Episode 11: Life, Death, and Divorce (Mini-sode)

The host, Femi the Divine, provides a short life update in this mini-sode. She discusses life, death, and divorce and how to cope with stressful times.

Topics discussed - life, death, divorce, family, loss of a loved one, coping with stress, self care, rest, choosing yourself, grief, personal strength, overcoming obstacles

Contact Info
Email - [e-mail]
IG - @femithedivine or @divinehealingpodcast
Web - www.thedivinehealingpodcast.com

Contact info - Femi the Divine

IG @divinehealingpodcast

www.thedivinehealingpodcast.com

[e-mail]

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to the divine healingpodcast.
I'm your host family, thedivine.
Welcome back.
We are on episode number 11.
Today's episode is going to betitled life, death, and.
I apologize that I haven't beenhere in the past month or so,
because life has been crazy.
And I'm going to get into thewhy about that in a moment.

(00:20):
But if you've enjoyed the showso far, if you've listened to
all 10 of the episodes, or evenif you've only listened to one,
Please head over to iTunes orSpotify or wherever you are
listening to your podcasts andleave us a review.
Five star reviews, help the showto be invisible to other people
so that more people can listenand hear the wonderful things

(00:42):
that you all are enjoying aboutthis show.
If you really enjoyed the show,share it with.
Sharon on your timeline, send itto somebody, even just send me a
message, letting me know yourthoughts, your feedback, if
something resonated with you.
And also if there are thingsthat you would like to hear
about, please send me a messageabout potential topics as well.
If you have questions so on andso forth, I'm planning on doing

(01:05):
a Q and a episode.
Pretty soon it's probably goingto be episode number 15.
But just to talk about somequestions folks have, and maybe,
they didn't feel comfortable at.
Questions that they want us toask anonymously, I should say.
All right.
So again, thanks for listening.
Please feel free to leave us areview.
If you're enjoying the show sofar, send me some feedback.

(01:25):
My contact information is downin the show notes.
Thank you to everyone who hasalready reached out with
feedback from the show, thecomments I've gotten from you
all have been amazing andwonderful.
And I'm just happy to know, andto hear that.
You all are benefiting from theinformation, as I've explained
and past episodes is really justme sharing my life with you.
All the healing journey I'vebeen over the past few years and

(01:48):
the hopes that it would helpsomeone else.
Cause that kind of felt lostwhen I embarked on this journey
myself.
So today's topic, life, death inthe divorce.
Part of the reason really thereason why I've been Mia, for
the last month or so is becauseI've been dealing with all of
those things.
Sometimes life just gets crazyand you need to take a break.
The maternal side of my familyexperienced three deaths within

(02:11):
a month.
Two of which were folks thatwere close to.
And they both passed withinexactly a week of each other.
We knew that they were nearingthe end of their life and
beginning to transition in themonths before that.
So time was spent, trying toprovide enough care life for
them around the clock, beingback and forth to the hospital.

(02:32):
There was another close relativewho was also sick and in the
hospital, however he is doingbetter, and no longer.
And the space where we thoughthe was transitioning.
So that's a blessing in itself,but he still has some healing to
do.
Hopefully he will make a fullrecovery only time, and God will
tell us that.
But in dealing with death andwatching everyone around me and

(02:53):
my family, dealing with thedeaths and the loss of these
folks, All of which were eldersin our family.
The two that were particularlyclose to me to my mom to my
immediate family, they wereelders.
In our family, they lived long,prosperous lives up until they
felt ill, toward the end oftheir lives.
But, they were well-respectedpeople.

(03:15):
They were committed to familyand to the community Just all
around good people.
And, I would say they alivestate, they will fall down.
I pray that they've transitionedon it.
They are sleeping peacefully.
Now, ironically, they're bothburied in the same cemetery.
But trying to get through theprocess of those funerals was
hard.
You all know how families can bewhen it comes to death.

(03:38):
People act crazy.
Everybody's dealing with theirgrief and unresolved trauma,
maybe going throughsugarcoating.
Type of situations dealing withmoney and trying to pay for
final expenses.
And, people get crazy aboutmoney, about what they believe
belongs to them, or doesn'tbelong to whoever else or who's
spending what, and who's pickingout what and who gets who's
belongings and there's all kindsof stuff.

(04:00):
Also realizing that everybodyprocesses grief differently.
And I watched that play out,literally around me before my.
Over the span of a month and ahalf I would have to give kudos
to my mom for watching hernavigate all of that and really
be a pillar of strength for herfamily.
As those two folks were veryclose to her and she had a hand

(04:23):
in physically caring for them inthe day to day.
It also, doing all of it withpoise and grace and.
And integrity no matter who waswatching and not to say that she
wouldn't have, because shealways excused those things, but
definitely, taking a back seatand watching her do her thing
and handle everything.
Most of them maintaining a verybusy life of her own.

(04:45):
So kudos goes out to her.
I've spoken to past episodesabout being separated from my
husband while my divorce wasfinalized.
Last week was the week before.
I don't know, it's been abouttwo weeks.
Once that process got moving, wevery quickly it took some time
to, get things filed and allthat kind of stuff because COVID
and courts were closed, thatkind of thing.

(05:06):
But once it moved to bay andmoved within two weeks, it was
done.
I'm grateful that it's over.
Still processing my feelingsaround it.
We have been separated foralmost two years now.
So it's not like it's a freshwound, but I have to be in a
relationship with someone for 12years and being married for an

(05:27):
extended period of time.
It is bittersweet For arelationship to have been in my
life that long to have ended.
There have been some others thatwere not romantic that were
long-term relationships thathave ended in, even friendships,
I think of a friendship can feellike a death or a divorce.
But also realizing thatsituation needed to end and I
chose to end that relationshipand that it has been for the

(05:48):
better, I'm not going to saythat life has been rainbows and
cherries, since I made thedecision to separate or the time
leading up to.
The separation, or even afterthe separation where I pretty
much found myself alone andtrying to navigate life at 35
plus years old and feeling likeI was starting all over, but
every day I get up and I do thethings that I need to do so that

(06:12):
I can move forward and not takeit one day at a time.
So I said all of that to saythat life gets crazy for all of
us.
Even though we're walking thispath and we're doing our healing
and we are making the strides tobe able to live our best life.

(06:33):
That doesn't mean that we willnot be faced with obstacles.
That doesn't mean that therewill not be inconveniences.
That does not mean that we won'thave struggles and we won't have
challenges, but through thisprocess, you will learn better
ways to do that.
Adversity obstacles, problems,issues, things that pop up.

(06:54):
And when they do pop up, thosethings will go more smoothly.
So I have a few tips for you allon how to cope when you're going
through rough times.
Self-care is very important.
The first thing, take time outfor yourself.
If that means you need to taketime off of work.
I was out on bereavement leavefor my job for most of March.

(07:16):
I was in and out working a halfa day here, working a day.
They're out again, taking timeoff to do things that I needed
to do, to help my mom withthings, to help my family with
things, take care of my ownbangs.
I had medical appointments andother things like that.
If you can, and you can affordto, or you have leave or
whatever your information istake time off.

(07:37):
If you need to that's the.
They don't take that time offand spend it doing things maybe
he shouldn't be doing.
But try to find positive ways tocope with whatever it is that
you have going on.
Second thing, breast when youneed to.
So you might get to take thetime off to the, you can get the
rest, but rest, when you needto.
I know we live in a world whereit's busy and we have to do a

(07:59):
million things, try to rest andget eight hours of sleep at
night.
If you can, if you can't get 8,5, 6, 7, whatever.
But rest when you need to, ifyou feel tired, if you just need
to take a cat nap in theafternoon, do what you need to
do, but rest when you can rest,when you feel you need it.
Because if you continue to gofull speed ahead and you don't,

(08:22):
your body is going to force youto third thing, pick and choose
your battles.
If you're going through astressful time, especially if
it's not just you and it's folksaround you is your family.
Everything.
They were of a fight, everythingthey were of getting all riled
up, everything ain't worthputting your energy into.
If it's something that's notthat important, or does it have

(08:44):
that much of an impact on youand you would prefer not to have
it Raul you up and get you offcenter pick and choose your
battles.
Sometimes it's just not worthit.
Next thing.
Do what you can.
Again, we have all theseobligations or commitments
swirling around us, and thereare going to be some things
where we will not have controlof this situation.

(09:07):
There will be somethings that donot require our input.
There will be some things thatyou participating in is not
going to directly impact yourlife.
Do what you can.
If you only have so many hoursin a day, do what you can in
those hours and then move therest of the next day.
Don't stress yourself out.
Don't overwhelm yourself.
Do what you can let the restfall in.

(09:28):
Don't feel guilty about that,especially if you're in a
stressful time.
The last thing you want to do ismake yourself feel guilty about
what it is that you're notdoing.
You really are doing their bestthat you can the next thing.
So if you have things that youcan't get to you really should
prioritize all of the thingsthat you have to get side, try
to get the things that are moreimportant on first, try to get
the bigger chest on firstmeeting, or if you want to work

(09:50):
the opposite way, maybe you canknock out a few small things
first, before you get to some ofthe bigger things.
Can you delegate those things tosomeone else?
Is there someone else that canhelp.
People always say, or if youneed anything, call me and let
me know.
You're going to find out if theyreally meant that it's okay to
ask for help.
Take advantage of all thosepeople who have said to you, let

(10:12):
me know if you need anything.
Other people may have moreinsight.
They may have more expertise andmaybe they can get that thing
done that you need to do quickmore quickly because they have
the new.
Don't be afraid to ask for helpand above all, take a care of
yourself.
Stress comes along for all ofus.

(10:36):
We all go through stressfulperiods in our life, but do not
let stress get the best of you.
If you need to take a break ifyou need to rest.
Remember growth happens indragons.
And when you come out of theother side of the tunnel, there
will be light as always.
Thank you all for listening.
Don't forget to head over toiTunes, Spotify, or wherever

(10:58):
else you receive your podcaststo leave a review.
If you are enjoying this show,this episode or any other
episode.
And before I go, I want to leaveyou all with an affirmation.
I affirm.
I will always take the verybest.
Of myself.
Thanks for listening.
Bye bye.