June 19, 2024 • 42 mins
In this enriching episode of The Dental Wealth Nation Show, host Tim McNeely is joined by Nithya Karia, a renowned happiness coach and author of the influential book, "High Vibe Habits." Together, they explore the transformative power of happiness and how it can lead to increased empathy, creativity, and collaboration.
Nithya Karia delves deep into the importance of reducing stress and opening the mind to new possibilities. By practicing curiosity and controlling what we can actually control, she reveals how these practices can foster a positive shift in mindset, leading to powerful personal and professional growth. Listeners will learn how to harness energy for positive change and the impact of directing this energy towards meaningful outcomes.
Throughout the episode, Tim McNeely praises the impactful shift in focus and mindset, emphasizing the need to seek abundance even in a world that often appears scarce. Nithya Karia shares her journey, emphasizing that happiness is not merely about external achievements but about receiving and planning for true fulfillment. She addresses the common struggles of achievers who feel trapped by measurable goals and societal expectations.
Listeners will gain insights into the significance of being human beings rather than human doings, as Nithya Karia encourages a flexible approach to self-improvement. By taking small steps and checking in with one's feelings, individuals can achieve a state of balance and empowerment. This episode also highlights the misconceptions about happiness being fragile and dependent on external factors, urging individuals to prioritize their own well-being.
Additionally, Nithya Karia and Tim McNeely discuss the importance of self-care, enlightened self-interest, and acting with intention to be of service to others. Nithya's workshops and her book "High Vibe Habits" are designed to help people thrive without exhausting themselves, shifting their perspective to a more empowered state of being.
Join us for a captivating conversation with Nithya Karia as she shares valuable strategies for improving well-being, achieving personal growth, and realizing the impacts on happiness and achievements when focusing on "being" rather than just "doing." Don't miss this enlightening episode offering a framework for personal growth and tips for a fulfilling life journey.
For more information, visit Nithya Karia’s website or follow her on social media. Listen in to take control of your happiness and create the life you desire.
Discussion Questions:
- **Mindset Shift Techniques:** Nithya Karia emphasizes the importance of reducing stress to enhance empathy, creativity, and collaboration. What techniques or practices can you implement in your daily life to reduce stress and open your mind?
- **Curiosity in Communication:** How can fostering a sense of curiosity transform your approach to handling unexpected situations and communicating with others?
- **Control and Influence:** Discuss the concept of focusing on what you can control. How does this practice impact your overall well-being and stress levels?
- **Energy and Positive Change:** How can you harness and direct your energy towards creating positive change in your personal and professional life?
- **Myths of Happiness:** Nithya addresses the misconception that happiness is fragile and reliant on external factors. How can this mindset shift help you prioritize your well-being?
- **Balance Between Achieving and Receiving:** Nithya talks about finding a balance between achieving goals and receiving joy. How can you create this balance in your life, and why is it important for long-term happiness?
- **Enlightened Self-Interest:** What does acting with enlightened self-interest mean to you, and how can it enhance both your life and your ability to help others?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
As a driven dentist, you see the world differently where some
see scarcity. You see abundance. When others wanna give
up, you keep going. You're building an amazing life
of significance. That means you can't rely on ordinary
advice from ordinary advisors to get to your goals. You want
advice that's going to help maximize your net worth so you can
(00:25):
take even better care of the people you love, the causes you care
about, and make your dent in the universe.
But the fact is this advice remains hidden because
relatively few professionals are well versed in them, and the extremely
affluent don't care to let you know about them. Join
us as we pull back the curtain to reveal the often hidden
(00:47):
advice and strategies used by today's most successful
individuals and families. Welcome to Dental
Wealth Nation. Here's your host, Tim McNealy.
Welcome, everyone. I am so excited to have you here on another
edition of Dental Wealth Nation. And and happiness, right, the
(01:09):
elusive happiness, what if you could only be happy?
Well, what if the solution for happiness was closer than
what you thought? And that's why I'm so excited that you're here today is because
by the time we finish today, you're gonna know that the solution for
being happy lies a lot closer than what you think. You're gonna have the
opportunity to reverse engineer your path to happiness. That's right. You can
(01:31):
reverse engineer and actually create happiness. But most importantly of all,
you're gonna feel inspired to offer yourself the gift of awareness.
And I am so excited to be here today with Nithya Karya. Nithya is
a happiness coach, and she's the author of the upcoming book, High Vibe
Habits. But what I really love about Nithya is that she's been
able to step into living her own strengths. And in that
(01:53):
process, she can help you find the same freedom to be yourself.
Nithya, welcome to the show. Thank you, Tim. So excited to be
here. Oh my gosh. Right. Happiness. It's such a a topic. Right?
All of us chase happiness. We we we deal with depression
and anxiety and and and just a a crazy world out there.
So so give me a little bit about your background Nation and how did you
(02:16):
start on this path to harness the power of happiness?
Yeah. So I think like a lot of us, Tim, I
started out I came from a family that my parents, I feel really
lucky. They were really supportive of me. And, you know, while they pushed
education, they also really wanted me to
be happy. But what I didn't realize at the
(02:37):
time is nobody told me, you know,
how to do that or that I got to actually prioritize
this. And so I made the assumption based on just a lot of
social conditioning, really, that happiness is just something that comes after I'm
gonna check off certain boxes. And so I did all the things. Right? I was
a a really great box checker. I got great grades. You know, I made everybody
(03:00):
happy, went to a good school, got a great education. I
was, you know, had a great job. I married a wonderful man. I had 2
healthy kids. Right. I had this list and it was, you know,
what I like to call like 2 d 2 dimensional success on a resume.
I mean, my life looked really amazing and exciting. It just
in 3 d though, in real life, it just it it didn't feel that way.
(03:23):
All of it all of the things that I loved were essentially feeling
like they were they were just sucking the life out of
me. Like, it was all to do's and, oh my gosh.
Know, like I love my kids, but like looking at them was like, well, they
gotta eat, they gotta sleep, they gotta bath, they gotta, you know, go to school
and then run this stuff. And I gotta have, you know, good marriages have date
(03:44):
nights, and we gotta plan this and people go on vacation. And, you know, it
was just a list, a never ending list. And every time I looked around,
it was just, I mean, I was a victim of comparison
culture. You know? Oh gosh. She looks like this, or she's doing all this
stuff, and this family is doing this. And, you know, there's really
a never ending list. And I got to a point, I wish I could say
(04:06):
I didn't hit a bottom myself before, but I think there's a lot of
power in, in just reaching a point in life, whatever you want to call
it, where you realize, you know,
what's it's not going to hurt me to try something new at this point. I
give up. Like, I see that the old way just isn't working, and that's
really what happened to me. My husband was hit by a car biking on his
(04:27):
way to work and it just gave me this opportunity
to just really reflect with just stripping it
all away and ask myself, how can I have
all of this stuff that I love and not get to enjoy it? I'm a
really Dental, like, you know, positive uplifting
person. I feel really grateful for the things that I
(04:48):
have, and yet I just wasn't able to really receive
from them. And the journey that I took, the, you know,
the certifications and the trainings and the coachings, all the things that I've done, like,
since have really helped me to distill this idea
that, you know, achievement and the driving, the doing,
the pouring into something, the giving, that is a skill
(05:10):
set. But happiness, feeling
good is actually about receiving, and that's actually a completely
different skill set. And we make the assumption, just like I
was saying, you know, from when I was a kid, that if I just keep
doing all the achieving and the doing and and getting all the
stuff, making it look a certain way that I'm supposed to be
(05:31):
happy in the end because I have it all. Right? But that's so often living
by other people's definitions, doing things
without considering how they're actually making us feel
versus doing something and realizing the whole
point of everything we ever do, all of us as humans, is to
feel good. So if I create a life that doesn't feel good, I'm not gonna
(05:54):
wake up one day 20 years down the road and suddenly feel good.
I get to commit to my happiness the same way I've committed
to, you know, planning my education, my career goals,
having a healthy marriage, you know, even planning a dinner menu. I mean, I even
plan what goes on my dinner table, right? So we get to plan
something as important as our happiness because it isn't just gonna show
(06:17):
up. Because if we're not planning for it, it may come, but it
also, you know, feels like you said, elusive. Like it just kind of
disappears and we don't know why. Yeah. Well, right. You talked
about that planning piece, right, in in checking all the boxes. And I think
that's an assumption a a lot of us, you know, driven professionals
often have is, right, if we keep doing these things, if we
(06:39):
keep pursuing these things, right, once I achieve this, once I
achieve that, right, we and we do sometimes get a boost from those, but it
it seems to become a burden over time. And so, right,
I I I hear you saying really that the happiness doesn't come from
achieving. Right. So, you know, exactly. I
love that you brought up the point that it does give us a boost because
(07:00):
I think it's people who are driven and doing is is a bit of a
part of our personality. Right? I love being in things and
doing things and learning and and feeling expansive.
But if I rely again on the same tactics that were
strengths for my achievement, they are not necessarily
and in fact, sometimes I can actually, you know, be harmful, be to
(07:23):
my detriment when I'm using them to try to feel good
because I can't push it. It's it's really again,
happiness is an internal condition. It's a way that I see. So it's a way
that I allow myself to receive that really values it's, you know, like
the yin and the yang, right? I mean, how many of us feel
uncomfortable just sitting? Like right? Like, I mean, I
(07:45):
had the hardest time to especially if somebody else is doing
something, I feel like, oh, I need to get up and do something too. How
can I be the person that sits down? That's, you know, not helping her
out or, you know, just being more active. There's
we've just created so much meaning, I think, as achievers
because I think the stuff that makes us feel good, it doesn't have
(08:07):
it's not so easily defined or, you know, as a check mark.
And there is a lot of value to the tools that we can use towards
our happiness. I do believe in, you know, meditation and
eating well and, you know, exercising and moving our bodies.
But what I am not a proponent of is just creating
a really rigid framework for ourselves that we then say, okay, I'm
(08:29):
going to I've decided I woke up this morning and I want to be a
healthier person. I want to be happier. So I'm going to go to the
gym. So I have more energy and, you know, I'm going to eat
really healthy. And I start to again use what so many
of us do in an Achiever state, which is Wealth just, we,
we pick a goal and it's a super high goal because that's what we do.
(08:52):
And then if something happens and we fall short, it is
failure. Oh, great. I am not a person who I'm just not a
person who wakes up early and goes to the gym. I'm just not a person
who can keep eating healthy. I just love eating, you know, ice
cream. But the problem is is that every time we experience
that, our brain starts to create these I am beliefs,
(09:13):
and that's just a story for ourselves.
So I like to as a as a tactic is really is what I teach
in my framework is taking a staircase model. So
wherever you are right now, the goal is to create the next step towards what
you want, but to be able to do so with consistency. So it's gotta be
a small stretch. So if I'm not working out at all, a stretch for
(09:36):
me might be 15 minutes of something. Right? And it's not gonna be
necessarily buying a gym membership or, you know, whatever,
doing a super hard workout that I don't even enjoy.
There has to be an element that is that moves the goal needle.
So what's the goal? But also considering how am I
feeling in this process. And it's a nuance that,
(09:58):
again, when I get to work with people in my own programs,
that's something that we get to talk about. But, you know, for everyone
listening, the idea is really that how you
feel matters. And it doesn't mean it's the excuse
along the way. It doesn't always have to change the decision you make, but it
is important to be aware. So if I said, you know, if
(10:21):
I using a gym example. Right? If I say, okay, I wanna exercise for 15
minutes every day and I get up and I roll out my yoga mat. When
I when my alarm goes off, I may not want to get up,
but and I'm aware of that feeling. If I say, gosh, this does not feel
good, but I've made a commitment. So there it's you know, so I get up
and I do it. But if I do it for 3 weeks or a week
(10:42):
or whatever and it still feels miserable, I get to reevaluate it. Again, this
flexible thinking helps us find what's gonna both
move us toward the goal needle and feel good. Right? So instead of pushing
hard and driving, being, like, great. I worked out 7 days this week,
but I hate it. Like, it's it's you're we're missing
the mark. Right? We're doing the thing. We're checking off, but we're we
(11:05):
totally lost the compass. Yeah. Well, right, I I think
it's interesting how how we're talking about the this achievement culture
and kinda checking the boxes. And and a lot of Tim, that can actually
trap us and and not lead to fulfillment. In fact, it
can lead to feelings of of shame and failure and loss
because we didn't meet these standards that we set for ourselves or the
(11:28):
standards that we're comparing ourselves to others. So so that Tim me is really
fascinating that sometimes checking the box can actually not
lead to happiness. Yeah. It's it's so true. It's
just it's that, what is it?
It's, I'm forgetting the name now, but yes, it's it
even has a term, right? This, as a prophecy,
(11:51):
but we don't we feel like we have not we
failed because we're just we're too far in and so we
can't go back. We say, okay, well, too bad. I'm in a career I don't
like. I'm in a job I don't like. I'm in a whatever. A marriage I
don't like. I'm in a workout routine I don't like, but I've already been doing
it for so long. So it's a sunk cost fallacy. There it
is. Alright. Perfect. And so we feel like we've created
(12:14):
this Dental, but again, that's part of this really rigid thinking
that I I that the all the work is done when I set the
goal and then I set the course and then I it's on autopilot. But the
truth is is that having needs doesn't make us
weak or imperfect. It makes us human, and we
have needs. And so if we're not meeting them, our
(12:38):
we're just we're not able to experience this feel good
state. And I do wanna mention, right, when I use the word happy,
for me in my work, I know there are a lot of definitions, official definitions,
and each of us has a very personal relationship with this idea
of happiness. But for me, in my work, what I really teach it is
as an empowering state where I feel in control of my
(13:01):
own emotions. Right? I'm choosing the experience that I want,
and I'm feeling in control of myself. A lot of, you know, self mastery,
emotional regulation. So the
the other thing you mentioned that I thought was really fascinating
was you were talking about, right, just the that happiness
comes from receiving, not necessarily from achieving.
(13:23):
And so talk to me a little bit about that because I I know I
struggle with sitting still. I I know I struggle with, you
know, just being because I feel like I wanna be doing. And
so talk to me a little bit about that receiving piece. Yes.
And, you know, all of the doing, all of that
achieving, we do get to receive from it. Right?
(13:45):
And this is the piece when I say that everything that we're doing
has the purpose, a singular end goal of making us feel
good. K? Getting a college degree, to having a great job,
making a certain amount of money, living in a certain address, all of those
things are making me feel maybe safe,
secure, loved, connected, abundant, whatever it is, but
(14:07):
all of those make me feel good. And so
when we realize that there's a singular state, all of the work that we're pouring
in, we can start to have this new lens that
allows us to say, okay. All of this achieving does let me feel
good. That's great. But that's just a piece of it. Right? What
(14:31):
is on all the Tim? Everything has this this
sort of balance, this this, you know, full
circle nature to it, the cyclical nature. So
if I have decided that I don't
value the meaning I create around rest, around
having fun, around treating myself to something. What do I
(14:54):
even consider a treat? I used to, you know, not even buy myself a
cup of tea because I was like, I don't need to spend the, you know,
the 2.50 or the 3 or whatever it was.
Right?
(16:03):
Hey. We lost Nithya there, so I'm sure she will be back
on in a moment. But we are here talking about the power
of happiness, and, we are just talking about
the importance of receiving instead of achieving. We've been talking
about just, you know, being human beings and not human
doings, and it looks like we've got a little connection issue. So
(16:26):
waiting for Anithia to jump back on here.
I will text her. We will come back to the show
quickly, so hang tight, everyone.
(16:48):
Hi. Wealth back. I think we had a little connection snafu, but I was
just talking through everyone and and and sharing with them what we've been
covering so far. And we've been having just such a great conversation
about happiness, about receiving. And and I made the comment that I
think so many of us get caught up, and we think we're human doing instead
of human beings. Exactly. Really need to focus on human
(17:10):
beings. And and my follow-up question to you was gonna be, you know,
just really thinking about, like, right, if we're if we're this high performing individual,
if you're listening to this, if you're if you're just feeling like, hey. I I
I know objectively when I look around, like, everything looks great,
but internally, they're just not feeling well. What are some of the
first steps that they can take to start making better decisions
(17:34):
and really leveraging that that quest and that that journey towards
happiness? How can we start on that? Yeah. I think, again, starting with the
with the right question always leads us to the right answer. And,
you know, I have a a download that has these questions that breaks down each
of the habits just to a single question as a really kind of easy Dental
entryway into this type of work. And the first
(17:56):
question I always say is, you know, it matters how you feel
because how you feel is is if you're not feeling great,
whether that's worried or stressed, frustrated, irritated,
and you're feeling this way, you are triggering a stress response within your body.
So your brain is actually not accessing the same
parts. They're just not available when our subconscious
(18:19):
is dealing with another problem. It's saying, wait a
second, I'm not feeling her. I'm not feeling seen. I'm really frustrated. It's trying
to meet another need Wealth our conscious mind is here saying, hey. I'd really
love for this person to, you know, I'd love this person to do what I
need them to do. I'd love, you know, for this conversation to go my
way. And so when it comes to decisions, we want
(18:41):
to understand that when I ask myself this first question to
ask often, how am I feeling right now? If the answer
isn't, I'm feeling pretty good, then the, the thing
we're about to do about to say the thought that we're
having is less likely to be an optimal thought. That
is not the thought that is getting us to that that
(19:02):
optimal outcome we want because we our
lens has been shaded. Right? It's like we put on another pair of glasses and
we just can't see the same things that we see. We don't
think the same thoughts and we don't we don't have the same
ideas. We're not generating the same amount of,
you know, of thoughts that we are having. They're different ones. And so,
(19:24):
we want to recognize that if I'm not feeling good, I need to address that
before I can, before I really want to address
whatever issue is in front of me. And that could be taking a deep breath,
but just addressing how I feel so that even
if I have to deal with something right in front of me, that awareness starts
to shift my mindset. So, right, you talk about, like,
(19:47):
doing this inventory of how do you feel. And and I guess my
question is, right, how should we feel? And and and even
pressing on that some, I know sometimes we may even lack the vocabulary
to even describe how we feel. So so how do we even
assess that? And Yes. You know? Because I know I know some days I wake
up and I feel like I don't wanna get out of bed, but I do
(20:08):
anyway. And so so how do we kind of assess those feelings and even
develop the the language to to understand what we're feeling?
That's such a good point, Tim. You're right. And we don't this is why I
say my work is really a combination between science and intuition. I don't I
mean this, you know, not in a spiritual sense. It is literally that our
mind and body are connected and we don't necessarily have to have a word
(20:31):
to describe how we feel. You know, happy is just as a really
simple word that I I like to use that really is an umbrella term
for this feeling good. Right? We know when we feel good, even if I can't
say, am I on the mark of, you know, super, you know, am I excited?
Am I just pleasant? Am I peaceful? I don't need the nuance of the word
itself is irrelevant. What's more important is that I
(20:53):
can tune in. Right? When I Tim myself, I close my eyes, how do I
feel right now? And I just did a body scan and said, okay, I can
feel that my shoulders are kind of up. I can feel maybe my throat is
tight. I'm I'm feeling like maybe this conversation might be confrontational and I'm
already not liking it. You know, on my on my palm so each of
us is gonna have a physical a physiological reaction to
(21:15):
a stress state. And the more that we check-in and say,
oh, you know, or maybe my muscles feel tight. Maybe I just need to stand
up. Maybe I, yeah, like roll my shoulders back. You
know, we tend to get really Dentist, especially as we're zoned in and
doing our work. You know, sometimes we don't even realize, our breath, how
shallow it gets. So that check-in is really
(21:36):
just asking myself my body, What's happening right now? Am I nervous
butterflies? Right? All of the any of those are signs that I
can use. Right. That that's so interesting because even as you were talking
through that, right, I started just doing that body scan, and you're right. I I
felt I was a little tense, and and I'm like, oh, I can relax the
shoulders. Everything's okay. Whereas if I would have held that posture, right,
(21:58):
even unknowingly Yes. Right, I probably would have left here and felt a little
stressed even though we're not doing anything stressful. Right? So just those
little things. What what a neat little thing. And so wow. How powerful.
I love that. Just kinda checking in and and saying how am I feeling right
now. What what a powerful thing that all of us can do right
here, right Nation. And, I would encourage our listeners. Right? Type below. How
(22:20):
are you feeling? If you got the courage, put it in the chat below. And
if you got some questions for Nithya that you'd love for her to answer,
please go ahead and put them down below. I've put a copy of our high
vibe checklist in there, that quick start, so you can
start on that also. And, so so, Nithya, right, you
know, you talk about right? There's there's really a a a
(22:41):
happiness myth that's out there. And and what is that
myth and and why is it so misleading? Yeah. And I
to my I think the myth that we all believe is that that happiness
is fragile. And we believe this because we make
the assumption that is it's in someone else's hands, right?
It's in the degree. Someone hands me it's in the paycheck. I get
(23:03):
it's in, you know, the address that I that
I have, the car that I Thrive. It's always we're waiting for
someone else to hand it to us in some way, shape, or form. Right?
Maybe it's in the admiration that someone shows me,
and it's really the truth is is that we get
to receive from all of those things. Absolutely.
(23:25):
But we can't maintain this state if we don't offer
it to ourselves. If we don't start disconnecting our work from our
worth. Right. And understanding that as an individual, right, this is one
of those commands that lets me value rest
value, a piece that can't be, you know, can't be
validated in a way by somebody Wealth. Because what matters to
(23:48):
me is to my, my health and my
happiness very rarely matters to somebody else in the same way. So we
don't have a people, you know, people lining up being like, oh, yes, you should
take 5 minutes to yourself for sure. Right? We have people lining
up for for the way that we can support them. Right? What am I doing
for them? And so we get to start
(24:09):
to give ourselves a permission. And we do this again by just checking
in, asking ourselves that one question, how do I feel right now?
It starts to send us the message that I matter. Right? How
I feel matters because I'm a piece. I can't go on serving everybody
else and being a piece a supportive piece in other people's lives
if I'm over here breaking down in the end. Yeah. You know,
(24:32):
I I talk about that in in my book, Dental Wealth Nation. I'm sure you
bring this up in High Vibe Habits also, but, right, we really have to act
with enlightened self interest, and we have to take care of ourselves first.
It's like being on the plane. And if the plane loses oxygen, we have to
put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, not because we're we're
unkind and uncaring. But But if we don't put the oxygen mask on
(24:54):
ourselves, we're gonna be useless to everyone else around us. And so we
really have to look out for ourselves first and to serve others
well. And so talk to me a little bit about High Vibe Habits, the the
genesis of the book, and and really what led you to write this?
Yeah. It's, it was really a way to get my
framework out there because I think planting the seed
(25:16):
has been a really important part of my work because the
people that I work with, we are Thrive, but my goal
is really to show a different way. How can we be driven without
driving ourselves into the ground? Right? How do we really get that lift off so
that we actually get to enjoy all of the amazing
things that we have brought into our life? All of those strengths that we have,
(25:37):
you know, been utilizing and using to create and create
and create. But instead of it being a mountain that we're underneath, that we're
carrying all of this weight and and stress on our shoulders over, that it
really gets to be something that we're the mountain, we're on the top of it.
And we get this really beautiful perspective of, you
know, of what we've created. It's like a champagne tower. When I fill it at
(25:58):
the top right and I fill my cup, I'm it overflows to everybody
else. And that was really what I
wanted to share because this transformation in my own life is something that I experience
the benefits of every Nation. And it's not something that I would
have believed was possible for me in my Dentist. I just I didn't believe in
it. I was in a different place. And I tried. I was like, nope. This
(26:20):
has gotta be the way because this is what I saw around me. So I
really want to inspire and encourage
everybody out there who's naturally driven to understand that there's
nothing wrong with you or where you are. It's just you get an opportunity
to really practice and flex and strengthen a different set of
muscles. And it's going to allow you to, again, harness the
(26:43):
power of your strengths and keep showing up as you in the way
that you're good at, which is as you. And also to
give people the permission to, you know, understand that happiness doesn't mean I'm
always smiling. Feeling good isn't, you know, this constant line. It's
just this this kind of undulating wave, right, that is our life, and
it's just the opportunity that we get to keep rising ourselves up. And we can
(27:05):
take that burden off other people, the relationships in our lives when
we realize we can offer it to ourselves and everyone in our life then
just gets to be a part of this, but we're not codependent on other
people for our happiness. Right? You you can go through the
storms, and the storms will still be awful. They'll still be stressful, but you can
certainly handle them with a lot more grace and poise and and
(27:27):
and joy through the storms if you are doing these things, and and that
allows you to be even better service to to those around you. And
so, you know, I I know when you're coaching circles and in your your
workshops that you lead, you know, you you come across people who are really
struggling with this. And and what are some common challenges that you
really see people face when they're trying to adopt these high vibe
(27:49):
habits? Yeah. It it's really first overcoming, I would
say, a lot of those I am beliefs. People come in just believing that they
are fixed in many ways and
forgetting that, you know, they can be, they're great in this, you know, this part
of their life and maybe in, in this part of their life.
But in this one, they see themselves as as, you know,
(28:11):
not as Nation solution really as I'm lacking or maybe
even it shows up as, you know, my partner is lacking or my
coworker is lacking or, you know, everything would be better
if something else was different. And
what I like to say is this, this is very much like a chess game.
And when we start showing up differently, when we see ourselves
(28:32):
differently, when we start responding differently, we change the game
for everybody else in our lives, for everything else in our lives. Because
when we make a different move, everybody else has a different move to make too.
They've got new options. And so a lot of times when we feel stuck, especially
in relationships or, you know, in work environments where we're working
with the same people, we just feel like, you know, well, there's
(28:54):
nothing I'm gonna be able to do about it. And so we fight fires in
a different way. But I like to talk about my work as really being proactive
about how do I approach this? How can I see this in a different way?
And as soon as we start to see things differently, we see different options.
There's actually more possible than what you're probably seeing right
now. K. So it it really sounds like, right, the the work
(29:15):
starts with helping people come overcome the these I am statements. Right? The
the the current beliefs that they have. And I and I guess that that
even ties back to to part of what you were saying earlier with just, like,
doing this check-in with yourself. And and I know this is a trap I
find myself stuck in sometimes is I'll I'll do that check-in, and I'll be like,
well, how am I doing? I'm like, well, I'm actually kind of miserable. And
(29:37):
then I wonder if that doesn't become, you know, my my attempt
to be, you know, authentic and be honest with myself
doesn't almost lead to a self fulfilling prophecy of all of a sudden,
well, I'm miserable because I said I'm miserable, but I'm just trying to be honest
and authentic with myself. And so how do we kinda sort through that?
How do we be authentic, but yet still push forward?
(30:00):
You know? So a big piece of my book also is what I call
these my 5 habits of clarity, control, confidence, curiosity,
and creativity. They are what I call constructive
constructive strategy. And so what many of us are used
to experiencing are really distracted thoughts. And so
comparison, judgment, guilt, they again Wealth our
(30:23):
eyes off the goal then and we are over here looking at something else
and judgment is one of those. So you use words like with the
assumption, right? That if I'm not feeling good, that must be a bad thing
versus when I can use curiosity to reflect on how I'm feeling.
And I say, Oh, I'm not feeling great right now. I wonder why that
is or what would feel good right now? Maybe I know,
(30:46):
maybe like you did earlier. Right? You roll your shoulders. You intuitively
intuitively have some understanding of how to get yourself to a
better place. And when you go up that one rung, you
see the next rung. Right? We start to see, oh, okay. So
number 1 is again, like I said, not judging. It's not about not feeling
poorly ever. It's really about staying,
(31:08):
asking the right questions to always really build myself up. There's
no need for me to cut myself down. I don't learn better that way. I
scare myself. Right? And that can often be a great motivator for us.
Oh my gosh. What if I fail? I don't want to fail, so I better
do great. That is one way of approaching achievement or
life in Dental, but it feels so much better to
(31:29):
say, okay, to start to redefine some of these terms for us. And that's that
curiosity and the clarity and all of the c's really work together to keep
us on an upward spiral around this because we
do get to have the feelings, but we always get to know that there's
something I can do. So when you check-in the next piece is control. What do
I get to do about it? Because I get to do something about it.
(31:55):
Very powerful. Very, very powerful. And so right? Right? We're
talking about happiness here. We're talking about really, you know, controlling it and harnessing the
power of happiness. And so, you know, we can start putting these habits in place,
and and we certainly may feel more joy. We may feel more happiness. But are
there some other impacts that we might find in our task and our
goals and achievements if we stop focusing less on doing and
(32:17):
more on being? Yeah. I think, you
know, like I was saying earlier, when we can
reduce our stress and we open up our mind to
feel Dental to feel safe, to use these higher
level thinking skills that we're gifted with, We have
more empathy, more creativity. We're better collaborators.
(32:39):
We're just we're seeing the world as possibility
versus, you know, engaging with people or things,
in a way that is rigid and says, well, you've always shown up that
way. I guess you're I know you're gonna respond this way, so I'm not even
gonna try. Right? Or I'm not gonna try to go after this other
goal of expanding my practice or maybe, you
(33:02):
know, spending less hours at work. Again, what makes us happy
gets to be whatever makes us happy for some of it. It's more time at
work. Maybe it's more time with family. Maybe it's more time doing
something that, you know, you're passionate about. It's not about
what you want. It's the fact that you get to offer yourself the thing
and when we start to experience more
(33:23):
just feeling good more often, more becomes possible because
our energy levels Thrive, what we're seeing around us is possible. Just the
way that we engage with people starts to change.
Again, it has this very expansive effect because if I'm safe
and I feel good, I have nothing to do with my energy and
my, you know, my resources other than to start pouring them into other
(33:45):
people, which is what I wake up every morning wanting to do
anyway as an achiever. And this way is really like
a when I say it's like a you know, it's like plugging it in. You
become your own renewable energy source when you show up this way.
So, again, I couldn't possibly say because
possibility is just everywhere when you start to show
(34:07):
up this way because you just you feel it, you live it, you see
it, and you create it. Yeah. Wow. How powerful.
Now you've been kind enough to offer us this high vibe quick start checklist, and
I've put that down below for everyone to to check out. But
what's one item from the checklist that that that you would encourage us
to to go back and and start practicing right away. Right? We've talked about
(34:29):
that that check-in, but is there there may be another item or something else from
that high vibe checklist that that you would recommend as just a good starting
point for all of us? Yeah. I think, you know, the follow-up to that, like
you said, you check-in, but then you didn't do anything about it. So the second
question is really, what do I get to do? Nation and
doing that piece and curiosity, I cannot emphasize
(34:52):
the power of just being able to reflect on ourselves or
on, you know, a situation that we're in with curiosity
versus judgment or comparison or some
lens that really taints again what what we
see. So let's dive into that
curiosity piece real quick, because I I think we hear that, and a lot of
(35:14):
times we just glance over it. But, you know, let's say we're, you know, going
through our day and and all of a sudden something doesn't go as planned, and
and now I'm feeling frustrated or a little irritated.
What do those curiosity questions look like? What what what should what
what might I consider asking about those feelings that are
surfacing? Yeah. So, like, if something
(35:36):
were to happen, say our you know, I lost connection with you on this call.
Yeah. And I could immediately get frustrated Tim be, like, you
know, panicky even. I could get anxious. Oh my gosh. What's gonna happen? This is
live Nation and what am I gonna do? Right? If I just, you know,
I get to understand the control. When it comes to curiosity,
I'm asking the question of what is possible in the
(35:57):
sense of what am I under control of? And that is just
me. That is a foundational pillar of my framework is that there is a
difference between controlling and control. And
what makes us feel safe is control, right? When it's
offering our brain some level of predictability, right? This is what keeps us safe
and alive and all that good stuff. And when
(36:20):
I began to understand that not control,
not controlling things around me, it doesn't
make my life, you know, this disaster and this chaos.
What it actually is is that I understand that I can spend the
energy that I was directing, trying to get my kids to do this, my husband
to do that, my clients to do this, my coworkers to do this and spend
(36:43):
it on how could I be more effective? Right?
How can I change the way I'm showing up? What could I say? What could
I do? That starts to change the Nation. Or if
somebody comes up to me, right, and it's like, you know, I know I use
the kind of roller coaster model, but I really think when things happen to us,
it feels much more like a semi truck. Sometimes it hits us and we're like,
(37:04):
woah. Where did that come from? Right? You walked in the door and now you're,
you know, you're you're stressed and you're screaming. And again,
those used to be things that I reflected on as something
about me. But very often when I use curiosity, especially
in relationships, whether they're professional or personal,
and I get someone says something or reacts a certain
(37:26):
way, I first get curious of, like, oh, I can ask myself,
is there a different way I could have said that? But, also, I'm
wondering right? I'm using my empathy skills to understand,
you know, where are they right now because my goal is still to be an
effective communicator. But when I understand, you know,
how I need to show up, maybe how I need to circumvent something, go around
(37:48):
something, I can be more effective in getting
that information across without making someone defensive because
then they're not listening anymore without being aggressive. Right?
Again, we're shutting them down. So, so much of our communication
just enhances when I take the personal nature out of
life in a way. And I, I don't mean to say that, you know, we
(38:09):
don't get to enjoy and all these feelings and things, but,
really, the framework allows us to create as much as
we can an objective nature to how we're seeing, thinking, and then
delivering. Right? What decisions are we making? How are we communicating
with people? It's just it's really quite a powerful
shift. And, again, with nothing changing in your life,
(38:32):
except what, you know, you. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That that
that's so powerful. And I and I love what you just shared with us
there is right instead of harnessing that energy for the the
anger, the frustration, the the arguments. Right? Harness that
energy to think, well, how can I actually improve the Nation? Right? Because
it it takes inner like, I used to get really angry. It takes a lot
(38:55):
of energy to get angry, and it would wear me out. And and I've
learned over time, like, that's not a good path to pursue. And so but I
love that idea of just thinking about the energy that we expand
pursuing these things that really don't give us good results. So so
what a what a huge mind shift. Thank you for that, and at the end.
And, actually, Sean just jumped in. He says, loving this. You're rocking it, and,
(39:17):
we had a chance to meet Sean at expansion. So, Sean, thanks for
joining in. Glad you're glad you're here with us. But, yeah, so so powerful,
the the happiness that we're talking about. And, you
know, you're also offering a, a happiness on purpose
workshop, High Vibe Habits. Tell us a little bit about that workshop.
Yeah. So this is something that I do, and
(39:41):
it's it's really kind of an entry point. Right? I mean, having
a an a conversation with you or a
it's really a chance to let people kind of sit in this
for longer in this container, in this space that I hold
for allowing ourselves to experience it because I think it
takes time to release. It takes time even from our day, right?
(40:03):
Adjusting from, you know, being at work or wherever you are
into being a workshop or listening to a podcast. Right?
It starts the wheels turning and I think it it always takes
it benefits from the time it takes to first release
what we need to release in order to absorb what we can absorb.
Because, you know, again, like the amount of energy we have is
(40:26):
based, you you know, for spending it doing one thing, we don't have it to
do the other thing. So it's really being intentional about where we're
investing ourselves. And so I create these workshops as an opportunity really
for for people to come and to sit and, you know, practice
it a little bit, experience it, be able to ask questions and the feedback.
Because again, happiness is McNeely personal journey
(40:48):
for each of us. And the framework works because it
isn't a specific list of to do's. It's really a
way to start to see and a way to harness
just the human nature in all of us, that science piece, and
connect it with the intuition of saying only you, Tim, are going to
know what makes Tim happy. I can come up with all of these really
(41:09):
great, you know, things to get you happier and healthier, but they may
not work well for your life. Right? So it's really
this, how do I take the information and offering,
like, strategic curation of what works, what's out there,
and how can you implement that in your life so that it sticks.
Wow. No. I I I love that. I love that you're teaching a framework, and
(41:32):
and it's not another list of things to achieve or to do.
Because oftentimes, that's why we're miserable in the first place is we've been working
on too too many things, and and we really need a new way of being
and a new way of thinking. And as we work on those things, the
happiness can improve because we're we're actually are being a
different way. And so so powerful, and I put the link to the workshop below.
(41:54):
If anyone's interested, I'd encourage you to to check that out. And so,
know, we're coming up on the end of our time here, but, how can we
find you and and and get in touch with you, Nithya? Yeah. You can visit
my website, nithya karya.com, or you can grab that free
download and, you know, join. You can look up some more. I
do group coaching work, and you can also follow me on
(42:15):
Instagram and Facebook, Nithya Karya. Excellent. And
and before we sign off, any closing thoughts for us before we, sign
off here? You know, I guess I just
really want everyone to realize that
that they are by being in control, by allowing
ourselves, giving ourselves that permission, we get to
(42:38):
create the life that we want and it doesn't have to be a waiting game.
That happiness is truly a creating game.
And that's just a gift we get to offer ourselves, but it's a gift that
benefits everyone in your life. Wow.
Well, hey. Thank you so much for being an amazing guest. Thank you for sharing
so generously with us and and just really helping us pursue that
(43:00):
happiness, not just for our own selves, but for for the sake of the people
we love, the causes we care about, and really making a meaningful impact within
the world. So thank you, Nithya. Thank you, Tim. Alright.
Wealth see you all again here soon on the Dental Wealth Nation Show.
You've been listening to Dental Wealth Nation. We hope you've gotten
some useful and practical information from the show. Join us
(43:23):
next time as we pull back the curtain to reveal the often
hidden advice and strategies used by today's most
successful individuals and families and help maximize your
net worth so you can take even better care of the people you
love. Till next time. Make sure to hit the website
atdentalwealthnation.com.
As a driven dentist, you see the world differently where some
see scarcity. You see abundance. When others wanna give
up, you keep going. You're building an amazing life
of significance. That means you can't rely on ordinary
advice from ordinary advisors to get to your goals. You want
advice that's going to help maximize your net worth so you can
(00:25):
take even better care of the people you love, the causes you care
about, and make your dent in the universe.
But the fact is this advice remains hidden because
relatively few professionals are well versed in them, and the extremely
affluent don't care to let you know about them. Join
us as we pull back the curtain to reveal the often hidden
(00:47):
advice and strategies used by today's most successful
individuals and families. Welcome to Dental
Wealth Nation. Here's your host, Tim McNealy.
Welcome, everyone. I am so excited to have you here on another
edition of Dental Wealth Nation. And and happiness, right, the
(01:09):
elusive happiness, what if you could only be happy?
Well, what if the solution for happiness was closer than
what you thought? And that's why I'm so excited that you're here today is because
by the time we finish today, you're gonna know that the solution for
being happy lies a lot closer than what you think. You're gonna have the
opportunity to reverse engineer your path to happiness. That's right. You can
(01:31):
reverse engineer and actually create happiness. But most importantly of all,
you're gonna feel inspired to offer yourself the gift of awareness.
And I am so excited to be here today with Nithya Karya. Nithya is
a happiness coach, and she's the author of the upcoming book, High Vibe
Habits. But what I really love about Nithya is that she's been
able to step into living her own strengths. And in that
(01:53):
process, she can help you find the same freedom to be yourself.
Nithya, welcome to the show. Thank you, Tim. So excited to be
here. Oh my gosh. Right. Happiness. It's such a a topic. Right?
All of us chase happiness. We we we deal with depression
and anxiety and and and just a a crazy world out there.
So so give me a little bit about your background Nation and how did you
(02:16):
start on this path to harness the power of happiness?
Yeah. So I think like a lot of us, Tim, I
started out I came from a family that my parents, I feel really
lucky. They were really supportive of me. And, you know, while they pushed
education, they also really wanted me to
be happy. But what I didn't realize at the
(02:37):
time is nobody told me, you know,
how to do that or that I got to actually prioritize
this. And so I made the assumption based on just a lot of
social conditioning, really, that happiness is just something that comes after I'm
gonna check off certain boxes. And so I did all the things. Right? I was
a a really great box checker. I got great grades. You know, I made everybody
(03:00):
happy, went to a good school, got a great education. I
was, you know, had a great job. I married a wonderful man. I had 2
healthy kids. Right. I had this list and it was, you know,
what I like to call like 2 d 2 dimensional success on a resume.
I mean, my life looked really amazing and exciting. It just
in 3 d though, in real life, it just it it didn't feel that way.
(03:23):
All of it all of the things that I loved were essentially feeling
like they were they were just sucking the life out of
me. Like, it was all to do's and, oh my gosh.
Know, like I love my kids, but like looking at them was like, well, they
gotta eat, they gotta sleep, they gotta bath, they gotta, you know, go to school
and then run this stuff. And I gotta have, you know, good marriages have date
(03:44):
nights, and we gotta plan this and people go on vacation. And, you know, it
was just a list, a never ending list. And every time I looked around,
it was just, I mean, I was a victim of comparison
culture. You know? Oh gosh. She looks like this, or she's doing all this
stuff, and this family is doing this. And, you know, there's really
a never ending list. And I got to a point, I wish I could say
(04:06):
I didn't hit a bottom myself before, but I think there's a lot of
power in, in just reaching a point in life, whatever you want to call
it, where you realize, you know,
what's it's not going to hurt me to try something new at this point. I
give up. Like, I see that the old way just isn't working, and that's
really what happened to me. My husband was hit by a car biking on his
(04:27):
way to work and it just gave me this opportunity
to just really reflect with just stripping it
all away and ask myself, how can I have
all of this stuff that I love and not get to enjoy it? I'm a
really Dental, like, you know, positive uplifting
person. I feel really grateful for the things that I
(04:48):
have, and yet I just wasn't able to really receive
from them. And the journey that I took, the, you know,
the certifications and the trainings and the coachings, all the things that I've done, like,
since have really helped me to distill this idea
that, you know, achievement and the driving, the doing,
the pouring into something, the giving, that is a skill
(05:10):
set. But happiness, feeling
good is actually about receiving, and that's actually a completely
different skill set. And we make the assumption, just like I
was saying, you know, from when I was a kid, that if I just keep
doing all the achieving and the doing and and getting all the
stuff, making it look a certain way that I'm supposed to be
(05:31):
happy in the end because I have it all. Right? But that's so often living
by other people's definitions, doing things
without considering how they're actually making us feel
versus doing something and realizing the whole
point of everything we ever do, all of us as humans, is to
feel good. So if I create a life that doesn't feel good, I'm not gonna
(05:54):
wake up one day 20 years down the road and suddenly feel good.
I get to commit to my happiness the same way I've committed
to, you know, planning my education, my career goals,
having a healthy marriage, you know, even planning a dinner menu. I mean, I even
plan what goes on my dinner table, right? So we get to plan
something as important as our happiness because it isn't just gonna show
(06:17):
up. Because if we're not planning for it, it may come, but it
also, you know, feels like you said, elusive. Like it just kind of
disappears and we don't know why. Yeah. Well, right. You talked
about that planning piece, right, in in checking all the boxes. And I think
that's an assumption a a lot of us, you know, driven professionals
often have is, right, if we keep doing these things, if we
(06:39):
keep pursuing these things, right, once I achieve this, once I
achieve that, right, we and we do sometimes get a boost from those, but it
it seems to become a burden over time. And so, right,
I I I hear you saying really that the happiness doesn't come from
achieving. Right. So, you know, exactly. I
love that you brought up the point that it does give us a boost because
(07:00):
I think it's people who are driven and doing is is a bit of a
part of our personality. Right? I love being in things and
doing things and learning and and feeling expansive.
But if I rely again on the same tactics that were
strengths for my achievement, they are not necessarily
and in fact, sometimes I can actually, you know, be harmful, be to
(07:23):
my detriment when I'm using them to try to feel good
because I can't push it. It's it's really again,
happiness is an internal condition. It's a way that I see. So it's a way
that I allow myself to receive that really values it's, you know, like
the yin and the yang, right? I mean, how many of us feel
uncomfortable just sitting? Like right? Like, I mean, I
(07:45):
had the hardest time to especially if somebody else is doing
something, I feel like, oh, I need to get up and do something too. How
can I be the person that sits down? That's, you know, not helping her
out or, you know, just being more active. There's
we've just created so much meaning, I think, as achievers
because I think the stuff that makes us feel good, it doesn't have
(08:07):
it's not so easily defined or, you know, as a check mark.
And there is a lot of value to the tools that we can use towards
our happiness. I do believe in, you know, meditation and
eating well and, you know, exercising and moving our bodies.
But what I am not a proponent of is just creating
a really rigid framework for ourselves that we then say, okay, I'm
(08:29):
going to I've decided I woke up this morning and I want to be a
healthier person. I want to be happier. So I'm going to go to the
gym. So I have more energy and, you know, I'm going to eat
really healthy. And I start to again use what so many
of us do in an Achiever state, which is Wealth just, we,
we pick a goal and it's a super high goal because that's what we do.
(08:52):
And then if something happens and we fall short, it is
failure. Oh, great. I am not a person who I'm just not a
person who wakes up early and goes to the gym. I'm just not a person
who can keep eating healthy. I just love eating, you know, ice
cream. But the problem is is that every time we experience
that, our brain starts to create these I am beliefs,
(09:13):
and that's just a story for ourselves.
So I like to as a as a tactic is really is what I teach
in my framework is taking a staircase model. So
wherever you are right now, the goal is to create the next step towards what
you want, but to be able to do so with consistency. So it's gotta be
a small stretch. So if I'm not working out at all, a stretch for
(09:36):
me might be 15 minutes of something. Right? And it's not gonna be
necessarily buying a gym membership or, you know, whatever,
doing a super hard workout that I don't even enjoy.
There has to be an element that is that moves the goal needle.
So what's the goal? But also considering how am I
feeling in this process. And it's a nuance that,
(09:58):
again, when I get to work with people in my own programs,
that's something that we get to talk about. But, you know, for everyone
listening, the idea is really that how you
feel matters. And it doesn't mean it's the excuse
along the way. It doesn't always have to change the decision you make, but it
is important to be aware. So if I said, you know, if
(10:21):
I using a gym example. Right? If I say, okay, I wanna exercise for 15
minutes every day and I get up and I roll out my yoga mat. When
I when my alarm goes off, I may not want to get up,
but and I'm aware of that feeling. If I say, gosh, this does not feel
good, but I've made a commitment. So there it's you know, so I get up
and I do it. But if I do it for 3 weeks or a week
(10:42):
or whatever and it still feels miserable, I get to reevaluate it. Again, this
flexible thinking helps us find what's gonna both
move us toward the goal needle and feel good. Right? So instead of pushing
hard and driving, being, like, great. I worked out 7 days this week,
but I hate it. Like, it's it's you're we're missing
the mark. Right? We're doing the thing. We're checking off, but we're we
(11:05):
totally lost the compass. Yeah. Well, right, I I think
it's interesting how how we're talking about the this achievement culture
and kinda checking the boxes. And and a lot of Tim, that can actually
trap us and and not lead to fulfillment. In fact, it
can lead to feelings of of shame and failure and loss
because we didn't meet these standards that we set for ourselves or the
(11:28):
standards that we're comparing ourselves to others. So so that Tim me is really
fascinating that sometimes checking the box can actually not
lead to happiness. Yeah. It's it's so true. It's
just it's that, what is it?
It's, I'm forgetting the name now, but yes, it's it
even has a term, right? This, as a prophecy,
(11:51):
but we don't we feel like we have not we
failed because we're just we're too far in and so we
can't go back. We say, okay, well, too bad. I'm in a career I don't
like. I'm in a job I don't like. I'm in a whatever. A marriage I
don't like. I'm in a workout routine I don't like, but I've already been doing
it for so long. So it's a sunk cost fallacy. There it
is. Alright. Perfect. And so we feel like we've created
(12:14):
this Dental, but again, that's part of this really rigid thinking
that I I that the all the work is done when I set the
goal and then I set the course and then I it's on autopilot. But the
truth is is that having needs doesn't make us
weak or imperfect. It makes us human, and we
have needs. And so if we're not meeting them, our
(12:38):
we're just we're not able to experience this feel good
state. And I do wanna mention, right, when I use the word happy,
for me in my work, I know there are a lot of definitions, official definitions,
and each of us has a very personal relationship with this idea
of happiness. But for me, in my work, what I really teach it is
as an empowering state where I feel in control of my
(13:01):
own emotions. Right? I'm choosing the experience that I want,
and I'm feeling in control of myself. A lot of, you know, self mastery,
emotional regulation. So the
the other thing you mentioned that I thought was really fascinating
was you were talking about, right, just the that happiness
comes from receiving, not necessarily from achieving.
(13:23):
And so talk to me a little bit about that because I I know I
struggle with sitting still. I I know I struggle with, you
know, just being because I feel like I wanna be doing. And
so talk to me a little bit about that receiving piece. Yes.
And, you know, all of the doing, all of that
achieving, we do get to receive from it. Right?
(13:45):
And this is the piece when I say that everything that we're doing
has the purpose, a singular end goal of making us feel
good. K? Getting a college degree, to having a great job,
making a certain amount of money, living in a certain address, all of those
things are making me feel maybe safe,
secure, loved, connected, abundant, whatever it is, but
(14:07):
all of those make me feel good. And so
when we realize that there's a singular state, all of the work that we're pouring
in, we can start to have this new lens that
allows us to say, okay. All of this achieving does let me feel
good. That's great. But that's just a piece of it. Right? What
(14:31):
is on all the Tim? Everything has this this
sort of balance, this this, you know, full
circle nature to it, the cyclical nature. So
if I have decided that I don't
value the meaning I create around rest, around
having fun, around treating myself to something. What do I
(14:54):
even consider a treat? I used to, you know, not even buy myself a
cup of tea because I was like, I don't need to spend the, you know,
the 2.50 or the 3 or whatever it was.
Right?
(16:03):
Hey. We lost Nithya there, so I'm sure she will be back
on in a moment. But we are here talking about the power
of happiness, and, we are just talking about
the importance of receiving instead of achieving. We've been talking
about just, you know, being human beings and not human
doings, and it looks like we've got a little connection issue. So
(16:26):
waiting for Anithia to jump back on here.
I will text her. We will come back to the show
quickly, so hang tight, everyone.
(16:48):
Hi. Wealth back. I think we had a little connection snafu, but I was
just talking through everyone and and and sharing with them what we've been
covering so far. And we've been having just such a great conversation
about happiness, about receiving. And and I made the comment that I
think so many of us get caught up, and we think we're human doing instead
of human beings. Exactly. Really need to focus on human
(17:10):
beings. And and my follow-up question to you was gonna be, you know,
just really thinking about, like, right, if we're if we're this high performing individual,
if you're listening to this, if you're if you're just feeling like, hey. I I
I know objectively when I look around, like, everything looks great,
but internally, they're just not feeling well. What are some of the
first steps that they can take to start making better decisions
(17:34):
and really leveraging that that quest and that that journey towards
happiness? How can we start on that? Yeah. I think, again, starting with the
with the right question always leads us to the right answer. And,
you know, I have a a download that has these questions that breaks down each
of the habits just to a single question as a really kind of easy Dental
entryway into this type of work. And the first
(17:56):
question I always say is, you know, it matters how you feel
because how you feel is is if you're not feeling great,
whether that's worried or stressed, frustrated, irritated,
and you're feeling this way, you are triggering a stress response within your body.
So your brain is actually not accessing the same
parts. They're just not available when our subconscious
(18:19):
is dealing with another problem. It's saying, wait a
second, I'm not feeling her. I'm not feeling seen. I'm really frustrated. It's trying
to meet another need Wealth our conscious mind is here saying, hey. I'd really
love for this person to, you know, I'd love this person to do what I
need them to do. I'd love, you know, for this conversation to go my
way. And so when it comes to decisions, we want
(18:41):
to understand that when I ask myself this first question to
ask often, how am I feeling right now? If the answer
isn't, I'm feeling pretty good, then the, the thing
we're about to do about to say the thought that we're
having is less likely to be an optimal thought. That
is not the thought that is getting us to that that
(19:02):
optimal outcome we want because we our
lens has been shaded. Right? It's like we put on another pair of glasses and
we just can't see the same things that we see. We don't
think the same thoughts and we don't we don't have the same
ideas. We're not generating the same amount of,
you know, of thoughts that we are having. They're different ones. And so,
(19:24):
we want to recognize that if I'm not feeling good, I need to address that
before I can, before I really want to address
whatever issue is in front of me. And that could be taking a deep breath,
but just addressing how I feel so that even
if I have to deal with something right in front of me, that awareness starts
to shift my mindset. So, right, you talk about, like,
(19:47):
doing this inventory of how do you feel. And and I guess my
question is, right, how should we feel? And and and even
pressing on that some, I know sometimes we may even lack the vocabulary
to even describe how we feel. So so how do we even
assess that? And Yes. You know? Because I know I know some days I wake
up and I feel like I don't wanna get out of bed, but I do
(20:08):
anyway. And so so how do we kind of assess those feelings and even
develop the the language to to understand what we're feeling?
That's such a good point, Tim. You're right. And we don't this is why I
say my work is really a combination between science and intuition. I don't I
mean this, you know, not in a spiritual sense. It is literally that our
mind and body are connected and we don't necessarily have to have a word
(20:31):
to describe how we feel. You know, happy is just as a really
simple word that I I like to use that really is an umbrella term
for this feeling good. Right? We know when we feel good, even if I can't
say, am I on the mark of, you know, super, you know, am I excited?
Am I just pleasant? Am I peaceful? I don't need the nuance of the word
itself is irrelevant. What's more important is that I
(20:53):
can tune in. Right? When I Tim myself, I close my eyes, how do I
feel right now? And I just did a body scan and said, okay, I can
feel that my shoulders are kind of up. I can feel maybe my throat is
tight. I'm I'm feeling like maybe this conversation might be confrontational and I'm
already not liking it. You know, on my on my palm so each of
us is gonna have a physical a physiological reaction to
(21:15):
a stress state. And the more that we check-in and say,
oh, you know, or maybe my muscles feel tight. Maybe I just need to stand
up. Maybe I, yeah, like roll my shoulders back. You
know, we tend to get really Dentist, especially as we're zoned in and
doing our work. You know, sometimes we don't even realize, our breath, how
shallow it gets. So that check-in is really
(21:36):
just asking myself my body, What's happening right now? Am I nervous
butterflies? Right? All of the any of those are signs that I
can use. Right. That that's so interesting because even as you were talking
through that, right, I started just doing that body scan, and you're right. I I
felt I was a little tense, and and I'm like, oh, I can relax the
shoulders. Everything's okay. Whereas if I would have held that posture, right,
(21:58):
even unknowingly Yes. Right, I probably would have left here and felt a little
stressed even though we're not doing anything stressful. Right? So just those
little things. What what a neat little thing. And so wow. How powerful.
I love that. Just kinda checking in and and saying how am I feeling right
now. What what a powerful thing that all of us can do right
here, right Nation. And, I would encourage our listeners. Right? Type below. How
(22:20):
are you feeling? If you got the courage, put it in the chat below. And
if you got some questions for Nithya that you'd love for her to answer,
please go ahead and put them down below. I've put a copy of our high
vibe checklist in there, that quick start, so you can
start on that also. And, so so, Nithya, right, you
know, you talk about right? There's there's really a a a
(22:41):
happiness myth that's out there. And and what is that
myth and and why is it so misleading? Yeah. And I
to my I think the myth that we all believe is that that happiness
is fragile. And we believe this because we make
the assumption that is it's in someone else's hands, right?
It's in the degree. Someone hands me it's in the paycheck. I get
(23:03):
it's in, you know, the address that I that
I have, the car that I Thrive. It's always we're waiting for
someone else to hand it to us in some way, shape, or form. Right?
Maybe it's in the admiration that someone shows me,
and it's really the truth is is that we get
to receive from all of those things. Absolutely.
(23:25):
But we can't maintain this state if we don't offer
it to ourselves. If we don't start disconnecting our work from our
worth. Right. And understanding that as an individual, right, this is one
of those commands that lets me value rest
value, a piece that can't be, you know, can't be
validated in a way by somebody Wealth. Because what matters to
(23:48):
me is to my, my health and my
happiness very rarely matters to somebody else in the same way. So we
don't have a people, you know, people lining up being like, oh, yes, you should
take 5 minutes to yourself for sure. Right? We have people lining
up for for the way that we can support them. Right? What am I doing
for them? And so we get to start
(24:09):
to give ourselves a permission. And we do this again by just checking
in, asking ourselves that one question, how do I feel right now?
It starts to send us the message that I matter. Right? How
I feel matters because I'm a piece. I can't go on serving everybody
else and being a piece a supportive piece in other people's lives
if I'm over here breaking down in the end. Yeah. You know,
(24:32):
I I talk about that in in my book, Dental Wealth Nation. I'm sure you
bring this up in High Vibe Habits also, but, right, we really have to act
with enlightened self interest, and we have to take care of ourselves first.
It's like being on the plane. And if the plane loses oxygen, we have to
put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, not because we're we're
unkind and uncaring. But But if we don't put the oxygen mask on
(24:54):
ourselves, we're gonna be useless to everyone else around us. And so we
really have to look out for ourselves first and to serve others
well. And so talk to me a little bit about High Vibe Habits, the the
genesis of the book, and and really what led you to write this?
Yeah. It's, it was really a way to get my
framework out there because I think planting the seed
(25:16):
has been a really important part of my work because the
people that I work with, we are Thrive, but my goal
is really to show a different way. How can we be driven without
driving ourselves into the ground? Right? How do we really get that lift off so
that we actually get to enjoy all of the amazing
things that we have brought into our life? All of those strengths that we have,
(25:37):
you know, been utilizing and using to create and create
and create. But instead of it being a mountain that we're underneath, that we're
carrying all of this weight and and stress on our shoulders over, that it
really gets to be something that we're the mountain, we're on the top of it.
And we get this really beautiful perspective of, you
know, of what we've created. It's like a champagne tower. When I fill it at
(25:58):
the top right and I fill my cup, I'm it overflows to everybody
else. And that was really what I
wanted to share because this transformation in my own life is something that I experience
the benefits of every Nation. And it's not something that I would
have believed was possible for me in my Dentist. I just I didn't believe in
it. I was in a different place. And I tried. I was like, nope. This
(26:20):
has gotta be the way because this is what I saw around me. So I
really want to inspire and encourage
everybody out there who's naturally driven to understand that there's
nothing wrong with you or where you are. It's just you get an opportunity
to really practice and flex and strengthen a different set of
muscles. And it's going to allow you to, again, harness the
(26:43):
power of your strengths and keep showing up as you in the way
that you're good at, which is as you. And also to
give people the permission to, you know, understand that happiness doesn't mean I'm
always smiling. Feeling good isn't, you know, this constant line. It's
just this this kind of undulating wave, right, that is our life, and
it's just the opportunity that we get to keep rising ourselves up. And we can
(27:05):
take that burden off other people, the relationships in our lives when
we realize we can offer it to ourselves and everyone in our life then
just gets to be a part of this, but we're not codependent on other
people for our happiness. Right? You you can go through the
storms, and the storms will still be awful. They'll still be stressful, but you can
certainly handle them with a lot more grace and poise and and
(27:27):
and joy through the storms if you are doing these things, and and that
allows you to be even better service to to those around you. And
so, you know, I I know when you're coaching circles and in your your
workshops that you lead, you know, you you come across people who are really
struggling with this. And and what are some common challenges that you
really see people face when they're trying to adopt these high vibe
(27:49):
habits? Yeah. It it's really first overcoming, I would
say, a lot of those I am beliefs. People come in just believing that they
are fixed in many ways and
forgetting that, you know, they can be, they're great in this, you know, this part
of their life and maybe in, in this part of their life.
But in this one, they see themselves as as, you know,
(28:11):
not as Nation solution really as I'm lacking or maybe
even it shows up as, you know, my partner is lacking or my
coworker is lacking or, you know, everything would be better
if something else was different. And
what I like to say is this, this is very much like a chess game.
And when we start showing up differently, when we see ourselves
(28:32):
differently, when we start responding differently, we change the game
for everybody else in our lives, for everything else in our lives. Because
when we make a different move, everybody else has a different move to make too.
They've got new options. And so a lot of times when we feel stuck, especially
in relationships or, you know, in work environments where we're working
with the same people, we just feel like, you know, well, there's
(28:54):
nothing I'm gonna be able to do about it. And so we fight fires in
a different way. But I like to talk about my work as really being proactive
about how do I approach this? How can I see this in a different way?
And as soon as we start to see things differently, we see different options.
There's actually more possible than what you're probably seeing right
now. K. So it it really sounds like, right, the the work
(29:15):
starts with helping people come overcome the these I am statements. Right? The
the the current beliefs that they have. And I and I guess that that
even ties back to to part of what you were saying earlier with just, like,
doing this check-in with yourself. And and I know this is a trap I
find myself stuck in sometimes is I'll I'll do that check-in, and I'll be like,
well, how am I doing? I'm like, well, I'm actually kind of miserable. And
(29:37):
then I wonder if that doesn't become, you know, my my attempt
to be, you know, authentic and be honest with myself
doesn't almost lead to a self fulfilling prophecy of all of a sudden,
well, I'm miserable because I said I'm miserable, but I'm just trying to be honest
and authentic with myself. And so how do we kinda sort through that?
How do we be authentic, but yet still push forward?
(30:00):
You know? So a big piece of my book also is what I call
these my 5 habits of clarity, control, confidence, curiosity,
and creativity. They are what I call constructive
constructive strategy. And so what many of us are used
to experiencing are really distracted thoughts. And so
comparison, judgment, guilt, they again Wealth our
(30:23):
eyes off the goal then and we are over here looking at something else
and judgment is one of those. So you use words like with the
assumption, right? That if I'm not feeling good, that must be a bad thing
versus when I can use curiosity to reflect on how I'm feeling.
And I say, Oh, I'm not feeling great right now. I wonder why that
is or what would feel good right now? Maybe I know,
(30:46):
maybe like you did earlier. Right? You roll your shoulders. You intuitively
intuitively have some understanding of how to get yourself to a
better place. And when you go up that one rung, you
see the next rung. Right? We start to see, oh, okay. So
number 1 is again, like I said, not judging. It's not about not feeling
poorly ever. It's really about staying,
(31:08):
asking the right questions to always really build myself up. There's
no need for me to cut myself down. I don't learn better that way. I
scare myself. Right? And that can often be a great motivator for us.
Oh my gosh. What if I fail? I don't want to fail, so I better
do great. That is one way of approaching achievement or
life in Dental, but it feels so much better to
(31:29):
say, okay, to start to redefine some of these terms for us. And that's that
curiosity and the clarity and all of the c's really work together to keep
us on an upward spiral around this because we
do get to have the feelings, but we always get to know that there's
something I can do. So when you check-in the next piece is control. What do
I get to do about it? Because I get to do something about it.
(31:55):
Very powerful. Very, very powerful. And so right? Right? We're
talking about happiness here. We're talking about really, you know, controlling it and harnessing the
power of happiness. And so, you know, we can start putting these habits in place,
and and we certainly may feel more joy. We may feel more happiness. But are
there some other impacts that we might find in our task and our
goals and achievements if we stop focusing less on doing and
(32:17):
more on being? Yeah. I think, you
know, like I was saying earlier, when we can
reduce our stress and we open up our mind to
feel Dental to feel safe, to use these higher
level thinking skills that we're gifted with, We have
more empathy, more creativity. We're better collaborators.
(32:39):
We're just we're seeing the world as possibility
versus, you know, engaging with people or things,
in a way that is rigid and says, well, you've always shown up that
way. I guess you're I know you're gonna respond this way, so I'm not even
gonna try. Right? Or I'm not gonna try to go after this other
goal of expanding my practice or maybe, you
(33:02):
know, spending less hours at work. Again, what makes us happy
gets to be whatever makes us happy for some of it. It's more time at
work. Maybe it's more time with family. Maybe it's more time doing
something that, you know, you're passionate about. It's not about
what you want. It's the fact that you get to offer yourself the thing
and when we start to experience more
(33:23):
just feeling good more often, more becomes possible because
our energy levels Thrive, what we're seeing around us is possible. Just the
way that we engage with people starts to change.
Again, it has this very expansive effect because if I'm safe
and I feel good, I have nothing to do with my energy and
my, you know, my resources other than to start pouring them into other
(33:45):
people, which is what I wake up every morning wanting to do
anyway as an achiever. And this way is really like
a when I say it's like a you know, it's like plugging it in. You
become your own renewable energy source when you show up this way.
So, again, I couldn't possibly say because
possibility is just everywhere when you start to show
(34:07):
up this way because you just you feel it, you live it, you see
it, and you create it. Yeah. Wow. How powerful.
Now you've been kind enough to offer us this high vibe quick start checklist, and
I've put that down below for everyone to to check out. But
what's one item from the checklist that that that you would encourage us
to to go back and and start practicing right away. Right? We've talked about
(34:29):
that that check-in, but is there there may be another item or something else from
that high vibe checklist that that you would recommend as just a good starting
point for all of us? Yeah. I think, you know, the follow-up to that, like
you said, you check-in, but then you didn't do anything about it. So the second
question is really, what do I get to do? Nation and
doing that piece and curiosity, I cannot emphasize
(34:52):
the power of just being able to reflect on ourselves or
on, you know, a situation that we're in with curiosity
versus judgment or comparison or some
lens that really taints again what what we
see. So let's dive into that
curiosity piece real quick, because I I think we hear that, and a lot of
(35:14):
times we just glance over it. But, you know, let's say we're, you know, going
through our day and and all of a sudden something doesn't go as planned, and
and now I'm feeling frustrated or a little irritated.
What do those curiosity questions look like? What what what should what
what might I consider asking about those feelings that are
surfacing? Yeah. So, like, if something
(35:36):
were to happen, say our you know, I lost connection with you on this call.
Yeah. And I could immediately get frustrated Tim be, like, you
know, panicky even. I could get anxious. Oh my gosh. What's gonna happen? This is
live Nation and what am I gonna do? Right? If I just, you know,
I get to understand the control. When it comes to curiosity,
I'm asking the question of what is possible in the
(35:57):
sense of what am I under control of? And that is just
me. That is a foundational pillar of my framework is that there is a
difference between controlling and control. And
what makes us feel safe is control, right? When it's
offering our brain some level of predictability, right? This is what keeps us safe
and alive and all that good stuff. And when
(36:20):
I began to understand that not control,
not controlling things around me, it doesn't
make my life, you know, this disaster and this chaos.
What it actually is is that I understand that I can spend the
energy that I was directing, trying to get my kids to do this, my husband
to do that, my clients to do this, my coworkers to do this and spend
(36:43):
it on how could I be more effective? Right?
How can I change the way I'm showing up? What could I say? What could
I do? That starts to change the Nation. Or if
somebody comes up to me, right, and it's like, you know, I know I use
the kind of roller coaster model, but I really think when things happen to us,
it feels much more like a semi truck. Sometimes it hits us and we're like,
(37:04):
woah. Where did that come from? Right? You walked in the door and now you're,
you know, you're you're stressed and you're screaming. And again,
those used to be things that I reflected on as something
about me. But very often when I use curiosity, especially
in relationships, whether they're professional or personal,
and I get someone says something or reacts a certain
(37:26):
way, I first get curious of, like, oh, I can ask myself,
is there a different way I could have said that? But, also, I'm
wondering right? I'm using my empathy skills to understand,
you know, where are they right now because my goal is still to be an
effective communicator. But when I understand, you know,
how I need to show up, maybe how I need to circumvent something, go around
(37:48):
something, I can be more effective in getting
that information across without making someone defensive because
then they're not listening anymore without being aggressive. Right?
Again, we're shutting them down. So, so much of our communication
just enhances when I take the personal nature out of
life in a way. And I, I don't mean to say that, you know, we
(38:09):
don't get to enjoy and all these feelings and things, but,
really, the framework allows us to create as much as
we can an objective nature to how we're seeing, thinking, and then
delivering. Right? What decisions are we making? How are we communicating
with people? It's just it's really quite a powerful
shift. And, again, with nothing changing in your life,
(38:32):
except what, you know, you. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That that
that's so powerful. And I and I love what you just shared with us
there is right instead of harnessing that energy for the the
anger, the frustration, the the arguments. Right? Harness that
energy to think, well, how can I actually improve the Nation? Right? Because
it it takes inner like, I used to get really angry. It takes a lot
(38:55):
of energy to get angry, and it would wear me out. And and I've
learned over time, like, that's not a good path to pursue. And so but I
love that idea of just thinking about the energy that we expand
pursuing these things that really don't give us good results. So so
what a what a huge mind shift. Thank you for that, and at the end.
And, actually, Sean just jumped in. He says, loving this. You're rocking it, and,
(39:17):
we had a chance to meet Sean at expansion. So, Sean, thanks for
joining in. Glad you're glad you're here with us. But, yeah, so so powerful,
the the happiness that we're talking about. And, you
know, you're also offering a, a happiness on purpose
workshop, High Vibe Habits. Tell us a little bit about that workshop.
Yeah. So this is something that I do, and
(39:41):
it's it's really kind of an entry point. Right? I mean, having
a an a conversation with you or a
it's really a chance to let people kind of sit in this
for longer in this container, in this space that I hold
for allowing ourselves to experience it because I think it
takes time to release. It takes time even from our day, right?
(40:03):
Adjusting from, you know, being at work or wherever you are
into being a workshop or listening to a podcast. Right?
It starts the wheels turning and I think it it always takes
it benefits from the time it takes to first release
what we need to release in order to absorb what we can absorb.
Because, you know, again, like the amount of energy we have is
(40:26):
based, you you know, for spending it doing one thing, we don't have it to
do the other thing. So it's really being intentional about where we're
investing ourselves. And so I create these workshops as an opportunity really
for for people to come and to sit and, you know, practice
it a little bit, experience it, be able to ask questions and the feedback.
Because again, happiness is McNeely personal journey
(40:48):
for each of us. And the framework works because it
isn't a specific list of to do's. It's really a
way to start to see and a way to harness
just the human nature in all of us, that science piece, and
connect it with the intuition of saying only you, Tim, are going to
know what makes Tim happy. I can come up with all of these really
(41:09):
great, you know, things to get you happier and healthier, but they may
not work well for your life. Right? So it's really
this, how do I take the information and offering,
like, strategic curation of what works, what's out there,
and how can you implement that in your life so that it sticks.
Wow. No. I I I love that. I love that you're teaching a framework, and
(41:32):
and it's not another list of things to achieve or to do.
Because oftentimes, that's why we're miserable in the first place is we've been working
on too too many things, and and we really need a new way of being
and a new way of thinking. And as we work on those things, the
happiness can improve because we're we're actually are being a
different way. And so so powerful, and I put the link to the workshop below.
(41:54):
If anyone's interested, I'd encourage you to to check that out. And so,
know, we're coming up on the end of our time here, but, how can we
find you and and and get in touch with you, Nithya? Yeah. You can visit
my website, nithya karya.com, or you can grab that free
download and, you know, join. You can look up some more. I
do group coaching work, and you can also follow me on
(42:15):
Instagram and Facebook, Nithya Karya. Excellent. And
and before we sign off, any closing thoughts for us before we, sign
off here? You know, I guess I just
really want everyone to realize that
that they are by being in control, by allowing
ourselves, giving ourselves that permission, we get to
(42:38):
create the life that we want and it doesn't have to be a waiting game.
That happiness is truly a creating game.
And that's just a gift we get to offer ourselves, but it's a gift that
benefits everyone in your life. Wow.
Well, hey. Thank you so much for being an amazing guest. Thank you for sharing
so generously with us and and just really helping us pursue that
(43:00):
happiness, not just for our own selves, but for for the sake of the people
we love, the causes we care about, and really making a meaningful impact within
the world. So thank you, Nithya. Thank you, Tim. Alright.
Wealth see you all again here soon on the Dental Wealth Nation Show.
You've been listening to Dental Wealth Nation. We hope you've gotten
some useful and practical information from the show. Join us
(43:23):
next time as we pull back the curtain to reveal the often
hidden advice and strategies used by today's most
successful individuals and families and help maximize your
net worth so you can take even better care of the people you
love. Till next time. Make sure to hit the website
atdentalwealthnation.com.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.