dude and
where I am facing towards thetents right we were set up in
like a u-shape and then we'refacing the tents with this
fucking with this coon underthis table mama coon and jake's
shining hitting her with thelight and she's got a bag of kit
kats and i'm trying to likefigure out how i can get a hold
of her and then like i panickedand i was like also jake i
(11:41):
looked over at him i was likejake Check my six.
And he takes the light, shinesit back into the behind, out
facing out of the you, into thewood line.
And I turn around and look, 10beady eyes, dude, just all in
the woods.
I was like,
Speaker 01 (11:53):
Jake.
Five more cans.
Speaker 02 (11:54):
I was like, Jake, we're fucking surrounded.
Speaker 01 (11:56):
Dude, it was bad.
Speaker 02 (11:58):
They were like tactically positioning
themselves on
Speaker 01 (12:00):
us.
Dude, what was also even crazyis we were just sitting there
around the fire and like thosesix helicopters flew over.
Military formation out ofnowhere.
That was a bad time to do ittoo.
Right.
Right, dog.
I'm already lit.
I'm already lit.
out there in the universe.
What did
Speaker 02 (12:14):
you say to me?
You were like, I wasn't worriedabout the helicopters.
I was worried about theimplication of the helicopters.
Speaker 01 (12:21):
Right.
I immediately got on X.com andwas like, yo, did we get
attacked?
I'm not hearing the sticks,dog.
Speaker 02 (12:27):
No, dude.
And I was just enjoying itbecause I love a good Blackhawk
floating overhead.
You know what I'm saying?
Right.
Big Blackhawk fan.
But anyways.
Yeah, so anyways, now on to thetopic at hand.
So what I wanted to spend alittle bit of time on was
raccoons.
Now, they can be domesticated,which I think Mama Coon was
pretty damn close.
They can.
Speaker 01 (12:49):
Yeah, to a degree, but then everything I've seen
and all the people I know thathave rescued baby coons and
nursed them back to life.
After two or three
Speaker 02 (12:56):
years, they
Speaker 01 (12:57):
get weird.
Yeah, they revert back to theirprimal ways and they'll dig
through your cabinets and yourdrywall.
Which we've talked about on thepodcast.
They have opposable thumbs.
Speaker 02 (13:07):
Yeah, and it's like their way of aging.
It's just like when humans age,they start to regress to their
childhood or whatever.
Anyways, my thought, Jake and Ihad...
We were both on board.
We were like, dude, what if westarted our own raccoon army?
Like, if we could just teachthem how to use sticks and
firearms.
Speaker 01 (13:27):
I mean, maybe.
They basically eat anything.
You know, nickname the trashpanda.
Yeah, they are opportunisticeaters.
They seem to wash their foodbefore eating it, which would
make sense.
They kind of came up from thatlittle creek bed where water
flows on the backside.
Cleanliness
Speaker 02 (13:45):
is next to
Speaker 01 (13:46):
godliness.
You know what?
I pissed kind of around mycorner of the campsite, marking
my territory.
And that raccoon still cameright up in that shit.
And I've been watching...
I'm a big fan of Naked andAfraid, Alone, those type of
shows.
Do they say to
Speaker 02 (14:00):
do that?
Piss around
Speaker 01 (14:01):
your...
No, but I've been watching...
The new one just came out,Naked and Afraid Apocalypse.
where they drop off these fourgroups of people.
There's three people, and eachgroup's 12 people.
They drop them off in SouthAfrica in some worn, torn
village that nobody's in.
I've seen the promo for this.
There's a big
Speaker 02 (14:18):
cat on the promo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a panther, yeah.
Speaker 01 (14:21):
But basically, they were taking...
And putting it around so likeit would wake them up, but also
form a perimeter.
And like when that raccoon cameup, I was like, yo, do I need
to get out there and build likea fucking thorny little
perimeter around my tent?
Speaker 02 (14:36):
See, now my goal was before Mama Coon took off with
the Kit Kat bag, which
Speaker 01 (14:41):
she said she like backed away.
Speaker 02 (14:43):
Yeah, she had it in both hands and was like walking
backwards like a little circusbear.
And I was like, wow, this isfucking
Speaker 01 (14:49):
crazy.
What if we can't bring afishing net and catch a raccoon
next year?
Speaker 02 (14:52):
And then mount it.
That's important.
So, Secondly, well, my thoughtwas, damn, I had a thought.
But no, it was crazy that shegot that close to us.
And then she eventually ate.
I had like a bag of chips.
Speaker 01 (15:07):
And they took the top off the storage tote and got
like two bags of hot dog buns.
Speaker 02 (15:12):
God, those fucking cunts.
Right.
Oh, I know what my point wasgoing to be.
My fear was that or my goal wasthat I was going to get my
hands on Mama Coon.
Or whatever, A-P-C-P-C-A.
But I was going to fuckingleave her on the fucking...
As like a warning to the fel...
You know
Speaker 01 (15:31):
what I mean?
Like the medieval ages.
Speaker 02 (15:32):
Yeah, dude.
Like, watch out.
This place is not welcoming
Speaker 01 (15:34):
for raccoons.
Well, I thought about like...
You know, I'm big on prankswhen we go camping.
Did you do a little prayer?
No.
I was just thinking of like...
I should have prayed.
No, I said pranks.
Speaker 02 (15:46):
Oh, I thought you said prayer.
No, pranks.
Okay,
Speaker 01 (15:48):
yeah, yeah.
So the next day, I cookedbreakfast, and I dumped
breakfast out on the far cornerwhere nobody was camping.
Unknown (15:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (15:57):
And then like, I was thinking, I was like, damn, I
should like low key have putfood like behind Tim and
Mathis's tent and had them like,like right in the wood line
right there.
But they would have like cameup right by the, that would have
been funny.
Maybe next
Speaker 02 (16:10):
year.
Speaker 01 (16:11):
But like I did then eventually start strategically
dumping my food.
Like, towards the othercampsite.
Speaker 02 (16:17):
Now, I will say, fun fact, that we were Googling in
my tent once the whole fiascohad kind of died down and Mama
Kun took off with her Kit Kats.
We were kind of like at peaceand we had like drawn the line
in the sand and she kind ofdisappeared.
She was like rustling aroundthe edge of the perimeter of our
campsite for a while, and thenwhat would happen would be I
would be falling asleep, andthen Kristen would wake me up.
(16:38):
She'd be like, did you hearthat?
And I would listen, and itwould be them rustling around
like fucking or fighting.
So then she was like, I wonderif they can smell the sealed
Pop-Tarts.
And then she had Kelsey, hertwin, was in our tent.
She said, Kelsey, Google itright now.
Google, can they smell theclosed up sealed Pop-Tarts?
And she did.
And it unfortunately is truethat raccoons can smell a
(17:01):
Pop-Tart through a sealed bagand a sealed box.
Speaker 01 (17:03):
So really, you're pro-raccoon for police animals.
Speaker 02 (17:07):
100%.
Use
Speaker 01 (17:08):
the trash pandas that look like burglars to bust
the burglars.
Speaker 02 (17:13):
But it was just funny that we Googled all these
facts.
We Googled, can raccoonsoperate a zipper?
And we found out that theycould.
And it was just like we keptgetting more and more
unfortunate news as we keptGoogling, can raccoons do And
from my limited research in themiddle of the woods about
raccoons on Google is thatthey're essentially human beings
(17:34):
just on a smaller scale.
Speaker 01 (17:36):
Basically, their forepaws are particularly
dexterous and actually look andwork like slender human hands.
Speaker 02 (17:43):
Yeah, they're fucking terrifying.
And that's weird that they saythey stick to themselves because
they were traveling in a packand they were also not afraid to
come up to us.
At least the mama wasn't.
The babies were fucking hangingback.
Speaker 01 (17:58):
Apparently, they have lots of babies.
They breed once per year, but afemale can give birth to three
to four on
Speaker 02 (18:03):
average.
Raccoons, marsupials, I forget.
Do they have the pouch thatthey carry their young in?
I don't know.
I don't think they do.
I think they ride their mama'sback is how it goes.
I love that this istreehugger.com, by the way, that
we're getting these facts from.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, got to cite your sources.
Speaker 01 (18:22):
They carry a lot of diseases, of course.
Yeah, they're
Speaker 02 (18:25):
absolutely disgusting.
And that's why if one did, ifit was going to charge me, I was
100% ready to kill it.
And that was my goal.
And Mama Coon was just verydocile.
She just wanted to eat and hangout and then say, what's up,
dab you up, and then roll out.
Speaker 01 (18:42):
And she basically did that.
They're mammals.
Speaker 02 (18:45):
They're mammals?
Okay.
Now that I think of it, I thinkI remember seeing some pictures
of baby raccoons.
Speaker 01 (18:52):
Raccoons can live up to 16 years in the wild, but
most die before reaching fiveyears.
Speaker 02 (18:57):
Yeah, distemper.
They'll get distemper, they'llget rabid, and then they get
real cagey too.
I've trapped a lot of coons inmy day living out on the county
line and they are fuckingferocious animals when they are
distemper or when they arerabid.
Have you ever trapped a coonbefore?
They're fucking
Speaker 01 (19:16):
terrifying.
Possums.
I think we've trapped.
I can't remember.
Possums are
Speaker 02 (19:20):
chill in the trap, dude.
Possums will just lay there andthen they'll like, look up at
you.
Coons will literally, they'rewilling to lose their life and
limb to get out of that cage.
They're fucking terrifying.
Um, we've had to shoot themfrom afar or like take main
cages, crack the cage, drop themsomewhere else.
But like, Yeah, there's no wayI'm comfortable with opening a
(19:40):
cage, a trapped raccoon.
Yeah, they're fucking wild.
So that was night number one.
And
Speaker 01 (19:47):
then we wake up and it throws me off every year when
we wake up and we're likepacking to go.
And then like the statetroopers roll through the
campgrounds every year.
And I'm just like,
Speaker 02 (19:56):
yeah, I'm guilty.
Whatever.
Why are they here?
Why are they here?
If they rolled up onto oursite, I would be like, he has
all the...
Speaker 01 (20:07):
It's just weird.
But then it's cool that we getpicked up, but every year we get
a bunch of random people on thebus.
Speaker 02 (20:15):
Yeah, and then the bus driver, this go-around that
took us upriver, low-key, kindof a bummer.
Kind of a real not smoke show.
Just kind of real bland.
Like somebody heard him.
You know what I mean?
Like he seemed
Speaker 01 (20:27):
like a sad boy.
There were several times whereI'm like, yeah, this bus is not
making it up this hill.
And then he'd come flying downit and hit all the corners.
I'm like, what the
Speaker 02 (20:35):
fuck?
Yeah, he did not fuck around.
He probably flew helicopters inVietnam.
That was at the rate at whichwe were driving this bus.
Yeah, it checks out.
so he was probably a Huey pilotin his day but yeah he was real
calm and didn't make a lot ofjokes which I don't care for
because the bus ride is alwaysgnarly it is just you're
traveling through
Speaker 01 (20:53):
the hills of Missouri it's like one of my
most anxious parts of the trip
Speaker 02 (20:56):
yeah and especially were you there the year that our
bus caught fire no that was theyear before yeah dude having
been through that now I havePTSD from that you know what I
mean right
Speaker 01 (21:07):
so we get
Speaker 02 (21:07):
well
Speaker 01 (21:07):
Casey's on the current so they like they pick
us up on the bus can you pull uptheir website actually just go
to their website they pick us upon the bus they try to drive us
up river yeah they drive us upriver and then 10 miles they
have all our tubes ready for usby the water yeah we load up We
tie off, which you're notsupposed to
Speaker 02 (21:26):
do.
It's illegal.
Yeah, man.
And this year we didn't tieeverybody off, which was nice.
Everybody just seemed to.
But the cool thing about it.
And if you've never we've neverreally done an episode about
the float before.
So it's kind of fun that we'redoing this.
But like if you've never done alazy river, I know they have
one in blue in Kentucky, likeblue rivers close and you can do
a lazy float there.
(21:47):
Yeah.
Um, but Casey on the current isthe one I've gone to 13 years
in a row and it's just so muchfun.
There's like five differentcompanies you can float with.
They give you like a coolertube like that is designed
specifically
Speaker 01 (21:58):
for a cooler.
There's gotta be a way in myhead that like when we tie off
in the future, like there'sgotta be a way to where it's
just like a cooler in the middleand then a couple on each side.
Speaker 02 (22:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (22:11):
Yeah.
and maybe tied with like onecorner and towards it so like
they could put their feet on thecooler thing and then you can
just hold on to the other peopleand just be grouped or like
occasionally tie off that way ifsomething does happen like you
can just break off and be withyour significant other and kind
of
Speaker 02 (22:25):
yeah the key is quick release and i wanted this
year to do d-rings and i i'm i'mregretting well
Speaker 01 (22:32):
but like the bungee cords that we've been using is
better than rope like waspreviously yeah
Speaker 02 (22:38):
because you can pull the bungee get slack and unhook
hook
Speaker 01 (22:41):
well and they're quick like if you tie a knot on
your float and then you just usethose to attach and then you
need to quick detach to whateveryou can pop it off
Speaker 02 (22:50):
but essentially what we're getting at here is like
you have like a group we had agroup of 12 11 we
Speaker 01 (22:54):
should have taken a photo with that float
Speaker 02 (22:57):
um with the float
Speaker 01 (22:59):
yeah so like we go we make a few stops along the
way we're all pretty buzzed yeahand we're like halfway yeah and
we're floating and the uhthere's like what a group of
like four girls in front of usthat are not attached to the
group yes and then there's jakeand i going backwards so we
can't see anything that's coming
Speaker 02 (23:18):
yeah
Speaker 01 (23:19):
and we just got next to you and jake and i are going
backwards and we hear there's atree behind us yeah and jake
just lets go
Speaker 02 (23:26):
he said let god
Speaker 01 (23:28):
and i was holding on to jake's float trying to stay
on to the groove of the grind.
And Jake just lets go of thegroup.
Speaker 02 (23:34):
He said, God, God's got me.
Speaker 01 (23:36):
Right.
So then I'm like, ha ha ha, youknow, whatever.
And then I, we turn around andkick off the little tree and I'm
like, Oh, fuck.
Jake and I both see what'scoming.
And it's literally the grouptubes with the coolers in the
middle, the girls on the left,and Brian and the guys on the
right.
(23:56):
Yeah, we're about to get hitdead center.
And dead center of that tree,it just hits and it just starts
wrapping around and bungeeingaround.
And Jake and I at this point...
get down in our tube and we'relike gonna kick like we're gonna
swim towards the group and thecurrent's just way too strong I
never felt more hopeless in mylife like there was nothing I
could do about that situation
Speaker 02 (24:16):
there is something to be said about and you could
look up like fluid dynamics oflike fucking heavy flowing
rivers or whatever I don't knowwhat you'd have to search but
like when you get snagged up ona tree you don't feel the
current when you're just out inopen water cruising
Speaker 01 (24:31):
that was where the current was the most the entire
trip was like this one
Speaker 02 (24:35):
right there but But when you have that tree sticking
out, when you have a stationaryobject and you're hung on it
and that water's yanking, thenyou really feel that current.
Right.
And it was fierce, dude.
Speaker 01 (24:45):
It was fight or flight for you guys.
Speaker 02 (24:47):
Well, I lost.
Okay.
So fast forward just a coupleof moments.
So I was penetrated.
I did get penetrated.
Uh, this tree penetrated mytube.
Speaker 01 (24:56):
Yeah.
Your tree popped.
Speaker 02 (24:57):
Yeah.
Good size
Speaker 01 (24:58):
hole.
The little intro on this video.
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (25:01):
Yeah.
So
Speaker 01 (25:04):
which is what we should have taken a photo with
when we got regrouped on theIsland.
We should have taken a rest inpeace to like a trophy photo.
You know what I'm saying?
Should have, should have.
So then from there we kind ofreloaded.
You wrote actually on thecooler the rest of the way, not
saddle style, another quarter ofthe way till we could regroup
as a whole party.
Speaker 02 (25:21):
Yeah.
Saddle style.
I was out there like a goddamnNavy SEAL.
fucking Navy SEAL fuckingcowboy.
Speaker 01 (25:28):
And we had to reorganize and we had to put
somebody that was way too drunkin a tube.
Speaker 02 (25:32):
She threw up on herself.
Yes, she
Speaker 01 (25:34):
did.
In a cooler tube.
Yep.
And we just floated back.
the rest of the way after that.
I thought when you're out onthe water every now and then you
see the state police patrollingthe water too, which is kind of
weird.
There's boats out there whichthey should probably patrol to
bust the boats.
It is weird when you're justfloating.
I've been like, damn, you neveralso felt more hopeless out
(25:56):
there.
Nowhere to run.
You can't even dump anythingbecause it floats.
You just got to
Speaker 02 (26:03):
hurry up and eat it.
Right.
Speaker 01 (26:05):
But, like, seeing them out there or whatever is
just, like, a weird, like,experience or two.
But I thought they were goingto stop because, like, I feel
like every person needs aflotation device.
Like, if you're in a kayak outthere...
I was just
Speaker 02 (26:16):
out there riding on a cooler.
Speaker 01 (26:17):
Right.
Speaker 02 (26:18):
I'm surprised they didn't,
Speaker 01 (26:19):
like...
And, like, the guy stopped and,like, one of them pulled up
his, like...
Opened his computer as he droveby, and I was like, yep.
Is it?
Yep.
And then nothing happened, butwe loaded up from there and went
back.
Speaker 02 (26:31):
We talked about it on the river.
I was like, low-key, I kind ofwish that state troop would have
been like, hey, are you allright?
And then you were like, no, I'mfucking glad he didn't.
But all I could think about waslike, how the fuck am I going
to finish this float on afucking...
Tube, and then that was when,like you said, we linked up, and
then we reconsolidated someshit.
We got the CASVAC together.
We found out we had lost asoldier, i.e.
(26:53):
her name.
We'll maybe edit that out.
But yeah, so we loaded her upin the CASVAC on the cooler
float, and then I wound up witha tube again.
But God, that was a fuckingmess, dude.
But then we end the float.
We hit our bank.
and took a quick little busride back to our campsite.
Speaker 01 (27:12):
Which I convinced the guy to drop us off so we
could poop.
Speaker 02 (27:15):
Yeah, it was nice.
It was real, real nice.
That guy that dropped us off,way better than the first
Speaker 01 (27:20):
guy.
That was the same guy from lastyear, too, that drove us back.
Speaker 02 (27:23):
Yeah, I think one of the girls tried to bribe him
with her breasts, I think, andhe said, I have those at home or
something,
Speaker 01 (27:30):
remember?
Something like that, yeah.
I got dropped off at thebathroom.
And then for dinner, I didhomemade meatballs on the fire.
Speaker 02 (27:37):
Oh, they're so good.
these meatballs are literallythe size of a fucking softball
oh
Speaker 01 (27:41):
and then i convinced everybody that they were hungry
again as they were tired justto stay awake just so i could
cook again
Speaker 02 (27:47):
oh yeah you always bring way too much food
Speaker 01 (27:50):
yeah no i try to cook it all that next morning
it's like yo here's a bigbreakfast try not to shit your
brains out on the ride home
Speaker 02 (27:56):
yeah and we we uh that night i remember just being
rather drunk and i was like ithink i laid down around 11
midnight or something whileother people stayed up and drank
or whatever on the fire, but Ifeel like we had some encounter,
some coon encounters.
Speaker 01 (28:14):
Yeah, they came back that night, but they were way
more quiet.
They were like, yo, people arehere.
Yeah.
People put up a fight.
Speaker 02 (28:19):
Yeah.
They were like, all right,these guys aren't pushovers.
Speaker 01 (28:22):
But also they had like, what, three leftover
meatballs, some leftover chickenthat I had tossed out.
Oh, damn.
You know what I mean?
They had other stuff to...
Speaker 02 (28:30):
Okay.
Speaker 01 (28:30):
Other stuff to fuck
Speaker 02 (28:31):
with.
I'll tell you what, those
Speaker 01 (28:33):
sons of bitches...
Which I'm pretty sure they sayyou're not supposed to do, but
like...
Speaker 02 (28:36):
They're hungry, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, whatever.
Speaker 01 (28:38):
What am I going to do with this leftover food?
Throw it away?
Like, that's just a waste.
Speaker 02 (28:42):
Yeah, I know.
And the low-key, the mama coonwas kind of cute up close.
I would have hated to have hadto have killed her, but I was
mentally prepared to do so.
But yeah, she was super cute.
Glad they were able to get somegrub.
Speaker 01 (28:55):
I was trying to think of some of these funny
little jokes that we came upwith that we didn't write down.
Speaker 02 (28:59):
Well, we definitely talked.
I don't want to ruin minebecause I'm going to bring it up
on a comedy cachet.
But it has to do with schoolshootings.
Yeah.
I don't want to ruin it, but wecould talk about it, I guess.
No, no, no.
Save it.
Save it.
Okay.
Yeah.
But that one we kind of went ona tangent with.
I know we talked about startinga coon army.
Speaker 01 (29:20):
Oh, no.
We did talk about one thingabout how I cough a lot.
How I die every time.
Yeah, every
Speaker 02 (29:29):
time you're messing with paraphernalia.
Speaker 01 (29:31):
And I was talking about how I hope with modern
technology in the future I canget an oxygen tank with like a
THC dispenser to the side.
And just walk around bliss.
80% oxygen, 20% THC all thetime.
Keep me right.
Speaker 02 (29:45):
I don't think...
You know, it's funny.
Water doesn't even help myvoice at this point.
Speaker 01 (29:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (29:51):
That's
Speaker 01 (29:51):
another
Speaker 02 (29:51):
thing is like there's so much yelling because
like your parties...
Speaker 01 (29:55):
I feel like you weren't even like that...
wild this year compared to theprevious years I
Speaker 02 (29:59):
know but we got so separated so many times I found
myself like yelling down riverlike a hundred or more yards and
it's just so hard to like makeyour voice carry that far away
Speaker 01 (30:11):
yeah but you know if you have a fucking Apple watch
and if the other people usetheir walkie talkie app oh I
Speaker 02 (30:17):
didn't even think about that
Speaker 01 (30:19):
yeah
Speaker 02 (30:19):
why didn't we think
Speaker 01 (30:20):
you know
Speaker 02 (30:20):
what
Speaker 01 (30:21):
next year megaphone even better well that would get
wet as fuck probably I think thewatch thing is probably the
better Better idea.
How many years away are youfrom getting a flagpole with a
flag?
For the float?
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (30:34):
Not.
I'm there next year.
I never even thought about ituntil now.
Can we get a pirate's flag?
Speaker 01 (30:40):
Whatever.
Speaker 02 (30:42):
And then we start stealing people's tubes from the
bank.
Speaker 01 (30:46):
Start putting them in the water while they're on
the bank.
It's just empty tubes flowingdown.
Speaker 02 (30:51):
We are the pirates of the fucking current, dude.
Oh, that's happening next year.
Current River Pirates, patentedby yours truly, the Days Grimm
Podcast.
Yeah, dude, I think a flagpolewould be tits, dude, but how
would you mount it?
Speaker 01 (31:07):
I mean, you just have to get some sort of
flagpole and then maybe likesome cooler attachment or...
Ooh,
Speaker 02 (31:13):
yep.
Mount it to the cooler like alittle bracket on the side.
Or something.
Throw some screws through itand then you just mount your
pirate flag.
You are a fucking genius.
Speaker 01 (31:23):
I don't get my due credit.
Speaker 02 (31:24):
No, you really don't.
God damn.
Make a note.
Jot that down.
What am I jotting
Speaker 01 (31:30):
down?
Pirate flag next year.
Tom needs due credit.
Speaker 02 (31:34):
Oh, dude.
But yeah, all in all, man,yeah, second night was smooth.
Went to bed way earlier.
Woke up, stretched out.
The worst part, worst partabout doing the Casey's or, you
know, just floating on CurrentRiver, and I don't know if you
experienced this.
Did you sleep on an airmattress?
No.
So we did.
We've done it now three yearsin a row now.
The air mattress is nice, allright?
(31:56):
No rocks in your back or yourneck.
It's still not ideal,
Speaker 01 (31:59):
but it's...
Maybe you have to wake up inthe middle of the night and turn
it on.
It's...
Speaker 02 (32:01):
What?
Speaker 01 (32:03):
eventually you'll hit a point where you have to
wake up in the middle of thenight, turn your air mattress
on, Get off the ground a littlebit.
Speaker 02 (32:08):
Oh, no.
Ours held.
We just have a little baby one.
It's only a couple inches tall.
But anyways, it's just enoughto keep you off the ground.
And it holds good.
But that being said, when Iwoke up the fucking, what would
that be?
Sunday morning at like 9 a.m.
And you were already cooking orgetting ready to cook.
I like woke up and Chris islike, hey, are you going to get
out of bed?
And I was like, yeah, I thinkso.
And I like my eyes were superheavy because I'd been drinking
(32:30):
all day yesterday.
And I like wake up.
I sit up in the air mattress.
And as I sit up, because it'san air mattress.
and you're kind of like wobbly.
And I was like, am I stillfucked up?
I felt like I was back on theriver.
So word of warning, if you'resleeping on an air mattress,
you're going to feel like you'refloating on the river when you
wake up and you might still befucked up.
Speaker 01 (32:51):
Yeah.
And I woke everybody up to someAI Motown.
Speaker 02 (32:54):
I love it, dude.
Can we outro on that?
Do you have some of that pulledup?
We need to outro on that.
So I'll let you work on that aswe draw to a conclusion here.
But yeah, so for all of youthat have, oh damn, I forgot our
fucking tube's not working.
Oh, mother fuck.
We're not going to be able todo it, are we?
I don't know.
Do you have one in the queue ontunes?
(33:16):
See if you have one in thequeue on tunes.
Kind of.
But yeah, for all of you thathave heard about us taking these
weeks off for these floattrips, this is what we're
experiencing.
And it's a hell of a time.
If you've never done it, getdown to Missouri.
There's like five differentpeople you can float with.
There's like Rocky River.
It's
Speaker 01 (33:35):
good to take time in nature and disconnect.
Also, like, I mean...
You can't use your phone.
Well, yeah, but like we cameback and we were like, all
right, we got like these ideasfor the pod.
Speaker 02 (33:45):
Yeah, dude.
It was not...
It's nice to unplug.
There's limited cell phoneusage.
I didn't even look at my cellphone really at all to send a
Snapchat.
So I made sure I kept mystreaks.
But other than that, I didn'teven look at my phone.
It was just all love, all humaninteraction, all nature
interaction.
Speaker 01 (34:03):
My rabbit had babies while we were gone.
Speaker 02 (34:05):
So many dogs on the river this year.
I loved that.
Loved seeing a dog on thewater.
um yeah it's just really reallygreat to get out there so if
you're into that dude if thatsounds like fun get down there
man because uh supporting thosebusinesses is huge um i'm trying
to think my main takeaway fromthe uh float trip this year was
uh yeah honestly cooninteraction
Speaker 01 (34:27):
yeah
Speaker 02 (34:28):
coon on human human coon human interaction
Speaker 01 (34:32):
Gotcha.
Speaker 02 (34:33):
Yeah, I want more of it.
I want to start a raccoon army,and I think Jake is going to
support me in that goal.
Speaker 01 (34:38):
Yeah, and you're just going to start giving
raccoons acid and brainwashthem.
What was that, Chaos Book orwhatever it was?
Speaker 02 (34:46):
MKUltra.
Yeah.
I'm going to start my ownraccoon MKUltra program in
southern Indiana.
There's plenty of them here,folks.
What was your number onetakeaway from this year's
Current River trip?
Speaker 01 (34:57):
Just how insignificant we are, you know?
Speaker 02 (35:01):
Nice.
Very not depressing.
Speaker 01 (35:03):
Uh, no, I'm just talking about in general, like
humans, you know, in general,like you're out there in the
water surrounded by all thisnature and then like, you think
about it and you're just like,like the current, like when that
situation happened, it's like,yo, like I was helpless in this
situation.
Like that's insignificant.
You know what I mean?
Like, like, something couldhave happened there.
And then like, yeah, it wouldhave been sad for the like
people directly involved, butwhen it mattered longterm,
Speaker 02 (35:25):
one really important note, we should mention, uh, to
your point, that river can bedangerous.
People do die on that river.
It is shallow.
That water moves fast.
If you are going to go and youare going to drink, do it
responsibly because people dieon that river all the time.
They get caught up on ropes andtrees and they fucking drown.
So like drink, have a goodtime, but also pay the fuck
(35:46):
attention to everything aroundyou and, and, hopefully you know
how to swim.
Yeah.
Stay coherent enough to be ableto doggy paddle.
That's important.
Yeah.
That is very fucking
Speaker 01 (35:56):
keep your head above water.
Speaker 02 (35:57):
Yeah.
Somebody else.
I'll send my buddy Tim to comesave you.
He's basically a lifeguard.
Amen.
Yeah, man.
So I love you, Tom.
Love you.
Long time.
This has been another thrillingepisode of the day's grim
unless I'm missing something.
Speaker 01 (36:08):
No.
This has been another one.
This is for the fans.
We thought you deserved morethan that.
A little
Speaker 02 (36:14):
BTS, dude.
A little BTS behind the scenesof why the fuck are we not
getting a podcast this week.
Now, here we are.
We're going to outro on someMotown.
What are we outroing on?
What is this?
Speaker 01 (36:25):
This is March Madness by Future Dunn and
Motown.
Speaker 02 (36:28):
Oh, yeah, brother.
I love you so much.
Another good year, brother.
All right.
Speaker 00 (36:34):
Thank you, guys.
Goodbye.
All right.
Like I'm playin' for theMavericks I don't wanna fuck the
(36:59):
bitch, the molly made me fuckher even though she average
Dirty money in a cup, 45 by mygut My young nigga in a cut,
take you out for some jointsThis cop is money, no rush, I'm
on a one-way flush Loud paintsmellin' mustard You fuckin'
(37:19):
ponies can't touch me Youfuckin' ponies can't touch me
You fuckin' niggas can't touchme I apply the pressure with the
VVS I drive the Ford like itwas a Chevy Drive the Ford like
it was a Chevy Lift it up and onan offset Fuck a Cougar like
she had a baby Future hitters,dirty Sprite legendary Throw
(37:41):
that summer in a style phone Wethe ones that kept it cool with
all these niggas till theseniggas start actin' Shoot a
nigga like a film in a movie,nigga, gon' let him have it All
(38:04):
in like the March Madness, allthese cops shootin' niggas The
(38:41):
city we move post up and I needto shoot us a move Post up and I
need to shoot us a movie Takethe tune aside the club just in
case I never ever gotta use it.
You're afraid of coming for meI don't wanna fuck the bitch the
(39:29):
mother made me fuck
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