July 29, 2024 • 10 mins
Wes and Nick finish up the final Hercules Tv Film. Is "Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur" the most lazy Hercules film ever made? Join us as we unravel this perplexing movie that spends 70% of its time on long flashbacks before finally delivering a showdown with the Minotaur in the last 30 minutes. We break down the redundant clip-show format that dominates the narrative and examine why the film feels more like a nostalgic family gathering than an epic adventure.
From inexplicable bar fights to villagers trapped in goo and clay pods, this movie leaves us with more questions than answers. Why does Zeus have such a strange relationship with the Minotaur? What was the grand plan behind the Minotaur's actions? And what in the world happened to Eolus's wife? Tune in as we try to piece together the chaotic puzzle that is "Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur" and share our thoughts on its numerous shortcomings.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
dumb cool, weird podcast.
All right, welcome to the dumbcool, weird podcast.
And now we are doing herculesin the maze of the minotaur.
Yeah and uh, let me tell youthis was a bad one.
This is a bad one.
This is a pretty easy review,by the way.
Pretty much 70 something,percent, percent, I'd say 70% of
(00:23):
the movie.
We went to minute 40, minute 50,and we were just constantly
being bombarded by random-assflashbacks from the other movies
, not like a shortcut.
Hey, folks, you know back inthe day when you'd have a sitcom
and you'd have an episode thatwas basically just a clip show,
that would just show clips fromother episodes.
That's basically what this was.
(00:44):
Most of this movie wasliterally just Eolus.
No, it was Hercules talkingwith his family, talking with
his kids.
Oh, remember that time,remember this time, remember
that time.
And then Zeus doing, hey,remember that time, remember
that time.
And Eolus being like, yeah, Iremember this time and I
remember that other time.
And then finally, after allthat bullshit, we get to like
the last 30 minutes of the movieand then there's the battle
(01:07):
with the minotaur.
The battle with the minotaur,but not before the bar, fight
with the random thugs who, forsome reason, we're like we don't
believe you're a hero, yep, andthen try to kill eolus and, uh,
hercules, for some reason yeah,I'm starting, you know, I
really believe like what wasgoing on with this is they just
didn't have the budget for a lotof this stuff, so they just
(01:28):
kind of had to improvise withthis movie.
They were like hey, we'reputting a lot of our budget into
the Minotaur makeup effects, sowe kind of need to spread this
out.
So that's where they came upwith the idea to have clips from
the other movies.
But, basically, what ends uphappening, though, is these town
of idiots, like they're all,they're all stupid, stupid.
(01:49):
These two bumbling idiots likego into this minotaur cave and
unleash his cage, yep, and then,um, one of them gets captured
and the other one runs away.
He's the one that tellshercules to come help, and
that's what leads to all thefucking clip show stuff, which
we're not covering that again,because, good, god, almighty, um
, yeah, and eolus shows up again, finally, yep, eolus finally
(02:10):
shows up again, and it's it'sbeen like tons years, yeah,
years.
Eolus's wife dies, apparently,but we never get any backstory.
How, no, we don't get a.
We don't get it.
We don't hear a damn thingabout that.
And so then we cut to them inthe town.
They get to fight with the,with these different guys, and
then we get to see the minotaurin action and he captures a
bunch of the town villagers andhe puts a green poo like slime
(02:34):
over their face and then putsthem in a mud pod yeah, mud pod
like cocoon.
And then he, he's like, he'slike, he's like, he's like I'll
show them, you'll be usefullater.
And it's like what was the planthem You'll be useful later.
And it's like what was the plan?
Yeah, because we never reallygot an understanding of that.
We never understood what thegoo-like substance was.
We never understood why he wasstoring them in the clay pots.
It's just never explained.
(02:55):
It's never explained at all.
No, so then we catch a scenewith the Minotaur and Zeus
talking to each other andthey're arguing.
We can tell they have abackstory.
It's not really explained quiteyet.
And then Zeus says oh, Iwouldn't go to that place,
that's the worst sort of place.
And then he's like oh, but Igotta tell you something, son,
(03:16):
you gotta fight the Minotaur,you gotta kill him.
I love how he said I neverasked you to do anything for me.
But in all the other movies hejust he had to do anything for
me.
Yeah, but in all the othermovies he just he had to do it
because Zeus was never going todo it.
Yeah, pretty much.
So basically, hercules goes,fights these people in the town,
then they try to go to sleep,and then these three guys that
got beat up are like we're goingto go kill them.
(03:37):
And then the fucking Minotaurjust comes and slashes them to
pieces.
Yeah, very easily, very easily.
Pieces yeah, very easily, veryeasily.
You know what the Minotaur wasmenacing in this movie, though.
I will say yeah, it really was.
And then the townspeople comeout.
They think Hercules and Aeolusdid it.
They try to run away.
Well, aeolus is knocked outcold upstairs.
Yeah, he got hit in the headwith a chair, yeah, so he tries
(03:58):
to.
They chase him into the end,they grab, and to the end he
grabs Iolos.
He's like, oh, we got to go.
Then Iolos gets eaten by theground.
And then another townspersongets eaten by the ground Because
the Minotaur is a graboid, agraboid from Tremors, yeah.
And so the townspeople feel bad.
The fat guy and the skinny guyyeah, the fat bartender and the
(04:19):
skinny rich guy decide yeah,we're going to help, yep.
So they go to the Minotaur mazeand they're you know which.
By the way, you know, when theyset up a Minotaur maze, you'd
think there'd be more maze.
No, it's really not that big apart of the movie.
It's like a very small portionof the movie.
Well, we had about 40 to 50minutes of a hour and a half
long movie being used to give usflashbacks.
(04:40):
Yeah, that's true.
So then we cut to them tryingto go through the maze, and
basically what ends up happeningis the skinny ones, the coward
tries to run away, the Minotaurkills him, gores him, like
Frieza did to Krillin in DragonBall Z.
Yeah, he gets Krillin'd.
Yeah, he gets crammed, and then, basically, he somehow makes it
(05:01):
all the way back and he's notdead right away.
You know, big gash in hisfucking chest.
He also found his way back,completely fine, though, yeah,
right before he dies.
So then they run and they'retrying, like him, and Hercules
are trying to find him, and thefat bartender are trying to find
a way to go.
So, hercules, as he's cuttingthrough this really narrow path,
(05:21):
I look at Nick and I go dude,that fat guy is not going to fit
to that path, not at all.
And then he tries to do it andhe gets stuck.
Oh, hercules, I'm a littlestuck and he's like Hercules,
the Minotaur is behind me.
Minotaur pulls out his claw andslits his throat.
Like I said, the Minotaur isactually kind of a creepy
character.
(05:41):
Yeah, it's pretty menacing.
And then he basically calls hima coward and then he gets
sucked into a graboid-like thingand gets sucked down a fucking
slide.
Yeah, would have been a reallygood theme park, right, you
would have expected them to haveto fight the Rancor the way he
slid down there.
No, rancor, just a Minotaur,just a minotaur.
(06:05):
So then he's down there and, um,he's talking to the minotaur
and the minotaur and him arefighting and, um, the minotaur
is getting his at, gets likegets the upper hand a little bit
.
Then hercules gets the upperhand and then hercules beats the
shit out of him with astalagmite yeah, with a
stalagmite.
And then he's about to kill him.
This is before he threatens tokill eolus, and that's what
makes hercules go all out.
(06:25):
Yeah, basically, um, as theminotaur is about to get like
wasted, he goes.
He'll stop, hercules, youwouldn't kill your brother,
would you?
Which goes back to the firstpart of the movie where he's
like brothers don't fight eachother, yep.
When he's talking to his kids,yep, ironic.
And then Hercules gets like,all oh, you're right, I'm not
(06:49):
supposed to fight you, yep.
And then he gets a fuckingcheap shot on him and then we
cut to them fighting again andbasically after and after he
like hits him a couple of times,he knocks him over and he gets
impaled on a fucking spike, yeah.
(07:09):
And then Zeus comes and tellshim everything.
He's like oh, he was yourbrother and he was a bear.
He was so handsome, so handsomeand beautiful and I really
loved him and I made him asdisgusting as his heart, yep.
And then we got to see what helooked like before he was a
Minotaur and he was prettyhandsome, yep.
But he's dead, yeah, but he'sdead, yeah.
(07:30):
So, yep, and everybody's saved.
Everybody goes back to theirmundane little lives and that's
pretty much the fucking movie.
Yeah, bada, bing, bada, boom,gabagoo, yeah.
What was dumb about this movie?
The flashbacks, yeah, theflashbacks were annoying because
(07:51):
it wasn't like a short, quickflashback.
They really took the shit outof it, like you know.
They really made you watchthose flashback episodes.
It was like 10, 15 minutesapiece, yep, the flashback
episodes.
And then I also think Majorityof the movie, yeah, it's pretty
dumb.
(08:11):
And then, you know, I think, inmy opinion, bro, kind of
shoehorning, a fucking likestory about a brother, it's Kind
of weird.
Well, it was very it's toorushed, you know.
I mean they could have spent alittle bit more time on that.
I think that's kind of dumb too.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
They wasted so much time givingus all these flashbacks.
They could have built up thestory a lot better.
Yeah, this is definitely theweakest side of all the movies.
(08:34):
Maybe it was because theyalready knew the TV show was
greenlit.
So they're like, all right,let's hurry up and finish this
fucking movie so we can get onto the TV show.
Yeah it, it definitely had alot of those elements that are
really dumb.
You know, what was really coolabout this movie to me is it was
a fucking minotaur.
The minotaur was cool, likemakeup was really good.
(08:54):
I could tell that's where theyspent most of the budget,
because when the mouth wasmoving it was actually really
fluid.
Yeah, you know, for the 90s,and also that, just the
character of the minotaur beingso menacing and cruel.
Yeah, was amazing.
Like he really was like a.
He was like a real bad guy,like a real menacing villain.
He really scared people, yep.
And then, weird, the fuckinggreen goo and the fucking pods.
(09:18):
They never explained it.
They were just like I'm gonnawipe this green goo on your face
and trap you in a pod.
And nick had a theory that itwas just minotaur diarrhea.
Yeah, that that's all I couldthink of.
Minotaur diarrhea on the face,mud cocoon thing.
It's like a jankum, like ajankum, a jankum coma.
Yeah, it really.
(09:39):
Honestly, I it was just like Ijust told nick I was like that
better.
I was like that better not bewhat I think it is.
He's wiping on his face justthe green jizz.
Yeah, I was like it's eithergreen jizz and he was like maybe
it better not be what I thinkit is.
He's wiping on his face Justthe green jizz.
Yeah, I was like it's eithergreen jizz and he was like maybe
it's diarrhea, I don't know,it's bad either way.
Yeah, it's disgusting Becausewhen they put it on the guy's
face the guy was like ugh.
He's like what is this?
I bet the actor was like the up.
(10:09):
We got this from NickelodeonStudios.
They had too much.
We're going to use it.
But that was Hercules in theMaze of the Minotaur.
We find out that Herculesactually has a brother, and we
also rewatched a bunch of clipsfrom movies that we already have
seen.
Yeah.
So, nick, you want to sign usout?
Yeah, stay sexy Atlanta.
Oh, don't watch this movie,don't watch this movie.
And one more thing before we gothe rest of the Hercules TV
(10:34):
show reviews.
Those are going to besporadically done on the way
back Wednesdays yeah, way backWednesdays, because it's a TV
show and it's more short formand we figured it would be
better over there.
So hope you guys have a goodone.
Stay sexy.
Thanks for more short form form, and we figured it would be
better over there.
So hope you guys have a goodone.
Stay sexy.
Thanks for checking out thedumb, cool, weird podcast.
We're a movie podcast now, somovie monday is every monday
(10:54):
about crappy movies from the20th century.
It's gonna be great, folks.
I can't wait to show y'all.
dumb cool, weird podcast.
All right, welcome to the dumbcool, weird podcast.
And now we are doing herculesin the maze of the minotaur.
Yeah and uh, let me tell youthis was a bad one.
This is a bad one.
This is a pretty easy review,by the way.
Pretty much 70 something,percent, percent, I'd say 70% of
(00:23):
the movie.
We went to minute 40, minute 50,and we were just constantly
being bombarded by random-assflashbacks from the other movies
, not like a shortcut.
Hey, folks, you know back inthe day when you'd have a sitcom
and you'd have an episode thatwas basically just a clip show,
that would just show clips fromother episodes.
That's basically what this was.
(00:44):
Most of this movie wasliterally just Eolus.
No, it was Hercules talkingwith his family, talking with
his kids.
Oh, remember that time,remember this time, remember
that time.
And then Zeus doing, hey,remember that time, remember
that time.
And Eolus being like, yeah, Iremember this time and I
remember that other time.
And then finally, after allthat bullshit, we get to like
the last 30 minutes of the movieand then there's the battle
(01:07):
with the minotaur.
The battle with the minotaur,but not before the bar, fight
with the random thugs who, forsome reason, we're like we don't
believe you're a hero, yep, andthen try to kill eolus and, uh,
hercules, for some reason yeah,I'm starting, you know, I
really believe like what wasgoing on with this is they just
didn't have the budget for a lotof this stuff, so they just
(01:28):
kind of had to improvise withthis movie.
They were like hey, we'reputting a lot of our budget into
the Minotaur makeup effects, sowe kind of need to spread this
out.
So that's where they came upwith the idea to have clips from
the other movies.
But, basically, what ends uphappening, though, is these town
of idiots, like they're all,they're all stupid, stupid.
(01:49):
These two bumbling idiots likego into this minotaur cave and
unleash his cage, yep, and then,um, one of them gets captured
and the other one runs away.
He's the one that tellshercules to come help, and
that's what leads to all thefucking clip show stuff, which
we're not covering that again,because, good, god, almighty, um
, yeah, and eolus shows up again, finally, yep, eolus finally
(02:10):
shows up again, and it's it'sbeen like tons years, yeah,
years.
Eolus's wife dies, apparently,but we never get any backstory.
How, no, we don't get a.
We don't get it.
We don't hear a damn thingabout that.
And so then we cut to them inthe town.
They get to fight with the,with these different guys, and
then we get to see the minotaurin action and he captures a
bunch of the town villagers andhe puts a green poo like slime
(02:34):
over their face and then putsthem in a mud pod yeah, mud pod
like cocoon.
And then he, he's like, he'slike, he's like, he's like I'll
show them, you'll be usefullater.
And it's like what was the planthem You'll be useful later.
And it's like what was the plan?
Yeah, because we never reallygot an understanding of that.
We never understood what thegoo-like substance was.
We never understood why he wasstoring them in the clay pots.
It's just never explained.
(02:55):
It's never explained at all.
No, so then we catch a scenewith the Minotaur and Zeus
talking to each other andthey're arguing.
We can tell they have abackstory.
It's not really explained quiteyet.
And then Zeus says oh, Iwouldn't go to that place,
that's the worst sort of place.
And then he's like oh, but Igotta tell you something, son,
(03:16):
you gotta fight the Minotaur,you gotta kill him.
I love how he said I neverasked you to do anything for me.
But in all the other movies hejust he had to do anything for
me.
Yeah, but in all the othermovies he just he had to do it
because Zeus was never going todo it.
Yeah, pretty much.
So basically, hercules goes,fights these people in the town,
then they try to go to sleep,and then these three guys that
got beat up are like we're goingto go kill them.
(03:37):
And then the fucking Minotaurjust comes and slashes them to
pieces.
Yeah, very easily, very easily.
Pieces yeah, very easily, veryeasily.
You know what the Minotaur wasmenacing in this movie, though.
I will say yeah, it really was.
And then the townspeople comeout.
They think Hercules and Aeolusdid it.
They try to run away.
Well, aeolus is knocked outcold upstairs.
Yeah, he got hit in the headwith a chair, yeah, so he tries
(03:58):
to.
They chase him into the end,they grab, and to the end he
grabs Iolos.
He's like, oh, we got to go.
Then Iolos gets eaten by theground.
And then another townspersongets eaten by the ground Because
the Minotaur is a graboid, agraboid from Tremors, yeah.
And so the townspeople feel bad.
The fat guy and the skinny guyyeah, the fat bartender and the
(04:19):
skinny rich guy decide yeah,we're going to help, yep.
So they go to the Minotaur mazeand they're you know which.
By the way, you know, when theyset up a Minotaur maze, you'd
think there'd be more maze.
No, it's really not that big apart of the movie.
It's like a very small portionof the movie.
Well, we had about 40 to 50minutes of a hour and a half
long movie being used to give usflashbacks.
(04:40):
Yeah, that's true.
So then we cut to them tryingto go through the maze, and
basically what ends up happeningis the skinny ones, the coward
tries to run away, the Minotaurkills him, gores him, like
Frieza did to Krillin in DragonBall Z.
Yeah, he gets Krillin'd.
Yeah, he gets crammed, and then, basically, he somehow makes it
(05:01):
all the way back and he's notdead right away.
You know, big gash in hisfucking chest.
He also found his way back,completely fine, though, yeah,
right before he dies.
So then they run and they'retrying, like him, and Hercules
are trying to find him, and thefat bartender are trying to find
a way to go.
So, hercules, as he's cuttingthrough this really narrow path,
(05:21):
I look at Nick and I go dude,that fat guy is not going to fit
to that path, not at all.
And then he tries to do it andhe gets stuck.
Oh, hercules, I'm a littlestuck and he's like Hercules,
the Minotaur is behind me.
Minotaur pulls out his claw andslits his throat.
Like I said, the Minotaur isactually kind of a creepy
character.
(05:41):
Yeah, it's pretty menacing.
And then he basically calls hima coward and then he gets
sucked into a graboid-like thingand gets sucked down a fucking
slide.
Yeah, would have been a reallygood theme park, right, you
would have expected them to haveto fight the Rancor the way he
slid down there.
No, rancor, just a Minotaur,just a minotaur.
(06:05):
So then he's down there and, um,he's talking to the minotaur
and the minotaur and him arefighting and, um, the minotaur
is getting his at, gets likegets the upper hand a little bit
.
Then hercules gets the upperhand and then hercules beats the
shit out of him with astalagmite yeah, with a
stalagmite.
And then he's about to kill him.
This is before he threatens tokill eolus, and that's what
makes hercules go all out.
(06:25):
Yeah, basically, um, as theminotaur is about to get like
wasted, he goes.
He'll stop, hercules, youwouldn't kill your brother,
would you?
Which goes back to the firstpart of the movie where he's
like brothers don't fight eachother, yep.
When he's talking to his kids,yep, ironic.
And then Hercules gets like,all oh, you're right, I'm not
(06:49):
supposed to fight you, yep.
And then he gets a fuckingcheap shot on him and then we
cut to them fighting again andbasically after and after he
like hits him a couple of times,he knocks him over and he gets
impaled on a fucking spike, yeah.
(07:09):
And then Zeus comes and tellshim everything.
He's like oh, he was yourbrother and he was a bear.
He was so handsome, so handsomeand beautiful and I really
loved him and I made him asdisgusting as his heart, yep.
And then we got to see what helooked like before he was a
Minotaur and he was prettyhandsome, yep.
But he's dead, yeah, but he'sdead, yeah.
(07:30):
So, yep, and everybody's saved.
Everybody goes back to theirmundane little lives and that's
pretty much the fucking movie.
Yeah, bada, bing, bada, boom,gabagoo, yeah.
What was dumb about this movie?
The flashbacks, yeah, theflashbacks were annoying because
(07:51):
it wasn't like a short, quickflashback.
They really took the shit outof it, like you know.
They really made you watchthose flashback episodes.
It was like 10, 15 minutesapiece, yep, the flashback
episodes.
And then I also think Majorityof the movie, yeah, it's pretty
dumb.
(08:11):
And then, you know, I think, inmy opinion, bro, kind of
shoehorning, a fucking likestory about a brother, it's Kind
of weird.
Well, it was very it's toorushed, you know.
I mean they could have spent alittle bit more time on that.
I think that's kind of dumb too.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
They wasted so much time givingus all these flashbacks.
They could have built up thestory a lot better.
Yeah, this is definitely theweakest side of all the movies.
(08:34):
Maybe it was because theyalready knew the TV show was
greenlit.
So they're like, all right,let's hurry up and finish this
fucking movie so we can get onto the TV show.
Yeah it, it definitely had alot of those elements that are
really dumb.
You know, what was really coolabout this movie to me is it was
a fucking minotaur.
The minotaur was cool, likemakeup was really good.
(08:54):
I could tell that's where theyspent most of the budget,
because when the mouth wasmoving it was actually really
fluid.
Yeah, you know, for the 90s,and also that, just the
character of the minotaur beingso menacing and cruel.
Yeah, was amazing.
Like he really was like a.
He was like a real bad guy,like a real menacing villain.
He really scared people, yep.
And then, weird, the fuckinggreen goo and the fucking pods.
(09:18):
They never explained it.
They were just like I'm gonnawipe this green goo on your face
and trap you in a pod.
And nick had a theory that itwas just minotaur diarrhea.
Yeah, that that's all I couldthink of.
Minotaur diarrhea on the face,mud cocoon thing.
It's like a jankum, like ajankum, a jankum coma.
Yeah, it really.
(09:39):
Honestly, I it was just like Ijust told nick I was like that
better.
I was like that better not bewhat I think it is.
He's wiping on his face justthe green jizz.
Yeah, I was like it's eithergreen jizz and he was like maybe
it better not be what I thinkit is.
He's wiping on his face Justthe green jizz.
Yeah, I was like it's eithergreen jizz and he was like maybe
it's diarrhea, I don't know,it's bad either way.
Yeah, it's disgusting Becausewhen they put it on the guy's
face the guy was like ugh.
He's like what is this?
I bet the actor was like the up.
(10:09):
We got this from NickelodeonStudios.
They had too much.
We're going to use it.
But that was Hercules in theMaze of the Minotaur.
We find out that Herculesactually has a brother, and we
also rewatched a bunch of clipsfrom movies that we already have
seen.
Yeah.
So, nick, you want to sign usout?
Yeah, stay sexy Atlanta.
Oh, don't watch this movie,don't watch this movie.
And one more thing before we gothe rest of the Hercules TV
(10:34):
show reviews.
Those are going to besporadically done on the way
back Wednesdays yeah, way backWednesdays, because it's a TV
show and it's more short formand we figured it would be
better over there.
So hope you guys have a goodone.
Stay sexy.
Thanks for more short form form, and we figured it would be
better over there.
So hope you guys have a goodone.
Stay sexy.
Thanks for checking out thedumb, cool, weird podcast.
We're a movie podcast now, somovie monday is every monday
(10:54):
about crappy movies from the20th century.
It's gonna be great, folks.
I can't wait to show y'all.
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