November 3, 2025 • 31 mins
Ever wonder why some people seem to actually bring their dreams to life—while yours stays stuck in “someday”?
Here’s the secret: it’s not about being the smartest, most disciplined, or most "together" person in the room. It’s about how you think, feel, and show up—especially when things get hard, boring, or uncertain.
In this episode, I’ll walk you through the 7 powerful pieces of - think of it as a code of conduct for dreamers - I simply call it the Dreamer’s Code that I’ve seen again and again in people who go from dreaming… to doing. And the best part? These are things you can practice, starting now.
3 KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE
1️⃣ A personal gut-check on where your mindset supports your dream—and where it doesn’t (yet)
2️⃣ Permission to stop waiting for clarity or approval before taking the next step
3️⃣ A renewed connection to why your dream matters, and how to keep going
✨ You could be missing just one piece of the Dreamer’s Code—one small shift away from finding that momentum again.
DOWNLOAD THE FREE START DREAMING AGAIN GUIDE
Check out all my coaching and course offerings - Coachcarlene.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 3 (00:01):
You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too
anything to pursue your dreams.
Welcome to the DistractedDreamer Podcast, where you'll
learn how to move all thosenever ending distractions aside
and chase your dreams withconfidence.
(00:22):
Welcome back friend to theDistracted Dreamer podcast.
I'm your host Carlene, andtoday's episode is gonna give
you so much clarity.
If you've been asking yourself,what's wrong with me?
Why can't I just do the things Ineed to do so that I can live my
dream?
And you know what?
I know what that's like'causeI've lived with that tension
(00:43):
too.
So, have you ever noticed howsome people, like, maybe even
people who aren't that smart orvery impressive on paper, they
somehow end up actually doingthe things that they talk about
doing?
You know, like they say, they'regonna start a business or move
across the country or write thatbook and then boom, they're
doing it.
And once they've built onedream, they're off building the
(01:06):
next.
And from the outside it almostlooks effortless, we wanna be
that person.
And instead, like you're sittingthere wondering why your dream,
maybe it's something simple likeplanting a garden And it just
never quite happens.
And no matter how much youresearch, or no matter how many
tools you buy, and no matter howmany YouTube videos you watch or
(01:29):
Pinterest boards, you save.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You go down that rabbit hole,something is missing.
And the worst part is, is thatyou start to wonder if you are
the problem, and, and here's theshocking part.
Research shows that it's notabout having a high IQ and it's
not about luck, and it'sdefinitely not about hustling
(01:54):
the truth.
As people who bring their dreamsto life, they usually live by a
kind of code, right?
Not like a flashy like, oh, I'mgonna grind my way to success
kind of a thing.
It's very quiet compared tothat, and it's, it's emotional.
It's how they think and how theychoose.
(02:15):
And how they respond, especiallywhen things get hard or boring
or uncertain.
So today I am gonna walk youthrough seven pieces of what I
call the Dreamers code.
I just made that up, but we'regonna call it the Dreamers code.
And these are real predictors ofwhether your dream stays a dream
(02:38):
or becomes your actual life.
And I've seen these patterns popup again and again, not not just
in my life, but in the lives ofmy clients and friends and even
strangers.
Who are just quietly buildingthings that they only imagined
at one point.
So today I'm gonna walk youthrough the seven key pieces of
(03:01):
this code.
And each piece of this code issomething that you can kind of
use as a self-check as we'regoing through them.
As you listen, ask yourself,honestly, is this something that
I already do?
Or is this something that Iwanna grow into?
And you know what?
You may be like, yes, I'venoticed that I've got that part
(03:24):
of the code nailed.
And then others, you're gonna belike, well that's, that's
missing.
And that's okay.
Because once you understandthis, you can do something about
it.
Because we have to get realtalking about our dreams.
It's great.
But doing something with thosedreams, that's what truly
matters.
(03:45):
And this episode, it's gonnahelp you do just that.
And of course, I've got somestories and a bit of research to
share with you along the way.
Are you ready?
Let's get into it.
Okay.
The first piece of the Dreamerscode is this.
You say no more often than yousay yes.
(04:06):
Like you say no to almosteverything.
Not because you're selfish oryou're unavailable, but because
you know your time, your energyand your focus are your most
precious resources, and youprotect them fiercely.
And it doesn't mean that youdon't care.
(04:27):
It means that you care enoughabout your dream to give it your
best, not just what's left over.
And this is something that wedid a whole episode on back in
episode 30, uh, called How toSay No With Confidence.
And honestly, if you strugglewith this, especially if you're
a recovering people pleaser, Ihighly recommend that you go
(04:50):
back and give that one a listen.
Because saying no doesn't comenaturally for a lot of us, when
we were little, like we had noproblem saying no, but somewhere
along the way we learned thatsaying no comes with
consequences.
Even disappointment anddisconnecting from people and
sometimes we were even punishedfor it.
(05:10):
So we started saying yes evenwhen we didn't want to.
So we people pleased for thesake of everyone else's piece.
Except our own.
And that turned into a pattern,a pattern of overcommitting, of
stretching ourselves way toothin.
And sometimes, uh, let's behonest here, resenting the very
(05:33):
things that we said yes to.
And you feel that one?
I do.
But here's the thing.
Every yes, you give out of guiltor fear, it's a quiet no to your
own dreams and people whoactually go after their dreams,
they protect their yes, theyunapologetically use their no
(05:56):
instead.
So I mentioned in episode 30 Ishared a bunch of real life
examples and even walked throughthe exact words you can use to
say no with confidence.
And kindness without ghostingpeople or feeling like you have
to explain yourself every timeyou say no, seriously, there's a
(06:18):
whole formula and it works.
If your calendar is feelingfull, but your dream is like,
oh, I am not on your calendar.
What's happening here?
It might be time to get reallyhonest about what you're saying
yes to and what it's costingyou, because when you say no to
what is draining you.
You start saying yes to thethings that light you up, also
(06:40):
known as your dreams.
So ask yourself.
This is the check-in for thisone.
Ask yourself, am I willing tosay no?
Often and without guilt, yes orno.
Just be honest.
If it's not a full yes, this isa piece of the code that you can
lean into.
If this one's hitting home andyou're like, Ooh, I really wanna
(07:00):
work on saying no, and I dowanna be kind about it, go back
to episode 30, how to say Nowith confidence, without guilt
or apology.
Um, it's really packed with somegreat information there and I
love a formula when it comes toconversations like that.
So.
You can check that out.
Okay.
The next piece of the code isthat you can delay gratification
(07:23):
without making yourselfmiserable.
Now, let's pause here becausethis one gets really
misunderstood.
People hear delayedgratification and they think
they're supposed to like whiteknuckle their way through all
the joyless routines for thenext five years until the dream
finally arrives.
(07:45):
But like we talked about inepisode 39, hard is part of the
dream.
It's the messy, unglamorousmiddle that makes the end so
worth it.
And I know this is such anoverused, cheesy metaphor, but
it It's true.
So I'm gonna say it.
The dream, it isn't just themountaintop, it's who you become
(08:09):
on the climb.
You know what?
There's lots of songs about itbecause it's true.
And getting to the mountaintopthat isn't what this is about.
This is about knowing that thehard parts of your dream don't
mean that you're doing it wrong.
The hard parts mean that you'rein it and hard doesn't mean that
you picked the wrong dreameither.
(08:30):
It just means that you're aliveinside of something that matters
to you.
And if you can find small waysto bring joy or even lightness
into the hard parts, likesinging in the car on the way to
a doctor's appointment that youdon't wanna go to or making a
playlist while you're packing upboxes or cleaning out your
closet, it's about what.
(08:53):
Doing and how you're feelingwhile you're getting through
that messy middle.
That makes all the difference.
Now, I, I said in that episode,and I'll say it again, that fun
doesn't erase the hard but itmakes it bearable and joy.
That's what helps keep yougoing.
(09:14):
So here is your check-in fornumber two here.
I want you to ask yourself rightnow, am I letting the hard parts
of my dream steal the joy, or amI finding ways to hold both the
challenge and the hope?
Yes or no?
(09:35):
If you are someone who can stickwith something, even when it's
not glamorous, even when thedopamine wears off, and you can
still find little sparks ofmotivation inside the mundane
parts of it, that's disciplineand devotion rolled all into
one.
If this is speaking to you andyou're like, yeah, I wanna know
(09:57):
how to do this, go listen toepisode 39.
Hard is part of the dream.
If you need a reminder thatyou're just in the messy middle
of something and you'll walkaway with six powerful mindset
shifts and you'll probably feela lot less alone.
Okay, we are onto number three.
So another piece of the codethat separates dreamers from the
(10:19):
tire kickers is curiosity overintelligence, so you value
curiosity over intelligence.
The people that I see bringtheir dreams to life, they are
rarely the smartest people inthe room.
But you know what they are?
They are endlessly curious andthey don't assume that they have
(10:43):
all the answers, and they're thepeople that ask better
questions, and when somethingdoesn't work, they know how to
pivot.
And they don't panic.
So let's talk about curiosity alittle bit here, because when it
comes to bringing your dreams tolife, we do assume that it's the
(11:05):
smartest, most strategic peoplewho succeed.
But that's not what the researchsays.
So according to uc, Berkeley,they did a study and they found
that curiosity actually predictsadaptability better than raw
intelligence.
And that makes sense, becausebuilding your dream isn't about
(11:26):
knowing everything.
It's about being willing tofigure things out.
And like I said, curious people,they ask better questions.
They're willing to explore,they're willing to stay open,
and that gives them way morestaying power when things get
messier or uncertain.
So here's a quick story for you.
(11:47):
I, I promised you a story.
So here's a story on this one.
When I started this podcast, Ihad no clue what I was doing.
You guys, no clue.
I didn't know how to edit audio.
I didn't know what mic to buy.
I didn't know what software touse.
I didn't know how to host it orhow to upload it or like any of
the tech stuff.
And to be honest, a big part ofme felt totally underqualified
(12:10):
to do this.
Like, who was I trying to dothis here?
But here's what helped keep megoing.
I didn't try to be the smartestperson in the room.
I just got really curious.
I let myself Google all thesequestions.
I watched tutorials.
I asked people who were a fewsteps ahead of me, and I took
notes, and you know what else?
(12:32):
I made a lot of mistakes and Ijust kept learning.
And that more than anything iswhat brought this podcast to
life.
So if you ever catch yourselfthinking, oh, I'm not smart
enough, or I don't know what I'mdoing, you need to pause and
flip the question and insteadtry saying.
(12:52):
What could I learn here?
What's one thing that I couldtry, or who could I ask?
And that one shift from needingto know, to be willing to learn
that might be the exact thingthat moves you forward.
Because it moved me forward, Ican tell you that.
(13:14):
Let's go ahead and do a check-inhere, and I want you to ask
yourself, am I waiting to feelready or am I willing to be
curious and get scrappy?
Yes or no?
Yes or no?
If it's not a hard yes, thenit's a no because you have to
remember curiosity.
It keeps dreams alive even well,especially when things get
(13:36):
confusing.
Alright, whew.
We are on number four right atthe midpoint here, so stay with
me.
The fourth piece of this code isthat you are comfortable with
boredom.
Now, I know that doesn't soundvery inspiring, does it?
(13:57):
But stay with me because thismight be one of the most
overlooked signals that you'retruly on your way to building
something meaningful.
We romanticize dreaming, don'twe?
And we imagine that once wefigure out our thing, everything
is just gonna fall into placeand there'll be excitement and
(14:18):
creativity and momentum andsigns from the universe, the,
the whole deal.
But here's the truth that I hadto face, is living your dream.
It doesn't always feel dreamy.
In fact, a lot of it feels kindof boring.
Let me tell you what I mean.
Several years ago I startedcreating my very first digital
(14:39):
course and I was so excited andI felt very clear about what it
was gonna be about and thecontent was flowing and I had
like two dozen post-it notesstuck to the wall.
But once I got past theplanning.
The real work set in.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Suddenly I was spending hoursformatting slides and I was
(15:00):
trying to pick the perfect fontand I was fixing weird spacing
issues.
I was rerecording lessons whenthe mic picked up background
noise, and I was googling how toset up the back end of the
course platform for like thehundredth time because I just
couldn't get it to sync.
And you know what?
None of it was inspiring.
It was tedious and I rememberthinking, is this what it looks
(15:25):
like to bring your dream tolife?
Because it mostly feels like awhole lot of project management
and a lot of digital duct tape.
But here's what I realized, theexciting part of dreaming, it
gets you started.
And the boring part, it's whatgets it done.
(15:46):
I am gonna say that again.
The exciting part of dreaming,that's what gets you started.
It's the boring part that getsit done.
The people who bring theirdreams to life, They're the ones
who learn how to stick with itwhen it's not glamorous.
When it's not fun, when it'skind of mundane, they can stick
(16:07):
with it.
And so here's your check-in fornumber four here.
Ask yourself, am I willing toshow up even when it's boring?
Yes or no?
If yes, that means that yourdream is moving outta the dream
phase into something real.
That's very cool.
(16:29):
Alright, next up is the fifthpiece of the code.
Here it is.
You are okay.
Not having everyone support.
Yes, you're okay.
Not having everyone support.
And it's important because yourdream, it's yours and you don't
(16:49):
need a permission slip.
To dream and if you're gonnawait for every friend, or every
family member, or every personon the internet to get it, well,
you're gonna wait forever.
And that dream, it's just gonnastart fading into the
background.
Let, let me be real honest withyou why this one is so hard,
because there are those of uswho want to be liked.
(17:11):
We want to belong.
And we want to feel supported.
Like who doesn't, and if you arebuilding something right now and
you're feeling a little lonelyor misunderstood, you're not
imagining it.
That's real.
You're starting to chase thedream and you're looking around
and you realize that noteveryone gets it.
(17:32):
And maybe the people closest toyou, they don't share your
excitement and maybe they rolltheir eyes when you talk about
your big ideas.
I mean, maybe they love you.
I'm sure they do, but they justdon't understand what you're
trying to do.
And that can be painful.
But here's the thing, yourdream, it wasn't built by
(17:53):
committee.
The people who bring theirdreams to life, they stop
waiting for everyone else to geton board.
They stop needing permission andthey learn to cheer for
themselves, at least at thebeginning.
If you're the only one cheeringfor yourself, keep cheering.
Keep cheering louder, keepgoing.
(18:14):
And yes, loneliness.
It can absolutely show up here.
And I remember early in mycoaching business, I was so
excited about doing this, but atthe same time, I felt like I had
to constantly explain it topeople like yes.
Coaching.
It is a real job.
Yes, it's meaningful work.
(18:35):
And yes, it's a business.
And even when people were kindabout it, I could tell they just
didn't get it.
And I thought, wouldn't it be somuch easier if I just had some
people that understood it?
And you know what?
Eventually I realized I am theonly one who had to get it, and
(18:55):
I am the one who had to keepshowing up even.
When other people weren't there,and honestly, that decision to
stop needing everyone else'sapproval, it was a turning point
because here's the deal, if yourdream requires everyone's
understanding to survive, it'snot going to last.
It needs to be rooted in yourown values, in your own why,
(19:18):
that we are going to talk aboutand your own belief that what
you're doing matters, even if noone else sees it.
And I just wanna stop and, andsay I am so grateful for the
support that I did have.
I had great support from myfamily and my friends when I set
out on this journey to become acoach.
And here I am today with, with apodcast, who would've thought,
(19:39):
and I couldn't have done itwithout their support, but.
I realized I didn't have to haveeverybody on board.
I didn't need everybody.
I just needed the best peoplebehind me who understood it, and
that's all you need.
Okay, so here's your checkpointfor this.
One is, can I keep going even ifother people don't fully
(20:04):
understand or approve yes or no,be honest.
And if you find yourself waitingfor support before you begin, or
you're holding back untilsomeone tells you that it's
valid or, yeah, that makessense, then this is part of the
code that you wanna work on.
And I wanna remind you, you donot need a room full of people
(20:26):
cheering for you to get started.
And yes, absolutely communitymatters.
And we talked all about how tobuild that in episode 19.
But before the community comes,there's courage we are on the
sixth piece of the code, andthat is that you are emotionally
connected to your dream and thispiece of the code.
(20:50):
It's the thing that separatesdreams that fade into the
background from dreams thatbecome reality.
It's that you know why thisdream matters to you.
You know your why.
If you're waiting for motivationto show up before you take
action, you are going to bewaiting a very long time.
(21:10):
But when you're emotionallyconnected to your dream, when
you know exactly why it mattersto you, you stop needing the
external motivation to keepgoing.
Because that fire, it actuallycomes from inside of you.
So here, let me break it downfor you really quickly.
There are two types ofmotivation.
There's external motivation andthere's internal motivation.
(21:30):
So external motivation is allthe stuff outside of you.
It's the approval, it's thepressure, it's the deadlines,
it's the people pleasing, it'sthe guilt, and all of those
things.
Some of them sound verynegative, but they are still
motivators.
And those can work, but theydon't last.
And it's not what gets youthrough the messy middle.
(21:51):
Now, internal motivation on theother hand, that comes from your
why, that's your reason.
That's your emotional connectionto the dream.
And when your dream is tied tosomething that's deeply personal
and meaningful, you're gonnakeep showing up for it.
Even when it's boring.
Even when it's hard, and evenwhen no one else is on board
(22:14):
with you.
Let me ask you, have you donethe work to uncover your why?
And I don't mean just thesurface level.
Why like, I wanna make moremoney, or I should be doing this
by now.
I'm talking about the real why.
You know, the one that makes youtear up a little when you say it
out loud, or the one thatreminds you that this isn't
about anyone else.
(22:36):
And one of the tools I'd lovefor this is the five wise
technique.
And it's exactly what it soundslike.
You take your dream or your goaland you ask yourself, why is
this important to me?
And then you ask again and againuntil you hit something that's
deep and honest and and real.
Let's just use the writing abook.
'cause everybody wants to writea book, so you wanna say, uh,
(23:00):
why?
Why do you wanna write a book?
Well, because I wanna share mystory.
Why is sharing your storyimportant?
Well, because I know someone outthere might need to hear it.
Well, why is that important toyou?
Because I know what it feelslike to feel alone, and I don't
want anyone else to feel thatway.
Okay, well, why do you careabout that?
(23:20):
Because I never had that kind ofvoice growing up, and I want to
be what I needed, and boom,there it is.
That's not a surface level goalanymore.
That's heart and that's thepurpose.
And you know what?
Neuroscience it actually, itbacks this up.
Your why.
It literally activates thebrain's dopamine system.
(23:43):
That means that it's boostingfocus, drive and resilience.
It's not just emotional, it'schemical also.
If you've lost momentum lately,it might not be about discipline
or strategy.
It might be that you haven'tgone deep enough yet.
Here's your check-in.
Ask yourself, am I clear on whyI care about this dream and how
(24:07):
it connects to the kind of lifethat I wanna build?
Yes or no?
If you answered no, here's yourinvitation.
Take five minutes and do thefive why's exercise.
Do it right now.
Write it down.
Put it where you can see it.
Read it back when things gethard.
Because your why.
(24:28):
It isn't just what gets youstarted.
That's what carries you throughthe hard parts.
And if you don't have thatemotional connection yet, that's
fine.
Just go ask the questions, feelwhat comes up, and you're gonna
get a clarity, I promise.
Okay.
We are on the home stretch here.
We are on number seven, theseventh piece of the Dreamers
(24:50):
code, and that is that you don'tneed to know every step to get
started, you're okay not knowingevery step, and you trust
yourself to figure things out asyou go, and you get scrappy and
you pivot and you ask for help,and you are not paralyzed by
perfection.
(25:12):
And you move forward withwhatever you have.
Now, I love a good plan.
You know, give me a cleanchecklist and a color coded
spreadsheet and you know I'mgonna do great.
But you know what?
Dreaming it doesn't always comewith a detailed Google Doc and a
guaranteed timeline.
Sometimes it's more like, I haveno idea how this is going to
work, but I can feel that it'sthe right thing to do.
(25:35):
And honestly, that's enough.
The people that I've seen bringtheir dreams to life.
They're not the ones who knewevery answer ahead of time.
They're the ones who figured itout as they went.
They got scrappy.
They asked for help.
They pivoted, they Googled, theycried in the car, they
rerecorded things.
They fixed what broke, and thenthey broke something else the
(25:56):
next day.
And that's okay.
But you know what?
They kept going because theyknew this truth that you don't
have to see the whole path totake the next step.
If you're the kind of person whokeeps waiting to feel ready, if
you're researching your dream todeath.
If you keep telling yourself, assoon as I figure out this one
(26:18):
thing, then I'll start, oh, thisis your sign.
It's okay not to know everydetail.
You are allowed to move forwardwithout knowing what's going to
happen, because not knowing.
Is part of the process andtrusting yourself to be
resourceful, to figure it outwhen the time comes.
(26:41):
That's one of the mostempowering shifts that you're
ever gonna make.
So here's your final check-in.
Am I okay starting, even if Idon't know exactly how it'll all
work out?
Yes or no?
Because you know what?
If you're already experimenting,adapting, learning as you go,
(27:01):
then you got this part of thecode nailed.
And if you're not quite thereyet, don't worry.
That's okay too.
Just start where you are.
You can start messy.
Just start now.
Okay, we did it.
We got through all seven piecesof the code, so let's take a
breath and bring it alltogether.
(27:22):
Um, and remember the sevenpieces of this Dreamers code.
This isn't a checklist for youto check off, like, oh, I have
to get this perfect.
This is more like an internalcompass.
It's a way of being that I'veseen again and again in people
who actually bring their dreamsto life.
these aren't traits orstrategies.
They're beliefs, they're ways ofshowing up.
(27:45):
They're how you feel.
How you think and how youactually move through the world,
especially when it's hard, andespecially when that dream feels
really far away.
Let's just do one more check-intogether before we sign off.
Okay.
First, are you protecting yourtime and energy by saying no
(28:05):
more than you say Yes.
Just yes or no.
Okay.
Are you able to delaygratification without misery and
enjoy the process even when it'smessy?
Three?
Do you choose curiosity overneeding to be the smartest?
(28:28):
Four.
Can you sit with boredom?
Can you be comfortable with theboredom and keep going anyway?
Yes or no?
Number five, are you okay?
If not everybody claps for youor even understands what you're
building?
Are you okay with that?
(28:49):
Yes or no?
And number six.
Do you know why this dreammatters to you?
Like really?
Do you know it?
The deep down, why yes or no?
And finally, number seven, areyou willing to begin without
knowing all the steps?
Without knowing all the answers?
(29:11):
Yes or no?
Now, if you can answer yes tomost of these, you're already on
the path, and if not, that'sokay too.
You know what?
This is just information.
It's a mirror.
It's a starting point, and thetruth is, this isn't just about
what you do.
It's about who you are becomingand becoming the kind of person
(29:33):
who lives their dream.
It doesn't happen overnight.
It happens literally piece bypiece, one choice at a time.
So you don't have to master allseven pieces of this code today.
You just need to notice whereyou are and keep showing up.
If there's one piece of thiscode that really hit home for
(29:54):
you today, something that youwanna lean into more, that you
wanna hold on to, write it down,put it on a post-it.
Just start there.
Okay.
And please use the text Carlenelink in the show notes and tell
me which piece of the codeyou're working on, because I'd
love to hear where you are atand how I can support you going
(30:17):
forward.
And before you exit your app,wherever you're listening to
this podcast, can you pleasetake a quick minute and leave a
review?
It helps others just like youfind us here on the Distracted
Dreamer.
And I just wanna say thank youahead of time for taking the
time to do that.
If you are hesitating on yourdreams, there is one last thing
(30:39):
I want to leave with you today.
I want you to ask yourself, whatif it all works out?
What if it's worth it in theend?
What if it turns out better thanyou could have ever imagined?
Entertain that thought, and I'llbe here to welcome you to our
next conversation.
(31:01):
Bye for now.
Carlene (31:04):
Oh, and one more thing.
This is the legal language.
You know, the stuff that thelawyers put together, and they
say that I need to read this toyou.
So here we go.
This podcast is presented solelyfor educational and
entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I'm not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not intended asa substitute for the advice of a
(31:27):
physician, professional coach,psychotherapist, or other
qualified professionals.
Got it?
Good.
I will see you in the nextepisode.
You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too
anything to pursue your dreams.
Welcome to the DistractedDreamer Podcast, where you'll
learn how to move all thosenever ending distractions aside
and chase your dreams withconfidence.
(00:22):
Welcome back friend to theDistracted Dreamer podcast.
I'm your host Carlene, andtoday's episode is gonna give
you so much clarity.
If you've been asking yourself,what's wrong with me?
Why can't I just do the things Ineed to do so that I can live my
dream?
And you know what?
I know what that's like'causeI've lived with that tension
(00:43):
too.
So, have you ever noticed howsome people, like, maybe even
people who aren't that smart orvery impressive on paper, they
somehow end up actually doingthe things that they talk about
doing?
You know, like they say, they'regonna start a business or move
across the country or write thatbook and then boom, they're
doing it.
And once they've built onedream, they're off building the
(01:06):
next.
And from the outside it almostlooks effortless, we wanna be
that person.
And instead, like you're sittingthere wondering why your dream,
maybe it's something simple likeplanting a garden And it just
never quite happens.
And no matter how much youresearch, or no matter how many
tools you buy, and no matter howmany YouTube videos you watch or
(01:29):
Pinterest boards, you save.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You go down that rabbit hole,something is missing.
And the worst part is, is thatyou start to wonder if you are
the problem, and, and here's theshocking part.
Research shows that it's notabout having a high IQ and it's
not about luck, and it'sdefinitely not about hustling
(01:54):
the truth.
As people who bring their dreamsto life, they usually live by a
kind of code, right?
Not like a flashy like, oh, I'mgonna grind my way to success
kind of a thing.
It's very quiet compared tothat, and it's, it's emotional.
It's how they think and how theychoose.
(02:15):
And how they respond, especiallywhen things get hard or boring
or uncertain.
So today I am gonna walk youthrough seven pieces of what I
call the Dreamers code.
I just made that up, but we'regonna call it the Dreamers code.
And these are real predictors ofwhether your dream stays a dream
(02:38):
or becomes your actual life.
And I've seen these patterns popup again and again, not not just
in my life, but in the lives ofmy clients and friends and even
strangers.
Who are just quietly buildingthings that they only imagined
at one point.
So today I'm gonna walk youthrough the seven key pieces of
(03:01):
this code.
And each piece of this code issomething that you can kind of
use as a self-check as we'regoing through them.
As you listen, ask yourself,honestly, is this something that
I already do?
Or is this something that Iwanna grow into?
And you know what?
You may be like, yes, I'venoticed that I've got that part
(03:24):
of the code nailed.
And then others, you're gonna belike, well that's, that's
missing.
And that's okay.
Because once you understandthis, you can do something about
it.
Because we have to get realtalking about our dreams.
It's great.
But doing something with thosedreams, that's what truly
matters.
(03:45):
And this episode, it's gonnahelp you do just that.
And of course, I've got somestories and a bit of research to
share with you along the way.
Are you ready?
Let's get into it.
Okay.
The first piece of the Dreamerscode is this.
You say no more often than yousay yes.
(04:06):
Like you say no to almosteverything.
Not because you're selfish oryou're unavailable, but because
you know your time, your energyand your focus are your most
precious resources, and youprotect them fiercely.
And it doesn't mean that youdon't care.
(04:27):
It means that you care enoughabout your dream to give it your
best, not just what's left over.
And this is something that wedid a whole episode on back in
episode 30, uh, called How toSay No With Confidence.
And honestly, if you strugglewith this, especially if you're
a recovering people pleaser, Ihighly recommend that you go
(04:50):
back and give that one a listen.
Because saying no doesn't comenaturally for a lot of us, when
we were little, like we had noproblem saying no, but somewhere
along the way we learned thatsaying no comes with
consequences.
Even disappointment anddisconnecting from people and
sometimes we were even punishedfor it.
(05:10):
So we started saying yes evenwhen we didn't want to.
So we people pleased for thesake of everyone else's piece.
Except our own.
And that turned into a pattern,a pattern of overcommitting, of
stretching ourselves way toothin.
And sometimes, uh, let's behonest here, resenting the very
(05:33):
things that we said yes to.
And you feel that one?
I do.
But here's the thing.
Every yes, you give out of guiltor fear, it's a quiet no to your
own dreams and people whoactually go after their dreams,
they protect their yes, theyunapologetically use their no
(05:56):
instead.
So I mentioned in episode 30 Ishared a bunch of real life
examples and even walked throughthe exact words you can use to
say no with confidence.
And kindness without ghostingpeople or feeling like you have
to explain yourself every timeyou say no, seriously, there's a
(06:18):
whole formula and it works.
If your calendar is feelingfull, but your dream is like,
oh, I am not on your calendar.
What's happening here?
It might be time to get reallyhonest about what you're saying
yes to and what it's costingyou, because when you say no to
what is draining you.
You start saying yes to thethings that light you up, also
(06:40):
known as your dreams.
So ask yourself.
This is the check-in for thisone.
Ask yourself, am I willing tosay no?
Often and without guilt, yes orno.
Just be honest.
If it's not a full yes, this isa piece of the code that you can
lean into.
If this one's hitting home andyou're like, Ooh, I really wanna
(07:00):
work on saying no, and I dowanna be kind about it, go back
to episode 30, how to say Nowith confidence, without guilt
or apology.
Um, it's really packed with somegreat information there and I
love a formula when it comes toconversations like that.
So.
You can check that out.
Okay.
The next piece of the code isthat you can delay gratification
(07:23):
without making yourselfmiserable.
Now, let's pause here becausethis one gets really
misunderstood.
People hear delayedgratification and they think
they're supposed to like whiteknuckle their way through all
the joyless routines for thenext five years until the dream
finally arrives.
(07:45):
But like we talked about inepisode 39, hard is part of the
dream.
It's the messy, unglamorousmiddle that makes the end so
worth it.
And I know this is such anoverused, cheesy metaphor, but
it It's true.
So I'm gonna say it.
The dream, it isn't just themountaintop, it's who you become
(08:09):
on the climb.
You know what?
There's lots of songs about itbecause it's true.
And getting to the mountaintopthat isn't what this is about.
This is about knowing that thehard parts of your dream don't
mean that you're doing it wrong.
The hard parts mean that you'rein it and hard doesn't mean that
you picked the wrong dreameither.
(08:30):
It just means that you're aliveinside of something that matters
to you.
And if you can find small waysto bring joy or even lightness
into the hard parts, likesinging in the car on the way to
a doctor's appointment that youdon't wanna go to or making a
playlist while you're packing upboxes or cleaning out your
closet, it's about what.
(08:53):
Doing and how you're feelingwhile you're getting through
that messy middle.
That makes all the difference.
Now, I, I said in that episode,and I'll say it again, that fun
doesn't erase the hard but itmakes it bearable and joy.
That's what helps keep yougoing.
(09:14):
So here is your check-in fornumber two here.
I want you to ask yourself rightnow, am I letting the hard parts
of my dream steal the joy, or amI finding ways to hold both the
challenge and the hope?
Yes or no?
(09:35):
If you are someone who can stickwith something, even when it's
not glamorous, even when thedopamine wears off, and you can
still find little sparks ofmotivation inside the mundane
parts of it, that's disciplineand devotion rolled all into
one.
If this is speaking to you andyou're like, yeah, I wanna know
(09:57):
how to do this, go listen toepisode 39.
Hard is part of the dream.
If you need a reminder thatyou're just in the messy middle
of something and you'll walkaway with six powerful mindset
shifts and you'll probably feela lot less alone.
Okay, we are onto number three.
So another piece of the codethat separates dreamers from the
(10:19):
tire kickers is curiosity overintelligence, so you value
curiosity over intelligence.
The people that I see bringtheir dreams to life, they are
rarely the smartest people inthe room.
But you know what they are?
They are endlessly curious andthey don't assume that they have
(10:43):
all the answers, and they're thepeople that ask better
questions, and when somethingdoesn't work, they know how to
pivot.
And they don't panic.
So let's talk about curiosity alittle bit here, because when it
comes to bringing your dreams tolife, we do assume that it's the
(11:05):
smartest, most strategic peoplewho succeed.
But that's not what the researchsays.
So according to uc, Berkeley,they did a study and they found
that curiosity actually predictsadaptability better than raw
intelligence.
And that makes sense, becausebuilding your dream isn't about
(11:26):
knowing everything.
It's about being willing tofigure things out.
And like I said, curious people,they ask better questions.
They're willing to explore,they're willing to stay open,
and that gives them way morestaying power when things get
messier or uncertain.
So here's a quick story for you.
(11:47):
I, I promised you a story.
So here's a story on this one.
When I started this podcast, Ihad no clue what I was doing.
You guys, no clue.
I didn't know how to edit audio.
I didn't know what mic to buy.
I didn't know what software touse.
I didn't know how to host it orhow to upload it or like any of
the tech stuff.
And to be honest, a big part ofme felt totally underqualified
(12:10):
to do this.
Like, who was I trying to dothis here?
But here's what helped keep megoing.
I didn't try to be the smartestperson in the room.
I just got really curious.
I let myself Google all thesequestions.
I watched tutorials.
I asked people who were a fewsteps ahead of me, and I took
notes, and you know what else?
(12:32):
I made a lot of mistakes and Ijust kept learning.
And that more than anything iswhat brought this podcast to
life.
So if you ever catch yourselfthinking, oh, I'm not smart
enough, or I don't know what I'mdoing, you need to pause and
flip the question and insteadtry saying.
(12:52):
What could I learn here?
What's one thing that I couldtry, or who could I ask?
And that one shift from needingto know, to be willing to learn
that might be the exact thingthat moves you forward.
Because it moved me forward, Ican tell you that.
(13:14):
Let's go ahead and do a check-inhere, and I want you to ask
yourself, am I waiting to feelready or am I willing to be
curious and get scrappy?
Yes or no?
Yes or no?
If it's not a hard yes, thenit's a no because you have to
remember curiosity.
It keeps dreams alive even well,especially when things get
(13:36):
confusing.
Alright, whew.
We are on number four right atthe midpoint here, so stay with
me.
The fourth piece of this code isthat you are comfortable with
boredom.
Now, I know that doesn't soundvery inspiring, does it?
(13:57):
But stay with me because thismight be one of the most
overlooked signals that you'retruly on your way to building
something meaningful.
We romanticize dreaming, don'twe?
And we imagine that once wefigure out our thing, everything
is just gonna fall into placeand there'll be excitement and
(14:18):
creativity and momentum andsigns from the universe, the,
the whole deal.
But here's the truth that I hadto face, is living your dream.
It doesn't always feel dreamy.
In fact, a lot of it feels kindof boring.
Let me tell you what I mean.
Several years ago I startedcreating my very first digital
(14:39):
course and I was so excited andI felt very clear about what it
was gonna be about and thecontent was flowing and I had
like two dozen post-it notesstuck to the wall.
But once I got past theplanning.
The real work set in.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Suddenly I was spending hoursformatting slides and I was
(15:00):
trying to pick the perfect fontand I was fixing weird spacing
issues.
I was rerecording lessons whenthe mic picked up background
noise, and I was googling how toset up the back end of the
course platform for like thehundredth time because I just
couldn't get it to sync.
And you know what?
None of it was inspiring.
It was tedious and I rememberthinking, is this what it looks
(15:25):
like to bring your dream tolife?
Because it mostly feels like awhole lot of project management
and a lot of digital duct tape.
But here's what I realized, theexciting part of dreaming, it
gets you started.
And the boring part, it's whatgets it done.
(15:46):
I am gonna say that again.
The exciting part of dreaming,that's what gets you started.
It's the boring part that getsit done.
The people who bring theirdreams to life, They're the ones
who learn how to stick with itwhen it's not glamorous.
When it's not fun, when it'skind of mundane, they can stick
(16:07):
with it.
And so here's your check-in fornumber four here.
Ask yourself, am I willing toshow up even when it's boring?
Yes or no?
If yes, that means that yourdream is moving outta the dream
phase into something real.
That's very cool.
(16:29):
Alright, next up is the fifthpiece of the code.
Here it is.
You are okay.
Not having everyone support.
Yes, you're okay.
Not having everyone support.
And it's important because yourdream, it's yours and you don't
(16:49):
need a permission slip.
To dream and if you're gonnawait for every friend, or every
family member, or every personon the internet to get it, well,
you're gonna wait forever.
And that dream, it's just gonnastart fading into the
background.
Let, let me be real honest withyou why this one is so hard,
because there are those of uswho want to be liked.
(17:11):
We want to belong.
And we want to feel supported.
Like who doesn't, and if you arebuilding something right now and
you're feeling a little lonelyor misunderstood, you're not
imagining it.
That's real.
You're starting to chase thedream and you're looking around
and you realize that noteveryone gets it.
(17:32):
And maybe the people closest toyou, they don't share your
excitement and maybe they rolltheir eyes when you talk about
your big ideas.
I mean, maybe they love you.
I'm sure they do, but they justdon't understand what you're
trying to do.
And that can be painful.
But here's the thing, yourdream, it wasn't built by
(17:53):
committee.
The people who bring theirdreams to life, they stop
waiting for everyone else to geton board.
They stop needing permission andthey learn to cheer for
themselves, at least at thebeginning.
If you're the only one cheeringfor yourself, keep cheering.
Keep cheering louder, keepgoing.
(18:14):
And yes, loneliness.
It can absolutely show up here.
And I remember early in mycoaching business, I was so
excited about doing this, but atthe same time, I felt like I had
to constantly explain it topeople like yes.
Coaching.
It is a real job.
Yes, it's meaningful work.
(18:35):
And yes, it's a business.
And even when people were kindabout it, I could tell they just
didn't get it.
And I thought, wouldn't it be somuch easier if I just had some
people that understood it?
And you know what?
Eventually I realized I am theonly one who had to get it, and
(18:55):
I am the one who had to keepshowing up even.
When other people weren't there,and honestly, that decision to
stop needing everyone else'sapproval, it was a turning point
because here's the deal, if yourdream requires everyone's
understanding to survive, it'snot going to last.
It needs to be rooted in yourown values, in your own why,
(19:18):
that we are going to talk aboutand your own belief that what
you're doing matters, even if noone else sees it.
And I just wanna stop and, andsay I am so grateful for the
support that I did have.
I had great support from myfamily and my friends when I set
out on this journey to become acoach.
And here I am today with, with apodcast, who would've thought,
(19:39):
and I couldn't have done itwithout their support, but.
I realized I didn't have to haveeverybody on board.
I didn't need everybody.
I just needed the best peoplebehind me who understood it, and
that's all you need.
Okay, so here's your checkpointfor this.
One is, can I keep going even ifother people don't fully
(20:04):
understand or approve yes or no,be honest.
And if you find yourself waitingfor support before you begin, or
you're holding back untilsomeone tells you that it's
valid or, yeah, that makessense, then this is part of the
code that you wanna work on.
And I wanna remind you, you donot need a room full of people
(20:26):
cheering for you to get started.
And yes, absolutely communitymatters.
And we talked all about how tobuild that in episode 19.
But before the community comes,there's courage we are on the
sixth piece of the code, andthat is that you are emotionally
connected to your dream and thispiece of the code.
(20:50):
It's the thing that separatesdreams that fade into the
background from dreams thatbecome reality.
It's that you know why thisdream matters to you.
You know your why.
If you're waiting for motivationto show up before you take
action, you are going to bewaiting a very long time.
(21:10):
But when you're emotionallyconnected to your dream, when
you know exactly why it mattersto you, you stop needing the
external motivation to keepgoing.
Because that fire, it actuallycomes from inside of you.
So here, let me break it downfor you really quickly.
There are two types ofmotivation.
There's external motivation andthere's internal motivation.
(21:30):
So external motivation is allthe stuff outside of you.
It's the approval, it's thepressure, it's the deadlines,
it's the people pleasing, it'sthe guilt, and all of those
things.
Some of them sound verynegative, but they are still
motivators.
And those can work, but theydon't last.
And it's not what gets youthrough the messy middle.
(21:51):
Now, internal motivation on theother hand, that comes from your
why, that's your reason.
That's your emotional connectionto the dream.
And when your dream is tied tosomething that's deeply personal
and meaningful, you're gonnakeep showing up for it.
Even when it's boring.
Even when it's hard, and evenwhen no one else is on board
(22:14):
with you.
Let me ask you, have you donethe work to uncover your why?
And I don't mean just thesurface level.
Why like, I wanna make moremoney, or I should be doing this
by now.
I'm talking about the real why.
You know, the one that makes youtear up a little when you say it
out loud, or the one thatreminds you that this isn't
about anyone else.
(22:36):
And one of the tools I'd lovefor this is the five wise
technique.
And it's exactly what it soundslike.
You take your dream or your goaland you ask yourself, why is
this important to me?
And then you ask again and againuntil you hit something that's
deep and honest and and real.
Let's just use the writing abook.
'cause everybody wants to writea book, so you wanna say, uh,
(23:00):
why?
Why do you wanna write a book?
Well, because I wanna share mystory.
Why is sharing your storyimportant?
Well, because I know someone outthere might need to hear it.
Well, why is that important toyou?
Because I know what it feelslike to feel alone, and I don't
want anyone else to feel thatway.
Okay, well, why do you careabout that?
(23:20):
Because I never had that kind ofvoice growing up, and I want to
be what I needed, and boom,there it is.
That's not a surface level goalanymore.
That's heart and that's thepurpose.
And you know what?
Neuroscience it actually, itbacks this up.
Your why.
It literally activates thebrain's dopamine system.
(23:43):
That means that it's boostingfocus, drive and resilience.
It's not just emotional, it'schemical also.
If you've lost momentum lately,it might not be about discipline
or strategy.
It might be that you haven'tgone deep enough yet.
Here's your check-in.
Ask yourself, am I clear on whyI care about this dream and how
(24:07):
it connects to the kind of lifethat I wanna build?
Yes or no?
If you answered no, here's yourinvitation.
Take five minutes and do thefive why's exercise.
Do it right now.
Write it down.
Put it where you can see it.
Read it back when things gethard.
Because your why.
(24:28):
It isn't just what gets youstarted.
That's what carries you throughthe hard parts.
And if you don't have thatemotional connection yet, that's
fine.
Just go ask the questions, feelwhat comes up, and you're gonna
get a clarity, I promise.
Okay.
We are on the home stretch here.
We are on number seven, theseventh piece of the Dreamers
(24:50):
code, and that is that you don'tneed to know every step to get
started, you're okay not knowingevery step, and you trust
yourself to figure things out asyou go, and you get scrappy and
you pivot and you ask for help,and you are not paralyzed by
perfection.
(25:12):
And you move forward withwhatever you have.
Now, I love a good plan.
You know, give me a cleanchecklist and a color coded
spreadsheet and you know I'mgonna do great.
But you know what?
Dreaming it doesn't always comewith a detailed Google Doc and a
guaranteed timeline.
Sometimes it's more like, I haveno idea how this is going to
work, but I can feel that it'sthe right thing to do.
(25:35):
And honestly, that's enough.
The people that I've seen bringtheir dreams to life.
They're not the ones who knewevery answer ahead of time.
They're the ones who figured itout as they went.
They got scrappy.
They asked for help.
They pivoted, they Googled, theycried in the car, they
rerecorded things.
They fixed what broke, and thenthey broke something else the
(25:56):
next day.
And that's okay.
But you know what?
They kept going because theyknew this truth that you don't
have to see the whole path totake the next step.
If you're the kind of person whokeeps waiting to feel ready, if
you're researching your dream todeath.
If you keep telling yourself, assoon as I figure out this one
(26:18):
thing, then I'll start, oh, thisis your sign.
It's okay not to know everydetail.
You are allowed to move forwardwithout knowing what's going to
happen, because not knowing.
Is part of the process andtrusting yourself to be
resourceful, to figure it outwhen the time comes.
(26:41):
That's one of the mostempowering shifts that you're
ever gonna make.
So here's your final check-in.
Am I okay starting, even if Idon't know exactly how it'll all
work out?
Yes or no?
Because you know what?
If you're already experimenting,adapting, learning as you go,
(27:01):
then you got this part of thecode nailed.
And if you're not quite thereyet, don't worry.
That's okay too.
Just start where you are.
You can start messy.
Just start now.
Okay, we did it.
We got through all seven piecesof the code, so let's take a
breath and bring it alltogether.
(27:22):
Um, and remember the sevenpieces of this Dreamers code.
This isn't a checklist for youto check off, like, oh, I have
to get this perfect.
This is more like an internalcompass.
It's a way of being that I'veseen again and again in people
who actually bring their dreamsto life.
these aren't traits orstrategies.
They're beliefs, they're ways ofshowing up.
(27:45):
They're how you feel.
How you think and how youactually move through the world,
especially when it's hard, andespecially when that dream feels
really far away.
Let's just do one more check-intogether before we sign off.
Okay.
First, are you protecting yourtime and energy by saying no
(28:05):
more than you say Yes.
Just yes or no.
Okay.
Are you able to delaygratification without misery and
enjoy the process even when it'smessy?
Three?
Do you choose curiosity overneeding to be the smartest?
(28:28):
Four.
Can you sit with boredom?
Can you be comfortable with theboredom and keep going anyway?
Yes or no?
Number five, are you okay?
If not everybody claps for youor even understands what you're
building?
Are you okay with that?
(28:49):
Yes or no?
And number six.
Do you know why this dreammatters to you?
Like really?
Do you know it?
The deep down, why yes or no?
And finally, number seven, areyou willing to begin without
knowing all the steps?
Without knowing all the answers?
(29:11):
Yes or no?
Now, if you can answer yes tomost of these, you're already on
the path, and if not, that'sokay too.
You know what?
This is just information.
It's a mirror.
It's a starting point, and thetruth is, this isn't just about
what you do.
It's about who you are becomingand becoming the kind of person
(29:33):
who lives their dream.
It doesn't happen overnight.
It happens literally piece bypiece, one choice at a time.
So you don't have to master allseven pieces of this code today.
You just need to notice whereyou are and keep showing up.
If there's one piece of thiscode that really hit home for
(29:54):
you today, something that youwanna lean into more, that you
wanna hold on to, write it down,put it on a post-it.
Just start there.
Okay.
And please use the text Carlenelink in the show notes and tell
me which piece of the codeyou're working on, because I'd
love to hear where you are atand how I can support you going
(30:17):
forward.
And before you exit your app,wherever you're listening to
this podcast, can you pleasetake a quick minute and leave a
review?
It helps others just like youfind us here on the Distracted
Dreamer.
And I just wanna say thank youahead of time for taking the
time to do that.
If you are hesitating on yourdreams, there is one last thing
(30:39):
I want to leave with you today.
I want you to ask yourself, whatif it all works out?
What if it's worth it in theend?
What if it turns out better thanyou could have ever imagined?
Entertain that thought, and I'llbe here to welcome you to our
next conversation.
(31:01):
Bye for now.
Carlene (31:04):
Oh, and one more thing.
This is the legal language.
You know, the stuff that thelawyers put together, and they
say that I need to read this toyou.
So here we go.
This podcast is presented solelyfor educational and
entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I'm not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not intended asa substitute for the advice of a
(31:27):
physician, professional coach,psychotherapist, or other
qualified professionals.
Got it?
Good.
I will see you in the nextepisode.
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