Episode Transcript
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Speaker 3 (00:01):
You're never too
busy, too tired, too old, or too
anything to pursue your dreams.
Welcome to the DistractedDreamer Podcast, where you'll
learn how to move all thosenever ending distractions aside
and chase your dreams withconfidence.
(00:21):
Hello.
Hello, friend.
Welcome back to The DistractedDreamer.
I am your host Carlene, andtoday we're talking about
something that often getscompletely ignored when it comes
to our dreams.
You know, we focus on the to-dolists and the action steps, the
plans, the research, thelearning, the tools, the
(00:43):
courses, the spreadsheets, andhey, I, I get it.
I love a good plan, but what wedon't talk about enough is who
we need to become in order tocarry the dream when it actually
shows up.
Because here's the truth, wecan't wait for the dream to
change us.
(01:03):
We have to start becoming thekind of person that dream
requires us to be.
Now.
So Mel Robbins says, if youwanna be a podcaster, then you
gotta start acting like one, andit's not about pretending.
It's not about faking it tillyou make it.
It's about stepping into themindset and that energy and that
(01:26):
posture of someone who alreadybelieves that it's possible.
And you know, we live in aculture that really celebrates
the doing.
And it's not a bad thing.
Action.
It's, it's beautiful.
It builds momentum.
It gives us clarity.
It teaches us a lot, and itmakes the dream real.
(01:48):
But sometimes all the doing itkind of becomes a disguise or a
distraction.
It's a way to stay busy withoutactually becoming the version of
ourselves that can hold thedream, to sustain it, to grow
it, and to live inside of it.
And here's the part that no onetells you.
(02:09):
Dreams.
Don't just ask for your time andenergy.
They ask for yourtransformation.
Your dream will require you togrow.
Not to become someone else, butto become more of yourself.
The braver you, the moregrounded you, the more focused
(02:31):
you, the more resilient you,whatever it is.
So today.
I want to invite you to shiftthe question from what do I need
to do for my dreams?
To, who do I need to be for mydreams?
And I'm gonna start by sharingmy own story.
(02:52):
I actually think I have twostories here, about this podcast
and the version of me I had tobecome to actually make this
real.
Now, when I first thought aboutstarting a podcast, I thought,
well, I, I need equipment.
I need a quiet room, and I needa plan.
And yes, I, I needed thosethings, but not first.
(03:16):
What I really needed was tobecome the version of me who
believed that she had somethingworth saying, I had to become
courageous to speak into a mic.
Not knowing who is gonna listenor what they're gonna think, and
I also had to become consistent.
(03:37):
I have to keep showing up everyweek even when it feels like no
one is listening.
I also had to become curious,not just about the topics that
you wanna hear, but about myselfand how I wanted to connect with
you.
And I also had to become kind ofunapologetic and let my voice
(03:58):
take up space without waitingfor permission or for the
perfect conditions.
And most of all, I had to becomeopen-hearted, is that even a
word?
Like I had to open my heart tolet you in so that I could be
real and to create somethingthat felt like an invitation,
not a performance.
(04:20):
And here's the thing that I hopeyou hear today, is that whatever
dream is tugging at your heartright now, it's not just about
what you need to do to make ithappen.
It's about who you need tobecome in the process.
Okay, I'm being reminded of, ofanother story that just popped
in my head.
(04:40):
I am a planner by nature.
And my mom has always said,she's like, you always have all
your ducks in a row.
And I was like, yes, I do.
I was very proud of that.
But you know what kids, theyscatter all those ducks, kids
show up with all theirunpredictability.
Their last minute schedulechanges, the spills, the
(05:01):
meltdowns, the broken hearts,the colds, the fevers, and when
I used to dream about becoming amom.
I had this very unrealistic ideathat if I had a plan, if I gave
my baby structure, you know,like strict nap times and
feeding times, and I madeeveryone who came within arms
(05:24):
reach, wash their hands so theydidn't get sick, that everything
would be perfect.
You know, my baby wouldn't getsick and I'd sleep when she
sleeps, which.
By the way, what is that anyway?
Okay.
Like maybe in the first threemonths you can do that, but long
term, how are you supposed tosleep when there's a house to
pick up and laundry to do, anddishes in the sink and bills to
(05:45):
pay and dinner to make all thestuff and I guess, okay, my
point here is that all greatplans involving kids, they
eventually crumble.
And mine crumbled.
The day my first born, Emilyentered the world prematurely.
Everything I had planned, yeah,it didn't matter anymore, man.
I just, I got the wake up callthat I am not in charge, and my
(06:08):
focus became getting her homefrom the hospital.
And then my focus becamewatching and tracking every
single milestone because, youknow, preemies, they're at a
high risk of developmentaldelays and she's all good.
But at the time, I had to becomeher advocate, and that was just
at the beginning.
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I quickly realized as a mom.
I had to learn to be flexible,like a plan.
It's great, but I had to be okaywith that plan going right out
the window most days.
And I had to trust myself wheneverything went sideways.
And if you're a mom, you'resitting here probably nodding
along, right?
Like, yeah, you get this.
And I spent so much timestressing about things not going
(06:51):
according to plan until one dayI realized the plan wasn't the
point.
It wasn't about nailing everydetail.
It was about being able topivot, to problem solve, to be
fully present, even when thingsgot really, really messy.
I had to trust that I couldhandle whatever came next
because there was alwayssomething that came next.
(07:12):
When you have three kids.
And then as my girls got older,I realized I needed to be
adventurous too.
I had no idea that this wasgoing to be a requirement as a
parent.
So one one year.
We went to Hawaii and myhusband, he booked a summary
tour.
I'm claustrophobic.
I mean seriously claustrophobic.
(07:33):
And here I am descending whatfelt like a gazillion feet under
the sea in this tiny littlecapsule.
And I was terrified, but I didit because I wanted my girls to
see me doing the hard, scarything.
And let's see.
Then there was the time when wewere in Mexico and we were
(07:54):
swimming with the dolphins,that's absolutely magical.
But it was also a littleterrifying for me, and still I
chose to show up and it was fun.
And you know what?
I wasn't trying to be theperfect mom with a perfect plan,
but I was just the mom who wasbecoming, I was becoming more
(08:14):
brave.
I was becoming more playful, andI was becoming more open because
becoming a mom.
What I realized was it's notabout having all the answers or
always getting it right becauseI got it wrong a lot of times
like most moms do, and it wasabout showing up in the way that
(08:35):
they needed me and doing that, Ibecame someone new.
I was still me.
But I was someone better.
I was someone more flexible.
I was more resilient.
I was more courageous, and yeah,I was even more adventurous.
And so the reason I'm sharingall of this isn't to just sit
(08:57):
here and talk about me being amom.
It's because.
I want you to see that the samething happens with any dream.
It doesn't matter what you'redreaming.
Like you could be, I don't knowif you're dreaming of starting a
podcast or writing a book ortraveling the world or launching
a business or playing aninstrument, the truth is that
dream, it's not about what youdo to get there, it's about who
(09:22):
you need to become.
So with that, I want to inviteyou to do a little reflection
with me.
Right now.
There's, there's nothing fancyhere, and maybe you can just
write some of your thoughts downin the notes app, or if you have
pen and paper handy, the oldfashioned way, you can do that
(09:42):
too.
I just want you to take a momentand to just be honest with
yourself and I want you to thinkabout one dream.
Just one.
I know that we have tons ofideas out there and everything,
but just one dream, and itdoesn't even have to be anything
that you're working on.
It could just be this dream thatyou've had, and maybe it's the
one that's, been lingering foryears or for months, or maybe
(10:06):
it's the one that you justthought of last night, Maybe
it's the one that you've beentoo afraid to actually name.
Okay, so just think about that.
What's that dream?
What's that dream?
Come on, you can do it.
You got a dream.
We all have dreams.
You just have to uncover it.
And if you're having troublewith this, you should go get my
start dreaming again.
Guide.
And then you can come back anddo this exercise now.
Okay?
You got your dream.
(10:26):
Great.
Okay?
Now, if I asked you what do youneed to do to make that dream
happen?
I bet your brain has a wholechecklist ready?
Let's look at a few exampleshere.
Let's look at the dream of youwanna travel, most people
immediately say, I need to savemoney.
(10:48):
I need to plan the trip.
I need to get time off of work.
I need to learn the language.
But what if instead you asked,who do I need to become to live
that dream?
You're gonna get very differentanswers.
Maybe you need to become brave,maybe traveling is stressful for
you, or you're afraid of goingto another culture, or maybe you
(11:11):
need to become resourceful.
Figure it out.
Maybe you need to becomeadaptable.
Yeah.
If you're going to anothercountry, you have to become
adaptable.
They have different traditions,different foods, different
languages.
You have to be more adventurous.
You have to be more open.
See, that's very different fromthe to-dos of I need to save
money, plan the trip, get timeoff and learn the language.
(11:33):
See, very different.
So we want to identify theseadjectives of who.
Do I need to become to live thatdream?
So here's another example.
I wanna write a book.
Most people will say, I need towrite every day.
I need to outline, I need tofind a publisher.
I need to take a course, thoseare all things that you say that
(11:55):
you need to do, and you do needto do those things.
But the real question is, is whodo I need to be to write this
book?
You might need to becomedisciplined.
Or unfiltered, you need to behonest when you're writing, or
maybe you need to become selftrusting or persistent or bold.
(12:18):
Those are very different from Ineed to write every day, or How
about you have the dream, Iwanna become a speaker Most
people jump to, well, first Ineed a website and then I need
to create some Instagram reels,and oh yes, I must have a
signature talk.
Oh yeah, I need an audience too.
But maybe the real dream isasking, who do I need to become
(12:42):
to live this dream?
So maybe the dream is callingyou to become more clear.
Or grounded or more confident,or more humble or more honest,
okay, so now it's your turn.
So I want you to think back tothat dream that you chose.
You got it?
(13:03):
Okay.
Ask yourself, who is the versionof me who gets to live that
dream?
What's she like?
What does she speak?
How does she move throughresistance?
How does she take up space?
And now what I want you to do isI want you to come up with five
adjectives that describe who youneed to become to not only bring
(13:30):
that dream to life, but to carrythat dream and to live in that
dream.
So mine for this podcast lookedlike I need to become
courageous, consistent, curious,unapologetic, and open-hearted
because you know what?
I wasn't all of those thingswhen I started this, and some
(13:50):
days I'm still not.
But naming them, it helps mewalk toward them.
So write your five adjectivesand put them on a sticky note or
on your lock screen on yourphone, and let them guide your
decisions more than your to-dolist does.
(14:12):
And remember you becominghappens one brave moment at a
time.
That's how it happens.
Now, I know it's tempting tobelieve that once you check all
the boxes, then the dream canbegin.
That once you've figured it out,once you feel confident, once
everything is in place, thatyou'll be ready.
(14:34):
I hear this all the time.
I'll start when I'm ready.
I'm not ready yet.
But you know what I, I'velearned and I keep learning is.
You don't get the dream becauseyou're ready.
You become ready because of thedream.
The dream actually requires youto grow, not to become someone
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else, but to become more ofyourself.
To become those adjectives thatyou discovered for yourself
today, it could be you becomingbraver or you becoming more
grounded, or you becoming morefocused, or you becoming more
curious.
And you know, if you ever startto doubt it, come back to those
(15:17):
five adjectives.
Let them remind you of who youare becoming.
They are your compass when youfeel lost.
There your permission slip whenyou want to wait for perfect
because perfect doesn't exist.
When you're feeling like there'ssomething missing when it comes
(15:37):
to bringing your dreams to life,it's likely you, you are the
thing that's missing.
So you have to remember to shiftthe question from what do I need
to do to, who do I need to be?
Okay, so this is a quick episodeand I have homework for you
(15:58):
today.
So I'd love to share in anupcoming episode the five
adjectives that you uncoveredwhen you answered the question
of who do I need to be?
What I'm inviting you to do isleave me a text by clicking on
the link in the show notes thatsays, I think it says Send
Carlene a text or text Carlene.
(16:19):
It's pretty clear.
And here's exactly what you needto text me Your first name, your
dream in one sentence, and thethree to five adjectives of who
you are becoming.
And that's it.
Your first name, your dream inone sentence, and the three to
five adjectives of who you'rebecoming.
(16:40):
Don't move away from yourpodcast player until you leave
me a text, okay?
So go do that because I wannagive you a shout out on one of
my next episodes, now, whateverdream is on your heart right
now.
You have to trust that it choseyou for a reason.
We always think that we chooseour dreams, but sometimes I
think our dreams choose us andyou know what?
(17:03):
It chose you not because youhave all the answers.
It shows you because you're thekind of person who's willing to
grow into it.
And you know what?
Becoming.
It's messy.
It's not linear, but you knowwhat else it is.
It's also life changing and youare so much closer than you
(17:25):
think.
Thank you so much for showing upfor yourself today and being
here for this conversation.
And don't forget to leave me atext and I will be here next
week.
Ready to welcome you into ournext conversation.
Until then, bye for now.
Carlene (17:44):
Oh, and one more thing.
This is the legal language.
You know, the stuff that thelawyers put together, and they
say that I need to read this toyou.
So here we go.
This podcast is presented solelyfor educational and
entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I'm not a licensed therapist.
This podcast is not intended asa substitute for the advice of a
(18:07):
physician, professional coach,psychotherapist, or other
qualified professionals.
Got it?
Good.
I will see you in the nextepisode.