-“Alright y’all… buckle up, ‘cause The Effin’ CrunchCrew is back in the building! First off, a big shout-out to all our listeners across the damn globe—who knew our nonsense would reach that far? Y’all sittin’ in Paris, Tokyo, Dallas, and probably some drunk dude in Oklahoma—thank you for tuning in.
Now, today’s show… oh it’s a good one. We’re talking about the pettiest breakups we ever pulled—like, ‘I love you, but I’m gonna break up with you over a Post-it note’ petty. Or hittin’ somebody with that AOL ‘You’ve Got Mail’ just to say ‘You don’t got me no more.’ That level of cold-hearted.
Then we’re takin’ a dark left turn, y’all—straight into the shadows—‘cause do you even know who The Dallas Ripper was? If you don’t, you about to. And of course, we got a whole mess of Effin’ Mumble Jumble sprinkled in—because what’s life without a little chaos?
So grab your whiskey, grab your snacks, and let’s get into this madness.”
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