The Dysregulated Podcast
Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way. Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter. This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.
Episodes
Have you ever had to fight your own mind just to do something you love? In this follow-up episode to "When Social Anxiety Hits Back", I share my win of making it to the Newcastle Knights game—despite social anxiety trying it's hardest to keep me trapped at home.
It came down to a last-minute call, but walking into McDonald Jones Stadium with 30,000 fans reminded me that showing up matters more than ...
What happens when the things we love most become casualties of our mental health? Today, I’m facing that question head-on as social anxiety keeps me from the final Newcastle Knights home game of the season.
For me, the Knights aren’t just a hobby, they’re part of my identity! With my Pride of the Hunter banner and strong, powerful voice in the stands, I’ve become a bit of a fixture at McDonald Jones Stadium. Yet i...
What happens when the mental health system fails those that need it most? In this raw, unfiltered episode, I take you into the depths of my ongoing battle with a mental healthcare approach that seems more interested in medication guess-work than actual measures for recovery.
I'm currently taking seven different medications – heavy-duty pharmaceuticals that should, theoretically, be providing relief ...
Finally the moment has arrived, my psychiatry review at James Fletcher hospital. The opportunity to state my case as to why I believe a medication taper and withdrawal is necessary and in my best interests. Also, to explain how a hospital admission I believe would be the best option for me moving forward.
Did I achieve these goals? Uhh.....not quite. But a significant change was made, whether it works or not time...
After what’s felt like forever, I finally have a date locked in! I'm seeing a psychiatrist for an appointment to determine the next steps as far as my goal of tapering off all of my medications. Thank you, NSW public mental health system!
The main theme of the episode though is all about my morning. How an amazing opportunity for gratitude was driven away by my over-excited amygdala which sees threats everywh...
In this episode, I share how the NSW mental health system has picked up my referrals and is starting to piece together a plan to help me move forward. It’s a big relief — and a hint of hope on the horizon — but of course it’s also tangled up with my daily battle against anxiety.
So much of this process relies on me: on finding the social capacity to answer or make phone calls, to push through the fear that is alwa...
** Content warning: This episode discusses suicide, suicidal ideation, and severe mental health crises. Please take care while listening.
In this episode of The Dysregulated Podcast, I unpack my latest therapy session — one that left both my psychologist and I scrambling to try and understand thoughts and feelings that were much more serious than ever before. The stakes couldn't be higher; this was very much...
In this episode of My Therapy Reflections, I explore my latest psychology session, which admittedly wasn’t particularly productive. With my mind in overdrive from lack of sleep, stimulant dependency, and sheer frustration at life, I spent most of the session ranting—about how I’m not getting the help I need, how my life feels worthless, how all the suffering and sacrifice hasn’t led to the happiness I thought it ...
I've been working on a deeply personal episode about retroactive jealousy, but my inner critic has been relentless in sabotaging my attempts to record it. This is going to be my most revealing episode yet, explaining how retroactive jealousy has been my borderline personality disorder's "weapon of choice" throughout my life. But as I explain in this episode, my mind is stopping me from getting...
In this episode, I share my ongoing battle to getting help from the mental health system in reducing my medication load. And progress continues to be hard to come by.
I share the latest letters my GP has sent off to Bloomfield Hospital and ISMHU, pleading for an inpatient stay to safely reduce and taper off my psych meds. I open up about the financial barriers to private care, the paradox of needing to make anxie...
The Discharge Papers returns — but not all of it is good news.
In this episode, I read through my latest discharge papers from the Mater Mental Health Hospital, offering an unfiltered and completely vulnerable look at what actually happens during a psychiatric assessment in an emergency department, during my most acute mental illness battles.
• The hospital notes describe me as articulate and intelligent, wi...
Awake up at 4 AM and recording from my car, I'm sharing some thoughts during a tough winter period where both physical illness and mental health challenges have been colliding. Winter has always been difficult for me, and getting sick complicates many of my energy-dependent coping strategies for managing my mental ill health. Burnout is a tough foe to battle, along with the various disorders that I’m up agai...
Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.
This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.
You can follow me on Inst...
Opposite action is a powerful DBT skill that helps us override our automatic emotional responses by choosing behaviours that counter what we're feeling. This skill works by strengthening neural connections between our prefrontal cortex and amygdala, physically changing our brain to improve emotional regulation.
• Identifying what emotion you're experiencing (anxiety, anger, sadness)
• Under...
Elliot explores the challenges of being stuck in a "mental health holding pattern", while waiting for professional guidance on medication changes.
• Recounting a recent visit to Mater Hospital seeking help to reset medication and establish a new baseline
• Attempting to reduce Seroquel dosage independently, resulting in disrupted sleep patterns during a week of early starts
• Using Stat...
I’m drenched, exhausted, and dragging myself through the rain—because I’m about to blow. This is a real-time recording, on my phone, just moments before I walked through the doors of the Mater hospital. Not in crisis, but not far off. I’m tired. Tired of the medication merry-go-round, the constant inner turmoil, the anxiety and depression. Im also tired of my inner critic telling me I’m not “bad enough” to deserv...
When silence falls on The Dysregulated Podcast, it usually means something's amiss. Today, I'm breaking that silence with a raw, unfiltered check-in from the front seat of my car at Nobbys Beach during an East Coast Low storm system. Despite feeling spaced-out and fatigued, I needed to let you know: I'm still here, still fighting.
The past week has been unlike anything I've experience...
In the next chapter of My Therapy Reflections, I share a very significant IFS (Internal Family Systems) breakthrough that has reframed how I view some of my darkest moments. When life feels too loud and too bright (which is most of the time), I tend to mentally retreat, like hiding in a tunnel—a cold, dark place that where I sometimes I can sleep for days. But this session revealed something surprising: my intern...
In this episode, Elliot records from inside his car as rain pours down outside, reflecting nicely the turbulence felt within all week. Battling extreme and rapid mood swings that have left him exhausted and overwhelmed, Elliot shares how poor sleep, stimulant medication, grey weather, and sensory sensitivities have compounded to intensify his struggles. As the rain falls mirroring his rapidly dropping mood, he of...
Follow my journey living with mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way. Lived experience is the driving force of this podcast, and through this lens, my stories are told.
This is a raw, honest, and authentic account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.
You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters,...
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