Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
okay, now here's the
episode.
Andre, hello and welcome to theemotional alchemy podcast.
Whoa, that feels weird to sayout loud.
Um, up until well yesterdaythis was the rooted business
podcast and about a year beforethat it was the empowered
(00:27):
curiosity podcast.
If you've been listening for awhile, you're about to see an
evolution of my work.
It's interesting sitting herebecause when I first started my
business I had constrictionaround being seen sharing my
voice, saying the right thing,the fear of being too big,
because I grew up in a familywhere it was safer to be hidden
(00:48):
in plain sight.
So I had to work through a lotto share my thoughts and parts
of my life with you.
But what I've been feeling morerecently is this frustration
around niching.
I want to share more about theland, the horses, insights from
gardening, communication andrelationships and didn't feel
(01:09):
like it fit neatly within thebrand in gigantic quotation
marks, the brand of spiritualbusiness mentorship and the
brand of a podcast called theRooted Business Podcast, brand
of a podcast called the RootedBusiness Podcast.
I've also been hearing from thecommunity that they appreciate
when I share these differentaspects of my life and that
(01:30):
they're gaining differentlessons and it's valuable on a
different layer and so notsharing all this stuff was
starting to poke at a differentwound, this wound within me that
whispers that I'm too big, thatI need to fracture myself to be
understood, and I knew that anexpansion was needed for me to
(01:56):
actually integrate and dissolvethat wound.
So, just coincidentally, thisis also a death sentence for a
manifesting generator.
I think of myself not as abonsai tree.
I am like my land, I am a wildgrassland where different things
bloom through the seasons, andso this is my way of expressing
(02:17):
that through the podcast.
So here we go.
I chose the name EmotionalAlchemy Podcast because that's
been the thread that's woventhrough my work from the
beginning, or rather, that's thework that I've tried to weave
through my work within systemsthat didn't support the concept
(02:38):
of emotional alchemy.
My first take on this was when Igraduated from my master's
program at Five BranchesUniversity in Santa Cruz.
I failed the first time.
I took my acupuncture licensingexam and I failed by one
question.
I felt completely defeated byall of my studying methods.
(02:59):
I had spent hours and hours andhours with charts and graphs
and flashcards and basicallydoing what everyone else said I
should be doing around studying,and I failed by one question.
So after that exam I threweverything out and I asked
myself how I wanted to study.
I took my flashcards on hikes,I recorded myself talking about
(03:22):
points and herbs and then playedthem back to myself like a
personalized podcast.
And to this day, when I try torecall an herbal formula, I am
transported to the place where Istudied it.
When I passed the exams on mysecond go-around, I was pissed.
I made an appointment with thedean of students and ranted
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about how we're expected to cramall this information into our
brains to be readily accessibleto us at any given moment, and
nobody was teaching us how ourbrains worked and how to study.
The dean her name was Joanna.
She listened and I rememberactually wondering if she was
getting it, because she keptthis like neutral face the whole
time and at the end she saidthank you for sharing your
(04:10):
thoughts with me.
Would you like to teach thatclass what we're saying that
again?
So I taught a class about howwe all have different learning
styles and what we are expectedto absorb.
Why is that so difficult to say?
(04:31):
So I taught a class about howwe all have different learning
styles and we're expected toabsorb information in this very
narrow way.
In traditional schooling I aman auditory and kinesthetic
learner, which is why staring atcharts and graphs didn't work
for me.
(04:51):
We also talked about theemotional blocks that get in the
way of test taking and how toregulate our nervous systems in
the face of necessary scarythings.
I realize now that even backthen, which was almost 15 years
ago now, I was concerned abouthelping the body and emotions be
more receptive, so that thehow-to's can feel a little more
(05:12):
easeful.
To me, this is one of thereasons why we need to bring
awareness to our emotions,because it makes the how much
easier.
As an acupuncturist, my workwasn't just about poking with
needles to get out of physicalpain.
I was always asking what is thebody trying to tell us through
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these signs and symptoms?
After all, our bodies aretrying to communicate with us
through the only language thatit knows, which is discomfort
signs and symptoms, and oftenwhat we found in the body were
subtle emotional entrapments inthe energetic system that had to
move into the physical planefor the person to pay attention.
(05:54):
I struggled in my role as afertility acupuncturist because
it felt like I was part of asystem that said, do whatever it
takes to get the baby.
We were taking vulnerable women, throwing pain point, marketing
at them at one of the mosttender moments of their lives
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and telling them to override thesignals, in addition to all the
questions around saying thatdifferently.
Once they came into the clinic,though, I tried to do things
differently.
In addition to all thequestions around their menstrual
cycles and hormones, I wouldask questions like what does
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this baby mean to you?
Or what doesn't feel nourishingin your life right now?
Or can we bring in a little bitof an exhale, just a tiny bit
of surrender, to your next IVFcycle?
Some of my patients werereceptive, and we found the
stories that the body had hidden, tucked away in their pelvises,
(07:01):
their wombs, their hormonesystems, but many wanted to
treat fertility like anotheraccomplishment that they can
either fail at or succeed, whichreally only perpetuated their
existing stories that they wererunning on.
I have to admit that it wasn'tjust the long hours and being on
(07:21):
call at the IVF clinic thatburnt me out.
It was working within a systemthat doesn't deem emotional
alchemy as a valid form ofmedicine.
So I have to take a littlepause here, because I'm
realizing that I haven't definedemotional alchemy and I am big
on making words explicit.
(07:42):
I think it's important to beoperating with the same
definitions when we're speakingabout important things.
So I grew up in a family whereI was a translator.
My parents spoke Korean and myyounger brother spoke English
and I was the bridge between.
I saw so many times wheredisagreements would happen
because things weren'texplicitly stated.
(08:03):
I learned in my teens that myrole was to be the dictionary
between the members of my family.
So emotional alchemy feels likean important concept to define
To me.
I am working from the definitionthat emotional alchemy is the
transformation of an emotion inits purest form to an integrated
version of that emotion.
(08:24):
When we fully integrate ouremotions, we are no longer
working from the part of us thatfeels wounded.
We're able to see our feelingsexactly as they are, understand
their messages and integrate thelessons we can learn from them.
The thing with emotions is thattheir nature is to evolve.
They can mutate into somethingthat feels sticky and dense, or
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perhaps pokey and sharp, or withconsciousness and listening and
awareness and practice oh mygosh, so much practice we can
integrate our emotions andexperiences into a well of
internal wisdom anchored inexperience.
There are a lot ofcircumstances that will always
(09:05):
feel a bit heavy.
I can think of several in myown life right now as I say that
out loud.
But I know that thoseexperiences, memories and
emotions will compost, willcontinue to break down for me,
to expand my own capacity tohold space for myself and for
others.
Emotional alchemy also wove itsway through my first few years
(09:26):
of coaching as a relationshipcoach.
My first marriage ended indivorce.
Throughout the relationship Iwas reading every communication
book I can get my hands on andafter we broke up I could see
more clearly how we were bothbringing our most wounded
emotions into the relationship.
We were not modeled what itlooks like when resentment is
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integrated, when anger is heard,when distraction is an
invitation to pay closerattention.
So we were unkind, controllingand manipulative with each other
.
With some distance away from myex-husband Matthew, I realized
that I was trying to fix themarriage through technique.
If I just learned thesenonviolent communication
(10:08):
techniques, I'll have a happymarriage right.
The reality is that I needed totend to many, many, many, many,
many inner children.
I needed to learn how to readmy nervous system, I needed to
integrate my traumas and Ineeded to listen to my intuition
, who had been telling me thathe wasn't my person.
So I did all that worked withtherapists, worked with coaches,
(10:34):
read a lot, took courses,started getting into work with
Bessel van der Kork and GaborMate and I sat down to write all
the things that were missing inmy education of somebody who
really wanted to work on arelationship and at the time I
(10:55):
didn't have an attachment towhat shape it was going to take.
At first I thought it was abook, but I went back to what I
know how to do, which isteaching.
The first group coachingprogram I created was the Heart
Lab, where we examined theintersectionality of the anatomy
of our relational bodiesthrough a Taoist perspective
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nervous system regulation,attachment theory and
communication techniques.
From their business mentorshipsprouted organically.
It was like that randomvolunteer tomato plant that
surprises you.
In the spring some folks sawthat my marketing was different
from anything else they had seenon social media.
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The reason for that is becauseI despise pain point marketing.
So I made an active decision tonot do that thing.
I started getting requests fromclients asking if I could teach
them how to run theirbusinesses, and I was explicit
with them in telling them that Ican't tell you how to run your
business, but I can walk besideyou and ask 10,000 questions
(12:03):
along the way so that you canhave clarity on how you'd like
to run your business.
I found the same pattern that Ihad found with relational
coaching, which is people knowwhat they should do, but they're
trapped in a vortex aroundparticular traumas, stories and
conditions that keep themfeeling stuck.
(12:25):
There are so many businesscoaches out there saying you
know, just download my salescall template.
Or you know, download my emailfunnel strategy.
But no one was talking aboutthat inner child who is scared
to be seen, and so they freezeup when you sit down to write an
email.
Or the inner teenager who getssaying that again.
(12:50):
Or the inner teenager who gotstraight A's and now feels like
the world is caving in ifthere's a typo on an Instagram
post.
Or the mediator whose role wasto make sure that everyone in
the family was okay.
So they feel like they have tobe everything to everyone now,
and that bleeds into theirbusiness work.
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And this is why emotionalalchemy feels so important and
so potent, because it asks us toexamine why before we jump to
how, and in this moment I amstruggling to say that again.
In this moment I am strugglingto define who I am.
(13:36):
So I'm just going to let it be,and I'm also just acknowledging
that my inner perfectionist isscreaming right now, by the way,
because I want to talk aboutbusiness as a spiritual practice
.
Absolutely, that's going tocontinue.
But my life has expanded beyondanything I thought was possible
.
I am stewarding land and it'snot always sunshine and rainbows
and I want to talk about that.
(13:56):
Just this week, I had a flockof wild turkeys walk through my
garden and decimate all thebeans I had planted.
But there's a lesson there forme and maybe for you I am mama
to four horses, two cats, a dog,15 chickens and a turkey.
I want to talk about thoserelationships because for me,
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the purest examples of emotionalalchemy have come through my
animal kin.
I run this business with Andre,who was my first romantic
partner after my divorce.
He and I have moved through somany evolutions of our
relationship and I'm inspired byhim every single day.
He knows the right questions toask me, he knows how to poke
holes in my rigid ways of beingand I want to share what those
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collaborative conversations looklike.
I am married to Sean, who haschallenged me on my identity of
not being seen.
He has shown me what safetylooks like in relationships
through how he listens, how heseeks to understand and how he
puts the intangible intotangible practice.
I want to share what it feelslike to be truly loved and how
(15:05):
fucking uncomfortable that canbe sometimes, and how it is most
likely the bravest thing I'mgoing to do in this life.
I released my first podcastepisode on May 15th of 2020, so
we are just short of our fourthbirthday here.
This podcast has been anabsolute passion project.
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Having a podcast is sometimeslike speaking into a void,
wondering if it's landing withanyone, but then I'll get on a
connection call with asoon-to-be client and they'll
tell me thank you for thepodcast.
I've been listening to Say thatagain and they'll tell me
listening to say that again andthey'll tell me thank you for
(15:47):
the podcast.
I've been listening for xamount of time.
I love what you shared aboutwell, cat.
Okay, I love what you sharedabout x situation, and that
never gets old.
Not because I need thevalidation, but because this
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podcast has felt like asanctuary for me.
Oftentimes I take my literaljournal pages and bring them
alive here, and it is alwayssimultaneously surprising and
delightful to see that it feelslike that for you too.
So if you'd like to continue onthis journey together, I'm so
excited that you're here.
If you're curious about wherethese tendrils are going, I want
(16:28):
you to hit saying that again.
If you're curious about wherethese tendrils are going, please
hit the subscribe or followbutton on whatever platform
you're listening from.
Please hit the subscribe orfollow button on the platform
that you're listening to thisepisode right now.
Thank you so much for beinghere.