November 17, 2025 • 21 mins
This time of year can bring so much beauty… and so much pressure.
So many of us are trying to hold it all together — deadlines, family dynamics, holiday expectations, and a to-do list that just won’t quit. You’re not imagining it — it’s a lot.
In Part 1 of this two-part series, we’re turning inward — it’s all about calming the swirl inside you before you try to calm everything around you. If you’ve been snapping, numbing out, or just feeling off lately, this episode will help you understand why… and what you can do about it.
Together we’ll unpack how your nervous system reacts to stress (spoiler: you’re not lazy, you’re wired for survival), why the pause is your most underrated power move, and six science-backed ways to reset your inner calm.
💡 KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
1️⃣ You can choose calm — even when you can’t control the chaos
2️⃣ The smallest pause can change everything when you’re triggered
3️⃣ Calming your body is how you reclaim your joy
Dreamy holidays and a perfect year-end may not be realistic. When you learn how to manage yourself and self-regulate your nervous system you can handle whatever the season brings.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 3 (00:01):
You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too
anything to pursue your dreams.
Welcome to the DistractedDreamer Podcast, where you'll
learn how to move all thosenever ending distractions aside
and chase your dreams withconfidence.
(00:21):
Hello.
Hello everyone.
I am really glad that you madetime for this today.
I am your host Carlene.
I'm glad to have you back forthis conversation on the
Distracted Dreamer.
I've been hearing from you thatyou're feeling both excited and
a little bit stressed about thisend of year season.
Now, notice I didn't say.
Holiday season because theholidays are just a piece of it
(00:44):
for you, and you've been tellingme you don't know how you're
going to get it all done and youfeel like you don't have control
over anything.
So there's a lot to cover aroundthis.
So I decided to make this thefirst of a two-part series.
On how to manage yearendoverwhelm and find more joy, um,
because that's what you'reasking for.
(01:06):
And I didn't wanna overwhelm youand put everything in one
episode.
So we're just breaking it down.
And this week we're gonna focuson you, and the next episode we
will focus on all the otherthings that are swirling around
you.
And you know, I think that weall have this dream about the
perfect holiday and the perfectending to our year.
But the reality, it often looksnothing like the dream.
(01:30):
And this season it can bebeautiful.
And brutal at the same time,right?
There's a lot coming at us andwe have deadlines and family
dynamics and holidayexpectations, and I don't know,
a to-do list.
It just keeps growing and it's alot.
So today's episode, this is notabout pretending that this
stress doesn't exist or justtrying to push through it or
(01:52):
just trying to fix it with somemagic productivity hack.
This is about something muchmore honest and actually helpful
in noticing how we respond tostress and learning some small
ways, and I'm talking reallysmall ways that you can slow
down and create space and choosecalm instead of all of this
(02:14):
chaos.
Now, here's how I picture it,and maybe you've felt this too.
So imagine that you're standingin the center of a big circle
and all around the outer edgesof the circle are things flying
past you at full speed.
Like I'm talking work pressuresthe family dynamics I mentioned,
(02:35):
like the good, the hard, and allthe complicated stuff, right?
It's all rolled into one.
And we have expectations.
Your expectations, theirexpectations.
Everyone's expectations andholidays that are meant to be
joyful.
But they can also feel heavy orlonely for some people.
And there's the shopping listand the travel plans and
(02:55):
wrapping gifts and casserole,and it's all swirling around you
and you are in the middle of it,and you're trying to just like
you're playing emotional,whack-a-mole, you're just trying
to keep up with all the thingsthat are coming at you.
It's no wonder that you feelexhausted.
You're trying to manageeverything out there.
And somewhere along the way.
The joy just quietly slips away,and we don't want that to
(03:17):
happen.
This should be a joyful time ofyear, but here's the truth, that
can really shift.
Everything is.
You don't have control over mostof that swirl.
You can't stop yourmother-in-law from making
passive aggressive comments.
You can't.
You can try, but you can't.
You can't change your uncle'sweird political takes.
(03:37):
No, you can't get him to stoptalking about it, and you can't
make your calendar magicallyopen up and have all this empty
space on it.
You can't do that.
But you can control oneincredibly important thing, and
that's you.
And that's not a small thing.
In fact, that's everything.
(04:00):
And when you learn to respondinstead of react, and when you
learn how to regulate yournervous system, suddenly all
those swirling things, theydon't have the same power over
you.
You start to feel a little moregrounded, a little more clear,
and even a little bit more likeyourself again.
(04:21):
So today we're talking aboutyou, and in the second episode
we'll be talking about all thosethings that are swirling and
coming at you.
We want to unpack how to findjoy in the season, not just on
the holidays themselves, but inthe everyday moments that lead
up to them.
So here's where we're goingtoday.
(04:41):
We're gonna first look at what'sactually happening in your
nervous system when you'reoverwhelmed, and then I'm gonna
walk you through some simpleways to regulate and reset.
And finally we're gonna talkabout how to move through the
season with more intention soyou can show up with energy and
presence and yes, even joy.
(05:04):
So let's dive in.
Now, I just wanna start herebecause this is what matters is
you need to understand thatnothing is wrong with you.
Your nervous system is justdoing its job.
If you've been feeling morereactive lately, like snappy or
anxious, or maybe you've checkedout or maybe you're just telling
(05:26):
yourself, I'm just done.
Your nervous system is simplytrying to protect you.
It's biology because we're wiredfor survival, not for back to
back deadlines or theemotionally loaded family
gatherings, or a million end ofyear tasks piling up at once.
(05:46):
And when too much stress hits atonce, your nervous system, it
gets overwhelmed and it shiftsinto autopilot, and that's where
triggers come in.
So what is a trigger?
Well, a trigger is anything thatyour nervous system perceives as
a threat, even if your logicalbrain knows that you're not in
(06:07):
real danger.
So it could be a sharp tone insomeone's voice.
It can be looking at yourcalendar and feeling completely
overwhelmed that, oh my gosh,I'm completely overbooked.
Or maybe it's when someone asksyou a question like, are you
ready for the holidays?
But that feels like pressure.
So your nervous system, itdoesn't wait to analyze it, it
(06:29):
just reacts instantly.
And when a trigger hits, yourbody shifts into one of four
survival responses, right?
You don't choose these, theyjust happen.
You've heard of these before.
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
You go into fight mode, andthat's when maybe you get
irritable and snappy andcontrolling and the anger comes
(06:51):
out.
Or maybe your default is flight.
Where you just run and youescape.
Like, I'm outta here, I can'teven deal with this.
Or maybe it's freeze.
And that's when your nervoussystem, you shut down, you feel
stuck, you numb out.
And then there's fawn that Idon't think people talk about
(07:11):
enough.
FAWN Fawn.
And that's where you peopleplease to avoid conflict and
maintain the peace.
Yeah, I feel like.
Fawn and freeze is where I go.
Um, so noticing where yourautopilot response is in your
nervous system is really helpfulbecause you've probably
experienced more than one, justlike I said I do.
(07:33):
And you will usually noticethese a lot more frequently at
this time of year.
So I, again, I wanna say this,this is normal.
There is nothing wrong with you.
This is your nervous systemdoing what it's supposed to be
doing.
Okay?
And here is the thing that isgonna help you build some
awareness around this foryourself is stress starts in the
(07:56):
body, not the brain.
We always think our thoughts arestressing us out, but before you
even notice a thought, your bodyis already responding to that
trigger.
And so you might feel thesethings in in your body.
You might like, your shouldersmight get tight, or you have a
racing heart or your breathbecomes shallow, or maybe you
(08:18):
have a lot of jaw tension orgrind your teeth, you have nuts
in your stomach, or maybe youhave a sudden urge to scroll or
snack or to just keep yourselfbusy.
Because if you're busy, then youdon't have to think about it.
So these are your bodies', earlywarning signals, and they're not
random.
They're your system sayingsomething doesn't feel right.
(08:41):
And here's the good news, whenyou learn to notice these signs,
you gain the ability to choosehow you want to respond.
And this is where the power ofthe pause comes in.
Because I know what you'rethinking.
You're like, oh, this soundsgreat but how do I actually
notice the signs when I'moverwhelmed or anxious?
(09:04):
Well.
You are gonna pause.
In fact, the pause is soimportant that at one time my
coaching practice was namedpause.
Because coaching is a powerfulpause that helps us build
awareness and make thoughtfulchoices on how we respond to
(09:25):
triggers.
Now when you pause even for afew seconds, you interrupt your
nervous system's auto response.
You give your brain space tocome back online and, okay,
we're gonna nerd out here for asecond.
So for some clarity on why thepause is so helpful, this is it.
(09:46):
What I want you to do is I wantyou to take two fingers and find
the divot at the bottom back ofyour skull.
Go ahead, put your two fingersback there.
Put'em at the bottom back ofyour skull.
There's that divot there.
That is your brainstem.
And that's the door.
Every message you receive goesthrough to be processed.
(10:06):
And when there is no threat, themessage makes its way to your
frontal lobe.
Put your hand on your forehead.
Now that's your frontal lobe,and that's where you can
logically respond to thatmessage.
But that's a long way for amessage to go and when the
message is a threat.
Your amygdala, that part of yourbrain that protects you from
(10:27):
getting eaten by a tiger, itgets hijacked, so you gotta
pause so you can give thatmessage space to get to your
frontal lobe.
Okay, let me see if I can saythis another way.
When a trigger hits youramygdala gets hijacked, and it
amps up all your emotions and itclouds your judgment and
(10:50):
suddenly your frontal lobe.
Uh, the part that helps you makethoughtful decisions, it goes
dark.
But when you pause, when youtake one slow breath, drop your
shoulders, feel your feet on theground, you send a message to
your brain that says, I'm not indanger.
(11:10):
And that gives the signal timeto reach the thinking part of
your brain, the frontal lobe, soyou can respond instead of
react.
And pausing is a practice and itneeds to be practiced.
So it becomes the defaultresponse in moments of stress.
And now I know you're thinking,again, this is great, but what
(11:31):
do I do when I pause?
Well, that's where the vagusnerve comes in.
So let me introduce you to yourvagus nerve.
If you've never heard of itbefore, it is the nerve that
connects your gut and yourbrain.
You know, you've always heardabout, oh, there's a gut brain
connection.
That's it.
It's your vagus nerve, and ithas got some major power.
(11:52):
It regulates your nervous systemand it runs from your gut
through every major organ, allthe way up to your brain, and
this is the heart of yournervous system.
When you activate the vagusnerve, it goes to work to settle
your nervous system and controlyour anxiety.
(12:16):
And you know what?
There are some very specificways that you can activate it.
And when you've been told someof these strategies in the past,
maybe you rolled your eyes andthought, yeah, like some deep
breathing is gonna do anythingfor me.
Why would you believe it?
It sounds too simple and youfeel like the person telling you
this is brushing you off andsimply does not understand how
(12:39):
bad your anxiety is.
But you know what?
Sometimes the solution issimple.
It doesn't have to becomplicated.
In most times, you can dosomething to stop the overwhelm,
anxiety, and keep from spiralinginto a panic attack.
So I'm gonna give you sixscience based ways to activate
(13:01):
and calm your vagus nerve.
All right, you ready?
For the first one?
It's to go for a walk insilence.
Do not take me with you on yourwalk.
Do not listen to music.
Just go on a quiet walk, becausegetting out into nature is a
powerful way to tone orstimulate your vagus nerve and
doing it in silence.
(13:22):
It gives you an opportunity todo some self-reflection or some
daydreaming, which activatesmultiple parts of your brain.
It gives you time to turn downthat noise and increase
awareness of what matters mostand gets you into the present
moment.
So if you start feelingstressed.
(13:44):
Go for a quiet walk.
Here's another strategy is tohum and hum loudly.
Did you know that when you humit sends vibrations through your
body?
And research has found thatvibrations from Om, the Om
chanting it stimulates the vagusnerve.
(14:05):
So hum hum.
It's so easy.
Um, how about the third way tostimulate your vagus nerve or
activate it, is to sing a songat the top of your lungs.
Singing releases tension in yourdiaphragm by activating the
vagus nerve, and you get bonuspoints for singing as loud as
you can.
And according to the research,the amount of cortisol, the
(14:28):
stress hormone in someone'ssaliva decreases after they
sing.
Yeah, start singing.
Um, number four is practice somedeep breathing.
And I know this is the one thatwe blow off all the time, but
it's the one that we have accessto all the time.
You can stand in any room and dosome deep breathing.
It does not matter, deepbreathing.
(14:49):
It increases the supply ofoxygen to your brain, so it
stimulates the vagus nerve,which promotes a state of
calmness.
So matching movement to breath,like in yoga and meditation, it
is so important because itgrounds you in your body and in
the present moment, but youdon't need yoga and meditation
to do some deep breathing inthat moment when somebody says
(15:13):
something that upsets you, dosome deep breathing.
Um, strategy number five is takea bath.
This isn't about getting clean.
This is about.
Taking a bath, or you can take ahot shower, hot water activates
the vagus nerve and it relaxesthe body.
So when a tense body enters awarm bath or a hot shower, the
(15:36):
hot water, it increases the bodytemperature and it relaxes the
muscles, which not only soothesyou physically, but also
mentally.
So again, a hot bath or a hotshower.
And finally, the sixth thingthat you can do to activate your
vagus nerve so you can calm yournervous system is hug someone
(16:00):
you love.
Oxytocin sometimes called thecuddle hormone is released when
people hug or snuggle us.
And this release has been foundto lower your heart rate and
reduce stress.
If you can't find someone tohug, curl yourself up with your
knees up to your chest, wrapyour arms around your legs.
(16:21):
The pressure will activate yourvagus nerve.
And research also suggests thatweighted blankets simulate being
held or hugged.
So go get yourself a weightedblanket if you need to.
Let's bring this all together.
I know that was like a lot ofscience, but I feel like you
have some things now that youcan do to manage your nervous
(16:44):
system, the swirl around you.
It's real.
You're not imagining it, butwhat's also real is your ability
to stay steady in the middle ofit.
You've learned today thatmanaging stress isn't about
fixing everything on theoutside.
But it's about noticing what'shappening inside of you and
(17:06):
choosing to pause, to regulate,and to really come back to
yourself with that awareness ofwhat's happening in your body.
So here's what I want you toreflect on as you move through
your week,'cause I'm gonna checkin with you on the next episode
to see how you're doing.
Okay.
So when a stressful moment hits,what's your go-to nervous system
(17:27):
response?
Are you fight flight, freeze, orfawn or some combination
thereof?
How does your body tell you whenyou're overwhelmed?
Can you start noticing thoseearly signals like the tight
chest or the clenching jaw, or aracing heart rate.
Those are invitations to pause.
(17:48):
And most importantly, what's onesmall thing you could try this
week to activate your vagusnerve and get your system back
to a state of calm?
So maybe it's that walk insilence.
Maybe it's taking that deepbreath.
Maybe it's that moment under ahot shower.
You know, you don't have to doall six things that I shared.
(18:10):
Just try one.
And practice it because thesmallest shift in you, it can
change everything managing yournervous system, it is not
complicated.
It is actually simple once youpay attention to it.
And once you play around withthese six things I gave you,
you'll find what works for youand what feels best.
(18:33):
Here are some key takeaways fromtoday's episode.
First of all.
Your nervous system is doing itsjob.
There's nothing wrong with you,those stress responses like
fight, flight, freeze, or fawn,those are automatic, but
awareness that creates anopportunity for you to choose.
The second takeaway is the pauseis your power.
(18:55):
It is pausing, interrupts thatreactivity, and it gives your
brain space to respond withintention.
And number three is your vagusnerve is your secret weapon,
activate it through those smallscience-backed actions.
Help yourself get back to calm.
Okay, so this was part one of atwo-part series on managing year
(19:19):
end overwhelm and reclaimingyour joy.
And today we focused on you,your nervous system, your
reactions.
Your power to pause and reset,and in the next episode we're
going to talk about the swirl,all the external stuff circling
around you, the expectations,the obligations, family
(19:39):
dynamics, work deadlines, andhow to manage it in a way that
feels more aligned and moregrounded.
Because once you've learned howto manage yourself in the moment
you're ready to start shiftingwhat's going on around you.
So I hope you'll tune into thenext episode.
And in the meantime, please begentle with yourself.
(20:01):
Please remember to pause oftenand know that even in the
busiest season, the joy, it'sstill available to you.
It might not be the perfectholiday you dreamt of, but you
can make it so much better whenyou start with yourself.
Starting with yourself is notselfish, it is necessary.
(20:22):
Thank you so much for tuning intoday.
And if you know someone who isin this season and feeling
overwhelmed and stressed, pleaseshare this episode with them.
And I'll see you in the nextepisode.
Bye for now.
Carlene (20:38):
Oh, and one more thing.
This is the legal language.
You know, the stuff that thelawyers put together, and they
say that I need to read this toyou.
So here we go.
This podcast is presented solelyfor educational and
entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I'm not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not intended asa substitute for the advice of a
(21:01):
physician, professional coach,psychotherapist, or other
qualified professionals.
Got it?
Good.
I will see you in the nextepisode.
You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too
anything to pursue your dreams.
Welcome to the DistractedDreamer Podcast, where you'll
learn how to move all thosenever ending distractions aside
and chase your dreams withconfidence.
(00:21):
Hello.
Hello everyone.
I am really glad that you madetime for this today.
I am your host Carlene.
I'm glad to have you back forthis conversation on the
Distracted Dreamer.
I've been hearing from you thatyou're feeling both excited and
a little bit stressed about thisend of year season.
Now, notice I didn't say.
Holiday season because theholidays are just a piece of it
(00:44):
for you, and you've been tellingme you don't know how you're
going to get it all done and youfeel like you don't have control
over anything.
So there's a lot to cover aroundthis.
So I decided to make this thefirst of a two-part series.
On how to manage yearendoverwhelm and find more joy, um,
because that's what you'reasking for.
(01:06):
And I didn't wanna overwhelm youand put everything in one
episode.
So we're just breaking it down.
And this week we're gonna focuson you, and the next episode we
will focus on all the otherthings that are swirling around
you.
And you know, I think that weall have this dream about the
perfect holiday and the perfectending to our year.
But the reality, it often looksnothing like the dream.
(01:30):
And this season it can bebeautiful.
And brutal at the same time,right?
There's a lot coming at us andwe have deadlines and family
dynamics and holidayexpectations, and I don't know,
a to-do list.
It just keeps growing and it's alot.
So today's episode, this is notabout pretending that this
stress doesn't exist or justtrying to push through it or
(01:52):
just trying to fix it with somemagic productivity hack.
This is about something muchmore honest and actually helpful
in noticing how we respond tostress and learning some small
ways, and I'm talking reallysmall ways that you can slow
down and create space and choosecalm instead of all of this
(02:14):
chaos.
Now, here's how I picture it,and maybe you've felt this too.
So imagine that you're standingin the center of a big circle
and all around the outer edgesof the circle are things flying
past you at full speed.
Like I'm talking work pressuresthe family dynamics I mentioned,
(02:35):
like the good, the hard, and allthe complicated stuff, right?
It's all rolled into one.
And we have expectations.
Your expectations, theirexpectations.
Everyone's expectations andholidays that are meant to be
joyful.
But they can also feel heavy orlonely for some people.
And there's the shopping listand the travel plans and
(02:55):
wrapping gifts and casserole,and it's all swirling around you
and you are in the middle of it,and you're trying to just like
you're playing emotional,whack-a-mole, you're just trying
to keep up with all the thingsthat are coming at you.
It's no wonder that you feelexhausted.
You're trying to manageeverything out there.
And somewhere along the way.
The joy just quietly slips away,and we don't want that to
(03:17):
happen.
This should be a joyful time ofyear, but here's the truth, that
can really shift.
Everything is.
You don't have control over mostof that swirl.
You can't stop yourmother-in-law from making
passive aggressive comments.
You can't.
You can try, but you can't.
You can't change your uncle'sweird political takes.
(03:37):
No, you can't get him to stoptalking about it, and you can't
make your calendar magicallyopen up and have all this empty
space on it.
You can't do that.
But you can control oneincredibly important thing, and
that's you.
And that's not a small thing.
In fact, that's everything.
(04:00):
And when you learn to respondinstead of react, and when you
learn how to regulate yournervous system, suddenly all
those swirling things, theydon't have the same power over
you.
You start to feel a little moregrounded, a little more clear,
and even a little bit more likeyourself again.
(04:21):
So today we're talking aboutyou, and in the second episode
we'll be talking about all thosethings that are swirling and
coming at you.
We want to unpack how to findjoy in the season, not just on
the holidays themselves, but inthe everyday moments that lead
up to them.
So here's where we're goingtoday.
(04:41):
We're gonna first look at what'sactually happening in your
nervous system when you'reoverwhelmed, and then I'm gonna
walk you through some simpleways to regulate and reset.
And finally we're gonna talkabout how to move through the
season with more intention soyou can show up with energy and
presence and yes, even joy.
(05:04):
So let's dive in.
Now, I just wanna start herebecause this is what matters is
you need to understand thatnothing is wrong with you.
Your nervous system is justdoing its job.
If you've been feeling morereactive lately, like snappy or
anxious, or maybe you've checkedout or maybe you're just telling
(05:26):
yourself, I'm just done.
Your nervous system is simplytrying to protect you.
It's biology because we're wiredfor survival, not for back to
back deadlines or theemotionally loaded family
gatherings, or a million end ofyear tasks piling up at once.
(05:46):
And when too much stress hits atonce, your nervous system, it
gets overwhelmed and it shiftsinto autopilot, and that's where
triggers come in.
So what is a trigger?
Well, a trigger is anything thatyour nervous system perceives as
a threat, even if your logicalbrain knows that you're not in
(06:07):
real danger.
So it could be a sharp tone insomeone's voice.
It can be looking at yourcalendar and feeling completely
overwhelmed that, oh my gosh,I'm completely overbooked.
Or maybe it's when someone asksyou a question like, are you
ready for the holidays?
But that feels like pressure.
So your nervous system, itdoesn't wait to analyze it, it
(06:29):
just reacts instantly.
And when a trigger hits, yourbody shifts into one of four
survival responses, right?
You don't choose these, theyjust happen.
You've heard of these before.
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
You go into fight mode, andthat's when maybe you get
irritable and snappy andcontrolling and the anger comes
(06:51):
out.
Or maybe your default is flight.
Where you just run and youescape.
Like, I'm outta here, I can'teven deal with this.
Or maybe it's freeze.
And that's when your nervoussystem, you shut down, you feel
stuck, you numb out.
And then there's fawn that Idon't think people talk about
(07:11):
enough.
FAWN Fawn.
And that's where you peopleplease to avoid conflict and
maintain the peace.
Yeah, I feel like.
Fawn and freeze is where I go.
Um, so noticing where yourautopilot response is in your
nervous system is really helpfulbecause you've probably
experienced more than one, justlike I said I do.
(07:33):
And you will usually noticethese a lot more frequently at
this time of year.
So I, again, I wanna say this,this is normal.
There is nothing wrong with you.
This is your nervous systemdoing what it's supposed to be
doing.
Okay?
And here is the thing that isgonna help you build some
awareness around this foryourself is stress starts in the
(07:56):
body, not the brain.
We always think our thoughts arestressing us out, but before you
even notice a thought, your bodyis already responding to that
trigger.
And so you might feel thesethings in in your body.
You might like, your shouldersmight get tight, or you have a
racing heart or your breathbecomes shallow, or maybe you
(08:18):
have a lot of jaw tension orgrind your teeth, you have nuts
in your stomach, or maybe youhave a sudden urge to scroll or
snack or to just keep yourselfbusy.
Because if you're busy, then youdon't have to think about it.
So these are your bodies', earlywarning signals, and they're not
random.
They're your system sayingsomething doesn't feel right.
(08:41):
And here's the good news, whenyou learn to notice these signs,
you gain the ability to choosehow you want to respond.
And this is where the power ofthe pause comes in.
Because I know what you'rethinking.
You're like, oh, this soundsgreat but how do I actually
notice the signs when I'moverwhelmed or anxious?
(09:04):
Well.
You are gonna pause.
In fact, the pause is soimportant that at one time my
coaching practice was namedpause.
Because coaching is a powerfulpause that helps us build
awareness and make thoughtfulchoices on how we respond to
(09:25):
triggers.
Now when you pause even for afew seconds, you interrupt your
nervous system's auto response.
You give your brain space tocome back online and, okay,
we're gonna nerd out here for asecond.
So for some clarity on why thepause is so helpful, this is it.
(09:46):
What I want you to do is I wantyou to take two fingers and find
the divot at the bottom back ofyour skull.
Go ahead, put your two fingersback there.
Put'em at the bottom back ofyour skull.
There's that divot there.
That is your brainstem.
And that's the door.
Every message you receive goesthrough to be processed.
(10:06):
And when there is no threat, themessage makes its way to your
frontal lobe.
Put your hand on your forehead.
Now that's your frontal lobe,and that's where you can
logically respond to thatmessage.
But that's a long way for amessage to go and when the
message is a threat.
Your amygdala, that part of yourbrain that protects you from
(10:27):
getting eaten by a tiger, itgets hijacked, so you gotta
pause so you can give thatmessage space to get to your
frontal lobe.
Okay, let me see if I can saythis another way.
When a trigger hits youramygdala gets hijacked, and it
amps up all your emotions and itclouds your judgment and
(10:50):
suddenly your frontal lobe.
Uh, the part that helps you makethoughtful decisions, it goes
dark.
But when you pause, when youtake one slow breath, drop your
shoulders, feel your feet on theground, you send a message to
your brain that says, I'm not indanger.
(11:10):
And that gives the signal timeto reach the thinking part of
your brain, the frontal lobe, soyou can respond instead of
react.
And pausing is a practice and itneeds to be practiced.
So it becomes the defaultresponse in moments of stress.
And now I know you're thinking,again, this is great, but what
(11:31):
do I do when I pause?
Well, that's where the vagusnerve comes in.
So let me introduce you to yourvagus nerve.
If you've never heard of itbefore, it is the nerve that
connects your gut and yourbrain.
You know, you've always heardabout, oh, there's a gut brain
connection.
That's it.
It's your vagus nerve, and ithas got some major power.
(11:52):
It regulates your nervous systemand it runs from your gut
through every major organ, allthe way up to your brain, and
this is the heart of yournervous system.
When you activate the vagusnerve, it goes to work to settle
your nervous system and controlyour anxiety.
(12:16):
And you know what?
There are some very specificways that you can activate it.
And when you've been told someof these strategies in the past,
maybe you rolled your eyes andthought, yeah, like some deep
breathing is gonna do anythingfor me.
Why would you believe it?
It sounds too simple and youfeel like the person telling you
this is brushing you off andsimply does not understand how
(12:39):
bad your anxiety is.
But you know what?
Sometimes the solution issimple.
It doesn't have to becomplicated.
In most times, you can dosomething to stop the overwhelm,
anxiety, and keep from spiralinginto a panic attack.
So I'm gonna give you sixscience based ways to activate
(13:01):
and calm your vagus nerve.
All right, you ready?
For the first one?
It's to go for a walk insilence.
Do not take me with you on yourwalk.
Do not listen to music.
Just go on a quiet walk, becausegetting out into nature is a
powerful way to tone orstimulate your vagus nerve and
doing it in silence.
(13:22):
It gives you an opportunity todo some self-reflection or some
daydreaming, which activatesmultiple parts of your brain.
It gives you time to turn downthat noise and increase
awareness of what matters mostand gets you into the present
moment.
So if you start feelingstressed.
(13:44):
Go for a quiet walk.
Here's another strategy is tohum and hum loudly.
Did you know that when you humit sends vibrations through your
body?
And research has found thatvibrations from Om, the Om
chanting it stimulates the vagusnerve.
(14:05):
So hum hum.
It's so easy.
Um, how about the third way tostimulate your vagus nerve or
activate it, is to sing a songat the top of your lungs.
Singing releases tension in yourdiaphragm by activating the
vagus nerve, and you get bonuspoints for singing as loud as
you can.
And according to the research,the amount of cortisol, the
(14:28):
stress hormone in someone'ssaliva decreases after they
sing.
Yeah, start singing.
Um, number four is practice somedeep breathing.
And I know this is the one thatwe blow off all the time, but
it's the one that we have accessto all the time.
You can stand in any room and dosome deep breathing.
It does not matter, deepbreathing.
(14:49):
It increases the supply ofoxygen to your brain, so it
stimulates the vagus nerve,which promotes a state of
calmness.
So matching movement to breath,like in yoga and meditation, it
is so important because itgrounds you in your body and in
the present moment, but youdon't need yoga and meditation
to do some deep breathing inthat moment when somebody says
(15:13):
something that upsets you, dosome deep breathing.
Um, strategy number five is takea bath.
This isn't about getting clean.
This is about.
Taking a bath, or you can take ahot shower, hot water activates
the vagus nerve and it relaxesthe body.
So when a tense body enters awarm bath or a hot shower, the
(15:36):
hot water, it increases the bodytemperature and it relaxes the
muscles, which not only soothesyou physically, but also
mentally.
So again, a hot bath or a hotshower.
And finally, the sixth thingthat you can do to activate your
vagus nerve so you can calm yournervous system is hug someone
(16:00):
you love.
Oxytocin sometimes called thecuddle hormone is released when
people hug or snuggle us.
And this release has been foundto lower your heart rate and
reduce stress.
If you can't find someone tohug, curl yourself up with your
knees up to your chest, wrapyour arms around your legs.
(16:21):
The pressure will activate yourvagus nerve.
And research also suggests thatweighted blankets simulate being
held or hugged.
So go get yourself a weightedblanket if you need to.
Let's bring this all together.
I know that was like a lot ofscience, but I feel like you
have some things now that youcan do to manage your nervous
(16:44):
system, the swirl around you.
It's real.
You're not imagining it, butwhat's also real is your ability
to stay steady in the middle ofit.
You've learned today thatmanaging stress isn't about
fixing everything on theoutside.
But it's about noticing what'shappening inside of you and
(17:06):
choosing to pause, to regulate,and to really come back to
yourself with that awareness ofwhat's happening in your body.
So here's what I want you toreflect on as you move through
your week,'cause I'm gonna checkin with you on the next episode
to see how you're doing.
Okay.
So when a stressful moment hits,what's your go-to nervous system
(17:27):
response?
Are you fight flight, freeze, orfawn or some combination
thereof?
How does your body tell you whenyou're overwhelmed?
Can you start noticing thoseearly signals like the tight
chest or the clenching jaw, or aracing heart rate.
Those are invitations to pause.
(17:48):
And most importantly, what's onesmall thing you could try this
week to activate your vagusnerve and get your system back
to a state of calm?
So maybe it's that walk insilence.
Maybe it's taking that deepbreath.
Maybe it's that moment under ahot shower.
You know, you don't have to doall six things that I shared.
(18:10):
Just try one.
And practice it because thesmallest shift in you, it can
change everything managing yournervous system, it is not
complicated.
It is actually simple once youpay attention to it.
And once you play around withthese six things I gave you,
you'll find what works for youand what feels best.
(18:33):
Here are some key takeaways fromtoday's episode.
First of all.
Your nervous system is doing itsjob.
There's nothing wrong with you,those stress responses like
fight, flight, freeze, or fawn,those are automatic, but
awareness that creates anopportunity for you to choose.
The second takeaway is the pauseis your power.
(18:55):
It is pausing, interrupts thatreactivity, and it gives your
brain space to respond withintention.
And number three is your vagusnerve is your secret weapon,
activate it through those smallscience-backed actions.
Help yourself get back to calm.
Okay, so this was part one of atwo-part series on managing year
(19:19):
end overwhelm and reclaimingyour joy.
And today we focused on you,your nervous system, your
reactions.
Your power to pause and reset,and in the next episode we're
going to talk about the swirl,all the external stuff circling
around you, the expectations,the obligations, family
(19:39):
dynamics, work deadlines, andhow to manage it in a way that
feels more aligned and moregrounded.
Because once you've learned howto manage yourself in the moment
you're ready to start shiftingwhat's going on around you.
So I hope you'll tune into thenext episode.
And in the meantime, please begentle with yourself.
(20:01):
Please remember to pause oftenand know that even in the
busiest season, the joy, it'sstill available to you.
It might not be the perfectholiday you dreamt of, but you
can make it so much better whenyou start with yourself.
Starting with yourself is notselfish, it is necessary.
(20:22):
Thank you so much for tuning intoday.
And if you know someone who isin this season and feeling
overwhelmed and stressed, pleaseshare this episode with them.
And I'll see you in the nextepisode.
Bye for now.
Carlene (20:38):
Oh, and one more thing.
This is the legal language.
You know, the stuff that thelawyers put together, and they
say that I need to read this toyou.
So here we go.
This podcast is presented solelyfor educational and
entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I'm not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not intended asa substitute for the advice of a
(21:01):
physician, professional coach,psychotherapist, or other
qualified professionals.
Got it?
Good.
I will see you in the nextepisode.
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