374. The Dark Side of Retail Therapy

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In this episode of the Debt Free Dad Podcast, host Amber explores the psychology behind emotional spending and how financial stress leads to impulsive buying habits. Drawing from real studies and personal experiences, she explains why people turn to shopping for temporary relief and offers actionable tips to break the cycle. Discover how understanding emotional triggers, delaying purchases, finding alternative feel-good activities, and implementing a simple money system can help you gain control over your finances. 

Sources 

Black, D. W. (2007). Compulsive buying disorder. CNS Drugs.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1805733/ 

Emotional difficulties & compulsive buying study (2024).
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11737423/ 

Coping styles & compulsive buying tendencies (2021).
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9669662/ 

Consumer indebtedness & psychological factors (2015).
https://arxiv.org/abs/1502.05911 

Recommendation agents & impulsive purchasing (2016).
https://arxiv.org/abs/1606.01349 

Psychology Today – Emotional Spending (2023).
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/mental-wealth/202305/the-psychology-of-emotional-spending 

Why shopaholics overspend — San Francisco State University study summary (2013).
https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/499300 

Homewood Health Centre — Money & Mood article.
https://homewoodhealthcentre.com/articles/money-and-mood/ 

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Episode Transcript

Amber (00:00):
So, why is it that the more out of control life feels,
especially with money, the morewe want to buy stuff?
Like bills are due, you'restressed, your card is crying,
and somehow you're still in acheckout line convincing
yourself you deserve that thing.

Announcer (00:22):
You're listening to the Debt Free Dad podcast with
Brad Nelson.
Brad and his co-hostsexperience the anxiety of living
paycheck to paycheck beforelearning the fundamentals of
financial success.
They are now on a mission toempower regular people to pay
off their debt for good andenjoy happier, less stressful
lives.
Keep listening forinspirational interviews, tips,

(00:44):
tricks, and practical advice togain financial freedom.

Amber (00:51):
I'm Amber, today's host for the Debt Freedom Podcast.
Myself and my husband paid offover $54,000 in just 20 months,
and we have been livingdebt-free outside of our
mortgage since 2018.
Today I'm diving into somethinga lot of people deal with, but
almost nobody talks about.

(01:11):
It's not just I'm bad withmoney or I'm impulsive.
There's actually psychologybehind this, real studies, real
data.
And when you understand what'sgoing on in your brain, you can
finally break this cycle insteadof living in it.
Let's start with the obvious.
When life feels chaotic, whenmoney is tight, when you feel

(01:35):
like you can't catch a break,you get stressed, you feel
anxious, you feel powerless.
And humans hate feelingpowerless.
Research shows, and I'm goingto link all of this in the show
notes, that when we're stressedor upset, our brain looks for
fast relief, something quick,something easy, something that

(01:59):
feels like control.
And you know what offers allthree?
Buying something.
A 2024 study using the iPacemodel actually shows that people
who have a harder timeregulating emotions, stress,
sadness, frustration are morelikely to use shopping as a

(02:21):
coping mechanism.
Not because they want the item,but because they want the
relief.
This is why a lot of peopleliving paycheck to paycheck fall
into this trap.
It's not because they'reirresponsible, it's because
they're overwhelmed.
And buying something createsthis tiny pocket of, okay, that

(02:42):
felt good.
Life doesn't suck for the nextfive minutes.
But then the bill comes.
And now you've added morestress to the pile you were
trying to escape from in thefirst place.
With that purchase comes thatlittle hint of happiness because
it's real.
Buying something releasesdopamine, the same chemical

(03:06):
behind excitement andmotivation.
The add-to-cart button isdesigned to make you feel good.

But here's the kicker (03:14):
it's temporary and very temporary at
that.
Psychology Today and HomewoodHealth both talk about how
emotional spending gives peoplea little boost, but the crash is
brutal.
It's kind of like sugar.
You feel guilt, regret,embarrassment.

(03:38):
You tell yourself seriously,why did I think a $40 cup was
going to fix my life?
And that shame often leads tomore spending.
It becomes a cycle.
Feel bad, buy something.
Feel better for 10 minutes,feel worse, buy something again.

(03:59):
And it digs the financial holedeeper and deeper every single
time.
Now, this blows people's minds.
You'd think that people who arebroke or living paycheck to
paycheck would spend the least.
But research shows the oppositecan be true.
When you feel out of control,when you feel behind, when you

(04:23):
feel like everyone else isliving this perfect Instagram
life, you're even more likely tospend money you don't have.
Because buying becomes hope.
Buying becomes the escape.
Buying becomes a moment whereyou feel like you're not

(04:45):
struggling, even though youstill are.
There's a study on consumerindebtedness that talks about
how a mix of stress,impulsivity, the way online
shopping platforms are designedmakes vulnerable people even
more vulnerable.
Especially with one-clickcheckout, pay later buttons,

(05:11):
targeted ads.
My gosh, you look something upfor one second because you're
curious, and the ads arerelentless.
Companies know what they'redoing, they study this stuff
too, just for the oppositereasons we're talking about.
So let's discuss what to doinstead.

(05:33):
Because this podcast is aboutactually helping you move
forward, not just pointing outproblems.
Number one, start payingattention to your emotional
triggers.
Next time you're reaching foryour phone or adding something
to your cart, ask yourself onequestion.
Am I buying this because I needit?

(05:55):
Or because I'm trying to changehow I feel right now in this
moment.
That one question alone canstop so many impulse buys.
Number two, delay the purchase.
Try a 24-hour or heck, even a48-hour rule for anything
non-essential.

(06:15):
If you still want it after twodays, at least the decision
wasn't emotional.
Number three, find other waysto get that feel-good hit.
A walk, a hobby, calling afriend, journaling, literally
anything that doesn't costmoney.
And number four, get a simplemoney system in place, a budget,

(06:40):
a spending plan, trackingpurchases.
You've heard us talk about itover and over again.
Clarity creates control.
And when you start to feel morein control, that urge to buy
your happiness slowly fades.
And I'll be honest, when myhusband and I were deep in debt,
we weren't going out and buyingthousand-dollar things.

(07:03):
It was the small treats, the$20 here, the $15 there, Amazon
showing up at the door like aparade.
It wasn't the items, it was thefeeling.
I was stressed.
I felt behind.
But I paid for that moment ofokay for a very long time.

(07:33):
Once I understood that I wasn'tactually buying items, I was
buying the feeling, everythingchanged.
So if you take nothing elsefrom this episode, take this.
But you can build control, onechoice at a time, one pause at a

(08:04):
time, one not today at a time.
If you want more help gettingback into the driver's seat with
your money, check out our freeresources at debtfreedad.com.
And as always, thanks forhanging out with me today.
We will see you on the nextepisode.

Announcer (08:27):
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(08:48):
Catch you next week.