The Pursuit of Happiness (and Why It’s the Wrong Goal)

Media Links:
Website: delvepsych.com
Instagram: @delvepsychchicago
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20
Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/

Participants:
Hosts:

• Ali McGarel

• Adam Fominaya

Overview of Big Ideas:
In this thoughtful and energizing episode, Ali and Adam challenge the popular notion that happiness should be life’s ultimate goal. They explore the deeper psychological and philosophical underpinnings of emotional well-being, drawing from Buddhism, Stoicism, and lived clinical experience. Instead of chasing or clinging to happiness, they propose a shift toward emotional equanimity, self-efficacy, and values-driven action. Along the way, they reflect on toxic positivity, motivation, burnout, and how to live meaningfully even when emotions are hard.

Breakdown of Segments:

• Intro & Purpose of the Podcast
  Ali and Adam reaffirm Delve’s mission: providing value without chasing fame or ads, and building a community rooted in thoughtful conversations.

• Philosophical Grounding of Therapy
  Adam positions psychology as more of a philosophical discipline than a purely scientific one. Therapy, to him, is about offering perspectives—not solutions.

• The Misconception of Happiness as a Goal
  The hosts unpack the futility of pursuing happiness as a constant state. Instead, they frame happiness as a fleeting experience—not an end point to strive for or cling to.

• Cultural Roots of Toxic Positivity
  They explore how advertising, capitalism, and individualistic ideals reinforce the idea that products and achievements should lead to happiness.

• The Graduate School Mentality & Deferred Joy
  Both share personal stories of grinding through training with the false hope that happiness comes after milestones. Instead, they advocate for living during the process.

• The 85% Rule for Productivity
  Adam shares his personal rule: if a project is 85% done, your motivation doesn’t matter—you just need to finish it. It’s a practical take on discipline and completion.

• Reframing Emotional Goals in Therapy
  Rather than eliminating negative emotions, the goal is to build a relationship with them. Therapy helps people live with emotions, not eradicate them.

• Values Over Emotions: The Granny Metaphor
  A powerful story about visiting Granny despite a fear of bridges helps illustrate acting in service of values over emotional avoidance.

• Motivation Comes from Action, Not the Other Way Around
  They debunk the myth that motivation must come before action—highlighting how action often breeds motivation.

• Social Media, False Signals, and Inner Reality
  A reflection on how curated online lives can hide emotional realities, even unintentionally.

• Closing Reflection: “Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There”
  Adam explains the wisdom behind choosing presence over reaction, especially in emotionally charged moments. Slowing down can deepen relationships and prevent emotional reactivity.

References:

• Stoic philosophy (Epictetus)

• Buddhist perspectives on suffering and happiness

• Les Greenberg (emotion-focused therapy)

• The Barkley Marathons documentary

• Self-Determination Theory (teased for future episodes)