February 17, 2025 • 32 mins
We're unpacking a gripping Reddit post about a woman questioning her reaction to her fiancé’s Republican views on the federal financial aid freeze. Their story opens up a broader conversation on government subsidies, military service benefits, and how to navigate political differences in relationships.
We also dive into deep-seated biases within the military, the role of education and financial aid in creating opportunity, and the dangers of hyper-individuality. With generational shifts pushing big conversations into text threads, we explore the importance of empathy, collaboration, and systemic solutions for a more inclusive society.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Karen McFarlane (00:01):
Hi Brittany, how are you?
I'm good, I'm good.
Welcome everybody back to theD-Word.
Yes, do we have our specialco-host with us today?
Brittany S. Hale (00:15):
We do.
She is hanging out.
She took her bow out of herhair, but now she's resisting
being lifted, so she's happy.
Karen McFarlane (00:23):
But she's here.
Brittany S. Hale (00:23):
That's good.
She's executive producing fromunderneath the desk, but she is
now.
She's resisting being lifted,so she's okay, but she's here,
she's all right.
She's, uh, executive producingfrom underneath the desk perfect
.
Karen McFarlane (00:34):
Well, you sent me something super interesting
today from reddit files, right?
Yes?
Yes you want to give a littleoverview of I.
Brittany S. Hale (00:47):
So I find reddit to be a really
fascinating place because, ifyou're unfamiliar with, reddit,
is essentially a messaging boardwhere you can create what's
called a subreddit aboutanything.
So you have fandoms from booksand movies and you know there's
a harry potter fandom.
(01:07):
You have people sharing umtemperature blankets.
You know where people willthey'll they'll crochet these
blankets over the course of theyear according to the
temperature.
For that we, anything that youwant or can think of it's
probably on on Reddit.
But Reddit has a specificsubreddit that is called Am I
(01:30):
Overreacting?
And in the particular, am IOverreacting that I showed you.
A young woman was asking otherRedditors about whether or not
she was overreacting to herfiance.
Now I will really quickly.
(01:52):
Just, she says that she'sgotten an argument with her
fiance regarding the federalfinancial aid freeze.
So, if you're unaware, thererecently has been a freeze for
federal financial aids like PellGrants, so on and so forth.
And so she says that she'sreceiving a scholarship, but she
(02:14):
also uses the Pell Grant, whichgoes towards her cost of living
rather than tuition.
And so her fiance is in theNavy and he hasn't deployed, he
hasn't even finished histraining, he won't even go away
for quite some time.
But she's sharing with him herchallenges.
(02:35):
She's left leaning.
He is heavily Republican.
So when she says, hey, you know, our president froze Pell
Grants and FAFSA and I'mconcerned about my financial aid
, they have this exchange backand forth and it gets tricky,
(02:57):
karen.
It gets tricky, so I don't I'llpause there.
Karen McFarlane (03:06):
Yes, yes, Well, you're right, it's tricky.
I think you know there's twodistinct things happening in
this thread.
One is you know their debatebetween you, know the effects of
the freeze and how, uh well,how these government subsidies
(03:27):
in a way work, and how and whoit affects.
And then there's anotherunderlying tone is the the
relationship and how he speaksto her.
So correct I just calling thatout.
We're not going to talk abouttheir relationship in that
respect.
I don't think right, like no,no, I think it's.
Actually we can sum it up tosay that we both agree that he
(03:50):
shouldn't speak to her that way.
Right, that's a differentsituation to the people we love
yes exactly so you should beevaluating her relationship
based on his, his tone andremarks, and it's interesting
they're having this entireconversation via text despite
being in a relationship, which Ithink is a little bit weird.
They should probably have thisconversation Definitely a
(04:12):
generational thing, yeah.
Yeah, but it's more about thesentiments that give you kind of
an understanding of how thisone issue can be looked at so
differently from two differentsides.
Brittany S. Hale (04:29):
Yeah, and so I want to just call out a few of
his messages, because theunderlying tone is that she's
somehow undeserving and that sheis asking that there's not any
sort of reciprocity in thegranting of Pell Grants right,
(04:52):
which ostensibly are to create aspace where people can receive
education, eventually becomeprofessionals, you know, work
hard, pay their taxes, so on andso forth, and that's part of
the social contract that we haveright Is that we're mutually
(05:14):
invested in our own collectivewell-being.
And so for her partner he saysit's effing crazy for some
working taxpayer to have to footthe bill for some 2 million
youths meaning people who alsoreceive financial aid to go to
(05:37):
college, just because you can'tafford it.
Mind you, this is her fiance,so this is someone who also is
more personally invested in herand has prior knowledge about
her being a low income person.
(05:58):
Funding will not cut taxes forme or you, and that is the issue
.
And so he says you know taxesfor potholes, roads, government
paychecks, et cetera.
He says that benefits theAmerican people, you going to
(06:19):
college, doesn't?
He says you being able to go tocollege doesn't stop my tires
from effing blowing up.
How the eff do you expect otherpeople to pay for you to go to
effing college?
That is effing the R word,which we do not use, and he says
(06:40):
that way of thinking reallypisses me off.
And again, this is someone whois in the armed services.
And so she says you know, oh mygosh, why should I pay for your
tires?
Your military pay, yourbenefits, right, which you know
(07:02):
goes to which is?
You know, taxes do allow fordefense spending, which Congress
determines how much defensespending.
But whenever we look at thebudget, we know that we are the
country that spends the mostwhen it comes to defense
(07:24):
spending.
But nevertheless, he says thereare plenty of other hardworking
Americans barely making it byand they have to pay for you.
And she says I pay for them.
And he says well, I keep youfrom getting effing killed.
I keep you from a Chinese manR-wording you.
And I say R-wording becausethis also goes out on YouTube
(07:48):
and I don't want us to getcensored, but a very specific
type of assault, right, exactly.
He says I keep you from aChinese man our wording you.
And so this was the moment whereI said, huh, okay, this is as
American as apple pie, let meexplain.
(08:10):
Let me explain.
Is apple pie?
Let me explain?
Let me explain, because thisnarrative, right, that this
person who is he's speaking tohis fiance, right, but this
underlying narrative, that one,you don't deserve anything, that
(08:35):
there is no social contractviolation and harm that will
come to the most vulnerable ofus, or the people who are, quote
(09:00):
, worth protecting, which areostensibly white women, right,
white American women.
And so the idea one is justlike wait, who?
A Chinese?
Why would we're talking abouther being able to afford her
master's program?
How did we get to her beingassaulted?
(09:23):
Why is that something that you?
Karen McFarlane (09:26):
would present to her, and so specific.
Brittany S. Hale (09:31):
Correct.
So, like, clearly, you'reprojecting onto her a very
specific fear that you have.
But this fear isn't asunfounded as we would think,
because it immediately made methink of the very first
blockbuster, which was the Birthof a Nation blockbuster, which
(09:59):
was the birth of a nation, whichwas the first film that was
viewed in the white house.
Woodrow wilson right, hadeverybody around come, let's
view it.
And if you've not seen the birthof a nation, it is an
incredibly divisive film filledwith stereotypes, but chief
among them is in the film, uh, awoman is a white woman is
(10:23):
assaulted by, uh, you know these, these very violent, very
crazed black men, right, and inthe film they are not actually
Black men, they are white maleactors in Blackface, but they
are portrayed to be these sexcrazed demons, almost right.
(10:47):
The only thing that they haveon their mind is that they want
to violate white women, and wehave seen this over and over and
over and over again.
So you have birth of a nation.
You have, both before and afterbirth of a nation, what's
(11:43):
called misce having sex with, orAsian women, or Hispanic women
through line right of this veryspecific fear that's made its
way into legislation,entertainment and even into
intimate relationships.
So I saw that and that's why Ihad to share with you.
(12:04):
So I want to know what youthink.
Karen McFarlane (12:07):
Well, first of all, that was such an amazing
breakdown of the psychologybehind that right, and it's
scary in so many ways becausethat particular fear has
permeated through hundreds andhundreds of years.
Despite it being false as amatter of fact, I'll go so far
(12:30):
as to say you know, that mightjust be some projection, right,
because if we look obviously welook at history some of the most
violent people have beenEuropeans.
(13:11):
Colonizing and conquering othercountries have their own
conflicts and tendencies, right,but they're outweighed in many
ways in what Europeans have donethroughout history.
And I don't know how we shiftthat narrative because it has
(14:00):
become so ingrained in theculture for discrimination and
oftentimes hatred, and thathatred that manifests itself
into physical violence.
And it's scary that someone inour military who is supposed to
be sworn to protect this nationis isolating his views around
certain groups as being moreworthy of protection, like you
said, than other groups, andwe're all paying into that same
(14:23):
system.
So what does that mean fornon-white people today and
tomorrow?
We already know what it meantfor them yesterday and it just
keeps proliferating this samefalse narrative.
So that moment that you'vepointed out is so incredibly
(14:48):
important in understanding thepsyche of certain white men and
why they feel and act the waythat they do.
But how do we get them to seeus?
See all of us as equal whole,citizens deserving of the
(15:11):
benefits of government, thebenefits of society, and also
worth protection.
The benefits of society and alsoworth protection.
Brittany S. Hale (15:17):
Right, because he understands on some level
that taxes go to situations andthings that are for the common
good, like he references histires blowing up and whatever.
But he sees himself again.
Karen McFarlane (16:04):
He's not even out of training.
It will be years before he'sactually deployed, but he only
sees his service as a means ofprotecting a physical asset, his
property, in her sexualidentity.
Yeah, and it's also a veryselfish point of view, like you
said, it's a me, me, me point ofview.
You talked about the socialcontract, right, he doesn't make
the connection, although shetries to explain it in the
thread that her receiving thisgrant is not just free money.
(16:28):
It's going to be paid back individends through her education,
through her earnings, throughthe increased taxes that she's
going to pay to her contributionto society.
He makes this point about no oneshould have to pay for it.
If you can't afford it, go totrade school or wherever else.
(16:48):
And he makes the point thatwelders make $150,000 a year.
I mean that's true, but there'salso this thing called choice,
and you should not be preventedfrom having the opportunity to
develop and use your skill setsin the way that you think will
best serve your family yourself,your family and possibly
(17:11):
society.
And so you should be limited bythe amount of money that you
have in your pocket, is it's atruth, but when there are
opportunities to uplift yourselfand give back, then why is that
a bad thing?
And her other point about look,they're taking it away, but it's
(17:35):
not as if your costs are goingto go down Right, like
miraculously.
Oh, you get to pay less taxesFantastic.
That's never going to be thecase.
So where's the money?
You should be asking yourself.
Well then, if they take thataway, where is that money going?
Is that going into more defensefunding?
That might be cool for him,right.
(17:56):
Is his pay going to go up?
I don't know.
He also says people can just gointo the military.
Those are obvious choices, butyou just don't want to be
limited in your choice.
So I think it's sad that peopledon't understand that it's
probably better to have peopleeducated, happy and fulfilled
(18:18):
than to have them desperate andunfulfilled, because that leads
to a negative cycle thatactually affects society and may
actually affect you one daypersonally in your own backyard.
Brittany S. Hale (18:32):
Absolutely so perfectly stated.
Because what we have here isthis ongoing fear of inadequacy
(19:03):
to connect with one another, tolive in communities where you
can get to know other people,get to know other experiences,
that everybody can contribute tothe tapestry of America.
Because America doesn't onlybelong to one group, but one
group.
You know and so that's reallythe challenge the traditions and
the values that they are swornto protect, including freedom
(19:24):
and service Service.
(19:46):
You look at a group like theACLU which will say I may not
like what you have to say, maynot like what you have to say,
but I will protect your freedom.
To say it Right To his.
He may not like that people arereceiving financial aid to go
(20:06):
to school, even for his ownfiance, but he will fight, not
not only for her.
You know ability to not beviolated, but he should fight
for her freedom to pursue hereducation.
But that doesn't come up forhim and he says I'm here
(20:27):
fighting on the front line sothat this Chinese man doesn't
come and do this thing to you,instead of saying I'm fighting
so that you can go to school andso that you can enjoy this and
we're kind of hopping over thevery real possibility that he
doesn't want her to be educated.
He doesn't.
Maybe he doesn't believe thatthat's her role or that's her
(20:50):
place, because even though,again, these are ostensibly two
people who are headed down theaisle, it's like this is a you
issue.
Karen McFarlane (21:03):
We'll figure it out.
Correct.
There was none of thatconversation.
It was just like, well, youcan't do it, go to wellness
school.
Brittany S. Hale (21:11):
That's a you problem, right, and so we've
become adversaries instead offinding the bridge to connect
not only back to each other, butwhat we want for ourselves and
our country.
Karen McFarlane (21:25):
Can I ask what could be an obvious question?
I mean, it's a great question.
Yes, are we at war with Chinaright now?
So depends on who you ask butin terms of like needing
military personnel to physicallyprevent a chinese man front,
(21:48):
I'm trying to understand, likemaybe I would make a different
connection if we're talkingabout the middle east or
whatever.
I'm a little confused, you know.
I know we're in like digitalwars or cyber wars, right Right
right, but like a technologicalcold war maybe.
Brittany S. Hale (22:07):
But yeah, to my knowledge we've not been
invaded.
Yeah, yeah.
Karen McFarlane (22:15):
So how is he?
I'm just, I'm really I'm tryingto understand his mindset, Like
, how is he preventing there?
Brittany S. Hale (22:20):
are Chinese Americans.
You know, we just celebratedthe lunar new year.
Karen McFarlane (22:26):
Okay.
So the military on Americansoil arresting Chinese people
from acts they may do?
We're in minority report land,Okay.
Brittany S. Hale (22:41):
I was just going to say that sounds exactly
like minority report and thatsounds that sounds dangerous and
if we don't take care we couldvery easily get to that point.
Yeah, you don't want past tobecome prologue, right?
I mean, we had Japanese, we hadJapanese internment camps.
Karen McFarlane (23:01):
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
No, I'm really trying tounderstand, like I mean, I'm
laughing about it, but I could Icould be missing something that
I don't know that's going on.
I just find that a littlethere's a disconnect there.
Brittany S. Hale (23:15):
Yeah, I will, I'll go back.
So the information that sheprovided does not share any sort
of military insight into wherewe stand with being invaded, nor
do the screenshots.
So, yes, we have limited accessto the information, but I don't
(23:41):
know.
Karen McFarlane (23:41):
Details matter in this case, right when he's
trying to make his case.
I don't understand.
And look, I could also argueabout the roads and the potholes
.
Just drive around them.
Why should I have to pay for apothole, Correct?
Brittany S. Hale (24:00):
I don't have children, why should I have to
pay taxes?
Right To allow for children togo to school?
In fact, having served on aboard of education right?
These are the types ofquestions If you don't have have
children, why do you want toserve on the board of education?
Karen McFarlane (24:19):
true, my child has grown.
I already paid my dues.
Why do I have to, you know,keep paying school taxes like?
Why do I do that?
Yeah if I never go to this youknow.
Brittany S. Hale (24:29):
And so again, if we get to this point of hyper
individuality, whichunfortunately, has been what I
would say one of the biggestchallenges to this nation and
one of my biggest gripes iswe're so focused on the
individual, we're so focused onthe self that we forget that we
(24:52):
are a nation, that we should allbe working toward a collective
good.
What do we want to have thefreedom to?
If I choose to have a child, Iwould like to have access to
safe healthcare.
I would like for my child tohave access to a good education
(25:17):
that allows for them to compete,eventually, right and in a
global marketplace.
I would like for my child to besafe and that's why I would
like for them to have thefreedom to learn and be free
from threat of any sort ofphysical harm.
Karen McFarlane (25:37):
Yeah, and I want even if I don't have a
child, didn't have a child and Ihave one, but he's grown I want
all the children around me tohave those things too.
Okay, because the opposite ofthat is they're uneducated,
they're unemployed and againthat leads to bad things in my
(26:00):
neighborhood, right?
So I have wholly educatedpeople around me that can have
critical thinking skills, thatcan, you know, make their money,
keep up their homes right,because you need money for these
things, you know, keep up theeconomy in my local community,
in my state, like all of thosethings create economic vitality
(26:24):
and personal protection andsafety and longevity for
families.
And so we can't just thinkabout ourselves and just go for
Delph, right, like, we need tothink about the greater
community that we're in,absolutely about the greater
community that we're in, butunfortunately that doesn't
(26:44):
happen.
People want to parse out certainthings, and part of me
understands that this is allpredicated, for the most part,
on money and the pressures thatpeople are having.
Things are getting reallyexpensive and when you can't
afford to do the things that youwant to do, whether it's buy
(27:07):
eggs, which are absolutelyridiculous or go on your annual
vacation, right Then you startto feel resentful of all the
things that are puttingpressures on that, and then the
blame game starts to surface andwe have to be really careful
(27:30):
not to do that and reallyunderstand the different factors
contributing to those differenteconomic pressures that you're
experiencing and figure out away that where we all can work
together to make someimprovements but it's never
going to be completely fair,right, that's not how the system
(27:52):
works.
I mean look at insurance, right?
Yeah, I mean, how can peoplepay for the sick?
That's how it works, forexample.
Look at insurance, right.
I mean, how can people pay forthe sick?
That's how it works, forexample.
Brittany S. Hale (28:05):
I'm sorry, no, please go ahead.
Karen McFarlane (28:07):
No, no, no, no.
Just giving life insurance isthe same way.
Or home insurance, right?
The homes that never need itpay for the ones that do need it
.
That's just how that particularsystem works.
Brittany S. Hale (28:17):
Correct.
All I was going to say was whatyou just described sounds like
what it would mean to makeAmerica great again.
Karen McFarlane (28:27):
See, this is why they need to talk to us.
We've got all the answers.
Brittany S. Hale (28:30):
You know there is always a bridge and so
really and truly again, veryoften I don't know if you've
heard this growing up, buthaving grown up with military
folks I mean, I had a Marine asa father right I've often heard
(28:54):
feelings aren't facts.
But what I want listeners toremember is that feelings can
become facts because the feelingof inadequacy leads to a
feeling of fear, which leads toa feeling of hatred, which leads
to divisive thinking, whichleads to divisive behavior,
(29:15):
which leads to divisive actions,which leads to divisive
legislation and all sorts ofcollective harm.
So this feeling of inadequacyreally has to be dealt with by
those who are feeling inadequateand instead of outsourcing
(29:38):
blame and outsourcing thatfeeling onto the Chinese man,
the mythological scary Chineseman, or the mythological scary
Middle Eastern person or themythological scary Black person,
it needs to be dealt with hereit needs to be dealt with here
(30:05):
In words yes, it's not anybodyelse's issue.
Karen McFarlane (30:08):
Yeah, I think that's the perfect note that we
could leave people with,although I will say in a very
lighthearted way that, if you'rea cancer, oh yes, feelings can
often be facts feelings canoften be facts, and those
feelings are rarely wrong.
That intuition with someexceptions.
(30:35):
That's not everybody.
That's not everybody.
Is these two cancers on thephone right now?
Brittany S. Hale (30:40):
Elon is a cancer, we don't blame him.
We don't blame him, we push himout of the show.
Karen McFarlane (30:46):
Oh yeah, like I said, he's too on the pod right
now, so you know.
Brittany S. Hale (30:50):
Yes.
Karen McFarlane (30:52):
I said phone earlier.
We're not on the phone.
So that was great insight,brittany, and actually I hope
people replay that last bit andand really take that in, because
that's, at the end of the day,what we need to realize.
So thank you for that.
Brittany S. Hale (31:10):
Listen and Reddit did not pay us.
So you know if, if Reddit wouldlike our insight, we are happy
to share.
Yeah, but yeah, thank you,karen, for actually reading it
and kind of going down thisjourney with me.
Karen McFarlane (31:28):
Always this is random, but I love random and it
all connects back.
It does All right, brittany,until next time, bye, bye.
Hi Brittany, how are you?
I'm good, I'm good.
Welcome everybody back to theD-Word.
Yes, do we have our specialco-host with us today?
Brittany S. Hale (00:15):
We do.
She is hanging out.
She took her bow out of herhair, but now she's resisting
being lifted, so she's happy.
Karen McFarlane (00:23):
But she's here.
Brittany S. Hale (00:23):
That's good.
She's executive producing fromunderneath the desk, but she is
now.
She's resisting being lifted,so she's okay, but she's here,
she's all right.
She's, uh, executive producingfrom underneath the desk perfect
.
Karen McFarlane (00:34):
Well, you sent me something super interesting
today from reddit files, right?
Yes?
Yes you want to give a littleoverview of I.
Brittany S. Hale (00:47):
So I find reddit to be a really
fascinating place because, ifyou're unfamiliar with, reddit,
is essentially a messaging boardwhere you can create what's
called a subreddit aboutanything.
So you have fandoms from booksand movies and you know there's
a harry potter fandom.
(01:07):
You have people sharing umtemperature blankets.
You know where people willthey'll they'll crochet these
blankets over the course of theyear according to the
temperature.
For that we, anything that youwant or can think of it's
probably on on Reddit.
But Reddit has a specificsubreddit that is called Am I
(01:30):
Overreacting?
And in the particular, am IOverreacting that I showed you.
A young woman was asking otherRedditors about whether or not
she was overreacting to herfiance.
Now I will really quickly.
(01:52):
Just, she says that she'sgotten an argument with her
fiance regarding the federalfinancial aid freeze.
So, if you're unaware, thererecently has been a freeze for
federal financial aids like PellGrants, so on and so forth.
And so she says that she'sreceiving a scholarship, but she
(02:14):
also uses the Pell Grant, whichgoes towards her cost of living
rather than tuition.
And so her fiance is in theNavy and he hasn't deployed, he
hasn't even finished histraining, he won't even go away
for quite some time.
But she's sharing with him herchallenges.
(02:35):
She's left leaning.
He is heavily Republican.
So when she says, hey, you know, our president froze Pell
Grants and FAFSA and I'mconcerned about my financial aid
, they have this exchange backand forth and it gets tricky,
(02:57):
karen.
It gets tricky, so I don't I'llpause there.
Karen McFarlane (03:06):
Yes, yes, Well, you're right, it's tricky.
I think you know there's twodistinct things happening in
this thread.
One is you know their debatebetween you, know the effects of
the freeze and how, uh well,how these government subsidies
(03:27):
in a way work, and how and whoit affects.
And then there's anotherunderlying tone is the the
relationship and how he speaksto her.
So correct I just calling thatout.
We're not going to talk abouttheir relationship in that
respect.
I don't think right, like no,no, I think it's.
Actually we can sum it up tosay that we both agree that he
(03:50):
shouldn't speak to her that way.
Right, that's a differentsituation to the people we love
yes exactly so you should beevaluating her relationship
based on his, his tone andremarks, and it's interesting
they're having this entireconversation via text despite
being in a relationship, which Ithink is a little bit weird.
They should probably have thisconversation Definitely a
(04:12):
generational thing, yeah.
Yeah, but it's more about thesentiments that give you kind of
an understanding of how thisone issue can be looked at so
differently from two differentsides.
Brittany S. Hale (04:29):
Yeah, and so I want to just call out a few of
his messages, because theunderlying tone is that she's
somehow undeserving and that sheis asking that there's not any
sort of reciprocity in thegranting of Pell Grants right,
(04:52):
which ostensibly are to create aspace where people can receive
education, eventually becomeprofessionals, you know, work
hard, pay their taxes, so on andso forth, and that's part of
the social contract that we haveright Is that we're mutually
(05:14):
invested in our own collectivewell-being.
And so for her partner he saysit's effing crazy for some
working taxpayer to have to footthe bill for some 2 million
youths meaning people who alsoreceive financial aid to go to
(05:37):
college, just because you can'tafford it.
Mind you, this is her fiance,so this is someone who also is
more personally invested in herand has prior knowledge about
her being a low income person.
(05:58):
Funding will not cut taxes forme or you, and that is the issue
.
And so he says you know taxesfor potholes, roads, government
paychecks, et cetera.
He says that benefits theAmerican people, you going to
(06:19):
college, doesn't?
He says you being able to go tocollege doesn't stop my tires
from effing blowing up.
How the eff do you expect otherpeople to pay for you to go to
effing college?
That is effing the R word,which we do not use, and he says
(06:40):
that way of thinking reallypisses me off.
And again, this is someone whois in the armed services.
And so she says you know, oh mygosh, why should I pay for your
tires?
Your military pay, yourbenefits, right, which you know
(07:02):
goes to which is?
You know, taxes do allow fordefense spending, which Congress
determines how much defensespending.
But whenever we look at thebudget, we know that we are the
country that spends the mostwhen it comes to defense
(07:24):
spending.
But nevertheless, he says thereare plenty of other hardworking
Americans barely making it byand they have to pay for you.
And she says I pay for them.
And he says well, I keep youfrom getting effing killed.
I keep you from a Chinese manR-wording you.
And I say R-wording becausethis also goes out on YouTube
(07:48):
and I don't want us to getcensored, but a very specific
type of assault, right, exactly.
He says I keep you from aChinese man our wording you.
And so this was the moment whereI said, huh, okay, this is as
American as apple pie, let meexplain.
(08:10):
Let me explain.
Is apple pie?
Let me explain?
Let me explain, because thisnarrative, right, that this
person who is he's speaking tohis fiance, right, but this
underlying narrative, that one,you don't deserve anything, that
(08:35):
there is no social contractviolation and harm that will
come to the most vulnerable ofus, or the people who are, quote
(09:00):
, worth protecting, which areostensibly white women, right,
white American women.
And so the idea one is justlike wait, who?
A Chinese?
Why would we're talking abouther being able to afford her
master's program?
How did we get to her beingassaulted?
(09:23):
Why is that something that you?
Karen McFarlane (09:26):
would present to her, and so specific.
Brittany S. Hale (09:31):
Correct.
So, like, clearly, you'reprojecting onto her a very
specific fear that you have.
But this fear isn't asunfounded as we would think,
because it immediately made methink of the very first
blockbuster, which was the Birthof a Nation blockbuster, which
(09:59):
was the birth of a nation, whichwas the first film that was
viewed in the white house.
Woodrow wilson right, hadeverybody around come, let's
view it.
And if you've not seen the birthof a nation, it is an
incredibly divisive film filledwith stereotypes, but chief
among them is in the film, uh, awoman is a white woman is
(10:23):
assaulted by, uh, you know these, these very violent, very
crazed black men, right, and inthe film they are not actually
Black men, they are white maleactors in Blackface, but they
are portrayed to be these sexcrazed demons, almost right.
(10:47):
The only thing that they haveon their mind is that they want
to violate white women, and wehave seen this over and over and
over and over again.
So you have birth of a nation.
You have, both before and afterbirth of a nation, what's
(11:43):
called misce having sex with, orAsian women, or Hispanic women
through line right of this veryspecific fear that's made its
way into legislation,entertainment and even into
intimate relationships.
So I saw that and that's why Ihad to share with you.
(12:04):
So I want to know what youthink.
Karen McFarlane (12:07):
Well, first of all, that was such an amazing
breakdown of the psychologybehind that right, and it's
scary in so many ways becausethat particular fear has
permeated through hundreds andhundreds of years.
Despite it being false as amatter of fact, I'll go so far
(12:30):
as to say you know, that mightjust be some projection, right,
because if we look obviously welook at history some of the most
violent people have beenEuropeans.
(13:11):
Colonizing and conquering othercountries have their own
conflicts and tendencies, right,but they're outweighed in many
ways in what Europeans have donethroughout history.
And I don't know how we shiftthat narrative because it has
(14:00):
become so ingrained in theculture for discrimination and
oftentimes hatred, and thathatred that manifests itself
into physical violence.
And it's scary that someone inour military who is supposed to
be sworn to protect this nationis isolating his views around
certain groups as being moreworthy of protection, like you
said, than other groups, andwe're all paying into that same
(14:23):
system.
So what does that mean fornon-white people today and
tomorrow?
We already know what it meantfor them yesterday and it just
keeps proliferating this samefalse narrative.
So that moment that you'vepointed out is so incredibly
(14:48):
important in understanding thepsyche of certain white men and
why they feel and act the waythat they do.
But how do we get them to seeus?
See all of us as equal whole,citizens deserving of the
(15:11):
benefits of government, thebenefits of society, and also
worth protection.
The benefits of society and alsoworth protection.
Brittany S. Hale (15:17):
Right, because he understands on some level
that taxes go to situations andthings that are for the common
good, like he references histires blowing up and whatever.
But he sees himself again.
Karen McFarlane (16:04):
He's not even out of training.
It will be years before he'sactually deployed, but he only
sees his service as a means ofprotecting a physical asset, his
property, in her sexualidentity.
Yeah, and it's also a veryselfish point of view, like you
said, it's a me, me, me point ofview.
You talked about the socialcontract, right, he doesn't make
the connection, although shetries to explain it in the
thread that her receiving thisgrant is not just free money.
(16:28):
It's going to be paid back individends through her education,
through her earnings, throughthe increased taxes that she's
going to pay to her contributionto society.
He makes this point about no oneshould have to pay for it.
If you can't afford it, go totrade school or wherever else.
(16:48):
And he makes the point thatwelders make $150,000 a year.
I mean that's true, but there'salso this thing called choice,
and you should not be preventedfrom having the opportunity to
develop and use your skill setsin the way that you think will
best serve your family yourself,your family and possibly
(17:11):
society.
And so you should be limited bythe amount of money that you
have in your pocket, is it's atruth, but when there are
opportunities to uplift yourselfand give back, then why is that
a bad thing?
And her other point about look,they're taking it away, but it's
(17:35):
not as if your costs are goingto go down Right, like
miraculously.
Oh, you get to pay less taxesFantastic.
That's never going to be thecase.
So where's the money?
You should be asking yourself.
Well then, if they take thataway, where is that money going?
Is that going into more defensefunding?
That might be cool for him,right.
(17:56):
Is his pay going to go up?
I don't know.
He also says people can just gointo the military.
Those are obvious choices, butyou just don't want to be
limited in your choice.
So I think it's sad that peopledon't understand that it's
probably better to have peopleeducated, happy and fulfilled
(18:18):
than to have them desperate andunfulfilled, because that leads
to a negative cycle thatactually affects society and may
actually affect you one daypersonally in your own backyard.
Brittany S. Hale (18:32):
Absolutely so perfectly stated.
Because what we have here isthis ongoing fear of inadequacy
(19:03):
to connect with one another, tolive in communities where you
can get to know other people,get to know other experiences,
that everybody can contribute tothe tapestry of America.
Because America doesn't onlybelong to one group, but one
group.
You know and so that's reallythe challenge the traditions and
the values that they are swornto protect, including freedom
(19:24):
and service Service.
(19:46):
You look at a group like theACLU which will say I may not
like what you have to say, maynot like what you have to say,
but I will protect your freedom.
To say it Right To his.
He may not like that people arereceiving financial aid to go
(20:06):
to school, even for his ownfiance, but he will fight, not
not only for her.
You know ability to not beviolated, but he should fight
for her freedom to pursue hereducation.
But that doesn't come up forhim and he says I'm here
(20:27):
fighting on the front line sothat this Chinese man doesn't
come and do this thing to you,instead of saying I'm fighting
so that you can go to school andso that you can enjoy this and
we're kind of hopping over thevery real possibility that he
doesn't want her to be educated.
He doesn't.
Maybe he doesn't believe thatthat's her role or that's her
(20:50):
place, because even though,again, these are ostensibly two
people who are headed down theaisle, it's like this is a you
issue.
Karen McFarlane (21:03):
We'll figure it out.
Correct.
There was none of thatconversation.
It was just like, well, youcan't do it, go to wellness
school.
Brittany S. Hale (21:11):
That's a you problem, right, and so we've
become adversaries instead offinding the bridge to connect
not only back to each other, butwhat we want for ourselves and
our country.
Karen McFarlane (21:25):
Can I ask what could be an obvious question?
I mean, it's a great question.
Yes, are we at war with Chinaright now?
So depends on who you ask butin terms of like needing
military personnel to physicallyprevent a chinese man front,
(21:48):
I'm trying to understand, likemaybe I would make a different
connection if we're talkingabout the middle east or
whatever.
I'm a little confused, you know.
I know we're in like digitalwars or cyber wars, right Right
right, but like a technologicalcold war maybe.
Brittany S. Hale (22:07):
But yeah, to my knowledge we've not been
invaded.
Yeah, yeah.
Karen McFarlane (22:15):
So how is he?
I'm just, I'm really I'm tryingto understand his mindset, Like
, how is he preventing there?
Brittany S. Hale (22:20):
are Chinese Americans.
You know, we just celebratedthe lunar new year.
Karen McFarlane (22:26):
Okay.
So the military on Americansoil arresting Chinese people
from acts they may do?
We're in minority report land,Okay.
Brittany S. Hale (22:41):
I was just going to say that sounds exactly
like minority report and thatsounds that sounds dangerous and
if we don't take care we couldvery easily get to that point.
Yeah, you don't want past tobecome prologue, right?
I mean, we had Japanese, we hadJapanese internment camps.
Karen McFarlane (23:01):
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
No, I'm really trying tounderstand, like I mean, I'm
laughing about it, but I could Icould be missing something that
I don't know that's going on.
I just find that a littlethere's a disconnect there.
Brittany S. Hale (23:15):
Yeah, I will, I'll go back.
So the information that sheprovided does not share any sort
of military insight into wherewe stand with being invaded, nor
do the screenshots.
So, yes, we have limited accessto the information, but I don't
(23:41):
know.
Karen McFarlane (23:41):
Details matter in this case, right when he's
trying to make his case.
I don't understand.
And look, I could also argueabout the roads and the potholes
.
Just drive around them.
Why should I have to pay for apothole, Correct?
Brittany S. Hale (24:00):
I don't have children, why should I have to
pay taxes?
Right To allow for children togo to school?
In fact, having served on aboard of education right?
These are the types ofquestions If you don't have have
children, why do you want toserve on the board of education?
Karen McFarlane (24:19):
true, my child has grown.
I already paid my dues.
Why do I have to, you know,keep paying school taxes like?
Why do I do that?
Yeah if I never go to this youknow.
Brittany S. Hale (24:29):
And so again, if we get to this point of hyper
individuality, whichunfortunately, has been what I
would say one of the biggestchallenges to this nation and
one of my biggest gripes iswe're so focused on the
individual, we're so focused onthe self that we forget that we
(24:52):
are a nation, that we should allbe working toward a collective
good.
What do we want to have thefreedom to?
If I choose to have a child, Iwould like to have access to
safe healthcare.
I would like for my child tohave access to a good education
(25:17):
that allows for them to compete,eventually, right and in a
global marketplace.
I would like for my child to besafe and that's why I would
like for them to have thefreedom to learn and be free
from threat of any sort ofphysical harm.
Karen McFarlane (25:37):
Yeah, and I want even if I don't have a
child, didn't have a child and Ihave one, but he's grown I want
all the children around me tohave those things too.
Okay, because the opposite ofthat is they're uneducated,
they're unemployed and againthat leads to bad things in my
(26:00):
neighborhood, right?
So I have wholly educatedpeople around me that can have
critical thinking skills, thatcan, you know, make their money,
keep up their homes right,because you need money for these
things, you know, keep up theeconomy in my local community,
in my state, like all of thosethings create economic vitality
(26:24):
and personal protection andsafety and longevity for
families.
And so we can't just thinkabout ourselves and just go for
Delph, right, like, we need tothink about the greater
community that we're in,absolutely about the greater
community that we're in, butunfortunately that doesn't
(26:44):
happen.
People want to parse out certainthings, and part of me
understands that this is allpredicated, for the most part,
on money and the pressures thatpeople are having.
Things are getting reallyexpensive and when you can't
afford to do the things that youwant to do, whether it's buy
(27:07):
eggs, which are absolutelyridiculous or go on your annual
vacation, right Then you startto feel resentful of all the
things that are puttingpressures on that, and then the
blame game starts to surface andwe have to be really careful
(27:30):
not to do that and reallyunderstand the different factors
contributing to those differenteconomic pressures that you're
experiencing and figure out away that where we all can work
together to make someimprovements but it's never
going to be completely fair,right, that's not how the system
(27:52):
works.
I mean look at insurance, right?
Yeah, I mean, how can peoplepay for the sick?
That's how it works, forexample.
Look at insurance, right.
I mean, how can people pay forthe sick?
That's how it works, forexample.
Brittany S. Hale (28:05):
I'm sorry, no, please go ahead.
Karen McFarlane (28:07):
No, no, no, no.
Just giving life insurance isthe same way.
Or home insurance, right?
The homes that never need itpay for the ones that do need it
.
That's just how that particularsystem works.
Brittany S. Hale (28:17):
Correct.
All I was going to say was whatyou just described sounds like
what it would mean to makeAmerica great again.
Karen McFarlane (28:27):
See, this is why they need to talk to us.
We've got all the answers.
Brittany S. Hale (28:30):
You know there is always a bridge and so
really and truly again, veryoften I don't know if you've
heard this growing up, buthaving grown up with military
folks I mean, I had a Marine asa father right I've often heard
(28:54):
feelings aren't facts.
But what I want listeners toremember is that feelings can
become facts because the feelingof inadequacy leads to a
feeling of fear, which leads toa feeling of hatred, which leads
to divisive thinking, whichleads to divisive behavior,
(29:15):
which leads to divisive actions,which leads to divisive
legislation and all sorts ofcollective harm.
So this feeling of inadequacyreally has to be dealt with by
those who are feeling inadequateand instead of outsourcing
(29:38):
blame and outsourcing thatfeeling onto the Chinese man,
the mythological scary Chineseman, or the mythological scary
Middle Eastern person or themythological scary Black person,
it needs to be dealt with hereit needs to be dealt with here
(30:05):
In words yes, it's not anybodyelse's issue.
Karen McFarlane (30:08):
Yeah, I think that's the perfect note that we
could leave people with,although I will say in a very
lighthearted way that, if you'rea cancer, oh yes, feelings can
often be facts feelings canoften be facts, and those
feelings are rarely wrong.
That intuition with someexceptions.
(30:35):
That's not everybody.
That's not everybody.
Is these two cancers on thephone right now?
Brittany S. Hale (30:40):
Elon is a cancer, we don't blame him.
We don't blame him, we push himout of the show.
Karen McFarlane (30:46):
Oh yeah, like I said, he's too on the pod right
now, so you know.
Brittany S. Hale (30:50):
Yes.
Karen McFarlane (30:52):
I said phone earlier.
We're not on the phone.
So that was great insight,brittany, and actually I hope
people replay that last bit andand really take that in, because
that's, at the end of the day,what we need to realize.
So thank you for that.
Brittany S. Hale (31:10):
Listen and Reddit did not pay us.
So you know if, if Reddit wouldlike our insight, we are happy
to share.
Yeah, but yeah, thank you,karen, for actually reading it
and kind of going down thisjourney with me.
Karen McFarlane (31:28):
Always this is random, but I love random and it
all connects back.
It does All right, brittany,until next time, bye, bye.
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