November 14, 2025 • 43 mins
Ever feel like the attacks won’t stop and the fixes come too slow? We open the door to a candid, unfiltered conversation about escalating harassment, a targeted YouTube takedown, and the daily choice to keep moving with courage. Along the way, we lean hard on Scripture—not as decoration, but as oxygen. 2 Corinthians 4 reframes pressure as a place where inner strength renews, while John 11 (the raising of Lazarus) shows how deliverance can arrive in stages: first the call out of the tomb, then the untying of what still binds.
I walk through the difference between forgiveness and erasure, and why accountability belongs right beside grace. Forgiveness is a judicial release—I refuse to carry hatred—but it does not mean silence or unlocked doors. Boundaries protect dignity, and reporting coordinated abuse is stewardship, not “snitching.” We talk about speaking prayers aloud, aligning with “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” and taking practical steps in the natural while trusting God with the parts beyond our reach. If you’ve faced stalking, botnets, or relentless smear campaigns, this conversation names what’s happening without letting it name you.
You’ll hear a quick recap of our forgiveness series, reflections on spiritual and practical delays, and why hope is something you practice, not something you wait to feel. Despite the noise, we’re still here, standing, believing that God turns pressure into purpose and delay into display. If this resonates, share it with someone who needs a lifeline, subscribe so you don’t miss the next chapter, and leave a review with the verse that’s carrying you right now. Your voice helps this community stay strong and seen.
Ever felt like your darkest fears of being watched were actually true? Well, this powerful documentation pulls back the curtain on life as a targeted individual—where privacy becomes fiction and safety an illusion. This series stands as both documentation and resistance—a refusal to be silenced despite overwhelming odds.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:29):
Hello and welcome to the Diary of a Sane Black Woman.
I am Marie, your host.
This is season two, episodeeight.
I've been meaning to record thisepisode since earlier this week,
but I've been having a lot ofchallenges around the recording.
(00:54):
Obviously, as many of you know,the listeners, you know that I
am a targeted individual.
And as a result, you know, theattacks have definitely
escalated.
And just for a quick update ofwhat's been happening, so if any
(01:15):
of you follow me on YouTube, youmight notice that my page is not
currently up.
I'm actively working on tryingto resolve that.
However, I have not been able todo so because of you know bot
nets and bot activity and justbeing constantly spammed, you
(01:41):
know, my network, you know, isconstantly being spammed my
channel.
And so to me, that's a hack.
You know, people might say,those involved might say, well,
you know, we didn't directlyhack her account.
But if you've been activelyparticipating in monitoring me,
(02:05):
if you've been activelyparticipating and spamming me,
if you've been activelyparticipating and spamming my
channel, my network, yeah, youyou you hacked me.
That is part of hacking.
You're manipulating my system,you're monitoring me, everything
that I do, and so that actuallyadversely affected my channel.
(02:31):
Stay tuned for any updates.
You all can follow me on Twitteras well.
I don't remember the handleright now, but if you look up
the diary of a sane black woman,you should see it there and it's
verified, so you you'll be ableto know which profile it is, and
(02:55):
then also, and I'll probablycome back and update the the
notes on here so that you knowexactly what handle it's under.
But you know, I'll be probablyas I try to resolve everything
else, I'll probably be providingbrief updates on there.
(03:16):
So that being said, I justwanted to give that brief
update, but I'm still here, I'mstill standing.
You know, I want to beoptimistic.
I know that, you know, that ispart of you know my journey, my
process, and I am truly puttingeverything in God's hands.
I know that God is able to doexceedingly abundantly above all
(03:40):
that I can ask or think.
And despite every attack,despite all of the challenges
that I've been facing, I amtruly trusting in God because I
know how powerful He is.
And so I I just I really, reallywant to put everything in God's
(04:03):
hands.
So as things continue tobasically go on, one of the
scriptures that God gave to meas encouragement is 2
Corinthians chapter 4.
Pretty much I would say thewhole chapter, but really I'm
(04:25):
going to read from verse 8 and9, and then from verse 16 to 18.
So verse 8 says, We areafflicted in every way, but not
constrained, perplexed, but notdriven to despair, persecuted,
but not abandoned, struck down,but not destroyed, always
(04:50):
carrying about in the body thedying of Jesus, so that the life
of Jesus may also be manifestedin our body.
So that was actually verseseight through ten.
Now verse sixteen says,Therefore we are not
(05:10):
discouraged, rather, althoughour outer self is wasting away,
our inner self is being renewedday by day.
For this momentary lightaffliction is producing for us
an eternal weight of glorybeyond all comparison, as we
(05:32):
look not to what is seen, but towhat is unseen.
For what is seen is transitory,but what is unseen is eternal.
So that's really a greatscripture when you're going
through diverse trials,tribulations, oppression,
(05:52):
persecution.
This is a great reminder of whatyou have to look forward to.
The other thing yesterday,actually, that God dropped in my
spirit was actually I justopened it to that chapter, and I
(06:14):
was really the story of Lazarusactually in John chapter 11
really resonated with me.
And so sometimes, you know, wethink that things are delayed,
or you know, God is notanswering us as soon or as
(06:38):
quickly as we would like.
And but God knows what he'sdoing sometimes.
Things now, this doesn't meanthat sometimes we don't cause
our own delays.
I I completely agree.
Sometimes we are the cause ofthe delays, but I guess how this
(06:58):
spoke to me just sort of I'm notgonna read the entire chapter,
but the raising of Lazarusbasically talks about a man who
is sick, and then Mary andMartha, their sisters, they
basically, you know, reached outto Jesus letting him know that
you know their brother was sickand and so forth.
(07:20):
And then Jesus knew that theywere that the brother was sick,
but he actually didn't go rightaway.
I think he went, you know, onthe journey like two days after.
So by the time Jesus got there,Lazarus was already dead.
And so, you know, Mary andMartha was like, Oh, you know,
(07:42):
if you came sooner, you know, mybrother wouldn't have died.
And so what God said, what Jesussaid actually here is it said,
when Jesus heard this, becauseum it says, Master, I'm gonna
read from chapter three, itsays, So the sisters sent word
(08:03):
to him saying, Master, the oneyou love is ill.
When Jesus heard this, he said,The illness is not to end in
death, but is for the glory ofGod, that the Son of God may be
glorified through it.
And just to do a quick parallelwith the Second Corinthians
(08:25):
chapter four, it also talksabout death, but you know,
spiritual death or death whenGod is basically pruning you and
strengthen, strengthening yourinner man.
But this was an actual death,right?
Lazarus died.
So now chapter 5 says, Now Jesusloved Martha and her sister and
Lazarus.
(08:46):
So when he heard that he wasill, excuse me, so when he heard
that he was ill, he remained fortwo days in the place where he
was.
Then after this, he said to hisdisciples, let us go back to
Judea.
So now, once Jesus got there,I'm just skipping, you know, a
(09:08):
few verses if you want, youknow, go back and read the full
chapter.
When he got there, it says, Ourfriend Lazarus is asleep, but I
am going to awaken him, right?
So basically, Lazarus died, andMary, Martha said to Jesus,
(09:30):
Lord, if you had been here, mybrother would not have died.
But even now, I know whateveryou ask God, God will give you.
So that's actually reassuring.
That's showing you the faiththat Martha had, right?
(09:50):
Even though the brother wasdead, and even though in one
aspect, I guess she was kind ofcomplaining and saying, Well,
God, if you had acted sooner,you know, my brother wouldn't
have died.
You know, on the other hand,she's saying, I know whatever
you ask uh God, you know, He canprovide.
(10:11):
So that's showing that Marthaactually trusts Jesus, Jesus'
ability to intercede for her,you know.
And so Mary said the same thing,Lord, if you had been there, my
brother would not have died.
(10:32):
And so, and so now I'm gonnaskip to verse 40, where Jesus is
actually trying or is about toraise Lazarus from the dead.
It says, Jesus said to to her,to Martha, Did I not tell you
(10:57):
that if you believe, you willsee the glory of God?
So they took away the stone, andJesus raised his eyes and said,
Father, I thank you for hearingme.
So raising his eyes, I believehe raised his eyes to the sky,
looked at the sky or up on high,and basically that's Jesus
(11:20):
speaking to his father.
And then he said, I know thatyou always hear me, but because
of the crowd here, I have saidthis, right?
And so that they may believethat you sent me.
And when he said this, he criedout in a loud voice, Lazarus,
(11:44):
come out.
The dead man came out, tied handand foot with burial uh bands,
and his face was wrapped incloth.
So Jesus said to them, Untie himand let him go.
So there's a lot of things goingon in that towards the end of
(12:08):
the last few verses that I read.
So first God, Jesus is basicallydemonstrating, you know, the
relationship that he has withhis father, that, you know,
whatever he asks, God, God willprovide, so that can actually
strengthen the faith of thosewho are there.
(12:30):
So there's the the faithcomponent, trusting that God can
do the impossible, that Jesus isable to intercede for us in
whatever the cis situation is,no matter how dire it may be,
right?
Dire is my word, right?
This is the diary of a saneblack woman.
(12:52):
And so trusting that you knowGod is able to do exceedingly
abundantly above all that we canask or think.
So then the other thing thathappens, right?
So God speaks, right?
When God created the the theworld, right, when he created
man, he spoke, right?
(13:14):
If you go back to Genesis, youknow, it's voice activated.
The word of God is voiceactivated.
So basically, God said, Lazarus,come out in a loud voice, right?
That's why sometimes, yes, you Ibelieve you can pray, you know,
quietly and just you know, inyour mind or whatever, but it's
(13:36):
important to like speak the wordof God out loud because it's
actually voice activated.
So I think that's also anotheraspect of you know that verse,
verse 43.
Then another thing that Inoticed about this verse is that
(13:57):
it said, the man came out,right?
So sometimes to me, this is howI'm seeing it, this is the
revelation that I got.
Sometimes God's deliverancehappens in stages.
Sometimes it's not one big bang,you know, it's basically
(14:19):
gradual, it's a process, right?
So God spoke, asked Lazarus tocome out, he came out, and then
although Lazarus came out andwas now he was dead, now he's
alive, but he was still bound,right?
He was still bound, he waswrapped, he was tied up.
(14:43):
So, you know, I think that wasthe second stage of him being
delivered, or you know, is Godbasically saying untie him.
So I look at that as, you know,when we're being delivered,
sometimes it's not just onestage, sometimes it's a gradual
(15:04):
process.
So we might be delivered in oneaspect, but then there are other
aspects that need to be, youknow, dealt with.
And so that's what we see here,and that's what actually I see
in that scripture.
And so what does this all mean?
And how does this all relate tome and what I've been going
(15:28):
through?
Well, again, as I was saying,you know, this is just a
reminder that God's timing isperfect, and so in this
situation where you would think,like, if someone died, there's
no hope, right?
Like, okay, you didn't come whenthe person was sick, you didn't
come to pray for him, or youdidn't come to heal him, you
came, but now he's dead.
(15:48):
You know, there's no hope.
So for me, that's like even whenthings seem dire, when things
seem like there's no more hope,there's no, you know, there's
nothing else that you can do,God will appear suddenly, and he
will do, he will create or hewill perform a great miracle.
(16:08):
And so that's how this speaks tome, and that's how I see this
scripture, right?
And so, even when, you know, asit says in Habakkuk 2, that, you
know, though it, you know, thevision is for an appointed time,
though it tarries, you know, itwill not delay, it will surely
come.
(16:29):
You know, I'm just paraphrasinghere, I'm not reading it word
for word, but you know, God'stiming is perfect, and sometimes
God takes longer, right?
Just as Jesus, you know, hedidn't leave right away on
purpose because he was basicallyproving a point and he wanted to
demonstrate God's glory, and hedid it all for God's glory.
(16:51):
And so, you know, sometimessituations may not basically
turn out the way that we want,or they may not happen when we
want them to happen, because Godhas a greater purpose in what
he's doing, his purpose and hiswill is more perfect than ours.
And so those were like the twoscriptures, the past two days
(17:15):
that God basically deposited onmy spirit, you know, as a form
of encouragement.
So 2 Corinthians chapter 4, andthen also John chapter 11, the
story of uh Lazarus, basicallyraising Lazarus.
The other thing that God had memeditate on, and I I meditated
(17:37):
on this yesterday was the OurFather, you know, our Father who
are in heaven, hallowed be thyname, right?
Giving God the praises, thykingdom come, thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
So I was meditating on God'swill being done on earth as it
is in heaven, right?
(17:58):
Things happen in the spiritualrealm first before they happen
in the natural.
Sometimes, speaking of delays,things are already answered in
the spiritual realm, butsometimes there are things that
cause obstruction, and sometimesit's not according to God's
will, right?
Sometimes it's a spiritualobstruction, spiritual warfare,
(18:22):
someone else that's trying toblock you, someone else that's
trying to prevent you from goingthrough the open doors that you
know God has for you, theresources that God has for you.
And then also it could be likenatural obstruction, people
doing things, so forth and soon.
So basically, really God had mehone in on you know, thy will be
(18:45):
done on earth as it is inheaven.
And the other portion of the OurFather that I was really
meditating on was forgive us ourtrespasses as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And so this brings me into theactual topic of this episode,
(19:09):
which is forgiveness, right?
So if you listen to episodeseven, you'll see that I started
a series on forgiveness,basically discussing the
different aspects offorgiveness, what it is and what
it isn't, right?
And so episode eight wasinitially or intentionally, I I
(19:30):
meant to really close out theseries, you know, with three
episodes.
I'm probably now going to do afourth one because today I don't
think I'm going to go as deep asI wanted to go.
This is a very imprompturecording, impromptu episode.
I'm really flowing in the spiritright now, and I'm just, you
(19:54):
know, because of thecircumstances, uh, it's not
going to be polished.
And I said this in the beginningwhen I started this docuseries.
It's not, you know, it's notabout perfection.
It's one about documenting, andit's, you know, basically
sharing my thoughts and thingslike that.
It is a diary, right?
That being said, forgive us ourtrespasses as we forgive those
(20:18):
who trespass against us, right?
So, one key thing that Godreminds us in the our Father is
our ability to forgive otherswhen others hurt us, when others
do us wrong, right?
Whether it's willingly,unwillingly, because sometimes
we're offended and the personmay not know that they offended
(20:41):
us.
They may not know that they hurtus, and then vice versa.
Sometimes someone might beoffended or hurt by us, and
we're not aware that we hurtthem.
And so it's kind of like it goesboth ways, but here God is
basically saying, forgive us ourtrespasses as we forgive those
(21:03):
who trespass against us.
So, what does that mean?
Like, I mean, essentially whatit means is like if you forgive,
then you'll be forgiven.
If you are gracious, like if youshow grace and mercy to others,
then God will show you grace andmercy.
That's how I see it.
(21:24):
That's what it is.
I'm not like, you know, that'sbasically what the scripture
says.
Forgive us our trespasses as weforgive those who trespass
against us.
So I I've been, again, you know,I've asked before, like, God,
you know, help me to reallyrelease any bitterness, any hurt
(21:46):
that I may have in my heart fromthose who hurt me, from those
who basically try to harm me ona daily basis, and I'm not
perfect, right?
I'm not perfect, and sosometimes we might still harbor
unforgiveness and we are notaware of it, right?
(22:06):
So I think what's important isto count on God, count on the
Holy Spirit to basically work itout in us, right?
We're working out our salvationdaily, right?
So God also said that the workthat He started in us, He will
complete it faithfully.
(22:26):
And so I know that if myforgiveness isn't perfect, God
is going to work it out in me.
And so that's something that I'malso, you know, working on and
asking God to really, really,you know, if there's any residue
of unforgiveness, God, remove itfrom my heart.
If there's any unresidue ofunforgiveness, Lord, please
(22:49):
remove it from my heart.
I don't want to harbor any, youknow, you know, unforgiveness in
my heart against anyone, youknow, any person that has done
me wrong.
You know, because it doesn'thelp you, right?
It's not going to help you inany way, shape, or form.
(23:10):
And then also, right, I alsowant to be forgiven as I forgive
others, as I show mercy toothers.
But despite that, I also trulyalso believe in God's grace and
mercy, right?
God says where sin abounds,grace abounds even more.
So on one hand, God is sayingthat, you know, forgive us our
(23:31):
trespasses as we forgive thosewho trespass against us, but
also we know that God does nottreat us as our sins deserve,
right?
So there is grace and mercy, andthat there's the righteousness
of Jesus Christ, right?
It's not because we're we'reperfect, we're filthy rags
before God, you know, we've allsin and fallen short of the
(23:53):
glory of God, but you know,because of our faith in Christ
Jesus, you know, we arerighteous as a result.
And what we couldn't fulfill,you know, through the law, or
because we could not fulfill thelaw, Christ did it for us.
He didn't come to abolish thelaw, he came to uphold it.
(24:14):
And so that's that.
But again, this is sort of likemy segue into the continuation
of the forgiveness series.
Now, that being said, I'm goingto do a quick recap of episode
(24:34):
seven and six, where I alsodiscussed forgiveness, right?
And you know what forgivenessis.
So basically, forgiveness is nota lack of accountability, right?
Just because you forgive someonedoes not mean that you don't
hold them accountable, right?
It means that you don't harborany, you know, hatred, any ill
(25:00):
will towards that person.
You basically release it to God,you allow God to do what he
does.
It also, and releasing it to thecourts of heaven, which I
mentioned in the previousepisode, doesn't mean that you
basically do nothing because theword of God also says faith
(25:20):
without works is dead, right?
And so, as led by the HolySpirit, you act.
And so, what is forgiveness,right?
So, forgiveness is not just aword, right?
It's a spiritual journey, as Imentioned, it's is it's it's a
process, and accountability isactually its partner, it's not,
(25:43):
you know, forgiveness doesn'tnecessarily mean accountability,
it doesn't also mean the lack ofaccountability, right?
So, you know, let's just alsokeep that in mind.
And in episode one, I said thatforgiveness is not like erasure,
(26:04):
it's not enablement, it's notsilence, you know, right?
I continue to document myexperience, right?
This is something that I amfacing on a daily basis, it's
not, you know, something thathappened in the past and I'm
still basically, you know,talking about it.
This is something that is, youknow, I live this 24-7, right?
(26:29):
24-7.
I'm asleep and I'm beingwatched, I'm being stalked, I'm
being targeted even while I'msleeping.
Episode two looked into thetension of forgiving, you know,
obviously while still beingtargeted, which I mentioned just
now.
Um, and then I spoke aboutIsaiah 59, right?
(26:53):
Isaiah 59, if you read thescripture, it basically talks
about, you know, God basicallystepping in, right?
Because this scripture talksabout how when no one did what
was right, God stepped in,right?
God says vengeance is mine, andso God stepped in and he took
(27:17):
charge and he basically tookthings, took matters in his
hands.
So great scripture, go back,listen to episode seven.
If you want, look at Isaiah 59so you can see exactly what I
spoke about.
But I just wanted to give like aquick recap, right, of the last
(27:43):
two episodes.
And then, so again, to me,forgiveness is not forgetting,
it's not enabling, it's notpredic, it's not pretending that
you know things didn't happen orisn't happening.
Forgiveness is a judicialrelease, right?
And so I, you know, I say when Ipray God, I release everyone who
(28:08):
is attacking me, everyone who isbasically targeting me in the
freedom of my forgiveness.
I forgive them for everything,every attack that they're doing.
And forgiveness isn't, you know,the absence of boundaries,
(28:29):
right?
It's important to basically setcertain boundaries so people
don't continue to hurt you,whatever those boundaries may
look like.
And it's not weakness, it's it'snot silence, as I mentioned, and
it's not the end ofaccountability, as I've been
(28:49):
mentioning before, it's thebeginning of divine justice, and
divine justice could lookdifferent for different
situations, right?
And if you listen to the ourfather, the our father says,
your will be done on earth as itis in heaven.
(29:10):
So, first, when you releasesomething to the courts in
heaven, it has to it has to thenmanifest in the natural as well,
right?
Some way, somehow, whatever,however, God is judging the
situation, whatever he's doing,things will eventually manifest
(29:31):
in the natural.
And so, you know, how doesforgiveness show up in my life?
You know, I've forgiven, Iforgive every day, which is
hard, especially the maliciousattacks that I've endured on a
daily basis, and it continuesdespite everything that you know
(29:55):
I've been doing, documenting,you know, reporting it.
And it's like even though Ireport it, these people they
continue to harass me.
It's like they they they have nofear, and it's not like me
reporting it is trying to causefear, it's I want them to stop,
right?
But it's like they I don't know.
(30:17):
I feel like they they I don'tknow.
I feel like uh you have to be.
Be very the level of attacksthat I'm getting.
I think someone has to be reallyhave that person has to have to
(30:38):
be very hateful to launch suchan attack against you know an
individual, and again, it'scoordinated, it's not one
person, it's not a few people,ladies and gentlemen.
This is a network of people,it's a network of people across
(31:01):
the board globally, everywhere Igo, and you know, everything I
do, they are trying to obstruct,they are sending people to
follow me everywhere I go.
Um, I mentioned it before I gosomewhere, they'll text someone,
okay, she's there, or if theperson doesn't know me, then you
(31:22):
know it'll trigger a message tosomeone, you know, a malicious
message, things that is notcoming from me, but these people
are getting these messages andthey they are basically
following me around.
So, you know, I basically saythis to say that it's tough,
(31:44):
it's very tough.
It's this is not for the faintof heart.
I mean, I look, I would notstill be here if it wasn't for
God.
Um I think a lot of people wouldhave basically given up had they
(32:05):
been under such a maliciouscampaign.
And so, you know, I'm justsaying this, you know,
forgiveness doesn't mean a lackof accountability, right?
It doesn't mean that I stopdocumenting, speaking out,
right?
Again, my YouTube channel wastargeted, but you know, I think
(32:28):
that God works all thingstogether for my good, regardless
of what's happening.
God has a greater purpose, Godis going to basically give me
double for my trouble.
That's what that's what Godsays, that's what his word says.
And, you know, despiteeverything, despite the
(32:48):
persecution, you know, I'm stillhere.
I'm still here, and I'm stillmoving on.
And accountability, I just wantto say one thing.
Accountability doesn't mean thatyou're a rat or you're a snitch.
Two things happen as I wasrecording this.
(33:09):
One, again, the power surges,and even like whatever devices
that they're using to try toeavesdrop or you know, to try to
tap into my device or network,like sometimes I can actually
hear it, like it I can feel it.
So I mean it it triggeredsomething, and sometimes it
(33:31):
might be automatic becausethere's like a botnet, right?
So, meaning things happenautomatically because it's set
to happen automatically.
Um, some but a lot of times, youknow, it's triggered because
human agents are actuallyfacilitating the botnet.
That being said, one of myneighbors had their toddler come
(33:56):
to the balcony to scream out atleast what I believe.
And if I'm wrong, my bad, if I'mwrong.
But what I thought I was hearingwas ratatouille, ratatouille,
and if anyone knows that movie,ratatouille is a rat.
(34:17):
And so essentially, I thinksubliminal, right?
Subliminal harassment, callingme a rat because I am reporting
what has been happening.
Holding someone accountable forharassing, stalking, spying on
you, you know, disseminatingobscene things, facilitating the
(34:42):
dissemination of obscene things,reporting that and and holding
those uh who are involvedaccountable is not a rat.
I'm not part of an organizedcrime family, I'm not part of an
organized group.
I didn't take a vow or an oathto secrecy or to not say
(35:02):
anything.
So I'm not a rat or a snitch.
I think, you know, if you'regonna use street talk, know what
a rat and a snitch really means.
You attack me continuously,right?
I've been very patient.
I've been very patientthroughout this entire process,
you know, but the attacks havecontinued.
(35:24):
I've never, you know, I've madeprevious reports and I've been
very generic about it.
Just said, okay, this is what'shappening.
I haven't, you know, providedany names or any specifics, but
this continues.
The attacks continue.
And you might say, well, I'm Ididn't start this or I didn't
launch the direct attack, butyou uh, and when I say you,
(35:47):
certain individuals activelytarget me on a daily basis.
Like some of them, again, I'vementioned before, they don't go
to sleep.
You know, the minute I turn onmy computer, they're there,
they're trying to, you know,trigger things to monitor, to
surveil me, to transferinformation over, to disseminate
(36:07):
it, whatever it is that they'redoing.
So you are activelyfacilitating, you're an
accomplice.
You know, if someone robs a bankand you're there in the car
waiting for the person to comeout and you didn't directly rob
the bank, but you were there tohelp that person get away, you
you will also get arrested forthat.
(36:28):
Or if you go, you have someoneon a on watch out basically
saying, Oh, okay, I'll let youknow if someone's coming while
you rob the bank.
You are an accomplice.
You are actively cooperatingwith someone to basically launch
attacks against me.
You are just as bad.
(36:50):
You are just as bad.
So, yeah, me reporting what'shappening to me, the dire
situation that I'm in does notmake me a rat.
And shame on you again fortrying to use your toddler to
harass me.
You think you're so bold, butyou don't have, I guess, you
(37:13):
know, enough courage to say ityourself that you would have
your toddler say it, right?
If you're so bold, why don't yousay it yourself?
Right?
So that's that.
But water under the bridge, Irelease that person, I forgive
them for what they have done,but I wanted to just point that
(37:35):
out that this happened while Iwas recording.
And so I think that is all fortoday.
I wanted to really dive deeperinto forgiveness versus
accountability, but I think I'mgoing to keep this.
(38:00):
This is even this isn't eventhat short, actually.
But I think I'm gonna end here.
I'm definitely gonna do a partfour of forgiveness because
again, forgiveness is a process,and releasing it to the courts
of heaven is also part of thatprocess.
Trusting in God, yielding,right?
(38:22):
Again, pray the pray framework,praise, repent, ask, and yield.
And again, yielding to God,yielding things to the courts of
heaven doesn't mean that youknow there's inaction on your
part, right?
So that's it for today.
(38:42):
This was really an impromptuepisode.
Sorry if it's not as smooth, andeven though, like, I'm not
saying that my other episodesare smooth, but I think they're
probably better.
The flow is probably usuallybetter, just because you know,
the circumstances, even thoughyou know, my circumstance has
(39:07):
been, you know, undersurveillance and targeting, but
you know, things have been verydifferent, so even like the the
sound might not be as good.
I don't know how the sound isgonna come through, but just be
patient with me.
Thank you for listening.
This is the diarie of a saneblack woman again.
(39:32):
My YouTube page has been takendown because of all of the
spamming and the bot activitythat's been happening, you know,
because my account has been atarget, and so yeah, I consider
that hacking and the fact thatI'm not even able to access my
account because of bot activityor unusual activity is also a
(39:57):
form of hacking, right?
Hacking doesn't necessarily meansomeone physically logging in
and you know taking your accountdown.
It's you know, if you're usingcode to basically adversely
affect my profile, my account,you know, servers, things of
(40:17):
that nature, my devices, that isa form of hacking.
That is still hacking, and ifyou're facilitating it, you're
getting direction, you'recalling people to for them to
tell you what to do in order foryou to obstruct whatever it is
that I'm trying to do, even ifI'm, for example, even trying to
set up a new device, you'retrying to interfere with that,
(40:38):
that is still hacking, even ifyou're not directly doing it.
Again, if we go back to therobber and person in the car
situation, okay.
So, in any event, please bepatient while I try to work on
you know resolving that.
But again, this podcast isavailable on all major podcast
(41:01):
platforms, so you can definitelylisten there.
Follow me on Twitter or X, Ithink it's called X now.
It's uh the handle, the actualhandle is at the dire re O A S B
(41:23):
W.
Right?
So it's T H E D I R E R I E O AS B W.
And that's the handle, but thename is again the diary of a
sane black woman, so you canfind it either way, and it's a
(41:46):
verified account, so you'll knowexactly you know which account
it is, and I'll provide updatesthere.
In the meantime, if you're goingthrough a similar situation, I
definitely feel you, I empathizewith you, and you know, I'm
praying for you.
Uh pray for me.
(42:07):
And if you're an expert outthere that is listening and you
have resources or knowledge ofhow you can help, please reach
out.
I'm open to basically gettinghelp, any help that I can get in
this situation.
This is the diary of a sameblack woman.
(42:29):
This is Marie, your host.
Thank you for listening.
And thank you, Lord.
I thank you for yet anotherepisode.
See you all soon.
Hello and welcome to the Diary of a Sane Black Woman.
I am Marie, your host.
This is season two, episodeeight.
I've been meaning to record thisepisode since earlier this week,
but I've been having a lot ofchallenges around the recording.
(00:54):
Obviously, as many of you know,the listeners, you know that I
am a targeted individual.
And as a result, you know, theattacks have definitely
escalated.
And just for a quick update ofwhat's been happening, so if any
(01:15):
of you follow me on YouTube, youmight notice that my page is not
currently up.
I'm actively working on tryingto resolve that.
However, I have not been able todo so because of you know bot
nets and bot activity and justbeing constantly spammed, you
(01:41):
know, my network, you know, isconstantly being spammed my
channel.
And so to me, that's a hack.
You know, people might say,those involved might say, well,
you know, we didn't directlyhack her account.
But if you've been activelyparticipating in monitoring me,
(02:05):
if you've been activelyparticipating and spamming me,
if you've been activelyparticipating and spamming my
channel, my network, yeah, youyou you hacked me.
That is part of hacking.
You're manipulating my system,you're monitoring me, everything
that I do, and so that actuallyadversely affected my channel.
(02:31):
Stay tuned for any updates.
You all can follow me on Twitteras well.
I don't remember the handleright now, but if you look up
the diary of a sane black woman,you should see it there and it's
verified, so you you'll be ableto know which profile it is, and
(02:55):
then also, and I'll probablycome back and update the the
notes on here so that you knowexactly what handle it's under.
But you know, I'll be probablyas I try to resolve everything
else, I'll probably be providingbrief updates on there.
(03:16):
So that being said, I justwanted to give that brief
update, but I'm still here, I'mstill standing.
You know, I want to beoptimistic.
I know that, you know, that ispart of you know my journey, my
process, and I am truly puttingeverything in God's hands.
I know that God is able to doexceedingly abundantly above all
(03:40):
that I can ask or think.
And despite every attack,despite all of the challenges
that I've been facing, I amtruly trusting in God because I
know how powerful He is.
And so I I just I really, reallywant to put everything in God's
(04:03):
hands.
So as things continue tobasically go on, one of the
scriptures that God gave to meas encouragement is 2
Corinthians chapter 4.
Pretty much I would say thewhole chapter, but really I'm
(04:25):
going to read from verse 8 and9, and then from verse 16 to 18.
So verse 8 says, We areafflicted in every way, but not
constrained, perplexed, but notdriven to despair, persecuted,
but not abandoned, struck down,but not destroyed, always
(04:50):
carrying about in the body thedying of Jesus, so that the life
of Jesus may also be manifestedin our body.
So that was actually verseseight through ten.
Now verse sixteen says,Therefore we are not
(05:10):
discouraged, rather, althoughour outer self is wasting away,
our inner self is being renewedday by day.
For this momentary lightaffliction is producing for us
an eternal weight of glorybeyond all comparison, as we
(05:32):
look not to what is seen, but towhat is unseen.
For what is seen is transitory,but what is unseen is eternal.
So that's really a greatscripture when you're going
through diverse trials,tribulations, oppression,
(05:52):
persecution.
This is a great reminder of whatyou have to look forward to.
The other thing yesterday,actually, that God dropped in my
spirit was actually I justopened it to that chapter, and I
(06:14):
was really the story of Lazarusactually in John chapter 11
really resonated with me.
And so sometimes, you know, wethink that things are delayed,
or you know, God is notanswering us as soon or as
(06:38):
quickly as we would like.
And but God knows what he'sdoing sometimes.
Things now, this doesn't meanthat sometimes we don't cause
our own delays.
I I completely agree.
Sometimes we are the cause ofthe delays, but I guess how this
(06:58):
spoke to me just sort of I'm notgonna read the entire chapter,
but the raising of Lazarusbasically talks about a man who
is sick, and then Mary andMartha, their sisters, they
basically, you know, reached outto Jesus letting him know that
you know their brother was sickand and so forth.
(07:20):
And then Jesus knew that theywere that the brother was sick,
but he actually didn't go rightaway.
I think he went, you know, onthe journey like two days after.
So by the time Jesus got there,Lazarus was already dead.
And so, you know, Mary andMartha was like, Oh, you know,
(07:42):
if you came sooner, you know, mybrother wouldn't have died.
And so what God said, what Jesussaid actually here is it said,
when Jesus heard this, becauseum it says, Master, I'm gonna
read from chapter three, itsays, So the sisters sent word
(08:03):
to him saying, Master, the oneyou love is ill.
When Jesus heard this, he said,The illness is not to end in
death, but is for the glory ofGod, that the Son of God may be
glorified through it.
And just to do a quick parallelwith the Second Corinthians
(08:25):
chapter four, it also talksabout death, but you know,
spiritual death or death whenGod is basically pruning you and
strengthen, strengthening yourinner man.
But this was an actual death,right?
Lazarus died.
So now chapter 5 says, Now Jesusloved Martha and her sister and
Lazarus.
(08:46):
So when he heard that he wasill, excuse me, so when he heard
that he was ill, he remained fortwo days in the place where he
was.
Then after this, he said to hisdisciples, let us go back to
Judea.
So now, once Jesus got there,I'm just skipping, you know, a
(09:08):
few verses if you want, youknow, go back and read the full
chapter.
When he got there, it says, Ourfriend Lazarus is asleep, but I
am going to awaken him, right?
So basically, Lazarus died, andMary, Martha said to Jesus,
(09:30):
Lord, if you had been here, mybrother would not have died.
But even now, I know whateveryou ask God, God will give you.
So that's actually reassuring.
That's showing you the faiththat Martha had, right?
(09:50):
Even though the brother wasdead, and even though in one
aspect, I guess she was kind ofcomplaining and saying, Well,
God, if you had acted sooner,you know, my brother wouldn't
have died.
You know, on the other hand,she's saying, I know whatever
you ask uh God, you know, He canprovide.
(10:11):
So that's showing that Marthaactually trusts Jesus, Jesus'
ability to intercede for her,you know.
And so Mary said the same thing,Lord, if you had been there, my
brother would not have died.
(10:32):
And so, and so now I'm gonnaskip to verse 40, where Jesus is
actually trying or is about toraise Lazarus from the dead.
It says, Jesus said to to her,to Martha, Did I not tell you
(10:57):
that if you believe, you willsee the glory of God?
So they took away the stone, andJesus raised his eyes and said,
Father, I thank you for hearingme.
So raising his eyes, I believehe raised his eyes to the sky,
looked at the sky or up on high,and basically that's Jesus
(11:20):
speaking to his father.
And then he said, I know thatyou always hear me, but because
of the crowd here, I have saidthis, right?
And so that they may believethat you sent me.
And when he said this, he criedout in a loud voice, Lazarus,
(11:44):
come out.
The dead man came out, tied handand foot with burial uh bands,
and his face was wrapped incloth.
So Jesus said to them, Untie himand let him go.
So there's a lot of things goingon in that towards the end of
(12:08):
the last few verses that I read.
So first God, Jesus is basicallydemonstrating, you know, the
relationship that he has withhis father, that, you know,
whatever he asks, God, God willprovide, so that can actually
strengthen the faith of thosewho are there.
(12:30):
So there's the the faithcomponent, trusting that God can
do the impossible, that Jesus isable to intercede for us in
whatever the cis situation is,no matter how dire it may be,
right?
Dire is my word, right?
This is the diary of a saneblack woman.
(12:52):
And so trusting that you knowGod is able to do exceedingly
abundantly above all that we canask or think.
So then the other thing thathappens, right?
So God speaks, right?
When God created the the theworld, right, when he created
man, he spoke, right?
(13:14):
If you go back to Genesis, youknow, it's voice activated.
The word of God is voiceactivated.
So basically, God said, Lazarus,come out in a loud voice, right?
That's why sometimes, yes, you Ibelieve you can pray, you know,
quietly and just you know, inyour mind or whatever, but it's
(13:36):
important to like speak the wordof God out loud because it's
actually voice activated.
So I think that's also anotheraspect of you know that verse,
verse 43.
Then another thing that Inoticed about this verse is that
(13:57):
it said, the man came out,right?
So sometimes to me, this is howI'm seeing it, this is the
revelation that I got.
Sometimes God's deliverancehappens in stages.
Sometimes it's not one big bang,you know, it's basically
(14:19):
gradual, it's a process, right?
So God spoke, asked Lazarus tocome out, he came out, and then
although Lazarus came out andwas now he was dead, now he's
alive, but he was still bound,right?
He was still bound, he waswrapped, he was tied up.
(14:43):
So, you know, I think that wasthe second stage of him being
delivered, or you know, is Godbasically saying untie him.
So I look at that as, you know,when we're being delivered,
sometimes it's not just onestage, sometimes it's a gradual
(15:04):
process.
So we might be delivered in oneaspect, but then there are other
aspects that need to be, youknow, dealt with.
And so that's what we see here,and that's what actually I see
in that scripture.
And so what does this all mean?
And how does this all relate tome and what I've been going
(15:28):
through?
Well, again, as I was saying,you know, this is just a
reminder that God's timing isperfect, and so in this
situation where you would think,like, if someone died, there's
no hope, right?
Like, okay, you didn't come whenthe person was sick, you didn't
come to pray for him, or youdidn't come to heal him, you
came, but now he's dead.
(15:48):
You know, there's no hope.
So for me, that's like even whenthings seem dire, when things
seem like there's no more hope,there's no, you know, there's
nothing else that you can do,God will appear suddenly, and he
will do, he will create or hewill perform a great miracle.
(16:08):
And so that's how this speaks tome, and that's how I see this
scripture, right?
And so, even when, you know, asit says in Habakkuk 2, that, you
know, though it, you know, thevision is for an appointed time,
though it tarries, you know, itwill not delay, it will surely
come.
(16:29):
You know, I'm just paraphrasinghere, I'm not reading it word
for word, but you know, God'stiming is perfect, and sometimes
God takes longer, right?
Just as Jesus, you know, hedidn't leave right away on
purpose because he was basicallyproving a point and he wanted to
demonstrate God's glory, and hedid it all for God's glory.
(16:51):
And so, you know, sometimessituations may not basically
turn out the way that we want,or they may not happen when we
want them to happen, because Godhas a greater purpose in what
he's doing, his purpose and hiswill is more perfect than ours.
And so those were like the twoscriptures, the past two days
(17:15):
that God basically deposited onmy spirit, you know, as a form
of encouragement.
So 2 Corinthians chapter 4, andthen also John chapter 11, the
story of uh Lazarus, basicallyraising Lazarus.
The other thing that God had memeditate on, and I I meditated
(17:37):
on this yesterday was the OurFather, you know, our Father who
are in heaven, hallowed be thyname, right?
Giving God the praises, thykingdom come, thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
So I was meditating on God'swill being done on earth as it
is in heaven, right?
(17:58):
Things happen in the spiritualrealm first before they happen
in the natural.
Sometimes, speaking of delays,things are already answered in
the spiritual realm, butsometimes there are things that
cause obstruction, and sometimesit's not according to God's
will, right?
Sometimes it's a spiritualobstruction, spiritual warfare,
(18:22):
someone else that's trying toblock you, someone else that's
trying to prevent you from goingthrough the open doors that you
know God has for you, theresources that God has for you.
And then also it could be likenatural obstruction, people
doing things, so forth and soon.
So basically, really God had mehone in on you know, thy will be
(18:45):
done on earth as it is inheaven.
And the other portion of the OurFather that I was really
meditating on was forgive us ourtrespasses as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And so this brings me into theactual topic of this episode,
(19:09):
which is forgiveness, right?
So if you listen to episodeseven, you'll see that I started
a series on forgiveness,basically discussing the
different aspects offorgiveness, what it is and what
it isn't, right?
And so episode eight wasinitially or intentionally, I I
(19:30):
meant to really close out theseries, you know, with three
episodes.
I'm probably now going to do afourth one because today I don't
think I'm going to go as deep asI wanted to go.
This is a very imprompturecording, impromptu episode.
I'm really flowing in the spiritright now, and I'm just, you
(19:54):
know, because of thecircumstances, uh, it's not
going to be polished.
And I said this in the beginningwhen I started this docuseries.
It's not, you know, it's notabout perfection.
It's one about documenting, andit's, you know, basically
sharing my thoughts and thingslike that.
It is a diary, right?
That being said, forgive us ourtrespasses as we forgive those
(20:18):
who trespass against us, right?
So, one key thing that Godreminds us in the our Father is
our ability to forgive otherswhen others hurt us, when others
do us wrong, right?
Whether it's willingly,unwillingly, because sometimes
we're offended and the personmay not know that they offended
(20:41):
us.
They may not know that they hurtus, and then vice versa.
Sometimes someone might beoffended or hurt by us, and
we're not aware that we hurtthem.
And so it's kind of like it goesboth ways, but here God is
basically saying, forgive us ourtrespasses as we forgive those
(21:03):
who trespass against us.
So, what does that mean?
Like, I mean, essentially whatit means is like if you forgive,
then you'll be forgiven.
If you are gracious, like if youshow grace and mercy to others,
then God will show you grace andmercy.
That's how I see it.
(21:24):
That's what it is.
I'm not like, you know, that'sbasically what the scripture
says.
Forgive us our trespasses as weforgive those who trespass
against us.
So I I've been, again, you know,I've asked before, like, God,
you know, help me to reallyrelease any bitterness, any hurt
(21:46):
that I may have in my heart fromthose who hurt me, from those
who basically try to harm me ona daily basis, and I'm not
perfect, right?
I'm not perfect, and sosometimes we might still harbor
unforgiveness and we are notaware of it, right?
(22:06):
So I think what's important isto count on God, count on the
Holy Spirit to basically work itout in us, right?
We're working out our salvationdaily, right?
So God also said that the workthat He started in us, He will
complete it faithfully.
(22:26):
And so I know that if myforgiveness isn't perfect, God
is going to work it out in me.
And so that's something that I'malso, you know, working on and
asking God to really, really,you know, if there's any residue
of unforgiveness, God, remove itfrom my heart.
If there's any unresidue ofunforgiveness, Lord, please
(22:49):
remove it from my heart.
I don't want to harbor any, youknow, you know, unforgiveness in
my heart against anyone, youknow, any person that has done
me wrong.
You know, because it doesn'thelp you, right?
It's not going to help you inany way, shape, or form.
(23:10):
And then also, right, I alsowant to be forgiven as I forgive
others, as I show mercy toothers.
But despite that, I also trulyalso believe in God's grace and
mercy, right?
God says where sin abounds,grace abounds even more.
So on one hand, God is sayingthat, you know, forgive us our
(23:31):
trespasses as we forgive thosewho trespass against us, but
also we know that God does nottreat us as our sins deserve,
right?
So there is grace and mercy, andthat there's the righteousness
of Jesus Christ, right?
It's not because we're we'reperfect, we're filthy rags
before God, you know, we've allsin and fallen short of the
(23:53):
glory of God, but you know,because of our faith in Christ
Jesus, you know, we arerighteous as a result.
And what we couldn't fulfill,you know, through the law, or
because we could not fulfill thelaw, Christ did it for us.
He didn't come to abolish thelaw, he came to uphold it.
(24:14):
And so that's that.
But again, this is sort of likemy segue into the continuation
of the forgiveness series.
Now, that being said, I'm goingto do a quick recap of episode
(24:34):
seven and six, where I alsodiscussed forgiveness, right?
And you know what forgivenessis.
So basically, forgiveness is nota lack of accountability, right?
Just because you forgive someonedoes not mean that you don't
hold them accountable, right?
It means that you don't harborany, you know, hatred, any ill
(25:00):
will towards that person.
You basically release it to God,you allow God to do what he
does.
It also, and releasing it to thecourts of heaven, which I
mentioned in the previousepisode, doesn't mean that you
basically do nothing because theword of God also says faith
(25:20):
without works is dead, right?
And so, as led by the HolySpirit, you act.
And so, what is forgiveness,right?
So, forgiveness is not just aword, right?
It's a spiritual journey, as Imentioned, it's is it's it's a
process, and accountability isactually its partner, it's not,
(25:43):
you know, forgiveness doesn'tnecessarily mean accountability,
it doesn't also mean the lack ofaccountability, right?
So, you know, let's just alsokeep that in mind.
And in episode one, I said thatforgiveness is not like erasure,
(26:04):
it's not enablement, it's notsilence, you know, right?
I continue to document myexperience, right?
This is something that I amfacing on a daily basis, it's
not, you know, something thathappened in the past and I'm
still basically, you know,talking about it.
This is something that is, youknow, I live this 24-7, right?
(26:29):
24-7.
I'm asleep and I'm beingwatched, I'm being stalked, I'm
being targeted even while I'msleeping.
Episode two looked into thetension of forgiving, you know,
obviously while still beingtargeted, which I mentioned just
now.
Um, and then I spoke aboutIsaiah 59, right?
(26:53):
Isaiah 59, if you read thescripture, it basically talks
about, you know, God basicallystepping in, right?
Because this scripture talksabout how when no one did what
was right, God stepped in,right?
God says vengeance is mine, andso God stepped in and he took
(27:17):
charge and he basically tookthings, took matters in his
hands.
So great scripture, go back,listen to episode seven.
If you want, look at Isaiah 59so you can see exactly what I
spoke about.
But I just wanted to give like aquick recap, right, of the last
(27:43):
two episodes.
And then, so again, to me,forgiveness is not forgetting,
it's not enabling, it's notpredic, it's not pretending that
you know things didn't happen orisn't happening.
Forgiveness is a judicialrelease, right?
And so I, you know, I say when Ipray God, I release everyone who
(28:08):
is attacking me, everyone who isbasically targeting me in the
freedom of my forgiveness.
I forgive them for everything,every attack that they're doing.
And forgiveness isn't, you know,the absence of boundaries,
(28:29):
right?
It's important to basically setcertain boundaries so people
don't continue to hurt you,whatever those boundaries may
look like.
And it's not weakness, it's it'snot silence, as I mentioned, and
it's not the end ofaccountability, as I've been
(28:49):
mentioning before, it's thebeginning of divine justice, and
divine justice could lookdifferent for different
situations, right?
And if you listen to the ourfather, the our father says,
your will be done on earth as itis in heaven.
(29:10):
So, first, when you releasesomething to the courts in
heaven, it has to it has to thenmanifest in the natural as well,
right?
Some way, somehow, whatever,however, God is judging the
situation, whatever he's doing,things will eventually manifest
(29:31):
in the natural.
And so, you know, how doesforgiveness show up in my life?
You know, I've forgiven, Iforgive every day, which is
hard, especially the maliciousattacks that I've endured on a
daily basis, and it continuesdespite everything that you know
(29:55):
I've been doing, documenting,you know, reporting it.
And it's like even though Ireport it, these people they
continue to harass me.
It's like they they they have nofear, and it's not like me
reporting it is trying to causefear, it's I want them to stop,
right?
But it's like they I don't know.
(30:17):
I feel like they they I don'tknow.
I feel like uh you have to be.
Be very the level of attacksthat I'm getting.
I think someone has to be reallyhave that person has to have to
(30:38):
be very hateful to launch suchan attack against you know an
individual, and again, it'scoordinated, it's not one
person, it's not a few people,ladies and gentlemen.
This is a network of people,it's a network of people across
(31:01):
the board globally, everywhere Igo, and you know, everything I
do, they are trying to obstruct,they are sending people to
follow me everywhere I go.
Um, I mentioned it before I gosomewhere, they'll text someone,
okay, she's there, or if theperson doesn't know me, then you
(31:22):
know it'll trigger a message tosomeone, you know, a malicious
message, things that is notcoming from me, but these people
are getting these messages andthey they are basically
following me around.
So, you know, I basically saythis to say that it's tough,
(31:44):
it's very tough.
It's this is not for the faintof heart.
I mean, I look, I would notstill be here if it wasn't for
God.
Um I think a lot of people wouldhave basically given up had they
(32:05):
been under such a maliciouscampaign.
And so, you know, I'm justsaying this, you know,
forgiveness doesn't mean a lackof accountability, right?
It doesn't mean that I stopdocumenting, speaking out,
right?
Again, my YouTube channel wastargeted, but you know, I think
(32:28):
that God works all thingstogether for my good, regardless
of what's happening.
God has a greater purpose, Godis going to basically give me
double for my trouble.
That's what that's what Godsays, that's what his word says.
And, you know, despiteeverything, despite the
(32:48):
persecution, you know, I'm stillhere.
I'm still here, and I'm stillmoving on.
And accountability, I just wantto say one thing.
Accountability doesn't mean thatyou're a rat or you're a snitch.
Two things happen as I wasrecording this.
(33:09):
One, again, the power surges,and even like whatever devices
that they're using to try toeavesdrop or you know, to try to
tap into my device or network,like sometimes I can actually
hear it, like it I can feel it.
So I mean it it triggeredsomething, and sometimes it
(33:31):
might be automatic becausethere's like a botnet, right?
So, meaning things happenautomatically because it's set
to happen automatically.
Um, some but a lot of times, youknow, it's triggered because
human agents are actuallyfacilitating the botnet.
That being said, one of myneighbors had their toddler come
(33:56):
to the balcony to scream out atleast what I believe.
And if I'm wrong, my bad, if I'mwrong.
But what I thought I was hearingwas ratatouille, ratatouille,
and if anyone knows that movie,ratatouille is a rat.
(34:17):
And so essentially, I thinksubliminal, right?
Subliminal harassment, callingme a rat because I am reporting
what has been happening.
Holding someone accountable forharassing, stalking, spying on
you, you know, disseminatingobscene things, facilitating the
(34:42):
dissemination of obscene things,reporting that and and holding
those uh who are involvedaccountable is not a rat.
I'm not part of an organizedcrime family, I'm not part of an
organized group.
I didn't take a vow or an oathto secrecy or to not say
(35:02):
anything.
So I'm not a rat or a snitch.
I think, you know, if you'regonna use street talk, know what
a rat and a snitch really means.
You attack me continuously,right?
I've been very patient.
I've been very patientthroughout this entire process,
you know, but the attacks havecontinued.
(35:24):
I've never, you know, I've madeprevious reports and I've been
very generic about it.
Just said, okay, this is what'shappening.
I haven't, you know, providedany names or any specifics, but
this continues.
The attacks continue.
And you might say, well, I'm Ididn't start this or I didn't
launch the direct attack, butyou uh, and when I say you,
(35:47):
certain individuals activelytarget me on a daily basis.
Like some of them, again, I'vementioned before, they don't go
to sleep.
You know, the minute I turn onmy computer, they're there,
they're trying to, you know,trigger things to monitor, to
surveil me, to transferinformation over, to disseminate
(36:07):
it, whatever it is that they'redoing.
So you are activelyfacilitating, you're an
accomplice.
You know, if someone robs a bankand you're there in the car
waiting for the person to comeout and you didn't directly rob
the bank, but you were there tohelp that person get away, you
you will also get arrested forthat.
(36:28):
Or if you go, you have someoneon a on watch out basically
saying, Oh, okay, I'll let youknow if someone's coming while
you rob the bank.
You are an accomplice.
You are actively cooperatingwith someone to basically launch
attacks against me.
You are just as bad.
(36:50):
You are just as bad.
So, yeah, me reporting what'shappening to me, the dire
situation that I'm in does notmake me a rat.
And shame on you again fortrying to use your toddler to
harass me.
You think you're so bold, butyou don't have, I guess, you
(37:13):
know, enough courage to say ityourself that you would have
your toddler say it, right?
If you're so bold, why don't yousay it yourself?
Right?
So that's that.
But water under the bridge, Irelease that person, I forgive
them for what they have done,but I wanted to just point that
(37:35):
out that this happened while Iwas recording.
And so I think that is all fortoday.
I wanted to really dive deeperinto forgiveness versus
accountability, but I think I'mgoing to keep this.
(38:00):
This is even this isn't eventhat short, actually.
But I think I'm gonna end here.
I'm definitely gonna do a partfour of forgiveness because
again, forgiveness is a process,and releasing it to the courts
of heaven is also part of thatprocess.
Trusting in God, yielding,right?
(38:22):
Again, pray the pray framework,praise, repent, ask, and yield.
And again, yielding to God,yielding things to the courts of
heaven doesn't mean that youknow there's inaction on your
part, right?
So that's it for today.
(38:42):
This was really an impromptuepisode.
Sorry if it's not as smooth, andeven though, like, I'm not
saying that my other episodesare smooth, but I think they're
probably better.
The flow is probably usuallybetter, just because you know,
the circumstances, even thoughyou know, my circumstance has
(39:07):
been, you know, undersurveillance and targeting, but
you know, things have been verydifferent, so even like the the
sound might not be as good.
I don't know how the sound isgonna come through, but just be
patient with me.
Thank you for listening.
This is the diarie of a saneblack woman again.
(39:32):
My YouTube page has been takendown because of all of the
spamming and the bot activitythat's been happening, you know,
because my account has been atarget, and so yeah, I consider
that hacking and the fact thatI'm not even able to access my
account because of bot activityor unusual activity is also a
(39:57):
form of hacking, right?
Hacking doesn't necessarily meansomeone physically logging in
and you know taking your accountdown.
It's you know, if you're usingcode to basically adversely
affect my profile, my account,you know, servers, things of
(40:17):
that nature, my devices, that isa form of hacking.
That is still hacking, and ifyou're facilitating it, you're
getting direction, you'recalling people to for them to
tell you what to do in order foryou to obstruct whatever it is
that I'm trying to do, even ifI'm, for example, even trying to
set up a new device, you'retrying to interfere with that,
(40:38):
that is still hacking, even ifyou're not directly doing it.
Again, if we go back to therobber and person in the car
situation, okay.
So, in any event, please bepatient while I try to work on
you know resolving that.
But again, this podcast isavailable on all major podcast
(41:01):
platforms, so you can definitelylisten there.
Follow me on Twitter or X, Ithink it's called X now.
It's uh the handle, the actualhandle is at the dire re O A S B
(41:23):
W.
Right?
So it's T H E D I R E R I E O AS B W.
And that's the handle, but thename is again the diary of a
sane black woman, so you canfind it either way, and it's a
(41:46):
verified account, so you'll knowexactly you know which account
it is, and I'll provide updatesthere.
In the meantime, if you're goingthrough a similar situation, I
definitely feel you, I empathizewith you, and you know, I'm
praying for you.
Uh pray for me.
(42:07):
And if you're an expert outthere that is listening and you
have resources or knowledge ofhow you can help, please reach
out.
I'm open to basically gettinghelp, any help that I can get in
this situation.
This is the diary of a sameblack woman.
(42:29):
This is Marie, your host.
Thank you for listening.
And thank you, Lord.
I thank you for yet anotherepisode.
See you all soon.
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