October 6, 2025 • 29 mins
I used to think recovery meant sleep, a long walk, or a girls’ weekend — but even after all that, I still felt drained. It didn’t make sense… until I learned what was actually happening in my nervous system.
In this episode, I’m breaking down the real science of recovery — how your body toggles between go mode and rest mode, and why so many of the things that look restful still keep you stuck in performance mode.
We’ll talk about what true recovery feels like, why your energy dips aren’t personal failures, and how small, intentional pauses can bring your creativity and clarity back to life.
Oh — and remember a while back when I asked for your help naming my Oura Ring advisor? The big reveal happens in this episode. (Spoiler: she’s got a name that fits perfectly.)
3 KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
- False recovery keeps you busy but not restored — and your body knows the difference.
- You can’t think your way to rest; you have to feel your way there.
- When your nervous system settles, your creativity naturally returns.
LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Ep #41: Embracing Self-Care and Recovery: Fuel Your Dreams and Prevent Burnout
Ep #46: Start Dreaming Again: A Mini-Workshop to Discover What You Really Want
Check out all my coaching and course offerings - Coachcarlene.com
MORE FROM ME
Follow me on Instagram: @coach_carlene
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 3 (00:01):
You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too
anything to pursue your dreams.
Welcome to the DistractedDreamer Podcast, where you'll
learn how to move all thosenever ending distractions aside
and chase your dreams withconfidence.
(00:22):
Well, hello.
Hello my friend.
Welcome back to the DistractedDreamer.
I'm your host Carlene, and I amso glad you're here.
You're actually here on a veryspecial day.
Back in one of my earlierepisodes, I believe it was
episode 41, I talked about my AAring advisor, and I asked you
all to send me some texts and toweigh in on what you think I
(00:44):
should name my AA ring advisor.
So the big reveal is today.
Stay tuned'cause I'm working itinto what we're talking about
today.
If you've been around for awhile, you might remember
episode 41 that I justmentioned.
That episode was all aboutembracing self-care and
recovery, and we talked a lotabout the guilt that can show up
(01:04):
when we try to slow down.
Now that episode was reallyabout giving ourselves
permission to rest.
This one today, this is part twoof it, the sciency edition.
But don't worry, it's notcomplicated stuff.
It's really just simple ways tounderstand what's really going
on in your body and your brainwhen you're constantly on the
(01:24):
go, and why you might becrashing.
Even when you think that you'reresting.
Now, what's interesting is thelack of recovery in my life was
revealing itself in the mostunexpected place.
It was like right inside mydream list.
So back in episode 46, I walkedyou through the start dreaming
again, mini workshop.
(01:45):
And if you listen to that one,you heard me share three dreams
that came up when I went throughthe process myself and the first
two, they weren't a surprise,but the third one, it really
caught me off guard.
It wasn't exciting, it wasn'tsparkly, it was simply this.
It sleep deeply and wake restedand feel free from anxiety.
(02:06):
Not exactly a bucket list kindof dream, right.
And I thought I'd be all readyto launch my dreams of traveling
and becoming an author.
But instead, my body was quietlyraising its hand saying, can I
get a little rest here?
And the more I sat with it, themore I realized that this quiet
(02:28):
little dream is actually thefoundation.
Because if I don't have energy.
Then I don't have access tocreativity or I don't have
clarity or even the motivationto chase the other dreams
because if I don't feel well inmy body, if I'm wired but tired,
if I'm spinning with anxiousthoughts, if I'm waking up
(02:51):
feeling more exhausted than Idid when I went to bed the night
before, then it doesn't matterhow big or beautiful my dreams
are, they're gonna stay unlived.
And not because I don't care,but because I don't have the
energy to carry them.
So I started small and I gotcurious and I began working with
(03:12):
a doctor and I started using theaura ring that tracks things
like my sleep quality, my stresspatterns, and how well I'm
actually recovering each day.
Oh, and this reminds me that Ipromised you, I'd let you know
what I decided to name my AAring advisor, and I finally
landed on it.
(03:33):
Her name is Liv, LIV.
Now, here's why.
Olivia, the longer version ofthe name, it comes from the
olive tree, something that'sstrong, wise, and enduring, but
the nickname live is what reallysealed it for me.
In Scandinavian languages, liveliterally means life, and I
(03:56):
loved that connection becausethis little advisor on my finger
is reminding me to do exactlythat to live.
To live rested.
To live aware of my rhythms, tolive in a way that supports my
dreams instead of draining them.
So when I look down at my ringnow, I don't just see a tracker.
(04:17):
I see Liv, and every day she'swhispering, Hey, take care of
yourself so you can keep showingup for what matters most.
And here's the hopeful part.
I've made real progress.
I haven't overhauled my life oranything, but I have taken small
steps every single day.
To listen to what my bodyactually needs, and I'm sharing
(04:41):
this with you because I know I'mnot the only one.
I hear it from my clients, myfriends, my family, we're tired,
we're drained, we're gettingthrough the day, but we've got
nothing left at the end of it.
And friend, that is not just apersonal issue, that's a
(05:03):
recovery issue.
Let's talk about what isrecovery like?
What is it really?
Well recovery, it's your body'sability to bounce back from
stress physically, mentally, andemotionally.
That's what recovery is.
It's not just about gettingsleep, but you know, sleep is a
(05:23):
huge piece of it.
What it is about is it's aboutcreating small, intentional
moments where your body andbrain shift out of that go mode
and into a repair mode.
So when recovery is happening,your heart rate, it slows down,
and your nervous system calmsyour muscles, rebuild your
(05:44):
thoughts, settle and.
Your emotional overwhelm, itsoftens.
It's not just rest recovery,it's not zoning out with Netflix
while you're still scrolling onyour phone, and it's not even
always an app.
Recovery, it's the process ofliterally returning to yourself
(06:06):
like everything else doesn'texist.
Go back to yourself because it'swhen your internal systems, they
get a chance to reset.
So it's kind of like on yourcomputer when it locks up and
you have to hit that control,alt, delete, it needs a reset.
And I'm telling you, we all needa control, alt, delete function,
and that is what recovery is.
(06:29):
And you need it so that you canstart again with more energy,
have more clarity, and just havemore of you intact.
Wouldn't that be great?
And here's the hard truth.
Without regular recoverythroughout the day, not just at
the end of it.
Most of us are ending the daycompletely depleted, and we're
(06:52):
running on fumes.
And then we wonder, why am I sounmotivated or uninspired, or I
just feel, eh, flat.
Today we're gonna go deeper intothe science of recovery because
understanding how it works on abiological level, it can really
help you design a life that'smore sustainable, and I'm
(07:13):
telling you, way more joyful.
The goal isn't just to dreamagain, the goal is to actually
have the energy.
To live the dream.
I want you to know you are notbroken if you crash every few
days.
You're probably just producingat unreasonable levels without
recovery.
(07:35):
Until now.
That is so, are you ready?
Let's get into it.
I'm gonna share something withyou that my daughter shared with
me.
Not long ago, before I knew Ihad this dream of sleeping
better and managing my anxiety,I was talking with my daughter
in the kitchen about how I washitting these hard crashes every
few days.
You know what I mean?
The kind of day where your brainfog is so thick, where even
(07:56):
simple things like making acoffee or a sandwich or
answering a text, they all justfeel like, well.
Too much.
And I was trying to explain itto her how some days I'm fine
and then suddenly, well, I'mnot, I'm flat, I'm empty.
And there's no warning andthere's no buffer.
(08:16):
And she looked at me and shesaid, oh, it sounds like you're
running outta spoons.
And I was like, I kind ofpaused.
And because I had heard the termbefore, but I had never really
connected it.
To me, and so she continued toexplain to me that it's a
metaphor.
People with autoimmune diseaseuse to explain their energy.
It's like every spoon is anenergy source, like a bolt of
(08:40):
lightning and every task costs aspoon.
And when you're outta spoons,you're outta spoons.
And something about that hit mebecause the truth is we all have
a limited number of spoons.
We wake up and immediately startspending spoons getting out of
(09:00):
bed.
That's a spoon.
Breakfast chaos with the kids,getting everybody out the door.
Oh.
But there's a couple spoonsthere.
Back to back meetings where youhave to be on.
Yeah.
Spoon, spoon, spoon.
Right.
And then what about all thedecision making and the
emotional regulation andswitching between roles?
Yes.
More spoons, so.
(09:20):
The problem isn't just thatwe're spending the spoons, it's
that we aren't doing anything toget them back throughout the
day.
And we're not optimizing'em.
We're just using'em, and we'reusing'em fast.
So those crashes I wasdescribing to my daughter, they
weren't mysterious anymore aftershe explained the spoon theory.
They were kind of inevitablebecause I was spending spoons
(09:44):
non-stop.
Without pausing to restore, noteven one.
So here's the thing, your energyisn't just tied to your sleep or
your schedule.
It's tied to how often yourecover between all your energy
outputs during the day and whenyou don't recover.
(10:05):
Yeah, your nervous system, itstays in overdrive.
Your body is working overtime.
Even when you're just sittingthere at your desk.
Yeah.
Your internal systems, they arepumping stress hormones and
they're keeping you alert andthey're helping you push
through.
Until you hit the wall andthere's no shortcut around it.
(10:26):
When you're outta spoons, you'redone for the day.
Now here's where it gets reallyinteresting.
Your body is actually trackingyour spoon count all the time
through things like your heartrate, your breathing.
Your sleep quality and yourability to shift into recovery
(10:47):
mode throughout the day, andwhile I use the Aura Ring, also
known as live, to help me seethat data in real time, I want
you to know that you don't needtech to know when you're tapped
out.
You just need to start payingattention to yourself.
And you just need to startnoticing like, are you sighing a
lot?
(11:07):
Or do simple tasks suddenly feelenormous?
Are you making silly mistakesfor forgetting basic things?
Or do you find yourself snappingover small stuff?
If you like, are nodding alonghere.
Yeah.
These are signals.
They're your body's way ofsaying, Hey, we are running low
(11:28):
on spoons.
Please slow down or take amoment to reset.
Now, here's the beautiful partof this metaphor.
It's not just about thelimitations of how many spoons
you have.
It's about awareness.
So when you know you only haveso many spoons, you can make
more intentional choices abouthow you want to use them and
(11:51):
where you might need to pause tocollect a few more.
So my question for you is this,how many spoons do you have
today?
How many and what would it looklike to save just one for you.
I know that's, that's a bigquestion, what does that look
(12:12):
like?
Okay, so let's talk aboutsomething that took me a really
long time to realize noteverything that feels restful
actually restores us.
It's known as false recovery.
Let me give you an example.
I love a long lunch withfriends.
I love girls weekends.
(12:33):
I love when the kids come overon Sundays and we cook out or
swim or play games.
All of it.
Making these memories, beingtogether, laughing, oh my gosh,
it's so much wonderful laughterand I need and want all of it.
And for the longest time Ithought that counted as
(12:53):
recovery.
I told myself, well, I'munwinding, I'm relaxing.
I'm getting quality time withfriends and family.
But here's the twist.
After all that beautiful timetogether, I'm exhausted.
Like not just a little tired,like I need to sit down, unwind.
(13:15):
No more talking, no morecleaning up the kitchen.
No more anything.
My social battery is completelydrained, and that used to
confuse me because.
Those experiences are good.
Those connections are whatmatters most to me, but they're
(13:35):
also energy depleting, and I'vecome to accept something that
used to make me feel sad orguilty.
I'm an introvert, and even themost joyful, love filled
connection rich experiences,they still cost me spoons.
And so now I don't see that postsocial crash as failure.
(13:57):
I just understand it as part ofhow my energy works, and more
importantly, I've learned toplan true recovery time after
those kinds of events.
Okay.
I mentioned the false recoverytrap and so many of us are stuck
right there.
We are trapped in falserecovery.
We are filling our calendarswith things that look like rest,
(14:19):
but still require some versionof performance or output.
So let's look at some examplesof what false recovery is.
So exercise classes?
Yeah.
Your body goes into stress modewhen you're exercising.
Yes, it's good for you, but itstill requires you to have an
output of energy date nightswith your partner.
(14:41):
Yeah.
It forces you to be present.
That takes energy.
Um, if you're do volunteering.
That takes energy.
You're doing something familytime.
Yeah.
You're hosting, you're cooking,you're shopping, you're
planning, you're cleaning up allthe stuff, and then just any
social event.
Even with friends, you're stillmanaging energy and emotions in
(15:03):
the conversations.
And are these things meaningful?
Yes, absolutely.
100%.
Are they nourishing in their ownway?
Yes.
But are they true recovery?
Mm, not always, because if yourenergy is still being directed
outward, if you're still showingup in a role, even a role that
(15:26):
you enjoy, like being mom orgrandma or friend or sister,
whatever it is, it's not thekind of rest that your nervous
system needs to truly restore.
Now, this is why this mattersfor your dreams, because here's
the truth, your biggest, yourboldest, and most beautiful
ideas, they live in yourrecovery zones.
(15:50):
Not your hustle zones, not yourto-do list, not even your
connection time.
When your body feels safe andsettled.
And when your mind is no longerscanning for the next thing to
handle or the next way to showup, something magical happens,
guess what?
Your creativity comes back on.
(16:11):
Your vision clears and yourmotivation appears again.
So if you've been struggling tofeel connected to your dreams
lately, if the ideals feel stuckand you can't focus and you just
feel meh, it might not be adream problem.
It might be an energy problem.
(16:31):
So let's talk about what realrecovery feels like because real
recovery doesn't just look calm.
It feels calm on the inside.
It might be sitting in your carafter an appointment and just
breathing.
Or maybe just lying on the couchwith no goal other than just
(16:52):
being you don't have a goal tofall asleep or to nap for 20
minutes.
There's no phone, there's no tv,there's no earbuds, or how about
take a walk without listening toa podcast and no playlist, just
you and your thoughts.
It's okay if you don't take meon all your walks.
Do a walk without a podcast or aplaylist going, and it'll just
(17:13):
be you and your thoughts andnature or whatever is is around
you.
Or how about closing your eyesfor five minutes and just let
your brain float, let it gowherever it goes.
And that's totally fine.
Don't think about it as, oh, I'mdoing a meditation.
Just close your eyes for fiveminutes and let your brain
float.
Okay.
Here's the difference with doingthese things is there's no role
(17:36):
to perform.
There's nobody to please, andthere's no outcome at the end of
it.
Just you.
Returning to yourself, and I'llbe honest, this kind of
recovery, it doesn't always lookimpressive and it doesn't get
you praise or productivitypoints, but it's where the real
(17:56):
fuel lives.
So what if we reframed recoverynot as a reward?
But as a requirement.
Yeah.
What if it's a requirement fordreaming well?
For living?
Well, okay, so now we're gonnazoom in a little bit on the, on
the science part of this, okay?
(18:16):
Because something reallypowerful is happening under the
surface of all this.
Talk about energy and rest.
Your body is wired within anincredibly intelligent system
for handling stress andrecovery.
It's called your autonomicnervous system, and it has two
branches.
(18:38):
One is the sympathetic nervoussystem.
That's also known as the gomode.
Your go go, go, you're usingyour sympathetic nervous system.
Then there is yourparasympathetic nervous system
known as rest mode.
So think of these like lightswitches.
Your body is always togglingbetween the two, depending on
(19:00):
what it thinks that you need.
The sympathetic nervous system,its performance.
This is the state that gets yououtta bed.
It helps you show up tomeetings.
It helps you get dinner for thekids to pitch the thing, to do
the thing, to remember the otherthing.
When you're in sympathetic mode,guess what?
(19:22):
Your heart rate rises, yourstress hormones, like cortisol
and adrenaline increase.
Your body becomes laser focusedon external output, solving,
responding, reacting.
And this is incredibly usefulwhen you're in action.
But here's the thing, this modedrains you over time.
(19:44):
It's not built to be yourdefault setting, but for a lot
of us it is.
Okay?
Now let's talk about theparasympathetic nervous system.
This is the one most of us skip,the parasympathetic nervous
system is the place where truerestoration happens.
(20:05):
This is where your heart rateslows your digestion, improves
your stress hormones, theydecrease, and your body shifts
into healing, integration, andrest.
It may be most importantly forall of streamers is creativity
lives in the parasympatheticnervous system.
(20:27):
That's right.
The ideas you're waiting on.
The breakthrough, you can'tforce the clarity that you're
craving.
Yeah.
They don't arrive when you're inGo mode.
So if you've been feelingcreatively dry or you're
scattered, you're stuck, you'refoggy, or maybe you're just
(20:48):
spinning, there's a good chance.
This isn't a focus problem or amotivation problem.
It's a nervous system problem.
So your recovery system, itmight be offline.
But I have really good news.
You can actually train your bodyto toggle more easily between go
(21:08):
mode and rest mode.
So you can build in micromoments that just send a gentle
signal to your nervous systemthat says, Hey, we're safe.
It's okay to slow down now.
And so what does this look like?
You can take a few deep breathsbetween tasks.
It's that simple.
We all breathe.
(21:29):
Take a few deep breaths.
Take five minutes to stepoutside.
Yeah, that fresh air, woo, is ita great reset.
Um, put your phone down duringlunch.
Don't use your phone as a break.
It's not a break.
Your sparking stress hormonesall over the place when you're
on your phone.
Um, how about giving yourselfpermission to not perform for
(21:50):
just a little while to just be,now, these might sound simple or
maybe they don't sound sosimple, but.
They're biologicalinterventions.
They're not just feel goodhabits, and what they're doing
is they're inviting your bodyout of chronic activation
because that's what it is.
We are in chronic activation andit helps us get back into
(22:14):
balance.
And balance is where your dreamscan breathe again, because let's
face it, our dreams, they don'tneed more hustle and more vision
boards.
They need space.
They need a nervous system thatisn't constantly fighting to
survive the day.
So when you practice switchinginto rest mode, even just for a
(22:36):
few minutes at a time, you'renot just resting.
You are building the conditionsfor insight and strategy and
creativity to return.
And when that happens, yourdreams stop feeling so far away.
Because now you finally have theinternal space to move toward
(22:57):
them.
Okay, friend.
I know we have talked about alot.
We have talked about the hiddencost of spending, all your
spoons, why some restful thingsstill leave you drained, and how
your nervous system, it actuallyholds the key to unlocking real
recovery.
So now let's talk about what youcan actually do with this
(23:20):
awareness, because this isn'tabout building a new recovery
routine that you feel guilty fornot sticking to it.
This is about tuning in tolistening, to adjusting your
pace.
So let's all recover like thedreamers that we are, and I am
going to give you a few tools.
Think of this as your.
Recovery toolkit.
These are tools.
(23:40):
They're not rules and they're tohelp you create some recovery in
your day.
The first thing that you can tryis try creating some zero
performance zones.
What these are, these are smallwindows of time where no one
needs anything from you.
Imagine that, right?
No one needs anything from you.
You're not a mom, you're not aboss, you're not a helper.
(24:02):
Like you're not even aproductive human.
You're just, you.
Try one of these today.
Sit in your car before goinginside.
No phone.
Just breathe.
Lie down for five minuteswithout even calling it a break.
Just lie down.
Don't overthink it.
Go for a walk withoutheadphones.
Like I said earlier, close youreyes and let your brain go
quiet.
No to-do list, no fixing.
(24:23):
Just be still.
And now these moments, they maybe small, but this is where the
nervous system reboots.
And your energy returns and youget some clarity back.
Now, if you have a little bitmore time and your body is
asking for something more, hereare some practices that can help
shift you into true restorationor recovery.
(24:46):
You've probably heard a boxbreathing, it's where you inhale
for four counts, hold for fourcounts, exhale for four counts.
And hold for four counts again.
And you do this for one to twominutes.
That's it.
Just in box breathing.
Uh, we talked about steppingoutside.
Actually.
They've found that when you stepoutside within the first hour of
(25:09):
waking, it really reinforcesyour circadian rhythm and it
boosts your focus and energy forthe day.
If you're getting outta bed andwalking, you know, down the
hallway to your office at home.
Make a little detour and gooutside first before you do
that.
Okay.
Or you can try some stretching,just some gentle stretching.
(25:32):
It really does help release thetension and the stress in your
body.
How about this one saying no.
Say no to one non-essential taskthis week and see how it feels.
Yeah, it feels really good, bythe way.
Um, and how about doing somejournaling?
You could ask yourself, what amI carrying today?
(25:53):
Maybe you'll notice I'm carryinga lot of stress, or, what am I
grateful for today?
Or what do I need?
Yeah, that's a big one because Idon't think we ever ask
ourselves, what do we needtoday?
We ask everybody else what theyneed today but we never take
time to ask ourselves what weneed, and we need to do that for
ourselves.
I don't want you to treat theselike a checklist.
(26:14):
These are just options for whenyou notice the signs, because
you don't need to do more.
You just need to tune in more towhat's happening in your body.
And the last thing that you cantry is the spoon.
Check-in.
You can try asking yourself thisevery morning, ask yourself, how
many spoons do I have today?
Because if you didn't get a goodnight's sleep, you're gonna have
(26:35):
fewer spoons today than you didyesterday, and that's okay.
And then what you wanna do isyou wanna ask yourself, how do
you wanna spend those spoons?
So if you know you have fewerspoons than yesterday, don't try
and do all this kind of stuffthat you did yesterday.
No, no, no.
You're gonna need to dial backyour expectations of yourself,
okay?
And then most importantly, youhave to ask yourself, where am I
(26:59):
gonna replenish the spoons?
Even a little throughout theday.
You know what?
I'm gonna be more deliberateabout stretching.
You know what?
It's a beautiful day outside.
I'm gonna make sure that I stepoutside once every hour,
whatever it is, just beintentional about it and you can
even jot it down and you aregonna be surprised by how much
clarity that you get from simplyacknowledging what's real for
(27:20):
you and what's going on.
Whew.
I know this has been a lot ofinformation, but this matters
because this isn't just aboutfeeling less tired.
This is about building a lifethat supports the part of you
that dares to dream.
When you are constantly depletedyour dreams, they feel heavier.
(27:41):
You question your direction, youlose your spark, and sometimes
you forget what you were workingtoward in the first place.
But when you recover in small,quiet, very imperfect ways, you
remember.
You reconnect with a version ofyou that still believes it's
possible.
You start hearing your intuitionagain, and you regain the energy
(28:04):
to not just think about yourdreams, but actually move
towards them.
Here's your invitation thisweek.
I want you to just pick onemoment in your day where you can
create time for recovery.
Maybe it's over your lunch hour,maybe it's between tasks, right?
There's no pressure, there's noperfect timing.
(28:25):
Just one pause where you aren'tperforming.
Then notice how you feelafterward.
That's it.
Let your body show you what'spossible when you give it space
to rest, because your dreamsdon't just need a strategy.
They need you to be present,rested, and whole.
Carlene (28:48):
Alright, my sweet friend Thank you so much for
being here with me today.
And remember your dreams.
They are waiting for you andyour time.
It's now and I'll be back nextweek.
Ready to welcome you to our nextconversation.
Oh, and one more thing.
This is the legal language.
(29:08):
You know, the stuff that thelawyers put together, and they
say that I need to read this toyou.
So here we go.
This podcast is presented solelyfor educational and
entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I'm not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not intended asa substitute for the advice of a
physician, professional coach,psychotherapist, or other
(29:31):
qualified professionals.
Got it?
Good.
I will see you in the nextepisode.
You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too
anything to pursue your dreams.
Welcome to the DistractedDreamer Podcast, where you'll
learn how to move all thosenever ending distractions aside
and chase your dreams withconfidence.
(00:22):
Well, hello.
Hello my friend.
Welcome back to the DistractedDreamer.
I'm your host Carlene, and I amso glad you're here.
You're actually here on a veryspecial day.
Back in one of my earlierepisodes, I believe it was
episode 41, I talked about my AAring advisor, and I asked you
all to send me some texts and toweigh in on what you think I
(00:44):
should name my AA ring advisor.
So the big reveal is today.
Stay tuned'cause I'm working itinto what we're talking about
today.
If you've been around for awhile, you might remember
episode 41 that I justmentioned.
That episode was all aboutembracing self-care and
recovery, and we talked a lotabout the guilt that can show up
(01:04):
when we try to slow down.
Now that episode was reallyabout giving ourselves
permission to rest.
This one today, this is part twoof it, the sciency edition.
But don't worry, it's notcomplicated stuff.
It's really just simple ways tounderstand what's really going
on in your body and your brainwhen you're constantly on the
(01:24):
go, and why you might becrashing.
Even when you think that you'reresting.
Now, what's interesting is thelack of recovery in my life was
revealing itself in the mostunexpected place.
It was like right inside mydream list.
So back in episode 46, I walkedyou through the start dreaming
again, mini workshop.
(01:45):
And if you listen to that one,you heard me share three dreams
that came up when I went throughthe process myself and the first
two, they weren't a surprise,but the third one, it really
caught me off guard.
It wasn't exciting, it wasn'tsparkly, it was simply this.
It sleep deeply and wake restedand feel free from anxiety.
(02:06):
Not exactly a bucket list kindof dream, right.
And I thought I'd be all readyto launch my dreams of traveling
and becoming an author.
But instead, my body was quietlyraising its hand saying, can I
get a little rest here?
And the more I sat with it, themore I realized that this quiet
(02:28):
little dream is actually thefoundation.
Because if I don't have energy.
Then I don't have access tocreativity or I don't have
clarity or even the motivationto chase the other dreams
because if I don't feel well inmy body, if I'm wired but tired,
if I'm spinning with anxiousthoughts, if I'm waking up
(02:51):
feeling more exhausted than Idid when I went to bed the night
before, then it doesn't matterhow big or beautiful my dreams
are, they're gonna stay unlived.
And not because I don't care,but because I don't have the
energy to carry them.
So I started small and I gotcurious and I began working with
(03:12):
a doctor and I started using theaura ring that tracks things
like my sleep quality, my stresspatterns, and how well I'm
actually recovering each day.
Oh, and this reminds me that Ipromised you, I'd let you know
what I decided to name my AAring advisor, and I finally
landed on it.
(03:33):
Her name is Liv, LIV.
Now, here's why.
Olivia, the longer version ofthe name, it comes from the
olive tree, something that'sstrong, wise, and enduring, but
the nickname live is what reallysealed it for me.
In Scandinavian languages, liveliterally means life, and I
(03:56):
loved that connection becausethis little advisor on my finger
is reminding me to do exactlythat to live.
To live rested.
To live aware of my rhythms, tolive in a way that supports my
dreams instead of draining them.
So when I look down at my ringnow, I don't just see a tracker.
(04:17):
I see Liv, and every day she'swhispering, Hey, take care of
yourself so you can keep showingup for what matters most.
And here's the hopeful part.
I've made real progress.
I haven't overhauled my life oranything, but I have taken small
steps every single day.
To listen to what my bodyactually needs, and I'm sharing
(04:41):
this with you because I know I'mnot the only one.
I hear it from my clients, myfriends, my family, we're tired,
we're drained, we're gettingthrough the day, but we've got
nothing left at the end of it.
And friend, that is not just apersonal issue, that's a
(05:03):
recovery issue.
Let's talk about what isrecovery like?
What is it really?
Well recovery, it's your body'sability to bounce back from
stress physically, mentally, andemotionally.
That's what recovery is.
It's not just about gettingsleep, but you know, sleep is a
(05:23):
huge piece of it.
What it is about is it's aboutcreating small, intentional
moments where your body andbrain shift out of that go mode
and into a repair mode.
So when recovery is happening,your heart rate, it slows down,
and your nervous system calmsyour muscles, rebuild your
(05:44):
thoughts, settle and.
Your emotional overwhelm, itsoftens.
It's not just rest recovery,it's not zoning out with Netflix
while you're still scrolling onyour phone, and it's not even
always an app.
Recovery, it's the process ofliterally returning to yourself
(06:06):
like everything else doesn'texist.
Go back to yourself because it'swhen your internal systems, they
get a chance to reset.
So it's kind of like on yourcomputer when it locks up and
you have to hit that control,alt, delete, it needs a reset.
And I'm telling you, we all needa control, alt, delete function,
and that is what recovery is.
(06:29):
And you need it so that you canstart again with more energy,
have more clarity, and just havemore of you intact.
Wouldn't that be great?
And here's the hard truth.
Without regular recoverythroughout the day, not just at
the end of it.
Most of us are ending the daycompletely depleted, and we're
(06:52):
running on fumes.
And then we wonder, why am I sounmotivated or uninspired, or I
just feel, eh, flat.
Today we're gonna go deeper intothe science of recovery because
understanding how it works on abiological level, it can really
help you design a life that'smore sustainable, and I'm
(07:13):
telling you, way more joyful.
The goal isn't just to dreamagain, the goal is to actually
have the energy.
To live the dream.
I want you to know you are notbroken if you crash every few
days.
You're probably just producingat unreasonable levels without
recovery.
(07:35):
Until now.
That is so, are you ready?
Let's get into it.
I'm gonna share something withyou that my daughter shared with
me.
Not long ago, before I knew Ihad this dream of sleeping
better and managing my anxiety,I was talking with my daughter
in the kitchen about how I washitting these hard crashes every
few days.
You know what I mean?
The kind of day where your brainfog is so thick, where even
(07:56):
simple things like making acoffee or a sandwich or
answering a text, they all justfeel like, well.
Too much.
And I was trying to explain itto her how some days I'm fine
and then suddenly, well, I'mnot, I'm flat, I'm empty.
And there's no warning andthere's no buffer.
(08:16):
And she looked at me and shesaid, oh, it sounds like you're
running outta spoons.
And I was like, I kind ofpaused.
And because I had heard the termbefore, but I had never really
connected it.
To me, and so she continued toexplain to me that it's a
metaphor.
People with autoimmune diseaseuse to explain their energy.
It's like every spoon is anenergy source, like a bolt of
(08:40):
lightning and every task costs aspoon.
And when you're outta spoons,you're outta spoons.
And something about that hit mebecause the truth is we all have
a limited number of spoons.
We wake up and immediately startspending spoons getting out of
(09:00):
bed.
That's a spoon.
Breakfast chaos with the kids,getting everybody out the door.
Oh.
But there's a couple spoonsthere.
Back to back meetings where youhave to be on.
Yeah.
Spoon, spoon, spoon.
Right.
And then what about all thedecision making and the
emotional regulation andswitching between roles?
Yes.
More spoons, so.
(09:20):
The problem isn't just thatwe're spending the spoons, it's
that we aren't doing anything toget them back throughout the
day.
And we're not optimizing'em.
We're just using'em, and we'reusing'em fast.
So those crashes I wasdescribing to my daughter, they
weren't mysterious anymore aftershe explained the spoon theory.
They were kind of inevitablebecause I was spending spoons
(09:44):
non-stop.
Without pausing to restore, noteven one.
So here's the thing, your energyisn't just tied to your sleep or
your schedule.
It's tied to how often yourecover between all your energy
outputs during the day and whenyou don't recover.
(10:05):
Yeah, your nervous system, itstays in overdrive.
Your body is working overtime.
Even when you're just sittingthere at your desk.
Yeah.
Your internal systems, they arepumping stress hormones and
they're keeping you alert andthey're helping you push
through.
Until you hit the wall andthere's no shortcut around it.
(10:26):
When you're outta spoons, you'redone for the day.
Now here's where it gets reallyinteresting.
Your body is actually trackingyour spoon count all the time
through things like your heartrate, your breathing.
Your sleep quality and yourability to shift into recovery
(10:47):
mode throughout the day, andwhile I use the Aura Ring, also
known as live, to help me seethat data in real time, I want
you to know that you don't needtech to know when you're tapped
out.
You just need to start payingattention to yourself.
And you just need to startnoticing like, are you sighing a
lot?
(11:07):
Or do simple tasks suddenly feelenormous?
Are you making silly mistakesfor forgetting basic things?
Or do you find yourself snappingover small stuff?
If you like, are nodding alonghere.
Yeah.
These are signals.
They're your body's way ofsaying, Hey, we are running low
(11:28):
on spoons.
Please slow down or take amoment to reset.
Now, here's the beautiful partof this metaphor.
It's not just about thelimitations of how many spoons
you have.
It's about awareness.
So when you know you only haveso many spoons, you can make
more intentional choices abouthow you want to use them and
(11:51):
where you might need to pause tocollect a few more.
So my question for you is this,how many spoons do you have
today?
How many and what would it looklike to save just one for you.
I know that's, that's a bigquestion, what does that look
(12:12):
like?
Okay, so let's talk aboutsomething that took me a really
long time to realize noteverything that feels restful
actually restores us.
It's known as false recovery.
Let me give you an example.
I love a long lunch withfriends.
I love girls weekends.
(12:33):
I love when the kids come overon Sundays and we cook out or
swim or play games.
All of it.
Making these memories, beingtogether, laughing, oh my gosh,
it's so much wonderful laughterand I need and want all of it.
And for the longest time Ithought that counted as
(12:53):
recovery.
I told myself, well, I'munwinding, I'm relaxing.
I'm getting quality time withfriends and family.
But here's the twist.
After all that beautiful timetogether, I'm exhausted.
Like not just a little tired,like I need to sit down, unwind.
(13:15):
No more talking, no morecleaning up the kitchen.
No more anything.
My social battery is completelydrained, and that used to
confuse me because.
Those experiences are good.
Those connections are whatmatters most to me, but they're
(13:35):
also energy depleting, and I'vecome to accept something that
used to make me feel sad orguilty.
I'm an introvert, and even themost joyful, love filled
connection rich experiences,they still cost me spoons.
And so now I don't see that postsocial crash as failure.
(13:57):
I just understand it as part ofhow my energy works, and more
importantly, I've learned toplan true recovery time after
those kinds of events.
Okay.
I mentioned the false recoverytrap and so many of us are stuck
right there.
We are trapped in falserecovery.
We are filling our calendarswith things that look like rest,
(14:19):
but still require some versionof performance or output.
So let's look at some examplesof what false recovery is.
So exercise classes?
Yeah.
Your body goes into stress modewhen you're exercising.
Yes, it's good for you, but itstill requires you to have an
output of energy date nightswith your partner.
(14:41):
Yeah.
It forces you to be present.
That takes energy.
Um, if you're do volunteering.
That takes energy.
You're doing something familytime.
Yeah.
You're hosting, you're cooking,you're shopping, you're
planning, you're cleaning up allthe stuff, and then just any
social event.
Even with friends, you're stillmanaging energy and emotions in
(15:03):
the conversations.
And are these things meaningful?
Yes, absolutely.
100%.
Are they nourishing in their ownway?
Yes.
But are they true recovery?
Mm, not always, because if yourenergy is still being directed
outward, if you're still showingup in a role, even a role that
(15:26):
you enjoy, like being mom orgrandma or friend or sister,
whatever it is, it's not thekind of rest that your nervous
system needs to truly restore.
Now, this is why this mattersfor your dreams, because here's
the truth, your biggest, yourboldest, and most beautiful
ideas, they live in yourrecovery zones.
(15:50):
Not your hustle zones, not yourto-do list, not even your
connection time.
When your body feels safe andsettled.
And when your mind is no longerscanning for the next thing to
handle or the next way to showup, something magical happens,
guess what?
Your creativity comes back on.
(16:11):
Your vision clears and yourmotivation appears again.
So if you've been struggling tofeel connected to your dreams
lately, if the ideals feel stuckand you can't focus and you just
feel meh, it might not be adream problem.
It might be an energy problem.
(16:31):
So let's talk about what realrecovery feels like because real
recovery doesn't just look calm.
It feels calm on the inside.
It might be sitting in your carafter an appointment and just
breathing.
Or maybe just lying on the couchwith no goal other than just
(16:52):
being you don't have a goal tofall asleep or to nap for 20
minutes.
There's no phone, there's no tv,there's no earbuds, or how about
take a walk without listening toa podcast and no playlist, just
you and your thoughts.
It's okay if you don't take meon all your walks.
Do a walk without a podcast or aplaylist going, and it'll just
(17:13):
be you and your thoughts andnature or whatever is is around
you.
Or how about closing your eyesfor five minutes and just let
your brain float, let it gowherever it goes.
And that's totally fine.
Don't think about it as, oh, I'mdoing a meditation.
Just close your eyes for fiveminutes and let your brain
float.
Okay.
Here's the difference with doingthese things is there's no role
(17:36):
to perform.
There's nobody to please, andthere's no outcome at the end of
it.
Just you.
Returning to yourself, and I'llbe honest, this kind of
recovery, it doesn't always lookimpressive and it doesn't get
you praise or productivitypoints, but it's where the real
(17:56):
fuel lives.
So what if we reframed recoverynot as a reward?
But as a requirement.
Yeah.
What if it's a requirement fordreaming well?
For living?
Well, okay, so now we're gonnazoom in a little bit on the, on
the science part of this, okay?
(18:16):
Because something reallypowerful is happening under the
surface of all this.
Talk about energy and rest.
Your body is wired within anincredibly intelligent system
for handling stress andrecovery.
It's called your autonomicnervous system, and it has two
branches.
(18:38):
One is the sympathetic nervoussystem.
That's also known as the gomode.
Your go go, go, you're usingyour sympathetic nervous system.
Then there is yourparasympathetic nervous system
known as rest mode.
So think of these like lightswitches.
Your body is always togglingbetween the two, depending on
(19:00):
what it thinks that you need.
The sympathetic nervous system,its performance.
This is the state that gets yououtta bed.
It helps you show up tomeetings.
It helps you get dinner for thekids to pitch the thing, to do
the thing, to remember the otherthing.
When you're in sympathetic mode,guess what?
(19:22):
Your heart rate rises, yourstress hormones, like cortisol
and adrenaline increase.
Your body becomes laser focusedon external output, solving,
responding, reacting.
And this is incredibly usefulwhen you're in action.
But here's the thing, this modedrains you over time.
(19:44):
It's not built to be yourdefault setting, but for a lot
of us it is.
Okay?
Now let's talk about theparasympathetic nervous system.
This is the one most of us skip,the parasympathetic nervous
system is the place where truerestoration happens.
(20:05):
This is where your heart rateslows your digestion, improves
your stress hormones, theydecrease, and your body shifts
into healing, integration, andrest.
It may be most importantly forall of streamers is creativity
lives in the parasympatheticnervous system.
(20:27):
That's right.
The ideas you're waiting on.
The breakthrough, you can'tforce the clarity that you're
craving.
Yeah.
They don't arrive when you're inGo mode.
So if you've been feelingcreatively dry or you're
scattered, you're stuck, you'refoggy, or maybe you're just
(20:48):
spinning, there's a good chance.
This isn't a focus problem or amotivation problem.
It's a nervous system problem.
So your recovery system, itmight be offline.
But I have really good news.
You can actually train your bodyto toggle more easily between go
(21:08):
mode and rest mode.
So you can build in micromoments that just send a gentle
signal to your nervous systemthat says, Hey, we're safe.
It's okay to slow down now.
And so what does this look like?
You can take a few deep breathsbetween tasks.
It's that simple.
We all breathe.
(21:29):
Take a few deep breaths.
Take five minutes to stepoutside.
Yeah, that fresh air, woo, is ita great reset.
Um, put your phone down duringlunch.
Don't use your phone as a break.
It's not a break.
Your sparking stress hormonesall over the place when you're
on your phone.
Um, how about giving yourselfpermission to not perform for
(21:50):
just a little while to just be,now, these might sound simple or
maybe they don't sound sosimple, but.
They're biologicalinterventions.
They're not just feel goodhabits, and what they're doing
is they're inviting your bodyout of chronic activation
because that's what it is.
We are in chronic activation andit helps us get back into
(22:14):
balance.
And balance is where your dreamscan breathe again, because let's
face it, our dreams, they don'tneed more hustle and more vision
boards.
They need space.
They need a nervous system thatisn't constantly fighting to
survive the day.
So when you practice switchinginto rest mode, even just for a
(22:36):
few minutes at a time, you'renot just resting.
You are building the conditionsfor insight and strategy and
creativity to return.
And when that happens, yourdreams stop feeling so far away.
Because now you finally have theinternal space to move toward
(22:57):
them.
Okay, friend.
I know we have talked about alot.
We have talked about the hiddencost of spending, all your
spoons, why some restful thingsstill leave you drained, and how
your nervous system, it actuallyholds the key to unlocking real
recovery.
So now let's talk about what youcan actually do with this
(23:20):
awareness, because this isn'tabout building a new recovery
routine that you feel guilty fornot sticking to it.
This is about tuning in tolistening, to adjusting your
pace.
So let's all recover like thedreamers that we are, and I am
going to give you a few tools.
Think of this as your.
Recovery toolkit.
These are tools.
(23:40):
They're not rules and they're tohelp you create some recovery in
your day.
The first thing that you can tryis try creating some zero
performance zones.
What these are, these are smallwindows of time where no one
needs anything from you.
Imagine that, right?
No one needs anything from you.
You're not a mom, you're not aboss, you're not a helper.
(24:02):
Like you're not even aproductive human.
You're just, you.
Try one of these today.
Sit in your car before goinginside.
No phone.
Just breathe.
Lie down for five minuteswithout even calling it a break.
Just lie down.
Don't overthink it.
Go for a walk withoutheadphones.
Like I said earlier, close youreyes and let your brain go
quiet.
No to-do list, no fixing.
(24:23):
Just be still.
And now these moments, they maybe small, but this is where the
nervous system reboots.
And your energy returns and youget some clarity back.
Now, if you have a little bitmore time and your body is
asking for something more, hereare some practices that can help
shift you into true restorationor recovery.
(24:46):
You've probably heard a boxbreathing, it's where you inhale
for four counts, hold for fourcounts, exhale for four counts.
And hold for four counts again.
And you do this for one to twominutes.
That's it.
Just in box breathing.
Uh, we talked about steppingoutside.
Actually.
They've found that when you stepoutside within the first hour of
(25:09):
waking, it really reinforcesyour circadian rhythm and it
boosts your focus and energy forthe day.
If you're getting outta bed andwalking, you know, down the
hallway to your office at home.
Make a little detour and gooutside first before you do
that.
Okay.
Or you can try some stretching,just some gentle stretching.
(25:32):
It really does help release thetension and the stress in your
body.
How about this one saying no.
Say no to one non-essential taskthis week and see how it feels.
Yeah, it feels really good, bythe way.
Um, and how about doing somejournaling?
You could ask yourself, what amI carrying today?
(25:53):
Maybe you'll notice I'm carryinga lot of stress, or, what am I
grateful for today?
Or what do I need?
Yeah, that's a big one because Idon't think we ever ask
ourselves, what do we needtoday?
We ask everybody else what theyneed today but we never take
time to ask ourselves what weneed, and we need to do that for
ourselves.
I don't want you to treat theselike a checklist.
(26:14):
These are just options for whenyou notice the signs, because
you don't need to do more.
You just need to tune in more towhat's happening in your body.
And the last thing that you cantry is the spoon.
Check-in.
You can try asking yourself thisevery morning, ask yourself, how
many spoons do I have today?
Because if you didn't get a goodnight's sleep, you're gonna have
(26:35):
fewer spoons today than you didyesterday, and that's okay.
And then what you wanna do isyou wanna ask yourself, how do
you wanna spend those spoons?
So if you know you have fewerspoons than yesterday, don't try
and do all this kind of stuffthat you did yesterday.
No, no, no.
You're gonna need to dial backyour expectations of yourself,
okay?
And then most importantly, youhave to ask yourself, where am I
(26:59):
gonna replenish the spoons?
Even a little throughout theday.
You know what?
I'm gonna be more deliberateabout stretching.
You know what?
It's a beautiful day outside.
I'm gonna make sure that I stepoutside once every hour,
whatever it is, just beintentional about it and you can
even jot it down and you aregonna be surprised by how much
clarity that you get from simplyacknowledging what's real for
(27:20):
you and what's going on.
Whew.
I know this has been a lot ofinformation, but this matters
because this isn't just aboutfeeling less tired.
This is about building a lifethat supports the part of you
that dares to dream.
When you are constantly depletedyour dreams, they feel heavier.
(27:41):
You question your direction, youlose your spark, and sometimes
you forget what you were workingtoward in the first place.
But when you recover in small,quiet, very imperfect ways, you
remember.
You reconnect with a version ofyou that still believes it's
possible.
You start hearing your intuitionagain, and you regain the energy
(28:04):
to not just think about yourdreams, but actually move
towards them.
Here's your invitation thisweek.
I want you to just pick onemoment in your day where you can
create time for recovery.
Maybe it's over your lunch hour,maybe it's between tasks, right?
There's no pressure, there's noperfect timing.
(28:25):
Just one pause where you aren'tperforming.
Then notice how you feelafterward.
That's it.
Let your body show you what'spossible when you give it space
to rest, because your dreamsdon't just need a strategy.
They need you to be present,rested, and whole.
Carlene (28:48):
Alright, my sweet friend Thank you so much for
being here with me today.
And remember your dreams.
They are waiting for you andyour time.
It's now and I'll be back nextweek.
Ready to welcome you to our nextconversation.
Oh, and one more thing.
This is the legal language.
(29:08):
You know, the stuff that thelawyers put together, and they
say that I need to read this toyou.
So here we go.
This podcast is presented solelyfor educational and
entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I'm not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not intended asa substitute for the advice of a
physician, professional coach,psychotherapist, or other
(29:31):
qualified professionals.
Got it?
Good.
I will see you in the nextepisode.
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