From ‘10-Ton Tessie’ to 12 Stone Down: Ashley’s Journey of Weight, Worth & Warriorship [S2E7]

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
None of this conversation shouldbe taken as medical advice for
you. Before starting or changing any
medical or Wellness treatment, always consult your GP and
medical care team. And you are very welcome along

(00:28):
to another episode of the dose and Speaking of all things that
are doses, but actually. I know you're going to say that
there. Are some that's what our swag
could be you're some dose. Some dose.
You're some dose. Oh, that would be.
Brilliant. Yeah, it would.

(00:49):
Yeah, be very. Yeah, I didn't.
I didn't. Ruin that intro I I was muted.
Well done. I'm glad you finally found a
mute button. That would have been helpful the
week he had 9 million sulfur burps.
Night shine out at the mash. No, but no, you do you.
Don't worry about me, It's fine.It's going to be a long, long
podcast. Anyway, welcome to the Dose with
myself, Belinda Hogan and. Me Paddy, how are you?

(01:13):
How's it going? Oh.
Great how we've been since the last book.
Let's go. Busy.
Yeah, Fuck, I'm constantly busy,Paddy.
Constantly. You can't see it constantly.
Sure, poor you a little fiddle out, blah blah blah.
No, no, no. I got 22 sessions in at the gym
this morning. I was delighted with myself.
Yeah, that's good gluten free sessions.

(01:35):
Gluten free sessions, Yeah, I know.
It came up. I went, I went to put up I'm a
gluten for punishment and it came out as gluten, gluten.
Free punishment. And as I said, yeah, it kind of
was though, because you weren't sitting there eating bread.
I know. So there's any sulfur burps mute
button. Yeah, God.

(01:56):
It's I'm under. Peppermint tea.
Yeah, 15 milligrams and peppermint tea.
I'm going to go, I'm going to have to go and get peppermint
capsules, peppermint oil capsules today, like.
Didn't ask you for any of this information.
And also. Didn't ask for your life story?

(02:16):
While while I'm getting them I'mgoing to get some more lines
main supplements. I don't know what kind of lines
you're doing, but anyway. It's for cognitive ability to.
I'm sure it is. It is, and it's not goddamn work
and I'm not taking enough of it.Like that film Limitless.
Oh, lion's mane, I get you. Yeah, sorry, we're a different

(02:37):
conversation there. OK, get on with it, Paddy.
Oh wow. Right, okay.
Um, so rare for us to have our guests in at the start of a
podcast. Usually we will record our
interview with the guests and then we'll do like the intro and
outro kind of around that. But this week we wanted to
embody our guest in the Fall podcast, Ashley O'Driscoll.

(03:00):
How are things? Welcome.
Welcome to the Dose. It's been a long time coming.
I tell you we've how long have we been talking about this?
Like I think we've been talking about this about six months
time. Yeah, we probably we've.
Finally, like sat down and and organized a date night to do
this, but I feel special that you're including me in the
start. I feel very.
Special. You are special to us.
Never mind what everybody else says about you, you're special

(03:22):
to us. Thank you.
Well, but India, you're special too.
I'm just going to put myself on mute now for the rest of this
podcast. God only took six months, Seven
months for us to get fine. You have me on podcast.
Is that your plan all along? Get traction with Belinda and

(03:42):
then. Seller Well, the plan was
originally was that I was going to do my own podcast by myself
and I had like the artwork and everything done for calling get
well a called MJ and me. That's that's and I did, I did.
All done. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It would have been better. I agree.
Then I found you and I was like,I don't know what she'll give me
breaks from talking. Did she ever?

(04:06):
You've increased me. I like that.
You've increased my. Yeah, Don't, don't anyone try
and take that. Increase alliteration to it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it.
So, umm, Ashley, you've also dabbled a little bit in
podcasting, Ashley. I have, I'm kind of embarrassed
now because I like it was a bit of a flop.
Like I started it in November of2023.

(04:28):
I want to say 2023. Yeah, No 23.
And I think I recorded maybe 8 episodes up until November of
2024. And I have not.
I have not. I've been meaning to ever since
our show went out, I've been meaning to, you know, sit down
and do a deeper get back into it, but I just haven't found the
time. I hope hopefully I just, I don't
know, they're nervous. Like I get real.
Like I just feel like it's a flop and like nobody listens to

(04:50):
it and like, you know, and there's so many park.
It's it's only a flop because you haven't bloody well done it.
Yeah, I know. You have to be consistent for it
to work, you know. Like it was my dream for so
long. Like, and I talked about it so
much on social media, how I've really bought my own podcast.
It's my dream. And then, you know, one of my
social media friends, Robin had said to me she was just like,
actually, what are you waiting for?
Just do it. Like, and she came to kick up

(05:11):
the ass one day and I didn't I start recording and I, you know,
I got it on Spotify. I still couldn't believe like I
was like, there is my name on Spotify and like Apple podcasts,
like what am I doing? Who am I?
But now we, I think I just need to bring it back.
I think, I think it's a lot easier that when you have a kind
of a like a partnership like youguys have because you have to
commit to it is a record. Yeah, it is easier, isn't it

(05:31):
Paddy? Yeah, lovely.
What did I tell you about talking about me in public while
I'm here? To be sorry to my face.
Nice after nice to your face. Only talk bad behind your back.
Only talk bad behind your back. I've it stuck in a post.
It I've it stuck in a post. It only bitch behind Belinda,
not in front. But we were saying this in in

(05:51):
one of the previous week's podcast, though, that I like.
I don't know if people when theylisten understand like the
amount of work that goes into it.
Like there's some people that have podcasts and they will go
to their podcast studio. They'll have a team that is
working with them to do the editto do the social media stuff to
like, yeah. And like, like we do all this
ourselves, like. It's the royal.

(06:13):
We like I'm bogged down with this kind of work.
Actually. All those hours of editing
Belinda. How do you?
Does does everybody know now, though?
I know we joke about it. Does everybody know that the
only piece of work that I do with any of this is sit in this
chair and when it's over, I walkaway and I do nothing.
I wait for it to come up and then I share it.

(06:34):
I literally do nothing. Yeah, I, I, I, I have bits of
work to do. Yeah.
Week in, week out with the podcast.
He said the next, the next time,the next time we meet, he said
he's going to teach me how to, umm, do some editing and I'm
just not going to turn up. At all it's going to be like a
month long retreat because it's going to take that long.

(06:56):
It's umm, OK, so Ashley, yes, umm, you are somebody who I
don't know how weak how, how I first cross paths to you.
Maybe through, I think it could have been through Belinda, I
can't remember if she mentioned you kind of when I started, uh,
my journey, umm, on trying to lose weight again.

(07:19):
Umm, and obviously I saw your kind of reels and the one you've
pained about the amount of weight that you had lost and
stuff. And obviously that was really
inspirational to me. But for folks that maybe might
not know who you are, fucking cheek.
Umm, give us absolute cheek audacity.
Dare you not know who I am? How we dare, how dare that, Umm,

(07:43):
but maybe I, I'd love to go backto maybe tell us in, as I do say
sometimes people, what is your elevator pitch in like say 1015
seconds? Who are you?
And yeah, what are you about in terms of your social media, eh?
I am the girl who took a drug tolose weight.
Basically it came when I first came out.

(08:04):
I was one of the the OG's on I was on big for weight loss back
in 2022. Yeah, I took it on my start at
134 KGS and I'm now at 70. So that's a well, I don't know
that's in stone. I think like 12 stone all
together. Like I'm start to finish.
You know, obviously women way fluctuates, but from start to

(08:24):
finish 12 stone all together. Wow, literally went from this to
this. That's phenomenal.
And no, more like something thatBelinda said to me recently
because I shared some old pictures of myself and Belinda
said I just stop and look because I didn't realize that
was you until then. I copped, oh, that's old
pictures of Patty. I never knew Patty when I was

(08:44):
like that or seen him like that.And similarly, when I was
looking through your Instagram and I looked through the older
pictures of you, it is literallya different person.
Yeah, but even like facially I Iwouldn't never have recognized
you. It's such a drastic like do you
have, um, do you have an issue with that?

(09:05):
When you look in the mirror, do you see a different person
because you have changed physically so much?
You think we're going to get into the emotional stuff so
early on, but so let's start there.
Let's start there. Um, this is something that I do
talk about quite regularly. Well, I had, I have done spoken
about, I haven't spoken about ina while, but I did used to speak
about this a lot and how when you're on a weight loss journey

(09:26):
like we've been on, it's not just about losing weight.
There's loads of other aspects to it.
And one of them is trying to recognize yourself, trying to
see yourself as this new person with this new body, trying to
adapt to this new body and trying to get used to the fact
that you're not a visa anymore. Because when you spent so long
like I had, it's a huge change and all that was a good change.
There's also this psychological thing.
So to answer your question, I still see myself as the old,

(09:47):
sadly, but it's a work in progress.
Like I do like sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like, Oh
my God, like where have I gone? Like I'm gone quite thin, like,
and then there's other times I'mlike, I still see that big
person, like I still need to do this.
I still need to do that. It is a psychological thing.
It is something that is part of losing wage that nobody seems to
understand. See, people seem to think, oh,
you've lost weight, great, you're finished.
No, there's not really an end. It's like like this journey

(10:08):
probably doesn't really ever end.
You know, you're always going tobe in this frame of mind, as you
know, OK, have I accepted this? Have I accepted I've lost the
weight? Have I accepted that I've got
this new body now? Have I accepted it three years
later? No, no, I haven't.
I probably it's going to take years for me to be able to look
on the mirror and be like, yeah,totally different person.
I accept myself. I'm happy with what I am.

(10:29):
Can can you see something changing to make you feel that
way? Is that, do you think that
there's something that's going to happen that's going to enable
you to say, Oh yeah, actually this is me and this is who I am
now? And I've not look back or look
in the mirror and say Oh my God I still see Ashley from 4-5

(10:49):
years ago. I think it's fault comparing
photos. I think like when you have
events, like for example, next month, I have my twin nephews
first out of communion and goingout to court for that.
And that'll be my first family event since I've also ate and
they're my only like they're my only nephews.
I don't have any other ones. So like it's a very special
occasion. And I think that for me is going
to be the catalyst that's going to change my mind because the

(11:11):
last family event we had was my daughter Chloe's confirmation,
which was four years ago, five years ago.
So I'm going to obviously compare like that photo of me
and my daughters confirmation was my mum saying to me, holy
God, look at you now in the nicest way.
Yeah. He was like, Oh my God, you need
to do something now. And that was just before I
started on his epic and the photos that I'm going to have at

(11:33):
the communion. So I'm going to compare them
side by side. And I really do my heart feel
like that's going to be the catalyst that's going to flip
the switch in my mind and be like, no time to accept it.
And I think that's going to be it for me.
Do you think that you're going to say to yourself, OK, I'm done
now. OK, so these are the two
photographs. This is what I what I was and
this is what I've wanted. And now are you done?

(11:54):
No, again, this is something that like I, I spoke, I think a
little bit about this on our show that my seven party did
last month on the documentary. And I do speak a little bit
about it online. But I've kind of pulled back
from speaking about this publicly simply because of
backlash I was getting, which asyou guys know, when you when you
do, when you appear on shows andstuff.
So it's it comes with the territory.

(12:15):
I don't think I'll ever be good.I don't think I'll ever be 100%
happy. I think having weight loss,
having skin removal surgery willprobably be the closest I will
get to being happy. Don't know if that's ever going
to happen because as we all know, it's astronomically Christ
in this country. And but I do think that's going
to be the closest When that happens, I'll be the closest
I'll get to being happy with like right now, I still like if

(12:35):
the weather wasn't like this, I'd be going out like if you
don't walk and be running, because I like to do my fitness,
but I also like to keep make sure that I'm working hard to
maintain. I would like to lose some more
weight. And although a lot of people
would disagree with me there andsay, no, you've done enough.
You're perfect where you are. You know, you're, you should be
happy. You've got a happy, a healthy
weight, a healthy BMI. Umm, but no, I'm not the.

(12:55):
One no, I, I, I'd love to do back to that in a few minutes.
Umm, but what I'll do now I, I want to go back a bit.
So if we think about Ashley, whowas in school, a teenager, were
you somebody who was overweight,then that's a lot.
To try and remember. Or what was those younger years

(13:18):
like for you? Or when did you start thinking
of Oh my weight? Now this is something that is in
my mind for some reason so. When I was younger, like I was
never, you know, a modernistic, you know, slim figure.
I always had like a little bit of puppy fat let's say when I
was, you know, 12/13/14. I do remember when I was about

(13:41):
10 or 11 now where I lived, whenI lived at home, we had this big
huge green across from my house and all the boys and girls go
out and play. We used to play like tip con red
Rover. We just curbs all those old
things before phones and all. And I do remember the lads on
when we were playing would slag me and be like they call me 10
ton Tessie. I wasn't that big.
I was only probably a size, I don't know, like I was, I'm

(14:03):
trying to remember when I wasn'thuge, but I had a little bit of
puppy fat like we all did when we were 1011, like every kid
does. He used to call me tent on
Tessie and then he used to sing a little chance and he's like
there she blows tent on Tessie earthquake.
And I've like what's going on here?
Like what the fuck? Like so that was the first kind
of memory I had of ever, you know, ever having any kind of
what weight is. Do you know what I mean?
Didn't really didn't bother me. Went through secondary school

(14:25):
was very, very Sporty's rights in school.
Never ever thought about weight like kids do now at that age.
And it was only kind of when I got into maybe 19/20/21 and that
was when I met Chloe's dad. You know, I started putting on a
little bit of weight down because we'd, you know, we'd go
away, we'd have takeaways, that and the other.
I felt pregnant then at 22, unexpectedly that things ever
happened to me, light of my life.

(14:46):
But that's where it all really started was, you know, it was
already starting before then, but nowhere near as bad as it
was when I got pregnant and was always told when I had like
pregnancy now and pregnancy backthen, totally two different
worlds. And we were always told back
then breast is best. You know, you breastfeed when
you have your baby, you lose allthe baby weight very quickly
because you're breastfeeding. So I had Chloe had a story from

(15:08):
the day, very, very traumatic birth.
Umm, tried to breastfeed and couldn't.
The nurse came in like 3:00 in the morning, took Chloe off and
gave her a bottle, gave her a topple.
That was it. Breastfeeding was gone.
So that was kind of like my I'm going to lose weight now, like
I'm after, you know, I'm like I was humongous on Chloe.
I mean, like I was like you think triplets I carried like a
lot of water and stuff, but for the years after that, like I
tried like and it just escalatedand escalated.

(15:31):
My whole 20s was just like wait,wait, wait, wait, wait.
It was just, if there was, it was just gaining and I don't
know where it was coming from and nobody knew where it was
coming from. Even my doctor was going to a
doctor and I was like, what is going on?
At the time? Doctors believed in, you know,
eat last, move more, cut out carbs, cut out potatoes, cut out
pasta, you know, all that kind of stuff.
And that's what he said to me. He's like, cut out all this,
don't have any carbs and this ishow you lose weight.

(15:53):
No, that's not how it didn't work at the time, honestly.
And I just escalate and escalateand escalated and 35 four, I
know when I was 35, when I was 22 stone and BMI 42 and heading
for a heart attack. Yeah.
And so a couple of things there in relation to the complications
with the birth and with breastfeeding that was any of
that weight related or was that all non weight related?

(16:13):
It was never brought up. It was never said this is
because you're overweight or no,it was never OK.
I think I just got very unlucky.And during my labor, you know,
the birth was very, very traumatic.
You know, I ended up having to get like, basically a lot of
stitches. Yeah.
You know, and afterwards got infections and stuff was in and
out of hospital. I was trying to look after a

(16:34):
newborn. I was 22.
I was a baby having a baby. Yeah.
Yeah. And the last thing when when
you're that young, when you're having a baby and you've had a
baby, you've come on, the last thing you're going to think
about is healthy eating because you just want to crack.
You just want to grab something quick because, you know, you're
you're on a schedule with the baby.
Whatever. And it just, it just escalated.
But no, at the time they never said anything that I went
through was as a result of beinga.
And then so during that period, enough the 20s, a new mom

(16:59):
worrying about trying to bring up, umm, you know, a little
young one, your weight is increasing itself.
Apart from the doctors kind of saying, you know, eat less, move
more, avoid the potatoes. Imagine telling an Irish person
avoid potatoes. Like, come on.
Right? Don't.
Give you enough for. Food.
Yeah, like a Mashed potato. A little bit of Kerry Gold is
like, Oh yeah, lovely. But umm, at that point they are

(17:23):
around that kind of part of yourlife.
Had you tried any other weight loss stuff yourself?
Like any groups or any kind of plans or anything like that?
Or like, was it just that initial conversation with the
doctor was like, OK hey, you need to try this something?
I did do Swimming World like when I was well before I had
Chloe, so it was probably like, I couldn't even tell you what it
was probably 16/17/18, right that time.
I remember, I remember going to Seminar World when we had your

(17:46):
little book, you used to go up and you used to get weighed at
the top. You know that it wasn't since
back then. I can't remember what it was,
but it wasn't since back then and it was I done.
So wait, wait, watch. Anyway, it was one of them that
I had done. Didn't like, did it not?
Did it not have any impact on your weight at all even
following the plan? No, not that I can remember.

(18:06):
Like, I just remember. I remember.
Like, thinking back now, if I'd have known now what I knew then,
life would be a lot, very lot ofhuge difference.
It'd be totally different. I didn't realize that, that I
had what we now know as a metabolic adaptation, that it's
a pun, physically, nearly physically impossible for
someone like us who has this medical condition to lose weight
naturally. And if I'd have known that, then
I would have saved myself a lot of stress and a lot of hassle.

(18:27):
But we didn't know. Yeah, but also being told that
you can literally eat unlimited amounts of, uh, certain foods
like that. I was the same as you.
I never ever, ever lost any weight with Weight Watchers or
Slimming World or anything like that.
You know, I, I sat and cheered my best friend on at the time
who lost 8 stone and I lost, I think 20 lbs in the time that

(18:51):
she lost the 8 stone, you know? So yeah.
And I was doing the plan like I was doing it, umm, exactly the
same as she was doing it. But uh, just goes to show,
doesn't it? Proves the point really.
Like it's like I know we have spoke about semi groups, they
come up like very frequently on different episodes and stuff
like that. I'm definitely to have slightly
different or different experiences of them and over,

(19:14):
over the years, but again, I'd always come back to, I think a
lot of that comes back to umm, some of the group leaders that
I've had and, and the actual howamazing as a person.
Some of the group leaders I've been fortunate to have, But
like, I remember, I remember like I, I will gain weight very
quick, but I also lose weight quite quick as well.
Any, any attempt I've done that,that is my pattern.

(19:36):
I, I know that for me, the issuehad always been the relapsing,
always been as soon as I'd lose the weight, I'd quickly relapse
again. But I remember sometimes I'd
feel like, because like I'd be weighing myself at home before
the weigh in at the same group, like, and I kind of know, Oh,
I'm doing 3 pence this week. Oh, there's a good chance I'm
like, it's slimmer for the week.I'm going to go and get the
class and I'm going to go and get and they're going to be,

(19:57):
they're all going to be living at me in Group because I get
slimmer of the week again. And like I would regularly,
particularly lived in England and when I used to go to like
group there, I would like regularly win slimmer of the
week every week or like every month.
And then I kind of got to the point where I was like, these
people are really going to hate me.
So I'll just start missing some weeks.
So I will, but it's. It's gas all the whole mindset

(20:20):
are in semi groups for very. Was that always true for you
though, Paddy? Was it always easy for you to
lose the weight, to shed the pounds?
But. I would.
So I'm not going to say it was easy because I was putting in
effort, but I'd say I always didlose weight relatively quickly
when. You put in the effort.
Yes, it was always then though the instant relapse.

(20:41):
I could never try and keep it off or umm yeah I could.
I could never maintain weight losses, weight losses and and
then being able to deal with that relapse if something
happened, it was always a case of back to food and instantly
back into that spiral, you know,off of just eating again because
it's what my body was like. Oh no, you want to eat, go eat,

(21:01):
you want to eat, go eat. And again, the food noise, you
would win. The food noise would win.
That's every time, every time, every time and.
You would have. You would have fought and fought
and fought against it, wouldn't you?
That's what, during the weight loss, it was a constant thing of
me going against the grain to lose that weight, constant

(21:22):
effort to try and lose that weight.
Umm, So yes, it was, it was likejust yeah anyway, anyway, umm,
OK, so that kind of brought intoyour 20s and at that time Ashley
had anyone else ever. First of all, I want to go back
to kids can be so cruel like. Yeah, it always stuck with me

(21:42):
like it's it's there's probably loads of things that were said
to me, you know, but that is theone thing 10 ton Tessie, here
comes the earthquake. Like anytime I moved, it was
like, and they've called me a whale and I was like, I don't
understand what's going on here.Like, why are you saying like
you start glad for the same age as me?
Like, why are you saying all this?
You know, even said to my mom like was way better a memory of
my childhood than me. And I said to her a while ago, I

(22:03):
was like, I thought you really big and she was like, no, you
weren't huge. Like you weren't, you know, you
had puppy fat, but like every kid 11 or 12, you know, preteens
prepubescent, you've got to carry puppy fat.
And she was like, you know, you would have lost suck on in your
teenage years. And I did.
I'm like, you know, it was just puppy fat.
It was just pre pubescence. And then when I went in my
puberty, I went into secondary school.

(22:24):
I was, you know, and soon I played hockey throughout the
whole time in secondary school and I played club level as well.
And I was doing athletics and I don't cross country and I wasn't
obese That because I was active.I was very, very active when I
was running around. And you know, and it was only
kind of like later on my teenageyears where it all came back.
It's weird the way it happened. Weird.

(22:44):
Yeah, kids are cruel. They are.
They're really cruel. And did you or did you have that
taunting even when you were being active and you were doing
all that sport and all of that? Not really because when I was
doing all this, I was in an all girls secondary school and I was
quite lucky with and I was so quite lucky like because it was
a private secondary school. I was like, well, I mentioned

(23:04):
the name. I was like, I better not just in
case because some people be like, I remember her from
school. It was it was all girls.
Like there was no real bullying.Like they were lovely.
Like there was about 300 of us great group of girls.
Everyone got on. There was no like, I can't
really say it was all, you know,I remember this girl getting
bugged. No, there was nothing.
Everyone was lovely. Nothing was ever said to me
about what I made my weight to write my my secondary school.

(23:27):
I knew it myself because I knew like looking at the girls,
looking at some of the girls I'mlooking at me and I'm like, why
are they telling me? Why are they able to wear this
and I'm not, but I wasn't like Gigantor, you know what I mean?
I was a bit heavier, but not to the extent where I was like,
like, I need to, you know, not as a teenager, not to be Sam,
where I was like, oh, Latin ideas get into my head, you
know, yeah. Need to lose weight, need to do

(23:48):
this, need to do that. Like I'm only to think I'm back
now, like, and I remember some of my coaches that I would have
trained with in school were actually friends of mine and
they lived near me. And like they used to, we saw
he's like, you know, they bring me to school.
They collect me from school because they lived around the
corner, especially after training, going to matches and
stuff. And we were all the same.
Like especially playing hockey, like when you're playing hockey,
you kind of have to have a bit of a little bit of weight on you

(24:09):
because you have to be kind of stronger.
You know, you're running up and down a pitch all the time.
But we're all kind of the same like nobody was.
I wasn't hugely bigger than anyone else.
So I was like, why did this all come from?
And it's only kind of when I think about it, that it was
something that that was buildingup over the years.
And I didn't know I had this. And I didn't know that like when
I turned 18/19/20 that I was going to get bigger.
And I didn't know when I was when I because you see so many

(24:31):
people who have babies even young even now, and they're
having babies 2223, six months after that, the babies, they're
like that. And I'm like.
Not even six months. It's like nearly immediate now,
isn't it? Yeah.
And it's like. We, we never had the social
media, umm, pressure either, Ashley.
And that has an awful lot to do with it now.

(24:51):
Do you know what I mean? Because if there's one single
thing, umm, wrong or different about you now it's pointed out
and it's just, you're just harassed over it, you know?
So like, you can't wait different times, yeah.
You cannot wait like you post your journey in the hopes of
health firing, inspiring, motivating people.
And you know, I'm all about let's, let's get a whole

(25:13):
community together. Let's get out there, let's go,
especially with the summer. Let's get welcome.
Let's, you know, let's get everyone around to just get out
and just great for the mental health.
I was too fat when I was postingabout how big I was, I was huge
like, and then this is what I was told.
And then I lose all the weight and I post that, Oh, now you're
too thin. Oh, now you're promoting
thinness, you're promoting bad body image.

(25:34):
And it's like, my God. Yeah.
I win here. Like I'm just trying to be here
and be this person and I don't know, I think.
I think the, umm, the thing thatwe have to remember is you're
not trying to win against anybody.
You're not, you know, other people's opinions shouldn't
really matter to us because nobody else is living your life.

(25:55):
Nobody else has walked in your shoes and nobody else realizes
what and how much hard work thatyou have put in to get yourself
from A to to B, You know, So it's, it's hard to block it out.
But when you do, you just, you find it a bit funny in the end.
I certainly do anyway. It's wild.
I just find it wild how these people are keyboard wires,

(26:16):
they're strangers and they're coming for your appearance.
And we're which 2025 we should be in a world, and it's women
coming for women. Yes, and I'm.
Like whatever happened to empowering women and, you know,
building each other up and wild.That's actually like I'm.
Sorry, yeah, I was going to say it's, it's not just women coming
for women though, like I like, Iget this too in terms of where

(26:40):
it is. I, I, I had a thing a couple
years ago whereby I put something up and about having
regained weight and I, I'd always be amazed, particularly
when it's somebody local, because I'm like, you could meet
me walking up the street and is this, would you, would you come
and say this to my face? Like, but umm, there was

(27:02):
somebody that was local and put up this thing on no way with
somebody who's a personal trainer let themselves get that
fat again. Umm, no way.
It's ridiculous. And I was just like, Oh my God.
And I remember just thinking. And then I go in and look at who
is this person friends with? And you're like, how are my
friends friends with somebody that would be like this?
And it's just, it's just, yeah, I just.

(27:26):
Like, I don't know if anyone's noticed, like if you guys have
noticed or if anyone else that follows me has noticed, but I
pulled back a lot in social media in the last month.
Yeah, I've barely posted. I've barely been on my stories.
Think I've posted like 2 reels. Like I kind of just wanted to
keep my page going. So I posted one there last
night. It was the first one I posted
like 10 days. I think it's kind of gets to a
stage where when you get so muchshit online, you kind of just
retreat back into yourself and you know, you just kind of like

(27:47):
take a break. Like it's always good to take a
break. Ashley, do you feel like you
have that, that social media is a pull for you when you're not,
umm, posting because you're trying to take a break?
Do you feel any guilt from not posting?
Or do you miss it? Or do you miss it in a positive
way or a negative way or? Like when I say I take a break,

(28:10):
I mean like I say taking postinglike reels and maybe my stories,
but I'm still on it. Like I'm still on his every day
checking on everyone else and liking other stuff, like just
kind of keeping, you know, keeping it open.
Umm, I do feel terrible guilt because I feel like.
Even pressure to post. Not so much pressure, just kind
of like you just feel guilty because you know, all these

(28:31):
people are like, I'm 9 1/2 K now.
My goal was my goal was 10K at Christmas didn't happen.
And I'm so close to that day andI'm like 10,000 people nearly
watching me. I have over 1000 people in my
stories. And if I'm not posting or I'm
not giving updates, I kind of feel like, well, I'm letting
people down because they, it's like when you watch a show, you
tune in to see what's going to happen next.
And then if you don't find out what's going to happen next,

(28:51):
you're going to be like, what? Fuck you.
I'm not watching you again. Do you know what I mean?
I'm not going to kind of feels like with social media,
sometimes it's like people are following along for your
journey. People are following along to
watch what you're doing with your life.
But what we also need to remember is social media is not
real because what you see on social media is a snippet.
It's a 10 second or nice second clip of someones life.
If someone doesn't post about something that's going on in
their life because they don't want you to know about it.

(29:13):
But what you do post, it's only a snippet and I just think a lot
of people don't really realize that.
And when you do go missing or you do not post, people do
notice. And people are like, what?
Is everything OK where? You just need a break.
Like, there's a lot obviously going on with my health as well.
And in my personal life. I was like, I just need to take
a break. I just needed to not be hated on
for like a couple of weeks. It's interesting what people
latch onto as well. I do find on social media as

(29:35):
well. Like in terms of things you
might even have thought of yourself and things like this.
Like someone asked me recently and again, not there weren't ask
me from a bad thing, but again, it's just I do find it
interesting what bit of what youput out online people take an
interest in because somebody, umm, message me and they're
asking, you know, you mentioned your partner husband, but you

(29:56):
rarely show him why. And I was more, I was kind of
like, well. His.
I remember this, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I was kind of like, well, what he yeah, it's like, well, he's
his own person. I have at times the item I put
up a picture. So it's not an intentional thing
of all. I'll never show him.
It's more so a case he doesn't really use social media.
He's the right to his privacy and he's kind of bits and pieces

(30:18):
like that. Umm, you know, but it's not a
case of me not wanting to show him or the stuff that it's just
this page that I have is more stress with me and my journey
and sharing the bits and pieces like this.
Another wild one I got was and somebody hating on me because of
my teeth so that it now I like Iknow I'm missing to you and it's

(30:40):
something that I would love at some at some point where we get
my teeth done, But again, that wasn't I was like I I've just
find this fast. I've literally had Adm saying
fix your goddamn teeth. Yeah, it's wild.
Yeah, it's mad. Who do people think they are
that they think it's OK to message a stranger online and
say something so drug or treats them like yeah, I would never

(31:03):
like I could never comprehend even before.
So before I did social media, I could never comprehend saying
not to somebody. Yeah.
It's it's, it's much. It's.
Wild. The thing is, like with the with
the kind of haters or whatever you get from now, thankfully, as
as we said in a recent podcast, well been into like for the most
part, the people that engage with us are phenomenal and so

(31:23):
supportive and like rooting first and like even this week,
right, put up, you know, weight loss update and stuff like that.
The amount of DMS that I got saying well done and support and
like it's just and. So.
Warm Oh, it's just amazing. Like, and even with the podcast,
like the messages we get is is it's just so heartwarming and
it's that small few that make you question at times about

(31:45):
fuck, is this worth it? Is there other people think of
this or is this really what's going on at there or?
Yeah, and I, I used to be like that as well, Paddy and I just
don't know. Something just flicked in me.
I think, you know, I was when I read the book.
Let them. Umm.
By Mel Robbins. Yeah.
And after that, I just thought to myself, you're going to have

(32:06):
to sort this shit out now in your mind if you want to
continue doing what you're doingand growing on social media.
And then I just thought to myself, not what I can do about
that. So focus them, yeah.
Literally focus and that's AI. Usually use it as an opportunity
now to make content or to RIP the piss.
Yes, good content. I love taking the piss out of

(32:27):
them. Yeah.
And you know what social media influence are doing now?
They're actually doing a deep dive into trolls lives and
posting it all on social media. It's amazing.
I think I do that maybe for my next trolls.
Watch out if you've got any intentions of doing that.
I've I've one or two. I can, yeah, I've one or two.

(32:49):
I can send you away, but I thinkI think.
You're. All three of us have one in
common, actually, Yeah. We do, we do, we do.
And we're not. We're not going to mention any
names, but we do have one in common.
And yeah, what's obviously mind blowing to me, and I always
bring this back to himself and Patty when we appeared on The
Skinny Job with Captain Thomas last month, our documentary that

(33:10):
aired. And one of the things that I
accept, one of the things I saidwhen I got in the documentary
and I was open and I was honest was my way started my the big
epitomy like wearing my most my weight gain started was when I
was pregnant at 22. I also spoke about my teenage
years like I have with you guys,but it was mainly when that's
when it got the worst. And I was told by sad person

(33:34):
online in comments, that was when it was posted everywhere.
Facebook was grabbed TikTok. Oh, she's a liar.
Her weight didn't start when sheher weight didn't start from
when she was pregnant. I remember.
This. Yeah, I don't remember saying to
you guys. And I'm like, this is wild to
me. This person has never met me,
has spoken to me. Yeah, OK.
We've spoken a few times on lives and stuff back in

(33:55):
2022-2023. Well, you've never met me and
you did not know me when I was 22.
You did not know me 16 years ago.
So like it's wild and every single but your.
Your photographs show exactly where you came from and where
you've been. You've got.
The receipts, yeah. Yeah, like.

(34:15):
On video I I have mountains of photos of me when I was morally
obese. Like why would I lie about my
weight loss? Yeah, I've only got that.
I've got very few photographs ofmyself.
Very, very few from when I was overweight.
Yeah. And it's something that I am.
I'm sorry about now because I'd like to do the comparison thing.

(34:36):
Patty, you've got so many photographs.
You've got loads. I took loads like and loads of
videos and it wasn't for anyone to ever see.
It was just for me, eh? Because I knew one day I was
going to do this. I knew one day I was going to
lose weight. I knew it was going to happen
Monday. But those videos and those
photos that I have never saw thelight of day, but the fucking
seeing the light of day. Now let me tell you what I'm
doing comparisons because it's ahuge difference.
Yeah, because like I, I never liked like if you look at most

(35:01):
the photos I have, they're usually just from like chest up.
And because I, I, I, I don't like full body pictures and I
said this to Ashley recently, I'm I'm getting a little bit
more comfortable with like full length pictures, but and I get.
Back to you over this, didn't I?Yeah, I just umm and like
someone even said this week in in on the question boxes all

(35:22):
please share more of your beforeand after pictures because it is
motivating. Umm but like I would just want
the ground to open up and swallow me anytime I've seen a
camera coming out or a photo hadto get done for something.
Umm, I remember doing a, there was an Irish clothing brand and
they asked me would I do a piecefor them and, umm, meeting them

(35:43):
and they'd asked or what kind ofsize top would you be?
And I said, oh, what's the biggest you do?
Literally like that was me askedwhat's the biggest you do?
And like, oh, we've double XL. I was like, yeah, that should,
that should, that should kind ofgo on me.
And I put it on. It was like, it was spray
painted on me. Like absolutely, literally
nearly spray painted on me. And the fear I had that they
were going to take a full lengthphoto and use it in their

(36:05):
publicity was like, I was like, this is I'm just I I can't, I
can't believe it doesn't. They didn't.
But the wild thing is right. I still have that top and I
tried it on this week. Now it's a double XL.
It's still spray painted on to me.
It does not close. So what I want to bring this
back to is at times, clothing and clothing sizes also feeds

(36:31):
into and and the inconsistency in clothing sizes feeds into
some of the negativity that we think about ourself as well.
Because I know like this topic we're now is a, is a gym shark
one. This is a large.
I'm like gym shark is a, is a fitness brand.
It's not a clothing brand necessarily for big.
They do do larger sizes and it'ssomething I really appreciate
about them. But this is a large.
So for me to go and put on a double XL hoodie and it doesn't

(36:54):
are a zippy and it doesn't fit me at all.
Like that could wreck your head.Like if you if you kind of sat
with that about what you're telling yourself and feed into
negativity and and all this kindof stuff.
But anyway, that was a little tangent just on when when it was
coming to my head about like, you know, being kind to yourself
even when you're clothes shopping as well, because
sometimes you might be a medium,but then there could be another
time in another brand, you couldbe a double or a triple XL.

(37:15):
And that doesn't mean you're anyfatter.
It just means that that brand just sizes differently.
And so it does. But anyway, so Ashley, take us
through to have the conversationwith your doctor, Layoff the
spuds, bring us into your 30s. Then what was life like or

(37:35):
what's life like moving into that period?
Or yeah, how did living with theweight develop for you?
Can we just ask how old you are?Actually, I never, I never
asked. I'm 38.
I'll be 39 now in July 14 next year.
I keep saying I'm 14 next year and I was like, you're not even
39. I was like, no, I'm 49.
Share. And look like, like look at
Belinda, like Belinda's 50. So like.

(37:59):
Another smart. Well, next time I see him, girl,
Yeah, I've beef. I'm.
And you know what? I am 50 next year and this is
the least I've ever been bothered about my age.
Yeah, I couldn't. Brilliant, yeah.
Isn't brilliant. Oh, I love it.
I would have said I didn't know that.
Now I would have said most. You're only about 4041.
I can't believe. You're 50, Yeah.

(38:19):
You look very good and. Thank you.
Thank you. And Ashley, have you?
Well, actually. Actually, have you gone to
Specsavers? It's better.
Than Perfect Savers, if you werelistening, we are definitely
open for collaboration. Do you put up with this?
Constant get. Away with.
This. Do you know what he said to me

(38:40):
today? And I had to watch it.
I was so pissed off I had to putit up on social media.
He bought himself something really, really nice because he
lost a, well, nearly 100 lbs or whatever.
Yeah. And no.
You can say it. No, you can say it.
By the time this was it, Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And I said, Oh my God, look at
the price of that. And you know what he said to me?

(39:01):
He says. What did you say, Patty?
Because I did, I chose not to spend it on kids.
I saw that I was like shakey fucker.
Joys of the gay lifestyle. Dink, you know, you're, you're a
dink. You're Dinks.
Isn't that what they call it? Double income?
No kids. Yeah, yeah.
I didn't know. That I don't like the life

(39:22):
though. Double income no kids you
weekends where every weekend. You should.
See. The amount of money we spend on
the cat like here we. Go again NO3 bloody children and
two dogs and then come back to me.
Yeah, but I've got two dogs and let me tell you, it's a
struggle. Yeah.
Yeah, like, like having three kids.
Like if I go to the doctor. Paddy, no, we're not.

(39:43):
We're. Not having six, it's six.
You're I have the mute button here.
You don't if you. Have a dink.
There she's muted. So like if I go to, if I, if I,
if I go to the doctor, if I go to the doctor, it's like what,
€60? If I bring the cat to the vet,
it's like it's about 300. I know I love you're back then.

(40:07):
You're back with. I can't tolerate it.
I just can't tolerate it. Well, I like I'm going to be
honest, I'm also banking on likethe few birthday cards, like
with the few quitting them. So that's.
Why does he say to me, you posted a story once and I said
something to you and you're like, Oh no, yeah, I know you've
done a question box last week orsomething and Oh yeah, you don't
question box to cover what the question box was.
But I said to you have more confidence, start taking more

(40:29):
after photos. And then he replied with a video
and he was like, I'll send a tenner.
So I'll send a tennerty at the post for a revolute tenner.
So I replied in the message and I was like, no, I'll take 50
times. Yeah, yeah.
Still in for a. 50 year old anytime anyone pays confidence
like a here a fiver on the way. But yeah, where are we?
I don't know. We, we were. 30s you were going

(40:49):
to go into your 30s. I'd love to back into.
My 30s actually. No fecket.
I wouldn't, No way. Like this skull, my 30s was a
hard decades I when I hit 30 like I turned 30, I remember I
didn't have a 30. I was going through something

(41:10):
with someone at the time and it was basically break up and they
took me out for my 30th birthdayfor a meal.
That was the last time I saw them.
Just it was just my 30th. When I hit with 30 it was a very
hard time and trying to, I was big and I was vulnerable.
I just had my heart broken and Inever got closure. 8 years later

(41:30):
I still haven't got my closure but like that's the past and
when I turned 31 I moved. I moved in here.
So I'm eight years here now. I was on my own for a year here
with just me and Chloe and it was it was great.
You know, I, I thrived. I did have them that I could be
the best one that I could, but Iwas miserable deep down.
I was miserable. I was very, very down.
I was very depressed. I had no life.

(41:51):
I have one friends and she's allI need like those people have
could have 10 or 20 friends. Robin is all I need.
My best friend, Robin o'farrell lover.
She's my sister and she helped me, really helped me get
through. But I was remember we'd be going
out like we've gone out for drinks or whatever.
And Robin was always a beautiful, like she still is
beautiful figure, of course, notall absolutely stunning.
And here's me standing beside her like this.

(42:12):
And she never made me feel like she never made me feel like, oh,
you know, you're big and I'm notblah, blah.
She always loved me for no matter what size I was.
And she always made sure that I knew how much of an amazing and
special person I was. But when you're going through
something like what I was going to and you just feel like
there's no end insight. It just kind of feel like, am I
always going to be like I felt like I was smothered by my
weight. And then I met Dylan and I like

(42:35):
we're talking party. We were talking earlier about
how people are saying to you, but you know, having your
partner. I don't have, I don't even
people, I don't even people knowthat I'm engaged.
I don't need people know that I've been engaged the last five
years. He actually proposed to me on
September 11th, 2020 at a waterfall.
Oh wow, memorable. And obviously when I lost all
the way and I lost my engagementring as well because it was too
big, like I still have it obviously, but I can't wear it

(42:56):
because it's just I think maybe 3 fingers I could put it on.
But it was a hard time for me those years.
And I remember and a lot of people won't know this either,
but I was drinking pretty heavily and you know, COVID hit
and all anyone was doing was drinking, but I was drinking
heavily like I was, you know, not like to the alcoholic state
state, but like every weekend I'd be having beer bottles when

(43:18):
I was smoking as well. I was a heavy smoker and
combined that with 22 stone weight loss or 22 stone weight,
it was a really, really hard time on never, ever thought that
I'd see the day where I'd lose the weight.
On October of 2021, I started tolose my hair.
This is something I've never spoken about and so there's the
first for everything. I'm trying so hard not to get
emotional. 2021, I lost my hair.I don't know, was it was it was

(43:41):
it because of years of dying andbleaching?
I was blondes, I was red, I was black, I was purple, you name
it. Dress as well is.
Red it was made me stress. I will show you some of the
photographs on Basically. And it got to the stage one
night where I'd lost so much my hair like lady had nothing here.
And I just said, John, get the razor.
I can't do this. Get the razor.
My hair was as long as it is now.
Can you shave my head? And I remember looking at myself

(44:04):
in the mirror and I was like, OK, this is insane.
Like I can't believe after everything I've just been
through the last three years that now I've lost my hair.
Because to a woman, your hair islike everything.
Your hair is like your your. Crown.
It's your crown. It's your.
It's everything. You don't have your hair.
You feel like you've lost everything.
So shave my head anyway. And I remember then in January

(44:25):
of 2022, it was his mom's birthday.
We all went out to the pool. But here's me sitting there in a
jacket on the House. Nobody knew.
Nobody, absolutely nobody knew. And then in, in just kind of
like escalated and I'd already felt really hitting myself
because of my weight and becauseof being isolated with COVID
and, you know, I, I had nothing.I have.
No, then your hair went. My hair went and when you're

(44:48):
huge and then you're bald at thesame time, it was just like, I
was like, how am I ever going tolike, how am I ever going to,
how am I ever going to recover from this?
How am I ever going to come backfrom this?
And I never thought I was. And I cried for days and I was
in a really deep state of depression.
You know, I wasn't medicated, like I wasn't going on
antidepressants or anything, butI was in, I was in a bad, bad
way. And I just didn't know how I was

(45:08):
ever going to come out of it. And then obviously 2022 came
around on January, June of 2022 was when I went to my doctor.
You know, I just sat there and Ijust said to him, I've had
enough of this life. I've had enough of being like
this. Nothing fits me.
I cannot wear, I cannot go anywhere to eat.
I can't go anywhere nice. I can't quite drink somewhere,
can't have a life. And that's when he said to me,
right, Well, I was like, can we just try Ozempic before weight

(45:29):
loss surgery? And he had put me on the list
for weight loss surgery while writing me a prescription for
Ozempic. And the rest, you all know the
rest is history. But the 30s, I'd love to go back
and I'd love to relay my 30s andI'd try and do it definitely.
But then again, everything happens for a reason and
everything that I went through when I was 30 with my
relationship breaking up. And obviously now I'm kind of
glad I did because I met Dylan. If I hadn't broken down, I
wouldn't have met Dylan. If I hadn't moved here, I

(45:50):
wouldn't have met Dylan story for another day.
And everything happens for a reason.
But the turkeys is meant to be one of the best times of your
life. It's meant to be where, you
know, you're, you peak in your life and you start, you know,
living your life and you start doing all these things when
you're starting to get married, have kids.
And if that's if you want, you're going to have your home,
you have to go travelling, your dream job.
That's all you were thinking. I'm not How?

(46:10):
I don't have any of that. Yeah.
And not only have you got none of that, but you have less.
Like there's a deficit even evenmore in having the weight and
having your hair loss and. It felt like my life was
literally slipping away from me and my life was ending and I
didn't know how I was ever goingto come back from it.
And it's a story that a lot of people don't know 'cause it's

(46:31):
not something I'm very open about speed.
And I know I have just spoken right now and I know I've
listened to your podcast is going to hear about it now.
And that's fine because I chose to share that.
But I haven't chose to share that part of my life on social
media because again, the person that I'm talking about in
question that I went through themost traumatic thing I've ever
been through, we've don't have any contact.
Obviously we're about living separate lives.
But I don't know if he watches my social media.

(46:53):
I don't know if he he doesn't follow me, but I don't know if
he if he knows. I don't think that I've done
since then. And I don't want to drag him him
through the past by talking about something we experienced
because it was 10 years ago. Yeah, but it's also something
that unfortunately, I have not. I kind of swept it away, swept
it onto the carpet and, you know, forgotten about it.

(47:13):
We're trying to forget about it,but I never actually dealt with.
And it's a trauma. It is a trauma that I went
through. And it's something that dragged
through my 30s and caused a lot of my problems and a lot of my
depression. But my weight was the biggest
one. But it was your weight, my hair
loss. And then going through that, I
know a lot of people were like, oh, but you're in a new
relationship by the last seven years.
Why are you even still thinking about it?
Because I went through a trauma that I never got closing from

(47:35):
and I never got healed from. And then city.
So there's a couple of things there I'd love to try and lean
into a little bit. Also for people that are
listening, if you're hearing licking.
It's my dog. Sorry, just against people are
listening they're. Like it was a cash.
Yeah, yeah. And people are like, why is that
noise? It's actually cute.
Little doggy has run into a, hasrun into the studio.

(47:59):
Umm, but so a couple of things there.
So the first thing I'd love to ask is that initial, so this was
before medically supported weight loss journeys were
really, eh, prevalent, as prevalent as they are now, I
guess. Umm, what when you, when you
said to your doctor about, you know, I need help.

(48:20):
Umm, how did the OK, the weight loss surgery, that was something
the doctor said to me before as well.
They said the only support I'm going to give you is bariatric
surgery. This was like like, eh, late
2000s, that was said to me, umm,or, or Lestat, which is Anacol,
which eh, and that as well, yeah.

(48:42):
How did the conversation about Ozempic gold, like were they
receptive to it? And also was it challenging back
then to try and get access to iteither even from the pharmacy or
stuff like that? Because obviously we know that
like last year in particular andlike there was a lot of talk
about Ozempic and access to it and stuff.
What was it like back then? So at the beginning it was, it
was grand. It was nothing like it is now.

(49:03):
Like when I went to a Zambic wasonly just very, very brand new.
No one really knew about it. Like I was one of the first few
people to go on for weight loss and it was great.
And then obviously as as time went on and as I started talking
about it, more and more and morepeople started coming out of the
woodwork, let's say it started going on the same journeys.
What kind of happened then was that's where the shortages came

(49:25):
from because everybody was usingazamic for weight loss.
There was no Majora Golby at thetime.
There was no, it was just like hands out on a Zambic for at
least a year. And the shortages were just in
saying you could not get this medication anywhere.
I had to travel from, I live in Dublin, in Doneri.
I had to travel down to Port Leash every single week just to
get my medication. So I had to drive all the way
down, which is an hour and a half, two hours, 50 year old

(49:46):
petrol there in back say every month and then buy my medication
as well. And like I was doing it because
I needed to do it and I got so much shit.
I got so much sick online from people saying, oh, this is huge,
you shouldn't be getting it for weight loss.
Pharmacists were saying to me, Iwas going in, what are you using
it for? Like I'd be like, I'm using it
for weight loss. Well, I can't give it to you
then. It's prescribed for me by a

(50:07):
medical professional. I, I spoke about this to a
couple of pharmacists online andin person.
And The thing is that they were given a directive from the HSE
not to, but, and that's all fine.
But the, the problem that I had with it was how they were
handling it, how their customer services skills went down the

(50:28):
fucking toilet. Yeah.
And they were so mean and so rude and so insensitive about
all of it. Instead of taking somebody aside
and saying, actually, do you know what?
We have a directive we're not allowed to give it out in.
And, and then going on to say, instead of saying that, umm,
absolutely not. Like what you just said, what
are you taking it for? What do you got so thick around

(50:49):
this time because you know, so many people were come up with
the diabetics need it more And Iwas like, OK, let me just give
you a little example here. Let me just do a little
comparison. You've type 2 diabetics, you
have type 2 diabetics that need Ozampic control their blood
sugar, but yet there's 75 other medications to treat type 2
diabetes. Then you have the weight loss
people who need this medication to control their weight.

(51:10):
If they don't have it, they're at risk of gaining weight.
Therefore they're at risk of relapsing back into their
medical condition. And that's here's another thing,
prevention is better than cure. I prevented myself from getting
type 2 diabetes by taking Ozempic for weight loss and
nobody could understand that at the time.
Everybody was calling for me left, right and centre and I
stood my ground and I was being that voice.
But but I get, I get where you're coming from actually IA

(51:33):
100% get where you're coming from.
And I do think again that it wasthe way it was handled.
It was told really, really badlysuch.
A brand new thing at the time. I think if this was to happen
now, it would be a totally different situation.
Nobody would have to face what we have to go through back in
the back then. Yeah, I think it would be a
totally different situation. But I also do think that as
well, it had a lot to do with stigma because I really, and

(51:54):
I've said this so many times andagain, I get so passionate to
talk about this. But if Ozempic was used to take,
take, take, take that, take type2 diabetes out of the equation
for a second, forget that Ozempic was ever used to treat
that. Say Ozempic was used to treat
something else other than obesity.
Say it was used to freeze psoriasis and skin condition.
None of this would have happened.
None of this would have happenedbecause there's such a horrible
stigma around weight loss or such judgment or sorry about

(52:16):
weight and obesity. There's such a judgment.
And even now when we're three years into talking about this,
when we've appeared on many radio shows, we've spoken to the
likes of you spoke to Cruddy, I've spoken with the clinical
lead HSE Donald Shane many, manytimes.
I've met him many, many times. He's publicly made and said from
the very beginning, obviously asa disease and it requires
treatment, treatment which is these weight loss medications in

(52:37):
certain people, those that have the antibiotic adaptation.
He appeared in Ireland AM, myself and Donald appeared in
Ireland AM in June of 2023. So it was just coming up to a
year of my anniversary and I'd lost a significant amount of
weight. And at the time there was a lot
of hate on it. There was a lot of people like,
no, no, no, this is not the way we should be doing things.
And so many people were coming. He sat down on on live TV and
said works. There's your, there's your proof

(52:59):
Ashley is sitting here after losing 7 stone or 8 stone in the
year. This is a very, it is a
revolutionary treatment for weight loss and it works.
Just look at her. And still, three years later, we
still have people come and say no, no, you shouldn't.
Be When did you? When were you on Ireland?
AM again? When did you say?
Period of 2023, so it was a yearafter I started.
Right, OK. And how much weight had you lost
in that first year was. Probably right.

(53:21):
Six or seven stone. It was halfway through like
because I lost 12 stone two years.
So I'd say it was a significant I must see if I find the
pictures from it and I send themto you.
But it was a significant amount that I'd lost and and the hate.
That you got then after appearing on that show, was it
monumental? Like, was it more than you've
ever had before or? You know, I've spoken a lot

(53:42):
about hate, but I haven't spokenabout the support.
Obviously the support I got was unreal.
This, you know, I've gotten so much support, but the hate that
I got, like people saying shame on her, she should be ashamed of
herself. Yeah, things have calmed down a
little bit now a little bit whenit comes to the judgment,
because a lot more people than ever are accepting of this.
A lot because the more people that like are like us and that

(54:02):
are using this medication and are showing the results and are
showing that we have this medical condition, the more and
public bodies, the more, you know, doctors that are coming
out, the more, more people are accepting of this.
And the more medications that are coming out, the more people
are accepting. But there is still a stigma and
there is still a lot of hate around this.
And this is something that we need in the weight loss
community to break because there's so many people out there

(54:23):
that are suffering because of this judgment and are afraid and
are so afraid just to make that one.
I would have found that myself because I was on Ozempic for
quite a while and now I've been on Monjaro for quite a while.
So the difference in the hate from being on Ozempic and being
on Monjaro is worlds, umm, apart.
Because I, I kind of felt when Iwas all, when I was on Ozempic

(54:44):
and I was sharing my story online, I always felt like every
word I put out there was going to have a judgment on it because
I was stealing medication from the diabetics.
But when I went on to Manjaro, Ifelt a bit freer and a bit, umm,
less muted because it was a weight loss medication as
opposed to a diabetic medication.

(55:06):
So we were both on the TV show The skinny Jab Revolution, umm,
with Katherine Thomas and one ofthe things I'd, I, I know at
that stage we can always be worried about how things are
going to come across and again, that judgment from people and

(55:27):
stuff like that. So how was that experience for
you in terms of, yeah, I guess what was shown or what bits you
might have been afraid of being shown or response to stuff for
bits and pieces like that? Yeah.
So I think we, I think I had talked to you about this just a
couple of like a couple of days before the child went out.
And I was chronically, I think Glenda, we talked about this as

(55:48):
well. And I was very, very anxious
because I'd filmed for this backin September of last year.
And I'd said all people have like how was she so tired?
Because it was in the summer. Like it was the end of September
of last year when we'd filmed September, October.
I think I've done 3, three days of filming in three different
locations. I remember doing the interview
part and a lot of it wasn't shown.
Well, a lot of it was shown likeof what I said, but I was

(56:10):
really, really, really worried because I'm a very, anyone that
knows me, like from social mediawill know that I'm a very open
and honest person. Like I, I would tell you the
color of my poo if I could. Like, you know what I mean?
Like I'm a very open and honest person.
I tell you know, and obviously what I talked about earlier when
I talked about in my 30s is not something I've ever spoken about
publicly. And it's not somewhere really
I'm going to online. It's different on a podcast.

(56:32):
You know what I mean? Yeah, that message has popped
up. Just threw me off.
Linda. Paddy's going to have so much
editing to do. Sorry, Paddy.
So no, I, I, no, no, we're goingto include this.
So Belinda has literally just put a, a message in the group
chat for the podcast saying I have to pee so bad.

(56:55):
Can I switch off my camera? Can I switch off the camera for
a moment? Belinda, you go do you?
Me and Ashley will keep having the chats.
See ya. But yeah, so we're talking about
like that that piece about what's going to be shown or the
fear what's going. To be shown so like a lot of
things I spoke about like and a lot of things like, you know, I
just can't remember how it came up.

(57:15):
One of the questions was, you know, are you are you a bit
maybe obsessed with with your weight loss or maybe you get
obsessed with it with exercising.
It was something like that and II explained how my chronic,
chronic fear and it's something that always brings tears to my
eyes and it's it's weight gain even as life's pain like even if
like say yesterday or 7 kilos today, I'm 70.5.
I'm like, how to fuck with her path keto.

(57:36):
I haven't it's water weight, it's hormones, it's it's being a
woman. It's not a weight gain.
It's impossible unless I was overeaten like 5000 calories
yesterday. Let me tell you, I haven't.
But it's just a fear that I'm living with that I'm still
living with two this day and I'll probably will for the rest
of my life. I, I was really like, and
especially the gym section whereI spoke about like how I weigh
myself four or five times a day and how, you know, I might quite

(57:58):
walk 30,000 steps a day just to try and maintain.
Well, I think what a lot of people don't understand about me
is that I have to keep up with my fitness.
You should, you probably agreed me as a personal trainer or as a
fitness person, you know, someone who has a degree or
qualification in this. You might like understand what
I'm saying with this. For me to maintain my weight,
just maintaining by eating the correct amount of calories and

(58:18):
using the medication is not enough for me.
I have to be active in order to maintain because if I don't, I'm
always going to think, OK, I didn't get 10,000 steps today.
I didn't get it. I didn't even get 5000.
I'm going to gain weight becauseI've because of anything that I
might be eating like even if I'min my calorie deficit.
And I know science based facts proves that if you're in your
maintenance calories, if you're in a certain amount of calories,

(58:39):
you're not going to gain weight because it's it's science.
But still in the back of my mind, I'm like, OK, well, I
haven't actually gone out and burned any calories tonight.
So therefore I've got to gain them calories.
Don't get me so that. Was always, eh, so, and that's
what I want to lean into then for a SEC is so tying in with I
guess the idea of maybe two teams there, one on closure and

(59:00):
the kind of mental, umm, the, the mental cost of when we would
hold on to things. And yeah.
So that idea of the mental cost that when we're holding on to
thoughts and feelings and and trauma of things.
And then maybe the mental side of the journey that we're all on

(59:22):
and trying to progress through as well.
One side of it is obviously the medication that all of us happen
to be on. Not everybody needs to be on
medication, obviously for weightloss, but we are, umm, another
part of that is the movement, which is really important, uh,
as well. But then I guess the other side
is that investment in the mentaldevelopment and growth and a

(59:42):
part of that journey as well. Is that something that you have
felt in a place to lean into yet?
And what I mean by that is like through things like therapy or
counselling to help get you to he help you feel OK if I'm not
going to get closure via AB or Cor if I'm not able to put my
mind at ease with with some of these things.
Where I currently AM that maybe this is a route that could help

(01:00:04):
support me. A lot of people have said that
to me lately, Not lately, but like I'm a very kind of although
I'm very, very open, I'm also a very close book in the sense of
like, God forgive me, but like if I've got something going on,
I don't tell my partner. He lately has to like fish out
of me. I wouldn't just sit down and
say, OK, this is how I'm feelingtoday.
This is what's in my head. I keep everything to myself.

(01:00:25):
Although I'm very open on socialmedia about other aspects when
it comes to things that are going on with me purse, you know
about how I'm feeling. Some stuff I will talk about,
but a lot of stuff like if you knew you'd be shocked.
Jesus Christ, you probably, you have to have care for yourself.
But you know, I did speak about this a little bit on the show
where about my, my fear, this big fear of, of regain is, is,

(01:00:46):
is consuming my life and it is. And even though I've done all
the hard work and even though I know what I need to do to keep
the hard work sustained, I'm still, I don't have that
closure. Like, you know, when you've lost
the weight, you know that part of that chapter should be
closed, as in you've lost the weight, you've done that part.
Now focus on the rest of your journey.
For me, that book is to that, that part of the journey.
That chapter is still fucking open and I can't close it.

(01:01:08):
And so many people did say to me, especially after the show,
like everyone came from me afterthe show saying I've got an
eating disorder. And that pissed me off so much
because I was trying to show theother side for weight loss.
And a lot of people don't see. And that's the fear, you know,
that a regain not being able to accept anybody and all the
psychological things. And so many people are like a
girl needs fucking therapy. Can I just interject there for
one second, what was shown on the show to give people the

(01:01:32):
impression that you had an eating disorder?
Because I never got that. I, I didn't, I didn't understand
where that came from. So it was.
And I'd remember, like, rememberparty, I'd said this to you the
day before. I was petrified about being the,
the synopsis. Yeah, yeah.
It was when we were doing the gym session and we were doing
the interview part. And we sat down and she was just
like, do you like, now be honest, like, how many times a

(01:01:55):
day do you weigh yourself? And I was like about four or
five times. And she was like a day.
And this is Captain Thomas, like.
And I was like, yeah, a day. I was like, I weigh myself first
thing in the morning, you know, like everybody does each throw.
And then maybe I'd have something to eat.
And then I get lunch time. I'd weigh myself again, just
make sure I hadn't gone up by too much because I've eaten.
And then I go out and I do all my steps or whatever.
And then I'd weigh myself again to see if that weight that I had
don't, that I had gone up because I've eaten had come down

(01:02:17):
because I don't all my exercise.And I didn't realize, like when
you're talking with a camera in an interview first show, you
don't think that your words are going to have that sort of
effect. That's not what I was getting
at. That's the impression I gave,
but that's not what it is. I was trying to show that what
being overweight has LED has left me with, that it's not just
weight like in so many people. And this one, I'm so passionate
and I get so emotional is because losing the weight is not

(01:02:39):
the end of the story. Maybe for maybe for some people
it is. Maybe for some people who didn't
get so badly deeply affected andhad their lives destroyed in
their 30s and being overweight is being a cause of one of you
know what I mean? As you know, being overweight
and and having those effects, people don't realize that what
you're left with when you lose the weight, it's not just, yeah,

(01:03:00):
I've lost the weight, my journey's over, I'm perfect now.
No, Well, not for me anyway. This is from a personal
experience. So and, and I get, and do you
think, and this is something probably for all of us because
like, I guess I, I was into Belinda this week about like I
know now I'm probably, I'm less than, I'd say, 2 stone away from

(01:03:21):
my maintenance kind of period, Iwould imagine.
But equally, I'm still only having flickers off when I look
in the mirror on, oh, there's a tenor person, you know.
But over the years, there has been periods of time through
some of the relationship of foodwhere I haven't, where I have
leaned in with therapy. One of the main parts that was

(01:03:47):
for binge eating back in maybe 2014, two, 1015, the, the kind
of the mental hold that food washaving me at that stage.
And not talking about food or anything like that.
I'm talking about that the mental, the psychological side
of the how episodes of, of binging was having on me was so
destructive and I couldn't find I, I felt like I was drowning.

(01:04:10):
I couldn't find a way out of that space.
And after sitting with it for a long time, I, umm, I, I get a
bit obsessive. Then when I decide, OK, I'm
going to meet with somebody, seeif I can find someone that is
maybe an expert in behaviour change, like an actual qualified
therapist or that. So like, I spent weeks then

(01:04:31):
reviewing all these different profiles of therapists and
websites and all this kind of stuff, and I eventually decided
on one that I thought I got goodvibes from.
OK, is is the best. I'll describe it.
And I was so cynical. I was like, this is going to be
just another fad. This is a waste of money.
Before I even went in, I was like, this is a waste.

(01:04:52):
I don't know why I'm doing this,but at least then I'll be able
to shut people up by saying at least I've tried this thing as
well. And the first session I went in,
I was like, you can ask whateveryou want to answer, like quite
different. Ask whatever, I'm open book, ask
whatever. And that was a defense mechanism
for me. Definitely I would have answered
anything, but it was definitely not from a place off.

(01:05:12):
Umm, I think my barrier being down, it was more so almost a
defense thing. So we did that and, and then
went through like a next sessionand, umm, they started, you
know, asking some of the problemquestions.
And I was like, why? Yeah, This is why, why, why?
What's going on here? This is uncomfortable.

(01:05:34):
But we had good conversation andI would have, I, I was emotional
wreck for like the rest of that day, maybe days after I was
thinking on things, but then they started giving me little
tasks to do, little things to dothat actually was reinforcing
some positive things. And I spoke with this in one
previous podcast as well, I think in season 1 at some point.

(01:05:55):
But like there was one session in particular where they're
like, I just probably just want you to tell yourself, you know,
you're awesome. Just tell yourself you're a good
person. Remember you telling me about
this? Yeah, yeah.
And like, and I sat there and I was like, what?
And I like the simplest thing, just tell yourself and there are
only words. And I sat there.
It could have been, I don't know, maybe 4 sessions in or
five. I can't remember many, but.
And I sat there and and I was there about 45 minutes not

(01:06:20):
saying a word. And she just held space, as
we'll say for me. And I was fitched in and you do
that thing where you go to say something like that and then
stop. And then I was just burst into
tears. And this was a cycle that was
happening. And either what is going on
here? I do not understand this.
And then at the end of the session, like, and not because

(01:06:43):
we were up against time and I was like, oh, this is going to
cost more. But the words came out and it
was like some release of energy had just been taken from my
mind, had been taken from my body, had been just, it's hard
to describe how it felt, but I'mguessing it's what effective

(01:07:03):
therapy can do when we're livingwith whatever it is that's in
our head. And it meant that the sessions
after that were, were, were, were very raw, but authentic and
impactful. And that was 2000 and let's say
fourteen, 2015. And to this day, I've never had
another episode of binge eating because it it, it, it, it, it,

(01:07:27):
it, it did the thing for me thatI couldn't do in terms of trying
to get that years of held shit that was in my head about that,
that was a trigger, umm, out andkind of dealt.
And that's why I guess I'm curious to see if that could be
something that could help with the closure side of things or

(01:07:48):
with the, yeah, I don't know what's kind of the headspace.
Yeah. And I will say as well that I
kind of went through that experience as well where the
scales was concerned, like yourself, Ashley, I was
absolutely, it was just a torture device for me for so
long. And it took me a whole year with

(01:08:11):
my health coach, whole 1213 sessions, 14 sessions with my
health coach Nikki to be able toget past that.
And I, I, I actually, it was thelast thing that I had dragging
me down. I know, I, I got rid of the food
noise and I got rid of the bingeing and the, you know, all

(01:08:32):
the crap that comes with it. And it was just the scales.
That was still the one controlling factor about, uh,
that was going to control my emotions and control what kind
of day I had and all the rest ofit.
And getting over the scales was one of my biggest, biggest
breakthroughs and I am forever grateful to her for it.
You know, she was amazing. And now I just don't weigh

(01:08:54):
myself anymore unless I'm in thegym and I'm doing an in body
scan. And that isn't even weighing
myself for me, that's to find out how my muscle mass is going,
how my umm, fat mass is going down.
It's just information. I'm not really bothered about
the, the number as I used to be because I know that I am doing

(01:09:15):
all the work. I'm doing all the good things
all the time now, so yeah. But that's that's the thing,
like Catherine said to me, and Ican't remember, it was
everything not in the interview.We were in the bathroom.
She was like, actually that weighing scales, it's just has a
number on it. That's yeah.
And I was like, yeah, but that'smy number.
And she goes, yeah, but why doesthat matter to you so much?
I just kind of looked her and I was like, oh, I don't know.

(01:09:36):
Because it doesn't define who you are.
It doesn't make you the person that you are.
It's nothing. It's just like you just said
information like I am getting better with this.
I do say like, I'm not gonna lie.
I just so weigh myself every day.
And sometimes that's. Can I just interject and ask how
did you find umm Catherine asking you those questions?
Do you think she was umm, do youthink she was supportive?

(01:09:59):
Do you think she was, you know, just trying to get out the
answer from you or how how did you find that conversation?
Umm, I find it really good the way she asked her questions.
She asked him in such a way likethat was, it wasn't just like,
you know, like an interview thing.
It was just like, you know, it was like, just like we're
talking. Conversation.
Yeah, it was. Just like a conversation like
between friends, it wasn't like forgot the camera was even there

(01:10:20):
most of the time. But when I gave her my answers
and sometimes she was a bit shocked by the answer, but she
incorporated that in such a way with her professionalism.
And she then asked me another question.
I'm found the basis of that answer.
But it was done in such a way that it was done with care and
compassion and it was done with real professionalism.
The only thing that I didn't know and that did shocked me was
obviously because I wasn't. It was her film in that part and

(01:10:42):
I was up in the apartment and she was outside was the part of
the show where after she's we'vedone the episode of the filming
in my house and she or my apartment and she's gone down to
her car and you hear her say, I can't believe this.
Like the this girl's life is completely consumed, like her
life has been taken over by her weight.
Like how this is no way to live.I obviously didn't know about
that part until it went to air. And I was just like, yeah.

(01:11:03):
And the reason I'm asking, the reason I'm asking you that
question is because I seen so much hate towards Katherine
Thomas just on that clip alone and I couldn't understand it.
Like I was there. Why?
Why is that? What I I thought that was a
really good part of the program like.

(01:11:23):
And that's where a lot of the eating disorder comments came
from because, you know, obviously Catherine is known for
Operation Transformation and we all know that Operation
Transformation got cancelled last year.
There was a lot of complaints and stuff.
And you know, a lot of people saw what he'd like an operation.
Have to remember, Operation Transformation was a different
era. It was, it was before everything
we know now. And a lot of people kind of come

(01:11:44):
for her for that. And then now she's doing another
thing to do it weight, a weight loss, you know, skinny job.
And obviously like the name I did say when it came out and I
was like, oh, that's not a great, but it is not.
It is. It's a hook.
It is what it is, Yeah. And it's and it's wash a lot of
people call them even. Yeah, my friends that are that

(01:12:05):
are, you know, I'm on whatever they do refer to it themselves
as the skinny job. So.
That's the thing, like and you know, everyone is is going to
kind of catch the name is going to catch and Evans down like I
am on those skinny jobs and it'slike, Oh my God, here we go.
But I think that's where a lot of the the eating disorder
comments came from. That was my original question.

(01:12:26):
Yeah. OK.
Yeah, that's where. Like a lot of it.
And I didn't think it was going to come from that scene.
I thought it was going to come from the gym scene where I talk
about weighing myself constantly.
But people saw real and honest and raw emotion really because
it was it was me weighing myself.
I have not made myself because Iwas told not to.
When I wasn't told not to, we decided not to weigh myself so
that we could get a real honest reaction of me weighing myself
after a couple of weeks for the show.

(01:12:47):
And so that's what I stuck to. And when I had seen that I'd
gone up by 5 kilos, when I tell you I'm, I'm sure the whole
nation heard my heartbreak at that point because it broke and
it was a really hard thing to gothrough.
And I kind of wish I had to weigh myself before the show,
before I'd filmed. So I kind of would have,
wouldn't have been so hurt. But anyway, it is what it is.
But I think that's where a lot of the eating disorder comments

(01:13:07):
came from because a lot of people were like, she's
devastated that she put on 5 kilos.
That's a warning sign. That's a red flag.
Then we have the gym scene whereI'm talking about where she's
asking me like to do I do I think that I'm maybe a bit, do I
use my fitness as a tool becauseI'm obsessed with maintaining my
weight. I'm obsessed.
We're not gaining weight. And that word obsessed is

(01:13:27):
another red flag because that word obsessed when you're
obsessed with something within weight, when you're obsessed
with food, it's either because you've got an eating disorder
like, you know, anorexia, or you've got an eating disorder
like binge, which are both, you know, so when people hear
obsession, food obsession working out, they're they're on
mouth eating disorder. You look anywhere on that.
If you see a clip anywhere online, you will see all the

(01:13:48):
comments. This girl has an eating
disorder. She needs to get help.
She's got an eat disorder. She's got a on her accent, she's
got this, she's got that, she's got our food, whatever.
And it's just like pissed the fuck off because you know what,
I work so seriously, I work so hard.
I work so hard to get where I amand I need to, I need to
celebrate that. I need to like be like, well
done, Ashley, you've done all the hard work.

(01:14:10):
And what I was trying to show bythat is to show that there's
more to a weight loss journey with these medications, with a
metabolic adaptation. There's more to just losing the
weight that you're left with. This thing.
I'm battling and on the daily, not gain weight, I'm battling on
the daily to make sure I'm getting, you know, and obviously
I'm battling with my health as well.
That's another side of things. And I can't get at the moment, I
can't get out and get stuff donewith my fitness.

(01:14:30):
And that's a really, that's really bad for me right now.
And it's not that I'm obsessed with, you know, and yeah, I do
track calories. Yeah, I do.
I'm not kind of light is I do pick up a piece of food and be
like, that has 600 calories. I can't eat that, not in one
sitting anyway. And I know like a lot of people
be like, that's a red flag for an Ed.
It's not. That's a green flag for making
sure that I never get back to the way I was.
And yeah, I do really, really hope that one day I'll be able

(01:14:52):
to like, oh God, I do hope one day I'll be able to wait to take
away for a meal and not be like,looking at the thing that I know
it's the least calories on the menu that I could just fucking
order the whole menu and not give a shit.
I really hope I get to that stage one day, but I'm not
there. There's millions of people in
the world that are living their life like that every single day
that are not on these weight loss medications.
They're not on a weight loss or medical weight loss journey, you
know, and I spent my whole life doing that.

(01:15:15):
What you're just talking about is I, I, you know, like I don't
know it. Never.
It is hard because it consumes you and it like Katherine was
white, which said it does consume me.
And you know, although the food noise is gone because I'm on
these medications, I don't thinkabout food.
Like what's it like 20? I haven't eaten yet and I'm not
even hungry. Like I probably won't eat night.
It was like later on this afternoon, I wasn't on those

(01:15:36):
medications. I probably would have had 1000
calories by night because easy now.
And like what a lot of people don't realize is that how hard
this journey is not just losing weight, but maintaining the
weight and the battle, psychological battle that you
have with yourself every single day of have I gained weight?
Am I, am I maintaining? Am I eating enough?
Am I eating too little? And it's just constant and it's

(01:15:56):
consuming. And a lot of people do not
understand this side to me. And a lot of people just want to
come and say, oh, she's a cheater or she's, you know,
she's now got this Ed. The main, the headline was
Ozampic has given Ashley an Ed. That's what everyone was saying
online at the time. And it was just another reason
why I kind of pulled back. And it was only a month ago.
It was only 5 weeks ago. This happens.
That's another reason why a lot of people might understand now

(01:16:18):
you have to listen to this, why I pulled back because that
affected me. That really affected me because
I was trying to be this person online, the Ozempic girl that
was known as it's a girl who lost like a 50% of her body
weight and she's inspirational and she's motivated and she's
gone back running and she's doing this and she's doing that
to actually the Olympic girl that Olympic gave an Ed to.
But that's not true. So keeping with that idea of

(01:16:41):
umm, I guess mental calmness or mental peace.
And when you are on the other side of your journey saying
you're in maybe that maintenanceor near maintenance or stuff
like that. What do you think will it take
for you to have peace in your mind to not be worrying about
say, the scales or not worrying about the calories or or even

(01:17:03):
just closure on other aspects oflife, what you think will help
there? Accepting how I look now, I
think is the biggest 1 and I think that's the problem.
I cannot accept how I look now because I don't see it.
I don't see what you see or Belinda sees or what Dylan sees
or what Chloe sees. I don't see it.
Well, even my best friend was like, actually like, you're
thinner than me. And I was always the thin one.
Like you're you're weigh less than me.

(01:17:23):
You look like you weigh less than me.
It's like I can see your collar on.
I can see your ribs. I can see your hip bone.
She's like, why are you gonna realize that?
Like, you've done this. So I'm just like, well, I see
fat there. I see fat there.
I see fat here. You know, when you think about
losing 12, So when you think, OK, oh, my, my stomach should be
gone and it's not, but it is. And all that I'm left with is
loose skin. And I can't accept that.
I, I still think like, I like, Ican grab that and I'm like, Oh

(01:17:45):
my God, that's all fat. But it's not.
It's just sleeps. Like that would have grabbed and
they told me like that's something like in relation
because like people just me, Oh,you know, oh, don't lose any
much more. Now I know I do have fat and
this is where I'm basing it on data from going for my DEXA
scans and stuff that I know likemy exact body fat percentage.
But if I know I will have skin, I know I will have loose skin.
But I guess in terms of do you think in terms of helping you

(01:18:10):
see what other people see, then I'm asking this through interest
from myself as well because I know I probably don't see, yeah,
I don't see what other people see when they look at me and I
still see that. Do you think though, is that
something that counselling or therapy could help to move to
that stage? I.
Think it's a big change in the mindset.

(01:18:31):
I think it's all in the mind. It's all psychological.
I think if other people can see the work that you've done and
concede the massive weight loss that you've had and could see
how healthy, happy and healthy and glowing you are, why can't
you? And the reason why you can't see
it is because you're for so long.
I'm talking about me personally,but son of third person, for so
long, for nearly two decades, I was this big fat person, this

(01:18:51):
big person who could never wear nice clothes because they, like,
I could never. You know, you guys have been
through it and I think that's all because I've spent so much
of my life like that and seeing that that now I'm in my head,
I'm like I've lost all the way. I know I've lost way.
I know my cloud like I know I'm slight small clothes now, which
is mind blowing. I know people are telling me I
look amazing. Tell me look great.

(01:19:12):
Photos of glow, why can't I see it?
And it's because my mind is still back for the last 20 years
and I need to break that cycle on is psychological.
I need to change that mindset. I need to start accepting it.
I don't know where that's going to be.
I don't know. Do you feel?
You're going to need help with that, Ashley.
No, I don't don't. Like, I know kind of where
you're going and you're saying, you know, like therapy and

(01:19:32):
counseling and stuff and and youknow, getting the right tools,
but it's not somewhere I'm there.
I'm not, it's not somewhere I'm,it's not a point.
I might, yes, I'm really, reallyhoping to avoid that.
Not so yeah, therapy is bad and it's just not, it's not for
everybody and I don't think it'sfor me.
And although I am very open and honest and, you know, although
I've been through some traumaticthings in my life that I very
rarely talk about, I'm a close. Have you ever?

(01:19:54):
Have you ever tried therapy before?
No. And I think, I think this is the
thing though, that everybody's journey will be different.
Everybody's will be different and it's important that folks
find the journey that is right for them and on the timeline
that's right for them. You know, and this is the thing
that it's not a case of one-size-fits-all and it's not a
case of, you know, or everybody needs to go and you know, work

(01:20:17):
with a personal trainer and workwith a registered dietician.
As much as a huge fan I am of ofparticularly the registered
dietician part. Or that everybody should be
going to get hurt because everybody's lived experience is
going to be different. Everybody's steps to progress is
going to be different and I think it's about a part, a big
part of it, I guess is about therealization of where we are and

(01:20:41):
maybe sitting with that for a time to identify, right.
Well, what is the next step forward for us and what will
that look like for us? Um, like, I don't know if I'll
go, go to therapy to help my mind catch up.
I think, I think where I am now,they're increasingly I'm seeing
little parts throughout the weekand I, I, I'm calling them
glimmers because I like, I love this word glimmers that I found

(01:21:03):
out recently whereby there's little things that can happen
throughout the day that maybe catch you off guard or they just
make you smile or does it just make you go, Oh, when you see.
The changes. Yeah.
And that, that's one side of it I like.
That was one for me two weeks ago and it was one of the first
ones when I was in like like a stretching class in the gym and
I was right beside the mirror and whatever way I look like it

(01:21:26):
caught me by surprise, Ashley, Like I I was in there doing like
whatever stretch we were doing and I just looked to the right
and I was like, Oh, I'm not I I swear to God, in my mind I went,
who's that? And as.
Fuck, I found you. Yeah, that's me.
And then I. Need.
That's what you need to see how the journey is, that you need

(01:21:46):
that Chuck value to let it sink in.
Yes, so I now go by the mirror every time in that class now, so
I do is that I I'm kind of trying to reinforce that's one
of the little things that I started doing to try and help my
mind. I guess with that is, as I say,
even before we started recording, eh here and it was I
was standing up and I was comingback over and I stood to the

(01:22:07):
side and I was like patting myself down.
I was like, oh suck I look I. Look, and I said to you, what
are you doing? What are you doing?
And. I was like, I'm just like.
Taking myself out. Yeah, it's like, I just, yeah,
it's just, it's it's mad. So I think yeah.
And thank you for being sponsor that because I, I, I, I do love
the insights of where people's head is at and what they see

(01:22:28):
their future maybe being or, or where there are in their journey
or. After such a dramatic change as
well, because yours is the most dramatic.
Yeah, like that's 50% of your body lost 60.
Percent yeah 12 stone like the thing about me like I was 22
stone when I started and I got 12 stone yeah 50% like the thing

(01:22:48):
about me and I know it's silly but especially being on social
media it's like I'm very like people, not people please.
They were very like a care what people think about me, even
though strangers. And I think like, obviously I
love all the sport that I get because it's, it's overwhelmed.
But when I get hate, like I kindof feel like I retreat back into
myself. And obviously I did get a lot of
hate after the show. Kind of a reason why I've been
kind of Mia for the last while. I just decided, you know, look

(01:23:10):
after yourself, always look after #1 if something doesn't
feel right, then just take a break from it.
Like, and it's not that I didn'tfeel right, but it was just, I
find it hard. I wanted to get, I've always
wanted when I shared this journey to be that person, you
know, the Ozempic girl got lost all this weight.
If I can do it, you can do it. You can do it.
You put your point to. And that's what I became.
And that's kind of what what I wanted.
And then all the hate where people were coming from saying I

(01:23:31):
have an Ed and I'm spreading these rumors actually has an OD
from weight loss medication tookaway from what I originally was
supposed to be. And that was a really hard thing
for me to accept because I was really afraid.
Like even on stories, even post a real where like, and it was
talking about my weight loss where people are going to be
like, Oh yeah, but you got an Edas well.
Like I didn't. But that's what people think.
And you can't change people's, you know, when people have a
thought in their head and they go with that, you can't change

(01:23:53):
the way they think. You know, it's spread, it's
spread, it's spread. And I just didn't want to be
that person. I wanted to be the original
person. So I'm trying to bring that
person back. But people have their own
opinions and you can't. Do control of the narrative of
people's brains. You can't run.
And the other thing I'd say is that in our heads, when we're in
social media, we look at stuff. Firstly, it'll a lot of the time
it'll be those negative voices can seem the loudest because

(01:24:14):
they're the ones that have a bigger reaction with us.
But like you're say, even if just like I, I don't like
leaning on like, say numbers as a thing.
But if you look at say you're nearly a 10,000 followers,
right? So say, say even I, I, I saving
you got 100 comments, right? Say you got 100 comments right
from people that were like not positive, right?

(01:24:37):
There's still over 9000 people there that are not being
negative about you and that are still, and I was sending this to
Belinda recently. We were talking just about
Instagram and, and some of the crap that was on there in the
back end when you're a content creator with meta and stuff like
that and reach and stuff like that.
I was saying, but remember you still have a huge, the majority,
90 percent, 99% of the people who are following you are still

(01:24:59):
following you because of why they started following you and
because they support you and because they love you and
because they want to see you succeed and they have that
interest. You'll have that small portion
that are following you because they hate you.
There's nothing else to do. They want to see you fail.
But they're the ones now that I use as ammunition, like, all
right, not leave a comment. I'll use I'll use it for
content. Yeah, but but I think it is
about in our mind. I think coming back to something

(01:25:22):
Belinda mentioned a good word called that idea of like metal
Robins and let them eh, I, I, I do think that is definitely
something and that is a useful mindset in terms of online and
particularly those people that you know might be negative.
Fuck them. Let them do whatever makes them
fucking happy. Like, but don't forget that you
still have the majority of your following and your people online
who look up to you, who are inspired by you, who do get and

(01:25:47):
who are their story exactly, Yeah.
There for you, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Don't let them. I know.
Don't let the minority of negative voices rule out the
majority of inspiration and the people that are there with you.
I think sometimes you have to get minded because like when
you're getting so much hate, like and it affects you
personally, I think you kind of forget that other part of it,

(01:26:08):
like for everyone hate, like foreveryone hate comments.
You probably have 100 positive comments and you have to look at
like the fact that you've I've gone so many people, you know,
and I'm so like to anyone's listis this.
I do apologize wholeheartedly. I'm really bad at replying to
the end. I'm so sorry.
They always go into my request and I never see them.
God forgive me. I'm so sorry.
I will get better and I promise and but so many people would

(01:26:29):
message me on the daily like andjust like you look amazing.
We're fantastic, you know, just like messages and support and
things like that. And you have to just remember
that, like a hate comes from someone who's in a very happy
place themselves, someone who's got their own issues on.
They're taking online because they hurt people hurt.
They can hurt PE. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? You know, you don't have to face

(01:26:50):
a confrontation because you're doing it behind a keyboard.
It's not as if you. The reason why you wouldn't,
like, Patty was saying no, the reason why you wouldn't get that
hate comment to something you saw on the street because you're
not going to do it on their face.
You're going to do it from behind the screen or behind a
keyboard where they can't see you and they can't start a
confrontation with you. Yeah.
So if we think to the future andif we think to actually, I just

(01:27:13):
want to touch on as well. It was phenomenal to see you
recently did a collaboration with a brand for your love of
running. We haven't touched on your love
of running and how much you do that, which is phenomenal,
tickly like. Congratulations on that.
Ashley was amazing. I loved seeing it and I loved
that they included you because Isaw some of the other campaign
and stuff like that as well. And again, that for me was great

(01:27:34):
to see. Here's a brand that's
recognizing somebody that, yes, has had a journey, but that also
is a legitimate person in the world of fitness in this aspect
of running. And I think that's something
that, you know, I hope you celebrate it too because, umm,
that was really, really brilliant to see as well as too.
It was a huge, huge, huge retreatment from my journey like
to go from being a morbidly obese to losing all the way to

(01:27:56):
getting back running, to bring in the running back into my life
at 38 or 37 whenever I start gotwent back into it to be training
for half marathons and mini marathons and runs to them being
recognized by a huge brand, which is a huge brand in Ireland
for the running community. Everybody knows who they are and
to do film with them. It was just, I think, I think on
top of the phenomena. Yeah, and I was brilliant.

(01:28:18):
Well done. What is the future for us to
address for? Me is, I don't even know.
I just take every day as it comes planned goals wise.
You know, I've got the mini marathon 1st of June.
That's the plan. I have my procedure now on 21st
of May. So when I have that done, my
health is going to be back 100%.Going to be clear.
I've got the all clear. I'm great, delighted with life.
It's been a long two years of myhealth and it's just a run, run,

(01:28:40):
run. Like it's just true.
Like I would like to kind of do some kind of like fundraising
concerts, very, very big. It's a very big thing in my
family. I lost my uncle there at 9 years
was 10 years, nine years ago this February just gone.
And he literally got diagnosed on Christmas Eve when he was
gone on the 20th of February. He was a massive, massive,
massive part of my life. And something that gets me very,
very emotional and I talk about him or I think about him is the

(01:29:03):
fact that like he was my best friend.
He was the type of code uncle where he'd bring you a drinking
like when you're 17. Do you know what I mean?
To be a fag, give you a friend and he did and like I came from
a like, you know, not a very strict family, but like there
was no underage drinking right like that.
We didn't go drink in the fieldsand get caught.
You know, the usual when you're younger.
But I remember when I was 17, hewas already originally like
they're from Glasgow, but he moved to Brighton.

(01:29:25):
He spent like he had his kids over there.
He spent up most was life over there, but he'd come over every
so often. We'd be down in the club and
dog, you drink and he's probablywon't know because you're not
people will know what I'm talking about.
And I remember we went down one day and it was 7 of 17.
And he was like, here, what the fuck is that you're giving us
and over no money. 17 years. Yeah.
Don't tell your mom because he'smy mom's brother.
And I was like, OK, And he was smoking yet?

(01:29:47):
And I was like, yeah, don't tellyour mom.
Here, have a smoke with me. And I just remember because it
was like the cool older brother,uncle kind of thing.
And he was always a big, big part of my life, like, and he'd
ring me every Saturday and he'd be like, how's my favorite
niece? Now I have 11 uncles, aunties
and uncles on my mom's side, thefamily and on my dad's side, a
lot of them are gone now, but huge, huge family.
And I remember we lost him like it was it was probably one of

(01:30:10):
the worst things I've ever gone to and I lost a lot of my
family, but him especially killed me.
And I often wonder like when I think about him like he didn't
get to see me do all this. He didn't get to see me lose all
the way. He didn't get to see me do so
well with social media. He didn't get to see me raise my
daughter and be a great mom and be a great single mom without
I've raised her singly for 16 years because I'm not married to
take me in the eyes a lot of a single mom.

(01:30:31):
You know he didn't get to see medo a lot of things and I often
wonder why he would think so forme because he died a concert my
best friend mom my best friend Robin.
Her mom died 10 years ago of concert.
And that, again, was one of the most dramatic things I've ever
been through. And always, you know, she was
like a mum to me. And so I kind of want to do
something to kind of honor them.So like, I don't know, is it
going to be, like, running 100 kilometers in a month or running

(01:30:53):
a, you know, something? I just need to, I don't know,
it's something I need to think about.
I need to do something really big.
Yeah. To celebrate them, but also to
maybe raise some money for the Irish concerts.
And you, you're in the best position possible now to do
that, you know? I just want to do something to
especially honor my Uncle Amon because he was such a massive
part of my life. He was my best friend.
He was everything to me. And then obviously my best

(01:31:15):
friend's mom, Catherine. I just wanted to I do something
about them because they're both very big parts of my life and
they're no longer here and I just know that if they were
here, they'd be so proud of. It can I ask you one question,
Ashley if. You.
Could do one thing differently in your journey so far.
Umm, what would it be? Wow, looking back.
Over the past few years and the toll 12 stone loss, what would

(01:31:37):
you've done differently if you were starting out again today?
I would have no regrets. Umm, I would not put so much
pressure on myself to be something that everybody thinks
I should be. I, you know, a lot of the time I
was like, OK, I should be losingthis amount every week.
I should be losing that amount every week.
Go with the flow, go with your body.
Do not put any. I would not put so much pressure

(01:31:58):
on myself if it took me 6 years to lose the toilet stone.
It doesn't matter. He lost it.
And I think what I would do definitely as well would I
probably would, I would have still posted about it, but I
don't think I would have been somaybe honest about it because I
think I was too honest. And I think when I was too
honest, I think a lot of people thought that that was an
opportunity for them to be in mylife and say their things.

(01:32:19):
And you know, maybe like I wouldhave still been honest about the
side effects and all that. But certain aspects of it.
I don't think I should have keptto myself because I've really
opened the door for people to belike, well, we know, you know,
you can say would you like we like about you and we can come
for you. But yeah, just to have no
regrets. And I don't have any regrets.
And if anyone wants to know any aspect of my journey or if
anyone is like, oh, you should talk about this.
Like that's another thing I'm struggling with the moment is

(01:32:40):
what to talk about because everybody knows my story.
And that's something everyone says to me when I go to PR on TV
or we don't know if you want to use you because everyone knows
about you. Everyone knows your story.
And like when it comes to like content, it's like, what's my
post about? Because everyone knows about
before and after. Everyone knows just.
Post about your daily life. That's it, that's all you can
do. You know, you're living the life
like you are still in this journey and.
It's probably going to be a lifelonger.

(01:33:01):
Because I have that thought as well.
Like I'm 2 1/2 years over 2 1/2 years into it now.
I'm not, I'm not at my goal weight yet, but it's it's close,
you know? But then you're your story
changes to maintaining on weightloss medication rather than
being in a fat loss phase, you know, So you just have to keep

(01:33:22):
evolving. Your content has to keep
evolving what? Through your own story, you
know? Yeah.
Well, that's like, and I'm also trying to bring it, like I'm
trying to bring something else to social media as well, and not
just be about Ozempic and about everybody knows me for that.
But yeah, who knows the real Ashley, who knows her real love
and her real interest in life? Nobody.
Because they don't talk about it.
Yeah, to understand that one of my biggest passions in life is

(01:33:45):
running. And it's because I love running.
It's just something I love and I've always looked at, but it
was such a long period of my life where I couldn't do it.
And I never want to go through that.
I never want anything to get in my way of achieving my goals in
life or achieving something thatI want to do.
But I just want to break like another part of me to social
media, maybe a part that people haven't seen before.
So I suppose that's what I'm going to do over the next six

(01:34:05):
months of my running and just bring.
And that's what you're passionate about?
That's it, yeah. Yeah.
So just. Keep that going.
Cool. Well, Ashley, thank you so much
for joining us. Thank you.
Brilliant. Really, really, really
appreciate it. Umm, I say something that we
have tried for a long time, eh to kind of pinned in and we got
this date booked in the diary literally in the diary like

(01:34:26):
weeks ago, right? We're keeping it and you know,
they send reminders to each other to make sure that we
remembered that it was. Well, that's a lie.
It's just me. You're everybody was reminding.
It's an absolute lie. I was over in the library half
an hour before this and I got a notification, say you have a
podcast in half an hour and I went, oh, I better go home then.
And this is after a reminder this morning already.

(01:34:47):
Ashley, you are a hugely inspirational person.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights.
If people want to find you on Instagram, where do they go?
Ashley O'Driscoll under score ismy Instagram name.
Cool. And any other any other
platforms I think are using at the moment.
No, I don't use TikTok anymore or just yeah now any Instagram

(01:35:10):
at the moment and then if anyonewants to check out my podcast,
it's on Spotify. I wasn't picking me.
Cool, okay, we'll bring it back.I promise it's coming back soon.
Thank you so much for coming on.That was absolutely brilliant
and we're so proud of you. So we really are.
None of this conversation shouldbe taken as medical advice for

(01:35:31):
you. Before starting or changing any
medical or Wellness treatment, always consult your GP and
medical care team.

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