In this episode, I delve into 'spring cleaning' your social media account and the vitality of curation for an empowering online experience. I reveal how my personal strategy focuses on fostering genuine connections, not just boosting follower numbers. By listening to our body's cues and maintaining control over our digital engagements, we can build a more authentic presence online.
Running a business on social media can often feel like a tightrope walk between marketing and staying true to oneself. We tackle the importance of setting firm boundaries akin to the decorum of a physical store, utilizing tools like the block button to foster a respectful environment. It's all about the nuanced art of engaging in respectful dialogues on sensitive topics while keeping a business page authentic and boundary-conscious.
As a teacher and practitioner, sharing knowledge ethically is a tightrope of its own. I open up about my balance between vulnerability and professionalism, stressing the importance of knowing your expertise limits when discussing complex subjects. This allows us to ethically navigate important conversations about emotionally charged events. Join us for this insightful episode as we explore the delicate dance of social media, teaching, and personal boundaries.
Kat HoSoo Lee is an Emotional Alchemy Coach, Spiritual Business Mentor and host of The Emotional Alchemy Podcast.
She loves playing in the space where science and spirituality converge because this is where we get to experience emotional alchemy. In her work, she educates space-holders about somatic physiology and environmental biology so they can deepen their practices of listening and presence which ultimately helps them expand their capacity to hold space for others.
As a Spiritual Business Mentor, she guides soulful entrepreneurs to approach their business as a spiritual practice. The work bridges the emotional landscape with practical tools which allow them to cultivate businesses that are rooted in conscious values, relational marketing and purposeful service.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi friends.
So this question came up duringa BAM coaching call and we
spent an entire hour unpackingthis particular question because
there's so many layers to itand it's something that I've
heard so many times from folks.
But I'm gonna give you theCliff Notes, sort of like nuts
(00:24):
and bolts version of it, becausewhat happens in a BAM coaching
call is we like get into thatperson's story, we unpack, you
know sort of where theirpersonal knots might be held.
But I thought that the likenuts and bolts were still
incredibly valid and helpful forreally anybody who is wanting
(00:46):
to create community in socialmedia spaces.
So, yeah, the concept aroundhow do we develop better
relationships with social mediaand by better I want to just
make that explicit moreregulated, less dopamine
(01:06):
inducing, less like doom-scrollyand, quite frankly, just like
more empowering and connectedwhen you go on social media and
for me, the space that I like toplay in is an Instagram, but
really this concept applies toany other social media space
that you're you're reallyinteracting with.
(01:28):
So I really think of it as likeinputs and outputs.
So the first piece to reallyunpack is like what is the
inputs coming in through yourscreen and is it time to maybe
do a little bit of springcleaning.
It's something that I do fairlyregularly is go through my list
(01:49):
of accounts that I'm followingand deciding like, hey, do I
really want to be following thisperson, this company?
And so, for example, if you goto my Kat Hoseuli account,
actually have 109 accounts thatI'm following, which is pretty
low, I would say, and I, justout of my own, like sheer sense
(02:11):
of curiosity, I went through andmade a like, differentiation of
like, who am I following andwhy am I following them?
So 63 of those people are pastor current clients.
Because I genuinely want to seewhat's happening in their lives
.
I want to see, like, even ifthey are, you know, graduated
(02:33):
from either one-on-one coachingwith me or from BAM, I want to
see what kind of offers y'allare putting out.
I get excited to see like hey,like that's a thing that we
talked about and you're actuallydoing the thing.
And so 63 of those folks areclients, like actual clients
that I've had.
38 of them are either friendsor collaborators, and so under
(02:58):
that list are folks that youknow I love doing projects with
folks that I have had on thepodcast and just like really
interested in their in theirwork, and then nine of those are
teachers, so people that Iwould like to learn from in you
know, whatever capacity.
(03:19):
I think some of them arenervous system teachers, some of
them are, you know, also otherbusiness coaches that I'm
interested in, and so, like, thelist of inputs is quite small,
and that is completely onpurpose, because there are so
(03:40):
many ways in which we can feelso shitty about ourselves, and
for me, one of my like barbs iswhen I see somebody out there in
the world, particularly in thebusiness coaching world, who is
doing something in an unethicalway, I have a tendency to just
like latch into that and be likelike, if I'm operating from,
(04:06):
you know, sort of my innerwounded child, I'm like how is
it that they have so many morefollowers than me and they're
doing things in a way that Iknow is unethical?
Instead of looking at my ownwork and being like hey, like,
how can I continue to create asafer place for people?
How can I continue to havereally interesting conversations
(04:27):
with folks?
And so, instead of goingthrough that like inner turmoil
of like seeing things out therethat don't resonate, I've just
decided to like unfollow a lotof folks.
To me, that also helps keep mymessaging really clear and an
(04:52):
expression of who I am, so thatI'm not being influenced by what
trendy things are out there,like I really, really don't care
about the algorithm.
I've built my entire businessso far on completely organic
marketing.
I've not put out ads, it'sreally just been through
(05:13):
relationship building, and so ifI have an icky, sticky
relationship with what shows upon my scroll, then it makes me
lexic-cited to come to thisplace, and so, like, there's a
very, very clear boundary for mein terms of like who shows up
on my feed.
I will say that I have apersonal account as well, and on
(05:35):
there I do follow more people,but they tend to be things like
about horse training and, youknow, homesteading.
And for me, that's where I getinto a little bit of the scroll
is because, again, even therethere are all accounts that,
(05:55):
like give me a good and excitedfeeling to show up in that space
, and I think that that's animportant thing to sort of check
in with your body about is howdoes that account make you feel?
And so, as somebody who has asafe or response in human design
, I can literally just make adecision of like body scan.
(06:18):
Oh, I don't like how thataccount makes me feel.
I don't even need to likejustify it or create any sort of
like logic or like why, storyaround it or even like get into,
like how is my unfollow goingto make them feel like you'd be
surprised how little people areable to like sense like this,
(06:38):
like ebb and flow in their, intheir follower field, you know,
on a weekly basis I would say.
You know, it's a littledifferent when I've posted
something controversial.
But, like, I would say that myfollower list fluctuates like
anywhere between like five tofifteen people on any given
basis and and, as you know,accounts grow bigger that number
(07:02):
gets a little bit bigger andthen Oftentimes, when I do post
something a bit controversial,I'll see a big mass migration
out of my space and to me that'sa welcome thing, it's a hey.
I'm glad that I showed thisthing to you because it gives
you the sovereignty and autonomyto choose whether you want to
be in this space, andparticularly when it comes to my
(07:24):
cat host, uli account, I thinkof that as a teaching space and
so if something doesn't sitright for that person, of course
I want them to go findsomething that is going to align
for them better, and so when Isee those mass migrations, I I
Welcome that in my body.
That's not always been the case.
(07:45):
That's taken some work, and soif that is something that feels
a little bit sticky to you,that's totally okay too.
Like let's just honor and meetthat where it's at, and you know
, this is the kind of work thatI love doing in group coaching
is like okay.
So where does that story comefrom?
Where do those feelings ofPerhaps rejection or abandonment
(08:06):
come from?
Can we reassure that little kidthat's inside of you, that is
watching that number with like ahawk eye, that you know
somebody following orunfollowing you has nothing to
do with your value and yourworth.
It really just is aboutresonance and and and to me it
(08:27):
always comes back torelationships.
So that's on the input side.
I would say on the output sideit gets a little bit more.
I there's like, there's like alittle bit more nuance there,
right, and so to me it's alwaysabout relationships, like I just
said.
And so if I want to treat myspace, as I Really think of it,
(08:53):
as like that, that independentlyowned whatever store for me the
, the sort of like kind of storethat I want to cultivate is
like that cozy yarn store where,like you just want to like chat
with that store clerk and nerdout about that thing.
(09:14):
Or Actually, my local feedstore where I get my horse food
from and my dog food from islike that as well.
I love Nicole who manages thatstore and you know she's just
such a welcoming, warm presenceand even if I'm not there to buy
something, I just kind of likehanging out and like petting the
bunnies, and oftentimes theyhave like puppies for sale in
(09:36):
there and and so like.
That's the kind of store that Iwant to cultivate and so it's
not gonna be this like Perfectlycurated box store, like target,
you know, with like planned outeverything and you know this
like sort of artificial way ofstaging things.
(09:57):
Like when you come on to mypage it's just a glimpse into my
life and yes, I am sellingproducts and I have offers out
there, but it's also a placethat we can just like relate
human to human and that's thekind of vibe that I want to
cultivate, because that's thekind of business that I feel
really excited to share with youand and to me that then changes
(10:22):
the kind of content that I wantto create For me.
I know that there are somebusiness coaches out there who
will say, have a call to actionat the end of every Post and
make sure that you're sendingthem to your website.
And you know, make sure thatyou're sending them to your
podcast.
And you know, to me it's likeif I were to Sit down with
(10:42):
somebody who I'm relating to andevery single time I sat down
with them, they were trying tosell me on something like that
would not be a cozy and saferelationship.
No-transcript.
You know, sometimes I'll havequestions for Nicole and be like
, hey, like, what kind of fooddo you feed your horse and why
do you choose this brand overthat brand?
But she's not the kind of pushysales person who's like, hey,
(11:05):
like, this is the new thing thatI have on offer right now.
You should go get this thingand let me sell it to you right
now.
Like to me, like that would bea reason to not go into that
store.
So that's why I interweave theway that I show up in that space
(11:26):
, because it is just sort oflike, authentic and organic to
what's happening in my life, andyou know the pings that I'm
getting from gardening, or youknow the sort of parallels that
I'm seeing between, like, myhorse training and how that
shows up in business, and usingmy life as a bit of a metaphor.
Like, to me, that feels like amore organic way to relate to
(11:48):
people than to constantly beshoving a product down their
throats.
Another thing that I think isreally important to mention here
is that this is my businesspage and so, as my business, I
am allowed to, and in fact, itis so important for me to
(12:09):
actually create some boundariesaround who's allowed in and
who's not allowed in, what kindof things can be said in this
space.
And so, you know, you can argueabout free speech all day long,
but ultimately, if somebodywere to come into my store and
it was like a brick and mortarstorefront and they decided to
(12:30):
just like tear into the yarnthat's on the walls, and you
know, slam the glass bottlesthat I have that are, you know,
perfectly curated, and you know,take the beautiful pottery that
I have brought into my spaceand, and you know, throw those
on the ground, like, that personwould promptly be escorted out
(12:51):
of my space and I would probablyhave a picture of them by the
cash register saying thisperson's not allowed in my space
anymore, and so I regularly usethe block button on Instagram
for this purpose is oftentimes,if I happen to say something
controversial, people come intelling me how I should think,
(13:13):
how I should feel, what I shouldbe saying, and that is the
equivalent of you going into abrick and mortar shop and
telling them how they should runtheir business and taking a
shit in the middle of the floor.
That would not be okay, and so,and so you know, I think that
in the beginning stages ofreally cultivating a
(13:35):
relationship with social media,I was really scared to use the
block button, feeling like, oh,I'm actually shutting down their
voice or you know, you know,maybe I need to be honoring the
free speech a bit more, but,like, when it comes down to it,
I am totally open to havinguncomfortable conversations with
(13:57):
people.
I have them all the time withmy inner circle.
I have talked about how one ofthe things that I value most
about my relationship with Andre, who helps me run this business
he's just kind of on the backend of things is that he's
constantly poking holes in thethings that I say and how I say
things and you know, challenging, like, have you thought about
(14:21):
it in this particular way orthat particular way?
And those conversations are sovaluable because he comes in
with an energy of wanting tounderstand me better, wanting to
understand, you know, whateverconcept it is that we're mulling
over better and comes in with alot of like, respect and
(14:43):
honoring where I'm coming from.
And so, you know, I've hadreally wonderful conversations
about controversial topics withpeople in my DMs who come in
with a genuine sense ofcuriosity and wanting to
understand.
And you know, sometimes they docome in wanting to change my
mind, and I am open to having mymind changed, but it has to
come from a place of mutualrespect and understanding first,
(15:05):
and so that's an importantboundary to make is that I think
that a lot of times, becausewe're sharing so much personal
stuff here, particularly ifyou're an online coach and
you're a spaceholder, it's hardto get those lines really clear.
But one of the things that hasto be clearly and explicitly
said that this is your businesspage, this is not your personal
(15:29):
page, and so you are allowed totreat your Instagram shop in
quotation marks as a business.
I think another thing that Iwanted to bring into this space
is like what to share and whatnot to share, because I think
(15:50):
that a lot of times I've hadthis feedback of like oh I can't
believe that you are so openand so, you know, vulnerable
with us.
And while I can appreciate that, it's because I've been able to
develop in my own nervoussystem the capacity to have a
lot of the things that are kindof sticky and, you know, kind of
(16:11):
scary out in the open.
That's taken a lot of time,that's taken a lot of work, and
I still have a very, very hardboundary around.
I do not share things that arenot in regulation, and so for me
it's I have my own inner circlethat I go to.
I've got my best friends, I'vegot my husband, I've got my
(16:33):
parents and I use them to helpme co-regulate when things feel
really dysregulating.
And I'm not going to come intomy business space and ask for
that from my community, becausethe product that I am sharing
with you, the offer that I'msharing with you, is that I am a
teacher and it would beinappropriate for me to cross
(16:54):
that boundary of asking someoneelse to hold space for me in
this place when I am supposed tobe the one who's holding space
for you.
So the reassurance that I canmake here is that I have my own
people, because I'm a human aswell and because things are
scary and the world isfrightening sometimes and things
don't always go as I want themto or I plan them to, and so, of
(17:18):
course, I'm going to getdysregulated.
I'm not here to tell you that,like at the end of this healing
journey, you are never, evergoing to feel dysregulated again
.
It's like there is no end tothis healing journey.
There was always going to bedysregulation.
It is actually important thatyou get dysregulated because
there's a lot of informationthat you can glean from
dysregulation.
And in that face ofdysregulation, how can you
(17:41):
support yourself so that you cancome to your business in a
regulated state?
And to me again, that alwayscomes back to my core people and
being able to lean on them andtrust them to hold me so that I
can hold you all Around.
That piece is again under theumbrella of like what do I share
(18:05):
?
What do I not share?
Another piece of that is thisis a teaching space for me.
I teach about emotionalregulation.
I teach about nervous systemregulation.
I teach about ethical businesspractices, how to do relational
marketing.
There's a lot that we teachabout in this space, and so if I
(18:26):
am being asked to teachsomething that I do not know
enough about, that is alwaysgoing to be a hard no for me.
I've talked about this a lotwhen it comes to the conflict in
Israel and Palestine, because Iwas getting called in quite a
lot during those weeks.
I'm still getting messagesalmost weekly about that, and
(18:47):
because I am not an expert onthe Middle East and what is
happening there, because Icannot possibly understand the
nuances of what is going on inthat space and what it's like
for the people who are reallyaffected by that.
I will always send you topeople that I am learning from,
and so, in the background, I amlistening to a lot of things
(19:10):
that Daniel and Gabar Mata areputting out.
I'm reading books about thisand I am not.
I do not feel that I will everbe in a place where I know
enough about this to be able toactually talk about it and share
about it in a way that is goingto feel ethical, and so my
boundary around being a teacherin this space is that I do not
(19:31):
share things that I cannot teachabout, because I do not have
enough information, I do nothave the experience and the
study behind it to share it withyou in an ethical way, and so I
will always send questions likethat you know whether and again
, this is kind of important as apractitioner as well Like what
(19:53):
is within your scope and what'snot within your scope?
Right, what is not within myscope is to talk about
geopolitical events that I knownothing about.
What is within my scope is totalk about the emotions and the
feelings that might be coming upfor people around that, and so
if you wanna talk to me aboutrage, if you wanna talk to me
about grief and guilt and shameabout some of these events that
(20:15):
are happening, I am all here forthat.
I am not here to tell you whatis the right answer in these
conflicts.
I'm not here to tell you whatneeds to happen in these spaces,
because, again, I'm not ateacher on those things.
So this I thought was gonna belike a five or six minute video.
It turned out obviously a lotlonger.
(20:38):
So, yeah, I am hopeful thatthat was helpful for you and let
me know if this was interesting, insightful, if it brought up
anything for you.
If you have any furtherquestions around social media
and your relationship to socialmedia, you can always send me an
email.
Hello at cathosucom and I'mreally glad that you are in my
(21:05):
community, so we'll chat soon.
Hi friends.
So this question came up duringa BAM coaching call and we
spent an entire hour unpackingthis particular question because
there's so many layers to itand it's something that I've
heard so many times from folks.
But I'm gonna give you theCliff Notes, sort of like nuts
(00:24):
and bolts version of it, becausewhat happens in a BAM coaching
call is we like get into thatperson's story, we unpack, you
know sort of where theirpersonal knots might be held.
But I thought that the likenuts and bolts were still
incredibly valid and helpful forreally anybody who is wanting
(00:46):
to create community in socialmedia spaces.
So, yeah, the concept aroundhow do we develop better
relationships with social mediaand by better I want to just
make that explicit moreregulated, less dopamine
(01:06):
inducing, less like doom-scrollyand, quite frankly, just like
more empowering and connectedwhen you go on social media and
for me, the space that I like toplay in is an Instagram, but
really this concept applies toany other social media space
that you're you're reallyinteracting with.
(01:28):
So I really think of it as likeinputs and outputs.
So the first piece to reallyunpack is like what is the
inputs coming in through yourscreen and is it time to maybe
do a little bit of springcleaning.
It's something that I do fairlyregularly is go through my list
(01:49):
of accounts that I'm followingand deciding like, hey, do I
really want to be following thisperson, this company?
And so, for example, if you goto my Kat Hoseuli account,
actually have 109 accounts thatI'm following, which is pretty
low, I would say, and I, justout of my own, like sheer sense
(02:11):
of curiosity, I went through andmade a like, differentiation of
like, who am I following andwhy am I following them?
So 63 of those people are pastor current clients.
Because I genuinely want to seewhat's happening in their lives
.
I want to see, like, even ifthey are, you know, graduated
(02:33):
from either one-on-one coachingwith me or from BAM, I want to
see what kind of offers y'allare putting out.
I get excited to see like hey,like that's a thing that we
talked about and you're actuallydoing the thing.
And so 63 of those folks areclients, like actual clients
that I've had.
38 of them are either friendsor collaborators, and so under
(02:58):
that list are folks that youknow I love doing projects with
folks that I have had on thepodcast and just like really
interested in their in theirwork, and then nine of those are
teachers, so people that Iwould like to learn from in you
know, whatever capacity.
(03:19):
I think some of them arenervous system teachers, some of
them are, you know, also otherbusiness coaches that I'm
interested in, and so, like, thelist of inputs is quite small,
and that is completely onpurpose, because there are so
(03:40):
many ways in which we can feelso shitty about ourselves, and
for me, one of my like barbs iswhen I see somebody out there in
the world, particularly in thebusiness coaching world, who is
doing something in an unethicalway, I have a tendency to just
like latch into that and be likelike, if I'm operating from,
(04:06):
you know, sort of my innerwounded child, I'm like how is
it that they have so many morefollowers than me and they're
doing things in a way that Iknow is unethical?
Instead of looking at my ownwork and being like hey, like,
how can I continue to create asafer place for people?
How can I continue to havereally interesting conversations
(04:27):
with folks?
And so, instead of goingthrough that like inner turmoil
of like seeing things out therethat don't resonate, I've just
decided to like unfollow a lotof folks.
To me, that also helps keep mymessaging really clear and an
(04:52):
expression of who I am, so thatI'm not being influenced by what
trendy things are out there,like I really, really don't care
about the algorithm.
I've built my entire businessso far on completely organic
marketing.
I've not put out ads, it'sreally just been through
(05:13):
relationship building, and so ifI have an icky, sticky
relationship with what shows upon my scroll, then it makes me
lexic-cited to come to thisplace, and so, like, there's a
very, very clear boundary for mein terms of like who shows up
on my feed.
I will say that I have apersonal account as well, and on
(05:35):
there I do follow more people,but they tend to be things like
about horse training and, youknow, homesteading.
And for me, that's where I getinto a little bit of the scroll
is because, again, even therethere are all accounts that,
(05:55):
like give me a good and excitedfeeling to show up in that space
, and I think that that's animportant thing to sort of check
in with your body about is howdoes that account make you feel?
And so, as somebody who has asafe or response in human design
, I can literally just make adecision of like body scan.
(06:18):
Oh, I don't like how thataccount makes me feel.
I don't even need to likejustify it or create any sort of
like logic or like why, storyaround it or even like get into,
like how is my unfollow goingto make them feel like you'd be
surprised how little people areable to like sense like this,
(06:38):
like ebb and flow in their, intheir follower field, you know,
on a weekly basis I would say.
You know, it's a littledifferent when I've posted
something controversial.
But, like, I would say that myfollower list fluctuates like
anywhere between like five tofifteen people on any given
basis and and, as you know,accounts grow bigger that number
(07:02):
gets a little bit bigger andthen Oftentimes, when I do post
something a bit controversial,I'll see a big mass migration
out of my space and to me that'sa welcome thing, it's a hey.
I'm glad that I showed thisthing to you because it gives
you the sovereignty and autonomyto choose whether you want to
be in this space, andparticularly when it comes to my
(07:24):
cat host, uli account, I thinkof that as a teaching space and
so if something doesn't sitright for that person, of course
I want them to go findsomething that is going to align
for them better, and so when Isee those mass migrations, I I
Welcome that in my body.
That's not always been the case.
(07:45):
That's taken some work, and soif that is something that feels
a little bit sticky to you,that's totally okay too.
Like let's just honor and meetthat where it's at, and you know
, this is the kind of work thatI love doing in group coaching
is like okay.
So where does that story comefrom?
Where do those feelings ofPerhaps rejection or abandonment
(08:06):
come from?
Can we reassure that little kidthat's inside of you, that is
watching that number with like ahawk eye, that you know
somebody following orunfollowing you has nothing to
do with your value and yourworth.
It really just is aboutresonance and and and to me it
(08:27):
always comes back torelationships.
So that's on the input side.
I would say on the output sideit gets a little bit more.
I there's like, there's like alittle bit more nuance there,
right, and so to me it's alwaysabout relationships, like I just
said.
And so if I want to treat myspace, as I Really think of it,
(08:53):
as like that, that independentlyowned whatever store for me the
, the sort of like kind of storethat I want to cultivate is
like that cozy yarn store where,like you just want to like chat
with that store clerk and nerdout about that thing.
(09:14):
Or Actually, my local feedstore where I get my horse food
from and my dog food from islike that as well.
I love Nicole who manages thatstore and you know she's just
such a welcoming, warm presenceand even if I'm not there to buy
something, I just kind of likehanging out and like petting the
bunnies, and oftentimes theyhave like puppies for sale in
(09:36):
there and and so like.
That's the kind of store that Iwant to cultivate and so it's
not gonna be this like Perfectlycurated box store, like target,
you know, with like planned outeverything and you know this
like sort of artificial way ofstaging things.
(09:57):
Like when you come on to mypage it's just a glimpse into my
life and yes, I am sellingproducts and I have offers out
there, but it's also a placethat we can just like relate
human to human and that's thekind of vibe that I want to
cultivate, because that's thekind of business that I feel
really excited to share with youand and to me that then changes
(10:22):
the kind of content that I wantto create For me.
I know that there are somebusiness coaches out there who
will say, have a call to actionat the end of every Post and
make sure that you're sendingthem to your website.
And you know, make sure thatyou're sending them to your
podcast.
And you know, to me it's likeif I were to Sit down with
(10:42):
somebody who I'm relating to andevery single time I sat down
with them, they were trying tosell me on something like that
would not be a cozy and saferelationship.
No-transcript.
You know, sometimes I'll havequestions for Nicole and be like
, hey, like, what kind of fooddo you feed your horse and why
do you choose this brand overthat brand?
But she's not the kind of pushysales person who's like, hey,
(11:05):
like, this is the new thing thatI have on offer right now.
You should go get this thingand let me sell it to you right
now.
Like to me, like that would bea reason to not go into that
store.
So that's why I interweave theway that I show up in that space
(11:26):
, because it is just sort oflike, authentic and organic to
what's happening in my life, andyou know the pings that I'm
getting from gardening, or youknow the sort of parallels that
I'm seeing between, like, myhorse training and how that
shows up in business, and usingmy life as a bit of a metaphor.
Like, to me, that feels like amore organic way to relate to
(11:48):
people than to constantly beshoving a product down their
throats.
Another thing that I think isreally important to mention here
is that this is my businesspage and so, as my business, I
am allowed to, and in fact, itis so important for me to
(12:09):
actually create some boundariesaround who's allowed in and
who's not allowed in, what kindof things can be said in this
space.
And so, you know, you can argueabout free speech all day long,
but ultimately, if somebodywere to come into my store and
it was like a brick and mortarstorefront and they decided to
(12:30):
just like tear into the yarnthat's on the walls, and you
know, slam the glass bottlesthat I have that are, you know,
perfectly curated, and you know,take the beautiful pottery that
I have brought into my spaceand, and you know, throw those
on the ground, like, that personwould promptly be escorted out
(12:51):
of my space and I would probablyhave a picture of them by the
cash register saying thisperson's not allowed in my space
anymore, and so I regularly usethe block button on Instagram
for this purpose is oftentimes,if I happen to say something
controversial, people come intelling me how I should think,
(13:13):
how I should feel, what I shouldbe saying, and that is the
equivalent of you going into abrick and mortar shop and
telling them how they should runtheir business and taking a
shit in the middle of the floor.
That would not be okay, and so,and so you know, I think that
in the beginning stages ofreally cultivating a
(13:35):
relationship with social media,I was really scared to use the
block button, feeling like, oh,I'm actually shutting down their
voice or you know, you know,maybe I need to be honoring the
free speech a bit more, but,like, when it comes down to it,
I am totally open to havinguncomfortable conversations with
(13:57):
people.
I have them all the time withmy inner circle.
I have talked about how one ofthe things that I value most
about my relationship with Andre, who helps me run this business
he's just kind of on the backend of things is that he's
constantly poking holes in thethings that I say and how I say
things and you know, challenging, like, have you thought about
(14:21):
it in this particular way orthat particular way?
And those conversations are sovaluable because he comes in
with an energy of wanting tounderstand me better, wanting to
understand, you know, whateverconcept it is that we're mulling
over better and comes in with alot of like, respect and
(14:43):
honoring where I'm coming from.
And so, you know, I've hadreally wonderful conversations
about controversial topics withpeople in my DMs who come in
with a genuine sense ofcuriosity and wanting to
understand.
And you know, sometimes they docome in wanting to change my
mind, and I am open to having mymind changed, but it has to
come from a place of mutualrespect and understanding first,
(15:05):
and so that's an importantboundary to make is that I think
that a lot of times, becausewe're sharing so much personal
stuff here, particularly ifyou're an online coach and
you're a spaceholder, it's hardto get those lines really clear.
But one of the things that hasto be clearly and explicitly
said that this is your businesspage, this is not your personal
(15:29):
page, and so you are allowed totreat your Instagram shop in
quotation marks as a business.
I think another thing that Iwanted to bring into this space
is like what to share and whatnot to share, because I think
(15:50):
that a lot of times I've hadthis feedback of like oh I can't
believe that you are so openand so, you know, vulnerable
with us.
And while I can appreciate that, it's because I've been able to
develop in my own nervoussystem the capacity to have a
lot of the things that are kindof sticky and, you know, kind of
(16:11):
scary out in the open.
That's taken a lot of time,that's taken a lot of work, and
I still have a very, very hardboundary around.
I do not share things that arenot in regulation, and so for me
it's I have my own inner circlethat I go to.
I've got my best friends, I'vegot my husband, I've got my
(16:33):
parents and I use them to helpme co-regulate when things feel
really dysregulating.
And I'm not going to come intomy business space and ask for
that from my community, becausethe product that I am sharing
with you, the offer that I'msharing with you, is that I am a
teacher and it would beinappropriate for me to cross
(16:54):
that boundary of asking someoneelse to hold space for me in
this place when I am supposed tobe the one who's holding space
for you.
So the reassurance that I canmake here is that I have my own
people, because I'm a human aswell and because things are
scary and the world isfrightening sometimes and things
don't always go as I want themto or I plan them to, and so, of
(17:18):
course, I'm going to getdysregulated.
I'm not here to tell you that,like at the end of this healing
journey, you are never, evergoing to feel dysregulated again
.
It's like there is no end tothis healing journey.
There was always going to bedysregulation.
It is actually important thatyou get dysregulated because
there's a lot of informationthat you can glean from
dysregulation.
And in that face ofdysregulation, how can you
(17:41):
support yourself so that you cancome to your business in a
regulated state?
And to me again, that alwayscomes back to my core people and
being able to lean on them andtrust them to hold me so that I
can hold you all Around.
That piece is again under theumbrella of like what do I share
(18:05):
?
What do I not share?
Another piece of that is thisis a teaching space for me.
I teach about emotionalregulation.
I teach about nervous systemregulation.
I teach about ethical businesspractices, how to do relational
marketing.
There's a lot that we teachabout in this space, and so if I
(18:26):
am being asked to teachsomething that I do not know
enough about, that is alwaysgoing to be a hard no for me.
I've talked about this a lotwhen it comes to the conflict in
Israel and Palestine, because Iwas getting called in quite a
lot during those weeks.
I'm still getting messagesalmost weekly about that, and
(18:47):
because I am not an expert onthe Middle East and what is
happening there, because Icannot possibly understand the
nuances of what is going on inthat space and what it's like
for the people who are reallyaffected by that.
I will always send you topeople that I am learning from,
and so, in the background, I amlistening to a lot of things
(19:10):
that Daniel and Gabar Mata areputting out.
I'm reading books about thisand I am not.
I do not feel that I will everbe in a place where I know
enough about this to be able toactually talk about it and share
about it in a way that is goingto feel ethical, and so my
boundary around being a teacherin this space is that I do not
(19:31):
share things that I cannot teachabout, because I do not have
enough information, I do nothave the experience and the
study behind it to share it withyou in an ethical way, and so I
will always send questions likethat you know whether and again
, this is kind of important as apractitioner as well Like what
(19:53):
is within your scope and what'snot within your scope?
Right, what is not within myscope is to talk about
geopolitical events that I knownothing about.
What is within my scope is totalk about the emotions and the
feelings that might be coming upfor people around that, and so
if you wanna talk to me aboutrage, if you wanna talk to me
about grief and guilt and shameabout some of these events that
(20:15):
are happening, I am all here forthat.
I am not here to tell you whatis the right answer in these
conflicts.
I'm not here to tell you whatneeds to happen in these spaces,
because, again, I'm not ateacher on those things.
So this I thought was gonna belike a five or six minute video.
It turned out obviously a lotlonger.
(20:38):
So, yeah, I am hopeful thatthat was helpful for you and let
me know if this was interesting, insightful, if it brought up
anything for you.
If you have any furtherquestions around social media
and your relationship to socialmedia, you can always send me an
email.
Hello at cathosucom and I'mreally glad that you are in my
(21:05):
community, so we'll chat soon.
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