April 9, 2025 • 25 mins
This episode challenges the common belief that physical fitness should be our primary focus, suggesting instead that our emotional management skills might be the true key to a fulfilling life. What if emotional tranquility is actually more valuable than physical health?
Drawing from wisdom gathered from mentors and thought leaders across health, wellness, and entrepreneurship fields, I share a practical four-step approach to managing emotional states that has transformed my own life. You'll learn how to acknowledge stress without judgment, validate your feelings, identify contributing factors, and—most crucially—separate what you can control from what you can't.
The episode reveals the fundamental difference between stress (which comes from inaction and lack of clarity) and anxiety (which stems from fear about future challenges). This distinction alone can dramatically change how you approach emotional turbulence in your life. I apply these principles directly to fitness and wellness goals, showing how the same emotional management techniques can help you maintain consistency with exercise and nutrition.
Perhaps most importantly, this episode emphasizes that consistency matters more than perfection. It takes roughly 20 hours of focused effort to build momentum in any area—whether emotional regulation, fitness, or any other life skill. Rather than waiting years to start those 20 hours or abandoning your efforts after small setbacks, you'll learn how to maintain perspective and keep moving forward.
Reflect on these ideas and discover how they might help you create more stability and joy across all dimensions of your existence. What emotional management strategies have worked for you? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you're a driven, active person who wants to reach
and pursue a higher qualitylife with some ambition, then
guess what this podcast is foryou.
This is the Driven AthletePodcast.
This is a really interestingtopic to me.
By no means am I an expert andthis is not my field, right, but
it's just something that I'mreally interested in, that I
(00:22):
feel like I wanted to continueto practice my own life and uh,
uh, see how it can reallybenefit stability, all right.
So the thought would being like, with what I've heard from a
lot of mentors and a lot of wiseindividuals and other uh,
thought leaders and the industryof health, wellness, fitness,
entrepreneurship, the industryof health, wellness, fitness,
(00:45):
entrepreneurship, management,whatever is emotional management
.
It's not like suppressing oravoiding emotions, but or
controlling your emotions.
It's just management, because Ifeel like I mean, as my own
life experience and people I'vetalked with and things that I've
heard from mentors and experts,if emotions come and go and
they're always going to happen,we're emotional beings, right.
(01:06):
So it's not like emotionsaren't going to happen or that
they shouldn't happen, becausewe have to validate to ourselves
, like yo, it's okay to feelstressed, sometimes right and
anxious, but it's justmanagement, manage the
rollercoaster, and if we canmanage the rollercoaster in an
appropriate way, that's not hugevalleys and huge peaks, right?
(01:27):
If you ever met people and byno means am I perfect but times
of like flying off the handle,right, this person always flies
off the handle, or they're justlike super volatile with their
emotions and they can't handle alot of things out of system
that are unforeseen.
I'm like, all right, let mereflect on that and be aware of
(01:48):
my own, and then how can I applyto myself?
Right, I just think it's veryinteresting.
So, with that being said, theother thing that I've heard from
mentors first, the mostimportant thing is just knowing
yourself, and I'm like, allright, well, what does that mean
?
Right, yourself, and I'm likeall right, well, what does that
mean?
Right, knowing how you handlethings, the lens in which you
(02:09):
perceive the world and typicallyhow you react to stuff.
Right, so, knowing yourself sothat you can set yourself up for
successful expectations of howyou might handle stuff as it
comes and goes, right, orengaging with people and
conversations and stuff, right,or engaging with people and
conversations and stuff.
And then, followed by thatwould be efforts to just manage
(02:29):
emotions, emotional management,all right, and the reason why
this is important, I think, isbecause I used to think that
physical health, physicalwellbeing, was the most
important thing in life, likethe most valuable thing, which
I've actually had secondthoughts on that.
I think mental health andemotional regulation, mental
(02:51):
tranquility, emotionaltranquility is probably is the
most important thing, right,because there's been plenty of
people that don't have goodphysical health but they would
suggest and say that they're ina really good, joyful place in
their life.
So I'm like man that makestotal sense.
Or, on the opposite end, peoplethat are struggling in tough
situations in their life.
(03:12):
Right, there's a tough walk oflife that they're currently in
and there's a lot of emotionalturmoil.
Just, constant emotionalturmoil is absolutely rough,
right, it's terrible, it'sdebilitating, like you can't,
it's just, it's hard to livelife like that.
So I'm like man.
(03:32):
I'm going to apply that tomyself.
So what if we can takepurposeful action for solid
emotional management, foremotional tranquility and solid
mental health state, and then,in addition to that, play roles
of taking action and physicalhealth?
You can do both, right, itwould be awesome like physically
healthy, but also like beemotionally in a solid, joyful,
(03:53):
tranquil, not tumultuous spot.
Of course it's not going tohappen day to day, every day and
actually we need struggle andwe need suffering.
That's my opinion, because thatultimately leads to when you
don't have struggle and when youdon't have emotional challenges
(04:14):
and stress and suffering, youappreciate it more.
There's more of an availableopenness for gratitude because
you've been there and you're thespots.
Imagine if somebody lived asuper chill life and never had
any stress, never had struggleand never had any suffering.
Would that be good?
(04:35):
We've seen that.
I've seen that before.
People that have grown up insuper, usually materially
wealthy environments and they'venever had to struggle or
develop any kind of grit orpatience or gratitude.
They don't have any gratitude,they're just not available.
They don't know otherwise.
I'm not making fun of them orbashing anybody, I'm just saying
(04:57):
they don't know otherwise.
Another analogy with that ispeople who live up north, like
in Minnesota.
The winters there are freakingbrutal.
Dude, I don't want to live there, but when spring comes around
in May, sometimes June, which iscrazy it's absolute elation.
It's an elation.
(05:17):
People are outside and like, ohmy gosh, this is amazing,
whereas here in sunny SouthFlorida, like we have two
seasons we have hot and then wehave like mildly warm, you know
like occasionally chilly, youknow what I mean?
Um, so we it's hard toappreciate warm, sunny weather
consistently If you've allalways grown up in it and lived
(05:40):
in it.
Where people who move here fromthe North are like this is
amazing.
People who grew up here andlived here in South Florida
they're like, oh, I can't waitto go up and see the seasons and
snow and stuff like that.
And I was like what do you mean?
Right, talk the opposite.
But anyway, with all that beingsaid, like we do need stress.
We do need stress and struggleand suffering.
That ultimately helps withgratitude and appreciation and
(06:01):
perspective on other things,which that's just my opinion,
but anyway, so, with all thatbeing said, like going back to
what I was talking about and thetopic of this emotional
management and knowing yourselffirst, all right, that's the key
.
So some thoughts I've had withthat.
If somebody is here's what I'veheard from experts and other
thought leaders on this thatI've taken my own practice and I
(06:23):
just like this.
I just wanted to share it withyou guys.
I'm not preaching or tellingwhat to do, I'm just saying like
this has worked for me and Ithink it's cool and I'm going to
share it.
Of course, stress and anxietyhappens and the first step that
I've found help with myself is Iraise my hand and I'll verbally
say out loud I'm in the car, myoffice, whatever, I am stressed
(06:45):
, I'm stressed right, or I'manxious right now.
I'm battling anxiety right now.
Say it out loud, right.
It helps to validate andappreciate that it's real,
versus trying to suppress andimagine and pretend like it's
not happening, right, that's notgoing to help anything.
And then the second step is sayout loud that's okay, it's okay
(07:08):
to be stressed.
Stress happens.
Everybody gets stressed, right.
If we weren't living stressed,we're not humans, all right, so
it's totally fine.
We can validate yo, it's okayand it's a normal, natural thing
to feel stressed on occasions.
It's totally fine, so it's okaythat you're stressed.
Oh, okay, good.
Now set third step let's reflectwhy.
What factors are leading to mefeeling this stressful state or
(07:31):
this anxiety state.
Stress and anxiety aredifferent, by the way we're
going to talk about.
Mention my own thoughts on thisthat I've heard from people in
a sec and a little bit.
But third step reflect whatfactors are leading to me
feeling stressed right now.
We'll start naming them off,right, physically, you can write
them down, right, or at leastverbally say them out loud.
(07:52):
Well, I have this going on in myhouse.
I have this project that'sgoing on.
These people aren't gettingback to me, um, my kids, uh, are
making a huge mess in thekitchen, right, and they're
throwing flour and riceeverywhere.
I have these to-do lists to doat work and I have a deadline
with this.
I got to write these emails.
I'm on my way to an appointmentand I might be late because
(08:13):
there's a traffic light.
There's traffic lights.
I might hit a train.
I'm like what if I get in anaccident on the way, right All.
I'm like what if I get in anaccident all the way?
Right, all these lists andfactors, right, there's a lot,
usually.
There's a lot, right, a lot ofmoving parts, like maybe
contributing to a stressfulstate.
That's all adding up andbuilding up.
So, step one I feel stressed.
Step two that's okay, becauseeverybody gets stressed.
(08:33):
You're allowed to get stressed,actually, with what you have
going on, being stressed istotally appropriate, right, it
makes sense, all right, cool.
Step three what are the factorsleading me to feel this way?
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,boom, boom.
All right, let's look at thislist Immediately, identify what
things can you control and whatthings can you not control.
I can't control my kids throwingat least I don't want to.
(08:56):
I don't want to control my kidsthrowing rice and flour.
I want them to be playful andactive and enjoy a fun life and
not be under micromanagement allthe time because of my emotions
.
By the way, I don't want that.
I don't want my home life to belike that.
So I can't control my kids'emotions and I can't control
their actions.
So I'm going to cross that offthe list.
(09:18):
I can't control traffic lightsif I'm late, I can't.
So I'm going to cross off thetraffic light off the list.
That's causing me stress.
I'm going to cross that off.
Can I cross off the trainschedule if I hit a train on the
way with the traffic?
Can't control that either.
Right, I can't control theweather.
I can't control the emotions ofwhoever I have my appointment
with.
Let's say, I have to have ahard conversation with a
significant other or spouse.
(09:39):
Can I control their emotionalreactions?
No, so I'm going to have tocross that off the list too.
But I need to have this hardconversation where like hey, I
don't know if you knew, but Ifelt this way when we talked
like this, whatever.
So I'm going to immediatelycross off the list.
I can't control their emotionalreactions, right?
If the doctor I'm going to seefor an appointment has an
attitude and poor bedside manner, I can't control that either,
(09:59):
but that added to my stress.
It was like a frustratingtotally understandable to be
frustrated at that, but I can'tcontrol that person's emotions,
so I have to cross that off thelist.
So on this list, I have thingscrossed off and things that are
still not crossed off.
So I'm crossing off the thingsI can't control.
The things that are remainingare things I can control, all
right.
Next step let's prioritize Ofthose things that are remaining
(10:22):
that I can control.
That it will help with tacklingthis stressful and anxious
state that I'm currently in.
What's the heaviest hitter?
What's the one that's going tobe the most impactful and going
to move the needle the best?
That's the priority.
So we're going to prioritizewhat things are most important
and prioritize the things thatare not prioritized, the things
that are not quite as important.
(10:43):
Right, like there's a mess onthe floor at home from the rice
and flour that my kids arethrowing around because they
were helping us cook, which issupposed to be a fun bonding
experience, right?
But it's one more thing in mylist I got to do to clean up
when they go to bed.
I'm like darn it and I'm goingto be late to go to bed.
I'm going to have to stay uplater to clean.
Just one more thing, right?
Well, I can't control theiremotions.
(11:05):
I can't control their actions.
I can't control their emotions.
Let me reflect, then, on that iscausing me stressed, like I
have to clean up.
Let me reflect why am I doingthat in the first place?
Well, it's because I want tohave a cool, fun, warm, engaging
bonding environment with mychildren at home, and I know
they're not going to be thereforever, right, so I'm
(11:26):
reflecting on that.
Oh, that's okay, that's whythat's happening, right, and I
would rather have that andhealthy kids than maybe the
opposite, right?
So at least there's somegratitude with that and it's
making me feel better.
Let me reflect on why, right, Ihave to write, have a deadline
with these projects at work, Ihave these emails.
I got to write, I got to havethis hard conversation with
so-and-so, whatever, right,what's the top priority and
(11:49):
start.
What actions, then, would bethe best ones to chip away, like
?
What action plans would be thebest strategies to chip away at
those controllable actions andlists that you need to do?
The items on the list, right?
So I have a priority of theselists and I'm writing an action
(12:09):
plan for the first one, that'sthe highest priority.
What would make this situationbetter?
I have a deadline for thisproject at work, right?
Or school or like whatever.
What would be the action planto take steps forward in
finishing this, right?
Well, I need to write anoutline.
Okay, let's write an outline,right?
And then I need to formulatethe next step with that whatever
(12:32):
, right?
So I have a list of actionplans of how I can chip away at
the heaviest hitting prioritytask and the next priority, same
thing, right?
So that I'm just chipping awaya little bit at a time on the
controllable factors that aregoing to help eliminate all the
stress, stressing factors thatcontribute to this emotional
(12:54):
state, right?
That seems to be the best waythat I've found to help remedy
that situation.
All right, the hardest partabout that is first identifying
and just recognizing andappreciating the ones that you
can't control.
Can't control the weather,can't control other people's
emotions, can't control otherpeople's reactions.
(13:15):
I can't control his trafficlights.
I can't control the doctor'semotional state if they don't
have good bedside manners.
Being a jerk, I can't controlthe train schedule, all that
stuff.
Right, identifying what you canand can't control, I think, and
then start working on things youcan.
I think that's going to be agame changer.
So this has really just helpedme, right, because if something
(13:38):
else I heard from mentors andstuff, it's like as we gain more
responsibilities and stuff andthings pile on, stress and
responsibilities don't lessenover time.
Right, you got kids, you got abusiness, you got to practice,
you got management at work thatyou got to work on.
You have all these things addup, things and stress and things
(14:03):
you need to tackle andresponsibilities they don't
lessen, they actually increaseand worsen.
But if we want to, we can justbecome better at managing and
handling it, which at the end,at the end, being like what
version of yourself do you wantto be?
You're going to be a betterversion of a gritty, resourceful
, well-emotionally managedindividual that can handle a lot
(14:25):
of moving parts at once and notfly off the handle or just like
lose it.
Right, and these strategieshave really helped me with that.
That's what I'm sharing withyou guys.
I think another thing that I hadheard from experts right, this
is not me, this is experts thatI'm sharing there's a difference
between stress and anxiety.
Stress usually comes from a lotof things that are piling up
(14:51):
and inaction, not taking action,usually leads to stress.
I have, like, all these thingsI need to do, and stress usually
comes from inaction and nottaking steps forward, usually
from a lack of clarity, and theclarity comes from these lists I
was talking about before.
Well, what things can I control?
What things can I not control?
It helps to minimize the listand the things I can control,
(15:14):
prioritize what's the mostimportant.
All right, this is the toppriority.
This is the biggest hitter.
It's going to move the needlethe most.
It's the top priority right now, if it's time dependent, or
just the biggest, heaviesthitter.
And then take action steps andbreak that down.
Okay, imagine if I was an expertat tackling this task.
What do you think an expertwould do?
Well, probably make an outline.
Probably would do this,probably would do that, and then
(15:35):
start making a list of actionplans, right to tackle that top
priority.
Right.
It helps to minimize thismountain that a person feels
like they need to climb totackle that task right.
And you multiply that by like15 tasks that's a lot and it
gets super overwhelming, right.
So constantly feelingoverwhelmed and adding things to
the plate that are piling upthat you can't Right.
(15:57):
So, constantly feelingoverwhelmed and adding things to
the plate that are piling upthat you can't manage, and the
stress usually comes from nottaking action.
Where I know personally, if Ihave a lot of those things going
on, if I feel like I'm takingsteps forward and chipping away
a little bit at a time, liketaking one bite of this massive
elephant, one bite at a time, Ifeel a lot better.
I know I'm making progressforward.
(16:18):
I'm like tackling whatever'simportant right now the task
wise, right, responsibilities sotaking action a little bit, it
just makes me feel a lot better,like, okay, we're making steps
forward Cool.
Whereas stress piles up frominaction and not actually taking
action on them.
Whereas anxiety is future-based, as in as things come about, as
(16:40):
future potential problems arisethat haven't even come yet, but
I imagine these problems aregoing to come about and come
towards me.
I won't be able to handle them,so I'm not going to be able to
handle future problems as theycome about, as they arise.
I can't handle them.
The thought of that is whatleads to anxiety.
That is anxiety.
So that stress or that anxietypiles up.
(17:01):
It's like, well, what if mykids don't do well with this?
And then what if this happens?
And then what if this happens?
All these things that comeabout that we're imagining might
happen, future-based that isanxiety.
So stress is not taking actionwith things that you need to do,
usually from a lack of clarityand not knowing what to do or
what to do first, which lookslike a huge mountain you need to
(17:22):
climb and it's like I can'teven do it anyway, right,
there's like it's just toooverwhelming in action, whereas
stress is future-based and, um,thinking you can't handle
problems as they arise right inthe in the future, and usually
our imagination is way worsethan reality.
Just something else to considertoo.
It probably won't be that bad,right?
(17:44):
So, with all being said, thosethings just help to take
purposeful action, steps for ourown emotional management and
the emotional rollercoasterbeing a little more under,
emotional rollercoaster being alittle more under, being more
well-managed and less massivepeaks and super low valleys,
right, and that's justrollercoaster of emotional
(18:08):
states is no bueno, right.
And so for family people thathave kids, like, what kind of
like?
I don't want my house, my home,to be that kind of an
environment of like blow ups andthen like elation and then like
massively can't handle thingsand then like overwhelm and all
that stuff.
I don't want my children to beraised like that because they're
going to pick up on that andthey're going to be like that,
right.
So I don't want to do that.
(18:29):
These strategies have justreally helped and that's why I'm
sharing it All right, so applythat with health, wellness and
fitness.
If somebody's like I want tolose weight, right, or I want to
tackle this back pain, I don'tknow what's going on, right?
Well, first and foremost, raiseyour hand and say I am stressed
(18:49):
, why?
Because I want to lose weightand I don't like my current
physique and health status.
I want to lose weight and Idon't like my current physique
and health status.
Okay, what factors can we dothat are, what factors have led
to this, right?
What factors usually cause that?
Well, usually nutritional habits, portion size control, which we
(19:10):
can control, a lack of exerciseand maybe a lack of scheduling
and planning, because we feellike we're it's just, we have a
lot going on, right, all right.
So what things are?
What's the priority, right?
What things can I control?
What can I not control?
Well, I can't control how, uh,I was raised in my family that
led to certain nutritionalhabits being developed and uh
(19:32):
and uh processed of how we live.
It's ingrained, right Of justlike oh, we just eat Oreos and
cookies, like we just eat junkfood and watch TV a lot.
Right, that's how I was raised,didn't know otherwise.
All right, well, we can'tcontrol that now because it's
past.
What we can control now is whatdo we do next?
Right, all right.
Can we control our portionsizes of food?
(19:53):
Yes, can we control what foodswe decide to eat?
Yes, can we decide what food weget at the grocery store?
Yes, all those things take alittle bit of awareness and, of
course, discipline, which isvery hard.
I'm not minimizing that.
What else would help?
What other things can I do toget to a physique fitness status
(20:14):
that I want?
Well, what if I exercised 45minutes a day for three days a
week?
Well, that would work.
All right, that would probablybe on track for my goal perfect.
Having an accountabilitypartner also would probably be
advantageous to consistentlystay on this track cool.
Next step I'm very busy.
Let's work through our scheduleand here's what I recommend.
(20:37):
All right, this is from anothermentor and I have done this and
it's super enlightening andvery like.
It's interesting, but it reallylocks down a daily schedule On
an Excel spreadsheet.
Have seven columns, sundaythrough Saturday, broken down
each row in 30 minute increments, and write out exactly what you
(20:58):
do during the day.
What time do you wake up?
What time do you drive to work?
What time do you read, right?
What time do you do if youreflect or devotional or
whatever?
What time do you get home fromwork?
What time is your lunch?
When you do get home from work,what are you doing Right?
Exactly Right, it's a 30 minutecommute, cool.
(21:21):
So if you leave, you leave workat five, oh five, and you get
home at five 35 or five 40,depending on traffic Right?
Uh, then what are you doingfrom six, from five, 45 till
bedtime?
What time are you going to bed,right?
What?
What would be your perfect,ideal schedule?
And that way it's.
It's a little bit enlighteningand sheds a little light on like
if I did want to work out for45 minutes three times a week.
Right, which is what like twohours and 15 minutes or
(21:43):
something.
Can you spare two hours and 15minutes a week?
It's very hard, but usually theanswer is yes.
Where can we find that time andshed off the other times that
we're not using towards what wewant our goal to be right?
So at least we can plan, that,we can take step strategies on
(22:04):
scheduling and planning?
Cool, so we're working onnutrition.
We're working on what we'reactually buying at the grocery
store.
So it's not.
Things are available at home.
Right, helping with physiqueand weight loss and fitness.
Right, I'm going to implementthree days a week of 45-minute
workouts.
I have my schedule laid out andI have an accountability
partner.
Those strategies might helptowards the goal.
(22:27):
Right, and then consistentlydoing that over time is what
leads to the best results.
Just a little bit all the time,and that's the other last point
I was going to make is notjumping off a cliff or
completely bailing if we miss aday, right, or two days or even
a week, right, a person is notgoing to get jacked and ripped
from one workout.
They're also not going to getfat and overweight from a week
(22:51):
of poor eating right or a weekof missing a workout.
It takes 20 hours to make asignificant difference of
competency and momentum towardsbeing competent at a particular
thing.
So people will wait a decade tostart those 20 hours of effort.
(23:13):
That's 20 workouts.
And if you go three times aweek, that's like seven weeks.
Imagine working out for sevenweeks for 45 minutes a day.
That's like 21 hours.
I'm imagining.
Like for seven weeks for threetimes.
Like seven times three is 21,.
Right, for hours.
But the 45 minutes for sevenweeks, three days a week.
(23:34):
There'd be significant changeswould be noticed.
Right, it doesn't take thatlong.
But the roller coaster ofbailing because you missed one
workout or you cheated on a mealor whatever, right, like you
just went ham on something, or awhole week even.
A person is not going to get inextreme shape with a week or
(23:56):
one meal or two meals even, anda person's not going to get fat
and out of shape by doing that,right, so you're not going to
get jacked and ripped and you'renot going to get fat.
So let's minimize this rollercoaster and not just bail.
Just immediately start whereyou left off and just continue
and over time, when consistentlymaking effort towards that
direction, momentum is,discipline is built and habits
(24:19):
are formed, and that's whenmomentum is built.
And then usually with that, itjust re-encourages and
reinforces the same actions overand over and over and apply
that for years and years andyears, and that's where
lifestyle habits are maintainedand a person is a different
person, right?
Those are things that I've heardfrom experts, other thought
(24:39):
leaders and mentors that I'vehad that I've tried to apply in
my own life.
By no means am I perfect, but Ijust try to, as best I can, root
back to that stuff and apply itmyself so that I can take
action on emotional managementfor the sake of my children and
my family, home and my businessand my employees and my patients
(24:59):
, right, and my own health andwellness.
Um, and then also, um, justreflecting and gratitude.
I think there's also a superimportant.
I know it's all like cliche andtrendy right now, like
manifesting gratitude orwhatever, but these are the
things that I've done that Ithink are really helpful.
So if you have any questionslike, give that stuff a try, see
what you think, read up on this.
(25:20):
I'm always open to othersuggestions, insights, questions
, comments, concerns orconflicting opinions.
I'm always open to ideas.
Those are the things right nowthat I feel like have been
really helpful for me, so givethat stuff a try, and I'm always
interested to hear what youhave to think too.
If you're a driven, active person who wants to reach
and pursue a higher qualitylife with some ambition, then
guess what this podcast is foryou.
This is the Driven AthletePodcast.
This is a really interestingtopic to me.
By no means am I an expert andthis is not my field, right, but
it's just something that I'mreally interested in, that I
(00:22):
feel like I wanted to continueto practice my own life and uh,
uh, see how it can reallybenefit stability, all right.
So the thought would being like, with what I've heard from a
lot of mentors and a lot of wiseindividuals and other uh,
thought leaders and the industryof health, wellness, fitness,
entrepreneurship, the industryof health, wellness, fitness,
(00:45):
entrepreneurship, management,whatever is emotional management
.
It's not like suppressing oravoiding emotions, but or
controlling your emotions.
It's just management, because Ifeel like I mean, as my own
life experience and people I'vetalked with and things that I've
heard from mentors and experts,if emotions come and go and
they're always going to happen,we're emotional beings, right.
(01:06):
So it's not like emotionsaren't going to happen or that
they shouldn't happen, becausewe have to validate to ourselves
, like yo, it's okay to feelstressed, sometimes right and
anxious, but it's justmanagement, manage the
rollercoaster, and if we canmanage the rollercoaster in an
appropriate way, that's not hugevalleys and huge peaks, right?
(01:27):
If you ever met people and byno means am I perfect but times
of like flying off the handle,right, this person always flies
off the handle, or they're justlike super volatile with their
emotions and they can't handle alot of things out of system
that are unforeseen.
I'm like, all right, let mereflect on that and be aware of
(01:48):
my own, and then how can I applyto myself?
Right, I just think it's veryinteresting.
So, with that being said, theother thing that I've heard from
mentors first, the mostimportant thing is just knowing
yourself, and I'm like, allright, well, what does that mean
?
Right, yourself, and I'm likeall right, well, what does that
mean?
Right, knowing how you handlethings, the lens in which you
(02:09):
perceive the world and typicallyhow you react to stuff.
Right, so, knowing yourself sothat you can set yourself up for
successful expectations of howyou might handle stuff as it
comes and goes, right, orengaging with people and
conversations and stuff, right,or engaging with people and
conversations and stuff.
And then, followed by thatwould be efforts to just manage
(02:29):
emotions, emotional management,all right, and the reason why
this is important, I think, isbecause I used to think that
physical health, physicalwellbeing, was the most
important thing in life, likethe most valuable thing, which
I've actually had secondthoughts on that.
I think mental health andemotional regulation, mental
(02:51):
tranquility, emotionaltranquility is probably is the
most important thing, right,because there's been plenty of
people that don't have goodphysical health but they would
suggest and say that they're ina really good, joyful place in
their life.
So I'm like man that makestotal sense.
Or, on the opposite end, peoplethat are struggling in tough
situations in their life.
(03:12):
Right, there's a tough walk oflife that they're currently in
and there's a lot of emotionalturmoil.
Just, constant emotionalturmoil is absolutely rough,
right, it's terrible, it'sdebilitating, like you can't,
it's just, it's hard to livelife like that.
So I'm like man.
(03:32):
I'm going to apply that tomyself.
So what if we can takepurposeful action for solid
emotional management, foremotional tranquility and solid
mental health state, and then,in addition to that, play roles
of taking action and physicalhealth?
You can do both, right, itwould be awesome like physically
healthy, but also like beemotionally in a solid, joyful,
(03:53):
tranquil, not tumultuous spot.
Of course it's not going tohappen day to day, every day and
actually we need struggle andwe need suffering.
That's my opinion, because thatultimately leads to when you
don't have struggle and when youdon't have emotional challenges
(04:14):
and stress and suffering, youappreciate it more.
There's more of an availableopenness for gratitude because
you've been there and you're thespots.
Imagine if somebody lived asuper chill life and never had
any stress, never had struggleand never had any suffering.
Would that be good?
(04:35):
We've seen that.
I've seen that before.
People that have grown up insuper, usually materially
wealthy environments and they'venever had to struggle or
develop any kind of grit orpatience or gratitude.
They don't have any gratitude,they're just not available.
They don't know otherwise.
I'm not making fun of them orbashing anybody, I'm just saying
(04:57):
they don't know otherwise.
Another analogy with that ispeople who live up north, like
in Minnesota.
The winters there are freakingbrutal.
Dude, I don't want to live there, but when spring comes around
in May, sometimes June, which iscrazy it's absolute elation.
It's an elation.
(05:17):
People are outside and like, ohmy gosh, this is amazing,
whereas here in sunny SouthFlorida, like we have two
seasons we have hot and then wehave like mildly warm, you know
like occasionally chilly, youknow what I mean?
Um, so we it's hard toappreciate warm, sunny weather
consistently If you've allalways grown up in it and lived
(05:40):
in it.
Where people who move here fromthe North are like this is
amazing.
People who grew up here andlived here in South Florida
they're like, oh, I can't waitto go up and see the seasons and
snow and stuff like that.
And I was like what do you mean?
Right, talk the opposite.
But anyway, with all that beingsaid, like we do need stress.
We do need stress and struggleand suffering.
That ultimately helps withgratitude and appreciation and
(06:01):
perspective on other things,which that's just my opinion,
but anyway, so, with all thatbeing said, like going back to
what I was talking about and thetopic of this emotional
management and knowing yourselffirst, all right, that's the key
.
So some thoughts I've had withthat.
If somebody is here's what I'veheard from experts and other
thought leaders on this thatI've taken my own practice and I
(06:23):
just like this.
I just wanted to share it withyou guys.
I'm not preaching or tellingwhat to do, I'm just saying like
this has worked for me and Ithink it's cool and I'm going to
share it.
Of course, stress and anxietyhappens and the first step that
I've found help with myself is Iraise my hand and I'll verbally
say out loud I'm in the car, myoffice, whatever, I am stressed
(06:45):
, I'm stressed right, or I'manxious right now.
I'm battling anxiety right now.
Say it out loud, right.
It helps to validate andappreciate that it's real,
versus trying to suppress andimagine and pretend like it's
not happening, right, that's notgoing to help anything.
And then the second step is sayout loud that's okay, it's okay
(07:08):
to be stressed.
Stress happens.
Everybody gets stressed, right.
If we weren't living stressed,we're not humans, all right, so
it's totally fine.
We can validate yo, it's okayand it's a normal, natural thing
to feel stressed on occasions.
It's totally fine, so it's okaythat you're stressed.
Oh, okay, good.
Now set third step let's reflectwhy.
What factors are leading to mefeeling this stressful state or
(07:31):
this anxiety state.
Stress and anxiety aredifferent, by the way we're
going to talk about.
Mention my own thoughts on thisthat I've heard from people in
a sec and a little bit.
But third step reflect whatfactors are leading to me
feeling stressed right now.
We'll start naming them off,right, physically, you can write
them down, right, or at leastverbally say them out loud.
(07:52):
Well, I have this going on in myhouse.
I have this project that'sgoing on.
These people aren't gettingback to me, um, my kids, uh, are
making a huge mess in thekitchen, right, and they're
throwing flour and riceeverywhere.
I have these to-do lists to doat work and I have a deadline
with this.
I got to write these emails.
I'm on my way to an appointmentand I might be late because
(08:13):
there's a traffic light.
There's traffic lights.
I might hit a train.
I'm like what if I get in anaccident on the way, right All.
I'm like what if I get in anaccident all the way?
Right, all these lists andfactors, right, there's a lot,
usually.
There's a lot, right, a lot ofmoving parts, like maybe
contributing to a stressfulstate.
That's all adding up andbuilding up.
So, step one I feel stressed.
Step two that's okay, becauseeverybody gets stressed.
(08:33):
You're allowed to get stressed,actually, with what you have
going on, being stressed istotally appropriate, right, it
makes sense, all right, cool.
Step three what are the factorsleading me to feel this way?
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,boom, boom.
All right, let's look at thislist Immediately, identify what
things can you control and whatthings can you not control.
I can't control my kids throwingat least I don't want to.
(08:56):
I don't want to control my kidsthrowing rice and flour.
I want them to be playful andactive and enjoy a fun life and
not be under micromanagement allthe time because of my emotions
.
By the way, I don't want that.
I don't want my home life to belike that.
So I can't control my kids'emotions and I can't control
their actions.
So I'm going to cross that offthe list.
(09:18):
I can't control traffic lightsif I'm late, I can't.
So I'm going to cross off thetraffic light off the list.
That's causing me stress.
I'm going to cross that off.
Can I cross off the trainschedule if I hit a train on the
way with the traffic?
Can't control that either.
Right, I can't control theweather.
I can't control the emotions ofwhoever I have my appointment
with.
Let's say, I have to have ahard conversation with a
significant other or spouse.
(09:39):
Can I control their emotionalreactions?
No, so I'm going to have tocross that off the list too.
But I need to have this hardconversation where like hey, I
don't know if you knew, but Ifelt this way when we talked
like this, whatever.
So I'm going to immediatelycross off the list.
I can't control their emotionalreactions, right?
If the doctor I'm going to seefor an appointment has an
attitude and poor bedside manner, I can't control that either,
(09:59):
but that added to my stress.
It was like a frustratingtotally understandable to be
frustrated at that, but I can'tcontrol that person's emotions,
so I have to cross that off thelist.
So on this list, I have thingscrossed off and things that are
still not crossed off.
So I'm crossing off the thingsI can't control.
The things that are remainingare things I can control, all
right.
Next step let's prioritize Ofthose things that are remaining
(10:22):
that I can control.
That it will help with tacklingthis stressful and anxious
state that I'm currently in.
What's the heaviest hitter?
What's the one that's going tobe the most impactful and going
to move the needle the best?
That's the priority.
So we're going to prioritizewhat things are most important
and prioritize the things thatare not prioritized, the things
that are not quite as important.
(10:43):
Right, like there's a mess onthe floor at home from the rice
and flour that my kids arethrowing around because they
were helping us cook, which issupposed to be a fun bonding
experience, right?
But it's one more thing in mylist I got to do to clean up
when they go to bed.
I'm like darn it and I'm goingto be late to go to bed.
I'm going to have to stay uplater to clean.
Just one more thing, right?
Well, I can't control theiremotions.
(11:05):
I can't control their actions.
I can't control their emotions.
Let me reflect, then, on that iscausing me stressed, like I
have to clean up.
Let me reflect why am I doingthat in the first place?
Well, it's because I want tohave a cool, fun, warm, engaging
bonding environment with mychildren at home, and I know
they're not going to be thereforever, right, so I'm
(11:26):
reflecting on that.
Oh, that's okay, that's whythat's happening, right, and I
would rather have that andhealthy kids than maybe the
opposite, right?
So at least there's somegratitude with that and it's
making me feel better.
Let me reflect on why, right, Ihave to write, have a deadline
with these projects at work, Ihave these emails.
I got to write, I got to havethis hard conversation with
so-and-so, whatever, right,what's the top priority and
(11:49):
start.
What actions, then, would bethe best ones to chip away, like
?
What action plans would be thebest strategies to chip away at
those controllable actions andlists that you need to do?
The items on the list, right?
So I have a priority of theselists and I'm writing an action
(12:09):
plan for the first one, that'sthe highest priority.
What would make this situationbetter?
I have a deadline for thisproject at work, right?
Or school or like whatever.
What would be the action planto take steps forward in
finishing this, right?
Well, I need to write anoutline.
Okay, let's write an outline,right?
And then I need to formulatethe next step with that whatever
(12:32):
, right?
So I have a list of actionplans of how I can chip away at
the heaviest hitting prioritytask and the next priority, same
thing, right?
So that I'm just chipping awaya little bit at a time on the
controllable factors that aregoing to help eliminate all the
stress, stressing factors thatcontribute to this emotional
(12:54):
state, right?
That seems to be the best waythat I've found to help remedy
that situation.
All right, the hardest partabout that is first identifying
and just recognizing andappreciating the ones that you
can't control.
Can't control the weather,can't control other people's
emotions, can't control otherpeople's reactions.
(13:15):
I can't control his trafficlights.
I can't control the doctor'semotional state if they don't
have good bedside manners.
Being a jerk, I can't controlthe train schedule, all that
stuff.
Right, identifying what you canand can't control, I think, and
then start working on things youcan.
I think that's going to be agame changer.
So this has really just helpedme, right, because if something
(13:38):
else I heard from mentors andstuff, it's like as we gain more
responsibilities and stuff andthings pile on, stress and
responsibilities don't lessenover time.
Right, you got kids, you got abusiness, you got to practice,
you got management at work thatyou got to work on.
You have all these things addup, things and stress and things
(14:03):
you need to tackle andresponsibilities they don't
lessen, they actually increaseand worsen.
But if we want to, we can justbecome better at managing and
handling it, which at the end,at the end, being like what
version of yourself do you wantto be?
You're going to be a betterversion of a gritty, resourceful
, well-emotionally managedindividual that can handle a lot
(14:25):
of moving parts at once and notfly off the handle or just like
lose it.
Right, and these strategieshave really helped me with that.
That's what I'm sharing withyou guys.
I think another thing that I hadheard from experts right, this
is not me, this is experts thatI'm sharing there's a difference
between stress and anxiety.
Stress usually comes from a lotof things that are piling up
(14:51):
and inaction, not taking action,usually leads to stress.
I have, like, all these thingsI need to do, and stress usually
comes from inaction and nottaking steps forward, usually
from a lack of clarity, and theclarity comes from these lists I
was talking about before.
Well, what things can I control?
What things can I not control?
It helps to minimize the listand the things I can control,
(15:14):
prioritize what's the mostimportant.
All right, this is the toppriority.
This is the biggest hitter.
It's going to move the needlethe most.
It's the top priority right now, if it's time dependent, or
just the biggest, heaviesthitter.
And then take action steps andbreak that down.
Okay, imagine if I was an expertat tackling this task.
What do you think an expertwould do?
Well, probably make an outline.
Probably would do this,probably would do that, and then
(15:35):
start making a list of actionplans, right to tackle that top
priority.
Right.
It helps to minimize thismountain that a person feels
like they need to climb totackle that task right.
And you multiply that by like15 tasks that's a lot and it
gets super overwhelming, right.
So constantly feelingoverwhelmed and adding things to
the plate that are piling upthat you can't Right.
(15:57):
So, constantly feelingoverwhelmed and adding things to
the plate that are piling upthat you can't manage, and the
stress usually comes from nottaking action.
Where I know personally, if Ihave a lot of those things going
on, if I feel like I'm takingsteps forward and chipping away
a little bit at a time, liketaking one bite of this massive
elephant, one bite at a time, Ifeel a lot better.
I know I'm making progressforward.
(16:18):
I'm like tackling whatever'simportant right now the task
wise, right, responsibilities sotaking action a little bit, it
just makes me feel a lot better,like, okay, we're making steps
forward Cool.
Whereas stress piles up frominaction and not actually taking
action on them.
Whereas anxiety is future-based, as in as things come about, as
(16:40):
future potential problems arisethat haven't even come yet, but
I imagine these problems aregoing to come about and come
towards me.
I won't be able to handle them,so I'm not going to be able to
handle future problems as theycome about, as they arise.
I can't handle them.
The thought of that is whatleads to anxiety.
That is anxiety.
So that stress or that anxietypiles up.
(17:01):
It's like, well, what if mykids don't do well with this?
And then what if this happens?
And then what if this happens?
All these things that comeabout that we're imagining might
happen, future-based that isanxiety.
So stress is not taking actionwith things that you need to do,
usually from a lack of clarityand not knowing what to do or
what to do first, which lookslike a huge mountain you need to
(17:22):
climb and it's like I can'teven do it anyway, right,
there's like it's just toooverwhelming in action, whereas
stress is future-based and, um,thinking you can't handle
problems as they arise right inthe in the future, and usually
our imagination is way worsethan reality.
Just something else to considertoo.
It probably won't be that bad,right?
(17:44):
So, with all being said, thosethings just help to take
purposeful action, steps for ourown emotional management and
the emotional rollercoasterbeing a little more under,
emotional rollercoaster being alittle more under, being more
well-managed and less massivepeaks and super low valleys,
right, and that's justrollercoaster of emotional
(18:08):
states is no bueno, right.
And so for family people thathave kids, like, what kind of
like?
I don't want my house, my home,to be that kind of an
environment of like blow ups andthen like elation and then like
massively can't handle thingsand then like overwhelm and all
that stuff.
I don't want my children to beraised like that because they're
going to pick up on that andthey're going to be like that,
right.
So I don't want to do that.
(18:29):
These strategies have justreally helped and that's why I'm
sharing it All right, so applythat with health, wellness and
fitness.
If somebody's like I want tolose weight, right, or I want to
tackle this back pain, I don'tknow what's going on, right?
Well, first and foremost, raiseyour hand and say I am stressed
(18:49):
, why?
Because I want to lose weightand I don't like my current
physique and health status.
I want to lose weight and Idon't like my current physique
and health status.
Okay, what factors can we dothat are, what factors have led
to this, right?
What factors usually cause that?
Well, usually nutritional habits, portion size control, which we
(19:10):
can control, a lack of exerciseand maybe a lack of scheduling
and planning, because we feellike we're it's just, we have a
lot going on, right, all right.
So what things are?
What's the priority, right?
What things can I control?
What can I not control?
Well, I can't control how, uh,I was raised in my family that
led to certain nutritionalhabits being developed and uh
(19:32):
and uh processed of how we live.
It's ingrained, right Of justlike oh, we just eat Oreos and
cookies, like we just eat junkfood and watch TV a lot.
Right, that's how I was raised,didn't know otherwise.
All right, well, we can'tcontrol that now because it's
past.
What we can control now is whatdo we do next?
Right, all right.
Can we control our portionsizes of food?
(19:53):
Yes, can we control what foodswe decide to eat?
Yes, can we decide what food weget at the grocery store?
Yes, all those things take alittle bit of awareness and, of
course, discipline, which isvery hard.
I'm not minimizing that.
What else would help?
What other things can I do toget to a physique fitness status
(20:14):
that I want?
Well, what if I exercised 45minutes a day for three days a
week?
Well, that would work.
All right, that would probablybe on track for my goal perfect.
Having an accountabilitypartner also would probably be
advantageous to consistentlystay on this track cool.
Next step I'm very busy.
Let's work through our scheduleand here's what I recommend.
(20:37):
All right, this is from anothermentor and I have done this and
it's super enlightening andvery like.
It's interesting, but it reallylocks down a daily schedule On
an Excel spreadsheet.
Have seven columns, sundaythrough Saturday, broken down
each row in 30 minute increments, and write out exactly what you
(20:58):
do during the day.
What time do you wake up?
What time do you drive to work?
What time do you read, right?
What time do you do if youreflect or devotional or
whatever?
What time do you get home fromwork?
What time is your lunch?
When you do get home from work,what are you doing Right?
Exactly Right, it's a 30 minutecommute, cool.
(21:21):
So if you leave, you leave workat five, oh five, and you get
home at five 35 or five 40,depending on traffic Right?
Uh, then what are you doingfrom six, from five, 45 till
bedtime?
What time are you going to bed,right?
What?
What would be your perfect,ideal schedule?
And that way it's.
It's a little bit enlighteningand sheds a little light on like
if I did want to work out for45 minutes three times a week.
Right, which is what like twohours and 15 minutes or
(21:43):
something.
Can you spare two hours and 15minutes a week?
It's very hard, but usually theanswer is yes.
Where can we find that time andshed off the other times that
we're not using towards what wewant our goal to be right?
So at least we can plan, that,we can take step strategies on
(22:04):
scheduling and planning?
Cool, so we're working onnutrition.
We're working on what we'reactually buying at the grocery
store.
So it's not.
Things are available at home.
Right, helping with physiqueand weight loss and fitness.
Right, I'm going to implementthree days a week of 45-minute
workouts.
I have my schedule laid out andI have an accountability
partner.
Those strategies might helptowards the goal.
(22:27):
Right, and then consistentlydoing that over time is what
leads to the best results.
Just a little bit all the time,and that's the other last point
I was going to make is notjumping off a cliff or
completely bailing if we miss aday, right, or two days or even
a week, right, a person is notgoing to get jacked and ripped
from one workout.
They're also not going to getfat and overweight from a week
(22:51):
of poor eating right or a weekof missing a workout.
It takes 20 hours to make asignificant difference of
competency and momentum towardsbeing competent at a particular
thing.
So people will wait a decade tostart those 20 hours of effort.
(23:13):
That's 20 workouts.
And if you go three times aweek, that's like seven weeks.
Imagine working out for sevenweeks for 45 minutes a day.
That's like 21 hours.
I'm imagining.
Like for seven weeks for threetimes.
Like seven times three is 21,.
Right, for hours.
But the 45 minutes for sevenweeks, three days a week.
(23:34):
There'd be significant changeswould be noticed.
Right, it doesn't take thatlong.
But the roller coaster ofbailing because you missed one
workout or you cheated on a mealor whatever, right, like you
just went ham on something, or awhole week even.
A person is not going to get inextreme shape with a week or
(23:56):
one meal or two meals even, anda person's not going to get fat
and out of shape by doing that,right, so you're not going to
get jacked and ripped and you'renot going to get fat.
So let's minimize this rollercoaster and not just bail.
Just immediately start whereyou left off and just continue
and over time, when consistentlymaking effort towards that
direction, momentum is,discipline is built and habits
(24:19):
are formed, and that's whenmomentum is built.
And then usually with that, itjust re-encourages and
reinforces the same actions overand over and over and apply
that for years and years andyears, and that's where
lifestyle habits are maintainedand a person is a different
person, right?
Those are things that I've heardfrom experts, other thought
(24:39):
leaders and mentors that I'vehad that I've tried to apply in
my own life.
By no means am I perfect, but Ijust try to, as best I can, root
back to that stuff and apply itmyself so that I can take
action on emotional managementfor the sake of my children and
my family, home and my businessand my employees and my patients
(24:59):
, right, and my own health andwellness.
Um, and then also, um, justreflecting and gratitude.
I think there's also a superimportant.
I know it's all like cliche andtrendy right now, like
manifesting gratitude orwhatever, but these are the
things that I've done that Ithink are really helpful.
So if you have any questionslike, give that stuff a try, see
what you think, read up on this.
(25:20):
I'm always open to othersuggestions, insights, questions
, comments, concerns orconflicting opinions.
I'm always open to ideas.
Those are the things right nowthat I feel like have been
really helpful for me, so givethat stuff a try, and I'm always
interested to hear what youhave to think too.
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